- Hello, one and all,
And welcome back to "a crown of candy."
I'm your humble dungeon
master brennan lee mulligan,
And with me are five
of our intrepid heroes.
Say hello, intrepid heroes.
- You know what, f*ck you, brennan.
- Hi.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi.
- It's his-
- Literally his birthday.
It's literally zac's birthday today.
- Rest in sweets, lapin.
- Aw!
- That's nice.
- Beautiful!
- Yeah, that's beautiful.
- Rest in sweets.
- R-I...
- R-I-S?
- Lapin cadbury-
- I will miss that voice the most.
- Uh-
- Reese's and pieces.
- Reese's and pieces.
- Last we left our intrepid heroes,
They were in the
cathedral of saint arugula
In the capital city of comida,
The throne of the concordant empire
Atop the great pyramid of food,
the death of gustavo uvano,
And a sudden, devious
Turn of events.
Her holiness, the
hierophant rex and pontifex
Of the bulbian church,
belizabeth brassica,
Having sideswiped amethar
of the house of rocks
At a trial for witchcraft
For liam wilhelmina of
the house of jawbreaker,
Count of freezyberg, on
the charge of witchcraft,
Some business was attended to having to do
With the sudden passing of gustavo uvano,
And conflicting accounts
of who the emperor
Had named his successor,
Invited to put his hand on the book
Of his sister saint citrina,
compelled to tell the truth.
Instead of being asked as to the words
Of his old friend gustavo,
He was asked who was
his lawful wedded wife.
For the first time in their lives,
The family members of amethar
heard the name catherine ghee,
A commoner of the dairy islands.
After being sentenced
As an adulterer and oathbreaker,
Amethar was stripped of land and titles,
The crown of candia passing immediately,
Many hundreds of miles away,
To duke joren jawbreaker,
meaning that candia had,
Without any active role in its part,
Inadvertently declared w*r on the concord
And removed itself from the protection
Of the imperial army.
You are running.
Your feet pound heavily into
the cobblestones of comida.
You can feel the bones
in your shins shudder
Under the weight of your dead sprint.
Your breath is caught up in your throat
With phlegm and blood as you
all sprint as fast as you can.
You are at varying stages of injury,
Theo having the one sharp stab in the back
From the very beginning of the fight,
The princesses with various
wounds and injuries,
But still mostly together.
Liam, you run as fast as you can.
You can feel multiple broken ribs.
Every intake of breath stabs
into you with sh**ting pain
From where the mace of sir
keradin deeproot landed.
Amethar, riddled with arrows
And halberd marks,
Sweet blood pouring
down your massive frame
As you all sprint
Through cobblestone alleyways
away from the cathedral,
Hearing the shouts of the
imperial army behind you.
- They're over here!
- Over here! After them!
- Where do you run?
- I book it for the alley where thad was.
- Is that close to here?
- Is it?
- It's in a direction. It's an
alley you know how to get to.
- Can i send yak up into
the sky to scout for us,
To see if there are imperial soldiers
Or anybody down a different street
So that we can-
- Where, like where cal...
Cal, or-
- Where is cal?
Or where would cal-
- He was back there.
They probably-
- No, cal wasn't in the...
- But he's probably
Back at our-
- Right.
- He's at the pyramid of food?
- At the pyramid of food.
- I'm going to go ahead
and actually ask you guys
To weirdly roll initiative,
if you'd be so kind.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Did anyone get above a 20?
- No.
- Did anybody get above a 15?
- I got a 19.
- Yeah.
- 17.
- 19 and 17.
So, ruby, you are running,
and the first thing...
I mean, we have a couple people...
It seems that the person
With the strongest idea of where to go...
'cause you're not able
to speak. You're not...
There's no having a conference together,
So-
- Just so you guys know,
It's because i think that we can...
He can...
I can take his ride, and we can-
- If anyone-
- Get out of the city.
- I don't have any better ideas.
- Yeah-
- No, not at all.
- You guys are...
I think it's not even a conversation.
I think, jet, you just take the lead
And have an idea of where to go,
And people follow behind jet.
All of you guys are breathing too hard,
Under the injured state that
you're in, to even talk.
So you are just sprinting,
following jet through the alleys.
On a 19, you are- Act
first to send yak up.
Yak starts circling.
And we're going to,
In the midst of your
injured state running,
You can't shake the image in your head
Of the silhouettes you saw
in stained glass of a mace
Rising up and coming down,
And a spray of chocolate
across the front of the church.
And in the insane horror
Of how quickly you have
gone from a princess
To just a 18-Year-Old woman
running through the streets
With her family, or what is left of them,
You have a sudden flashback,
And we're going to flash back
to a moment years before.
We're at castle candy, and for
the first time in your life,
Maybe you're about like 9 or 10 years old,
You just saw the swirler sisters'
Traveling circus come through,
And you're out on the castle
walls doing a handstand.
You hear a sharp voice from a door.
Ruby rocks, get down
from there! You are a...
And you feel a pinch on your ear,
And your mother, the queen caramelinda,
Is pulling your ear, pulls
you off the parapets,
And goes, "why...
How many times i have to tell you,
Why are you doing acrobatics
out here on the castle walls?"
- Well, if i do it inside, then it's easy!
- Life will be hard enough, ruby.
You don't need to make it any harder.
You are a princess! You
have responsibilities.
This family...
Danger can arise at any moment.
We don't need to tempt fate.
You have an important role to play.
Just because your sister is heir
Doesn't mean that you don't need
To take your life seriously, as well.
- Well, if danger can arise at any time,
Then i should train to be ready for it!
- When i teach you
About history and politics and the world,
And the names of the lords
and ladies who come to court,
That is me preparing you for danger.
And the fact that you can't realize it
Means that i have not impressed upon you
How important those things truly are.
Amethar, what are you
doing as the group runs?
- I just, i think i'm
just replaying everything.
I don't know, just
struggling to handle what...
What the future...
What future i have insisted upon candia,
With my past misdeeds.
- How old is amethar right now?
He's like-
- In my, at this time?
- Yeah, at this time.
- Yeah, like 48.
- 48? Amethar...
As you are running,
Amethar, you're 24 years old.
You're in a tiny garrison of your uncle's
In the great stone candy mountains.
You're in a room in a tower.
There's goblets of fine cola
wine everywhere around you.
You are seated next to your
sister, the saint citrina,
And standing in a corner of the room,
Leaning with her arms crossed
is your sister, sapphria,
Older than you, but the
youngest of the sisters.
You see bearing down on you,
Standing directly across from you,
In the seat where you are
in the middle of the room,
Is your oldest sister rococoa.
You've married? You've married!
- I, yeah!
- A commoner!
- Okay, we're in love, okay?
- What does that have to do with anything?
- That's what people who...
You marry somebody because you love them!
- God, amethar, you are as
thick as a stump sometimes!
Don't you understand that
these things have consequences?
- Uh, yeah, i mean, i didn't...
What? I didn't think it was gonna be...
I didn't think it was gonna
Be a thing!
- You are a prince of candia.
We are at w*r with half
the nations of calorum!
Our one ally, the dairy islands,
Half of 'em wanna k*ll us for
entering the w*r this late,
And forsaking our allegiances!
And your marriage could
have meant saved lives.
It could've meant marrying
someone important.
It could've meant a
strategic alliance somewhere!
Small little circles are being rubbed
Into your back by saint citrina.
She leans over and whispers,
"amethar, you know that she's only mad
Because she cares about you."
And rococoa looks at citrina and says,
"that is not true!"
- What do you want me to do?
- I want...
Well, sapphria should...
Sapphria says, "don't look at me.
I think it's great that he's gotten
His rocks off with a nice cute girl
In the dairy islands.
- Oh, sapphria.
- You see that she
smiles your way and says,
"rococoa, amethar is fifth in line.
For this to matter...
Do you know how many things
would have to have gone wrong,
To get to the point where
this is going to matter?
Let amethar marry a...
Does anyone actually
care? I'm not wed yet!
I'm in front of amethar, if
anyone remembers or cares!"
Rococoa shakes her head and says,
"it's not about that.
Look, we can do something.
We can get this annulled. We can go back."
You see that citrina looks up and says,
"well, we can't get it annulled
if amethar truly loves her.
To spit in the face of love and marriage,
That's a sacred vow of the bulb!"
You see that rococoa goes,
"citrina, just for once,
the church stuff, can we..."
And you see that citrina
looks up and says,
"i'm not talking about the church.
I'm talking about the bulb.
And its light shines most brightly
On those who act and speak
in the name of love."
You see sapphria goes.
You see that citrina looks up and says,
"it'll happen for you
one day too, sapphria.
I know it will."
And in puff of blue smoke,
Lazuli arrives.
You see rococoa turns to her and says,
"lazuli, have you heard
the news of this madness,
All of this nonsense?"
And lazuli says, "hm?
Oh, so that's happened. That has happened.
It's not going to happen."
So all the sisters kind
of turn to look at lazuli,
And she says, "sorry, i have
to keep some of these things
In order in my head of
when they've happened
And when they have yet to have happened."
Amethar, congratulations on your marriage.
- You knew this was gonna happen?
- No, no, no, no, i didn't
know it was gonna happen.
I knew it was going to happen
And it was going to not happen,
but now it has happened,
Which means it was never
going to not happen.
And the times when it
didn't happen can't happen.
- Uh, moving on? Uh...
- You see that rococoa goes,
"i don't have time for
this nonsense, lazuli.
We need to muster joren's forces
And march as fast as we can.
The ceresians are pouring
through gumdrop pass
As fast as they can and
we need to make a move."
You see that lazuli says,
"right, well, citrina,
What would have to happen
for this to be annulled?"
And you see that citrina says,
"we would have to find father belford
And he would have to have
you both present there
And then the marriage could be annulled
If that's what you want, amethar.
But if it's not what you want,
Then no force, none but the bulb itself,
Could force you to leave that union."
Lazuli nods and says, "well,
after the w*r is concluded,
Then we will have time aplenty
To find young mrs. Rocks
And have the marriage annulled,
If that is what amethar wishes."
You see that sapphria looks over and says,
"what do we, uh, what do we tell father?"
All three sisters all turn
at the same time and go,
"nothing!"
Did anyone get above a
10 in their initiative?
- I got 17.
- 12.
- 12? 17 and 12, great.
Liam, you are running as fast as you can
And ringing in your ears is
a final
Being cut short.
- I'm crying, i'm for sure
like bawling my eyes out
While running, like.
- You weep as much as you can.
Your shattered ribs are there.
You go back to a moment
When you were like, you know, maybe,
Not too long ago, like 14
or 15, something like that.
You're in the castle of duke jawbreaker.
Comes up, huge man with
a bald jawbreaker head,
Chin like a cow catcher
on a train,
Walks up, he's got this
giant, two-Handed mace,
And he comes up and goes, "hey there, kid.
It's your saints day, right?"
- Yeah, it's, uh, yeah,
wow! Thanks for remembering!
- Yeah, your ma said something about it.
Here's a pig.
- What?
- I got you a pig. I got a pig for ya.
You know, you're always
outside with the...
- Okay, thanks!
- He's a baby.
- Yeah, i can...
Thank you. Is this a test or some...
Is this a toughness test,
another toughness test?
- A toughness test?
No, i wouldn't put you
through a toughness test.
You'll learn more as a
grash with everyone else.
Your brothers'd do that plenty, look.
The important thing is
this kid, i love you...
Liam.
- Yeah.
It's liam, yep. My name is liam.
- I got a lot.
- Yeah.
- I got a lot of 'em running around.
- And you love all of 'em.
- I love 'em all.
- Great.
- But you, i knew you'd like a pig,
'cause you're always outside.
- Yeah, it's really cute.
- Yeah!
They say his name is
liam, his name's liam.
- Okay. Yeah.
Maybe i'll rename him,
'cause it would be confusing,
Since my name is liam.
- Preston's the pig.
- Great, cool!
- Liam's the son.
- Okay!
- You see,
Walking up is one
Of your father's partners.
One of your father's partners walks up.
Your father has a couple partners
that he has children with,
Who, in the tradition
Of the old way of the sweetening path
And the old sucrosi people
that lived in candia
Long before the church
of the bulb came here,
Being wed to many people or
handfasted to many people
Was a little bit more common.
So your mother comes up, spearia,
And she's actually this very beautiful,
Long-Haired, witchy vegetanian woman,
But she is made out of all
these spearmint leaves.
She kind of looks, you know
those green man statues
Where all the leaves grow out of the face?
She's this beautiful, very calm, witchy,
Spiritual vegetanian,
Who is a devout priestess
of the sweetening path,
And of like the old spirits.
She comes up and says,
"oh, little sweetie!"
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, sweetheart.
I see you got your
little pig, preston, huh?
- Yeah, that'll be cool.
- Well, he'll take care of you, okay?
If you take care of him.
- Okay, yeah, i'll try.
- All right, and i wanna say,
Your father and i have been talking,
And your offer to go
To castle candy and be a ward there,
I think that's really brave.
- Thanks. I think it's...
It's not that brave,
'cause i don't think it
would be that hard there.
You know, like all my
brothers and stuff here suck,
So it would just be great to get away
And not have to play stairs anymore.
- Yeah. Stairs?
- It's where they run
up a bunch of stairs,
But i have to be every stair.
It's, i play all the stairs, i'm just...
I'm making myself taller by
standing up a little bit more
As each foot is on my head,
And then they all go
into the fort.
But you know, i'm the
stairs, so i don't...
No one's a stair for me.
- Wow, i...
I should be paying closer attention
To what's been going on,
Because that's full-
- I would say
I'm grossly neglected.
- Yeah, that's full...
That is full abuse, and
that's deeply upsetting.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get right on that.
Although, you are leaving-
- Yeah, so,
It's going through, i get to go?
- We've decided,
we've talked about it,
And you know, your father
and me and his other partners
And their other partners
and my other partners and-
- The 35 of you, okay.
- Yeah, your 35 parents got together,
And we think it's the right choice.
The world out there can be dangerous.
Not everywhere is as open
As we are here and as respectful
Of all the different
things that can be true,
And you haven't had a lot of interactions
With the church, for example.
The things we know about the spirits here,
Spirits of sweetness and of savoriness,
Spirits of light and
dark, of wind and earth,
And fire and water,
All of those spirits have truth to them.
And that truth that i just said
Makes some people angrier than it should,
And they might hurt people
just for saying what's real.
And i want you to be really careful.
But you should know,
There's more than just
me watching out for you.
There's preston, too.
- Yeah, this is really cool!
- You, as you are running,
In that weird dream space,
feel something inside you.
And you think about all the spirits
That your mother spoke about.
And now that preston is gone,
You feel something dark inside you.
And there's a voice deep in there.
You feel darkness, a blast
of flames, something hot.
Smoke fills your vision for a second,
Great wind,
And a deep and powerful
feeling beyond that,
Past the heat, past the screams.
Something else, a deep
and powerful hunger.
Peppermint ice grows from your fingers
Around your crossbow.
And you feel your crossbow
Get cold in your hands.
Come back and you're running,
And you feel that something
In your magic has changed.
- Cool.
- Theo, what's going on
with theo as you're running?
- I think theo...
I think theo kind of
thought amethar was a goner,
And that was like him
following his last order,
And the princesses saved him,
And jet took off one
way, so i think for once,
Theo's just shutting up and
following jet, just running.
- You are run...
And you just flash, you think of lapin,
Moving and stepping, and,
liam, even as you go cold,
You feel one last thing
which is lapin's paw
Pushing into your chest and
moving you out of the way
Of sir keradin.
- And he got in front of me.
- And he got in front of you.
Theo, you think of the
last time that you remember
Really shutting up and following orders.
You are a young, newly
minted gummy knight.
You're a knight of north-Gumbia.
You're in your first suit of full plate,
Standing at attention,
being as quiet as possible.
You got knighted earlier this morning
And are standing
In an office in front
of the archmage lazuli,
Who has not yet looked at you.
You've been here for about 20 minutes.
All right, papers, mm. There's...
Okay, that's going to go...
Now what about this? Very
interesting, ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch...
She turns over, you see
that there is a tall,
Candian monk there, sort
of like light blue skin,
This crazy pink hair.
He's like a cotton candy monk
With these very, like, hollowed-Out eyes.
And you see he's got this
long lollistaff next to him
And this little necklace
with like an eye on it.
You see that she says,
"cumulous, thank you, if
you would please take this
To the monastery of the
spinning star, thank you."
And you see that cumulous
just
Turns into a cloud of like cottony mist
And disappears out the window.
She goes, "all right, okay...
Ah! Theobald gumbar.
Knight of north-Gumbia."
- Yes, archmage lazuli.
- Yes, yes, you've been sent here
As my ward, yes?
And you're going to be my something...
We're not calling it a squire
because i'm not a knight,
And the knights would get
upset if we called it a squire,
But that's what we're all going to say-
- Ward, squire, whatever...
Whatever you wanna call me is fine.
- That's very interesting.
Speaking of what we wanna call each other,
What do you want to call me?
I know that some people say i'm a wizard,
Other people demand that i'm an alchemist.
How do you feel about all that?
- I would just...
If i were to refer to you casually,
Just the lady archmage lazuli,
First of her name, of the house rocks.
Then i say four other things.
- You see she says, "yes,
very casual, sir theobald."
- I just went through a lot of training
And i'm a tad nervous.
I'm not supposed to say that. I'm sorry.
- That's all right, nervousness is good.
Nervousness means you're paying attention.
There's a lot of reason
to be nervous right now.
You, uh...
Have you ever taken a study in magic,
Interested in magic at all,
Or are you one of those
sort of soldiers that...
- I don't...
I don't have the mind for it.
I'm...
- Why do you say that?
Looking here, it seems like
you recited your oaths,
Your visuals, your knightly missions.
You're not a uneducated warrior.
- I suppose i don't
know what goes into it.
It doesn't seem like the type of thing
I should be able to do,
if that makes sense.
- Why?
- Theobald just stares forward
For like a full minute.
I guess i haven't asked that.
- Huh, well,
You seem a very loyal sort,
and something of a follower.
So let me say this, your first order,
And the first order i
give you, above all else,
That you must follow till your dying day,
On your very knightly vows,
Think for yourself and be curious.
- Pull out a scroll and write down
Her exact words.
- She looks at you and says,
"candia is a small country.
If we're going to win this w*r,
We're going to need to do it with all
The resources at our disposal.
Magic is a lot of things.
It's more than i think any priest or mage
Imagines that it might be,
Maybe even more than the spirits
Who claim to control it
can imagine it to be.
How exciting. I need more parchment."
- Theobald...
- You run down the hallway,
And as you're running
down the hallway,
You're back in the cobblestones of comida.
Jet...
What is jet doing as she's running?
- I think jet is very
angry in many directions.
I think she's angry...
She's still kind of
weirdly angry at her dad
For throwing her out of
the way, out of the fight.
I think she's mad at everyone
For trying to keep her out of the way
And trying to silence her
opinions 'cause they're different,
And not letting her make her own mistakes.
And she's really, really
f*cking angry at the church,
And she's really angry at the pontifex,
And she wants to destroy them all.
- You are just like
in the front, just seething,
And you
are back in a long hall
With sugar glass windows,
bright pinks and purples,
In this huge fencing hall,
and you are just lashing out,
You're like probably like
14 or something like that,
Just, "yah yah yah!"
And you see that in like a very nice,
Puffy white marshmallow fencing attire,
Is lord cruller, who you
are just like beating back,
As your fencing partner,
as he stumbles backwards,
And he stumbles back and you
see a perfect opportunity
To go for the point,
And as you go for it, he's got
a dagger up to your throat,
A little fencing dagger.
- Ah, well, i suppose that's
why you're the teacher
And i'm the student.
- I suppose that wildly slashing
With a piercing weapon
Is maybe an interesting strategy
That i haven't considered before.
- Well, you know what?
You could call it unconventional,
Or maybe your conventions just suck
And i'm inventing new ones.
- We are in for a rough chapter
Of this dynasty,
When you take the throne, your highness.
Excellent work! I mean,
you're fast as can be.
You're lightning quick, but i don't know!
Suppose some conventions
are worth accepting,
Maybe others are worth challenging.
You see he gets up and goes over to where
Some water and some goblets,
or not water, but some cola,
And some goblets and other
things have been placed out.
He hands you a little glass
before your next bout.
- Ah, looking for a break already.
- I'm old! Be nice to me!
- Okay.
I was just trying to keep
the competitive spirit going.
- You see he looks and says,
"do you foresee a lot of that in yourself,
Challenging convention?"
- I guess i just think the way
that you guys do everything
Is so dull and there's
gotta be a better way,
And i don't see anyone
else asking that question!
- I agree. I agree with you.
Look, most people never
get the opportunity
To challenge convention.
You are a princess!
You actually have an opportunity
to make some real changes,
Make things different if you want to.
You don't think the
commoners out in the field
Or the minor barons and countesses
Wouldn't love to see things change?
Of course they would! But...
And actually, if i'm being honest,
Even princesses have
the weight of tradition.
You see he looks up and sees on the words
Underneath your crest, "in
sweetness, there is strength."
You see he looks up and goes,
"what do you think about your house words?
Is that a tradition worth keeping?"
- Hmm, well, i certainly think
That there's moments that
sweetness is strength,
But i also think that
sweetness can be weakness,
And it is very important to probe
The difference between the two!
- You see his eyes sort of
widen for a second and he goes,
"i knew a lot of very sweet
people in the w*r who died.
And i knew a lot of very
strong people who lived.
And the strong people
were often not very sweet.
I look forward to a long reign
Of many interrogations to come.
Have at me!"
He leaps forward (whooshes
air) and you're back,
Running through the alleys.
And off in the distance you hear the noise
Of tolling bells from the cathedral
Where manta ray jack is still in a cell,
And the bodies of preston and lapin
Lie on the floor of the cathedral.
And theo, i think the last
thing, as you're running,
Is you feel the last little vestiges
Of that fly spell wear off.
You guys turn the corner and
start approaching the alley.
You almost can't run anymore.
You'll get levels of exhaustion and stuff.
As you run, you're about
to turn the corner,
And you see a little something...
As you've been running,
You've been trying to keep
your equipment and stuff,
And something falls out of your pocket,
Ruby, and begins to fly away on the wind.
- What is it?
- It's a little piece of
paper that says "lapin" on it,
With the words "for candia" underneath it.
- I try and grab it.
- Go ahead and give-
- Can i use my mage hand?
- Actually, you have mage hand,
You see the reflection in
the window of the spirit
Of lazuli moving
And the little scroll, "for candia."
- I feel so profoundly
guilty about his death,
Because we were so horrible to him.
And in fact, he was a
good man with a good heart
Who sacrificed himself
so that we could live.
And if only we'd listened to him more...
Just because he was boring
doesn't mean he wasn't right.
- f*ck him.
I think liam is dealing
with like anger and stuff,
So he can't...
All he's replaying is the moment
Where he sent preston
down to give advantage,
And i think brennan's like...
Or liam is...
Liam's not in a good
place right now.
- For the record, liam has transitioned
To being a gloom stalker ranger,
For all our mechanics-Heads out there,
And i think that is happening.
Gloom stalker is an apt name.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Liam's goth now.
- I think liam is-
- Goth stalker.
- Intermittently crying that kind of cry
Where all your muscles in your arms flex,
And like catching himself and just trying
To keep up with the group and...
- Little tear tracks do the
barber pole red-And-White
Down liam's cheeks.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You guys walk, you have
the page still in your hand,
And you turn the corner.
And you see a bleary-Eyed,
Hallucinating thaddeus
Wobbling with some servants around him,
That are like trying to
hold him up from collapsing.
He's partially disrobed,
And you see he looks up and says,
"hello, hello, hello!
It seems that, well, you
brought your whole family!"
- I take a little too
long to compose myself.
I take a little blood and smear it
Across my lips like lipstick,
And then, thaddeus, my love,
I need you now more than ever,
But first, lend me your carriage.
- Ah, very well, i shall
lend you my carriage,
For us to bone.
- Um, it's-
- I've been awake
For a few days.
- Yes, otherwise you wouldn't say that
In front of all of us.
- Point me
In the direction of your carriage.
- Shouldn't i come too, if
we are to make out and stuff?
- Just follow behind.
- Okay. Hello, king amethar.
I want to bang your
daughter and then marry her.
- Please, thad, just point me
In the direction of your carriage.
- Okay. With my hand?
- Can i punch thad so hard
his pit flies out and say,
"we need the carriage now?"
- Go ahead and make an attack roll.
- Holy sh*t.
- An attack roll?
- I do not defend him.
- Yeah, an attack roll.
- Nat 20!
- What?
- It rolled forever.
Nat f*cking 20! I think...
This is a new f*cking liam, baby. Wake up.
He's violent, he is not
okay, he had one friend,
That friend got slit in
half by a carrot priest.
I need...
- Liam, you-
- That's insane.
- You guys have not been
checking in with liam on the run.
Liam is on death's door.
How many hit points do you have left?
- Five.
- He walks up and immediately,
Just f*ck', whap!
- Whoa!
- Okay-
- Damn, liam!
- Thaddeus is out. It's not...
Thaddeus is definitely
Unconscious-
- I critted on thaddeus!
- Definitely unconscious, maybe dead?
- I cast-
- Do i see his
Carriage anywhere?
- Well, his servants both scream,
And you see that-
- You speak a word of this,
And you die!
- Go ahead and make an intimidate check
With advantage.
- Oh!
- Oh, okay-
- Is that-
- I was gonna give her the help-
- Oh, give her the help action? Yeah.
- I got a-
- Call it dc 15.
- I got 18.
- The servants and the one
man-At-Arms that's there,
This little avocado soldier, goes,
"sacre bleu!" and they turn,
And just run away!
- Aw!
- Wait, wait, hang on. I would
like to cast sleep on them.
- Oh, go ahead and roll...
Yeah, go ahead and roll
Your 5d8.
- That's 5d8, right?
- Yeah, between them, they don't...
Between them, they only
have 18 hit points,
So you just gotta roll 18 or higher.
- Yeah, you got it.
- Yeah, i for sure do that.
- They're toast. They all fall asleep.
- Okay, so what i would like to do is cast
Disguise self on myself
so i look like thad.
- Okay! Yeah!
- Aw, yeah, hell yeah.
- Absolutely, yes.
- Great, and i also cast prestidigitation
So that i smell of avocado,
A like slightly now overripe avocado.
- Amazing, you walk out
with this candian entourage-
- I guess i put my arm around thad
And act like we're a couple.
Thad, that's so funny. I just love you.
- Oh, i love you too. Hee
hee hee, h* h* h*.
- You walk around-
- I say you're a better thad
Than thad was.
- You walk around the corner.
You see about like three more soldiers.
I mean, he was only...
He was not a major lord or anything.
So you see there's like
three more soldiers
And some more servants.
Go ahead and make a deception
check with advantage!
- Great.
Oh, yeah, baby, that's a 23.
- You walk up and you say,
"ah, my good lord thaddeus,
I see that the princess jet
Of the house of rocks is with you?"
- That is right, i am off to my carriage
So that we can bone.
- Ah, this all checks out!
- So they're going to get married
And we're gonna witness the wedding!
- Yes, they have my blessing.
- Oui oui! To the carriage!
- Wow, this is huge that thad is here!
- Oh, this makes no-
- Yes, we must go to it quick
Before anybody changes their minds!
- Very well, to the
cathedral of saint arugula!
- This is gonna be-
- We are going back-
- We just need the carriage!
- This is a beach wedding!
- Honestly, we're-
- Yes, we are...
- I'm saying-
- We want a beach wedding!
- I'm pregnant. It's a shotgun wedding.
- Yes, that's-
- Holy crap!
- Carriage-
- I was in that alley
Three minutes ago!
You already know you are pregnant?
- I am very-
- I am with little thad.
- Honestly, you're very
disappointing, my lord.
- Ah, thank you! Tell
everybody how quick i am!
And my d*ck is very small!
- All right, well, it has been known
In our lands for some time!
- Ahh!
Anyway, we must run to the carriage!
Don't tell anybody! I don't
want my parents to know!
- Okay! I don't get it, but
it's not my place to ask!
You see that...
You all pile into this avocado carriage
And take off down the street!
- Okay, well done.
- You all laughed when i suggested this,
But did it not work so far?
- Okay, so just you candians
Are in the back of this carriage,
'cause there's not enough
space for anyone else,
Because amethar takes up
like half the carriage.
- Right, is it-
- Yeah, i feel like
I'm steering the carriage-
- Oh, 'cause you're in-
- Because i am disguised.
- Okay, so you have one...
The rest are behind you, keeping up,
But there's one avocado
soldier on your left
And one man-At-Arms, or
one servant on your right.
- Yeah. Clear the road!
Make sure they're clear for us!
- Okay, awesome. Where-
- I don't speak vegetanian,
also.
- Oh, well, you speak fructerano-
- I do speak fructerano.
- Which is...
And avocado's-
- Oh, he's a fruit.
- He's a fruit!
- Right, i speak-
- He's from a border county-
- I speak vegetanian. I can
feed you a couple words.
- Great.
- Okay, awesome.
You guys head out and they
start clearing the road.
You see that people start saying,
"clear the way for lord strongpit,
And his soon-To-Be-"
- Shh, shh! It's a secret!
- Oh!
- It's a shotgun wedding!
Shush!
- Okay, very-
- Break the rules! It's sexy.
- Very cool, very sexy.
- It's sexy.
- Very cool.
Okay, well, we are going
to surprise everybody.
Make way for just the lord strongpit.
- It's me! I have a tiny p*nis!
- The lord of the tiny little d*ck!
Make way, make way!
Cool, so this happens.
And where...
So here's the question, what
road are you guys taking?
- Mm, i mean, i feel like we
should get out of the city,
And then get off the roads.
Right?
- Yeah.
- That feels right.
- I think so too.
- 'cause i feel like
If we travel along the roads,
That's where they'll be looking for us-
- Well, i can-
- Liam is such a good-
- I can cast pass without
a trace on our whole party,
And if there is-
- Right, but if we're
On the road, they'll be looking for us.
- Yeah.
- So...
- Yeah, maybe we need to-
- We can travel
Adjacent to the road
but we should, like...
- Yeah, let's just take the road-
- Once we get out of the city,
We should abandon the carriage.
- Take the road for a little bit
And then-
- Disguise self only lasts
For one hour anyway.
- So why don't we ride for an hour?
- Great.
- Yeah.
- Just out of the city. Awesome, great!
Which direction
Are you guys going to go?
- Great question.
- Mm, f*ck, i feel like
Everybody's against us.
- Do we go to...
Do we go to your uncle,
My lord?
- I mean, at this point,
We need allies and friends.
And the only place we know
those things exist are home.
- How do you feel about that, prince liam?
- I think that sounds great.
Can i roll a stealth check
so i can cry by myself,
Hidden somewhere in this carriage?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- 3.
- You loudly...
You like just put your-
- I think that
Sounds great!
- I think that...
I say this not looking at liam at all,
I say this to everyone else,
"just so everyone knows,
Nothing that happened back
there is anyone's fault.
Lapin was a good bunny.
He made his decisions. I misjudged him.
He was a great person and he saved us all,
But he made that choice.
And you two saved your father. I was...
I have to be honest, i
didn't think king amethar
Was gonna make it out of there.
And i fear
My pragmatism
Might sometimes just be pessimism,
And you've given me
something to think about."
- There was part of me that wonders
If king amethar didn't want
to make it out of there.
- You asking me that?
- In a roundabout way, yeah.
- Well, then, in a roundabout way,
I'll tell you that when you find out
That you've put everyone you love,
Your entire country, your friends,
In a place of danger,
Maybe yes, maybe i thought
That the five of you
might be able to escape
And define a future for
candia that i could not ruin.
- But you realize that
you're the reason we escaped.
- Well,
At some point, it was clear
to me that i had to help.
- I'm glad you made the decision you made,
That's all i'm saying.
- Thank you.
- Yak returns to you.
I'm gonna make a luck check now.
And i'm gonna do it in front of the board.
- Sweet!
- All right.
- I love that.
- Not box of doom-
- No cheating.
- Go in front of the board.
- In front of the board, not box of doom,
We're just gonna do it
right here, we'll catch it.
- Map roll.
- Little map roll.
- Classic map roll.
- 6.
- Yikes.
- Okay, i'll take that back.
- Lucky 6, isn't that what they say?
- Yeah, lucky 6!
- Yeah, lucky number 6!
- Definitely, yeah definitely!
- 6 is...
- 6 is good!
- Yeah.
- You guys are up near
the great pyramid of food,
Which is in the very-
- f*ck!
- Middle of this, i mean,
that's where thaddeus
Was waiting there-
- Right, yeah.
- 'cause that's where the
banquet and everything was.
There's a lot of city
In between you guys
And any edge of the city.
On a roll of 6, which is not a natural 1,
What you guys see is far away...
You ran uphill away from the
cathedral of saint arugula,
Which is farther down in the city.
The glucian road, so the road
leading east from comida,
That eventually goes back up
To castle candy, right?
You already see, or yak saw,
Imperial banners there,
Of like the army moving
along that road already.
It looks like they went straight there.
So in other words, it
looks like they assumed
You guys would make a break for it,
Rather than go deeper into the city.
So going for thad is actually
Something that saved you
because they got word fast
Through some kind of courier,
or like a beacon system,
Or shining a mirror across
the city or something,
To the edges of the city.
Comida is too huge of a...
It's not a walled city,
it's not like that,
But there are garrisons
And things out in the countryside.
So there's not this thing of, like,
Close hemmed-In walls and
then freedom, but rather,
Just like so many imperial
troops, so many places.
To the direct north, so the
shortest route to candia,
Probably doesn't have as
many imperial troops in it,
But you also know that part of the reason
That comida is the
capital is that it's right
Next to the lands of lord uvano.
So the lands immediately
to the north of you
Are now directly inherited by plumbeline.
So any place you go north of here
Is gonna have people that are loyal,
First and foremost, to her.
The places yak saw, and
again, this is on a 6,
The places that yak saw that were
The least populated by threat
Were the road
Going south to brightgarden,
To the holy seed of the bulbian church,
And then there's no
highway going there but-
- Greenhold?
- Greenhold is way to the east.
Brightgarden is the seat of the pontifex.
So the most potential
for finding and capture
Waits on the glucian road or
going deeper into fructera.
The paths that are the
safest to travel right now...
- Mm-Hmm?
- According to what yak saw,
Of the movements of these
imperial banners and standards,
Would be the road to brightgarden.
Other than that, it
looks like they're going
To the edges of comida,
But not policing the harbor.
There are no troops moving into the water
Or into the harbor.
- We could, we had...
We did tell cal to get a boat
Ready in case.
- Sure, and we-
- Although, if we went to brightgarden,
We could assassinate the pontifex.
- I don't think...
- The pontifex is here.
- As much-
- We were waiting-
- I think we should-
- Then she probably goes home-
- I think we should make sure-
- To brightgarden.
- Candia doesn't fall apart.
- I mean, i'm driving the cart
So i'm not even making
This decision.
- I'm worried about...
I'm worried about everyone at home
Who doesn't know that
they are currently at w*r.
So if you want, jet, to go-
- I'll follow
A dangerous road.
- I think we can...
Perhaps we can get there by sea.
I think our choices are
either south to brightgarden
Or through the sea.
- I've never-
- Liam, jet, do you have an opinion?
- For me, the pontifex is merely
A side effect of the bulb itself,
So my enemy is everywhere.
- Don't -
- I agree.
My enemies are everywhere!
- I see this and then
i start to cry also.
- Theo starts to cry a little bit, too.
- Everyone
keep it together, okay?
- Ah!
- I f*cking hate the bulb!
- Relax!
- I was so mean to him!
I was so mean to him,
And he was a better
kingsguard than i was, my god!
- Lapin deserved a greater death.
- He did. Stupid f*cking carrot.
- f*ck that carrot!
- f*cking carrot k*lled a rabbit.
- f*ck that bulb.
- I'm gonna k*ll the carrot.
- All right, i do think that,
As much as we all want revenge,
Candia comes first.
- I got a lot of aggression
out of myself by pretty much
k*lling that avocado,
So, i'm good to go.
- Liam, that was insane!
- Yeah, i thought you were a seed guy!
- I thought...
You're a w*r guy!
- I think i might
Be a w*r guy now!
- You might be a w*r guy.
- He starts crying, and
repeating, "i'm a w*r guy."
He's just bawling and
stuck in a repetitive
Lock of saying, "i'm a w*r guy."
- Don't -
- I'm actually gonna roll real
quick in front of the board.
I'll tell you what i'm rolling
in a second.
2, 9,
13.
- These are death saves
For thad, aren't they?
- 15. Two successes, two failures.
- Oh! Ah!
- Thad lives!
- Thad lives.
- Thad lives.
- I feel...
I know that a lot of you judge
A lot of the things i've said and done,
But the way i treated thad is
probably my greatest regret
So far in my life.
- Oh, i was actually gonna say,
I thought you were about to say
that's the most appropriate,
And i was going to agree with you, but...
- Nah, i think i worked
out my own sh*t on him.
- Yeah, i mean, i guess
i am glad he didn't stand
In that alley for two days to
get punched so hard he died.
Maybe you're right.
- Oh, that was a...
What blow? Lethal blow?
- Yeah, k*lling blow.
- k*lling blow.
- But he-
- I just look at my hands.
- Liam, he, like...
- I guess we can...
Oh, you know what, i'll
send a message to ruby
And ask her to weigh in.
"princess ruby, we're considering..."
And i still refer to
everybody by their titles,
'cause in theo's mind,
everything's the same.
- But i would prefer if you called me
"b*stard jet" from now on.
- As you wish, your highness.
- As i say that,
I reveal a tattoo, "b*stard jet."
- How? When?
- That's on your arm?
- This!
- That's such a long tattoo to go-
- She commanded me to
use a cantrip to do that.
- Vertical?
- I send a message to ruby and just ask
If she'd be okay with
going through the harbor.
- If we go through the harbor,
We'd have to pass the yogurt shoals,
And that's where lord bleu is from.
- I think we have enemies everywhere.
- Well, who do we wanna
alert first, the castle?
Or go up to the great stone
candy mountains and get allies?
- As liam mentions that,
Traveling from castle candy to comida,
By the sucrosi and then glucian road,
Or going north through the
great stone candy mountains,
Then traveling by sea, is
about an equal amount of time,
But if you're just going to the
great stone candy mountains,
It's actually faster to go by sea.
- Then let's go by sea.
- I think let's go
To the great stone-
- I want to go by sea.
- Candy mountains, yeah.
- These are very very sad times.
I think we owe a fun boat ride.
- Mm.
- I think we deserve
A fun boat ride.
- I think that that's a bad
Reason to go by sea, but-
- Hey, i got us the f*ck outta here.
- I -
- Actually, i just remembered,
We might not be able to go by sea
Because preston gets seasick.
I grab my bedroll and i cut it in half
So it's preston's size and
i'm just holding my bedroll.
- Liam, would you like to-
- Where are you gonna sleep?
- Would you like to hold sprinkle?
- Yes, and then i hold you.
I set sprinkle down on a
chair and i just hold you.
- All right, docks it is!
- To the the docks! Clear the road!
- We're going to the
docks for a beach wedding!
- Yes, we are going to the
docks for a beach wedding!
- This all adds up!
- I'm pregnant.
- You guys take your carriage
Down to the harbor.
You see tons of ships here.
There's fruit ships, mostly,
obviously dairy ships,
Because the dairy sailors are
in every port in the world.
What are you guys looking for or doing,
As you arrive here at the harbor?
You probably have about 15
Minutes left in this disguise self.
- Do we have any friends out here?
- I say we just hijack a ship, but...
Except what is it called
when you hijack something
But no one gets hurt?
- Piracy.
- Uh...
- When you steal it.
- I honestly had no idea.
- Like a grand theft boat.
- People always get hurt
when i try and steal stuff.
- What time of day is it right now?
- Morning.
- Or midday, okay.
- It's like a-
- Let's find a cruise ship!
- There's no such a thing as cruise ships
In the medieval period.
- We need a small boat.
- Yeah, we need a small boat.
- I feel like we milk this
disguise for as long as we can
And then pass without trace.
- What if we find
Some unsavory types that we can just pay-
- Yeah, let's do that. Do you have money?
- I mean, not-
- Mercenaries.
- Not-
- Do you have money, theo?
- Would we have any money on us?
- I don't have any money.
- What does it say...
You guys would have candian
things.
What does it say on your character sheet?
- I have 10 of whatever-
- I have 12.
- The -
- 25.
- Same.
- I have nothing.
- To charter a ship for voyage...
The issue is, you guys
don't carry money on you.
That stuff gets taken care of,
You know?
- Okay.
- I have a skill i can i can
try and trade for passage.
- Okay, well-
- Don't!
- No, it's not that!
- Oh, gee, okay-
- I have an alchemist kit.
- Don't just start that now.
That's something you need to spend-
- If you need immediate-
- A few months thinking about.
- If you need legitimate-
- Selling your body-
- I'm not a prince like you, okay?
I'm a b*stard.
- Prince.
- I need to do what i can-
- You are! You are-
- To get by.
- So close in line
To the throne now!
It's just between you
and your shitty brothers.
- Can we do
Perception checks for the-
- Yeah, can we see,
Who's around?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, anyone here-
- Yeah, i'd like to do that.
- Give me a perception
check, who wants to.
- Can i do mine
With the help of-
- I'm also gonna say
Something right now which is just to...
I know that we're all candian food people,
But given how brutal i have
been about rules this season,
I am gonna say, does anyone
here have proficiency
With water vehicles?
- Why would we have that?
- Having-
- Well-
- I have tarot cards.
- I don't even have that.
- I can cook.
- Cool, so i'm just gonna say right now,
Much, much-
- We can't just steal a boat.
- Stealing a boat would
keep you alive long enough
For the first storm,
where you would all die.
- Great.
- Great.
- It's just like in real life,
If a bunch of people looked at
a sailing ship and were like,
"let's do it!" and then, blam!
- Okay, great. Can i do it
with advantage with yak's help?
- Yes you can.
- Great.
- 16.
- 16?
- 4.
- 4?
- Oh, god,
Even with advantage, i-
- 21.
- 21?
- I got a 7.
- For what? Perception?
- Perception.
- Yeah.
- Rough.
This box is cursed. I'm
not using it anymore.
- 14.
- I don't use it either.
- Okay, 16 and 21 beat the dc,
So i think amethar and theo,
You guys see a lot of
merchant vessels here,
A ton of imperial ships over
in one section of the harbor,
You see flags of house
cheddar and the dairy islands.
You see that the colby is still there,
Which is annabelle's ship.
You see a little ways away from that
Are some other cheddar
ships and some ships
Of various vassal houses of house cheddar,
House bleu among them.
But you see...
The only ship here you know is the colby,
'cause you guys have either spent time...
That was, you know, annabelle inherited
That ship from her father.
You've both been on the colby before.
- I gave her the boom!
- True, but-
- But, and she used it to-
- And she used it-
- To get-
- To screw us.
- A religious person into-
- The church, or into-
- Into a marriage
With coldbottle.
- But i'm saying i still
had a truce with her that-
- I mean, theobald also
made a fool of himself
The last time, don't you remember?
- I didn't-
- Was she there in the church?
She wasn't, was she?
I didn't think-
- No, she was there when...
The last time i saw gustavo.
- And i questioned her and
she was quite sassy with me,
And-
- Okay, she wasn't sassy.
- She was a bit sassy.
Liam, you were there!
- Yeah, i was there.
I'll talk to her, fine.
I'll make-
- No! No!
- Can i try to find her?
- No!
- Can i try to find her?
- Okay, so you guys,
You have about 10 minutes
left of this disguise self.
You're still in the carriage,
Kind of like going past the harbor.
Do you want...
You're running out of time on this spell,
So the colby is there...
Also, who got a 21?
You got a 21?
- Yeah.
- Sprinkle goes,
And you see that there are little
White and yellow and blue banners
And more white and
orange and blue banners,
And there's some little
confetti there going up,
And you see stilton and primsy
Being wed on the deck of the ship,
And it's a captain's wedding,
By annabelle.
- I could crash a wedding.
- We should sneak-
- I could crash a wedding.
- I cast pass without a trace
On all of us.
- That is smart.
- Yeah, can we get, can
we sneak, stow away?
- Oh, sh*t, you guys wanna
stow away?
- I mean i don't know-
- Okay!
- Are they leaving?
- Well, you, you don't know...
Give me a...
What's the check that i want here?
Give me an insight check!
Why don't you give me an insight check?
- 11.
- 8.
- 22.
- 22?
Theo, as the one working class guy here,
You notice the last couple boxes
Being moved from the
dock up onto the ship,
So it looks like they're
preparing to cast off.
- Yeah, if there was ever a time
For us to-
- Mm-Hmm?
- Board a ship, now would-
- Does it seem like primsy
And stilton are gonna
get off, or are they...
- Yeah, do you think the
first time will be any good?
- Oh, you think they're gonna-
- Liam-
- Woof!
- Your pig just died!
- "do you think they're gonna get off?"
- Yeah, can we make insight
checks for if they're gonna-
- Can i make insight with advantage
To see if primsy will c*m?
- Are they gonna f*ck
For the first time?
- Jesus.
- Okay, i think we're gonna-
- Whoo!
- I think we're gonna...
Yeah, are there any servants or anything?
- Yeah, well, you got a high roll on that.
So you see a worried-Looking
sir morris brie,
Who is now-
- Oh, he's the buddy of-
- The buddy, amethar's old buddy,
Who is like looking around
kind of worried, on the dock.
He's looking around, and
he's asking some stuff
To some of the sailors here.
- He's looking for manta ray jack.
- Yeah.
- You see...
But yeah, you see annabelle
finishing marrying them.
You see that there are
some house bleu soldiers
And people here, as well.
But you guys cast pass
without a trace, correct?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Liam, you reach into
some dark part of yourself.
It's like a
cold, minty blast of air,
And you guys just watch the shadows
Congregate around you.
We're gonna do a group stealth check here.
So the way group checks
work is we just need
Half of the people to succeed,
Which in this case means
three out of five people
Need to succeed on this stealth check.
I know the passive perception
Of the people on board the ship.
So you guys go ahead and
roll a stealth check.
- If we get a plus 10 to our stealth
For pass without a trace,
does that count for all of us?
- That counts for all of you
and add plus 10 to the roll.
- Cool.
- Thank god.
- You're gonna-
- 25.
- Group checks cannot be
rolled with advantage, so you-
- Well, i was gonna say,
i roll with disadvantage,
'cause i have played-
- Oh!
- Can i use sprinkle to just cancel it?
- You're gonna cancel
it, yeah, absolutely.
- Great, okay.
- I got a 23.
- 23?
- 25.
- 25?
- Oh, f*ck.
- Ah!
- 19.
- 12.
- I get plus 10?
- Plus 10.
- 31.
- Everyone-
- I'm sorry, 29.
- 29? Okay, cool.
- I didn't add the plus 10.
- Even with the...
I'm gonna say, like, just...
Amethar, you just pick
theo up so he stops moving,
And just, "shut up! Shut up!"
- It's fine, they'll think it's something-
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Banging into the boat!
It's just metal!
- No, they won't!
No, they won't!
- It's just metal!
- Everybody, be quiet!
- Cool! So what is your guys' strategy?
'cause it is daylight.
What's your guys' strategy
for getting into the ship?
Are you gonna try to just
go like up the ropes,
Or are you gonna try
to get into the cargo?
- I just really wanna dive
Into the pulp bay.
- I think, let's try to get
Into the cargo.
- Let's get into the cargo.
- The cargo hold.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Cool!
- I just wanted to feel
The pulp bay.
- Awesome.
You guys don't appear to be
spotted on your way down.
I mean, it's a busy docks, busy harbor,
But you have this like weird
magical aura around you.
Just go ahead and give me...
I need a strength check to
just open one of the crates up.
- Okay, nat 20.
- Ooh!
- Hell, yeah!
- Yeah, amethar, you go over.
All these crates are like
nailed down, ready for cargo.
You get just your fingers
and pull up all the nails.
- Everybody in!
- You guys go, and you have
to kick out a bunch of...
Do you go for one of the
supply and equipment crates,
Or one of the food crates?
- Which ones...
What kind of...
Does it look like food
That is being stored for a long time,
Or does it look like food
that people are gonna
Access like right now?
Like is it stuff they're gonna take
Back to the dairy islands?
- Give me a perception check-
- If there's a toilet
paper one i'll go in that.
- Pff!
- Which is-
- Whichever one is the
heaviest, because we're heavy.
- Yeah.
- That makes sense.
So go ahead and give me
your perception check,
If you'd be so kind.
- Oh my god.
Oh, okay, 18.
- Yeah! You look at one.
There's a big heavy one
That is full of fresh drinking milk,
Like what the dairy sailors
would drink on their way,
Because you can't just
drink out of the ocean.
- Got it.
- So you could kick some of those out,
And it would be a very heavy crate
That you guys could hide in.
- Great.
- Sweet.
- And then once we get in,
I'd like to go
Into yak's consciousness and circle,
So i can see what's going on.
- Ah, that's smart.
You see yak go
and sort of preens
His old feathers and
takes off.
He goes way the hell up.
Nobody can see a little
candian falcon flying overhead.
You guys get into this big crate.
- And i think i'll leave sprinkle outside,
'cause that's a good idea.
So if i hear anything i'll-
- Cool, cool. Give me...
Go ahead and give me a
stealth check for sprinkle.
He's still got pass
without trace, as well.
- Okay, come on, please.
Oh, great. Would his
dex be the same as mine?
- Yeah.
- Okay, so he got a 24.
- Awesome.
You guys get in the crate.
About 10 minutes later, i'm gonna say...
So sprinkle just like
inchworms up the gangplank
Like a little weird animal.
You feel sprinkle in your
head going,
Go hide somewhere.
- He's having fun.
- Yak flies overhead.
You hear joyous cheering, "yeah!
I now you pronounce you man and wife!"
Cheer.
You hear the noise of steps
coming down the gangplank.
In lacra, and you hear stilton cordeau
Speak to primsy coldbottle and say,
"my wife, my darling,
i shall be behind you,
Holding you in the center of my heart."
You see, she says, "right you are,
I know you have to stay
as captain of your boat,
But i shall see you back in lacramor.
I'm so glad the pontifex saw fit to allow
Us to be together."
You hear a little gentle kiss
on the duchess primsy's hand,
And stilton walks away with...
You hear him walking away
with his house bleu soldiers.
Primsy goes back up the gangplank.
You hear sir morris brie go, "right, look,
Has anyone seen eyes on manta ray?
He should have posted up by now." mm-Hmm?
- Can i message him?
You don't need line-Of-Sight for message.
- Okay, yeah! You can message him.
- Can i message him,
"manta ray is captured.
Castle candy...
The house of rocks has fallen.
All is lost. Help."
- You hear him go silent.
- In lacra.
- In lacra, ooh!
You hear a voice come back and say,
"who now speaks to me and how?"
- A friend.
- Go ahead and give me a persuasion check.
- 20, not nat.
- You see he says, "where is...
Spirit, where is manta ray being held?"
- In the cathedral.
- If what you say is true,
I will know that the
spirits of the wide sea
Speak to me now.
If what you say is false,
I shall find the witch
that has cast this spell.
If anything has befallen manta ray,
I will hold it over your head.
- You're a good man.
- Okay. I'm gonna do...
This is such a cool move.
I'm gonna do a roll in front
of the board with advantage.
You guys want, i'm gonna say,
an 11 or higher, definitely.
A 15 or higher means very good things.
- Come on.
- Okay, 12.
- 12, all right.
- It's 11 or higher.
- Yeah.
- That's kind of our luck.
Remember your two nat 1s?
- Yeah, yeah,
I'll take an 11 or higher.
- The ship is
Held for some time, you hear a...
You guys are actually
brought on board the ship,
And you are deep in the cargo hold,
So you can't hear anything.
Yak and sprinkle overhear stuff,
And i'm gonna bend the
familiar rules a little bit
Just to allow you guys
to hear what happens
On the deck of the ship.
Sprinkle, hidden away in the
shadows,
And yak, circling overhead,
Hear annabelle shouting angrily, going,
"right, will someone
tell me where the hell
Morris and manta ray are?
We're gonna lose the tide if
we don't set sail right now!"
You hear a messenger come
up and start talking to her,
And the messenger goes, like...
One of her sailors goes,
"milady, the emperor is dead
And candia has declared w*r.
The king amethar is a false king.
He's been exiled from the church,
And duke joren jawbreaker
rules in candia."
You see annabelle is
just stunned and says,
"what does this mean?"
just, "i don't know.
There is no one atop
the concordant throne.
The concord hangs in the balance
in open w*r with candia."
Annabelle says, "what do we
do?" and you see that they...
She turns to look at primsy.
Primsy looks at annabelle and goes,
"um, right, as duchess of lacramor,
I, um...
Well, we should...
Our allies in candia...
If we were to...
The concord prevents, um..."
And you see that she just starts shaking.
Annabelle goes over, puts a hand on her.
Another sailor walks up and says,
"um, milady,"
You see there is a stained,
With like a deep yellow curdled milk,
Which you recognize as blood,
A letter comes up and says,
"milady, from sir brie,"
And she opens the letter,
looks at it and says,
"we need to leave at
once. Anchors up, aweigh.
Lower the sails!"
And you guys feel the ship begin to move
And head out to open water,
Or open milk, in this case.
How long do you guys stay
in a box on a sailing ship?
- An hour?
I feel like an hour, before-
- Yeah, we're cramping?
- Yeah.
- You guys are very smart
to have said an hour,
Because about 30 minutes later,
The ship is boarded by imperial soldiers.
You hear voice of imperial, vegetanian,
And ceresian soldiers
march through the hold.
They walk over.
You hear the voice of
commander grissini say,
"here, in these barrels,
check these barrels.
How about here, in these crates?"
You hear captain cheddar say,
"right, these crates are nailed down.
You'd have to be an ogre to
open one of these, all right?
No one could've gotten into these.
Here, try your best to pry one open."
You see that grissini tries to open one,
Absolutely can't, and annabelle says,
"you're gonna keep us
past our point of sail
And we'll have to go back
and harbor for the night
If you open every one of these crates."
Grissini says,
"all right, they are impossible to open.
Check the barrels, leave the crates."
And grissini and his soldiers take off
And you are not found.
30 minutes after
that, you feel the sharp rolls
Of the coastal waters give way
To a little bit smoother sailing,
As annabelle finds a
current out on the open sea
And begins to head west and north
Out of pulp bay.
As she begins sailing, what
do you guys do in this crate?
Yak is just soaring on the wind.
It's like midafternoon now.
- Great, so i can see that
there's no other ships
Coming to deal with us,
we're out on the high seas?
- It looks like there are a couple ships
Sailing far behind you that look
Like other dairy ships.
You see that there are probably
Like seven or eight house cheddar ships,
Probably like two house bleu ships,
Two ships of like house camembert,
Another two ships of house
rocquefortress, you know?
You know, but like a little dairy fleet
Escorting the duchess out of pulp bay.
- How many people are on the...
Can we see through sprinkle or yak
How many people are on our deck?
- This is a smaller sailing ship.
This is like the duchess's personal ship.
It's a very fast ship, so it's
not like a huge man-O'-w*r.
Truly, a lot of...
Man-O'-Wars take a tremendous amount
Of time and money to make,
And a lot of dairy's fleet
was destroyed 20 years ago,
And in that time they've been very poor,
So they haven't made that many left,
So a lot of the dairy's
navy are like smaller ships
That got converted to military ships
From being like merchant vessels
or other things like that.
So mostly, it's a fleet of smaller ships.
In terms of crew on this ship,
It probably could hold a couple dozen.
Right now, realistically,
It's being sailed by a dozen-
- Okay, cool.
- Sailors and soldiers.
- I guess we'll pop
Out of the box?
- Yeah.
- I like those odds,
even if they're bad guys,
5 of us versus 12 of them, i
think we can do it.
- All right, so-
- 5 very injured ones of us.
- Yes.
- And primsy's on here, right?
- Yeah.
- Yep.
- Yeah, primsy's on here.
- I think we should go out...
- Onto the deck? I think we
should call somebody down.
- You think we should call somebody down?
I can call somebody. I
can call primsy down.
- Maybe we just wait and see.
- I was...
I mean, somebody-
- We don't know where they're going!
They could be going to-
- Everything we've-
- The dairy islands and then-
- Exactly, and i feel like-
- We have to get from there to candia.
- I feel like everything we heard and saw
Through the two of you was positive.
I mean, they don't seem to have-
- Can i do, like, stealthily try to go
And get the letter that she received,
To find out what that reads us?
- Ooh!
- I mean, that-
- If you do that, i should do that,
Because i can pickpocket her.
- Oh, great, cool!
And you have plus 10 to your stealth,
So-
- Right.
- How long does pass without trace last?
- An hour.
- I mean-
- Okay, so it's faded by now.
You would have to cast it again. You-
- I feel like we either call somebody up-
- Yeah.
- Or call somebody down,
Or walk up.
Do we wanna vote?
- I think we should not walk up.
- All right-
- Well, then, i'll-
- Then call somebody down.
- Can i call primsy down?
Can i use message?
- Sure. What's the range on message?
- It's 120 feet.
- Yeah, you can do it.
The ship is probably
About like 60 or 70 feet long
and like 20 to 30 feet wide.
- Great.
- So yeah,
Message can hit anybody on the ship.
- Great.
Should i message primsy or annabelle?
- That's a good question.
It is possible that...
We've been suspicious of stilton curdeau-
- I don't trust him at all.
- It could just be the same
type of cheese that attacked us.
It could be somebody from his house.
- Right.
- I mean, the last thing
It felt like primsy said was
questioning, not certain.
- Yeah.
- I mean...
- I mean, we might as
well check with annabelle.
We could always knock
her out if she doesn't
Wanna play ball.
- Well, could we-
- I just-
- Could we call annabelle
Down here and just have
you meet her, amethar,
And have a conversation with she and you,
And the four of us are hiding...
- Jet has a better
relationship with her than...
- I think primsy's-
- Primsy's the way to go.
- I agree.
- Primsy?
- Yeah.
- I don't know if primsy's
Gonna be able to help us.
- Can primsy change
The direction of the boat?
Primsy would have to convince
Annabelle anyway.
- It's primsy's ship.
- Yeah, it's primsy's ship
and she's the duchess.
- It doesn't sound like
She's doing a good job.
- Primsy would need to say
A couple of confident
sentences in order to tell
People where to go, right?
- I'll call annabelle.
- Yeah, right?
- I say it's just amethar meeting her,
And have it be w*r-Leader-To
w*r-Leader, this conversation.
- Well, but i'm messaging
them so she'll know-
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- I don't think that ...
She didn't strike me as someone
Who was suspicious of witchcraft.
- Annabelle?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- She may be more open-Minded.
- I don't think she's
suspicious of witchcraft.
I don't know why she
wants stilton curdeau,
Who i got the vibe
Was possibly involved in the
cheese attack on the road.
She's for some reason involved with him.
- f*ck!
- Or maybe she just really
cares about primsy coldbottle
And wants her to get married.
- Yeah, if there-
- Why don't i just go up
there and just be a hostage?
- That's wild. I'm calling primsy.
- If they're my favored enemy,
I get advantage on checks on them?
- Yeah!
- Can i try to do a check?
- What type of skill
would you like to use?
- Let's see. I get, da-Da-Da-Da...
- Well, it's on all
intelligence-Based checks,
So it's-
- Okay, yeah!
- So this could be history,
it could be religion,
It could be nature, it
could be whatever you-
- I'm wondering between
primsy and annabelle,
Who we should pick, so can i
do a intelligence check on...
- Yeah, go ahead and just make a flat
Intelligence check with advantage.
- Okay, cool.
Oh, boy.
- Well, counterpoint,
Annabelle was dethroned.
- 10.
- Huh?
- 11, 10 or 11.
- Oh, 10 or 11, okay, and you're...
Okay, 10 or 11.
You were so blasted drunk
When you were interacting with them,
And annabelle, you saw
yell at theo, and you,
So i think your insight
is like annabelle is mad,
And primsy, you talked
to when you were drunk.
And i think that you are probably
In an equal boat to the rest
of you guys, no pun intended,
Where, you know, you
guys know where you stand
With like the church and the vegetanians
And fructera and all that.
The dairy islands are a
real coin flip for you guys,
And i think that you're not gonna find
The information you need to
be confident in a choice.
There is a leap of faith aspect here.
- I am a b*stard.
I could go up there
and say that i am angry
At king amethar for lying to
me and i snuck on their boat.
- I'm gonna message primsy,
And i'm gonna ask her to come down here.
- Great.
- Okay.
We're all just spitballing.
I was just spitballing.
- 100%, great idea-
- You know, spitball-
- No, i...
- You brainstorm it.
- I see you, i hear you.
I'm doing something different.
- We can at the very least
ask primsy where we're going.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
I cast message on primsy.
- Cool!
- And i say, "primsy,
i invoke the friendship
Of house candia and house lacra,
House rocks and house lacra."
- You go ahead
And make me a persuasion check.
- Okay.
20 not nat.
- You hear a voice say, "are these the...
Are these the fair folk?
The milky spirits who dance on the waves?
My nan had always said that you were real,
But then the priests said you weren't.
Oh, i always knew the fairies were real!"
- Primsy, come to the hold
and i'll show you a secret.
- All right, well,
I should tell you, i'm betrothed now,
So if you're looking-
- It's not a sexual secret.
- Okay.
- That's what i thought at first too,
I was just like-
- What?
- Excuse me-
- She says,
"i meant more than you may
have given me a unicorn,
And i was like, 'cause those only go
If you're not wed, right?
- Hey. Primsy, the hold.
- I can see about them.
If you're gonna give me a unicorn-
- Primsy.
- Okay.
You see she says,
"can i bring my cousin,
Annabelle, or-"
- No.
- All right. Oh, this is scary.
All right, all right.
Ooh, this is scary! Can i bring a lantern?
- Yes, you may bring a lantern.
- Ooh, i'm gonna go below decks!
Ooh, this is scary! This is very exciting!
You see...
- Woof.
- Oh, she's dumb, i didn't know...
I didn't track her as dumb before!
- Yes!
- She's not dumb.
She's just young-
- Just young.
- And fanciful.
- She's 16!
- We're the same age!
- Same age as-
- You guys, so you see that...
You feel a little light coming
Through the cracks of the crate,
And you hear primsy's
voice out loud saying,
"spirit, i am the
duchess primsy coldbottle
Of the house of cheddar,
Duchess of lacramor and
the dairy islands..."
- Can we break out of the crate,
Waving the things, the milk silk flags,
That she gave us?
- I send a message first,
And i say, "don't scream,
no matter what you see."
- Oh my god, that's so threatening!
- I'm gonna need a persuasion
check with disadvantage,
If you'd be so kind?
- 'cause that is the scariest sentence
Any of us have ever heard!
- True
The scariest thing!
- And don't scream,
No matter what you see.
- That's simply-
- That's like a movie
trailer for a horror movie!
- 3?
- Cool. What does amethar do?
- As soon as possible, i open the door.
- Cool, so she hears in her head,
"don't scream, no matter what you see,"
And a crate bursts open,
And she goes, -
- I shove the milk silk in her mouth.
- I'm being k*lled!
- You're not being k*lled,
you're not being k*lled!
- You're not being k*lled!
- It's us, it's us!
We're friends!
- It was a bad move.
- You guys hear the stamping of feet as-
- Weapons down!
I take-
- Weapons down.
- I throw my payment day on the ground.
- I tuck my weapon in my back pocket.
- I hide. Can i try to hide?
- Yeah, go for it!
- I guess i should try to hide too.
- Yeah, that's fine.
- You said you're putting
your weapons down.
- Eh, yeah-
- Nat 1.
- No, i said, "in my back pocket."
- Oh, in your back
pocket, okay. What's that?
- Liam rolled a nat 1.
- Nat 1.
- Nat 1, okay.
You just flatten and your
body's kind of floating
In the bilge milk.
Yeah, you're actively weeping
And can't hide.
You see 12 sailors and annabelle
Come thundering in, weapons drawn.
Annabelle looks and says...
- We invoke the ancient
Concord between candia
and the dairy islands.
- Hey, it's us, the
princesses. You gave us this?
- Yeah, we're friends, remember?
- Don't you remember i gave
you that cheeseboard that-
- Right now you're five stowaways!
Wanted fugitives endangering myself,
My crew, and my duchess,
wanted by the imperial army!
That's the-
- Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
- Give me a persuasion check.
- What did you say?
- "pretty cool, huh?"
That's a 21.
- She holds her saber at you.
Right, that's "pretty cool."
She takes out a letter and says,
"this is a letter from sir morris brie
Saying that a spirit spoke to him
And told him where manta ray jack was.
Right now he's hiding out in the city,
Having rescued manta ray.
- Oh, thank goodness.
- That's so good to hear.
- I tried to save him,
But i dropped my thief's tools!
- So you're taking credit
for this? You're a spirit?
- I message her. Yeah, b*tch!
- She drops it and
stumbles backwards, amazed.
You, in the middle of fleeing,
Gave a message to sir
morris to save manta ray?
- Yes, he was a good
man! He is a good man!
I wanted to save him, i tried
to, but it was too late.
- Lapin died, and so did
my best friend preston.
- Primsy walks over
And puts her arms around you
And takes you into a deep hug.
- Boo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!
- There, there.
I am so sorry for the
loss of your chancellor
And of your noble steed.
- Thank you.
- She looks up at annabelle,
annabelle looks down at her.
I think i'm gonna actually ask for a group
Persuasion check right now.
I just want you...
No one's saying anything,
just you guys standing there.
- 9.
- 21.
- 12.
- 7.
- Okay.
- 8. f*ck!
- Okay.
- I got a 21.
- You guys are bloodied and a mess.
Annabelle sort of glares at you, theo,
Looks around, and says, "of all the ships
You could've stowed
away on, why the colby?
I'll be very clear.
The dairy islands can do nothing
To save candia."
- We're not asking you to do anything.
We just need to get to the
great stone candy mountains.
- By helping you, we declare w*r
On every kingdom in calorum.
- Please don't make us make you.
- Nobody needs to know.
- Please don't make me?
I understand here.
I know you might be some
kind of witch or sorceress.
The rumors about how things go in candia
Are far and wide on the open sea.
Now, you might get to me
before my sword gets to you,
But understand that my crew
will finish what i start.
And if it doesn't, then you'll be here
With a bunch of dead
sailors on the open sea,
And it won't be very long before you find
The end you're trying to avoid.
- We mean no violence.
- You're right.
- Your daughter might.
- I don't!
- She doesn't.
- I'm just scared.
- We're all scared.
It's been a crazy day,
And we came to this ship
Because of the history
that our people have,
The w*r, and every day i regret
Listening to my father and not being there
For the dairy islands
when we should've been.
And we aim to find the man who helped you
When you were in need
And support him in protecting candia.
- He's my dad, and i
need to get back there
So that we can go
f*cking k*ll that carrot.
- Annabelle puts her
hand through her hair.
I mean, you look at annabelle
and primsy and see two people
That are looking at an
array of terrible options.
You see that she looks and says,
"king jawbreaker came
To the defense of the dairy islands
When no one else would.
Prince liam, you have our respect.
And i know at least
that you had the decency
To see a good sailor saved.
- I'm now a w*r guy.
- Well, w*r has a funny way
Of making us all w*r guys, i suppose.
We're not imperial troops,
And we don't need to do
the empire's dirty work.
So we're not going to fight you.
We're not going to execute you,
And we're not gonna do anything like that,
'cause it's not our place, nor our task.
However, any aid we provide to you
Could be construed as an act
of w*r against the concord,
So you understand how
our hands are tied, aye?
Seeing as we can no longer take
The course we were planning
because we are down
One crate of drinking milk,
We will make the fastest
course for lacramor,
And you will be our
guests and our prisoners,
Until such time as we arrive at lacramor,
Where we will assemble
the council of the duchess
To decide then what is to be done.
Can this be agreed upon by all parties?
- I don't see that we have a choice.
- I don't see that we have one either.
- I hope you understand why
we put you in this position.
- Somewhere, a bloody sir morris brie
Is hanging onto that rascal jack,
And that's thanks to you.
You see primsy speaks up and says,
"and i am married to the love
of my life because of you!
If you'd not given annabelle that boon,
Then i could not be wed to my sweetheart."
- I think annabelle
would've won it either way.
- Annabelle looks at you and says,
"flattery will get you nowhere,
but i do appreciate it."
- Okay. So it got me a little somewhere.
- You see she
shakes her head and says,
"all right, well, we're
all doomed.
Let's see these prisoners are taken
To some finer quarters, fed and clothed.
And we don't need any chained
hands on a moving ship,
So i trust that you will stay by our side
Until this can be resolved
in a fair and just manner."
- Thank you.
- All right.
Get them fed.
Hits the wall of the ship,
And you guys go upstairs.
- Can i talk to amethar and theo?
- Yeah, the sailors start
bringing you guys out,
You're walking in the hallway
and they're bringing you
To rooms that have like
hammocks and places to sleep,
And you know, there's some
nice quarters here in the ship,
And they give you food.
It looks like no one here
is giving you guys...
Everyone here is in stunned
amazement because several
Of the largest political
events of the past lifetime
Since the end of the
w*r have happened today,
And everyone's just
trying to like be reeling
And then be like, "i've gotta
fix the sails," you know,
Like doing mundane work
In the middle of, like, madness.
But yeah, you guys can
talk amongst each other.
You guys are in a private room again.
- I feel
So angry, and i don't know,
I just feel obsessed with revenge.
And i'm wondering if this is normal.
I don't wanna go to the dairy islands
And then go to candia.
- I mean, we don't wanna do that,
Either.
- No.
- And with regard to what
you're feeling, i mean,
That, for me, is rage.
And i would encourage you,
As a potential new w*r guy,
To figure out how you
channel that and use that,
Rather than letting it take over you.
That takes time and effort,
But you're a strong kid.
But, i mean, you've had a lot
taken away from you, liam.
- Yeah, i have.
- You see,
After a little while, dinner is held.
You hear a hum from the crew up above,
As you guys are kind of just...
You've sort of been asked
to stay in your room,
Which is fine, 'cause it's
more comfortable anyway,
But you hear a little hum
from some of the sailors
Up above you, of an
old candian sea shanty,
And you see that
Duchess primsy comes down and says,
"i was wondering if i could invite you
To a small after-Dinner tea
In the captain's quarters.
I sleep in the captain's
quarters in a bunk bed
With me cousin, so...
But you know, 'cause i'm
not really the captain...
The ship is mine but it's not...
It's mine-
- We would love to.
- Yeah.
- I love your ship.
- The colby, she's great! It's nice...
You know, it's funny because
she's mine in the harbor,
But then when we're at
sea, it's annabelle's,
So it's sort of like we
share, which is nice.
- That's nice.
- That's nice. That's a...
Yeah, we get it.
- Yeah.
- The duchess takes you into her quarters,
Where there's a lovely little milk tea.
There's a little sweet,
Sort of honey taste in there, as well.
And she looks and says,
"um, i wanted to say thank you,
And i don't know what
it is we're going to do,
And you know,
Annabelle has forsworn
A lot of this sort of politics stuff.
But there are smart people,
And i think if we get back to lacramor,
We can find a way for
some of this to work.
I am not going to say anything
That endangers the dairy
islands or the concord,
But i will say that i know
That all of this can get so complicated,
But what's not complicated is that i know
That you're good people.
And when we get back,
you can meet stilton,
Who's my new husband!"
- Can i peel out and try to find...
- Annabelle? Or-
- Annabelle, yeah.
- Yeah, go for it!
- Primsy,
You're in charge, so what you say goes.
Annabelle's not in charge.
- Yeah, you're in charge.
- And you could easily fix
this situation by just-
- And lord stilton isn't in charge.
- By-
- Well-
- You could easily fix the situation
By just lending us a
sailor and a rescue boat,
And then we're out of your hair.
- We could even row,
If you go close enough to the shore, we...
- No, i...
You see that she immediately
gets very uncomfortable.
She goes, "right, no, i understand.
Look, i know that annabelle's
not in charge, i know that.
She was next in line, but
she gave that up, she-
- Primsy, you're a strong, powerful woman.
Repeat it after me.
- I am a strong, powerful woman.
- And you don't let anybody
else tell you what to do.
- I don't let anyone else
Tell me what to do.
Sloshing milk bottle.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Because you're in charge.
- I'm in charge.
No, and that's what stilton says too,
And he's right about everything.
- Does he have...
Duchess, does your husband have enemies
Within his own house, or?
- Not that i'm aware! No.
Why would you ask that? Are you...
Do you know anything?
- His house made an assassination
attempt on king amethar.
Or at least, people
disguised as his house.
- Well, technically, people
disguised as meat people.
- Yes, but maybe it was a double disguise.
- There was blue cheese on
the road, violent blue cheese.
- She looks and says...
She says, "right, it's so strange.
I mean, stilton did say that...
I don't think he has any
enemies in his house.
I mean, there was the wee problem
Of him having taken those
vows when he was a youth
And then a bunch of other
spaces cleared in line,
And he became the heir to house bleu,
Which no one was sort of expecting,
A lot of deaths in his family,
And there was also the matter of, like...
We had a letter from the lady plumbeline
That said that it was likely
That king amethar was going
to be named successor,
But that she had spoken
To her father, the concordant emperor,
And that it was very possible
that if it were not to be him,
And he were to turn him down,
That i would be named the successor,
Which i was dreading
because i didn't want...
It's hard enough to run the dairy islands.
But stilton seemed very excited
About the prospect of me
Becoming the concordant empress.
- What is your cousin's relationship
With stilton?
- She's told me...
Well, when he first started to court me,
She called him a "stinking little squib,"
And said that i should
have nothing whatsoever
To do with him, but i am a strong woman,
And i said that he was
very sweet and cordial,
So i liked him.
She didn't like him at first,
But i told her that it
would make me happy,
And so she got behind it, i suppose.
- Can i do an insight check
Into this stuff?
- Yeah, go for it!
- Not very good, 9, 8.
- Okay.
- I'll do one as well, just put...
Nat 1. She's lying.
- Yeah, you guys don't
read anything on her,
She just goes, she says,
"right, but you know,
annabelle quieted down
When i told her that i
had my heart set on him,
And now that we're wed,
And stilton is now
The lord consort cheddar,
And will sit by my side in lacramor,
A lucky bit of an upgrade for lord bleu,
You know, annabelle will have to get used
To taking orders from him, i suppose, so-
- No, no, no, she takes orders from you!
- No, of course, me first, of course.
He's the lord consort, and you know,
Only in the event of, that
will pass to our children,
When we have them one day,
Or in the event if anything
would happen to me,
He of course would inherit the throne.
- Right, duchess,
Just to kind of do the math out loud,
We were attacked
By some bleu soldiers on the road,
You have married the lord consort,
Who will become the king
If something were to happen to you.
Just be careful around-
- Hey theobald?
- Yeah?
- Not on her wedding day!
- Go ahead and give me a charisma check,
A little persuasion check.
Is that 2? Hey, shout-Out to the two crew.
Why, why this crossover?
Of all the naddpod crossovers,
Why rolling a 2?
- This is -
- So many things!
Watch this, can i get a preview? My god.
- Sorry, paul.
- She gets up and says,
"i think tea has rather been ruined, and-"
- These milk people f*cking hate me.
- You see, she says,
"right now, my husband is sailing
In his flagship, the dairy air,
And-
- Oh, no.
- Is it behind us?
- Aye, it is, and i think i'm going to go
Up to the crow's nest and wave
A sweet hello to my husband,
Separated as we are on our wedding day,
And you have a good evening,
And think about maybe how to
be more polite in the future.
And i'm a strong woman, and
so i'll say this to you,
You're a nutter," and she...
- Theobald is shocked and horrified.
That is the meanest thing she's ever said
To anyone!
- Yeah, well, you need to-
- She called me a nutter!
- Stop being mean to people!
- I wasn't mean!
- First you threatened her-
- Stop giving me sass,
All right?
- Inside her head.
- She was not giving...
I agree.
- Do not label this-
- Can i do stealth?
- As sass, all right?
- I wanna stealth behind her.
I don't trust her going
up on that crow's nest.
I feel like someone's gonna k*ll her.
- Okay, cool, you stealth up,
Give me a stealth check.
- Yeah, do we have free rein of the ship?
- No.
- Nat 20.
- Nat 20, it's-
- Now i get a f*cking
Actual good roll, this
entire f*cking season!
- Oh, god.
- Motherfuck me!
- You get, you still...
You're a f*cking shadow.
You go find annabelle,
liam. What do you say to...
Annabelle's up on the deck of the ship.
She's at the helm.
- Hello, annabelle.
Your haircut looks fresh,
And it's really masculine,
Yet feminine, in a way
that's strong, yet tender.
- Give me a charisma check with advantage!
- Eh, 16?
14!
I have negative 2 charisma.
- She goes, "right, well,
that's what i was going for,
So i appreciate that!"
- Hell, yeah.
Look, we got f*cking creamed.
We were in the cathedral,
And people poured in trying to k*ll us.
We were completely set up.
As you know, i lost my best friend,
And we just don't have time
To go to the dairy islands.
We need you to drop us off
At the great stone candy mountain.
I will have my dad, joren jawbreaker,
Personally thank you and shake your hand,
And sign anything that
you want him to sign.
He's got a lot of merch.
He's got a lot of books about kama sutra,
And between him and his partners
and his partners' partners,
There are over 35 sexy
singles of any sexuality
Or gender that you could desire,
And you would get eaten alive
upside down by that group
Because they would find you so attractive.
Eaten alive, annabelle!
They would turn you inside
out and eat you alive!
- Can i hex annabelle just
to give her disadvantage
On whatever throw she's about to make?
- I will allow a hex that...
To give liam here...
I think that you get
advantage for boldness
And disadvantage for madness here.
Give me a straight persuasion check.
- Oh, god.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Ooh, 4.
- She looks at you and says,
"just stand still, all right?"
She got rolled a nat 20 and a nat 1,
With the disadvantage that you gave her.
Misses, horribly, a slap as you lean back,
Because she stumbles as
she looks behind her.
- sh*t!
- She looks behind her and says,
"right, what's that?"
She takes out a spyglass,
Makes a perception check,
And says, "strange,"
And she goes and walks off the deck!
- I follow her.
- Am i up in the crow's
nest with annabelle?
I mean, with primsy?
- Yes, with primsy,
Yes, you are.
- Do i see anything?
A ship or anything like that? Pirates?
- Yeah, you see some
ships off in the distance.
Give me a perception check.
- Does this...
- 14.
- Yeah, you see that,
As you guys are sailing,
i'm also going to need a...
We're actually gonna do
a box of doom roll here
In a role-Playing episode real quick.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Real quick, g*ng, sorry, one second.
- What a crazy day.
- He's comfy.
- A lot of changes going on.
- Yeah, we're about to go into a fight
With such low hp-
- It's truly so funny how much
The milk people hate me.
- They do.
- Okay.
- All right.
- We're gonna roll some
luck checks right now.
I need one of you guys to
give me some luck checks.
- Lou's been rolling really hot.
- Murph? f*ck, what?
- No!
- We need some luck checks.
- No!
- No, he's giving him-
- You've been hopping this-
- The opportunity to grow!
This is growth!
- Murph, i believe in you. I-
- Yeah, i think this is good.
You've been hot this evening.
- I'm gonna need three
luck checks in a row.
- f*ck! I love you, murph-
- I love you, murph.
- No matter what.
- This is all good.
- Ha!
- 7.
- I like you murph, i really like you.
- I like you a lot.
- 16.
- Great.
- I'm back to love!
- Back to love.
- 14.
- All right-
- I'm gonna say i love you,
Murph! I'm gonna say-
- All right!
- I love you.
- Yeah.
- Alright, growth.
- That's growth.
- That's growth.
- That's like a 12 average,
Which is huge for me.
- Yeah, it's pretty good!
- Plus 10, baby!
- Yeah, that's higher
Than average!
- Yeah!
- So those last two rolls,
You guys see a up-And-Alert crew
Of cheddar sailors on
the deck, which is great.
You also see, as you sort of round
Into the yogurt shoals,
You're sort of looking at
the sailing behind you.
You look out and see that all
Of the other ships have sailed
Off in a different direction,
Except for the two house bleu ships.
That first roll, however,
You hear a crack of thunder,
And little droplets of
milk begin to rain down
From on high as the wind picks up.
Annabelle shouts up and says,
"right, primsy, you better
get down from there!"
And as the ships begin to approach,
I need to know where everybody
is, so amethar and theo,
You guys are still below decks, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm on the deck.
- You're on the deck.
- I'm up in the crow's nest.
- You were up with primsy,
That's correct.
- I'm definitely just keeping...
I'm just away from everyone,
current with -
- You see, primsy calls down and says,
"it looks like the rest of
our fleet has sailed off.
I'm not sure-"
You hear...
And as the house bleu
ships begin to close,
You see arrows firing
from the house bleu ships,
Onto-
- Ouch.
- I cover primsy.
- You see, the ships begin to catch up,
Annabelle starts to
shout, "lower the sails!
Full speed! Full speed!"
And you see that the famously fast colby
Has some damaged sails
And is not sailing at full speed.
Annabelle gives the call,
The two ships begin to come up alongside,
One of them rams, as the
sailors start going crazy,
One of them rams the side of the colby,
And you feel the ships,
the house bleu ships,
Have something under their keels.
You hear a horrifying
Groan deep under the water
and hear a rush of milk
Going into the prow of the ship.
The front of the colby snaps,
you're all almost thrown,
And the colby's front goes
deep under the yogurt.
I am going to need all of you
To roll initiative.
- Happy birthday, zac.
- Oh no!
- Can we say, can that...
We haven't taken a long rest.
- Oh, sorry!
- Can it be a short rest?
- It's a short rest.
- That we did in the hole?
- It's a short rest.
Well, our beleaguered heroes
have taken a short rest.
Tune in next week for another episode
Of "a crown of candy!"
- What?
- Someone k*lled my best friend!
- Jesus!
- For 10 years,
I only had one friend!
- You hear primsy screaming
up in the crow's nest.
You hear annabelle shouting orders.
The ship is going down.
Captain, captain, house
bleu, they're attacking!
Hold onto the rigging! Hold on!
- k*ll some dudes and
also to take the ship.
- I can do that!
- Crack, as the wood
shatters,
Peppermint bolt, boom, though the head!
- Let's go to w*r, guys!
- Listen to the yogurt bear!
- Come on.
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05x07 - Escape From the Bulb Creeps
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.