03x02 - Jesse Eisenberg Gets Carded

[bunniefuu]

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- From the Penn & Teller
Theater in Las Vegas, Nevada,

here's our host,
Alyson Hannigan!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

Welcome to
"Penn & Teller: Fool Us."

Some of you may remember me
from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

[cheers and applause]

Thank you.

Well, my character
was a powerful sorceress.

Of course, on that show,
all the magic I did

used camera tricks
and special effects.

This show
is completely different.

Everything you see
is performed live

with no sneaky edits
or cheating,

which makes it
that much more amazing.

And here they are now,
two real-life sorcerers,

Penn and Teller.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

Hello.

♪ ♪

Take your seats,
gentlemen.

[cheers and applause]

Whoo!

[cheers and applause]

As always, Penn and Teller
have no idea

who any of the performers are
ahead of time.

So let's give them
their first surprise.

- Hi, my name is
Brett Loudermilk.

I'm from Los Angeles,
California.

And I do unusual things
with my body.

[no audible dialogue]

If you were to take two words
to describe what I do,

it would be
the word "beautiful"

and the word "disaster."

And you put those together,

and it sort of
gives you an idea

of who I am
and what I like to present.

I think I'm a weirdo,
but I'm well-adjusted.

I think if somebody that
doesn't know me comes to see me

and they see me
walk out onstage in a suit

and then they see what I do,

it's a total 180.

[man laughing maniacally]

Hold on.

- [laughing maniacally]

- What?
[laughter continues]

I don't know what's hap--
[laughter continues]

[whimsical music]

I think a lot of people
would say,

"What you're about to see
is hard to swallow."

[cheers and applause]

- Ready to duel Penn and Teller,

please welcome Brett Loudermilk.

- My name is Brett Loudermilk.

I am a sword swallower.

Not really that proud of it,
but it's a job.

So that's what we're here to do.

Let's go ahead and get started
with this one right here.

And I'm gonna need a woman
from the--

Actually, Alyson...
- Oh.

- I'm gonna use you.

You're gonna help me with this.

We're gonna swallow a sword.

- We?
- I.

- Okay.
- I am gonna swallow a sword.

Stand right over here
for me.

- Oh, all right.

- Alyson, I'm gonna place a
sword into my throat and let go.

- Oh, God.

- All right, I'm gonna hold it
there--are you okay?

- I don't know.
- Okay, all right.

I'll hold it in place with
the muscles of my esophagus.

I'll let go.

I'll snap my fingers,
open everything up.

The sword's then
gonna drop down

the rest of the way
by itself.

It's gonna bump past my heart,
squeeze in between my lungs,

end up somewhere
in the fallopian tubes.

Once that happens, I'm gonna
bend myself into halves.

I will turn towards you, Alyson,
and I will wink.

When I wink,
you're gonna grab the sword

and pull it out of me.

- [groans]
- Alyson.

- I might be on the floor
by then.

- That'll be a problem.
- Oh, yeah.

- Don't do this or this
or one of these.

If you do this, I will die,

and everyone here
will say you did it.

Do you understand?
- Ah!

- Good.
[laughter]

- I don't know if I'm
the right person for this.

- I don't know if you are,
either.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You want to practice?

- I don't.

- We are.
both: Okay.

- Yeah, sword will be
inside my body.

You will not see the blade.

Do you understand?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Okay, all right,
here we go.

I will then bend over.

When I wink,
what do you do?

- Uh, throw up.

[laughter]
All right.

- Three, two...

- Grab.
- Oh, God.

- And pull.
- All right.

- Just like that,
yes, perfect, perfect.

- Okay.
- No, that was good.

- Do I have to look?
- You need to look.

- Oh, God.
- You need to look.

- If you don't look,
I will die.

- Okay, has this ever
gone wrong?

- Yes.

- Like, to your friends,
obviously?

- Probably today.

- Oh, jeez.
- Okay, here we go.

- It'll be good
for the ratings.

- [laughs]
- Mm.

- Here we go.

Oh, my God.

[fingers snap]

[audience exclaiming]
- Mm-mm.

[applause]

Oh, God.

Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Ahh...

- Alyson!
- [groans]

- Yes, yes!
[cheers and applause]

- Ahh!
- Thank you.

- Ahh. You're okay.
- Go away.

- Oh, thank you.
- Go away.

- [shuddering]

- Sword swallowing is basically

the same thing
over and over again.

The sword goes in,
it comes out,

I go home and cry
about my life choices.

So I have decided to bring along
this one right here.

This sword is what we call,
in the business, a wiggly one.

Now, because of its shape,
when I swallow the blade,

you're gonna see it
through my throat.

As it goes in,
as it comes out,

it's gonna do a little bit
of a dance.

You ready?
- Yeah.

- Yeah? Okay.

Four of you.
Okay.

[light laughter]

[Alyson groaning]

[audience exclaiming]

- Oh!

[audience exclaiming]

- Yes!

Yeah, all right!

Oh, oh!

I got one of these.

I got this thing right here.

This, this is an English

cabinet maker's screwdriver
from 1865.

I just wanted
to show you that...

[laughter]

Because this next one
is curved,

as some of them are.

- Mm-mm.

[laughter]

- Because of the shape
of this sword,

when I swallow it,

I have to bend myself
into the shape of it

so that it doesn't puncture
anything inside

that it's not supposed to,

which is everything.

Here we go.

[laughter]

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

[audience exclaiming]

- Oh!

[cheers and applause]

- Yes!

I just swallowed
a curved sword!

Come on!

Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

You can't do it.

- [laughing]

- Now, I'm often asked

if there are any practical
applications to sword swallowing

aside from the obvious.

And there are.

There are.

This...

is a giant cutting board.

This...

is rice.

Gonna...take a mouthful of this.

Some rice, some seaweed.

Very nutritious, very delicious.

[laughter]

And, of course,

a bowl...

of fish.

[audience exclaiming]

[audience shouting and laughing]

Ugh, sorry
you had to see that.

And, of course,
with all those things,

we also have a giant...

sushi knife.

[audience exclaiming]

[knife thuds]

Sushi!

[applause]

Alyson, sushi.

It's time to eat.
- Oh, yay.

- It's time to eat;
there you go.

- Wow.

- Is that real sushi?
- Yeah.

- Eat it.
- Well--

- Eat it!
- You--

- Put it in your mouth!

Eat it. Eat it.
- Teller will.

- Just smell it. Smell it.
- It's--it's great.

- You guys want it?
- Teller...

Teller will eat anything.
- Yeah? All right.

[laughter]
[groaning]

That is real sushi,
everyone.

Brett Loudermilk!

[cheers and applause]

Okay.
- Hi.

- That was...disturbing.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, you were probably

the worst assistant
I've ever had.

- I--and, yeah, I could
have told you that.

[both laugh]

Why would you pick me
for a knife?

Anything--
[shudders]

- I don't know.

I thought you could
handle it.

I was wrong.
- No, no.

- You did it.
- Yeah.

- You did a great job;
I didn't die.

- I'm glad
I didn't k*ll you.

- They loved it.

Right?
- I'm very, very glad.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah.
- Good.

- You had me very nervous.

I think it's time we just
go to Penn and Teller.

- Sounds good to me.
- All right.

Penn, Teller,
put me out of my misery.

- [laughing] Okay.

Brett, good to see you, man.

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

I got to tell you,
the good news is,

it's not a trick.

Many people think
sword swallowing is a trick.

It's not a trick;
you did it for real.

- Absolutely.

- The bad news is,
it's not a trick.

- Yeah.
- Um...

- [laughs]
[laughter]

I have done
sword swallowing.

- I know, yeah.

- And I did it
very, very badly.

And I did the stupid thing
of trying to learn it on video

with someone teaching me
in a very short period of time.

And I did real damage to myself.
- Yeah.

- It's a wicked hard thing
to do,

and you do it just
absolutely beautifully.

Sushi's real at the end.

Sword swallowing is real.

There's one trick
in the middle.

I'm gonna say a few words
to you very quickly.

Load foam switch.

- Done.

- [laughing]
[laughter]

- Guess you're not
gonna tell us that.

- Yeah, don't worry about it.
- All right.

- But the sword swallowing
is all real.

- Okay, so you didn't fool them,
but you grossed me out.

- Perfect.
- Yeah.

So, thank you,
Brett Loudermilk!

[cheers and applause]
- Thank you, thank you.

- Thank you!
- Thanks.

- [exhales]

Okay.

Let me use
my mind reading skills.

Think of a commercial.

Got it?

Now I will show it to you.

We'll be back.

[jazz music]

[applause]

[jazz music]

[applause]

- Welcome back to
"Penn & Teller: Fool Us."

I can't wait to believe
my eyes even less,

so let's meet
our next potential fooler.

- I'm Dan Harlan,

and I'm a creative genius.

[jazz music]

I grew up in the theater.

What I didn't know at the time

was that my mom
had been a magician's assistant

before I was born.

She had performed some
amazing magic for us as kids,

but I really didn't know
where her magic came from.

One of her best tricks, I think,
was to produce a bar of soap

from behind my ear
to get me to take my bath.

I think that's the real magic
of a mother, right there.

Tonight I'll be performing
one of my inventions.

It's the most popular card trick
of the modern age.

I wouldn't be surprised at all

if Penn and Teller already know
how this trick is done,

but I've got a twist for 'em.

[cheers and applause]

- Our next performer
first hit the stage

when he was two years old.

I wonder if he regrets
all the time he wasted

for the first 23 months
of his life.

Please welcome Dan Harlan.

[cheers and applause]
- Thank you so much.

Thank you, everyone.

I'm a creator of magic,

and I wanted to share with you
one of my favorite creations.

It's also been very popular with
magicians around the world--

something I came up with


And it uses this deck of cards

on which I've drawn a picture,
a little stick-figure magician.

I haven't just drawn him
on this card.

I've actually drawn him
on all of the cards,

and all of those pictures
are a little bit different,

so that if I do this,
he appears to move.

He reaches up,
takes off his hat,

and he's about
to pull something out,

but, you know, I don't want you
to see what that is yet,

because I'm gonna need
a card named.

Now, I could just ask Penn
to name a card,

but he would say the three
of clubs, most likely, and...

- [laughs]

- I'm gonna use
the time-honored, traditional

committee method.

Now, since I don't know
anyone here,

I'm just gonna select somebody.

And I'm gonna toss
my little friend here.

He's for good luck.

His name is Bones.

Here we go.

Oh, right next to you.

Can you get him?

Yeah, fantastic.

Will you stand for me, please?

Hi.

[laughs]
[applause]

And what is your name?

- Erica.

- Erica, here's what
I'd like you to do.

I want you to imagine
that you have

an invisible deck of cards,

and you've separated them,
for some reason or another,

into the red cards on one side

and the black cards
on the other side.

So you have two
imaginary piles there.

And what I'd like you to do

is to select
one of them to keep.

Whatever you choose
is what we'll use.

So would you like the red cards
or the black cards?

- The red cards.
- The red cards?

Well, then, we'll take
the black cards

and just toss them away.

Do the same thing in your mind.

Now, I'd like you to take Bones

and hand him
to the person next to you.

And thanks.
You may be seated.

Thank you so very much.

And would you please
stand for me?

Hi. An applause
for her as well.

[applause]

And what's your name?

- Troynetta.

- Troynetta.
- Yes.

- Yeah. Oh, terrific.

Okay, so, Troynetta,

your choice is
a little more limited.

We've got the red cards here,

and you're going to imagine
separating them

into the hearts
and the diamonds,

and then you're gonna choose
which ones we keep,

same as your friend.

So would you like
the hearts or the diamonds?

- The hearts.
- The hearts.

Well, I've forgotten
which side we put them on, so...

It's all imagination anyway.

We'll just toss those
and call these the hearts.

Would you do me a favor

and then hand Bones
to the person next to you?

And thank you so much.
You may be seated.

And, sir, stand up.
[applause]

This applause is for you.

[applause]

What's your name, sir?

- Scott.

- So, Scott,

your choice is a little more
complicated than the first two,

but I'm sure you're
way ahead of me here.

You're going to,
in your imagination,

spread out the cards.

These are the hearts.

So we have 13 of them,

and you're going to choose
just one to keep,

all from the obvious ace

to the desirable jack,
queen, and king,

or all of the numbers
in between.

It really is your choice.

Which one of those
should we keep?

- The ten of hearts.

- The ten of hearts.

So, in your imagination,

I want you to separate out--

I'm not sure exactly.

I think it's right about there.

You separate out
all the other cards,

and you toss them aside.

Leave the ten of hearts
right out in the open like that.

That's fantastic.

And then toss Bones up to me.

Not bad, ooh, almost.

Again, don't be concerned
about him.

It's his job.

[laughter]
[laughs]

He's gonna watch
the rest of this

from right here in my pocket.

Now, if I remember correctly,

you've all decided
on the ten of hearts, yes?

And you won't be surprised
that there is, in fact,

a ten of hearts in this deck.

And so I'm gonna replace
your imagination

with something very, very real,

an actual card,
the ten of hearts,

so that we don't forget
which one you've chosen.

And now...let's see
the magician perform.

He reaches up.

He takes off his hat.

He reaches inside.

Now, most people expect him
to pull out a rabbit.

And those do look like ears,
but they're not.

Those are the corners
of a folded card.

When he pulls it out
all the way, it unfolds,

and he takes a look at it,

and he looks pretty happy,

because when he turns it over,

it is the ten of hearts...

[applause]

The very same one.

[cheers and applause]
[laughs] Thank you.

- Wow, Dan Harlan, everyone!
- Thank you.

- Wow.
- Hi, Alyson.

- That was fantastic.

- Well, thanks,
thanks very much.

- And I love your drawings.

- Well, thanks, yeah.

- I'm a big fan
of stick figure drawings.

- Oh, yeah, me too,
obviously, right?

- So you invent magic tricks.

- I sure do, yep.

- And then they sell
like hotcakes.

- Well, many of them do.

You know, the way it is
with inventions,

some sell better than others.

You just got to keep at it

until you come up
with something good.

- But you have,
if I'm not mistaken,

the magic trick that's sold

the most out of
any magic tricks?

- That would be
this one right here.

- That's so cool.

And then you decided

to bring it on
to fool Penn and Teller.

- Sure, you know.

- What if they've bought it?

- It's very likely
that they know this trick.

As a matter of fact,
I brought it on

because it's my first chance
to perform it

on television for everybody,

and I really wanted to do

something that's close
to my heart.

- Okay, well, it's time
to go to the boys.

- How many tricks
can someone get in magic

that they can buy in a shop
and that they could learn

and is good enough to destroy
people on national TV?

Absolutely destroy them.

Every magic trick I see,
I get sick to death of.

I've seen this thing
probably a hundred times.

I love it every time,

but I've never seen
the creator do it.

Fabulous, wonderful,
just wonderful.

- Aw.
- Thank you, yes.

Thank you so much.
[applause]

- Aw.
- Thank you.

Thanks, thanks.
Well, whether--

- And you didn't fake us out

with the reach under
the table, either; go ahead.

- No, I didn't.
I didn't, right?

- It's a perfect use
of a deck of cards.

And I also love
the little inside thing,

that, in gambling parlance,

to look for marked cards,
you flip through them,

and it's called
"going to the movies."

And I love the fact
that you made that real.

- I love that too, yeah.

Now, I do have to say
one thing, though.

And you may not like this.

But because of what you've said,
I absolutely have to say it.

This deck of cards,

I drew it especially
for this show.

- Uh-huh?

- And...

there isn't...

anything unusual
about the cards at all.

As a matter of fact,

these cards, all of them,

just have the drawings
that reveal

just the ten of hearts
and only the ten of hearts,

and it worked.

- What?

What does that mean?
- [laughing]

- What does it mean?
What does it mean?

- It means...
- I mean, come up here now.

- It means that you guys...
- [speaks indistinctly]

- [laughing]
- [speaks indistinctly]

[cheers and applause]
I noticed...

- Yeah.
- [laughs]

- Now you had to bring them up.

- And...
- Wow!

- For your very own.

- Wow, wow!

- You may keep them.

I don't know
how you'll divide them.

- Gentlemen, Dan Harlan!
- Wow, that's amazing!

Beautifully done
at every level.

- Thank you.
- Just perfect.

- Thank you,
oh, so nice, so nice.

- That is so incredible.
- [laughs] Yeah.

Thanks, everybody.
- Set on fire.

Thanks again, man.
- Thanks, man.

- That's beautiful.

- Thank you.
Thank you so very much.

Bye.

- Wow!

[cheers and applause]

Wow.
- [laughs]

I bet two people on this stage

feel a little less smart
right now.

Penn and Teller, fooled.

We'll let them recover
during this commercial break.

[cheers and applause]
- Wow!

Wowie zowie.

[jazz music]

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to "Fool Us."

And so far tonight,
one magician has managed

to fool our dynamic duo.

Let's see if we can go for two,
as we meet our next performer.

- My name is Ryan Joyce.

I'm a magician
and an illusionist.

I come from a small country
called Canada.

I view magic
kind of like a first date.

Like, at first,
I try to win people over

with my wit and charm,

and then I try to use my hands
to impress them.

[laughs]

Then I discovered videography,

something that
I absolutely love.

I didn't see the connection
between filmmaking and magic.

They organically happened
to come together.

I was constantly thinking about
how I wanted to sh**t this

and how I wanted to bring
a new perspective

over here with the camera.

And then, at the end of it,

oh, by the way, there's
a really cool magic visual.

[squish and tear]

- [groaning softly]

[cheers and applause]

- Our next magician
is from Canada,

and he's "aboot"
to blow your mind.

Please welcome Ryan Joyce.

[cheers and applause]

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[tense orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

[tense orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

- Wow!

That was amazing.

That was incredible.
- Right. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I've always wanted
a magician-sized hamster wheel.

- Well, I would say so.

But how big are
the hamsters in Canada?

- [laughs]
- Jeez.

- Too big.
- Yeah.

- So you haven't done this
for six years, you said?

- Yeah, we--I stopped doing
the big illusion tour,

and this is the first time
we've done this in six years,

together on this very stage.

So it's an honor.

- So is this a reunion
for you and your assistant?

- It is; we haven't been
together in six years.

So it's--and she's so talented.

And I think you'll agree.
She's--

- Yes, amazing.

[applause]

So, like, when you're
not using this,

do you use it, like,
as a TV stand, or something?

- Yeah, it sits
in the kitchen.

- Oh, right, right.

And you do a lot of work
for charity as well, right?

- Yeah, well, we do it
for children's groups

and firefighters and police
organizations, all that.

So we've raised over $2 million
for charities across Canada.

- That's amazing.
[applause]

That's so cool.

I love that.

That's amazing.

And then I also hear
that people say

that you look
like Kevin Bacon.

- Oh, yeah,
I travel on ships

all the time,
cruise ships now.

And everyone says
I look like Kevin Bacon,

which would make me
Canadian Bacon.

- Yes, oh, perfect.
- Yeah.

- All right, well, I think
we've given them

enough time to talk
amongst themselves.

So let's see whether
or not you fooled them.

Gentlemen?

- Boy, this is a good trick.

And this uses
a couple of principles

that I don't think
we've seen put together before.

I want to say this
a little bit carefully,

but I'm not gonna use
any code.

I'm just gonna
say it outright.

Light doesn't always come

from where you think
it's coming from.

There's assumptions that we make
as audience members

about where things are
and how they run.

And the assumption is so strong
and so true and so visceral

that, even though we knew it,

you can't get your monkey brain
to see it wrong.

- Right, right.
- It's wonderful.

Another thing that gave us
a little bit of a hint,

that Teller will
elaborate on more,

is the footwear, you know?

The combination
of one of the assistants

wearing big clunky boots

and the other assistant
being barefoot and being small

helped it so that
we could have this.

And Teller's gonna show you
a little piece of art.

You know, Teller does
wonderful drawings.

It's a piece of art
right here,

which you won't look at.

We're just gonna
look at this.

This is nice tissue paper
over here, isn't it?

- Wait, you said you weren't
talking in code?

[both speaking indistinctly]
- No, no, we were.

Straight out,
we let it straight out.

But you see right here.

Now Teller's gonna
sign this for you.

- Yes, sir.
- Wonderfully done, man.

Thanks so much.
- All right.

So you're clear
that they didn't--

- Absolutely.
- They were not fooled.

And they weren't talking
in code,

but I have no idea
what they were saying.

[laughter]

All right.
- Thank you.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

let's hear it for Ryan Joyce.

Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

All right.

[cheers and applause]

More "Fool Us" on the way,

including something
from the legends themselves,

Penn and Teller.

Stick around.

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back
to "Penn & Teller: Fool Us,"

where you get the most
magic bang for your buck.

Now let's meet
our next magician.

- Kyle was anxious
about doing this interview,

so he asked me, his therapist,
to do it instead.

[light instrumental music]

The best way to describe Kyle

is that he's someone who
learned all his social skills

from books written by people

who learned all
their social skills from books.

Kyle's been performing magic
since the age of ten.

[woman vocalizing]

Kyle does magic because he has

a latent and persistent
compulsion to lie.

♪ ♪

To help Kyle overcome
stage fright,

we intend
to build him up gradually.

First, he'll perform
for inanimate objects,

then fish...

then parrots...

then flamingos,

and then, finally, asbestos.

I think that Kyle will be able
to perform for Penn and Teller.

The therapy has never failed,

and I have no doubt
that he will flourish.

Well, thank you
for the interview.

And I wish him
the best tomorrow.

Good night.

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- Who was that?

[cheers and applause]

- As his bio states,
our next act

emerged from his mother


covered in amniotic fluid.

Well, I can't think of a more
beautiful introduction myself,

so please welcome the young
and recently showered

Kyle Eschen.

[cheers and applause]

[laughter]
- Whoo!

- So, obviously,
I'm a magician.

I think that's the third best
thing about me,

the second being my hygiene,

the first being the fact
that I'm not an arsonist.

[laughter]

I got my start
at children's birthday parties.

I'd say clever things like,

"Hey, kids, which hand
holds the shrimp?

Wrong, you're all
flawed human beings."

[laughter]

They all loved me,

though not everyone has been
so enamored with my act.

For instance--
and this is a true story--

after one show, a woman
walked up to me and said,

"You're rather
socially awkward onstage.

Do you have Asperger's?"

And I thought that was
a strange question to ask,

because that's usually
my pick-up line.

[laughter]

Now that the persona
has been established,

we can proceed with
a rather disappointing miracle

that requires the assistance
of a member of the audience.

If you, sir, wouldn't mind
joining me onstage.

Let's have a round of applause
for him

as he makes his way up.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you very much
for coming up here.

If you wouldn't mind
just standing here.

No one likes to be summoned
from the crowd

to assist a magician,
so I do appreciate it.

This trick requires
a very special prop,

which I keep
in a very special place.

My pocket.

[laughter]

Now, I know
you were expecting me

to pull something
out of your ear.

But, in fact,
I did the opposite.

I put something in.

You'll discover it
in about a week's time.

[laughter]

When it hatches.

[laughter]

Magicians are terrible
at dating,

so we need some mechanism
by which to pass on our genes.

[laughter]

Who knew that
magicians reproduced

in the same manner
as the African bot fly?

The real secrets of magic
revealed.

[laughter]

We have here a rather unusual
deck of cards,

blank but for a list
of my favorite things.

I'll rattle some of them off.

We have here waffles, beans,

liver, lint, wood chips,

doorknobs, bleach, pollen--

the usual suspects.

The important point
is that they are all distinct.

There are no duplicates
among them.

I actually have a compelling
theatrical motivation

for having these,

but I'm gonna skip that,
because nobody cares.

[laughter]

We require one of these cards
to be picked,

one item to be picked.

So as I run my thumb
down the side of the deck,

please just say, "Stop,"
anytime.

- Stop.

- Here?
- Yep.

- Please hold out your palm,
up.

I will deal you that card.

And please cup
your other hand beneath,

as if holding water,

or perhaps bile,

my favorite emulsifier,

though I don't think
I'm alone in that.

[laughter]

Notice, by the way,
I say "water,"

he cups his hand one way,

or "bile," there's a slight
shift in posture.

Say what you will
about this guy,

but this is a man
who understands fluid dynamics.

[laughter]

And that is the most important
quality a human being can have.

So I just want you
to know that.

We have here
a silk handkerchief,

the last remaining prop.

And I will nonverbally display
the fact that it is empty

by flinging it several times
toward the gentleman.

Now that I've
established dominance...

[laughter]

I will reveal the name
of the item selected.

And you might not be able
to tell this at home,

but the mood in this theater
is tense.

[laughter]

Lentils.

You picked lentils.

Now, earlier, I warned

that this was gonna be
a disappointing trick,

but even I could not
anticipate the extent.

Please keep
your hands cupped, sir,

and rivet your attention
to the handkerchiefs.

Watch, as cascading forth,

we find the birth of lentils,

lentils by the billions,
screaming forward.

You may keep this as a token
of gratitude for coming up here.

Thank you very much
for your help, sir.

You can go back to your seat.

My name is Kyle Eschen.
- Whoo!

- Thank you
for your attention.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, wow.

Well, I'm certainly glad
he didn't pick liver.

That would have been gross.

Hi, so, you won't be upset
if I don't call you

for my daughter's
birthday party, right?

- I will not.
- Okay, good.

[laughter]

You seem like
a happy guy, huh?

- Uh, ecstatic.

- Yeah, I can tell.

And what actually
brought you into magic?

Like, when did you decide
that's what you wanted to do?

- A family friend
showed me a card trick,

and he would not tell me
how it was done,

so in retaliation,

I spent 13 years
learning the craft.

[laughter]

- That's commitment.

Is th--is this, like,
your character,

or is this who you are?

- Uh, I tone down
the awkwardness for the stage.

- Gotcha, good.
That's good to know.

- Right.
- All right, cool.

One last thing before
we go to the guys.

- Yes.

- Do you have any recipes,

um, that you can do
with the lentils?

- I eat lentils dry.
- Oh.

- Although they're good seasoned
with a little bit of saline.

- Oh, well,
let's go to the guys.

Gentlemen?

- Uh, we love you.

- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- We'll be, uh...

And we are gonna be
seeing you everywhere

for the rest of our lives.

Uh, you're gonna do--

you are gonna be a force
to be reckoned with.

There's no doubt
about that.

I really don't want to talk
at all about the magic,

although I love the fact--

this will serve you very well
for the rest of your life--

that you are able to stand
with your hands

as though you
were palming something

even when you're not
palming something.

It's very natural for you.

That will be
very, very useful.

But I want to say that, um,

you did something
truly impossible

and truly amazing here.

The best thing we can
say about you is,

you are doing something

that many, many
magicians try to do

and very few pull off,

and that is, whether you
fooled anybody or not,

you are funny.

- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- Very true.

- Really funny.

- So, obviously,

that compliment is better
than any trophy, right?

I mean--
- That is true.

- All right.
- It's a worthwhile trade-off.

- Right, but you know that
you probably didn't fool them.

- Not at all.
- But that they might

become a trio with you.

No? Maybe?

- You're just so funny,
so great.

- Yes, you are so amazing,

so wonderfully amusing,

and, uh, slightly scary.

But we love you.
[laughter]

Okay.

So thank you, Kyle Eschen.
- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]
- All right.

- [laughs]

- Don't go anywhere,
because when we come back,

we'll see Penn and Teller
in action.

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Tonight we close our show
with something special.

Here to do a trick
with Penn and Teller

is a mega movie star

who's playing the world's
greatest magician

in the summer blockbuster
"Now You See Me 2."

Ladies and gentlemen, Penn,
Teller, and Jesse Eisenberg.

[cheers and applause]
- Oh, thank you.

- Jesse.

And you stay right here.

- Ooh, yay.

- And you're
a little bit mistaken.

We're not doing
a trick with him.

We're each gonna do
a trick for you.

- Oh.

- Each one of us
is gonna do a trick.

There's no one-upmanship
involved.

This is just us all
just doing a trick.

I've got a deck of cards here.

We'll all share this deck,

and I'll give them
a little shuffle.

And I'm gonna go first,
if that's okay.

Is that okay?

Just say, "Stop,"
whenever you want.

- Stop.
- Right about halfway through.

- Take a look at that card.

Look at it.

Focus on it.

Concentrate on it.

- Okay.

- Get it clear in your head.
- Yes.

- See if I can figure out
what your card is.

It's going into my head.

It's going down my neck.

And is that your card?

- Yeah, it's queen of spades.

- Queen of spades.
- Yes.

- The queen of spades.

The queen of spades,
and there it is right here.

Teller, take it away.

Now, Teller wants you
to just name a number

between, like, 5 and 15,
a number that you like there.

- 9.
- 9.

Gonna count off nine cards.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven,
eight, nine.

Now look at that card.

- Yes.

- Get that card
clear in your head.

- I've got it.

- Teller's gonna make that card
magically appear on his body.

Watch this, Alyson.

You know what
the card is, right?

- Yes.

- And is that your card,
the five of hearts?

- No.
[light laughter]

- Oh.

Well, I guess I do the better
trick than he did, didn't I?

Not the five of hearts.
- No.

- Maybe it's
the seven of hearts?

- Ah, no.

- Is it the nine--oh.

- Yes.

- The ten of hearts.

That's your card?
- Yeah.

- The ten of hearts?
- [laughs]

Aw.
- Okay, mega movie star.

- Yes, yes.

- Give it a shot.
- Okay, thanks.

- Jesse Eisenberg,

movie star,
doing a card trick.

- I know there's
no one-upmanship,

but can I outdo you?

- Oh.
- Is that okay?

- Give it a shot, sure.

- Okay, thank you, thank you,
thank you, okay.

Okay, so choose any card.

- Okay.
- Except that one.

- No, it's okay.
You can choose that one.

both: Okay.

- All right.
- Okay.

Do you feel confident
in that card?

- I hope so.
- Okay, 'cause I don't.

Okay, you hold that,

because I can only do
one thing at a time.

Okay, now show the audience
here that card.

- Okay.
- And don't tell me what it is.

- Okay.

- Okay, now you can tell me
what that card was.

- Okay, seven of diamonds.

- Seven of diamonds.
- Yes.

- Okay, yeah.

Okay, I have
the seven of diamonds

actually tattooed
on me as well, yes.

- [gasps] Oh, my God.
- Yes.

Isn't that incredible?

- That is incredible.
- Yeah.

- Did really good.
- Thank you so much.

So...
- Wow.

- [speaks indistinctly]
- Did I win the show?

- In "Now You See Me 2,"
you play a magician.

- Yes, and now I--
- Wonderful actor.

- And now I could do that...
- He's a great actor.

- And now I could do magic,
like, perfectly.

- Well, you do magic--

You're an actor who plays
a magician in a movie.

- And now I won
your TV show.

That's amazing.
Thank you so much.

- Well, uh--
- Yeah.

- No, we brought you on
because--

- 'Cause it's not even,
like, my main thing,

and, like, I won it.

- It's not your main thing,
but--

- And it's such an honor
to now win.

- No, well, you didn't
actually win.

You were out here
as a mega movie star.

You weren't out here to--

- Yes, who then transcended that
and now won.

[laughter]
- Hmm.

- We--I think we have
a pretty good idea

how you did that trick.

- What? How?
- Well, I'm not gonna say it.

- Well, no, tell me.
How did I do it?

I had a tattoo of her exact card
on my ankle area.

- Yes, you did,
and we think--

- You fooled me.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- It's possible--
- But, yeah, thank you.

- It's possible
that you have, uh--

how do I say this polite?

More than one tattoo
on your body.

Maybe you have 52 tattoos
on your body.

- Oh, oh, I see, right, right.
No, so you think, like, she said

the seven of diamonds, and I
remembered that it was there?

- Seven of diamonds, yeah.
- Yeah.

No, that would be,
like, a really clever--

- And you could maybe
open your chest.

You could roll up your sleeve.

You might have other--

- Yeah, 'cause, no, I actually
do have 52 cards

tattooed on my body.

- Okay,
so you didn't fool us.

- But, actually,
they're all the same.

They're all the same.

They're all the seven
of diamonds.

- Ohh.
- Yeah, no, actually, I do.

I do; actually I have them
all over my body.

Yeah, this one,
I actually got--

This one, I got at camp.

It was like a hazing ritual.

This one, actually
my mother tattooed on me.

Actually, I have one here, yes.

This one, I actually got
on my 18th birthday.

Yes, kind of a gift.

Yes, actually, I got one here.

- Oh, yeah.
- I got one there.

- Ooh.
- I got one here.

This, one, this one's
actually a birthmark,

but the rest are all tattoos.

[laughter]
Yeah.

- Okay, so you're
a real magician too, Jesse.

Nicely done.
- Thank you so much.

- Jesse Eisenberg!
[cheers and applause]

"Now You See Me 2"!

Movie star
and great magician.

- Jesse Eisenberg.
[cheers and applause]

Come back next week for more
"Penn & Teller: Fool Us."

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

[indistinct chatter]