02x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

MAN SPEAKING FRENCH

KNOCKING

Sorry, ladies, but you
know what my son is like.

Well, now no more.

I have changed my will.

Don't worry, Lela,

I have made sure you will
be well looked after.

Oh, is that why I'm here,
to witness the will? Yes.

You have been an excellent
neighbour, Flora,

and I will miss
your beautiful face.

Where shall I sign?

Where the pages are marked.

When do you go? Soon.

I'm going to a
penthouse in Paris. Oh.

It has long been
a dream of mine.

I can give you the address,

if you are ever in town.

Lela, make a note of
our address por Flora.

Lela is going with you?

Yes, madame.

Is it OK if I leave now?

I will post this to my
solicitor in the morning.

The owner was keen
for a very quick sale.

Extra keen when I told
him he had a cash buyer.

Even let us decorate the
place before he's vacated.

Well, that's jolly nice of him.

And remember, darling, we've
got a very important client

renting the place
for the whole summer.

They arrive in two weeks,
so time is of the essence.

Darling, you didn't tell me
it was gonna be this big.

But with your stupendous skills,
we'll have it fixed up in no time.

I'm going to need help.
Well, then, we'll get some.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Do you remember the time I chose
the same wallpaper as Joan Collins

for the downstairs loo?

g*nsh*t

That sounded like...
like a g*nsh*t.

Er, please, darling...

Wait for me.

It might be dangerous!

SCREAMS

♪ Do you remember the first time

♪ That my eyes set on you?

♪ Your smile came from nowhere

♪ For some time never

♪ Or some time soon

♪ The road is a long one

♪ I was only passing through

♪ I was only passing through. ♪

Bonjour.

Don't say it.

I'm not saying anything, God forbid
I insult the immortal Madeline.

She's just not very good
on hills, that's all.

Not very good on hills? We were
going that slow at one point,

I thought we were
going backwards.

"Thanks for the lift, Dom."
"You're welcome, Jean."

I'm sorry.

We really are in the middle
of nowhere, aren't we?

No-one's gonna hear
screams out here.

Apparently, they didn't.

Right, how do you get in?

Here.

Ah, Jean, thank you for
getting here so quickly.

There has been... Oh,
darling, I said to Jeremy,

I've watched too many episodes
of the Housewives Of New Jersey

not to know a g*nsh*t
when I hear one.

What are you two doing here?

We bought the place
as a small investment.

Oh, how awful. Oh, I don't
think it will look too bad

once I've worked my magic.

The victim, Monsieur
Robert Coste,

shot in the back.

The body has been
taken away for autopsy.

Was it a robbery? We
don't know for sure.

Can I have a word, Jean?

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Do you like the
house, Dom? Yeah.

I will say it again, thank
you for your statements,

but now you must leave
immediately. This is a crime scene.

Maybe we should come
back later, darling,

when the police have finished.
A couple of hours won't matter.

Days, not hours.

All right.

I understand.

You are doing a very good job.

Those yoga classes are
really paying off, darling.

Namaste.

Namaste indeed.

The reason I called you, Jean,

the victim...

was clutching this.

Peacock pendant,


Oh, it looked like it
could be of interest.

Not really. You can pick
'em up for 20 euros.

Oh. And the key?

Maybe to a drawer in a bureau?

OK, well, thank you.

We are going to set up
an incident room here,

seeing as we are in
the middle of nowhere.

Oh, very wise.

I'm about to interview
the housekeeper,

Miss Lela Gretsch.

You are very welcome to join me.

Of course.

And when we've finished, do
you mind if I have a look round

and see if I can find
the lock to this key?

I was hoping you would.

There you go, Miss Gretsch.

Thank you. Please call me Lela.



It is quite a shock.

I understand.

It is true,

sometimes he could be grumpy,

but we got along very well.

Your official job title?

Housekeeper.

Although I was obviously
more than that.

It was also part of my job

to make sure that
the food was healthy,

and that he took his
medication regularly.

If it was up to him, he
would end up eating only

quiche Lorraine and potatoes.

Does anyone else live here?

Sometimes. Pardon?

Eric, his son. And
how old is Eric?

Oh, he is in his 40s.
And still at home?

Yes. Was he here last night?

He wasn't when I left.

I wouldn't know if
he came back here.

I can't see the house
from my cottage.

And where is your cottage?

At the bottom of the garden.

But Eric mainly lives here?

A lot of the time.

He has quite a joie de vivre.

He and his father
were always arguing.

What about? Money.

Eric never has any.

Oh, but I am sure he
wouldn't go this far.

Did anyone else visit
Monsieur Coste last night?

Yes, Flora. She lives nearby.

We both witnessed his new will.

Where is this new will?

I don't know.

Where were you this morning

at nine thirty?

I was at my cottage, cleaning.

And you didn't hear the g*nsh*t?

I always have my earphones
in when I'm cleaning.

I didn't know anything was wrong

until I saw the police car.

Very good.

Miss Gretsch, I would
like you to stay home

until our enquiries
are complete.

OK. Thank you.

Right.

I've got a housekeeper
that didn't see anything,

an inherent son still
living at home in his 40s

and a mysterious
will we can't find.

I'm sure this key must be
the answer to everything.

Never get the eyes
right, do they? What?

Taxidermists.

Everything's fine until
they get to the eyes.

Mind you, if I
was being stuffed,

that's how my eyes
would react, I think.

Oh.

A secretaire desk.

Now, that looks interesting.

You think the key
could be for that?

Well, it could be.

I bet it's got a
secret compartment.

See, I've got a thing
about the Roentgens.

The who? The Roentgens.

What?

Father and son, cabinet-makers
of the 17th century.

I thought you were
swearing at me.

Abraham and David Roentgen.

Absolute trailblazers.

Mavericks in
mechanical ingenuity.

In fact, David went on
to be the cabinet-maker

of Marie Antoinette.

Oh, did you know that
the Champagne saucer

was actually modelled on
Marie Antoinette's left...

Urban legend. Really?

Well, Champagne glasses
have been around since 1663.

Marie Antoinette wasn't born
until 1755, so, you know...

Oh, well. Sorry.

Right.

Oh.

I'm sure this was the
key to that drawer.

A lot of drawers,
ain't there? Yeah.

Well, pre-19th century,
before there were banks,

secret compartments in desks

were where people hid
all their documents.

Oh, really?

Springs are another trick. If
you pressed in the right place,

then you could release
a secret drawer.

Oh, hang on.

Oh!

That's brilliant. Is
there a will in there?

Oh, no.

Hey, that's still
brilliant, though, innit?

I bet that's worth a few
bob. No, it's reproduction.

Too much parquetry, not
enough marquetry and...

Yeah, no dovetail joints.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
what I was thinking, yeah.

Mm.

Hey. Can I have a go at that?

Yeah.

What have I got to
do? Give us your hand.

RINGTONE Oh, that's me, sorry.

I'm gonna take this outside.

Yeah.

Jeremy, you OK?

'This is absolutely
disgraceful.'

It is OUR house.

Dominic, you're on speakerphone.

Judith would like
to... Now, Dominic,

can you hear me? Loud
and clear, Judith, yes.

I'll deal with this, Judith.

Can you hear me, Dominic?

Yes, Jeremy.

'Good. Now, listen, '

Judith has come up with a plan
which I think might just work.

You want me to do what?

Oh, come on, old chap.

Whatever you normally
get, I'll triple it.

I can't say fairer than that.

Look, I might be a bit
skint at the moment, but...

All right, quadruple it.

Go on, then. I'll come
over and see you later.

I think I've found where
this key belongs. Really?

This is a Burmese
sewing box, circa 1880.

I think that's the
connection. With this peacock.

It's the national symbol of
Myanmar, used to be Burma.

Have I missed anything?
No, watch this, watch this.

KEY RATTLING

This is a big house, Jean.

I think we might need
to look a little more.

Yeah.

Hey. Be here
somewhere, yeah. Mm.

♪ Sweetheart, you really got me

♪ Spinning around In
a world called sorry

♪ Sweetheart, you really got me

♪ Holding on to what went wrong

♪ My love... ♪

That song just gets
better and better.

A whole lot better with a
pair of good headphones.

You're right, it
does. Hi. I'm Cooper.

Great name.

Back at you. You're
Glorious Gloria.

I am. Niall down at Couronne's

said you might be able
to take a look at my car.

What's the problem?

I think it might be the starter.
I need a professional opinion.

Timing is great. I'm free this
afternoon, I'll take a look.

Are you sure?

Won't Mr Glorious Gloria mind?

Who?

That is my completely inarticulate
way of asking if you are single?

Hmm.

I might be.

Well, I'll let you decide.

And I look forward to seeing
you again in a few hours,

Glorious Gloria.

Right.

Hey.

Really great album.

SPEAKING FRENCH

Eric, I presume. You really
need to calm down, because...

SPEAKING FRENCH

Please, please, don't
hurt him. Don't hurt him.

SPEAKING FRENCH

Please, please let
him go, I am here now.

Eric...

All right? Yeah.

Come here.

SPEAKING FRENCH

SHE SPEAKS FRENCH

CARON SPEAKING FRENCH

The serendipity fair?

Yes.

CARON SPEAKS FRENCH

PHONE CHIMES

Oh, I've got to go.

Have you got a booking? Yeah.

There you go.

Actually...

I'll pop out with you,
I've got to make a call.

Sorry I've got to go,
Jean, like I said,

work is really
slow at the moment.

No, it's great, it's fine. I
was saying to Glo the other day

if the taxi business
doesn't pick up soon,

I'm gonna have to postpone my
trip to Mars. Heaven forbid.

See you later. See you.

Oh, so, how are you
getting on with him?

Gendarme Richard is keeping watch.
Eric is a very troubled man.

Worked that one out.

Right, the only person
we've got left to interview

is the neighbour Flora Marshall.
Would you like to come?

Oh, yeah. I've got
a few thoughts.

Let's walk and talk. Mm.

A friend of mine runs the
serendipity fair in Toulouse.

It's ticket only, so it
should be pretty easy

to find out if his
alibi stands up.

Good. No, it's clear there
is something not right

between Eric and his father.

Well, that's one way of putting it.
Eric's got the strongest motive.

I'm assuming he will inherit
all his father's fortune.

Yes, I spoke to his
solicitor this morning

and Eric will
inherit everything.

What's in that new will?
We have to find it.

Oh, here we are.
What does that mean?

Ah. HE LAUGHS

It is not really translatable.

It means the happiness
of meeting again

after a long time, sort of.

Aw. That's lovely, that.

Right.

Let me get this straight,

you want me to measure
up the entire place

where someone's just been m*rder*d,
so you can decorate quicker?

In two weeks' time I've got
Madame Remy Benson arriving.

She's heavily invested
in one of my projects

and we've rented our new home
to her for the whole summer.

Who's Remy Benson?

Someone I don't
want to mess with.

I promised her the house.

And her daughter is
holding a wedding party,

and all the family are
arriving from all over France.

It's such bad timing.

Yeah, it's not great timing for the
fella that got shot though, either.

Can you not just put her off?

Dominic, you do not
put off Remy Benson.

It's a bit intrusive, isn't it?

Dominic, we own the house.

Yes, you own the house where
a man was shot last night.

Hang on. Someone was shot,

and you're renting the place
out to some well dodgy woman.

I don't like the sound of this.
I'll give you 2,000 euros.

You can't buy... How much?

That's how much we
need you, Dominic.

Our man on the inside.

Ooh. Just one thing.

Don't mention this to Jean.

You honestly think I was gonna
mention the fact I'm using

our friendship to measure up
a crime scene for wallpaper?


That's what I said.

I am not happy, but I am
skint, so, yes, I'll do it.

Oh, Dominic. Thank you.

Good show, old chap.

Tea. Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

When did you last
see Robert Coste?

Oh, last night,
around nine thirty.

He'd asked me to come and witness
the signing of his new will.

And do you know what
was in his new will?

I've no idea.

He'd had a bit of
a row with Eric.

I signed it and left.

I couldn't get out
of there fast enough.

How was he when you left?

Drunk.

As always.

Oh, who's that?

Oh, that's my grandfather,

French on my mother's side.

He actually fought
in both world wars.

I'm so very proud of him.

You must be.

And how awful, fighting
in one horrific w*r,

and then a few years later,
fighting in another one.

Hiya.

Hiya.

Oh, it's coming along,
that accent, isn't it?

ENGLISH ACCENT: Thanks, love.

Right. Er...

Do you mind if I wait
for Jean in here?

Of course. You can
keep me company.

Right.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Mm.

Um...

Oh, that's pretty.

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKING FRENCH

Whoa, whoa, whoa, mate. No
need to talk to her like that.

SPEAKING FRENCH

Is everything all right?

Caron, I've had a call.

Have you got a minute?

My friend that runs the
serendipity fair in Toulouse,

there was no ticket booked
under the name of Eric Coste.

Maybe he used a different name.

Why?

Argh!

I'll stay here, find that will.

Of course.

KNOCKING

SHE SIGHS

I'm running out of options here.

Of course.

Dom.

Dom. Oh, hey.

What are you doing?
Tripped over.

Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.

Just my plantar fasciitis
playing me up, you know.

It's dead painful.
Sure you're all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. What's
all the shouting about?

I think I've found
what the key is for.

Really?

A chained book.

Oh, like in Harry Potter.

Well, yes.

But they go back
to medieval times.

The first time I
saw one of these

was in the Bodleian
Library in Oxford.

How did you work that out?

It was the peacock pendant.

What's the peacock got
to do with the Bible?

In the ancient world,

Christians thought the peacock
was a symbol of Heaven.

So, Christianity plus peacock

equals the
bestselling book ever.

Harry Potter. The Bible.

The Bible, yeah.

Well, shall we see
what's inside? Yeah.

Yes! Ah.

It's gonna be in
French, in't it?

Give it here, then. I might not
be able to speak it that well,

but I can read it
smashing. Can you?

Oh, yeah. I do all the paperwork
for the business in French,

so I'm fine with it. Right.

Headlines, er...

Eric gets nothing.

What?

Have you released Eric
yet? I've found the will.

Yes, we had to, we
had no evidence.

Well, you have now.
Eric gets nothing.

I'll be straight over.

Merci.

So his father left
Eric with nothing.

I bet that's what they
were arguing about.

It's got to be Eric.
He's got no alibi.

The ballistic report says the b*llet
was fired from a g*n made in 1892.

Maybe an antique he
stole off his father?

Hmm.

I don't know, but
I know one thing.

He will be coming
back for this will.

He will want this destroyed.

Let's clear the house of
police and set up a trap.

I guarantee he will be
back tonight. Can I come?

Never been on a stakeout.

A mechanic with clean hands?

I often wonder whether I
shouldn't bother. More authentic.

How do you mean?

They say you should never
trust a skinny chef.

I wonder if it's the same for
a mechanic with clean hands.

Did you find out
what the problem was?

Your battery needed charging.

Oh, really?

Don't worry, love, we've all
done it. Should be fine now.

You have a wide range of
musical taste, Glorious Gloria.

I like to think of myself
as delightfully diverse.

Chet Baker to Barry Manilow.

That's certainly diverse.

So...

you new in these parts?

Why do I suddenly feel
like I'm in a Western?

It's your accent.

Ah.

Well, I set up a new
business in Sainte Victoire.

Divorced after 25 years
and needed a fresh start.

Pastures new.

Well, you've got very
good taste in pastures.

Did I just make myself
sound like a dairy cow?

Could I take you out for dinner?

I'd love to. But can
I ask you a question?

Sure.

Are you asking me out to
dinner because you fancy me,

not just because I have
great taste in music?

How do you mean? The last
bloke who seemed to be flirting

sent me a love song that I
thought was a statement of intent.

Turns out he just
wanted me to listen

to the chord progression
in verse three.

Oh, I am asking you out,

because you have
great taste in music.

Right.

And because I think
you are gorgeous.

Oh?

Pick you up tomorrow at seven?

Lovely.

Oh.

My new business.

Don't worry, your
credit is good.

See you tomorrow.

CLICKS

PHONE CHIMES

Oh, God.

Argh!

Here, budge up.
Where have you been?

Oh, I had a bad oyster
for lunch, I think.

Oysters for lunch, get you.

DOOR OPENS

GLASS SMASHES

Of course.

What exactly were you doing
in your neighbour's house?

Staying silent
doesn't help anyone.

Especially not
you, Miss Marshall.

Can I say something?

Go on.

I can't believe I
didn't notice it before.

You and Eric are in a
relationship, aren't you?

Don't be ridiculous.

Oh, come on, Flora,
don't be coy.

I remember thinking, "What
a beautiful bracelet"

when we interviewed you,

and I wondered, where
have I seen that before?

And you kindly
answered my question,

when you smashed Eric's
mum's photograph.

Emeralds and diamonds,
very beautiful.

He must really love you.

He had his mother's necklace
made into a bracelet for me.

Robert was a cruel, cruel man.

He had no idea about us.

Arrogant fool thought
he had a chance with me.

I had to do something about
the new will for Eric.

I saw my chance.

And I took it.

Eric's mother died
in childbirth.

And Robert has been blaming
Eric his entire life.

Not once giving him the chance

to be the man he is
so capable of being,

all the belittling
and patronising.

It's really hard
to see the man...

..that you love...

..being treated like a child.

So, where did you
get the g*n from?

It was you that
shot him, wasn't it?

Was it your grandfather's?

The Modele 1892?

It was used by the French
army for both world wars.

Miss Marshall,

so on that night,

you did see where
he put the will?

I did.

He thought I'd already
left, drunken idiot.

I came back the next morning.

So why didn't you
just take the key

and get the new will
when you shot him?

I did try and get the key,

but his grip was so
tight, it was like stone.

I just couldn't loosen his hand.

SCREAMS

Er... excuse me.

SPEAKING FRENCH

What's going on?
One moment, Jean.

BEEP BEEP

Et voila!

The reason Flora could
not release his grip

is because rigor mortis
had already begun.

But she shot him.

Yes, she did sh**t him,
but he was already dead.

The toxicology report say there
was an unusually high amount

of Ramipril in his
blood. What's that?

Ramipril is blood
pressure medication.

So he k*lled himself?

I don't think someone as
arrogant as Robert Coste

would k*ll himself.

So he was k*lled twice?

I am so glad you have
caught his k*ller.

He didn't deserve
to die like that.

Shocking, really.

I went to prepare his
dinner yesterday evening,

such a habit.

I'm sure.

What can I do for you?

We just need to tie
up some loose ends.

Of course.

You told us that
you administered

all of Robert
Coste's medication.

Oh, yes, no-one else ever
had it, not even Robert.

So you were the only one

who ever gave him his medicine?

Yes.

I even bought him one of those
boxes that measured out the days.

But he said the
letters were too small

so I bought him reading glasses,
but he was too vain to wear them.

The early autopsy reports

show four times the amount
of blood pressure medication.

That is what k*lled him.

Not the g*nsh*t.

But you know that already.

Don't you, Lela?

Lela, it's over.

Why did you do it?

Because he was constantly
playing his mind games with me.

One week he was fabulous,
the next week, he was vile.

If I ironed the
shirt the wrong way

or if the food didn't taste
the way he wanted it to

he would use it as a
reason to bully me.

But why now, after
all these years?

Paris.

He wanted me to move
with him to Paris.

Can you imagine that? Being
cooped up in a penthouse

in the middle of a city I
didn't know with that monster.

I couldn't bear it.

The clock was ticking.

I decided to stop
the nonsense...

..peacefully end his life...

..and secure my future,
thanks to his new will.

He would have
passed within hours.

He was an ill man

and a huge drinker.

Nobody would have
called for an autopsy

if he hadn't been shot.

I sort of feel sorry for Lela.

That Robert sounded
like a right nightmare.

Dom, she k*lled a
man in cold blood.

Come on. Yeah, I know that.

The sheer bullying she had to
put up with over the years.

Watching him treat
Eric like that,

while she couldn't do
anything about it. Awful man.

There's always another
way out, isn't there?

She didn't think so.
Well, I'm sure the courts

will take her circumstances
under consideration.

Hey, you know what's bugging me?

Where was Eric on the
morning of the m*rder?

Oh, that's the joke of it.

He was flogging the family silver
outside the serendipity fair.

Well, why didn't he just say that
and save us all this trouble?

He wasn't thinking straight.
He probably thought

that flogging stolen goods
would get him into more trouble.

God knows where his head was at.

I don't understand why
people can't just be honest.

I must admit I didn't think we'd
manage it all in one day, darling.

Just the soft furnishings
and we're done.

It's all down to your
exquisite planning, my darling.

Ooh, and, of course,

our man on the
inside, so to speak.

I rather enjoyed
doing some work.

Do you know, I painted a
whole skirting board today?

The man only had to fill in
a tiny little bit I'd missed.

Watching you brush away got
me quite hot under the collar,

I must say.

Did it now?

Well, I could always keep
the overalls on later.

Be still, my beating heart.

Ooh.

Cheers. Cheers.

Oh, are we
celebrating something?

Oh, indeed we are. And if
you've got any spare medals,

they should go to Sir
Dom of Sainte Victoire.

Jeremy, we said we wouldn't.
Oh, come on, Dominic.

Credit where credit is due.

One day and we've made
the house look fantastic.

Jeremy, please.

And we couldn't have done it
without his inside information.

What?

Well, you see, Jean, while you were
dealing with that nasty m*rder,

Dominic took all
the measurements,

he did all the prep, so
my team just waltzed in

and voila.

Ooh, I'm doing French again.

Did he?

Thanks.

Jean. Jean.

Look, I'm sorry, but
they paid me a fortune.

I didn't think I was doing
any harm. What's the problem?

Dom, you took unauthorised
photos of a crime scene,

potentially
contaminating evidence.

If this gets out,
I'm in big trouble.

I wasn't thinking about that, I
was just thinking about the money.

I'd give you the money
if you'd needed it.

Me. You only had to ask.

GLORIA: Thank you very much.

Thanks. No problem.

I think you're
going to like this.

Yeah.

Right.