1x01 - The Pilot

[bunniefuu]

[INT GRAND CENTRAL STATION, Serena walks in, a girl watches her and takes a photo with her cell phone]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here... and I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, Melanie91, sends us this: Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand: Serena van der Woodsen. Was it only a year ago our It-Girl mysteriously disappeared for quote 'boarding school'? And just as suddenly she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves: Lucky for us, Melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel!

[Rufus takes a look around the station and finds his son and daughter, he walks up and hugs them]

Rufus

Dan, Jenny! Over here!

Jenny

Hey, dad!

Rufus

Hey, hey! You made it. Welcome back! How was your weekend? How was your mom?

Dan

She's fine.

Jenny

Good... fine, I guess.

Dan

She's good and fine.

Rufus

Like 'Maybe I should never have left Manhatten' fine or 'Taking a time-out from my marriage was the best idea I've ever had' fine?

Dan

Dad, you know... I'm starving.

Rufus

Let's go home. I'm cooking. Caprese salad with a little mozzarella di Bufala... yeah, I'm gonna make you guys...

[Rufus puts an arms around Jenny and they walk off, Dan turns around and notices Serena]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Spotted: Lonely Boy... can't believe the love of his life has returned. If only she knew who he was. But everyone knows Serena. And everyone is talking.

[EXT NEW YORK - Several people are standing in the streets, looking at the newest 'Gossip Girl' entry on their cell phones]

Gossip Girl

Wonder what Blair Waldorf thinks. Sure, they're BFFs but we always thought Blair's boyfriend Nate had a thing for Serena.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BATHROOM - Blair takes a look at a new text message: 'Serena is Back!', she leaves the bathroom and rejoins a party, her mother, Eleanor, is talking to a friend]

Eleanor

...I have to design a dress for this woman.

[Eleanor turns to Blair]

Eleanor

Blair, if you're gonna to wear one of my designs tell me about it so we can at least get it properly fitted.

Blair

Thanks, mom. Keep that in mind. Great party.

[Eleanor turns back to her friend]

Eleanor

She is my best advertisement.

[Nate, his father, Howie, and another guest are standing together]

Party Guest

So, Nate, started thinking about college?

Howie

Well, actually I'm a Dartmouth man.

Nate

Yes, dad's always spoken very highly of Dartmouth. But I would like to check out west. You know, maybe USC, UCLA?

Howie

His mother wouldn't hear of it. Dartmouth is far enough away for her.

Nate

Yes, well... Dartmouth is my first choice.

[Blair walks up to her boyfriend, Nate, and his father, also called 'The Captain']

Blair

Excuse me, captain. Nate, can I borrow you?

Nate

Eh, sure. Excuse me for a second.

[Chuck, a friend of Nate's is sitting on the couch with Isabel and Katy]

Chuck

Nathaniel, any interest in some fresh air?

[Chuck signals Nate that he wants to smoke a joint with him]

Nate

When I get back?

Blair

If he gets back!

[Blair leads Nate into her bedroom and pushes him onto the bed]

Nate

What's going on?

Blair

I wanna do this... It... Now.

Nate

Now now? You wanted to wait...

Blair

Not anymore.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Better lock it down with Nate, B. Clock's ticking.

[Chuck plays with his drink, looking bored, Isabel and Katy are reading their text mesages]

Katy

My god, you'll never believe what's on 'Gossip Girl'.

Isabel

Someone saw Serena get off a train at Grand Central.

Chuck

Good, things were getting a little... dull around here.

[EXT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - The doorman opens the door of a town car, Serena gets out]

Serena

Thank you.

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair and Nate are kissing on the bed, undressed]

Blair

I love you. Nate Archiblaid. Always have, always will.

Nate

I love you too.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Serena walks in and gets noticed by Eleanor]

Eleanor

Serena van der Woodsen? Is that you?

[Eleanor knocks on the door]

Eleanor

Blair, it's Serena!

Nate

Serena?

Blair

Serena is at school. Kiss me.

Nate

No, I think I heard your mom say she's here. Don't you wanna go say hey?

[Nate gets of the bed and starts getting dressed]

Blair

Yeah... totally.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Serena is walking through the party guest who start talking behind her back]

Party Guests

...I heard she is pregnant... rehab... she looks good...

[Serena walks up to her mother, Lily, who is talking to a friend]

Lily

So I told him: Forget it, I don't care if it's mahogany. It clashes with my sofa.

Serena

Mom... mom! Hey.

Lily

Oh, Serena, darling.

[They hug each other]

Serena

So, were is he? What, they haven't let him out yet?

Lily

Let's not discuss this right now, ok? I thought you might want to see some of your friends.

Serena

Thanks.

[Serena notices Nate on the other side of the room, Blair opens her bedroom door and walks into the room, blocking Nate from Serena's view, Serena and Blair hug]

Blair

Hi, Serena, so good to see you.

Serena

Good to see you.

Blair

Come, we're about to have dinner.

Eleanor

I'll set a place for you at the table next to Blair.

Serena

Yeah, actually... there's somewhere I have to go.

Blair

You're leaving?

Serena

Yeah, I just... I don't feel well. I just wanted to come by and say hi. I'll see you at school tomorrow.

[Serena leaves the party]

Blair

School... so I guess she's back for good.

Katy

Didn't you know she was coming?

Blair

Course I did. I just... wanted it to be a surprise.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Word is that S bailed on B's party in under 90 seconds and didn't even have one lemon shot. Has our bad girl really gone good? Or is it all just part of the act?

[INT OSTROFF CENTER - Serena walks in, passes the nurse's station and looks into a patient's room]

Nurse

Young lady, you can't be here. Visting hours are over.

Serena

I'm family. He's my brother.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPREYS - DAN'S BEDROOM - Dan is looking at the blog of 'Gossip Girl']

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me all the deepth. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. The only one. XOXO Gossip Girl.

END OF TEASER

[INT OSTROFF CENTER - ERIK'S ROOM - Serena's brother, Erik, finds Serena sleeping on a chair next to his bed and wakes her up]

Erik

Serena... Serena, hey.

Serena

Hey, how are you?

Erik

You know, I've been better.

Serena

Erik, I know I've been a terrible sister. I'm so happy to see you.

Erik

Must be a lot of rumour why you're back.

Serena

Yeah, but none of them mentioned you.

Erik

Just like mom wants, hm?

[Lily enters]

Lily

What do I want, baby? For Serena sleeping in her own bed, possibly wearing pyjamas.

Serena

Morning, mom. Hey, I was just about to ask the doctor if I could take Erik to breakfast. Wanna come?

Lily

Ehm, I think what I'll do is to get him a croissant down the street.

[Lily leaves the room, Serena storms after her]

Erik

Serena, don't!

Serena

Let me guess: You told everyone Erik is just visiting grandpa in Rhode Island.

Lily

Your aunt Carol in Miami.

Serena

So, you're actually hiding him. He tries to take his own life and you're worried it will cost you 'Mom Of The Year'?

Lily

Serena, you've been gone. Doing who knows what with god knows who...

Serena

I told you, boarding school was not like that.

Lily

As happy as I am to have you home, you have no idea what it's been like.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - KITCHEN - Jenny organizes handwritten invitations, Rufus is making breakfast, Dan walks in]

Rufus

Guess who's dad is cool!

Jenny

It's a trick question.

Dan

Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.

Rufus

Look at this!

[Rufus hands Dan an issue of 'Rolling Stone', Dan reads the front page]

Dan

'Top 10 Forgotten Bands Of The '90s'.

Rufus

Yeah, check out who's number nine.

Jenny

He is very proud.

Dan

Hey, hey way to be forgotten!

Rufus

But that's how you get remembered.

Jenny

Maybe you'd care if dad's band was on 'Gossip Girl'.

Dan

What? I don't read 'Gossip Girl'. That's... that's for chicks.

Jenny

So that wasn't your laptop you've been to last night to read all about Serena van der Woodsen.

[Dan takes the magazine from Rufus]

Dan

Holy stone, wow! Let me take a look at this again, dad. Very cool, looking hot, number nine!

Rufus

Hey, what are you working on?

Jenny

It's called the 'Kiss On The Lips' party. Everyone's going.

Dan

You're invited to that?

[Jenny stares at Dan]

Dan

Well, no offense if I sound surprised... since I've never been invited.

Jenny

One of the girls in my art class saw my calligraphy and she said that if I addressed all the invitations that I got one.

Rufus

Sounds very fair. Sweatshops could learn a thing or two.

Jenny

Dad, this is not a platform for me to end capitalization. That's why you make us go to private schools.

Rufus

That's for your education.

Jenny

So we should be anonymous losers who eat lunch alone and never get invited to parties?

Dan

Works for me.

Jenny

Mom thinks it's a good idea.

Rufus

And her judgment is always sound, right? Jenny, if you wanna go to that party you should go. You kids could use some fun.

[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Serena walks up to the front entrance, Nate is already waiting for her]

Serena

Nate?

Nate

Oh, hey! Uhm, your mom told me you guys are staying here at The Palace.

Serena

Yeah, we're renovating... again. You know my mom: If it's not broke, break it. So what are you doing here?

Nate

Oh, I just wanted to see how you were. You seemed kind of upset last night.

Serena

I got to get going and change for school. I'm gonna be late.

Nate

Serena...

Serena

No, no.

Nate

But you're back now.

Serena

I didn't come back for you. Look, Blair's my best friend and you're her boyfriend and she loves you. That's the way things are supposed to be.

[EXT NEW YORK CITY - Dan runs across the street to catch his bus to school]

Taxi Driver

Hey, watch were you're going!

[INT BUS - Chuck and Nate are sitting next to each other, Dan is standing in the alley]

Chuck

Serena looked effing hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection... it needs to be violated.

Nate

You are deeply disturbed.

Chuck

And yet you know I'm right. You're telling me if you had the chance...

Nate

I have a girlfriend.

Chuck

You guys have been dating since kindergarden and you haven't sealed the deal.

Nate

Who says 'seal the seal'?

[Chuck signals Nate that they have arrived at school]

Chuck

Come on.

[They get up, Dan is standing behind them, Chuck turns to Dan]

Chuck

You following us or something?

Dan

No, I... I go to your school. Identical uniforms, that's kind of a tip-off?

Nate

That's funny.

[Chuck and Nate leave the bus, Dan talks to himself]

Dan

So you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

[EXT MET - Blair, Isabel and Katy are sitting on the steps looking at the invitations, Jenny is standing next to them]

Isabel

So cute! They should be framed or something.

Blair

Not bad work. And here is yours... as promised.

[Blair hands Jenny one of the invitations]

Jenny

Thanks.

[Serena walks up to them, eating a yoghurt]

Serena

Hey, here you guys are. I looked all over the dining hall for you.

[Serena notices Jenny and shakes her hand]

Serena

Oh, hi, I'm Serena.

Jenny

I know, uhm, I mean, hi, I'm Jenny.

[Serena picks up one of the invitations]

Serena

So, when's the party?

Blair

Saturday. And you're kinda not invited. Since until 12 hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.

Jenny

Uhm, actually...

Blair

You can go now.

[Jenny leaves]

Blair

Sorry.

Serena

No, it's ok. I've got a lot of stuff to do anyway.

[Serena throws the invitation onto the steps]

Blair

Well, we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you got a lot of yoghurt left.

Serena

No, go ahead.

[Blair, Isabel and Katy walk away, Serena turns around]

Serena

Blair, think we can meet tonight?

Blair

I'd love to but I'm doing something with Nate tonight.

Serena

The Palace, 8 o'clock. Nate will wait.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Spotted: At the steps of the Met, an S and B power struggle.

Blair

I can probably do a half hour.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Did S think she could waltz home and things would be just like they were?

Serena

Thanks for making the time.

Blair

Your my best friend.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Did B think S would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There's nothing 'Gossip Girl' likes more than a good catfight. And this could be a classic.

[EXT NEW YORK CITY - Rufus is putting up flyers for a concert of his band 'Lincon Hawk', Dan is with him]

Dan

Uh, you know... you know, dad, there's this thing called 'myspace' where you post all this information online. Save some trees, have a blog.

Rufus

Maybe if musicians would get off their blogs and picked up their guitars then music business would be in better shape.

Dan

Ok, like a true relic.

Rufus

Thanks, son.

[Dan's cell phone rings, he takes a look at the new text message: Jenny (Mobile), Sep 24, 2007, 3:15:23 PM, HELP: EMERGENCY. 712 5TH AVE.]

Dan

Hey dad, listen, uhm, I got to run. You'll be ok?

Rufus

Yeah. You'll mom will be back. She's always been a free spirit. That's one of the reasons I fell for her in the first place.

Dan

I meant with the flyers.

Rufus

Luckily, staple g*ns are old-school. Go, I'm gonna be fine.

[INT OSTROFF CENTER - ERIK'S ROOM - Serena walks in]

Serena

I talked to the nurse and I'm kidnapping you.

Erik

We're going shopping, aren't we.

Serena

We're going to Wendells... just for an hour though, I swear. I had a really bad day.

Erik

Really? 'Cause I had a great day: A couple of pills, bunch of Rorschach tests... they had this green jelly for lunch.

Serena

Mmh, yummy! Why didn't you save me any? Come on, we need to get you out of here before mom shows up.

[INT WENDELLS - DEPARTMENT STORE - Dan walks up to Jenny who's trying on a red dress]

Dan

Jenny, what is it? What is wrong?

Jenny

Do you like this on me?

Dan

Wait... wait a second, is that why you needed me? I thought this was an emergency.

Jenny

A fashion emergency. I mean, come on, I've never been to a big dance before.

Dan

Neither have I.

Jenny

Yeah, but mom's gone and dad's allergic to department stores.

Dan

Well, you look good, Jen. You do, really.

Jenny

Thanks. I'm mean, too bad it's more than our rent but I think I can sew something like it.

[Jenny notices Serena and Erik walking towards them]

Jenny

Oh my gosh, it's Serena. Hi, Serena!

[Jenny takes an invitation adressed to 'Serena van der Woodsen' out of her bag, Dan panics and vanishes]

Serena

Hey. Hey, Jenny, right?

Jenny

Yeah.

Serena

This is my...

Erik

Stylist and personal shopper. Erik, hi.

Jenny

Hi, uhm, this is my brother... or...

[Jenny gestures behind her, notices Dan is gone, Dan is hiding behind a rack of dresses, watching Serena]

Serena

So is this your dress for the 'Kiss On The Lips' party?

Jenny

Sort of. Speaking of that.

[Jenny gives Serena the invitation]

Jenny

Here, I made you one during free period but anyone asks where you got it, I know nothing.

Serena

Thanks.

[Serena and Erik walk away]

Jenny

Dan, Dan?

[Serena turns around]

Serena

Jenny, that dress would look even better in black.

Jenny

Black. Cool. Thanks.

[EXT NEW YORK - PARK - Chuck and Nate are taking a walk, smoking a Joint]

Chuck

This is some good stuff.

Nate

Yeah, I'm gonna need it. Blair's mom's at the country house.

Chuck

Yeah? Then maybe I should swipe some of my dad's viagra? Or my mom's paxils? Nathaniel, you're finally about to have sex with your girlfiend. It's like you're heading to your execution.

Nate

No, man. I'm good.

Chuck

Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever, all of a sudden there is a problem?

Nate

There is no problem. It's just... do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us? That we're just gonna... end up like our parents?

Chuck

Man, that's a dark thought.

Nate

You know, aren't we entitled to choose... just to be happy?

Chuck

Look, easy, Sokrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund... maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem. Happiness does not seem to be on the menue. So smoke up and seal the deal with Blair... 'cause you're also entitled to tab that a*s.

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BAR - Serena and Blair are sitting at the bar, Blair is drinking a Martini]

Serena

So, how's your mom doing... with the divorce and everything?

Blair

Great. So my dad left her for another man. She's lost 15 pounds, got an eye-lift. It's been good for her.

Serena

I'm really sorry.

Blair

Yeah, I could tell since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.

Serena

No, I know... I was just... boarding school... it's like...

Blair

I don't even know why you went to boarding school to begin with. Do you know how it felt, calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having your mom say: Serena didn't tell you that she moved to Connetticut?

Serena

I just... I had to go. I needed to get away from everything. Please just trust me.

Blair

How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you.

Serena

Let's fix that. I saw you at school with Katy and Is and I get it. I don't want to take any of that away from you. I just...

Blair

Because it's just yours to take if you want it?

Serena

No, that's not what I mean. I... I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. You know, walking to school togheter, dancing on tables at Bungalow, the nights when we were at your mom's country house. You were like my sister... and with our families... we need each other.

Blair

Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf melt-downs. If it wasn't such a tragedy it would have been funny. Actually kinda was.

Serena

Well, I wish I could have been there.

Blair

You are now. I have to meet Nate. I kind of have something special and...

Serena

Well, I don't want to keep you but...

[Serena hugs Blair]

Serena

I love you, B.

Blair

I love you too, S.

[Blair leaves]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Spotted: At The Palace Hotel, S and B having a heart to heart.

[Serena takes Blair's left over Martini and emptys it in one gulp]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Hmm, why so thirsty, S? You may have won over B for now but we still think you're hiding something.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - JENNY'S ROOM - Jenny is sitting at the sewing machine, Dan enters]

Dan

Hey!

Jenny

Ah, the invisible man returns. You know, I really had no idea you could move that fast.

Dan

Yeah, well, your fashion emergency was solved, so... I figured my work was done.

Jenny

Come on, Dan. Serena said hi to you at her 9th grade birthday party and you've never forgotten it.

Dan

How could I? She was the only person who spoke to me. And I'm pretty sure she thought I was someone else.

Jenny

Well, you know, she is actually nice. And if she did know you I think she would really like you.

Dan

I don't know, I think she would be a tad overwhelmed by the glitz and the glamour of the Humphrey lifestyle.

Jenny

Well, I heard she's living at The Palace Hotel.

Dan

Well, my point exactly.

Jenny

Probably sitting at the bar by herself, sipping Martinis... all alone. You know, it's actually kinda sad. Oh, and dad's at the gallery working late. He left money for dinner, so I was thinking Indian.

Dan

You know... you know what, I think I'm... I'm gonna go out.

[Dan leaves]

Jenny

Ok... good, 'cause I already ordered and only got enough for one.

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BAR - Chuck enters, shoves some women aside]

Chuck

Hello, please.

[Chuck walks over to Serena who is having another Martini]

Chuck

I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.

Serena

And if you get a drink they are also serving pigs.

Chuck

I love it when you talk dirty.

Serena

You just love when a girl talks to you.

Chuck

Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.

Serena

Oh, I've missed your witty banter.

Chuck

Let's catch up. Take our clothes off, stare at each other.

Serena

What about I just get a bit to eat. I've been drinking on an empty stomach.

Chuck

I heard you didn't do that anymore.

Serena

Special occasion.

Chuck

Well, what about a grilled cheese with truffel oil? You do love truffels?

Serena

Enough to know it's not on the menue.

Chuck

But then I'm connected.

Serena

Only because I'm hungry.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S BEDROOM - The room is lit by candles, Nate enters, Blair is waiting for him in lingerie]

Nate

Wow.

Blair

Hi.

Nate

Hi.

Blair

Is it too much? I wanted it to be special.

[Blair kisses Nate but he pulls away]

Blair

What's wrong?

Nate

Look, I don't know how to say this... or if it's even the right thing to do but ehm... there's something I need to tell you.

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN - Chuck puts a bundle of Dollar bills into the jacket of the chef, Alfonso and his staff leave]

Chuck

Alfonso, you're stud. Now have good night, we're closing the kitchen early.

Serena

Oh my god, this is so good.

Chuck

Well, if you're looking for a way to thank me I've got a couple ideas.

Serena

It's a sandwich, Chuck.

[Chuck touches Serena's thigh and leans in on her]

Serena

This is... this is not happening right now.

Chuck

You're worried Nate will find out?

Serena

What?

Chuck

Last year... the Sheperd wedding... think I don't know why you left town?

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Serena is dancing on the bar, holding a bottle of champagne, Nate tries to stop her]

Nate

Serena, you are not supposed to be here.

Serena

Oh well, if the happy couple didn't want to put up a catch for the bar they should let me be where I want to be. Move!

Nate

Let me see it!

Serena

No, make me!

Nate

I can do it, I can open it. Let me show you... here, come here. Let me see...

Serena

No!

Nate

Let me... stop?

[They both pull on the bottle until it opens with a loud bang]

Serena

Nate!

Nate

That never happens to me.

Serena

It's ok. You're stronger than me, alright.

Nate

Come here.

Serena

Look at you, you're a mess.

Nate

So are you.

[Serena and Nate are about to kiss]

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Nate turns his face away from Blair]

Blair

But... that was it... you guys kissed.

[Nate shakes his head]

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Serena and Nate make out heavily, undressing each other, Chuck watches from the balcony]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN]

Chuck

Best friend and the boyfriend. That's pretty classy, S. I think you're more like me than you admit.

Serena

No, no, that... that was then. I'm trying to change.

Chuck

I liked you better before.

[Chuck tries to kiss Serena, she pushes him away]

Serena

Stop it. Stop! No! Stop it!

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Serena and Nate are having sex, Serena is gasping loudly]

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair pushes Nate away]

Blair

I knew it! I always knew there was something! Get out!

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Serena is sitting on top of Nate, riding him]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN - Chuck violenty tries to kiss Serena]

Serena

Chuck, no!

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Serena and Nate make out heavily]

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair falls onto her bed and starts crying]

[FLASHBACK - ONE YEAR AGO - INT BAR - Nate kisses Serena's breasts]

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair cries]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN - Chuck is still trying to kiss Serena]

Serena

Get off of me!

[Serena kicks Chuck between the legs and storms off]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BAR - Dan looks around the bar for Serena, she enters the bar and crashes into him, her purse flies to the ground, Dan helps her to pick up her things]

Dan

I'm... so sorry, Are you ok?

[Serena takes her purse and runs off, Dan finds her cell phone on the floor and tries to tell Serena but she is already gone]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

And just when B and S had built a bridge... it all had to come crashing down. But dry your eyes: the 'Kiss On The Lips' party is around the corner. And you know who loves parties? Gossip Girl.

[EXT - NEW YORK - PARK - Nate and his father are having a race, Howie wins]

Howie

Nice try, son.

Nate

Maybe next time.

Howie

You seem upbeat this morning. Did you have fun with Blair last night?

Nate

Actually, we got into a pretty big fight.

Howie

You want my advice? Apologise. Even if it was her fault. Flowers, maybe some jewellery if she's really upset. Always works for your mother.

Nate

I don't know. I think it may be for the best.

Howie

Wait a minute, you guys broke up?

Nate

Yeah, I guess we did.

Howie

Blair is a great girl.

Nate

I know. But I'm just not sure if she's the girl for me.

Howie

But you guys have been dating since kindergarden.

Nate

So I keep hearing.

Howie

I mean, you love her, don't you?

Nate

Yes, I do. I just think it might be good for us to take a break, you know.

Howie

Maybe not right now. Eleanor Waldorf is gearing up to take her company public and I've been cording her for month to let me handle the deal.

Nate

Then you should get it.

Howie

I will get it... if you just help me out a little bit.

[Nate looks at his father in disbelief]

Howie

What? You love her, she loves you. It's just a rough patch, that's all. You don't give up just because things are hard. Not in business or if your family is depending on you.

[INT - THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan is standing at the reception talking to the Concierge who is holding Serena's cell phone]

Concierge

How did you know it was Miss van der Woodsen if you didn't read it and if you are not a guest at the hotel what were you doing there?

Dan

What? Uhm, look, when Prince Charming found Cinderella's slipper they didn't accuse him of having a foot-fetish.

Concierge

And you are Prince Charming? Well, there is Miss van der Woodsen now...

Dan

No, no, no, no...

Concierge

Serena!

[Serena turns around and walks over to the reception]

Dan

Don't, don't...

Concierge

Do you know this young man?

Dan

She doesn't know me. Nobody knows me. It's cool, it's fine.

Serena

Uhm, from last night, right? I'm sorry about that.

Dan

You remember me?

[Dan turns back to the Concierge]

Dan

She remembers me.

Concierge

Well, he claims he found your cell phone.

Serena

Oh, you found it.

[Lily walks over, carrying a cloth bag]

Serena

Hey, mom.

Lily

Guess what I found for you... a dress for 'Kiss On The Lips'. I saw the invitation on the nightstand.

Serena

Oh, uhm, I'm not going to that.

Lily

What do you mean? Blair's throwing it.

Serena

Yeah, uhm... see the problem is I... by the time I got the invitation... I uhm, actually already had plans.

Lily

Plans with whom?

Serena

My friend.

Dan

Eh, yeah, hi, nice to meet you Misses van der Woodsen. I'm Dan... Humphrey.

Lily

What are you and Dan Humphrey doing?

Serena

We... uhm...

[Dan shows Lily a flyer for his dad's concert]

Dan

Eh, we're going to a concert tonight.

Lily

Lincon Hawk?

Dan

Yeah, 'Rolling Stone' named them one of the 'Top 10 Forgotten Bands Of The '90s'.

Serena

Whooh! I'm a huge fan.

Dan

Uh-hum.

Lily

Well, this party would have been the perfect opportunity for you to announce your return but I guess I'll just keep the dress for myself.

[Lily walks off]

Serena

Thank you.

Dan

Yeah, no, I... it's not a problem, really.

[Dan starts walking off]

Serena

So pick me up at eight?

Dan

You really go out with some guy you don't know?

Serena

Well, you can't be worse than the guys I do know.

[INT JAPANESE RESTAURANT - Blair and Nate are having dinner]

Nate

Thanks for meeting me. Look, Blair, I really hurt you and I know that and I want to fix it.

Blair

Really? And how are you gonna do that?

Nate

I'm gonna put everything in the past. I'm not gonna see Serena again or even talk to her. It'll be like she doesn't exist.

Blair

I think that's a good idea. Let's not mention it again. You gonna eat that?

[Blair picks up a piece of sushi from Nate's plate]

Nate

That's it? 'Cause you were pretty upset last night... I mean, should we talk about this?

Blair

There is nothing to talk about. I overreacted... you say it's in the past, it's in the past. I'm sure you have no feelings for her anymore. I just feel bad for Serena... she'll really miss you. What time does the limo come?

Nate

Eight.

Blair

Perfect.

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY - Rufus is working, Lily walks in]

Rufus

Lily! Are you shopping for some more art to match your furniture?

Lily

Why is my dauthter going to one of your concerts?

Rufus

'Cause we're awesome.

Lily

With your son?

Rufus

Dan's got a date with Serena?

Lily

Hmm.

Rufus

Well, your kids were about to meet, it's a small island.

Lily

You're sure it's not some ploy your using my daughter to get to me? Now that your wife left you?

Rufus

How do you know about Alison?

Lily

Like you said: Small island.

Rufus

Oh, I get it: You hear about Alison, use your daughter as an excuse to start something.

Lily

Yeah, in your dream!

Rufus

Well, you are in my dreams, Lily... and one of them particular occurs finding you in the back of a Nine Inch Nails bus with your shoes in your earrings and Trent Reznor... oh, that happened!

Lily

No need to rehash details of decades pass. So I moved on.

Rufus

Yeah, from Chanterlane to Paris until you switched up rock stars for billionaires.

Lily

You think you're so cute. Washed up band, crappy so-called 'art gallery'.

Rufus

Well, not all of us have settlements from mulitple divorcés to sustain us.

Lily

Just stay out of my life, Rufus!

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Jenny and Dan are standing in front of a mirror, getting ready to go out]

Jenny

You're going out with Serena and I'm going to 'Kiss On The Lips'. Who said this family wasn't cool.

Dan

Well, listen, I don't want to be late but you're looking great.

Jenny

Same.

[Dan leaves, Rufus comes home, they pass in the hallway]

Dan

See you at the concert, right dad.

Rufus

I, uhm... ok. [Rufus sees Jenny and walks over to her]

Rufus

Oh my god, my daughter is a woman.

Jenny

Dad, you could just tell me I look nice instead of turning this into a sermon on the passage of time.

Rufus

You look like... your mother.

Jenny

Thanks.

[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair is looking at herself in a full-length mirror, she's wearing a brown dress, Eleanor enters]

Eleanor

Blair. let me see how it looks! Why are you wearing that one? Didn't you see the dress I left on the bed?

Blair

I like this one.

Eleanor

This one is not as elegant a choice as that one.

Blair

Why do you care so much?

Eleanor

Because I love you. Blair, you will never be more beautiful or thin or happy than you are right now. I just want you to make the most of it.

Blair

I guess I have time to change.

Eleanor

And put some product in your hair. The ends are dry.

[INT LIMOUSINE - Blair, Nate, Chuck, Isabel and Katy are laughing and drinking champagne]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan enters and sees Serena standing on the gallery, they look at each other and smile]

[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Chuck, Isabel and Katy are standing at the bar, Chuck spots Jenny in the crowd]

Chuck

Who's the newbie?

Katy

Jenny Humphrey. She's a freshman.

Chuck

I love freshman. They're so...

Isabel

...fresh?

Chuck

Anything about her on 'Gossip Girl'?

Isabel No.

Mmh... till you're done with her.

[Chuck walks over to Jenny]

Chuck

Hi, I'm Chuck.

Jenny

I know, uhm, I mean, hi, I'm Jenny.

Chuck

It's nice to meet you.

Jenny

You too.

Chuck

Thank you.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Looks like little Jen might end up with a new boy and a ticket to the inner circle. Or will C end up with another victim? I told you I love parties.

[EXT NEW YORK - Serena and Dan are walking down the street towards the back entrance of a club, the band is unloading their equipment]

Serena

So I'm a little overdressed, aren't I?

Dan

Honestly, I don't really have a problem with your appearance. Hey, come on, I want you to meet one of the guys in the band.

Serena

Oh, so you're a groupie?

Dan

Well, not quite.

[Dan leads Serena to Rufus]

Dan

Serena, I'd like you to meet Rufus Humphrey. Dad, this is Serena.

Rufus

Serena van der Woodsen. Oh, I don't know how I know that. Nice to meet you.

Serena

Nice to meet you too.

Rufus

You guys are a little early. It's gonna be a while before we take the stage.

Dan

Yeah, I may have slightly overbudgeted it for travel time.

[One of Rufus' bandmates holds Rufus' guitar into the air]

Rufus' Bandmate

Hey!

Rufus

I should go tune that. Excuse me. Enjoy the show! Son, talk to you later.

[Rufus leaves]

Dan

Yeah, see you.

Serena

So you took me to meet your dad on our first date?

Dan

So this... this is a date? Ah, maybe I should have worn my loafers then... and dress down a little bit.

[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Chuck leads Jenny upstairs]

Chuck

Let's go and talk some in private.

Jenny

Ok.

[They stop in the empty stairway]

Jenny

This is definitely quieter but do you actually know where we're going or...

Chuck

Here looks pretty good.

[Chuck leans in to kiss Jenny but she pulls away]

Jenny

So, you said you wanted to talk. Uhm, what do you want to talk about?

Chuck

How into you I am.

[Chuck starts kissing Jenny but after a few moments she pulls away again]

Chuck

Ok, I am sorry. If you don't want to do anything that's cool. Let's start over.

Jenny

Yeah, uhm... do you wanna start over back at the party?

Chuck

Eh... have a glass of champagne, please?

Jenny

Maybe one.

[While Chuck pours a glass of champagne, Jenny takes out her cell phone and starts texting]

[EXT CLUB - Serena and Dan leave the club, Dan holds the door open for her]

Serena

Thanks.

[Dan stares at Serena]

Serena

What?

Dan

Sorry, nothing, nothing. I just, uhm... my sister was right: You're nice.

Serena

You asked my out on a date and you didn't think I was nice?

Dan

No, uh... I just thought you were hot. And technically, you asked me out.

Serena

Oh, ok, ok, I see. So, uhm, sensible tortured soul boy is actually kind of superficial.

Dan

Yeah, just a little bit.

Serena

Good to know.

[Dan's cell phone rings, he takes a look at the new text message: Jenny (Mobile), Sep 25, 2007, 9:15:05 PM, HELP. EMERGENCY. NEED YOU, J.]

Dan

Sorry.

[Dan gets another text message: Jenny (Mobile), Sep 25, 2007, 9:15:44 PM, 911, 4 REAL PLEASE. U KNOW Chuck?]

Serena

Got a better offer?

Dan

No, it's my sister. She's at that 'Kiss On The Lips' party, you know. She's having some problems with that guy Chuck. I'm sorry, I have to go.

Serena

I'll go with you.

Dan

No, really, that's ok.

Serena

No, no, listen, if it's Chuck it's not ok.

[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Dan and Serena enter]

Dan

I'm gonna do a lap, ok? Look for her.

Serena

Yeah, ok.

[The guests notice Serena and start gossiping]

Party Guests

... Serena... it's Serena... oh my gosh... is she really here?... is that really her?... Blair said she wasn't invited... she is wasted... she is so brave...

[Isabel and Katy both get new text messages]

Isabel and Katy

Serena's here?

Blair

What is she doing here? She wasn't invited.

[Blair makes her way through the crowd towards Serena but Nate stops her]

Nate

Blair, come on, are you really gonna kick her out?

Blair

Did you invite her?

Nate

What? No! God! I told you.

Blair

Do not talk to her.

Nate

I was going for a walk.

[Nate passes Serena without looking at her, Serena turns around and stares at Blair]

[EXT ROOF TOP - Chuck tries to kiss Jenny against her will]

Jenny

No!

Chuck

Quiet.

Jenny

Stop!

[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Serena finds Dan]

Sererna

Hey, no luck?

Dan

No, I haven't seen here anywhere.

Sererna

Come on, let's try upstairs.

[They go upstairs]

Dan

There isn't going to be anybody up here. This is pointless.

[Serena finds a scarf on the floor]

Sererna

Dan!

Dan

What?

Sererna

That's Chuck's scarf.

Dan

Oh god!

[EXT ROOF TOP - Chuck is still trying to kiss Jenny, Dan runs over to them]

Jenny

Get off. Stop!

Dan

Hey, Jenny!

Sererna

Chuck! Get off of here!

[Chuck lets Jenny go, Dan hugs her]

Dan

Are you ok?

[Dan walks over to Chuck who pushes him away]

Dan

Son of a...

Chuck

What the hell is your problem? It's a party. Things happen. Who are you anyway?

Dan

How many times do I have to tell you? I'm in your class. My name is Dan Humphrey... and that is my little sister.

[Dan punches Chuck in the face, Chuck's nose is bleeding]

Sererna

Let's go. come on. [Serena pushes Chuck]

Sererna

Chuck, don't you ever touch her again!

Chuck

Hey, you're life is over, sl*t! Don't forget: I know everything!

[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Blair watches Serena, Dan and Jenny leaving]

Dan

You sure you're ok?

Jenny

Yeah, I will be. Just take me home, ok?

[They step outside]

Dan

So, think I've got a shot at a second date?

Sererna

Well, I don't think we can top this one.

Dan

I did punch someone.

Serena

True, we talk about it in the cab.

[They get into the cab, Nate watches them leave, Blair and Chuck stand outside too]

Blair

She better not show her face again.

Chuck

I'm actually hoping she will.

[INT CAB - Dan hugs Jenny, then looks at Serena who smiles at him, Serena turns and looks out of the side window]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)

Spotted: Serena... making an heroic exit from B's party. Too bad for her there's school on Monday. So, until next time. You know you love me... Gossip Girl.

END OF EPISODE

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


GOSSIP GIRL: Hey, Upper East Siders,
Gossip Girl here.

And I have the biggest news ever.

One of my many sources,
Melanie91, sends us this:

"Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand,
Serena van der Woodsen."

Was it only a year ago our "it" girl
mysteriously disappeared for...

...quote, "boarding school"?
And just as suddenly, she's back.

Don't believe me? See for yourselves.

Lucky for us, Melanie91 sent proof.

Thanks for the photo, Mel.

Dan, Jenny. Over here.

-Hey, Dad.
-Hey, hey, you made it.

Welcome back. How was your weekend?
How's your mom?

-She's fine.
JENNY: She's good.

-Fine and good.
-She's good and fine.

Like, maybe-I-never-
should-have-left-Manhattan fine?

Or, taking-a-timeout-from-my-marriage-
was-the-best-idea-I-ever-had fine?

Dad, you know what? I'm starving.

Let's go home. I'm cooking.

Caprese salad
with a little Mozzarella di Bufala.

Yeah. I'm gonna make you guys some....

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: Lonely Boy.

Can't believe the love of his life
has returned.

If only she knew who he was.

[PHONES RINGING]

But everyone knows Serena.

And everyone is talking.

Wonder what Blair Waldorf thinks?
Sure, they're BFFs...

...but we always thought Blair's
boyfriend, Nate, had a thing for Serena.

[CHATTERING]

[RIHANNA'S "IF IT'S LOVIN' THAT
YOU WANT" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

I have to design a dress for this woman.
Blair, if you're gonna wear...

...one of my designs, tell me,
so we can at least get it properly fitted.

Thanks, Mom. I'll keep that in mind.

Great party.

She is my best advertisement.

Nate, have you started thinking
about college?

Well, actually, I'm a Dartmouth man.

Yes, Dad's always spoken
very highly of Dartmouth.

But I'd like to check out west.
You know, maybe USC, UCLA.

His mother wouldn't hear of it.
Dartmouth is far enough away for her.

Yes, well, Dartmouth is my first choice.

Excuse me, Captain.
Nate, can I borrow you?

Sure. Will you excuse me for a sec?

Nathaniel. Any interest in some fresh air?

-When I get back?
-If he gets back.

NATE:
What's going on?

I wanna do this. It. Now.

-Now? I thought you wanted to wait.
-Not anymore.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Better lock it down with Nate, B, clock's ticking.

God, you'll never believe
what's on Gossip Girl.

Someone saw Serena getting off
the train at Grand Central.

Good. Things were getting a little dull
around here.

Thank you.

I love you, Nate Archibald.

Always have, always will.

I love you too.

Serena van der Woodsen? Is that you?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Blair, it's Serena.

Serena?

Serena's at school. Kiss me.

No, I just heard your mom say
she's here.

Don't you wanna go say "hey"?

Yeah. Totally.

WOMAN 1:
I thought she was at boarding school.

WOMAN 2:
I heard she's pregnant.

WOMAN 3: No, because she was in rehab.
MAN: She looks good.

So I told him, "Forget it. I don't care if
it's Murakami, it clashes with my sofa."

Mom. Mom.

-Hey. Hey, good to see you.
-Oh.

Serena, darling.

So where is he?

-What? They haven't let him out yet?
-No. Let's not discuss that right now.

I thought you might wanna see
some of your friends.

Thanks.

-Hi. Serena, so good to see you.
-Hi, how are you doing?

-We're about to have dinner.
-I'll set a place for you next to Blair.

-There's somewhere I have to go.
-You're leaving?

Yeah, I just-- I don't feel well.
I just wanted to come by and say "hi."

I'll see you at school tomorrow.

School. So I guess she's back for good.

Didn't you know she was coming?

Of course I did.
I just wanted it to be a surprise.

GOSSIP GIRL: Word is that S bailed
on B's party in under 90 seconds.

And didn't even have one limoncello.

Has our bad girl really gone good?

Or is it all just part of the act?

Young lady, you can't be here.
Visiting hours are over.

I'm family.

He's my brother.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Why'd she leave? Why'd she return?

Send me all the detes. And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.
The only one.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

ERIC:
Serena.

Serena.

Hey. Hey, how are you?

You know. I've been better.

Eric, I know I've been a terrible sister.

I'm just so happy to see you.

-Must be rumors why you're back.
-Yeah.

-But none of them mention you.
-Just like Mom wants, huh?

What do I want, baby?
For Serena to sleep in her own bed...

...possibly wearing pajamas.

Morning, Mom. Hey,
I was just about to ask the doctor...

...if I could take Eric to breakfast.
Wanna come?

Um....

No. I think what I'll do is
go get him a croissant down the street.

Serena, don't.

Let me guess. You told everyone Eric's
just visiting Grandpa on Rhode Island.

-Your Aunt Carol in Miami.
-So you're actually hiding him.

He tries to take his own life.
You're worried about Mom of the Year?

Serena, you've been gone, doing
who knows what with God knows who.

Boarding school was not like that.

As happy as I am to have you home,
you have no idea what it's been like.

[WASHINGTON SOCIAL CLUB'S
"DIAMOND HIPSTER BOY" PLAYS]

-Guess whose dad is cool.
-It's a trick question.

Yeah, because it can't be ours.

Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Look at this.

"Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the '90s."

-Yeah, check out who's No. 9.
-He's very proud.

Hey. Hey, way to be forgotten.

But that's how you get remembered.

Maybe you'd care
if Dad's band was on Gossip Girl.

What? I don't read Gossip Girl.
That's for chicks.

So that wasn't your laptop open to it,
reading all about Serena?

Rolling Stone, wow.
Let me take a look at this again, Dad.

-It's very cool. Looking hot, No. 9.
-Hey, what are you working on?

It's called the Kiss on the Lips party.
Everyone's going.

You were invited to that?

Well, no offense if I sound surprised,
since I've never been invited.

JENNY:
A girl in class saw my calligraphy.

She said if I addressed the invitations,
I could have one.

Sounds very fair.
Sweatshops could learn a thing or two.

-This is not a platform for your rants.
RUFUS: Yes, it is.

-You make us go to private schools.
-For education.

We should be anonymous losers
and never get invited to parties.

Works for me.

-Mom thinks it's a good idea.
-And her judgment is always sound?

Jenny, you wanna go to that party,
you should go.

You kids could use some fun.

-Nate?
-Oh, hey.

Your mom told me
you were staying at the Palace.

Yeah, we're renovating again.

You know my mom.
If it's not broke, break it.

So, what are you doing here?

I wanted to see how you were.
You seemed upset last night.

I gotta get going and change for school.
I'm gonna be late.

-Serena--
-No. No.

-But you're back now.
-I didn't come back for you.

Blair's my best friend
and you're her boyfriend...

...and she loves you.

That's the way things
are supposed to be.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Serena looked effing hot last night.

There's something wrong with that level
of perfection. It needs to be violated.

-You are deeply disturbed.
CHUCK: And yet you know I'm right.

-If you had the chance--
-I have a girlfriend.

You have been dating since kindergarten
and yet you haven't sealed the deal.

Who says "seal the deal"?

Come on.

Are you following us or something?

No, I go to your school.

Identical uniforms.
Is that kind of a tip-off?

That's funny.

So you guys wanna sit together
at lunch?

KATI:
So cute.

ISABEL:
They should be framed or something.

Not bad work.
And here's yours, as promised.

Thanks.

Hey. Here you guys are.

I looked all over the dining hall for you.

Oh, hi, I'm Serena.

I know. I mean, hi, I'm Jen.

Hi.

So...

...when's the party?

Saturday.
And you're kind of not invited.

Since, until 12 hours ago, everyone
thought you were at boarding school.

Now we're full.
And Jenny used up all the invites.

-Actually--
-You can go now.

-Sorry.
-No, it's okay.

I got a lot of stuff to do anyway.

Well, we should get going, then.

Unless you want us to wait for you.
Looks like you got a lot of yogurt left.

No, go ahead.

Blair, think we could meet tonight?

I'd love to. But I'm doing something
with Nate tonight.

The Palace. Eight o'clock?

Nate will wait.

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted on the steps of the Met:
an S and B power struggle.

I could probably do a half-hour.

GOSSIP GIRL: Did S think she could waltz
home and things would be like they were?

Thanks for making the time.

You're my best friend.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Did B think S would go down without a fight?

Or can these two hotties work it out?

There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more
than a good catfight.

And this could be a classic.

You know, Dad,
there's this thing called MySpace...

...where you could post
all this information online.

Save some trees, have a blog.

Maybe if musicians got off their blogs
and picked up their guitars...

-...business would be in better shape.
-Spoken like a true relic.

Thanks, son.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey, Dad, listen, I gotta run.
You gonna be okay?

Yeah. Yeah, your mom will be back.
She's always been a free spirit.

It's one of the reasons
I fell for her in the first place.

I meant with the flyers.

Luckily staple g*ns are old-school.

-Go. I'm gonna be fine.
-All right.

-I talked to the nurse. I'm kidnapping you.
ERIC: We're going shopping?

We're going to Bendel's for an hour.
I had a real bad day.

Really? Because I had a great day.

Couple of pills, Rorschach tests.
Green Jell-O for lunch.

Why didn't you save me any?

Come on, we gotta get you out of here
before Mom shows up.

Jenny.

What is it? What's wrong?

Do you like this on me?

Wait a second.
Is that why you needed me?

-I thought this was an emergency.
-A fashion emergency.

-I've never been to a big dance before.
-Neither have I.

Yeah, but Mom's gone
and Dad's allergic to department stores.

Well, you look good, Jen.

-You do, really.
-Thanks.

I mean, too bad it's more than our rent.
But I think I can sew something like it.

Oh, my gosh. It's Serena.

-Hi, Serena.
SERENA: Hey.

-Hey, Jenny, right?
-Yeah, hi.

-This is my--
-Stylist and personal shopper, Eric. Hi.

Hi. This is my brother.

So is that your dress
for Kiss on the Lips?

Sort of. Speaking of that...

...here. I made you one
during free period.

But if anyone asks where you got it,
I know nothing.

SERENA:
Thanks.

JENNY:
Dan? Dan?

SERENA:
Jenny.

That dress would look even better
in black.

Black. Cool. Thanks.

This is some good stuff.

Yeah, I'm gonna need it.
Blair's mom's at the country house.

Yeah? Well, then maybe I should swipe
some of my Dad's Viagra.

Or my mom's Paxil?

You're finally about to have sex
with your girlfriend.

It's like you're headed to your execution.

No, man, I'm good.

Talk to Chuck, buddy.
You and Blair have been dating forever.

-All of a sudden there's a problem?
-There's no problem.

It's just....

Do you ever feel like our whole lives
have been planned out for us?

That we're just gonna end up
like our parents?

Man, that's a dark thought.

And aren't we entitled to choose
just to be happy?

Look, easy, Socrates.
What we're entitled to is a trust fund.

A house in the Hamptons,
a prescription-drug problem.

But happiness does not seem to be
on the menu. So smoke up...

...and seal the deal with Blair, because
you're also entitled to tap that a*s.

[AMY WINEHOUSE'S "BACK TO BLACK"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

So how's your mom doing,
with the divorce and everything?

Great.

So my dad left her for another man.

She lost 15 pounds, got an eyelift.
It's been good for her.

I'm really sorry.

I could tell, since you didn't call or write
the entire time it was happening.

No, I know. I was just....
Boarding school, is like--

I don't know why you went
to boarding school to begin with.

Do you know how it felt...

...calling your house when you didn't
show at school, having your mom say:

"Serena didn't tell you
that she moved to Connecticut?"

I just-- I had to go. I just--

I needed to get away from everything.

-Please, just trust me.
-How can I trust you...

-...when I feel like I don't know you?
-Let's fix that.

I saw you at school with Kati and Is,
and I get it.

-I don't want to take any of that away.
-Because it's yours to take if you want.

No, that's not what I mean. I--

I miss you.

I just want things to go back to the way
they used to be.

You know, walking to school together,
dancing on tables at Bungalow.

And night swimming
at your mom's country house.

You're like my sister.

You know, and with our families...

...we need each other.

Well, you missed some classic
Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns.

If it wasn't such a tragedy,
it would have been funny.

Actually, it kind of was.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, I wish I could've been there.

You are now.

I have to meet Nate.
Kind of have something special planned.

Well, I don't wanna keep you, but....

I love you, B.

I love you too, S.

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted at the Palace Hotel:
S and B having a heart-to-heart.

Hm.

Why so thirsty, S?

You may have won over B for now...

...but we still think
you're hiding something.

[DOOR CLOSES]

-Hey.
-The invisible man returns.

You know, I really had no idea
you could move that fast.

Yeah, well, your fashion emergency
was solved...

-...so I figured my work was done.
-Come on, Dan.

Serena said hi to you at a ninth grade
birthday party and you never forgot.

How could I? She was the only person
who spoke to me.

I'm sure she thought
I was someone else.

You know, she's actually nice.

And if she did know you,
I think she'd really like you.

I think she might be overwhelmed
by the glitz...

...and the glamour
of the Humphrey lifestyle.

-I heard she's living at the Palace Hotel.
-Well, my point exactly.

Probably sitting at the bar by herself,
sipping martinis, all alone.

You know, it's actually kind of sad.

Oh, and Dad's at the gallery
working late.

He left money for dinner,
so I was thinking Indian.

You know what?
I think I'm gonna go out.

Okay.

Good, because I already ordered
and only got enough for one.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTERING]

Move, please.

I love this town.

I'm going to have to tell my parents...

...the hotel they just bought
is serving minors.

And if you get a drink,
they're also serving pigs.

-I love when you talk dirty.
-You love when a girl talks to you.

Actually, I prefer them
when they're not talking.

Mm. I've missed your witty banter.

Well, let's catch up, take our clothes off,
stare at each other.

How about I just get a bite to eat?
I've been drinking on an empty stomach.

Heard you didn't do that anymore.

Special occasion.

Well, how about
a grilled cheese with truffle oil?

You do love truffles?

-Enough to know it's not on the menu.
-Good thing I'm connected.

Only because I'm hungry.

Wow.

Hi.

Hi.

Is it too much?

I want it to be special.

What's wrong?

Look, I don't know how to say this.

Or if it's even the right thing to do.

But there's something I need to tell you.

Alfonso, you're a stud.

Now, have a good night.

We're closing the kitchen early.

Oh, my God. This is so good.

Well, if you're looking for a way
to thank me, I've got a couple ideas.

It's a sandwich, Chuck.

This is.... Mm-mm.

This is not happening right now.

You worried Nate will find out?

-What?
-Last year, the Sheppard wedding.

Think I don't know why you left town?

NATE: Hurry up.
We're not supposed to be in here.

SERENA: If the happy couple didn't wanna
put up the cash for the premium bar...

...they should have
made their wedding BYOB.

-No.
-Let me see it.

SERENA: No. Make me.
-I can do it.

Let me show you. Here, come here.

-Let me see it. Let me see it.
-I can do it. Stop.

-Look out, Nate.
-That never happens to me.

It's okay. You're still a man in my eyes.

Come here.

-Look at you, you're a mess.
-So are you.

But that was it?

You guys kissed.

CHUCK:
Best friend and the boyfriend.

That's pretty classy, S.

I think you're more like me
than you'd admit.

No. No, that was then.

I'm trying to change.

I liked you better before.

No. Stop it.

Chuck, no. Stop. Stop it.

I knew it. I always knew
there was something. Get out.

Chuck! No!

Get off of me.

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNT]

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

GOSSIP GIRL: And just when B and S had built
a bridge, it all had to come crashing down.

But dry your eyes, the Kiss on the Lips
party is around the corner.

And you know who loves parties?
Gossip Girl.

-Nice try, son.
-Maybe next time.

You seem upbeat this morning.
Did you have fun with Blair last night?

Actually, we got into a big fight.

You want my advice?
Apologize, even if it was her fault.

Flowers, jewelry if she's really upset.
Works for your mom.

I don't know.
I think it might be for the best.

Wait a minute. You guys broke up?

Yeah. I guess we did.

-Blair is a great girl.
-I know.

I'm not sure if she's the girl for me.

You guys have been dating
since kindergarten.

So I keep hearing.

-Well, you love her, don't you?
-Yes, I do.

I just think it might be good for us
to take a break.

Maybe not right now.

Eleanor Waldorf is gearing up
to take her company public.

And I've been courting her
to let me handle the deal.

-Then you should get it.
-I will get it.

If you could just help me out a little bit.

What? You love her, she loves you.
It's just a rough patch, that's all.

You don't give up
just because things are hard.

Not in business.

Or if your family is depending on you.

How do you know it was
Ms. van der Woodsen's?

And if you're not a guest at the hotel,
what were you doing there?

What? Look, when Prince Charming
found Cinderella's slipper...

...they didn't accuse him
of having a foot fetish.

And you're Prince Charming?

Well, there's Ms. van der Woodsen now.

-No, no, no. What are you doing?
-Do you know this young man?

She doesn't know me.
Nobody knows me.

It's cool. It's fine.

From last night, right?
I'm sorry about that.

You remember me?

-She remembers me.
-He claims he found your cell phone.

Oh. You found it.

-Hey, Mom.
-Guess what I got for you.

A dress for Kiss on the Lips.

I saw the invitation on the nightstand.

Oh, I'm not going to that.

-What do you mean? Blair's throwing it.
-Yeah, see, the problem is...

...by the time I got the invitation,
I actually already had plans.

Plans with whom?

My friend.

Yeah, hi. Nice to meet you,
Mrs. van der Woodsen.

I'm Dan Humphrey.

What are you and Dan Humphrey doing?

We....

We're going to a concert tonight.

-Lincoln Hawk?
-Yeah.

Rolling Stone named them one of
the top 10 forgotten bands of the '90s.

-Whoo! I'm a huge fan.
-Mm.

This party would have been perfect
for you to announce your return.

But I guess I'll just keep the dress
for myself.

-Thank you.
-Yeah, no, it's not a problem, really.

So you'll pick me up at 8?

You'd really go out with some guy
you don't know?

Well, you can't be worse
than the guys I do know.

[COLD w*r KIDS'
"HANG ME OUT TO DRY" PLAYS]

Thanks for meeting me.

Look, Blair, I really hurt you.
And I know that.

-And I wanna fix it.
-Really? And how are you gonna do that?

I want to put everything in the past.

I'm not gonna see Serena again
or even talk to her.

And it'll be like she doesn't exist.

I think that's a good idea.
Let's not mention it again.

-You gonna eat that?
-That's it?

Because you were pretty upset
last night. Should we talk about this?

There's nothing to talk about.
I overreacted.

If you say it's in the past,
it's in the past.

I'm sure you have no feelings
for her anymore.

I just feel bad for Serena.
She'll really miss you.

-What time does the limo come?
-Eight.

Perfect.

Lily. Are you shopping for some more art
to match your furniture?

Why is my daughter going
to one of your concerts?

Because we're awesome.

With your son.

-Dan scored a date with Serena?
-Mm-hm.

Well, our kids were bound to meet.
It's a small island.

It's not some ploy using my daughter to
get to me, now that your wife left you?

-How do you know about Alison?
-Like you said, small island.

I get it. You hear about Alison...

...use your daughter as an excuse
to start something.

Yeah. In your dreams.

You are in my dreams.
One in particular recurs.

It involves finding you
in a Nine Inch Nails bus...

...with your shoes in your earrings
and Trent Reznor.

Oh, that happened.

No need to rehash details
of decades past.

-So I moved on.
-Yeah. From Trent to Lane to Perry.

Till you switched up rock stars
for billionaires.

You think you're so cute.

Washed-up band,
crappy so-called art gallery.

Well, not all of us have settlements
from multiple divorces to sustain us.

Just stay out of my life, Rufus.

You're going out with Serena
and I'm going to Kiss on the Lips.

Who said this family wasn't cool?

Listen, I don't wanna be late,
but good luck, all right?

Same.

See you at the concert, right, Dad?

Okay.

Oh, my God.

My daughter's a woman.

Just tell me I look nice
instead of turning this into a sermon...

...on the passage of time.

You look like your mother.

Thanks.

ELEANOR:
Blair, let me see how it looks.

Why are you wearing that one? Didn't
you see the dress I left on the bed?

I like this one.

This one is not as elegant a choice
as that one.

Why do you care so much?

Because I love you.

Blair, you will never be more beautiful
or thin or happy than you are right now.

I just want you to make the most of it.

I guess I have time to change.

And put some product in your hair.
The ends are dry.

[TIMBALAND'S "THE WAY I ARE"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

-Who's the newbie?
-Jenny Humphrey. She's a freshman.

I love freshmen. They're so--

Fresh?

-Anything about her on Gossip Girl?
-No.

Until you're done with her.

Hi, I'm Chuck.

I know. Um, I mean, hi, I'm Jenny.

It's nice to meet you.

-You too.
-Thank you.

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like little J might end up
with a new boy and a ticket to the inner circle.

Or will C end up with another victim?

I told you I love parties.

SERENA:
So I'm a little overdressed, aren't I?

DAN: Honestly, I don't really have a
problem with your appearance.

Hey, come on, I want you to meet
one of the guys in the band.

-Oh, so you're a groupie?
-Well, not quite.

Serena, I'd like you to meet
Rufus Humphrey.

-Dad, this is Serena.
-Serena van der Woodsen.

Oh, I don't know how I know that.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

You guys are a little early.
It's gonna be a while.

Yeah, I may have slightly overbudgeted
for travel time.

MAN: Hey.
-I should go tune that. Excuse me.

Enjoy the show. Son, talk to you later.

Dad, see you.

So you took me to meet your dad
on the first date?

So this is a date?

Oh.

Maybe I shouldn't have worn
my loafers, then.

I'm dressed down a little bit.

Let's go and talk somewhere quiet.

Okay.

[AKON'S "DON'T MATTER"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

JENNY:
Well, this is definitely quieter.

But do you actually know
where we're going or--?

Here looks pretty good.

So you said you wanted to talk.

What did you wanna talk about?

How into you I am.

Okay, I'm sorry.

[JENNY LAUGHS]

If you don't wanna do anything,
that's cool.

Let's start over.

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

-Do you wanna start over at the party?
-Have a glass of champagne. Please?

-Maybe one.
-Okay.

Thanks.

-What?
-Sorry, no, nothing, nothing. I just....

My sister was right. You're nice.

You asked me out on a date
and you didn't think I was nice?

No. I just thought you were hot.

And, technically, you asked me out.

Oh, okay. Okay, I see.

So sensitive, tortured-soul boy
is actually kind of superficial, huh?

[PHONE RINGS]

-Yeah, just a little bit.
-Good to know.

DAN:
Sorry.

[PHONE RINGS]

SERENA: A better offer?
DAN: No.

My sister.
She's at that Kiss on the Lips party.

She's having some problems
with this guy, Chuck.

-I'm sorry, I have to go.
-I'll go with you.

-No, really, that's okay.
-No, listen. If it's Chuck, it's not okay.

[LYRICKS BORN'S "KNOCK KNOCK"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Look, I'm gonna do a lap, okay?
Look for her.

Okay, yeah.

WOMAN 1: Is that Serena?
WOMAN 2: It's Serena.

WOMAN 1: Oh, my gosh.
WOMAN 3: She's really here?

MAN 1: Is that her?
Everyone said she wasn't invited.

WOMAN 4: What is she doing here?
MAN 2: She's wasted.

WOMAN 5: Do you think Blair knows?
WOMAN 6: What is she wearing?

She's so brave.

MAN 3: You know Serena.
She would never miss a party.

[PHONES RINGING]

-Serena's here?
-Serena's here?

What is she doing here?
She wasn't invited.

Blair, come on.
Are you really gonna kick her out?

-Did you invite her?
-What? No. God, I told you.

Do not talk to her.

I was going for a walk.

JENNY: No.
CHUCK: Quiet.

JENNY:
Stop.

-Hey, any luck?
-No, I haven't seen her anywhere.

Come on, let's try upstairs.

Right.

DAN: There isn't gonna be anybody here.
SERENA: Dan.

-What?
-That's Chuck's scarf.

Oh, God.

JENNY:
Get off. Stop.

Hey! Jenny!

SERENA:
Chuck, get off of her!

Are you okay?

You son of a--

What the hell is your problem?
It's a party. Things happen.

-Who are you anyway?
-How many times do I have to tell you?

I'm in your class.
My name is Dan Humphrey.

And that is my little sister.

Come on, Dan. Let's go, come on.

Chuck, don't you ever touch her again!

Hey, your life is over, sl*t.

Don't forget, I know everything.

[ANGELS AND AIRWAVES'
"THE GIFT" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

-You sure you're okay?
-Yeah, I will be. Take me home, okay?

So...

...think I got a shot at a second date?

Well, I don't think
you could top this one.

-I did punch someone.
-True.

We'll talk about it in the cab.

She'd better not show her face again.

I'm actually hoping she will.

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted:
Serena making a heroic exit from B's party.

Too bad for her
there's school on Monday.

So until next time,
you know you love me...

...Gossip Girl.