28x02 - Hot Air Jordan

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

-[Averey] Jordan!
-[Jordan] This is the true story…

-[Averey] Ooh, ooh!
-[Jordan] …of seven strangers…

-Let's do it.
-[Joi] …picked to live in a loft…

-Daisy!
-[Jordan] Stop pooping!

-[Averey] …work together…
-[Jordan] Dude!

-[Jessica] …and have their lives taped…
-[Jordan] I love you, Bird.

[Anastasia] …to find out what happens…

-[Jessica] I'm not talking to you anymore.
-[Marlon] …when people stop being polite…

[Anastasia] Boop! You're done.

[Johnny] …and start getting real.

-No!
-[Jessica] Sexy mama!

-[Averey] The Real World…
-[Johnny] …Portland!

["Young Blood" playing]

♪ I just learned your name
I already forgot it ♪

[whines]

♪ I'm getting scared to fall
But summer hasn't started ♪

[Anastasia] Couples shower.

-[Johnny] Hey, Bird.
-[Anastasia] I should go [bleep] myself?

[Anastasia screams, laughs] No!

[Averey] Everyone in the house
is making a huge deal

out of me and Johnny kissing.
It's not like we had sex.

[Johnny] Me and Averey kissed last night
and I really hope it escalates

and something else happens.

♪ Exchanging names in search of love ♪

♪ We're all running, it's young blood ♪

-Hi!
-[Mark] Hi, baby.

-Oh, I thought you'd be sleeping.
-[Mark] No.

♪ Something's got a hold
Makes me bold enough to say ♪

♪ I'm desperate ♪

[Jessica] He took… my drink…

-He took my drink out of my--
-[Mark] That like an insult?

-Out of my hand…
-[Mark] Or is he just pouring--

And like thr--
No, he threw the drink at my feet.

[Johnny] How's breakfast?

[Mark]

Most dudes that don't mature
are just [bleep].

No, he'll say c*ck comments,
and I call him out on it, and I'm like,

"You're making yourself
look like an idiot."

[Johnny] Last night was nuts.

-It's over. Move on.
-[Jordan] No, it's not over.

Nope, never mind. It's not over.

[Jordan] I mean,
I'm just saying, it'll come up.

-You know what I mean?
-I think he's [bleep].

They're all just ganged up
on him.

Yeah, you might have it rough.
You're in the doghouse for sure.

Oh, man.

[upbeat music playing]

[Marlon] Ooh.

[Jordan] I'm gonna ask you a question.

What did I do to start getting yelled at
from the very beginning?

[Joi] You were disrespectful for Bird,
for spilling her drink

that she was drinking on the floor.

And then the comment you made of,
"Why aren't you dead yet?"

I'm still [bleep] pissed at this.
I don't trust you, okay?

-I don't trust you.
-[Jordan] That's fine.

-I'm not looking for trust.
-End of story.

-You spill your drink on me…
-Let me tell you why I spilled your drink.

[Anastasia] I don't care
why you [bleep] spilled my drink.

I said, "I don't wanna see you anymore."

I said, "I swear on my grave,"
and you said, "Are you dead yet?"

[Jordan] And see,
that's what you think I said.

That whole night. No, no.
That's what everybody knows you said.

I said, "You're not even dead yet."

[Anastasia] I pinky swear,
on my [bleep] grave.

-[Jordan] Oh, man…
-Anyways,

-Marlon--
-[Jordan] She ain't dead yet.

-[Anastasia] You're rude.
-[Marlon] Dude.

-I've always, from day one--
-[Anastasia] Stop playing

the [bleep] innocent card.

-You're not fooling me.
-Don't walk… This is a convers--

-See, why is this--
-You're not fooling me.

-Why are you arguing right now?
-I'm not gonna look at this face--

Looking at your face,
and you're acting all innocent.

-[Jordan] Why--
-I'm not gonna do it.

-[Jordan] I--
-[Anastasia] Please don't follow me.

[Jordan] See,
this is what I'm talking about.

Leave me alone.
You have to respect me--

-Why can I not talk?
-You have to respect me

that I don't wanna talk to you.

All he's doing is irritating me.

-[Jordan] I'm not playing dumb.
-You're playing dumb

-and you're not gonna do it with me.
-Anastasia is completely wrong.

One-hundred-percent wrong.

-You hear?
-[Jordan] What am I playing dumb about?

Every comment we tell you that you made,
you're like, "It wasn't in that way."

"I didn't make it in that way."

-[Jordan] No, why did I…
-And you're full of [bleep]!

-…why did I start--
-You're full of [bleep], dude.

[Jordan] I turned into an a*s-[bleep]
after I started getting yelled at.

[Anastasia] Not gonna talk to a liar.

[upbeat music playing]

I'm bewildered.
I just-- I really don't get it.

This is seventh grade.

[Daisy barks]

[Jordan exhales]

[Marlon] I hope Jordan hooks up
with someone.

-[laughs]
-It's gonna be Bird, I'm telling you.

If Jordan hooks up
with somebody here, it's gonna be Bird.

[Anastasia] Whose shoe is this?

[Averey] Johnny's,
'cause there's dog poop on it.

[Anastasia] Oh, Johnny.

-[Averey] Oh.
-[Anastasia] Ooh!

Sorry, I touched your butt.
Completely touched your butt.

I was like,
"Here, have my wallet with your butt."

Jordan's one of those people that, like,
he just continues to act like that.

Somebody has to say, "Jordan,
you're acting like an a*s-[bleep]."

-You know what I mean?
-Do you think his dad acts like that?

I can't speculate on all that.
I would be happy if I never had to say

Jordan's name again
and never had to see him again.

He's just one of those people,
like, he likes to argue.

Yeah! That's how I feel.
But I'm stuck here with him.

I'm stuck with this situation.

[pensive music playing]

[Anastasia] Did you and Johnny talk,
or did you guys just fall asleep?

-Last night?
-I'm excited about you and Johnny.

-Last night?
-[Anastasia] I'm really excited about it.

I think we just fell asleep.
We talked--

I'm glad there's some little bit
of romance going on in the house.

No, he's nice.
I just don't-- I don't really trust guys.

I think Johnny's genuine about it, though.

I don't know. I don't--

-I think it is.
-Men just freak me out,

'cause they'll do anything
to get in your pants.

I don't know. I'm very guar--
very guarded, especially towards men.

-[Anastasia] I know that.
-I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.

You know? I'm down here, in Arizona…

-Yeah, but sometimes…
-And you're up here.

…sometimes it's fun to be the dreamer.

I don't wanna be hurt.
I don't like getting hurt.

[Anastasia] I don't think Johnny
would hurt you.

[Johnny] Paw, paw, paw.

Paw. Paw.

Does anyone know how to train
a dog to do "paw"? I don't know

-how to train a dog to do "paw."
-[Marlon] I don't.

[Johnny] I think I've got a little in
with Averey because of her dog.

Daisy's gonna help out a lot.

So, there's this guy,
Johnny, here, the Boston guy.

-[Averey's grandma] Yeah?
-The blonde, and we hang out a lot.

And I'm not gonna lie,
Grandma, I kissed him.

[Averey's grandma] Already? Jesus, Averey!

Grandma! I'm with him 24/7.

I am a very sexual person,
and if I'm feeling someone,

I have a hard time controlling my…

urges. [chuckles]

Paw. Paw. Yeah-- Nope.

He's, like, the best guy in the house.
Out of all the girls, hands down,

it's our favorite guy.

Do you understand
the words coming out of my mouth?

He's really nice--
And I told him straight out,

Grandma, I was like, "Look, Johnny,

you're a good guy and everything,
but I'm not gonna [bleep] you."

-[Averey's grandma laughing]
-Well?

[Averey's grandma] Well, just remember
that that's what you said,

-and keep it that way.
-Oh, I told him straight up.

-[Averey's grandma] Good.
-So…

[Averey's grandma] 'Cause
you don't know him enough yet to be…

-No, that's--
-…laying big old wet ones on him yet.

Exactly.

[Johnny] This is your paw.
This is your paw. Paw, paw, paw.

[upbeat music playing]

[Marlon] Who else is going on the ride?

[Jordan] Me, you, Jessica,
Johnny, and Averey.

-All right, we ready?
-[Johnny] Hell yeah.

Okay, you're ready,
I'm ready, you're ready.

[Jessica] Let's go, guys.

-We going right or left?
-[Jordan] Right.

-[Johnny whistling]
-[Marlon] Whoa.

-[yelps]
-[Johnny] Watch the tire, Jordan.

We're doing a left here. Left here.

Gimme some, gimme some! Aw.

-[Marlon] All right, where we going now?
-[Jordan] We're going in there.

-[Marlon] In the fountain?
-[Averey] Hell yeah, I am.

-[Jessica] I'm not.
-[children playing, screaming]

I want to just get my hair wet.
I'm done.

[Johnny] Look I'm [bleep] jumping in.

There's a step up in the middle.

I don't care if I look like an idiot.

I'm hot, and this looks really fun to me.

And she goes, "I can't see anything."

[Johnny] Whoo. You see that? Whoo-hoo.

This is great. I love this.

♪ I feel right, how can this be wrong?
It's all inside where it's all along ♪

Whoa!

♪ How can this be wrong? ♪

♪ You know inside when you love someone ♪

[Jessica] Honestly,
can we talk without arguing?

-[Jordan] Mm-hmm.
-Because you are very opinionated

and you do feel really strongly
about stuff.

I feel like I need to talk to Jordan
about why he is the way he is.

I'm not gonna show you
that I'm sensitive,

because I've had brothers

and a sister pick on me,
all at once,

three siblings just go at it with me
and make me scream.

I was so frustrated.

I just wanna be here
and be accepted by y'all,

'cause I don't have friends back home.

-[Jordan] Right.
-I have my mom and I love my mom.

And me and my mom are like this,

because there's a lot of [bleep]

that I've been through
and the only person that hasn't judged me,

who hasn't put me out,
and the one who has rescued me

was my mother.

So as a result, I'm happy, I'm positive.

I tell you you're smart.
I tell Joi she's beautiful.

That is what you should do to other people
when you've been through ugly [bleep].

It's hard. It's difficult.
It's tough to learn.

[Jordan] I think Jessica is really trying
to dramatize her experiences

for sympathy.
That's what I really think it is.

I've learned to kind of scale back
and not jump into other people's arguments

when I feel like
I need to protect somebody.

You've learned things a certain way,

and you think that is--
That's just your way.

-And then I've learned things--
-[Jessica] Your way.

My way. We were hit with fists.

Kicked. We were hit with belts.

With anything. I mean, remote and stuff.
That's just how it was.

Our dad was very hard on us.

Spankings. We got stuff thrown at us.
But he always made it clear that,

you know, he loves us.

It was never out of hate
or anything like that.

I needed that, so now,
I can sit here and have somebody say

anything in my face and it not hurt.

I don't call it being abused.
I mean, that's just--

Honey, if somebody hits you

and says ugly things
like that to you, that's abuse.

Never once have I ever felt I was abused.

We grew up in the country,
so it wasn't one of those

"Go to your room, you're grounded,"
and you get to go play

five different video game systems.

It's you get your a*s spanked

and then you go outside
and do manual labor

to think about what the hell you just did.

I thought maybe someone
physically abused you,

and I know you've been taunted.

[mellow music playing]

"File not found."
You may check your email.

I gotta take a shower.

-[Jessica] Everyone's hitting the showers.
-[Johnny] I love showering.

I feel like we all shower
all the time 'cause it's so hot.

[gasps]

[cries]

[Jordan] Girls like Jessica,
they love the drama.

Obviously, Jessica's crying over a boy.

I mean, I can figure
that out pretty quickly.

[Jessica cries]

Yeah. He's out in the field
for three months and he's like,

"I won't be able to talk to you."
And he kinda didn't wanna talk to me.

But then he sends me this email, you know?

First, we go our separate ways
and he's like,

"I want you to know
how much I care about you."

"I only have five minutes,
but I wanted to talk to you."

"I think about you every day,

and sometimes
you're the only thing I think about."

James is my ex-boyfriend.
We broke up because

I was putting more into
the relationship than he was.

"I hope you are being good
but it's your life and your experience,

and I'll always think about you.
Please think of me and us."

Before I left, I was like, "I love you."

And he didn't have anything to say,

so I'm supposed to put my life on hold--

I do not care
that you are crying over a boy

that you broke up with three weeks
before you came out here.

This is the most emotion
he's ever showed me,

and I just don't understand
why it couldn't have been in person

-before I left.
-I can't answer that.

No one cares! Stop harp--
You've already cried over this guy.

Just because he sends you an email

saying he misses you
and he loves you-- Block him!

That was someone died-type crying.

[lively music playing]

-[Daisy barks]
-[Johnny] Whoa.

You pooped?
You got any [bleep] in the tank?

I'm gonna use
Daisy's love and affection for me

for a little tactic,
a little offense on Mom-- On Averey.

No.

Classy. Real classy.
Right on the main road, huh?

You nasty dog.

Don't kick sand at me.
I gotta pick up your [bleep].

Oh, this one's nice and fresh,
huh, Daisy? Gross little b*tch. Come on.

[whistling]

[upbeat music playing]

Didn't hit the floor.

-[Marlon] Oh.
-[Jordan] Wall.

-[Johnny grunts]
-Hit it off the wall.

[Marlon] It's like racquetball.
Use the wall.

[Jordan] Yeah, just like racquetball.
You can use walls.

-[pensive music playing]
-[ping-pong ball clacking]

[Jessica] I like to write poetry
because, a lot of the times,

when I can't clear my mind,

I write it down,
and I can kinda get out my thoughts.

I really wanna move on from James.

I wanna forget him
and just kinda toss it away.

[Jordan] Though I stand amid…

-[Jessica] That's what I was writing.
-Oh, my gosh.

What the [bleep] is this [bleep] nackle?

-Just be quiet.
-[Jessica] Nothing fancy.

[Marlon] What you got? Let me hear it.

Nothing fancy, just--
Doesn't make a lot of sense, but--

-All right.
-[Johnny] Oh!

"Your words, so seemingly warm…"

[Jessica] Don't read it out loud.
That's embarrassing.

-"…fall like icicles to my heart--"
-Don't read it out loud!

Most of the time,
I like to keep my poetry to myself.

But I just wanna get it out and let it go.

-"I feel it within every facet…"
-[Jessica] Stop! I can't…

-"…even though we are far…"
-…I can't listen to you

-read my poetry out loud. It's so weird.
-"…far, far apart."

"Why distance has you this way,

and you think of us
only when you lie, lie, lie."

It does not say "lie" three times.

[Marlon] No, I was adding.

-I'm winging it.
-[laughs]

"I'm sorry, my love. I can't help you."

"My head tells me to bid you goodbye."

"I'll be thinking of you often,
but mostly when you lie."

-[Averey] I really like that poem.
-[Marlon laughs]

-[Averey] I get to feel how she's feeling.
-[Marlon] I did read it with emotion.

[Averey] No, you're like…
[mocking] "Your words, so seemingly warm,

feel like icicles to my heart!"

My favorite's the last verse.
"I'm sorry, my love, I can't help you."

"My head tells me to bid you goodbye."

"I'll be thinking of you often,
but only when I lie."

It's a sad emotion.
Imagine when you lost a girl,

and you really cared about her,
and she didn't feel the same way,

and you're a little heartbroken,
and you just kind of…

All right, hold on,
let me think about losing Daisy.

I'll read the poem and see what happens.

-[Daisy barks]
-[Marlon] Okay. I feel that.

[mellow music playing]

-Are you getting pumped, yo?
-Oh, getting pumped, getting pumped.

You think this is where it is?

-[Jordan] Yeah.
-[Marlon] Nice.

-Team Captain. Team Captain.
-He's got the plan.

[upbeat music playing]

Two, one.

[man] One more, push it out.
Blow out. Blow it out there. Blow it out.

I think it's cool. I think the mixture
of people that we have on here

-is a good mixture.
-[Averey] I think it's a good--

I was just telling Joi.
I like how we're all mixed or something.

Knock this out, let's go.
Thirty reps, come on, let's go!

-Thirty reps, this is it!
-[trainer] Keep going. There you go.

Honestly, I thought there was
gonna be-- I thought there was gonna be

-a Black chick.
-Yeah.

[Anastasia] I thought there's
gonna be a Black chick.

[Averey] I thought there's gonna be
one g*y person.

-Me too!
-Black guy.

[Anastasia] Hoping that
there was gonna be a g*y person!

[Joi] I just hoped there was a g*y person,
in general.

-Me too.
-Maybe there is.

[Averey] I just really can't believe
the boys hit the gym right now.

[Joi] I bet they're spotting each other.

[in deep voice] One more, man! One more!

-[Jessica laughing]
-[exhales sharply]

[trainer] Relax, you got it.

They're trying to see--
I guarantee, it's a boy thing.

-They're just competing.
-[Joi] See who has the--

I bet Marlon beasts at the gym.

-[Marlon exhales sharply]
-[trainer] There you go.

-[Johnny] 140?
-[trainer] There you go.

All right!

Do you think he beasts?
He looks like he beasts.

Jordan and Johnny are probably
staring at him like…

-What you say about my mama?
-[laughs]

[exhales heavily]

[Joi] "Oh, my God.
Look at this Black male."

[Marlon] Let's ride.

[uplifting music playing]

I'm a bartender, okay?
Obviously, you know this, right?

I told the girls this already,
'cause we were talking about a**l sex.

-So I just--
-[Anastasia] So who's tried it?

[Jessica] No big deal!

-[Marlon] I've tried it.
-[Averey] I've tried it.

-[Jessica] Ew.
-[Averey] It's a joke.

Were you wrapped when you did it?

-Yeah, come on, now.
-I don't know--

But in my--

Okay, mine was a guy, though.

-[Jordan] You what? What did you say?
-Let it get silent.

-Let it get silent.
-[Averey] What?

It was a dude.

[dramatic music playing]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Marlon] She was talking about a**l sex,
and I said, "Yes, I've had a**l sex."

Mine was a guy, though.

Let it get silent. Let it get silent.

Nah-uh.

Happened one time.

-[Averey] Did you have a threesome?
-No.

[Averey] No?

[Anastasia] Wow, wow, wow.

Out of everyone in the house,
I never expected Marlon

to be the one sharing
something so absolutely shocking.

Marlon, you're bi!
I was trying to figure out.

-[Jessica] Do you like guys?
-[Marlon] No, no, no.

For me, it was different.
When football, and music,

and everything ended,
I felt like it was just a letdown.

At that moment, for me,
I felt like I lost everything.

I had no friends.

I went from being top dog
in football and sports

and all the extracurriculars
to being a complete nobody.

I was just searching
for a place to belong,

a place to be accepted,
a place for a fresh start.

I live in Austin, and Austin has
a really high g*y community,

and they accepted me
and just brought me in with no judgment.

And it happened.

And the reason why I say I'm bi

is because
I know when somebody hears that,

"Oh, you had sex with a dude? You're g*y."

Well, obviously,
we know that you're not, like, g*y.

I mean, we saw you yesterday mackin'.

I think vag*na
is the most powerful thing ever created.

-[group laughing]
-[Marlon] I really do.

[Marlon] It-- Everything--
I mean, honestly--

[Johnny] I am just stunned.

I don't know
if I'd be able to talk about it

as confident as he's saying it,
and how he's just throwing it out there.

He is more of a man to admit that.

Big day today. Just to have
the roommates hear that, you know,

"Oh, you had sex with a dude,"
and not take it

as judgment and take it for what it is.

[Anastasia] This is good.
I feel like we need a toast.

Really, it's a moment.

-So many questions we wanna ask him…
-Yeah.

…but we don't think
it's appropriate 'cause we think--

I mean, at least I think
it will make him feel like,

"Dude, they think I'm g*y."

I wanna know if it was an older dude
or if it was a younger dude.

I wanna know how long it lasted.

I wanna know where he was,
if it was in a car,

or if he was outside,
or if he was in a bedroom.

I wanna know if they were dating.

-I wanna know if he was Black or white.
-I wanna know if this happened at a bar.

-Where did you meet him?
-Yeah.

I wanna know if it was an escort service.

-Did you pay for it?
-Yeah, what's up, Marlon?

[upbeat music playing]

[Jessica] It's from my mommy.

Whoa. Yay.

It's a bunch of my stuff.

Oh, how precious.

Yo, Daisy's doing some crunches.

-[Marlon] One.
-[Anastasia laughing]

-[Marlon] One, one thousand.
-She's working on that six-pack.

She's like, "I've been eating too much.
I gotta hit the gym." Yeah, Daisy.

[Anastasia laughing] Her face is so cute!

[Averey] Johnny is very kind.
Johnny loves Daisy.

When he's with Daisy,

you see the whole
compassionate side.

Johnny's kinda, I think,
a big mush on the inside.

[Johnny laughing]

[Jessica] People in my town
get married when they're like 18.

It's a military town.

[Jordan] The military for men
is like beauty school for women.

[Jessica] Well, see,
I wanted to go to beauty school

straight out of high school.
That's really what I wanted to do.

A lot of girls do. It's easy.

I mean, if you're happy
making 30, 40 grand a year,

then you're golden.

[Jessica] But it's not always about money.

So you got a job you're happy at.

You go home to a double-wide

with no food in the refrigerator
and crying babies.

[Jessica] You wouldn't do that,
though, if you have a job.

What do you mean "You wouldn't do that"?
Have you not seen this country?

Now, how much do you think
it takes a year per couple

to lead a normal, middle-class life.

[Jessica] My mom doesn't work,
and my dad only makes 50.

[Jordan] No way.

[Jessica] In a military town, I mean,
they can survive off of low-ranking pay.

I think you're very
tunnel-visioned right now.

-Honey, my parents have a two-story house.
-[Jordan] Baby girl,

I'm from a small town.

Honey, my parents have a two-story house
and put all of us through college.

They've had enough to buy us dirt bikes,
buy us everything that we need.

I have a brand-new car.
So do my brothers and sisters.

[Jordan] I just-- You really don't see--
Have you ever sat--

I mean, obviously you haven't sat down
and done bills.

This world is all about money.

[phone rings]

[Jessica] Jordan, I don't need
tons of money to be happy.

[Jordan] You have not seen
what it takes to live on your own.

-[Johnny] Hello?
-[Jordan’s dad] Is Jordan there?

[Johnny] Yes, sir,
he's in a heated debate right now.

-I think you might wanna call him back.
-[both laughing]

-[Jordan's Dad]
-[Johnny] Okay, sir. Have a good one.

I feel like I'm arguing
with a [bleep] five-year-old.

[Jordan] Coming from someone
who hasn't done their taxes, yet--

I understand when someone's
yelling in your face,

makes you feel like a [bleep] idiot,
but this is why!

-'Cause you're such a [bleep].
-Me?

You don't know your [bleep]!
You don't know your [bleep],

but you're gonna tell me what's up?
You can't tell me

what a middle-class family makes,

and you're gonna try and argue
and tell me that you can live

in the middle-class on 50 grand a year?

-You look like a dumbass.
-[Jordan] That's what you just said.

I'm jumping on the couch,
but I know my [bleep]!

[Jessica] He's jumping up
and down on the chair

like Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch.

-[Jordan groans]
-I'm not talking to you anymore.

[mocking] "I'm sorry
I make you feel like an idiot, Jordan,

but I come from a low-end family
that pulls in over six figures a year."

[Jessica] I never said that!
I live a good life, Jordan.

-I live it with a family…
-[Jordan] You're damn right.

…that actually loves me,
that actually supports me.

That doesn't make me feel
like [bleep], so you know what?

Go [bleep] yourself
and don't [bleep] talk to me…

-[Jordan] So my family doesn't support me?
-You ignorant mother-[bleep].

[intense music playing]

[mellow music playing]

[Johnny] Jordan!

-Yeah?
-Your dad called, bro.

He's one of them low-class Americans.
I'll have to get back to him.

-Oh…
-Knock it off, Jordan. It's done.

No way. No way!

[Jessica] So it's official.

I [bleep] can't stand Jordan.

Apparently, Jordan's so stuck on money
that maybe that's why he's miserable.

Maybe he's so miserable
because all he can think about is

money, money, money, money,
me, me, me, me, me.

-[line ringing]
-[Jordan's dad] Hello?

-What are you doing?
-[Jordan's dad] I just got home.

What kind of
heated discussion were you in?

Oh, middle-to-upper-class
Southern belle telling me what's up.

[Jordan's dad] So, yeah, I told him--
Was it Marlon that answered?

-Johnny.
-[Jordan's dad] Yeah, he goes,

"Oh, he's in a heated argument,"

and I said, "If he's talking
about politics or religion,

-tell him to shut up."
-[both laugh]

I don't even know what
I walked in--

I was gonna heat my food up,
and I was like, "Okay."

[Jessica] For some reason,

the fact that I've been taken care of
bothers him.

It bothers him that my mom sends me stuff.
It bothers him.

I think that he wasn't loved enough
as a kid,

and that's why it bothers him
that my family is so supportive

and loves me so much.

I think that a lot of the house problems
come from jealousy,

in one way or the other,
whether it be, "You had this,"

-or "You didn't have this," or…
-[Jessica] Mm-hmm.

Everyone's trying to prove themselves,

and we're gonna argue,
and that's just the way it is.

["The Way It Goes" playing]

I'm just not-- I'm gonna do my best
to not talk to him anymore.

♪ It got you off-track
From the word, you know ♪

♪ Now you clinging on these words
Like you run the show ♪

♪ I don't even care if I offend you
So I'mma tell you the truth, let him go ♪

[Marlon] All right,
so who's all going to sushi?

-No. I'm gonna pick it up.
-You're just gonna go pick it up?

Yeah, I just called it in. Be ready in 15.

♪ That's the way it goes
That's the way it goes ♪

♪ That's the way it goes ♪

[Jessica] Hi, baby-kins. Come here.

[indistinct chatter]

[Johnny] What if I walked like this?

-[Jordan] I'd have to call you Jessica.
-[Johnny laughing]

[Jordan] Oh, yeah, so our argument
or whatever was about her telling me

about the lower-class.

She was like,
"Yeah, I wanted to go to beauty school."

I was like, "So, you would be okay
with making 30 to 40 grand a year?"

And she goes,
"Well, my mom doesn't even work."

"My dad only makes 50 a year."

And she goes,
"We have dirt bikes and this and that."

-Yeah.
-And I was like,

"Well," I was like,
"Then I don't think you really know

how much your dad makes."

Anything Jess says,
Jordan is going to look to deny it

and make it wrong, so to say.

[Jordan] You've never lived on your own,

so why are you telling someone that has
what it's like to live on your own.

You have no idea
what it's like to live on your own.

[Marlon] I know, I'm just saying
it didn't have to be

a full-blown deal.
I mean, it started from--

Oh, it wasn't until she turned it into it,

and then she started saying,

-"You don't know what…"
-[Marlon] Swallow the pill on it, bro.

You don't have to be right,
but Jordan just can't let stuff go.

Fifty thousand dollars
is not middle-class. That's lower-class.

I keep up with my Forbes.

[mellow music playing]

[funky music playing]

[Anastasia] I cannot believe
that I just saw your p*nis.

Johnny, go away.
Keep your p*nis away. Stay away, p*nis.

[Johnny] Hey, have a good one, Bird.
You remember what just happened.

Why do you bother with the towel?

Why don't you just run
out of here completely a*s-naked?

-[Marlon] Black mamba!
-[Anastasia] No! [laughs]

-That's enough.
-[Marlon] Black mamba.

[Anastasia] This isn't-- [screams]

-No. [laughs]
-[Marlon] Black mamba.

[Anastasia] Come on, Johnny just waved
his p*nis around in front of me.

-Stop it!
-[Marlon and Johnny laugh]

-[Anastasia] Just go away.
-[laughs]

-[Anastasia] Don't even-- [screams]
-[Marlon laughs]

[Anastasia] Oh, my God, please,
God, tell me that that was your foot.

[Johnny] Maybe.

-You'll never know.
-[Anastasia] I don't wanna know.

[imitating retching]

Boys!

-Guys.
-[Johnny] Yo.

There's a pack of 20
or something g*ons outside

that want us to go out with them.
Come look.

-Yeah!
-g*ons!

[upbeat music playing]

-[Marlon] Hey!
-[woman] Hey, come dance with us.

Seriously, come hang out with us.

[Jordan] Where you going to dance?

[woman]

[Jordan] I can pass as g*y.

Lesbians are fun. They're real fun.
I like 'em, so let's go. I'm in.

[Marlon] Hey, you know what's bad, though?

The g*y dudes are gonna hit on us,
'cause we're both going.

And he's bedazzled!

-And he's bedazzled!
-[Marlon] I have bedazzles?

What are you talking about?
You have bedazzles.

-Look at it.
-That's not bedazzles.

-Those are like buttons.
-[Averey] Marlon, change your shirt.

-Change your shirt.
-Thank you.

[Averey] Oh, Lord, no. Marlon, no, no.

You cannot be dressed
with bedazzled and colors.

[Marlon] All right, what about this one?

Jeez, you're screaming like,
"Touch my butt! "

We kinda pick on Marlon
because everyone assumes he's g*y,

but he's far from g*y.

Bye, guys.

-All right, later.
-[Averey] Have fun, be safe!

-You guys actually came.
-[Marlon] Yeah!

Where's everybody else?

Get your stamp. Get your stamp.
You gotta go in and check your ID.

-[Marlon] All right.
-[woman 1] Come on.

You're gonna get hit on
by a lot of guys.

-Sorry about that.
-[Jordan] I mean, it's not the first.

[lively music playing]

-What's your name?
-[Amber] Amber.

-[woman] We look alike.
[Marlon] Amber?

-[woman] What's your name?
-Marlon.

-Here you go.
-[Jordan] Oh, yes.

[Marlon] I'm at the bar,
talking to all the girls,

and there's this person
next to Jordan getting him drinks.

-You're welcome.
-Free drinks, cool.

But then I look over…

[Jordan]

-[Jordan] Here you go.
-[Marlon] Okay, does he not realize

that's not a girl?

I don't think
he realizes that's not a female.

-Thank you.
-[Jordan] I got you.

-[Jordan] Thank you.
-Dude. Jordan. That's not a girl.

[Jordan] I know that.

I've been to multiple g*y bars in,
you know, back in Oklahoma,

so it's not really a culture shock.
I've been there. I've seen it.

Look how gorgeous Jayla is.

Jordan is just like,
"All right, cool, I like this."

"I'm having fun." Did not expect that.

-[Marlon]
-[Jordan]

-[Marlon] Baby?
-I don't know why I said that.

-I'm turning g*y! I'm turning g*y.
-Wait, wait, wait.

[woman] What street you guys live on?

-[Marlon] Jordan, where do we live?
-[woman 2] Flanders and Ninth.

Flanders and Ninth.
How do you know already?

'Cause we were out there
yelling at you guys.

[Marlon] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan] Welcome to our humble abode.
[grunting]

Should we wake Johnny up?
We can wake Johnny up.

-[Jordan] You two go and wake Johnny up.
-[Marlon] Really?

-[Jordan] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[woman 1] Okay, fine.

[woman 2 whispering] Hey, Johnny. Wake up!

Johnny?

[Johnny groans]

[woman 1] Do you wanna come party with us?

[Johnny] Everyone's partying?

[woman 2] You're sleeping through it,
homie.

-[woman 1] Let's go.
-I'm up, for a minute.

-Well let's go.
-[uplifting music playing]

-Let's go outside.
-You wanna go outside?

[Jordan] Yeah.

I mean, we got a hot tub.

-[Averey] Hi.
-[Johnny] I got woken up by ugly girls.

[Averey] Hmm?

[Averey laughs]

[Averey] Mm-hmm.

[Johnny] Hmm.

I realize, "Holy [bleep], Averey,
you are naked in a bed, with a boy."

[mellow music playing]

[Jessica] I forgot to eat breakfast.

-Have you eaten today?
-Yeah, Johnny made me eggs.

-[Jessica] Aw.
-[Averey] Yeah.

[Averey] And I was so impressed
by Johnny last night.

What did he do?

[Averey] You know how the guys had
the girls come over?

-[Jessica] Yeah.
-[Averey] The girls wake Johnny up

and Johnny wasn't having it,

so he's like,
he wakes me up and he's like,

"Hey, can I sleep
in your bed tonight?" And I'm like…

"Don't go under the purple blanket."

-But he didn't try anything.
-Wow.

Wow, right?

I don't know, Johnny.

I don't know
if you're actually nice and genuine…

or if you're just putting on an act.

[Jessica] Do you know how bad
that probably k*lled him?

-To know you're next to him…
-[Averey] I know.

-…butt-a*s naked.
-[Averey] Ah!

Part of me doesn't even
wanna start liking you

because, well, I don't like being hurt.
[laughs]

I've been hurt my whole life.
I don't want to do it again.

♪ I've never been the type ♪

♪ To wear my heart on my sleeve ♪

♪ It's nothing new
You've always had to read ♪

♪ Between the lines ♪

♪ And I suspect you saw it coming
But you chose to play along ♪

-How are you feeling?
-I'm fine.

[Anastasia] Had a nice little sleep
with your lady?

-Yep, yep.
-[chuckles]

I'm glad you guys are normal
and you're not, like,

jumping into bed
with each other and stuff.

-[Johnny] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-It's a good thing.

You should get to know each other.

I do think you two
are a good match, though.

-I'm just using her for Daisy.
-[Anastasia laughing] Yeah.

[uplifting music playing]

[Jessica] Marlon, I wanted to ask you
questions about the stuff

that you told us,
but I don't want you to get mad,

-but I'm really curious.
-[Marlon] No, go ahead, ask me.

-[Jessica] What was his race?
-[Marlon] White.

[Jessica] Was he older than you
or younger?

-[Marlon] Same age.
-[Jessica] How'd you know him?

I played football. He was a cheerleader.

-[laughs]
-[Marlon] Ironic, right?

Football, cheerleader.
Whatever, who cares?

[Jessica] How did it start, though?

[Marlon] It was just a phone call, really.

It was just like, "Hey, I'm coming over."

-Done.
-[Jessica] When was the last time

you had a serious girlfriend
before you came here?

[Marlon] Last time I've had a serious
girlfriend must've been in seventh grade,

and it only lasted six months.

Do you wanna have a girlfriend,
or are you cool with just being--

No, no, no. I want a girlfriend,
but most of the chicks I meet,

it's like, "I'm not gonna talk to you

unless you're buying me
a drink at the bar." You know?

-[Anastasia] Yikes, man.
-"I'm not gonna hang out with you

unless you're taking me to the restaurant
and paying for my meal."

And I just… [clicks tongue]
…axe that out the list.

It is a little strange that Marlon
hasn't had one serious relationship

with a woman in his life.

And… you know,

maybe Marlon doesn't know that he's g*y.

You ready to smoke the hookah, little dog?
Gonna smoke the hookah, little dog?

What do you want,
blueberry, pineapple, strawberry?

-[Marlon] Oh, my God.
-Huh? Huh? Huh?

[Marlon] All right, outside. Hookah.

[upbeat music playing]

I thought they heated 'em up on
like special kind of stoves or something.

[Johnny] Yeah, that thing's hot, dude.

[Jessica]

[Averey] Good call, Jess.

[Jordan whispers] Damn, Jess was right.

Jordan, how does that make you feel?

-[Marlon] Are you hitting the hookah?
-So, it's like smoking a cigarette?

-[Marlon] No, it's way worse, actually.
-[Jordan] No, and… No, no, no.

It's a lot better than a cigarette.
An entire bowl of hookah is equivalent

-to 1/77 of a cigarette.
-[Marlon] Whoa, whoa.

-I think I heard the opposite.
-Look it up, go ahead.

I will, 'cause I'm gonna go
check my email again.

[mellow music playing]

[Jessica] Oh.

[chuckles]

[Marlon] Tell me you printed it out.

-No.
-[Marlon] Oh, I was 'bout to say.

But you're still wrong.

Cigarette smokers take 8 to 12 puffs
and inhale 0.5 to 0.6 liters of smoke

in five to seven minutes.
Whereas hookah users

take 20 to 200 puffs in each session,
each puff is one liter of smoke,

and that equals 40 to 400
cigarettes per session.

-[Marlon] Bam!
-[Jessica] Hold on!

Just because I expected him to say,

"Well, that's only one website."
I got another one.

[all] Oh!

-Yeah.
-Go, Jess!

One strike, roommates!

[sighs]

It's so gratifying
to be able to tell Jordan,

"Jordan, you are wrong. You're wrong."

[mellow music playing]

[Jordan] "Shisha, hookah tobacco,
is usually composed of only tobacco,

glycerin, sugar, and flavoring.

This is a far cry
from the nearly 600 additives

that can legally
be added to cigarettes."

"Carcinogenic and toxin levels of smoking
increases dramatically with temperature."

"Common practice is to keep temperatures
to degrees which do not char the hookah."

"That is within a temperature range
of 100 and 150 degrees Celsius."

"Not saying that shisha
won't cause cancer,

it's just a lot less dangerous
and addictive."

And so that's one, two,
three different sources.

-So, you're right?
-[Jordan] Call that a win.

[whispers] Tell Jess.

Oh, I'll leave it up,
like that. Just, bam.

[Johnny] I actually think
he actually might have just disproved

Jess's theory on the hookah thing.

[Jordan] In cigarettes they add
up to 600 different chemicals.

Common hookah practices keeps the hookah

below 150 degrees Celsius,
therefore not releasing

carcinogens and chemicals
found in cigarettes.

And there's three sources up, right now.

[Jessica] I'm not the one
who always has to be right.

[Jordan blowing a raspberry]

If he wants to be right,
he's gonna be right.

I wish someone
would just punch him in his throat.

I'm gonna find some info on Pluto

that he doesn't know.
Pluto's actually 32.333% ice.

He'll be like, "Guys, no, no, no.
That's not right. Da, da, da."

"I'm Jordan. I'm always right."

I'm telling you,
y'all are gonna be best friends.

[Jessica] Nope.

I could leave here
and never talk to him again,

and I'd be the happiest person alive.

[Marlon] Oh, come on, now.
It's not that bad.

Y'all gonna be cuddling
in the bed together and everything.

[bleep] no. I'd rather cuddle
with a damn cactus.

[upbeat music playing]

Boobs! Boobs. I wanna touch them!

Hey, how come you've never seen boobs--
Okay, you can touch my boobs.

All right, question.
How far is Splash Bar?

-[Marlon] It's right there.
-[Jordan] One block.

Cheers to-- One big cheers to Smurf b*mb.

-Cheers to blue.
-Whoo!

["She Got It" playing]

♪ Girl, I like the way you
Move it down to the floor ♪

♪ Everybody watching, Shawty
You already know ♪

♪ She got it, she got it, she got it
She got it, she got it… ♪

[Jessica] Whoo!

♪ She take you to the floor, yeah ♪

I'm having fun with Johnny,

and I haven't had fun
with a guy in a very long time.

It terrifies me,
the emotions that I'm feeling.

We'll see what happens.

[upbeat music playing]

-[Jessica]
-[Jordan]

-Thank you.
-Yeah, okay, okay.

-For being different.
-[Jordan]

Jordan and I, we're not
at each other's throats

and screaming at each other,
but we're definitely not close.

I don't trust Jordan, so…

[Johnny] What do you wanna do? Like…

[Averey] I know.

[Jordan] What's your malfunction,
junction?

He has a b*ner, you know?
Same old, same old.

[laughs]

Johnny, he's a good guy.
Averey's a good girl.

Kudos to Johnny,
Averey's gorgeous, and so… live it up.

♪ Don't look back ♪

♪ Oh, it's a fact
In front of him, I ♪

♪ I feel alive again ♪

♪ He's got that I don't know
But I just got to go ♪

♪ It may be rough
And so you better stay tough, oh ♪

♪ I can't resist one look of his ♪

♪ You were swell, and I wish you well
And I offer this ♪

[Averey] Johnny and I slept together.

If you guys are wondering
about the sex, it was good.

Had no complaints.

[whistles]

Oh, yeah, he's got
a little extra pep in his step.

You see it? He's like, "Yeah, buddy!"

-"Yeah, buddy!" [laughs]
-[Jordan laughing]

[chuckles]

My grandma's gonna be so mad.

Johnny's ready to conquer the world now.

-Yep.
-Yep.

Let's go conquer the world.

Ugh. It's all right. It's not all right.

We need some pancakes,
some eggs, some ham, some sausage.

[Averey] I'm just a little nervous,

if I am the "hit it, quit it,"
or if he's really gonna be nice.

[Johnny] Some bacon,
French toast, waffles.

-[Marlon] He's feeling really good.
-[Jordan chuckling]

[sighs] I guess I'll just wait and see.

If he just used me to sleep with me,
I'm gonna flip the [bleep] out.

Okay. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

[in English accent]
♪ I'm sittin' out here making raps ♪

♪ About everything you're wearing ♪

♪ Johnny, wearing plaid pants
Yo, I'm in my gray tee ♪

♪ With my mic in
Swag with my batteries ♪

♪ Swag with my batteries
Yo, yo ♪

♪ Socks on my feet, sittin'
With a b*tch on my left ♪

♪ No, it's not derogatory
'Cause it's really a dog on my left… ♪

[Averey and Marlon chuckling]

[Jordan] 'Cause he's sitting
next to Daisy!

[in English accent] Ha, ha, I get it.

♪ That's a million-dollar song
Right there ♪

[Jordan] There's more of The Real World
on the way. And it starts right now.