♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to ♪
Big hi, Joseph.
- All right?
- Yeah.
Thought Arthur'd come and see me
personally.
- No, he's expecting someone.
- Oh, yeah. Ta.
It's all there.
Can't read or write,
but I can count.
That's why they call me
the Prince of the Gypsies.
You're not still using that Gypsy guff?
I mean, you don't roam a lot, do you?
Still got my caravan.
But isn't it parked
in the south of France, innit?
[LAUGHS] That's right.
Just behind my villa.
It's hardly your raggle-taggle Gypsy lad
round the campfire, is it?
'Course not.
Got a nice house in
Stanmore now, haven't I, eh?
Detached, all that.
My heart is with my people.
Wherever they are.
With a prince like you,
they can't go wrong, can they?
[CHUCKLES] That's it.
Blimey. Not a lot of motor left,
is there?
Bet the driver's got a headache.
Yeah, a nasty one.
Jumped over the barrier on the M4,
straight into a juggernaut.
Now, where is it?
Load of old rubbish here.
[CHUCKLES]
All these right-offs, eh, Tel?
Here it is. For Arthur.
Vehicle document.
- What for?
- For that.
- He's never buying that!
- You two are partners, aren't you?
Well... [LAUGHS]
He's putting in a ringer.
Same make, different model.
It'd make a handsome profit.
Yeah, but didn't the insurance people
tell the Department of Transport?
Eh?
You're a simple fella, Terry.
The sad thing about this motor,
the man forgot to post the premium.
Some people are so unlucky.
I mean, he broke five ribs
and gawd knows what else,
and then got nicked
for driving an uninsured vehicle.
As it happens, I done him a favour.
Incidentally, Tel...
if you see any write-offs
round your manor,
if you're on a long 'un.
Just for commission.
All right, then.
Thanks, yeah.
I'll keep an eye out for any
crippled drivers and all.
- They're like gold dust.
- What, crippled drivers?
- Is it sold?
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir,
I didn't know you were there.
You made me jump.
- Is it sold?
- Sold? Wife wants to buy it.
No profit in it for me,
but...
she's set her heart on it,
so what can you do?
Look...
You weren't interested, were you?
Well,
I don't know.
- You reckon it's a good motor?
- Good motor?
Now, would I sell a vehicle to my own wife,
my own mother?
Ah,
one of the best, this.
I had to go to the Duke of Norfolk's estate
to get this.
What?
His own personal car?
Well, one presumes his grace
wouldn't tell pork pies.
Titled owner, eh?
'Couse, wearing a deerstalker hat,
Harris tweed suit.
Lovely fella.
No side.
We had a bit of a conversation
about horses.
Well, as you probably know,
he's well into racing.
You see...
I tell you, one marvellous thing
about the aristocracy,
they LOVE to keep their motors
in good nick.
Oi,
he's probably got a garage.
He's not gonna keep it
outside his house, is he?
How much were you selling it for?
Break the wife's heart.
See, I'm letting her
have it trade.
Oh dear,
this is a bad week for me.
- How much did you say?
- Well, I didn't.
Oh.
Look, I tell you...
Eh, you... you are interested,
aren't you?
- Well, I...
- No, no, no. No "Well I."
Now look,
I'll tell you what I'll do.
Her indoors
has set her heart on this motor.
It's pedigree,
being what it is, you know.
Now, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'm a fool to myself,
I mean, the financial climate
being what it is,
and her indoors having
the sort of temper she's got,
but I will let you
own that car...
Romeo Mike,
we've just picked him up.
Travelling through
Hammersmith Broadway.
RADIO: '4-4, received.
Thank you very much.'
Sod it.
Happy motoring!
How's it going, Frank?
Not so bad, Arthur.
How's yourself?
- Handsome motors.
- Great runners.
In fact,
the wife wanted to buy the BMW.
Very clean car.
Far too expensive for me, though.
No, no, no. I've already used
that particular line today.
- Never tell lies to a liar, my old son.
- Quite right, Arthur.
You're the last person
I should have said that to.
You're a bit too long
in the tooth for that.
Yeah, and they're all mine
Come on, load it off.
I wanna see this motor.
You sh**ting up
to Glasgow?
No, no, no. I'm going to relax here
for a few days.
I've got to deliver the Porsche
to a guy in Warren Street.
Have a few jars,
take in the sights.
Probably look up my sister.
Nice motors these, aren't they?
No problems?
Like what?
Custom and tax paid for.
It's down to Arthur now.
If he's got the right logbook
it's a doddle for him.
He won't have any comebacks
if he's clever.
Ooh, he's clever, that one.
[CHUCKLES]
Come into the office, Frank.
Here, put these plates on, Terry.
- How?
- How?
With a screwdriver.
You have used a screwdriver
before, haven't you?
- No, I've got a better idea.
- What?
- I'll do down the boozer.
- Oh, dear. He's worse than two Irishmen.
[IRISH ACCENT] I heard that, sir.
Thanks, Frank.
That's one of the problems
we got in this country these days.
Work.
I mean, whatever happened
to the good old English workman, eh?
I mean, time was
he'd go off in the morning,
couple of slices
of Hovis in one pocket,
bit of farmhouse cheese
in the other,
do, what?
Ten, twelve hours toil!
What've you got nowadays?
'Where are me luncheon vouchers?'
Oh, sorry,
I'll start again.
What did we say? Three...
three and a half grand?
Four.
Plus 300 for the delivery charges.
Oh, you're more wicked
that British Leyland.
[DOOR OPENS,
APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
Hold it. Eh?
Sit down.
Keep your hands on the desk.
But it's me, Mr Rycott!
I know who YOU are.
Just do as you're told.
- May I ask why?
- No. Shut up.
- Am I being arrested?
- 'Course not.
We just wanna have
a little talk with you.
Oh! All right, then.
Go on.
Down the road.
What, in the nick?
Certainly not.
OK, then. Do a runner.
I've got ten uniformed coppers outside
if you fancy your chances.
But... what have I done?
Can I have a hint?
All in good time, Arthur.
Come on.
[RADIO CHATTER]
- Hey, just a minute!
- What?
- I'm not gonna have my dabs.
- Why?
Why? Because I've got
certain rights, that's why.
- They always say that.
- I don't care about that.
- I don't even know why I'm in here.
- Well, I dunno, do I?
"Take his dabs,"
that's all they said to me.
Yeah, we've gotta distinguish you
from the other suspects.
- What suspects?
- Oh, I dunno.
Anyway,
everybody should be fingerprinted.
I mean...
Say you fell into the river
and you lost your wallet.
Drowned, stone-dead.
How could we identify you?
Nah, we're not talking
about crime.
We're talking about
personal identity.
I never go near the river.
Car crash? Collapse in the street?
I mean, it's common sense.
Eh, I'm a great believer
in identity.
We've gotta sort out
the goats from the sheep, eh?
Painless.
Yeah, I know.
They've got 'em already.
Really?
I'd have thought you'd never been
in a police station before.
- [CHUCKLES] Tissue?
- Ta.
Yeah... Years ago
we didn't have things like that. Nah.
Dirty old rag.
Hygiene, see?
That's the thing these days.
Right,
sit down over there, sir.
Don't sit there,
go over there.
Hey, look, excuse me,
could you tell me what this is all about?
No idea, mister.
- Mr Rycott, might I have a word?
- No.
No?
I'm not having that!
I'm a law-abiding rate-payer!
- [LAUGHS] Who says?
- I'll ignore that.
Since nobody seems to know
why I'm here,
- do you think I might go now?
- You must be joking.
You're helping the police.
You know, on the news?
"A man is helping the police
with their enquiries"?
That man is you.
In that case,
I think I shall phone my solicitor.
- Why?
- Why?
Are you cognisant with the common law
of this land?
Habeas corpus and all that?
Magnus Carta?
The inalienable right
of the decent Englishman?
Might I suggest you are
well out of order here, Mr Rycott.
- Now listen...
- No, no, no, I haven't finished.
When my brief comes down here,
he's gonna give you and your superiors
- a right verbal thrashing.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- OK, what's his name?
- Ivan Silkman.
You are kidding!
He's doing 18 months
in Ford open nick.
No, no, no. That's his brother.
Headstrong lad.
No, no, Ivan is one of the leading lights
of the legal profession.
- I'll give him a bell.
- And quick.
I've been very decent
to you people.
But fair's fair, Mr Rycott.
You haven't even suggested what the
- charge is.
- We're working on it.
- Like what?
- Conspiracy, maybe?
- You what?
- Harbouring ill*gal substances?
Smuggling drugs,
causing a riot?
Oh!
And,
that German motor.
It hadn't got an MOT certificate.
Well, not a real one, anyway.
This way, please, sir.
Yeah. Sure.
- Hey, what's going on?
- Down there, please, sir.
Don't worry.
You'll be all right here.
Hey, that's cells!
Quite harmless.
Go ahead, please.
Go down there.
Any braces?
Oh, my good Lord.
Eh, you'll be better
in there.
It's all a real scurry upstairs,
can't even hear yourself think.
With coppers running around,
people being arrested,
shouting, swearing...
[SNICKERS]
It's nicer in here.
In you go.
You only have to knock,
sir.
You gonna put it back
altogether?
The Jerries can do it.
Why not us?
Incidentally, the shock absorbers
are a bit iffy.
I don't wanna buy it, Charlie.
Just find the stuff.
[KLAXON]
[KLAXON]
[SCREECH / CRASH]
[GEARS CRUNCHING]
Heh. That was nothing, believe me.
Mere skirmish.
Shouldn't park here, anyway.
This is for people in the trade.
I know every car in this street,
and that thing - stranger.
- Probably a panther.
- I'll have a wee look, just the same.
Forget it, forget it.
Tell you what,
not a bad motor, this.
You know, I drive a lot.
- So I see.
- Do a bit of rallying, know what I mean?
Member of the
Driving Wheel Club.
Jackie Stewart, Fittipaldi,
the new French fella, I meet 'em all.
Yeah, very clean.
- RADIO: 'And now the weather forecast.'
- Nice music. [TERNS RADIO OFF]
Told you. Not a scratch.
Hard to sell a motor
in Glasgow.
Yeah, but we're not in Glasgow,
we're in London.
Anyway, I've got a punter up there.
Managing director of a building firm.
Yeah. Managing director,
they always say that.
No disrespect to you.
Let's see, we're hoping to get
That's what we said
on the phone.
Yeah, I know,
but now I see the actual motor...
Don't touch me around.
I've done all the work,
I have the contacts over there,
they've even changed the number
on the chassis and the engine.
I mean, German villains
are very efficient.
All you've got to do is cop five grand
for wearing out your shoe leather.
As it happens, I'm hoping to get
at least eight grand.
I like very very expensive shoes,
Frank.
Ok?
- Done.
- Fancy a drink?
- I'm sorry, we're closed now.
- No, it's an emergency.
Oh, hello, Terry!
You in trouble, or something?
- No, no. I'm not, no. Is he in?
- No, he's gone.
He's going sh**ting for the weekend.
- sh**ting?
- Yeah. It's his new thing.
He's given up the golf.
Now it's sh**ting.
I think it's because he mixes
with a lot of people that like sh**ting.
You know,
robbers and that.
Look, have you got his number?
- He doesn't wanna be disturbed.
- It's important.
- Arthur's in a lot of trouble.
- He certainly isn't interested in HIM.
He hasn't settled his last bill yet!
Or the one before that.
That probably just slipped his mind.
That's all.
- He'll pay.
- Yeah, I bet.
'Course he...
[PHONE RINGS]
Silkman, Heller and Heller?
No, I'm sorry,
he's gone away for the...
Hello, Sergeant Rycott!
- Ah, ah, can I speak with him?
- Just a minute, Sergeant.
Thank you.
Hello. Mr Rycott?
It's Terry.
Yeah,
what is the SP on Arthur?
Well,
what are the charges?
So he might go before the magistrate
on Monday.
So does that mean
you're keeping him in all weekend?
Oh...
No, I can't get hold of his solicitor.
I tell you what,
can I see him?
Well, what does "maybe" mean?
No, I'm sure you're doing it all
by the board.
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
It's OK. OK. All right.
Thank you very much, Mr Rycott.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
Cor, they're lovely, aren't they[?]
- Now, are you gonna give me this number...
- Sorry.
And if you do see him,
give him that.
It's his prior account.
It'll save me posting it.
This is important, Karen.
He's in right lumber!
Look, I told you.
Ivan needs his rest like everyone else.
Go down the Law Centre.
The Law Centre?
They're for squatters
and old ladies being evicted.
There is one law for everybody,
you know.
Who you told you that?
Not guilty, not guilty,
not guilty, not guilty.
Don't you English ever CONVICT
people like this?
Well, he's a slippery character,
Daley.
Slippery?
I think the Sergeant means
that Daley is a very clever criminal.
Obviously.
Oh, I see here he DID have
a conviction for 18 months.
He did have a couple
of parking offences, sir.
You see, when I heard about this
I thought,
well, it just isn't
Arthur's usual game.
Sergeant, I want you to assist
Inspector Klingmann in every way.
- Yes, sir.
- This is an Anglo-German operation,
so I want you to explain
what you mean.
I mean...
well...
He is a rascal, no question of it.
He's a scallywag.
But I don't buy Arthur...
I mean, Daley...
as a drug dealer.
To start with, it's dangerous.
That is because the stakes are high.
But he is a devout coward,
sir.
- A dodgy motor, yes.
- Sergeant.
I have very reliable sources
and efficient methods.
In that case, why didn't you
intercept the car in Germany?
None of us is perfect, you know.
Not even you.
This man is er,
what is your expression?
- Overdue? Yes?
- He's well overdue, sir.
And talking about overdue,
I should be at a Police Federation
meeting in a few minutes.
- Another rise, sir?
- In the pipeline, I think.
Rycott will help you in every way,
Inspector.
- Back later, all right?
- Sir.
Well, sir.
How about a nice cup of tea?
No, I don't want tea.
I should like to meet this Mr Daley.
Or is he, perhaps,
already having his tea?
[BIRDSONG]
[CLANKING]
What is occurring, Mr Rycott?
Sitting in a cell,
a man of my stature.
Treated
like a common criminal.
I mean, what am I?
Soccer hooligan?
- Urban t*rror1st?
- Just here.
I'm sorry, Arthur.
You're in the frame.
Pull yourself together.
Tidy your suit up.
Eh? Why? What is it,
identity parade?
Not many.
Arthur Daley,
This is Your Life.
Not guilty, eh?
- I beg your pardon?
- Nothing.
- You smoke?
- I'm a cigar man.
But they took away my lighter.
- And my braces.
- I'm so sorry.
Go ahead. Oh!
Apparently you have many friends
in Germany.
[COUGHS]
No, never been near the place.
Look, if it's about the motor,
I am a bona fide motor trader.
- Anyone can tell you that.
- You are giving me the answers
before I've even
asked you the questions.
Sorry.
Only I'm usually quick, see?
Oh, yes.
I realise that.
Any man with your history of
"not guilties" I'm bound to respect.
Am I to assume I'm talking
to a German police officer?
This is true.
Oh, marvellous.
That's down to the
bloody common market, innit?
Me! Me being interrogated
by a German!
And they know a lot
about interrogating too, don't they?
Don't be cheeky, Arthur.
He's just gonna ask you some questions.
Yeah, but look at him.
I mean, it's Colditz, innit?
Now listen!
Any more of that, I'll have to nick you
under the Race Relations Act.
You can't.
That's for nuggers, it's not for Jerries.
We are all brothers under the skin
these days, Arthur.
- I'm sorry, Inspector.
- Thank you, Sergeant.
I repeat,
who are your contacts in Germany?
Look, I've told you.
I am a simple car dealer.
C of E, free enterprise.
True patriot.
British Army. King and empire.
Well, no. Queen... and Commonwealth,
or whatever it is we've got left.
Yes, all right, Arthur.
We know all about your previous.
Who are the people
from whom you bought the car?
Oh, oh, that's easy.
Old Frank erm...
Frank erm...
- Frank who?
- Yeah, his name's Frank.
See, in my game, it's all cash
and first names, innit?
Oh, wait a minute, hang on!
Receipt!
No problem.
"Frank Mub-doo-roob-doob."
Muh... What, is that an M there?
"Mac"?
I dunno.
[SCOFFS]
The tax people will like that.
Are all your transactions
as good as this?
That is down to my accountant,
innit?
And he keeps meticulous books.
I hope you can remember HIS name.
Oh, obviously.
See, this Frank, his name,
I can't read his writing.
Well, they're not all that clever
at writing
and things like that,
are they, the Scotchmen?
I mean, they're handy with the role call,
getting the early in, that's it, innit?
- My old mum comes from Scotland.
- Well, not all of 'em.
Frank's an ordinary sort of chap,
not your scholar.
Eh, look,
could I have another look at that?
Yeah, see? Look, it's M, innit.
- Mac. Mac.
- Mac what?
Well, I don't know. They've all got
'Mac's up there, haven't they?
Hey, hang on!
He come over on the boat!
We'll need the passport people.
They check all the names, don't they?
That's your answer.
Documents.
You like that sort of thing.
Love documents, Jerries.
I don't care
about the documents.
I want to find out
what was IN the car.
- Drugs?
- Rugs?
Drugs. Narcotics.
Oh, no, no.
Come on, I'm not into that.
- What, the Fulham Connection?
- Why not?
Tell him, Mr Rycott!
What, Arthur Daley, drug fiend?
I wouldn't even trust one of them
paraceta-temols.
You could be the middle man,
though.
Oh, that does it. I am not saying
another word till I see my solicitor.
I told you.
He's gone sh**ting.
- Well, I'm going, then.
- Give us a chance, Arthur.
This is a serious case.
I thought you'd wanna help us?
Of course I do! But I mean,
it's this Frank you want.
And we will get him.
But in the meantime,
I'd be most grateful if you could
dwell here
for a little while.
That's right.
Always support your local sheriff.
Correct? [LAUGHS]
Here, to you.
Isn't he nice?
I love your accent, Frank.
And I love your...
your pretty face
and your beautiful figure.
- I bet you're a dancer, eh?
- You're right!
You was in the royal ballet.
Weren't you.
Only for a while.
Very stuck up, some of them.
Give 'em a blank, didn't I?
So I went to Tunisia.
With a group.
More like modern dancing.
They love that.
Tunisians.
- Ready for another one, Frank?
- No, no. It's my shout.
Do you fancy some more
of the old bubbly, eh, Rita?
Why not, my darling?
It's about time we got a bit busy.
He's got ten grand in his bin,
that was only from me.
God knows how much more he's got.
Sold a nice BMW and all.
Yeah, but I don't want him
in my place.
'Course not.
Box clever. Hotel, right?
Georgie's place.
He'll let anybody in.
- All the brasses use it.
- Don't you call me a bloody brass!
'Course not.
Just in between engagements.
What is it?
Swan Lake?
Or Go-Go to Marrakesh?
- Here. Have one yourself, mate.
- Ta.
- Well?
- Fine.
You sure, doctor?
Yes, nothing wrong with you at all.
As sound as a bell.
That can't be.
I had a turn.
- What kind of turn?
- Owf. I was ill.
Um... Dizzy, yeah,
definitely dizzy.
And palpitations and headaches.
Apart from that,
I'll get claustrophobia.
Well, this isn't the place to be
if you suffer from claustrophobia.
I've told them,
I'm a nervous wreck.
I mean, normally I'd have a nap anywhere,
but not here.
Well, I'll give the janitor a pill.
Well, don't give it to him,
I'm the one who needs it.
I'll give the janitor a tablet,
he'll give the tablet to you.
- Do you understand that?
- Yeah, yeah, true.
Good night.
- You've got a visitor.
- About time. Oh, Lord...
- Where've you been?
- Give us a chance.
Why? I've been cooped up here.
Where's Ivan?
Ah, yeah,
Ivan.
- He's gone erm...
- Oh, I know, sh**ting.
What IS all that about?
Don't know.
Maybe he's joined the Israeli Army?
Typical. He would choose
a moment like this to do it.
- Why can't he...
- All right, calm down. Calm down.
Have a seat.
Come on, sit down.
Yeah, I will, I will.
No! Don't you tell me to sit down!
All right, don't sit down!
- It's a turn-up, innit? [LAUGHS]
- Is that all you can say?
Terry, have you ever seen me
like this before?
- No braces, no tie?
- No.
Eh, I tell you,
I understand prison riots.
I am stir-crazy.
- Stir-crazy?
- Yeah.
You've only been here
five hours.
That's not the point, is it?
It's the principle.
I am a free spirit.
Streets. Carbon monoxide.
- Black taxis, red buses.
- What are you on about?
I dunno,
I've got an obsession about red buses.
- I think you're pregnant.
- No jokes, Terry.
This is the big one.
The Germans are after me.
And you know what they're like,
don't you?
Fulham today,
brave little Belgium tomorrow.
Arthur, it's a simple case
of mistaken identity.
So was
the Count of Monte Cristo.
- Oh, my gawd.
- What about her indoors?
What's she going to say
when she comes back from her sister's?
And how about the local paper?
That'll be a real bonanza, won't it?
Well-known celebrity
in the pokey!
And remember,
my children go to private school.
They mingle with the scions
of local personalities.
Yeah, like that stockbroker
who's doing plenty of time.
That is not the same.
That was business, not crime.
They are naming me as the mastermind
of the Fulham Connection.
See? That is what happens
when you do business with a Scotchman.
You didn't say that when you were
stitching him up.
Stitching...
It was a fair and honest deal, Terry.
No, I had a feeling in my water
about that man.
Nah...
- No, MacFadden, he's all right.
- No, he maybe all...
What did you say, Terry?
- Eh?
- That name, that bloke's name.
- MacFadden.
- Oh, manna!
- No, MacFadden.
- Why didn't you tell me before?
- You didn't ask!
- Officer,
- did you hear that?
- Eh?
You're supposed to be listening
to our conversation.
- Did you hear that name?
- Oh, don't worry, I didn't hear a thing.
Terrific, innit?
I'll tell Rycott. How about you?
I thought I'd take a creep
down Warren Street.
Why?
Well, that's where MacFadden was going.
He's got a Porsche to unload.
Oh, Terry,
at times you truly amaze me.
Not often, but...
Get down there, find that man.
- What's wrong with the Pride of the Force?
- Oh, he couldn't find a tart in a brothel.
All right, I'll sh**t off.
Listen, look after yourself.
- Yeah...
- Oh! Ow...
- That's for you.
- Ta.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
Evenin', all.
Ah, er,
is your guv'nor about?
- Yeah, he's in there.
- Cool. Yeah. Cheers.
Handsome motor, eh?
- Yeah, yeah. Are you the boss?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's very pretty.
- Really clean.
Are you a trade?
- Sort of.
- Heh. What's that mean?
Well, I'm always interested
in nice imports from Germany.
- What's that mean?
- You just said that.
All right, all right.
Who are you?
- Batman?
- Nah.
No. Yesterday, you were talking
to a geezer from Glasgow, right?
- I wanna know how I can get hold of...
- What's it to you?
- I just wanna know where I can find him.
- No, I don't know nothing about the guy.
I buy 'em and I sell 'em, OK?
That's it. See you.
Hold on, hold on.
You're not being very helpful, are you?
- Why?
- Hey, hey. The arm.
Oh.
- You're asking for a slap.
- Leave it out, son.
I don't know nothing about the guy.
Just a drink with him.
- You know more than that!
- Gary, sort him out.
I clean 'em, you sell 'em,
YOU sort him out.
Well done, Gary.
Done a good job on the engine, hasn't he?
Nice and clean that, innit?
OK, OK, I mean
it wasn't down to me.
- He went away with a brass.
- Where?
Hotel,
King's Cross.
King's Cross?
Come on, WHERE?
Oh, Nero's Palace.
That's better.
Thank you very much.
Now, not!
You've gotta learn to be nicer to people.
See you down the job centre,
Gary.
Nothing.
- The sump?
- We're doing that next.
Probably no oil in it,
never mind drugs.
- Now we've got another problem.
- What?
Tell your guv'nor
we're on double-time now.
[SIGHS]
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS FROM A ROOM]
Yes, sir?
I'm looking for a bloke staying here.
MacFadden, his name is.
Ha. That's a new one.
I'm sure it's this place. He is er...
Scotch geezer.
About my stamp, a bit broader maybe,
about 40.
Who are you?
Old Bill?
No, no.
No, I'm a mate of his.
We've got a lot of residents.
Yeah, I know, but look,
he came in with...
with his wife.
His wife Rita.
Look, I don't want a big party.
The other two guys are...
- [SCREAM]
- Bloody hell!
[BANGING AND SCREAM]
[SMASH]
[SOUNDS OF FIGHTING]
Oh, Frank, listen...!
Thought you said
you're a mate of his?
I'm more of a...
Jesus Сhr...!
You bloody nutters.
All you jocks are nutters!
Get your clothes on.
- This is a respectable hotel!
- I knew you'd say that.
That's right.
I mean, this is a...
- a family hotel.
- Oh, don't give me all that crap.
You run a
glorified knocking shop.
Who's he?
I'm the man
from the Michelin Guide.
What're you gonna give?
A rosette, or crossed fists?
There's nothing in there.
I want to find out
where his sister lives, that's all.
What's she?
A female wrestler?
He had his money in his socks!
No wonder he kept 'em on.
It's all right for you.
A pal of mine's in the nick because of him!
Tough tit's he!
He didn't even pay me!
All I got was a right-hander.
I don't usually do this,
you know.
What about those two creeps?
Not MY friends!
Eh, were they, Georgie?
- Oh, come on. You'd better go.
- Don't talk to me like that!
Get off!
George, George,
just leave it out, all right?
He paid the room in advance.
Blimey, with all this
I'm due early morning tea and biccies.
Thank you.
I don't suppose...
you're interested
in a bit of business?
No, no.
Er, I mean...
Well,
time rushes on and that, and er...
No.
Thanks.
[FOOTSTEPS / JANGLING]
[SCRAPING]
Sorry, sir.
Busy night.
Oh, my good gawd, no.
Arthur Daley.
Well, this is a real privilege.
I mean...
- Arthur Daley.
- Don't give me all that.
You ARE privileged,
as it happens.
But I know why.
Oh, dear.
Of all people.
The Ferret.
I hate that name.
Why do they call me that?
You ever look in a mirror?
Don't they ever learn?!
Look, if I'm guilty,
which I'm not,
do they really think
I'd tell you anything?
Hmm.
- You can depend on me, old son.
- You?
You've got more grass
than Kew Gardens.
Me, Arthur?
Never.
- On my mother's eyesight.
- She's dead.
I was at the funeral
nine years ago,
- and you wasn't there.
- They wouldn't let me out.
I did a runner
when my dad was buried.
- Can I sit down now?
- No! Go and sit somewhere else.
I had a nice one tonight.
Jeweller's shop.
I got arrested by a dog.
- On his own?
- They're clever, aren't they?
Three law,
but it was down to the dog.
You are just a simple recidivist.
I know.
I'm inadequate.
- Well, don't be so proud of it!
- I'm only telling you what to say.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Well, I am here.
I've always respected you,
Arthur.
Yeah?
Oh, the most respected man
in the manor.
- Hard.
- Yeah?
Oh, yeah, no doubt about it.
Hard man.
In business.
Everybody knows that.
That's
why you've come such a long way.
Yeah, that's very true, Ferret,
eh... Billy.
Don't get me wrong
when I say hard.
Not physical.
You got Terry.
And he's as hard
as you can get.
Yeah.
Where was he when I needed him?
That's what I thought.
Eh?
I mean...
You don't think...
Terry is
done something... to...
I mean, to put you in this spot
of bother?
Who told you to say that?
Not Rycott, I hope.
Mm... Er,
oh... No!
You never concocted that theory
all on your own.
I don't know what you mean,
Arthur.
As you say, Ferret,
I'm not a physical man.
Brain rather than brawn.
But I could make an exception
in your case.
Give you
a very nasty spanking.
S-sorry.
No, no offence, Mr Daley.
Don't mess with me, Ferret.
[THUD]
Oh, sorry, Billy!
Excuse me?
Do you know a nurse who works here
called Bridget MacFadden?
Mm-hm.
Do you know where she is?
Where did she find you?
I'm the phantom lurker.
Oh, I think I've been looking
for you.
I think I've been looking for you
and all.
- Are you on National Health?
- Come with me.
- Hold on, isn't that the way in?
- No, you'll never get past Mr Graham.
He's the mother superior
of this place.
It's just along here.
I'll see you in a sec.
She's up on the third floor.
It'll be open, it's the panic door.
- MacFadden's in 27.
- Cheers, thanks a lot.
And I'm in 32.
- Yeah?
- Are you Bridget?
- What's it to you?
- I'm a friend of your brother's.
- Is there something wrong?
- No, no, nothing like that, no, it's just...
- Look, can I come in for a minute?
- Why?
- Well, it's a bit more private, innit.
- OK. Just for a minute.
- Cheers.
- What's wrong?
I only spoke to him
about 20 minute ago.
- Well, no, I just left him.
- Why did he give you my address?
- Er, well, it's a bit of a long story.
- I don't believe he gave my address.
- All right, I own up. I found it.
- Get out!
Now, look, please,
don't start screaming and shouting.
No, come on, look...
Oh! Jesus!
Ouwf!
Bridget!
- What's up with you?
- I'll scream.
I don't see you as the screaming type,
as it happens. Look...
Why don't you just sit down
and be calm for a minute?!
Look, fair rights,
right?
OK.
What do you want?
There's a mate of mine who's in trouble
and your brother is the only one
- who can help him.
- Why?
Well, Arthur,
that's my mate,
he bought a car off your brother
Frank, and now the Old Bill
- are all over the place.
- Are you a copper?
No, I'm not a copper.
No!
I'm just somebody who's trying
to help someone, that's all.
For all I know, maybe the Old Bill
are after your brother.
- Frank's done nothing.
- How'd you know that?
You don't know
what we're talking about yet.
- I know him.
- All right, fair enough.
Look, all I wanna know
is, are you gonna see him
- while he's in London?
- I might.
Bridget,
please, look.
Honestly, this is serious.
Now, I'm not gonna hurt him.
He can look after himself, can't he?
Like the rest of your family.
But I do need to know,
are you gonna see him?
I don't know.
Bridget, please.
All right, I tell you what,
I tell you what.
We go out,
we'll have a nice quiet drink,
and talk about it,
eh?
- OK. I'll get my coat.
- Yeah.
- I didn't hurt you, did I?
- No, no, it's nothing.
[CHUCKLES]
Tell you one thing,
no one got to r*pe you either.
Only if I want them to.
- How long have you been down here?
- About a year.
Had enough of Glasgow.
I lived in Brixton for a week
and the riots started.
It was worse than Park Heed.
So I got a job round here.
- Is it all right?
- Yeah, it's all right.
Get a lot of footballers
in here.
You know, the hospital,
what with their injuries and whatever.
I support Celtic.
The team I support, Fulham,
ain't even got a first aid kit.
Couple of corn plasters
and that's it for them.
Hur-hur.
- Where'd you learn boxing?
- Oh, here and there.
What about you?
No, don't hit me.
I'm the only girl
out of a family of six.
Survival of the fittest.
I don't think we've got a manual
for that particular model.
Did you know the chassis number,
doesn't tally with the vehicle's documents?
So what else is new?
[VIOLIN PLAYS]
That's 94.
Cor, everyone's on the fiddle
in there. [CHUCKLES]
- [CASH REGISTER CHIMES]
- Cheers.
You're OK, Terry.
Have you got a steady girlfriend?
No, not really, no.
Is this a proposition?
You never know.
Maybe you're a wee bit old
for me.
Anyway, what do you do?
Not a lot, really.
Self-employed.
You mean you're on the dole?
Dole?
No, certainly not.
- [CASH RATTLES]
- Oh, cheers, mate.
No, I've had ordinary jobs,
but they're not for me at all.
If you think about it,
most of the geezers who're out of work
are qualified, right?
What qualifications have I got?
A pair of fists, that's all.
And I don't want to end up
punching cards.
No, I get by. It's all right.
I think you need a good woman.
Get yourself together.
Hey, I know what,
there's a job going at the hospital.
- Boilerman.
- Boilerman?
RYCOTT: Yeah.
Well, don't ask ME.
You're supposed to be the expert.
Well, stick the bits together again.
That's obvious, innit.
Cheers.
I usually take water with it.
I like soda.
The English way.
Yeah.
I should've known.
You don't know Arthur.
He's gonna shout blue m*rder.
I had him bang to rights.
And what now?
I always get my man.
Feared by everybody
in the German underworld.
Yeah.
Well, you made a ricket this time.
- Ricket?
- Forget it.
- Oh, this other word, scallywag?
- Scallywag!
Yes, you're right.
That's Arthur.
Do you know I can't even do him
on the car, now?
A fraudulent logbook,
what's that, eh?
He hadn't even sold the car.
Times like this
I think about leaving the force.
I don't think I can face Arthur.
Do you think you could
have a word with him?
I know what, why don't you open
a little drycleaning shop?
You have got some diamond ideas,
haven't you?
- I was just helping.
- What's he doing here?
- We're discussing drycleaning.
- The very man. Listen...
last time we met, we didn't
exactly have time to talk, did we?
- You're after my money, aren't you?
- No, I'm not.
- Arthur's in the nick.
- I'm not surprised.
They reckon that car you sold him
was carrying drugs.
- Are you accusing me?
- No, I'm not accusing you,
- but obviously they need to talk to you.
- Then they fit me up?
- What have you been saying?
- Don't you start on me, Frank.
- I can handle him any day.
- Look, look.
All I'm asking is you come
down the nick with me, right?
It'll take ten minutes, that's all.
It's a misunderstanding.
I've got a car
around the corner.
Now then someone else is gonna mug me.
No, no, no.
You c*ck boys, you're all the same,
a bit fly.
I'm gonna tell your father
you're mixing with the wrong kind of people.
- Look, Frank...
- Save it! [SHRIEKING]
- He's done it again!
- I thought you were good.
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
OLD LADY: Oh!
[BELL DINGS / TYRES SCREECH]
Well, as you know,
- I am not a vindictive man.
- Oh, I know that, Arthur.
But
what can I say?
- Are apologies in order?
- Well.
- I suppose so.
- I have had a long career.
You are one of the best subjects
I have met.
Hm. Terrific.
Well, undoubtedly...
you will be hearing from my solicitor.
I thought
he was sh**ting?
Not for the rest of his life.
Argh!
You must understand our point,
Mr Daley.
The international fight against crime
is most important.
- Don't you agree?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's a moral dilemma,
innit?
I mean,
the safeguarding of the individual
against the common good
and the state.
- A fine philosophical point.
- I should cocoa.
- You pluck a man from his fireside...
- It was a car site.
Well, never mind that.
A law-abiding citizen,
a well-known local personality.
Someone who is known
for giving to admirable charities.
Old folks,
veteran footballers.
Distressed showbusiness people.
Stars of yesteryear who can no longer
afford lunch at the Savoy Grill.
Me, a man who's respected,
even loved!
- Are you listening to me?
- No, not really.
I've heard it all before.
Oof!
Argh!
- Go on, Flynn. Get 'em.
- You're must be joking.
Come on!
'Ey, you're a hard man.
You're a bit tasty yourself,
Jock.
All right, mate,
come on.
- That's your fun over.
- OK, OK. Alright.
What is occurring, Terence?
I got 'im.
MacFadden.
Where've you been?
Never mind about him.
It's been me against them,
without any help from you.
And I got a result.
I'm out.
Well, that's right.
You're innocent, aren't you?
They didn't know that,
did they?
- What about me, Mr Rycott?
- It's not down to me.
He's out.
You're in.
Different case.
Public disturbance,
damage to property, GBH.
We'll think of something.
What are you gonna do, Arthur?
I gotta go home, Terry.
Have a bath, decent drink.
I've had a
traumatic experience.
- I did this for you, you know!
- Yeah, all right, all right.
Fight 'em, Terry.
Fight 'em like I did.
Do something!
He don't understand,
do he?
All right! All right! Augh!
All RIGHT!
Well, look...
Arthur!
Arthur!
I don't know.
I'm always having to get him
out of trouble.
Arthur!
DENNIS WATERMAN:
"I Could Be So Good For You"
♪ If you want to
I'll change the situation
♪ Right people right time
♪ Just the wrong location
♪ I've got a good idea
♪ Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you,
I'm gonna help you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I'll do anything for you ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ I'll do it like you want me to
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ There ain't nothing
I can't go through ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you ♪
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