01x09 - Water Tanks for the Memories

[bunniefuu]

Here's TV's very own
Mr. Magic, Jonathan Ross!

Wow. What an audience. Thank you so much!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to
Penn and Teller: Fool Us,

where magicians must fool
the greatest trick-masters of the age.

Backstage the tension is incredible.

Magicians hate giving up their secrets.

Their secrets are more closely guarded
than Anne Robinson's real age.

That's a secret which is kept in a vault
with one of her original faces.

Like the Face of Boe!

To succeed, tonight our acts must outwit
two of the greatest magicians of all time.

Will you please welcome,
the majestic Penn and Teller!

Take your seats. Let's get started.

Let's get ready to rumble.

I'm ready for whatever you've got!

I hope we figure out a few.

Let's see what you've got, Jonathan.

You're sitting comfortably?

- You're sitting comfortably?
- All set.

Let's go and meet
tonight's first wannabe fooler.

Lee Hathaway.

I'm Lee Hathaway, I'm 34,
and I'm a close-up magician from London.

I like close-up magic
more than any other form of magic

because you're right there
in front of people,

you can see their reactions straight away,

it's happening there
in front of their face.

This is a classic of magic,
taught to me by my father.

Here it is, guys,
the famous three card trick.

Along with the gigs
that I do in the evening,

I've also got a magic stall
up in Covent Garden.

Unbelievable, you are magic.

And it's kind of become like a hub

for magicians to meet
from around the world and hang out.

- Where are you from Sam?
- I'm from America.

Awesome, Sam!

One of the great things
about street performing

is it really is the school of hard knocks.

If the public don't like you
or the people watching you don't like you,

they can just walk away.

Yes, by day he spends his time in London
trying to fool American tourists,

tonight, well, he's here to do
pretty much the same thing.

Will you please welcome Lee Hathaway!

Thanks very much!

Thank you, good evening,
it's a pleasure to be here,

my name is Lee Hathaway.

Now what I've got here
is a few decks of playing cards,

and I need one of these selected
so we can do the trick.

So I'll just ask somebody down here,
perhaps the gentleman just here.

Would you please choose
one of these decks of cards?

That's great, thanks very much.

And I'll give you the rest of those,
you can check those later,

and that's just to prove there are no
trick decks or special decks here,

this is just a regular,
ordinary deck of playing cards.

When I have the card selected
this evening,

I'm gonna be doing this
without touching the deck.

What's more, I'm gonna also be
doing the whole trick

with my back turned to the audience,

so I can't see the deck, or have
any visual clue or clue from the audience,

as to what the card might be.

Now I mentioned I'll be doing this
with my back turned.

There's a reason for this,
because I've had my back fitted

with a very special
stomach entering device

that feeds the cards directly
into my stomach.

Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen,

it's amazing what you can get done
in Thailand these days.

Now the reason for that is
because over many years

I have developed a mind-reading stomach.

Now I realize the viewers at home
may find the idea

of a mind reading stomach
a little difficult to swallow.

So let me explain what's gonna happen.

Once the cards are inside my stomach,

I'm gonna be attempting to read the mind
of the volunteer who chose the card,

and regurgitate the card
out through my stomach,

up through my esophagus,
and out through my mouth.

Now if that fails,
I do have a contingency plan,

but I'm really hoping we're not gonna
have to go there this evening.

It's... It's a little messy
if you get my drift.

So I need a volunteer
to help me out with this.

So we know it's somebody random.

Could I ask Penn and Teller,

would you mind choosing a member
of the audience from over this side?

That's great.

Teller's taking it upon himself
to do the choosing.

Fantastic. This lovely lady here.

Thanks very much, madam.
Would you make your way up to the stage?

Hi, there.

- Hello, what's your name?
- My name's Adele.

Adele, Adele. Adele, what I'm gonna be
asking you to is very simple.

In a moment I'll place the cards here,
and I'd like you to cut the deck, okay?

And look at the card you cut to, alright?

And I'd like you to just hold it up,
show it to the audience,

and make sure that the camera there
can see it as well, alright?

It's as simple as that, Adele.

And after that I'm gonna be giving you
some further instructions,

but don't worry, I'll give you those
as we go on. Here we go.

Adele, would you please cut the deck?

Can you hold it up, show the card around
to the audience?

And now put the cards back.

Fantastic, okay. Pick them up, give them
a quick shuffle, Adele, if you like.

That's lovely, and could you please open

the stomach entering system
on my back, Adele?

Adele, would you please
just place a few cards

into the stomach entering system,
just a few.

- Any cards?
- Yeah, that's perfect, just a few cards.

Okay, yeah, put the rest
of the cards in, Adele.

That's great. Okay.
And would you please close the hatch?

That's great. Okay, I shall now attempt
to regurgitate the card,

and can I please have a slow
hand clap from everybody

as we attempt to do this. Here we go.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop.
I think something's gone wrong.

I'm really sorry guys. I'm really sorry.
I didn't want to do this.

Here we go.

Just a second, Adele.
I've got a card here.

Just a minute, Adele.

Ah!

Adele. I've got a playing card.

Tell me, was your card the ten of spades.

- Yes.
- The ten of spades, ladies and gentlemen!

And ladies and gentlemen, Adele!

Thanks very much.

Well done, Adele.
And Lee Hathaway, ladies and gentlemen.

What a memorable performance,
Mr. Lee Hathaway.

No, no. That is your own design,
it's your own idea this evening?

Yeah, that is an idea I came up with
specifically for the show, yeah.

But when you first came out, I thought,
like me, he's been drinking too much.

- Cause you had...
- That too!

Either that or you were six months gone,
but no, it wasn't that at all.

Fellas, are you close
to giving us your verdict?

Yeah.

It's, it's a tough one, I...

I'm...

May we... May we approach you?

Uh... Yeah, but I mean I've got
prosthetics and stuff here.

Yeah, but I just want to see
if we can approach you.

You're saying you can approach
but don't... don't handle him.

We... We think...

We think these guts are fake.

The guts are fake.

And by the way, when you cut the cards,
you gave it away a little bit.

I did what, sorry?

- When you cut the card.
- Yes.

And when you showed her the deck.

What did you see?

I believe... And you might have
done this intentionally...

Yeah.

But when you cut the cards
to show her how to do it.

Yeah.

I believe you cut to the ten of spades.

Possibly. Possibly. Sorry I didn't see
the card, I cut to, but that's not--

- No, you didn't.
- Oh right.

- And that's not what you were--
- It's got nothing to do with the method.

That's not what you were doing.

Well wait a minute--

You know, between each other,
that isn't what he did.

That, that isn't...
That isn't what's going on here.

Okay. We believe that after you showed

the six decks over here
and had one selected...

- Yeah.
- ...which was legitimate.

We believe you walked up to the stage
and you turned your back.

Yes.

When one turns one's back on the audience,

it's a really good time
to do sneaky stuff,

like to, shall we say, ring in a cooler.

- Absolutely.
- Then you brought her up,

- and that allowed her to--
- Okay.

There's no, there's no coolers rung in,
I don't do anything when I turn my back.

There's nothing special
about the deck of cards,

you can check
the rest of the decks, there's no--

- Well--
- You know what,

no, but you know, guys,
what you're saying is,

- I need you to be specific.
- Okay.

Because I think, you know,

there are things
that are going on where you can say,

"Okay, well maybe there was
something changed there."

- I still think the guts are fake.
- But what you don't know...

...what you haven't arrived at
satisfactorily, for me,

or indeed for my new best friend,
despite the way he looks,

is that whole thing about how to--

- If he did not--
- How to get that card,

If he did not do a deck switch
when his back was turned at the beginning.

- He did not. He did not.
- Then...

If, then, you have fooled us.

Yes.

Well done.

You're going to Vegas.
You're going... Oh my God!

Do you deliberately try
and make it look like

you were doing one kind of thing
to fool the fellas,

- and then do another whole kind of thing?
- Absolutely not.

I've done... Absolutely not...
I've done that,

I mean that was one of the things I was
very aware of when I devised this trick,

because it's very si... It's very easy
to come out and do...

You know, as you guys know as magicians,

it's very simple to do something
and give lots of different...

And, you know,
put lots of methods in there.

I didn't do that with this,
I've been very genuine with this,

but when you find out,

- I'm dying to tell you--
- No, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee.

You must never tell them how it's done.

- Will you promise us all right now?
- You're way, way off.

- You're so far away. It's brilliant!
- You're way off, you're so way off.

I guessed it straight away!

Well maybe, I'll let you know.

Lee is going to Vegas.
Lee Hathaway, ladies and gentlemen!

So let's meet our next contender.

Jack Taperell.

My name is Jack Taperell,

I'm fourteen years old
and I live in South Croydon.

This is my room.
Down here we've got all my magic books.

I'm the only one of my family into magic,

and I think they're probably
all a bit sick of me

trying tricks on them all the time.

It's just really, really annoying,
but it's, sometimes it's okay.

Tonight I'll be performing
a mix of magic, the close up magic,

but also taking it off the table
and into the mind.

I just love the challenge
of seeing if I can fool Penn and Teller,

and I'm feeling confident that I can.

Like all of our performers this evening,

he is hoping to win himself
a trip to Vegas,

and then he's hoping his headmaster
will give him permission to actually go.

Will you please welcome Jack Taperell.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
my name's Jack Taperell,

and today I'll be performing
some magic in the mind.

I'll need, Penn and Teller,
if you'd just both like to come on stage?

Let's just see what's gonna happen.

- And... Hi, there.
- Hello, Jack, how are you doing?

Jack. Pleased to meet you.
Hello, Teller. Hi there.

So today we're gonna be performing some...
some mental magic.

And you're both going to be
choosing a card, both of you.

So you wouldn't mind
giving the cards a quick cut?

Make sure no one sees any cards.

- So make--
- Just a cut, you want a cut?

- Just, just a cut, it completes it.
- Okay.

Thank you, so I don't know
the positions of any cards.

And in a moment, you're actually going to
lift the edges of the card up

and just look at a single card.

And you can remember that card.

- Okay.
- Just, just cut once.

And once he's done that,
we're gonna mix the cards up a little bit.

And then I'd like you to
keep the cards on the table,

and to take the cards from the top
and deal through them.

And when I say stop,
I want you to take the very next card,

I want you to place it
in the middle of the table.

Is that okay? Lovely jubbly.

- So if you'd just like to look at a card.
- So I just pick up.

- Yeah, and--
- Peek, put it back down.

- Excellent. Yeah.
- And no one will know it but me.

- There it is right there, good.
- Alright then.

Now, and you might want to
cut the cards as well,

so even if I knew where the card was
I'd have no idea--

So I cut the cards again?

Yeah, no, you cut the cards again,
make sure I don't see any... Any faces.

It's so hard to do this fair,
I'm so used to cheating that move.

It's so hard to do it right. There we go.

I think we all had the feeling.

So are you fine that I have no idea
what card you're thinking of,

- or where it is in the pack?
- That's correct.

Would you like to start counting down?

Now I'd like you to think of the card
and say it in your mind,

- so over and over again.
- Okay.

Start slowly and quietly and just
build it up, faster and faster and faster,

and as you turn the volume up
in your head.

- Can you lift your chin up?
- Yes, I can.

You either had a...
You had a high card, right?

You had a high...
You're smiling and giving it away.

So, try and keep an absolute
poker face when we do this.

You had a high card,
so I reckon a quart card, right?

Jack, queen, king, Jack, queen... Queen.

So you had a queen.

You either had a black card or a red card,
black card or red card,

make the color vivid in your mind.

You're having trouble with that,
aren't you?

- A little bit, yeah, my mind wandered.
- It's a black card, isn't it?

- Yes, it is.
- It's a black card, so a black queen,

now in the center of the table,
you had a black queen,

you either had a queen of clubs
or a queen of spades.

- That's correct.
- Clubs or spades, clubs...

I'm gonna take a gamble on this and say...

Queen of clubs, no... Spades.

That's correct.

You were thinking of the queen of spades.

And you just... We cut to the card
and I had no idea where that card was,

and you dealt down to that card.

How bizarre. The queen of spades.

Bingo!

Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Way to go! Incredible! Way to go. Wow.

Fellas, you confer,
you come over here with me young man.

Of all the people here you're the one
I want to see going to Vegas,

because a 14 -year-old boy in Vegas,
it really will be a life changing...

I recommend the Lucky Lady Saloon,

mention my name,
all night it's happy hour, now...

Where do you normally perform?

Where do you actually have experience
in front of an audience?

Well, I've been performing
at the Magic Circle.

And I really enjoy doing there,
it's such a prestigious theater.

And also I love performing
for real people, out and about.

As opposed to people at the Magic Circle,
who are...

Yeah!

Weird magician-y types!

I think we can go over. Let's go over.
We've given them long enough anyway.

You take the other side
of the chair there.

Gentlemen, Jack, that was,
I'm sure you'll both agree,

an incredibly professional
and impressive performance.

- How old are you?
- Fourteen.

And I'll tell you, and I don't mean to
say this to embarrass you.

I mean this as a compliment,
but when I first started I was a juggler.

And when I was a juggler,
I would walk out at fourteen or fifteen,

and my hands would be trembling like this,
and just trying to get through the moves,

and I watched you come out,
start trembling,

and then pull it together
and be able to do the moves,

and it was really astonishing.

The other thing he did, and this...

This is amazing, is,

were you given the choice to do this with
someone in the audience instead of us?

- Yeah, I was.
- You could have done it with anybody here?

- I could have done it with anyone here.
- And you chose to do it with us?

- Yeah, I chose to do it with you.
- Okay, you're gonna go very, very far!

Because I think that if you had picked

just about anyone else in the audience
who wasn't a professional magician,

you would have got away with it,
absolutely, completely.

Now I could tell you that we did,
I believe, see every move you did,

but only because we knew
you were gonna do it before you did it,

and also you know that there's a place
I could look right now on the stage

and on the set that would probably
give away part of the trick,

and you don't want me to do that,
and I don't want to do that.

So let me just say
you didn't quite fool us,

but you fooled everyone else,

and I doubt there's anyone
at home that even knew.

You did a great job. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

- That was a great job.
- Thank you so much.

I hope we'll see you back here sometime.

Come back, because I know
you can take these guys.

Oh, he can.

Jack Taperell, ladies and gentlemen.

Great piece of work, congratulations.

He was tremendous, wasn't he? Fourteen!

Let's move right along,
because it's time to meet our next act.

Laura London.

Hi, I'm Laura London, I'm a magician,
and this is my city.

I've been doing magic professionally
for about eight to ten years,

but, really, I've been doing it forever.

Never wanted to be the one in the box,

I wanted to be the one
who was sawing the woman in half,

so I thought I'd try my hand at it

and as it turned out
I was pretty good at it.

There you go.

I think being a female magician
I try and do what the boys do,

and other than that, I might get
the odd gig or two extra because of it.

I think Penn and Teller
are extremely rock and roll.

They're not quite the norm

and that's definitely
what I love about them.

As you've just heard,
ladies and gentlemen,

her name's Laura, she's from London,

please welcome the magician with possibly
the least imaginative stage name ever.

The fabulously talented Laura London!

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

My name's Laura London.

And like all women living in a big city,
I too am looking for that someone special.

That someone with
a little something extra.

I'm looking for a man with a £20 note.

Don't worry, I'm far too kind in
a recession to ask this lovely audience,

so I took the decision
to ask Jonathan Ross.

So ladies and gentlemen, Jonathan Ross!

Thank you. Thank you.
Hello, Laura, lovely to meet you.

- How are you?
- You look fabulous.

Doesn't Laura look incredible?

- Wow, what an outfit!
- Thank you so, so much.

I'm glad, cause I was gonna wear
the same thing,

so I'm glad you went with that.

Did... Did you bring a £20 note?

I did, cause I don't normally carry money,
I'm like the Queen,

I just... I just waft around
and rely on the kindness of strangers,

but I did, I got an actual,
real life £20 right there.

- I brought it in.
- Well, thanks for trusting a magician.

How fabulous.

Should anything happen to the note,
you know, such as...

Oh.

...this, you can always match the numbers,
put it back together,

and you'll be fine if you can take it...

You look a little worried,
Jonathan, don't worry.

Well, its...

I tell you what,
you take that as a receipt,

and let's get on with the trick.
Okay, are you ready?

I'm ready.

You're burning the most interesting half.

We want to make sure it's all gone,
of course, Jonathan.

Hah! Don't worry, of course
like all good magicians,

I was certainly trying my very best...

...to get your money back.

But before we do that,
we will need a delivery of some sort.

This delivery will be from
my glamorous assistant, Frank

You see, he looks fabulous.

Hello, Frank.

As you can see, Jonathan, we have some
fresh lemons delivered of course.

Okay.

Now, in a moment, I'm going to get you to
pick any one of these lemons at random,

but remember that the one
you do pick will be,

of course, the one
that we will conclude this trick with,

so when you are ready
please make your choice.

Okay, I'm gonna make it so random,

I'm not even gonna look
at what I'm gonna do.

There. This one. Is that okay?

Absolutely fine. Here we go.

You don't want to change your mind?
You're happy with the mind you've got?

- I'm... I'm happy with...
- Oh, fantastic.

Alright, then we will begin.

- If I just cut around here like so.
- Okay.

Do you know what we're going to find
inside this lemon, Jonathan?

Hopefully, some gin.

Um... No, actually an egg.

It's an egg! I think that deserves...

They were so stunned, they were stunned
into silence for a while.

I tell you what, Jonathan,
if you don't mind very carefully

taking the egg out of there.

Do me a favor,
just give it a bit of a... a shake.

Can you...
Can you hear anything inside there?

No, no, it sounds like an egg,

it's like an egg moving, like,
eggy, yolky stuff, probably, and...

It's probably what is in there,
in all honesty.

- Yes.
- But of course it's not just that,

it is of course also...

- It's a walnut.
- A walnut. Yes.

Thank you.

- I tell you what, Laura--
- If you don't mind, Jonathan--

I tell you what,
I'd love to meet that chicken,

wouldn't you ladies and gentlemen?

Jonathan, if you don't mind,
will you take the walnut out of the egg?

Sure. Alright,
I've got the eggy walnut.

You've got it. Do you know
what we're going to find inside there?

Well, by now I'm thinking
probably not a walnut.

- Well, let's find out.
- Okay.

Have you go something
I can crack your nut with?

No, my nutcracker's at home.

I can call you for her if you want,
but she...

- As it turns out I did bring something.
- Okay.

I brought my own nutcracker.

If you don't mind,
place the walnut on there,

I don't want to touch it,

very carefully I want you to just...

Not from that height.

- Very good.
- Oh! Wow!

Can you see anything
inside the walnut, Jonathan?

- Yes I can, what do you--
- Will you please take it out.

- Okay.
- I would like you to confirm

that they are indeed matching.

Please read out the last three digits
of both of the halves.

Here's the piece you left with me.

This is the piece she ripped off
and gave me earlier.

And this is what was inside that walnut.

I'm trying to open it up. Okay.

It's the other...
It looks like it's the other half.

Yes, it matches, on this one it's 830,
on this one it's 830.

It is the same note.

Ladies and gentlemen, Laura London!

Thank you very much.

That was awesome, Laura.

I am gonna let Penn and Teller
confer to see if they can work out

how you did the whole thing.

I love the outfit as well,
does doing in the rubber help?

Presumably it means
if the egg does spill on you,

you just wipe it clean,
I guess, or something.

Well, there's that, and if all else fails,
I'll dazzle you with shine.

Yeah, yeah, well you look very sexy...
And it's good to see a lady magician.

- Oh, thank you very much.
- We haven't had many on.

And I can just reassure you,
I'm not in on it, I didn't know,

I hadn't even seen Laura's act earlier,

I wasn't allowed to be here
when it was on.

So I chose that lemon
completely at random,

so I had no idea.

Do you think they'll... they'll...
they'll rumble you?

It's a very, very old trick,
it's been around for a very long time,

so I think they'll 100%
have seen the trick before,

but I have got my own take on it,
I mean I use a lot of lemons,

mostly people just use one or two,
so, you know, I don't know, I guess--

So you think just
the sheer quantity of lemons

might be enough to fool them?

Fellas, are you ready to let us in
on whether you know what's going on?

I tell you, you know, the great thing
is to see a woman in magic,

and making things harder
by the outfit you're wearing.

You can't do the steals
at the bottom of the coat,

like everyone else is doing,

you can't fling things up your sleeves
or pull them out of your sleeves,

it makes everything much more difficult.

You are hurt a little tiny bit

by the fact that Teller and I
have performed that very trick,

back when we were street performers,

so we know the details,
but you know what the classic is,

we know what the classic is,
you added some nice turns.

Like the... The fact that Jonathan
could have picked any lemon.

Oh, absolutely.

That... that absolute free choice
of the lemon is a really nice touch,

and one that we never did.

We need you in Vegas,
we need more women magicians,

we need female magicians all over,
we applaud you, it's great,

but for that particular trick,
because we've done it, you didn't fool us.

That's okay.

It's Laura London, ladies and gentlemen.
Great job.

Great job.

Thank you so much.
Let's get straight on with another act.

Martin Daniels.

I think my dad was probably
an influence on me.

My first major national television
appearance was actually with my dad.

A lot of people try to compare
the styles between myself and my dad

and I always say that the difference
is that my dad is a magician

that does comedy and I am a comedian
that does magic.

I've always carried on doing magic.
Magic's always been a part of my life.

Many, many years ago I did
a theater tour with my dad.

I used to do this particular illusion
to close the show with,

because it was his favorite illusion.

It's going to be quite good
to come back on television

and do an illusion on the stage.

Please welcome a trick off the old brock,
it's Martin Daniels!

Good luck, Martin.

Thank you very much.

Now the trick I'm about to perform

is not just for you guys here,
or for you two either,

I'm doing this for my dad,

because the trick you're about to see
is his favorite illusion,

and I'm pleased to say that
he's in the audience tonight

with his wife, Debbie McGee.

To me it's dad, it's Paul Daniels.

- That was so great, man. So great.
- I just wanted to surprise you.

That really was. It was great.

Paul and Martin Daniels there.
Fabulous stuff, that was wonderful!

- Just fabulous.
- Don't these guys do a good job?

Great job.

Paul, thank you for joining us,
Martin, great work.

- Thank you, Jonathan.
- Great work indeed.

And that was just, what a beautiful piece
of theater as well as anything.

Great work indeed.

The poetry of magic right there,
theater darling!

Guys, shall we go
through the full process?

Or is it more a kind of like a--

No, I just wanted to surprise the guys,
that was all.

Not to fool you.
I know you know how it works.

It's a lovely piece of magic.

And you know what?
I'm sure you know of Paul Daniels,

we all know Paul Daniels,
but I suspect, I'm safe in saying,

this man did more
to encourage magic in this country

and more to get young people...
Don't go away!

Get more young people into magic,
that one there!

It's like cup and ba*ls, would you please,
I don't know...

But he did more for magic in this country

than any other individual
of that generation.

Mr. Paul Daniels, ladies and gentlemen,
the great Paul Daniels.

Thanks everybody.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

we have all spent the whole evening
trying to fool them,

but now it's their turn to fool us.

Will you please welcome onto the stage,

the very best in the business,
it is Penn and Teller.

Let's... Let's rock it home
with a card trick, shall we?

We need someone from the audience here.
Yes ma'am, what's your name please?

- Zara.
- Zara, come up here please.

Do you know how to use a stopwatch, Zara?

It's not complicated, it's no big deal.

I've got a stopwatch right here.

This is all very important.

When I tell you to go,
you punch this right button.

What I need out of you
is a read out every thirty seconds.

So at thirty seconds you go,
"Thirty seconds!"

One minute you go, "One minute!"

One minute thirty you go
"one minute thirty!" and so on,

you'll figure out all the rest
of the numbers as they come up.

Okay, Zara? Good, step right over here,
I'm gonna have you stay in this box.

I need one more person up here,
that I'll actually do the trick for.

How about you, sir?
What's your name please, sir?

- Dan.
- Dan? Right up here please, Dan.

So, Zara and Dan. Right up here, Dan.

Thank you, Dan. Now Dan, I'm gonna be
doing a card trick for you.

And this card trick is wonderful
for the people on TV,

and for the people sitting up close,

but there are human beings
sitting very far back

for whom this is a stupid
and irritating little prop.

So Dan, to give those people back there

something to look at
while we're giving the card trick,

just go over there and just grab
that yellow scuba tank,

and drag it slowly, Dan, drag it slowly,
right down to about here, okay?

Yeah, rather slowly, Dan,
just drag it right down here.

Yeah. Right down here, Dan, yeah.

A little slower than that, Dan,
a little slower.

Right down here, Dan, yeah.
Over toward me a little bit.

Over toward me a little bit, Dan.

Okay, move it right over here, Dan.
Beautiful, Dan.

Well, like I said, to give the people
in the back something to look at

while I'm doing the card trick with Dan,

Teller will be holding his breath
for the entire card trick.

Now I don't want to make
anybody uncomfortable,

Teller's not holding his breath now.

You can see by the bubbles coming up
and the regulator in his mouth,

Teller is breathing
relatively comfortably,

except I'm stepping on his air!

I'm sorry... I'm sorry man!

We haven't done this bit in a while,
but now... Now...

He's breathing comfortably
from this scuba tank here,

and will not actually stop breathing
until I start the card trick proper.

Now, Dan, Teller is holding
a lock and a key in his hand there,

so go over there
and just grab that lock from his hand,

feed it through the hasp,

and lock him securely
in his underwater coffin of certain doom,

would you please there, Dan?

Yeah, click it into place,
if you would there, Dan.

And then right back to that place,
if you would please.

Let me just make sure this is on.

Now, Teller's holding the key
to this lock,

and indeed quite literally to his life,
in his upstretched left hand,

and has sworn on his honor,
he's a gentleman,

that he will not relinquish that key

until these supremely skilled hands
find the card selected by Dan.

Now to those of you who are interested,

the world's record
for holding one's breath on purpose

is five minutes and thirty-five seconds,

and is held, like so many records,
by the great Harry Houdini.

Now you've heard of people going longer
than five thirty-five,

but they're using tricks,

or they're hyperventilating
with pure oxygen,

this is being done with normal air.

Five minutes and thirty-five seconds
does not seem particularly long to you.

I challenge you to hold your breath
along with Teller.

Stay in your seats, it's a small tank.

When I start this, take a deep breath,
and then hold it until I find Dan's card.

Zara, I've not forgotten you.

Stare right at Teller's lips,

and the instant that regulator
comes out of his mouth,

the very moment he can no longer breathe,

that's when you punch
that right hand button.

- Yeah.
- Now Dan,

if you would please,
go over there and grab the hose

and pull the regulator and the hose
all the way out of the tank.

Would you please Dan?
Pull it out there, pull it out.

Go! Go! Is it going, is it going, Zara?
Is it going? Good.

Take the regulator and the tank

and drag it right over there
to Nathan Santucci,

who's our director of covert activities.

Drag it over there.

And as soon as you're back over here, Dan,
we'll start the trick proper, yeah?

As soon as you're... Yeah. Please.

Dan, please? Wonderful, wonderful, yeah.
Right over here, Dan. Over here, sir.

Now, Dan, a lot of the magicians
that we see work here and there

will start with a deck of cards
that's already open.

- And that gives you--
- Thirty seconds.

Nicely done, Zara.

It'll give you a chance to gimmick it,
you can stack them,

mark them, corner short them,
all the other things we do out in Vegas.

So as you've seen in these shows,
magicians will often,

when showing off to one another,
start with a sealed deck of playing cards.

Now a lot of times they've slit
the bottom of the deck,

pulled the cards out, gimmicked them,

slide them back in
and Scotch taped it back up.

But check all of that,
is that shrink wrap all real?

- Yeah.
- It hasn't been broken in any way?

Open the shrink wrap, would you please?

There's a pull tag on the side,
like a pack of smokes.

- One minute.
- Nicely done, Zara.

Just pull the shrink wrap right off there.

Get a hold of the tab there.

Just pull the, pull the shrink...
you just, maybe just rip it.

Yeah, well, why don't you just do this?
Yeah, just use that.

And make sure that the seal
is okay there Dan.

Is that seal unbroken?

- Yeah, it's fine.
- Look through the shrink wrap.

Yeah, just rip it off.

Yeah, don't stab it
through the cards, Dan,

this is a knife, just... Yeah, let me...
Don't stick it into your hand, yeah...

You're a good choice Dan, and then...

- One minute thirty.
- Nicely done, Zara.

Now pull out all the cards, please.

If you turn it over,
gravity's your friend,

throw the box on the floor,

it's the last thing of the night,
it doesn't matter.

And there's jokers on the face,
lose them please.

And there's the advertising cards
on the back,

there's maybe one more card.
Yeah, lose the advertising cards as well.

Now give the cards a thorough shuffle
and take your time shuffling,

unless you have a shred of human decency
anywhere in your soul.

You shuffle the cards.
What are we at right now?

- Two minutes.
- Two minutes, okay.

My hands are empty,
what you see is very clearly.

Dan, look at my hands.

I'm gonna take the cards from you,
I'm not gonna change the order,

I'm not gonna add anything
or take anything from the deck.

I'm just gonna fan them out.

And then take any one card,
do not let me see it, do not.

Any one card you like,
do not let me see it.

I'm gonna turn around,
when I turn around Dan,

look at the card yourself, memorize it,
and then hold the card up,

let the audience see it, and also hold it.
Yeah, he's showing the card around Teller.

- Two minutes thirty.
- Nicely done, Zara.

And then once you've done that, Dan,
take this magic marker here please.

Go back to your spot

and then take the cap off
and write on the face of the card,

that's the side of the card
that's different from all the others,

the side with the suit
and the value and so on.

Write your name right across there,
across the white spot of the card,

write your name right across there,

once you've written your name
across there,

put the cap back on the marker,

- hand it back.
- Three minutes.

Nicely done, Zara.

Hand it back to me please,
the marker, not the card.

The marker, hand it back to me,
if you would, please, Dan.

And now Dan, go back to your spot,

and then take the card and show it
once again to the audience,

and to the camera
so they can get a shot of it.

Make sure you remember
your card's suit, value,

and has your name on it.

I'm going to turn around now,
please conceal the card from me Dan.

I don't want to see it all.

And let's just take it right there,
don't bend it,

if you bend a card in
a new deck it's as good as found.

And then we shuffle that.

- Three thirty.
- Three thirty.

Three thirty Dan.
Let me just give these a shuffle.

And another shuffle.

And a cut, and Dan,
you know your card, is that correct?

Now before now, Dan,
I've not asked you your last name.

- What is your last name Dan?
- Ali.

Ali? Dan Ali,
hold your hand out, just like this.

Do you have a middle initial you use, Dan?

- L.
- L... Dan L Ali.

Hands wrapped right here, Dan L Ali.

- D.
- Four minutes.

Nicely done.

D-A-N.

L. Ali.

A-L-I, is that correct?

A-L-I, right there.

Your card, with your name on it,
was it the two of clubs?

- No. No.
- It wasn't?

D-A-N-L-A-L-I.

- Dan Ali, is that -
- Four minutes thirty.

- Nicely done. Is that your card?
- No.

I don't seem very worried, do I Dan?

Before the show even started I put a card
in my left hand suit jacket pocket.

To make it a little more interesting, Dan,
I put this card in a sealed envelope.

What does it say on that envelope, Dan?

- Noon today.
- Noon today.

Before the show even started.

What I'd like you to do, listen carefully,

when I tell you to,
rip the top off the envelope,

pull the card out,
remember, you have the punchline, I don't.

- So verify it is indeed your card--
- Five minutes.

Nicely done, right suit, right value,
and is your name on it?

When you're sure it's your card,

loudly, clearly, slowly,
"Yes, Penn, that's my card."

Hold that. What are we at right now?
What are we at?

- Five minutes nine seconds.
- Five, go, go, go, go, go.

Five nine, Teller, we're cool.

Open it up, loudly, clearly,
"Yes, Penn, that's my card."

Loudly, go, "Yes, Penn, that's my card."

- No.
- Seriously, do not make a joke,

- is that your card?
- No.

- Is that your card Dan?
- No.

- Has it got your name on it Dan?
- No.

- Five minutes thirty.
- Thank you.

- Five thirty?
- Yeah.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi,

three Mississippi, four Mississippi,
five Mississippi.

Congratulations, Teller!
You've just broken Houdini's record.

I...

You signed and put it in?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I... I palmed off the wrong card
is what I did.

- Yeah, I haven't... Just hold that--
- Six minutes.

So I will get a... Thank you...

I have to get, Teller, the key.

Teller, I'm not gonna be able to do it,
I didn't find...

Teller, give... Teller, give me the key!

He's right.

We made a promise,
we're gonna stick to it.

Let me get that.
Let me do this again, Dan.

D-A-N-L-A-L-I. A-L-I. A-L-I.

How old are you Dan? How old are you Dan?

- Twenty-five.
- Twenty-five

five and two together, that's seven.

- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
- Six minutes thirty.

Thank you. One, two, three, four, five.

Was it a black card or a red card,
black card or a red card?

- Red. Red.
- Red card, red.

R-E... It might be on the floor,
check these out, check these out.

Check em out. Check out the...

Will you please come down here
and check these cards here,

and check those over there,
I'll check over here.

Did the card have the name on it,
do you remember what the card was?

Would you give me a hand?
Hand me that card! Hand me that card.

What are we at? What are we at?

- Zara, what are we at?
- Six fifty five!

Six fifty five! Let him out, let him out,
Dan, let him out. Let him out.

Dan! Grab the key, grab the key!

- Seven minutes.
- Dan, look where I'm pointing!

Grab the key, Dan.
Let him out, let him out, let him out.

The key, they key.

Look where I'm pointing, grab the key.
The key!

Grab the key, just undo the lock.

No really, Dan, hurry,
undo the lock and just lift...

Undo the...
You just lift the top, he'll...

He's got air in his lungs,
he'll rise to the surface.

Jiggle it, Dan, it's a copy! Jiggle it!

What are we at, Zara? What are we at?

- Seven twenty six.
- Seven twenty six?

Yeah, screw it, Dan, he's brain dead.

Let me see this, let me see this.

It's an English copy, we got this...

No. That's just the wrong key Dan...

Dan, there's a rule in circus.

If ever someone's attempting
a dangerous stunt,

they themselves are responsible

- for their own--
- Eight minutes.

Thank you.

...are responsible for their own rigging.

So the high wire may be set
by roustabouts,

it's always the walker himself or herself
who checks the final turnbuckles.

So it was clearly Teller's responsibility
to make sure this was the right key,

and I don't think there's a court
in the world that could blame you, Dan,

even though it's recorded on television,

you walking him in
and taking away his only air supply.

- Eight minutes thirty.
- Thank you.

You know, reality television sometimes

gets a bad rap for being cheesy...

- and insincere--
- Nine minutes.

Thank you.

But with every new art form,

sometimes someone comes along
and redefines that art form,

a man who is willing to die
for a principle he believed in,

albeit an insignificant card trick.

I'd like to dedicate
all my future performances

to be entitled simply "Penn,"

to the memory of this great man.

- Let's gaze once again on the face--
- Nine minutes thirty.

Thank you.

Gaze once again on the face
of the one true hero of our generation,

ladies and gentlemen,
my ex-partner, Teller,

and is that your card, Dan, right here?

Is that your card?

- Is that your card, the queen of hearts?
- Yeah, that's it.

Is that your name on it,
right there? Thank you so much, Dan.

Thank you.

Why don't you sit down now.
You can keep the key, and don't feel bad.

Nate, have you got a...

I did so much talking
and yelling there, my...

I'm just parched. Thank you Nate.

Yeah, thanks, Zeek.

Get over here, I don't want to...

Jonathan and I could slip or something.

That's... That's a hazard, right in there,
yeah, get that, get that.

Let him out!

That was amazing, Teller. "Let him out."

Ten minutes and thirty-one seconds.
You're gonna love this, Teller.

Ten minutes and thirty-one seconds

before the first person

bothered to yell "Let him out."

And that's why we love playing England.