[Forest Sounds]
In light of this season's
heavy beaver population,
how difficult has work
been given your current state?
Oh- well you see,
I got to wrap it up
every day to make sure
those buggers don't
try to gnaw it off...
[Tree Falling]
I looked over and I
saw the tree start to lean
I barely had enough time
to throw the camera down and-
Ruin my interview
Naturally, I got
my poor little brother
out of the way just in time
[laughter]
That was a close
one, wasn't it, Geoff?
Sure was, Rich
Oh, yes, and let me
tell you the best part
We were interviewing this logger
Sorry
He had this
wooden leg, so ['Scuse me]
he couldn't really
move that well [Pardon me]
That moment I hit my-
Cuts in on all my stories,
don't know why I'm surprised
Saved his
life, he gets the glory
I don't
need your help here, kiddo
Don't
know why I waste my time
Every girl I met in high
school, he'd cut me off and
still my line
Never stood
a chance against him
Oh, they think he's so dreamy
Cause he
does everything right
He does everything right
Make a way
'cause Rich is coming
Look away,
his eyes are stunning
He does everything right
He does everything right
He envies me for everything
Don't know why I'm surprised
Who saves
this boring stories?
Me! Don't
worry Geoff, Rich is here
He does everything right
He does everything right
Oh, he does everything right
Hear them shout out Rich's
praise- your uneventful lives
he saves
'Cause he
does everything right
He does everything right
The restaurants insisting that
he tours all their kitchens-
Oh, well he
does everything right
It's not his fault.
What can he do?
Well, when- you know
He does everything
right He does everything right
He does everything right
Don't know how he does it
Don't know how I do it
How does he do it all so well?
He's the best around here
Guess he's the best
I'm the
best and they can tell
How could we deserve him?
I really
think I've earned this
... You can all just go to-
He does everything
right He does everything right
He does everything right
[whistles
"He Does Everything Right"]
[latching and placing equipment]
Where did you
hear about this guy?
Oh, he actually contacted
US with the lead- He said he
called every other news station,
but that I was the only one-
Wait, so Phil
didn't green light this?
Well-
Geoff, picking
stories is not your strong suit
Stick to cameras Let
me handle everything else
I think you
should listen to this guy-
he's got a k*ller story, and
I think he might be THE one to-
[laughs]
I'll be the judge of that
[sighs] I guess it's up to ol'
Rich to polish yet another...
Rich!
Turd
Well, this is Clyde Schaefer-
Clyde, Rich, our lead reporter
Mister Brewer!
[Hand clasp]
Gosh, I sure am glad that
you're interested in our story
You know, exposure-
That is exactly what we need
Absolutely. Clyde, I tell you,
I took one look at your story
and I said to
myself, now, THIS is news...
Alright, what- what he said-
You're all mic'd up,
let's get ready to go
Alright.
We're here at
Kingdom Beyond Community,
just south of Eldritch
with Elder Clyde Schaefer-
Clyde, tell us about what's
going on out here.
Yes, sir. Well, we have, uh,
out here we are part of an
amazing community
All right- And we share
everything We share struggles,
We share possessions,
We share wives
[spits]
Wives? Is this
some sort of... cult?
No- [chuckles]
No It's a community!
It's great to be in a
community- you all have the
same ideals
It's great to be in a
community- you can work together
on your problems
It's great to be in a
community and pay that
temple tax
Half our earnings!
It's great to be in a
community- we can wear these
burlap hats
They're exclusive!
It's great to be in a
community- why would we
ever leave
We can't
Okay, so... can you tell me why
you brought us out here today?
It's great to be in a
community We care for you alive
or dead
Either one'll do!
Alive OR dead?
What do you mean?
Well, a ways back, we lost one
of our family members
unexpectedly
and then... we
brought 'em back to life!
Oh, that's a wrap
Sorry
It's great to be in a
community Someday we'll bring
them back
[car passes]
Why waste our time? If they
can't prove anything,
it's not news
He was so sincere, not to
mention the fact that the whole
group was convinced
Trust me, it's just another ploy
to get more losers sucked into
their cult
People can be SO self-centered
Could you imagine
though, if it was true?
Like, what it would mean to the
world to be able to cure death?
Even if it's
partially true- which it's not-
best case scenario,
we're encouraging grave robbing
But-
You and that little friend of
yours need to stop reading so
many comics
The dead don't
come back to life, Geoff
Alright, let's get to it
Sorry about the interview, Rich
Geoffrey, you gotta vet leads
before you waste your
brother's time
[laughing] Zombies...
Quiet
All right, well, before
we get to new assignments,
I would like
to welcome Jill Coleman
Jill will be interning
with research, much like Tina
All right, team, let's get at it
Hey, that's a pretty cool camera
Thanks
My first was a Super 8
Whoa- old school!
Yeah- My dad and I used to make
these dorky, old home movies
That's so cool- I
used to do the same thing
I'm Jill, by the way
So I've heard
Oh, right
I'm Geoff- I'm one of
the field producers here
So I've heard- Just out of
curiosity, What was all that
zombie stuff about?
Oh, that.
Well, Rich and I were-
Your brother, right?
Right. We were interviewing
some guy out in the sticks
who said he'd
raised someone from the dead
What? [laughs] Where did
you find a crazy lead like that?
Some guy just called the station
and said he had something big
to share with the world.
I wish I could-
Find someone to offer a tour to
this lovely lady? Rich Brewer,
I'm sure you've heard of me.
What was your name again?
Uh, Jill Coleman
Oh, Jill- please
Geoffrey- You're right. On
paper, you're the most
qualified-
By a mile. Mile
and a half, even.
But...
The public knows Rich. They
see his face all the damn time-
He's got a fan
page, for crying out loud
It's just a group of housewives
with nothing better to do than-
They have a float with his
frickin' face on it, Geoffrey
He's his own biggest fan.
He's an Eldritch icon,
and the board isn't willing to
upset the core viewers
Right
Look, I'll make a
second push for you, all right?
But at least three of the women
and one of the men on the board
is in his little fan club, so...
there's no guarantees,
all right?
But- stay optimistic. It's
good for everyone else's morale
Thanks, Phil
Mm-hm
But don't hold your
breath, all right? Hang in there
[talks about self]
Wanna play on
the teeter-totters?
Really? that's-
His LEAST favorite part of
the playground, but I like it
Geoff?
Geoff?
Geoff!
Are you all right, man?
You keep spacing out
I just can't get over how Rich
snaked that promotion from me
It's not a done deal yet.
Besides, why do you keep
hanging out with the one person
that makes you so miserable?
I'm a victim of circumstance.
There are only so many field
reporters
and the news
station keeps pairing us up
What about you?
How's your blog?
Oh, it's going all right, but...
I'm pretty sure my nemesis
is the one person that
keeps trolling me on there
You've got to stop referring
to her as your nemesis, man
What else am I supposed
to call her, huh? I mean, ever-
ever since she found out
that I still live with my mom-
And that
you don't have a license
She keeps posting sh*t about me
on the forum. That was
bad enough,
but now it's on my personal
blog? Like,
I don't care if you're eight-
you need an a*s kicking
[chuckles nervously]
Can you stop saying
those kinds of things in public?
Keep it in the ring.
When's your next tournament?
It's, uh, this weekend?
Dude, you promised to
come up with me this weekend
I cannot spend the next two days
with just my parents and Rich
Like, I don't have a choice,
though. With the sh*t she's been
throwing my way
I gotta put her down
Besides, I paid already, so
I cannot believe you're putting
this dumb rivalry over my sanity
I thought we were friends, man
You're just jealous that
I have two girls in my life
and you can't even get one
Right- I'm jealous of your
pre-teen nemesis and your mom
There was a new
girl at work today, though
The scary one?
Ugh- no, not Tina. Jill.
She seems to
know a lot about cameras
Oh, then you MUST be interested.
She hot?
Doesn't even matter. Rich took
her on a tour of the station
So?
I just know how these
things wind up. What do I have
to offer that
Rich can't do better?
Hmm- Yeah, that's a good point.
I can't really think of anything
Thanks
Oh, come on, man. Look,
Rich can't see anything past his
own reflection
So if you show this girl just an
ounce of depth,
I'm pretty sure she'll dig you
sh*t, is that the time? My mom's
been waiting in the
parking lot for
like, 10 minutes-
She's going to be pissed
Dude, why don't you
just get your own license?
It gives me an excuse
to drink as much as I want.
Have you ever
heard of ridesharing?
Is that like the bikes with the
two seats for like, two people?
You're- you're messing with me
And then like,
like the family...
You know what it is!
Oh, is that the thing
that the Flintstones drive?
I've shown you it on my phone
Hey, just remember what I said,
okay? And tell your brother to
back off
or I'll punch
him in his pretty face
Oh, yeah? I
thought you were a pacifist
Not with your brother...
or punk-a*s eight year old girls
[honk]
I'm coming! Have a good
night, man. I'll see you later
All these years I've been
competing Wasting energy
comparing
to a brother who
comes out of everything ahead
Then I got a job on TV,
on my own I started dreaming
of glory
and then
Rich stole that instead
If I told him what I
wanted, he'd beat me to it
Hold it tightly to ensure it
wasn't mine Didn't even seem to
really want it
But if I had something
that caught somebody's eye
He'd thunder in
and take it every time
Life here would
be easy if he'd leave-
Life here would
be easy if he'd leave.
Maybe it's my fault- try
so hard to be the right guy
Maybe I'm too easy going,
no one's cheering for the
nice guy
Time to take back what's
been taken,
Stand up for what I want
Then again, it won't be easy-
Is it worth it? Maybe-
Maybe not.
What's so great about my
brother,
Wish I could make him go away
Life here would be easy if
he'd leave Life here would be
easy if he'd...
leave
And that's why
bigger is not always better
And... cut
Thank you for your time, Mrs.
Johnson
I never knew there was so
much to learn about sausages!
Oh, you learn a
thing or two over the years
Mrs. Johnson! Oh-h*-h*!
All this talk has me thinking
about that new girl from
the office
What's her face?
You mean Jill?
Jill- that's right!
I wonder what she's like
She seems tame,
but sometimes the nerdy ones-
Would you stop! Why do you
always have to talk about women
like that?
You like her, don't you?
Too bad she's into me
What? No! I
mean... So what?
That doesn't change the
fact you're still a d*uche
Well, nice
guys finish last, G-string
So... homecoming is
coming around the corner
Do you...
have a date yet?
Well, I was hoping
that you would go with-
Me! Let's
talk about it over lunch
[sighs]
That's what I thought.
You need to grow a pair
Let's get this over with
Where's your lame-a*s friend?
[crunching]
Hey, Mom- Hey, Dad
Oh, Oh!
Great job on that
story about the rabid possum
How many ended up in
the hospital on that deal?
Well, this is going
to be a k*ller weekend
[cheering]
Fff-
So when did you meet her?
She's the new girl at the
station. Just started this week
Oh, that's my boy-
Women can't resist a Brewer!
Ugh
Rich, you ought to give
Geoff some pointers about how to
win over the ladies
Well, Dad- if I
thought it would do any good...
Ooh! [chuckles] When WAS the
last time you asked a girl
out, son?
It's just not that simple.
I'm waiting for the right girl,
and besides, work is busy.
Things keep getting in the way
Well hell, son, don't you
and Rich keep the same hours?
He makes it a priority. Doesn't
spend his time futzing
with cameras
You got to get out there, son!
Your mother and I've been
wanting grandchildren for far
too long- From the both of you
Your father's right- We would
like to see some grandchildren
before we pass away
Oh Heather, did you hear
about Rich's new girlfriend?
When you do give us grandkids,
they better be legitimate!
Oh! [chuckles]
Oh Jim, stop that!
I just saw the latest
clip for tonight. Great work!
Thanks
You're the best
Thank you
Hey, you're the man [smacks a*s]
Oh, thanks
You did it!
We're taking a second
look at that cult piece,
because it's going to be big
Really?
Yes!
You're doing some
great work around here
Thanks, buddy
So amazing
Thank you
Looks like someone is a shoo-in
for that new anchor position
Congratulations
Seriously, that's amazing!
I can't wait to tell my parents!
When were you going to tell me?
No... No!!!
Was dinner good?
Oh, I put a plate for
you in the fridge, sweetie
You know,
your father and schedules
Dinner's at 6 so we
don't miss the show at 6:30!
He does everything right
I swipe everything right
[whistles]
My favorite show's tonight
Geoff, let's
get a fire going in here
Oh!
Make a way 'cause Rich is
coming Look away,
his eyes are stunning
He does everything
right He does everything right
I envy him for everything-
don't know why I'm surprised!
Who saves my boring stories?
Rich! Don't worry,
Geoff- Rich is here!
And Rich does everything-
[wood hits wood]
[groan]
Rich! Oh, my God-
What do I do? What?
Geoff, is everything all right?
Yeah, Mom. Uh, the news station
called- big story or something
They really
needed Rich, I'm sorry
Of course- and where's Rich?
Oh, Rich, he's... in the back
All right, well, bye boys!
Bye, Rich! Do me proud, boy
[Imitates Rich] Sure thing, Dad!
Freeze!
Someone walk over your grave?
What?
grave? No... no
Hey, Geoff- No hard feelings
about the anchor thing, I hope
What? Oh, right-
Oh, yeah. It's- It's fine
I, I knew would be a long shot
Good, good. I wouldn't want to
be the cause of a rift between
your brother and you
Speaking of which, where is he?
He was supposed to be in make up
for screen tests an hour ago
Oh, Rich. Uh, he passed...
That way- He passed that way.
But he'll be back [splash]
Hey- Rich and I were
supposed to have some...
studio time... together
Uh, um [clears throat]...
so, do you know where he is?
Rich is with the man upstairs...
You know, the boss! But-
He'll be back
[crash]
Is this your plate, Mr. Brewer?
Hey! Rich was
supposed to take me to lunch
What? I thought
he was taking me!
He's ducking me, isn't he?
Wow! I thought he could
handle a woman
that's not afraid to go after
what she wants. I guess he's
just another-
He's in a better place!
There is no better place than-
I mean, he's not here? But-
He'll be back
Ugh.
It was his time...
to get a haircut
He's gone...
to lunch
He's no longer with us
He's on vacation
Hey, I've been looking all over
for you- you left work early!
Jeez, I don't
know where he is, okay?
Who?
Oh- Sorry! Uh, I've just been
getting a lot of questions about
Rich, lately
Why were you looking for me?
Well, to be honest,
Phil sent me to look for Rich,
but I wanted to talk to you, too
Well, I saw the two of you
together,
and... I guess I'm just used to
Rich getting what he wants
Well, it seems like to me
everyone is used to GIVING Rich
what he wants
It doesn't have to be that way
I don't know
[Cell Phone Beeps]
sh**t- So you don't know Rich
is? Well, I have to keep looking
Let's pick this up over drinks
later- I want to hear more about
the zombies!
Oh, well, I really, Uh...
Yeah, sure, that'd be great!
Uh, the Dunwich on Innsmouth?
Sounds fancy- let's sh**t
for seven
He was put to sleep...
Too much allergy medicine
He's belly up...
Getting a tan
He's departed...
On a plane
He's, he's dead
What?
Rich! He's dead! I
don't... It was an accident!
I was just chopping
firewood, and he just-
Okay, okay, why didn't you
just call the police right away?
What, Honey?
Nothing, Mom! Nothing!!!
[sighs]
Look, this is bad, Dude, okay?
If you had just
called the police right away,
this all could have been
explained. But now it's like...
wait, who else knows about this?
Just you
No! Oh, no. No, no, no, no!
That makes me an accessory, man
Oh sh*t- Oh God, I can't go to
jail! Do you know what happens
to people
in there? Have you seen
Ricky-Oh? God, and I can't turn
you in- It's like...
Wait, where's the body at?
Oh... well, this is a nightmare.
Well, why didn't you call
the police,
like, right away? And where'd
you get all this ice? Is that
the quilt from your bed?
I don't know- I
think my life is over, man!
I just wish I could undo this
This is not something
you can just undo, Okay?
It's not like you can
just bring him back to life!
What, What'd I say?
[Ominous Music]
And it finally worked?
Well, Yes and no
I'm okay
Suit yourself. See,
it ain't an exact science,
and we've been working hard
every day to iron out the kinks
Iron out the kinks?
Look, raising the dead takes
time, dedication... and
sacrifice
Hey, I wouldn't
drink that, Geoff
See- right there! Your friend is
one of those people that gives
groups like ours a bad name.
Ain't nothing evil going on
out here
Just dabbling
in a bit of necromancy
You damn right we dabble!
And we'll keep on
dabbling until we get it right
So, who were you
trying to bring back?
My wife
Clyde, I'm so sorry
Don't be! Look,
when we get this sorted,
we're going to bring
back anyone- everyone!
Everyone...
How does it work?
Why are you boys so interested
in this all of a sudden?
Don't think I didn't
notice our story never aired
That is a lot of ice
So I've heard- Can you help us?
You are in quite the pickle.
But, uh- there's a problem
Come on
Hey- Hey!
What?
Have you never seen a horror
movie before? Because this is
the part where
he murders us- To death! And if
he doesn't,
whatever supernatural stuff he's
using will
You're being ridiculous
What's ridiculous is trying to
raise somebody back from
the dead
and expecting it not
to blow up in your face
I've seen
how this plays out, Geoff
There was that
one time out in Ludlow-
Brought his cat back from the
dead and it didn't end well
Stop
Or the girl and all those
pranksters- it was prom night,
there was pig's
blood- It didn't end well
Don't forget about
the family at the hotel
Jack went nuts with an
axe and it didn't end well
Did I tell you about That
one time, in Castlerock?
Enough! I've read
Stephen King, Okay?
Who said anything about
Stephen- Look, the point is:
The dead stay dead for a
reason and there's some doors
I think we should not open
Please Geoff, please Geoff,
please Geoff
Don't bring
him back from the dead
Geoff!
Where did you get all this?
The Kingsport estate sale.
We hit the motherlode!
Motherlode of evil
So this is where your...
community started?
Well, you know- we already had
a, you know,
we were a real strong
community before this, but it
wasn't until we saw what a lot
of this stuff here could do that
we developed that tight bond
In fact, you know what?
Let me, let me go grab something
This is the part where the
best friend dies and then you
make your great escape. I do not
want to end up like a cautionary
tale, Geoff
He's been super nice so far.
That doesn't make you
feel better?
Well- what, about dying?
No, no, no, Geoff, no it doesn't
I mean, look at this stuff!
Like, what's it for?
Sacrificing virgins? Summoning
demons? Bringing on the
end of the-
Whoa, look! He's
got a puzzle cube!
[panicked] Don't touch that!
Don't touch that!
Don't touch any of this stuff-
You don't know what half this
stuff can do! And we ain't
sacrificed any virgins... yet
[cackles]
So you boys
want our help or what?
Yes! Yes we do. Just
hang on a second- Colin...
Dude, this is not a horror film
Just pull yourself together
and don't blow this for me!
Okay
Thank you
Yeah, go
Okay, We're good Clyde. Go on
All right. Now-
this here's the book that we
do the resurrections with. Go on
Take a look
eh?
I don't know what I'm looking at
Exactly! And we didn't know
what we was looking at, neither
Now originally, this came with,
like, a journal that explained
everything
kind of like a... a guide
Oh! It was like a
satanic Rosetta Stone?
Great! So we just
need to translate something
Well,
that's the rub.
So the last time we did
one of these here,
resurrections,
things went a little sideways
And one of our members
ran off with the journal
Wait, why wouldn't they just
take the big scary demon book
of death?
Because this book stays
under lock and key. Now I reckon
they figured without the
journal, we couldn't do none of
the resurrections
So where does that leave us?
Well, we know the APPROXIMATE
words and ingredients,
so might just
take a little bit longer
Well hey- fingers crossed, guys
I'm so glad we're doing this.
I'm very glad
You boys ready to see a miracle?
Yeah, yeah! We love
playing God. It never goes wrong
Oh, that's the spirit!
All right- I believe we're just
about done setting up here, boys
Hey, what's wrong, man?
What, cold feet?
I feel like I forgot something
Let us begin
[clucking]
[squawks]
[wretches]
Placere Placere Placere
Placere Placere Placere
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Placere, Reducere Vitam
[clucking]
Huh
What?
what happened?
Looks like we missed.
All right, let's try again
That poor chicken
[squawks]
Placere Placere
Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi
Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi
Placere
[crash]
Its Old Fred- He's back!
Old, Fred? He's- he's
been dead for three years
Oh!
Ew! Ah!
Let's try this one more time
Placere Placere
Placere Reducere Vitam
Providere Pecunia Etiam
[whispers]
[Thunder]
[sizzling]
Damn it!
Aah! Let me go! I do not
want to end up like "Old Fried"
We have to try until we
succeed- Leaving would endanger
all of us!
You didn't say that before!
You didn't ask. Last time we
broke circle before we were
finished...
[Thunder]
All right-
All together this time
Placere Placere Placere
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Providere Pecunia Etiam
Placere
Rich, can you hear me?
Yeah
So how are you, buddy?
Uh, good- Good. Can
someone turn the lights down?
Its so bright in here
Why are you all staring at me?
Um... a couple of things? First,
what's the last thing you
remember?
Uh, we were in a house, and,
uh, I remember something about
getting wood?
Anything else?
No. what's
the second thing?
Oh, well, your eyes,
they're kind of... Well...
Your eyes look like sh*t
Is this normal?
Apparently, it's a side effect.
Her eyes were the same
Great. Anything else
you forgot to mention?
[crash]
Irritability?
So what do we do now?
Well, you're going to want to
get him back to something
familiar,
like a regular routine and uh...
hope for the best?
Great. Wonderful. Anything else?
Yeah. Keep
a damn close eye on him
Rich, where have you been
and why are you wearing shades?
Are you trying to be a bad a*s?
Well, I've been right here, and
do bad asses wear sunglasses?
[chuckles] Hey,
so if you're still planning
to co-anchor next week, I need
you to come to the studio so
I can, uh... show you the ropes
Well, I-
He can't
I can't?
Yeah, we've- we've got that big
story we need to cover today...
Remember?
Okay, well, as long as you get
spun up by the end of the week,
don't wait till the last second
Why did you do that?
Clyde told
me to keep an eye on you
I'm not gonna let you go off
until I'm sure you're
really okay
How long is that going to take?
I don't know
Hey, Jill!
Jill?
I like her
Rich, You stood me up for lunch
Why on earth would I do that?
Well, you can make it up to me.
Do you have plans tonight?
Uh-
I do now!
Pick me up at 6:30,
we'll do dinner. Nice shades
Why didn't you
tell me about her?
Are you feeling okay?
I feel great- Why?
I'm not used to you being so...
exuberant
You normally play it off cool
Do I? I'll work on that
Well, I'm not saying don't be
yourself. It's just I'm not
used to that
So don't work on that
I don't know, just...
do what comes naturally
Do what comes naturally. Got it
sh*t! I forgot my date with
Jill- No wonder she ignored me
You skipped out on a date
with her? Why would you do that?
Because I was trying
to bring YOUR a*s back to...
We were helping you
recover after your accident
And you
took me to that Clyde guy
He was close to Mom and Dad's
And Clyde's a doctor?
Clyde... was able to help. He
knew a lot about your condition
Well, I'll have to
make sure I thank him properly
the next time I see him
What?
I'm just not used to you
being so grateful- It's nice
I can't tell you how much I
appreciate you looking
out for me
Well, you're my brother
I really just wish I
could remember what happened
before Clyde's- Everything
before that's so... fuzzy
What do you mean by everything?
I don't know. I just don't
remember anything before the
accident
Wait- So how did you know us?
I just went along with
everything
So you don't know us?
Well, I know you're my brother
and that you care about me
I know you're
my brother's best friend
And I know I'm starting a new
position as news anchor, and-
And people like me
Like, really, really like me
Like, really, REALLY-
I get it. I get it. I get it
And I know I'm
seeing a hot girl tonight
Tina
What?
Her name is Tina
Oh...
Tina...
[intake of breath]
You know, I'm starting to think
this date is a really bad idea
I should probably tag along...
Absolutely not, you have plans!
What?
Jill? Rich. Listen, my brother
missed your date the other night
because I was in an accident,
and he spent the entire
night making
Sure I was okay
Yes, I know- He's terribly
sweet. Best brother in the
whole world
Uh huh.
Always has my back.
Would never do anything to hurt
me or my chances for a full and
happy life
So anyways, he wants to make it
up to you by taking you to
dinner...
Tonight? Same
place, same time?
Great- Fantastic! He'll
be very excited
Yeah.
okay. Bye, now
There, now we're even!
Was that not okay?
Colin, Can we go
outside for a second?
Uh, yeah
I don't know how to handle this
What do you mean?
Clyde told us to watch Rich,
but he just got me a second
chance with Jill
I'm not used to this
I know, it's weird
It's like the new Rich
is, like, likable or something
[chuckles] Right? I never
thought I could enjoy spending
time with Rich
[grunts] Well, let's not
go too far, okay? [chuckles]
Well, he just seems- he's so
happy and excitable about
everything
But- but what if... [sighs]
Can you do me a solid?
[groans]
Lady's going to have the t-bone.
I'm going to have the
chicky-sticks
Honey mustard on the side?
So... Rich
had an accident?
He had an episode. I really
should have called,
but things started
happening so suddenly, and-
It sounded pretty serious
It was. I felt so terrible about
it. You didn't wait too
long, did you?
I- I did wait a little while,
but I understand. What
happened to him?
It was... personal. I really
don't feel comfortable talking
about it
I get it. Mind if
I step away for a sec?
Yeah, sure. I'll see you
in a sec
Who knew
that I could be so happy
just by k*lling
the one man in my way?
With a little cult
and a lot of chanting
you can make the
world a better place
If only I had done it sooner
they'd already know my name
So there's a lesson
here I think I'm learning:
violence
sometimes saves the day
The cult had all the answers,
Some Latin made it right
I Got away with m*rder and my
future's looking bright [cell
phone rings]
Geoff, Geoff- Dude!
Dude, mayday, mayday, mayday!
sh*t has hit the fan! Sorry, Mom
What happened? How's Rich?
More like where's Rich! Him
and Tina snuck out from
underneath us
What?
I know. I'm sorry,
dude. We were following him,
but my mom drives a minivan
You had one job
This sh*t is not my fault!
Sorry, Mom
I tried- We followed
him to the outskirts of town
Clyde told
you to keep an eye on him
Am I your brother's keeper? I'm
not going to makeout grove
with my mom
Again. I still
have my dignity!
Thanks for nothing, Colin
Geoff, don't be like-
Is everything okay?
Yeah- Just checking in on Rich
I thought the two of
you didn't get along very well
Wasn't he calling
your zombie story a fake?
Oh, that. Uh,
I... stopped following that
You seemed pretty excited
about it before. What happened?
Well, we went back there,
and it was just this big, ol-
It really wasn't-
They did it again, didn't they?
I mean, they tried- Wait, What?
They resurrected someone else
How could you possibly know
that? Were you following me?
No, Geoff. I know about Clyde
and the Kingdom Beyond cult
But, but how?
Because... Clyde is my father
My father isn't a bad man.
He loved me
He loved my mom
We were happy
Then...
She got sick
He wasn't the same after that
We tried to take care of each
other, but without her we
were broken
Daddy got to where I couldn't
even recognize him. But
one day...
He started his research.
He found people online that were
wanting to bring people back
He became obsessed with seeing
Mom again- willing to do
anything
He started Kingdom Beyond and
they kept getting hints of a
solution
That damn Kingsport
auction was their breakthrough
He wanted her back
I wanted him back
[Thunder]
Something went wrong
[screams]
That thing that
came back wasn't Mom.
I can't unsee what we
did- We had no business-
What did my father do?
Why were you and Rich there?
Did they do it again?
Did they do it right?
It was Rich. Colin was supposed
to watch him tonight,
but he ran off
Rich? They brought your
brother back and he's gone?
Is that bad? I was going
to go look for him after dinner
Weren't you listening?
My mom- she wasn't even human
You need to find Rich. Now!
Are we too late
to change our course?
Stopping
death within our reach
Ignoring human constraints,
playing God- we keep failing in
our schemes
How far must
we go down this road
Before we leave the
ones we've mourned alone?
Family's never
felt this cold before
Failure's
gone and made them bold
Family never
felt this cold before
[giggling]
[sigh]
Hi, Geoff
Hi, Tina
[giggling]
Ugh
Oh- I like the
way you nibble on my ear
Ugh
[sighs] I am trying
really hard to be accommodating
I know you're forgetting
things, so let me help you
One: it is not cool to bring
a girl to your brother's place
Two: it is super-not-cool to
make out in front of
your brother
Three-
Sorry about that. I guess
I'm still getting used to things
I had a really great time,
though. How was your evening?
What?
Hoo...
That was fast!
Fast? He took a chunk
out of her neck and he doesn't
even seem to care!
Ugh- you know
I can't keep doing this
I know, I know. This
will be the last time, I promise
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Placere Et Gratias Ago Tibi
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Providere Pecunia Etiam
Placere
Are you sure we
should just leave her here?
I don't know what else to do.
Could you please text
some people
on Tina's phone to
avoid any suspicion?
What's a text?
[sigh] It was a joke
All right, we'll send
a couple, but that's it
That's fine. We just
need to buy enough time until
she's back to normal
And how do you propose that?
half of her throat is missing!
Scarves are in, right?
Hi, Tina. I'm just going to-
Uh- Yeah, I'm just... Um- Yeah!
You know, I was curious
about what had happened here
Oh, God- put that sh*t away,
man! Doesn't it, like,
hurt or something?
No, I don't really
feel anything, Just pressure
How did I die?
Died? Uh Why- Why-
Why do you think you died?
I figured it out
Uh, well...
There was an accident
And then I k*lled
myself with the axe?
It was the darndest thing.
And I couldn't bring myself
to tell mom
or dad, so Clyde helped
And he's done this before?
Well, there was
his wife, you, and Tina-
Who you tried to eat
Which makes three times
So, let's-
let's go over this again
You were- you were
making out with her...
She said she liked it
when I nibbled on her ear,
so I just kept on nibbling
Yeah. And then you
nibbled your way into a buffet
and k*lled her
She's not dead anymore!
That's not the point!
You can't just k*ll people
Or eat them
[sigh] All these rules
are confusing! I'll never get it
Let's slow this down
and break it up for you
Make it easy to digest
Run through a few scenarios
and put your
moral compass to the test
Someone calls you ugly
Like, because you're
freaky eyes or whatever
Do you k*ll them or forgive?
k*ll them!
No Somebody
hits you in the mouth
Like, because you're
a big jerk or something
Do you eat them or forgive?
Eat them
No
Oh, then- forgive them?
Yes! Yes, see,
you're getting the hang of it!
Don't m*rder,
morals are your friend
But if you accidently m*rder,
just move on and do your best
Someone steals
your girl in high school
Like your jerk brother, maybe
Do you stab or let him live?
Stab, stab!
Interesting, but no
Passed up for a promotion
Because your pompous older
brother steals it, for example?
Do you axe him
through his chest?
Yes...?
You know what?
Bad example, moving on
Oh
Look, the point is:
Don't m*rder,
morals are your friend
But if you accidentally
m*rder, just move on and do
your best
Now, for your final
question, let's up the stakes
You see a trolley coming
that's about to k*ll five men
Wait, why can't they
just get off the track?
[shushes]
You can change the trolley's
course, but it'll k*ll your
only friend
Wait, that would make
it feel like I k*lled them
Do you do nothing,
or do you pull the lever?
Yes? No?
Look, I think he gets it
Don't m*rder,
Morals are your friend
But if you accidentally
m*rder, just move on and do
your best!
So, do you understand now?
I think so? Yeah
I got so many cards.
Well I'll get you
I'm gonna get you this time
Alright!
I got the read on ya-I got it.
dagnabbit! Every time!
You get me every time!
[laughs] Every time- I'm sorry!
Boys- I got a bad feeling.
Where's the girl?
She's fine, Rev- fine!
Just sitting back here,
quiet as a church mouse
Damn, if she ain't
a sneaky little fox!
This ain't good, brothers
What's wrong, Clyde?
Hey, Rich. Ready
for your big debut?
I really like this car
[laughs] Oh, yeah? I just got
it. You know what you drive is
so important when you
have an image to maintain
I'm learning new stuff every day
I've got to go inside and talk
to Phil Do you mind
keeping an eye
on her for a bit? Then when I
come back, I can take you for a
spin if you'd like
Sounds good
Well, hey- Hey!
What are you doing, man?
I like this car. I want
to drive it
Okay, well, you can't
just take it- That's stealing
But I want to. I...
Wh- Hey!
Don't do that
I want it. I'm taking it
[sigh] sh*t
He seemed to be fighting with
himself. And then he drove off
without a word
And she's pissed!
Well, when's he
bringing it back?
I don't have a clue
Did you call Clyde?
No
You know, call me crazy,
but I don't think our ethics
class stuck
You think? Oh,
come on, Rich. Come on
Its about time you answered
Where are you?
Chill out, Dad. I'm just
cruising
You stole a car, Rich!
She told me to watch it.
I'm watching it
Bring that car back right now,
mister. Or I swear to God, I-
I'm going to let you do this one
Why is everything I do wrong?
Don't k*ll people. Don't steal
Don't bite strangers
Well, to be fair, you
really shouldn't bite anybody
[sigh] I feel like nothing
I do is ever good enough for you
Rich. It's not that what you do
isn't good enough. We're just...
Freaking out?
Trying to adapt. Where are you?
I'm just out and about.
Stop worrying!
please bring the car back. Now.
Plus, we have to talk about Tina
You don't
need to worry about her
Wait, what's
that supposed to mean?
Yeah, what does-
Look, Geoff, I truly appreciate
all that you and the Boy Wonder
have done for me
Deeply. But I've been doing a
lot of soul searching,
you might say
I know my purpose
Your purpose?
Yeah. You
know: why I'm here?
Why you're here? You're here
because your brother
cared enough
about you to bring
you back from the dead, man
Rich, please come back
[phone disconnects]
His Purpose?
Like I don't even know
my purpose
[muffled pleading]
Didn't your parents ever teach
you not to plead with your
mouth full?
Oh, please don't k*ll me
Oh, why would I? You
taste so much better fresh
[muffled pleading]
Wink your way to the top.
Flirt your way to the top
Strut your way to the top
and fight your way to the top
Do not underestimate a
woman that means business
I've got motivation.
I don't fear the system
No joking or kissing,
inside something's missing
No yes, sir or no,
sir, whatever you say, sir
That's done. With
my freedom comes power
Push your way to the top.
Sneak your way to the top
Kiss your way to the top.
Slice your way The top
Do not underestimate a
woman that means business
We don't mean to offend, Oh,
this woman who means business
She's got motivation,
she's not afraid of anything
Yes, ma'am and no, ma'am.
Whatever you say, ma'am
That's right, sir.
In death I've found power
No! No!
No! [screams]
What is happening?
[laughs] Stop
playing with your food
It took you long enough.
I had to start on my own
Surely you
saved SOME of the fun?
[moans]
You tried to warn me
I didn't try to warn you.
I DID warn you
and look at where we are now
Up sh*t creek without a paddle.
Up paddle creek without a sh*t
Not even one
Up creek
sh*t without a [gibberish]
Paddle waddle
sh*t sh*t [gibberish]
I have been looking for you.
Are you guys drunk?
You got us okay? Yeah,
we're... [chuckles] sure
Why?
We had to
accomplish something today
Yeah, we won!
We won
We won [gibberish]
Okay, this is serious!
[mocking] Very serious!
Oh, is it serious?
Oh is it a little serious?
Stop!
Come on, Jill. Let us take the
night off. It's not like the
world is going to end
Actually.
Yeah, it's a lot like that
[whispers]
Get the ritual
ready, but make these changes
Also, bring Clyde
[whispers]
When I ran away, I took the
journal with the Necronomicon
translations
Wait, what?
Wait, the Necronomicon?
Yeah
Clyde Already told us
that she took the journal
Not that- Nobody said
anything about the Necronomicon!
What does that have to do-
Well actually, the
Necronomicon is not even real-
H.P. Lovecraft made it up
Who?
It is real. And its dangerous
Man. Where is Bruce Campbell
when you need him?
There's a lot of crazy
sh*t at that estate sale,
But nothing like that book
This is crazy
Crazier than zombies?
I refuse to use that term
Hmm
Deadites?
No
Ghouls
Eh, no
Walkers!
NO!
Stop! It doesn't matter
what we call them. The point is
that something else
has come back with them
Oh? How do you
figure, Nancy Drew?
It's all in here. The station's
resources have helped, too
Wait, that's why you
came to the news station?
For information about a book?
That book is evil. Like,
literally evil
I needed to
find a way to stop them
Hey, guys, I think
we're going to have to pull over
I think I'm going to be sick
We don't have time
Do you have a bag?
Placere, Reducere Vitam
Providere Pecunia Etiam
Placere
[wretches]
How are we
going to get your dad?
I- I don't know
What?
What the hell is that?
He must have translated
the Necronomicon somehow
But what is it?
Pretty much the end of the world
as we know it,
starting with Eldritch
But the good news is
we'll probably go insane first
Well, that is good news
[wretches]
Clyde, you son of a g*n- we
did it! A world without death,
and I have you to thank for it
This ain't
really what I had in mind
[chuckles] According to this,
we still need something called
the, uh...
the Silver Key
I vaguely remember seeing it,
but I can't seem to find the
damn thing anywhere
Where is it, Clyde?
I don't- I don't know
what you're talking about
I don't like being lied
to, and I REALLY don't like
Not getting what I want
[whispers]
That's what I
thought- It's here.
[Giggles] Somewhere-
Tell us where it is, Clyde
It'll save you from any...
unpleasantness.
And hey, you could
even rejoin your family
[spits]
No!
We need him
But I'm hungry again.
We can just bring him back-
I said no!
[Clatter]
We can't risk losing
what's in your head. Not yet.
Besides, prodigal
sons have to be willing
Don't you want to belong again?
It's great to be in a
community,
you all have the same ideals
It's great to be in a
community, you can work together
on your problems
Its great to be in a
community,
and pay that temple tax
Half our souls!
It's great to be in a
community. Why would we ever
leave?
We can't
Where is he?
Are we sure
they're not following us?
This is insane.
They're all undead?
Everyone. They k*lled everyone
That can't be Rich. He's a
prick, but he's not a m*rder*r
I don't think your brother's
calling the shots,
if you know what I mean
Dad, I thought I'd lost you
I didn't mean for you to get
into any of this,
kid. I'm sorry, I-
I should have stayed. I-
Hey, guys. Don't mean to
ruin the Hallmark moment, but
there's definitely someone
behind us
Turn down this road
Okay, I think we're good
We are NOT good. Those zombie-
Uh, those not-zombies
still have the Necronomicon!
Isn't it just a matter of
time till they send something
Through that thing in the sky?
Not without this!
Whoa, ew!
A simple "Thank you for saving
my life" would do just fine
Dad, is that-
The Silver Key?
[gasp] That's the puzzle cube!
That was in your pants this
whole time?
I couldn't let them get their
hands on it. Something just
didn't smell right
Yeah, I'll say
Anyway, hold on. I was
able to grab this, though
God, what else
do you have in there?
You took a page
from the Necronomicon?
Yep
Is that bad?
Not in this case. Look, it
shows how to use the Silver Key
What does that thing do?
[ominous] It has
such sites to show you
What? Oh, not
Hellraiser fans, I guess?
According to this, different
positions allow it to do
just about anything you want
So, it grants wishes
That's a simple way to put it
Okay, so if I want to stop
that thing,
I just need to make a wish
with that Silver Key thing?
It's not that easy-
this could take years to solve
I could do it. I mean, after we
sanitize that thing, of course
What? It was in the old man's
pants all day- I'm not
touching that!
Okay. What makes you think-
It's a puzzle cube. I'm the-
I mean, I WAS the regional champ
Was?
Don't ask Don't ask
Just let me see it.
Huh. Mm-hmm. [sniff]
Oh, [sniff] oh, ooh- Yeah
Yeah. I think it'll just take a
little bit of time but I
think I can-
sh*t
What? What-
I've seen these symbols in
my journal, but I've never had
this page before
What is-
There's two
different configurations: one to
open a door, the other to close
Well isn't that the point?
Well, you're just making it
sound like it's kind of-
Both require a sacrifice
Okay. Clyde, where
do you get your chickens?
No, Geoff. The Key
requires the bearer's life
No, nope. Clyde,
you can shove that thing
right back in your pants
We're running out of time,
you guys
There's got to be another way,
right? Look, is there
someplace that we
can talk about this?
Okay, up a ways is
the old Pickman farm- now,
that thing's been abandoned
for years. We can hide out there
[car starts]
[tires screech]
[yells]
What the hell was that?
What is that?
Is that a person?
Wait- What are you doing?
I think they need help.
Maybe they got hit by something
Hello?
Guys. Something's happening.
Why is something happening?
What did you do?
Nothing. It
just started glowing!
Can you hear me?
[screaming]
Zombies!
You know, I think I should
start a new blog after this
Oh? About
the occult?
[laughs] No- about
how to pick better friends
Oh.
[chuckles]
Thanks for the key, bro
You're not my brother
Oh, that hurts, G-string.
You know, Rich is still in here,
we just had to make some room.
He says "Hi"
[yells] He bit me!
Now I'm going to bite you!
Stop! We have plans for him
Fine, but I'm
eating someone tonight
Colin...
d*ck
You're pretty good
with puzzles, aren't you?
[laughs] Pretty good? Pretty
good? I'm on track to go to the
nationals
Dude!
Oh, Um... I'm- Yeah, sometimes.
Maybe. Not really, though
Uh huh. Listen, I'm going to
need you to solve this
puzzle for me,
Buddy
And why would I do that, Sport?
Because, Tiger, if you don't,
Tina gets to have her way
with you
Well, that doesn't sound so bad
Oh, I am done playing nice
with the Geek Squad. Solve it,
or my little
brother gets a new mouth
He won't do it
Won't I?
Okay, fine. I'll do it. Give
it the old college try. I mean,
I didn't go to college, but-
But?
But, but I'll try, okay?
Just don't hurt him
Colin, don't- [grunts]
Take the nerd outside
and get everything ready.
[sigh] Well,
I better get out there
It's almost time
for tonight's Big Story
Don't hurt him
You going to stop me, G-string?
We never do come out on top
I'm scared as
hell we'll miss our shot
He's grown so
fast, they're on his side
Clocks running
down, we're out of time
Maybe we can do it,
we can make it if we fight
Take no more sh*t from anyone,
this time it's do or die
My plans never come about, be
dead before the night is out
Somehow that's all we're
hoping for,
been through all this before
I know we can do this,
or at least we've got to try
With everything I've lost
already,
someone else may have to die
Today is a big day for
me, never missed a shot before
I used to just want Eldritch-
Now I want so much more
I know I can do it,
I can make it if I try
Take everything from everyone,
it's time for them to die
Is there time to save this
town? Are we too late to try?
Give it
everything we've got!
Take everything, k*ll
everyone. This town is
going down
We're near the end, not there
yet, time to turn this thing
around
For, tonight it's do or die
Tonight it's do or die
Everything is ready. When the
gate opens,
we will receive power
[laughs]
Something funny?
You don't actually think
what's going to come through is
going to help you out, do you?
Have you guys never seen a
horror movie?
Some of us have lives
Well, you HAD lives
[grumbling]
We've been freshly reborn!
Huh- you could have fooled me
Wait here
We have to hurry
[Beast Growls]
I can't let Colin solve
that puzzle- it will k*ll him!
What other choice do we have?
Its either Colin or
everybody else
I'll do it
What?
He's my friend. More
than that, he's my brother
More of a
brother than Rich ever was
Don't count
your chickens just yet
Hurry up, nerd.
They're getting impatient
Well, can you tell THEM
that I'm going as fast as I can?
Unless if you want to do it...
huh, I didn't think so
You're late!
Get to chanting!
Placere Placere
Nice night for
a ritual, ain't it?
Placere Placere
[shush]
Placere Placere Placere Placere
[Beast Growls]
[chanting]
The idiot's actually doing it!
Y'ai'Ng'Ngah, Yog-Sothoth
H'ee-L'geb F'ai Throdog...
What's burning?
[Chanting]
[Yelling]
I can't talk right
now, I'm on a deadline
How close are you?
I'm too close
Give it to me for the last move
What?
[Beast Growls]
That thing is going to k*ll
us all. There's no time to argue
Geoff!
[struggling]
Jill!
[Squelch]
[screams]
Jill, catch!
Sorry
Classic
Stop!
Geoff. Just turn it that
way and then turn it that way
And that should do it
Right... I love you, man
I know
Ogthrod Ai'f
[Beast Growls]
Geb'L-ee'h Yog-Sothoth!
Goodbye
So, what are
you doing after this?
Well, I know a coffee shop
that's open pretty late, but-
Really? Well,
it just so happens that-
G-string here
doesn't even like coffee,
but I think it's pretty amazing.
Just like you
Wait! Don't- it'll k*ll you
I have to do this
But, G- Geoff... you're
my brother
Thanks, Rich
[Beast Growls]
Dad?
Had to finish
what I started, kid
Don't
It's already done. Sorry I got
you into this mess. I love you
I love you
[Beast Growls]
Better get on with it
'Ngah'Ng Ai'y Zhro!
[Device Warms Up]
[Blast]
[Beast Growls]
[Sizzles]
It's been six months since
the incident at Kingdom Beyond
In the wake of the event, the
community has begun to rebuild
their trust with one another
and reintegrate into society
Others affected by the strange
occurrence have also been
processing their experience
and finding new pathways forward
Eldritch has proven to
be surprisingly resilient,
learning to coexist with
their... different neighbors,
with a surprising level
of tolerance
However, for some, the events at
Kingdom Beyond were a catalyst
to chase new opportunities and
step out from the shadows
of their-
Turn it off!
This is Rich Brewer, signing off
He does everything
right He does everything right
He does everything right
Do you need a ride?
[Door Slams]
So I was thinking maybe about
stopping to get a bite to eat
up at this little cafe...
You hungry?
Starving
[screaming]
["I Wait" by Guys on a Bus]
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register