- The arch from the Church of Soul
glimmers with kinetic magic potential,
as the door and portal's about to open,
you boom ball perfectly up in the air,
you snag it as this skeleton dives
at what he thought was gonna be a portal,
but instead becomes nothing.
- f*ck you, Daybreak!
- As he turns around,
he presents one moment of weakness,
which is all you need for your rapier
to flash forward and
He falls to his knees
You see that Ragh, the
paralysis ends on him
and he is fully dead.
- Hook him up.
- I Revivify.
- I'm gonna use my Whisper of Terror.
- I'll do whatever you want,
you can't tell people
that I sh*t my pants.
- You will defend us with your body
to anyone who tries to
say anything bad about us.
- Also, what happened here?
- Hello and welcome to Fantasy High!
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan,
these are our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- I love it more every time now.
Guys, last we left off,
we were on the Bloodrush field,
Coach Daybreak had been shot
in the back of the head,
after being stabbed through the neck,
after being axed in the back,
after being made to
violently sh*t his pants.
You guys—
- f*ck that guy!
- He deserved everything
that came to him.
- He truly did!
I hope it was a real runny sh*t.
- You guys stand over the
body of Ragh Barkrock,
who's weeping, terrified of you guys
and Fig's insane, potent, necromantic,
bardic, fiendish magicks.
You see that Ragh is just weeping
on the ground beneath you going,
"Whatever you guys need, I swear to God,
"I swear to God, whatever you guys need,
"I'll do whatever you want."
- I'm not choking him out anymore?
- You can be if you'd like.
- I think I let go.
- You let go, he gets up and does the like
- First things first.
I need you to, I need you to —
- Say it.
- Kneel before Gorgug
and tell him he's a big
strong man.
- What's happening?
- This feels unnecessary.
- Ragh kneels before Gorgug and says,
"You're a f*cking big strong man, dude.
"You're a big strong man,
you took me out, dude.
"f*cking took me out, dude, f*ck."
- Uh.
- Does that feel good?
I can call him off.
- It doesn't feel good, honestly.
- Okay, never mind, sorry, I
thought that'd be therapeutic.
- You could just ask him
to apologize and let it be.
- I appreciate that though.
- It feels like we're done here, would you
agree with that, Gorgug?
- What happened?
- We have a lot of
questions for him, right?
- I take out my flask of Dwarven vodka
and pass it around.
- No, that has Friends still cast on it.
- No, no, no, that's a different one.
- Oh, you cleaned it out?
- I got it from the liquor cabinet.
- Ragh, have a drink with us.
- You guys are f*cking
freshmen, what the f*ck?
- Yeah, we're cool freshmen,
we've been telling you.
- Yeah, I guess so.
You f*cking just k*lled Coach Daybreak.
- Yeah, but 'cause he
was trying to k*ll us.
- Speaking of which—
- What was he trying to do?
He had this ball, he wanted to—
Do you really want the apocalypse, Ragh?
- What?
- I know you like the coach,
but he was trying to destroy the world.
- No way, dude, what
are you talking about?
- What did you think was happening?
- You see that freaking dark, that portal?
- What did I think was happening, dude?
Dude, Coach was like,
Ragh, we're going, dude,
and I was like, yes, and
I f*cking got in the van,
and then he's f*cking,
we went to this big,
it was like a house with like, no beds,
and like, so many chairs
and like, benches and stuff.
- Was it in a bank?
- I think it's a church,
you're talking about a church?
You've never been to
a church before?
- You don't know
what a church is?
- Holy sh*t, Ragh.
- Do you know what a church is?
- Dude, f*ck off, dude, f*ck off my back.
- Okay, okay, alright,
you went to this house—
- f*ck off his back.
- With no beds.
- f*ck off his back.
- I'm not going to f*ck off his back.
- This bench house.
- This bench house.
What happened at the bench house?
- So the bench house,
he went and he like, took a scroll,
and he did a thing where like,
the stone got like,
f*cking sad or whatever,
and then when—
- And you were able to
pull it out by hand, right?
- I f*cking, he said, he
said, "Ragh, flip out,"
and I f*cking flipped out
and I f*cking got it
out of the wall, dude.
- Was Porter there?
- Huh?
- Was Porter there, the
teacher, the barbarian teacher?
- You're obsessed with this teacher,
and he has nothing to do with anything.
- I'll catch him.
I'll catch him yet.
- Look, Ragh, I have a question, okay?
Let's start from the beginning,
remember that day when I think either you
shoved into me and threw my bible
or someone else did but you were around?
Do you remember that?
- The first day of school.
- Yeah, the first day of school.
- First day of school.
Oh, I f*cking took The Ball
and I f*cking dunked The Ball.
- You did.
- It was very cool.
Look, but about the bible—
- You also dunked a bible.
Do you remember the
second dunk of the day?
- Yeah, yeah, I f*cking chucked your book
into the f*cking kitchen, dude!
- Yeah, my Book of Helio,
you did, that was great.
Did you do anything to the book first?
Or did you just take
the book out of my hands
and throw what you took?
- f*cking smack and grab and
three points!
- I hate you more each moment.
- Okay, what—
- I was, but, I didn't—
I regret doing that.
- Huh.
- Did someone tell you
to do that?
- No, no one told me to do it.
I regret it 'cause Coach
f*cking chewed my a*s out.
He was like, "What were you
doing, why did you do that?"
And I was like, "She bore
false witness, Coach!
"I was trying to make you"--
- Oh, so Coach was really
mad that you did that?
- He was so pissed and he was like,
"You have no idea the forces
you're meddling with!"
And I was like, "I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I love"--
- Do you love the coach, Ragh?
- Do you—
- f*ck you!
And he swings and just clocks.
- I will tell everyone
that you sh*t your pants.
- He deals a straight five
points of damage to you.
- I wanna Uncanny Dodge him,
so I'll go like that,
ow, that still hurt, but.
- I'm gonna, can I grapple him?
- Uh yeah, go for it.
- What check is that?
- That's an opposed athletics check.
- Okay.
- Can I intimidate him?
- You can go ahead and
intimidate him if you like.
- I got a 19.
- Oh, rad, okay.
- I got a intimidation,
I got a 25.
- 25, you get up behind him and he's like,
get off me, dude, get off me, dude!
You guys talking about my Coach!
And you walk up in front of him.
- What did I tell you?
- Sorry, it's just people,
sorry, I f*cked up.
- Ragh, I'm sorry.
- It's just, when people
say that I have feelings,
it's like, f*ck you, I never do.
- He, Ragh—
- You should just cry.
- Here is an idea that I
think that you should take.
- Cry, let yourself cry right now, or—
- Cry, yeah, cry.
- Let yourself cry.
- Don't bully—
- It will feel good!
- Cry, do it.
- Hey—
- Cry.
- Crying feels really good.
- You see that a, like,
spheres of tears form,
and he just squinches his face
and pushes the water back into his—
- Can I cast a thaumaturgy and have like,
the sound of like sweet
music that you could cry to
just play in his ears like sad crescendos.
- Guys, this is bullying.
- Can I create a minor illusion of—
- He hit you.
- Of a puppy cleaning
a kitten?
- Yeah.
- So this music starts,
this distant choral music,
and you just see a little
puppy cleaning a kitten,
and you see he goes, "Oh
f*ck, they're natural enemies
"but they're just helping each other."
- Whoa.
- Is he barking?
- Is this, is this what you wanted?
- Just huge, you see tears with like,
weird backed-up gunk from his tear ducts
begins to like, sludge out
of his eyes down his face.
What's happening?
You f*cking hit me, dude, I'm bleeding.
I'm bleeding out of my eyes!
- You're not, it's not
blood, it's just tears.
- You're just crying.
- It's water.
- It feels good to cry.
- I'm a big man, I'm a
big man, I'm a big man—
- Yeah, big men cry.
- It's like if you didn't
jerk off for a while,
you would need to sometimes.
- Oh, I f*cking jerk off.
- Your eyes are jerking off right now.
- Your eyes are jerking—
- Wait, they're, is that true?
- Yeah, you're cumming, good for you.
- Oh, yeah, dude, I can
f*cking, I'm so good at sex,
I f*cking come out of my
eyes when I feel this way.
- Are we helping or hurting?
- Is this what we—
- What are you guys doing?
- This is not what we wanted.
- I don't know, he hit you.
- Adaine, what did you wanna say?
- I think that you need to go
and work on your emotions,
and like, maybe you can just like,
go take a druid class or something.
Like, plant some trees or some sh*t.
- f*cking plant trees, more like f*cking—
- You're not cool, okay?
- Ragh, what else did you and Coach do?
And don't just talk about sports.
What did you guys do that was like
the pulling the doorway out of the—
- Yeah.
- House with no beds?
aka a church, for future reference.
- Oh, there was some sh*t like,
he told me like if Zayn, you
know that f*cking weird kid?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- If Zayn ever like, asked for help,
or I like was supposed
to keep an eye on him
if he ever like, went to a teacher
or looked like he was like,
getting friendly with people
that I was supposed to
f*cking kick his a*s.
Like, keep him alone, like—
- Did you ever go to his apartment?
- Zayn?
- Yeah.
- No, dude, that guy
f*cking sucks, he's lame.
- Can I see if he's lying?
- Yeah, go ahead and
make an insight check.
- Yeah, I'll do that too.
- Five, I think I might with my,
I might get advantage on that stuff,
or else maybe it just goes up to 10
automatically on a roll?
- Sure, if you want—
- I have, I have plus eight
to it, so it's like a 13.
- Uh, that certainly beats
any deception that he would have.
- Okay.
- You look at this guy,
and Riz, you get a sinking
feeling in your stomach,
which is that this f*cking jamoke
is a goon, dumb muscle—
- He doesn't know sh*t?
- Doesn't know sh*t.
- Yeah.
- I think
that's what I figured as well.
That's why I was trying to help him
work through his feelings.
- Yeah.
- What about—
- Hey, do you know where Coach lived?
Have you ever been to Coach's house?
- Dude, all the time, dude.
Coach would like, get me over there,
we'd like just drink a
f*cking bunch of punch,
we'd talk about sports and stuff.
- Yeah, bring us, let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
- I want punch, let's go!
- Wait, okay.
We can go.
I just have one more question.
Was there ever anyone besides Coach like,
telling you to do stuff?
- Yes, specifically
dressed like a scarecrow?
- Or Porter.
- Okay, look, it's not Porter.
- It's definitely not Porty.
- He's like, "That's
a weird thing to ask."
- Why?
- 'Cause like, Coach was the f*cking boss,
and he didn't take sh*t from anybody,
but the day after the sh*t happened
with that corn in the cafeteria
he looked more f*cked up and
scared than I've ever seen him.
Like, he looked shook,
and I was like, "Coach, everything okay?"
And he told me to hit the showers,
and I was like, "It's breakfast,"
and I was like, "I shouldn't do that."
- You just take a shower?
- He would tell me to
take a shower sometimes.
- How often were you taking showers?
- I take like four showers,
five showers a day.
- He told me to take
a shower after trials,
and I was like, why would I take a shower?
- But you actually take the showers?
- Dude, when Coach says f*cking jump,
I say please, love—
- That's definitely the saying.
- Is Coach like, your dad?
Or like—
- What did you say, dude?
Did you know that, did
someone tell that to you?
- Uh.
- Was Coach your dad?
- Did someone say that?
Coach was my dad because I was—
- Can I do an insight check
on what the f*ck is going on?
Three.
- He goes, I always
thought Coach was my dad,
and like, so if you heard anything—
- I don't think he's your dad.
- I know what it's like to not—
- I know he feels like
a father figure to you—
- Fully understand who your dad is,
and think that, specifically
the coach was your dad.
I've been there.
- Although—
- Yeah, he's been there.
- Ragh sort of like quiets everybody,
even though he's completely
sh*t upon right now,
and he, he like, you
still have him like this,
and he leans his head around
to get his mouth near,
so he can see up into your eyes, kind of,
and he goes, dude, you
don't know who your dad is?
- Not my real dad.
- Dude, I don't know,
I don't know who my dad is either.
- Yeah, I mean, it's hard, right?
- Oh.
- He just gives you a
little kiss on the cheek.
- Okay.
- Alright, that feels
like a sign that we should depart.
- Uhh I kinda wanna ride this out.
- Yeah.
- I know.
- I'm here for it.
- I just, I—
I have so many questions
and some of them are
being answered right now.
- You just, you get me, dude.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry I f*cking, dude,
I was out of line, dude, and honestly?
Owlbears would be f*cking
lucky to have you, dude,
'cause you f*cking ran the field, dude,
and I f*cked up—
- Thanks dude.
- I'm sorry, dude.
- I have one more question.
Not Sam, but what was her Penelope,
how was- we weren't at school
today, how's Penelope doing?
- Penelope, she's alright, I guess.
She's like, she's so f*cking weird,
'cause f*cking like Dayne is so cool,
and he's constantly hanging out
with f*cking like Penelope,
you know what I mean?
And it's like, okay, she
can't play Bloodrush,
so what's, what's going on?
- Cool, great intel, great
intel, thanks, thanks.
- Do you ever think about
have you ever had any dreams about him?
- Dayne?
- Yeah.
- Tons, dude!
- Yeah, like, what happens?
- I had a dream where
he was like a unitaur,
you know, like a unicorn-centaur, right?
Where he had like the legs of a horse,
and then it was his body and
centaurs don't wear shirts.
- Yeah, of course.
- Did he have a horn?
- And then a phallic horn.
- And then he had a horn,
and he was like, Ragh,
I know where our dad is,
and you need to get on my back.
- Do you think Dayne is your brother?
- He said it and I got super sad,
but I didn't understand why.
And then I got on his back
and we just rode for like, forever,
just forever, and I just—
- How were you holding on to,
like, so that you wouldn't fall off?
- I was just normal like horse,
but I had my hands
wrapped around his like,
front part, you know like, human torso?
And I had to like, be kind
of back, scooched back,
'cause I was naked so I didn't have,
so like my sh*t was getting
hit by like the horse body.
- I use Message to in the
quietest little whisper
of a voice as if it's
coming from his own brain,
just whisper I think you're g*y, dude.
- You see that—
- Just like really quietly.
- He hears a voice and
you see he just goes.
- Hey, hey.
- Whoa!
- God, maybe I shouldn't be—
- Shut up, dude!
Who said it?
- Huh?
- What's up?
- I think maybe I shouldn't
be just holding him like this.
- I mean, it's fine.
- This feels like it's going rather far,
if I do say so.
- Ragh, I think you just
need to take some time,
and you just need to
think about some stuff.
- Yeah.
- I think you're gonna
be a lot happier of a
person if you just kind of—
- Truly, go see Jawbone
tomorrow and I don't know—
- Go see Jawbone.
- Yeah, go see Jawbone.
- You shoud talk about
this dream to Jawbone.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.
- The f*cking werewolf dude?
- Yeah, he's pretty cool.
- He's pretty rad, right?
- I guess I—
- He does a lot of drugs.
- Word?
- Yes.
- Dude, Jawbone sounds sick.
I'll f*cking talk to Jawbone.
- Hell yeah, dude.
- Yeah, you should.
- I think you're gonna
be a much happier person.
- Alright whatever you f*cking losers.
Thank you so much for talking to me.
- I let go.
- You're not a bad guy, Ragh.
- Yeah, you're a good guy.
- Ragh, we're glad we
brought you back to life.
- You say that and he just
fully bursts into tears.
But he doesn't move so
it's just
and pure rivers, there's
not intervals between tears,
just pure rivers of tears just.
- Oh.
- No one's ever said that to me before.
- We're really proud of you, Ragh.
You showed good hustle out there, man.
- If anyone talks sh*t
about you guys around them,
I'm gonna f*ck them, alright?
- Okay.
- f*ck them.
- Well—
- It just depends on—
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna
eat their sh*t, dude!
- No, you don't have to do that.
- Great.
- f*ck them
and then eat their sh*t.
- Try it one more time.
Just one more time.
- Just keep an eye out for us.
If somebody tries to like dunk me,
you just stop it you
know, you don't need to—
- Yeah, no, I think you
should f*ck them and—
- Anyone talks sh*t about you, dude,
I'm gonna f*cking get in there.
- And like, maybe just
listen to some chiller music.
- What?
- I think we got you kind of—
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we're good.
- Wait, will you tell us
where Coach's house is?
- Ragh, hit the showers.
- Before you hit the showers—
- He just sprints towards the showers
as fast as he f*cking can.
- Did we find out where Coach's house was?
- No, I don't think so.
Don't you guys wanna go to
snoop through Coach's house?
- Do you wanna go to Coach's house?
- I definitely do.
- Yeah.
- Ragh, where does Coach live?
- He lives down the street, man,
he lives over by the
old Church of the Soul!
- Cool, thanks man.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
- I'm gonna now enter a period
of downtime with you guys.
I know that's a little
bit surprising to say,
but we're going to
actually do a little bit
of narrative montaging right now.
- Cool.
- You guys arrive at
Coach Daybreak's house
later that day and you
find an insane f*cking cult
shadow, spikes, dungeon-y, weird,
flagellating religious stuff
all over the apartment.
You find names of all the people in town
that are involved with the Harvestmen.
- You find all this incriminating sh*t.
You find research about Hellmouths,
opening them inside a person,
Perditional Contradoxy,
you find about opening a
Hellmouth inside of a portal,
using a portal to do it,
tons and tons of incriminating sh*t here.
What do you guys do,
having discovered all this?
- I think is there anything about
anybody on the police force that is
involved with the Harvestmen?
Before we decide to call the cops.
- I mean—
- I don't think
we should call the cops no matter what.
- There are a couple
of people you recognize
as being cops that are Harvestmen.
You don't see anybody on
there that outranks your mom.
- Okay.
- What about Porter, is Porter on there?
- Why don't you just
call your mom directly?
Why don't you just tell your mom—
- Is Porter on there, the barbarian?
- You do not see Porter.
- m*therf*cker.
- No one else thought—
- He just was not—
- It was Porter.
- Nervous that one time.
- He's just not a human.
- He just wasn't rattled.
- He's made of rock.
- He's a g*dd*mn barbarian.
- I'll suss out where he's—
- He liked you too, right?
- He like, really liked you
and wanted to take you under his wing.
- Yeah, isn't he your favorite teacher?
- He seemed just nice.
- Yeah.
- Your dad is a demon.
Your dad's a demon.
- Do you contact—
- Yeah, I guess we'll call.
- The Ball, it sounds about right.
- I guess we'll call my mom.
- Wait, we're gonna oh,
we're gonna call your mom.
- Should we see, is there anything,
so we still have this chest with this
weird dark orb in it.
- I think that we should,
I think we should go
through the list of people
and go knocking down their
doors and I can intimidate them.
- That's insane, they're adults.
- Yeah, there's a ton of them.
- Yeah and I'm a powerful young lady.
- I think we call The Ball's mother.
- Right, can we, yeah let's call my mom.
- You can go ahead and
make an investigate check
if you'd like to see
if you turn up anything
particularly juicy here.
- Yeah, can I do a
Detect Magic as well?
- Yes you can.
- Investigate I got—
- 11.
- I got a 25.
- Oh baby, yeah,
I got a 25 as well.
- I got a two and that's
minus one so I got a one.
- I think this house
is your dad.
- Adaine you discover a arcane lock
on a secret compartment
in the back of the place.
You open it up, you find
tons of personal information
having to do with the coach's whereabouts
stuff about Zayn
Darkshadow and him funding
Zayn Darkshadow's
apartment like paying for
Zayn Darkshadow's apartment.
- Oh.
- You find correspondences with Zayn
about contacting Johnny Spells
and connecting those guys.
You also find a bunch of his
personal financial stuff,
which may sound a little
bit uninteresting,
but you see that Coach
Daybreak was pretty broke,
but made vastly more
money than you would think
a coach at a high school would make.
- Oh h*.
- And made frequent
deposits in a trust fund at KVX Bank.
- A trust fund?
- Yeah baby.
- Do we see where the
money is coming from,
like who's making the money?
- Yeah, was it a pay stub
from the school?
- From the school.
- Like his salary is just super high?
- So he's just the coach.
- He's not even a teacher
and a coach, he's just the coach.
- Yeah.
- But that means somebody
at the school approved that.
- Or is paying him.
- Is the trust fund under his name
or is it under somebody else's name?
- The trust fund has
some weird legalese thing
that doesn't appear to
have a name attached to it.
It's some protected trust.
- Can we see how much is in it currently,
like just an insane amount?
- Unfortunately you can only
see the deposit amounts.
- Okay.
- Let's break into the bank.
- Do we see anything about
the missing girls or Penny?
- You see nothing about the missing girls.
- Okay, great.
- Clearly, this thing
he was depositing is
probably the trust fund
is probably financing the Harvestmen.
- It could be one of their accounts yeah.
- It could be that he has a secret kid,
or something to do with Zayn Darkshadow.
Well, why do you have a trust
fund or why does one have a
trust fund, it's like—
- Is it his trust fund?
Or is it a fund that
he has access to it, like
it could be a cumulative—
- He said specifically a trust fund.
- Do we see anyone on the list of names
that are sort of involved
with this that would be
on the school board or?
- Not that you can see.
- Or that we know.
- Is there any sort of
hierarchy from this list of names?
Can we get a sense of who is like,
are we getting a sense from
this that he was running
this entire Harvestmen
or that he was working
with the Harvestmen?
- With two 25s and a 20,
you absolutely get the
sense that Coach Daybreak
was the brains of the operation as far as
the Harvestmen were concerned.
- Interesting.
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I look around
and see if he's married
or look for family members
or anything like that?
- Single there's some stuff
from his childhood and parents
and things like that, but
nothing about any current family.
- Can you look for like is
there like a lockbox key
or anything like that?
- You find a lockbox key
and it's what gets you
into that little arcane—
- But like for a bank?
- For the bank?
- Gotcha, gotcha, no, you don't
find any kind of thing here
that would, you find nothing in this place
that would insinuate
that Coach Daybreak lived
a life of wealth or had any ability—
- Maybe—
- Can I write down
the account number for the bank account?
- Yeah, you can guys
record all the information
you want here.
- Okay.
- I want to write down that.
- What if you went to the bank
as him?
- Ooh.
- Yeah, we should do that.
- With all his records.
- Yeah, if we could oh,
I don't think I could.
I'm trying to think
of, am I allowed to use
Mantle of Whispers on a day old corpse?
- Unfortunately not.
- Hmm, too bad.
- Okay, should we call my mom?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You call Sklonda, she
rolls up to the apartment,
is flabbergasted, looks over you and says,
"Kiddo, what the hell is going on?"
- So there were some dark
goings-on at the school,
but we got to the bottom of it.
It seems like have you
heard of the Harvestmen?
- Yeah, they're a cult.
- Right, I think
Coach Daybreak was like the
brains of the operation.
- She looks around, you
guys have all your assembled
evidence here, she goes,
"Where is Coach Daybreak
"right now?"
- He's super dead.
- He k*lled himself.
- He shot—
- We k*lled him.
- He shot himself in the back of his head.
- Oh, we get to let you lie to my dad,
but I can't lie to your mom.
- My mom's cool.
- Alright, alright, alright.
- Oh.
- All you children
have to come downtown,
you have to come downtown.
- Wait, no.
- No, but there are bad cops—
- Oh downtown.
- There are dirty cops.
- You see a couple of
cops, there's one guy
that's in the middle of having a hamburger
who looks over as you say dirty cops.
- See, you guys just
called the f*cking cops.
- There's evidence here people
who nobody who outranks you—
- She grabs it, looks—
- I trust a demon over a cop.
- Sweetie, this checks out.
Go wait in the car, we're
going to take care of this.
- All of us?
- Yes ma'am.
- Can I make an insight check on her?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Oh a Nat 20.
- Oh Nat 20.
- Hell yeah.
- You with an insight
that often eludes Gorgug
you look at this woman first of all
you've beefed it a couple of
times, for sure not your dad.
Wouldn't make sense for
any numbers of reasons,
we'll call it 99.9 not your dad, right?
On top of that, this
woman is on the warpath.
You see the look on her
eyes with the evidence here
that she was been wanting
to clean up this precinct
for a long time and now
has the ability to do so.
- Okay.
- You're not my dad.
- See my mom rules.
- What's that?
- You're not my dad.
You're clearly not my dad.
- Mom, I'm so sorry.
- I don't under—
- You've got a lot on your plate,
we're going to wait in the car.
- I know we were all wondering.
- We do have something to talk about.
- I just want you to know
before you take me downtown,
I actually have diplomatic immunity.
- Oh, the five of you need
to come downtown with me.
- I—
- I have diplomatic
immunity too.
- I'll go, but—
- No, no, we won't place you under arrest.
Your diplomatic—
- No no no, but I'll
just come with my friends.
- I have diplomatic immunity
too, I do have diplomatic immunity too.
- No you don't, the—
- Three times.
- I do, I bet I do.
- What country are you from?
- Oh, there it is.
You see she says she says,
She says "All right we'll take you down,"
you guys get loaded into a
cruiser brought downtown,
you get some fast food
brought to you, you hang out
for a little while.
- Delicious.
- I eat none of it.
- I eat his.
- I'm gonna go ahead and do a
little bit of down time now.
Your guys defeat of Coach
Daybreak and the evidence
brought to Detective Gukgak
completely dissembles
the Harvestmen Cult in Elmville.
- Heck yeah.
- Over the next couple of
days Detective Gukgak
goes to f*cking work.
These homes are raided including
the home of the Applebees.
- Wow.
- Your parents are cleared of wrongdoing.
They're not involved in
any criminal activity,
but they were involved enough
that their home got raided.
Your mom and dad come to you the day after
the home gets raided and
you see your mom says,
"Well, I guess your new
friends know which side
"their bread's buttered on, huh Kristen?"
- I don't know what the
f*ck that means mom.
What were you doing with the Harvestmen?
- It's hard for humans
here all right in Solace.
- Oh, victim, you are always
pretending to be a victim mom.
I don't wanna talk to you.
- Hey, hey, don't talk to your
mother that way young lady.
- Okay, fine, I just have a question.
Why Coach Daybreak wanted
to make me a Hellmouth,
he was gonna sacrifice me
since I was somehow already
promised to God.
- Nope.
- Which is something I didn't ask for.
- Nope, nope, he did not, he did not.
- Yes he did.
- He did not.
- He absolutely did, you—
- Prove it, prove it.
- I can, there's a lot of proof.
- I don't know about that.
- Yeah, that could fill
a book mom, you're dumb.
- You see your father
says, "Well, you know what,
"because you seem to have
a whole new family Kristen,
"maybe you can go stay with them huh?"
- You know what family's a loose word dad.
A lot of different people
can become your family.
You know what, all I want
are answers and I was
I'm your kid, I feel like I should be able
to get answers from you.
I cast light on my new book on
the subject of world religion
and I hold it up as though
it just glows on its own.
This is where I've been
finding some answers.
- You get that
out of our house right now.
- What is even in it you idiot?
- You see they both leap
over the sofa scrambling,
grab like pole arms off
the thing and are like
brandish pole arms at you.
- What the hell is in that book?
- You live a fear-based life, goodbye.
And I slam the door.
- You slam the door.
- Kristen Applebees, you
can come stay with me.
I've been living at Gilear's place.
- Hell yeah.
m*therf*cker.
- So much rotten yogurt
- I've started cursing
for the first time and my blood pressure
is always super high, but in a good way.
- Cool, Kristen is staying
with Fig at Strongtower
along with Riz down the hallway.
- Oh yeah I live there today.
- You guys are all staying in
the same apartment complex.
- Cool, can we all go to the
vending machine together?
- Yeah.
- If I get a string cheese
and you guys get crackers, we
can make cheese and crackers
for dinner.
- Let's definitely do it.
And also Gilear has a ton of yogurt.
- I'll eat the expired stuff I don't care.
- Yeah, same, it's just fun to hang out.
Yeah, I miss my brothers a little bit.
- You can come to mine
for dinner if you like,
but you have to sit at the
table with my terrible parents
and sister.
- Can I bring Gilear?
I worry that he doesn't
eat if I'm not there.
- You're probably 100% right.
- So I'm gonna go ahead now and say that
you guys experience a
whirlwind over the next days
and weeks at the school,
I don't wanna rush past
anything you guys want to
do so feel free to stop me
if you have things you want to do.
- I have one point that
I want us to address.
We never found the Palimpsest.
- Oh yeah, we never found—
- Yeah, the Palimpsest.
- Daybreak didn't have
the Palimpsest?
- He did break something
that looks like a Palimpsest
when the Owlbear came out of,
but I don't think that was our Palimpsest.
- That remains as an element
of mystery to you guys.
You talked to your mom Sklonda who,
now that half of you
are over at Strongtower
that ends up being kind
of your hangout point.
You come over to the Gukgak
residence for honestly takeout,
you get like sort of a
you know Bastion Market
sort of takeout—
- Bastion Market.
- I am so—
- We eat this all the time.
- Wait, I'm so sorry, real quick,
maybe we should set up
Gilear with your mom.
- That would be awesome.
- Cool.
- Let's try and get
them together.
- You see that Sklonda
takes the little plastic containers out
and puts them around and says,
"All right kids, go ahead and eat."
- I just bring a little
thing of Elven waybread
and just eat that.
- I push mine over to The Ball.
- I'm sitting in between
Sklonda and Gilear, and I
ask Gilear to switch with me
so he's next to her.
- Gilear switches with you.
Very well, daughter, you
see he looks over and says,
"Sklonda, this meal is exquisite.
"This corned bread is
particularly scrumptious,
"it reminds me of lemnas.
"Do you have lemnas where you are from?
"Where are you, are you from
the Mountains of Chaos?"
- She looks up and says,
"I'm from Bastion City.
"I didn't make any of this.
"This is take out, I sort
of worked a long shift."
He says, you know what
I'm going to go ahead
and actually roll a charisma check.
It's a Nat 20.
- Gilear!
- You see, he says,
"Sklonda, I have rudely
interjected myself ignorantly
"into this conversation, I
won't lie to you Sklonda,
"I found out recently that one of my shoes
"is so filled with mildew
because a pipe in my bedroom
"is leaking that I have a
fungal infection in my foot,
"which I didn't think was
possible for Elves to get."
- This is a 20?
- Can I—
- This is a 20 charisma?
- Can I wake and give him
Bardic Inspiration, I'm worried about him?
- Sure, you see he says,
"I—
"Should see myself out,
I it's been a long time
"since I've spoke with anyone
"and I've made a fool of myself."
You see that Sklonda
says, "Uh, Gil it's okay,
"you're fine, you can take a seat,
"can I get you something to drink,
"you want anything to drink?"
He says, "I actually brought this,
"it's a bottle of Elven wine."
And you see that there's a
big Costco brand Elven wine
like huge bottle, you see he pops it open.
Sklonda knocks it back says,
"Thanks I appreciate that.
"I haven't had a glass of Elven wine in
"I don't know how long."
And they start to kind of chat.
Sklonda gets a little bit in her cups
and starts actually talking
about the case to you guys.
She goes, "Yeah,
you guys did amazing work.
"That was really, really incredible.
"I can't tell you how proud I am.
"Obviously, don't k*ll
anymore of your teachers."
- Hmm.
- We only k*lled one.
- Sure.
- The other two k*lled
each other.
- Right.
- Yeah, and technically I mean the coach
isn't even the teacher.
- Yeah, so—
- I suppose you haven't k*lled
any academic faculty yet.
- Exactly.
- Yet.
- We did k*ll a lunch lady.
- I mean she k*lled
a lunch lady.
- Adaine k*lled a lunch lady.
- I mean we all did it
together, it wasn't just me.
- We did not do it you
exclusively beat her
over the head with a ladle.
- Mom, what does have
you found any evidence
about the missing girls
with this Harvestmen stuff?
- She nods and says—
- Excuse you.
- Many apologies.
- She nods to you and
says, "Yeah," she says,
"We've been tracking them,
we think Daybreak may have
"sent the Palimpsest to Highcourt.
"There's a lot of Harvestmen
or religious fundamentalists
"in the nation of Highcourt,
so now it's just kind
"of a waiting game, we have
to get the state department
"some kind of extradition
and allow us to conduct
"a foreign kind of investigation."
- Say no more.
- Oh for sure not.
No no no no no.
- Cool.
- Yeah, not for you.
- What?
- You see she says, "I
actually am going to speak
"with your father about it soon, Adaine,
"because we might need Fallenel's help.
"Highcourt is extremely
they're in a politically
"kind of unstable place
and having some Elven
"mediation would probably help us."
- Can I give you some
advice that you might
not want to hear?
- Sure.
- I would have maybe
if you have a colleague
who is an Elf, my dad sucks, talk to him.
- Roger that, yeah, hey I appreciate the
being straightforward, it is what is.
- Like your dad's r*cist.
- I know a really good,
very charismatic Elf
that's like a diplomat.
- Mm, this yogurt tastes
just like potatoes.
- That's potatoes.
- Hmm?
- You're just eating
mashed potatoes.
- You're eating
mashed potatoes.
- Ah, I have committed—
- Not everything is yogurt.
- Another own goal for Gilear Faeth yes.
- Own goal.
- All right, I—
- I tousle what's left of my dad's hair.
- Oh, that's my bald spot.
I was wondering why there
wasn't fruit at the bottom
and now I know.
- Of the potatoes.
- You don't have to go
into it, Gilear, just—
- It was a sad moment.
- You thought it was
Elven yogurt.
- I feel like
mashed potatoes—
- I've gotta be honest.
I want to hear more.
- Just run for it.
- You guys end that dinner,
it's a lovely night.
Gilear's going to talk
about a little bit more.
The weeks and months
that follow from here,
the trail kind of goes cold for you guys.
There's a complicated extradition process
with Highcourt, also you guys
get a little bit distracted.
This big bad guy took
a fall and maybe Riz,
you're still a little hung
up on it because of Penny,
but your lives at
Aguefort completely change
after the events of the last battle.
You guys are this weird
kind of unspoken posse.
The seniors all stop making fun of you.
You see that one of them
says one thing one day
and Ragh f*cking takes them out.
Penelope and Dayne start
acknowledging you guys
in the hallway and it's not
necessarily that you're popular,
because you're all still freshmen,
but you guys have made the other freshmen
all come up and talk to
you guys at like lunch.
They ask you questions in class.
- Is that what happened
to that Dwarf girl?
- Ostentatia?
- Who was poisoned?
- Ostentatia's back at school.
Ostentatia walks by as
you guys are sort of
walking into school one day
and she goes, "Back, better.
"Hey, what's up Ball?"
- Hey, sorry that you drank that tea.
- Honestly, it was so
random, like I was like steal
me tea and then I got home and I was like,
"I wonder what this tea is like
"and then I drank it I went bluh bluh
"and kind of went crazy,
do you get my note?"
- Yes I did, thank you.
- Awesome.
- What did you mean to say?
Because you wrote it
kind of in a crazy way.
I think you were—
- I don't think
I wrote it crazy, crystal
Johnny Palimpsest, right?
Penelope?
- Right, okay.
- Penny.
- Penelope.
- Yeah.
- If you were to say
that as a sentence.
- Hmm?
- If you ever wrote, instead of if he—
- I'm not like great at writing.
- You just wrote like the key words.
- Were you awake yet?
- I was literally losing my mind.
I could feel my brain shutting down
and I got a note like as fast as I could.
Honestly, pretty baller, if I'm being—
- Yeah, I think you nailed it girl.
- It is good.
- It's was great.
- It was super baller.
- So like the judgment
you can like hold on to it.
- You ask everyone who's
your dad, I mean come on guy.
- I didn't hear myself I guess, I'm sorry.
- At least you apologized.
- You guys now enjoy this
weird kind of under the radar
celebrity status, also you
guys start to ace your f*cking
classes, the extracurricular
nightmare journey
you guys have been on
has put you so far ahead
of the curve, the other students
that haven't had any combat
that your classes are f*cking—
- Hell yes.
- Just easy peasy.
- I'm still taking barbarian classes.
- Adaine people come
up to you all the time
to ask you questions about divination.
You're still taking barbarian classes.
Porter's like, "This
girl, you got a great,
"the rage I can really
feel it and eh, Gorebag."
- Gorgug.
- Gorag.
- Gorgug.
- Gorgug, really solid effort.
- I stopped singing.
- You stopped singing?
Hey, that's half the battle
right there, isn't it?
Way to go.
- I'm pretty good, okay.
- So we're gonna run some
scenes over the first
part of the year that you guys are there
as kind of things cool
down, anything you guys
want to pursue let me know.
- Tracker doesn't go
to our school, right,
that was just a random?
- Tracker does not go.
- Tracker's a full adult.
- I mean—
- I would love—
- I'm gonna—
- I still really wanna
get a makeover.
- Oh.
- I'll give you a makeover.
- Actually, I want to
touch on this for a second.
Number one, all of you guys can choose
a new tool proficiency or language,
as you are at school this year.
Additionally, your
guys' gifts that you got
begin to exhibit the
properties of magical items.
- Huh.
- Interesting.
- And I can tell you guys
what they do right now.
- Do we still don't know
who we got them from?
- So you don't know who you got them from.
- But doesn't it say your dad's name?
- It says Gorthalax's girl on it.
- Oh.
- Gilear's girl could also be Gilear's,
Gilear and Gorthalax's girl.
- The wax for the Hangman
now works as a mending spell,
mending cantrip you can cast.
- Very cool, on just the Hangman.
- You can try it on
other stuff if you want.
- Okay.
- The tome on world religions
that you got Kristen gives
you advantage on religion
and nature checks.
- Cool.
- The ruby guitar pick
allows you to cast either
Protection from Fire, Burning
Hands or Charmed Person
once per day, so once per day
you can cast one of those spells.
- The leather holster has
started to rub off on your ax.
Your ax is now a plus one
weapon, meaning that your
attack goes up by one and
your damage goes up by one.
- Oh.
- And the Ball, you find
that your awesome new leather
briefcase, your older
one, you busted doing
the half pipe trick on it.
- Right.
- So sick.
- Your newer leather briefcase
doesn't seem to have an amount
of stuff you can't put in it.
- Oh sweet.
- A briefcase of
infinite holding.
- My briefcase of holding.
- And then Adaine you still
have your 45 GP gift card
to this high end clothier.
- I'll go shopping.
- Yeah, let's go shopping.
- I'll skip class.
- I'll go yeah.
- Hey Porter, hey Porter, I
feel like I'm doing really well
and I'm gonna take today off.
- Honestly, you earned it yeah.
- Thanks.
- I'm for it.
- I'll stay, I'm gonna stay.
- All right, hey,
Gorebag's in it to win it.
- I cast Unseen Servant
to make notes for me.
- You cast an unseen servant.
It rushes over to your book
and says, "Ah yes, study,
"the heart and soul of the wizard's craft.
"This has been a use of unseen servant."
- And I sneak out as to show
initiative in my rogue class.
- Ooh.
- Hell yeah, awesome.
- Can I create a minor
illusion of Riz at his class?
- Just like disappearing
fading and them I'm frozen.
- Yes you may.
- Okay.
- You guys sneak out, you go down to
a little clothier called The Gilded Coin.
- You see that there is a much older
half-Elven woman with this
large, sort of hooped skirt,
very Elizabethan-looking
who is sort of flouncing
throughout the shop, as you open the door,
just wafts of perfume
and incense you see that
there is a little sort of imp or mephit,
some kind of winged
creature with spectacles,
a long nose flying around
and the half-Elf woman goes,
"Oh, welcome to The Gilded Coin.
"My name is Madam Silvaine,
"can I help you look for something?"
- Yeah.
- Do you have a men's
section or a modest woman's section?
- We have neither a men's
section, nor any modesty at all.
- What about chain wallets, studded belts,
corsets for no reason?
- A studded belt.
I have a belt made of a
tapestry from Old Sully's.
- This is going to be just an Adaine.
- Oh, I just want to look cool at school.
- You want to look cool,
well, I can certainly help
you with that, Madam Silvaine
isn't behind the times.
- We should go somewhere else.
- Is there somewhere else?
- Please don't go anywhere else,
please don't go anywhere
else, I'm begging you.
- There is the beach
themed clothing store.
- Oh yes, the beach-themed—
- Ooh, let's go to the beach—
- Clothing store.
- Themed clothing store.
- I see that you have
a gift card that's only
redeemable here, you would
have to spend real money
somewhere else.
- Sounds like a b*llet
I'll bite, let's go.
- Yeah.
- Just kidding.
- So in your wildest dreams,
what would you like to look like?
- Just like a normal kid
that's not wearing a school
uniform at a school that
doesn't have a school uniform.
- What about a tiny little sailor?
- No.
- I'm a teenager,
I'm not a baby.
- No, all right.
Well, something normal, normal.
- Just like a T-shirt and
jeans, maybe like a jean jacket.
- You would like a T-shirt
and jeans and a jean jacket?
- Don't say that like
they're foreign words.
You know what those words mean.
- I only because of my
extremely diligent study
of the craft of fashion have
I ever heard those words
before, I think you shall
look an absolute fool deary,
but I shall try my best.
- Can I charm person on her?
- Yes, sure thing.
Buh.
- Get the girl what she wants.
- A T-shirt, a jean jacket
and a pair of jeans.
Very well, huh and
flounces off into the shop.
- I feel like all of these
are going to have lace
sewn somewhere onto them.
- I know, we've got a
pocket knife we can just cut it right off.
- I don't know darling,
I thought you would look
lovely as a sailor, but.
- Tiny little sailor boy.
That's basically what I'm already wearing.
- Exactly and I think
you look just fine now.
- Well, thank you but I want
to actually just be able,
like I don't want to worry
about my skirt flying up
in the middle of battle you know?
- She returns with a pair
of cool skinny jeans,
this sort of dark blue
T-shirt that has a very faded
arcane polygon like rune structure on it,
but almost impossible to see
unless you're looking for it
and this wool-lined denim jacket.
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- That has a ton of very
small pockets on it.
You see that they don't
tend to look like a bunch of
pockets but you see that there's like two
kind of on the breast, and
there's some for your hands
down here and there's two on the interior
and there's two smaller zip
up ones right near the base.
- I love pockets.
- She says, "Oh,
"well, if you love pockets,
"then you'll love this jacket deary.
"Go ahead, cast your
spell, do you have any
"ability to detect magic,
I want you to see—"
- I do.
- The craftsmanship.
- Voom, your eyes glow
blue, you see a very minor
divinatory and Abjurative
magic on the T-shirt
and powerful conjuration
magic on the jacket.
This is a jacket of
useful things, put it on.
- Whoa, you look cool.
- Oh my God.
- It's on inside out.
It's on inside out.
- Oh God damn it.
- The wool is on the inside deary.
- Maybe it was reversible.
- She says, "Now, let's say
"you'd like something for your friends
"or you need something
what's the sort of thing
"that you never have the ability to carry
"in your pockets, you know they never give
"ladies clothing pockets."
- Never.
- Never, this hoop skirt has over
35 pounds of material goods in it.
- That's heavy.
- Yo, start showing us.
- I have a full ham.
- Wow.
- Okay.
- I eat it, ah.
- That's a hungry boy.
- Ha ha.
- With a helping heaping of ham.
- You got a cigarette in there?
- I most certainly do
Huge holder and a little gilded cigarette.
- Okay, hello.
- Wow, Fig.
- This lady rules.
- Now, I must warn you,
it's not tobacco.
- What is it?
- It's Halfling weed
mixed with dragon spice.
- All right.
- Madam Silvaine knows
how to cut loose—
- I'm into where you're at.
- At the end of the day.
- I like it.
- You know I thought
that you weren't cool,
but you're extremely cool.
- All of you wanted to go
somewhere else and this
place is fantastic.
- Oh, I didn't recognize
young Fabian, oh.
- It's good to see you,
how are you?
- Cool.
- Good, good, good, good, good.
It's so lovely, Cathilda
stopped by for the card.
- Yes of course, yes.
- Lovely, yes, yes, yes.
You see she says, "Your
father's coat how is it doing?"
- It's fantastic, oh, your
patch work is incredible.
- Of course and that coat explodes.
- It does, it does.
- It blows right up.
- Now reach in there, picture
something in your mind
that you'd like.
- Okay, I am quite hungry
so I guess a sandwich?
- A full hoagie comes out
pre-wrapped.
- I'm not there.
- Ooh.
- What is something
that couldn't even be in the pocket,
say a piping hot cup of tea?
Full saucer, little two
sugar cubes on the side,
spoon in the cup and just a
perfectly steeped cup of tea.
- Hey Adaine, can I have a rat?
- Unfortunately, the jacket
cannot create living things,
or rather it can, but they will exist in
a terrifying half life
neither real or imaginary,
their existence will be a
horrifying, excruciating pain
and they will seek to
k*ll themselves as quickly
as possible, don't pull a rat out.
- What about an oyster, they don't have
a central nervous system, so—
- An oyster would be fine.
- Do you want a knife
to shuck it with?
- No, it's a pet.
- Can I have some—
- Pet oyster, put it in
some water, it's going to immediately die.
- Sure, can I have some water?
- Also, doesn't theoretically that oyster
want to k*ll itself, but
it can't, because it has no
kind of central nervous
system with which to do it?
- An oyster desires nothing, dear boy.
- Oh fantastic.
- Cool.
- Well, that would be 45 gold pieces
if you'd like to make the purchase.
- Yes, I have that exactly.
- Well splendid, shing!
Ah, another good day of business
for The Gilden Coin, pew!
The card disappears into sparkles,
she collects the sparkles,
throws them on some of
the dresses and says, "Can I
help you with anything else?"
- Wasn't there five dollars
left over, five gold piece
left over on that gift certificate?
- No that was 45.
- You look really cool,
Adaine.
- You look great.
- You do.
- Very cool.
- I mean, I guess I'll have
to wash this T-shirt a lot,
but I'm very excited about it.
- Oh yes, I would say
do give it a good wash
before you wear it, those
clothings should be washed.
I wouldn't wear it straightaway.
I will also say this,
if you do not wash it
some of the things other
people put in there
might be in there so careful.
- Cool.
- Who owned this
before I owned it?
- Store's closing,
farewell children.
- What, it's the middle of the day.
- Can I cast Identify on my jacket?
- Ah yes, the Jacket of Useful Things,
formerly the Robe of Useful Things,
crafted by Elven arch
magi in time immemorial,
the most recent arch magi of
the Elves Eleanor Buchanan
thought it looked stuffy and
old and wanted to give it
a new rad vibe, changing it
into a denim wool-lined jacket.
This has been another use
of the Identify spell.
- I would like to have the
object that the last owner
of this jacket put in it.
- You pull out a note saying
"I'm hiding in the jacket,
please don't take me out".
- Who are you?
- You look in and it's
just like an empty pocket.
- Uh what?
- What?
- Can I detect thoughts on her jacket?
- An overwhelming wave of thoughts,
thousands or millions of
strains of consciousness
beat into your psyche
all at once and you take
10 points of damage.
- What?
- How many people are in this jacket?
- Well, don't pull any of them out
otherwise they will be trapped
in the half life thing, right?
- Ask for a note that says
the number of how many
people are in the jacket.
- I would like a note
saying how many people
are hidden in this jacket.
- A note comes out saying mind
your own f*cking business.
- Damn.
- This jacket is so sassy.
- Oh my gosh, it looks so good,
but like also you're carrying around
a multitude of people.
- Souls.
- But they're all taking
refuge in there though.
- I mean I guess so.
- So you're kind of like
wearing a cool hostel.
- Do we have to pull them out?
Should we pull them out, right?
- But if I pull them out—
- We just put them back in.
- If living people went in—
- They can go in my bag.
- I think they're like—
- When they come out,
are they still do they
have to live a half life?
Who knows?
- You can cast Identify again.
- Oh my gosh.
- I mean I—
- I guess I'll cast Identify again.
- Ah yes, the question
of whether the beings
in the jacket will live a half life,
if they didn't originate from the jacket,
the question as old as time itself.
- Is it?
- No.
The jacket of course
can only produce objects
worth a pittance, expensive
items, jewels and that sort
cannot be produced,
it's just useful things
that the jacket produces,
the creatures taking refuge
in the jacket are various
refugees, criminals
and hideaways that live
in a city at the center
of the extra-dimensional
space within the jacket.
They live complex lives,
form relationships,
nations rise and fall and
they have no way of exiting
the jacket, it's more of a
thought experiment, really
and has no ability to interfere with you
living your life, just sort of a mind f*ck
for you to walk around with.
- Can I just like put my
hand in one of the pockets
just a little bit?
- You hit the bottom
of the pocket.
- Okay.
- I would like a chocolate rat.
- A little
chocolate rat comes out.
- Here you go, here's your rat.
- Well I already got
one pet, so I'll just.
- Cool, we're gonna move on from there.
You guys it gets closer to
like the holiday season,
you guys have your holiday break.
There's a little solstice
party that happens.
You guys all get together.
- Is Gorthalax going to be there?
- Gorthalax shows up.
- And Gilear and Gorthalax
are both there?
- Gilear and Gorthalax
are both there, the
Thistlesprings are hosting it,
- Oh yeah.
- Ew.
- So it's a little
Thistlesprings holiday party.
They've decorated the
tree with little lights
and there's a little Helio symbol
and everyone's having a great time.
Well Gorgug, we're so happy
look at all your pals.
- Thanks for coming to the party.
- Merry Solstice everybody,
Merry Solstice, there's cookies.
- I actually don't
celebrate solstice anymore,
but happy holidays.
- Happy holidays to you.
It's just a secular thing here.
We don't really believe either,
we just grew up with it.
- Okay.
- Yeah, for sure.
- I'm making everyone
hot chocolate and secretly spiking it.
- Awesome.
- With like the wrong thing
though like a teen, Jager.
- You see Gilear and
Gorthalax are talking over
in a corner, Gorthalax
is huge, he's got like
a little festive wreath
on his head and he's got
a little thing of cider,
he's going like, "Yeah, well,
"you know it's been rough,
basically I was gone,
"so I've been demoted,
my sort of infernal duchy
"has kind of been carved
out by other devil princes
"so I kind of have to take a demotion
"if I want to get back on
the ladder at this point.
"Oh hey, sweetie, how's it going?"
- Did you meet my pet, little Gilear?
- Oh, look at that, what are you gesturing
to when you say that?
- My oyster in my water.
- Your little oyster, this is
many weeks later by the way.
- She's still carrying it around.
- Dope.
- Is it dead?
- So stinky.
- Oh yeah, it smells horrible.
It's a true f*cking nightmare.
- So metal.
- All right.
- So metal.
- Yeah, so metal to carry
a f*cking perished oyster around with you.
- In a glass of water?
- I'm a little concerned
about that okay, if it's
dead, then I think I'm gonna
give it a nice little burial
and move on with my life.
- Oh finally, thank God.
- We were going to talk
to you about that.
- We have talking behind
your back about maybe having
an intervention of some kind?
Thank God.
- Why didn't you guys
say it was dead?
- You one time
were like can I talk to you for a second
and you were kind of
whispering something in my ear,
but you were just holding
it right underneath my nose
and I just had to sit there
while you were talking.
- sh*t, I didn't even realize.
- You see Gorthalax turns
over to you and says,
"Oh, sweetie I'd actually like
to talk to you for a second
"if I could."
- Yeah, totally.
Is it about the oyster because
I thought it was alive?
- No, no, it's fine, you
can do whatever you want.
- Okay.
- I gotta head out soon
because your mom's gonna be
here in a little while and—
- Ugh, I might as well head out too.
- No, you should stay, it's good.
- No, I have two dads and no mother.
- I don't, I don't like that sweetie.
- She's honestly barely been around.
Gilear has done a lot more raising me.
- I think it's probably
because you seek Gilear out.
- I can't argue with that.
- Look, I want to talk to you because
I know I've been kind of coming and going,
I've been taking care of
some stuff back in hell.
- Which by the way I can't wait to visit.
- Well, that's why I want to talk to you.
- Spring break, me and my
friends come down to hell?
- You can keep guessing if you like,
do you want to keep guessing?
I'm having a hard time
saying it is what I'm saying.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I'll shut the f*ck up.
- If I went back to hell, I'd have to take
a pretty severe demotion,
I'd no longer be a pit fiend,
I'd go back to probably
a gallygon or cornugon
or something like that, um ...
I also got a job offer here in town
and I just don't want to do anything
around your life,
I've consumed untold thousands of souls
and I don't want to consume your life,
if you want—
- No, you should definitely
take the job here.
- You sure, you want to
sleep on it?
- Yeah.
I don't need to sleep on it.
We'll start a band, it'll be great.
- I'd like for us to
have more time to jam.
- Yeah.
- It would be good.
- If you change your mind, let me know.
- I won't.
- I'm gonna say yes, okay?
- Yeah, what is it coach at Aguefort?
- How'd you know?
- I had a feeling.
- The next day at the
Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
- Ha ha!
- Hell yeah.
- It's the day after solstice,
a couple weeks later,
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy,
that season, this current
season was scrubbed
because the coach got m*rder*d so—
- k*lled.
- k*lled.
- We k*lled him.
- You k*lled him.
You see the next day
there's a little assembly as
you guys come back from the winter break,
Vice Principal Goldenhoard says,
"Students of the
"Aguefort Adventuring
Academy, wow, we've made it
"halfway through the
year, four faculty deaths,
"a handful of student
deaths, looking good,
"on track for a strong finish.
"I would like to introduce
one and all to our new coach,
"please give a warm welcome
to Gorthalax the Insatiable."
- Woo!
- I use Thaumaturgy
to make the loudest roar of
stadium cheering possible.
You see Gorthalax comes out
still in the loin cloth, the huge devil.
You see he has a tiny baseball
cap on the top of his head
and a huge spiked black
chain ending in an enormous
skull whistle on his chest.
He comes out and says,
"Hey g*ng, happy to be
here, happy to be on board,
"I've not been involved
in the academic career
"for the first semester this year,
"but looking to come in
the middle of the season.
"Obviously, we've had to forfeit to
"those bums over on the
Hellions and the Med, boo!"
- Boo, boo!
- But we're going to get
those owl bears in fighting
shape for next year.
We're going to take it to
them, how does that sound?
- Woo!
- All right great.
Gorthalax walks over to you guys
afterwards and says, "Great,
well I'm going to get
"used to the new digs."
- Dad, before you go,
this is who you need to be meeting.
- Oh, Fig, there's no need.
- I have seen this man
is built for sport.
- Oh my God.
- It's true.
- He doesn't talk like it,
but he plays like it.
- Also, if you need a Ball,
we have one.
- Well.
- If you do need a Ball,
we definitely have a Ball,
but I—
- He was built for being
the Ball.
- But I do also play
Bloodrush.
- You see he looks at you
and says, "Listen, sorry
guys, we already had tryouts.
"We had them at the
Durinson Mithril Factory
"and you're all in."
- What, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, what, we're all on the team?
- What?
- I thought—
- Anybody, he says, "What you guys did
"at Mithril Factory blew my mind.
"If you want in on the team, you're in.
"If you don't want to play,
you don't have to, but—"
- I'm in on the team, I'm in.
- Yeah, I hate going home.
- I'm as good at sports
as Fabian.
- I'll do anything to
be outside of my house.
- It makes 100% sense
that I'm on the team,
but you're telling me
we're all on the team.
- Sounds like I'll
be the star.
- Gorthalax can I be
the captain?
- We'll put it to a vote.
- All right.
- Who wants me to be the
captain instead of Fabian?
- I think you could be
a good captain.
- I kind of feel like,
right Fabian, I think Fabian.
- You're obviously probably
be the captain.
- Right, I mean the Ball.
- You guys are just going
to play into his ego,
I was doing this as a
okay no that's fine do it.
- I mean just for sports,
not for real life.
- Let's make the cool kid the captain.
- He says, "Let's just see
here, Kristen, heads up,"
tosses the ball.
- Ah!
- Go ahead and make an acrobatics check.
- Great, my acrobatics are not good.
- Negative three.
- 10.
- The ball bounces off your
hands and lands on the ground.
He says, "You're certainly
welcome to you know
"if you want to find a
way to support the team,
"you're welcome to do that."
- Cool.
- Maybe you could be
the healer/manager.
- I don't to be
the stats girl.
- Ah, I wanted to be the
stats girl, is that bad?
- You want in the team, point is, show up
to practice ready to
play, we're going to drill
you guys hard, okay?
- Hell yes, coach.
- But isn't this just a physical game?
I feel like I should join
whatever the equivalent
of the mathletes is.
- Yeah, you don't have
to join—
- I'm excited to be
on the team, I never want—
- I kind of want to play.
- To go home again.
- I'll definitely play.
- I didn't want you guys to feel left out.
It's mostly Fabian.
- Hell yeah.
- I think I would be good.
- And I think Gorgug and Riz
would also be good if
you guys want to jump on.
- This is very gendered.
- And also Fig.
- Fig, do you want to play?
- Yeah, I feel like you should
be in band.
- Nah, I've been kind of
outrunning my true destiny.
- I'm gonna let you guys
figure this out on your own
time, you come back to me
you let me know.
- Fantastic.
- Like if we get to do
extracurriculars, it should be—
- Whoever wants to play can play I mean—
- I guess I'll look at I
guess I could look at band.
- I was wondering, could
I start casting Augury?
- Yeah.
- While just kind of
sitting by myself on the
bleachers or wherever we are.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Okay cool.
- What do you casting
Augury, what are you asking?
- It takes a minute and
I'm probably not gonna use
like corn religious
stuff, but maybe I found
like moonstones or
something in a new age place
and I just want to know
if it will work out
with like my parents and home life.
- You cast Augury and the
answer you get back is
woe and wheel, which in Augury terms means
dark times are ahead and
past them something good.
- Cool, okay yeah.
- But you hear a voice behind
you as the sound of someone
riding up on a bicycle.
You see a young woman with a
unibrow and a short haircut
kind of like long clawish
kind of fingernails,
gets off the bike, says,
"Casting that with moonstones?"
- Hey, what's, oh my gosh,
what's your name again?
- Tracker.
- Oh my gosh, yeah right,
Tracker ah right, Kristen, hi.
- Hey I saw you over here,
I'm here visiting my uncle.
- I'm shaking your hand for way too long.
What were you saying?
- You want to keep shaking my hand?
- Oh okay, it's crazy, no, I'm not crazy.
- I'm here visiting my
uncle, I saw you over here
casting a spell with moonstones.
- Oh yeah, yeah, I've been
reading some stuff about moons.
- You see she says, "Okay, if
you ever want to talk about
"like Lida and the Goddess of
the Moon and stuff like that,
"you're welcome to come talk to me."
- Oh, you know about that stuff?
- I'm a Cleric of Lida.
- Huh, oh fantastic.
- So.
- Who's your uncle, where do you live?
- You hear a noise as
you hear a voice say,
"Well, that's just the thing right,
"because the feelings they're
bigger when you keep them
"locked up," you see that
Jawbone is walking down
some steps with Ragh next to him.
Jawbone still has like
the black jean cutoffs
and he's got this metal
shredder pentagram shirt,
but you see that he's
moved into kind of like a
thigh length cardigan sweater
with like a chunky collar
and he's got glasses now
and he's got like a little
mug of tea and you see
he's going like, he goes,
"I mean that's basically it you know.
"You can't lie about who
you are forever because then
"you're not even on your own side.
"It's like the Owlbears, if
you're not playing for your
"own team, how can you
expect anybody else to?
"You know what I mean, bud?
"One time I was eating this holy mushroom
"behind a ziggurat in Yuanti country
"and I was tripping ba*ls you understand,
"I came to surrounded by
dead bodies of temple guards
"and a ticket for a
zeppelin going to a country
"I'd never heard of."
"I think about who I'd be
if I'd got on that zeppelin,
"if I'd been honest with myself."
"If you got the ticket, you
gotta take the ride, kid,
"that's all I gotta say."
You see Ragh kind of like
touches an arm and goes,
"Oh, thanks Jawbone, you're cool as hell."
Hey man, ain't nobody in this world cool,
you know what I mean, we're
all f*cking pieces of sh*t,
come on in here and he gives him a big hug
and he says, all right brother,
you come by any time now,
all right, hey if you feel
up to it, you never should
push somebody around or be a bully,
but it's not bullying
people to let them know
what's going on in here, okay?
Okay, and walks away and
Ragh kind of like walks off
and has like a shy kind of smile,
he looks like he's been crying,
but has found some kind
of center to himself.
And walks away from there.
Jawbone walks over, he goes,
"Oh Tracker, come here girl,"
and gives her a big hug,
looks over and says,
"Oh Miss Applebees how are you doing?"
- I'm great, how are you Jawbone?
- I'm good as hell, I'm feeling great.
- I gotta go.
- All right, you're
welcome to go if you want.
- No, I just feel like
I was keeping you guys.
You guys have to go.
Now.
- If you want to come over some time,
Tracker has friends
over, so you're welcome
to come over if you want.
- Cool yeah, oh you have friends Tracker?
- Tracker says, "Do I have friends?"
- Yeah cool.
- Yeah, I have friends.
- Cool me too, those are
my friends over there.
- All of us are staring at
this conversation like—
- Can I do an insight check to see
how old Tracker is?
Nine.
- You have no idea how old Tracker is.
- Mysterious.
- Can I do an insight check?
- Yeah.
- Six.
- 25.
- 25, Tracker looks to
be like high school age,
she looks like she might
be 16, like a sophomore.
- Sweet.
- You're all good, Kristen.
- What, oh no you're all good.
These guys won't let me.
- I wouldn't have judged.
- You try to get a bead on
Tracker as much as you can,
but you get distracted really quick,
because you're looking at Jawbone.
Here's the thing, you
have been getting a lot
of sh*t for thinking
that people are your dad.
Even though, you don't
think Jawbone's your dad,
you're positive that he's
not your dad in fact,
but here's the thing,
Tracker called Jawbone
her uncle, your pretty sure he's her dad.
- Can I do insight check on what Gorgug
is currently thinking about?
- Yeah, for sure.
- 18.
- 18, you think that
Gorgug is cracking a case
wide open in his head.
- Can I punch him in
the back of the head real hard?
- Yes, you absolutely can.
Go ahead and make an attack roll.
- Great, a Nat 20.
- You f*cking wham, Gorgug hits.
- Okay, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to hit you.
- Oh my God!
- It wasn't supposed to be—
- Hey, hey, hey hey hey hey, what the hell
is going around here?
- I'm sorry, he was thinking
that you're his dad, he does it a lot.
- No, you're her dad.
Don't you see?
- Oh okay, my bad.
- Hey, hey, there are ways to solve things
without violence and I'll be honest,
violence usually comes
from a place of fear.
And I notice that you haven't
stopped by my office anytime.
- Well yeah, I watched you
bite one of my friends.
- I'm sorry I bit one of your friends,
but you know what I never bit myself
and that's something that you're doing
on an emotional level every day.
- Okay.
- You punched me so hard.
- I'm sorry, I didn't—
- I pull an ice pack
out of my incredible f*cking jacket.
- Jawbone and Tracker take
off, Tracker waves at you.
- Good luck.
- With what?
- Hm?
Maybe I'll see you around.
- Feel free to contact me,
yeah, if you want to hang out,
let's hang out.
- Oh cool, yeah,
I'll find your, can I have your number?
- Yeah, she just comes over,
says what's your number?
- 679-229-76.
- Her number shows up
on your crystal and it says Tracker
and there's like a little winky face.
- I have to go and I run, I sprint.
- Sprint away from there,
you guys move along.
Other loose ends that
we're just gonna cover.
Yeah, the cats and owls
disappear almost immediately
that happened way long ago,
the cats and owls are gone.
Who has Edgar the Rat,
Edgar the Rat's just—
- I have Edgar the Rat.
- He's just like a good pet.
- Edgar's like a nice little rat.
- You're so lucky to
have a pet that's alive.
- You have two dads.
- That's true.
- You see that going into
like sort of thick of winter
and heading towards into the spring,
you guys have been having
just a really solid year.
Let's go around and everyone
just say sort of like
how you're feeling as the year
kinds of rounds into spring
as you know the sort of
cops took over the case
and you guys are having a sort
of dynamite year at school.
What's going with you over
the course of that year?
- I mean I'm still
frustrated with my parents
that I'm doing so well at the school
and it truly means nothing to them.
- I'm just happy I have some friends
and every now and then
see Zelda in passing
and try to talk to her, but
it doesn't quite happen.
- Ah, eh and walks away.
- Okay.
- I think I'll probably
since I have two dads now,
my rebellion is kind of calming down,
so I probably actually
go take some band classes
and stuff like that, and
then also I fake sick
a lot to go see Dr. Asha at the hospital.
- On your first attempt to do that,
I'm gonna need you to
roll a deception check.
- Okay, mm, 15.
- Uh.
- Oh wait, I get an advantage,
don't get an advantage because of actor?
- Oh you do you get an advantage, yeah.
- Okay, 20.
- 20, you sneak into the
hospital and find this adult Dwarf
who believes you to be an adult.
- Hey, we just haven't
talked since the kiss.
- What do you mean we haven't
talked since the kiss?
- The kiss, we kissed.
- Dr. Cowherd, you work
here everyday.
- I know, but we haven't
talked, you know we talk surface level,
but we haven't—
- So he closes the door
and he says—
- Heart to heart.
- "You're pregnant?"
- And then I quickly manifest
a little pregnant stomach
to my disguise, yeah with twins.
- Whoa, twins?
- But the ultrasound.
- It was a triplet,
but we lost one.
- What?
No, just smacks
the door open and runs.
- This is a really vulnerable
time for both of us,
just give me one more kiss.
- He turns around and says,
"I'm so sorry," passionate kiss.
God, you kiss so weird sometimes.
He sprints out of the room
and yeah, you're engaging
in something truly disturbing.
- You guys.
- Something truly disturbing.
- How about you guys
as the year goes along?
- It feels right to be
stepping into my rightful place
or at least be taking steps
toward becoming king of the school.
It's nice to have my crew,
party with me along the way.
- Mm, lovely.
- I've been going with Tracker
to like insanely g*y events,
but I go and I kind of
go to the bathroom
immediately and stand in there
for a really long time,
just happy that I'm there.
And then I almost always fake
a phone call from my parents
and leave right away.
- I think Riz is feeling
some residual guilt
for not finding Penny yet,
but he's also super happy
that he has friends now.
He was a better detective
when he was a loser,
or at least that's what he's afraid of.
- Yeah, well I think that
Adaine probably is doing
some extracurricular reading
on Palimpsests still,
I think that's a thing.
- That's awesome,
I think you two Adaine and
Riz probably talked the most
about those Palimpsests, but it is hard,
because life is good now,
you definitely feel the edge
being taken off and
there's that guilt there.
And there's always this
just there's something
in your head of like a clue
or something you missed
that just tickles the back of your mind
and then it's like the next
fun thing with your friends
or the next cool
adventure, the next thing.
- Oh and I'd like to say one more thing.
Now that things feel more
solid, that these friendships
that we have are true, it was
I that got you all the gifts.
It was me.
- Really?
- Oh my God.
- Yes.
- Fabian.
- Fabian, that was—
- Fabian that's so cool.
- You got yourself a gift?
- Well, I didn't I here's
the thing about being wealthy
is that often people who
surround you are interested in
that and only that and I didn't want,
I wanted you all to stay,
but I didn't want to give in
so hard that you all thought
that that was the only,
I didn't want—
- I mean if I'm being honest
the thing that's worst about
you is how you're wealthy.
- Oh.
- But thank you.
- Thank you.
- Wow.
- Just I didn't know.
- Wow wow.
- You've risen in my estimation.
- You know what Fabian
opened the floodgates.
I know I can be a hard book to read,
a tough cookie to crumble.
- No, you're pretty
transparent.
- No, not at all.
- You're transparent.
- You're the most
transparent person at the—
- A stale cr*cker to eat
some turkey off.
- Excuse me?
- You've been hanging out
with Gilear and eating
dinner with him too long.
- Anyway, thank you Fabian,
we really appreciate it.
- You see Gilear walks
into the room where you're hanging out.
More turkey crackers?
- Oh no, we're okay.
- I really couldn't.
- Yeah, I'm full.
- Yes please.
- I have this way bread
that I'm still looking at.
- Very well.
- Would you like some?
- Oh, Elven way bread, I better
not, I can't afford it and—
- No no no, it's mine,
I have it, it's fine,
I'm giving it to you.
- No, I'm saying
if I eat it, I'll remember
what it tastes like
and I won't be able to get it later.
- Wow, that's dark.
- I mean I can just
we have a ton of it at my house—
- No no, Gilear is happy
with the turkey crackers.
- I feel like—
- Wait wait, can we see
as he turns around that I
stitched him a little shirt
that says Lunch Lad on
the back, like a jersey?
- It's my only shirt without holes.
- Can I ask you a question?
- How did you think of turkey crackers?
- Well, there's a Bastion Market near here
that gets rid of its
food and the turkey gets
thrown out in a sealed bag.
- I know that trick.
- I need to go to my night job.
- No.
- I'd like to take the
tray of turkey crackers
and put it in the
neverending bag while winking
at Fabian like thanks for the gift man.
- Of course.
- I feel like I'm also—
- I pull out sandwiches—
- Being forced to go to—
- For everybody.
- Church by my parents.
There's another thing—
- Your parents still—
- That I remember.
- Want you to go to church.
You spend probably some
nights back at home
and at other times, it's
like not great at home
and you're just staying with
friends and stuff like that.
- I have one more thing
I've been secretly doing,
which is just that Gorthalax like
I've been trying to sort
of emulate what he does
which is like just low key
I haven't told any of them,
I've never done it to any of them,
but I'm kind of charming
people into revealing
their true selves, so
I'm taking people like
like when Gorthalax gave that whole speech
about how he's not bad he
just tempts people to reveal
their true selves, I've been
doing that on like a low level.
- A low key level?
- Yeah.
- That's rad as hell, so
getting into like late winter
early spring kind of like
end of February-ish, you guys
have this weird feeling of
this sort of suspicion
of something like missed
and Riz one night you're asleep in bed
and you have this intense
dream where you're like
in this giant crystal palace or dome
and you look in front of you
and you see Penny Luckstone.
Cool, fun halfling the best
babysitter you ever had.
She's got like the freckles
and the sort of like
shorter, reddish hair,
kind of tussled curly hair
and always had like fun
games and stuff like that,
she walks over to you kind
of like hair on her feet,
no shoes and she says, "Hey
Riz, how you doing, bud?
"God, you've gotten so big."
- Where have you been?
- Time's coming up pretty soon.
I'm not gone yet.
I don't blame you for not finding me.
- Hey, well I'm still going to find you.
- I hope so.
I love you, you're a good kid.
She gives you a noogie,
but the time's coming
and it's worst than you think.
You wake up in bed.
- f*ck.
- How scary is that?
- Adaine, that morning your
father is sort of in a huff
and he's sort of like,
"Well, that goblin woman
"is going to be coming
by next week sometime,
"so I'll have to do speaking with her."
- You mean my friend's mother?
- Um, yes, the goblin.
- Mrs. Gukgak?
Actually, Captain Gukgak.
- Very well, very well,
yes, yes, yes, she's coming by soon.
You see that Aelwyn comes by and she says,
"Good morning, mommy, good
morning, daddy, good morning,
"Adaine, how are you?"
- Oh I'm so well
thank you so much for asking.
- All right, listen I meant
to ask can I borrow one
your divination books?
I have a test coming
up and I'm a little bit
fuzzy on some of my divinatory practices?
- Divination, I thought that
you were good at everything.
- I'm focusing on Abjuration,
but there are some elements
of Abjurative magic and
divinatory magic that
are not complimentary, so
I'm just a little fuzzy
on some of the basics, can
I borrow a book or do you
want to rake me over the coals some more?
- You can borrow a book
absolutely, I don't need it.
I've already read them thank you.
- Very well, Adaine,
she lets herself upstairs.
- I can show you if you
like, it's very easy,
at least for me.
- She goes up into your room
and she says, "Read them," she says,
"Are these two library books,
they're wildly overdue?"
And she holds up the two
library books that you took out
at the beginning of the
school year from the library.
They've just been like buried under dust
that you never got around to reading.
- Ah.
- Or did you read them?
I don't think you did,
I never described the books.
- I don't think I've
read them, yeah, no.
- Go ahead and make a
roll for panic attack.
- Six, is that a six
or a nine, they are next to
each other and identical.
- Oh it's a nine.
- Oh okay.
But it beats so it beats a 10?
- No.
- Oh, okay, but do you
add your wisdom modifier to it?
- Oh my wisdom modifier, which
is a wisdom saving throw,
so it's yes.
- Yes.
- Yeah, no 14.
- Cool, you manage to calm
yourself, but yeah, these
two wildly overdue books
that you haven't read
are there in your home.
- Oops.
- You see that she says,
"All right, I'm just gonna
borrow these ones, thank you."
- No no no no no no no,
borrow the ones that aren't
library books.
- All right, here.
She gives you the library books,
takes some of your divination
books, like your home
text books and heads off.
Those books which I assume
Adaine cracks into as soon as possible
the two books are The Aeons of Solace.
The information in that
book as you sort of
burn through it is that
Solace was at one time
a human monarchy who's
royal family was connected
through blood and marriage to
the royal family of Highcourt,
kind of explaining the relationship there.
However, Solace was
conquered some centuries ago
by Kalvaxus, Emperor of
the Red Waste, of whom
the Nightmare King and the
Lords of the Necronomikron
were mere pawns and Kalvaxus
laid Solace to waste.
However, Alexandria the 12th
of the House of Tallerin,
Queen of Solace and sole surviving member
of the royal family gathered
her strongest allies
and defeated Kalvaxus in combat.
Solace was thus liberated and shortly
thereafter the monarchy was disbanded
and the first Council
of Chosen was formed.
The Elven Oracle, Eleminthindriel
spoke with Alexandria
after the defeat of
Kalvaxus and was to return
if there were ever to be trouble.
- One more time.
- Yeah, Adaine seems a little
confused by some of that.
- It's just some history isn't it, I—?
- Yeah, it's some history,
yeah, Solace was thus
liberated, so Alexandria
defeated Kalvaxus,
Solace was thus liberated,
shortly after the defeat
of Kalvaxus, the monarchy was disbanded
and the First Council of Chosen was formed
at the foundation of Solace.
- Sorry, the monarchy was
Kalvaxus was the monarch
or he was just—
- No Kalvaxus was the demon
from the Forest of the
Nightmare King that was worst
than the Forest of the Nightmare King.
- Kalvaxus, Emperor of the Red Waste.
It says that the monarchy was disbanded,
so Alexandria was victorious
and after her victory
the monarchy was disbanded.
- And she was a human right?
- She was a human.
- It was a human.
- And you see that there's
a painting in the book,
like an illustration of the
first Council of Chosen
of Solace, which is
Langstone Thistlefarthing,
Morris Vans Zweiwild,
Annabelle Troth, Liriel
Celengrook, Calesir Rockboot,
and you see behind the Elven
Oracle, Elementhindriel,
there's a slight attribution,
you see that there is a
young handsome-looking
wizard and you see it says
secretary and paramour to
the Oracle, Arthur Aguefort.
- How old was Professor Aguefort?
- Well, you read Aguefort's
biography right after that.
- The spicy one?
- The really spicy one.
It is hard to get through,
it reddens your cheeks
more than a couple times,
you see that there's a bunch,
it's honestly not a very
helpful historical text.
He doesn't put dates and
he only uses first names
for people, so it's like
it's sort of like a memoir,
it's like a spicy memoir
more than anything.
There's a bunch of weird jokes in it.
He does a good interpretation
of a lot of magic
and you're excited, you
get to the portion on
divination, like what does Arthur Aguefort
say about divination,
you get there and you see
one of the lines is, the
strongest of all divination
of course is the art of prophecy.
You know what I have
to say about prophecy?
Chuck them in the bin, ha ha
ha, phonetically spelled out
and then parentheses this is not a joke.
- You should chuck prophecies in the bin.
Have we had a prophecy?
There was that oracle
that died in the boat.
Maybe in Aguefort's
bin, there's something
that we should look in?
- As Adaine grapples with
that, we're gonna to cut
over to downtown to Seacaster Manor.
- Ooh!
- Fabian's getting ready for
school, you're looking
great, you get some nice cuts
and bruises from the field, life is good,
you're getting the Hangman ready
and you see that your father
Bill Seacaster comes out
holding a giant sack of gold,
he's got the pirate coat on.
You see there's a thin,
reedy-looking human man
in a dark suit sort of watery eyes
and sort of pale blond hair
walks out, handing the sack
over to Bill Seacaster, you see Bill says,
"Very well, Mr. Hughes, happy
to do business with you.
"Ah, Fabian, my darling boy."
- Ah papa, good morning, who's your guest?
- Mr. Hughes, this is my boy
Fabian Aramaris Seacaster,
captain of the Aguefort Owlbears.
- Oh h* h*, papa, but yes
Mr. Hughes I am captain.
How do you do today?
- You see that Mr. Hughes says,
"Very good, pleasure
to meet you young man,
"my name is Mr. Hughes."
You see he says, "Well,
all being said and done,
"Captain Seacaster, young Mr.
Seacaster, I'll be on my way."
You see your dad looks at you and goes,
"That's right, Captain
Seacaster," you see he looks
over at you, squints his
eye, looks at the retreating
business man and says, "Not Mr. Seacaster,
"Captain Seacaster as well."
- Papa, what business were
you doing this morning?
- Hm?
- What business were up to?
- Oh, the gentleman Mr.
Hughes was the representative
of a bank down Bastion
City way and he's contacted
me for some work in my retirement.
- Oh, that sounds lovely.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's a nice way to start the day.
- Well, what can I say
retirement's getting a little bit
dull, well off I am to
dust up on the old skins,
you have a wonderful day
at school there young man.
- You show them papa.
- And he walks back
into Seacaster Manor.
- Ah great.
- A few days after that,
Detective Gukgak comes over
for dinner at the Abernant home.
A couple hours before
that happens, you see that
Aelwyn is looking kind
of a little bit like
in her thing where she
gets really prim and proper
and very like respectful when
she's under a lot of stress,
so she goes like, "Mommy,
daddy, I'm so sorry
"I have to skip dinner
today, I'm out with a friend
"doing a little bit of studying
these finals are coming up
"and I'm worried I won't
get a perfect score,
"so I must away I'm afraid."
You see that the—
- I've gotten perfect scores
on all of my tests.
- What's that?
Disemboweling a gremlin?
- I cast
Ray of Sickness on her.
- You cast Ray of Sickness
she resists the spell.
All right, quite enough thank you.
The door opens and you see
that Penelope Everpetal
is at the door, you see
that Aelwyn looks over
and says, "Penelope," and
you see that Penelope says,
"Oh my God, your house is so cute,"
they kiss on each other's cheek,
Aelwyn says, "Ta ta."
- Why are you studying
with somebody from my
school you hate my school?
- You see that Penelope
looks over and says,
"Because I'm a great sorceress."
- Why are you studying with
a sorceress, you're a wizard?
- You see that Aelwyn says,
"Maybe when you're a little
"older you'll learn, ta ta," and she—
- I think she's sneaking out.
- You see that your mother
says, "Aelwyn sneaking out?
"Never, she's a good girl."
At that precise moment,
the doorbell rings again
and you see that Detective
Gukgak walks into the home,
accompanied by Gilear, you
see the two of them walk in.
You see that Gilear walks
up to your father, he says,
"Uh, sir—"
- I'm like this is not
what I meant said bring an Elf.
- Mr. Abernant my name is Gilear Faeth.
You see that your father
says, "Oh, a Wood Elf,
"very well take a seat
at the breakfast nook."
Gilear says, "Yes, I've
come to accompany as sort of
"an Elven intermediary as
Detective Gukgak questions
"concern some matters of culture.
"By the way, do you have any food here?
"I didn't manage to
eat before I got here."
You see that Sklonda
kind of looks up at him
and says, "Yeah, we just
had a couple questions.
"This is sort of a something
I wanted to talk about
"as quick as possible, my
case is actually probably
"going to be shut down
by the end of the week,
"but we just have some
sort of followup questions
"for you as this thing sort
of moves over to the Council.
She proceeds to talk about
Daybreak and some other
different stuff, talks
about the tea, Palimpsests,
Zayn Darkshadow, the
association with DJ Brainz
was also like an accomplice
in this whole thing.
She talks about the
fact that Coach Daybreak
was found to be responsible for
the attack on Biz Glitterdew
and the m*rder of Zayn Darkshadow.
She has a file, they recovered
Zayn Darkshadow's body.
They found it and did
a whole thing with it
and you hear her talking, you
see that your father says,
"Adaine why don't you run along upstairs?"
- I cast Clairvoyance
in a place that my parents cannot see it,
because I assume that they
can see the ethereal plane
and listen in on the
conversation upstairs.
- Rad, you actually regain
your Ray of Sickness spell—
- Thanks.
- With your new divination
ability, you see that she says,
"So the main thing we're
trying to understand is
"first of all the conjuration
of that corn monster
"shouldn't have been able to happen.
"There's a ward against
that, there's a book
"in the restricted section of the library
"that is enchanted to prevent conjuration.
"Watches and wards should have prevented
"that conjuration from occurring."
He says, "Well I certainly
don't know anything
"about Aguefort's defensive capabilities.
"However, if what you're saying is true
"that there was an attack on
the girl or an attempted attack
"on Kristen Applebees,
that would have been
"an act of perditional contradoxy."
You see that Detective Gukgak says,
"Yeah, starting an apocalypse."
You see he says, "Well, that's debatable
"whether it would have
started an apocalypse.
"That's religious theory
that may or may not be true.
"Gods like to claim that
apocalypses are happening
"because it revs up interest in the faith.
"You tell people that
something is always going to be
"available, there's not an urgency on it,
"so you have sort of
eschatology for people
"to come and get excited
about the world ending
"and the world is not going to end.
"Perditional contradoxy is
an element of the treaty
"between Solace and Highcourt.
"When Solace came under the jurisdiction
"of the Council of the Chosen,
much of the human clergy
"was left in Solace in what
was a semi-theocratic state.
"Part of Highcourt not going
to w*r with the fledgling
"nation was built into
the treaty, which is that
"the soul of any chosen of the Sun God
"would never occur on Solysian soil.
"An act of perditional
contradoxy would countermand
"that treaty and likely incite a w*r."
You see that she says, "Huh,
and do you know anything
"about the death of the Elven oracle?"
You see he says, "No, I can't say I do."
He says, "I knew the Cerulean went down
"and she was aboard, a terrible tragedy."
You see that she, you
hear Detective Gukgak say,
"You know my husband was an
"operative at the state
department when he was alive and
"was assigned to that, so sorry
"you don't know anything
more, thanks for your time."
And you see that Detective
Gukgak gets up and leaves.
- Oh God, I get on the weird
religious messaging service.
- Prayer Chain, because
I don't think my parents
and I'm like guys some sh*t just went down
and I think I maybe remember
the case that we were doing
and we forgot about it,
but it's still happening?
There is stuff happening
and I think that it's,
oh my God, we need to meet up right now,
let's go get ice cream.
- The rest of you guys
are actually elsewhere.
You guys got an invitation
from Ostentatia Wallace
for a dope house party.
- What?
- You guys got a—
- Yeah!
- Ostentatia?
- Ostentatia Wallace sent
you guys a dope invite.
- She invited everybody
but me?
- I got one?
- Gorgug got one as well.
- Yeah, you're popular now.
- When I got the invitation, I was like,
"Yo, do you need anyone to play?"
- You see she says,
"Oh, that'd be awesome,
"you could play if you
want, you could like set up
"in the backyard and like play?"
- Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that.
- You guys arrive at the house,
it's 69420 Spell Jammer Lane
in Clearbrook.
- Spell Jammer.
- You guys see that—
- 69420?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- You guys see
you guys see that—
- Oh, it's too late
I was looking for a clue in that.
- Ha ha!
You guys get there and
you see it's a party
that's being thrown by the Hudol kids,
so the Hudol Hellions are throwing a party
for the Aguefort Owlbears
because they forfeited
the season and it's the
first time Hudol's won.
- Oh, okay.
- Hudol's where your sister
goes, right?
- Do we get a chance to chat?
- I bet she's at that party.
- Are we—?
- Do we get a chat from Adaine?
- Is Adaine at there?
- Adaine's not there yet.
- You guys are at the party.
You see the kid who's the host
of the party comes up to you
you see he goes, "Hello, my
name is Percival Nevelsvine.
"I'm the quarterback
of the Hudol Hellions."
- No.
- The quarterback?
- Welcome to my house party.
- Hello comrade, ha ha.
- Very well, from one athlete to another,
so sorry about the loss of your coach.
- Yeah, well I k*lled him myself.
- Well bully for you,
there are some tables
with beer pong set up in the back yard.
There's a keg full of libations
and a pool which you may
feel free to jump in.
Perhaps we will skinny dip later.
- Oh.
- What?
- All weird-looking
dudes, house party is all
weird-looking dudes.
- Maybe I won't do that.
- As you guys are there
though you guys see that
a woman walks into the party, first woman
you guys have seen you
guys have been here.
She walks in she's got like a peach shirt
like tied up to show her
mid riff and denim shorts.
It's like a beautiful Elven young woman
with like long hair kind of braided,
she opens the door, walks
in, you see the guy,
Percival says, "Ah, you're here."
She grabs a bottle of liquor
smashes it over his head,
cantrips the liquor
into her mouth and goes,
"Mm, I came here to f*ck!"
- Oh my God!
- Oh my God, hell yeah!
- Party is getting started, bam!
A bunch of f*cking Aguefort
cheerleaders
appear just like gorgeous
women with like flowing hair
and their eyes are like
glowing, they just walk into
the party, you see
Percival with a bloody nose
goes, "Wonderful, wonderful
the party is started."
- I am pinching my leg so
hard, because that's what I do
when I'm overwhelmed sexually.
- You see that she looks
at you Riz and says,
"You're a funny little man,
"have you ever played knifey fingers?"
- That sounds terrifying.
- What, are you a little b*tch?
- Oh, I love you.
- She walks right up to you,
grabs the back of your head
and plants a kiss on your mouth.
- I go wild, just as hard right back.
- Woo yeah.
- Make an insight check.
- Yeah, I also want to
make an insight check.
- I got a 16.
- This is the craziest person
you've ever seen.
- I got a 27.
- You see that she fully
dips you, like takes you
into like the dip position,
pulls your shirt down,
pulls a little baggy of dragon spice out
pours it on your chest and woo!
All right, this is a Hudol party,
so I'm going to set the rules.
First of all, one person
invisible at all times.
If you manage to stab
them, they have to drink.
Let's do this!
- You are—
- That's the only rule?
- You aren't Adaine's sister are you?
- Oh, you're one of
Adaine's little friends?
- Wait, are you Adaine's sister?
- Aelwyn Abernant in the flesh.
- You just kissed Adaine's sister?
- f*ck yes.
- You can't do that
to a friend.
- Oh—
- We're going to cut back real quick to
we're coming back to the Abernant home,
you look and see Aelwyn's door open
to her room that you're
not allowed to go in.
- I f*cking sneak the sh*t in that room.
- You see in the center
of her room, go ahead
and make a Detect Magic
or make an Arcana check.
- Guh, 11.
- You snoop around,
tossing and turning stuff
over each other, you see a
spell open of enchantment spells
to a spell called Modify Memory.
You also see a small thing in her closet,
buried in the back of her closet.
There is a small model of a ship,
a little wooden ship called The Harpy
and you see that around it are runes
covered all the way
around this little thing
that are evocation storm runes.
- The Harpy?
- The Harpy, didn't
someone die—
- Wasn't that the ship
that the Oracle went down in?
- Yeah.
- The ship the Oracle
went down in was called the Cerulean.
- This is a different ship?
That little f*cking
b*tch, I knew she was bad.
- You start to get texts
from people you knew
at Hudol showing your sister
making out with Fabian.
- Oh my God, I'm gonna
f*cking k*ll everybody.
- I feel like I would
definitely text Adaine
to come to this party,
because Riz is no longer
having fun at high
school since that dream.
- I run down stairs, I
show them the picture
of my f*cking sister at a party
and then I run after them.
- Well, that could have been doctored.
- I hate my parents.
- You rush away.
You get to the party,
it is f*cking going off.
These like cheerleaders are everywhere.
- Am I playing my bass?
- You're playing your bass
in the backyard.
- Can I ask for my
the one tool or proficiency to be playing
a basic drum beat?
- Yes, absolutely, cool.
- Yeah, we are the band b*tch.
- So you've joined into
the band
you're there doing your thing.
You see Kristen, one of the
cheerleaders comes up to you
at this party and she
goes, "Hi, I'm Fiona."
- So?
- What?
- What?
- What?
- I'm sorry, I'm wasted right now.
What did you say?
- You're cute.
- Stop it.
- Hi, I'm Fiona.
- Hi, I'm Kristen.
- Tell me more about that.
- I am
oh my gosh hey, and I pretend
to wave to someone behind her.
- Another cheerleader
sees you waving comes over
and says, "Hi, I'm River."
- Hi River, okay.
What's crazy, you guys crazy party,
you guys look bored.
- What?
- I'm just went in the opposite direction.
- Tell me more about that.
- Okay,
hey, do you guys wanna do body shots?
- Stop, tell me more about that.
- Are they robots?
- Wait, you just said that.
- Ah.
- They're f*cking fake.
- Do you want to make out?
- You're cute.
She goes straight to making out with you
and the party, you see all
these weird sort of nerdy
these like wizard athletes and these giant
Aguefort cheerleaders walking around.
Everybody make a perception check.
- Am I there yet?
- I don't need a perception
check to say—
- You bust in the door.
- These people are—
- 15.
- 22.
- 15.
- 21.
- Just a nine.
- 12.
- Buh buh buh—
- I'm concentrating on my beat, I'm not—
- I really just want to try and make out
with the woman some more.
- You see that Aelwyn looks
over at you and says,
"All right, necromancy,
"I'm going to put a death spell
in this bottle, all right?
"And then we're going to spin the bottle
"and whoever it points
at it has to take it,
"how does that sound?"
- I reach out and spin
the bottle.
- No.
- I'm just furiously
tugging at Fabian trying
to be like, dude, don't—
- I just look her dead
in the eye just like
eye-f*cking the sh*t out of her.
- She goes like, "You're a
nasty little f*cking freak."
- Mm hm hm.
- I'm going to try
to find a similar bottle
and Sleight of Hand and switch them.
- Make a Sleight of Hand check.
- Okay, I pretend to like
fall over while I'm grabbing
Fabian and switch them.
Sleight of Hand, only an 11.
- The bottle f*cking smashes on the ground
and a skull made of ash and smoke goes,
"Ah," and flies out the window
and she goes, "Party
foul, you're a little—"
- Hide, hide.
A 16.
- Where's that little
goblin b*tch, party foul?
- Wait, I'll find him.
- She says, you're that
pirate's son aren't you?
- Yes I am.
- You're going to get
keelhauled tonight, how
do you feel about that?
- Oh, I can't wait.
- You see she says,
"Give me on second to
go powder my nose again.
"God I love just f*cking
letting loose."
You see that she just walks out of here.
- I'm just furiously texting Adaine.
- Adaine you burst into the door.
- Where the f*ck is she?
- Make a perception check
again, just you too.
- Oh, I am gonna use my 19.
- 15.
- Use your 19?
- Yeah.
- You see a residual of your
sister going up the staircase
of like magic going up the staircase.
- I cast Dispel Magic on her.
- Oh, you don't see her
right now.
- Oh, I don't see her.
Great, then I f*cking run up after her.
- Are you following?
- Yeah.
- You guys run up, you get to this door.
The door is locked as you get there,
but you hear the noise of
her talking to Ostentatia
on the other side.
- Okay, well let's listen.
- Shall we listen in, yeah?
- You hear, "Listen, it's just
"a little bit of divinatory magic.
"Don't be a square, Ostentatia."
Then she goes, "Okay, I just
don't know this Hudol stuff
"super well and I don't know can you
"just take my word for it?"
I would love to be able
to take your word for it,
but we just want to make
sure.
Make an Arcana check.
- sh*t, 12.
- A spell you don't recognize
a unique spell, something
crafted by your sister—
- Uh huh.
- Is cast.
You hear her say, "Oh goody,
you were telling the truth,
"goodbye Ostentatia."
- I break down the door.
- I break it down, bust in—
- I use Freeze to
freeze the door lock—
- The door.
- Open and—
- You use your basic Frost.
Go ahead and make a dexterity check
to get through the door.
- Okay.
- Just dexterity?
- Yeah.
- Okay, 19.
- Boom, click, you click the door open,
you rush in you see Aelwyn
holding a crystal Palimpsest
in her hand.
- You f*cking c**t.
- You f*cking c**t.
- Ostentatia is sucked
into the Palimpsest, she
looks, whips to see you.
- I punch her in the face.
- I'm gonna need everybody
to roll initiative.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah.
- Oh, 23.
- Oh sh*t.
- That's all for this week
on Fantasy High, tune in next week as it's
sister vs sister, let's get it on.
- I'm gonna k*ll my sister.
I'm gonna tell on you so bad you're gonna
be grounded forever.
- Not if I k*ll you
and your friends first.
- I'll run into the pool
to get un-on fire.
- I'm going to drive
the Hangman straight down
that central hallway.
- Bam!
Bam, smash into the beer pong table.
House party dude.
- He might get
permanently k*lled.
- Riz bam hits the middle
of the deck.
- Yes, I'm f*cking insane!
You make me f*cking insane!
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
01x11 - Cool Kids, Cold Case
Watch/Buy Amazon
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.