- You think I'm so stupid
that I'm gonna type on here,
Riz appears in the room.
And get Riz outta here
you're f*cking.
- Wow you're stupid.
- Girls are downloaded, they're back
in their bodies now and they're—
- Their own bodies?
- Their own bodies.
And their memories of him
deciding that this was like
his big, evil plan, that memory is false.
Somebody—
- We're changing your sister.
- f*cking Aelwyn again, got dammit!
- Johnny Spells' burner
phone gets six messages.
You see a picture of
the Thistlespring tree,
the Abernant home, the front
of Sklonda's apartment,
the front door of Gilear's apartment,
the Applebees' residence,
and Seacaster manor.
See it says, think very carefully
about your next decisions.
Hello and welcome back to Fantasy High!
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan.
These are our intrepid heroes,
say hi intrepid heroes.
- Hi intrepid heroes.
- And this is our penultimate episode.
Ooh, drop the pencil
right at the beginning.
- I'm freaking out.
- Last we left our heroes they were
in the arcade of the Elm Valley mall
with a mangled and wounded Biz Glitterdew,
having just received
a series of text messages,
on Johnny Spells' burner.
Pictures of your homes and the phrase,
be very careful about the
choices you make next.
What do you guys do?
- I say we go aggro.
I say we say, "Let's meet up."
- Well who, okay,
- He just knows
where our parents live.
- Raise your hand if you
really care about
- I was gonna say we should
- your parents?
- Maybe go get AV club
cause that's where, I
care about my family.
- I care about my parents.
- I care about a couple of us.
- I care about Gilear and-
- I care about Gorgug's family.
- Yeah.
- We all care about Gorgug's family.
- Kristen Applebees' brothers and sisters,
I mean we can not
- Yeah, you're right.
- Not to mention everyone
cares about Gilear.
- Everyone cares about Gilear.
- I don't care about Gilear.
- Yes of course,
who will serve us pitiful
lunches at Aguefort.
No, I don't hate that idea.
- Yeah, I feel like if someone
is f*cking with you then you let them know
they can't f*ck with you
by f*cking with them.
- Name a time and place.
- Won't they just ambush us?
- I feel like they'll
k*ll our parents though.
- Why don't we go to the AV club
that's where the girls
are that we just lost,
and just got downloaded.
- Yeah.
- Maybe that's what the person means.
- Exactly, that what I'm afraid,
they know what we've done.
- So why don't we call
parent and tell them
- Aguefort is their place though,
they have cameras on it.
- I'll call my mom and tell her
to keep an eye on Gilear, they'll be fine.
- Let's all call our parents.
- Let's get our parents
to hang out together.
- Yes, let's do that.
- Yeah, let's get
our parents to hang out together,
and then I'll send a cowardly
text back being like,
please we'll do anything you want.
- Yeah that great.
- Yes, I like,
if anything let's play into their hand—
- I think there's, let's
arrange for a mixer
at Strongtower Luxury Apartments.
- A mixer?
- Yeah, let's tell our
parents to hang out.
- Should we go to the
grocery store and get—
- We shouldn't get anything.
Let's just have our
parents go to Stongtower.
- Well that's one of the places.
Why don't we send them to like—
- If they're all in the same place
- The ice cream store.
- Counterpoint. I don't
trust all of your parents.
- Yeah I don't trust my parents,
and I'm sorry, but I
don't trust your parents.
- Alright, well
- And I'm sorry but I don't
trust one of your parents?
- My mom? Neither do I.
- Cool, well the girls got
downloaded to the AV club, or
sent to the AV club server.
- I think you're right let's go.
- I'm going to call my
mom and then we should go.
- Ask your mom who the
hell it was that made,
got her to make this power machine.
- Yeah, call your mom.
- Hold up, hold on,
hold on, wait, we are not
going to the AV club, alright.
We don't know what this
person is capable of.
What they can do.
I am not feeling comfortable—
- Can you go into
disguise as Johnny Spells.
- I would like to, they don't
think I'm Johnny Spells.
They know that we have the phone.
- Is there a number—
- I would like to,
disguise myself right now as fearful
or something like that.
I would like to take on the—
- Just disguise yourself as
a scared version of yourself?
- You just can act scared.
- Yeah, but I'm saying I
want to be authentically,
I want to be performing as
scared while I send the text.
- Boo!
- Alright, that was surprising.
- Riz,
I'm a f*cking german shepard.
You can't scare me.
While I just to be acting so
scared while I send a text
and say please we'll do anything,
what do you want from us?
- Yes, I love that.
- Is there a number on that
phone that sent us the messages?
- It's probably just another burner.
- It's a number we haven't gotten a call,
uh anything from yet.
- It's an unknown number.
- Maybe call your parents and then
we can find out what's up.
- I'm going to call,
Gorgug calls his parents.
- I sent that text.
- You see Gorgug
takes out his phone.
Gorgug now has little crows
feet at the edge of his eyes
and a streak of white in
the front of his hair.
Little crows feet—
- You look really cool.
- I feel older.
- You look like Jerri Blank.
- Who?
- From "Strangers with Candy".
- You look over as your
calling your parents
and see the little empty palimpsest where
Zelda was moments ago.
On the little structure.
- Do you want to keep it.
- Hey there bud, is that you?
How did the fight go?
Did you do it?
- It went really bad.
- Oh no.
- Hey, who asked you
to build this power device,
this battery thing?
- Oh well the owners of
the arcade of course.
- Who are they?
- One of the guys names was Frank.
- Okay.
- Ask the last name.
- Do you remember
any other details?
Frank somwthing, what's Frank's last name?
- Dunford.
- Dunford?
Like, no, I don't know what that is.
- You look up on the wall and
see there is a little photo
in the arcade of a guy
named Frank Dunford.
- Just a dude?
- Who's like, excited to open the arcade.
- Okay, just some guy.
- Can we inspect to see if
that guys is around here.
- Let's investigate the Dunford painting.
Uh, so much, 26.
- Is that guy here?
Could he be tied up somewhere?
- It looks like the owner
of the arcade is just
pumped to open an arcade.
- Is just pumped to open it.
- Well hey, mom, dad, I
don't know what's going on,
but we, I don't think things
are safe at the house.
Should I tell them to go somewhere?
- Luxury Apartments.
- Yeah got to the Strongtower
Luxury Apartments.
- Can you go to the
Strongtower Luxury Apartments,
and meet Riz's mom and Gilear.
- And Gilear.
- We'd love to.
Alright, we'll see you later.
- Okay, bye, be careful.
- I text my parent can you meet me at
the Strongtower Luxury Apartments.
- No, don't bring your parents.
- You text your parents that.
You see that, you get a little ellipsis,
and then a text back saying
would've been nice to have
you at mass last Sunday.
- f*ck them.
I wonder if that is a yes or a no.
- I text my mom, do you even
care where I am right now?
- There is no response forthcoming.
- God, I f*cking hate her.
- Cool, I'm going to call my mom
and let her know people are coming.
So, I call my mom.
- You go straight to voicemail.
- Got it.
- Can I call Gorthalax?
- You've sent him a couple text
and he hasn't answered back.
- What the f*ck dad.
I'm going to straight up call him.
- It rings for a little while and then,
this is the voicemail of
Gorthalax the Insatiable
I'm not available to
take your call right now,
but if you please leave
your name and number
I'll be happy to get back to
you at my earliest convience.
Have a great day.
- You'd never believe that he
was trapped in a ruby for so long.
He's just taken to modern
traditions so well.
- That's great, I think we
should go to the AV club.
- I'll leave my mom a voicemail and I say,
hey mom, got some
threatening text messages
with pictures of the apartment and such.
I'm not worried about you
but Gilear probably can't defend himself.
If you can get back to the
Strongtower Luxury Apartments
and maybe look after the gnomes
and Gilear that's be great.
- Gilear's got a little knife.
- Gilear's got a little knife.
Bye mom love you.
- Cool.
You guys see that Biz is there
in handcuffs looking morose.
You guys are in the back
room of this arcade.
What do you do next?
- Let's go to the AV club.
- Have we gotten anything
back from this phone number?
- Have I gotten anything
back after I sent that.
- Nope.
- Let's just go to the AV Club.
I know it doesn't seen
like a good idea but—
- You guys walk out past the shatter glass
with the different arcade prizes in there.
- I'll investigate them.
21.
- I'll do that too.
I'll do an arcana check
on what is in there, 26.
- I mean these are he dopest
magical items you've ever—
- Alright let's go to the AV club.
We have Biz with us right?
We're taking him.
- Can I take the shoes as well?
Can I take this stuff?
- Anything that would be
armor or weapons or anything
I'd like to grab.
- You find the stuff
that is the most magical.
There is about six items in here that are,
- How convenient.
- How convenient.
- How convenient!
That are powerfully magical.
All the other sh*t is
sort off janky whatever.
- Dope.
- But here they all are right here.
- Okay.
- Plus one to AC and
saves, this is pretty good.
- A teddy bear of help.
- Headphones of solitude—
- You guys don't know what this stuff does
'cause you haven't cast an
Identify spell on it yet.
What you guys see is a
dope set of headphones,
a rad skateboard, this
cool little teddy bear
that about this big, a
little tiny teddy bear,
a dope pair of sneakers,
a black short sword
that Fabian already grabbed,
and a mithril snap bracelet.
- I mean I'll bite.
I'll cast an Identify spell on this sh*t.
- Hoo baby, six items.
This will be a heavy lift
for the Identify spell.
Ah yes, the Sword of Shadows.
Crafted by tabaxi ninja in ages long past,
the sword may summon the
spirits of shadow warriors
to help its owner go
unmolested by assailants.
The Teddy Bear of Helpfulness.
Forged by gnomish warlocks
in ages long past,
the Teddy Bear of
Helpfulness is able to focus
on maintaining spell energy that usually
requires a casters full concentration.
The Sneakers of Dunking, forged from
the heart of a dying star
by seven elite fashion magi
who gave their life to
complete the sneakers.
These bad boys are wildly expensive,
and enable the wearer to jump
ridiculous distances in a single bound.
The Headphones of Solitude,
crafted by Agatha the Lonely,
these headphones abjure the wearer
against any outside noise.
Protecting them against arcane
attacks of the sonic variety.
The Skateboard of Sickness.
This rad deck was crafted by dwarves
deep in the pipes of Calimoria,
and grants the user not only swiftness
but abilities to impress one's peers.
And finally, the Mithril
Snap Bracelet of Protection.
This absolutely gorgeous,
yet tasteful artifact
was first given by Ildanry the Wise
to her BFF Lou Ellen the Fair when she was
heading out of town for the weekend,
and Ildanry want to make sure
that she would be alright.
As legend had it, she was.
This has been, if I may say so,
the best use of the Identify spell.
- Thank you so much Identify spell.
- It's nice to be recognized
for one's efforts.
- You don't have to thank it.
Its a service.
- The skateboard doesn't help me at all.
- I think it helps me, I
could dash to heal someone.
- I think you're going to want that.
- This needs to be a spell person.
This does nothing for—
- That's true.
I have a lot of concentration.
- It concentrates on a spell for you?
What does that mean?
- It just, you don't have to con—
- Oh, your bless is a concentrate right?
- So you can do two blesses.
- Don't we want the dash for her though?
- Do you guys have spell specific ones?
I could use the rapier,
the shoes, or the bracelet.
- This is plus one to AC and saves.
- I wonder if I should take
the, what's everyone's AC like.
- My AC is 12.
- I mean an AC 12 is bad.
- As you guys are walking out of the mall.
Sort of talking about all these artifacts.
You guys leave with Biz in tow,
and you guys see up above you,
'cause you got outside of the mall.
You hear choppers and the
parking lot is full of cops.
You hear a voice speaking
over the loudspeaker saying,
Stand where you are.
Hands in the air.
Don't move.
- I guess we do what they say.
- Cool.
- Okay, should we split up
and have someone who can
hide go to the AV club?
- What if I just disguise
myself as someone else
and I go get get arrested for this?
And then you guys break me out of jail.
- There's helicopters and stuff—
- We all put our hands up.
We're coming.
We are complaint in
whatever you are requesting.
- You guys see behind
you, some guys repel down
up above you to block your
exits back into the mall.
- Okay.
- You see that a agent, a
half-elven woman walks forward.
She's got her hair long and
back in these sort of braids
sun glasses, dark suit,
arquebus at her hip.
She steps forward and says,
Figueroth Faeth, Gorgug Thistlespring,
Adaine Abernant, Fabian
Aramaris Seacaster,
Kristen Applebees, Riz Gukgak.
- It's actually Figueroth
Faeth the Unsatiable.
- You're all under the
arrest for the m*rder
of Johnny Spells.
- What?
- Who?
- You see that,
behind this woman, you see
your mom steps out and goes,
Agent Worrel, if I can
talk to you for a second
We, these kids go to
the adventuring academy.
You see that Agent Worrel
turns around and says,
I don't know what the f*ck
is going on in this town.
I get a sheet a couple of days ago,
that a man's car was stolen
and he was shot in the back of the head
with a cross bow in broad daylight.
And that a coach was m*rder*d
in the middle of the field.
Trespassing—
- There was a demon
portal there too though
- He was attacking us.
- You remember the demon
portal that was there?
- This is a little unprofessional
to be so emotional at work.
- Oh, I'm sorry there was a demon portal.
That's how laws work, right?
- What do you mean?
- That's how you run a civilization?
- Do you want the apocalypse to happen?
- You can't m*rder people!
- I mean I have diplomatic immunity
so this conversation is
honestly pretty moot.
- You see anther agent step out and says,
as a matter of fact Ms. Abernant,
your nation is currently
at w*r with our nation.
- I'm not afraid to go to jail, so yeah,
we'll make some friends.
- I am.
- We can work this out.
My name is Fabian Seacaster,
I'm the son of Bill Seacaster.
- I don't know what kind of f*cking
kooky little town you
have here where children
bang down a highway sh**ting
weaponry at other people—
- Allegedly.
- Alright, cuff 'em, cuff 'em.
- I cast Darkness around all of us.
- Your spell is immediately
Counterspelled by a cop mage.
- You see he goes, and blows
some runes off his fingers,
and goes, still got it.
- What is he?
Is he a dwarf.
- No, he looks like a gnome.
- Okay, not my type.
- You guys are brought into custody.
- Great, cool.
- Cool, cool
- Really so cool.
- I love going to jail.
- You guys are brought to the prison cell.
Where you see this incredible wrap sheet
with camera footage of you
guys, from the dinner's camera,
with you guys stealing this car
and firing weapons on
the tieflings behind you.
Trespassing on the
Durinson Mithril Factory,
attacking Coach, the
fight at the Black Pit
where they have the CCTV
of you guys running up
and k*lling DJ Brainz in
the middle of the combat,
all of the sh*t you have been doing.
You can just here this
sort of federal agent,
who is representative of
the Council of Chosen,
talking to the cops.
You see one of the local cops goes like,
I mean, you know, they're
from the adventuring academy
normally we just kind
of look the other way
when this stuff happens.
You see the agent rubbing
the bridge of her nose.
Going, I cannot believe this is how
this town has been running.
This is a f*cking nightmare.
She gets up and leaves.
You guys are all in your holding cell.
You guys have a little bit of
privacy in your holding cell.
- We're all in the same cell?
- You're all in the same cell together.
You see that there is some sort of cop
sitting on a little
counter talking he goes,
alright guys you know we got
a couple of federal mages
that are helping out with a
keeping an eye these kids.
Just want to say, to kind
of clear the air here g*ng,
hasn't been a great week for the precinct.
You know, we kind of let this one come in
and visit a suspect we were holding.
- How did you guys know?
- We watched the tapes later.
And then we got hit by that
team of elven assassins,
that kind of strike force,
and we lost, we lost
another prisoner there.
- And some evidence it sounds like.
- We had our evidence locker broken in to
and a palimpsest went missing.
Has not been a real banner
time for the precinct.
So, let's try and can we just keep
those lines of communication open.
- Was there anything else stolen
other than the palimpsest?
- Hmm?
- When the palimpsest was
stolen by the strike force.
- Like what?
- Anything else, I'm just wondering?
Can I do an investigation check?
- Honestly, I goofed and
kind of misplaced the files
of what we had in the inventory there.
So we gotta find that.
Guys keep an eye out for
that inventory, if you can.
We'll do our best, but you know,
thank you guys for helping out, eh.
Okay.
And you see that he sort of
addresses the other cops.
They break and go off on their
own different directions.
- Can I do an investigation check
of this cell to see if there is any
levers or little holes with keys in or—
- Sure go for it.
- Messages on the walls
or anything like that.
Uh, 23.
- You do not see any little levers
or holes in the wall or
anything else like that.
- There's no like—
- We're stuck here guys.
- Is there no one within reach of us?
There is no one else that
we can see or talk to?
- Another cop comes over with your meals
and checks in on you guys.
Uh, if you guys want to
make your phone call,
you are free to do that,
as he hands you a little
crystal through the bars.
- Yes, please.
I'll take that.
- Call your dad.
- I would like to call my father.
- You give your dad a ring.
You see that the phone rings
for a little while then,
Yarrr, this be Bill Seacaster.
- Hello papa, well you see
I'm currently in jail, with my friends.
We got caught in the middle
of a failed battle, you see.
We could use some
assistance in getting out.
- Aye, you're in the brig now are you.
- Yes, it would seem that way.
- Right.
I'll come by.
- Thank you papa.
- Do you know what they've
posted your bail at?
- I am not aware, but I can check.
- You try to escape?
- Uh, yes we have.
- Alright, the phone hangs up.
- I can still keep trying.
- Oh yeah, I'm still going to keep trying.
- Guys, nobody need to wait,
my father is on the way.
He'll handle everything.
- Uh, you guys are in this jail.
You look out to a sort of
gray cloudy day out there.
Sort of miasma of dread
has settled over the town.
Talk of w*r with Fallinel,
general sort of early March
kind or rainy time out there.
You see that
the cop asks you guys,
alright anyone else
want to make their call?
- I mean, I'd also, yeah.
- I guess I'll call my parents
and see if they got to your house.
- Well my mom is for sure busy,
I should probably call my mom.
- I'd like to call.
- Maybe someone here
can tell you what your mom is doing.
- Yeah can you just talk
to your mom in person?
- Hey, is my mom just around?
- Your mom comes over to
the jail cell and goes,
hey kiddo, how's it going?
- I mean bad, I'm in jail.
- Yeah, I'm so sorry about this.
The truth is that, you
know, Arthur Aguefort,
when he was alive handled these things.
He had some kind of connection with
the government or something like that.
This just never came up.
I mean, you know, obviously it's not great
to selectively apply laws to people
but you're adventurers,
you're from the academy.
The whole point is that you're
largely criminal vigilantes,
that's what the school is for.
- Thank you.
- I'm going to try my best
to see if we can handle this.
Nothing is going to happen quickly
so I think its best if
you guys just hang tight.
- Cool.
- And I'm real sorry kiddo.
- Okay, and then I say in Goblin,
is there any way out of this cell?
- You see that she says,
no the feds have investigated everything
but we're going to take
care of it don't worry.
- Cool, thanks mom.
- She heads out.
You call the Thistlesprings?
- Yes.
- Can I be reading this
book of world religions?
- Yeah, you're just sitting there.
You see another prisoner down
the cell block goes like,
yeah that's good.
If you find religion in here
you can get out earlier most of the time.
- Really?
- Yeah., yeah, yeah.
- What was the true one that you found?
- What?
- What's, did you find the true religion?
- I don't think there is a true religion.
I think its a subjective thing.
I think its relative to each person.
Don't say you worship the god of thieves
because you get right back, you know.
- Yeah, I can see that.
- I did that my first time.
And you learn the hard
way, you know what I mean?
- Want a smoke?
- Hell yeah.
- I roll them myself, cloves, herbal.
- I'm good, thank you.
- You see that, you call the
Thistlesprings on the phone?
Well hey there bud how's it going?
- Hey, just making sure you
got over to those apartments.
- Oh sure, we're over here
with Gilear right now.
We're having a great time.
- But really?
- What's that?
Yeah for sure.
We're just singing a little song to him.
- What are you singing to him?
- You hear your mom in
the background saying,
- Oh god, okay.
- Is that Gilear crying in the background?
- I don't deserve to be mocked
this way in my own home.
Please take the turkey crackers.
You've already had bites
of and see yourself out.
- Don't listen to him just stay there mom.
Alright, okay.
- I'll talk to you later, I just wanted to
make sure you were safe.
- Perhaps I should go.
You see that they hang up.
- You didn't want to tell
them you were in jail?
- I don't know.
- Can I call Principal Goldenhoard?
- Yeah, for sure.
- Great.
- You can call his office.
- Yeah I will try and call his office.
- That happens next day
because he is probably not
in the office at night.
- Oh right, its nighttime, dang.
- I'll go ahead and say that you guys
spend the night in jail.
The next morning comes,
no word from Bill yet.
But you can use your phone
call to call the office.
- Great.
- Hello and good morning.
Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?
- Hello Principal, this
is Adaine Abernant.
We have gotten—
- Don't tell them I'm here.
- We've gotten arrested for things
that we were supposed to
have been doing in school.
- You've been arrested for m*rder,
trespassing, thievery, and other various—
- The things that the
school teachers, yes.
- Side effects of the adventurers life.
- Hellmouths and stuff,
you know, saving the world.
- Yeah, all the hellmouths and stuff.
- This is so frustrating,
Arthur had a way of
handling all these things.
Look, I'm going to dip
into his personal library.
I don't like to go in there.
There is a lot of really
raw sexual things there,
- Spicy stuff, I bet—
- That make me frankly uncomfortable.
I'll see what I can do.
Don't speak to any
prosecutors without a lawyer,
and if you get a chance
make a break for it.
Go ahead and k*ll whoever
you have to k*ll to get out,
and we'll pay for the
resurrections, alright?
- Thank you so much, that's exactly what
we were thinking of doing.
- Well, I'm very glad to hear
that there are some students here
that still know how to
live the adventurer's life.
- We love this school so much,
and we've learned so
much in the past year.
- That really is touching.
I have to say, I was worried about you lot
with the detention on the first day,
but I'm very proud of all
the progress you've made.
I'm going to go—
- Can I ask something?
- Yeah.
- I'm asking you guys before you ask him,
but can we ask him
- Sorry, just a sec.
- to look in the trashcan
of Arthur Aguefort?
- That's what I was going
to say, check in the bin.
- Professor before we go,
can you look at Professor
Aguefort's trashcan
and see if there is anything weird
in there or under there or around there.
We just got a clue-
- RIP, may he rest in peace, of course.
- Yeah obviously.
- Yeah, RIP.
- He says, in his trashcan?
- His trashcan.
- May I ask why?
- It was a clue.
- A clue?
Very well, I shall take
a look as soon as I can.
- Thank you so much.
- You are welcome.
He hangs up.
You guys see that,
a few moments later,
a few minutes later in the day,
Sandra Lynn walks in, your mom.
- Hey mom.
How's Gorthalax?
- Hey sweetie, I heard
the news you were in jail.
Gorthalax is not doing great.
- We had a conversation, early yesterday.
He came over the night before,
and after that
we spoke.
I had to sort of break the news to him
that there was not going to be
a chance of us being together.
- Did you guys have sex?
- Kristen!
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry, I thought
maybe we were all wondering.
- We don't care
- No we are not.
- They definitely did
it, I know they did it.
- I'm sorry I'll just get back to my book.
- Read please.
- That's a yeah, right?
- Stop.
- He took the news pretty hard
and he left and I haven't
been able to reach him.
I think its, it seems possible
that he went back to hell.
- But, they were going
to demote him in hell.
Also, I'm here.
- I'm so sorry kiddo.
- You scared him away.
You rejected him so now he's
not in my life once again.
Are you the one that put him
I that ruby to begin with?
- I didn't put him in the
ruby to begin with sweetie.
That was Arthur.
I'm sorry.
- Well, I'm assuming that you came to say
you know how to get us out.
'Cause you're so sorry
that you scared away
my dad for a second time.
- I'm helping Sklonda try to find a way
to get you guys out of here.
I don't know if your
dad will be coming back.
I wanted you to have
these now that you know.
And she hands you a little picture book
of old crystal polaroids.
You see there's pictures of
your mom and Gilear when they were young.
Your mom was an insane elf ranger rocker.
She has leather studded
wrist guards and bracers.
She has all of these bad a*s weapons.
Short sides on the hair, like a mohawk.
She looks like a lunatic,
and you see Gilear there
in a short button-up.
Not as bald, but still sort
of a far back hairline.
Kind of looking square.
There's pictures of her and Gorthalax
at concerts and stuff like that,
and you see a young
Gorthalax and your mom.
- Why are you giving these to me?
- Cat's out of the bag,
you deserve to know.
- So you just had this all along?
- I didn't know you'd sprout the horns.
I thought we would make it through.
I'm going to try and get
you guys out of here.
She turns around and leaves.
And you can't help but
notice a strong similarity
between the way you look now
and the way your mom
looked as a young woman.
- Guys, I always thought
I had daddy issues,
but I'm starting to think
I have mommy issues.
- I think you have a bunch of issues.
- Just issues, period.
- Just issues.
- A layered cake of issues.
- Don't get us wrong, we really like you.
- Friend issues, daddy
issues, mommy issues.
- You're trying to hook
up with a 24 year old
grown man with medical degree.
- Trying?
I'm successfully.
I'm successfully kissing him
once every couple of weeks.
- I mean deception is very creepy.
- Once every couple of weeks.
- Also your flirting with the principal.
- Later in the day you
hear the stomping boots
and swishing this green and gold cloak,
Bill Seacaster walks up and says,
right, let's have it open then.
You see that one of the
cops opens the cell.
He walks in, everyone
make a perception check.
- Not good.
- Nat one.
- For the first time
in the whole game, 18.
- Hell yeah, 19.
- I got a 20.
- Yeah I got a ten.
- Seven.
- Okay, its still not the
best but its better than ever.
- So Gorgug, you just rolled a nat one.
You've met Bill Seacaster so many times.
- Don't f*cking do this.
- You realize it makes perfect sense now.
It feels like things are coming to a head,
your story's almost sort of
unwinding, its unfolding.
This makes sense.
You're all on the Owlbears with Fabian.
You and Fabian joined the same group.
If you're not brothers,
all it would require was Bill Seacaster
to have a child with an orcish woman.
How unlikely would that be?
Bill Seacaster sailed
all around the world.
Of course he found an orcish woman!
This was years ago, oh my god dude, Bill—
- Father!
- What, who are you talking to?
- What do you know?
- Wait, are you my dad?
- Papa.
- Are you my son?
- Papa, no way.
- Is this real?
Are you my dad, you would
know better than I would.
- Have you ever been with an orcish woman?
- Hundreds.
- Of course he has.
- Why would you k*ll me?
- Why would you know that?
- Nobody surprises me with
information I wasn't expecting.
- I was just making a guess.
It just seems like it's true.
- We are not brothers.
- We could be twins.
- Twins from two different wombs.
- Yeah.
- Both of you stop, Papa!
- Well leave it to Bill
Seacaster to sire twins
in two different women.
- No, papa, everyone needs to stop.
Everyone needs to stop.
No one is, you're not my brother.
You can't do that, papa,
you can do anything
but you can't do that.
Anyway—
- What if my mom is your
mom with Bill Seacaster.
- Do not support this.
- He says, well, that's right.
I have only one son in
this room right now.
- Me?
- No.
Those of you who rolled a 20
or higher on your perception,
- I did.
- you see in Bill Seacaster's pocket,
a lump and peeking out
through the top of it
you see a crystal palimpsest.
He looks at you and says, so me boy,
you've found yourself here in
the brig with your friends.
- Yes, papa.
We were out crusading around town
and you know better than anyone
that adventures catch up with
you at some point.
- Do they now?
'Cause they never caught up with me.
I took all my wealth, dragged
my ship up out of the sea,
and put it here to give you
the best chance you could get.
- I would like to try
and sleight of hand it
out of his pocket.
- Go ahead and make the check.
- I got a 19.
- You guys see Fig pull
a crystal palimpsest
out of Bill Seacaster's pocket.
- Did you ever have sex with anyone?
- What'd you say?
- I'm sorry, I'm going wild.
- Stop asking my father—
- It begins at the ripe old age of nine.
- Father!
- No adults,
will talk to me about this.
My parents just say it doesn't
happen until you are married,
and all of a sudden you know everything.
- This is not the time.
- Sorry.
- Oh, its not the time.
- No, it not the time papa.
- Not the time for what?
- Not the time to be educating my friends
on your sexual endeavors alright.
Get us out of this g*dd*mn jail cell.
- Oh you'll raise your voice at me now!
- Yes I will papa!
- I tried to give you the best life,
and all it did was make you soft.
You want to know something?
I know just why you are not like me!
And it's because I would never let any man
speak to me the way I'm
speaking to you right now!
And he shoves you.
- I would like to attempt to grapple him.
- Is he in our cell?
- He's in the cell with you.
- Yeah, I would like to fight him.
- Go ahead and give me
an opposed athletics.
You need to beat a 19.
- Not even close.
Do I get advantage?
Can I jump to him?
- Jump, jump, jump.
- Yeah go ahead.
If you jump at him, go for it.
- Uh, didn't help.
I can't beat my father.
- You leap and he takes you to the ground.
Gets you on your back and you see he says,
Are ye a Seacaster or aren't yah boy?
He goes, look at you, look at you here,
in this prison.
I told you what you needed to do.
You didn't need to be friends.
You didn't need to be nancing
around with your peers.
You're a captain (bam)
he hits your head into the floor.
You are meant to lead boy!
- Can I make a perception
check on all this?
- Go for it.
- That was a 17.
- Uh, 17,
you see that
yeah Fig has pulled
his palimpsest from his coat.
He is rolling on the floor with Fabian.
He's got you pinned.
You can attempt to escape the pin,
or you can attempt to make an attack.
- I would like to make an
attack from within the pin.
- Is he himself though?
This is like a new Seacaster.
- Is this a
k*ll each other fight
or is this a wrestling fight right now?
- Seems like a wrestling fight right now.
Go ahead and roll your attack.
- I'm not going
to get involved until
he's actually in danger.
- Great, 26.
- Yeah that will do it.
- Okay great.
- If you want to take another
attack you can as well.
- Oh great, that's 12.
- First one hits.
You see on his back,
Fabian c*ck a fist back
and right across Seacaster's jaw.
His eye patch f*cking swivels on his head,
and he flops to the
ground next to you (bam).
- I'd like to get on top of him
and give him one more.
- Go for it.
- Great, 18.
- That'll do it.
You get on top of him.
Some teeth scatter across the floor.
You see he goes,
He attempts to try and get up.
- I'm going to hit him again.
- Go for it.
- Oh god.
- Uh, 26.
- You go and you
see he goes unconscious.
- I'd like to get up and go
walk off into the corner.
- Does he have, I'm going
to search his pockets for—
- What is this palimpsest thing?
- I'm tring to hide it guys
lets be discreet about it.
- I checked his pulse, he's knocked out.
- Can I cast Detect Magic?
I would like to see if
there is anything going on.
- You don't detect any magic.
This appears to be Bill Seacaster.
- Okay, but he doesn't have
any magical objects buzzing?
- I mean his eyepatch is magical.
His rapier is magical.
His coat is magical.
He's an adventurer.
- Do you want to Identify?
- Can I investigate this?
- Can I investigate this palimpsest?
- Yeah go for it.
- With my Detect Magic can
I see who's trapped in it?
- 14.
- There is no one trapped in it currently.
It looks like a blank palimpsest.
- Guys, we have spent all of our lives
some of us more that others,
obsessed with our dads,
and we've completely ignored our moms.
- You're just again
talking about yourself.
- Do you see what's happening?
I'm watching Fabian
literally beat up his dad.
- He has a great
relationship with his mom.
- I don't know, my mom's fine.
- Can we check his pockets and see
if there is anything else weird there?
- Sure, give me investigate.
- Uh, 16.
- You just find stuff in there.
So he has the palimpsest,
but there is other stuff in
there that appears to be like
gold coins and other stuff like that.
You see that he has little
bank slips from KVX.
- Okay, I'll grab those.
- After a moment, you see that a cop
walks back into the room.
Sipping a little—
- I pocket my crystal
can of soda and goes, god dang!
This is why I am supposed
to stay in the room.
You see he comes in, and
grabs Bill Seacaster's body.
Drags it out an says, I tell ya we got to
shape things up around here because boy
we've had a lot of goofs recently,
you know what I mean, okay.
- I would like to cast Suggestion on him.
- Go for it.
- I tell him, when I ask for it
you'll give me the key to this door.
- I think we could just leave right now.
- Haven't we bailed out?
- Oh, we are?
You see that he drags Seacaster out,
closes the door, locks it, and goes,
uh sure, do you work for the Feds?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
You see that he walks,
he takes Bill Seacaster
out of the office.
You hear a moment of
silence and then you hear,
God damn it!
No she doesn't work for
us, she's in the cell!
What is wrong, what is actually wrong?
Someone explain to me.
In a way that I can
understand how this happened.
Bill Seacaster is dragged out of there.
- Sorry about your dad.
- Is his eye patch still,
did his eye patch go flying?
- It did not go flying.
It just swung around his head.
- Can I, I'm just frustrated,
Can I look at the window,
the bars on the window?
- Sure.
- Do I need to make an investigate,
I'm just going to go in a
rage and try to pull the—
- So we are still in here, right?
We're all still stuck in here?
- Yeah.
- Why don't I Dimension
Door one of, to of us out?
- Hell yeah.
- You will die.
- Why?
- I'm not going to sit in
this cell the whole time.
- I'm going to go into a rage
and try to strength check,
just open this.
- Go for it.
- Yeah we got to get the hell out of here.
- I rolled a, what's my strength,
is it a saving throw or
just regular strength?
- Its just regular strength.
- Okay, but I have
advantage 'cause I'm raging.
Okay, so 14.
- You cannot pull the bars apart.
- Alright Fig, if you
can get me out of here
I can steal the keys off
that dude, he's not smart.
- You're tiny thought right?
Can't you get through the bars?
- Go ahead and give me an
arcana check, real quick.
- Great.
- 19.
- You see that there is an
abjurative ward on the jail cell.
That's an arcane spell sink.
So, spell energy goes.
- Can I try to squeeze through the bars?
- Yeah you can try to
squeeze through, go for it.
- That's not going to
work, acrobatics, 16.
- Unforunately, no.
You guys, you hear no more
word from Bill Seacaster.
You guys spend,
days here.
Until you are eventually brought
to your own cells that
are all on the same block
so you can keep talking to each other.
- sh*t.
- Days turn into couple weeks.
- f*ck.
- Jesus.
- Okay, well guys we have
to do something then.
So we have to do some kind of shenanigans.
I'm going to disguise myself
as one of, as the elven woman.
- Cool.
- Who's the lead prosecutor,
and I'm going to start
making a ruckus and be like,
That little b*tch got away!
She got away!
- You see that one of
the cops looks and says,
oh my god, she got away!
- That little b*tch, I went in
to go have conversation with her.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, a question
for you, if she got away,
why did you get into
the jail cell, you know?
- Because she pushed me in.
Because she's a crafty
adorable little girl.
- She got you b*tch.
- Alright, let's get her.
They just open fire in the jail,
running down the hallway.
- Oh quick, wait, let me out of here.
- We got to get her now!
- I chase after them, to try and get the—
- Oh, they didn't open the door.
They just ran down the hallway
sh**ting wildly in the air.
- You guys are terrible
- Is there like a dog
somewhere that I can like give a bone to.
- You guys hear, at
the end of the hallway.
A little dog with a key.
You guys hear, at the end of the hall,
God damn it!
You idiots!
Call a medic!
Oh geez lady, sorry I
shot you in the leg there.
Why are you opening fire!
- I'm a medic.
- This guy seems like he's
got some kind of medic.
He doesn't!
Anything down there is prisoners.
- No more—
- That's her I am the real,
I am the real one!
- I have a healer feat,
I am actually a medic, so.
- Can I talk to the woman?
- Yes you can.
- Can I like call her over?
Hey—
- I'm still looking
like her and eyeing her.
- I'm aware, I am like an active suspect
and I've been in here for so long,
but I know a lot about the people
that you are trying to find.
'Cause I grew up in a very religious house
so if you need any help or—
- Who am I trying to find?
- Shouldn't you tell me?
- I found the people I am trying
to find its the six of you.
- There are people—
- We are children.
- There are evil people out there.
- I am the head of the
juvenile department.
- Can I roll insight on this?
- Yes.
- I'm 14, how am I in a regular jail?
- 18.
- Because the child jail—
What's that?
- 18 insight check.
- She just looks like
hard a*s federal agent.
She looks at you and says,
so, I am the fake me
and you are the real me?
- You know what—
- Cool, what's my name?
What's your name?
- You name—
- What's your name?
- My name—
- What's your name?
- I'm a Katie—
- What? Katie?
- Katie—
- Are you sure its Katie?
Would you bet your life on Katie?
- Yeah I f*cking would,
'cause I'm not afraid to die
'cause you've pigs have had me locked up!
- My name is Angela Warrel!
And you're an idiot!
As is every cop in this precict.
- You're a pig!
- I hand her a ripped out page
from my crazy world religion book.
That has the Harvestmen on
it, like a little blurb.
And I try to act really like—
- She takes it and goes, god damn it!
none of them are supposed
to have their things
with them in the cells!
And she walks out of here.
- I would like, oh is she leaving?
- They walk, it goes max security.
- Can I, where is the Hangman?
- Just out and about.
- Oh, okay.
- Gotta try.
- Hangman.
- Master, long have I missed the warmth
of your thighs on my seat.
- I'm glad this is in my head
and no one else can hear
things like that, Christ.
Hangman, could you assemble
a party of some kind
or do something to get other demons—
- I would be my deepest honor
and greatest satisfaction
to assemble a crew
unlike any the world has ever seen.
To free you from bondage sire.
I shall lay low the
foundations of the world
to see you made whole once again.
- Thank you Hangman.
- Guys, my bike is going to free us.
- Its just going to go to
a Harley Davidson dealer
and come out with a crew of bikes.
- Alright guys, one last thing.
- I know that there are magic
runes prevention things.
The Sword of Shadows that
I got from Fabian here
has a teleport as a disengage.
I would like to just try that.
- You can do it in your room all you want
but it doesn't get you out.
- I look over and I'm
like, Riz are you okay?
Yeah I'm Nightcrawler.
- What's happening over there?
I turn into Angela again.
- After you talk to the
Hangman
A few more days pass by.
- Dang.
- Everybody make an intelligence
check, DC 15 intelligence.
- Not a chance.
- Nope.
- 18.
- 15.
- 11.
- It is May 15th,
which is the day of prom.
You guys are in your cells.
You hear something in your mind Fabian,
you've been here for a long
time,
and you hear a voice out in the cop area.
They have not been in here in a while.
They've been disallowed from
interacting with you guys.
You hear a voice outside be like,
ah, hey there guys how's it going?
Everyone doing good in here, great.
Just got some mail, some deliveries here.
And you hear some sort of
parcels being passed out.
Walking down the hall of the jail cell,
you see a little halfling postman with
little shorts and a shirt
and one of those little pith helmets.
- Hello sir, remember us?
- Oh gosh there g*ng, how's it going?
- The f*cking feds got us in here man.
- The pigs have got us.
- They got us.
- You're the guys from the ice cream shop.
- I picked you guys up in the car.
How's it going guys?
Ah, the kids miss you.
Pep and everybody says hi.
Daisy sends her best.
- Do you know why we are in here?
Remember that guy that almost
k*lled you and your family
in the car, and then we took care of him?
- Hm-mh.
- They got us in here for that.
- What?
You see he winks at you and says,
sweetheart, you don't
got to sweet talk me.
We like you kids, we think you're alright.
The Hangman already
explained everything to us.
- What, the Hangman?
- He says, listen here's the thing.
I don't know what you kids are up to,
but I do know one thing.
Laws are threats made by the
dominate socioeconomic ethnic
group in a given nation.
Its just a promise of
violence that's enacted,
and the police are
basically an occupying army,
you know what I mean.
You guys want to make some bacon?
He pulls a mask over his face.
Pulls a lit Molotov
c*ck out of his mailbag,
and.
- That was on fire the whole time?
- The whole time kiddo!
- That's so brave!
- He goes.
Hits the lock, opens the jail cell.
You see the f*cking halflings
with black masks repel in,
and just start opening
fire, smashing sh*t.
- I'm calling out, my mom works here.
A lot of these people are good people.
- Lets make some f*cking bacon!
- Let's not, let's chill.
- Let's go!
- You guys dip the f*ck out
of there in a hail of g*nf*re.
- Get our stuff please.
- To the AV club.
- It's been months.
- It's been months,
we've been in jail.
My parents didn't visit me one time.
- Yeah, mine neither.
- My mom visited me just
to drop off her memories.
- My parents came to jail
and I beat the sh*t out them,
so maybe, maybe—
- Gilear didn't even visit me!
Gilear and Gorthalax didn't.
- Let's just go to prom.
Lets just see what's
going on with prom, right?
- We know bad stuff is
going on at prom, right?
- You guys dip out from
here, I'm going to need
either a stealth check from somebody.
- Sure.
- I'm going to say, make
it with disadvantage
'cause you're trying to
hide the whole group.
- Okay.
- Although I guess you
guys are trying to help.
Make a flat stealth check.
- I can also cast—
- Okay 25.
- f*ck yeah.
- Riz you dart out of the police precinct.
You hear fire and noise and
shouting from behind you.
As you guys dip out of
there as fast as you can.
You guys run down an alleyway,
and Riz you start guiding
them through these
back alleys and different
small areas in the city center.
What are you guys going to do?
- Let's—
- Shouldn't we call the principal
and see if there is
anything going on at school?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And see if he, in the weeks—
- I think we should just crawl into,
I think we should break
into Aguefort's office
and go through his stuff.
- Yeah.
- I feel like we should—
- We either got to Seacaster
Manor or Aguefort's.
- We're not going to Seacaster Manor.
- Not going to Seacaster Manor.
- But he's up to something.
- Also I've got this freakin
crystal palimpsest from your dad.
- Wait, can we use that palimpsest
or see what the number is associated with,
is it that kind of crystal?
- It's to trap people.
- No it's not a phone
its like a hard drive.
- It's for trapping people.
- There's nobody in there right now.
- Should we go spy on Bill Seacaster?
- I think we need to go
through Aguefort's sh*t.
- Why don't we got to Aguefort
'cause we might be able to something.
That could be a special one or something.
It might be, I don't know,
maybe that's supposed to go
to the AV club or something.
I don't know, maybe we go there.
- I can send the Hangman
to spy on my father.
- Okay.
- Oh that's a great idea.
- I shall go and see the secrets
of your father, William Seacaster.
- Thank you Hangman.
- I too felt his buttocks
astride my leather seat.
- Ugh, no, don't remind me.
Thank you, just go.
- A great man, but not as great as you.
- That's very kind of you bike.
- Hangman tears off.
- Okay, let's go.
- I guess we'll just go to Aguefort.
- Question is, how are we gonna?
- Do we have any friends who are at prom?
That we can just hear what the vibe is.
- I'm guesssing its not prom time yet.
- What time is it?
- Not prom time yet.
You have probably two hours.
- Oh my god, why don't we call Ragh.
- Fair.
- Right, like at least he knows
what's been going on at school
- We should find out what's been happening
in the months we've been away.
- We're going to try to find Ragh.
- Do you want to call
him or try to find him.
- Let's call him.
- Yeah.
- You can text him to meet us
somewhere, or yeah call him.
- I'll just call him.
- Ragh is very stupid.
I feel like if we don't pull him aside,
he's going to be with
somebody or something.
Should we go to Aguefort
and either you dress up as somebody else
or I sneak in and we just pull Ragh out
into the parking lot.
- I think you sneak around
the back of his office.
I disguise myself and go in
and then we can convene in there.
- Cool.
Is that cool with everybody.
- Fair.
- Yeah.
- You dip out.
You head to Aguefort.
Who all is going where at Aguefort?
- Although it would be
great to get Adaine in.
- Your sister?
- Yeah, I mean I can
cast Invisibility on myself,
and I could even carry you.
- Oh, cool.
- With Invisibility, but
it only lasts for a minute.
So we have to f*cking run in there.
- I'll wait outside.
- I'll stay
with Gorgug outside
- I'm gonna—
- Can you disguise other people?
- No just myself.
- You can ask Ragh what's going on.
We're going to go into Aguefort's office
and see if, or should
we talk to Goldenhoard?
- I can always talk to Goldenhoard.
- You can do both maybe.
- Yeah.
The offices are pretty close, right?
- The schooled is closed
'cause they're getting ready for prom.
- We told Goldenhoard to
go into Aguefort's office
so I don't know how, he has
whatever was in there I think.
- Call him and then—
- We can try to do both.
Let's just go.
- Okay.
- Cool, so me an Adaine are invisible.
- So you guys are going into the office.
- Just rushing into the office.
- Yeah I guess you don't
even need me diguised.
- But we want to talk to Ragh,
so you should go in and talk to Ragh.
- Okay, I go on in.
- The school is locked up, lights out.
They're getting ready for prom—
- Prom is at school though?
- Prom is in the gym, which
is a separate buildng.
- Oh so we can just sneak in.
- So we don't need to us invisibility.
- Let' go in.
- We'll turn invisible
if we need to, so we go into the school.
- You guys rush into the school.
You get to the school,
the doors are locked.
- Okay, I will do thieves tools.
- Cool, DC 15.
- That's dex plus proficiency bonus?
- Yes.
- Can we help him?
- I, eh, 17.
- Cool, Riz takes out the thieves tools.
Opens the door, the door opens.
You guys begin to walk through
the halls of the Aguefort
Adventuring Academy.
With the lights off in here
and the ring of the linoleum
and the metal lockers,
its just echoy and empty here.
You see sort of, the only light provided
is the dull icy white hum of
the crystal cameras up around everywhere.
- Oh man.
- There are cameras.
- Can I cast Darkness around us
so that the cameras wouldn't detect us?
- You can do that.
- It can follow us?
- It can detect a moving
thing of darkness but yeah.
- That's fine.
- Alright, yeah cool.
- You guys head through,
walking very carefully.
You arrive at the door of
Arthur Agueort's office.
- Cool, I try to open it.
- Locked as well.
- Not great.
- Can we help his roll?
- You can give him advantage, yeah.
- I rolled two fours.
- Can I kick the door down.
- Go ahead and make an athletics check.
- Yeah, a f*cking 20.
- You are fiddling with this.
You hear a little voice say,
fiddly dee a little thief
attempting break into
the vault of Arthur Aguefort.
This enchanted door shall find (bam)
and you see that Fabian's
foot just connects
door flies open.
- We've got things to do
The Ball, lets do them.
- Look at the bin, look in the bin.
- Go ahhead an make an investigate check.
- Let's kind of investigate around.
- Wow a one.
- I got it, 18.
- 19.
- You see that
the bin is empty.
It looks—
- Can I do an arcana check on it?
- Sure.
- What's that, 21.
- Umh, 21, you see that there are other
sort of files and folders and stuff
that are here in the room.
You see also that Watches and Wards
is still here since September 1st
when Kristen and
Applebees brought it here.
- Wasn't Watches and Wards
supposed to be in the library
to stop bad spells from
happening in the school?
- It absolutely was.
- Can we take it back there?
- I'm going to go ahead and
give you guys some stuff.
- Is there—
- Can we look under it and
look at the bin itself?
- Does he have an computer
with a trash folder?
- I want to go through his desk
and look for secret
drawers under the drawers?
- What were the investigate
checks you all made?
- I did a 19.
- 19.
- 12.
- One.
- 12.
- Uh, 19.
- I had goten a six.
- Seven, I have a negative one
- Cool, here is Watches and Wards.
Which you can use Detect Magic on.
Here is some stuff that you guys find,
which seems kind of boring.
It's just payroll and federal
paper work information.
- Okay, we want to look
at that because we know
that someone was paying
the school or something.
When we went to Daybreak's
there was weird stuff.
Somebody on the school board
was paying money to the
Harvestmen or something?
- Well Daybreak was getting a huge salary.
- Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can we look into Daybreak's Salary?
- Oh sh*t!
- Oh it's on here I thought—
- What is it?
- Go ahead and read,
let's read these outloud.
Let's start, you guys can read that.
Adaine, why don't you go ahead
and read what you've learned here.
- You are reading the first
few pages Watches and Wards.
Examining the spell with Detect Magic
you can see a powerful
abjuration preventing
Kalvaxus from ever touching the book
or asking someone to
remove the book for him,
which means that my
sister is not Kalvaxus.
As long as the book is kept
in the restricted section of the library,
no summoning or harmful conjurations
can occur on school grounds.
Only Arthur Aguefort or the elven oracle
are physically capable
of removing the book
from the restricted
section of the library.
All others will be knocked unconscious
on their first attempt.
- Is your sister?
- No I removed the it.
- You removed it, so
you're the elven oracle.
- Do you have anything?
Can you do an arcana check on yourself
to see if your memories were erased?
- Can you cast Identify on yourself?
- I don't know?
- I'm sorry, the elven oracle is a child?
Your not a child but a teen.
- Can I do an arcana, wait,
how did you find out that your sister
had her mind erased or whatever.
Was that a spell?
- She had that spell.
- I did Detect Thoughts.
- I can, awh I don't have Detect Thoughts.
- But she had, what was that spell called?
- The Modify Memory.
- Modify Memory.
- I'm going to make a, I
have a negative one to arcana
but I'm going to try.
- I have an arcana check,
but I don't think anything not magic
is going to be able to—
- Five.
- I got an 18 on arcana.
- Okay.
- I got a 21.
- You start looking, so what
are you trying to figure out?
- Can I cast Detect Thoughts on myself?
- Cast Detect Thoughts on yourself.
I'm just going to watch her eyes.
- Can you dispell that spell?
- Give me a history check
and an arcana check.
- Okay.
I got a 20 history not nat,
and I got a 24 arcana.
- I'm going to give you
two pieces of information.
for each of those checks.
- f*ck.
- The first piece of information is this.
There have been many elven oracles.
The elven oracle is a
position that is filled
by one elf at a time exclusively.
As an incredibly potent
arcane figure in the world.
The other piece of information is that
on the evening of August 31st,
the day before you went to Aguefort.
Presumably, the elven oracle died.
- So, when the last elven oracle dies
did I become the next elven orcle?
- Do you know what being
an elven oracle does?
- The Santa Clause.
- Yeah, what does it mean
to be the elven oracle.
- Did I get Santa Claused
into being the elven oracle?
- You're Santa Claus.
- Who died and how?
- It was in that shipwreck.
- It was in the shipwreck,
the elven oracle died.
- Oh right, whoa.
- So then, can you
dispel, can you modify—
- Well I don't think her, its not her—
- I don't think that it's her memory—
- Your sister knew, your
sister knew that you became—
- But how did my sister know
that I became the elven oracle?
- She must just know.
- That sneaky little
b*tch, I hate her so much.
- Then she got you to steal that thing,
and she was also tried to—
- We should definitely put the book back.
- Let's put the book back.
- This is what I have.
Financial, this is the
full people on payroll.
We have Jawbone, the guidance counselor.
Gilear, the lunch lad.
- How much does Gilear make?
- Do these match up?
I have a list of everyone's race.
- Yes, those match up.
- How much does Gilear make?
- So he's a human,
human lycanthrope, okay.
Elf, Gilear, demon, Gorthalax.
Half-elf, Jace.
- How much does Porter make?
- Its not an amount,
it seems to be the race
associated with that person.
- So the issue is that you are
cross-referencing the payroll information,
which does have pay information,
and a piece of federal paperwork that's
about a diversity initiative
from the federal government.
So, its listing the different
species of the teachers here.
- Cool.
- Got it.
- Does one of them not—
- Do we notice a disparity
in pay per species?
- The only nonhumanoid
is Casavian the Wise,
who's the custodian.
- Make a investigation check for me Riz.
- Uh, 19.
- You're cross-referencing it.
They don't line up.
One of those lists is one
longer than the other.
- Oh got it.
- You guys see Riz furiously.
- Okay so there are
28 races and 27 of these.
- Cool, so someone has been scrubbed
from here who is a nonhumanoid.
- It just says nonhumanoid?
- Is Porter on there?
- Porter is on there.
- You guys pass by the library
with Watches and Wards in your hands.
- Okay, let's go into the library.
- Wait, can I make a perception check?
- Yeah, good idea.
I will also do that.
- I only got a 10.
- 18.
- You guys can make some perception checks
on your way out of
Aguefort's office as well.
- I got a 16, oh no I
didn't I got a seven.
- Nine.
- 17, what was the
highest that someone got?
- I got a ten.
- As you are leaving, you
broke in here a long time ago
at the very beginning of, sorry.
Riz was the one who broke into
the principal's office, right?
- Yeah.
- You broke in here.
As you are leaving, you notice one thing.
The waste paper bin,
which is totally clean
you didn't find anything
in, isn't in the spot
where it was when you broke in here last.
- Okay, so I check this.
- Oh my god, its a secret door.
- Let's go—
- Put it where it used to be.
- Okay, I take the bin and
put it where it used to be.
- Nothing happens.
- f*ck.
- g*dd*mn it.
- No, no, no, I take it
and put it upside down.
- You see an upside down waste paper bin.
- Oh no!
- We asked Goldenrod,
to check out the trash can.
Maybe it's in his office,
whatever was in there.
- Let's go.
- We need put this in the library.
- You can walk in to the
library on your way to—
- Yes, great, so let's put—
- You guys get to the library.
You sneak in, you still
have the darkness up.
You put the book in there.
You guys see that as you put the book back
Adaine floats up in the air about a foot,
and is surrounded by
motes of silvery light.
- I'm not doing this.
This isn't me
- Oh no.
- And you see that an image of a
spectral elven woman with
flowing hair looks and says,
and kisses you on the forehead.
Says, every oracle dies.
I died in a shipwreck.
Brutal.
- Yeah, what you didn't see it coming?
- That sucks.
- I did but I thought there was a shot,
I took a swing and it ended up
a miss, you know what I mean?
- You know I really do.
- Sometimes it doesn't work out that way.
- Sometimes it doesn't work out.
- The future, the might of prophecy,
and the endless strands of fate
are in good hands young one.
And for real be careful on ships
because when sh*t goes sideways
there's no where to go its just ocean.
- It seems dangerous.
I should just learn Water Breathing
so that if that happens I'm okay.
- You learned Water Breathing.
The f*ck of it, I had it in my spell book
and didn't prepare it.
- No, damn.
- Had it in my spell book,
didn't prepare it, on a ship.
- Yeah that seems—
- Who are you?
- I am the elven oracle of days past!
Motes of light.
- Okay.
- She's definitely dead.
I guess is what we are learning here.
- You guys march on over
to Goldenhoard's office.
- Can I do something weird?
I have something inspiring
I want to say to everyone,
but I also don't want to take
up too much of anyone's time.
I just feel like I am always talking.
- Hey guys, there is
no dragonborn on here.
- What?
- Goldenhoard's not on here.
- What is the consequence
of him not being on there?
- He's not on the payroll.
- sh*t.
- He's not the nonhumanoid
- He's not, no.
- Or he's not dragonborn.
- Dragonborn is a humanoid.
They're a race of people.
Goldenhoard isn't on any of these lists.
There is no dragonborn
that works at the school.
- Oh sh*t.
- Really?
- So Goldenhoard isn't a dragonborn.
- Wait, so he's, he said
don't trust the faculty.
- He was so mean.
I thought he was mean so
that meant he was a good guy.
But I don't know he's not on this list.
Anybody else can double check my work,
there's no dragonborn.
- f*ck.
- Make a intelligence check for me.
Roll intelligence, we'll call
it a DC 10 intelligence check.
- I got an 18.
- 18?
Now, I'm not sure if there's
something medical going on here
and that explains why you
are having this panic attack,
but I do have to give you
detention, none the less.
Kristen, could take Watches and Wards
to Principal Aguefort's office for me.
- Sure.
- Memory of your very first day
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
- Kalvaxus can't touch the book,
and he had you take the book.
Oh my god.
- You guys sprint to Goldenhoard's office.
It's locked, I assume—
- I'm just muttering a inspiring speech
to help us with our hit points.
- Sure.
- But no one really has
to pay attention to me.
I'm just over here like, I didn't think
I would make friends like this
it feels like a movie almost.
- I can be like, what are you saying?
Speak up, what?
- How much HP is it?
- It's like a lot of HP which
is why I'm bothering everyone.
Please go on with what you were doing.
I'll just be over here for 10 minutes.
- Okay that's fine.
- Kick it in.
- I'm assuming me and
Gorgug do some kind of cool,
tag team, like yeah, yeah.
- We nod at each other.
- Its a full Bad Boys 2 (bam)
- POD starts playing.
- Exactly.
- Actually, before we go there,
I'm also going to play Countercharm
as we're running there.
So that we all have advantage
on being frightened or charmed
in case there is any kind of charm trap.
- Its like your family
is just your family.
That's who you are born into but friends—
- You guys bust the f*cking door down.
Make investigation checks.
You see Goldenhoard's office here.
- I mean I love you guys and uh-
- I got 19.
_ I got a 20, not nat.
- 14.
- Two.
- Nineteen.
- You guys are
going through, pulling things apart.
You go and you find a little
secret drawer under the desk.
You pull the drawer open.
You find a scroll case
and you find a crumpled up
piece of paper as though
from a waste paper bin.
- Guys I think I found our trash.
- f*ck.
- Alright.
- The scroll case is the
first thing you find.
So I might do the scroll case.
- A powerful spell scroll
it's magic long since used.
Aged parchment and ensorcelled ink.
Enchantment runes, deep divination runes,
a powerful quest spell
in Arthur Aguefort's
personal lingua arcana.
- That's a description of what your,
that's what your Detect Magic
is telling you that
information about the object.
Here's the text on it.
- I invoke the nine winds.
I invoke the thirteen sigils.
I invoke the 69 glyphs of binding.
Kalvaxus, in defeat, your opponents
have elected to show you mercy.
That you might learn from
the error of you ways.
To that end, I bind you.
You will repay the land you have wronged
by serving to restore its future.
Thus shall your task be to
steward all the generations
of Solace's heroes yet to come.
I lay this quest upon you.
That you will remain by
my side as long as I live.
- And he's bound to the school—
- You shall relinquish your mighty form,
such that you may walk among
the two-legged folk, as one of us.
You shall be parted from your treasure,
never to hold wealth again.
And you shall never k*ll another
Solisian as long as this binding stands.
Oh, and one more thing,
you have to make sure that
I always have tea on hand.
Mix it up to, I get bored if,
Oh mix it up too, I, sorry there's a,
not very good at spelling Arthur Aguefort.
Mix it up too, I get bored if I always
drink the same type of tea, surprise me.
I'll drink anything
you give me, literally.
I am not picky.
Karam-Kajam!
I bind you!
- So, he is, so Kalvaxus is Goldenhoard.
- Yeah.
- Also, Arthur Aguefort is
terrible at punishing people.
- Really bad.
- All of his choices are so spicy.
- Why would he k*ll himself?
- To be fair,
I don't think I would want to
be a teacher for all eternity.
- Its a bad punishment, but built in
is that he had to be
alive, which is a bad idea.
- He k*lled himself knowing
that he was leaving Kalvaxus.
- I think he's like sort of a wild card.
- Well the second thing is a prophecy.
A prophecy as dictated by
the Oracle Alamanthadriel
to their paramour the
wizard Arthur Aguefort
mere moments after the
binding of Kalvaxus.
When Kalvaxus once again
behold his glittering treasure
and seven maidens once more
are chained at the mouth of his lair.
When w*r befalls the realm
and a king and queen are
crowned anew in Solace.
Then will the Emperor of the Red Waste
be released from bondage.
His destruction will know no bounds.
The sun shall fall from the heavens
and the world as we know
it shall perish forever.
Well that's bad.
- The emperor is Kalvaxus?
- Yup.
- So Goldenrod is
Kalvaxus bound and then—
- The emperor of the Red
Wastes served Kalvaxus.
- The emperor of Kalvaxus.
- Is Kalvaxus.
- Goldenrod is a bound Kalvaxus
and this prophecy is saying
that if a king and queen
aka a prom king or queen are crowned
and they have seven virgins—
- f*ck.
- At the mouth of—
- There are definitely
going to be seven virgins at prom.
- How many virgin do we know
that they have right now.
- Seven, they have seven.
- No you're right.
- They have Zelda —
- Its Katia, Antiape, Penelope,
Penny, Danielle, Sam, Ostentatia, Zelda.
- Just making sure one of
us wasn't part of the plan
so we knew that ahead of time going in.
- Okay.
- We all f*ck.
- Because that would
be a f*cking twist if—
- I mean none of us are virgins obviously.
- We all do it.
- Everyone add eleven hit points for
my amazingly inspiring speech.
- Thank you.
- Where is his lair?
Can I cast Locate Creature?
- Welcome, welcome.
- Oh, nevermind.
- One and all, to your final day at the
Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
- Who told you that, an oracle?
- You see the PA
system is blaring in the school.
You know, the funny thing
about adventuring parties
that I never understood was
how so many people could
operate under the delusion
that we have loyalty to each other.
My kind has always understood
that you are born alone and die alone.
Your phones start pinging left and right.
- f*ck.
- You see when push comes to shove
I imagine you'll make the selfish choice.
You guys see videos of fires being set
to the Faeth home, the Thistlespring tree,
the Abernant home, Seacaster manor,
the Applebees residence, and
Strongtower Luxury Apartments.
- Between our houses and the world,
you expect to choose our houses?
- Perhaps then your parents
will be glad in their deaths
knowing that you doomed them.
- I break from the party and run.
- I run to the Faeth house
'cause isn't that where my mom is?
- I call for the Hangman
to meet me at the school.
- Maybe I'll just, yeah I'm
going to run to the Faeth house.
I'm just going to say, we'll meet back up,
I'll see you at prom.
- I'll see you all at prom.
- How long do we have?
- It's about 45 minutes till prom.
- But its going to be a
while before the king—
- I kind of what to check out the IT
- Let's burn down the gym and go.
- Oh that's a good idea.
- You get a call on you're phone.
You hear screaming and you hear,
bud are you nearby!
There's something going on at the house.
- I tear off, I'm coming.
- Alright, I guess we all
go to our separate houses?
- No, I'm going to check out,
where did all of the palimpsests go again?
- Yeah, I'll go with you to the AV room.
- I text my mom on the way,
so you should probably leave.
- I'm going to go, I guess I
go to Strongtower and your—
- Rad.
Home, home, home, home,
you guys go to the AV room.
- Cool.
Girl power
- Girl power.
- I'm going to need you guys to make
an investigation check when
you get to the AV room.
- Great.
- Eleven.
- Investigation, I got a 25.
- Jesus Christ!
You bust into the AV room.
You sit down.
All the sh*t that f*cking Biz
and all those guys were like,
there's actually lot going on.
Yeah you're in immediately.
First of all, you find a
bunch of deleted stuff.
They, apparently, someone maybe,
someone who didn't know crystals too well
went and deleted this stuff
and didn't fully delete it.
It's like sitting in a trashcan.
- Old people, stupid.
- You see,
first of all, you catch something
of Goldenhoard at his
desk a couple of weeks ago
writing something on a
legal pad that you see here.
- So much reading today.
- I know.
- Dear Mr. Fallowglade
If you would be so kind,
a student's rat familiar
has gone missing somewhere in Elmville.
If you wouldn't mind summoning a few owls
and cats to help track it down.
It's swift recovery is
of the upmost importance.
I hate this guy so much.
- Yeah but we should text Riz
and let him know that the
rat is really important.
- Yeah.
- Can we do that?
- Sure.
- I just ping Riz.
- Yup I got Edgar with me.
Text wasn't planning on letting him die,
but now I'll be extra careful.
- Don't let anyone take him from you.
- You see a couple of other things,
the two other huge things
on the crystal recordings
is the supposedly deleted,
the night that the seven weeks ago
when you guys were at the arcade.
The seven missing girls all appearing
in their bodies again with
preset chains around them.
You see video of them at
night being taken out to
the loading dock back by
the kitchens in school
and loaded into an airport shuttle.
- Airport shuttle?
God damn.
- You see as well,
- Oh that one bus right?
- They're probably at the Red Waste
or wherever the prophecy said.
- I mean its—
- It didn't say the location specific.
- Once he beholds his glittering treasure
and their chained to
the mouth of his lair,
wherever the f*ck that is.
- That's got to be in
the Red Waste, right?
If they're going to an airport shuttle,
probably flew them to the Red Wastes.
- f*ck.
- Adaine, you notice
something interesting.
There are a handful of
feeds in the AV room.
Streams from cameras.
In no way, does it even close to approach,
the number of cameras you
have seen at the school.
- That's weird, where are
all of the other cameras.
There's like a camera
in every hallway, right?
- Which wouldn't be this many?
- You see Porter Cliffbreaker,
the earth genasi barbarian,
striding towards the AV room.
As he approaches saying, now,
not supposed to be students
wandering around in the
school after.
And his entire body is sucked
into one of the cameras.
- Oh my god, I text to Fig
also, I don't think Porter is a bad guy.
- No, I'm pretty sure he is a bad guy.
Make sure you get him.
- Don't worry I'm going to
be on him all of tonight.
- I don't have to get him.
He's already in a palimpsest.
- You see teachers all
over the school grounds
getting sucked into what
are disguised as cameras,
but are actually crystal palimpsests.
- That's so sneaky.
- We're going to move right along g*ng.
- Crap, I want to stake
out the gym a little bit.
Are you good at stealth?
- No.
- What are you guys do after the AV room?
- We are both f*cking
terrible with stealth.
I have a negative three.
- You have Invisibility, right.
- But it only lasts for a minute.
- Get near the thing and then look at it.
- Is there an upper level to the gym.
- Kristen you get a call, by the way,
after a minute or two of being
in the AV room from your mother.
- Okay, yeah.
- She goes, Kristen there's
people here at the house.
Do you know anything about this?
- Mom, uh, are you guys okay?
What are they saying?
- They're attacking!
There burning the house down!
- Oh no.
Try to get out.
- Try to get out!
- I don't know.
Uh, pray!
- You hear the voice of Bricker,
your little brother say, help me.
- sh*t, I have to go.
You just be, go invisible
and check out the gym.
- It only lasts for a minute
and then I can't use it again.
- Okay, I'm calling an Uber.
You use the minute go look
at as much sh*t as you can.
Jump in the uber with
me, come to my house.
- Okay.
- Look, Radolpho will be here in
two minutes in a Honda Civic.
Use one of those minutes, go.
- Do you rush over to the gym?
- Yeah I would like to poke
my head in the gym, invisible.
- It looks beautiful.
- g*dd*mn it
- Nice purple declarations.
The theme is A Night to Remember with a k.
A Knight to Remember.
- Oh okay.
- Are there crowns in
there, can I see the crowns?
- I was going to say, steal the crowns.
- Make an investigate check.
- Uh, 23.
- Crowns are not in here.
- sh*t, okay.
- Invisibility fades.
- Hop in!
I'm so sorry, she was
going to be right here.
- I'm so sorry.
- Its okay, 'cause
you're not doing a share
so its just you know the more time.
- Okay, we got to go.
- I just always hate to make you wait.
- Its fine with me.
- We got to go.
- Oh yeah, my whole family is on fire.
- Oh they're being attacked and k*lled.
You see that his begins
to fly through the air.
Wooo!
- Yo, Radolpho man, this is great!
- I actually am waiting
to sign up for plus
because I should be able to do—
- You should.
- Because the car is nice enough
that it doesn't make sense
that I'm—
- This is gorgeous.
- For sure.
- Do you need help fighting?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Would you mind giving me five stars?
- Oh my god, definitely
- Yeah,
and I'm going to give you
a gem, they have them now.
- Really?
- I give you a gem, and then
I say, great car, cool tunes.
- Awesome, love it.
You see that, you guys
fly through the air.
I'm going to explain
what's going to happen now.
- Oh sh*t.
- You're all rushing towards
your homes as they come under attack.
You rush forward on the Hangman, Fabian.
You head to the Faeth home.
You're all sprinting as fast as you can.
These battles are
going to occur,
but we're not going to run
them like traditional battles
because you're all off
on your own separately
and not all together.
So, what's going to happen is this,
I have the Box of Doom here with me.
I'm going to roll it over here.
On a one through a six,
something truly terrible happens.
On a seven through a 14,
something bad happens.
On a 15 through a 20, things are okay.
If you elect, to go fight
to help your family,
to go fight and try to save them.
You will give up half of
your current hit points,
you will give up 14 spell levels,
and you will, if you do that
I will make the roll with advantage.
- Fourteen spell levels,
what do you mean by that?
- So in other words, a first
level spell slot is one.
A second level spell
slot it counts for two.
A third level spell slot counts for three,
and you need to get up to fourteen.
- I don't even know if I have that.
- I wasn't planning to fight.
I was going to try to hide, sneak in.
I wanted to get Sklonda
and Gilear in my bag of holding
and then teleport out with my sword.
- I can dig it.
The challenges that
await for you narratively
are represented by this roll of the dice.
So—
- We're all going to help, right?
- I need to do some kind
of insight check first.
- Okay.
- Because I am undecided on my mom.
Because at first, I felt like I,
oh maybe she's a good person,
but now I maybe feel like
she's part of this ruby plot.
- Go ahead and give me an insight check.
- 14.
- Your mom has never
lived up to the standard
you put on her
of making your life good and perfect.
She never was able to protect you
from all harm and suffering in the world.
And maybe that's not fair.
And she's probably just a person,
and those photos make it like—
- She's a complex person.
She's allowed to be.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- You're all doing it?
- Yeah.
- Since I'm with Kristen, can
we take half of that each?
- A quarter each, just to help my family
and let her family burn.
- I don't f*cking give a sh*t.
They probably not even there.
Our families are at w*r,
and they're probably not even there.
- You have to give half to
get advantage on the roll.
- You don't have to give half,
but if you want to I will roll three d20
and do advantage that way.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I'm doing it for sure.
- I mean I have to do it, and
don't know how I don't do it.
- Okay well I would like to
use my 18 divination roll
on Kristen's family so we
don't have to deal with it.
- Dope.
- Cool, awesome.
- Cool.
- And you're not rolling
for your family, corect?
- f*ck 'em.
- f*ck 'em, cool.
- Oh my god.
- They didn't call me, they didn't come
and visit me in prison, they started a w*r
to get my sister out
and didn't come to see me.
- I'm going to give up half
of mine for her family.
- No, don't do that!
- f*ck my family.
- Just, your mom was nice.
- Alright guys, I'm going to
start making some rolls g*ng.
Here we go.
- This is the worst
thing I've ever been a part of.
This moment right now.
Having to listen to these dice
rattle around in that box.
- It's almost better than watching it.
- Rattle, rattle, type, type, type.
- Yeah.
- Ugh, this is like one of
those scenes where they slow mo
the judges gavel like hitting it.
- I was wondering why
my mom came to visit me
and humanized herself
and this is exactly why.
- So that you would
feel this pain right now.
- Yes, 'cause otherwise I
probably would have let her go.
This is devastating.
- What if my family dies?
What if my f*cking family dies?
- Your dad is buff.
- Your dad is the f*cking bad guy.
- He's still my f*cking dad okay.
- Okay.
I will now describe what happens.
- This is horrifying.
- This is so bad.
- It couldn't have been any other way.
- It could have been.
- I wish for a magical ice cream
to happen right at this moment.
- Guys, what's going to happen
we all find out our parents died
and then ice cream appears in our hand.
- You guys rush all over
town as fast as you can.
Fig, you arrive at the Faeth home.
You see that there are
lizardfolk, orcs,
trogladites, hobgoblins.
All wearing armor and red sashes.
All with the emblem of the
Emperor of the Red Wastes.
They have all journeyed—
- Dang, they're already
organized with costumes?
That's bad.
- You slash and fight
your way through them.
You f*cking wreck house you
hit some power cords, cast spells.
You get into the home to find
Sandra Lynn lying on the ground.
Blood coming from her head.
Her griffin is outside helping you fight,
and she is unconscious.
- Well I'll heal her.
She hits two more of these
enemy combatants out on the lawn.
Stands up.
Fig!
Are you okay?
- Mom,
Much more importantly are you okay?
I'm looking in way better shape than you.
- You're looking great how are you doing?
- Thank you for noticing.
Yeah no I'm good.
Well I was until I found
out that you're, look,
I'm really sorry that I
prioritized my dads over you.
You're allowed to be a complex person.
- She sweeps you up in
a hug and kisses you.
You see she says, I love you so much.
- 'Kay
- You're a good daughter.
Everything you're doing
now is something I get,
I was just like you.
- Sorry, I thought you were going to die.
I felt very bad.
- She looks and says, okay.
We're going to be okay.
Do you know, is this
about the missing girls?
Is this about them somehow?
What's going on with them?
- Yeah.
I think that they are part
of bringing the Red
Emperor, Kalvaxus, back.
- Okay, that's in the
Ranger's Handbook somewere,
I can look that up.
- Yes, and I believe that seven maidens,
they're all virgins, I
believe they've all been
transported somewhere
that's part of a prophecy
about how to bring him back.
- Where, do you know exactly where?
- His lair.
I don't know if that means the Red Waste
or if he has some sort of portable lair,
but he needs his riches to be around and—
- She says airport, okay.
It could be the Red Waste.
There's a closer place, there's a place
that you can't get to walking
its up in the mountains.
Are your friends in trouble too?
- Yeah.
- Go to your friends.
She kisses you on the cheek, she says,
I'm going to go find those girls.
She grabs her bow and swan
dives through the window
and lands on her griffins back
and takes off into the sky.
She says, if they are
where I think they are
I'll be back in as close to
a hour and a half as I can.
You got them sweet heart.
- Come back to the prom.
- The prom?
- Wear a dress or a tux.
I'll wear a tux.
- Are you wearing that?
- No, no, no, I have a little
blazer and maybe a tie.
- You look so cute in that tie sweetie.
- Thank you.
- Alright, lets do this.
Takes off.
- This is going to be a nightmare.
That was number one.
- My heart.
g*dd*mn it.
- Its out of the way at least.
- That was the most
beautiful thing I've ever
had to create mental
images for in my own head.
- Riz.
You see Strongtower Luxury
Apartment up in flames.
You sneak your way in as fast as you can.
Sneak attack who you can
you're done.
You know this building
so well at this point.
You dip all the way up
into your apartment.
Where you see,
the apartment is completely burnt.
Fire everywhere.
You fought your way up through here.
You get up as far as you can.
You see there are charred
bodies here in the room.
Go ahead and make an investigate check.
- 27.
- As you step you hear, a
familiar sounding arquebus
c*ck in the secret room, the
spy room of your apartment.
- Mom.
- Sweetie!
She comes out, kisses you, she say,
you're banged up, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- You see walking out of the
apartment with her, you see
just straight up holding
the leg of a chair is Gilear.
- Thank god!
- Honestly, I was more
worried about you Gilear.
I figured mom would be okay.
- He says, I hit someone
across the head with this.
I have never struck another
being in anger before
I didn't fully relieve
myself, but a little come out.
- That's okay Gilear you
did a really good job.
- I am so sad and scared.
- Invite him to prom.
- Do you want to come to prom Gilear?
- No I want nothing more
than to hide in a deep hole,
eat my turkey crackers,
have a big tub of yogurt,
and simply never show my face again.
- You see your mom says,
sweetie what the f*ck is going on?
- Okay, so, Kalvaxus is coming back.
He has seven maidens.
Apparently, dragonhorn or Goldenhoard
the vice principal at the school
who became the prinicpal,
is apparently Kalvaxus.
At prom tonight when
they make a new prom king
and prom queen they'll sacrifice the girls
and the prophecy, he'll be free.
- She goes, okay sh*t.
What do you need me to do?
Well you can't get up to the
mountains to help the people,
so do you want to go to prom with me mom?
- Kiddo, I was so afraid you'd ask.
- I honestly, you know—
- You see that she grabs
the thing, she says,
calling all cars, calling all cars.
We're going to need all squad, all squad,
on the gymnasium at Arthur Aguefort
Adventuring Academy pronto!
You hear something come
over the speaker going,
This is Agent Worell, what exactly—
your mom goes, hey Angela why
don't you f*cking cram it?
This is Elmville baby!
Your mom c*ck the g*n, grabs another g*n
- Dope!
- She's like, alright!
You head there now I'm going
to get the cruisers ready.
I'll meet you there.
- Right on.
- We're going to go over now to the—
- I can't do this.
- This one I cannot.
- I can't do this.
- We cut over to
the Thistlespring tree.
Which is engulfed in flame.
You don't hear any screaming.
You don't hear any noise.
Just the crackling of the fire.
There are dead bodies around
the outside of the tree.
- I run inside the tree.
- You run past the flames that
scour away at your body,
injuring you terribly.
You land in the middle.
Wilma and Digby both look
at you and say, hey bud.
- Oh my god.
- Your dad is in a
little greasy undershirt
with some kind of Tesla lazer cannon.
You mom has got a fleet of
spinning gyros around her
with little like poison
electro plasma g*ns.
They say, you wouldn't
believe what just happened.
- I, know.
- She says, woof, I tell ya.
Those were some scary folks.
Those were some nasty customers,
I'll tell you that right now.
- They're trying to
bring Kalvaxus back at,
it's complicated.
They're trying to crown
a king and queen at prom,
I explain everything.
- Your parents look at
you and go, okay, okay.
- We got to go.
- Alright that's fine.
- I'm glad you're alive.
- Oh bud, we're glad you're alive.
They kiss you on each cheek.
Listen, okay, here's the thing.
You always got to be kind, you
always got to try your best,
and there is no sense in
being a f*cking pushover.
You understand?
We might be small and we're real nice.
We try to be kind to everybody,
but if you come to the tree you
better be ready to never f*cking
leave, you understand me?
You understand.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Hey this is how we do it bud.
Wilma looks over at a
little crystal screen,
and you see she goes, awh dang!
Hon, it looks like there is some kind of,
I don't know, invading
army coming in from.
The satellite's picking something up.
Your father and I launched a satellite.
It was whole production, I tell ya,
you were in jail.
- Yeah.
- She says, I tell you what,
this looks like a big problem.
Digby and I, we're gong
to head out to the tank,
and we'll take that out to
the site of invading forces—
- How long have we had a tank?
I thought that was—
- What's that?
- I just assumed tat was something else.
- Well we just use it to mow the lawn,
but yeah its a tank,
- Oh, okay.
Yeah, use the tank.
- So, we're going to take
care of that invading army.
Do you want to go help your
pals with this prom thing?
I'd hate for you to miss
prom on your first year bud.
- That sounds good.
Do you have any bombs I could have?
- You want some bombs?
Sure, go over to the b*mb
chest, help yourself,
knock yourself out.
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- Alright buddy
And just remember your song, okay.
They both head out to a tank.
You mom and dad each go,
rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
Alright, I'll drive.
You can get in the gunner.
- Oh my god.
- And you see that your
mom hops into the gunner,
lights a little cigar,
and this tank heads off.
Bye kiddo, have a great time at prom bud!
- Bye.
- This is too much.
- I can't take all of this.
These are the sweetest nicest
most beautiful moments ever.
- We cut over to the Applebees home.
- Alright.
- You gave an 18.
You rush in.
Your mom and dad have taken
out a ton of the attackers.
They have their halberd.
You rush in, one of your
brothers is unconscious.
Another brother is bleeding out.
You cast your healing spells.
After the slaughter concludes,
you have healed your siblings.
Your father looks at you and says,
You think these
guys were illegals, what?
- Jesus, we should have let them die.
- Dad, I think they,
I think you need work.
Hey, I'm going to go help my
friend check on her house.
I wish you guys the best of luck,
and I'm going to take the car.
- What do you mean your
going to take the car?
- Bye!
- You get in the car and f*cking peel out.
- I'm glad other peoples parents suck.
- I'm so glad I have another
friend who's parents suck.
- Right?
- Like just categorically suck.
- Just categorically
suck, no questions asked.
- Hey, are you worried about your parents,
really I'm just worried about your mom.
- Honestly, I don't even know
if they're in the country anymore.
- Yeah we'll see.
- I mean I guess we can check.
- You guys swing past the Abernant home.
It has burned to the ground.
It is gone.
A quick Detect Magic from you shows
that a powerful teleport
spell was cast here.
- f*cking cowards.
- Fabian
You tear on the Hangman.
As fast as it will carry you.
It holds a little palimpsest
on the handle bars.
You see it says, master, your
father William Seacaster,
caught me spying on him.
He asked me to give this to you.
- Oh, what, why?
- It is a message from him to you.
- Can I play the message?
- As you are f*cking
down Elmville's streets
a little appears.
You see your father, legs
wide, sitting pitched forward
saber at his side tricorner.
He says,
well hopefully this motorcycle of yours
will be able to get you this message
while you're in the brig.
You're not much of a grappler,
but damn that left hook,
that's the money there, boy.
I, eh, some of those were original teeth.
Boyo,
I'll tell you this true.
When you were pummeling
me into unconsciousness,
a thing no man has ever
done and lived to tell,
I had some time to think as your
powerful fists were
raining down on my head.
On the eye patch side,
which is a low blow,
and I'll credit you that.
You're a fearsome warrior,
remarkable athlete.
You're nothing like me.
And that's the most wonderful
thing I can imagine.
I never had any choice but to be fearsome
because there was nothing
in me heart worth admiring.
I was a mad man and a lay about.
I took from the world anything I could.
You're different.
I see the way your friends look at you.
You don't command their fear,
you command their respect.
That's a feat I could
never have pulled off.
Not at your age.
You're nothing like me,
and when you were kicking the
ever loving sh*t out of me
I realized that's my deepest wish
and its the thing I most
wanted when I came here.
You done me proud boy.
Message ends, you arrive at
Seacaster manor, in flames.
You rush in.
Not only these Red Wastes soldiers
but humans with scarecrow
masks on, Harvestmen.
You rush through
You get into the chamber here,
you hear screams down near,
your mother's sensory deprivation egg
and up on the balustrade
of the captain's quarters.
- The sensory depravation egg.
- Making a choice between
your mother and father
you rush towards the
sensory depravation egg.
You arrive there to see
your mother's egg sealed,
and you can see through
the crystal silhouette
of your mother drinking wine
and Cathilda a whirling frenzy of blades.
Tearing into the soldiers here.
Right, Master Fabian
could you lend a hand?
- Of course Cathilda.
- You lend a hand.
You defend your mother's egg.
The egg opens.
What is all of the hubub?
I am trying to relax.
- I slap the wine out of my mother's hand.
Get it together!
And I run off to find,
to where my father was.
- You see your mother, starts crying.
- Mama, I'm sorry but you have to
f*cking pull yourself together.
You have to be some
kind of person, alright.
You can't just be a thing
that lies around my house.
And then I tear off.
- She stumbles over to
this whip thin elven sword
on the wall before she gets
there you're out of the room.
You hear the shouts before
you get to the room.
And as you're almost there a figure
steps out of the quarters,
the captain's quarters.
Harvestman mask wearing a tux.
You go back and forth
and this person f*cking kicks you
in the chest up against a wall.
A flaming beam drops on your chest
and brings you to the ground.
This person slashes a decapitating blow.
You twist your head as far as you can.
The tip catches here and
slices through bone and flesh
and pulls your f*cking eye
right out of your head.
Blood down the side of your face.
Thinking you dead, the
Harvestman in the tux
moves away and you see
your sword flashes up on the way out
and tries to k*ll this assailant.
Pierces all the way through
that assailants left hand.
Looks back at you
another collapse inbetween you.
This figure darts away.
You hear noise of battle
from the next room.
I'm going to need you to make
an athletics check, DC 25.
- Jesus f*cking christ.
- With, uh—
- No advantage.
- It, athletics,
22.
- Go ahead and make it again.
- Nat one.
- Aren't you lucky?
- Beam sinks deeper—
- I am lucky, I would like to roll again.
- Cool, yeah, go for it.
- Twenty-one.
- You end up squirming your way out
after the sounds of battle
have stopped in the next room.
You take an additional
five points of damage.
In the next room,
the blood is coursing down
your face from your injury.
You step into the next room.
The place is littered with bodies.
People have been shot
directly in the as*h*le.
People have been hoisted up by
ropes, like chandelier ropes,
double noose hoisted up together.
Tons of people have
had their belts slashed
so their pants go around their ankle
and then been kicked in the nuts
and shot in the top of the head.
A carnival of violence
has occurred in this room.
You see easily,
on the balustrade
and in the chamber and
the gardens outside,
having been kicked or thrown
off, maybe 60 dead men.
And your father
has taken a manacle
and sometime in the battle
manacled himself to the top of a bed post
so that he could stay
standing and keep fighting.
Blood is oozing out of him.
He is making
death saving throws,
and looks up at you, saber in his hand,
there he is, my darling boy.
- Papa.
I, fantastic work.
- Oh you like my craftsman ship do you?
- Lot of shots to the as*h*le
- You give them one in the brown eye
and they'll never forget you.
- Papa.
- Do you mind taking me
down off the post boy?
- Of course.
- You take him and put him down.
He says, I heard you go for your mama.
That's a good boy.
I would have slit you throat
to stomach if you hadn't.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
Papa—
- You're so much better looking than I am.
I'm so glad that I married your mother.
- Stop papa.
Papa I haven't had sex with anyone.
You've had sex with everyone.
- He looks at you and says, I
had sex with a lot of people.
It was always great.
- I'm sure you're fantastic.
- I was good at it.
- Of course.
- Everybody came.
- Okay, that's too much.
That's a step too far.
- The bank, they done this didn't they?
- You were working with them?
- They lost their palimpsest supplier.
And they needed another one.
Seemed like a fun job.
Get back into the criminal way, that sort.
All the fun you were having,
I didn't want my golden
days behind me.
A big clot of blood
comes up into his beard.
Help me out to the balcony boy.
Comes out and says,
you write your name
on the face of the world
with your heroic deeds.
I though you were just going to be me.
A way for me to live forever,
but its better than that.
The story's going to get
better with each new one.
- Much better.
- Your face there boy.
He takes his eye patch off.
Hands it to you.
- I take it, and then drive
my sword deep into his heart.
- That's the way you do it boy!
Now you get out of here
because this is a new coat
and it explodes when I die.
- Oh papa, I thought it might.
I'd like to jump off the balcony.
- He flips his magical saber into the air.
You leap.
I shall leap into hell and
k*ll the devil himself!
You are silhouetted by the expl*si*n.
Catch the sword of your father.
- Can I call the Hangman to be
in there area of my landing?
- Boom!
Teen Wolf and you are out of there.
- Oh my god, he could have survived!
- He wouldn't have wanted to.
Oh, and I'd also like to smash
any evidence that my father ever
had any sort of soft emotional
feelings for me as his son.
- You shatter the
palimpsest, and with that
the legend of Bill Seacaster
is persevered forever.
Bloody streak across your
face, eye patch covering it,
the Sword of the Seacaster
is this beautifully,
basket hilt wrapped
gilded sword at your side.
You roar on the Hangman across town
as Gorgug, Fig, Adaine, Kristen, and Riz
all rush to the prom.
Coming across the grounds you hear music.
They have a live band.
Festive merry making.
Gorgug, with the school in your sight
you see a little message
shows up on your crystal.
The message is a couple of days old,
it got forwarded to you from your folks,
who are now in the tank
else where, saying,
this got sent to your old email account,
but we thought you might like it.
From many weeks ago, you see
a link from Zelda saying,
I was thinking about you,
and I made you a playlist,
hope you like it.
- Awh.
- So much metal.
- Zelda's playlist.
- Awh.
- On a nat 20, you knock
your opponents prone
while you are listening to the playlist.
- Hell yeah, I put on my headphones.
- There's so many kinds
of good metal here dude.
You guys rush the front
doors of the gymnasium.
You burst through.
An orcish band is playing up on the stage.
As the doors swing you hear,
presenting your prom king and queen,
Penelope Everpetal and Dayne Blade.
Students turn to look as you enter,
the crowns are poised in the
hands of orcish band members,
and Vice Principal Goldenhoard
as the sole chaperone
turns to look at you.
I'm going to need everybody
here to roll for initiative.
- Advantage, right?
- I got a 20.
- You got a nat 20?
- Oh sorry I got a nat 20.
- Jesus.
- I got a 20 as well
because I have advantage.
- Eighteen.
- And guys, that is it for
this week on Fantasy High.
- Ahhh!
- It's prom baby, see you next week.
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01x15 - Family in Flames
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.