02x10 - Gone, Baby, Gone

[bunniefuu]

The b*tch of staten island
is back.

I'm gonna be here forever.

You can stay,
get your a*s beat.

You can stay,
get your f*cking a*s beat.

I just don't care,
like seriously.

Shut the f*ck up,

You f*cking 22-year-old
little f*cking p*ssy!

What the... Explain to me
what's going on right now.

Me and angelina
need some privacy.

You had sex
with vinny last night?

I'm single.
What do you want me to do?

You smashed with jose
last night?

Yeah.

Angelina's dancing
with a dude that snooki.

I'm a single girl, like...
What do you expect?

Angelina
is the staten island ferry.

Everybody gets to ride,
and it's free.

You know what you're good at?
You're good at bein' a h*.

Just shut the f*ck up now!
You shut the f*ck up!

Get outta my face.

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go vinny! Go vinny!

Um, hello!

♪ ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on, come on.

f*cking as*h*le!

I've f*cking had enough of you!

Touch me, and I'm gonna
crack this glass

Right over your head!

I'm all right.
I'm all right.

Calling me a h*
like a jerkoff.

You are a h*!
Do you talk to your mother

Like that?
You are a h*.

Do you talk
to your sister like that?

You don't hit
another roommate.

Everybody knows that
I'm the glue of this family,

And I try to keep
everybody together.

There's so many,
so many chances

That we tried to give
this girl and, um,

At this particular point,
I've had enough.

What's up?
How you doing, man?

What's up, brother?
Hey, man.

So I come home and, uh,
some dude's in my kitchen,

And mike's sittin' still.

Mike's got a.d.d.,
So mike never sits still.

So I'm worried at this point.

What happened?
f*cking angelina

Punched me in the face.
Get outta here.

For real!
What the hell

Is everybody gettin'
punched in the face?

Yeah. Trash bag.

I'm not.

You wanna f*ck
ten guys in one day, you can.

That's your f*cking business.
Let's go.

What did I miss?
Who... Who's this guy?

He's my friend.
You gotta go, bro.

This is house business.
No, no.

He's gonna stay,
because he's my friend

And I'm talking to him.
This is family business.

Tell your friend
he has to leave.

She can hook up with you
later.

If I gotta go, I'll go.
That's cool.

Gimme the thing
so I can write down his number

So I can call him later.



This guy definitely
wrote down a fake number,

'Cause who the hell would want
angelina to call him after that?

I can't even read it.

All right, see you later.

I'm sorry.
Take it easy.

Take care, guys.

Sorry you were involved
in this, bro.

This is not like an argument
where we can hug it out

Like we usually do.

But you f*cking
crossed the line,

And you f*cking hit me.

Ange, the best thing

Is probably just stay away
from the confrontation.

I think that
everybody in this house

Has basically broken me down

Where I can't deal with
anything anymore, you know.

I've never had to deal with
this much drama in my life.

Since when do all these girls
throw fists so much

All of a sudden
in this house?

Yeah, I mean, should I
forgive this chick

For hittin' me,
or what's up?

What should I do with this?
That's on you, player.

I don't know.
Even like 'cause she's crying

And what's up?

We've all got into
huge blowouts with her,

And there's a reason for it.

Um... One minute.

What?
One minute.

So, um, here's the deal.


Is brought upon herself.

She does this to herself.

They're talking about me,
right?

She can't hit nobody.
She hit me,

And that's what happens,
like...

You can yell at somebody
all you want.

You cannot put your fingers
on somebody.

Like, you just don't do that.

Don't feel bad at all
that she's crying.

Do not feel bad
that she's crying.

She does it to herself.

He's a f*ck!
He makes a huge deal out of...

He's a psycho.

That's what I was just telling
the kid... He's a psycho.

"Nobody likes me
in this house."

Yeah, 'cause you're a fake.

She brought all these
random people home.

She's a girl.
You don't do that.

It's a guy thing.
Guys do that, not girls.

Do I look like sh*t
right now?

No, you look beautiful.

He just says that sh*t
'cause he knows...

He's not even good-looking
himself.

He looks like
he's 50 years old!

Are you for real?

Like, what world
do you live in

Where you pull your weight
around here?

She's dirty. I've never seen
such a dirty girl in my life.

Listen, tomorrow
will be a better day.

Yeah, you're gonna leave, and
then I have to deal with them.

Yeah, but it's-
you know how many fistfights

I'm gonna get into now?

If anybody in this f*cking
house tries to touch me,

I swear to christ on my life,

I'm gonna f*cking punch
everyone in the face.

I think now
her time's up.

Should we pack her bags?
I'm gonna put her...

I'm gonna put her bed outside.

Her clothes
are already in a ball.

Let's just put 'em
in garbage bags

And line it up over here.

The clean ones
or the dirty ones?

These are not
my true friends.

I definitely feel like
I deserve better than this,

And I don't fit in here.

I miss my friends.
I miss my mom.

I miss my dog.
I miss my life.

♪ See the things ♪

♪ That you do to me ♪

♪ And I've seen enough ♪

♪ And I do believe ♪

♪ That you're all alone
deep inside ♪

♪ It's a condescending
paradise ♪

Dude, did you hear I got into
a big fight with angelina?

What happened now?
She punched me in the face.

What? Are you lying?

Yeah. Right before
you got home.

That side.
Right there.

Are you lying?

Like for real,
serious sick fight.

Like she came at me hard,

And she f*cking...

She was comin' at me
like this.

She hit me in the face
like whatever.

And then I was like,
you're a... Whatever.

Did you tell her
about the pad?

Yeah. And all the guys
came in

Like, yo, mike, f*ck her.

They're like, yo,
don't forgive her.

Oh, so nobody
really defended her?

No, nobody did.
Nobody defended her at all.

She started crying,
and she walked outside.

So it was huge.
And the only reason she hits me

Is because she knows
I'm not gonna hit back.

She would never
step up to you

Or any of the other
girls in the house,

'Cause she knows
she'd get her a*s beat.

Even though I may not
like angelina...

I, as a woman
living in this house,

Realize that this girl

Has been through probably more
than any of us in this house...

Fights, arguments-
and she's still here.

So I think that she earned
her spot here in the house.

You know,
she deserves to be here.

My word of advice?

As you know, I got in
a huge fight with him last year.

Yep.
And I hit him.

I hit him
right in his face.

So did i.

I just feel like
I don't know why I'm here.

I don't get along
with anybody here.

Nobody f*cking understands me.

Someone that's been there...
Don't leave.

It's not fair.
Like, you know what I mean?

I'm done, like I can't-
I can't...

I can't deal with this
mental abuse anymore.

You have your place here
due to the fact

That you've been through
so much sh*t.

It would be your biggest
mistake to leave again,

And I think
you deserve to be here.

Thank you.

I was very stressed out
about even staying anymore.

No matter what I say,
I'm always wrong.

So... I don't really care
at this point.

And jwoww told me, you know,
you gotta stick it out.

You know, eventually,
hopefully they come around.

Thanks very much.
I was surprised about that,

'Cause we're not friends.

And I thought that was
actually very nice of her.

Samantha's sticking up
for her man.

That's a big turn-on
for me.

It's wake up
the whole entire house time!

Oh, yeah, wake up, yeah!

He's gonna have
an alarm clock soon.

Wake up!

Assholes.

So can I have a hug?

This is ridiculous.
Ah...

Oh, my god,
let's just get dressed.

I don't know what
I'm gonna wear, though.

I'm sorry.

No. Stop saying that.

Do you wanna go home?
Do you wanna leave?

No, I'm not-
especially tonight.

If I leave you...

I feel bad that my friend
came all the way down here

To see me and have
a great time with me

And had to deal with
nothing but a disaster

The minute she walked
through this house.

Do you wanna go out?
I think we should go out.

'Cause you know what?

I think I deserve to have
a couple of drinks tonight.

♪ I got a big blowout ♪

♪ When I have no jail ♪

♪ I can let my fro out ♪

Both: ♪ I take my big
bone out ♪

Time is it now?



I would say it's almost...

Both: ♪ t-shirt time ♪

It is almost t-shirt time.

♪ It's almost ♪

♪ T-shirt time ♪

Angelina just got into
a fight with mike right before

Both: ♪ t-shirt time ♪

Hopefully, they'll get
into another fight,

And she'll punch mike
in the face right before

Both: ♪ t-shirt time ♪

I think we got
too much sun today.

Man: central cab.

Can I get a taxi
for six people?

Is the cab for you, sir?
Yes.

And what is your name, sir?

Situation.
Huh?

Situation.
One moment.

Woman: hello, central.
Who we gonna pick up?

Situation.
Hold on.

That's the name of the per-
the name of the guy.

That's the name of the-
hold on.

The name-
that's the name of the person?

Yes.
Situation?

Yes.
Hold on.

Situation.
Situation?

That's the name, probably.

Tonight, the plan is,
we're gonna go to klutch,

And I'm actually gonna bring
somebody to my date.

I think her name's samantha.

She was smokin', too.

And this is the same chick
I had met previously

At the club.

And she is the one
that left her phone number

At my front door
and made my morning so good.

I'll get it.
Cabs are here!

No, you idiot.
My guest is here.

Hey, baby, what's up?
Come on in.

What's up, babe?

Come on in.
This is the... The house.

This is samantha.

Hi.
How are you?

I gave her a tour
of the pad.

I walk around,
I show her what's goin' on.

And also, I let her know.

I say, listen, baby, you know,
you're sleeping over tonight.

You know, what type
of pajamas do you want?

You like sweats or shorts?

Shorts.
Less clothes is better.

Nice.

This is, uh...
These ones are cool.

These are not shorts.
Yes, they are.

It's okay.
I'll make them look hot.

Mm-hmm. And then
we'll give you a t-shirt too.

And then if you get hot,
you can always take it off.

You know, if I'm already
picking out

Pajamas for this chick

And we didn't even go to
the club or do anything yet,

You know it's gonna be
a good night.

So I got dibs
on the smash room,

And I'm pretty excited
about tonight.

I'll see you later.

Yo, is everybody ready?

We're going to klutch
tonight.

Yep.

'Cause the cab's here.
Cab's here!

Let's go.

Wait.
I'm gonna change my shirt.

Yeah, right.

Hey, guys, I'm trying
to have a good night tonight,

So let's not try to
lay anybody out

In the first two hours.

Ronnie.

♪ I got a sign
in a sexy way ♪

♪ Look at the sign
'bout every day ♪

♪ And out of all
the things I own ♪

♪ I want my ray g*n, baby ♪

I basically met jose
in klutch tonight.

He's a real gentleman.

He's that guy that I lean on,
you know, when I'm upset,

'Cause everybody's a as*h*le
in this house, I think.

I kinda wanted to stay clear
of the drama,

Because I'm so sick of it.

I f*cking hate when mike
screams in my face,

But I felt like
I should be the bigger person

And I would just
keep my mouth shut

And just like...
You know, move on from it.

♪ Get up there, uh ♪

♪ She drop it down
to the ground ♪

♪ Ladies, what ya gonna do? ♪

♪ I'm like the rocker ad
'cause ♪

♪ I will not lose ♪

♪ Arms up in the air ♪

♪ But you know
we gotta choose ♪

Even though samantha's there,
and samantha's hot,

Um... My head's
still on a swivel, man,

'Cause I love that attention.

And then next thing
you know it,

Some girl grabs me,
she's dancing on me.

And samantha,
sexy little girl that she is,

Little feisty little girl,

She grabs some girl,
pushed some girl.

Stickin' up for her man.

And, you know,
that's a big turn-on for me.

I always have a good time
when I go out to the club,

But in the back of my mind,

I'm thinking that I got
a girl here,

I got pajamas
picked out already.

This girl
wants to bang me.

I wanna go back to the crib.

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Mike brought the canadian
back, ey,

And he wanted to show
the canadian

What the situation
was all aboot.

Guess what.

I'm about to smash tonight.

♪ Ooh, oh, la da da ♪

♪ Ooh, oh, la da da ♪

Yo, let's get into
this nutella, pimp.

You know what?
It's made in canada.

Seriously, it's made in canada.

Hey, canadian!

Did you know you make
nutella?

Yeah, what is that?

Is that them having sex?

That's the sound of love.

Mike brought home
a screamer tonight.

I guess that canadian chicks
yell loud

When they're having sex.

What the f*ck?

And I'm a wh*re.

Do your thing, girl.
Do you hear that?

This girl's a keeper.

This is mike's wife.

He finally found one
that's crazy as him.

I'm sure she's a nice girl,
but...

She's a nice sl*t.

Oh, god.

I love canada.

Between you and me,
how was he, you know?

It's just us girls talking.

f*cking broad sleeps
in my bed, doesn't have...

Oh, shut the f*ck up.

You were wrong!

No, I don't give a f*ck.

What anyone thinks about me
in this house.

I love canadian chicks.

And after my business
is done,

I go in my room and, uh,

Somebody's sleeping
in my bed.

And I wonder
who can it be, all right?

Who's gonna disrespect me
like this

And sleep in my bed?

She has no respect
for anybody.

Do you eat white
grade-a jumbo eggs?

Yeah.
You cookin' breakfast?

Egg sandwich?
Yeah.

Dude, do you want
any egg on it, bro?

English, bro.

Make that sh*t, bra!

I appreciate it, bro.

Oh, yeah,
that's a good sandwich.

Where's mine at?

You want, um,
half my sandwich?

That one's
with canadian bacon.

Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.

You're never gonna
leave me alone about that.

Never.
This is egg and toast.

Whatever.
Okay.

Samantha has no shame
in her game at all.

She's great in bed,
and then next thing you know,

She is eating an egg sandwich
with mvp.

You know, you can't
find 'em like that these days.

Between you and me,

How was he, you know?

Like will you be
coming back, you know?

It's just us girls talking.
I have no comment.

Typical mike.

He got it in with her,

And, you know, I think
mike's done with her.

And that's fine,
you know what I mean?

Let him do his thing.
That's what he does.

Yeah, I'd like to thank jose
for bein' respectable.

I said that to you last night,
but I couldn't talk.

You did not.
You did not, babe.

Well, thank you.
Thank you.

And like you straight
slept in my bed with your dude.

Lucky I'm friends with the kid,
you know what I mean?

Hey, I appreciate it,
dude, you know?

Not for nothing.

Are you gonna be cool
'cause I said thank you now?

Yeah.
Okay.

Just... It's a respect thing.
It's a principle thing.

No.

I'm happy to be out
of this house, though.

Let me tell you.

Dysfunctional house, right?

All right.
I'm gonna walk you out.

I love you.
I love you, bro.

I'm really, like, upset
that my girlfriend has to leave.

She's like my serenity
in this house.

It kinda sucked
to see that go.

It's almost over, okay?
Yeah.

I'm very proud of you.
I love you.

I had so much fun.
I had fun.

Even though there was
f*cking mad drama.

But, you know, don't worry
about anybody else.

Have fun.
Call me, okay?

I miss you guys.

You are my f*cking
true friends.

I'm really like upset
that my girlfriend has to leave

It's gonna suck for me

Because I don't think
that anybody's

My real true friend
in this house.

And that's why I'm a b*tch,
because I can't...

Deal with this.

It's just... It's just...

You know?
It's just too much.

Love you.

I got into a huge fight
with her yesterday,

And she has the audacity,
'cause she has her friend over,

To sleep in my bed
with her man.

You do not f*cking
sleep in my bed...

With jose?
Yeah.

You either f*cking sleep
on the couch

And you f*cking sleep
f*cking wherever you want,

But not in my f*cking bed.

Angelina's sleeping
on mike's bed

Is, like, disturbing,

'Cause she punched him
the night before.

You're giving these people
reasons to rip you apart.

You've gotta do something
to fix it.

I talked to her on
a specific level last night,

As a woman,
to shut her f*cking mouth

And to stay the next two weeks,

And yet she continued?

f*cking broad
sleeps in my bed

With f*cking jose last night,
doesn't have...

Oh, shut the f*ck up.
Shut the f*ck up?

You were wrong!
I don't care!

Then to my man's face,
he's saying it's all good, bro.

No, because he apologized,
not you!

No, I don't care.
I don't feel good.

I don't give a f*ck
what anyone thinks about me

In this house.

I don't care!
All right, look.

I will say
that you were wrong

For sleeping in my bed
last night... Just admit it.

I said thank you when you
were standing right outside

Right in front of
the kid's face.

Just tell me face-to-face
that you should at least ask me.

Drop it.

Who the f*ck are you
to say drop it?

Drop it.
You slept in my bed.

Drop your f*cking big a*s!

Drop your ugly face.

Ah... Just got
a whiff of that.

It smelled like something
f*cking died in the car.

It's... It's-

So what are you gonna do,
ange?

I can stay with a bunch
of fake people

That don't like me.

How 'bout this?
You can get the f*ck out.

How 'bout that one?
'Cause you left in jersey,

And you might as well
leave now too.

Just tell me face-to-face

That you should
at least ask me.

Drop it.

Who the f*ck are you
to say drop it?

Drop it.
You slept in my bed.

Drop your f*cking big a*s.

Drop your ugly face.

Oh, my god, my ugly face?
How 'bout that?

Angelina needs
to recognize her fault

And just admit that she's wrong.

But she's the type of girl
that will never do that.

Whoever wants to f*cking
get at me right now,

Do something about it.

I'm not gonna be angelina
sit there no more.

f*ck that.

I try to be all nice to
everybody in this f*cking house.

You're a f*cking loser.

In a sense, I know
where she's coming from.

Mike can definitely push
the hot buttons on a person.

You know,
at the end of the day,

He's just treating her
like a piece of sh*t.

And I will be a b*tch
to anyone in this f*cking house

That pisses me off from now on,

Because I think I f*cking
deserve to be in this house

Just like everybody else here,
and I've been very respectful

To a lot of people... I let
a lot of people step on me.

So f*ck that.
No more.

One person wants to say
something,

Come in my face,
and we'll fight.

That's it.

Ha ha!

I'm sick of proving myself.

I don't think I need to prove
myself to anyone in this house.

I am me.
If you don't like it,

Then don't f*cking
look at me.

That's it.

I don't give a f*ck
what you say!

Exactly!
You're f*cking wrong!

Angelina
doesn't want to listen.

She doesn't want to cooperate.

She doesn't want
to be part of this family.

She doesn't want to apologize
or make up

Or do anything in this house.

All right,
I'm just shutting my mouth,

'Cause you don't mean
anything to me, so...

Okay. So get the f*ck
outta here.

It's wake up the whole
entire house time!

Wake up!

Oh, yeah.
Wake up, yeah.

It's a beautiful day
in miami beach, florida,

Ladies and gentlemen.

Wake your asses up.

Oh, yeah, wake up, yeah!
Oh, yeah!

Wake up, yeah!
Wake up all the boys!

I love pauly.

He... He... He's gonna
have an alarm clock soon.

Who else is not up?

Pfft!

Is mike ready?
Yo, mike!

Come on, bro.
It's a serious gtl session.

Let's go.
Ma, I'll be back later!

Talkin' yeah!

Smells disgusting.

Just got a whiff of that.

Is there something
under the seat or something?

I'm gonna throw up.

So we get into the escalade,
and it smelled like...

Somebody f*cking died
in the car.

Smells like legit vomit.

You really gonna throw up?
Yeah, it's the... It's...

Smells like snook's throw up.
Damn.

Is there anything
back there on the floor?

Like food or something?

Under the mat?
There ya go.

What?

It's like a sandwich.

What?

A cheese sandwich.

Somebody left a grilled
chicken and cheese sandwich

With swiss cheese.

It had bacon on it.

Ha.

Angelina probably left
the swiss cheese in the car,

Because we all know
that rats love cheese.

f*cking gross.

Oh, god.

sh**t me.
f*ck this.

Did anybody say
anything else about me

This morning?

Are you staying?

I don't know.
Really?

What would make you
want to leave, though?

I don't even
have to say, like, you know?

Angelina will not take
anybody's advice.

Like, I just feel like
it's a ticking time b*mb

Before the girl just leaves.

f*ck.

Oh, god.
k*ll me.

Snooki's idea of man guido.

Ideal.

What I would love to find
is a juice head.

Can I find that somewhere?

'Cause I'm not gonna
go on match.com again.

He is angelina's ex guy

That angelina
brought home once.

I'm just in shock

That snooki had the ba*ls
to sit there with him.

He's got that.
Oh, he's got that.

Why not?

What do I have to do

To find a guy?

This is like f*cking
last summer all over again.

What I would love to find
is a guido juice head

With my personality,

My style,

And is not a cheater.

Can I find that somewhere?

'Cause I'm not gonna go
on match.com again.

But I need energy to work.

What did I ever do
to deserve this?

Okay, bye.

Bye.
Bye.

It didn't hit me until
I'm just getting done

Packing his stuff.

So I got really,
really flustered

Because I was like,
oh, my god, like...

Like I needed more time
type feeling.

Just send like... Like
a flood of emotions, I guess.

Love you.

It was definitely, like,
nice to know

That we're committed
to each other

Even when we're far apart
like this.

Love you.

Look, I made
a checklist at work.

You sound like me.
Of the guy that I want.

My ideal guy.

Snooki's idea man guido.
Ideal!

Ahem.

"Tan guido juice head gorilla.

"Big sense of humor.
Likes to party.

"Fist pumps...

Frolics."
Frolics.

"Isn't a jerk off.
A dork at heart.

"Smells good.
Pays for meals.

Nympho."
Yum.

"Likes pickles.

"Takes an interest
into my hobbies.

"Is very protective,
not so serious,

Romantical.
Likes to sleep in."

Yay!

Our mission this week
is to find nicole a guy.

We gotta go on the beach.
We gotta go everywhere.

Yeah.
We gotta go to the gym.

Every day.
Every day.

Everyday, we gotta go-
the gym, the beach...

Tanning.
Everywhere.

And hardy store,
and then we'll find someone.

That's not a lot, right?
No.

It's just like, I don't know,
like... 20 Checkmarks.

Hungry.

So where you going?
Takin' a break.

I been in all day.

You wanna go get
some food with me?

Maybe go to the beach?
I wanna go to the beach soon.

I wanna get some food.
I asked angelina

If she's leaving,
'cause she might know.

Oh, she's leaving?
I don't know.

Angelina's leaving?
Shh. I don't know.

I said I asked her,
and she says she doesn't know.

If angelina leaves the house,
I will be perfectly fine.

There'll be more room
in my closet.

I'll have an extra bed
in my room.

I'll be happy
if angelina leaves.

She wants to go home.
What?

She wants to go home.
Who?

Angelina.

She wants to go?
Yeah.

Why?
She doesn't like it.

How do you know?

Told jenni.

That's weird.

Yo, did you hear
angelina's leaving?

For real?
For real, yeah.

Just what jenni said.

You leave the first week
in jersey,

Might as well leave the last
week in miami, you know?

Keep some kinda balance.

Oh, well.
No hair off my back.

We're all going to dinner
at, uh, 9:30, 10:00.

And tantra at midnight.

I guess me and nicole
are gonna go tanning.

You guys are coming
with us to dinner.

No.

'Cause I don't like you.
You are coming to dinner.

You want a spoon?
Oh, yes, I do.

What's going on?

Hola. Hola.

What's going on?

All right, we can leave
it's 10:30.

What the f*ck?

Ange, it's jenni.

What's going on?
Hmm?

You okay?

I didn't know what to do.

I don't know
if I should leave... Again.

I don't want these people
to think that they won

If I leave.

How was your day, ange?
Awesome.

What'd you do today?
I did a lot.

I was very productive today.

Oh, cool.
Where you guys going?

We are going to dinner
at 10:00

And then to the club
at 12:00, so you know...

Okay.

So would you like
to come tonight?

Um, well, for myself,

I'm gonna figure out
what I wanna do.

So what are you
gonna do, ange?

Um..i'm gonna decide
what I wanna do

Very soon.

Deciding what you wanna do
for what?

Angelina's like, "well,
I don't know what I'm doing

With myself yet."

What does that mean?

What are you talking about?

I'm gonna figure out
what I wanna do,

And I'm gonna do
whatever I wanna do, so...

That's cool.
Yeah.

Well, good for you.
'Cause obviously,

None of you like me,
so it's like

I can stay with
a bunch of fake people

That don't like me.

Bunch of fake people.
Or I could leave...

Well, how 'bout this?
I'll speak for everybody.

You can get the f*ck out-
how 'bout that one?

'Cause you left in jersey, and
you might as well leave now too.

Like we care,

Like it's a benefit
for you staying.

You staying, we have to
deal with your sh*t.

You're dirty.

You don't take care of
your stuff,

You don't help out
anybody in this house,

And guess what.

We don't care if you leave.

Oh, yeah?
Anybody else?

♪ Everybody, somebody ♪

♪ Sometimes everybody's
been weird ♪

♪ ♪

Alex.

You hooked up with her?
No, I didn't.

You definitely, like,
hooked up with her.

Snooki walks through the door
holding my guy's hand.

They're all a bunch of assholes.
Everybody's fake.

Angelina, this is why
nobody likes you,

Because you keep
talking sh*t!

Shut the f*ck up!

Ah!
Oh! Oh! Ooh!

♪ All right ♪

♪ First things first ♪

♪ We gots to do
three, four ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

Oh, yeah, orange, yeah!

My v-neck is so fresh,

That I skipped t-shirt time.

Like it defied the rules
of t-shirt time.

Is ange coming?

If she got dressed
and showered and came,

I wouldn't say anything.

But I'm not gonna
tell her to come.

She called
every single person fake.

Every single person.

So try not to forget that.

Yo, my v-neck
isn't getting any fresher.

It's actually
losing its quality.

I'm coming.
Don't look at me.

Angelina wanted people
to go up to her

And ask her to come.

We're not gonna do that.
Nobody's gonna coddle you.

You need to stand
on your own two feet,

And she's not doin' that.

Oh, god.

♪ Well, just because ♪

♪ Whoa, it's 'cause
I love you ♪

♪ And I love those
crazy things you make me do ♪

♪ I don't mind
if you want me to ♪

♪ I do, well, baby,
'cause I love you ♪

When angelina's
not in the group,

It's definitely different.

The energy's different,

There's no issues,
there's no problems.

Everybody's so much happier
that she's not out tonight.

She winds up
gettin' to tantra,

Looking beautiful as ever.

Like, the girl's gorgeous,

And, um...
She like kinda made my night.

I wanna spend as much time
as I can with her

While I'm still in miami.

I had a checklist
of my ideal man.

I'm ready to creep,
you know,

I'm ready to get it in
a little bit at the club.

But I see no cute guys.

I did not find
even anybody close

To a gorilla juice head
tonight.

But you know what?
You always gotta compromise.

And I see this guy, alex,

You know... I'll step
outside the box, yes.

As long as you're tan,

You have some sort of
build to you,

I'll give you a try.

Snooki was totally
tonguing down some guy

With her a*s in the air,

And he is angelina's ex-guy

That angelina
brought home once.

And you know what?
I'm just in shock

That snooki had the ba*ls
to do it.

I, um, decided to leave,

And, um, I wanted
to pack my bags

Before everybody got home.

But at the same time,

I feel like I would have
no backbone

If I left when everybody
was at the club.

I wanted to say good-bye,

And I wanted to tell everybody
in the house

I didn't leave
because of them.

I left on my own.

Vinny, will you share
a cab with me?

♪ Break it down like this ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Break it down like this ♪

Sweatbox...

You call a taxi cab.

You don't know
what it's...

Yeah, it's hot out.
Yeah.

Oh! Oh!

All: oh!

Oh! Oh!

All: oh!
She really is leavin'?

Oh!
Oh!

Oh... Oh!

You're leavin'?

That's your stuff?
You're leaving?

Alex.

What, are you with her now?

Are you?

You hooked up with her?
Huh?

Did you kiss her tonight?
No, I didn't.

So I'm sitting there,
and I'm about to leave.

I've had enough of everyone.

Snooki walks through the door
holding my guy's hand.

I don't know
why you came back here,

Like with her.

You should have come
to the club tonight.

We had a good time.

They're all a bunch
of assholes.

Everybody's fake.
So I'd rather leave.

Why'd you come home
with her?

We all came together.

You definitely, like,
hooked up with her.

It's okay because... It doesn't
really matter to me.

I'm just saying.

Yo, how's jose doin'
anyway?

How's jose?

Jose?
Oh, he's awesome.

Why? Whose business is that?
Is that your business? No.

Alex, have fun.

Don't even walk into
this kitchen.

Go away.

Go away. Go away.

Why don't you hang out
with angelina?

Guys: oh!

Go hang out...
Oh!

Stay over there.
You're not allowed over here.

I think angelina
loves my sloppy seconds,

'Cause she goes to vinny,

And then she's trying
to go to what's-his-name.

Like, what are you doing?

If you wanna make out with me,
just ask.

I will say yes.

After I had sex with vinny,
you had sex with vinny.

I don't want
your sloppy seconds.

Obviously, you do when you're
vinny.

No. No.

You just brought home alex.

Did you hook up with him
tonight? Probably.

Do I care? No.

Angelina, this is why
nobody likes you,

Because you keep talking sh*t.

Shut the f*ck up!

No, don't tell me
to shut the f*ck up.

Seriously,
every time we come home,

All you do is-
I don't give a f*ck

About anybody in this house.

You don't give a f*ck
about anybody in the house?

We're a f*cking family.

All of youse in this house
are f*cking fake!

And I want you all to know

That I can't stand
any of youse!

Fake-assholes, all of you!

Okay.
Hold my earrings, please.

Oh, yeah, this is what's up.
This is what's up.

♪ We keep it gangster ♪

♪ We keep it gangster ♪

Don't do that to me
right now!

I'm gonna leave
this house right now.

Oh, yeah!

I had to move the table

Because it was
gettin' real serious.

I didn't want anything
to happen to the table.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, yeah!
Get outta here!

Stop! Get off!

Now, get off her.

God, you are stupid!

Standing in one corner,




Snooki paloozi.

Standing in the other corner,

At 322 pounds,

The staten island dump.

Bring it on!
Bring it the f*ck on!

Next thing you know-
round two!

Bring it on, b*tch!

Oh! Ha ha!

It's only two girls.

Don't get snook!

I'm still here!
Hey, I'm still pretty!

Hey, I'm still pretty, b*tch!

It's like beating up
a baby.

Snooki, like, you know
what I mean?

Like, she's so tiny.

Like her arms are like
tyrannosaurus rex arms,

Like, you know what I mean?

She can't even get
a full reach.

It's like...
You know?

Is this gonna go to decision,
or is there gonna be a knockout?

And alex, have fun
with her too, 'cause...

Sorry, she's nobody.

Go... Home!

She's crazy!

Welcome to my home.

And have fun, guys.

Out of everybody
in the house,

I thought you two were
my f*cking true friends.

You called me fake
in the house before.

No, listen, I was upset
with both of you.

I kind of felt like

Maybe somebody
would have a heart

As to tell me not to go.

And I kinda wanted that,
and I kinda hoped for that.

But, um, of course,
I was wrong with that again.

No, no, no, no, no.
You were my friend...

And you were supposed to be
my friend too.

Oh, hell, no.

Angelina, like...
What is wrong with you?

I have been more than
a friend to you.

I went out of my way for you,

I gave you enough respect to be
cool with me, and you blew it.

I never once said
I never not liked you.

And when your friends are here,
you treated me very different.

No. My friends...

Listen to me...

Sammi, I always tried
to be your friend.

And you know what?
You guys have no heart.

Get outta here.
Peace out, fake people.

Bye!

Yo, you look like you're 40.

Get some f*cking botox, bro.

You're a f*cking loser!

To call me fake is some-
it's just blasphemy

To talk against
the leader like that.

In other countries, you get hung
for that type of sh*t.

Oh, my god!

That was pretty intense,
though.

That was f*cking nuts.

At the end of the day,
there were so many opportunities

For angelina to just be like
listen, I'm sorry,

And just start over.

But that's where angelina
doesn't get it.

She ended on an f-u note,
got her a*s kicked...

Tell you what, though.

She went out with a bang.
That's for sure.

Oh, totally.
Six of 'em.

And now she's gone.

And I honestly think it's for
the better of the house.

I feel bad, honestly.
I feel bad.

Why, though?

Every fight you got into
in this house

Was because of her.

Yeah, but still you feel bad
because she's a girl.

You know what she did?
She spit in our face.

She slapped me in the face.

Everybody she's spittin' on...
She slapped you? Aw...

For nothin'
what the hell did I do?

♪ Tell me why she ♪

♪ Had to bring ♪

Can I sleep
in your guys's room?

Yo, that's the stuff.
You got mad room now!

Let me show you, bro.

♪ Time for her to wake up ♪

We have a twin bed.
Okay.

But I'm actually
gonna remove this bed.

Sure, okay.

♪ Seem to hate the one ♪

We also have
a walk-in closet.

You can't have this shelf,
and you can't have this shelf.

You also can't have
this shelf.

Okay.
But you can have

All angelina's shelves.

Oh, sh*t, the floor?
Just the floor, bro.

♪ Shut her down ♪

♪ One by one
the days I count ♪