02x01 - It's Complicated

[bunniefuu]

[women screaming]

[all]
"Jersey Shore Family Vacation"!

We're back, b*tches!

[Mike]
We're gettin' the crew
back together.

[Jenni]
It's been a long time since

we've all been
under the same roof.

And we all grew up...I wanna -- pee!

Oh, my God![Jenni]
Stop.

[Deena gasping]

Sort of.

♪♪

[Ronnie]
I got a pregnant girlfriend.

[Vinny]
If Ronnie gets any closer
to this girl,

he's about to have
a second baby mama.

Why can't you
marry this b*tch?

Truthfully, I just
don't trust her.

You're nervous she's
going to cheat on you.

Cheat.She did before?

Yeah.[Deena]
What?

[crying]
[bleep] hurts, man.

[Pauly]
One day he wants to be
with his baby mama,

the next day he does not,
and he has to go home to that.

You think I'm a dirty
little hamster?

Oh!

Why the [bleep]
are you here?!

You're here because
you're a [bleep] chew toy.

No, I'm not.Watch.

I'm going through
a serious court case.

The United States
versus The Situation.

Hi, baby.

Lauren is
my beautiful girlfriend.

She's my rock.
She stayed by me.

Will you please marry me?

[Pauly]
Oh, my God, dude, he's doing it.

[crying]
Yes!Yes?

[all cheering]

Love you.

We closed one book,

but now we're opening up
a whole new book

of old-a*s guidos
on a wild-a*s adventure.

[Pauly]
Yeah, buddy!

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

[Vinny]
They say what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas...

["Elvis"]
Mr. and Mrs. Pauly D!

But not with us.

[Nicole shrieking]

We're animals.

[Pauly]
I'm selfishly happy
that Vinny is single

because I have my wingman back.

We're back
in business.Yo.

[Australian accent]
We're gonna watch the guidos.

How they enviroate--
[laughing] "Enviroate"?

[Nicole screaming]

Oh, my God! Oh, it's pretty.
[screaming]

[Ronnie]
What you wanna do, bro?

What you wanna do, kid?
What you wanna do, bro?

Feel though,
like, you know?

No, he's [bleep] with you,
you [bleep] idiot.

[Pauly]
All you are is a good dad
trying to be with his daughter,

but look at how hard
she's [bleep] making it.

I have nothing to go home to!
I have no house--

I left my [bleep] son!

She don't give a [bleep]
about nothing, Jenni.

You got a crazy [bleep]
pregnant.

'Cause you're
a [bleep] psychopath.

♪♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation
is under construction.

This might not have been
the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day,
it'll be lit.

Get the frig out of here,
you crazy!

♪♪

♪ It's a brand-new day
for us ♪

♪ We hear the call ♪

Oh, my gosh.
She got you the same shoe.

Stop...

We have these too,
me and him.

But now we can match.

[Ronnie]
I guess me and her
are sharing shoe closets.

In Miami, I was conflicted in
what I really wanted in life.

You know, like, now,
I realize that me and Jen

do wanna be together
and make it work.

I'm gonna be the best father
that I can be.

And knowing that,
it's a good feeling.

Look at that.[Jen]
Yes!

Thank you, guys,
we love you so much.

I wanna thank everyone
for coming out.

[people clapping]

I feel like I'm getting married,
like, you know?

[Jen]
I know!

But, obviously I love you,

and I thank you
for giving me this.I love you.

And you mean
the world to me.

I love you.

I love you.

[people cheering]

[Ronnie]
Me and Jen, we actually
just bought a home.

We're a team now.
We're a family.

I'm so excited.I know, I can't wait.

Can't wait to get moved in
and ready to go.

[Ronnie]
You know, we're
definitely happy.

You know, I'm in a good place,
and I'm actually enjoying
where I'm at.

I don't think
you should go.

You don't think
I should go?No.

Me and everyone from the house
have a bunch of work to do.

Press stuff, you know,
just traveling.

So I have to go to London.

I just, like, really have
a bad feeling about you leaving.

♪♪

Of course, I find out
that Jen's going into labor

when I'm 40,000 feet in the sky,
two hours away from London.

Go right through customs,
purchase another ticket,

get back on another plane
and fly a ten hour flight
back to Vegas.

Wanna make sure that
I get there for the birth.

[bleep]!

You all right, baby?
I'm coming, I'm coming.

I know, I'm coming now.

This is like nothing
I've ever felt before
in my life right now.

She's been in labor since...
psh, psh, 4:30 this morning.

So she's going on at least


He's not gonna miss!
He's not gonna miss it!

We gotta be positive!

Little baby Ari-- Ariana
should be here any minute.

I'm excited, I'm scared,
I'm nervous.

I'm petrified, you know?
And I'm happy.

And it's just like, there's
so many different emotions

going through me
and it's just like,

I can't even express words about
how-- how I feel right now.

I'm about to be a father.

All right, guys.
Get the [bleep] out.

It's time for me
to be a dad.

Thanks, Gretchen.Let's go.

[man]
You ain't gotta go home...

You ain't gotta go home,
just gotta get the [bleep]
out of here.

See you guys soon.

[baby crying]

[Ronnie]
I finally found out
what it means

when they say that you'll do
anything for your child.

Even clean her
little poop diaper.

[baby crying]

I have a daughter now,
I'm a father.

She looks just like me.

Jen and I are now proud parents
of baby Ariana.

I'm happy that we came together
as a family and we stuck it out

because watching her grow up
is gonna be amazing, you know?

She gives me purpose.

♪ Can you feel it ♪

♪ Is this where
you're supposed to be ♪

♪♪

♪♪

So are we on the same page
wedding-wise?

The goal is Italy.

Yes. We are going
to be sh**ting,

honey, for the stars.

But at the same time,
due to my court situation,

we need to have
backup plan... agreed?

Sure.Okay.

Listen, my dream is to have
a wedding in Italy.

But with my court situation,

I have current
travel restrictions.

So we are going to sh**t
for the stars,

but if we hit the moon,
it's still okay.

In case...Yeah.

Italy is not realistic
in the foreseeable future...

Yes.Then we have to do venue.

I have to order a dress.
You have to do a custom tuxedo.

Okay.If you're gonna
have groomsmen,

you have to get
their tuxes.

Well, honey, can-- can we just
concentrate one thing at a time?

No. Then there's band,
there's flowers...

Th-This is a lot
of your department.

I-- I'm willing to
go on this journey.
I'm very excited.

[laughing] What do you mean
"willing"? You asked me!

[laughing]
I'm just saying,

this process is
a little overwhelming.

♪♪

♪ East Coast, West Coast,
down South, Northwest ♪

♪ Like the way you rock them,
like the way you rock them ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

[Pauly]
Is Ronnie home?

[whispering]
Who's that? Who's that?

Look what I got.Who's that?

For the little peanut.

[Ronnie laughing]

What up, man?What's up, man?

Everything's good.

Aww, look at this little
precious little doll.

Hi, I'm your uncle.Say "hi."

Like a little peanut.
Little peanut hands.

[chuckling]Look at you, bein' a dad.

Right? Dad life, bro.

I haven't seen you smile
like that in your life.

I know, right?
[laughing]

She's precious, dude.

Little Ariana
is a full-fledged meatball.

She's a mini Ronnie.

She eats, she sleeps,
she poops, and she cries.

Add a protein shake,
and you got Ronnie. [chuckling]

You wanna come
to Uncle Pauly?

Yeah, go to
Uncle Pauly.

Come to Uncle Pauly.

Ahh, let's see you,
you precious little peanut.

Everybody's gonna be jealous
I met the baby.

Yeah.
[laughing]

You got a good one here.
Good little peanut.

Yeah, she's good.
Blessed right now.

And when I see Ronnie with
his baby, that's the happiest

I've seen him in a long time.

There you go,
throw up on Daddy.

[laughing]It's okay. He likes it.

[baby cooing]

Yeah? You heard him?

Yep. She said, "You got
no more guylights."

[laughing]She misses
the guylights.

She does.

He's a great father,
I see it.

Seeing the baby look at him
and him look at the baby,

it's like, it's amazing.

All right, daddy.
All right, daddy.

No instructions,
k*lling it.

[Ronnie laughing]

Hello?

[Pauly]
Nicole!

[Nicole]
Hey, what're you doing?

I just met the baby.

Pauly!

[laughing]
Yep.

This is what I wanna do.
I wanna, um,

I wanna get
all you guys out here.

I mean, let's make
a vacay out of it.

We'll meet the baby.
I'll hook everything up.

I'll make it dope.

All right, cool.

Let's get out there ASAP,

because I don't want
to meet the baby

when she's like, 12.Dope.

It's actually really nice
seeing Ronnie with his baby

because Ronnie's actually
genuinely happy and smiling.

I would love nothing more
than for my roommates

to come to Las Vegas
and to meet the new meatball.

[Nicole]
I'll see you soon and...

Cool. So excited.

All right, sounds good.
I'll see you in a bit.

[Ronnie]
Got me wrapped around
her finger already.

Me and Jen are doing great
just taking it one day
at a time.

He wore her out.
She's done for her first day.

This is one of the biggest
moments of my life,

and I couldn't be
more happier, honestly.

[Jen]
I don't wanna hear
your whole [bleep] story!

You're a loser
and you're a piece of [bleep]!

[Ronnie]
I didn't do anything!

[Ronnie and Jen arguing]

Don't tell me how to take care
of my [bleep] kid!

Where's my daughter now?
Where's my daughter now? Huh?!

[Ronnie and Jen arguing]

So, Ron, you been
on social media lately?

[laughter]

Well, this just got awkward.

I went to lunch
with Angelina.

Oh, [bleep].

She wants to come
to Vegas.

I was like, if you
wanna come, come.

You invited her!
She's coming.

[both]
Ohh!

♪♪

♪ Okay, let me tell ya
who we is ♪

♪ Straight out, tell ya
something that's meant to be ♪

♪♪

♪Yeah ♪

Hi, girl.

What's up?You look cute.

So do you.
How are you?

I brought you a present.

What is it?I don't know, open it.

[Nicole]
I gave Angelina my number,

and I unblocked her after Miami.

We've been hanging out.

I mean, you know,
we don't have drama anymore.

We squashed it.
And you know what?

[bleep] me, I like Angelina.

Oh, my God.
Are you serious?

I mean, I figured
you might [bleep] diapers.

What the [bleep]?

All right, I [bleep]
in my pants.

Open the door,
I'm gonna throw up.

[Nicole screaming]

Was it really that bad?

I can still smell it
in my nose.

[sighing]

After Miami, me and Nicole
have become friends.

Um, I've hung out with her,
we got our boobs done

with the same doctors,

and I feel like
we're on the right track

to actually becoming like,
really good friends.

All the, like,
the boys and the girls,
they were like,

"We're gonna unblock you."
They never did.

You're the only one
that, like, reached out.

Look, I came back
to make amends with
all of you guys,

and I felt like
when I left--

Well, now you're
starting [bleep] again.

You posted a "Jersey wh*re"
mug about Jenni.

'Cause she started it.

I thought I left off
on good terms with her,

and then she was going
on social media, like,

bashing me
all over the place.

"Oh, Angelina, blah, blah,
blah, dirty hamster this,

dirty, disgusting,
blah blah."

As far as me and Jenni right
now, we are not on good terms.

She was saying a lot of stupid
things about me on social media.

I needed to checkmate her.

Just try not to take sides,

'cause it's kinda like...
insane. We're all older.

Well, I'm not gonna
get in your frickin' drama.
I'm over it.

I just wanna get drunk
and have a good time.

[Nicole]
I feel like Angelina
is easy for me,

but when it comes to Jenni,
I'm a little nervous.

And I'm just not
getting involved.

So if you ever go out with us
again, wear one of those.

So no more thongs,
just a diaper.

[mouth full]
I could never
wear a thong.

Why?It's just up
your a*s, and...

So you wear
regular underwear?

I wear granny-panties.

Let me see.No "let me see."

No, I just wanna--
I wanna look at my underwe--

Actually, I'm not wearing
underwear, [bleep].

[Nicole]
Your jeans probably stink.

♪ You can call me
whenever you like ♪

♪ 'Cause you already
got my number ♪

♪ Well, I really think
that I was your type ♪

♪ Do you really want me
to come over? ♪

[Vinny]
What are you making?

Lasagna.

Lasagna?

Yeah, I'm gonna
give you a treat.

I had my cheat meal
on Sunday.

All right, so close
your eyes, go like this,

and make believe
it's Sunday.

How do you feel
about being single again?

With no Elicea?

Like, are you lonely?
Like, do you miss her?

I do miss her a lot, yeah.
But literally...

Okay....she lives in California.

I know. I always in my heart,
I always said that, Vin.

I'm single now.
[chuckling]

It didn't have anything to do

with what was happening
in Miami...

[Elicea]
With your girlfriend at home,

getting a b*tch's number out
doesn't look good for you.

It wasn't one,
it was two.

[Elicea sighing]

And we're gonna have another
family vacation in Vegas.

Oh, yeah?Yeah.

We wanna go see
Ronnie's baby.

Wow!I never been
to Pauly's house.

So I get to go to
my boyfriend's...

You never went
to Pauly's house?

No. I'm still just
a side-piece to him.

Oh, all right.

You know what that is,
a side-piece?

A g*n?

No. [laughing]

Isn't that what they
call a g*n, a "piece"?

[laughing]
Yeah, that's true.

Don't forget, I'm Sicilian.

All right, calm down.I know some stuff.

♪♪

Nicole's texting me
where to meet for lunch.

Where you guys going?Somewhere by Deena.

And I'm also looking
at Instagram and...

[sighing]
Yeah.

Ronnie and Jen are, uh...

At it again?Yep.

I don't wanna judge, but...

they better figure that out
'cause they got a kid now.

[Jenni]
Everyone wants to think like,
you know, having kids is,

you know, rainbows
and [bleep] unicorns.

And it's not.

My bubby Greyson
turned two,

and he still isn't speaking,

and he has therapy
three times a week.

So Roger decided to
make me a Mother's Day video

and have all my friends
be part of this video

by sending in 30-second clips.

Mike was the only one actually
to be part of this video,

and it's really hurtful
on so many levels.

[voice breaking]
And I'm going through

a very hard time
with Greyson,

so it actually broke my heart.

I do expect
my friends to support me

while I'm going through
this time,

just like I support them with
all their [bleep bleep].

So now I'm gonna
go out to lunch,

and I'm gonna
let my roommates have it.

You doing a karate tournament
after you leave there?

Can you-- ugh.

Hyah!

You almost kicked me.

[laughing]

Have fun.

♪♪

Really bringing an assortment
of shirts here.

Well, honey,
I need options.

Are you excited?

Yeah, I'm excited
to see the baby.

I can't wait to actually
see Ronnie and meet the baby.

But a lot of the roommates
have tried to reach Ronnie.

He has been absentee
from our group chat.

I don't know what I'm gonna get
when I see him in person.

You might come home
with baby fever.

Well, we've been
talking about having a baby

the past couple months.

You have those things
with you, too?

The things in,
uh, little packets?

Ma, stop.Pauly, I'm sure, has plenty.

Ma!

I'm telling Vinny
that I need daily reports.

Yeah.

We have a wedding
after this.

I know, honey.
Love you!

Love you.

Big Daddy Sitch
signing out.

[car horn beeping]

Say, "Bye, Dad."

You ready to go
or what over here?

I have no idea what's going on
with Ronnie.

I'm watching it unfold
on social media,

but I haven't heard it
from his mouth.

Is it gonna be "Ronpage,"
Single Ron, Social Media Ron?

Like, we don't know
what we're gonna get.

Yo.Hell yeah.

[Pauly]
I feel like we need
a little getaway.

[Ronnie]
Little stay-cation.

Yeah.

♪♪

[Mike]
Vinny.

Pauly's rushing the boys
to Vegas

so that we can have a boys night
before the girls show up.

Let the fist-pumping begin.

[laughing]

♪♪

[Jenni]
Hello!

You look so pretty.So do you, baby.

This is my chance
to talk to Nicole

about the Mother's Day thing.

She doesn't understand
how bad that hurt me.

She really like,
solidified the fact that, like,

she's not a great friend
to me as I am to her.

So are you guys
excited about Vegas?

I'm excited to see the baby.
And to see Ron.

I mean, his Instagram
stories are out of control.

One week he's like, "Oh,
I'm single, I'm done with her."

And then the next week they're
walking together on the streets.

No one's relationship
is perfect,

but you never put it
on social media,

because now
everyone in the world

knows what the hell happened.

I had to delete 1,000
comments and block people.

Because of Angelina?

The one that called me
a "Jersey wh*re."

She decided to post a mug
that says "Jersey wh*re"

and tagged me in it.

This is not the way
you talk to me, b*tch.

I thought we left
on good terms.I thought so, too.

I even liked her
[bleep] comment. First...

I might have saw her.

Come again?

She wanted to talk to me,

and she invited me to lunch,
so I went.

She wants to hang out
with us again,

but I said,
"You gotta make your amends."

[Jenni]
You gotta be kidding me.

First it was the Mother's Day
video,

and now you're friends
with Angelina? Seriously?

So I'm actually
not going to Vegas.

Why?

Because...
[chuckling]

I'm pregnant.

[Nicole]
Are you really?

You're pregnant, meatball!
Ohh...

Oh, my God! My meatball!

[Nicole]
I'm so happy for Deena.

I just knew in my soul,
once she started,

she was gonna get pregnant
like, instantly.

It's like me.
Meatballs are very fertile.

I'm an emotional wreck,
I swear.

I knew it was gonna happen!
I'm so happy for you.

[Deena]
Thank you.How far?

I'll be ten weeks Sunday.Oh, my God, it's happening.

I wanted to confront Nicole
about the Mother's Day thing.

But I would not dare take away
from Deena's moment.

I'll just wait till Vegas.

I'll try and make it not look
awkward as [bleep] until then.

[Nicole]
Your vag*na is like,
this small,

and then it opens
to this big.

And then you could rip
to your butthole.

Okay.

[Nicole]
No, it's gonna be great.

♪♪

[Ronnie]
Here we are, baby.

[Pauly]
Yes, sir,
Planet Hollywood, baby!

Let's do this,
my dude.

[Pauly]
I live in Las Vegas,
and I want nothing more

than for my roommates to stay in
my house, that would be amazing.

Unfortunately, I've seen what
my roommates do to Shore houses.

[all screaming]

[bleep]

[items clattering]

Get the [bleep] out,
bro!

Yeah?! You wanna throw
my [bleep] bed?!

Mike, I'm not kidding!

[all gasping]

[Pauly]
So instead,

we're doing Planet Hollywood
with a huge suite,

red carpet the whole way.

This is gonna be dope.

[plane zooming]

[Vinny]
Yo, we're in Satan's playpen
right now.

[Mike]
Yes, we are.

I think we should probably
order some food now, though.

Oh, my God.
Come on, bro.

[bellhop]
Welcome to Planet Hollywood.

Damn...

See, this is what
I'm talking about right here.

♪♪

[Pauly]
This is the way to vacation.

What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas.

Except for herpes.

[both laughing]

[knock on door]

Oh, [bleep]!
What's up, brother?

Ohh!

Stupid!

[all laughing]

[overlapping chatter]Yo, my boyfriend!

Welcome to Las Vegas!

Come check
this place out, bro.

Wait, is the stripper pole
in the shower?

[Ronnie]
Yeah, in the shower.

I can't believe we have
a stripper pole

in our living room.

Ronnie's gonna be single
by dinner. [chuckling]

[Mike]
Oh, you know what these
are right here?

This is, uh, strawberries.

This is a sin to go to waste
to be honest with you right now.

I'm thick as [bleep], okay?

Um, and I'm trying to get
in shape for my wedding. But...

[mouth full]
Oh, my God.

...Rome was not built in a day.

[Pauly]
Yo, I think we should
get something to eat.

[Mike]
I'm starving right now.

Boys Night.
We got no girls tonight.

I'm putting this on.

Dinner, strip club,
it's gonna be an epic night.

What up, Mike?You look striping.

Mike, what're you gonna eat
tonight, striped bass?

[all laughing]

[Pauly]
First night out.
Yeah, buddy!

♪♪

Holy [bleep],
it's hot out here.

It's Vegas.
This ain't Jersey Shore.

[Mike]
Ooh, we're right here.

Oh, my goodness.
They have surf and turf sliders.

Wow. For dinner,
I want a prime rib.

Mm-hmm.Shrimp ceviches.
French fries.

[all]
Oooh...

Yep.

Big Daddy Sitch
loves to peruse a good menu.

This seafood plateau?Plateau? Of course.

Yeah.

And that's
just for him.

It seems that in Vegas...

Ooh! Ooh!Damn!

...they have all the finest
of the delicacies.

These crab legs
are just...

To die for?Yeah.

That's what's making
everything kind of...

[all laughing]

Did that shirt
come with handcuffs?

[all laughing]

I'm never wearing this,
ever again.

Thank God.
[laughing]

So, Ron, you been
on social media lately?

[Vinny laughing]

[Mike]
Oh, wow. Oh wow.

I've never been to dinner with
an Instagram celebrity before.

[all laughing]

Well, this just got awkward.

But all seriousness,
like,

what the hell
was all that about?

Right now we're good,
we're working on [bleep],
you know?

Obviously every relationship
has problems and...

...I went looking
for more problems.

Yeah.That's what it was.

And then it kinda just
blew up in my face.

And one thing led
to another, and there was
a lot of bad decisions.

All I can do is say
that I learned from it.

And like, it won't happen
again, that's for sure.

No.

So you think that it was
a bad decision, right?

Yeah, absolutely, bro.Okay.

I'm glad to hear you
say that, honestly.

Do you realize that
we follow you on social media?

Like, millions of people
follow you on social media.

[Pauly]
So like, with all that
said and done,

you guys
are all good now?

Right now we're good,
we're working on [bleep].

From what I saw unfold
on social media,

a lot of [bleep] went down.

Didn't he just post two days ago
that you were "Single Ronnie"?

But now he's acting like
everything is peaches.

What the hell? All right.

Let's see if he
stays consistent.

'Cause in Miami, it was like,
"I'm with her, I'm not.

With her, I'm not.
With her, I'm not."

I-I would hope that
he stays consistent.

He is admitting things,
which is good.

You don't wanna [bleep] around
in her town, either.

[Mike]
It seems like a good situation
with Ronnie right now

that he's acting like
the Puerto Rican Jesus.

He's working things out
with his baby moms.

But... I wonder how long
that's gonna last.

Maybe it was the guylights.
Maybe that was the issue.

[laughing]

[Vinny]
Look at him.

He's all [bleep]
clean-cut now.

Hey, Ron, we're just talking
about your guylights.

I know, they're
gone, right?

Yo, what do you guys
wanna do, man?

Yo, I don't know, man.I say we go out,
boys night.

Hit like, Hustler Club
or something.

What is that?It's like a strip club.

Ooh, really?

I'm not going
to the strip club.

[nervous laughter]

I mean, I'll go out,
I just don't wanna go

to the strip club, like,
you know? That's all.

[Pauly]
I never been so confused
in my entire life.

Ronnie loves strip clubs
more than, I think, even I do.

It's his favorite place
to be on earth.

[Ronnie]
I'm down for
anything else.

Boys night, brah,
Las Vegas.

I mean, isn't there like
a lounge or some [bleep]
place to sit over here, or...

Apparently we got Rhonda
instead of Ronnie,

and she's preventing us
from going to the strip club.

[Mike]
Let's do this.

♪ Good feelin' good feelin'
good feelin' good feelin' ♪

♪ Sit back and relax
'cause it's all good ♪

[man]
"Jersey Shore"!

♪ What's that-- what they say
in the U.S.A.? ♪

♪ It's all good ♪

[music slows to a stop]

Oh, man. All I know is I was
ready to go to the strip club.

I'll be honest, I--
I would've went too.

Yep.Daddy Ronnie...

[Mike]
I woulda went too.

...ruined it for us, bro,
what the hell?

Honestly, Mike,
I just didn't wanna

go to the strip club
with you in that shirt.

[all groan and laugh]

[Pauly]
Burn! Got 'em!

Touché.

♪♪

♪♪

I feel like Vegas,
we'll definitely fit in

because everybody spirals
and nobody judges.

We're on our way.

Cheers.Cheers.

Spiral Squad.

Vegas!

I already drank mine.

♪♪

♪ Like an animal ♪

♪ Oh, like a beast ♪

♪ Beast mode! ♪

Vega-- Oh!

[clattering]

Oh, my God! Vegas!

So me and Jenni bought
Ronnie's baby some gifts.

What did you-- [bleep].

[Nicole]
Super excited to meet the baby,

but I've been in Vegas
for three seconds,

I already need to like,
go gamble. I need a drink.

♪ Give me some money ♪

I'm ready to party.

Like, I want to have
a good time.

I won $20!

I-- That was my dollar!
That was my dollar!

[bleep] my life!

[Jenni]
I won!

That was my dollar.I'll split it.

♪♪

Who got my ChapStick?

[laughing]

So my man Ronnie
threw us for a loop.

We were trying to go
to the strip last night,
he wasn't feeling it.

[Pauly]
Good morning, Michael!

But I don't expect anymore
low-key nights.

This is Vegas, you know
what I'm talking about?

[Skype beeping]

Hi.Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothing, I'm just
here with the guys,

waiting for the girls
to get here.

I told everyone that mine
and Jen's relationship was fine,

but one minute we're good,
the next minute we're not.

It's just very up and down,
and it-- it sucks.

A piece of me
is just tired of...

sharing my relationship
with people.

And right now, I'm just like,
doing everything possible

to keep it personal
and between us.

I don't know what's up
with Ron, though, huh?

What I see is
one minute he's with her,
the next minute not.

One minute he's with her,
the next minute he's not.
You just don't know.

[whispering]
He just posted...

"I'm a single dad."

That is-- that is--
that is--

Two days ago.Yeah. Yeah, that's
a little, um...

So we're gonna come by there
or you wanna come by here?

Yeah, I'll just
come by there.

Okay. All right, I love you.

I love you.
All right, love you, bye.

You can't flick the switch
to like, 100% that way.

[Vinny]
No, you can only keep up the
squeaky clean thing for so long.

Yeah, yeah,
exactly.

[Vinny]
Ronnie has three faces,
all right?

You got
Single Ronnie...

got Social Media Ronnie...

and you got Changing Diapers
Ronnie, you know?

So we'll see which Ron
we're walking into.

I think, uh, Jen and the baby
are gonna come here.

They gonna come here?Yeah.

Oh, cool.Instead of us going there.

When's she coming?

[Ronnie]
Probably later on.

[Pauly]
Oh, good.

♪ Yeah, uhh, yeah ♪

♪ I know who she be,
I'm thankful for that ♪

♪ She sees me ♪

[Jenni and Nicole]
Planet Hollywood!

[Jenni]
Hello?Hello, Vegas.

Ooh, casino!
This is so crazy.

Let's say [bleep] the boys
and play blackjack.

I know. [bleep] the boys,
let's gamble.

[Vinny]
Wonder when the girls
get here.

I don't know.

They about to walk
in like...

[all laughing]

♪ Vegas ♪

[gasping]

They here right now.
I hear them.

♪ Moms are here ♪

Someone's drunk.

Can I come in?

[all cheering]

Vegas!

[overlapping chatter]

I have a Snooki!Hi, guys!

Vinny, it's fine.

Hey!

[Pauly]
How are you?
How was your trip in?

It was good.

How are you?

We missed you guys.

There was too much
testosterone in here.

[Vinny]
Now that the girls are here,

I mean, now we have
a family vacation.

We break
the girls' ba*ls a lot,

you know, we say we don't
like them.

But, you know, we're like,
such a dysfunctional family,

we kinda need each other.

It's a special
light switch right here.

Watch this.Ready? One, two, three.

[women shrieking,
men laughing]

Oh, my God!

I didn't see you.
Hey, boo...

[Jenni]
Whose shower is that?

I missed you.

So Ron has had a busy
couple months,

but when it comes
to his relationship with Jen,

I mean, no one really knows
what's going on.

Ron was like,
"Yeah, I'm gonna be single

next time we live together,
I'm over this [bleep]."

That's the last I heard.

I have no [bleep] idea what's
going on with this kid.

You're gonna be so surprised,
but this man right here...

I don't know what
they done with Ron...

[Vinny]
He's a different guy.

Last night, I didn't
wanna go to the strip club.

Wait, what? That's weird.I didn't wanna go
to the strip club.

Well, 'cause of the baby,
like, Jen and [bleep], like...

[Pauly]
He brought The Bible.

[Ronnie laughing]

No more guylights.
New man, right here.

I'm all about faking it
till you make it,

and Ron trying
to at least be like,

"I'ma pretend to have
my [bleep] together."

But when you put it out
on the 'Gram?

The world's gonna see.
Especially your roommates.

We're missing a meatball.

[all]
I know!

It's gonna be weird
without her.

[Vinny]
I know.

We thought you girls
were gonna come in

with the dirty
little hamster.

[Jenni]
No, who would
invite her, honestly?

[Vinny]
Nicole, she's best
friends with her.

I'm not best friends
with her!What?

[Ronnie]
Wait, you guys hung out after
that little tiff online?

[Jenni]
That b*tch ain't
hit me up.

She just said
"Jersey wh*re"
something...

You're gonna punch her
in the face if she comes here.

She wants to come
to Vegas.

Oh, [bleep].

I was like,
"Well, Deena's not coming.

So if you wanna come..."

Wait, what?

I told you this
at lunch already.

[men]
Ohh...

[overlapping chatter]Oh, yeah, I did
tell you about Vegas.

Yeah, you didn't
tell me about Vegas!

[Pauly]
Already fighting!

This conversation is super...
♪awkward ♪

I-- I said at lunch,
I was like,

"If you wanna come, come."

Ohh!
You didn't tell me
that, though.

Ohh!

She's a thirsty-a*s turtle,
that's what she is.

[men exclaiming]

That b*tch is annoying.
Why are you doing this to us?

This is family vacation.

This isn't like, a ratchet-a*s,
third wheel friend vacation.

Let's just see.
If she comes, she comes.

[Pauly]
Shots fired!

You invited her!
She's coming!

It's a wait-and-see.[men exclaiming]

I need some
entertainment.

[men exclaiming]

I need a chew toy.

[men exclaiming]

[Pauly]
JWoww.

[Mike]
Are you guys hungry?

♪♪

[Ronnie]
This is a great couch
for Angelina.

That b*tch is not sleeping
next to me. I mean...

If she does come,
I suggest she gets a room.

Did you suggest that
when you invited her?

Jenni!

It's a democracy
in our house.

So when Nicole invited Angelina
without asking, I'm bitter.

I was just trying
to be nice.

Eff me.

We gotta go out
on the town, boys.

Yep.

[men exclaiming]

[Vinny]
So cool! This is awesome.

[Nicole]
I'm really excited to just
let loose with the roomies.

'Cause if Miami
was a [bleep]show,

then Vegas is gonna be
a [bleep] disaster. Let's rage.

Oh, yeah!

What'd you guys do when
you got back from Miami?

[Mike]
Me and the missus have been
experimenting in the bedroom.

Wait, what?[Nicole]
What do you mean?

We're in a really good
love phase.

I wanna explore on that and
maybe start to get some outfits.

You gonna be Superman
or something?[Nicole]
A fireman?

Yeah, a fireman,
or a cop and robber...

He's gonna dress her up
as a fireman.

[all laughing]

Put a football helmet
on her.

Put some shoulder pads.

[Nicole]
Mike, I love you.

Good for them.
Live your life.

I gotta pee.

So was he like,
a good guy last night?

Ron didn't wanna go the strip
club last night. So weird.

[Nicole]
Well, maybe he
feels different

'cause baby mama's,
like, right here.

Yes. Yes.You know what I mean?

If we were in Miami,
I feel like it'd be
a different story.

I feel like I'm
in "The Twilight Zone."

Yeah.

Well, maybe he's trying to,
you know, have a new image.

True.True.

[mouth full]
And just be a new person.

[Nicole]
You know, 'cause he did
get a lot of [bleep].

Hello, Ronaldo.

Oh, hey.

[Nicole]
He's acting like
nothing's happened, um,

but I feel like he needs
to talk to us about it

because we don't know
what's going.

So everyone's excited
to be back together.

[Nicole]
But he's not really
expressing his emotions.

So personally, for me, I don't
know how to react to that.

[Ronnie]
So after this, I think
when we go upstairs,

Jen's gonna be here...
with the baby.

[Vinny]
Coming here?No, we're gonna go
upstairs to the suite.

[sighing]

I am so nervous right now.
I have a secret.

All right, let's go.
I wanna see your baby.

[Vinny]
Yes!Oh yeah! Baby's here!

[Jenni]
So after the drama
on social media,

I reached out to Jen
to make sure the baby's okay,

to make sure
cooler heads prevail.

I have to talk to you.Oh.

I don't know if Ron knows
that Jen and I are talking.

Ron's baby mama?Yes.

If he finds out,
he's going off on a [bleep],

you know, "Ronpage."

Like, I don't know if she
told him that we were--

we were talking when
they were going through,
like, their ups and downs.

Oh, well, you didn't
really tell any of us.

Did you hit up Ron too?

No.Ohh!

I don't know like,
if he's gonna be mad at me.

I'm actually concerned
that Jen might slip the fact

that we have been texting,
because I have PTSD

from the last time I got
involved in Ron's relationship.

[overlapping shouting]Yo, stop!

Gives me anxiety because
it reminds me of Sam.

Oh, my-- That's like,
my biggest fear.

I never want that
to happen again.

That's how I feel right now,
and that's why I was really

anxious on the plane.[Nicole gasping]

♪♪

I hear a baby knocking![Vinny]
Uh-oh.

♪♪

Ohh...

I don't know like,
if he's gonna be mad at me.

I honestly think
Ron's gonna be hurt

knowing that Jenni has been
talking to Jen on the side.

It was shady that
she didn't tell Ron about it.

And I know he's gonna freak out.

I hear a baby knocking![Vinny]
Uh-oh!

"I hear a baby knocking."

[Jen]
Hi...

[Ronnie]
Ariana and Jen came to visit
before leaving town

to go visit her family
for a wedding.

Look who's here.

[Ronnie and Jen chuckling]

[Ronnie]
I'm really excited
for everyone to meet the baby.

Those are her aunts and uncles.

She's gonna be playing
with their kids,

and she's gonna
grow up around them.

And like, we're
gonna be like one big,

giant, dysfunctional family.

I don't have
my glasses on.Oh, my God.

[Mike]
Uncle Sitch is here.

Where is she?

Oh, my goodness!

[gasps]
She's so cute.

Ohh...

[Vinny]
Oh, my God.

[Pauly]
She would be so scared
if she was awake,

with all these people
like...

[all laughing]I know.

When I'm telling you that Ariana
is Ronnie's twin... all day.

I mean, you don't need a DNA
test with that little girl.

Oh...

[overlapping chatter]

Oh, my God...

[sniffs]
I think she pooped.

I smell something.No, that's Ron.

[all laughing]

Not me.Ohh, so cute.

Oh, my God! So seeing Ariana,
she's gorgeous.

My little nugget.
I love her, she's my niece.

Good job, Ron.

Oh, my God.All right, hold.

Oh, my God.

Big Daddy Sitch has never
held a baby before.

Hold the head,
there you go.Oh, my God.

There you go... and...
move back and forth.

[Pauly]
Mike ate burritos
bigger than that baby.

[all laughing]

[Nicole]
There you go. See?
You're a natural.

Aww...

You're fine. Just rock.

[all]
Aww!

Oh, my God. Like,
she's blowing in my neck.

Pauly, let's go.[laughter]

Holding this little
innocent life,

it was just an
amazing feeling, honestly.

Her little cheek like,
rested in my neck,

and I was just melting.

[sighs]

Who's your favorite?
Uncle Pauly D, isn't it?

You could say,
"Yeah, buddy."

Four guidos and a baby.

[Vinny]
You're never allowed
to go out.

Ever.You're not allowed
to have any boyfriends,

you're not allowed
to talk to anybody.

Actually, you're
gonna become a nun.

[whispering]
Hi.

[Nicole, gasping]
Is she smiling at you?

[Jenni]
Stop it.

Aww, it's Daddy!

[Vinny]
She looks like you
when she smiles.

[indistinct chattering]

Two weeks,
doing this.

She's doing
the tongue.

[laughter]

[Jenni]
Oh, she's so smart!

[Nicole]
I knew Ron was gonna be
a good dad.

And the way Ariana
looks at Ron, like,

Ariana knows,
"That's my daddy."

You wanna try that?

Ew, stop.Now that
you're awake,

you wanna open up
some presents?

Wanna open
your presents?
Yeah.

[Nicole]
Oh, my God, I love her so much.

I feel like she knows
she's with her family.

[chuckling]
"Meatball in training."

[Nicole]
She's meeting us
for the first time,

and I feel like she feels
so comfortable with us.

We're down a meatball,
wanna stay?

Oh, "Shirt before
the bottle."

You wanna go spiral?

[Pauly laughing]

Ron doesn't go out anymore.

[Pauly, chuckling]
Ron doesn't go out no more.

What?

This man right here,
he is very well-behaved.

[Vinny snickering]

I don't know what you did
to him, Jen, but he is like...

It's first day.Yeah. Yeah, but
it's shocking.

It's shocking just to see it,
you know what I mean?

Appreciate it, Mike.

Honestly, we didn't know
what to expect.

So, to come in, he's like...
Jesus. And fresh.

[Nicole]
So positive.

We thought
we were gonna...All shredded, tan.

...really tend to--
He's been so good, I swear.

[laughing]I'm serious.

[Ronnie imitating
angel choir]

What's really been going on
between me and Jen is that,

you know, every week
is a different fight.

But I don't want to make my
roommates have a bad time,

you know,
dealing with my [bleep].

It's like, let me deal
with my [bleep],

and you guys
enjoy your vacation.

Where's your halo?

It seems to me that he got
coached from his baby mama

that he better act right.

Like, him and Jen are good,
baby's good, everything's good,

good, good, good,
good, good.

I don't feel it's genuine.

Where can I
change her at?

You wanna use our beds?

Wherever.

[Nicole]
You can go on my bed.

[Jenni]
I wanna talk to Jen.

I need to find out, does Ron
know about me talking to you?

♪ 2 a.m., fading in the dark ♪

♪ Like floating
in the ocean ♪

♪ People need the poison ♪

♪♪

If I told Ron
that I was talking to Jen,

he would probably be like,
you know, planning my death

later that night.

[whispering]
He's so like... in check here.

It's not gonna last, I guarantee
you that. But I hope so.

I hope so. I mean,
I'll try my best to like...

'Cause he's in trouble.Is he?

He put me through hell
with the last [bleep].

I know.Like, literally. So...

I'm like, on edge right now
with it. The whole thing.

Okay. No, as long
as I know that,

and I can check him,
and you're cool with that.

I gave him way too much
leniency last time.

Way too much.Yeah.

I was like, do whatever
you want, I'm cool.

I trusted him 100%, and then
now it's out the window, so...

Mmm. Well, that's fine.I'm not pregnant anymore.

Exactly.That's what I told him.
I was like, not pregnant.

I was like,
you're in my backyard.

I was like, I will
find out this time.

I mean, you know...

And he's on
a short leash.

Right?
Like very short?

Give him enough rope
to hang himself.

Jen is a wild one.

[indistinct chatter]

She's not playing.

We'll have to wait and see
how that [bleep] goes down.

Bye, girl.Bye, see you
when I get back.

Enjoy the wedding.

Yes, have fun.

[Ronnie]
I love that Ariana and Jen
came to visit,

because I got to see them
before Jen goes to Oklahoma.

And, you know, I'm gonna miss
them a lot but, you know,

I get to see them
when they get back.

Bye, you little princess.

[Nicole]
We love you.

See you soon.Mwah!

[Pauly]
Such a little peanut.

Take care of that baby,
we'll take care of this baby.

[Pauly chuckling]

[Mike]
Aww, he looks-- he looks happy.

♪ Open up my eyes ♪

♪ Heavy like a lullaby ♪

It's pretty crazy seeing him
a dad, though, like that.

I know.
I'm very impressed.

♪ Slip into the sun ♪

[Vinny]
I mean like, looking at her,

like, should be the reason
all shenanigans should stop.

Now that there's a baby here,
and now that I met her--

Ohh, she's so perfect[Vinny]
Yeah, it's so real now.

It's so real.

Absolutely.

I can't handle Ronnie
spiraling anymore.

In Miami, he was very messy
and dark.

And he didn't seem like
he wanted to change.

Here in Vegas, you could see
that he wants to live

a healthy and happy life.

And I'm hoping that he is not
wearing a mask.

Her precious life
like that, like...

[Pauly]
The innocent one in it all.

[Mike]
Puts it in perspectives.

It does. Literally just
holding her, I was like,

"Wow, like, she's
the most important thing

in this whole picture."

♪ I'm still waking up ♪

♪ Still waking up ♪

♪♪

[seatbelt clicking]

♪ I'm still waking up ♪

♪ I'm still waking up ♪

I love you guys.

You gonna be all right?Yeah.