02x03 - Creepin'

[bunniefuu]

The b*tch of staten island is back.

Hey. What the...

Angelina... Like, I thought I saw a ghost.

You want to get your a*s beat?

You can stay, get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your f*cking a*s beat.

Okay.

You can stay and get your f*cking a*s beat.

Hi. Oh, my god.

Hello? I'm entering a house with my ex-boyfriend.

I don't know what to do, sam.

If you want to work on sh*t, we can work on sh*t.

You know, it's weird.

We're ex-boyfriend and girlfriend

And we're hanging out with each other.

Like, no one does that.

Talking to a girl that was married.

Don't worry about what the f*ck I'm doing.

You just don't care. Like, seriously.

What? I'm done.

You're on your f*cking own.

[Upbeat dance music]

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

Um, hello?

Stop being a as*h*le. Being an as*h*le? I'm fine.

Go to bed. Pauly, stop being a jerk-off.

What the hell did I do?

Tonight, me, sitch, and angelina got home.

And angelina's saying all these things to us.

She's getting at us. Like, the girl's drunk.

She's a mess.

I know you're crying right now, baby, but, like...

You just don't care. Like, seriously.

Not cool.

I dare you to smack me one more time.

You just smacked him. I dare you.

One more time. Do it one more time.

Smack me. Get the f*ck away from me.

Pauly. Oh, my god, angelina.

You are f*cking drunk. Get in your f*cking bed!

Most annoying thing is I'm trying to end the conversation,

Trying to end the fight,

And then I'll walk to a different room.

She would follow me.

Like, seriously like a -year-old.

Are you touching me? Stop touching me.

I get woken up in the middle of the night

To hear mike and pauly screaming at angelina.

And I'm like, "what the f*ck?"

Is there a problem?

This b*tch needs to leave this f*cking house

Is what she needs to do.

Pauly is, like, the nicest kid in the house.

So I was pretty shocked to see him so mad.

She smacked pauly three times just now in the face.

She smacked him three times. She has zero clue.

Jenni, I have nothing to do with this tonight.

You're lucky you're drunk right now.

You're done.

What would give you the right to smack pauly?

I didn't smack him. What? f*cking three times.

The girl that I was with smacked him.

I had nothing to do with it.

I walked out of the f*cking place.

Three times. Three times you smacked him in the face.

Okay, well, that wasn't me.

I didn't... I didn't do anything about it.

What the hell are you talking about?

The girl was blond.

The girl that hooked up with you and her friends.

What?

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about right now!

Listen, I didn't smack you at all.

I'm standing here by myself.

Everybody else is around me. What the f*ck?

Are you delusional? Are you delusional?

I seen drunk people before, but that was, like, bipolar.

I never seen that before.

That's... I think that's a problem.

You hooked up with a girl that I was with all night.

None of your business! It's none of your f*cking...

I don't care what you guys do!

Obviously, you do! Oh, my god!

You guys are such instigators, man.

It was just, like, unbelievable.

We brought you out tonight. We paid for the bill.

You didn't even chip the f*ck in.

Wow, you know what? I'm just gonna get away from you...

Go to sleep, babe- and deal with this tomorrow.

She's done. She's done.

I can't believe that she would step

On the only toes that she had in the house.

The only lifeline she had was me and situation.

Now she's screwed.

Jenni, I didn't smack f*cking pauly at all.

Listen, at the end of the day, that kid's my brother

And if he can't hit you, I can.

And you're lucky you're this drunk.

Wait till tomorrow.

That girl's crazy. And I don't get mad.

♪ Hello, drama, hello ♪

This morning I have to start my new job

At the gelato shop, along with jenni and ronnie.

It's a longer walk than the shore store, huh?

It's right here. Good morning, guys.

How you doing? Come in. Come in.

We're gonna start with- I'll give you the t-shirt.

You see. It looks like this. Nice.

And the hat, it looks like that.

Perfect. It's okay?

Can I wear this one? No. Everybody's the same.

When we get there, our boss, enzo,

Makes me put on this black t-shirt

That suffocates my girls.

It was like, "come on, let the girls breathe."

Okay, when we come in the morning,

Normally we clean the display like this.

You see all the dirty of the ice cream?

Now we put these things on like this.

Milk... We're gonna put two liters, like this.

Clean the table like this.

You cannot use the old spoon.

You have to use one scoop

To serve the ice cream every time.

Okay. Jenni, let me see.

Enzo is very strict.

God forbid I cut a melon too small and too tiny,

But yet, they're going to be blended anyways.

It's no good.

What you want me to call? Vinny? Vincent? Vincenzo?

What do you want me to call? Uh, you can call me vincenzo.

Vincenzo.

I want to brush up on my italian with you.

Very good.

So I'm gonna speak italian to you, okay?

[Speaks italian] [responds in italian]

I actually really like enzo.

The fact that enzo's calling me vincenzo

Definitely makes me feel close to home.

That's what all the old-school italians in my family call me.

Look at this. Look at this sandwich.

Isn't that beautiful? Perfection.

Enzo. Oh, god. Suck-a*s.

I made this. Isn't this beautiful?

Vincenzo, you're gonna be the king of the sandwich.

Whatever job that is given to me,

I will make the best of it, and I'll skill it.

Plus, it's scooping ice cream. Chicks love ice cream.

I'm vinny. Nice to meet you. Yeah.

Hopefully we'll run into you guys.

All right, take care.

I woke up this morning, and I'm like,

"Something is wrong.

Pauly and mike are ignoring me now."

I think I got into a fight with pauly.

I don't even know.

How drunk was I last night?

I thought ronnie was bad the first night.

But you might've taken the cake.

What was I saying to pauly that he's upset with me?

Um, you smacked him three times.

[Gasps]

You referenced him hooking up with married girls.

You were just talking mad sh*t.

I just... I was like, "sh*t.

I think I f*cked up bad," you know?

Can I talk to you? Come here.

Just please, like- I'm, like, really upset.

First of all...

I'm gonna cry.

Like, I don't know what happened last night.

I have no idea.

And I was, like, really, really, really drunk

Because I'm not comfortable here.

So I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do.

Like, I'm trying to be cool with everyone.

What can I do to make you guys accept me?

Everything was fine till last night.

You had two people in this house

That you could've been cool with.

But now after last night, you crossed the line.

So I accept the apology, but we go our separate ways.

What do you mean your own way? Like, what does that mean?

That's it. We're cool. We're roommates. Whatever.

Don't worry about what I do.

I'm not worrying about what you do.

Last night you were, like- you were all up in my business.

But I got drunk.

And I'm telling you as a person I don't remember.

I appreciate the apology. That's real.

It takes a lot to do that.

So just do whatever you came here to do.

I'm gonna do what I came here to do.

What did you come here to do? Have fun.

And I want to have fun. Okay, well, have fun.

But, unfortunately, your fun conflicts with our fun.

So do it on your own.

What did I do to you guys?

Do you want me to recap the night?

Look, if you want to recap the night, that's fine,

'Cause I don't remember it.

You apologized, which is fine.

So that... I'll remain- I'll be cool with you,

'Cause I'm not an as*h*le.

I don't get mad. But I'll be cool with you.

Just do you.

Do I get, like- do I get, like,

A "get out of jail free" card or something?

'Cause I didn't know that being drunk

And people making mistakes is that bad.

What do you want me to do?

You f*cking slapped me in the face.

But I'm saying I'm sorry to you.

Okay, I take the apology, but that's it.

Let's leave it at that.

It's just so hard.

I didn't think it was gonna be this bad

Coming in to the house. [Sniffles]

I kind of feel bad for angelina,

Because I was in her spot.

You need to admit to everybody that you talk sh*t,

And then we'll bring you in. I'm not.

Ronnie, when he's drunk,

Is like a different person lately.

He's just a mess.

[Laughter]

Come on.

I really need a haircut bad. Like, wow.

I haven't had a good haircut since I got here.

I have thick, thick sicilian hair.

And the only thing I can do with it

Is get a tape up and a fade.

If I don't have that, that's like saying,

"You have to go out without putting gel

In your hair."

How you doing, man?

Um, you have to... You have to make an appointment,

Or you take walk-ins?

I'm new in town. I'm sorry. I'm from new york.

So I need like a good tape up.

And shape up. Let's go do this, brutus.

So me and ronnie go to this new barber shop...

A little bit of a hood barber shop.

If someone can cut a black person's hair,

They can usually cut my hair.

We are in the hood of miami right now.

This is... You ever hear...

You ever see{\i} bad boys ii{\i} with the haitians?

I feel like... [Mimics fanfare]

Like they're all gonna come out of the bushes.

They're letting the pigeons go right now.

Flipping pigeons. See? See?

Flipping pigeons. That means white boys are in the hood.

[Chuckles]

I'm very a**l about my hair, like, you know?

I'm, like, nervous.

So I'm praying that they know what they're doing.

[Razor buzzes] yo.

Thank god. Good job.

Real haircut, like new york city, baby.

Finally the heavens have answered,

And I found a barber shop in miami.

Straight edge and everything. Thank god.

Told you I needed to come to the hood to get a haircut.

[Laughter]

As you can see, got a good fade going on.

I mean, they know how to do it in the hood.

Ding!

How's work? Not even that bad.

[Laughs]

Things are going really good with me and ronnie.

I think we're single right now, I guess.

I don't know. We're working on things.

But I feel like he's showing me

That he's trying to make this work.

And I'm loving it right now.

Ange, you all right?

No. I just don't feel good.

I'm actually starting to feel bad for angelina.

I mean, some of the sh*t she's done the last couple days,

It's just not cool stuff.

But at the same time, I'm gonna put my best foot forward.

Um, I do know angelina before.

And I know she hasn't been acting like herself.

So I wanted to make it a point to talk to everybody

About the whole situation.

You know, we're all gonna be here for a little bit.

So, you know, we're gonna have to work out something

In the house.

The only... The only way, at the end of the day,

For this to work is for her to bond with the girls.

Serious? Why?

Because how are me and him gonna do our thing?

She doesn't fit in with us.

She doesn't fit in with me and him.

Come on. She has to be with you.

Or she has to be sam or snooks or whatever,

'Cause there's no way she's gonna go to the gym

Every day with me and pauly.

She's not gonna do gtl

And then go to the haircut and sit at the haircut.

She's gonna need to get her nails done and sh*t.

Yeah, so you know what I mean? I'm just trying to say

That, like, the whole bullshit before all this,

We should push that aside.

All I want from that girl is to man up

And say the truth about talking sh*t.

I'm telling you that you're gonna be living

In the same house for two months.

This is a new slate.

We should take her upon the way that she acts now

And not past sh*t.

Ange? Hmm?

Everybody's, uh, gonna go out, if you want to come out.

You're actually inviting me to come out with you?

Yeah. All right. Thank you.

No problem.

I'm doing the poof tonight.

Goes right with the cheetah look.

Really?

Tonight snooki is rocking the old snook look...

Leopard dress, poof,

And she actually looks pretty good.

You look hot. Really?

I've never said that to you.

You just took my breath away.

You trying to smoosh right now?

No. You look hot too.

[Chuckles] who knows?

Are you ready? Taxis are leaving.

Jenni, you forgot your shirt. [Laughs]

♪ Pop magic, got to have it ♪

♪ So addicted, I'm a addict ♪

♪ Pop magic, I'm a addict ♪

♪ So addicted, got to have it ♪

Jenni's t*ts definitely defy gravity.

They... I think albert einstein should come back

And rewrite his laws of physics

And work it around jenni's t*ts.

I'm still angry with angelina.

But at the same time, like, I kind of feel bad for the girl.

She's not talking to anybody.

And I was in her spot last summer.

So I know what's going through her head,

And I think I just need to say something to her.

Thank you! Thank you!

All hail angelina right now!

She talked sh*t about me, and she's admitting it for once!

I am.

I feel like everyone talks sh*t in this house.

But I felt like I should be the bigger person,

And I would just accept the fact that I was wrong

And squash any kind of problems.

So I just basically said, "I'm sorry,"

Just to basically end all this.

Admit it all.

Angelina, that's all you have to say.

I have to give angelina a lot of credit

For apologizing to me.

She came clean about everything that she said.

So I'm, like, "all right, I'll accept the apology

And, uh, go from there."

I don't even want to do that either.

[Upbeat dance music]

♪ ♪

I was having the time of my life with ron.

We're dancing, partying.

We're having another amazing night out.

Next thing you know, I look over...

[Cymbal crashes]

And ron's shitface wasted.

I just don't appreciate that.

Ronnie, when he's drunk,

Is like a different person lately.

He's crazy.

He's... He's... He's just nuts when he's been drunk lately.

It really felt, like, at that moment, like,

That was the end of sam and ron.

Oh, my god.

I see ron with another girl.

You need to have a line.

Go. Ronnie pushes snooki.

We had to step in right then and there.

Just stay with me. Did I do the unthinkable?

Nicole's in bed with vinny.

If you're gonna sit here and act the way you're acting,

Then go.

You're a f*cking b*tch. Go.

I couldn't believe ron, in the middle of the club...

In, like, the middle of all our roommates...

Would scream at me and go, "you're a b*tch.

You're miserable."

When I heard that, I just broke down emotionally,

And I wanted to leave.

Are you all right? I think I want to go.

Sammi, you gonna be all right?

Can you just take me home, please? [Sniffles]

I'm going to sleep.

[Sniffles]

[Rock music]

♪ I was a young man ♪

♪ Too young to see ♪

♪ Nothing in this world was gonna satisfy me ♪

♪ ♪

I'm on the dance floor.

And then I look over. I see ron.

He's holding hands with another girl,

Dancing with her, making out with her.

Like, that kind of, like, shocked me.

I was, like, "ew, ron. What are you doing?"

I'm just trying to have a good time with my friends.

What's wrong with that?

I don't see anything wrong with that.

Ronnie and sam, they get into, like, one little fight.

So ronnie thinks that by getting into a fight,

That he's allowed to creep.

I would not rat out ronnie.

But when the girls have their little girl time

And they're, like, mad at the boys

Or whatever that is, they'll- snook... That'll come out.

Like, the truth's gonna come out.

It's only a matter of time.

It's gonna... It's gonna blow up in his face.

He's f*cked. He's, like, i.f.f.

People should mind their own business.

I don't get involved with emilio and snooki.

Keep to yourself. And that's the way I feel.

Ronnie pushes snooki.

So we had to step in right then and there.

We're like, "listen, what are you doing over here?

Can't be doing that."

We're like, "we got to get out of here."

Yo, what happened tonight? I have no idea.

But I had good-a*s mother f*cking time.

Me too.

I don't know what happened. Who?

I got -----.

{\I}toma. Toma. Toma. Ven aqui. Ven aqui. Ven aqui. Toma.{\I}

Pffft.

[Laughs]

[Laughter]

Come on, son.

I don't know how drunk he got or whatever it was,

But ronnie was sloppy as hell.

I'm going to bed.

I'm actually starting to feel bad for sam.

This is the second night ronnie has hooked up

With some girls

And then going home and sleeping with sam.

I don't know how sammi does not know.

I think she has an idea,

But she doesn't want to believe it.

It goes back to the day when you thought the tooth fairy

Was, you know, alive.

Vinny, go to bed.

[Dialing multiple numbers]

[Hiccups] oh, excuse me.

[Redials]

So I pass out on the beanbag chair.

And, um, apparently, snooki, uh, fell on top of me

To call her boyfriend, which is weird.

It's : in the morning. [Hiccups]

Is it really? [Hiccups]

Yeah, right. I got the hiccups.

What? I got the hiccups.

Can't hear you. I got the hiccups.

[Laughs] [hiccups]

[Laughs]

You know, I'm really drunk at this point,

But I do remember

Her hands are wandering a little bit.

I'm going to bed. [Hiccups]

[Screams]

What are you doing? [Hiccups, laughs]

All right.

[Laughing]

Hello?

[Laughing]

What are you doing?

[Both laughing]

Come on. Come on. Get up.

[Both laughing]

[Hiccups]

Bluh. Bluh-bluh-bluh.

[Belches]

Yeah, like a dog.

[Hiccups]

The last thing I can remember

Is snooki climbing into bed with me.

[Belches] excuse me.

Sam's in bed with ronnie.

Do you think she has a right to know?

[Scoffs] I mean... That's a true pig right there.

You coming in?

I finally put some water on my face.

I was like, [gasps] "we got grenades, man."

[expl*si*n]

[Alarm buzzing]

Waking up this morning's rough.

I got snooki next to me.

I don't even know how she got there.

And I see my clothes all over the place.

Like, dude, what the f*ck did I do last night?

I'm like, "did I bang snooki last night?

Did I do the unthinkable?"

Nicole's in bed with vinny. Really?

Yeah. [Laughs]

Speaking of the devil. [Phone rings]

Hello? Yeah. What's up?

Is nicole there? Hold on.

Uh, she's sleeping, bro. Is she really?

Yeah. Swear to god. [Laughs]

Who is this, vinny? Yeah.

All right, well, tell her- tell her to call me later

When she gets up.

All right. Bye. All right, thank you.

Who was that? Emilio.

How does that feel to pick up the phone

On her boyfriend, like, "yeah,

Your girl was cuddling me last night?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, she's sleeping, with me."

I'm never gonna be able to live this down.

I didn't even touch her. Okay.

Sam's in bed with ronnie. Heh. That's crazy.

Like, I'm so sick of the, like, same sh*t.

It's, like, old now, huh? Just tired of it, dude.

Ron and sam's relationship is just ridiculous.

They fight every other day.

Then they just act like nothing happened.

Do you even know the sh*t that went down last night?

Like what?

Snooki told ronnie that- she's, like,

"I'm gonna tell sam everything you're doing at the club."

Do you think she has a right to know?

[Scoffs] I mean, I don't know.

It's all gonna come out at some point.

And she'll still probably go back with him.

That's how dumb I think she is.

If you go back with someone after they,

Like, go out and do that to you

And then come home in the same bed with you...

That's a true pig right there.

Mm-hmm. No offense to ronnie.

♪ These hands, they are holding me down ♪

Right now I'm just confused about everything.

One minute we're fighting,

And next thing you know, he's in my bed,

Like, cuddling me.

And he's kind of giving me mixed signals,

Like, on how he feels.

Where you going? Put makeup on, all right?

I just don't know what he wants anymore.

♪ Why won't you wait for me, my dear ♪

♪ I find you always thinking ♪

So I have work with ron at the gelato shop.

I don't really know what to expect.

He's in his own world.

Sure. Oh, my god.

Ay. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

One second.

I mean, sometimes I want to be single.

And then it's just, like, I think about all the good times

I had with her.

And it's like, "well, I miss this girl."

Yeah, that's passion fruit. That's mango.

[Cone breaks] oh, f*ck.

Oh, my god.

I do still love sam, and I have feelings for her,

But, you know, sometimes I'm not really good

At showing her that I want to be with her.

Oh, are you being affectionate?

Yeah. Why?

What? Oh.

Ronnie's like, "oh, you're my girlfriend."

And I was kind of like, "ooh."

Like, "yay, finally.

"Like, been waiting for this moment

For you to, like, say that."

We're gonna start cleaning up.

I mean, you know, it's, like, you got to go with your heart.

And, like, right now my heart is with sam.

So I'm gonna go with that.

Take it easy. Enjoy your day.

You gonna go out? I'd like to sh**t some pool.

I'll do pool tonight.

Looks like I'm gonna have to wax your a*s at pool.

What are they doing? Going to felt?

Yeah. I don't play pool. On a thursday night?

I'm not gonna play pool.

I just want to do the thing with my boys.

That's all.

We don't want to go to felt.

We don't want to play pool.

Like, we know what we want to do.

We want to find beautiful women and just have a good time.

Oh, I might do it. I might do it.

Might bust out the red joints.

That's how you know it's gonna be a good night.

Me, mike, and pauly want to have a fun

Guys' night out.

It's mvp night, son.

M. V.

P.

[Cheers]

And it just so happens that our initials are "mvp."

Mike, vinny, pauly- mvp.

And we are the most valuable players in m.i.a.

Supporting the g.f.f.

It's mvp.

You playing pool tonight too?

I guess. I don't know. What are you doing?

It's mvp night. What's that?

Mvp. Can you fill me in?

It's mvp.

I don't really want to play pool.

I want to go out.

If I can get someone to meet me there, I'm going.

Now angelina wants to come with us.

And we're like, "damn, this is the boys' night out."

We don't want no drama, no angelina bullshit.

We just want to have a good time with the boys.

So you, sammi, jenni, snooki, and angelina

Are gonna have a good time at felt.

Check you guys after.

I honestly want to go out with you guys.

But I don't want to be the only girl.

Yeah, no, I think you're right.

Yeah, I feel you. Yeah, yeah.

I totally agree, %. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, definitely. You guys are so corny.

Shut up.

Look, we're trying to do an mvp guy night.

I'd still go.

It's not mvpa. I just made it that, so...

I don't get it.

Why doesn't- why doesn't she get it?

I don't know.

Angelina wants to come out with us right now.

And she's basically not gonna do it.

She's all, like, "oh, I'm trying to meet a guy at b.e.d."

That's bullshit. Go play pool with the girls.

Yo, angelina's not- this is mvp night...

Mike, vinny, pauly.

Not to be confused with beamer, benz, or bentley

Or nissan, honda, chevy. Doesn't happen.

Straight up and down, no playing around, no bullshitting.

Oh, look, the wife-beater g*ng.

You guys ready? Yeah.

Hold on. When are we leaving to go?

Huh? What the hell?

"When are{\i} we{\i} leaving to go"?

Angelina is breaking our ba*ls.

She wants to come with us to the club.

And we don't want her there.

So me, mike, and pauly devise a plan

To ditch angelina.

Just the guys out tonight, just the guys out tonight.

As soon as angelina has her head turned,

We're gonna run out the door and go to the club.

That's what's up. Mvp.

Mvp, baby. Put it in. Put it in.

We ready? We ready, boys? One, two, three.

Mvp. Get it.

Jenni, k*ll me right now. Go, go, go.

But I'm going. I am.

[Door closes] oh, my god.

[Laughing]

Pauly! Is she coming?

Are you f*cking kidding me, bro?

What's this?

Apparently, one of their fake boobs

Fell out of some girl's bra.

Whose is it? I don't know.

Is this yours?

We're trying to do a guy night.

I'd still go. Huh?

Mvp. k*ll me right now.

But I'm going.

♪ Let's go ♪

The guys are going to b.e.d.

Do what we usually do- mvp special.

Unfortunately, angelina's not gonna meet up

With us tonight.

Yay. Your turn.

[Crickets chirping]

Splitting up from the girls is definitely something

The guys need at this point.

We don't want to look out for them.

We want to just go in as men,

Do our own thing, get our own girls,

And leave with them at the end of the night.

Only problem is there's grenades all over the place.

[expl*si*n, glass breaking]

[Man screams]

Even though the club is full with the bronx zoo,

Mike and pauly are roaming around,

Trying to scramble up whatever kind of girls they can

To take back to the house.

I mean, mike and pauly would take home a stray dog

If there were no girls left.

Hey, let's roll. Come on.

Take this left, sweetheart.

Yo, vinny, let's take this party outside, right?

Yeah, come on. My best friend.

I got to get you a bathing suit.

You coming in? Yeah.

All right. Come on, let's go.

In, like, miami, though, they go topless

All the time.

I know. That's why I came here.

You coming in? So I could take my top off.

You feel me?

What?

At one particular point, I remember I was in the jacuzzi.

And I finally put some water on my face.

I was like, [gasps] "we... We got grenades, man."

[expl*si*n]

And I'm looking at pauly, like, "do you know

"We're in the midst of grenades right now?

Do you know we're... We're- we're at the zoo?"

He's smiling and had no clue.

He was, like, hypnotized.

One of the hyenas hypnotized him.

He didn't see the, you know, up close what was going on.

I'm, like, hot and bothered.

[Ominous music]

♪ ♪

So we're just chilling, and all of the sudden,

We see something floating around in the hot tub.

What's this?

Throw it out.

What the f*ck is that?

What the f*ck is that?

What is this, dog?

It was, like, some sort of rubbery...

Some... It was, like, a rubbery...

I don't know what the f*ck it was.

What is... Is that- is that a fish?

Is that a fish in the pool?

Apparently, one of their fake boobs

Fell out of some girl's bra.

So all the guys start playing catch

With this girl's fake boob.

[Laughs] whose is it?

I don't know. Is this yours?

I heard you say...

Thank you.

I never seen that before.

It looks like a chicken cutlet.

Yo, put that on the grill.

[Laughs]

As soon as we saw that,

We had to get them out of there,

Because this is a grenade-free zone.

I got you a towel. I got you a towel over here.

Here you go. Just walking you out.

After you. [Laughs]

Whew.

I think we need a refresher course

About the g.f.a.

You want to get on the camel? Ha ha ha.

Oh, it hurts my vag*na. Oh. [Laughs]

All right, come on. You want to get down?

No, I like it.

I want to go to klutch with the guys.

He's a dirt bag.

He goes, does his thing, and then comes back,

In bed with her.

It's, like, both of our friends.

What do we do?

Got to go to work. Do you want to walk?

I'm not wearing underwear. Yeah?

How am I gonna see and reach?

This sucks.

It's my first day at work, and I already hate it.

I can't see any ice creams.

I can't see customers, because I'm a f*cking smurf.

Hello.

Ding!

Can I have a hazelnut in a small sugar cone?

I can't reach those.

Mm.

Snooki, I have something for you.

Oh, no. Try. Let me see it.

It's, like, ridiculous. I need to stand on a stool.

Like, how embarrassing.

Okay, look, look, look,

The scoop have to be like this. Look.

So this is one scoop.

You're gonna put one side like this, okay?

I really don't have a technique for scooping.

And I didn't think there was a technique for scooping.

But I guess I have to read, like, a whole handbook

On how to scoop right.

No, snooki, that side here. This side?

Exactly. There.

[Imitating enzo] snooki. Snooki. Snooki.

You are not spooning correctly, snooki.

Ah. What?

It was this side, not that side.

Ugh!

If I stand outside with my shirt off,

There'd probably be a situation out there.

There'd be, like, a whole crowd of people out there.

Guarantee it.

I'm gonna go flag some customers in here for you.

The gelato spot was a little slow.

So I'm gonna just step up a little bit.

I'm gonna stand right in front of the store,

Shirt off, bring in the clients,

The customers, the women, babies, dogs, everybody.

You guys can come and get some ice creams inside.

Guys want some ice cream?

You guys... All right, dog, come get some ice cream.

Hi, girls.

I don't think mike can go a day

Without taking his shirt off.

But he looks like a frickin' dirty old man

Outside with his shirt off

At an ice cream shop.

Where's the customers?

[Laughs]

Work is so dead. Like, time is dragging.

And I just don't want to be there.

And I just need something to do.

You want to get on the camel?

Ha ha ha. I thought it was a dog.

I'm gonna put you on there.

Aah! Aah! Wait.

You got to hold on to the ears.

Yeah. Hold on to the ears.

Oh, it hurts my vag*na. Oh. [Laughs]

All right, come on. You want to get down?

No, I like it.

If we're going out, we want to get ready.

You want to go back to klutch?

There were good-looking girls there.

I'd go back to klutch. Pauly wants to get it down.

Where's ronnie? Is he going out?

Are you going, ron? I'm so comfortable right now.

Tonight I'm just tired.

I don't want to go out, so I kind of was excited

That ron was like, "oh, I'll stay home with you."

And I was like, "oh, we can cuddle

And, like, have a good time, like, whatever."

You gonna go out? No. Where you going?

Me and jenni are gonna go on a date.

Go get food or something, just chill.

Want to go with the girls

Then, you know, I'm gonna go to klutch with the guys.

What?

If you want to go with snooki and jenni,

I want to go to klutch with the guys.

All right, then.

I can't believe ron is about to go out with the guys.

Like, he knew I was staying home.

And on top of it, like, when the roommates

Go out to a club,

All they want to do is go look for girls.

It's :!

Are you guys going to klutch? Yeah.

What time you guys leaving? Now?

Why? We waiting for you?

Dog, just come out. It'll be all right.

If he goes out with them, I will be really pissed off.

What time you guys leaving? Now?

Why? We waiting for you?

Dog, just come out. It'll be all right.

Yo. Come on. Ronnie, come on, bro.

I love spending time with sam.

But I'm in miami with my... My boys.

I'm gonna go out.

Baby girl, I'm gonna go out for a little bit.

You heard?

Hello? What?

I'm gonna go for a little bit.

I was a little taken back when he was like, "peace.

I'm going out with my boys."

I'm used to always being with ron

And hanging out and, like, spending time with him.

And I'm not used to him going out with the guys

And doing his own thing.

What are you gonna do?

Why don't you go with jenni and snooki?

Give me a kiss.

What? What'd you say? [Smooching]

Did I do something to you? I don't get it.

There's only so much time, you know,

That we can spend together here.

You know, we don't want to alienate ourselves.

You know, we don't want to feel, like, you know,

Like we're only hanging out with each other.

We want to hang out with everyone.

You should come out with us.

You told him he can go.

I didn't think he actually would.

That was a test, you jerk-off.

I tested him, and he failed.

Come on. Let's go.

That just was, like, a slap in my face.

Like, any guy would be like, "my girlfriend,

"I know she's gonna be home by herself.

"Do I really want to go out to the club

"With my roommates who are gonna be looking

For chicks the whole time?"

I don't know, it's just sketchy.

Kind of makes me think, "what are his motives here?"

♪ In pain you see mistakes ♪

♪ Every beating heart will recover ♪

♪ In time your boundaries break ♪

♪ If ever I'll be here with you ♪

♪ Do doo doo ooh ♪

Sam, sam, sam.

If she knew, like, the whole truth...

Honestly, I would feel like sh*t if I was ron.

He's a dirt bag.

Like, he goes, does his thing, and then comes back,

In bed with her, and they smooshed.

It's not a good look for him.

It's not a good look for us to know it.

As friends of hers. Yeah.

I don't know what to do, 'cause at the end of the day,

She's gonna find out, and we look like bad friends.

Even if I wanted to tell her,

I'm scared of what she'll do.

I don't want her to leave. I'd be destroyed.

And have to look at him every day.

She's gonna find out eventually.

It's, like, both of our friends. What do we do?

♪ Memory like a serenade ♪

♪ You take it in as it takes you away ♪

♪ Lay my hand on your heart and legs ♪

♪ I swear i, I'll be here with you ♪