- Hello, one and all and welcome back
To "dimension 20: a crown of candy."
I am your humble dungeon
master, brennan lee mulligan.
With me as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- For the first time in
"dimension 20" history,
We are going to a battle-
- Herstory.
- We're going to a battle set,
And we haven't even rolled initiative yet!
We'll do that in a moment, but
also, it's not a real battle.
It's a grand tournament so-
- Sure.
- Yeah, we believe you.
- Yeah, whatever dude.
- Sure!
- All right, okay.
- What, a boon, and naming a candidate,
And a seat on the cornucopian council
Isn't enough to give this stakes?
- Yeah, there's a literal steak.
- There is a literal steak.
Speaking of which, we
see the tourney ground
Laid out before you.
We have boxes for lords and ladies,
The imperial box for extremely
important royalty, nobility.
The pontifex herself is there.
Oh, we have livery area,
feasting, and armory,
Vendors and merchants.
Facing off in this bout,
we have sir theobald gumbar
Of candia facing off against
the lady plumbeline uvano,
Whose hair is no longer up in a bun,
But flowing freely behind her
out from under her helmet,
The symbol of house uvano on her shield,
Her lance in her hand.
Here we have four archers,
liam wilhelmina of candia,
The princess ruby rocks of candia.
The lord citron of fructera
and the lady freccia of ceresia
So you got a banana and a spaghetti lady.
- Aw, the banana's,
He looks just like the bow, but opposite.
- Yeah, he
does, the banana archer-
- Yes, fructerans are incredible archers.
We have two melee bouts
going on at the same time.
In this melee bout, we have
here a vegetanian knight,
We have captain annabelle
cheddar, we have-
- Oh, that's not french fries,
that's annabelle cheddar?
- No that's french fries.
That's a veggie knight.
- Ah.
- This is captain annabelle cheddar.
- So cool.
- The hot one?
- That's tough to go up against.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Do you want to check it out?
- How hot's that mini, dude?
- Yeah, let's see this mini
- Baby!
- That's a hot mini.
- Look at that bone structure.
Look at that confidence.
- You need to calm down
with that sexy plastic.
- She looks like she would
just listen for hours.
- Something about that sword makes me-
- Something about that
sword pointed right at me-
- Listen for hours?
- We have lord commander
constano grissini,
Who you met on the road, he's competing.
- He's in there?
- He is right next to you.
- So many f*cking familiar faces!
- It's a grand tournament
of the nobility of calorum.
- You're in the hot ring.
- Yeah, you're in the sexy ring.
- That thing of french fries, oh!
- I'll aim for those french fries.
- Drop our weapons.
- And princess jet rocks of candia.
- Yeah.
In this melee ring,
There is sir keradin
deeproot of vegetania,
A paladin of the bulbian
church, a ceresian gladiator.
We have, scravoya myaso,
the lady of the meat lands
And king amethar of the house of rocks.
Over here watching,
Watching jet's fight, we
have lord and lady cruller,
Who are escorting the young duchess
Of the dairy islands, primsy coldbottle.
You see that, primsy goes,
"right, you'll give it to
them, jet, i know you will!"
- I take out the scarf she gave me,
Like the needle work she
gave me and do a strip dance.
- Oh, i do the same thing.
- She says, "you're my champion, liam!
Don't forget you're doing this for candia
And the dairy islands!"
- Ah, yeah, i certainly am!
- And in the imperial box-
- Wow.
- We see lord and lady
swirlie, the primogen alfredi,
Basha myaso looking at his wife,
The consort of the lady plumbeline,
The lord consort rufus applebottom,
Senators semolina and ciabatta of ceresia,
Prince nezemiah cabbage
and princess maisy cabbage
And the pontifex herself,
belizabeth brassica.
And in the middle
Of all of this incredibly
politically important box
Is chancellor and primogen lapin cadbury.
We'll start even before
we roll initiative-
- I have a quick question.
- Yeah, go for it.
- I almost hesitate to ask, is thad here?
- Thaddeus is, roll a
flat intelligence check
For me if you'd be so kind.
- 13. Oh, intelligence, 14.
- To the best of your knowledge,
Thaddeus is still in the alley.
- Oh.
- It's the next day.
- Thad's jerking off in the alley.
- Absolutely raging in that alley.
- It is the first day of
brightdusk in the year 1215
Of the arugulan calendar,
the year of our bulb,
And there's merrymaking and
feasting, a grand tournament.
Some people here are very nervous,
Other people are very excited.
It's a big old party.
There's commoners in the
commoner areas that are like,
"wow, yeah" cheering.
Got some tartguard hanging around as well.
In this little corner, king
amethar and his two daughters,
Due to placement, have ended
up all next to each other-
- All next to each other.
- I do want to say i told,
I filled the group in on
everything i learned last night
About the stinky cheese boy.
- Cool.
- That was, so i definitely
told king amethar.
- Cool, you told him about-
- And i warned the kids, too.
- Warned the kids about
it as well. Would you-
- Is he there? He doesn't
seem to be there, right?
- Well, would you have told,
Would that have been like
a group-Wide thing of like?
- Yeah, i would have told calroy, too.
- Cool, calroy hears you
say the cheese boy thing
And he's like, "ah, i
think it would behoove us
If i were to become an extremely
dear fatherly benefactor
To the duchess coldbottle,
i'll be back later."
And you see that he just peels off
And literally shows up with her.
You see that his wife
is like, doting on her
And they've taken her shopping
and have really been, like,
Working to keep her away
From the dude you described to them.
- Awesome.
- Without further ado,
If everyone here would roll initiative.
- Oh no!
- Jesus christmas.
- 19!
- Nat one.
- Ugh, six.
- So plus four.
- 20.
- Okay, we'll go around.
What did liam get?
- 20, but not nat.
- 20 but not nat. What did theobald get?
- Six.
- What did jet get?
- 19.
- Good job.
- What did ruby get?
- I rolled a one, so i got a four.
- Four. What did amethar get?
- 18.
It sounded like eight.
I think i heard eight come out
of my mouth and i was, wait.
- 11.
- Oh no.
- Lapin got an 11.
- Lapin rolling initiative
makes me so nervous!
- Great.
- Oh, great.
- Now i'm gonna roll some
initiatives real quick.
- Oh god, how many-
- Can i talk to my daughters
While you roll initiative?
- Yeah.
- Yes, please.
You guys are before. Chat, chat, chat.
- Yeah, i think we all-
- Ruby, will you be standing here?
You will just stand here
the whole time, right?
- Mm-Hmm.
- As an archer.
Fantastic news.
- Great, hey girls?
- Yeah.
- I know our that house words are-
- In
sweetness there is strength.
- Let's focus on the strength
part today, all right?
- Yes. f*ck yeah, pops.
- There's no need to be sweet.
- Yeah. Nope.
- You shown 'em how f*cking
incredible and strong you are.
- I'm gonna show them how salty i can be.
- Oh, i can still be sweet.
I can be sweet and strong
and cool. I'm gonna win!
- I'm gonna be a piercing level of sweet.
- Your aunts, my sisters,
Would be so proud to watch you this day.
- I wish we could have met them so much.
- Ah, that's a good call.
I'm gonna close my eyes and
picture general rococoa.
- That's right.
- And just like, be like,
Aunt rococoa, shine down upon me.
- Channel the energy of
lazuli, the archmage,
Who was just really,
really good at potions.
- Good, good.
- I give a thumbs up from really far away.
I'm just like, staring with
shark eyes at everyone.
- I heard that!
- Hey, and liam? Do a good job.
- Yeah, i definitely will. I'm
making so many friends here.
It's crazy, how many friends you make!
- Friends are great.
- Yeah, friends are great. All right.
- Friends are great. I had no
idea people were this nice.
- How are you not hungover?
You were so wasted last night.
- Oh, no, i'm so hungover.
I can't believe it.
I slept with preston on my forehead
'cause he was nice and cold.
- Oh, that sounds great.
- That's right.
- That sounds really good.
- Yeah, i'm really breaking out in sweats.
I don't know why i'm still
wearing this hunting cap.
- Hey, me and your dad used to do stuff,
And he would be trashed
all the time so this is-
- I was wondering about that.
Like do you kinda have to
sh*t in front of someone
To form the kind of bond
that you guys all have?
- Should we all sh*t in front
of each other right now?
- Yeah, should we sh*t in front of you?
- Should we all
sh*t in front of you?
- You know how liam's
always saying that thing
About being a w*r guy
versus being a seed guy?
- Mm-Hmm.
- This is a w*r guy thing.
And luckily for none of you,
you've had to make the choice
Of being a w*r guy or
gal or a seed guy or gal.
- I mean, jet and ruby,
We sh*t in front of
each other all the time.
- I've seen ruby sh*t
some of the dankest shits.
- Okay, i mean, i guess
part of me is proud.
Another part of me needs
none of that information,
Especially before i fight a giant.
Guys, we need a second to focus up
While i fight this giant
t-Bone skank, steak.
- Skank?
- This giant t-Bone skank!
You hear that, you skank?
- Wow okay, our dad is sexist.
- No, no, i was just leaning
into a faux pas i made.
- Ah, we're all going to die.
- Thank god we can't hear
Whatever lapin is thinking right now.
- Lapin is just...
- I'm gonna assume-
- You're just talking to swirlie
And you hate every minute of it.
- Yeah, i think i look up and
see you and swirlie and go,
No, i'm so glad i brought him.
- I think that i have message
'cause you have the spell message.
I think i message and i
try to message theo saying,
"i'm scared for my father.
What should i do if he goes down?"
- I see you pointing at
me from really far away
And then i point at you and go,
"you know you need arcane
ability to do this, right?
Now you can respond, what
were you trying to say?"
- So you heard me. I understand.
- I didn't hear.
What was the first thing you
said when you pointed at me?
- I message jet, "what are
you guys talking about?"
- I'm talking about dad.
I'm worried if he goes down
That i might have to
jump over and save him.
- Oh, we'll save him if he goes down.
- Okay.
- Points at jet.
"just so you know, i can't hear anything
You're saying to ruby, i
see you pointing at ruby.
- I'm sorry, i was casting
message on ruby and not on you.
- I turn around for a quick
second to see everyone pointing.
What are you guys, is something going on?
- I'm doing a thumbs up,
just like the bill clinton-
- Okay, okay.
- Pointing, pointing.
- I point to lapin. "hey."
- What?
- She thinks she's casting message on you.
- You are not.
- Lapin says he's not.
- Why is everyone using
their hand in that way?
- Well we have to point. We're
trying to just make it look-
- For candia! For candia!
- Like we're just doing a thumbs up.
Yes, everyone be on the lookout.
There are many accidents
that happen in tournaments.
We don't want anything to happen-
- Okay, battle commences!
You see that senator ciabatta
looks over to the pontifex
And says, "your holiness,
I must, i'm afraid, root
for my gladiator, but i hope
That your paladin is able to
equate himself honorably."
You see the pontifex says,
"i cannot say that i relish
Looking at these violent
sports, but they bring gladness
To the people, and
perhaps they are a relic
Of the age of wars that is now over."
You hear primsy cheering
for you over here.
And we're gonna start combat,
With linguina freccia,
the spaghetti archer.
She's gonna take a shot at her target.
- Pretzel bow?
- Yes, pretzel bow. That is correct.
- Beautiful.
- Incredible.
- She rolls a 22.
Arrow is very close to the bullseye.
Next to go is sir keradin deeproot.
He goes five, 10,
15, 20, 25, 30.
He just advances over into
this corner and then takes,
Looks like he squares up defensively,
With like a dodge action, basically.
Oh by the way, you see scravoya
look right at you and say,
"you come for the honor of
my husband and my people.
I'm going to put you into the dirt."
- I would have it no other way.
Let's say you and i handle these two
And then square things off properly
So there's no question as to
whose prowess won this match.
- What a f*cking move!
Hold on, go ahead and give-
I'm just gonna say, give
me a flat persuasion check.
- Come on.
- Come on!
- It's just persuasion.
- Money, money, money.
- It's only a seven.
- Okay, she sneers at you and says,
"i'll put you into the dirt
before they touch you."
Whew! Cool, that is, keradin
has taken the dodge action.
That's gonna be liam.
- Hey, cool, can preston grant
me, with the help action,
With anyone noticing if-
- Yeah, he's on the side of the fence.
He can give you a little
help action, for sure.
- I love it.
- Let me check the range real
quick of your heavy crossbow.
I just want to make sure
That we're doing all of this legally
By the books et cetera, et cetera.
- The cops are here.
- The range is 100.
So yes, you, i believe, so that's 80
And from there, is that within 20?
No, it's just out of range.
So the help is gonna make a straight roll
'cause you have disadvantage
and advantage at the same time.
- All right.
- Come on.
Nice!
- 15. And what do i add to that?
- Just your attack.
- Oh, cool, all right,
yeah, yeah. With the bow?
- Yeah with your heavy crossbow.
- Oh, cool, so that's 23?
- Oh!
- 23?
Liam gets his a little bit closer-
- Ooh!
- Than freccia's.
- Thunk!
- Thunk!
Jet, the horns ring and you
are first to act in your melee.
- Well, like father, like daughter.
Annabelle, i honor your
claim to the cheese throne.
And i, also an heir who
has decided not to wed-
- What?
- Think that we should show these fools
A real f*cking fight.
Be my ally so that you and i can put on
A f*cking good unmarried show.
- Okay.
- Geez louise.
- Having never introduced
yourself to this woman,
You have announced her greatest shame
To the assembled tournament.
Go ahead and give me
persuasion with disadvantage.
- I didn't know that
was her greatest shame.
I got a nat 20 though.
- But disadvantage.
- Oh, i mean, it's on my
pen. Should i use that?
- Yeah, if it's c*ck, roll it again.
- I got a 20.
- A flat 20?
You say a lot of real
personal sh*t as out loud
As any one can say in front of
the head of a global church.
Annabelle looks at you.
- I'm proud of the fact that
i'm not married so, whatever.
- Annabelle looks at you.
An enormous f*cking gasp goes
up in the audience as you,
The heir of candia, openly
announce that you will not wed.
- Theobald is completely distracted. What?
- Yeah actually, some of the
lords and ladies just scream.
- I turn around and go, "hell yeah!"
- Liam!
- Thank you, liam!
I thought it was good.
- If we all agree
Not to get married, then none
of us have to get married.
Unionizing princesses.
- What an incredible shame
you've brought to your houses.
Cool, annabelle gets teary-Eyed
and straightens up her back
And salutes you with her saber.
- Salutes me?
- With her saber and nods her head.
- All right, man.
- She's extremely emotionally charged
That you've brought this
up, but she looks as though,
I mean, roll an insight check
to see how she's feeling,
But you definitely say some stuff to her.
- All right, i'll roll an insight check.
- Nice!
- I got an 18.
- Um, it look-
- Oh, no, just a 17.
- It looks like she's shocked
and awed by your bravery
And speaking aloud something
that she's been carrying
As a point of shame for a long time
And looks deeply touched
by your camaraderie.
- All right, well, you mull that over.
And then i feint at the
f*cking guy next to me.
I run up to the guy next to me.
- To grissini?
- Yeah, grissini, who i
fought alongside and i feint
To give myself, i use one of
my superiority dice to feint
And give myself advantage.
- Nice.
- And i attack.
- Nice.
- Does a 22 hit?
- 22, hold on.
- Whoa.
- He goes to parry it
And your attack passes his parry anyway.
- Ah, yes!
Okay. So i'm going to hit him for,
And i add a sneak attack, right?
'cause i had advantage on that?
- That's correct.
- 'cause i feinted.
- Mm.
- Hell yeah.
- Okay, that's gonna be,
10, 14, plus seven, 21!
- 21 damage?
- Yeah.
- That's my sister!
- You see, he looks at you and
he says, as you charge him,
You see he says, he's flabbergasted
At what you just f*cking said and he says,
"princess, are you?"
And you...
And all of the weapons have
had bluntings put on them,
Like sort of like soft
cork put on the edges
So your cork-Tipped
rapier leaps out and bam!
Deals 21 points of
non-Lethal damage to him.
You clock him right in the f*cking head.
- I'm sorry you had the
misfortune to start next to me.
- He, go ahead and make a persuasion check
Or just a flat charisma
check with advantage for me.
- Okay.
- Oh, hell yeah.
Oh my god!
- Two 17s.
- 21.
- I don't know what your insight is,
But he looks like, completely smitten.
He's like, "uh..."
He looks, he was like very sort of like,
Patronizing to you
before and you've popped
This f*cking young commander
Of the imperial army in the head.
- I lean in and i say, "play this right
And i might meet you in the alley later."
- Incredible.
- I hear that and-
- You just told everyone
you're not gonna marry
And then you're telling
your fellow combatants
You're going to meet them in the alley.
- Let me see something...
- That's my sister!
- Thank you.
- I'm like, "what are you
gonna do in the alley?"
What are you gonna do in the alley?
- The alley's just where i send men.
- Wow, f*ck, f*ck.
- I don't know what. I
just send them there.
- Okay. Amethar, it is your turn.
- Great. I look, quickly, i
look to the knight deeproot.
I say, "same offer, thoughts?"
Can i make another persuasion check?
- Give me another persuasion check, yeah.
- Great.
Even worse, a five.
- He looks at you and says,
"we will let the bulb decide."
- Oh, great, old fashioned way.
I take one step forward
and go into a rage.
- One step diagonally inward?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
You're gonna hit jet if you go there.
You can go one more in towards them.
- Yeah, i can go
one more in towards them.
- Cool.
- Great, step forward, go into a rage...
- But there are like, two?
- Actually, yeah, you can go-
- Actually, is there,
can i never step into?
If i just move, i started where, here?
- Yeah, there.
- If i move along here,
can i step like, just not.
No, f*ck it. I wanna be in
between the two of them.
No, i don't want both
of them swinging on me.
Who knows, they'll probably
both end up swinging on me.
I step, yeah, let me step.
I'll step where i had
planned. There you go.
- Great, i'm gonna say
that for these purposes,
The fences are going
to maintain your aura.
- Great.
- So you don't have to
worry about hurting people
On the outside of them.
Immediately scravoya and sir deeproot
Each take two points of damage.
- Great and then i square up on scravoya.
- Go for it.
- Oh, here we go.
Oh...
- Oh my god.
- This is a 19!
- 19.
- Nice!
- Plus nine, 28.
- Ooh, doctor!
- And then let's go.
Who do i trust right now?
Let's go you and you.
Great, for 10 plus nine, 19.
- Wow, good for you!
- 19 points of damage. Hell yeah.
Scravoya was talking a big game.
You stepped forward.
Cola (imitates soda
fizzing) and payment day
Blunted with cork on the
sides, bam, comes along.
This weird, fruity pulpy cork material.
And you brain this giantess steak warrior
For 21 points of damage in one hit.
- Wait, 19.
- Oh, sorry, 21 with the
fire.
- Boom.
- Awesome. That is amethar.
- Did you do 21 also?
- I also did 21. Did we both do 21?
- Yes!
- Well if i wasn't so f*cking mad at you,
I would be, we could be fun with this.
- I was giving you a little
something to work with.
I know you feed off of rage.
- Don't do this.
God, i love her so much.
- Incredible, that's your action,
bonus action and movement.
- Yep.
- We're gonna go-
- I am sorry though.
I really didn't know that was
gonna be so controversial.
- One, two, three, four, five.
- Well, you're the heir!
- What?
What's this ciabatta doing?
What is this ciabatta doing?
- He's in the melee with you.
- No, i understand, but you
keep like, having him climb me.
- I'm sorry.
He's gonna go here so
you guys all just rush.
You're melee, you guys just
f*cking rush into the center.
It's two barbarians in the mix,
And he takes a swing at king amethar.
- What? So much good competition here.
- He's gonna take a swing at king amethar.
And that's a miss. He swings and misses.
Raises up two swords, "ah,
for the glory of ceresia!"
That is now going to be scravoya.
- I don't like it.
- She's gonna take two
big swings at amethar.
Amethar's ac is 16, correct?
- 16.
- That is two hits.
- No!
- I was really hoping you
were gonna say two misses.
Got real excited for a second.
- Better than two crits.
- Better than two crits.
- 11 damage on the first
one halved to five.
- Okay, that was...
- And then...
Whew.
23, 23 halved to 11 on the next one.
- Jesus!
- Boom, boom.
- I believe i'm at, so for a total of 16?
- For a total of 16.
- I'm at 36.
- And
yeah, she's going to move.
She's actually hemmed in.
She can't move anywhere.
- What are the ability
checks that barbarians do?
- Strength.
- Strength checks?
- That's scravoya.
The archer citron is going to go.
Ooh, lord citron, the banana, gets a 25.
Launches an arrow right
outside the bullseye.
- Damn!
- And that is going to be,
Lapin, you're up in the
box watching the melee.
Scravoya landed some mighty
blows on king amethar.
She looks mad.
- Is there like a servant
or anything around?
- Yeah, there's some
people with food and stuff.
- Okay well, i'm going
to call a servant over
And then talk to lord and lady...
- Swirlie?
- Swirlie.
- Yeah.
- And say-
- "what a fine tourney!"
- It is an amazing tourney, yes.
I feel as though maybe we have
gotten off on the wrong foot.
I have a request directly from the king.
He has asked something of both of you.
Would you want to hear it or would you?
- "well, if the king has entrusted us
With a special favor then yes, we must."
- Yes, he has.
Only you two are in the box near the king,
Close enough to help him
with this very specific task.
He was hoping that once
this tournament is over,
He would be able to join us in the box
And have four glasses of wine.
Now, i need either of you to
hold two full glasses of wine
And hold them until the tournament's over
So that he may join us in merriment.
- "this request
is exceedingly normal
And we shall dispatch with it post-Haste,
My good chancellor."
- Yes, yes. Can we get a
servant to bring them to you?
- Immediately someone's
there with goblets of wine.
- Okay, so they, now just
hold them. Just hold them.
- "we shan't take any little sneaky sips!"
- The crown will always
remember you for this.
- "my good chancellor!"
- And then i will, and then
lapin will prepare a reaction.
- Very cool, i'm down.
You can full delay your turn if you want.
You can just let your,
like, you're just watching
So you are full, yeah.
You don't even need to prepare a reaction.
- Okay, i just want to be
able to, so like after,
Maybe if it gets worse, i
can go whenever i want to go?
- Yes, you just chime
in. You're like, full.
You're just sending your
turn down the river.
- Great.
- Cool.
- Cool.
- Lovely.
That is going to be...
- Send that turn right on down the river.
- Scheming.
- Bonathan rushes up.
- Bonathan could have been my ally.
- He's gonna go for annabelle cheddar.
- Yeah, annabelle's super.
- Hits annabelle twice.
- I will avenge you, my lady!
- Annabelle takes 12 points of
damage as bonathan lashes out
With his pike.
That is going to be lady
plumbeline, begins to, again,
You're gonna act on the same turn, theo.
- Okay.
- So she just starts charging
And readies an action, basically.
That's plumbeline.
Annabelle takes a bonus action disengage,
Goes five, 10, 15, 20, 25,
30 to give you sneak attack
And rushes in, she says and whispers.
A little tear goes down the
side of her face and she goes,
"long have the dairy islands
and candia stood side by side.
I shall not see that end this day."
And she's going to take
three attacks on grissini.
- Get it, yeah!
- Oh my god, she rules!
- Okay.
- Jet, make friends with her!
- Like, five minutes
after she winked at me,
I wink back 'cause i was
in shock for that long.
- And then you see me and i'm like...
Is it a wink train?
- She...
You see that she does this thing
Where she does a full back flip
And bicycle kicks grissini's
spear so it goes up
And on the come down
slashes underneath his armor
And scores a hit underneath
his shoulder on his arm
And lands back on her feet.
She's got, from being on
rolling decks of ships
Her whole life, she's got
the most powerful thighs.
Her core strength, like, she's just all,
Every step is as
sure-Footed as it could be.
- Like a soccer hottie?
- Like a soccer hottie.
Very megan rapinoe, very-
- Oh, damn, g*dd*mn!
- That better still be
a prescient reference
In the 11 months from when we filmed this.
- In 2021.
- I send a message to theobald saying,
"i think she's one of the good ones."
- I'm riding a horse at someone
else. I can't hear anything.
- That's gonna be constano
who's getting all banged up on
And all his abilities are about
granting actions to allies
So he's-
- Oh, god bless him!
- Poor guy.
- So i probably should have been his ally
But annabelle's way cooler.
- I mean look, what can you
do? Meet me in the alley.
- This one's going for annabelle.
- Meet me in the alley.
- Your fight's working out pretty well.
- Yeah.
- We'll see.
- Jet, he comes at you for 12, 15,
22 points of damage to you.
- Shield!
- Shield, hold on, 18 plus...
- So it's 23.
- 18 plus...
- f*ck!
- He still hits you with a 23.
- Oh, jeez!
- f*ck!
- So you take the 22 and
annabelle goes ahead and takes,
She takes a full 20.
- Yikes.
- 22.
- Annabelle is looking hurt.
She got hit twice in this melee.
That's going to be, theo, that's you.
- Sweet, so we're riding at each other?
- You are riding at each other.
We're gonna resolve this joust
As you guys move past each other.
First, i'm gonna need handle
animal checks from each of you.
- Oh god! Okay.
- Is this where sprinkle's
giving you the help action?
- Sprinkle is gonna help me calm down the,
They were called meeps, right?
- They are called meeps.
- Okay, sprinkle, to the meep!
- Cute.
- So, you need to get a...
If you do not get a dc 10 on
this animal handling check,
You will have disadvantage on
all the rolls as you joust.
- f*ck me. I have two rolls.
I'm using my advantage.
All i need to do is just get
an above-Average roll with two.
- Come on, sprinkle.
- And i did it, 14.
- Great, you and her are
each going to make an attack.
If you hit the other's armor class,
You will be able to make an
athletics check to try and-
- Knock them off.
- Knock them off, yeah.
- Sweet. Okay, attack.
24.
- 24100% hits.
- Hell yeah!
- And then, that is...
Does she hit you?
No, she doesn't come
anywhere near hitting you.
She lowers her lance. She's
riding in the chariot.
You guys move past each other.
Go ahead
And give me an athletics roll.
- Okay, come on, theo!
15.
- She rolls a natural one.
- You see plumbeline
lower her lance. You ride.
She looks extremely competent,
but you look at her,
She's like an, everything
you've heard about her
Is that she's very impressive,
but she's a lady of court.
She's supposed to be an incredible archer,
But she didn't sign up for the
f*cking archery competition.
She signed up for the joust.
- Yeah.
- And we know why she
signed up for the joust,
But she doesn't have the,
You know, she's not a f*cking knight.
- Right.
- And she lowers her lance.
You lower yours, you've been jousting
Since you were a f*cking kid.
You put your lance literally
right under the lip
Of her armor, lift her up
out of the chariot and she-
You were supposed to go
through three rounds of lances.
You have ended this
joust in your first lance
And laid her out in
the middle of the lane,
And a roar goes up in the crowd.
All of the tartguard are screaming.
You see cruller over in the stand is like,
"yes, yes, this is how
it is done in candia!"
- Yeah, theo!
- I feel like theo is,
plumbeline's good folk.
I feel like i hop over to the little thing
And i help her up.
- Go ahead and make just a
charisma check with disadvantage.
- Ooh, oh no.
- Whew!
- Okay, that's just a nine.
- Cool.
You get off of your mount,
Jump over the fence
pretty easily, go to her,
Put out your hand and you see
tears streaming down her face
And she slaps your hand away
and moves to get herself up.
- I back up.
- Okay, that is, damn!
Ruby, that's you.
- Nat one.
- Oh, boy.
- She rolled a f*cking nat 1.
- That's crazy.
- That's sad.
- I feel so bad for her.
- But honestly, theobald? Hell yes!
- We're doing really well in this so far.
- Don't say it. Stop jinxing us!
- I've been trying to figure
out anything that i can do
To help me do this but it's just rolling.
All i can do.
It's bad. It's a 10.
- Cool, it's a 10.
Your arrow (mimics arrow
slicing air) goes off wildly.
Does not hit a target.
- It's very far off the range of my bow.
- Yeah.
Someone off to the side pronounces,
"first arrow to lord citron of fructera."
The people are going nuts over
the joust that just happened.
People are still screaming
About what f*cking jet
just said at the melee.
What's weird is the main f*cking melee
Is the one people are
barely paying attention to
Because it's like, f*cking wild.
What a f*cking show!
We go back to the top.
The lady freccia hits a 23.
- Jesus!
- I'm going to need amethar
To make three constitution saving throws.
- Oh, sh*t!
- Why?
Can i ask that? I just say, why?
- She's tickling you.
- So we have...
- Order them for me. So
just put them in an order.
- Saving throws?
- Highest?
- No, no, no, don't.
Just put them in any order you want,
But just give them to me one at a time.
- Okay. First one.
First one, 16.
- Okay.
- Second one, 21.
Third, f*ck you!
Third one, 12.
I hate you. You know that?
- This is personal.
- Okay.
- Why does everyone wanna
k*ll amethar? I'm just a king.
- I'm just a king.
- I'm just a humble king!
- Anyone want to k*ll a
giant t-Bone steak?
- Okay.
You take, hold on one second here.
Eight...
And eight, 16 halved
To eight damage of piercing.
And after that...
12...
22...
After you take the eight,
you take 22 points of damage
That is not halved.
- Oh, f*ck!
- You, in the midst of combat,
scravoya bearing down on you,
You suddenly feel a flash
of something in your side
And a deep pain cuts through your rage.
Your throat closes up.
- Like as in, i can't breathe?
- You are-
- Poison!
- Barely able to breathe.
You're still kind of drawing breath.
- It hasn't fully choked off yet.
- Someone has a poisoned weapon.
- But as you try, you
naturally kind of grunt
And instead of a grunt coming out,
Just a comes out, a little croak.
- Wouldn't poison be ill*gal
in this if we have blunted-
- Can we roll perception checks?
Like me and lapin, 'cause we're out of-
- Yeah, can lapin?
- I'm gonna say right now
That everybody can roll a
perception check on their turns.
- Okay, so we can-
- Lapin's gonna go now.
- That checks out.
- That's why we hold our turns.
Throw them down the river.
- Cool.
- What are you at?
- Six.
- Sorry, hold on one second.
- Yeah...
- So i'm alive.
- sh*t!
- Lapin, you go now. Yes.
- Can i make the perception check first?
- You make some perception checks.
It is a roaring field of...
It is loud. I will tell
you this right now.
Everybody else here will
be making perception checks
With disadvantage because
you're in the middle
Of a grand tournament
and there's horns blaring
And everything else.
Because, zac, you made
the decision before play
To do what your character
would do and sit in the box
And watch even though i
put all this fun stuff
In front of you, you will
not roll with disadvantage.
Now i am going to ask you
to roll in the box of doom
To notice this cause all you-
- Ugh, no!
- 'cause think about what
you're trying to notice.
You're trying to notice that king amethar
Is having a breathing problem
and got hit in a place
Where he's supposed to get hit.
So this is a dc 20 perception check.
These perception checks
to notice that something
Has happened to the king are
all gonna be box of doom.
- What do you add for perception?
- Plus 3.
- So you need a 17 or higher.
- Come on, dude.
- Okay, ready?
- Ready.
Eight.
- f*ck!
- You do not notice
that anything is wrong.
- But i notice that he's hurt.
- Yeah he's hurt, but he's hurt
Because he's getting hit
with big, blunted weapons.
- I've been pierced in the side?
- Something happened, you can make,
Give me a perception check with advantage.
- Because it's blunted weapons, right?
- It's blunted weapons, yeah.
- So the poison is apparent.
- Ugh, jesus christ, perception?
- Yeah.
- Eight.
- You were avoiding a blow from scravoya.
You bumped into the
gladiator and to sir keradin.
And for a second you felt
something sharp, but you're like,
Oh, i might've clipped like a sharp edge
Of their armor or something.
Maybe i f*cked up. And
then your throat closed up.
Second attack misses.
That is going to be liam.
Your turn at the archery
competition again.
- All right.
- I knew they were coming
For my father.
- You can
make a perception check.
- Making a perception
check to notice something?
So you need the, what is
your bonus to perception?
- What is my perception, baby?
- Oh god, i have plus...
- A three.
- Three.
- Three, so you need the
lower of these two rolls
To be a 17 or higher.
- All right.
I'm pretty observant, come on!
- 14 is not gonna do it.
- Oh, close!
- Okay.
Cool, so i'm probably
waving at coldbottle.
- Yeah, she's going,
"right, you're doing so great, i love it!"
Amethar, you begin to
feel yourself get woozy
And are looking around at
all the cheering people.
You see primsy, your daughters fighting.
Liam, go ahead and roll your archery.
Go ahead and give-
- Okay, and it's just one, right?
- Just one.
- Hey, hell yeah! That is 26.
- 26.
- What?
- He's dying!
- No, i am glad.
- Yeah, it was funny that-
- No, liam needs to win.
- That's so good!
- It is great. It is great.
- Liam's gonna be on the council?
- It's so good.
- I'm just-
- Representing the milk people?
- Did you see that, amethar?
Oh, you're busy. Okay!
- Theo, did you see that?
- Yes, i actually did!
Well shot!
- Yeah, thanks! You notice everything.
Nothing gets past you.
- That's right, looking at this bullseye.
- I don't wanna like,
metagame too much, but like,
I don't know, like, i couldn't have...
- You rolled an 11 perception check.
- Yeah.
- Until something more
dramatic happens to amethar,
There won't be anything for you to notice.
Like, if you had got a
15, you might have noticed
That he's like, stumbling a little bit.
But whatever happened, happened.
You know, i'll do this diligently.
Let me make a roll on
my side of the board.
I know that your passive perception is 13.
If you're wondering what
my stealth roll was,
It was a nat 20.
- f*ck, man!
- That probably like,
Just applies to that interaction, right?
- Yeah, it only applies
to that interaction.
- Yeah cool, okay.
- Okay.
- f*ck!
- So...
- Father!
- Pops!
- Father!
- Pops!
- Jet, that's gonna be you.
- It's my turn?
Okay, i'm going to do my perception roll
To see if i notice what's
going on with my dad.
- Yep.
- I love just the slow
moving around the table.
- Two nat 20s, two nat 20s,
two nat 20s, two nat 20s, go!
- Oh my god!
- Neither does it.
Do you need a nat 20 to succeed
on this perception check?
- I don't know, i just thought-
- Yeah, she has a zero perception.
- Oh wait, what's your added perception?
- Zero.
- Oh, then yes.
- So you do need two nat 20s.
- Two nat 20s.
- Okay, i have a question.
- Two nat 20s, two nat 20s.
- Pops, looking great!
Oh god! I missed the box of doom.
- So what's jet gonna do?
- If i were to jump onto the
thing onto the fence behind me,
Would i get advantage on attacks?
- You wanna do like a wwe,
like get up on the ropes?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, as long as you
don't leave the square,
You're not disqualified.
- Okay, then i think i
want to jump up behind me.
- I'm gonna say, i'm gonna
need a dc 20 acrobatics check
Going off the side to get advantage.
- Okay.
I am feeling conservative
right now because my,
What i as a player know.
But i'm gonna go for it, okay.
Oh, i failed!
- Did you roll a nat 1?
- No-
- No, i just got a 13.
- Cool, cool, so what is jet gonna do?
- Okay, i'm just gonna attack...
- Constano?
- Constano.
- Cool.
- I think i'm gonna say,
"annabelle, you are better
than even the bards foretold."
And then i'll attack him.
- Go for it.
- Does an 11 hit?
- It don't.
- I'm gonna second wind.
- Okay, cool.
You go second wind, you roll your hp.
How much did you get back?
- Five plus...
- Two.
- Two, seven.
I got seven back.
- Awesome.
Amethar, that's you.
- Great.
- Jesus.
- So right now where i'm at,
I fully know that my throat is slowly,
I can feel it closing?
- That is correct.
Yes, you can feel it closing.
- Would i understand this to be unusual?
- Yes, you would understand that some,
You're immediately, you know,
you're in the pitch of combat
And you're like, "something
very bad has happened."
- And this is very, and
this would be nothing
Like i've ever felt in any
of the tournament's i've-
- Nothing, no this is not a tournament.
Something f*cked up happened.
- Fantastic, i'm going to
disengage and fully charge
Into the second arena next
door toward lord cruller.
- Awesome, cool.
As you, so you disengaged,
that's awesome, clutch.
Give me an athletics check.
- Great.
- And you have advantage
'cause you're raging.
- I don't like you, i don't
want either one of you.
- You gotta clear a 10.
- I do that, yeah.
- Okay, cool.
- 12.
- 12, you stumble, trip,
fall, get over here
So that's five, 10, 15, 20.
That's 20 feet of movement
and you're going for-
- Dad, i got this. Don't worry about me!
- And i think like as a
warrior, somebody who knows when
To indicate themselves, i'm
going to lay down on the ground.
Yeah, i think right about there.
Like, enough to get out of my pen
To suggest that i don't
want to fight anymore, yeah.
- Can i? This looks crazy.
- This is f*cking crazy.
But you've taken your turn
now so now we have to wait.
- Just as a, oh, okay.
- You know, you...
Actually let me think.
No, i said on your turn.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you did your perception
So you're gonna have
to wait till your next.
You know what, i'll be
nice though and i'll put,
Here's a compromise.
I'll put your turn back where it was
In the initiative order.
- Okay.
- Cool? All right.
- Annabelle, meet my father.
- I don't want you to have to-
- No, no, no, we're all good.
Okay.
- So you're laying down in
the middle of the wrong arena?
- Yes, i go full, yeah.
- Great.
- So you go 10 more, so
you go, that's 30 there.
- I don't need to go further.
I just wanna make sure that it's clear
That i am no longer competing
in my combat and go prone.
- You go prone,
bam! Amethar collapses.
Yeah, i'm gonna have to roll
initiative for cruller now.
That's not a great roll
from old crully boy.
- What's your initiative?
- Okay, you disengage, you jump.
Any other bonus action?
- No, not at this time.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
- I believe you exit your rage
'cause you didn't attack anyone this turn.
- No.
- No.
- I'm now out of my rage.
- Okay.
This gladiator laughs and
takes some swings at scravoya.
As people announce like,
"oh, the king has disqualified himself!"
He takes some swings at
scravoya and misses both times.
I'm gonna make a wisdom check for scravoya
In the box of doom.
- Don't do it.
Don't do this.
Don't f*cking do this.
- Make sure you don't
miss the box of doom.
- Yeah, maybe keep your eyes open.
- That's the thing, it happened-
- Try to aim for it.
- She's gotta get an 11 or higher
To make the more prudent call here.
That's a six.
- Well...
- I can't wait to see
your box of doom roll
Where it bounces off the edge.
- We literally cut to the video.
- Never gets in it.
- Scravoya
fully dishonors herself,
Leaps over this.
She's gonna make-
- Does jet get an attack
Of opportunity on her?
- What? Yeah, do i?
- She doesn't leave your threat-
- Come into my center-
- She doesn't leave your threatened area.
- Is she trying to k*ll the king?
- She has a blunted weapon.
- She's definitely got some kind of-
- They're not within 30
feet of me, are they?
- No.
- No.
- f*ck!
- She's got some kind of poison pin.
- I don't think it's her. I
think it's one of the other two.
- I think it's somebody who's invisible.
- I don't think it's any of them.
- Oh sh*t!
- She misses on the first
even though you're prone.
Hits on the second for...
- All right, ba*ls to the f*cking wall.
I'm going after scravoya now.
- 13 plus four, she does 17.
Amethar is unconscious.
- 17?
- Huh?
- She whales on him with a
blunted ax. Amethar goes prone.
People start screaming.
You see that basha looks around.
It's like, the look on her face
Is that she thinks amethar was cheating.
She's like, "i said i
was gonna beat his a*s
And then i hit him and
he tried to run away."
Then, that's going to be lord citron
Not taking his eye off the ball here.
- She's going back to archery?
- My guy wants that seat!
- Actually, scravoya leaps
and shakes the ground
And his arrow just, pling,
Goes straight up into
the air on a nat one.
- So i'm still winning!
- Nice job, liam!
- Lapin, that's your turn.
- Lapin's gonna push both
the lord and lady swirlie
Onto the other primogen.
- Oh, hell yeah!
- And with the hopes
that their cups of wine
Blind her briefly.
- Go ahead and give me-
- Just hip check 'em.
- Just like distract, yeah.
- Just hip check them.
Lord swirlie and lady
swirlie are not very strong
So we're just gonna
call this, i think a dc.
I'm honestly gonna call it.
Well actually, i'll roll for them.
- And what's the-
- I rolled a natural two.
So all you gotta do is beat
a three on an athletics.
So you need a five or higher.
- Okay.
- 'cause you have minus
one strength, right?
- Yes.
- Come on, lapin.
- Five or higher?
- Five or higher on athletics.
- 19.
- Great.
You reach in and some warlock,
You feel the sugar of
the sugar-Plum fairy.
You mightily shove both lords and ladies
And the wine goes f*cking
crashing everywhere.
Primogen alfredi is soaked.
- Okay as that happens and
she is hopefully blinded,
I am going to bonus action heal the king
With my healing light
which is 30-Foot radius.
- You might not be in range, my guy.
We're gonna find out right now.
- You could push them and run.
- Or it's a, i'm sorry,
it's 60 feet. It's 60 feet.
- 60 feet, that is a very,
king is within range.
- And i'm going to heal him for 3d6.
- Oh, wow.
- I feel like he's...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Something's f*cked up, right?
- Yeah, he goes prone for sure, yeah.
- Amethar like running away from a fight
And then collapsing as
you just try to heal him.
- Do i do a deception check now?
Or should i do a deception check, like...
- You should do. Well, we don't need it.
You're gonna roll your
hit points in a second.
Do your deception check now
and do it with advantage
Because of the commotion that you caused.
- Okay.
- That is only a 14.
- Okay.
- A nat one and a five.
- 14's good though. Don't downplay 14.
- You have advantage, 14.
We're gonna roll alfredi's insight.
Now she's got disadvantage
because of what you did as well,
But she gets a plus five to this roll.
So the lower of these rolls
needs to be eight or less.
I've designed a battle
That makes me feel scared and nervous.
I'm also...
All right.
- She needs eight or less?
- She needs eight or less.
- But she has disadvantage.
- She has disadvantage,
so the lower needs to be-
- Everyone, think of one.
- What did you roll again?
- 14.
- 14.
She gets plus five so she
needs a nine or higher
To clock it, so an eight
or lower on the lower die.
- Now we're gonna roll the-
- Oh, you son of a b*tch!
- Now we're gonna go ahead
and roll just for like,
Anyone else here to notice something.
Who else would even notice you?
Who's everyone else that's even-
- All those other people
are in front of me, too.
- Yeah.
- Right, that-
- Yeah, yeah!
- The pontifex?
- Yeah actually, nobody but
the lady and the ceresian.
I'll roll for them
anyway with disadvantage
Because they're probably
not worried about that.
And they all just have to,
The lower one will have
to be a 14 or higher.
Okay.
- My man's rolling these, you
know, what is this called?
Box of doom rolls? I
can't even talk anymore.
- I wanna break your box of doom.
- Amethar-
- f*cking break your glasses-
- Oh, do i roll his hit points, or?
- Now roll the hit points, yes.
- Okay, can i use this?
- Of course.
- All right.
- You can use literally
whatever you want, lapin.
- Six, six, one.
- Hey, hell yeah.
- They're good to you.
- Okay, 13!
- Six, six, one? Okay, 13.
Amethar, everything
goes black for a moment
And you feel your throat closing up
And you are in a massive field of wheat.
You
look down at the ground.
Peppered with javelins and arrows,
Your sister rococoa looks up at you.
You never saw her alive in this position.
You discovered her dead here.
She looks up and goes, "can't
give up the fight that soon."
And you come to and
you regain these hit points.
You are filled, you managed
to disguise yourself so well
That you just do your hands
like, sort of within your cape,
But amethar is sort of
filled with holy light.
And you are still prone, but on your turn,
You can use half your
movement to stand up.
- Okay.
Will i?
That's the question.
- If this guy keeps swinging
at you while you're prone...
- I mean yeah, i have to. You're right.
- Okay, that is lapin.
Bonathan's supposed to do, but he's like-
- Bonathan, you son of a b*tch!
- He's gonna charge annabelle.
Takes some swings at old annabelle here.
That's two hits on annabelle again, damn!
Yeah, annabelle's looking hurt!
After bonathan, plumbeline
stands up herself
And is going to leap the fence here,
Leap here and just start to run off.
- Yeah, thought so.
- That's a hard beat. That's a hard beat.
But she takes off running and
then annabelle is going to go.
I'm gonna have her make a
perception check, actually.
- Annabelle, something's wrong with my dad
And i am going to exit this fight,
But i promise you, the
boon is yours, okay?
- She-
- I feel bad for reneging
On this promise that we
made, the boon is yours.
- She looks over at scravoya
who's raising her axe again
And says, "right, i don't need no charity.
I'll tell you how we settle this."
She's going to run up and
attempt to disarm scravoya
Which is a risky proposition.
- Ooh!
- She got a 15 and that means
scravoya on a seven or higher
Is gonna not be affected.
She goes to disarm and scravoya
just drops down the axe.
Annabelle takes a step back
And is not able to disarm scravoya.
That's gonna be, constano
looks at you say that as well
And says, "is there something wrong?"
- Yes, someone is still
trying to k*ll my father.
You saw this happen yesterday
and it is happening today.
I knew it, i'm a little bit psychic
And i sensed it was going to happen today.
- You see that constano throws his spear,
Throws his spear on the ground.
- Stop telling people you have magic.
They will m*rder you.
- Constano throws his spear on the ground
And begins to wave at the
pontifex and senator ciabatta.
And he's speaking ceresian
but in ceresian he's going,
"senator ciabatta, something
is wrong! Something is wrong!
- Can i turn around since
i understand ceresian?
- Everyone, yeah, you understand ceresian
So you hear him say that.
- What did he say?
- Something's wrong with your dad.
- Yeah, he leaps into this pit as well.
That's going to be,
that's constano's turn.
Theo, that's gonna be you.
- Um, full dash.
- Your boy!
- I just, the quickest path.
- You should unharness the meep.
- I'm like, jumping over five, 10, 15.
Yeah, 15, 20, 25, 30,
35, 40, 45, 50,
55, 60.
So i want to do a full dash till i just,
Like, hopping over fences and
then i'm gonna action surge.
And jump the fence and f*cking
dive and try to grab her axe.
- Sick!
- Incredible.
Go ahead and give me opposed athletics.
- Sweet, can i have
sprinkle help me?
- Yeah, sprinkle is riding on your back.
- I'm not trying to win a
f*cking tournament right now.
- So you would have to beat,
scravoya only rolled a four!
So you just gotta beat a 13 on athletics.
- Okay, come on!
- You got this.
- Oh my god, 24!
- You guys see, as you
look at plumbeline, like
With those f*cking rage tears,
you extend the hand of honor.
She smacks it out of the
way, gets up, walks away.
Her dreams dashed in a f*cking instant.
You rush up, you guys see theo turn.
The second you hear shouting,
You see your king on the ground.
You guys, theo's always been a stiff guy.
This f*cking, like,
jungle cat f*cking like,
Just like, he bounds,
Leap, hurdle over the f*cking fence.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Another fence, clears it.
You leap through the air, tuck and roll
And rip out of the
10-Foot-Tall scravoya's hands,
Rip, disarm and toss the
f*cking axe out of the ring.
- How has he just always been
this cool? What's going on?
- The fight is over!
- Theo's so cool.
- Everyone go home!
- Okay, theo you could teach
me a disarming blow, too.
- Awesome. Theo doing the
f*cking bodyguard best, baby.
- Jesus christ. f*cking
ally'd that pencil.
- Ruby, that's gonna be you.
- Oh, f*ck!
Well, i see all of this
commotion behind me.
That seems more important
Than sh**ting arrows to me right now.
f*ck.
Can i do a perception check
on what's happening with,
Is that still in play, this
perception check situation?
- No, amethar's move has
made this clear as day
For all to see.
- Okay, great.
Oh god, i don't-
- Can we see perception on anything else?
- You're welcome to just
roll a perception check on-
- Yeah, yeah, can i just see what, like...
Here is what i would like to do.
- Mm-Hmm.
- Is i would like to have yak fly up.
And yak has plus four to perception.
- Cool.
- And i can basically warg
into yak for an action.
- Mm-Hmm.
- To see what's going on.
- Does that look like anything?
- If it's not a spell that
takes an action to cast, look-
- It's part of find familiar.
- So it does not take an action.
It will not register as a spell.
- Great.
It's a six.
- You do have to use an action.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
Additionally as an action,
You can see through your familiar's eyes
And hear what it hears until
the start of your next turn-
- Oh, okay. Well, in which
case i won't do that.
Then i just got a five
on my perception check.
- Okay, you got a five perception check.
You're looking around. It's just chaos.
Your dad's on the ground. It's scary.
- Okay, i'm gonna jump
over and be with jet
So that we can have our
locket of the sweetest
Within five feet of each other.
- Yeah.
- Mm-Hmm.
- Because i just, it's more important.
Liam's already winning.
- Cool.
- That's more important to me.
Do i need to make a jump check?
- Oh yeah, give me a little athletics.
- Or acrobatics?
- Acrobatics, yeah.
- 20, not nat.
- You flip over.
Are you sending yak up regardless or no?
- Yeah, i think so, just to like...
- Cool, so you flip over here.
You get on this side of your
sister over here, right?
You wanna be within five feet of her?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
And yak takes off and begins
to, i'll put yak over here.
Awesome, that is ruby.
Cruller leaps the fence,
lands down here, runs over.
And you see that he slashes
the belt of bonathan,
The vegetable knight, so
that his pants fall down.
He just goes
and says, "the fight's over!"
- Yeah, bonathan!
- Yeah, you f*cking idiot.
- The fight's over, bonathan!
- Hey bonathan, chill.
- Bonathan, calm down!
- You see that bonathan goes
like, "my honor!"
You see calroy rushes
over, leans down to you.
You see genuine panic in
his eyes as he touches you
And he goes, "amethar, can you speak?"
- Can i?
- You cannot.
He starts looking around everywhere
And just shouts, "we need a healer!"
- You see, as he shouts "we need a healer"
Freccia also not taking her
eyes off the f*cking prize.
Ooh, that's a bad roll.
- Read the room! Read the room!
- Who, freccia?
- Good, f*cking, i guess
win this tournament.
- Who's freccia?
- The pasta archer.
- Ah, hey, come on, liam!
- You see that the paladin keradin when,
So cruller looks right
at keradin and says,
"we need a healer!"
Keradin looks over at
him sort of wide-Eyed
And begins to run.
Technically he can't move
through your guys' spaces
While you are combatants.
Scravoya is still very much fighting
Even though she's disarmed.
So he goes five, 10, 15.
Gonna make an athletics
check which he succeeds.
15, 20 and looks to see
If you're gonna part to let
him go through to your dad.
- Yeah.
- Drop your weapon.
- Ready an action.
- Drop your weapon!
- And i will shove you on to him.
- Drop your weapon.
- He drops his mace.
He goes...
He takes a full movement
to kneel down on amethar
But it's more movement than he has
So he has to, he misses his action.
- Can't heal yet.
- Keradin, liam, that's you!
- Great.
Okay...
Can i kneel down and look
like i'm petting preston
And try to cast something?
- Can you kneel down and
pet preston and look like
You're trying to sorry,
repeat that one more.
- Oh, sorry, i wanna cast
detect poison and disease
To see where this came from.
- Mm-Hmm.
- But can i roll some sort of deception?
- Deception? You can
absolutely roll deception.
- Okay, cool.
- If preston's helping you
With that, then you can
get advantage on that roll.
- All right, great.
- Feel free to let me know-
- Ooh, good. All right, i got a 10.
- 10...
- A nat one was in there.
- Oh...
- Okay, i'm gonna roll here real quick.
You might've been noticed, you
might not. You're not sure.
- All right, i cast
detect poison and disease
'cause he looks really sick
From what i can see is happening to him.
- There's definite poison.
- Well, it says i can, i
identify the kind of poison,
The poisonous creature, and the disease.
And i can see, like, the
location of the poisons.
- Can i read that card real quick?
- Yes. Yes, liam.
- Liam.
- It says, "i can f*ck up your sh*t."
- I hate having my sh*t f*cked!
- Poisonous creature or
disease in each case.
- Location?
- The spell can penetrate most
barriers, but is blocked by-
- Let me know if you
see it 'cause i go next
And i will f*cking attack that sh*t.
- I think they're...
- You detect a poison.
There is a poison c*ck within amethar.
The effect that he failed
the saving throw against
Was the weakest effect, meaning
that the others were worse.
- Oh...
- He successfully saved to
take half damage from one
So that poison damage that bypassed rage
Because it was poison damage.
- That 22 was half damage?
- Correct.
- sh*t.
- So that was half, right?
Additionally, so the effects this has are,
It can deal a lot of
damage as we've discovered.
King amethar saved for half.
It can grant the poison condition,
Which is basically disadvantage
on attacks and saves
And bad, saved against that.
And it silences the person for one hour.
So currently, the poison
coursing in amethar's body
Will not deal him any more damage.
You detect other poison
As sir keradin kneels down.
- Son of a b*tch!
- You see, you smell on the wind
That same poison in two daggers.
- Okay, and then with my bonus action
I cast hunter's mark on keradin.
- Okay, that, there is no deception there.
- I don't care.
- You stand up.
So hunter's mark is you're like,
Calling someone out as your prey.
Liam stands up and does what?
- I say, "f*ck you carrot.
You're going down!"
And i prepare and now
all my attacks on him
Will also get an extra d6
As well as like a bunch of other stuff.
- Cool, so you just
say "f*ck you, carrot."
- Um, liam, why? Why?
- He is horrible, he's bad.
He's trying to definitely
k*ll the king! Preston?
- Okay, holy sh*t, that spell!
It's always one f*ck' spell!
- Wow.
- Yes, b*tch!
- I can't believe that.
What other campaign would,
like, detect poison be like,
A super important thing?
- Right?
- You taking that at all
is like, all right, okay.
- I can't. I'm gonna
have some f*cking coffee.
- f*cking thank god for seed.
Thank god you're a seed guy, liam.
- Hell yeah.
- Thank f*cking god!
- Mvp liam.
- And i think i also won
that last round of archery.
Just saying, just saying.
- Well, you've solved my
little tournament puzzle,
Haven't you?
Okay. f*ck, liam, jesus!
- f*ck, liam! Yeah, that's what you get!
- Yeah.
- Holy sh*t.
- Three? Wow!
- Okay.
- Jet's turn?
- Jet, that is your turn.
- All right.
I dive after a carrot man.
- f*ck him up, jet.
- And i'm going to attack.
Okay, that's a miss.
I'm gonna action surge
to try and hit again.
- Oh!
- f*ck!
- Good lord.
- I'm emotional.
- Nat one?
- So how did you-
- That last one was a nat one.
- So you rush over here to keradin.
It is a swamp there.
- Just for anyone who's
confused in the crowd,
I am yelling "poison."
- Oh, okay. You're just yelling "poison"?
- He has poison!
- Poison? Poison.
- The crowd is fully gasping.
There is one dude in the box who's like,
"now, this is what i call a tournament!"
- Can i at least try to like,
Wrestle the bottle out of his hand?
- It's daggers.
- Daggers, poison daggers.
He's got two poison daggers in his belt.
f*ck! All right.
Ooh, this one stings.
- Well i made up for it
By rolling a three and then a one.
- Cool, jet.
You rush, action surge.
- Do i have, like, anything left in me
That i can try and wrestle
one of these daggers away?
- Hold on, that's jet.
No, 'cause you used action-
- Reaction, bonus action.
- If you have, your bonus
action is dash, disengage or no-
- She doesn't have that. That's level two-
- Yeah, doesn't have level two rogue.
No, you got what you got.
Sorry.
- No, that's fine.
- Amethar, that's you, baby!
- You can second wind, right?
- I already used second wind.
- You have your hit, lapin's gambit.
- So at this point, i have hit points.
I cannot talk, but everything else is...
- Is good. The poison was
like a shock to your system.
It has asphyxiated your throat,
but you have a narrow canal
To breathe through, which
is why you're not dead.
- And he has no weapon?
- He dropped his mace
- He has his daggers.
- But he still has his shield?
- Still has his shield.
- But based on liam's shouting,
Do i know that this is
the man who hurt me?
- Um...
- I mean, i just attacked.
- He still has his f*cking
daggers so be careful.
- Your daughter just attacked him, too.
- Yeah.
Liam has said, "he's
dangerous. He's got poison.
You know, he's bad. He's
trying to k*ll the king."
- All i wanna do is to be dumb.
Yeah, i'm gonna take up.
I'm gonna stand up, half my movement.
I'm gonna go into a rage.
- So, jet, ruby,
Liam all take two points of damage?
- Great, and then i'm gonna swing on him.
- Go for it.
- That's gonna hit.
That's a 25, no, 23.
- That certainly hits.
- Great.
And he didn't do damage to me last round
So it's just the 2d6?
- No, didn't he do damage to
you? Isn't it why you're sick?
- No, that was-
- That was like two rounds ago.
- Oh, gotcha, sorry.
- Yeah.
- Whoa, real bad deja vu.
- Really?
- Six plus nine for 15.
- You do 15.
You swing your blunted sword
and crack him over the head.
A little bit of blood
comes out of his head
As you whip and turn around.
As liam is shouting you see
the expression on his face
Has changed into a completely blank,
Soft expression as he looks at you.
- And then, can i use my movement?
I can move through my allies?
- Yeah.
- Yes, you can.
- But i would provoke an
attack of opportunity.
- If you leave anyone's
threatened area, you will.
- So if i leave, is she,
meat lady has no weapon.
- Got no weapon, so she might
take a swing at you for, like,
A couple points of damage unarmed, but-
- Is he attacking me with
a dagger, a poison dagger?
- He had a hand out to heal
you and it's not his turn yet
So he's unarmed at the moment.
- Great, then i would like
to move through theobald
And then ruby, like, to that corner.
- Cool. Boom, boom, you move
over here through your allies.
Scravoya, oh actually
she's got 10 feet of reach
Which means that you never
leave her threatened area.
- Great.
- You like, duck under her arms.
One way in 5e in which
reach is actually kinda bad.
So, amethar, you take a
swing on keradin, move back.
This dude right here turns and runs.
- What?
- Good riddance.
- Flees.
- What's up with that guy, though?
- Yeah, i think he's suspicious.
- Anyone running.
- And what about this guy right here?
- Scravoya is gonna make
another wisdom check.
f*cking nat one. What is wrong?
She's gonna swing out
and lash out at amethar.
That is a hit. You take
four points of damage.
- Halved to two?
- Halved to two
And another four halved to two
As she just whales on you
with these huge steak fists.
- Oh my god, scravoya.
Can't you see that everyone else, like,
Something else is going on!
- Focus up!
- Oh, she's
focused. She's extremely-
- You're too focused!
- Yeah, focus down if anything.
Okay, that's scravoya.
The commotion, these archers stopped,
Knowing that they'll probably
not get awarded anything
If they keep sh**ting.
Lapin, that's gonna be you.
- I understand that it seems like everyone
Is fighting the paladin
And that it seems like
he is probably poisoned.
And i met him with the,
i met him on the walk
To the food pyramid with alfredi
and the pontifex, correct?
- Yes, keradin was, he's a
paladin of the bulbian church
So he is a vegetanian knight by birth,
But he is not a paladin of house cabbage.
He is a paladin of the church.
He's part of a whole order.
- I think he's under a spell!
- Yeah, can i make an arcana check
To be able to tell if he
was under a spell or not?
- It's not gonna be as good as, like,
A detect magic spell would
be, but you can make arcana.
- Yeah, okay.
Is that my turn if i do that?
- No, that's for free.
- Okay.
Ooh, that is 18.
- If there is magic present here,
It's not manifesting in a
way that you can see visibly.
That either means there's no magic present
Or it means the magic that is present
Has been carefully disguised,
as it would have to be.
- Okay, can i make a perception check
On the pontifex and alfredi?
- Yeah, go ahead. You want
perception or insight?
- Insight, i guess.
- Go ahead and give me an insight.
You can give me an insight
check on the whole table,
On the whole box and
depending on how well you do,
I'll say every four points above 10
Is another person you get
to ask a question about.
- That's a...
Oh, well, i got a 13.
- 13, so who are you looking at primarily?
- Hmm.
I'm looking at the pontifex.
- You look at the pontifex.
You see her mouth agape,
staring in open disbelief
Unbecoming of, you know,
She's like the highest status
person literally within sight
And nobody's f*cking looking
at her except for you.
So she is mouth agape staring in disbelief
At what's going on in the melee below.
- I'm going to stay up there and...
- She looks a little
stunned if i'm being honest.
- Hm...
I'm going to, i'll just, can i
just talk to alfredi and say,
"alfredi, what is going on?
What is the paladin doing?"
- You look at alfredi.
She's covered in wine
and screaming at swirlie.
- Sure, sure.
- At lord and lady swirlie
So she's fully not focused up on anything
Other than that she's mad
she's covered in wine.
- Okay, well, i'll just stay up there
And continue to look around
'cause i don't know what
the f*ck is going on.
- Yeah, just let me say, if you look,
With that 14 insight the
pontifex looks stunned
Into inaction, i will say.
Like, you do you see what i'm saying?
- Oh, so this is just,
maybe the plan went wrong?
- Uh, no, i don't think-
- I think it's plumerina!
- I think that, it's not like,
First of all, you're looking
at the back of her head
So you're not getting a
great read on her face.
What you see is a woman
stunned into inaction.
You can't read any deeper motivation.
If she's the secret
mastermind behind everything
She could be stunned 'cause
the plan's going wrong.
If she didn't know what was
happening she could be stunned
Because a nice melee got
turned to a f*cking bloodbath
And the king got, like,
there's very good reasons
On every end of the spectrum
To be stunned by what's happening here.
- I'm just going to yell,
"call off the fight!"
- You see the pontifex
looks. You say that.
Go ahead and give me just
persuasion with advantage.
- Persuasion?
Is, oh, 21.
- The pontifex whips
around to look at you.
For a brief moment you have
given a kind of command
To one of the most powerful
people in the world.
She turns around and
says, "stop this at once!
Sir keradin, kneel!"
Keradin uses his reaction
to heavily drop to one knee.
You, that's your turn.
The horns blow, the fight has stopped.
Even scravoya stands
back as the horns blow.
- Are we still in initiative?
- We still are 'cause
sh*t is still happening.
- Great.
- Annabelle rushes over here.
Ooh jesus. She got a 22 on her athletics.
Annabelle leaps, twists through the air
In this acrobatic spiral,
slams into keradin
And knocks him prone on the
ground and is on top of him.
- Yeah! You get that boon!
- As he kneels, she just
like, lands into him.
Bam! Slams to the ground.
- Boon's yours, boo!
- Constano runs out into the
middle of the archery range,
Calls to the imperial guard and basically
Just starts barking orders
in ceresian being like,
"arrest anyone fleeing at once!
Find them! Arrest them!
Don't let anyone leave without
being asked questions!"
Just goes full cop basically.
And after constano that's theo.
- Oh boy, i am gonna hold my turn
And just kinda watch and see what happens.
Or you know what?
Let me, just to make sure
nothing shiesty happens
Because theo's getting
flashes of cheese people
Pretending to be meat people.
Seeing this vegetable dude and wondering
If this is just a f*cking spectacle.
So i'm going to, i wanna go over
While those two are wrestling
and like, whip up his cape
And try to pull out the daggers,
Whatever liam was yelling about.
- Okay, great.
They are in a grapple, so
it's gonna be hard to do,
But he's also grappled, which
gives you advantage on him
So we're just gonna say advantage
disadvantage cancels out.
- Okay.
- You're just gonna have to
give me a sleight of hand check.
- f*ck me!
- Yeah, annabelle could
be just putting on a show.
- Sprinkle can help!
- Can i have sprinkle help me?
- Advantages and
disadvantages don't stack.
- Okay.
- Once you got, if you have one
No matter how much of the
other you have is gone.
- I don't have a great sleight of hand,
But i'll try it anyway.
f*cking seven.
- Okay, you go fumbling
around to try to get him.
After you, that's gonna be ruby.
- If i cast a spell that takes an action,
It's an obvious spell, right?
- Unless you do deception.
- What about if it's a bonus action?
- I will still ask for a deception roll.
- f*ck it, i'm gonna risk
it, 'cause this is crazy.
So that's a 17 to deception.
I would like to cast hex on the carrot guy
And give him disadvantage on,
If i were to sleight of hand
him what ability score from him
Would i need to, is it a wisdom?
Is it a perception check or
would it be a dexterity check?
- So wait, you wanna hex him?
- Yes, which gives him
disadvantage on a check.
- Gotcha, okay, so you hex
him with a bonus action.
Then what are you trying
to do with your action?
You're trying to...
- Do what theo tried to do.
- Grab the daggers.
- Is to grab the daggers.
So i would like to have yak fly in,
Give me advantage, try
and grab the daggers.
- Okay, so you're gonna
have advantage on this roll.
Yeah, we'll say that
hex gives you advantage.
This is sleight of hand.
- Great, which i have plus seven to.
- This is gonna be dc 20.
You have, but remember,
because he's in a tussle,
Advantage and disadvantage cancel out,
So it's just a straight roll
So you gotta get a 13 or higher.
- Okay.
13!
- Yeah!
- Oh my god!
Ruby slides in underneath annabelle
And whips two poison daggers.
- I have them! The poison daggers!
The assassin!
- Be careful!
- I'm being careful.
- I'm saying like, with yourself.
Don't eat anything from them.
- I'm not going to. Why would i do that?
- You guys see two blades made of,
And this is the second liquid
material you've seen here,
But this is not milk.
- Hmm.
- You see blades of pure water.
- Never in this kingdom!
- You almost never see pure water.
This is so deadly, specifically to sugar.
You pull it out.
Now a very important roll's gonna happen.
The 17 is good, but it's not great
So we're getting the box of doom.
Plus five on insight, so a 12
or higher is going to do it.
That's a natural one.
- Oh my god!
- We're f*cking your sh*t up!
- Yeah, f*ck you brennan!
- So close!
- f*ck you!
- I was so close!
- Ah, two reveals so far, brennan!
- How does it feel to
get your sh*t f*cked up?
- Incredible! You pull the daggers.
That's ruby.
You see cruller is the last
in the initiative order.
He looks at you pulling
the poison daggers,
Does a little bow to
you to disguise the fact
That he kicks keradin in
the head very quickly.
You see that constano
already has imperial guard
Rushing for keradin right now.
Everyone gasps
As you hold the daggers aloft.
You cast a little divine magic thing.
Just remembering what happened.
Cruller is gonna move,
dash,
Bonus action dash and you see
he goes, "see to your father!"
And he sees the f*cking escaping gladiator
And just starts to g*n down after him.
Like, clears the f*cking fence,
Not gonna let a dude get away.
- Hell yeah.
- And we are out of combat!
- Oh.
- Whoa, really?
- Woof.
- We're out of combat.
- Can i do an insight check?
- Keradin is fully disarmed.
Ruby is holding the
last two weapons he had.
You guys played that, this
was a very unorthodox combat
And you guys played every
single move that you needed
To play to not have the worst
happen, congratulations!
- Stop trying to k*ll my dad!
- Oh my god!
- Stop having your dad be the king!
- f*ck you!
- f*ck you!
- I said that they were
coming after my father.
- This next roll would've
been 2d10 and a d6 damage.
- Don't you remember when i messaged you
And i said that i was worried
about my dad in this fight?
- Yeah.
- Okay, the hubbub ends.
Scravoya walks away coming out
of whatever rage she was in.
Keradin is seized by tartguard.
He's got a tartguard on one arm
And an imperial soldier on the other.
He goes limp.
He's just staring straight
ahead expressionless.
The pontifex points a finger and says,
"sir keradin deeproot,
you are under arrest
For the attempted m*rder
Of king amethar of the house of rocks."
You see that alfredi looks
at the king standing up.
You see her look over at
you, lapin, for a moment
Just to see what you're doing
And then looks back at
the events going on.
You see constano there says,
"by the order of his imperial majesty,
The concordant emperor gustavo uvano,
I place you under arrest."
And locks him up in addition
to this religious arrest
That the pontifex has put him under.
You see immediately, alfredi
gets up, walks out of the box,
Walks over to the corner
where you, amethar is standing
And heals the poison condition on you.
- Oh, oh!
- Pops!
- Father!
- I rush over and give him a hug.
- Before, wait-
- Ruby and jet, you guys
rush over to your dad-
- Actually, before i do though,
I do want to go over to annabelle
And give her a really
deep handshake and, like,
Get deep in her face and
deep in her eyes and say,
"it was an honor to fight alongside you."
And then i want to do some
kind of like, insight check
Into whether or not she
was putting on a show
When she went after the carrot guy.
- Go ahead and give me an insight check.
- I wanna make her weak in
the knees, so that i can...
- If you want to do a persuasion
To give you advantage on the insight.
- Using the word
deep five times with a l*sbian.
- I do, yeah.
- Give me a persuasion.
Let's see how good you do
on this charisma check.
- Okay, bad persuasion.
- So, just roll a standard insight check.
- 15.
- You look at annabelle.
She seems to be going through a lot.
You have to believe that this
is like the craziest sh*t
That ever, it's like, this
day could have been legendary
Just for sir theobald
unhorsing the daughter
Of the concordant emperor
And removing her possibility at, you know.
So, you see, yeah, this is all f*cked.
But instead of that being-
- And it's been like, 30 seconds.
The most insane 30 seconds.
- Liam's on the council.
- Yeah.
- Theobald gets to nominate
somebody to be king.
- I was wondering, can i roll
a perception with advantage
To start speaking like
"all of my times in nature
Has given me the ability to detect poison"
Or, you know, like just to start-
- Do people notice that or do we even-
- Your deception was not that great
When you did your deception
to disguise that spell.
Go ahead because your
deception wasn't that great
That first time i'll let
you roll another deception
With advantage this time.
- Okay, yeah, just to kind of-
- Oh sorry, with disadvantage.
- With disadvantage? Okay.
Just to kind of start
talking about, like...
- Can i give him the help action?
- Yeah, you can cancel out.
- Great.
- So just roll one die.
- All right.
- So this is
gonna be your deception.
- Liam is so good at poison
and knowing what poisons are.
- Yeah, well done, liam!
- Bad.
- Well, well...
Could have been worse.
- Okay, if annabelle-
- It's three.
- If annabelle was fine, though,
I mean, was that the end of
it? She's just really frazzled.
- I mean, look, like, all this crazy,
Like, a crazy political
event happened over here.
The craziest political
event happened over here.
- Okay, but she seemed-
- And then also you,
Like a f*cking long-Forgotten memory,
Announced her personal sh*t everywhere.
- Okay.
- I guess she looks happy
that an assassination
Almost happened so that everyone forgot
When her f*cking laundry got aired
In front of the entire kingdom.
- Okay, then i do wanna deeply
apologize to her and say-
- Okay, cool.
- "i'm sorry, i think i'm more
at peace with where i stand
Than you are and i
misjudged that situation."
- "your highness, your
father was just almost k*lled
In front of both of us.
You are young and you've spent
your whole life in a kingdom
Which is very permissive
about most things.
I do not fault you for that.
I would ask that in the
future, if you respect someone,
You will keep their honor
by keeping their business
On the other side of your mouth."
- I want you to understand
that i actually thought
It was really badass that you did it
So i thought i was speaking
your honor when i said that.
- She thinks for a moment,
leans in very close to you
So that her cheek is
almost touching your cheek
And whispers into your ear,
"i thought it was badass, too.
I just don't like to talk about it."
- Duly noted. I'm gonna
go check on my father.
- You go check on your dad.
Amethar, you've got your
two sweet princesses
In front of you.
- Oh!
- Are you okay?
- No, i'm not okay!
- Who's trying to k*ll you?
- I don't know!
- What's going on?
- I don't know, all right?
- A long time,
Just respond back and-
- Can we f*ck 'em up?
- No, we all need to slow down, all right?
The way that we handle things.
I'm not 20 anymore.
We don't just go off f*cking
half-c*ck, all right?
- No dad, you would have won
if they hadn't poisoned you.
- Yes, my king!
- What? What?
- Theobald, you see
that grissini walks up.
The place is now flooded
with imperial soldiers.
You see, he walks up to you and says,
"sir theobald, do you wish
for an escort for your king?
We can get you to a safe
house, back to your chambers
In the great pyramid,
wherever you need to go."
- Yes, i think before we move
the king anywhere, i'd like,
Is it calroy is the,
what's the name of the-
- Cake? Cal.
- Yeah, cal.
- I would like for cal to come back
For someone to be with him.
I would like to be part of
the investigation on keradin.
I would like to follow to the
dungeons and question him.
- You see that he nods.
Yeah, you see he looks and
says, "very well. It will..."
You see, by the way, over in the corner.
Lapin, you see alfredi
talk to the pontifex
And point to liam.
- f*ck!
f*ck.
- The pontifex walks over and
says, "commander grissini,
Sir deeproot has soiled the
name of the bulbian church.
The church demands justice in this matter.
We would see him hanged."
You see that grissini looks
and says, "your holiness,
To even address you is
an honor beyond words.
The candians have requested
the right to speak to this man
Who has attempted to m*rder their king.
I can wait to dispatch
the emperor's justice,
But i believe the candians
wish to speak with him first."
You see the pontifex says, "very well.
Do not pass sentence on this
disgraced and fallen paladin
Until the church has the ability
To give him the sentence he deserves."
You see grissini nods, looks
a little shaky speaking.
He's, you know, and the pontifex
leaves with her guardians.
You see basha myaso leaves.
Senator ciabatta walks down.
You see that senator ciabatta
Actually walks down over to you, amethar.
You haven't spoken to him, i think, yet.
He walks over and says,
"your royal majesty, are you all right?"
- Oh, i'm fine, senator.
- "unfortunate to see this great day
Brought so low by such criminals.
You have the deepest loyalties
Of the ceresian people
and of our republic."
He looks over at you and says,
"the paladin, keradin deeproot.
Talk to me if you wish. I do
not believe he acted alone."
And that's all he says and he
turns around and walks out.
He peaces out. He walks away.
You see calroy walk back.
I'm gonna roll a flat luck
check in the box of doom
Rather than run a battle
offscreen with npcs.
- To see if he kicked his a*s?
- We just sit here while you
silently roll a bunch of dice.
- Yeah, so we'll say good
news is 11 through 20.
Bad news is one through 10.
12.
- Great.
Wow, everything's coming up candy!
- You see...
Yeah, he slowly walks back
As you guys are wrapped up with the king.
And you see that all your
tartguard are forming around you.
The other ones have been, like, healed up,
So you've got the full 30 tartguard.
You got a f*cking squad right now.
- Great, i feel like we
also owe liam some thanks.
I wanna walk over to liam.
You've saved the king's
life. We're in your debt.
- Um, okay, i think i used the bad magic.
I have natural explorer.
I could just take off running right now
And meet up with you guys later?
- Just stay...
- I have really good
stealth when i'm on the run.
- I think i wanna join this conversation.
- Yeah, cruller walks back
sort of huffing and puffing
And goes, "they arrested
the runner, the gladiator."
- All right.
- What about plumerina?
- Plumbeline?
- Plumbeline.
- You see he says-
- She ran.
- You see he says, "the
lady of house uvano?
I think she walked off
the field after theo
Put her on her back in a joust."
- That was awesome!
- Yep, it ruled.
- I misunderstood.
- Thank you so much.
- You did some cool sh*t today.
- Yeah.
- I guess i felt bad-
- "i mean, there are knights
and then there are knights
And the order of the knights
of north-Gumbia, i think,
Have put themselves on the map
In terms of international jousting today."
- Yeah, what a-
- Thank you!
Really though, the king almost died, so-
- Yeah, i have, that was dope,
But we'll talk about it later.
- You see calroy looks at you and says,
"do we want to follow them
To make sure they don't
disappear that carrot paladin?"
- That would be, i think perhaps
we could split up, maybe?
- I feel like i should take the young ones
Back to our chambers and...
- What if i bring liam with me?
- Yeah, we'll protect you, pops!
- Make sure that, or-
- I will-
- I think we should-
- I feel like we should-
- Liam, okay.
- 'cause i mean, at the end of the day,
Nobody's taking liam
anywhere as long as i say so.
- Okay. Me and the chancellor, perhaps?
- Yes, i will join you
in the investigation.
- Nobody will talk to
liam until you return.
- All right.
- "uh, my lord, do you
wish to take any of us,
The tartguard, with you?"
- Maybe all of you go with the king.
- We'll take, um-
- You see cruller says,
"i can accompany you if you want me to."
- Great, the tartguard and the young ones-
- Yeah, we'll take a few tartguard.
- You see he puts his arms
around both of you and says,
"we're not high priority
targets, but i don't know,
Strength in numbers."
- Yes, totally, yes, now.
- "someone might be coming
for the three of us."
You see that he says, "all
right, we'll see you back
At our quarters in the great pyramid."
- Great.
- The three of you guys take off
To make sure that they don't-
- Maybe i should come with you.
- Would you like to?
- I don't know.
No, i should stay and protect you guys.
I'm staying with the magic.
- I give you sprinkle
and i can check in on you
Through the eye thing.
- Okay, cool.
- Awesome, so, the kids and king amethar
With the whole tartguard and lady donetta
And lord and lady swirlie,
Your various hangers-On
and servants all head off.
- Coldbottle?
- Primsy coldbottle comes over.
You see, she is like, shaken, you know.
"is it always that violent here
in these great tournaments?"
- I don't know...
- You see she says, "you did
very well, liam, i saw you."
- Ah, thank you!
- "you got right there on the
corner of the bull's eye."
- Oh, yep. So close.
- You see that she smiles and says,
"you're a great champion.
I appreciate it!"
- Oh, thanks.
- You see that annabelle walks over,
Puts her hand on primsy's shoulder.
She hasn't introduced herself
really to amethar yet.
She looks at you-
- Who is this, sorry?
- Annabelle, this is annabelle cheddar.
She looks up at you and says,
"your majesty, i haven't had
the honor of your meeting,
But i am captain annabelle cheddar.
My father, when he was alive,
spoke of you more highly
Than any man, and i had
hoped that the circumstances
Of our meeting would be different,
But it is an honor to,
if even for a moment,
Have shared a tournament ground with you."
- It's an honor to meet you as well.
Your father was a great man
and you are a great fighter.
- "i try, but..."
- I mean, you've won the
admiration of my daughters.
- You see she-
- You should have seen
her thighs out there!
- Thighs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Her thighs?
- "right..."
- Beefy.
- Fearsome!
- "look, did we not just talk
About the permissive candian attitudes?"
- It's a compliment!
- "is it? It's either my
marital status or my thighs!"
- I'm sorry, i thought that
your thighs were weapons!
- We were definitely complementing you.
- I thought it was like
complimenting your sword.
- Yeah.
- "your highness, my thighs are weapons."
- Oh...
- Well, i just died.
It was very nice to meet you.
I'm sure we'll have reason
to speak again soon.
- "your majesty, an honor.
I'm at your service."
She escorts primsy out as lord
cruller is out doing stuff.
She takes primsy and some
other dairy guards nearby
And they head back.
- Hm, primsy's so cute.
- I'm trying to think if
there's anything else.
No, yeah, you see everyone
else f*cking clears out.
Oh yeah, prince cabbage walks up to you,
Nezemiah cabbage, who
hasn't said anything.
He walks alongside you as
you guys are walking back
To the great pyramid of food and goes,
"terrible, terrible.
It was dreadful to have assassins.
Sir keradin-
- Can i do an insight check on this guy?
- Yeah, go for it.
- What about that cheese
guy that theodore, that-
- I have such
bad insight, but...
Ooh, i got a 20, not nat.
- Hold on.
- Where were these rolls
when i needed them?
- Oh, i know!
- He looks like he
didn't see what happened
And someone explained it to him.
- Okay.
- Just a dummy.
- Yeah, i didn't see him.
Yeah, where was he? He wasn't here, right?
- No, this is prince cabbage right here.
- Oh, okay.
- He goes-
- Prince cabbage,
you f*cking fool.
- "absolutely dreadful
For a day of merrymaking to be so spoiled.
I would hate to think
that someone would try
To orphan your daughters in front of them
And that that man would be
a paladin of the church.
Disgrace and justice shall be done."
- Your highness, thank you.
- "if there is anything at all
That the proud king of candia needs,
You shall let
the house of cabbage know.
I'm not king..."
- I know.
- "my father is king."
- I know, your highness.
- Are we here?
- I think we're-
- No, you guys take off.
So you guys head back to
the great pyramid of food.
So, cruller and you two are headed off.
You guys arrive at a-
- Oh, could i pull them two aside?
- Yeah, for sure.
- And just say,
"i noticed from the box
that it feels as though
We could be in a little
bit of trouble with liam."
- "what do you mean?"
- He may have been found
out for his actions.
- "oh, dear.
Well, liam is not the princess
of a nation of the concord.
Liam is the son of a
duke in open rebellion.
If they come for liam,
i don't know how much...
Certainly none of us, and
i don't even know how much
His majesty the king will be able to do."
- What if liam were a knight?
- "isn't there a whole three-Day
vigil that has to happen
And a bunch of tests and
oaths of fealty and..."
- I'm the lord commander
of the king's guard,
And liam just saved the king's life.
I didn't do it. You didn't do it.
Lapin didn't do it.
- "listen, i don't know
how any of this stuff works
So if you can find some loophole
in your book of knight laws
To make liam a knight
of the bulbian church.
Listen theobald, if there's
a way that you can pull this
Out of your helmet, then that's great."
- What is the other option?
Just get liam out of town?
- At the very least, i feel
like i can try to talk to them.
- "do you think you,
Do you have the ear of anyone
important in the church?
Can you, i mean, i know you're
a primogen, but can you,
What, we would need the pontifex
herself to be able to..."
- I have, i'm not saying it's
likely that she will help us,
But there is a chance that
i could help with that.
- "well, it sounds like between
the three of us we have-
- Oh, this is f*cked!
- He says, "it sounds like
between the three of us
We have two chances so that
works if you want to try that.
And maybe i'll be option
three of just disappearing
In the night and getting
liam back to candia."
- I think that's a good idea.
- "all right, let's go
interrogate this m*rder*r."
You see, you guys get
to an imperial garrison.
Commander grissini is there
and you see keradin deeproot
Has been chained and shackled.
He's sitting in a dungeon,
just a straight-Up dungeon,
Like bars in the windows, stone.
He's still in his armor and cape.
He's been disarmed at the
tourney and he's shackled
Hands and feet but they're not
like, he's not up like this.
He's sitting with his knees
Up against his chest against the wall.
- Can you get a read on him?
- I will...
- Can i give a help action?
What's your perception?
I only have plus three
perception, plus three insight.
- Plus five insight.
- Okay, so i'll give you help.
- And can i just make an insight,
Yeah, just an insight check?
- Yeah, go for it!
- Nat 20.
- Yes! There it is!
The narrative nat 20!
- Spinning my lollistaff.
- Actually, as you approach
In a way that no one else can see,
The lollistaff spins a little bit.
Sir keradin looks up at you.
On a nat 20, well, first of all,
What are you trying to glean?
I'll give you more on a nat 20.
- I want to know if he had, like,
I wanna know if he
knows what he was doing.
I wanna know if it feels like,
I'm sure he was working for
someone, but i wanna know
Who it feels like he's, like,
I would love to find out more
about who he is close to.
- Does he feel betrayed by the-
- Yeah.
- Like, does it feel like he
was working with the pontifex?
- Yes.
- Was there a spell on him?
- On a nat 20,
You look into this guy's eyes.
You've never seen someone make eye contact
And remain vacant before.
You see such a profound
faith in this man's eyes
That you know he is immune
to being mind controlled.
- Whoa.
- Do i know if he, he
is paladin of the bulb.
- Mm-Hmm.
- He is a part of the church.
Who is he in contact
with on the day-To-Day?
- You know with the day-To-Day,
he is a of a holy order in-
- Like, of the people i met,
Were they all in the same city?
Or like, did they all
come from the same place?
- No, alfredi is from pangranos.
She's a ceresian primogen.
And you would know that the
people he's closest with
Like, prince nezemiah came
all the way from greenhold,
Which is far to the east.
Sir keradin, you would know
From just your court shenanigans,
he serves in brightgarden.
He serves in the holy
city of brightgarden,
Which is the center of the bulbian church,
Like the holy city of the bulbian church.
- So that's where the pontifex is-
- Where the pontifex is from.
You sense that this man has
never been mind controlled,
Has always followed orders,
Has never even maybe acted on his own,
And is loyal above all else to the church.
- I'm going to signal for you to leave.
Give me uh...
- I can message you so
we can speak quietly.
- Mm-Hmm.
Leave me alone with the prisoner.
- I go.
- You see that commander grissini says,
"i am afraid we cannot allow
the prisoner to be left here.
Your king was just attempted
to be assassinated."
- You can just step out.
Can you just step outside for a moment?
- "i can not step outside
for a moment, i'm afraid."
You see he says, "if you,
nobody would blame you
If you slit this man's throat
And i cannot allow that to happen.
I've been ordered by the hierophant rex
Of the bulbian church to
make sure that justice
Is dispatched by the
church in this instance."
- I am of the, i'm a
primogen of the church.
You will not allow me
to have a conversation?
Are you saying that i am
a liar and that i will,
A man of my faith will k*ll this prisoner?
- The room emanates with the status
That lapin suddenly commands.
Grissini bows and says, "i
am deeply sorry, your grace.
Leave the chancellor and
primogen to his business."
And clears the room.
- Sweet, i'll walk out with
him and keep an eye on him.
- Okay, i'm going to, as they leave,
Come up to the shackles
and start to try to pretend
Like i'm unshackling him and
say, "we do not have much time.
Where are you supposed to meet them?"
As a deception roll.
- Okay, you're trying to deceit, gotcha.
Go ahead and give me a deception roll.
If you're actively going to free him,
I'm going to say roll with advantage.
- Okay, i don't have
any tools to free him.
- You're just like going
for the chains or whatever?
- Yes, yeah.
- Still roll with advantage.
- Deception?
- Yep.
- 25.
- f*ck yes!
- I'm gonna roll his insight.
That's a natural three.
- Wow.
- You see he says, "there
was no plan, your grace.
I was supposed to execute the king.
I was supposed to move, but i
couldn't get to him in time.
He moved out of the way, the
blade didn't find its purchase.
I was supposed to simply walk away
And let him die on the field."
- Okay, there's still
time for me to do this.
Where could i find
another blade like this?
Who can i trust to help
me with this action?
- You see he looks at you and says,
"i know not where blades
of water can be made.
I only know that the primogen alfredi can,
If she was able to give me three,
She can certainly give you more."
- Great. I uh...
I just slap him in the face.
- You slap a carrot?
- I'm a f*cking bunny, b*tch!
- A chocolate rabbit. A chocolate.
Wait, a rabbit slapping a carrot!
- It's an easter surprise!
- Wow, wow, wow!
- Oh, there you go!
- You should just eat him!
- Hold on right here, folks.
- Yeah, i um...
- Okay, the primogen alfredi?
Cheese, creamy?
- No, she's pasta.
- Pasta with cream sauce.
- You see that-
- You suspected that-
- Cool, you slap him in the face.
Do you walk out of the
dungeon at that point?
- I walk over to the guards
and tell them to go back in.
- They go, "oh, you were in there for."
- I tell them to arrest primogen alfredi.
- Holy sh*t!
They look at you and they say,
"on, on, on what grounds?"
- He just told me that that's
where he got the daggers.
Move now or we will lose our advantage.
- Commander grissini looks,
I'm gonna need a flat persuasion.
- f*cking nat 20s.
- And i wanna give him a
help action by being like,
"you already lost your honor.
This is how you get it back!"
- Give me the roll with advantage.
I'm gonna say dc 20 persuasion.
- Persuasion?
- Yep.
- 22.
- You see that he shakes.
This is a ceresian
soldier you're talking to.
He looks at two men that just,
Well, two men that just saved their king,
Although he doesn't know
that one saved his king.
And he says, "we are honor bound by guests
Of the concordant emperor
to honor this request.
Men, find and arrest
primogen alfredi of ceresia."
And about 40 f*cking soldiers
march out of the garrison.
You see keradin looks,
You have never seen keradin
be anything other than calm.
He looks at you and you see
he goes, "apostate!"
And starts to slam against the chains
Just like a f*cking brute.
- I whisper to him,
"where is your bulb now?"
- Oh, got him!
- Oh my god!
- Yes!
- Oh god!
- Oh, f*ck!
- And that's it for this
week on "a crown of candy."
- Wow.
- Oh!
- Wow!
- Oh, god!
- Lapin! Lapin!
- Wow!
- Oh my god!
- We are at w*r.
- "there's something very
deeply wrong with you."
- What?
- "name someone you wish
for me to consider."
"do you think their
belief will stand?" smack.
"are you a candian or a
priest of the bulbian church?"
Drops down, leaps up and slits his throat,
And he falls to the ground dead.
- Taking a walk to sh*t outside.
- Think we'd find some-
What?
- What?
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05x04 - The Grand Tournament
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.