09x07 - That (Bleeping) Teller!

[bunniefuu]

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- From the Penn & Teller Theater

at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas,

here's our host,
Alyson Hannigan!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to a special edition
of "Fool Us: Animal Style."

That's right,
every trick tonight

features an adorable animal

partnered with a slightly
less adorable human magician.

I'm told
I can only pet one of them.

Here to try and tame
this magical menagerie,

the kings of the magic jungle,
Penn and Teller!

♪ ♪

Any animal or magician
who tricks Penn and Teller

gets a "Fool Us" trophy,

a spot in their Las Vegas show,

and a treat.

It's time to unleash the hounds,

so let's meet our first act.

- Hi, I am Jo de Rijck.

I am not the greatest magician
in the world,

but my animals are.

I love animals,

and I love to show people

how they're so much smarter
than we realize.

We just don't know
how to communicate with them.

Last time I was on "Fool Us"
with my mind-reading chicken,

Chicken Curry.

It was a highlight of my career.

[cheers and applause]

For my trick tonight,

I knew Penn and Teller will be
ready for Chicken Curry,

so I searched the world
for a new animal to fool them.

It took me years
before I finally found

the perfect animal for tonight.

I traveled by land, air, and sea

to find the perfect animal
to fool Penn and Teller.

I can't wait to see them
try and figure this one out.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Please welcome back
Jo de Rijck!

- Hi.

Last time I was here,

I had a mind-reading chicken.

For tonight, I will step it up

with a mind-reading dolphin.

It's a baby dolphin.

His name is Willy.

He's blindfolded right now,

like a real mentalist.

But first...

♪ ♪

We need a mind to read.

Teller, up.
[whistle blows]

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Good boy.

- Wow.
- Good.

Teller.

Really good boy.

Good, good.

Teller,

these are five
new home decorations

for little Willy's aquarium.

Teller,

decorations in the bucket.

Teller.
[whistle blows]

Decorations in the bucket.

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

Good boy, Teller.

Really awesome.

Good job.

Good, good.

Teller...

take these buckets
and return to your seat.

[laughter]

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

Good boy.

Good.

Okay, Penn.
- Uh-oh.

- Please.
- Yes?

- Select one decoration,

put it in the red bucket,

and cover it up
so I cannot see it.

One moment.
- Okay.

- To make it fair,

I will also cover myself
with a blindfold.

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

Penn, are you ready?

- I am ready.

- Perfect, Penn.

Good boy.

Good boy.

- Oh, nice.
Thank you.

- Teller, please with the red
bucket, join me back on stage.

Alyson, I need you too.

♪ ♪

Good.

Good, Teller.

Good, Alyson.
- Aw.

- Mwah. Mwah.
- Aw.

- Love is the biggest gift.

[laughter]

Now, it is time for you all

to meet my mind-reading dolphin.

Audience, give it up for Willy.

[record scratches]

[applause]

- That's not a dolphin.

- Hi, Willy. Hi.

Don't worry.

This is Willy.

He's identifying as a dolphin.

[laughter]

Teller, Willy is
gonna read your mind.

Do you know the expression

"an idea can be
on the tip of your tongue"?

Think about your object,

and let it come
to the tip of your tongue.

♪ ♪

Perfect.

Keep it right there...
- Oh, boy.

- And give it a gentle blow.

♪ ♪

Awesome.
Teller, such a good job.

Really awesome.
Amazing, Teller.

That's for you.

- Oh, gosh.

- Alyson.
- Mm-hmm?

- I promised to take it up
to the next level.

Not only has he read your mind,

he's also gonna transfer
your thoughts to Alyson.

- Hmm...

- Alyson, in a moment,
you will hold Willy.

- I don't...
- Don't worry, don't worry.

Don't worry.
He's really gentle.

- I don't think I'm supposed
to hold your Willy.

- You're not supposed
to hold my Willy?

Alyson, just hold your hands
out like this.

Very gentle.
Don't squeeze him.

As if he were a snake, okay?

When you have him,
he will communicate with you.

- Okay.
- I don't know how.

Dolphins have their way.

[laughter]

Very gentle.

Just very gentle.
- Okay!

- Very gentle.
You're doing good.

Very gentle.
Okay, perfect.

Alyson, close your eyes.
- No!

- You're doing great.

Willy, communicate with Alyson.

Give her a clear sign for yes.

- [whimpers]
- Good.

Alyson, every time
Willy gives you a yes,

yell it out loud.
- Okay.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

- Perfect.

Willy...

did Teller think about bamboo?

♪ ♪

Willy, did Teller think
about a mermaid?

Willy, you're doing great.

Willy...

did Teller think
about the seashell?

♪ ♪

- Okay...

- Did Teller think
about a house?

♪ ♪

Did Teller think about corals?

- Yes.
- Yes? Okay.

Alyson, you did so good.
- Thanks.

- Good girl. Good girl.
- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.
- They're all yours.

If indeed

Teller thought about the coral,

Willy is truly
a mind-reading dolphin.

Teller, can you please show us
what did you think about?

♪ ♪

A coral!

Willy!
- Willy!

Jo de Rijck!

And Willy!

Are all animals
as smart as Willy?

- I think all animals
are really intelligent,

if you know
how to communicate with them.

Like, for example, if you
feed your goldfish every day,

at the same hour,
they will know the hour,

which is amazing,
'cause we cannot do that.

That kind of things.
- Okay.

And why do you
love animals so much?

- I had quite a rough childhood,

and animals were my friends.

They were like
a source of love for me,

and still today,
I love them like crazy.

I mean,
look at this cute dolphin.

It's amazing.
- Yeah, it's super cute.

Learning to perform magic
is hard,

but is it extra hard
if you're working with animals?

- It's crazy hard, to be honest.

Yes.
- Yeah.

- 'Cause first you have
the magic you have to master.

Then you have
to train the animals.

And then it's always an animal,

so you never know
what's gonna happen,

which is also what I like.

You know?
- Yeah.

- They are unpredictable.
It's always fun.

- Jo, I can't wait to find out

if you and Willy
fooled Penn and Teller.

- Me neither.
- Let's find out.

Boys?

- Oh, my goodness.

Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo.

Here you come again.

Here you come again in
a niche that you have created,

the mind-reading animals
on "Fool Us" niche.

No one is competing with you.

You have just got that,
and you own it.

And we just love it.

We love you
feeding Teller the treats.

We love you
putting the hoop around.

We love every single bit
of this.

It's just a terrific,
terrific act.

But you know,
there's ego involved here.

As much as we love you,

we have gotten a lot of, um...

[bleep]
from people around us

that we were fooled
by a chicken.

- I understand.
- You can imagine

in our peer groups
that we travel in,

which include magicians
and comedians,

two fellows who were fooled
by a chicken are ridiculed,

ridiculed by people saying,

"You guys were fooled
by a chicken?"

So as we look at you here,
we start thinking hard.

We start watching everything.

We start taking notes,
and we say,

no, no, no, no, no.

This time
we are not gonna be fooled

by a mind-reading chicken.

This time we are gonna be fooled

by a mind-reading snake
that identifies as a dolphin.

- We have a Fooler!

Yay!
- All right!

- We have a Fooler!

Whoo-hoo!

Amazing.

Congratulations.

- That's so cool.
Thank you.

Really, thank you so much.
- Aww.

Thank you.
Jo De Rijck!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

Aw.

[sighs]

We've got our first Fooler
of the night.

Stick around,
and maybe we'll see another

on this special animal episode
of "Fool Us."

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back
to "Fool Us: Animal Style."

Let's meet
our next amazing magician

and our next fantastic beast.

- Hi.
My name is Nick Paul.

I'm originally
from the suburbs of Detroit.

I come from a weird family.

I'm a magician.
My brother's a comedian.

My dad's a ventriloquist.

So we just find new
and exciting ways

of disappointing my mom.

I've been doing magic
professionally

for over 20 years.

I've been good
for three of them.

A lot of what I do is a mix
of silent comedy and magic,

but I'll be doing
a lot of talking today.

My wife is a performer as well.

She helps me write a lot
of material for the show.

She often performs with me too.

She's the Teller
in our relationship,

the smart one.

And as we tape this,
we're actually celebrating

our eight-year
wedding anniversary.

So instead of flowers,
I took her to a magic show.

I'm excited to be here
on "Penn & Teller: Fool Us."

I've been trying to get on
the show for a very long time,

so no pressure.

Do I think I can fool them?

Absolutely...

not.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Please welcome
one wild wizard.

Nick Paul.
- Yeah!

We're doing it, guys.
We're doing it.

Hi. How are you?
My name's Nick Paul.

I'm gonna show you
some magical tricks.

This is exciting.

Alyson, would you mind
helping me out?

I know you've
never done this before.

Alyson, ladies and gentlemen.
The amazing Alyson.

Hi. How are you?
- Hi. Good.

Thank you.
- I'm very excited.

I love animals.
- Me too!

- I'm a part-time vegetarian,
so I'm excited

to be part of this all-animal
version of "Fool Us."

Very fun.

In a moment, together we're
going to choose an animal.

But first, I need a name.

What would be, like,
the perfect name for a pet?

Any name, in the entire world.
- George.

- George? Curious.

I like that.
It's fun.

So George is the name
of our animal for today.

But we need to get one
completely at random,

so what I did...
I went on the worldwide web,

information superhighway,

and I got a list
of 99 different animals here.

A list o' animals.

Put 'em in my notepad app.

You can see
we got a whole bunch here.

We got ox, cat, chimpanzee...

thorny devil.

What's that?
I don't know.

Sounds very dangerous, though.

So about 99 different animals.

We'll bring that up
to the top here.

Alyson, I'm going
to have you hold onto that.

So everybody can see it,

but I can't mess with it
in any way, shape, or form.

Let's get a number at random.

Teller, could you get me
a single-digit number?

That is a seven? Cool.

I had to think about that.

Penn, if you don't mind,
give me a single-digit number.

- Seven.
- Seven.

So 77? All right.
- Yep.

- Is that number okay with you?
- Sure.

- If you don't mind,
scroll down to 77.

I don't want to look,
but as you're scrolling,

make sure all those animals
are different.

That's very important.

Once you get to 77, let me know.

Say yes.
- Almost.

- It's a lot of animals.
I know.

- Okay, yes.
- Cool.

And don't say 77 out loud,

but what's the animal above it?

- Groundhog.
- Groundhog.

Excellent.
And what's the animal below 77?

- Mare.
- Okay, good.

So do me a favor.
Lock 77 inside your brain.

And once you got it,
don't forget it.

You can close up my telephone.

Put it in your pocket.

Got it?

Great. Good.

If this doesn't go well,
I'm gonna need that

for a ride home.
- Oh, okay.

- That's important.

Now what's pretty neat is,
before the show,

I actually took a photo
of an animal,

placed it right there.

Would you be impressed
if you saw your animal

on the other side of that photo?

- Yes.

- Pretty cool, right?
- Yeah.

- Now I don't want
to give you any hints,

but I hope
I fetched the right answer.

[laughter]

It's the leash-t I can do.

♪ ♪

If I get it wrong,
I'm not going to roll over.

These jokes k*ll
on cruise ships.

All right.
I was thinking of a dog.

Yay!
Yes or no, Alyson?

Were you thinking of a dog?
- No.

- What now?
- Mm-mm.

- You weren't thinking of a dog?

- No, that's probably
why your jokes bombed.

- [laughs]

You sound like my mom right now.

- I'm sorry.

- All right.
This is a bummer.

We had, like,


We got the numbers
from Penn and Teller.

What was the animal
that you looked at?

- Lobster.

♪ ♪

- Lobster?
- Yeah.

- Okay.

What a fun pet that would be.

Anyway, exhilarating
to take walks with,

great with melted butter,

but unfortunately,
not the animal that you chose.

Not the prediction I made.

Well, this is okay.
This is okay.

Why don't we compromise?

You wanted a lobster.

I wanted a dog.
How about we do this?

How about a dog...

in a lobster costume?

Hey, look at that.

He dances too.

And we have a special guest.
- [gasps]

- It is George the Lobster!

He made it.

Oh, thank you so much.

Everybody say,
"Hi, George."

He's here.
- Hi, George!

- Oh, my goodness.

You know, he traveled
quite a distance,

all the way from stage right,
to be here.

Do you want to see
his big trick?

- Yes!
- Yeah?

You guys want
to see his big trick?

Okay. Hold on to him,
if you don't mind, yeah?

- Yes, please.
- He just got a bath.

So he's excited.

I have a whole bunch
of different choices here.

He brought a whole bunch
of different choices.

Whatever you choose,
George will give you.

What would you like?
A through F.

- Um, what should we choose?
Let's choose D.

- D. All right, and do you
want to change your mind?

- No.
- Go D?

All right, let's see.
This is exciting.

Whatever you choose,
George will give you.

Oh, this is fun.

It's a treat.
- [gasps]

George, it's a treat.
- A treat, all right.

Those were
the other options there.

This is...

Yep, all right.
Great.

I'll just set that there.

I think I have a treat here.

Oh, we got a whole bag
of treats here.

Let's get an exciting one.

Here we go.
My hands there.

Let's get this here.
Fun.

And I don't know
if you know this, Alyson,

but it's a secret
in the canine community

that dog treats have
kind of fortunes in them.

Did you know that?
- No.

- It's pretty neat.

Now, Alyson, could you
put your hands like this?

- I guess.
- Yes, put one free hand there.

I'm gonna break this treat
in half,

and we're gonna see
what your fortune is today.

Yes, right there.
Oh, yeah, right there.

Okay, that's really in there.
Okay.

Let's have a look at that.
Let's see.

Please don't eat it, George.

Your fortune today says,

"George says, 'That was
one shell of a trick.'"

- [gasps] Yay!

- George and Alyson,
ladies and gentlemen!

The amazing George!

Oh, he's eating that too.
Very good.

He's only has four teeth.
Thanks, everybody.

- Nick Paul and George.

Hi, Georgie.

This is my favorite trick ever.

- Oh, thank you.
That means so much.

- Aw.

Okay, I've got
a really hard question for you.

So I have your dog
and your phone.

If I'm only gonna
give you one back...

- I forgot you had my phone,
which is hilarious.

- Which one
are you gonna ask for?

- I have iCloud,
so I can get another phone.

- So you say you come
from a family of performers?

- Mm-hmm.
- Was your childhood

just crazy?
- It was kinda weird.

My dad's best friend was
a clown and a magician,

and so, that's
how I kinda got into magic.

And so, I didn't realize
that was strange

until, like, my mid-20s.

No, not everybody has that job.

- That's
a pretty great childhood.

- Pretty good, yeah.

- And I understand
you're writing a book?

- Yeah, it's about being
an extroverted performer

but kind of quiet offstage,

and you know, letting
people know that's okay.

You know, it's okay to be
a little bit shyer and stuff.

- Okay, Nick,
let's see if Penn and Teller

will throw you a bone
and a trophy.

- Oh, I like that.

- Hey, Nick.

Teller wants to wear
the lobster suit.

I don't think he'll fit in it,
but he really, really wants it.

We're rethinking
our whole decision

to wear three-piece suits,

thinking we should
wear lobster suits.

And a very good act
that you did!

And you also had
someone helping you.

You had an accomplice.
Of course, I mean George.

And did a wonderful job.

And George is a very good name
for the dog.

And that was
a very good prediction there.

And the dog's clearly here
of its free will, right?

The dog is not forced
to be here?

No, no,
'cause sometimes with animals,

you worry they're here
against their will,

but not George.

And that's a really good act,
a really good prediction.

You made Alyson so happy.

Who could be happier

than someone holding a dog
in a lobster suit?

And the answer comes back.

It would be Teller himself,
in a lobster suit,

would be very, very happy.

He is coveting
George's lobster suit.

But I'll tell you,
we loved that act.

We loved it.

We wanted to give you a hug,

'cause you just k*lled with it.

And I think

George may have picked up
some of the cues

that we do not think
you fooled us,

Nick Paul and George.

- Well, what do you think, Nick?

Did you fool them?

- Oh, they're very smart men.

I did not fool them.
- Oh.

And I guess I have
to give you your dog back?

- Yeah and my phone.
- Oh...

All right.

Nick Paul, everyone!
- Bye, everybody.

There we go.
Thank you.

Bye, everybody!
Thank you so much.

- Bye, George!

[cheers and applause]

Coming up, more magicians

will attempt
to fool Penn and Teller.

And later on, our headliners

will perform
a trick of their own.

You don't want to miss it.

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back to "Fool Us."

Watch out, Easter Bunny.

Look out, unicorn.

We have
another magical animal here

to take on P and T.

Take a look.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Joining us
all the way from India,

here's Sachin K.M!

[cheers and applause]

- Hi, Penn.
Hi, Teller.

We have a volunteer,
Deepak, here.

- Hi there.

- And, Deepak, just to confirm,

you have no idea what's
about to happen now, correct?

- Yes, it's absolutely correct.
- Okay, wonderful.

Now, I have
a pack of cards here.

And I have all different cards.
- Okay.

- Now, I'll give these cards
a shuffle.

♪ ♪

Now, Deepak, what I'm going to
do is something very simple.

- Okay.
- I'll keep moving the cards

from my left hand
to my right hand.

You need to shout out "stop"
loudly at any point

and pick any card at random.

- Sure.
- I'll start.

- Sure.

Stop.
- Okay.

So this is the card
you have stopped at randomly.

Now, we won't look at that card,

but we want to make sure
that we can recognize it later.

- Sure.

- So I have
a silver marker here.

Deepak, take it
and write your initials

in big, bold letters
on the back of your card.

- Sure.

♪ ♪

- So Deepak has written "DV" on
the back of his selected card,

and no one of us knows
what that card is.

Now, Deepak,
what I want you to do

is randomly push forward
any five cards from this pack.

One.

♪ ♪

Two.

♪ ♪

Three.

Four.

Five.
Wonderful.

Now, we'll discard
these remaining cards.

Now, I'll take these five cards

and put them on top

of Deepak's signed,
selected card.

And I'll shuffle them all
facedown.

Now, I'll turn over the cards
and shuffle them faceup.

So now, these cards
are completely shuffled.

But, Deepak, to absolutely
make sure that it is random,

what I need you to do is

rearrange the position
of these six cards

in any order you like.

- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Okay.

We'll arrange them nicely.
- Yeah.

- So now,
no one of us really knows

which one of these
is Deepak's card.

- Yes.
- I don't know,

you don't know,
and Penn and Teller

also don't know.
- Yes.

- Now normally, I would
magically find your card,

but tonight,
that's not going to happen.

I have my partner,

a pigeon named Pickly
inside the cage here,

and my bird is going
to find your card.

- Okay.
- Pickly will peck on

and pick your card.

- Okay.
- I'll let out Pickly now.

Pickly, go ahead
and find Deepak's card.

- [cackling]

♪ ♪

Pickly, anything?

♪ ♪

Pickly has pecked
on the queen of hearts.

Okay, wonderful.

So out of all these cards,
Pickly pecked

on this particular card,
the queen of hearts.

And if it happens to have
your initials on the back,

Pickly has performed a miracle.
- Yes.

- But before that,
let's check these other cards

for your signature first, okay?
- Okay.

- These two?

Oh, no.

These two?
Oh, no.

So one of these two cards
has your signature.

- Yes.
- So let's check this card,

the queen of hearts
which Pickly pecked on.

- Yes.
- Okay, let's check.

Yes, it is!
- Yes! Yes!

- It is Deepak's signed,
selected card,

so Pickly has indeed
performed a miracle.

- Sure.
- And of course,

this other card
doesn't have your signature.

♪ ♪

Isn't that amazing?

So, Penn and Teller,
did my bird fool you?

[cheers and applause]

- Sachin K.M!

Wow.
- One of my favorite acts.

- Oh, welcome to Vegas.

- [chuckles] Thank you so much.

- What would it mean to you,
to fool Penn and Teller?

- It would mean the world to me.

That would be something amazing,

which I would cherish
for a lifetime.

And I wanted to tell something
to you, Alyson.

I am as big a fan of you

as I am of Penn and Teller.
- Aw.

- I really love
your bright smile

and positive energy
you bring on the show.

- Thank you.

Do you perform
with other animals?

- Other animals...

Rabbits...
- Hmm.

- A chicken...
- Oh.

- And a hamster.
- Thank you.

- I'm very good with animals.
- Okay.

And what did you do
before you were a magician?

- I used to work
in a multinational company

as a software engineer.

And two years back,
I quit my job

so that I could
pursue my passion full-time.

- Oh, and look at you.

You're performing in Vegas!

- It's such an amazing journey.

It's been an amazing journey.

- All right, Sachin.

Let's see
if Penn and Teller know

how Pickly picked
the right card.

- Sure.
- Oh, Sachin, what a great act!

When you opened that cage
and Pickly came out,

I was just screaming.

I mean, we're having
a whole animal show.

We like animals,
but we don't like any animals

as much as we like Pickly.

Boy, was that great.
- Thank you so much.

- I'm really interested
in birds,

and birds' intelligence,
and how they're trained.

I just finished reading
a whole book about this

and about how birds can learn.

And probably,
if I understand this right,

the way this trick is done

is actually as amazing
as anything else.

I mean, it's remarkable.

I don't think you had
to force Pickly to do anything.

Pickly can just do that.

Pickly can just find that card.

One of my favorite animals
I've ever seen is...

I mean,
I think you're wonderful,

but I really love Pickly.

And as much as I'd love
to have you come out

and bring Pickly with you,

as much as we love this act...
And boy, did I love it...

I don't think you fooled us.

- So they know
how you did your trick?

- They definitely do know it,
Alyson.

- Aw, well thank you so much.

Sachin K.M!

[cheers and applause]

My spidey sense tells me
it's time for a commercial.

More "Fool Us" after this.

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back to "Fool Us."

What kind of animal act
are we about to unleash next?

Let's take a look.

- It's Christopher T. Magician
on Penn and Teller "Fool Us"!

I perform for kids
and immature adults.

I am widely known

as one of the best
kids' magicians in the world.

And I'll be honest, kids are

the toughest audiences in magic.

Kids, if they don't like you,

they will flat-out tell you
to your face you stink.

So if you can perform for kids,

you can perform for anyone.

I love animals,

so I try to put them into
my magic act whenever possible.

I currently work with four rats.

This is Oliver.
He's my current costar.

And today, for the very first
time, for Penn and Teller,

I will be performing
with my dog, Sam.

When it comes to magic,
Sam is a natural.

One day, I was just playing
with a deck of cards,

and he just came over,
and he took one.

You've seen plenty
of magicians do card tricks,

but I bet you've
never seen a dog do one!

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- An entertainer for all ages.

Give it up
for Christopher T. and Sam.

- Hi.

I am Christopher T.
This is my good friend, Sam.

I have a nickname for Sam.

It's Too Perfect because...

he's too perfect.

Sam and I are basically
the Penn and Teller of magic.

Yeah,
because I do all the talking

while he does
all the actual work.

Speaking of which, Sam is
gonna do a card trick for us.

Oh, aren't you?

But of course, before we do the
magic, he needs to practice.

Sam, do you want to take a card?

Do you want to take a card?
Take a card.

There you go.
Take a card.

That one?
Good boy!

Good boy.
Oh, you get a treat for that.

Good boy!

Good boy.
Good boy.

Now, everybody knows that dogs
have a keen sense of smell,

but magic dogs like Sam
actually have the ability

to smell the value
of a playing card.

And we're gonna prove that
to you right now.

Sam, go ahead.

Smell the card
I put in the envelope.

Give it a smell.
That's it.

Are you ready?
Are you ready?

Go find the card.

Take a card.
Take a card.

That one?
Oh, that one.

Good boy!
Good boy!

Now, I should point out that
this envelope is a prediction,

and you can tell
it's a prediction

because
it has a giant bone on it.

And everybody knows
that a giant bone

is Canine-ese for "prediction."

I majored in dog linguistics
at obedience school.

So, Sam, go ahead.

Show everybody
the card you picked.

♪ ♪

I'll help.

♪ ♪

The five of hearts.
Incredible.

My prediction happens to be...

the two of bones...

[laughter]

which everybody knows

is Canine-ese
for "prediction."

I mean for the five of hearts,
the five of hearts.

Okay, um...

♪ ♪

Sam, I don't think
they're buying it.

I have a feeling there are
a lot of people out there

who don't read Canine-ese.

That's okay.

For all of you,

the two of bones is really...

♪ ♪

the five of hearts.

♪ ♪

Oh, also there's a giant
five of hearts on the back.

You know, Sam could have picked
any one of these cards,

any card he wants.

I had a feeling he would
pick the five of hearts.

He loves the five of hearts.
It's his favorite card.

In fact, when I got
his nametag engraved,

he made sure, on the back,
I wrote...

Ooh, here we go.

♪ ♪

"5 of hearts."

[gasps]
Isn't that right?

Good boy.

And that is Sam's card trick.

Isn't he just too perfect?

- Yay.
- Aw.

- Christopher T. and Sam! Yay!

- Come and sit.
We'll make some room.

- Hi, buddy.

Hi, Sam.
You did such a good job.

- Isn't he a good boy?
- Oh, he's so lovely.

- So the best part is,
I got Sam about six months ago.

And I took him in as a foster.

I lost my dog of 18 years.
- Aw.

- And I didn't think I could
have another dog again ever,

but you know,
I found out he was magic

two days after I got him,

because he did this
mind control magic trick on me

that convinced me
that I was his forever home.

- Aw!
- He's very good.

He's very good. Yeah.
- Wait.

So why did you choose
to be a kids' magician?

- You know,
I have been doing magic

since I was eight years old,

and my mother was
a kindergarten teacher.

But my first audiences were
always kindergarten students,

so that's what I was used to.

And you know, I always say,

if you entertain adults
with magic,

you're bringing joy and magic
into their lives,

but whenever I entertain kids,

they bring joy and magic
into my life, so...

- Yeah.
Okay, Christopher T.

Let's see
if the T stands for "trophy."

- Oh!

- Christopher T. and Sam,

as you said,
the Penn and Teller of magic.

And it couldn't be more true,

'cause you know, there's
so much we have in common.

That's a great act, and I notice

that we use
the same brand of treats.

It's the same ones
I give to Teller

to get him to do stuff,

and we've always wanted
to do that exact trick.

Wanted to do that exact trick,
but you know,

Teller's not allowed
on the couch,

so we weren't able
to do that trick, Christopher.

But we really, really...
Who's a good boy?

We really... who's a good boy?

We really, really,
really liked it.

It was a wonderful job,
and we thought

about a lot of ways
you could have done that trick.

We thought maybe you had


or maybe that Sam was actually
a German Shepherd in disguise.

But I think the answer is,
very simply,

when you started up
the whole thing,

that Sam really was too perfect.

So we love the act.

We want to do the act,

but we don't think
you fooled us.

- Did he throw in
some codewords there?

- It's Canine-ese.
You wouldn't know.

- Oh, no.
Way over my head.

- He was doing the dog language.

I think he's right.

I think I did not
fool Penn and Teller.

- Well, thank you so much!
- Thank you.

- Christopher T. and Sam!
- Bye! Thank you!

[cheers and applause]

- Up next,
I have a surprise for you.

It's a trick by Penn and Teller!

Oh, I'm terrible at surprises.

See you in a minute.

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome back.

Our animal show is not over yet,

and we still have one act left.

Penn and Teller have worked
with cows, chickens,

snakes, gorillas, and more.

Let's see
what they work with next.

Closing out our show are
the great Penn and Teller!

[cheers and applause]

- Hi, Alyson.
- Hello.

- You can come up.
- Okay.

- You know, Alyson, we're
not much for looking back.

We're not big nostalgia guys.

We asked you, just for fun,
if you'd go on YouTube

and you'd search
for "Penn and Teller,"

and "'Letterman, '"
and "c*ck."

- Yeah...

- 'Cause we did a thing twice
on "Letterman."

We did a thing
with 150,000 c*ck.

There were
Madagascar hissing roaches.

There were German roaches.

There were good,
old American roaches.

And what we did was,

David Letterman
honestly did not know,

in the beginning,
about what we were gonna do.

He knew it was gonna be intense.

- Yeah.
- He knew

it was gonna be magic.

He knew it was gonna be scary,

but all he knew was that

there was something
under the hat...

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And he wasn't to touch it.

Same thing
you were told beforehand.

So imagine
David Letterman, okay?

Imagine him.
He's hosting a television show.

He's hosting,
and there's already

nervousness about that, right?
- Uh-huh.

- And then there's,
like, 12 cameras on him...

Cameras coming here,
and here, and here...

So he knows he's being watched.
- Uh-huh.

- Then he's got a person
on either side of him...

- Yeah.
- Okay?

And those are people
that he knows,

he's been around,
but he's seen do awful things.

- Yeah, yeah.
- He doesn't really trust them.

It's his own television show,
and yet, for this moment,

he feels like
maybe he's not in control.

And he knows the producers
knew what was under the hat.

My mother knew what
we were gonna do under the hat.

I told her, and she said,

"You'll never work
in show business again."

And sure enough, when Letterman

went to commercial...
- Uh-huh.

- He was screaming
and swearing at me.

He was really, really mad...
- Yeah.

- And he was told,
"Do not touch the hat."

But when Penn tells you
to lift the hat,

grab it on both sides,
and lift it straight up.

That's what he was told.
- Uh-huh.

- He was told that
that's what he had to do.

- Yeah, I can relate.
- Lift the hat, please.

- I don't want to.
- Lift it up.

- I don't want to!
- Lift it up.

- Ugh, I saw the video...

both: Aah!
- Aah!

- Nothing under the hat.
- Oh, my God.

- Nothing under the hat.
See...

- You guys...
- I know.

We're just trying
to make you a little nervous.

- Oh, done.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Lift the hat, Alyson.
- Again?

- Yeah.
Lift the hat, Alyson.

- [whimpers]

I'm so terrified!

Oh, okay.

- Nothing but a little gift
box, and in the little gift...

- Is there a roach in it?
- Come here. Come here.

Aah!
It's a candy bracelet.

- Okay.
- Take the candy bracelet.

That's for you.
- Okay.

- That's for you.
- Thanks.

- You can put it right on.
- Great.

- And you can
eat that candy later.

- I don't know if I trust it.

- You know,
you get a little hungry,

you have your candy bracelet.

That'd be really nice.
- Thank you.

Okay.
- Lift the hat, Alyson.

Straight up, just like that.

- Straight up?
Okay...

[whimpers]

Aah! [bleep]!

- They're butterflies.
- Ugh.

Such... okay.
- They're butterflies.

They're just butterflies.
- Uh-huh.

- They're not even
a real insect.

- Yeah, okay.
- They're plastic butterflies.

- I like butterflies.
- They're plastic butterflies.

- Yeah, yeah, they sound a lot
like roaches, though.

- Look, I'm gonna reach
in here, Alyson!

It's a little puppy dog.
Just a little puppy dog.

Big-eyed puppy dog.

- I love little puppy dog.
- Big, happy puppy dog.

Big, happy puppy,
but there's still the hat.

- Yeah.

- And in the hat
is a bunny, Alyson.

It's just a little bunny.

- That's so much better
than a roach!

- So much better, see?

We've changed over the years.
We've changed a lot, Alyson.

We have changed... c*ck!

- Ugh!
- Just kidding.

- Penn and Teller.

Thank you to all
of tonight's amazing magicians.

We'll be back with another
awesome lineup next time

on "Fool Us."

Good night!

Hello!

[cheers and applause]

[chuckles]

Aw, sweet baby.