03x02 - You Need Hands

[bunniefuu]

Is that definitely it?
No question.

[SIGHS]
I'm not kidding, Terry.

The bloke was set to rip me off
from the word go.

I never fancy this sort of job.

Every time I've done it for Arthur,
the punter turns out to be on the dole,

living in one room
with about ten kids.

Yeah. Well, he shouldn't be spending


- He didn't, did he?
- Exactly!

Honestly, that kind of debt
could put me out of business.

Look, I'm only going to have
a polite word with him.

I don't care how polite you are.
Just get my money.

Hang about.

Here, Terry.
That's not him!

- Can I have a quiet word, pal?
- You're Mr Merrick?

No, no. I'm from Des.

He wants to know when you're
going to pay for that new gearbox.

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

..he wants his money,
and he wants it now.

Oof!
Ooh!

Ahh!
[GRUNTS]

Ooh. Dear oh dear.

Get the hell out of it!

Get the stuff!

[CLATTERING]

[BONES CRUNCH]

[TYRES SCREECH]

♪ 'MINDER' THEME TUNE

♪ I could be so good for you

♪ Love you like you want me to

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ I could be so good for you

♪ Love you like you want me to

♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪

- Excellent lunch.
- Very tasty.

I must say I thought it lowered the
tone of the place, that fried bread.

- Croutons.
- Ah. Now you're talking.

Top notch, that.

I was going to suggest we finalise
things over another brandy.

Hm! Where were you thinking of?
I mean, it's well after three.

Well, we would go to my club,
but it's being redecorated.

Look, why don't we go to yours?
I believe you mentioned it earlier.

Ah. Y...
Yes. Well...

Where to, guv?

Uh... the Winchester Club, please.

- Where?
- What?

- All right here, Mr Matthews?
- Yes, fine.

- I'll just order the drinks.
- Good.

Arthur.

Two large brandies, please.

Dave - better
make it the good stuff.

Would this be a cash transaction,
Arthur?

No, on the slate, Dave.
And Dave?

- Do us a favour?
- That depends, Arthur.

Make it Mr Daley, will you?

- 'Mr Daley'?
- Just for the day.

Strewth.

- Oh, and bring them over, would you?
- There will be a service charge.

It's a bit... a bit Bohemian,
but the members like it.

Yes. It's the sort of place I
imagine small-time criminals drink.

Ha, ha, ha!

- Your brandies, Mr Daley.
- Thank you, David.

You'll forgive me for not pulling
the forelock, Mr Daley,

but the doctor told me to leave it
out on account of going blind.

Ha.
Bit of a character.

In the past three months,

two diamond merchants have been
robbed in broad daylight.

Now, on both occasions, they were
carrying gems worth over £20,000.

And both times they were travelling
distances not more than 200 yards.

[PHONE RINGS]
They were unaccompanied.

Leaving themselves wide open,
weren't they?

On the other hand, one doesn't want
to walk around the garden

with a couple of
uniformed security guards.

Oh, no, no, no,
of course one doesn't.

Dealing in precious gems is a delicate
and complex business, Daley.

Large sums of money changing hands,
sharp fluctuations in the market,

heavy gains, heavy losses -
discretion is essential.

Large sums of money changing hands?
Heavy gains?

Rest assured, Mr Matthews,
you and I speak the same language.

And I can supply you
with just the help you need.

Good.

[CLEARS THROAT]
There's a phone message, Mr Daley.

A certain Desmond, calling on behalf
of Mr Terence McCann,

to inform you that Mr Terence McCann
has landed himself right in it.

David, stop pulling my leg, or I'll
have to report you to the committee.

[GROWLS]
I AM the committee.

Helpin' him! Helpin' him,
that's what really hurts.

Oh, cheers Arthur.

Arthur,
Des is skint, right?

Now this bloke owes him... money for
work he did on the motor

and don't talk to me about hurting.

But this fella was a real wimp.

One look at Terry
he would have paid up.

Oh yeah? And what happened?
No, no, don't tell me,

he'd taken a crash course in karate
since the last time you saw him.

It was a different fella.

Look, I chanced on the motor a
couple of streets from my gaff, right?

So I go and tell Terry and we go
round and wait for the fella to turn up.

And when he does,
it's not him!

And where were you
during this fracas?

I did my best.

Yes, snug and cosy in the van,
I bet.

Yeah, he's been taking notes
from you, ain't he?

Oh, I know about his lot.

They have to buy Jocks
to score their goals for them.

I don't like football as it happens.

Well you're still a bloody hooligan.

Look, keep your choke in Arthur,
it's not that serious.

It's just a fracture
of a small bone there.

I'll be back to normal soon.

Oh yeah? And what am I
supposed to do in the meantime?

- I mean you are my, my...
- Meal ticket?

- Employee!
- Get out!

Look I've been knocking myself out
for the past two days

to get you in with
that diamond merchant.

Look, couldn't the doctor take it off
just for one day?

- How far up does it go?
- Nah, get off, get off!

Well I assume you'll be fit enough for
your two hours at the boozer tonight?

Oh do leave me alone.
I'm not a well person.

Oh gawd. Well get yourself halfway
human by tomorrow morning.

- Oh, Arthur?
- What?

I was just wondering, you know that gasket
I put in a couple of months back, erm...

- could you see your way to...
- What?

Oh, nothing.
Just a thought, that's all.

And so it shall remain Desmond,
my son. So it shall remain.

Oi, Des?

Are you certain
you didn't know that geezer?

- Or his mates?
- I swear to God, Terry.

That wasn't the punter
I put the new gearbox in for.

Ah, he must have sold the motor,
the rotten slag.

Huh. 'I'll just drive
round the block, ' he says. Huh.

'See how it feels.'

Ten minutes later I'm still waiting there,
like The Writing Naily.

Mind you, if I'd known you were walking
into that ruck, I'd never have asked you.

I mean...
I'm sorry, Terry. I really am.

If there's anything
I can do for you...

- Well, there is, as it happens.
- What?

You can buy me a beer.

Terry, don't be silly.
You're not a well person!

It's medicinal, isn't it?

The trouble is,
I've still got this problem.

What problem?

Well, that 250
was my last chance.

I might have to shut up shop.
It's as bad as that. Ta.

Well, at least make sure you finish
my motor first, all right?

Thank you for your sympathy.

- Hello!
- After you.

- Nice.
- Mm.

Hey, you wouldn't mind bunging me
a bit in advance, would you?

No, it's a favour, isn't it?
Anyway, I'm skint. Sorry.

Hello, Tel! Want to sit down?
No, I'm all right thanks.

I think you ought to,
a man in your condition.

What are you talking about,
a man in my condition?

- He's not pregnant, you know.
- Get out of it!

The point is, Terry,
you'll be on wages tomorrow,

you know, with that diamond thing.

Em... Desmond,
you've got to bear in mind,

that Arthur knows nothing
of the Trades Descriptions Act.

- Right?
- What?

If he says we're taking
Fleet Street by storm,

I know I'm minding a local newsagents
for the next couple of days.

So we'll see about diamonds and wages
and all that tomorrow, right?

Get off!

Alright. Be like that.

No, I'm sorry, it's my eye.
All right, that's all.

How did you do that then?

These two silly sods got themselves
into a fight with some young fellas.

Is that funny?

- It wasn't so much a fight as a...
- A bleeding ambush!

- Yeah, an ambush.
- Ok, go ambushed...

by a young fella.
Where can we find him, Terry?

They weren't that young.

Yeah, we're moving in the wrong
age group, Carol.

Yeah, let's leave the poor
old devils in peace.

They probably want a nice, quiet game
of dominoes.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hey, Carol, you can shuffle my dominoes
any time you like.

It's not a bad idea, though.
Do you fancy it?

- What?
- Game of dominoes.

- Eh?
- Or you prefer crib?

Hey how about a game of damas?

Desmond!

Who was it who said the only way
to eat well in England

was to eat breakfast
three times a day?

No idea. Odds on
it was the last thing he ever said.

- Where are we meeting your man?
- Oh, his favourite bistro.

He joggoly dulls a little coffee
and croissants about this time.

Oh, you got a ticket?

Bacon sandwich and a large tea
without, please, George.

[SNIFFS]

You're Arthur Daley's minder,
aren't you?

That's right. You know him?

I heard a couple of youngsters
caught you on the hop.

That'll be how you got that arm,
I suppose.

No,
had this arm all my life.

Speak of the devil!

Hey! Leave that.
Terry? Come on.

That's right.
Best not keep him waiting.

Terry, this is Mr Matthews

who I was telling you about.

Nice to meet you.

Would you mind explaining that?
What?

Oh, that? Oh, no, no,
just a slight mishap.

Nothing serious.


Yeah, get the plaster off
in a week.

- Oh, the hand?
- There's a bit of a misunderstanding.

I thought I'd impressed upon you, Daley,
the seriousness of this job.

We're talking about moving diamonds
worth tens of thousands of pounds,

We're talking about safeguarding them
against experienced, violent criminals,

and you bring me a man
with a broken arm?

- Mr Matthews, please...
- It's not good enough, Daley!

Just leave us for a minute, Terry,
will you?

Look, Mr Matthews, I quite
understand your reaction...

How?

[MUTTERS]

What's going on, mate?

Oi. Oi!

Mr Matthews,
I quite understand your reaction.

In fact, it is exactly
what I expected.

But you see, it's his pride.

Bacon sandwich and a tea without,
please, George.

I try to tell him, but coming
from you, he might take notice.

Now, meanwhile, Mr Matthews,
rest assured

I will have a 100% operative
with you first thing tomorrow.

With all limbs intact?

Without a blemish, Mr Matthews.
Without a blemish. Stand on me.

Thank you.

Well, you blew that, didn't you?

Gawd, look at the state
of this place.

You always were a bit of a beatnik
at heart, weren't you?

Phwor...

Your mate didn't seem too happy,
did he?

Well, I'm afraid you...

or rather, we lost ourselves
a nice little earner there.

The wages from that would spoil
the cut of your suit, for sure.

Yeah, well, back to normal
next week.

Mm. I think we'll have to consider
you off sick from now on, Terry.

With sick pay?

What?
Sick p...

That's not what you'd call sick,
is it?

- That's more your self-inflicted.
- Self-inflicted?

Can't expect money for that, my son.
I must go. Got to see Lenny Bowman.

What are you seeing Bowman for?

Well, just keeping in the swim,
Terry. Keeping in the swim.

I believe he's opening a string
of discount massage parlours.

Discount? Ha.

Knowing him,
it's probably self-service.

Ha, ha.
Ow...

Next.

Take a seat there, my love.

Can I help you, sir?

Tell Lenny Arthur Daley's here,
will you? I gave him a ring earlier.

- Oh, take a seat, Mr Daley.
- Ta.

Always had very good taste,
did Lenny.

Very impressive, I must say.

I get one of my bad days
with my back,

I'd be very tempted to get one of you
young ladies to come and sort it out for me.

- This way, Mr Daley.
- Oh! Sorry.

Arthur! How's tricks?
Not so bad, Lenny, not so bad.

Hey, nice bunch of girls!

What are you doing,
staffing your massage parlours?

What? Oh, no, no, no.
Hiring a new ticker.

Accountant?

Always employ women this days,
my old son.

They work harder,
and they don't booze it up.

- You any good at this?
- Nah.

My turn with the black car.

Now, then, Arthur.

How can I help?

Well, thing is, Lenny,

my boy Terry's got himself
in a bit of a scrape.

He's what you might call
horse-de-combat,

just when I need a bit
of impressive muscle.

And everybody knows you've
got a lot of good boys, Lenny.

Get it back on the track, Vern.
Get it back on.

- So you fancy borrowing one of my boys?
- Yeah.

No problem, Arthur.

Tell you what - have Vern
for a couple of days.

He could do with an outing.

For crying out loud, when you going
to get the hang of this, Vern?

Sorry, Mr B.

Shall we say...
a pony a day, Arthur, eh?

We'll settle up after.

Ah... right.
Very grateful, Lenny.

Not forgetting expenses,
my old son.

My boy does like his grub,
so keep him well fed.

Oh,
and Vern does all the driving.

He can't stand being a passenger.

[RATTLING]

- Better sh**t, I suppose.
- Have another with me, Terry.

No, I've got to sort out
my motor with Des.

- Go on, have one for the road.
- No, I'm all right, thanks.

Here, Terry, if you're ever
a bit on the boracic side,

your credit's good down here,
you know.

Oh. Cheers, Dave. But...
I don't want to start running up slates.

I just want you to know,
that's all.

Um, is there anything else
you want me to know?

Well... you'll laugh.
It's dead comical really.

I heard Arthur is going around
with one of Lenny Bowman's boys.

Eh?

I thought it would amuse you.

Well, no. Arthur had a meeting
with Bowman...

Nah, somebody probably
just clocked 'em.

He's got one of Bowman's boys
grafting for him.

Arthur?
One of Bowman's gee...

Leave it out. He's probably earning
more than Arthur is.

I thought it would make you chuckle.

[CAR HORN]

We meet here
at three minutes to eleven.

I've walked the route. It should
take no longer than seven minutes.

Never make appointments
on the hour.

Very professional, that.
We'll be here on the dot.

Your presence won't be required,
Daley.

The less people involved the better.

Well, fine, fine.

Well, how about a spot of lunch?

Good idea. Very kind of you, Daley.

Eh. May I make a suggestion,
Mr D?

Something wrong
with the arrangements, Vern?

Oh, no, no.
It's about lunch.

There's this new trat up west
that I'm dying to try.

They do this dill mayonnaise
with Dublin Bay prawns,

and a pal of mine says you can get
Dom Perignon '73, 18 quid a throw.

- 18 QUID?
- Excellent idea, Vernon!

We can't pass up a bargain
like that, can we, Daley?

No...

- You're joking?
- No, it's true.

He's got this geezer Vernon
working for him.

Well, it'll be just for the job
with the jeweller fellow, that's all.

All I'm saying is,
he could have told me.

People are winding me up
down the boozer now.

What, Julie and Carol?
Pinky and Perky?

Now you're being silly.

And then there's Dave,
trying to dole out charity

- without me twigging.
- Yeah, he's a good mate, Dave.

I mean, the whole manor knows
except me!

Well, well, well.

- I never knew they did that.
- What?

Fuel pump.

I know what it is.
What's it doing in your hand?

Oh, Terry,
you've got some problems here.

- I'll pop down to the parts dealer.
- Oh, leave it out.

- No, I'll need a few hours on this.
- Eh?

Tell you what...
I'll have it ready

- first thing...
- First thing. Yeah, I know.

Cor, dear, if my life gets any worse
I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Well, I must say, Daley,
that was an awfully good lunch.

- I'll see you later.
- Oh, look. You've got another ticket.

That er... Madeira sauce with the
paupiette de veau.

That was a bit keen.

But that '73,
that was sad.

Not my scene at all that.

Bit of a sickener I thought that.

Oh dear. I am sorry.

Must have been very hard
forcing down two bottles of the stuff.

[TYRES SCREECH] Oh for
gawd's sake Vern, there's no rush.

I'll bung a bit more air in them
back tyres when I get a chance Mr D.

I can't seem to get this
back end to drift.

Anyway what's on the cards tonight?
Coming back out West are we?

Tonight?
No, no, no.

Tonight I usually go to bed early
with a glass of water and a dry biscuit.

Especially if 'er in doors finds out
what I spent on lunch.

[TYRES SCREECH]

- Arh!
- Des?

Hello, what's this?
Clean-up campaign?

Just collecting a few
of my personal possessions.

- Sorry about your motor.
- Eh?

You'll have to phone up some poncey
garage and get them to fix it.

Oh, you mean you haven't done it?

That's right,
cos I can't get credit.

So I can't get parts, so I can't get
paid, so I can't get credit.

D'you know about cash flow?

Yeah, I know about cash flow.

Cash flows to Arthur
and then trickles back to me.

Yeah. Well,
I haven't even got cash trickle.

It's dead serious, Terry.

Yeah, I could go out and liberate
some nice W reg Merc, no problem,

but I've knocked all that
on the head.

[SIGHS]
Oh, bloody hell, Terry...

I'm going to end up on wages.

I don't know.

You try going straight
and what happens?

You end up in somebody else's
inspection pit

paying national insurance and what's
that other bloody horrible stuff?

Pay As You Learn or something.

I didn't know it was
that serious, mate.

An embarrassment, that's what it is.
An embarrassment.

Refused credit
on a few rotten gaskets!

Hey, listen. I tell you what.

We'll go back to that geezer
with the Granada, right?

We'll find out where he bought it,
then we go and find that punter...

and get your 250 back.

C'mon! It's got to
be worth a try, innit?

Then maybe I'll get
my Capri back at last.

Ah, it's no good Terry.
C'mon let's sling our hook.

No, let's give it
another 10 minutes.

Maybe he lives around here
and he was going to work...

at night shift.

Who the bleeding hell
lives around here?

I do actually.

Hey, what's that?

- Hey that's the man.
- Yeah, that's him.

Go on, have a word.

No, no, hold on, let him
get away from the car first.

I lost him.

But I think he works at a gaff called
"Poulton & Mackie", do you know it?

Yes, a big factory,
they make pharmaceuticals.

You didn't speak to him then?

No, I didn't bother looking for him,
you know might've caused him bother...

I'll pop back again later when he's finished work.
In the meantime, let's find Arthur.

See if he can sub us get
that Capri back on the road.

Arthur?

Means I'm that desperate, son.

One final precaution.

You carry this.

Anything you say Mr M.

All right. Let's go.





Here, isn't that Arthur?

Yeah, there he is.
Come on, move it, Des.

Arthur?

Hold on...
Arthur!

Look, I'll go and catch him.
You park up.

Hey!

- Oi, I want a word with you!
- Shut up! I want to watch this.

Nice. Very nice.

That is the real McCoy
you're watching there, my son.

Keep your head down!
I'm not supposed to be here.

Come to that, neither are you.

- How the hell did you find me?
- I asked Dave, didn't I?

He gave me Matthews' address.
He told me you were moving some diamonds,

and not to tell anyone,
cos security was essential.

I don't like it, Terry.
I don't like it, being chased up

in the middle of a big job.

I'm sorry about that,
but I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry, I'm tied up.

'Sorry'?
Listen, you!

I need help, right?

Now do I get it, or do I go back
to that jeweller's,

and tell Matthews all about
your security... arrangements?

Look, Terence, come on,
let's go and have a clincher.

Everybody out, please.

I promise I won't hit you over the head
and run away with it.

Please don't try and persuade me
it's inferior stuff.

I happen to know otherwise.

There's a stone paper
on the bench there.

Open it,
carefully.

You can have any one
of those diamonds for it.

Go on, choose one.

- You might make a profit.
- They're all rubbish.

Hm, hm!

So you do know about diamonds.

How on earth did you come by this?

I don't understand.

Oh, come off it, Matthews.
You're no heroin dealer.

Where did this stuff come from?

I was importing diamonds. I had
someone walk them through Customs.

A mule?

My employee started to work
for somebody else.

The routes were convenient,
you see.

I happened to catch her with half
a kilo of heroin round her waist.

Quite a windfall.

Do you want the stuff or not?

Oh, I want it all right.

Right.

Bring the money to my office
this time tomorrow morning.

No offices.
No hotel rooms.

We do all this in the open,

where we can all see
who's who and what's what.

- Now look here -
- Please, Matthews.

You have no choice.

Either we follow my methods,
or we drop the whole matter.

And don't forget, the kind of people
who lose half a kilo of heroin

always find out
who's got it in the end.

So the sooner you get your money
and disappear, the better.

Agreed?

Yes, agreed.

You don't see Bond Street wheeler-
dealers coming to a place like this.

- All right, that'll do.
- Before you start,

perhaps you'd notify the staff
of today's correct mode of address?

'Arthur'? 'Mr Daley'?

Or perhaps is there a surprise announcement
in the birthday honours list?

Leave it out, Dave. Vodka slimline
and a brace of lagers for these two.

What's all that about?

Oh, Dave here
has just discovered satire.

Now, listen, you. Two things, right?

First, why didn't you tell me
you were using this Vernon geezer?

- Oh, him.
- Yes, him.

Now, what am I supposed to think
when you go round, on the sly,

employing other people? Eh?

Now, if I ought to be
down the job centre

browsing,
then you ought to tell me.

- Terry, you've got a broken body.
- Broken bo...

I swear, it was just a one-off.
I didn't think it worth mentioning.

Anyway, he's eaten me out
of house and home.

The way he puts stuff away,
must be something iffy with his insides.

Well, let's leave that
for the time being.

The second thing, Arthur, is money.

How dare you talk like that?
It's hard times for all of us.

- That'll be £1.50, Arthur.
- Put it on the slate, Dave.

Nevertheless,
the second thing is money.

What for?

To pour down the financial black hole
of Desmond's Motor Repairs?

Certainly not.

I tell you what.
I tell you what.

You can call it an advance
on my next wages. All right?

Now, if you're not prepared
to advance me any wages,

I've got to assume that you're not
getting any employment from now on -

in which case, I'm going to go out
and fine someone else. Right?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.



No, no, no, no, no.


- 50?
- 50. Now.

Hello, Mr D.

Hello, Vern. Meet Terry and Des.
What do you want to drink?

Oh! Oh, that's very nice.

As a matter of fact,
I just had a cup of tea up west,

and it's given my palate
a right portion of GBH.

Your face behind the bar,

he couldn't do me a nice
Pouilly-Fume on ice, could he?

That sounds nice.
I'll have a pint of that.

No you won't.
Come on. My car.

Take care...
Terence.

You worry about yourself.
Vernon.

He's touchy.

You're all right. Go on.

[ENGINE REVS]
[BACKFIRES]

It ain't half burning
a bleeding lot of oil.

Oh, no, you're all right.

Just don't do any long journeys.
[BACKFIRES]

- How long's a long journey?
- Say over five miles.

You're wonderful, you are, Des.

[BACKFIRES]

'I didn't mention it before, Daley,

but this morning's little effort
was in the nature of a dry run.'

Yeah, I'm sorry, Mr Matthews...
I didn't quite catch that.

A rehearsal, Daley.

The serious business
takes place tomorrow morning.

'I shall need to see you
this evening.'

At your office?

- Half-eight?
- Right.

Put the corks back in that bottle
and bung him a nice warm lager.

[TRAFFIC ROARS]

Excuse me, pal.
No! Hold on. Hold on.

I just want to ask you a question
about the motor, all right?

Than I'll be out of your life
for ever.

- Where did you buy it?
- Suttons, on the Harrow Road.

Terrific.

Now piss off,
before I start remembering your mates.

[HORSE'S HOOVES]

Ha.
Anfylocine.

Road dog.

C'mon darling.
Oh, Desmond!

[BACKFIRES]

Here's to tomorrow.

- Cheers!
- Vernon?

Oh...
???

We rendezvous here as before?

No, no, no.

This transaction is being completed
well away from here.

- Oh. Where's that then?
- In a country.

Very nice, Mr. R.

It's Essex in fact.

I hand over the merchandise
at half past five in the morning.

Half five?

Now,
what sort of deal is this?

One that requires privacy.

Now, just a minute Matthews,
this is getting out of order.

I'm full of sympathy for someone
who deals in cash,

and has his books kept
by a ghost-writer.

But selling diamonds
in some field at dawn...

that's gotta be as bent
as a nine-bob note.

Oh, I don't wish to be associated.

- You have no choice Daley.
- Oh, yes, I have.

No offence, but I'm gonna take
an early bath on this one.

C'mon Vern,

I know where I can buy you
a provocative little cotton chips.

Uh... Ehm...
I'm sorry mr D.

It's Vernon is getting his wages
directly from me now.

It's uh, nothing personal.
It's business, you know

All right. I'll come.

Tell me where the meat is and
on my word I'll be there half five.

You must think I'm an idiot,
Daley.

You think I didn't notice McCann
hanging around yesterday?

I've not made up my mind yet
whether you're trying to set me up,

or whether you're just plain stupid.

But either way I'm not letting you out
of my sight until the deal has been done.

That's why we leave
for Essex in ten minutes.

No phone calls, no messages.

There's a hotel near the meeting
place, we stay there overnight.

Overnight?

God's sake, Daley, you don't think I'm
paying you all this money for doing nothing?

No, it's not that.
It's her indoors.

If I stay out all night again this week,
I'm a dead man.

[TELEPHON RINGS]

Hello

- Des?
- Oh. Hello, Terry.

- How's the motor?
- Died of bleeding death, didn't it?

Now, listen, listen. I'm in a boozer
called the Duke's edge, you know it?

- Yes...
- That's the one, right by the river, yeah.

Oh, it's alright for some.

The thing is...

I'll run into the two chances
I had to wrap with...

So I'm stuck here with no car, I'll die for
a jimmy, but I didn't go in case I move on.

So what I want you to do...

Terry?
Terry, are you there?

I'm sorry about that mate.

I've just seen another familiar face.

Look, get the truck
and get round here as sharp as you can.

It just wasn't there.

Honestly mr Merrick,
I don't think he made the drop.

I hope it doesn't have entered your heads
to try and rip me off.

No way would we do that,
mr Merrick.

Very well.

Go and check whether he made the drop.

I trust him.
Whatever he says will satisfy me.

Bloody country is always dark at night...
one of his many drawbacks...

I understand this particular hotel
gets to mention in Michelin guide.

Oh yeah?
Do a nifty tire change, do they?

I'll tell you one thing.
I hope they've got an intensive care unit.

That's what we're gonna need
if phone goes on driving like this.

Why do you stop moaning,
Daley.

What annoys me is
I'm stopping out all night

and I'm not even
having a good time.

Hey.

- There over there in the far corner.
- Right.

It's open.

Anybody around here got
a blue cortina? V-registration.

Yeah. Why?

I think I saw a fella
just trying to break into it?

Hey! b*stard.

The drop was made Michael.

Now go and fetch your friend.

Bring him back here
so we can sort this out.

Wait.

I think they went
chasing round that corner.

Mick not coming?

What are you doing with my car?

Don't you remember me?
You danced on my hand.

Bad time to bother
me with that rubbish.

No, don't get eariated.

I've got something you need.

No. Listen,

if you're gonna have a ghost on you,
better be convincing

I've played with the grown-ups.

Sunshine!

You... You...
You gotta let me have this stuff.

You scratch my back and I'll resist
the temptation and jump on yours

Let's talk, er?

Now what's your governor
doing with this Matthews bloke?

Yeah.
Get stuffed!

You know Matthews,
he's a house geezer,

he drives a range rover,
drugs is it?

I don't know. Maybe.

No, you'll have to do better than that
son if you want your gear back

Yeah. Yes, it's drugs.

People converge from miles around

to delighting a salmon
on crew in pastry crust...

as light as a feather.
And supple herb cream sauce.

In fact people do so much converging they're
usually fully booked down to the last damn sarni.

How was I to know there
was an agricultural fare on.

Still we got to the meet
nice and early.

Five hours early.

I tell you, anyone ask me about investing
in diamonds they'll get a very short answer.

[Vernon reads out loud]

Will you shut up!

Oh,
sorry mr. M.

Not been in.
He left no messages.

Her indoors has been on a
blower three times already.

Listen, if he does get in touch,
tell him to phone me immediately.

It's urgent, right?
Got it?

C'mon.

It's serious, Dave.

I gotta see a man about a dog.

You want me to go with him mr. M.?

That's very kind of you Vernon...

but I'm one of those people
who can't do it while he's being watched.

The main road's a long way off Daley.
And even if you find it you'll be too late.

You think I'm gonna do
a captain Oates?

I'm coming back to this nice warm car
even if I do have to share it with you two.

[Arthur mumbles]

Please don't let it be vandalized.

Hello, Dave, it's Arthur

Yeah, yeah. Terry said what?

No, I can't, I can't
hear Dave, I can't hear.

Listen, it's her indoors...

Oh my God she hasn't...

Well, I can't face it myself.

Make something up
for crying out loud!

What?

Alright.

Two miles north of Great Avram
on the B1275

Notice I'm beating you with one hand.

[TELEPHON RINGS]

Hello

What?

Aha.
Yeah, Dave, yeah.

Where?

Yeah, all right mate.
Yeah, thanks a lot!

Yeah, I'll see you soon.
Yeah, cheers! Ta-ra!

He's only somewhere in Essex,
innit?

[ARTHUR SCREAMS!]
Oh Gawd!

Good morning, Cinderella.

Good morning.

This is dead familiar...
We've been here before...

We have. 10 minutes ago,
only from the other direction.

Here come your punters,
Matthews.

How many of you?

Three.

We'll meet you in
the middle, all right?

- Where's Merrick?
- In the car!

He knows what he's doing.
Look at that bloody mud

You just start walking.

What a way to buy your jewelry, eh?

I bet cartiers don't work like this.

- Put the briefcase on the ground.
- I want to see the money.

Put the briefcase on the ground
and then you can see the money.

Oh my Gawd.

- Now turn around and start walking.
- Merrick!

I'll do your kneecap son
if you don't shut it!

Come on. Best do
as he says. Come on.

Stop there.

Get out of the bleeding way!

Get him.

- Shut it.
- Mmm. Vernon!

Well done my son.

Ask him, father!

Over here

- Stick him in there
- No, not in there. No!

That's nice and comfy.

Take him up!

Let me down!

Vernon, I'll pay you double...

I'll give you anything you want.

Please don't leave me with this men.

Hey what about the diamonds?

Diamonds? You didlo...
It's heroin, innit?

It's what?

Yeah, that would really ruin
the cut of your suit, wouldn't it?

- Oh my Gawd! Let's get out of here!
- Des!

DES: Right.

Hang about fellas.
I'm going to phone the AA.

Oi!

Don't tell me,
this is one of those

great little caffs
to actually serve fantastic food.

Richard Burton comes here...
downed for egg and chips, right?

All in one Vern.

Geezer said he could only manage 110.
So I said we'd leave it at that.

Well in that case I can
only bum you a tenner.

Sorry.

Now, where have I heard
that before?

Aren't you having any?

He only makes one of those a day
this George...

What's these little black
bits on the eggs here?

Troubles?

No nothing nasty like that Vern.
Let's burn the fat!

Come on Vern!

???
[LAUGH]

You don't mind if we move
to another table, do you Vern?

Bon appetit!

DENNIS WATERMAN:
"I Could Be So Good For You"

♪ If you want to
I'll change the situation

♪ Right people right time

♪ Just the wrong location

♪ I've got a good idea

♪ Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you

♪ I could be so good for you,
I'm gonna help you

♪ Love you like you want me to

♪ I'll do anything for you ooh-ooh

♪ I'll be so good for you

♪ I could be so good for you

♪ I'll do it like you want me to

♪ Love you like you want me to

♪ There ain't nothing
I can't go through ooh-ooh

♪ I'll be so good for you ♪