28x04 - New Chick, Little D***

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

-[Averey] Jordan!
-[Jordan] This is the true story…

-[Jordan] I love you, Bird.
-[Jordan narrating] …of seven strangers…

-Let's do it!
-[Joi] …picked to live in a loft…

-Daisy!
-[Jordan] Stop pooping!

-[Averey] …work together…
-[Jordan] Dude!

[Jessica] …and have their lives taped…

-[Averey] Ooh, ooh!
-[Nia] To find out what happens…

[Jessica] I'm not talking to you anymore.

[Marlon] …when people stop being polite…

[Anastasia] Boop! You're done.

[Johnny] …and start getting real. No!

-No.
-[Jessica] Sexy mama!

-[Averey] The Real World…
-[Johnny] …Portland!

[upbeat music playing]

Roommate today, roommate today.

[Marlon] I only have three things.

Be hot, have big boobs,
and like Black guys. That is all.

[Averey]

We'll be okay.

[upbeat music playing]

So, we're getting a new roommate,
and it's a girl. And she's Southern. Yay!

I just, like, want her not to be a b*tch.

[Marlon] The night that we were walking…

-[doorbell ringing]
-Door just opened!

-I'm pretty sure I just heard the bell.
-[scoffs]

-[Marlon] Nope. No, you didn't.
-[Jessica] Oh, there's no one there.

-[Jordan] One, two, three, four…
-Good. I gotta take a poo.

-[Nia] Hello.
-[suspenseful music playing]

[Jessica] She's there?

-Hi. [chuckles]
-[Jessica] Are you there?

[Jordan] Johnny, stop pooping!

-[Averey] Hold on.
-[Jordan] Uh-oh.

-[Jessica] Close it.
-[Jordan] Pinch it off!

-[Averey] Close the elevator.
-[Jessica] You have to hold the button.

[Nia] Oh.

[Marlon] Johnny, hurry up, bro,
the new roommate's here.

-[Anastasia] Marlon's gonna like her.
-[Jessica] Oh, Marlon's gonna love her.

[Anastasia] He's gonna love her.

[upbeat music playing]

-[Jordan] Johnny, stop pooping!
-[Averey] We're in here!

[Jessica] Come on, be polite!
We have a new roommate!

-Hi.
-[Averey] How are you?

-I'm Averey.
-Nia, nice to meet you.

[Averey] Nia, nice to meet you.

-Hi.
-Marlon.

-Nia. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

-Jordan.
-Nice to meet you. Nia.

-Hi. I'm Jessica.
-[Nia] Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry I played that joke on you.

I was like, it sounds like…
It sounds, like, fake.

[Anastasia] Who is this chick?

She's definitely not half-White,
she is definitely not half-Cherokee.

-[Marlon] I don't think it's real.
-[Jessica] I didn't either.

So, I was thinking this was
gonna be some Southern belle,

little princess girl.

[Jessica] I was trying to tell them
what you sounded like.

I said, "I can't even do it.
It's more Southern than me."

Honest to God, I'm glad you
don't have a Southern accent.

She portrayed herself as this cutesy,
little Native American Georgia girl.

And she's this tall,
city slicking Atlanta girl.

[Averey] Do you wanna see
the house tour?

Yes, I do.

[Averey] So, you're gonna be my roommate.

-Okay.
-Yay!

[Johnny] Hola!

-[laughs]
-I'm Johnny!

-Nice to meet you!
-[Nia] Hi. Nice to meet you!

-[Averey] So, we washed the sheets--
-[Daisy barks]

-[Averey] That's my dog.
-[Nia] Oh, my gosh!

-[Averey] Okay.
-He's… Hi.

-[Averey] She's not--
-[Daisy barking]

[chuckles] She's like,
"Who the hell are you?"

-[Averey] Yeah.
-[Nia] This is so cute.

Okay. Yeah, so, this is gonna be your bed.
That's obviously mine, 'cause it's messy.

-All the clothes are his.
-[Daisy barking]

[Marlon] They're all over the place,
they'll be his.

Hell no, that ain't my clothes.

-[Averey] Will you hold her?
-Oh, hello, little dude.

What's up? Did you meet
the new roommate, little dude?

-[Nia] He does not like me.
-No?

-Daisy, chill.
-She'll come around.

-She'll come around.
-She's a b*tch.

-[Jessica] No, she's a princess.
-[chuckles]

[Averey] Okay, Jess,
you wanna show her this half?

All right, this is our kitchen,
it's pretty awesome.

Bathroom with shower…

-[Daisy barks]
-[Johnny] Hey.

-[Averey] She's cool.
-Bark. Bark. Bark.

Marlon's gonna have a hell of a time
with that one.

Nia. Got the nice, long hair.
She's got nice legs, nice little booty.

She's hot. She's a nice,
tall glass of water.

-[Marlon] Single, not single?
-I'm single.

-Yes!
-[Nia] I was single even when

I had a boyfriend.
"Boyfriend" is a weird term for me.

-Like, I had, like, three.
-[Marlon] Oh.

But the one that I really, really loved,
like…

-Swerve.
-[Nia] …he doesn't even know I'm here.

-Swerve.
-[laughs]

[Jordan] Doesn't even know…

Nia has three boyfriends.
Why not make it four, five, six?

So, hey, Marlon, how ya doin'?
How's this make you feel?

[Nia] Hi.

-Mm-hmm.
-[Jessica] She's like, "Stop it."

No. Say hi.

-Oh.
-[Nia] None of that.

I'm here to stay.

These two are your new roommates.

If she hadn't told you,
it's not just her, it's…

-The package deal.
-[Jessica] Also this one.

-[Averey laughs]
-[laughs]

-That's cute.
-Yeah, right now it is. [chuckles]

-They're like, "Yeah." Wait till later.
-[Jordan] That was my first thought.

[Jessica] So, would you consider yourself
a party girl?

-Yes.
-[Jessica] Told you.

My mom's like, "I don't know anyone
who can drink at home like you."

Like 'cause I do that every day, as it is.

-[Marlon] Drink?
-[Nia] But not around…

-Mm-hmm.
-[Marlon] Oh. That's cool.

We'll be friends.

-[Johnny] Yep.
-[Nia chuckles]

[Jessica] I'm trying to figure out
what's weird about you.

Everyone has something
that's weird about them.

I'm, like, trying to figure out
what your thing is.

Oh, you'll see. You'll find out.

I'm sure I'm gonna do it,
like, probably tonight.

-"It"? Like, so there's, like, a thing.
-I have this horrible habit,

and I still do it. And there's nothing
I can do about it.

It just happens, like, subconsciously.

-Suck your thumb.
-[Jessica] Do you suck your thumb?

[Marlon] What is it?

-Yeah. [chuckles]
-[all] No, it's not.

[Jessica] You're a thumb-sucker?

Occasional. Situational.

-Situational.
-[Jordan] Situational.

I would normally not do it in public.

But since I'm gonna be sleeping
around you guys

and, like, lounging, you're gonna see it.

-Okay, we're weird as [bleep].
-[Jessica] We're a band of misfits.

-I mean, look at us.
-[Jordan] Very true.

[Averey] I'm gonna take Daisy on a walk.
She disappeared…

-Can I come?
-[Averey] Yeah.

[Nia] Oh, my God. Y'all are awesome,
though.

For real. Like, everybody has,
like, a kick-a*s personality.

-[Johnny] You say that now.
-[Jessica] Yeah.

-No, seriously.
-[Jessica] You'll see some personality.

I was like,
"I'm gonna be the crazy one."

Like, everybody in here
is just, like, on it.

[Jordan] No, you won't be the crazy one.

-[Jessica] No.
-But I'm like, brand [bleep] new.

-[Jordan] But we are brand-new to you.
-[Jessica] I don't know…

[upbeat music playing]

[Averey] Think bull [bleep]
about to get real?

No, I just think out of all the girls,
if she's gonna fight with someone,

it's probably gonna be me.

-[Averey] You think?
-I'm the only one who's, like,

straightforward and,
like, opinionated about [bleep].

[Averey] Well, I've got your back.

But she does suck her thumb,
so obviously she's got a soft side.

[both chuckle]

[imitating rim shots]

So what do you think, Jess?

[Jessica] I don't think her and I
are gonna have too much in common.

-Mm-mm.
-[Jessica] But she's nice.

[Johnny] Yeah, she's nice.
Day one, though.

I think she can cop up a big attitude.

-[Johnny] That's what I say.
-I feel that.

[Johnny] She's gonna have an attitude.

I feel like she's gonna get in fights
with a lot of girls.

I feel like if we're gonna…
Me and her are gonna get

into it just once,
you guys are gonna get into it,

and her and Jess are gonna get into it.

-She's going to be more confrontational…
-[Anastasia] Confrontational.

-…than us. Like she won't listen.
-[Anastasia gasps]

-She's gonna be like a Jordan.
-Oh, God. Just what we need.

It's gonna be a Jordan.
Like, she won't be able to talk.

But I think that her and Jordan
will get along.

Oh, yeah, I think her and Jordan
are gonna be--

-I'm serious.
-…Batman and Robin.

Jordan kinda seems a little bit…

-taken back?
-Taken aback by her too.

-[Nia] Have you guys got in?
-Yeah, a little bit. Not very much.

We brought some girls home
one time to get in,

and then the girls yelled at us.

What? What did…
What are you leaving out?

[Jordan] Nothing.

Jordan is so adorable.
He's really cute, typical, you know, frat,

attractive guy, gets a lot of girls.
Really funny, though.

-[Jordan laughs] Oh, you're--
-[Nia] Yeah, right.

-[Jordan] It was a big ordeal, though.
-[laughs]

I think she's cool. You know,
first reactions,

I think she's gonna be fun.
A cool addition to the house.

Thing about it is, though, we exchanged
one nice booty for another.

[Johnny] Likes to party.

-Definitely picked that up.
-She does like to party, so that's good.

-[Jessica] Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

-[Marlon] That's good.
-But what if she likes to party too much?

"Three boyfriends" thing,
I was like…

[Jessica] They all think
they're the only one.

[Marlon] Yeah, that threw me,
when she said,

"Yeah, I have three boyfriends,"
I'm like, wait, hold up, now.

I'm not… You know, I'm not the best
at math, but…

-[laughs]
-…somebody's outta the loop.

♪ One, two, one, two, three, four! ♪

["Zipcode" playing]

♪ Counting down the days
To a time ♪

♪ We can stop having to say good-bye ♪

-Boom!
-[laughs]

♪ We can rest our heads
On the same pillow ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ When we live in the same zip code ♪

[Nia] What in the world?

♪ Now we live in the same zip code ♪

Nia!

It's time to eat!

I know I'm not [bleep] crazy.

Yo, I swear y'all
are not gonna believe me.

I have this ghost
that steals clothes from me.

I had this pair of mustard jeans
on my bed.

I saw them, I took 'em out.

They're gone.
This happens to me all the time.

You realize you're the only one
who can wear your jeans, right?

[Averey] She's not my size.

[Averey] Well, thanks
for cooking din-din, guys.

[Marlon] Yeah, no problem.

[Nia] Wait, I just wanna know.
Does anyone, like, kinda believe me?

-[slow music playing]
-I brought the jeans here, like, I…

-[Jordan] I don't believe it.
-[Marlon] They'll turn up.

I just don't wanna think
that we have a ghost in the house now.

[Nia] No, but like, it's a clothes ghost.
Like, she steals my clothes.

Usually underwear, but sometimes…

-I know this sounds so crazy…
-Oh, so it's a freaky ghost.

[Nia] …but I'm telling you,
like, the truth.

What the hell is this girl talking about?
What a weirdo.

Those ghosts' priorities
are a little skewed, then.

[Nia] I know I sound crazy.

The ghost is definitely here.
Because she follows me everywhere.

[blows raspberries] Bloated.

Guys, don't leave your sandals here
'cause a ghost is gonna come take 'em.

How was everybody at the table like this…

"She makes perfect sense."

"That makes so much sense."
And I'm like…

Nia has a ghost that follows her around.
Is her ghost going to steal my underwear?

Is anyone's underwear safe? [chuckles]

[Averey] Dude, if she thinks
I stole her pants,

she has another thing coming.

If this is how you're gonna try
to say that I stole your pants

because we're rooming together,
this isn't gonna fly.

[slow music playing]

Oh-h*-h*-h*.

13-9.

Did Johnny pinch you?

Oh, yeah, and if I have
bruises all over my body,

Johnny beats me.
-[Jessica laughs]

-[Nia] I feel like--
-Like, for real. Look at this.

[Nia chuckles]

-What is that from?
-Johnny! Johnny's a pincher.

I am not bothered by Averey
and Johnny sleeping in the same bed.

I'll probably end up watching,
so it's totally fine by me.

Everyone in the house has,
like, a crazy personality.

[Jessica] We've already gotten past
our drama, though.

[Averey] Yeah, we had a lot
of drama the first week.

What?

-I hated Jordan for like--
-[Nia] Why?

[Jessica] He got in my face
when we were, like…

We were, like, yelling
at each other--

[Averey] Like screaming,
like on the couch like this.

-What? Over what, though?
-[Jessica] Like… [screams]

-Over what?
-And it turned into this big thing

that I don't know how to pay bills

and I don't know how to do my taxes,
and stuff like that.

And he called me stupid.

-And you…
-What the hell?

Like, I couldn't even picture that
coming out of him.

-[Jessica] Oh, just wait.
-[Averey] Oh, girlfriend.

[Jessica] You're in for a rude awakening.

-[Nia] He's so sweet and cute, aw.
-[laughs]

But he seems like the sweetest…
Like, I mean, I know it's my first day,

so of course I'm gonna be, like,
naive to, like, everything.

He's just really intelligent,
and he challenges everything.

-And he knows that.
-[Nia] Oh, yeah.

It's like, hearing it I believe you,
but, like, I still kinda wanna see it.

-[Averey] Oh, you will.
-[Jessica] From him or me?

-From him.
-[Jessica] You will.

[upbeat music playing]

-[hair dryer blowing]
-[grunts]

Come here. Look.

Come here. [smooches]
Get your a*s over here. [smooches]

[Daisy barks]
-Ooh! I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

-[upbeat music playing]
-No! [laughs]

[barks]

-[Nia] Oh, my God, Averey.
-[Averey] Daisy!

I cursed at her and she, like,
flipped out.

Are you cool?

I am bigger than you, honey.
Don't try me, though.

I get it. It's your house, honey.

[Jessica] Dude, you have, like, big boobs.

I wish. One of these days, man.

My mom has double Ds,
but I would look stupid with big boobs.

Me and my mom are like…
I mean, we're so…

I still basically live with her, but…

[sighs] …that's another story
for another day.

I don't even talk…
My mom doesn't even know I'm here.

My mother and I do not…
Well, you know.

-Yeah.
-[Nia] You said what?

My mom and I don't get along.
I moved out when I was 15.

-My mom's crazy.
-Mm-hmm.

[Averey] Like, she's, like, literally

-crazy.
-[Nia] Mm-hmm.

My mom tries to tell my sister
all these horrible things about me,

but she doesn't think my sister
and I talk.

Like, she thinks we're stupid.

And she told my sister
that I'm making a girl-on-girl porno,

and that's why I haven't been home.
And I'm a horrible person,

and I do heroin, and I strip
for a living… I swear to God.

Imagine hearing that from your own mother.
My mom and I do not get along.

Like I've fist-fought my mom before.
But, like, when we were growing up,

she would hit my… She would…
I would be that person that deflects it.

Like, she would start on my sister,
and I would say something mean

-to my mom…
-[Nia] Mm-hmm.

…just so instead of beating my sister,
she'd beat me.

And then I was 15.

[clicks tongue] Duked it out,
told her she wasn't my mom anymore,

-and I moved in with my best friend.
-I mean, you're younger than me.

Most women that I meet, like,
that are our age are dumb, stupid,

they have nothing up here. You were

this age 15… Or ten years ago.
Like, you grew up…

You were forced to grow up
really, really fast.

-Really fast.
-[Nia] So I totally get it.

Like, 'cause I'm looking at you like, wow,
like, your mentality is like…

it's way ahead of your time.
But it's not like,

you just are that way.
You were forced to be that way.

Nia's gonna be okay in our house.
She's gonna be okay.

[upbeat music playing]

["Lookin At You" playing]

-[Marlon] Jordan!
-♪ What you lookin' at ♪

♪ I see you like what you lookin' at ♪

♪ I see you like what you lookin' at
I see you like what you lookin' at ♪

♪ And all the girls are like
What you lookin' at ♪

♪ I see you like what you lookin' at
I see you like what you lookin' at ♪

♪ I see you like what you lookin' at ♪

♪ Make them all be like
What you lookin' at ♪

-Yeah.
-[upbeat music playing]

[blows horn]

Oh, my God. But, no, seriously,
I'm s…

I'm like, this is too good to be true.

If it's really gonna be like this,
I'm gonna be like, "Oh, my God,

we're gonna tear [bleep] up."

I thought that, like, you would clash
with me out of everybody.

-Why? [chuckles]
-Because I'm like you.

Because I'm like you.
It's so rare for me to find somebody

who has a strong personality,

who's intelligent, who can hold
an intelligent conversation.

-[Nia] That's it--
-That when I… when I find someone,

I'm like, "Oh, my God, we're gonna fight."

-Like, that's what I think it is.
-And guess what? Guess what?

You know where it comes from?
The fact that you have this and this.

Oh, my God,
I'm so glad that you're--

-People are so intimidated by that.
-You have no idea, like, how hard it is

to find a girl that is attractive--

-Do I not?
-…and that… No, seriously.

That is secure, that has this
and this, and can…

-I am so relieved. [laughs]
-It's not a competition.

-You have no idea. I just wanna hug you.
-[laughs]

[Nia] I wanna know what the catch is,

'cause I feel like y'all are just too good
to be true.

With Jordan, like, from the beginning,
we were the ones who, like,

had the strong personalities in the house.

-I can't wait. I can't wait.
-So him and I immediately were, like,

-going at it.
-[Nia] I can't wait.

There's something about him
and, like, other strong personalities,

-and I don't know--
-[Nia] He's a power-hungry mother [bleep].

He doesn't do it…
he doesn't do it to the men.

It's a thing… It's, like…
It's women that he does it to.

[Nia] If I know your weakness,
I will, like, swipe it right off you.

-I don't think it's his hand.
-It's not that.

It has nothing to do with his hand.

I think I honestly know what it is.
And, like, I'm not gonna sleep on it,

I'm just gonna, like, see what happens.
Try to feel him out.

But he has to meet his match
before he will stop giving y'all [bleep].

The thing with Jordan
is that he is really deeply insecure.

-Like, you can tell.
-He's… [grunts]

-[Anastasia] If you pay attention to him--
-I said that. I said that.

-He's very…
-[Nia] But he's all [bleep], no stress.

Me and him have to, like, clash
and go at some [bleep]

-for me to, like, really figure out what--
-You're gonna… You probably will.

I can't wait to give Jordan
a taste of his own medicine.

-I'm excited. Like, I want us to disagree.
-[upbeat music playing]

Bring it on.

Yeah. [laughs]

[slow music playing]

My mom's from Panama
and my dad's a full-blown redneck.

-[Marlon] Full-blown redneck?
-[all laughing]

Means he got his a*s whooped
by his parents…

-[Marlon] Yup.
-And he did his own [bleep].

He does his own work.

-My dad's whole thing…He goes…
-Like, what?

…"See it once, do it once, teach it."

And that's a great principle
that you should just, like,

hand down from generation to generation.

But at the same time, it makes it hard
to work with others.

It makes it hard
to live with others sometimes,

because I don't have the ability
sometimes to turn that off.

See, me and Anastasia
used to get into it,

and I'm like, "Look, you can do it."

-"You've just never been pushed to do it."
-[Nia] It's just the way you're saying it.

-Exactly.
-[Nia] She's still a woman.

She's still emotional.
And you're still a guy.

It's the way I go about it
that I have to fix.

-[Nia] So, change that.
-Good, I'm glad

-somebody's on the same page as me.
-[Jordan] Yeah.

Try to tell this mother [bleep].
Try to tell this--

All you have to do
is just take a [bleep] breath,

understand who you're dealing with,

say it the way you need to say it.
Even though you don't [bleep] want to,

you wanna rip their head off and be like,
"You're a [bleep] dummy."

You can't change the fact
that someone's weak.

You are a tough, strong…
Like, I really don't…

I feel like if I shot you
in your chest right now,

you'd probably pull the b*llet out
and eat it.

-Like, you are… That's just you.
-[grunts]

[laughs, blows raspberries]

[Nia] But at the end of the day,
you couldn't do that to me.

The thing is… I learned this,
and I swear to God,

this is one of the most important things
that I've ever learned in my life.

This guy told me, he said,
"Don't ever embarrass anybody."

Pull them aside, and do it in…

-[Marlon] With just you two.
-…in a way

that you don't rob them
of their dignity.

I know it.

-[Nia] Anywho…
-Good talk!

Good talk!

If I make Jordan comfortable
and think that I'm on his team,

it just makes it more easier
to, like, get his a*s.

Because I'm all about
guerrilla warfare.

Like, hit 'em where
they don't see it comin'.

It's the easiest way.

[upbeat music playing]

Wait, how are we gonna take Daisy
with the bikes?

Daisy's not coming with us.

[Marlon] Stay. Stay.

Hey, remember when I said
this was only 2.3 miles?

-You lied.
-[giggles]

[Marlon] I knew he lied.

-[Johnny] How long is it?
-[Jordan] Eight.

I want to push all the roommates.
You don't know how far you can go

until you've been pushed there.

[upbeat song playing]

♪ We're still feelin' free ♪

[Jordan screams]

♪ No more worries to ever be again ♪

♪ We're still feeling free ♪

♪ And that's enough for me ♪

Whoo. That was fun.

[Anastasia] I feel sick, kinda.

[Averey] We'll take a break.
You wanna stop?

Um, boys?

-[Anastacia] Hello?
-[Averey] Hey, friends?

[Jordan] I don't know why,
but I'm the only one that has the elite.

It's got the better rims,
the better pedals, the gears.

I was like, okay.

Oh, he tries to make you feel
like you're wrong all the time.

The thing is he brought up
that he talks to y'all in a--

In an ugly way?

Yeah, and I just kinda told him, like,
you're right,

and you need to take ownership
for that,

and it's not that hard.
Just watch your tone.

He is a good guy, though.
Like, deep down he's such a good guy.

I don't feel like he tries
to be nice to people.

I feel like he tries
to make people feel stupid.

-[Nia] Yeah.
-And like…

[clears throat] …'Cause that's exactly
what his dad said.

His dad was like, "Are you stupid?"
"You can't do it 'cause you're stupid?"

Even his mom was the same way.
His mom was, like, a hard-a*s.

But I can understand
why he is the way he is.

I just told him, I said,
if you really care

about the relationships that you have,
you gotta learn how to tweak it.

You try to be nice to him,
like, I've tried and tried and tried,

but it's like every time I try to be nice
to him, he's a jerk.

But he does have a level
of insecurity that

he tries to, like, cover it up
with like douchebag-ness.

[Jessica] Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure.

-On your feet! On your bikes! Let's go!
-[Marlon] Wait, are they ready?

Are we good?

All right, are we going out that way
or this way?

-[Jordan] Ooh, glad I saw that, Bird.
-That way.

-[Anastasia] What?
-[Jordan] Your back tire's loose.

He just has to understand
you're not his daughter.

-[chuckles]
-You're not… like,

this relationship is different.
Like… you've gotta learn to, like,

treat people with respect.
Because eventually you'll lose

all the relationships you have in life

'cause you're gonna be
that really wealthy, cute…

-[Jessica] Miserable b*stard.
-[Nia] …miserable guy by yourself.

[upbeat music playing]

Her teeth… Like, she looks so ferocious.

Is she being any nicer to Nia?

Nia and Marlon went
to the grocery store together.

[both] Ooh…

Ooh, Nia and Marlon sittin' in a twee.

[Marlon] So, what's your family like
back home?

I am the middle of two sisters.

Me and my… I wish I had brought
a picture of them.

Me and my younger sister
look like identical twins.

-Everyone thinks we're twins.
-[Marlon] Yeah, all right.

[Nia] But they're both, like,
really sweet, pretty girls.

They don't do anything bad.
They're just goody two-shoes,

which is like the opposite of me.
[chuckles]

-[Marlon] Your parents still together?
-[Nia] Mm-hmm.

I haven't talked to them, though.
They don't…

They're kind of pissing me off,

'cause they don't really like
that I'm here.

-[Marlon] Really?
-Not even that, they just don't trust me.

And it's, like, so annoying.

My parents are the same way. I'm like…

Or actually, like, my whole family's,
like, super religious.

[Nia] Yeah.

Like, my dad's a pastor,
and my grandpa's a pastor.

Oh, yeah, so they're not playin' with you.

Yeah, they don't play.
So like, sex, don't talk about it.

Like, we'll watch a movie,
and, like, if a sex scene comes up,

-we still fast-forward past the sex scene.
-[Nia] No, you don't.

-I swear.
-[Nia] No, you don't.-

-I swear. Or like--
-Oh, my… That's so unrealistic, though.

-[Marlon] Yeah, yeah.
-That would annoy me.

I mean, I just try to say, you know,
everybody has their own opinions and…

I just hate when people judge you

because based off that.
Like, my parents judge me

because I'm not like my sisters or…

I'm the only child, so I had
to entertain myself growing up.

By myself.

-[Nia laughing]
-That was it.

But I was always an outside kid, though.

I've never really valued,
like, friendship with people,

'cause being a military kid,
like, I've had to move every three years.

So, it's like I meet people,
they're in my life,

-next thing you know they're not.
-[Nia] Yeah. That's sad, 'cause that's…

-that's not how it should be.
-So, I just don't value it.

I've been so conditioned to,
like, "Okay, you're here today,

you'll be gone tomorrow," So…

That's most people,
but you should be optimistic

about the people you meet,
'cause you never know.

Nia's just open to a lot of things,

and understands
that everybody's different.

Being that we're, you know,
both African American,

Nia being here just makes it easier
for me to talk

and go into depth in,
like, personal experiences

about my life that I know

she can relate to
and see first-hand, so it's cool.

[emotional music playing]

I wanna be, like, a tiny bit taller, or…
You know, be like…

[Marlon] That is so funny, yo.

-What?
-You suck your thumb.

[Nia] Honey…

[laughs]

-Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
-[laughs]

-Freaks come out at night.
-I love the freaks, dude.

I love 'em. I love 'em all.

-[Marlon] Yeah, these are big.
-[Johnny] I love playing with meat.

[Nia] Me too.

Well, Chocolate Thunder
does not mind.

[Johnny] Marlon and Nia, I see, like,
little flirting, and I think,

there's gonna be lovin',
there's gonna be sex.

I mean, it's inevitable.

♪ One, two, three, snare, kick ♪

[hip-hop music playing]

-This is my domain, honey.
-[Marlon] Oh, it is?

Don't ever come over here
on some bull [bleep] now.

-[Marlon] Are you sure? Are you sure?
-I'm very sure.

All right. I mean, you said
this is your domain,

but I'm running the table right now.

-[sighs]
-[Marlon] I'm running the table.

If I put my butt right here,
will that distract you?

-That is motivation.
-[laughs]

That is nothing but motivation.

I'm trying to be a good boy.
I'm trying to be good.

I'm trying to be good. Keep my…
keep my Black Mamba down.

But the booty's nice.

♪ I just wanna get to know ya
Know ya ♪

-[Nia] Are you afraid of anything?
-My only biggest fear in life right now

-is just not being successful. Like just--
-Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like…
So I think that's my biggest fear.

[Nia] What's your biggest distraction?

-Attraction?
-[Nia] Distraction.

Distraction? Uh…

women.

-[Nia sighs] Y'all be killin' me, man.
-It's women, yo, 'cause, like…

I don't know, it's just women.
Like, I don't know.

Women are always my downfall.

♪ I just wanna get to know ya
Know ya ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[Anastasia] Yay, she likes you.

She's not ready for that.
I'm gonna give her baby steps.

Daisy, sweetie, honey,

I don't know what's going on
between me and you.

-[Anastasia] Is she being nice to you now?
-[Nia] A little.

I don't know, but I'm here to stay.

So, you're just gonna have to get used
to it.

[Anastasia] It's okay.

She's a nice girl. She's a nice girl.
It'll be okay.

That's where you're gonna go escape from
when your parents are doing it.

You'll go sleep with her.

[upbeat music playing]

[gentle music playing]

Like, I got into Rick Ross
when he came off that "Rich Forever."

[Nia] Yeah. My whole iPod is, like…
-[hisses]

…alternative, rock, country,
but I love J. Cole, like…

They are so cute.

[laughs] Exactly.

We'll have to diss Marlon
for cleaning like that.

You know he's only in there helping her
so he can talk to her.

It's like I can, like,
put a little picture frame

around them like this.

They might as well stare each other
in the eyes

and say, "I love you."

-[laughs]
-[Anastasia] So cute.

[Nia] I gotta start wearing socks in here,
'cause my feet are looking like…

[whistles]

Put this in your mouth.

[laughs]

If you got money, show me the check.
That's how they are.

Exactly.

I was so skinny, dude.
Like, earlier this summer, I had…

-Like, my ribs were, like, showing.
-[Marlon] Oh, that's no good.

[Nia] I had, like, a little booty,
no boobs.

Especially in Atlanta, they're like,

"Girl, you better move out to LA
looking like that."

"We do not like that around here."

-Not in Georgia.
-That's another thing that's just crazy,

the White men, I'm talking
about Southern country redneck,

they love Black women now.

Like, they can't deny
what they're attracted to.

-[Marlon] Mm-hmm.
-And what's beautiful and whatnot, so…

It's just a sign that times
are changing, you know.

I feel the same way.
Like, people are starting to realize

it's okay to be different, a little bit.

-[Nia] Yeah.
-You know, they realize that--

[Nia] Even with g*y marriage
and all that stuff.

For gays getting married,
yes, religiously, it's a big downfall,

but they're still people.

Since we're just talking,
and we're cool and we're vibing,

I might as well tell her my story, so…

I've had sex with a dude before.

-[Nia] Mm-hmm.
-[Marlon] And it's not my thing.

-Yeah.
-[Marlon] You know, it's not for me.

But at the same time, knowing that people

are going to call me g*y
because of that one time in my life,

for me it's just like,

you're gonna go
through certain things in life

that's just gonna
make you a better person.

And doing that helps me
to understand that, like,

I shouldn't judge g*y people

'cause I used to be that guy
that would be like,

-"Oh, gays are stupid, gays are, oh…"
-[Nia] Mm-hmm.

…just because of a religious background.
But then I realized that, like,

dude, they're just people
just like everybody else.

It just is what it is.
Like, dude, like, I mean,

even… Like when I was…
I've never really talked about it,

but it's so, like,
I don't even care anymore.

When I was 18 years old, this dude,

he was, like, so aggressively
trying to date me.

He just pursued me,
pursued me, pursued me.

I was like, no, no, no,
I don't wanna hang out with this guy.

-[Marlon] Yeah, yeah.
-We hung out twice.

The first time I realized
he was really obsessed with me.

And I told him, I said,
"It's not happening."

-Not happening.
-[Nia] Like, and I trusted him

to go out with him again.
Two beers and I was out.

I know for a fact, like, I was…
I drink a lot.

-[Marlon] Yeah.
-Two drinks, I had…

I remember the last thing
I was talking about, nothing else.

And wake up in the middle
of this [bleep] with this dude.

That's when I realized,
wow, like you're being r*ped.

Like, it was the most god-awful,
disgusting feeling,

and I just…

closed my eyes, and I thought,
"God, just let me wake up from this."

Like, I just want to wake up.

And all I can remember was like,
he might k*ll me.

Because of the fact that I woke up,
I'm gonna most likely remember it,

and that's what usually happens.

They throw these girls
in the gutter out of fear

because you gotta dispose of the evidence.

-Yeah.
-And it was the most flagrant,

disgusting way
you could have ever done it to anybody.

Like, face-down on the floor
in my own vomit,

like on my period, it was just gross.
I mean, I was young.

-[Marlon] Yeah.
-I was a kid.

Like, I thought,
hey, dinner… Free dinner. I was hungry.

I was a hungry college-broke kid
going out to dinner with some dude

who had horrible intentions for me.

Long story short, he's rich. He's wealthy.

My story was perfect,
I passed the lie detector test,

he [bleep] up on the stand,
he still got off.

He has the money.

After the whole sexual as*ault thing
and my trial and whatnot,

I just became a hard-a*s,
like, especially around men.

It made me so much stronger
in a way to conduct yourself around men.

Like, you just always
have to be on your Ps and Qs.

And it's not necessarily saying
that men are just

horny savages, but it could just go,
like, really bad fast.

I want to leave a situation,
every situation, with the upper hand.

I want to win. I want to be the person

who has the least amount of pain
in the end.

-[upbeat music playing]
-[bicycle bell ringing]

All right, people,
what's the plan for tonight?

Why do people keep making more food
when we're making food?

That was directed towards you, Jessica.

[Jessica] I make my own food,
I eat my own food.

-Boo?
-[Marlon] Ooh…

All right.

Did you just change clothes again?

-[Jordan] I took a shower.
-Oh.

[Marlon] Yeah, 'cause them feet
was kickin'.

[Jessica]
That's what that stinky smell was?

[Jordan] I had these shorts on…

Damn, Jordan,
your feet were bad, bud.

[Jordan] Thanks for saying
what we've already said.

-Do you have to be so rude?
-Yes, I do.

[Jessica] Go be rude over there,
'cause I don't like that.

-[Jordan] You ready to continue this?
-Yeah.

[Jordan] 'Kay.

It's not cute, Jordan.
It's actually quite disturbing.

[Jordan] It's a good thing
I don't want to pick you up.

-So, I guess…
-What?

[Jordan] …you the opposite of cute.

Jessica is so defenseless against Jordan.

And for some reason,
she is, like, his prime target.

[Jordan laughing]

Look at him standing here
telling me what to do.

-I have to vent for a second.
-[Marlon] Hold on. Cover your food.

Like, why does it matter
if I'm cooking my own food that I bought?

Yeah. That's Jordan.

And then he wonders why
I get on his case like that.

-[Marlon] Bird, are you eating?
-[Jessica] Are you hungry?

[Anastasia] No, thank you. I already ate.

Daisy's like, "Family dinner?"

[Jordan] Do you know how many
this box feeds?

[Marlon] I don't wanna hear it.

But two of those servings
are gonna go to me.

[Jordan] That's minus one right there.
Is Bird not eating?

[Marlon] No, she said she already ate.

I can see the demeanor
in the girls change

when he's becoming condescending.

[Marlon] Hey, y'all can come sit
at the table.

I mean, I know y'all aren't eating,
but you can come convo.

[gentle music playing]

[Nia] You gotta ease up on her, though.

-[Marlon] They hate each other.
-[Nia] It's like a big brother,

-little sister annoying thing.
-[Jordan] No. No.

-She is so naïve. It is ridiculous.
-Even if she was, that's still her.

Hounding her is not gonna do [bleep].
You can change your approach.

I feel like everybody in this house
is way too sensitive.

It forces me to play
Mama Bear sometimes.

You said, "Why are people
cooking food when we're…" Whatever.

[Jordan] That has been a topic
since before you were here.

-But it was something she bought, though.
-[Jordan] It's a family dinner.

Everyone, eat. Everyone, eat.

And then she's gonna sit there
and make pizza.

I'm like… That's what my thing is.

[Marlon] Can we just let that go?

[Jordan] Like, if you just want
my whole deal…

I don't like her, I don't like hearing
what she has to say,

and I'm not gonna pretend to like her.

But then don't attack her.
Don't go after her.

Leave her alone. Ignore her.

[Jordan] That's what I do.
Is that not what I do? All day.

When that [bleep] you said in the kitchen,
that was directed at this girl.

-[Jordan] Yup.
-So, why'd you do that, then?

'Cause I wanted her to know.

Are you one of those guys that just,
you have… Be honest…

would you just have to be right?
You just can't say, "Hey, I'm wrong."

[Jordan] Yeah. If I'm wrong,
I will say I'm wrong.

I know it is all a cover-up.

I guarantee it, he's got,
like, a little [bleep].

So, do you not want to, like, have…

Potentially have a good relationship
with her?

-[Jordan] Nope.
-Why?

I don't like what she has to say.

[dog toy squeaking]

[Daisy barking]

Daisy has made it very clear
that she's not a fan of Nia.

So, I guess I just have to win her over
or I don't know,

use force. [laughs]

-[Nia] Me and Daisy are friends.
-[upbeat music playing]

Check it out. [smooches]

-Kiss. We're friends.
-Yeah. [smooches]

[Averey] You give her food, she's like,
"You're my best friend!"

Look who's here! This is monumental.
[kisses]

No more fighting or biting, right? Right?
Right.

Okay. Maybe.
We're working on it. Baby steps.

-But this is ground-breaking right here.
-[song playing]

♪ Love me, love me forever ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

[upbeat music playing]

-[Marlon] You ready?
-Yep.

So, we out.

-[Johnny] Yeah, let's go.
-We are going to the right.

Move. How 'bout that?

-[all chuckle]
-[Jordan] Whoo!

[Marlon] Maybe not. I have no clue.

-[Jordan] Look at the timing right now.
-[Marlon] Perfect timing, yo.

[upbeat music playing]

Stop. Everyone makes fun.
It's so annoying.

[Marlon] You don't shave it at all?

[Nia] I don't care.
Arm hair doesn't bother me.

Like I should get rid
of this [bleep], though.

-[Marlon] Get the razor.
-I'll just say I'm Indian.

Did you shave?
'Cause you ain't wearing jeans.

-[Nia] No, I didn't.
-[Marlon imitating razor]

[Nia] Stop. Okay, we know,
we know, we know.

-You're slippin', yo.
-It's dark.

Little lady, you need some help?

Oh, this is it. This is it. This is it.
This is it.

Going to our left.

Oh, Portland, we're doing Portland.

Portland style. Portland style.
All three of these dudes are Italian.

You're beautiful.
How do I say that in Italian?

[Marlon] No, how do you say that
in Italian?

[Italian guy 1] Bellissima.

-Bellishimo!
-[Italian guy 1] "Bellissima!"

[Italian guy 1] Tu sei bellissima.

-He have said something to you.
-That means "you're beautiful."

"Bellissima" is "very beautiful,"
and "Bella" is just "beautiful."

Yeah.

All right, well,
I'm gonna give you a "bella,"

-I ain't gonna give you--
-You better give me--

[all laugh]

Bellissima. Bellissima.

Hey.

I'm still waiting for the…
You know what I'm saying.

-Yeah. Are you? Are you?
-Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

-We're all going.
-[song playing]

♪ I'm hooked ♪

♪ I'm hooked on you ♪

-[both laugh]
-[indistinct chatter]

[Nia] I'm gonna take it off
because we're all close now.

Aw, you gonna do me like that?
You gonna do me like that?

-No, you didn't.
-Yes, I did. Look.

Wait.

[both laugh]

You can't resist. That's the thing.

Maybe, this might be
a little Chocolate Thunder in the house.

Two Black Mambas, one male, one female.
Let's see what they can do.

[music continues]

♪ 'Cause my girl
She just like, oh ♪

I think that Nia is digging Marlon.

-[Johnny] I think she's cute as hell.
-Yeah, dude.

-[Johnny] I think she's cute as hell.
-Who?

-[Jordan] Who do you think?
-Who do you think, bro?

Oh, come on,
get your head outta your a*s.

-Nia?
-[laughs]

-[Marlon] Get your head…
-[all laugh]

-head out of a*s.
-He's like, "Nia?"

Yeah, man, you know.
Hey, we're gonna make it happen.

-I'm 'bout to go make a move.
-[Jordan] Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah!
-[Johnny] Okay, fine, go.

[Jordan] Yeah, yeah!

[Johnny] Okay, fine, go.

Hey…

[Marlon] Why…

[Jordan]

[Marlon] Yeah, you're right.

Maybe she'll come around,
but we'll see what happens.

[Jordan]

-[Marlon] Shh.
-[Johnny hissing]

[all laugh]

[upbeat music playing]

[Marlon] Time to eat.

-[Nia] Who took my burrito?
-I ate it already.

-You ate my burrito for real?
-Yes. Now I'm eating noodles.

[Nia] I want to make sure before I spaz.

Like, Jordan, tell me where my burrito is.

I didn't eat your burrito.

-[Nia] Where's my burrito, dude?
-Check the drawers.

-Do you not--
-They didn't eat it.

-There are two people--
-…or do you have a ghost

following you around your life?

-It never left this [bleep] counter.
-[Johnny] That's what I'm saying.

The ghost took your burrito
on the counter, and--

-[screams]
-[Johnny] Hello, Bird.

I found a burrito
'bout this big in a container right here

-and threw it away in here.
-[Nia] Why?

So, when I saw this, I thought
you guys were done with it.

It was on the counter, it had
been sitting there forever, I chucked it.

-I'm sorry. I just heard--
-[Nia groans]

-[Nia] I hate all y'all.
-[Jordan] Oh, little girl.

You're just mad 'cause someone
threw away your burrito.

"Little girl," Jordan?

-Jordan. "Little girl"?
-That's what I said.

[Nia] I really wanna understand you.
Like, I really--

It's not a literal thing,
it's just how you're acting.

[Nia]

Or am I just, like, giving you
the same [bleep] that you give back?

I want to see how Jordan reacts
when he's in an uncomfortable situation.

When was the last time you got,
like, mind-blowing like, crazy [bleep]?

[Jordan] Two weeks
before I came out here.

-[Nia] Do you feel deprived?
-No. Not at all.

'Cause I could bring a girl home
every night if I wanted to.

Anything else?

[Nia] What if I offered to [bleep]
your [bleep] and relieve all your stress?

[Jordan] No, no matter how good it is,
it will go wrong,

and I'll have to deal with it
while I live here.

This is just from left field.
I don't know what's going on right now.

I'm trying to help you.

-Let me [bleep] your [bleep].
-No.

[Johnny] Why the [bleep] not?

-[Nia] 'Cause he's scared.
-'Cause I'm not you.

-[Marlon] I'm not in it.
-What do you mean I'm not me?

I didn't get the [bleep] sucking offer.
I'm not in it.

In this present moment,
I wanna [bleep] the skin off your [bleep].

Can I do it or not?

[Jordan] Can you leave it at just that?

-Mm-hmm.
-[Jordan] All right, let's go.

Sorry. You're cute, but you're not…
Not for your boy.

-[Jordan] Brush your [bleep] teeth.
-[Nia] I'm gonna brush.

I'm gonna do everything you want me to do.

[Marlon] I just got denied.
I got denied crucially.

[Nia laughing]

-[Jordan] Let's go.
-[Nia] Are you ready?

-Okay, let's go. I'm done.
-[Jordan] You gonna wipe your hands off?

Ping pong table, or are we going
to your room?

I won't believe it till I see it.
Therefore I will be spying.

No, you guys, what are you guys doing?
I want an audience.

Let's go. Boom! Come on.

-[Johnny] She wants an audience.
-Johnny, are you not gonna watch?

-I'm gonna watch.
-[Nia] Is Daisy gonna watch?

-Yeah.
-[Jordan] Johnny, your room is in there.

-Come on, Dais.
-[Nia] Okay, so…

-[Nia] I wanna do it right here.
-[Jordan] Let's get some board shorts on.

What do you think, true or not?

[Jordan] Okay?
You gotta help me out.

-Okay. Okay. Okay, okay.
-[Jordan] Let's go. Come on, let's go.

♪ There are fine lines to cross ♪

[Nia] Oh, my God. No, I'm not coming
in the room.

We're not gonna turn the lights off.

-We're gonna do this--
-[Jordan] This is like--

Let's…

[Jordan] Let's go.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Cross them too ♪

I'm disgusted, I'm shocked.
We don't know what Nia's doing.

This is too much for me.

-I wanna do it out there.
-No, let's do it now.

-Let's do it out there.
-Let's go.

Look, they can see through
the [bleep] window right there.

You guys, yo, Averey.

[Jordan] You gotta watch
through the window.

You guys out… You guys
have to come over here.

-[Jordan] Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-[Nia] That's not fair to me.

You get halfway through, and you're done?

Johnny with the dog, though!
Daisy's like, "I don't know."

-Whoa! Daisy's getting wild!
-Put the dog down.

-Daisy's getting wild!
-[Jordan] Put the dog down.

[Johnny] We're out, we're out, we're out.

I am absolutely appalled
that Nia is doing this.

[Nia] [bleep] it.
I don't wanna do it anymore.

[Jordan] Oh, come on, don't act like
a hard-a*s and then quit now.

-I feel bad. Should I stop? Should I stop?
-Yeah, you should just break it down now.

[Jordan] Come on, you gonna call it out,
let's do it!

We done started, let's finish this thing.

[Marlon] Wait, why does it have to be
in front of us?

[Jordan] Let's go.

Walk through the [bleep] window
and let's go.

[Nia] What do you want? What do you want?

Have I gotta [bleep] you
on the pool table?

-[Jordan] Pool table? Let's go!
-[upbeat music playing]

Let's go.

[Marlon] I think this is really happening.

[Anastacia] Mm-hmm.

Nia!

Do not put that in your [bleep].

-Moonshine, right there.
-[Johnny] The hicks drink it straight.

When I went to South Carolina,
one of 'em had,

like, literally like,
three or four teeth up top,

and he was like,
"All right, well, this is

the pineapple watermelon moonshine
for the first-timers."

"Adds a good little bit of taste
so you can drink it."

"And then this here's my personal stash.
It's just straight moonshine."

"If you wanna dabble in this moonshine,

you let me know, I'll pour you a glass.
But let me tell you,

it's pretty hardcore."

And I was like… [screams]

[narrator] There's more of The Real World
on the way,

and it starts right now.