05x11 - We Are Family

[bunniefuu]

Whoo!
We're going camping.

Mike, put down
the freakin' fire.

He's just like
one of those people...

A hermaphrodite
or whatever it is.

That poor tree.

This has to be
the biggest prank

We've ever pulled in our life.

This prank is gonna
take some work.

The couch is gonna be
just like this.

Oh, yeah!
[Laughs]

They're not gonna be our friends
any more after this.

Frankie, my man.
Love you, pal.

Did you know that frank
hung out with deena's sister?

Yeah, dude.

Deena's sister
slept with my brother.

There's some good things
about her.

She's a squirter.

I never said that.
Haaa!

[get crazy by lmfao]

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to the jersey shore,
b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go vinny! Go vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ If you wanna have fun
and do something crazy ♪

I wanna shower so bad.

This is it.
Don't get scared now.

This is what warriors
are made of right here.

This is the life, bro.

I wonder what the poor
people are doing.

[Vinny snickering]

Oh, hey, guys.
Hey, guys.

How was camping?

What is this?

So I walk in,
and I'm like,

Oh, my god! Like, they just
threw us a tiki party.

Cool!
See? Look.

How fun!



And cue the scream.
What the f*ck?

[Vinny snickering]

But then I walk into my room,
and there's nothing.

Like, there's no bed,
there's no furniture.

And I'm like, "really?"

Where the f*ck
is my sh*t?

What?
What are you guys talking about?

What are you guys
talking about?

Oh... My... God.
What the [bleep]?

Hey, guys.
How was camping?

Jenni's like... Speechless.

The look on her face
was priceless,

And the same thing
with mike.

Mike looks even dumber
than he normally looks.

Where's my room?
What is going on right now?

What are you guys
talking about?

The robbers came in.

I am freaking out
right now.

I'm just... Did we get robbed?
Like, what happened?

Where's my sh*t?

What the hell?

Where am I gonna sleep?

Hey, ron.
How was camping?

Where's my room?

I don't know.
This is the top deck.

Pauly!
We're outside.

Go inside and check it out.
Oh, my god.

Where's my room?

What the hell?

Our living room
is outside.

Oh... My... God!

What the f*ck?

We go to the top deck,

And there's all of our beds
and dressers.

And stuffed toys.
And stiletto shoes.

And I'm just like,
"b*stards."

You must be kidding me.

[Sigh]
just bask in it, bro.

I am more than happy
with the way

Operation inside out
turns out

Because this prank
ends prank wars.

There's no way
they can beat us.

We are prank w*r champions!

I love it out here.
Victory.

[Vinny laughing]

[Vinny laughing]
that's all they got?

We could have
a living room.

This is kinda cool though.
Ha, ha, right?

Come bask in it, girls.

f*ck this, yo.

I don't like my stuff
being moved around.

Not cool.

He's pissed.

So everybody's okay
with this prank.

Like even ronnie's like, "yo,
this is the best prank ever,"

But mike really hates it.
He's in a mood.

He's pissed.

He's being a little b*tch
right now.

This really, really,
really pisses me off.

[Thunder rumbling]

Yo, you might-
you guys better get your stuff.

It's gonna pour out.

Huh?
It's gonna start raining soon.

It's raining?
Really?

Yeah, within, like,


Oh, my god, my bed!

Looks like it's gonna be
a big storm,

So I grab all my sh*t
and I carry it into my room.

Mike, on the other hand,
just being stubborn and crying.

Might wanna get your stuff.

No, I'm leaving it there.
It's gonna rain.

I didn't bring
my stuff outside,

And I'm not bringing it in.

Too bad when it rains
in about ten minutes,

All the sh*t's
gonna be ruined.

Nah, we got a tarp.

People are bringing
their stuff down,

We're putting tarps
over the stuff

That we're not moving
right now.

And mike's just leaving
his stuff there to get ruined.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Is it raining?
A little bit.

Heavy.
Come on, deena, move!

I'm trying!
What do you want me to do?

I'm f*cking trying!
There you go.

It's f*cking heavy,
as*h*le!

I was pissed.

I just don't like people
touching my stuff,

That's really what it is.

f*ck this sh*t, yo.

My sh*t's everywhere.
I don't like that, yo.

Oh, is it wet?
Yeah, it's wet.

Last time
I sit on this bed.

Ooh. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, this is great.

It's f*cking stinking
and sh*t.

That's not cool.
He's freakin' out.

I mean, I don't know
what we should do.

I am very surprised
mike is so mad or whatever.

Mike claims
he's the biggest pranker.

He's this, he's that.

But he's being
the sorest sport

Out of all of them.

My sh*t's already ruined.

All my sh*t's already ruined.

Good job.

Where's the tarps?

All my sh*t's
already ruined.

So you know,
what I'm saying?

Whether you put a tarp on it
or not, it's ruined, okay.

Every shoe is brand-new,
they're all soaked, okay.

The bed is f*cked up,
all right?

So this is not f*cking cool.

Yo, I don't like people
touching my stuff.

I don't like my stuff
on the [indistinct] ceiling.

Nothing f*cked with,
it's just moved.

We'll help you.

Why am I gonna do-
put this in the house

When I didn't put it
out here?

I've no bed to sleep on,
I got no shoes.

It's f*cking ruined.
Look at it.

f*ck everybody.
I'm leaving.

My man mike can dish it,
but he can't friggin' take it.

It's sad.

Oh, hey,
welcome to your room.

Are you gonna
put your bed back?

I was gonna go home, but...

Go home?

Where am I gonna sleep?
All my stuff's ruined.

It rained
on some of my stuff.

Mike, man.

The prank happened to everybody
in the freakin' house.

I'm, like, "dude,
it wasn't just you.

It's not like
they singled you out."

Just a little pissed.
They're your boys, right?

Yeah, they are my boys.
So you need to talk to them.

So calm down,
and then talk to them.

Pauly!
Yo.

The little fact that I have
nowhere to sleep tonight

Really bothers me, you know?
All right, man.

My man mike is still sour,
complaining he has no bed.

So we finally just give in

And we help him
bring his stuff back.

Just in general, I don't
like people touching my stuff.

You know, it is what it is.
All right, all right.

Honestly, mike was such
a little b*tch about this prank.

Mike's nickname should be
changed from "the situation"

To "b*tch-uation."

I actually got wind
that deena's sister

Has a special talent.

She's a squirter.

Mike!
Ahh!

I really hope frankie didn't
say this about my sister.

I don't want my sister
to be played out like that.

[Duck phone quacking]

Hello?
Hey, deena.

It's frank.
It's mike's brother.

Hey, what are you doing?
Uh, I'm with your sister.

We're actually on our way
to the boardwalk.

Hello, my love!
Hey, joanie.

Can not believe my sister
is dating mike's brother.

Ugh!

I, like, wanna cry.
I'm, like, so depressed.

Are you going out tonight?

Yeah, we're going to jenks
tonight.

Oh, cool!
I think I'm gonna be there.

Good.

Aw, I can't wait to see you.
All right, I'll see you later.

Bye, deena.
Bye.

Oh, my god.

If they get married
or something,

I'm gonna be part
of mike's family.

What the hell?

Mike, wanna go to spicy's?
Yeah, let's roll.

Even though mike totally
dicked me over,

I wanna be friends again.

I wanna get drunk.

At this point,
I just wanna move on from it.

Have fun, go out,
have drinks.

Oh, my god, this pig scares
the f*ck out of me.

Seriously?
Let's sit outside.

All right.

I found out about, uh,
deena's sister and frank.

Did it?

Oh, my god, it's the best
information ever.

Tell me.
It's awesome information.

It's like f*cking great.

I actually got wind
that deena's sister

Has a special talent,
so to speak.

I called up the unit,
right.

I'm like, "yo, what happened
with frankie?"

He's like, uh, "yeah,
frankie smashed deena's sister."

I was, like, "okay."

He's like "but the best part...
She's a squirter."

Mike!
Ahh!

Yes.

Ew.
Yes.

Only certain girls
have the talent.

And this talent is only
bestowed upon the chosen ones.

Deena's sister is one
of the chosen ones.

It's pee!

Ugh! Why would guys
like squirters?

It's like pee and sh*t.

So I found out about it,
and I'm wondering

If I should use it
for good or evil.

Deena will be pissed.
She definitely will be pissed.

Don't say anything.
Maybe she has allergies.

[Screaming]

What time is the cabs
gonna be here?

I think in, like,
five minutes.

Now that's a little
too much for jenks,

But I don't give a sh*t.

J, should I wear
my fun bags dress?

We're all excited about
going to jenks

And, like, k*lling it tonight.

And I wanna look hot,
so I got the ladies on blast.

I call this one devil
and this one angel.

Holy boobs!
I love this bra.

That's what your boobs
would look like

If they were fake.

Yo, does this shirt
look too tight?

Bro, that t-shirt's screaming,
"I don't fit you."

[Giggling]

Where'd you get that,
baby gap?

All right.
[Horn honking]

Cabs are here!

Let's go.
Let's goooo!

Coming.
[Bang]

All: ohh!

Damn, bro, you okay?

I think if I went
in the ocean, I'd float.

I can rest my drink
right there.

Let's see if it holds it.

[Both laughing]

Yes!
Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

I'm getting one of those bras.

I'm jamie.
Vinny. Nice to meet you.

And this is ashley.

Vinny. Nice to meet you.

You guys lesbians?
Yes.

This is my... Ex-girlfriend,
ex-girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend,
but you make out at jenkinsons?

It happens, yeah.
Nice.

I'm always intrigued to talk
to lesbians, you know?

We share a common interest,
me and these girls.

I wanna help you
pick a girl out tonight.

Can I help you with that,
please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, all right.

We're gonna keep our eye out.

l*sbian girls are awesome,

'Cause it's like hanging out
with a bunch of guys.

So, like, they're being like
my wingman and sh*t,

Picking up chicks.

She's cute.
What?

She's cute,
and she's a nice girl.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't want nice girls.

No, you don't.
You just want dtf.

Yeah, we want f*cking like-
you know what I mean?

We don't f*cking want
nice girls over here.

When a girl is talking to you
about getting naked

And throwing the words
t*tties and sh*t out,

You start getting horny.

You're like, "oh, sh*t,
this is a good time."

Uh-oh, here comes trouble!
All: oh!

We don't want any trouble.
Your sister.

Oh.

Yay, joanie!

You get over here!
Hi!

Holy crap!

Like, the goddess of water,
deena's sister, is here.

Deena's sister, yeah.

Aww!

Hey, how are you?

You are too funny.

Mike talked sh*t
about her.

What did he say?

That she squirts
and sh*t.

Really? To who?
To me.

That's f*cked up.

Mike is saying my sister
"squirted" or whatever.

How does he freaking know?

And even if she does, like whose
freaking business is it to you?

No one talks sh*t
about my family.

I need
the f*cking smush room.

It's not every day

Two lesbians wanna have
a threesome with you.

And I'm getting denied
the smush room.

Oh, my god!
That's a tornado we saw!

I saw the wizard of oz.

I don't wanna be like dorothy,

Swinging all over
the freakin' sky.

[All screaming]

Here's to jenks!
We got, like, ten minutes.

Let's go pick up girls then.
That's what I'm saying.

Break this up.
None of this, none of this.

Basically, you want
what you can't have.

And I want lesbians.

What better challenge than
a girl that doesn't like p*nis?

I'll give you the best
one nights of your life.

The best one night
of our life?

I don't know about that.

One night.
That's all I need... One night.

Two lesbians is
the holy grail of hooking up.

So my man vinny's going hard.

One kinda looks like a boy
and one kinda looks like a girl.

V doesn't care.
He wants to get it in.

You come back with me,
we all party.

You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now I didn't actually think
he was gonna bring 'em home.

Vin, let's go!

If you guys are cool with it,
I'm down.

We're cool.
All right, come on, come on.

Let's walk.

I am trying to give these girls
one last hoorah of their life

So that they might
switch teams back.

This is the best day
of my life.

Are you guys
making out again?

Nope! Never.

Remember what I told you
about that.

Yeah,
it's against the rules.

You guys want a drink?
Definitely.

Going to bed.
One second.

Yo, I need the smush room.
Can't have it.

Dude!
That's my bed.

That's literally my bed.

Dude, just move it in
for one second.

I need it for a couple hours.
What do you mean?

For a couple hours, bro.
I can't...

How am I supposed to get
with two girls?

Bro, please!

It's not every day
that two lesbians

Wanna have a threesome
with you.

And I'm getting denied
the smush room.

The smush room.
Not the couple's retreat room.

It's the smush room.
I need it, I never need it.

You said you didn't want it
in your room for a reason.

Yeah, but not
when I have two girls.

Come on, please, dude.
I'm begging you.

I need the f*cking smush room
for f*cking

A couple hours.
A couple hours?

I'm not gonna be up
for a couple hours.

Dude, come on.
Are you serious right now?

Bro, I'm doing you a favor,

Because did you look
at these girls?

Like, did you actually
look at their faces?

Like, one of them looks
like matthew mcconaughey.

Come on, bro, you know
I'd do the same for you.

No, you wouldn't.
Are you kidding me?

If it meant my friend
getting laid,

Of course I would.

Thanks, dude.
I'm taking my mattress.

Take your f*cking mattress.

If you're ronnie and sammi
right now,

You should lay out
our red carpet for me

For whatever I wanna do
for all the sh*t

That I've had to put up with.

But it's like pulling teeth
trying to get a f*cking room

That's made to f*ck in.

All right, wanna go upstairs?
Yeah.

You're bringing your pillow.
He is bringing his pillow.

Yeah, I'm bringing
my pillow.

You're bringing your pillow.

My man vinny is about
to do the impossible.

He's gonna try to turn
these two lesbians straight.

This isn't gonna be
an easy smush,

Call the cabs
when you're done.

It's gonna take
a lot of work,

And he's not gonna
get any sleep.

This is the one with the good-
smells like sh*t.

This is the one
with the good, you know,

The good feng shui in it.

No, I see it.
Welcome aboard.

This is the moment
where heroes are made.

You know what I'm saying?

They write history books
about this sh*t.

This story's gonna be told
to generations to come

That on this day, vinny banged
two l*sbian chicks.

That is an accomplishment,
my friend.

You don't talk sh*t
about my sister.

I can actually see him
saying that.

Yeah.

But I don't know
if it's true.

Exactly.
I hear the same.

So you deal with mike
about it.

All right, good night,
guys.

See you guys in the morning.
Good night.

Good night.

You all right?

Mike talked sh*t
about my sister,

And that's awful.

Mike, come here!

I'm just putting clothes on.

Mike...

I hope you didn't talk sh*t
about my sister.

I didn't say nothing.

That's what everybody's
saying.

Yeah, people are just
trying to start drama

When there is nothing.
So...

I do wanna believe him,
but he...

I have to be honest, like...

He's still mike,
and you never know.

Okay, so tell me.
Tell me now what you have said.

What I know?
Yeah.

Okay.
Tell me.

That your sister
and my brother,

You know, they had sex.
That was pretty much it.

And she squirted... Is that
what you're trying to say?

I don't know.

I mean,
you know what I'm saying?

She may have.
She may have not.

What did you say though?
What did I say?

Who did I speak to?
Who did I speak to?

Uh, I was ju...

Actually, somebody might have
overheard me on the phone.

Okay? And unit told me
they were, like, "yo, um...

This is what happened.
They told me."

So snook may have overheard me
on the phone.

So what was said?

Do you really
want me to say it?

Yeah, because clearly...

I don't wanna say it
because you wanna know...

I don't wanna disrespect
your sister.

Unfortunately-
unfortunately, they...

It was just out there.

Yeah, but to be honest
with you,

It's not a bad thing.

Between me and you,
guys are like...

When a guy hears that
about a girl,

It's not a bad thing.

They're like "holy sh*t,
it's kinda cool."

And it shouldn't even be
a big deal.

Deena's a squirter.

That's not even
a negative thing.

If it was up to me,
I'd give deena a high five.

She's a squirter,
that's cool as hell.

Okay, so-
that's f*cked up, mike.

Don't turn it around on me
right now.

I am really freakin' pissed
at mike right now.

Like, you don't talk
about my freakin' family.

[All screaming]
[thunder]

Thunder, lightning,
rain.

[Squealing]

This is the biggest storm
I've ever seen

In jersey shore history.

I'm f*cking leaving.

Get out of my way!

Deena.
Move!

I see deena really upset.

I'm, like, you really
don't wanna do this right now.

That was the coolest thing
I ever did.

My underwear's missing.

Your underwear's missing?

That's awesome.
Where is it?

I don't know.
It's missing.

I've been in some really
low points this summer.

But I just f*cked
two lesbians.

Life is great.

I'll keep 'em as a souvenir.

Bye. Take care.
Bye.

Take care.
You too.

Bye, sweetie.
Bye, I had a great time.

Did you get it in
with two lesbians?

Was it weird?

No, it was pretty cool.

It was, like, something
on my bucket list to do.

Really?
Well, my f*ck it list.

They were like
real lesbians.

Yeah, that was like
him bangin' me, yo.

It was like you banged
two boys.

Oh, no!

[Thunder]

Oh, my god, lightning!
Lightning?

Oh, my god, it's crazy.

It is a huge thunderstorm,
but there's no rain with it.

What I'm worried about is this
tornado f*cking up my night.

It's the last night.
[Thunder claps]

[Laughing]

Do we have, like,
a hurricane shelter?

My room.

A storm is a-brewing.

It's windy, the lightning
is freakin' insane,

And I'm just thinking...

Oh, my god,
it's a tornado.

Yo, I love a good tornado
this time of year.

Yeah, for sure.

Is that it forming
over there?

I would say over there.

This is my worst nightmare.
I'm not kidding.

You're lying.

I'm gonna be the one that
gets freakin' electrocuted.

I'm not... I don't feel
comfortable.

I don't wanna get lightning
in my hair.

[Squealing]
it is.

You almost got "strucken."

[Siren in distance]
that's crazy!

Oh, my god,
that's the tornado we saw.

That tornado we saw.
That tornado.

Really?
Let's just get the...

I'm not even f*cking joking.

Really?
I'm... I'm out.

[Laughs]

If there's a tornado,
I'm f*cking driving away.

Look again.
No.

No, no, no, no.
It's around here somewhere.

Seriously, I don't wanna
feel like I'm a stuck...

Got... Ike...

That means tornad-
pauly, that means tornado.

I'm out of here, bro.

I'm, like, serious.
[Thunder]

[Squealing]

This is awesome!

Oh!
sh*t.

It's getting real gangster.

Come on, bro.
They're around somewhere.

Thunder, lightning,
rain.

[Squealing]

Yeah, buddy!
[Screaming]

This is the biggest storm
I've ever seen

In jersey shore history.

I'm out!
I'm f*cking leaving.

You don't get it.
I'm f*cking driving away.

I'm driving!
I'm driving away.

Please.

It just took out
those power lines right there.

No, I don't like
this sh*t.

Oh, my god.

You don't get it.
I really don't like this.

All: aww!

I'm taking cover.
I saw the wizard of oz.

I don't wanna be like dorothy,
freakin'...

Swinging all over
the freakin' sky

With my dog and stuff.

Like, I'm trying to get out
of this freakin' house.

I'm driving the f*ck
out of here.

Until your car gets swept
away in the f*cking...

You're driving...
Over there.

When the freakin' tornado
swoops you up in your car.

I wanted to drive
away from it.

That's the worse thing
you could do

Is get in your car
and drive.

Yeah.

This thunderstorm
is just f*cking scary,

But we're still going
to karma tonight.

I still have to get ready.

Like, merp!

I'm gonna pick you out
a dress.

Where is your stuff?

In the garbage bags.
[Chuckles]

It's the last time we're going
to karma for the summer,

And we're gonna go hard.

I ain't even mad
that the cabs are here

And no one cares!

I ain't even mad!

I'm coming.

All right,
we're going in the cab.

Bye, sam.
Geez!

This look all right?
Let's go to karma.

Snooki and deena:
meatball power!

Karma's like my sh*t, and
I'm read to go crazy tonight.

Like, this is
the last night here.

Yo, we made it, bro.

Karma's out of control.

It's, like,
♪ bam, bam, bam-ba-dar ♪

Vinny! Vinny!

I am having such a great time
at this dance party right now.

I'm even jersey turnpiking
with deena.

I'm just having a great time.

My brother, holy sh*t.

What's up, my brother?
What's going on?

My brother.

Out of nowhere,
I see my brother,

And he comes holding hands
with a girl.

Hey, deena-
deena's sister.

I was like wha-[laughing]

Yo, this is my brother.

And sister-in-law.

I am so surprised right now.

They actually really like
each other.

My brother looked really happy.

And you know, if deena's sister
joanie's it, then she's it.

So your sister is probably
running around here somewhere.

Where is she?
I don't know.

We saw-
I gotta see deena!

She might be upstairs.
I don't know.

Deena!

Someone's over there.

You see your sister?

Let's go.

I really hope frankie
really didn't say this

About my sister.

And I'm gonna confront him
about it.

Because I don't want my sister
to be played out like that.

I'm gonna come down
to the bottom of this.

Deena, deena.

Get the f*ck
out of my way.

Hold on!

All: oh!

[Smoke alarm beeping]
aah!

Is there a fire?

We might just leave this house
burning the house down.

Your sister is probably
running around here somewhere.

Let's go.
Where you going?

Deena, deena.

Get the f*ck
out of my way.

Deena.
Move!

I see deena really upset,
and I'm like,

"Listen, you really don't
wanna do this right now."

Deena.
I'm scared of this.

Excuse me for a second.
Excuse me.

Deena, deena.

I can't wait to see
if he really said something.

No, let it go,
'cause they're good together.

Just let it go.

I don't want my sister
to be with someone

That's talking sh*t
about her.

That something he told me
on the phone,

It's not a bad thing.

It was what it was.

But your sister's good people.

And I understand that,

And that's why
I didn't blow it up.

One part of me is like, hmm,
is mike just being a jerk

And trying to cover it up,
so like he saves his a*s?

The other part of me is, like,
they are cute together,

And I don't wanna ruin
something good for my sister.

Whatever, let's just let it go,
because I don't want her...

Yeah, let it go 'cause
they're good together.

Yeah.

At the end of the day,
I want my sister to be happy.

So I let it go.

Deena might be
my sister-in-law.

This relationship
with my oldest brother

And deena's oldest sister is
turning into something serious.

They... I may even spend holidays
with deena.

Imagine that holiday
conversation.

Maid of honor.
Best man.

I'd be a good brother-in-law,
I promise you.

So hung over.

Yo, what are we gonna do
right now?

Gtl maybe?
Roll out.

Oh, this pool stinks, bro.

I'll give someone


I wouldn't jump
for 200.

Look at this thing
I got.

[Gasp]

I'm on a mission
to get these boys back.

So I went out and got
all these water balloons

And this awesome slingshot
water balloon thing.

And I'm, like,
this is gonna be perfect.

We have mad balloons.

They don't know
what they're in for.

No.
All right, let's be done.

I think we have enough.
We have to hide them somewhere.

On the deck.

All of our pranks have not
worked and have backfired on us.

So tonight,
we are getting them.

We're gonna get 'em.

Still can't believe
that today's the last day.

I know, it's crazy.

Tonight is our last night
together.

Tomorrow morning,
we're leaving.

So me and ron are cooking for
one last family dinner together.

It's quiet in here.
Yeah.

It's gonna feel
so weird to go home.

Are you gonna miss me?
I'm gonna miss everybody.

But I said me.
Yeah, you too.

Whoa,
smells like sunday dinner.

Smells awesome
in this kitchen right now.

Whoa! That was awesome.

[Laughing]

Somebody open a window.
[Smoke alarm beeping]

Yes!
Cool.

Is there a fire?
Shut up!

Shut up!

Whoo!
Look how smoky it is.

It's like
a smoker paints.

Yeah, it's like ronnie's car
on a friday night.

[Laughing]

[All screaming]

Ahh! Fire in the hole!
Fire in the hole!

It's like a freakin' zoo
in the house right now.

You know, the house is being
filled with smoke

And all the fire alarms
are going off.

And legit, we might just
leave this house

Burning the house down.

You're gonna burn
your eyebrows off, grr.

How many detectors we got?

You can't throw it
in the f*cking water.

What if we all get
electrocuted?

Yo, I can't believe
that fell off the ceiling.

Is it almost time?
It is.

It is about that time.

Can you pass me
the chicken?

This is the third time
living in this house.

Five freakin' times
with you people.

Poor little snooks.
Went to jail like 11 times.

I know!

I'm gonna miss wine bottles
being thrown at my head.

I'm gonna miss wine bottles
being thrown at your head, too.

It's kind of bittersweet
right now.

It's our last time
eating dinner at this table.

Are you glad you came back?

I'm very glad
I came back.

We're all glad
you came back.

I had to get my b*tch back.

This was
my favorite summer ever.

Probably the happiest
I've ever been,

And, like, I can honestly say
that I love you all.

Yeah, of course this is
sammi's favorite summer.

This is the first summer
she's not fighting with ron

Every single second.

Round of applause
for ron and sam.

[Cheers and applause]

They rock!

Hallelujah!

Next time we're all gonna get
together is the wedding.

[Coughs]

Yo, let's seriously
do it again next summer.

Do it!
Let's do it!

All: yeah!
Buddy!

Oh, my god.
We are f*cked.

Yeah, let's get 'em.
They're dead.

The plan for the girls
to prank us backfired.

I'm getting
onto the other deck.

Dee! That's not a good idea.
Oh, my god.

Help me!

Oh, yeah!
Sunday dinner, yeah!

Can you get drunk
off vodka sauce?

Thanks for cooking,
everybody.

We should all get drunk
tonight and snuggle.

Salud to that!

I will go and fly a kite.

You're going to fly a kite?
Mm-hmm.

So, like, all the boys
go fly kites after dinner.

And I'm, like, "dee,
this is the perfect time."

I'm, like,
"we have to do it now."

Lock it!
Lock it!

Wait, tell me what goes on.
Come on, you have to help.

Let's go.

We're gonna finally
get the boys back.

We got a slingshot,
we got water balloons.

We are prepared.

Boys, you are done.

Man, I'm gonna need more.
Get pauly, get pauly.

Hold on, wait.
We gotta aim it.

Look at that.
They're doing something.

Pauly saw.
Pauly saw.

Nicole, come here.
Meatball...

Pauly saw us.

All of a sudden,
we see the girls with this,

Like, crazy slingshot.

I'm, like, they don't wanna
start something

They can't handle.

Do it, do it.

Holy sh*t!
[Girls laughing]

Look at that!

But they started.

Destroy the boys!

Don't hit me!

Go, get it, get it!

Holy...

I feel like rambo right now.
I am going nuts.

Why is this closed?

Look out!

[Girls laughing]

The girls are on the deck
by the smush room.

But they're on a deck
with only one exit.

This is fabulous.

Oh!
Oh, my god!

Ahh!

You guys are in trouble now.
You got nowhere to go.

I locked him out.
How did he get in?

Ron!
Let us back in!

Ron, can we put a freeze
on one second.

Ron! Ron, I'm sick,
come on.

For real.
I'm not f*cking around any more.

These girls can't do
anything.

They're like sitting ducks.

We can literally do
whatever we want to them.

You got water balloons?

Yeah.
Nice.

All right, you fill up here.
I'm gonna fill up downstairs.

Where are they?
I'm f*cking scared.

[Laughing]

Oh, my god.

We're freaking screwed.
Oh, my!

Oh, we're f*cked.
Oh, my god.

We are f*cked.

Yo, let's get 'em!
They're dead.

I actually don't feel good.

I'm getting onto
the other deck

On the other side,
I don't know about you.

What other deck?

Dee, that's not a good idea.
Dee.

Oh, my god!
Help me!

Yo, we're ready.
We got a lot of water balloons.

Let's go.
[Knocking]

Let us back in!
Red team go, red team go!

What is he doing?
Get the tarp.

Oh, my god!

Get our f*cking balloons, bro.
Get our balloons, bro.

Gonna f*cking wait
under the tarp.

They're dead.

Get the balloons
and the tarp ready.

Ew, ron's right there!

This is w*r.

Aah!

Please don't hurt me.
I'm not kidding.

I'm gonna cry.
I don't like this game.

Put down your weapon!

Please, stop!

Aah!
[Laughing]

How's your slingshot now?
Close it, close it.

Should've never messed
with us.

You're gonna lock it?

Ohhh!
Truce! Truce!

Truce!

You should've never came out
with a slingshot, girl.

Once again, the plan for
the girls to prank us backfired.

They should just stop
before they really get hurt.

Are you done?
We're out!

Just checking, just checking,
just checking.

Agh!
Retreat, retreat, retreat!

Come on, ronnie.

It's just me against the boys
and I'm, like,

You know what?
Bring it.

Let's f*cking go, b*tches.

Put down your weapon!
You're all dead!

Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.

This is w*r.
Your weapons are useless!

Put your hands up!

Deena gets stuck, and it's
her against the four guys.

She's getting super soaked,
water ballooned,

Like, just destroyed
by the guys.

Oh! She's got something.
Surrender now or die!

[Guys laughing]

Water g*n champion!
Yeah!

Never come at me
with a slingshot unexpected!

Dead.
Yes!

Yo, let's leave it there
till next summer.

That was awesome.

[Peaceful music]

♪ ♪

It's my last day here,
and everybody's sleeping

So I gotta do my thing
and wake this house up.

[Smoke alarm beeping]
oh, yeah! Wake up, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Wake up, yeah!

[Alarm beeping]
oh, yeah! Wake up, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Wake up, yeah!

It's our last day.
[Alarm beeping]

One thing I will never miss
in this house

Is waking up to pauly's

"Oh, yeah! Wake up, yeah"
sh*t.

[Alarm beeping]
are you decent?

Oh, yeah!

Smush room, yeah!

Yes!

It's our last day, bro.
[Alarm beeping]

I'll leave this one
in here.

Wake up, yeah!

Oh, my god.
Hate this part.

This sucks.

[Sentimental music]

♪ ♪

Hey, can we have three taxis

For 1209 ocean terrace?

Wow.

[Chuckling]

Sam and ron's taxi's here?
Merp!

So long, brother.
I'll see you later.

Watch out for this guy.
Get home safe.

I've always struggled
in this house.

I've gone through my lowest
moments of my life

In this house,
and for the first time ever,

I'm proud to say I'm going
to miss the shore house.

Love you, guys.

Bye, ron and sam!
Bye, guys.

Me and sam have come
a long way.

This time last year
I was breaking sam's sh*t,

Throwing her stuff
off the porch.

And now I'm leaving with her.

I think me and sam
are gonna do very well

After we leave
the shore house.

I'm glad we didn't fight
and k*ll each other.

Yeah, we did good.

No, this is like
a normal couple.

Like what normal couples do
is worth it.

Define "normal."
[Chuckling]

Sam and ron's gone,
so we got the smush room back.

I thought our room
was the smush room.

Hi, baby.
I'm okay.

Must be roger.
Take me home!

Aww!

Roger shows up
with flowers,

Picking up jenni right now.

Sitch-stradamus
sees the future.

And I see rog is trying
to get it in tonight.

This is you, babe?

I don't know how
this is gonna fit.

That's what she said.

Bye, j.
I love you, baby.

Me and my roommates
have been together 110 days.

And that is a long time.

That's like doing a bid
in jail.

All: bye!
Bye, guys.

Be careful.

And yet, no matter what,
at this point,

We will always be
a family.

So to me,
this is not good-bye.

It's more, like,
"I'll see you later."

Bye, seaside!

Well, what I've been
dying to know

For the last three summers

Is, are jenni's boobs real?

I wanna know.

Mike, your cabs are here.
Mike, cab's here!

It's been, uh, interesting.
It's been real.

Love you guys.
Love you guys.

Yo, keep in touch
with me, dude.

Yes, sir.

Snooks, you're not gonna say
good-bye?

Yeah, it's really been
a rocky road

Between me
and some of the roommates.

It's definitely a love-hate
relationship,

But at the end of the day,

We really do care
about each other.

Love you guys. Peace.
Bye, mike.

I'm definitely gonna miss
this shore house a lot,

But I would have to say

The situation
has made his mark.

Oh, that's my mother.
I can tell by the knock.

Aww!

Hi, ma.
Hi, let me come in.

Hey.
How are you?

Oh, my god, vinny.
This is where you live?

Yeah.
Well, me and pauly...

[Gasps]
they changed it.

You don't want to see it.
Yeah, we had a party.

All right, all right,
that's okay.

Bye.

Mmm.
Love you guys.

Love you.
Love you.

See you later, bro.
All right.

Later, guys.

[Screaming and laughing]

God, I missed you!

Saying good-bye to pauly
is not even bittersweet.

You know what I mean?
It's just bitter.

Me and pauly have done
everything with each other,

Since italy, in jersey,
except the time that I left.

Later, kid.
Love you.

Call me.
All right, man.

A.s.a.p.
I will.

See ya.
Have fun.

Don't worry.
You have your meatballs.

Ready?
Yeah.

You want water?
I have water.

No, I'm good.

You sure?
Yeah.

Oh, guys.
My cab's here.

Maybe you have a gorilla
as your cab driver.

That would be phenomenal.
Bye, d.

I love you.
Love you, too.

Be in touch.
I will, always.

Call me as you soon
as you get home.

Meatball!
Bye, meatball.

I love you.
I love you.

I'm, like, sad, I'm, like, ugh,
I'm gonna miss my roommates.

I'm gonna miss my meatball.

I'm gonna miss
the boys picking on me.

I'll even miss mike being
a little looney sometimes.

Okay.

This place has definitely
been a soap opera,

But I'm not gonna lie,
I'm addicted to soap operas.

That was a really good time.

Who's that?
Papa snooks.

Oh, you're last.
Whoo-hoo!

Knock, knock, knock.

Hey! Oh, my god!
Hey!

What up?

[Laughing]
what up, man?

I thought it was papa snooks.
I opened the door... Nope.

Big jerry.

It was the best day of my life,
seeing big jerry.

Yeah, buddy.
Come on!

We didn't know who was coming,
if it was you or papa snooks.

Sorry.
She's pissed, man!

We got the same haircut.

Gonna miss you, meatball.
I'm sorry.

Love you.
Love you, too.

Both: mwah.
Be careful.

See you soon.
Bye-bye.

I don't know how we're going
to fit this all in there.

We're loading the sh*t out
of this caddy,

But stuff is not fitting.

What the hell do you have?

Yo, watch the leather, bro.

Where is this going to fit?

Yeah, I'm riding with
that on my lap, bro.

Yeah, buddy.
[Giggling]

Let's roll.

This is going to be a long,
packed ride to rhode island.

Yeah, buddy.
See ya.

[Yawning] oh, god.

I'm the last person
in the house.

And it's really lonely
without everybody.

I mean, I don't even know
what to do right now.

Why not?
Cheers, party house!

See you next summer a few.

Good-bye, smush.
Bye, stds.

Till next year.
Oh, there's a piss stain.

Cover that.

Duck phone,
I'm gonna miss you a lot,

But I promise you that
I will be back next year,

And we're going to have
phone sex with boys on it.

Dad! Dad!
[Laughs]

Leaving the shore house
is always bittersweet.

Like, you're excited to go home
and see your family and friends,

But then again,
it means the party's over.

I mean, what am I going
to do with my life now?

Oh, my god.
We're out of here.

I definitely would love

To be in this house


I mean, I can do this forever,
like, every summer

Until I'm, like, 90 years old.

I love you, shore house!

[Rock music]

♪ ♪