01x03 - Stab a Card, Any Card...

[bunniefuu]

Here's TV's very own
Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Hello. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.

Hi, how are you doing? Nice to see you.

Very lovely to see you.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much indeed.

Well, hello and welcome to
Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where we pit some of
the brightest rising stars of magic

against two of the greatest magicians
of all time.

Now we have some amazing tricks
and illusions to bamboozle you tonight.

Over the next hour,
you'll be left scratching your head

like Wayne Rooney
trying to finish his first Sudoku.

Or even trying to start his own Sudoku.

The talent in this studio
is quite incredible,

backstage now, the magicians
have miraculously produced

more flowers than you'd find
on a petrol station on Mother's Day.

It's incredible. Joking aside,
and that kind of was a joke, uh...

we have some illusionists who believe
they're at the very top of their game

right here this evening
and they're gonna have to be,

if they're going to fool two men
I like to think of

as the original Little and Large
of entertainment.

Penn and Teller.

Hey! Welcome to Vegas!

My name is Penn Jillette,

this is my partner Teller,
we're Penn and Teller.

We've been performing here
at the Rio Hotel for ten years.

Vegas loves magic.

Our job is fooling people,
but now, we want to be fooled.

So we're challenging magicians

to come up with their favorite tricks
and perform them for us.

And if anyone can fool us, we'll pay
for them to come and perform here,

on our stage in Las Vegas.

But be warned!

If we can figure out
how the trick is done,

we're gonna say.

Well, I'm gonna say.

But the risk will be worth it,

because the winners
will get to experience this.

No, no, no, no, no!
You've got to go around that way!

The winner will get to experience this!

Come on guys, give it your best shot!

Fool us!

They are quite simply the biggest thing
to come out of Vegas

since Charlie Sheen's mini bar bill.

Will you please welcome Penn and Teller!

You know we've told people already,
but we should say it again.

You have no idea as to what kind of acts,
what kind of people,

what kinds of illusions you're gonna see
this evening, have you?

No, the security here is amazing,
we're not even allowed in the hall.

We haven't even seen the other magicians.

You haven't seen anybody?
You've got no idea at all.

And we do have
the cream of conjurers backstage,

I know that sounds like a soup,

but what I mean is we have some of
the very best people we can find.

They're ready to come out.
Are you ready to start?

- I believe we are.
- Take a seat gentlemen,

it's Penn and Teller,
ladies and gentlemen.

Best seats in the house.
Let's meet our first wannabe fooler.

Mark Shortland.

I'm Mark Shortland, I'm 42,
and I'm a magician from Northampton.

I count myself as a lucky person.

I'm the sort of person that never seems to
have a really bad round of golf,

or if I need a few quid,
then it just appears from nowhere.

I was 26 when I came into magic.

Fantastic!

So I've been doing it for 16 years now.

I used to be a canoe instructor,

then foot and mouth disease hit,
I wasn't able to do the canoeing anymore.

Oh, yes!

So I thought I'd hang up my paddle
and give magic a go

and use some of that luck
in the tricks that I do.

Tonight the trick that I'm going to do
is going to rely solely on chance.

The reason why I think it's gonna fool
Penn and Teller this evening

is because they're gonna be looking
for some kind of logical explanation.

But actually there isn't really one.

He calls himself Mr. Lucky, let's hope
he gets lucky here tonight.

It's Mark Shortland!

Hello.

Fantastic.

Hello.

So my name's Mark Shortland,

I'm here to do
a little trick for you this evening.

I'm not gonna use sleight of hand,
I'm not gonna use misdirection.

Tonight, I'm using luck,
and for that I have this with me,

this is the universal symbol of luck,
a dice.

I need somebody to hold onto it for me.

Jonathan, are you feeling lucky?

Oh, I'm always feeling lucky.

Perfect. Hold onto that.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

- So, come and stand over here.
- Thank you, I'm here.

- Excellent.
- Okay.

Now, Jonathan, I've got
some envelopes just here,

these are just random envelopes.

We know that, it says so on them. Okay?

What I need you to do is
just mix them up for me.

- Okay?
- Okay, just give them

- a little shuffle up.
- Make them even more random.

Absolutely. I have also got
some mobile phones as well.

What I need you to do for me,

if you don't mind, is pop a mobile phone
in each of the envelopes.

Do you want me to hold the dice as well?
'Cause I'm not good at multitasking.

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, just put one in,

I'm not gonna look,
so pop it in and seal it up.

Seal it? Lick it and seal it?

No, it's just a push down,
it's not a licky sticky, it's fine.

While you're doing that, I'll entertain
the audience with a couple of jokes.

So there's two fish in a tank,

and one says to the other one,
can you drive this thing?

Yeah, if you could be
a bit quicker, Jonathan,

that would be really handy.

Well, I'm doing
three or four things over here.

There's two monkeys in a bath.
One says to the other one...

Oo-oo-aa-aa-aa-aa-aah!

And the other one says,
well, put some more cold water in then.

I really need you to
hurry up here, Jonathan.

These are not going,
quite going according to plan.

- Hold on. Hold on.
- Hurry, are we good?

We're good.
There's one envelope left over.

There's one envelope left over?
Just stick your phone in that.

You've got a phone on you, haven't you?

- Yeah I've got a phone on me.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in there.

I can't turn round!

This is my actual phone, okay?

It's your phone,
yeah, yeah, put that in.

- It's my phone.
- Yeah, yeah, put it in.

It'll be cool. Trust me.

What could possibly go wrong?

I mean look at the shirt,
I dressed myself, how bad can it be?

Just give them a little mix up, Jonathan,
when you're done. Are you done?

- Yes, I'm done.
- Okay, cool,

now just in case you happen to carry on
and know which one yours is in,

I'm just gonna mix them up as well.

Okay, now, I've got
some stickers just here,

one, two, three, four, five, and six,
I need you to put a sticker onto each one.

Okay.

Great. That's number four.

Three, number two,
number five and number six.

Smashing. What I've also got here is
I've got a little, a little shaker.

- Okay.
- Okay. Yes, exactly,

so if I just... If I just take that,

we're gonna pop that
in there like that. Okay?

And then you're gonna shake it up. Okay?

And whatever number we get, we're gonna
get rid of the, get rid of the envelope.

That's easy enough, isn't it?

We just put it off to one side.

So, just shake.

Okay.

- It's my phone, it's not a prop phone.
- Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Number three.

Okay, so we're gonna get rid
of number three.

So it just goes over on the side. Fine.

Yeah. Oh, hang on, sorry.
I've got this as well.

Oh, no!

Okay, we got rid of that one.
We got rid of that one.

Let's go again!

I'll be honest with you.

Maybe we should just find out now
if you've fooled them already,

while the odds are still in my favor!
Come on! Come on, be a man!

- Okay, here we go.
- I want to do it again.

- Number four.
- Number four, fantastic.

Let's just bash up number four.

Now if you saw yours again,
would you recognize it?

If we do break yours, don't worry,
I've got an app we can fix it with, okay?

- Number six.
- Number six.

Number six is there.

Number six shouldn't have been the one?

Okay. You do that one.

Oh, man, hey!

Look, Mark...

Just do it. Think of those times
that the phone hasn't worked.

- You know, this--
- Think of when you've gone "Hello?

"Hello? Hello? Hello?"

If I do it and it's my phone,
it's not gonna make it any better?

Everybody's seen, you've done number six.
Come on, give it the welly!

Oh, yes! Oh, man!
You've just taken out the audience!

Fantastic, sorry about that.

Okay, we've got one, two and five left,
shake it again, shake it again.

Sorry about the head wound, but it's not
my phone, that's the good news.

Okay. It's spinning,
it's spinning, it's spinning.

- Two, we got a two.
- Two, two, two.

Wow! It's gone over there.

That's a white one,
that's fine, it's not yours.

We've got one and five left.
One and five, it's down to 50-50. 50-50.

I tell you what, Penn, you're a big man.

You could probably use this quite well,
couldn't you?

- I sure could!
- Come on up here!

I've got five, but I don't know
if you should do it. Oh no!

I think you k*lled it!

Oh! Oh!

You savage!

You come over here
and you smash our phones!

- He's a happy man, isn't he?
- I enjoyed that.

- Think about this.
- Yeah.

You mixed up all the envelopes,

- you put the phones in the envelopes.
- Yes.

- You stuck the stickers on.
- I did.

Then you rolled the dice I gave you
before we even started the whole process.

That's right. And it was random,
I would attest to that.

And we ended up with this one, number one.

One phone left.

I'm hoping this is good news.

To be honest, so am I!

Yes, it is my phone!

Thank you very much!

Wow! Great job, very impressive.

A bit nerve-wracking, but great stuff.

Well done, Mark,
that was great, wasn't it?

Well, okay, Mr. P and Mr. T,
if you want to confer.

Good show, and I'm relieved, even more
relieved than all the other acts,

does it go wrong ever?

I'm assuming that was what
you wanted to happen at the end there.

Yeah, that's the plan, yes. Yeah.

But have you ever had a nasty--

- I've had close calls.
- Yeah.

But it's never actually
completely gone wrong.

I've only ever done it once before
where I was doing it with glasses,

and when I pulled them out I thought,
oh no, they're cracked.

And it turned out they were bifocal.

So, that was fine!

It was
a hugely entertaining act for us.

Now let's find out whether Penn and Teller

know what you've done,
or whether you've managed to fool them.

Fellas? Did he fool you?

Uh... The die that you were handling.

Would you be at all upset
if we wanted to look at that die?

Because that's the real crux
of what we've got.

Can we look at the die?

Um...

- If you want to.
- I'd like to look at the die.

'Cause on this die,

I believe,

if I'm not...
Okay, I don't know how to get into this.

How do I get into the box here?

Sorry. If you can't get into the box,
then you'll have to sit down!

Let me see that.

No, that's, that's, that's fair enough,
the rules, wasn't it?

- You can look with your eyes.
- I can look with... Can I hold the box

and look with my eyes? 'Cause I see
there's a number two that's come up.

There's a number three that's come up.

There's a number six that's come up.

- We could be here a while.
- There's a number six that's come up.

Do you notice a pattern here?

There's a number six that's come up.
I just think,

and I think we'll agree with this,

you are really, really lucky.
He is so lucky. Such a lucky guy.

So lucky.

- So, so lucky.
- Lucky, and he gave us a great act.

Great act, fabulous act.

He didn't fool them, but he gave us
a great bit of entertainment.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mark Shortland!

Thank you very much.

Well done. Great job, well done.
Thank you gentlemen, you can go and--

- Shall we sit down?
- Take your positions again.

Let's get straight on
with meeting our next act.

Mathieu Bich.

My name is Mathieu Bich.
I'm from Paris, France.

Eighteen years ago I found a book
that was explaining a few card tricks.

And I fall in love with that art.

I think of magic all the day,
all the night, and I never stop.

My tricks are used by magicians
all over the world.

My creativity process is all at night,

because around me everybody is sleeping,

I'm alone with all the ideas,

and it's much, much easier for me
to reach and grab one.

Tonight I'm going to perform
a trick I created in 2000.

It's going to be a real puzzle
for Penn and Teller.

You know what? I have a feeling
this is gonna be great,

I know he's good already

because he's managed to make
Penn's hair disappear from your head

and appear on the top of his.

Will you please welcome
Mathieu Bich, ladies and gentlemen.

Bonsoir! Bonsoir. Bonsoir. Bonsoir.

I would like that all of you,
you pick a card.

We want a random card.

So to get a random card,
I'm going to use this balloon,

throw it in the audience
to select people, okay?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Please, Penn, you can grab the balloon.

Up, and throw it in the audience
anywhere you want.

Yeah.

- First I want to check it out.
- Yeah, you're right.

Yes, you can stand up.

Please stand up, in a deck of cards,
I have red cards and black cards.

- Which one you want?
- Red.

Red card. Okay, can you throw the balloon
somewhere else?

So in the red card,
we have hearts and diamonds.

Which one do you want?

Diamonds.

Diamonds. Okay. Throw the ball.

In the diamonds,
we have high card and low card.

Which one do you want?

- High.
- High card.

Throw the ball away.

Okay, and last one, stand up please.

So between the high card, let's say,
seven, eight, nine, ten, jack,

queen, king. Which one you want?

- Nine.
- Nine.

Good. If I remember everything,

that is a diamond, red,
and it's a nine of diamond.

On the table,

I have a box, and in this box,
I have a very special deck of card.

It's special because...

I have only three printed cards
in that deck.

And I hope they will be linked,
they will match

with the nine of diamonds.

Music please.

Mathieu. Formidable, as they say.
Well, that was incredible.

I got goose bumps at the end then,
did you get that feeling?

That was just about, I think,

one of the most spectacular illusions
I've ever seen.

Thank you.

Do you think
you will have fooled them with that?

I'm not a hundred percent sure.
They are really top guys.

Yeah.
They are the top in their profession.

As always, Penn is doing
most of the talking,

Teller's doing most of the listening.

- Is this something you made? Or...
- Yeah.

- So this is an illusion created by you?
- Yeah, a personal creation, yeah.

- It's pretty original.
- Yeah, yeah, pretty original.

Could you create a trick for me,
so I can come on here,

perhaps wearing a sombrero and a beard
and a poncho, and fool them?

You need...

I'm not gonna go that far,
I'm not that desperate, okay.

Although it's coming. Okay.

Oh, boy. That's a good trick.

That's an astonishing trick.

And first thing we've gotta look at

is if there was any sort of force
of the card.

Once there's a force of the card,
that trick becomes trivial.

The most important part of this trick
is for you to convince the audience

that that was a free choice of the card.

The throwing the ball around
absolutely did that.

You did not know what card was gonna be
picked when this trick started.

Yeah. Okay.

Usually magicians,
even things they don't care about,

they actually do care about.

You didn't care at all
that your cards were in that box to start.

That was just nice, that was just fancy,

that was just beautiful,
the box doesn't matter.

Well, we think the box does matter,

and we think the box has
more than one deck in it,

let's put it that way.

And we also think
that one of the big secrets

is how good you are at sleight of hand.

I'm going to ask you this question then,
'cause if I've understood correctly,

you're saying that he's using
more than one deck out here?

He's... there's other stuff in the box
besides the one deck of cards.

- Okay, I can tell you--
- Can I show?

Awesome. He was ready for that, wasn't he?

There's one--

Hold on. He was--

There is one other possibility,

may I have
one other possibility, Jonathan?

- Well, no, you can't.
- One other--

One more, one more possibility.

- You fooled us.
- Yes.

Yeah! Yeah, marvelous!

Incredible.

Mathieu.

Wasn't that just great?

You know, you weren't even close.

You're going to Vegas.
Mathieu Bich, ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you, that is, well done!

I know how it's done.

- You do?
- No.

Okay, it's time now to meet
our next contender, ladies and gentlemen.

Young and Strange.

- I'm Sam Strange.
- I'm Richard Young.

And together we are,
I'd say slightly above average...

Slightly.

...illusionists.

I got into magic at about the age of 18.
How long have you been doing it for, Rich?

Since I was eight.

So they basically, to summarize,
raw talent, had to work for it.

Richard and I have been a double act
for a couple of years now.

Not very long, really.
As you're about to find out!

Around here we're pretty big names.

You go out in the street,
someone accosts you,

hi, can you sign my chest?

No, sir. I'm not gonna sign your chest.

My family are pretty supportive.

Yes. His tricks are truly,
truly incredible. I'm very proud of him.

I don't really know what
my mum and dad think, to be honest.

Well, I just wish
he'd get a proper job really.

The trick we're performing
tonight for Penn and Teller

is a large stage illusion,
and it's pretty special

'cause Sam built it himself
earlier this week,

especially for tonight,
so it's gonna be pretty good.

What tonight?

Yeah. I told you a month ago,
it's tonight.

Oh! Hold on.

Can we cut this?

For this evening, they are hoping to prove

that they are as magical a double act
as Ant and Dec,

the only difference being
that these two are fully grown.

Here they are. It's Young and Strange!

This is brilliant!

Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen,

it is an honor and a privilege
to be here this evening.

But first of all, I should explain,

the problem with our act is that we are,
of course, two guys.

And any great illusion act should contain
a glamorous magic assistant.

No offense intended, Penn and Teller.

So Richard and I
flipped this coin backstage,

and unfortunately Richard lost, so--

Can I have a look at that coin?

Sadly there isn't time, Richard,
'cause you now have to talk the audience

through the spectacular
mystery trunk illusion.

The spectacular mystery trunk illusion

is a box which Sam built
earlier this week.

It is crafted out of
the finest English oak.

Which makes it ridiculously heavy.

- It has a domed lid--
- Which was time consuming and unnecessary.

And also, two coats of high quality gloss.

Yes. Anyway, two coats of gloss.

Now what you're about to witness
is a feat of escapology.

I've been training hard.

And to be a world class escapologist,
you need a few things.

Strength, determination, focus,

- and most importantly--
- You need a box.

You need a box, and we have a box.

Now, historically,

escapologists would place the box
on top of a roll of carpet.

So, tonight, we will place
Sam's brand new box

on top of a brand new roll of carpet.

Lino. A roll of lino,

because we couldn't afford
the carpet today, so...

Why can't we afford carpet?

Well, that's solid oak.

Brilliant, lino, we'll put it
on top of a roll of lino then.

Now also, inside of this box,

there is a bag.

The bag will make
my escape even more difficult,

because when I'm tied inside it,
I'll have no access to the lid,

the lock, or to the hinges.

So this is it, my big moment
live in this studio, in high definition.

In a tutu.

So Richard, could you
climb into the bag now, please,

with style and panache.

Okay then, just climb into the bag.

I will now tie Richard Young
inside of the bag,

and I'll secure the bag in place
with the lid.

I will secure the lid shut
with this padlock.

Everything is now in place for Richard
to try and escape from the trunk,

beating his own personal best record,
live in front of you,

which is just under three hours I think.

Two hours fifty one!

Sorry. So it's two hours and fifty one.

So all I need now, is a flag
and some cheesy music please!

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I miss the tutu,
I tell you, I miss it.

That was great, Mister...
Which one's Young, which one's Strange?

Young and Strange, Penn and Teller,
who are kind of Old and Weird, I guess.

I've got a vantage point over there,
so I can see the act,

but also I can see their faces,

and they did look genuinely baffled
at one stage there,

so I'm hoping that
you're in with a good chance.

How confident do you feel
that you've managed to fool them?

- We're not confident at all.
- No, we're not confident at all, yeah.

We hope that it all looked a bit rubbish
until the last ten seconds,

I have to say, yeah.

That's what I've based my whole career on.

Penn, I'm gonna stop you right there,

- I think you've had more than enough time.
- Yeah.

It was a great act to start with,
I think you'll agree.

It's a great act, and I will pay you back
for the Old and Weird comment.

You know, though, we have a soft spot
in our heart for double acts,

and this was great.

This trick you just saw is
a more elaborate and more modern version

of the trick that was Houdini's,

the backbone of his act
for his whole career.

I think it was about the time
you pulled out the flag,

Teller said, "Real girl in the box,
he'll be in the back."

So once we heard that,
all we have to check, really...

You do not have trap doors,
I will tell everybody here,

and I will say it's a brilliant use
of the choreography

of your ampersand screen here.

Let me just ask you,
you're a team, we're a team.

If we knew every single move
that you made,

and every single prop,

would we, if we knew everything,
would we be able to do that act?

- Thanks for your time.
- Yeah, thanks very much for your time.

Okay, I don't think
we need to know any more.

You two are such fabulous performers,

that secret, kept quiet
the rest of your lives,

will make you one of the best magic acts
the world has ever seen.

Oh, wow!

Young and Strange, ladies and gentlemen!

So far, tonight,
we have seen some tremendous acts

and one person is going to Vegas,
that's right,

Mathieu Bich is going to Las Vegas.

Incredible performance.
Okay, you all know the deal by now.

It's time to meet our next contender.

Daniel Madison.

My name is Daniel Madison.

The style of sleight of hand that I do
is based on card cheating.

I'm more interested in
the techniques and the methods

and the psychology behind the deception,

whereas a magician is usually more
interested in trying to fool somebody.

The thing I love most about having
a deck of cards is the control.

It's something of an obsession.

My sleight of hand, and the things
I can do with a deck of playing cards,

it's all self taught, I started learning
little bits of magic later on.

I've been making a living teaching
sleight of hand for the past ten years.

If I did manage to fool Penn and Teller,

although I'd be taken to Vegas,
I might have to spend my whole time

in a hotel room, because I don't think
that casinos would let me in.

He's a self-confessed cheat,
hustler and conman.

He might have become
an estate agent or an MP,

but no, his first love was magic.
Will you please welcome Daniel Madison.

June 14th, 1930,

there was a card cheat
called Walter Irvine Scott.

He managed to fool some of
the world's most amazing magicians

by demonstrating an ability

to deal winning poker hands
from a shuffled deck of cards,

and he did this blindfolded.

A lot of speculation
followed these stories

as to whether the deck that he used
was borrowed or his own.

Any magician can deal aces
or a winning poker hand from his own deck.

Tonight I'm going to attempt to deal
a winning poker hand

from a deck of cards
I've never handled before.

And in honor of Walter Irvine Scott,

I'm going to attempt to do it
wearing a blindfold.

At this point, Penn and Teller,

can I invite you to join me
at the card table please?

Thank you very much.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.

Can you please inspect the blindfold,
make sure it's not see-through?

I asked you to bring along a deck of cards
that I can use.

Can you take the cards out of the box
for me and give them a thorough shuffle?

I'm going to put the...

the blindfold on. Are you satisfied that
there's no peeking going on or...

- Are you happy with that?
- Pretty happy, yeah.

Okay.

Once you're satisfied
with the shuffled deck,

if you can put it in my hand
face down please.

Feel good about that?

- Is the deck now, is it face down?
- Yeah, it is.

So you can see
the back of the cards there?

- Yep.
- Okay.

This next part I have to perform
in silence, if you don't mind.

If I've done this correctly,

the five cards
that I've dealt on the table

will be a royal flush, all diamonds.

So the ten, the jack, the queen,
the king and the ace of diamonds,

if you can turn those cards over
for me please.

That is the king of diamonds.

That's the ten of diamonds.

That's the queen of diamonds.

That's the jack of diamonds.

I think it's really, really likely
that that's the ace of diamonds.

Daniel Madison.
Well done, let's take that,

come over here with me, and let the guys
chat away, you come over here.

I want to see... 'Cause I'm now feeling,
'cause I'm watching Penn and Teller,

I'm feeling now I know how to bust people,

I'm looking all over the place,
I couldn't see anything.

I'm assuming
it was something to do with this,

but, now that,
you can't see anything with that.

You're completely blindfolded
with that one,

there's like foam on the inside, and--

It does make it difficult, obviously,
'cause I can't see anything.

- Of course!
- So, yes.

Have you ever in the past
been tempted, shall we say,

to use these kind of skills
in an actual poker game?

Not something I can really talk about.

That's clearly a "yes" then.

Remind me never, ever to play with you.

Okay, the fellas
are now looking at the cards here,

before we go over there,
let me just ask you.

Are you confident, or do you think
they might know what's going on?

I won't be surprised
if I haven't fooled them,

because I know how intelligent they are,
so yeah.

- Despite the way they look!
- You know, now that I think about it,

maybe you did fool us!

Daniel. Penn, take it away.

Okay.

Uh... Wow, I think we
might be more impressed

'cause we know what you...

what you did,
but I'm just going to say to you

that a dear friend of mine, Jerry Camaro,
did the move that you did,

when you were dealing out the cards.

And he used to go around
teaching it to people.

And his move was so perfect,

he would teach it to magicians
and they would never learn it,

and the reason they could never learn it

was he had spent 14 years in prison
for m*rder one

and practiced every day.

- Right.
- I have never seen anyone

who did not do hard time in prison

do that move you did
to pull those out that well.

The way he got,
the royal flush of diamonds

from the shuffled deck onto the table is,
I've seen people equal to that move,

but I've never seen someone do it better.
Beautifully done.

Thank you very much.

He's gotta go, 'cause he's gotta get back
to jail before nine o'clock.

You didn't fool Penn and Teller,
but you gave us a great performance.

Thank you so much, Mr. Daniel Madison,
ladies and gentlemen.

Fabulous, wasn't it?

Well, we've had one act tonight
fool Penn and Teller,

which means he gets to play Las Vegas.
That's fantastic, isn't it?

What an incredible...

Really great.

But now a treat for you,
to close our show, ladies and gentlemen,

they've been performing together
for over 35 years,

so as you'd expect,
they're pretty good by now.

Will you please welcome, on stage,

with one of the tricks that made
their names, it is, of course,

Penn and Teller!

Now, you know, we love card tricks,
but there's one problem with card tricks,

and that is card tricks seem to us to be
intrinsically wimpy.

Now we've got a card trick
that changes that up a little bit,

and it starts with every other card trick,
with a card being selected.

And how about you,
woman three rows back in the red.

Now, Teller's gonna riffle down the deck.

And while he's riffling, you just yell

"yo" or "stop"
or whatever people say in England.

So just, as he riffs right there,
just yell it out.

- Stop.
- Okay.

Now that's the card you selected,
would you all look at it,

and now Teller will lose that card...
lose that card in the deck.

Nicely done.

Now I have--

I have here two silver dollars,

American silver dollars,
not worth very much,

but they're still totally opaque.

I'm gonna put this... nice move, man!

I'm gonna put these silver dollars
right on the adhesive tape there.

Your elbow is out like a...

It's a good thing you aren't.

Yeah, we'll edit it out, cool,
whatever you want to do.

But I wish I were sitting there
when you did that.

Yeah, I think everybody saw that.

I think everybody saw it.

Well you... What?

Excuse me ma'am, who picked the card.

Do you think the card you selected now
is lost in the deck?

Yes.

Ma'am, what I'm wearing right now,
it's a costume, it's wardrobe, okay?

So I've got nothing in the pockets
except stuff to make the tricks work.

But backstage in my dressing room,
I'm sure I have in my street clothes,

I have at least a hundred bucks in...
a hundred pounds in cash.

Would you be willing, right now,

to bet me one hundred pounds
of your own money

that Teller has no idea
where that card is in the deck?

No.

- Beg your pardon?
- No.

In other words, ma'am,

this...

isn't gonna surprise you very much, is it?

No. So the instant that
Teller did that horrendous move,

you knew the card wasn't lost
in the deck, right?

And yet when I looked you in the eye

and asked you, human being to human being,

is the card lost in the deck,
you responded "yes."

And it really wasn't until hard, cold cash

entered the picture that you backed down
at all, is that right?

Now, a lot of people wonder
why magic works.

And the answer,
sitting right there wearing a red top.

Now I will stick up for her
a little bit, okay?

This is not a moral issue.

I feel certain that if Teller had been,
you know, chainsawing a puppy,

you would have at least raised your hand
and maybe cleared your throat. Right?

It's just a card trick,
you don't care at all.

So I'm gonna take that card you selected.

Now I'll cut it into the deck.

Then I'll give the cards a shuffle.

And now that card
is lost in the deck, right?

Of course not! Use your head!

No matter how nice and sincere
I pretend to be to you,

and how mean I pretend to be to this--

Pretend to be to this man here,

my first allegiance in the world
is to my partner,

and if he wants the card on top,
that card stays on top.

We could do this whole thing again,
smooth, huh?

Do this whole thing again.

I'm just gonna riffle down the deck,
and once again you just say stop.

- Stop.
- Okay. Right there near the middle.

That's the card we're gonna use.

Now that's the card
we should really remember,

forget about that other one,

now do another false cut,
and a false shuffle,

and the card is ostensibly lost
in the deck. Right?

And now I'm just going to
take the coins here,

I put one on his upstage eye,
and one on his downstage eye,

and one more right across the middle

to stick it to his greasy little head.

There we go. Now, ma'am?

Do you know about shuffling
a deck of cards and everything?

Just take the cards,
find the card that was selected,

look through it, and then just lose it
in the deck, just look through,

shuffle it, make sure it's lost
in the deck, would you please ma'am?

Just shuffle it right in there
and make sure it's lost there.

- Excuse me ma'am? Yo, ma'am? Ma'am?
- Yeah.

Yo. Right here.

Let me explain something for you ma'am.

Your only sin, if it can be called a sin,
is you're a very nice, polite woman.

So I'm talking to you,
see what you're doing?

You're looking me right in the eyes.

And that's the way you should always deal
with another human being.

But when you're dealing
with a scumball like me,

keep your eyes on my hands.

All I did before,
you were looking at my eyes,

I just levered the top card off,
pushed it into my palm,

then I handed you the deck
with the same hand!

Now you were checking out this hand.

And that's why only a putz
would palm with this hand.

I hand you the deck with the same hand,
take it.

Now watch this, watch this.

I bring this hand out
and show you that hand empty,

because this hand looks like the seal boy!

I could park a Buick
behind that hand, okay?

So I'm going to actually give you this,
this card right there,

the one that was selected.
And now really do,

really do lose it in the deck,
shuffle around in there.

Penn!

Yeah, now it's lost in the deck.

Shut up!

Cool.

Here's your cards, Mr. Teller.

Where'd they go? Where'd they go?

You want them, you want them?

A blindfold.

Opaque silver dollar with adhesive tape,
Teller cannot see at all.

Right down here, you're peeking, right?
Right down here by your nose you can see?

Hello! Hello! I'll just move
these around... Hey!

Okay, way not cool, man. Way not cool.

Wait till I get it all set up, now you go,

now you go, now you're set,
go, pick it up, pick it up.

Let me see. And is that your card?

The queen of hearts, is that your card?

- No.
- No.

It really isn't?
No, seriously, is it your card?

It really isn't?

Are you even gonna remember your card?

Is that your card, the six of clubs?

There it is right there,
the six of clubs, right there.

Six of clubs, right there.

I've just gotta say one thing, ma'am,

I had to be fairly rude to you,

and I had to be kind of
embarrass you a little bit,

to see the card on my forehead and stuff,
and I had to do that

to get the audience on your side
and against me

so that you would not only accept
the knife going through my hand,

but indeed have them praying for it,

and since you were since you were
such a good sport and so pleasant,

you can call me a sentimental old fool,
but I'd like you to have this.

And I'd just like to say,

no hands or handkerchiefs were harmed
in the making of this show.

Join us again next time on
Fool Us for more of the same.

Thanks for watching, goodnight everybody.