01x02 - The Tanned Triangle

[bunniefuu]

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

I love guidos!

I'm very anxious
to get down there,

Just arrive.

Hello.

We are here to, like,
blow this place apart.

Whoo!
Give me a shot.

Look at the jacuzzi
right now.

Nicole ended up being,
like, all over everybody.

That's like a turnoff,
when a girl acts kind of sloppy.

Where the f*ck
did everyone go?

What's going on?

There's definitely
a big possibility

Of me and sam hooking up.

[Gasps]

Mike can do whatever
the f*ck he wants.

I think I'm gonna leave
tomorrow.

I'm on the outcast.

Like, why am I gonna
end my summer

With people that don't even
want me around?

[Driving rock music]

I'm going to jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

Um, hello?

I had my mind set

That I was gonna leave
when I woke up.

The first night, I feel
like I messed up.

I was too drunk.

So now they've got
the impression

That I'm, like,
a crazy, slutty-a*s girl.

I'm really not like that.
But they don't know me.

Like, if they were
true friends, they'd understand.

Just calling to follow up on
our conversation last night.

How are you doing?

Uh, I don't know.

I feel like I
shouldn't be here.

Sometimes that's the way
it works out, nicole.

Maybe it's just
not meant to be.

Honey, this is
a decision.

Whatever you want to do,
it's totally up to you.

So you haven't made up your
mind about anything yet?

No, I did.
You did?

Yeah.
And what is it?

I want to come home.

I really miss home,

So why the f*ck am I gonna stay
here, waste my time?

[Chatter]

Mike was
such a sweetheart.

When I woke up this morning,
I walked downstairs

And there was a plate of eggs
for me, waiting.

Even though I am
a little bit of a player...

Is there any sort
of attraction at all?

Anything?
Yeah.

Yeah? All right.

Well...
All right.

You digging my "a"?

At the same time,
she does see

That I'm a sweetheart,
and maybe that,

You know, we could vibe
enough for, you know,

I can cut that out.

What do you think?
There is. There is.

I'm not afraid to say
there is a little bit.

Aw, this sucks.

Come on, man.

Hi there.
You too.

You're on time.
Always on time.

First day at the t-shirt shop,
and it's raining out.

Like, who buys a t-shirt
on the beach in the rain?

All right, pauly,
muscles.

I'll have these
through the gates.

Got you.

Danny, our boss, showing us
how to do everything.

And so it was real easy,
but I got to know the shop.

When it starts, guys,
I really can't tell you enough

How important it is that
you guys make the sales.

And when someone comes in,

You've really got to be
on top of them.

You know, part of the deal for
you guys staying in that house

Is to work here every day.

When I think of
the jersey shore,

I think of a playground,
like this place.

This is not a place
that you come to work.

I feel you're not gonna
have a problem.

I feel you might have
a little problem

Breaking out of your shell.

I'm tired.
You're run down already?

Mm-hmm.
It's day freakin' two.

She'll be all right.

Angelina is a complainer,

And I don't think she really
likes to work, either.

Sometimes you're gonna get
the night shifts.

Sometimes you'll get
the morning shifts, you know?

It's, like, once a week?

Uh, your schedule
comes out...

No, it's more than
once a week.

You're working a lot more
than once a week.

I feel like this job
is beneath me.

I'm a bartender.

I do, like, you know,
great things.

♪ ♪

The sun ended up
coming out,

So a few customers
came in.

How are you doing?
Good.

What are you
looking to get?

We made some sales
in the morning.

I was kind of on fire.

All right, did you want to
get wax today?

It protects the decal

From cracking and stuff
when you wash it.

It's an extra $4.99.

Sure, why not?
All right.

It's his first sale.
He's on the board.

We got him
on the board, guys.

Now we need her
to get on the board.

You got people at the counters.

Get up there.
Come on.

I want to see you
make something right now.

He was not even bothering paul
at all, danny.

I don't understand
why he was, like,

Picking on me so much.

Do you like crosses?

You want to get something
printed on these?

Well, not yet.

Okay.

She didn't sell anything.

I'll wait until you
get off the phone.

So danny put her on, like,
hangers duty.

You don't
leave this spot.

I want those hung
when I get back.

She kept leaving
the spot,

So danny
had to yell at her.

He was like,
"stay at this spot."

Why did we leave
the station again?

That's just ridiculous.

The hours, maybe,
are way too much for me.

Jolie!

Eight or nine hours
in one day?

Just keep on
hanging them.

Oh, my god.

♪ ♪

Are you okay?
What's going on?

I don't know. I feel like
I'm still, like, set.

Why?

I mean, I love
the jersey shore.

I love being a guidette.

But no one can, like,
understand

How I'm feeling
right now.

I can't handle it,
to be honest.

Why end the summer, like,

Being depressed
and feeling the way I am?

You're not.

When I can end it amazing
with my friends back at home?

I am a princess at home.

Like,
I'm the f*cking princess

Of f*cking poughkeepsie,
and here, I'm nobody.

I'm, like,
emotionally exhausted.

I just feel like I'm not,
like, mature enough

To be on my own right now.

Like, sit down,
'cause, like, I'm...

It's just me;
like, nobody else is here.

I just wanted to, like,
talk to her

Just to stay with it.

You only learn.
You grow. You move on.

You have to push through every
situation that you're in.

The first night, we were-
everybody was drinking.

You drank a lot.

Did I not like you
the first night?

I'm gonna tell you honestly,
no, I did not like you.

I'm like, is she
that sloppy girl?

The next day
when I was like,

"Don't get
your gorilla breath on me,"

'Cause I was so, like,
ew about the first night...

But that's just me.
Like, I get like that.

Like, I don't like girls that
got, like, problems like that.

I, throughout the day, like,
saw a whole nother person,

And you made me change
and realize,

"I don't know this person.
I'm not gonna judge her."

I honestly think nicole needs to
build up some self-esteem.

I will definitely be there
for her,

Try and comfort her.

Dude, you're a guidette.
Don't go home.

I will be there if you
need me to be your friend.

Like, I'm that type
of girl.

Like, they don't call me sammi
sweetheart for nothing.

Like, you know
what I mean?

Well,
thank you for that.

I'm not a strong person
like I look.

I... Just honestly, I don't know
what I'm feeling right now.

Do you want to go double
dutch? You like my moves?

We do our thing
in the gym and work out hard.

We take it seriously.

We make sure that we have
certain foods afterwards.

Let's get back to the house
and have a protein bar.

Now?
Yeah, it'll be all right.

If you want to look somewhat
like the situation,

Which is definitely
gonna be pretty hard,

You need to get that protein
in your diet.

I kind of can't wait
to go out.

I'm gonna get
so much vag*na.

Not necessarily like her.

Maybe you want to
hook up with her.

Exactly. At least
somebody says it.

Yeah, sammi's cute.

I was, like, do I have
a little competition,

I was thinking,
with ronnie?

But then I was like,
"nah, I don't."

Snooki, like, I could say
what I want to say,

But in the end, she's gonna do
what she wants to do.

I'm, like, shaking
right now.

Why?
I don't know.

I had my mind set
that I was gonna leave

When I woke up.

Then after the talk
with sammi, like,

I was just thinking
about it all day.

I think this is what
I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna see
how tonight goes.

I need to stop being
f*cking Ret*rded.

So I decided to stay.

Oh, good. Cool.

This experience,
it's making me, like,

Grow up and, like,
understand who I really am.

Be yourself and, like,
just, like...

I think that's what
I'm gonna do.

So snooki's staying,
and I'm ready to party.

I'm ready to meet
sexy guidos,

And I'm ready just to
f*cking be single.

♪ ♪

- hola!

Snooks,
what's going on?

f*ck being depressed.

I just want to have
a good time.

I'm a f*cking amazing-a*s,
gorgeous, tan guidette.

[Laughs]

You're staying.
Are you good?

You're okay, though?
Yeah, I'm staying. Yeah.

High five for staying.
Serious.

I'm definitely glad
snooki stayed.

She's definitely my girl.

I want something
that makes me look hot.

In a weird
snookers world,

Like, me and snookers would
make the best, like,

Little guidos
and guidettes.

Little poofs and blowouts
on our little kids.

Now I'm good.

I'm gonna stay,
enjoy this experience.

Jolie, I'm gonna
k*ll you

If you don't start
hanging those shirts.

Stop!
I'm being serious now.

You've got to hang them.
You're almost done.

[Groans]

Our faces are touching,
and we're, like...

We're, like,
teasing each other

To that point where you see
who makes that first move.

There are a couple haters
at the club.

I blew a kiss to them.
I say, "come get some."

[Arguing]

Snap. Yeah.

I was actually
really excited

To go in to work
with mike.

All right, baby doll.
Let's give them what they want.

We vibe good
off each other.

I'm comfortable with mike.

What's going on?
How you doing?

Ready to work the night?

Should I stand out in front
for you real quick,

Bring some customers in?

Oh, yeah, you're the-
what's your nickname?

It's, uh, situation.

I can sell t-shirts
standing still.

As a matter of fact, I just
sold one just right now.

Let's pick something out,
girls.

What are we gonna get
on here?

I really... I really like-
like the situation.

Like, I love
the situation.

I mean, I didn't even
really show you guys,

You know,
what's going on here.

But that is-
that's the situation.

Mike, he was working it,
you know?

He had the abs
and everything.

Any girl that came into
the shop,

"You need booty shorts with
'i love the situation.'"

Here it is.
Look, look, look, look.

Look, look, look, look.
Put 'em on, man.

Do you girls have boyfriends
or anything like that?

No.
No?

I mean, we can get
anything on it.

Maybe, like,
"I love the situation" or...

I'm liking the situation
here.

You like the situation
right now. Me too.

Well, you have to
show her.

All right, all right.
Damn!

Yeah,
everybody loves me:

Babies, dogs, you know,
hot girls, cougars.

So are we gonna get
something for moms?

Does moms need anything?

Moms might like
the situation too.

I don't know.
[Laughter]

You never know.

I just have unbelievable
mass appeal.

I need to trademark this.
I need to tradem...

Is it trademark?

He was cute.

Like, he, like, sold
a lot of, like, shorts.

He did really good.

"I love
the situation."

Yes, I like that.

See?
I like that.

You girls look beautiful.

Good-bye.
Bye, guys. Bye.

So did you realize
that we're good together?

Did you realize that, you know,
just working and whatnot?

What do you mean?

I said, we're good
together, you know?

We've always been
good together.

[Laughs]

I'm gonna get you one of
those pairs for yourself.

You can wear them
in the house.

What?
"I love the situation."

Yeah.
Yeah.

When are you
getting there?

We're gonna leave at, like,


Yay!

It sucks,
not seeing him,

My boyfriend, because
this is the first guy

That I can call, you know,
my best friend

As my boyfriend.

How come
he's your boyfriend now?

First it was just, "I have
an italian guy back home."

Now it's "my boyfriend."

I'm boyfriend
number two.

After my boyfriend
in jersey.

You tell your boyfriend
about us yet?

What?

You tell your boyfriend
about us yet?

I think I kind of,
like, was flirting

With pauly a little bit.

Even if I'm attracted
to him,

Which, you know,
of course,

He's, like, attractive,

I would be the stupidest
person in the world

To, like, leave
what I have.

Hey, what's up?
What's up?

No, nothing.

I'm just trying to get out
of my house right now.

My boyfriend's
very nervous right now.

He... His main concern is,
"are you gonna cheat on me?

What are you gonna do?"

Listen, I want to
get off the phone

And do a few things
and then leave.

Can I call you back?

I will not cheat on my
boyfriend while I'm here.

What I have back at home

Is far better
than what's in this house.

Does anybody know
what time it is in this house?

It's time to party!

[Laughter]

♪ Hollywood's
fast asleep ♪

♪ Miami ain't my type ♪

Why?
I love the poof.

It's guidette.

♪ Mellow tone ♪

♪ Satisfied ♪

To blowouts,
sunglasses...

Fake tans, man.

And poofs.

♪ Lay it out ♪

♪ Oh, yeah,
lookin' excited ♪

♪ Mellow tone ♪

Yo, yo, yo.

Oh, my god, finally somebody
comes and saves us right now.

Listen.
What's that?

The good news is that
we're going out.

The bad news is that
you're not gonna be there.

[Laughs]
wow.

The first night out,
you're gonna decide to go out

Without two other people?

Are you serious?

I cannot believe you guys
organized a night out...

We didn't organize sh*t.

While
we're f*cking working.

I organize everything
when everybody's around.

I think they were
kind of pissed off,

But we're all gonna be
in that situation

Where we're gonna
have to work,

And they're gonna leave.

Yeah, whatever. You guys
are not even gonna have...

You guys ain't even
gonna have a hot time.

It's cool.
All right.

You guys ain't even
gonna have a hot time.

If I ain't going,
it ain't gonna be hot.

I love you guys.
[Blows kiss]

[Laughs]
he gave me the finger.

♪ ♪

[Overlapping chatter]

The jersey nightlife
is fun.

It's crazy...

People grinding
on each other,

Dogging each other out.

It's always a good time.

We're gonna get laid
tonight!

I don't give a f*ck
if you're fat,

You're ugly,
you're 45 years old.

I'll dance with you.

It's hilarious,
you know what I mean?

[Electronica music]

♪ ♪

My ideal man
would be italian,

Dark, muscles,
juice head, guido.

If I found that guy,
I'd snatch him like that.

♪ ♪

I want to bring home guys,
and it's is hard.

♪ ♪

Like, it shouldn't be hard,
but it is hard,

'Cause it's
the jersey shore, you know?

[Overlapping chatter]

Angelina's surprising me
in the club.

I know she has a boyfriend
back home,

But there's not really
much between her a*s

And the guy
she's grinding on's.

Could we go... Could we go
somewhere more private?

Next thing you know,
she's grabbing guys.

They're buying her drinks.
She's dancing with them.

It's really shocking
to me.

Yo! Are we on for-
all right, it's going down.

♪ ♪

I'm, like, dancing,
and somebody grabs my arm.

And I'm, like, yo.

I had a feeling where I wanted
to make out with somebody,

And I knew
it was gonna happen.

That's what the f*ck
I said!

Jwoww has a boyfriend,

But she's the type of girl
that doesn't care.

So she wants to have fun

And she wants to have
a boyfriend.

So if she's like, "I want to
have my cake and eat it too,"

Then I'll play that game.

Like, I'll be that guy.
I don't care.

I started dancing, and, um,
it's getting, like,

Kind of a little bit
intimate.

We're getting-
we're getting real sexual.

Our faces are touching,
and we're, like,

We're, like,
teasing each other

To that point where you see
who makes that first move.

♪ ♪

Me and jwoww, we're gonna
hook up, definitely.

Technically, I guess,
cheated on my boyfriend.

I just saw your p*nis.

With me and sam,
it's not a matter

Of if she wants to
hook up with me;

It's a matter of just
when I decide.

[Groans]
I'm tired.

Me too.

We were
definitely upset

That they decided
to leave me and sam working

On the first night
that they went out.

But now
I've started to see

That it might be
a good thing.

And I'm like, "what?

Are you... Are you serious
right now?"

Um, definitely-
I know guys talk.

Like, let's go.

Definitely-
definitely not ronnie.

I don't know
about mike,

Like, if he is just
like a schmoozer

Or if he's really
into me.

So I'm holding back.

I'm holding back
a little bit.

What do you think
about ronnie?

I like him.

He's, like, raw.
You think he's raw?

He, like, says-
he says some, like...

Yeah.
Some, like, crazy sh*t.

He's bad-a*s,
a little bit.

And he doesn't care
what he's gonna say.

He just says, like,
some, like,

"I want to pound on every girl
in seaside" type stuff.

You know,
that's how he is.

I'm trying
to pretty much

Block ronnie with sam.

I don't necessarily
feel bad.

I didn't even think
twice about it.

Well, I brought my friend
robby back to the house.

I really like him.

He was like my little
robby-headed guido.

You know, we'll chill out,
do whatever,

Maybe make out,
whatever.

[Laughs]

He just talks sh*t.
I think he's funny.

I will admit that he says it
in, like, a funny way.

I like this, uh, this
little loft area here.

I don't know what to say.

You gotta... You gotta,
like, take this in.

Like, hello.
When do you see this?

Never.

Snookums shows up
with a random guy,

And I'm like, "no way."

Like, honestly,
like, he looked decent.

♪ ♪

Are you gonna make it or do
you want me to carry you?

Can I have a back ride,
please?

Yo, boo-boo,
you weigh a lot.

What?

I'm going to bed.

Where is he?
Where's my chain?

After the club, I'm going
upstairs to lay down,

And, um, like, jwoww comes
and lays down with me.

So we were kind of flirting
with each other all night,

So we just continued that
at the house.

♪ ♪

We're starting to kiss.

We're getting
a little bit crazy.

And she's, like,
rubbing on me.

I'm rubbing on her
a little bit.

We're gonna hook up,
definitely.

The party's
in pauly d's pants tonight.

He's bad news
when it comes to me.

'Cause i... I... Technically,
I guess,

Cheated on my boyfriend
with him.

Me and my friend robby,

We wanted to watch
the sunset.

No, the sunrise.

I'm like,
"dude, wake up.

"Like, I brought you
to the house. Like, come on.

I want to make out, and you're
totally ignoring me."

[Gagging]

[Vomiting]

Damn it, life sucks.

What's going on?
He's f*cking throwing up.

He's throwing up?

Please.
Like, he's my friend.

So why is he throwing up?

Because he drank so much
tonight.

So obviously
they're not banging.

Oh, we're not banging.

What... What do you
think I am?

Come on.

You guys are assholes.
That's all I have to say.

They're, like,
so rude sometimes,

Like, the way
they say things,

And I'm not used to,
like,

People being so rude
like that.

It's kind of offensive.

Would you like
a piece of gum?

I know he's feeling sick,

But I take care of my guys,
you know,

If they throw up,
whatever.

You know, I helped him out,
so...

I took care of him.

I had to walk him home,
do the whole mommy thing.

I wanted to make sure
he was okay.

Good night.
Good night.

No, I expected that,
so it's okay.

I really have bad luck
with guys.

I don't know
what's wrong with me.

I'm cursed.

I'm wrestling
with that big dude.

What big dude?

Wow, what's up?

You just cheated
on your boyfriend.

What? I don't even
remember that guy.

How you gonna hook up
with somebody in the house,

Right in front of me
like that, huh?

You f*cked with me
half the night,

And you f*cked with my boy
the other half of the night?

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

So how did we figure that
we had to leave last night?

Did the place close?

No, we just left.

Last night, I was wasted,
wasted beyond belief.

Tell me what I did.

I left you
with that big dude.

You looked kind of scared.

What big dude?

The big... Remember
the big dude?

The bouncer?
No, no, the wrestler dude.

What? I don't even
remember that guy.

[Overlapping chatter]

Could we go... Could we go
somewhere more private?

All right,
it's going down.

Who was it, though?

It was, like, a johnny,
or like, a...

A donny.
A donny.

Yeah, donny or don
or some sh*t.

That's weird.
I don't know.

I'm, like, confused.

Angelina was
just straight lying

To everybody,
and everybody knows it.

I mean, you're attracted
to other people

Whether you have a boyfriend
or not, okay?

You add a little bit
of liquor in that,

And wow, what's up?

You just cheated
on your boyfriend.

I'm going upstairs
really quick.

I'll be right back.

They seem to think
that I've cheated.

So I kind of, like,
freaked out.

I need to talk to my boyfriend,
you know?

[Dialing]

Hello.
I can't talk right now.

I'm in a meeting, so I
can't talk, okay?

No, listen to me.
Let me just talk.

I can't talk all day, so I'm
trying to call you now.

I gotta hang up.
Sorry.

[Dial tone]

Hello?

I don't really know
what's going on.

I mean, my boyfriend
knows that,

Like, I really want to-
I miss him,

And I want to talk
to him.

[Dialing]

[Line ringing]

Hi, this is mike. Sorry
I missed your phone call.

[Dialing]

[Line ringing]

Hi, this is mike. Sorry
I missed your phone call.

[Dialing]

Hello? Mike?

Hi, this is mike. Sorry
I missed your phone call.

f*ck.

[Dialing]

He should be picking up
his phone.

That's what I think...

My boyfriend should be
picking up his phone.

[Line ringing]

Hi, this is mike. Sorry
I missed your phone call.

I think I'm getting pinkeye
in my right eye.

There's, like,
a little bit of a bigger,

Pink bag under my eye,
you know what I mean?

I have one too, then.

No, but i... I-
I feel it.

It feels, like, heavy.

Yeah, I see it.
I see it. I see it.

I wake up this morning,
and I notice

That my eye
is a little bit puffy.

Holy sh*t,
I got pinkeye.

That's what you get

For putting a fat girl's a*s
in your face.

Right.

[Laughs]

That's how you get
pinkeye.

[Laughs]

I think he got pinkeye 'cause he
was dancing with a skank.

Well, you figure, like, diving
through the fat chick's legs,

Maybe she let something out
when he was sliding through

And particles got in his eyes
or something like that.

Yo, guys, I've got to
let you know something

That's disgusting.

I think I'm getting pinkeye
in my right eye.

Are you serious? Yeah?
Don't touch me. Yeah.

Just to let you know,

I think I'm getting pinkeye
in my right eye.

Oh, damn.

Pinkeye is very contagious,
I heard.

I don't know much about it,
but I heard

You can catch it
just from the air.

Where'd you get pinkeye?

We've got to get
purell in this house.

I thought vinny had some
disease or some sh*t,

The way he was acting.

Like, honestly,
I was like,

"It's f*cking pinkeye."

Like, whatever.
Like, take some medication.

You'll be fine.

I woke up with a little bit
of pinkeye today,

So I have a doctor's
appointment at 3:30.

I have work today,
for my first day,

And I have to tell my boss
that I can't come in

Because I got pinkeye.

I mean, I want... Like,
I wanted to work today, but...

I know you do.

You've seemed energetic
about it since day one.

I'm f*cking pissed.

But I do need someone to cover
your shift.

What's your shift?


That's a horrible shift.

It's probably hot as hell
in there too.

Whoo, I ain't going.

We should ask
angelina.

All right,
who's working tonight?

What up? What up?

So I have a doctor's
appointment at 3:30.

So I went to tell danny,
our boss, and...

Oh, I know what this
is gonna be...

Even though
it's a medical reason,

He's telling me that
I have to find someone

To cover for me.

I'll do 3:00 to 7:00,
or 3:00 till...

I mean, I'll switch
with somebody.


And I'll switch.

And then you can do


I'm not...

'Cause if somebody
doesn't switch with me,

I'm gonna be pissed.

You don't like 6:00 to 9:00?

I don't want to do
the f*cking night.


Doing from 6:00 to 9:00?

Because I want to
get ready,

And I wanted to start
going out,

And I know that
if I get home...

What time do you get ready?


We go out
at 11:30 at night.

What time do you start getting
ready to go to a club?

That is a lame excuse.

She just doesn't
want to work.

If he lets me,
like, leave

By, like, 7:00
or something, I'll do it.

I'm trying to, like,
kind of, like, help him out,

But at the same time,
I just didn't want to do it.

Is that the answer?


That's the best I can do?

Yeah.

They want to split
the hours...

One and one?




Who wants to cover for
them... Or, cover for you?

Sam and angelina.
Gotcha.

They don't want to work
till 9:00,

'Cause they have to start
getting ready to go out.

Which is-
I have to get ready too.

We don't go out
until, like...

We don't go out till,
like, 11:30.

I have to get ready too,
'cause I'm here till 9:00.

You know, if she's coming
for an hour,

I really don't need her
for an hour.

Just tell her to keep on
getting ready,

'Cause it takes her
that damn long.

Yeah. Okay, as long as you
know that's how they are.

I need the money.

Like, honestly,
if there's another shift

To throw me on,
like, double it,

Double it, 'cause
I'm missing this day.

Well, good lookin', man.
I appreciate you trying.

I'll see you
in a little bit.

I feel terrible about missing
my first day of work.

I was so excited
to get in there,

To start selling.

I want to work,
you know, and it turns out

That, you know, I can't,
because I have

This stupid thing
on my friggin' face.

Like, only me
this would happen to.

Inside there...

One of the clowns
pushes vinny,

And I f*cking snap.

We got it on tv.

Don't let
the spiked hair fool you.

Like, I'm not a b*tch.

I'm all-f*cking natural,
baby, and I'm hot.

Lose f*cking five or
ten pounds, and we can talk.

Ronnie is just
f*cking hot.

This is going on
right now.

That's, like, a whole drama
situation right there.

I got pinkeye,
and it turns out

That because my case
is so mild,

I'm not that contagious.

I said,
"can I go out tonight?"

The doctor told me I could.

It's contagious?

He said, like, if i-
if I rub my eye,

And then, like,
you rub your eye...

And if he licks
your eyeball, you can get it.

♪ Uhh ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Uhh ♪

Guess what time it is.
Time to go?

Time to get some ron-ron
juice in my system.

The ron-ron juice
is the sh*t.

It gets the night going.

I mean, whenever
that sh*t comes out,

It's always a filthy night;
it really is.

You know, you've got
the watermelon, the cherry,

The ice,
some cranberry juice.

That's the root
of all evil.

[Both laugh]

It's good stuff.
It really is.

Ron-ron's first batch.
Watch your shirt.

That's why I didn't
put anything on yet.

I wait till the last minute
to go shave

And wait till the last minute
to put the shirt on,

'Cause you feel fresh.

These are rules
to live by.

Shave last minute,
haircut the day of,

Maybe some tanning
in the gym.

You gotta do
the guido handbook.

Get the haircut.

We should write
that book.

♪ ♪

[Wolf whistle]

It's the way
she came down the stairs.

I know.
Mad sexy.

All slow and [bleep].
Aw, sam.

Them thick-a*s legs.
Oh!

Stop!

[Overlapping chatter]

Me and sam were vibing.

It's not a matter of if
she wants to hook up with me.

It's a matter of just
when I decide.

Well, I might have my hands

In your kool-aid tonight,
brother.

[Laughter]

She has the nicest legs I've
ever seen on a woman, though.

Seriously.

Ronnie, he's not an ugly dude
by any means.

I'm not a hater at all.

There's just sometimes
you've got it,

You've got the lingo,
you can talk to girls,

And sometimes
you ain't got it.

You look very pretty
tonight, sam.

It should be definitely
interesting tonight,

Considering sam
is in love with me

And ronnie is also in love
with me, probably too,

'Cause, you know,
he wishes, you know,

He had what I have.

Right now,
ladies and gentlemen,

I think we're gonna get
back in the groove again.

[Echoing]
get back in the groove.

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

I hear the music,
I start fist-pumping.

I start dancing.

I'm pulling girls
onstage,

And now vinny
came out to play.

♪ ♪

You know, I was
vibing with sam

The first couple days,
and I figured

That I was gonna
make a move on her.

We had a lot of fun.

We were attracted
to each other

And just started hooking up.

♪ ♪

Tonight's gonna be
a good night.

The situation
just never fails.

♪ ♪

I started dancing
with jwoww.

It was definitely vibing.
Like, it felt right.

♪ ♪

She has a boyfriend
back home,

But I predict her not having
that boyfriend anymore.

[Laughs]

The kiss was good.
Like, it was good.

We had a lot of chemistry.

She won't even remember
her boyfriend's name

When she gets done
with me.

♪ ♪

And then, all of a sudden,
jwoww disappears.

[Overlapping chatter]

I left the club early

Because I didn't want to
cheat on my boyfriend.

♪ ♪

And I felt like eating ham
and drinking water.

Ham.

[Blows raspberry]

♪ ♪

Ronnie is hot.

Ronnie is just
f*cking hot.

♪ ♪

Sammi came up to me and
started dancing with me,

And I was just like,
well, I thought her and mike

Had, like,
a little thing going.

♪ ♪

She really, like,
surprised me.

Like, I really, like,
didn't even, like, expect it.

One thing led
to another.

Like, we were both
feeling it.

♪ ♪

What is going on
right now?

Holy [bleep]!

That's, like, a whole drama
situation right there.

♪ ♪

I saw you with ronnie.

I was very pissed,

And I was about to
jerry springer her a*s.

Then you crushed
his life.

And I see sammi
hooking up with ronnie,

And I was like, "what?"

I was like, "this is
going on right now?"

If I'm attracted
to somebody in the house,

I'm gonna act on it
in my own way.

Why should I hold back
to anything?

I'm not
tied down to anybody.

Like, mike, like, you turned
into a f*cking b*tch.

Like, you're,
like, jealous,

Throwing me the middle fingers,
like, the whole night,

Like we were something.

We were nothing.

Well, she can't
turn back now,

So I'm trying to
let her know, like,

You know, like, this is-
this is...

You made your own bed.

♪ As in a dream ♪

♪ I heard you say ♪

♪ I want you
to come over ♪

♪ ♪

[Overlapping chatter]

I feel a tiny bit, like,
a little upset.

She shut me down.

Yo.

And then, towards
the end of the night,

Um, somebody was looking
at me.

And I don't really, like-
I don't really take any sh*t.

The situation is like, "uh,
do we have a situation?

Just keep your eyes open."

We end up running into
these same clowns

That have been hating on us
all night.

There are a couple haters
at the club.

I pretty much blew a kiss
to them.

I said, you know,
"come get some."

And, uh, he started
walking over.

Hey, get up there.

Then, all of a sudden,

One of the clowns
pushes vinny,

And I f*cking snap.

We got it on tv.

[Overlapping shouts]

He's gone. He's gone.
He's good. He's good.

He's good.
He's good.

I hit him clean, with a clean
right cross right to the face.

I hit him
right in the nose.

That's the best spot
to hit somebody.

It only takes nine pounds
of pressure to break a nose.

[Overlapping shouts]

Snap. Yeah.
That's what happens.

Security hooked me up
right away.

Like, you can't fight
in a club.

You shouldn't fight anyway,

But don't let the spiked hair
fool you.

Like, I'm not a b*tch.

Don't hit anyone, 'cause
you're gonna get hit back.

Nobody pushes my boy,
like, in a club.

He pushes me first, and i-
exactly.

We get kicked out
of the club.

You might think
my night's ruined,

But, no, not at all,

Because we can always
find something.

Yo, hold up. Hold up.

There's three chicks
right behind us, yo.

Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.
Oh, my god!

Are these are actually
three hot girls?

Oh, my god, yes.

Finally, finally,
a hot girl from seaside.

Everybody at the shore
definitely knows the situation.

You're looking hot
right now. Where was you at?

As far as I know, everybody
loves the situation.

And if you don't love
the situation,

I'm gonna make you
love the situation.

♪ ♪

These three broads
was bangin'.

Shiny, tan, beautiful.

And we ended up getting them
up to the rooftop.

Tonight,
being beautiful.

Salud.
Cheers.

Being beautiful.

We love you guys.

I love that!

It's 4:00 in the morning.

This chick, she's ready
to have a good time.

So I'm going downstairs,

I'm gonna get some drinks,

And sure enough,
sam was there,

Ronnie was there,

And then I just-
I just flipped.

I snapped.

So did you have
a good time tonight?

Yeah.
Yeah?

Hope you did.
I know you did.

'Cause you f*cked
things up.

Mike right now
is jealous

About me and sam
being together

Or whatever, talking.

He needs to get over it
at this point.

I hope you're happy
with your choice.

I know you're happy.
Yeah, all right.

Deep down,
I'm a sweetheart.

I don't let... Everybody
sees the exterior,

That I'm a little player,
but in reality,

I was very pissed,

And I was about to
jerry springer her a*s.

You f*ck with me
half the night,

And you f*ck with my boy
the other half of the night?

I don't think so, honey.
Yeah?

He must think
that he can just get

Any single girl
he wants

And that every girl
likes him.

I don't know why he thinks
I like him like that.

Like, I want nothing
to do with you, mike.

Honestly, um, yeah,
I hooked up with you,

But I went to ronnie.

I liked ronnie.
I do like ronnie.

Mike, I love you, 'cause you're
my friend for a long time,

But I'm, like, really, not
having respect for you anymore.

Get the... Yo, get the f*ck out
of here, all right?

Your girlfriend over here
hooked up with my boy,

And she was feeling me
the whole time.

Listen, she... She-
really?

'Cause I was f*cking
feeling ronnie too.

Yo, you was feeling me.

You was holding my hand
the whole time at the bar.

What was that?
All right, whatever.

I actually liked you too.

Ronnie's f*cking hot.
I'm attracted.

Do your thing.
Do your thing.

Do your thing.
Have fun.

Thank you.

I definitely think mike needed
a f*cking reality check,

So I made my decision
to go with ronnie.

I got mad girls upstairs.

So go do what you gotta do,
bro.

Michael, go upstairs
to your wh*res and have fun.

Serious fight.

These boys were, like,
"go upstairs with your wh*res."

I'm not a wh*re, and I'm not
gonna be called a wh*re.

Oh, my god.
You're a f*cking idiot!

Nah, nobody's... No, nobody's
coming up here at all.

They... No, nobody's
coming up here.

Yo, guys,

Like, are we gonna, like,
hang out inside or what?

I am a c*ck block,
mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie.

I mean, I have to put
people in their place

When it's needed.

So are you gonna come inside
and hang out with us,

Like, your roommates?

I will... I will eventually.
I will eventually, yes.

'Cause, like,
I want you

To come inside
and hang out with us.

I will. Give me
a couple minutes.

No.

Who are you to tell me

When I need to
come inside?

Jolie, as usual,
had to come upstairs,

And, um, she had to,
you know,

Pretty much try to
kick everybody out.

You know what I think
about her?

She is just jealous

That I'm not giving her
the attention that she wants.

Why are you
such a hater?

I want to know that.

Hater? On these girls?
Yeah. Exactly.

Sorry, look at me.
I'm not a hater.

Look at me.

Exactly.
Go the f*ck downstairs.

No one wants you.

There's nothing wrong
with what I'm doing.

I mean, if a girl's a sl*t,

I mean,
she should be abused.

Get the f*ck out of here,
all right?

Shut up, mike.
You f*cking hater.

All right, you know what?
I apologize, sweetheart.

I apologize
for this broad right here.

The broad's
got a boyfriend,

And, you know, she should
just... Just step back.

That's what she should do.

Sorry, sweetie.

Let me walk you guys out.

She needs to just mind
her business, and that's it.

I know you're not gonna have
any fun at the shore house,

But we are.

You're a f*cking hater!

You are a real
f*cking hater.

Whatever, mike.

You're a real
f*cking hater.

Who the f*ck are you
to come upstairs?

I've seen guys
that were c*ck,

But mike just blows those guys
out of the water.

Like, he's so c*ck, he just
makes me want to throw up.

You're on
my f*cking list.

You're on my sh*t list.

Every girl
that you've brought home

Is a f*cking number zero, so-
yeah, yeah.

So I guess you're negative
f*cking three, right?

[Laughs]
look at me.

I'm all-f*cking natural,
baby, and I'm hot.

Lose f*cking five or ten
pounds, and we can talk, okay?

Yo, I will cut your hair
while you're sleeping.

Mike is definitely
out front about his jealousy

For me and sam.

Mike would f*cking k*ll
to be in my shoes right now.

You crushed him tonight.

Do you realize that?

I was never his thing.

Yeah, but you crushed
his life, like...

Are you f*cking...

He doesn't know what to do
with himself right now.

Like, he's hating life.

Mike, I'm sorry,
but ronnie's hot.

You hooked up with him?
No. No.

'Cause he's-
he keeps saying...

I think I went like this,
like, on his ear.

He came in,
and I was, like...

Like, that was it,
if that.

But it wasn't like,
sexual like that.

It was like...

Yeah, but I want more.

I don't even care no more.

Captioning by captionmax
www.captionmax.com

♪ You step outside ♪

♪ And put a match ♪

♪ To your cigarette ♪

You're being sweet right now?
Yeah?

♪ You remember things ♪

♪ You've tried to forget ♪

Is there any sort of
attraction at all?

Anything?
Yeah.

Yeah?
You think I'm all right?

♪ Tonight it seems ♪

♪ It's eating you ♪

♪ Alive ♪

♪ It takes everything ♪

♪ Just to keep yourself ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ 'Cause there's time ♪

♪ There's time ♪

♪ Before you even
say the word ♪

♪ There's time ♪