- Hello, and welcome back
to "a crown of candy".
I'm your humble dungeon
master, brennan lee mulligan.
With me are five of our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- Rip, jet.
- Oh.
- Gone but never forgotten.
- Moving the royal
banner up the cola river,
The bel baby sails
straight through the night.
Our heroes
Enter into the unthinkable,
Hollow, numb,
Bizarre channels by which
each person marches through
The processing of their own grief.
The night envelops the ship,
Sound of sail and oar moving
up through the cola river.
Memories of that impossible night
Are what you're holding on to
When we begin our story once again.
The purple and bright blue striped leaves
Flutter and fall from a tree
atop a bright pink hill.
The wind moves and the grass sways.
In the shade of a beautiful tree
In the late afternoon sun,
First few leaves swirl
in the wind and fly away.
It is the 24th day of brightdusk,
And only one week remains in summer.
The first leaves, early
precursors to their brethren
That will fall in greater
numbers weeks to come from now,
Tear away and are lost.
Far down the hillside from here,
Anchored just off the bank,
Is manta ray jack's ship, the bel baby.
His crew making repairs to the ship
And pulling crossbow bolts from the side.
They work in as close
to silence as they can
To give respectful distance
to the group gathered
At the top of the hill
under the shade of the tree.
The bright smell of late summer
And full fields of candian farms
That stretch away from the river's edge
Are mixed with the smell
of freshly-Dug soil.
Looking out across the river,
Many miles away from the
enemies that you have escaped,
Looking out into the east
towards muffin field,
And beyond that, ceresia,
You see rows of peppermint
orchards and lollipop trees,
Lines of farms stretching out
as far as the eye can see.
Who of you is gathered under the tree
At the top of the hill?
- I am.
- I am.
- Me.
- Mm-Hmm.
- I think cumulous is there,
But just a little further back.
- The queen caramelinda is there as well.
The wind blows past.
Away in the field, you see a lone farmer
With a rolling jawbreaker
oxen pulling a plow.
Farmer is a little stumpy-Legged,
Fuzzy green gumdrop man
With a little plum satchel
Following along behind
his beast of burden.
It's about an eighth of a mile away.
Sort of this little dot at the
edge of your field of vision.
The beauty of the day
rests in stark contrast
To the solemnity of what you are observing
Here at the top of the hill.
You see that the farmer
Slips on some wet chocolate,
And a bunch of jellybeans
fall out of his satchel.
You hear sort of off in the distance,
"i slipped on some chocolate
And dropped some jellybeans."
- Just pick them up!
- What?
Oh, hello.
Hello.
- Hi.
- It gets really wet in the field,
The chocolate gets kicked up by a plow.
- I think liam's bawling.
- Well, sorry to bother you-
- Hey, get the f*ck out of here!
I run at him.
I have the-
- Oh, no!
- Get out of here!
Get out of here now!
- My king!
- Get out of here now!
- My king!
- You see that the little gumdrop
man turns around and goes,
His little legs spinning
in the air and he,
Slips and hits the ground.
- Oh.
- Boom!
Jellybeans go everywhere.
He looks up and says,
"are you coming to help
me count my jellybeans?"
- No, i'm telling you
to get out of here, now!
- Okay.
All right.
I'm so sorry, sir.
I'll get my jellybeans
And i'll get right out of here.
I'm sorry.
- Stop apologizing.
Pick up your beans and go.
- He nods, and you return to the hill.
- I think ruby is watching all this.
She doesn't even seem to really be there.
She's not even noticing
what's going on around her.
She's not crying, but
she's not focused at all.
- I think i'm pulling on your arm.
I'm weeping.
I almost can't stand up.
- I'm just very passively
letting that happen, but not-
- It's like the ugliest cry.
- I take payday off my back,
And i plant it at the foot of the grave.
Jet,
I'm going to miss you so much.
You always pushed us.
You always challenged us.
You were hard, and it made us stronger.
I never stopped learning from you.
Taught me so much.
So much that i thought i knew,
You taught me it was wrong.
But even in your death
You continue to teach me,
Because to defeat monsters,
you must become one.
- Anyone at the top of the hill
Can roll an insight check if they so wish.
- Nine.
- Eight.
- Eight.
- 11.
- Nine.
- Mm-Hmm.
- Jeez.
- What were you about to say?
- Tell us anyway.
- You see...
Yeah, i think with those rolls,
I think everyone's lost
in themselves right now.
And if there were another observer here,
They would see amethar
Steeling himself.
And there is a sobriety that overcomes
The unthroned king of candia that,
As a younger man, he never had.
But this amethar
Has developed a perspective on w*r
That is more informed by what he has lost.
You see queen caramelinda
has been very still.
She speaks and says,
"i can't help but wonder
If you died
Thinking that i did not love you.
I was a young woman once,
And i know that i bore no fondness
For my mother or her rules,
How fervently she impressed upon me
The workings of the world.
I found her tedious.
Her constant lecturing
was a thorn in my side,
And i, in turn, was that for you.
And i can't help but stand here
And wish that you would have listened.
And yet, maybe...
Maybe if i had been the
type of mother that would-"
- I walk away.
- She turns to look at
you and is cut short,
And just gazes after ruby.
What direction do you walk in, ruby?
- I guess back towards the boat.
- Okay.
- I'd like to give kind
of a nod to the queen
And then follow ruby.
- The queen is gone.
Does not see you look at her.
- Okay.
- Cool, you follow ruby.
The rest of you up on the hillside
Stand there in the silence.
- You were always so soft.
And really close to the ground.
Your paws were always covered
in mud when i picked you up.
And you liked nuts, and well,
I just loved you so
much, preston.
- See caramelinda, looks
over and is just stunned
Into silence by this display.
- Wet peppermint nose,
And the one time you put it on my ear
And i said it hurt, i was lying.
It felt too good.
- As you are processing
those feelings, liam,
You see caramelinda says,
"liam."
- Mm-Hmm?
- "this is-"
- A tragedy.
- She nods.
Off in the distance you hear,
"one little jellybean-
- Oh.
- Two little jellybeans.
- Oh, he started over.
- He's lost count a couple times.
- Can i do an insight check on that guy?
- Yeah.
- Interesting.
Three.
- You are lost in grief.
You have no idea.
- That's true.
- Cumulous, as you watch
ruby and theo walk away,
Make a perception check for me.
- 21.
- Finally.
- Ruby's shadow...
For a second you look away,
You look at the sun or something.
You're like, what just happened?
But for a second, ruby's...
It's hard, 'cause it was
less than a split second.
Ruby's shadow started walking
A half beat after ruby started walking.
- I
Touch my cousin's shoulder
And walk ahead towards them.
- Theo, you catch up with ruby first.
- Ruby, i-
- I can't believe she blamed her,
And i'm so angry at her,
And it's all her fault,
and it's all his fault,
And it's all of aunt lazuli's fault,
And it's all my f*cking
fault my sister died.
- Jet would not blame you.
Jet was a warrior, and jet died in battle.
We would've all wanted
her to have, you know...
We would've wanted her
to keep herself safe,
But that's not how she was.
She was a warrior.
- She was so brave.
She was the bravest person i knew.
And i don't know how i'm
gonna keep going without her.
I don't know.
- In times like these,
I take comfort in your
aunt lazuli's research.
I don't think jet is gone.
I think she-
- Then where is she?
- In some strange way, i think
she'll be protecting us now.
- She was always protecting us.
- She saved primsy coldbottle,
She saved your father, along with you.
- Are we back at the ship?
- Yeah.
- I'd like to climb up to the crow's nest,
And then i'd like to throw
my consciousness into yak
So i don't have to be in
my f*cking body anymore.
- Yak is miles up in the sky,
And you can feel the ruffle of the wind
In his butterscotch feathers.
And he locks his wings
And just lets the wind push him up.
And you can feel the feeling in your body
Of expending no effort,
Being without thought,
And the endless buffeting of
the sky provides you a way
To escape from these feelings
That you cannot face.
- I think once ruby walks off,
Theo's kind of trying
to keep it all together,
And i'm just gonna walk over
to another side of the ship.
And theo just loses it.
And then i'm just gonna say,
Quietly i'm gonna pull out sprinkle.
And i'm gonna say,
Sprinkle,
I'm gonna need you to go
with jet for a little while.
Just like you used to.
And i hope she sends somebody back for me
So she can look after me.
You've done well, sprinkle.
You're going to...
It's okay.
I cry more and i dismiss sprinkle,
And then i'd like to cast find familiar
And call a black licorice familiar.
- You see that sprinkle
inchworms his way up the hill,
And coming from the ship, actually,
You see
This licorice snake, shadowy viper,
Comes off of the edge of the ship
And coils around your arm
underneath your armor.
That is you, princess.
I can already tell
You're gonna be more of a
handful than sprinkle was.
- Bites into your gauntlet.
- Cries more.
- Amethar and liam, you guys
are still on top of the hill.
You see...
Each of you guys give me an insight check.
- 15.
- Ayy, 11.
- Caramelinda sees ruby
walking away and is losing it.
She's fully losing it.
And she begins to walk away
from the top of the hill.
- I catch up to her and
put my arm around her waist
And just walk with her
Back to somewhere private on the ship.
- As she walks along,
yeah, she's losing it.
Theo, you...
You see the queen approaching,
And she looks up at you and sees
The licorice snake
wrapped around your arm.
She looks up and says,
"what is that?"
- I asked...
I dismissed sprinkle and i
asked jet to send me a sign
That she was watching over us, and.
- Sign that she was watching over us.
And who was watching
over her, sir theobald,
When she fell?
- I'm sorry.
- My lady.
There's no way any of us-
- What task
Was given to our lord
commander of the tartguard?
- To protect the royal family.
- That's what i thought.
I...
I've known you for quite
some time, theobald.
I knew you when you were
a young green knight,
Barely anything more than a squire.
You were enamored of my promised,
The archmage lazuli.
I...
I have nothing to say to you.
You...
I don't know where your heart lies
Or what it is that you have chosen to
Serve in this world.
I know that you revered my former wife,
And i know that i have
no love lost from you.
I would...
You see dark venomous
thoughts cross her mind that,
Even in her state of
grief, she doesn't say.
And she just looks up at
you, deeply hurt, and says,
"i have one daughter left.
Maybe instead of summoning this
Reflection of your failure,
You can see to it that you devote yourself
To not letting it happen a second time."
And she turns, looks at you, amethar,
And walks onto the ship.
- I stay back.
- She gets about five paces,
Turns to see if you're gonna follow her.
- I'm coming.
- And then she turns
and walks onto the ship.
- She's angry.
I mean-
- My king, don't comfort me.
- I'm not, all right?
- There's-
- I'm just telling you.
There's nothing you could've done.
And i walk after her.
- You walk onto the ship.
Cumulous, you've arrived
at the ship as well
And can see ruby up in the crow's nest.
- Do i see...
Can i tell what she's doing?
Or is-
- Yeah.
She's warging into her familiar.
- I think cumulous will also
climb up to the crow's nest,
But off to one of the
poles off to the side.
- Cool.
- Just kind of wait.
- Okay, give me another perception check.
- Nine.
- Cool.
Liam, you're the last person
left on top of the hill.
- I think i pick a little
peppermint flower or something,
Kinda put it in my shirt.
And then, is manta ray jack around?
- He's on the ship.
- Can i...
'cause you said that cruller saved him?
- Yeah.
- And brought him back?
- Yeah.
- Can i do an insight check on that,
Or can i do something-
- Sure, yeah.
If you wanna go talk to him, yeah.
- Yeah, can i go and talk to him?
- Great.
Go ahead and give me an insight check.
- Great.
Four.
- Cool.
You find manta ray on
the ship making repairs,
Getting the ship ready.
You come to him with a
group of sailors being like,
"right, well, i can't say
the king will give the order
Of where we sail to next.
I only know that we can't sail downriver.
But...
I'll have to get word there
somehow back to port syrup
That there's been a coup.
Oh, young master
wilhelmina, your lordship.
- I was just coming by to say hi.
I think i walk away.
- Says, "welp, all right.
Did you..."
- Nothing.
- You see he runs up after you, says,
"is there anything you needed to say?"
- I just wanted to kinda
see how the ship's going.
Are you...
Hmm.
Have you talked to ciabatta lately?
- No.
No, i sailed with you from port syrup.
- Mm-Hmm.
- He looks at you and says,
"i'll tell you true, lad."
- Hmm?
- Morris and me ran into
cruller leaving comida.
He got us through the lines,
But looking back,
He was as surprised as
anything to find us.
He weren't anywhere i could see
When they were torturing me.
I never saw his face.
Now that i know he's the
one who turned me in,
I can't believe that snake
made the journey with us
From comida back to the borders of candia.
When we found him,
He weren't nowhere but in the
company of a few tartguard.
It was passing strange for certain
Because he didn't seem worried,
And the way he got us
through those imperial lines,
Even for someone as skilled as him,
It seemed strange.
But we were so desperate
that we couldn't question it.
- I see.
- He told us to come
with him to castle candy,
But i ended up finding a ship's passage
Going down the river to port syrup,
And stray chance of fortune
That i got myself and morris on the ship
And sent a messenger to tell cruller.
Maybe if i'd told him myself
He would've had us seized by his guards.
- So what did the message
say to him that you sent?
- Merely that we had found escape
And we thanked him for helping
us to get back to the river.
- Hmm.
Okay.
- He never let slide
That he was conspiring with folks
Because i don't think he
would've wanted to fight
Just with him and his
four warriors at arms
Against me and a trained armored knight.
- Mm-Hmm, mm-Hmm.
So you don't think candia
needs to be taken down, or...
So the hungry one can eat a balanced meal?
- From the bottom of me heart-
- Mm-Hmm.
- I couldn't give two
wanks for a balanced meal,
And i hope that the hungry one
stays hungry, your lordship.
- Cool.
Well, if you need my help,
I'm a good watchperson.
Can i start to do some of
this primeval awareness?
It says that if i attune
my senses for a minute
I can find which favored enemies lurk
And more info about them.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
I set up a little bedroll
next to manta ray jack
And i kinda just hold his hand.
- Yeah.
You start looking at the passing of...
You hold his hand, he's
like, "all right, lad."
- Oh, did you wanna be a part of this?
Or i can do this on my own.
- A part of what?
- It's a minute of me focusing.
So, i like to get comfortable, sit down,
Unzip my bedroll, get in
it, get a little cozy.
Just a little cozy.
- You should go to your quarters.
- Oh, right, of course.
Yeah, you're right.
- All right.
- I love you too.
- What?
- What?
No, i'm experiencing loss.
- You head downstairs.
Amethar, you head down to
the quarters below decks
Where you see caramelinda.
- I understand that
you're having a hard time.
We're all having a hard time.
You can't turn
On theobald like that.
We can't turn on each other right now.
The world is against us.
All we have is everybody on this boat.
If you're gonna talk to
him like that, i mean,
We'll all be dead.
- Go ahead and give me a
persuasion check with advantage.
- Modified 20.
- Caramelinda...
Wild.
- I pull out a huge water bottle.
- Caramelinda looks at you,
Her lip quivers, and
she just starts weeping,
And walks over and
doesn't go to embrace you,
But just buries her...
Holds her hands against her own chest
And just buries her face into
the crook of your shoulder.
- I do one of those slow like,
One arm, two arms, and real tight.
- She cries there for a long time,
And then looks up and says,
"okay.
Okay.
You're right.
We're all we have."
Time passes, the boat sails away,
And you guys watch the hill
at the side of the river
Fade into the distance.
As you guys speak that
evening, when you guys...
You see that the first thing is,
Caramelinda walks up to you,
Theo, as the ship is sailing away.
She looks at you and says,
"i...
People say very silly things when they-"
- Hey, i understand.
There's no reason to apologize.
But if there was
Any truth behind what you were saying,
I just want you to know
That any resentment or childishness,
Anything i felt towards you, jealousy,
That went away a long time ago.
But my reverence for lazuli is...
It's not...
I believe in her dream.
I'm not in love with her.
And i serve your family,
and i loved your daughter,
And i love you.
- She just starts crying
again, and she says,
"when you have failed as
completely and totally as i have
And you are as afraid as i am
That the weight of that
failure will destroy you,
You will panic and try to
put that on someone else.
And that's wrong, and i'm sorry."
- I relate to that fully.
And the only thing keeping me
together right now is this.
And i hold up my extremely
ill-Behaved familiar who keeps-
- Immediately bites caramelinda.
She goes,
- Right?
It's weirdly comforting, isn't it?
- It's a lot of her spirit.
- I know.
This isn't how the spell works.
This is straight up wrong.
- Did you just find a snake?
- This might just be a snake.
It's licorice-
- You hadn't finished
Casting the spell yet.
- Yeah, it takes an hour.
- That's really funny.
- Wonderful.
So before dinner, ruby,
You come back as it starts getting late,
And yak flies back to you.
And you look down and see
That cumulous has just been monk sitting
On a spar of the staff for a while
As you've been in the crow's nest.
- Staring at me?
- Am i staring at you?
- Are you watching me?
- I'm watching over you.
- I don't need looking after.
And i swing down.
- I think we should talk.
- What do you have to say?
- I think that you are...
I have a very complicated
relationship to death and dying
That may be upsetting to
most, and maybe then you,
But i think there are things
you should hear about it.
- I look out to sea, but i don't...
I'm not acknowledging him,
But i'm not sending him away either.
- I think
I know more about death than most,
And i think that it is both the simplest
And most complicated thing
there is in this world.
And i think it constantly,
it contradicts itself.
Its meaning is very illusive,
and also very concrete.
And i know that when you die, you're dead.
That that's the end.
But also maybe not-
- Is this supposed
To be comforting?
- But also maybe not.
I know that i've seen the insides
Of all these bodies with the wet sacks
And weird bones that
they have inside of them,
But i know that there
is something in there
That is not there.
- Well, this is what i know about death.
When my sister died, i died,
And the only reason for me
to live now is to avenge her.
Anybody who gets in my way, i will k*ll.
- And i think, in many ways,
your sister is still alive.
And i'll take off the necklace i have
And give it to ruby.
It's not much, but i think you should...
You say that you're dead,
But i think you should also consider
Staying here with the living,
'cause we will all die,
But you don't have to do it just yet.
- I put the necklace in my
pocket and i go to my quarters.
- So manta ray jack is
going to talk to amethar
And anyone who's with amethar
as the ship sails upriver.
Liam, you've done your natural explorer,
Your primeval awareness,
You can tell at the edges
of your field of influence
That there are people coming for you.
Your sense of the wilderness,
you see the movement of birds.
You know that people are coming after you.
But you know that upriver,
There are the beginnings of the
great stone candy mountains,
And that there are paths through there
In the remote places of candia
That you will be able to take these people
Faster than the people pursuing you.
- Cool.
Do i have anyone specific
within five miles?
- No one specific within five...
No one's that close.
The ship traveled much faster
upriver than anything else,
So everyone else is
having to come over land,
Either by steed or on foot,
To try to keep up with a ship
That was sailing throughout
the entire rest of the night.
- Cool.
- Other than amethar,
Is anyone else talking with manta ray jack
About the direction of the ship?
Manta ray would probably get you, liam-
- Yeah, i'll be there.
- Who has that
Awareness as well.
- Cool.
- You see manta ray looks up,
Pats you on the arm, and goes,
Well, your majesty,
I feel that i've...
We're with you to the bitter end.
It's strange, you grow up a common man,
And you feel so fortunate
Even to know the highborn and them,
What sits in their thrones
And determines the fate of the world,
And i think there's not a common man born
Who doesn't wish that they
could rise above their station
And change the stars.
It's a terrible curse and a
horrible piece of bad luck
That the only way i've changed the stars
And the fate of the world
Is bringing rack and ruin
To the house of one of
my dearest friends."
- Jack, save it.
This isn't you.
It's not you.
- I should've spotted cruller.
- No.
- For the backstabber he was.
- Oh, stop.
- And i should've kept my
mouth shut about catherine.
- These are my mistakes.
Every one of them.
And i will live with them.
Don't double it.
It's enough for me to carry.
- You see he wipes his eyes.
Well, we're with you,
And the bel baby will sail
you where you need to go.
We can change our ship's
name and change our colors,
But we will certainly be searched
If we travel south again.
- Oh, i know some back ways
Through the great stone candy mountains-
- Aye?
- And places that we
can just ditch the boat.
Yeah, definitely.
- I mean, we definitely
sail for jawbreaker.
I mean, it's losing...
Is there no way for you
guys to continue to sail...
I mean, does the cola
river come to an end, or-
- Aye.
Well, eventually it gets up
high enough into the mountains
That you can't take your ship up there,
But you can take it upriver pretty far.
And the last deep enough harbor
Gets us sort of just past
the heart of muffin field.
We can do our best to get that far,
And then we'll do as you need.
If you wish for us to sail south
And bring word to port
syrup, we can do that.
- I mean, would you be able to?
I mean, can you do that safely?
- Aye.
I don't think we were spotted...
We know our ways.
- Yeah.
- But if you wish,
I can also just send a few
of my sailors back down,
And me and some of my fighters
Can come with you into the north.
- I mean, what do you want, jack?
- I owe it to you, and i'm
not gonna let you down again.
- Ah, jack.
You come with us.
- All right.
And we'll send the ship back south
With a new name and new flags.
We'll fly the colors of house cruller.
She'll pass muster.
- Good.
- He says, "then north it is.
Try to get to castle manylicks,
Get through the siege as best we can."
You guys take off.
As you guys begin sailing,
Go ahead and give me a perception
check, just ruby and...
Actually, everyone give
me a perception check.
- I'm doing it with
advantage 'cause of yak.
- 19.
- There we go.
- I got a 16.
- 12.
- 13.
- Oh, baby.
- 19, 16, 13-
- 24.
- 24?
Cool.
You guys sail, you guys
have some intense dreams.
Liam, a lot of your dreams are dominated
By this intense noise you've
heard a couple times before,
Of this like,
and heat and smoke,
And the smoke smells of fire and cinnamon,
If that makes sense?
Like a hot cinnamon smell of,
And the beating of hot wind,
just chocolate and cinnamon.
Did anyone else get above a 15?
- I got a 16.
- Yeah, i got a 19.
- 19.
Ruby, you wake up in the night
With the feeling of that amulet
Of lazuli's eye in your pocket
Producing a little bit of light.
It feels a little bit warm.
And there's a small little
lantern next to your bed
That you kept lit.
You sort of fell asleep
reading a little bit
Or something like that.
You see that,
As you're looking at the
amulet the glow fades.
You look at your shadow on the wall,
And your shadow is of you
Looking at the amulet,
But it's you sitting
at the edge of the bed
And not lying in it.
It's wrong.
The shadow is wrong.
- Jet?
- You say "jet."
Do you move at all as
you say "jet," or no?
- I think i sit up a little bit.
- The shadow...
It was a trick of your eye.
Your shadow moves and you were just...
As you move, your shadow
is in the right place.
- I walk out onto deck
'cause i feel suddenly so awake
That i'm gonna walk out onto deck.
- You walk out onto the deck
And you can see perfectly in the dark.
- What?
- Give me one last
perception check, dc 20.
- That's a nat 20.
- You are looking at the dark everywhere,
Holding the amulet of lazuli in your hand.
You look down and you see
that the corners of the eye,
Which were blank before,
Are creased for a moment as though the eye
Were in a deep smile.
And as it glows bright,
It casts your shadow
on the wall behind you,
And as you turn to look,
This shadow is following your movements,
It's not misbehaving,
But you notice something
wrong with the shadow
That is not about movement.
Your shadow is, again, you
know, looks just like you,
But its hair is not right.
Its hair is in a long braid.
- I can't believe you're gone.
- Shadow doesn't move.
- I walk up to the wall
that the shadow is-
- You leave the little
source of light behind you.
- Reflected against and i put
my forehead up against it.
- The hull of the ship where
you touch your forehead
To what should be that cold cheese wood,
As you touch it, the wood is very warm,
Almost as though you
were putting your head
To someone else's head.
- I sob.
It's the first time really
That i've cried without
trying to hold it back.
- Your shadow heaves with
sobs in time to yours.
It is there until the sun comes
And your shadow goes away.
Brought from the edge of the wood
Where it can stand next to you,
Instead to cast upon the ground.
And you face a new day.
You guys sail.
I'm gonna need some...
As you get the ship as far up as it can go
And have to end up harboring it,
I'm gonna need a survival or nature check,
Probably actually survival.
And this is gonna be a group check,
So we need half of these to be successes.
- What do we have to get?
- The dc on this, we're just gonna say...
Well actually, let me
know what you guys roll.
- I got a 16.
- Nine.
- I got an eight.
- 16.
- Even with-
- I had nine.
- Six.
- Eight?
- I got a 19.
- 19.
- Do i have advantage on a nature check?
- I'm gonna roll.
Manta ray's got a plus four.
- Come on, jack.
- That's a 15.
You guys head off.
He takes some of his crew,
Sends the rest back with the bel baby.
Caramelinda comes with.
So let me ask what way you guys are headed
Up into the mountains?
The ways that are available to you,
The fastest way...
You're not anywhere near
imperial roads right now.
So there's not a big
risk of finding ceresians
Or imperial soldiers here,
But you are in muffin field,
Which is-
- Oh, sh*t.
- Which is calroy's fief.
The fastest way into the mountains
Would be through farmland
and on country roads,
Which you could travel very quickly
And you wouldn't have to worry
About getting lost or anything,
Although with liam there's no
chance of getting lost anyway.
But it would be by far the fastest,
But it would take you through townships
And it would be more highly populated.
The other way would be to
just spelunk and/or climb,
Which would be extremely dangerous,
But would be getting
you into the mountains,
Sort of the most directly.
The other way would be
to go into deep woods
And remote places,
Which would be longer than climbing,
But less dangerous and
through less populated areas.
- I mean, we have two people
Who have disguise self
if we wanna be crazy
And just go the fastest road.
- Who can disguise themself?
- Us two.
- I can.
- You have invisibility as well?
- I also have invisibility.
- 'cause i'm not gonna be good at...
I'm not gonna be good at...
Well actually, climbing
would be athletics.
- Yeah, i might be-
- Would it be athletics or acrobatics,
Or would it just be athletics?
Climbing.
- It would be just athletics.
- I'm pretty good at athletics.
What do you have?
- Plus seven.
- I only have plus three.
- Plus six.
- Could you just jump?
- Oh, i do have jump.
I do have the jump spell.
- The spell of jump.
- And you can become like a cloud, right?
- And i can jump.
My jump distance is three times normal,
And i have slow fall, or what?
Yes.
- I do have misty step now.
- What if we got real dumb-
- I also have
The feather fall spell.
- And climbed this thing.
- Let's do it.
- The issue as that you're gonna be facing
Multiple athletics challenges per day.
It's not one cliff, it's cliff,
And then the next cliff-
- A lot of cliffs.
- And then the next
cliff, and the next cliff.
- And there's no way of do a cliff,
Then do something else?
It's cliff, cliff, cliff, cliff?
- Yeah, exactly.
- So we can-
- We have two familiars.
- We could do the long
way through the woods.
- I mean, yeah, i trust liam
getting us through the woods
And all those sorts of things, so.
- Yeah, i don't think
Caramelinda will be very good at climbing.
- That's right, yeah.
- Yeah, you could also
do a mixture of the two.
Where muffin field ends and begins,
You could cut through a
little bit of muffin field,
Which would get you to
a very shallow ascending
Stretch of deep forest
That will go up into the mountains,
So it's like one little bit of traveling
Through populated area,
And then gets you into
deep wilderness and a safe,
Slow route into the mountains.
- How long would the traveling
through muffin field take?
- You could probably cut through
This part of muffin field
in a day, a day or two.
- That's if we were walking
through populated areas?
- Yeah.
- And if we take the woods?
- If you go the woods the whole way,
It will add probably two or
three weeks to your travel.
- Jesus.
- But if you cut through a
little bit of muffin field
And get to this stretch of forest,
You can probably get to
manylicks in two-Ish,
Two and a half-Ish weeks or
something like that, and then-
- But if we go through
the town it's one day?
- It's a day?
- No, sorry.
It's one day of traveling
through muffin field
To get to the safe forest-
- Got it.
- And then continue.
- Okay.
What if we just went through
populated muffin field?
- You could probably take roads
To get you to manylicks in a week.
- A week versus two to three weeks?
- Mm-Hmm.
- We have two disguise self.
You could cast invisibility on someone.
We can try to find some sort of cart?
- It just seems too dangerous.
These people, i just don't trust them.
- I speak ceresian.
- Yeah, but-
- Do you have good deception?
- Deception-
- Don't think liam's very deceptive.
- No.
- No, negative two.
- And invisibility i can
only cast on one person
'cause it's concentration.
- It might be best to just-
- I have pass without a trace.
- They both also last only for an hour.
- Pass without a trace, how
long does that last for?
- And that gives us, what?
That was like, plus 10 to deception?
- Yeah, to stealth.
- To stealth.
- Stealth.
- An hour.
- An hour's not
- Yeah, and this is a week.
A whole week of stuff.
- Not super helpful.
- So.
- We could do the split.
We could just do-
- Yeah, i saw we-
- Go through muffin field for a little bit
And then do the woods.
- And then do the woods.
- We might as well.
If we can't decide, let's just
do a split down the middle.
- Great.
- And then we could even...
Could we do that day of muffin field,
See how it feels, and
then make the decision?
- Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Gonna roll a little luck
check in front of the board.
You guys want high.
16.
- Ay.
- Ay.
- That's high.
- You guys journey through muffin field.
You go along small country roads,
Headed towards this section of forest.
Yeah, it's probably about 50 to 60 miles
To where these woods begin,
And you're cutting across
a couple of townships
And some roads and things like that.
But muffin field is a very
rich county, rich province.
As you're traveling,
You see that there are lots
of bulbian churches here,
And you begin to see the difference
Between this place and port syrup.
Here, the flags of house cruller fly,
And you see that there are
some imperial flags around,
Some things of the concordan empire,
A lot of churches here.
You're heading through
the largest township
You've had to head through
Just 'cause it's where a
bridge over a deep river is,
And sort of the fastest way to get...
It's probably late afternoon.
This is probably a good
place for you to cast
Pass without trace, just to
get through here very sneakily.
- Sneak.
- As you're moving through this town,
You look up and you see
that there's a lot of people
Gathered in the town square,
And there there is a mummers' troupe.
There's a big puppet show happening
Of some traveling performers
outside the church.
And there's a lot of children
laughing and clapping,
A sort of little late
summer festival happening.
- Do not watch this.
- Yeah, i grab amethar.
- Really?
- Do not watch this.
- Come on.
Just a peek.
Maybe it's about us.
- Yeah, i think it might be.
- Definitely will be.
- Actually, go ahead and make
a perception check for me.
- 13.
- You see that there is a
cloddish pink and purple puppet
Wearing a crown that has
a grotesque erection.
- Do i have pass without trace on?
- Yeah, you do.
- I shake of theobald
and i watch for a second.
- What all puppets are in
play right now for these kids?
I'm watching too.
- There's this grotesque...
It's f*cked up.
But you see that the adults are laughing,
People are laughing.
And there this sort of
little troubadour music,
A mandolin and a little flute going.
- Can i see anything about the people
Who are doing the puppet?
- Yeah, there's a bunch
of performers back there.
You see that they appear to be performing
On the steps of the church.
This is sort of a morality play.
The church in very pious
regions like this one
Wouldn't allow performances
That were not about religious life.
You see that there's also...
The whole town's kind of out here.
There's people laughing and a
bunch of people drinking ale,
Or drinking cola.
You see that the puppeteer
who's manning amethar,
That there's a complex
puppet of queen caramelinda
That sort of looks sort of vacant
And spacey and moving around.
And there's also two puppets
that are joined at the hip,
It's just one puppet, of jet and ruby.
And they're made to look kind of feral.
You see they have fangs,
and you see that they have
Upside-Down symbols of
the bulb on their head.
- Is there...
Cumulous is gonna check if
there's a cumulous puppet.
Nat 20.
- What a waste.
- You don't see a cumulous puppet.
But you do see that there is a guy
Furiously making a puppet
behind the puppet show.
And it's theobald.
He's making a theobald puppet.
- Are you jealous?
- Of course not.
- You know this is bad, right?
- I know it is bad.
- Yes.
- I said i was not jealous.
- Everybody keep going.
I...
Everybody keep going.
- You see the sort of
buffoonish amethar puppet
Is in this flopping around and goes,
"royal life is such a snore,
And piety an awful chore.
Much better still a maid to gore,
Or caramel, the king's new wh*re!"
And people clap and there's
laughter going around.
And amethar and ruby, and you
see caramelinda just stares
As you are all clouded
in liam's shadowy magic.
You see that a puppet
Of the pontifex comes with this little bat
And knocks the crown off amethar's head
And starts spanking him,
And everyone starts
going nuts and laughing.
- I use prestidigitation
to set the puppets on fire.
And then i'm gonna cast
disguise self on myself,
Make myself a little muffin lady.
- Can i grab ruby?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- You grab ruby-
- What a terrible omen.
Oh my goodness.
- We're done.
I start leaving.
- I can't believe i got
a f*ck' nat 20 on that.
It's always the dumbest sh*t.
- You guys head off into the woods.
- I was convinced that was gonna be worse.
Lighting things on fire's not bad.
I thought you were
about to sh**t somebody.
Oh.
- Roll another luck check
as you get into the woods,
But i'll roll this... I
told you these were safe,
So we'll roll with advantage.
18.
- Great.
- Okay.
- You guys arrive here
In the deep woods and start traveling.
You travel for a couple days.
It's gonna be a little bit slow going,
But you're making your way...
Now you're deep into the actual
great stone candy mountains.
You know these woods.
You haven't been in these exact woods,
But you're kind of home here.
You guys travel.
Mostly it's liam hunting
and taking care of you guys.
You pass one farmstead,
Which is not even connected
anywhere by a road.
But the old farm wife takes you in.
You see that here she's got
a good little marshmallow dog
And an old meep out in the stable.
You see that she takes
you in and feeds you.
And as you guys are leaving
the next morning she says,
Again, deep in the woods, she says,
"well, may the spirits rest and keep you,
And health to you and to
the good king jadain."
- Oh.
- And to you.
- And to you.
- She smiles, and-
- Jadain says goodbye.
Me?
Does she think that i'm jadain?
- I assume you've been
traveling without your royal-
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and make an insight check.
- Very bad.
Four.
- You have no idea what she thinks.
- Great.
- She's addled or confused.
Anyone else can make an
insight check that wants to.
- I got a 21.
- You are in a section of
candia that is so remote now
That this woman hasn't heard
That jadain is not the king anymore.
- Oh, jadain is my father.
- Jadain is your father.
- Got it.
Got it.
I'm caught up.
- Yeah, jadain, yeah.
- She thinks my dad-
- She literally says,
"health to you and to
the good king jadain,"
And ruby, you're like...
It's insulting in a different way
Than what happened in
the muffin field town
Because this is like,
Wow, there are some people
in the world who don't-
- How blissful.
- And you guys head
off into the mountains.
- A different camera?
- What are you guys doing
as you rest at night?
- I think i...
I also wanna talk to liam and just say
Kinda quietly as we sit around the fire,
I just wanna say, thank
you for preserving jet.
That was...
It would've been easy
for you to just run away,
But she deserved a-
- She did.
She did deserve that.
Yeah.
It was second nature.
So, yeah.
Those f*ck' guys.
- Those f*ck' guys.
- Ciabatta.
I say first it's carrot.
- Mm-Hmm.
- I've been practicing a lot.
- Okay.
- And i'm really accurate now.
And i'm gonna f*ck' shred that carrot.
- Yes, i don't like to show my angry side
In front of the others. I
try to keep it together,
But between you and i,
I would really like to shred that carrot.
- Yeah, same.
- Really like to shred that carrot.
- And then i would like
to shred that ciabatta
- I'm gonna slice that bread.
- Whoa!
- Princess ruby-
- Who's this old bread lady doing here?
- We must practice safety.
- I too would like to shred.
- What is going on?
- Oh my god.
Good god.
- Can we not have
One private conversation?
- I've heard stories.
- Everyone, just for this first week,
Go ahead and give me
a group stealth check.
- Would pass without trace-
- Any of-
- No, 'cause pass without
trace is only an hour,
So we're not gonna do pass without trace.
- Can familiars help?
- I got a not nat 20.
- Not nat 20.
- Familiars help, or no?
- No familiars help.
- Oh.
- f*ck me.
- I got-
- Oh, that is a natural one.
- Ayy.
- Natural one, two.
- And then a seven.
This is a seven.
- A seven.
- 17.
- 13.
- This is a seven.
- Just without familiar help i got a 14.
- Okay.
You guys are traveling along,
And you're going through these deep woods.
Now what i'd like...
I'm gonna roll a little roll back here.
- My familiar is helping
me, but also biting me,
So i'm yelping.
- You guys are traveling
through the woods up here,
And you get to a...
You're exiting the forest now.
You're exiting.
These are dark purple lollipines
And then peppermint trees around them.
You start getting into
the rocky high mountains.
You're going through a
pass in this deep crevice
With rocky ledges on
either side of the actual
Great stone candy mountains.
You look up ahead and you see that,
In the middle of the pass,
There is a fallen rock on
top of what looks like a...
There's a very small child
Trying to pull an even smaller child
Out from under a fallen rock.
And you see a tiny little gingerbread boy
With a little peter pan
cap in the classic...
He's almost two-Dimension
and he's got little buttons.
And he's going, "oh, geez!
Oh no!
The rock fell down!
Oh, guy, my little buddy.
Don't worry, we're
gonna get you help, pal!
Oh!"
- I sh**t him.
- You sh**t him?
- I do wanna make an
insight check on this-
- Yeah, me too, me too.
- Yeah, i'll do an insight check.
- Insight check before i fire.
- Honestly, as liam lifts his bow i go,
"yeah, that feels right."
- I got a 21.
- I got another f*ck' one.
- f*ck' one, cool.
- I also got a nat one.
- Nat one.
- I got a 21.
- I charge towards the ginger-
- 15.
- I'm gonna say-
- Wait.
- I got a one.
Theobald would try to help.
- He's bread.
He's f*ck' bread, y'all.
Wake up.
These are my mountains.
- Wake up, you dumb m*therf*ckers.
He's bread!
- We're in it.
This is an ambush location.
- Theo-
- Yeah.
- Theo rushes forward to help.
As you rush forward,
You rush up to this little
gingerbread boy and he goes,
"golly, mister, thanks so much for-"
- I fire.
- I'm gonna need a dexterity
saving throw from you.
- All right, all right.
What's my dex?
- Your dexterity saving's in
your saving throws column.
- Interesting.
- You get a plus seven.
- Plus seven.
Good thing, 'cause that's a 15.
- 15.
You jump out of the way
and you shot flies up
As a net shoots up from the ground,
And you guys see that the walls
Of the cliff around you on either side
Fill with about 40
people holding crossbows.
- Jesus.
- And i'm in a net?
- Yeah.
You give me a dexterity saving throw
If you'd be so kind.
- That's a two.
One, one, two.
Murph's back, baby!
- That's unreal.
- You go up in the net with
the little gingerbread boy
Who brings the doll he's holding.
He was holding a little doll
Was what he was trying to
pull out from under the rock.
He's holding it and he pulls out
A little lollipop shard knife
As he goes up in the net with you
And holds it to your throat and goes,
"i'm gonna put my knife inside you."
- What are you?
- Right inside you.
- Why?
- I don't give a sh*t.
- Where do you live?
- I'll end your f*ck' life.
- Where are your parents?
- Oh, i f*ck'...
They're dead.
- Why are they dead?
- I put them in the f*ck' ground.
- Why?
- What?
- Why?
Oh, because they wanted to send me
To a little bulbian monastery.
- I don't like the bulb either!
- As you say that you
see that there is a...
You see he shouts up and says,
"hey, gooey, this guy says
he doesn't like the bulb."
And you see that there is a deep,
Sort of dark purple with red hair
Chocolate warrior woman whose armor...
Who just one half of her face is melting.
She just looks like she's
been horribly burned.
She goes, "swifty, you say we have
Some enemies of the church down there?"
Sounds like it, unless this
guy's a little f*ck' liar!
- I'm not a liar!
Put the candy knife away.
- You know what i do
To liars, right?
- I assume-
- The same thing i do to everybody.
- What you did to your parents.
- I stab 'em!
- I know, i know, your parents-
- I'm a f*cked up little guy.
- You're a f*cked up little guy.
Look, this has been a recent thing,
But f*ck the bulb.
- Yeah, yeah, f*ck the bulb.
- We don't like the bulb.
- That child stabs everyone?
- You see that this enormous
viking-Looking chocolate guy
With this deep chocolatey beard steps out.
He's got a horned helmet.
You see everyone sort
of clanks their weapons
At the same time as he
steps out on a ledge.
You see that gooey looks
over to him and says,
"what do you think, jon bon?"
- The man's name is jon bon.
- You see he looks down at you
and says, "jon bon bon jon."
- Do i say my name?
- You see he looks and says,
"enemies of the church.
Enemies of the church have
business with the queen."
Ringing off the walls you hear,
"long live the queen!
Long live the queen!
Long live the queen!"
- I look at caramelinda.
This is good.
This is good.
- She looks and says, "i think so?"
- Who is your queen?
- You see that jon bon looks
over to gooey and goes,
Who's our queen?"
Gooey looks back and goes,
Looks over at swifty, the
little gingerbread man, says,
Who is our queen?"
Swifty goes,
who the f*ck is our queen?"
- Yeah, that's what we asked.
- Do none of you know?
- I f*ck' know! And he
stabs you a little bit.
- Ow! Ow!
Why? No!
- I hold my bow up in the air and i go,
"i'm from the house of rocks.
I'm liam wilhelmina.
I live in these mountains.
Take this net down immediately.
- Oh, it's count freezyburg,
the jawbreaker's boy.
You sh**t him?
- I fire at that f*cking thing.
- Go for it. sh**t him.
- Yeah, interesting.
16.
- 16 is going to hit.
- Cool.
- So you can go ahead and roll damage.
- 16 hits that little boy?
- Hits that little boy.
- It's your first attack of the day.
- Yup.
Let's see.
I get a lot with this one.
- f*ck that little sh*t up.
- I get sneak attack.
- Yeah, you do, 'cause he's next to-
- We're all gonna die.
- Theo.
- That's, let's see, 14, 18.
20.
- I'm going to use swirl
warden and use my reaction
To take the shot from liam.
- You take the damage.
- What are you doing?
- Liam, calm down, okay?
If this little guy
wanted to slit my throat
He would've done it.
He's very stabby.
He's only stabbed me a little bit.
- I only look like a kid.
I'm 43 years old!
- He's 43 years old!
- You're all talk!
- I knew it.
- He looks at you and says,
"i used to be married!"
- Okay?
What happened to your wife?
- I don't care.
- We don't care about your-
- It didn't work out!
- Why?
- Stop giving us backstory.
- Okay!
- Why didn't your marriage work out?
- Yeah!
- Who is the queen?
- Can we talk to anyone else?
- You see he says, "oh, sure.
You can all talk to the queen."
- Yes, we want that.
- Yes, we would like
To talk to the queen.
- We have-
- You see they start
going, "to the queen."
- Oh, no.
- You see that these guys are
all wearing makeshift armor.
They have nasty weird weapons.
They look like...
Everything they have looks
like it was taken off
Of a bloody f*ck' corpse.
And they scale and rappel
down a mountainside,
Surround you guys, and
begin to manacle all of you.
Just.
- Can i try to get out of it?
- I make sure that my thieves' tools
Are hidden in my hand so i can-
- Give me a sleight of hand check.
- I have thieves' tools also.
- You wanna sleight of hand them?
- Mm-Hmm.
- Cool.
- With advantage or no?
- Yes, you can do.
- Yeah, 23.
- 17.
- Cool.
You stash these away and they begin
To march you down the track,
And then you see that jon bon
moves this enormous boulder,
And a hidden path that
is part of a crevice
That is almost just, from the
natural formation of the rock,
Is hidden from the view
as you walk past it.
They begin to single
file march you guys down.
All of you have five of these
marauders in between you.
They're all candian, you see,
But all of them look
f*cked up or messed up.
A lot of them have tattoos in old sucrosi,
Like sweetening path stuff.
None of them have
anything bulbian on them.
You see that some of them have necklaces
Of ceresian or vegetanian
ears on a leather thong.
Some of them have stolen religious relics
That have been defiled
or marred and broken.
They look-
- These are jet's people.
- Cousin.
I think these are candian hillbillies.
- Would i know any of these people?
Or would they know count jawbreaker,
Or can i start talking
to people about that?
- Give me a wisdom check.
Just a flat wisdom check.
Let's call it a dc 15.
- Okay.
- 10.
- Cool.
You don't recognize any of
these people personally,
But they look like mountain folk.
Although it's weird, some of them,
Jon bon is clearly mountain folk,
But some of them look
like candian sailors.
One person's talking
in a port syrup accent,
Other people seem to
be from the west cake.
You even hear one person
That might be from
dulcington or something.
But all of them...
None of them look like
They've been in civil society for years.
These are not people who are like,
Hey, maybe i'll join this marauders' g*ng
'cause times are hard.
These are like,
People who have been living
this life for a while.
- Mm-Hmm.
- And you see that swifty
gets out of your net and says,
"i'll go give word to base camp."
And he is gone.
There is just a blast of wind
And he tears down the track
And is vanished in a second.
- Run, run, as fast as you can.
- No, no.
- That's right, m*therf*cker!
f*ck your sh*t up.
Fastest gingerbread
man in the great stone-
- f*ck my sh*t up?
- Right up!
I don't give a f*ck!
And you see just screams
off into the mountains.
- Honestly, i'm happier that he's gone.
- Yeah.
- I'm just glad he's not around.
His voice is at a pitch
that is truly, truly-
- Unpleasant.
- Sometimes i can't hear it.
I feel like i'm too old.
- Exactly.
Yeah.
- I can hear every moment
of it and it's terrible.
I've never wanted to be older more.
- You guys are brought through this pass,
Caramelinda looking around,
Getting the impression that
she's probably not the queen.
- Theobald has also
realized that at this point.
Oh.
- You're brought to a giant cliff face
That you see is full of ledges.
There's an old...
There's menhir stones,
There's standing stones
with sucrosi runes,
Kind of like in the sugar-Plum fairy grove
Near castle candy.
And it looks like there's an
ancient fortification here
That is pre-Brick and mortar,
It's just stacked stones
Built into the natural
formations of the cliff side.
This place is old.
It is covered in a layer of snow
And it is freezing here.
Cold wind blows through this place.
You see that this place
has even more marauders.
There's probably 100 or 200 here.
And as they bring you in,
They begin to march you into the caves
That are illuminated by
this sort of glowing,
Freezing light as you enter.
And you can see right away
That this is not alchemical light;
There is something magical at work here.
- I think i just remembered
a thing in our last fight,
Where i remember when
liam was sh**ting his bow,
I felt a similar maybe feeling presence.
Can i make a check to see if that feels...
If i'm correct?
- Sure.
Give me an arcana check.
- Okay.
Hmm.
So, it's a two.
- Two.
Cool, cool, cool.
You're looking around.
This place is wild.
Even with a two,
It's powerful magic
emanating from this place.
But you don't see a similarity
To liam's thing here, necessarily.
- Okay.
- You march through, and you
begin to hear.
And the vibe of this queen,
This is not like royal fanfare, purely.
You sense that the devotion of
these follows to their queen
Borders on the religious.
You are brought into this giant hall
Illuminated with these ice
blue torches being lit.
You smell sugar, and
vanilla, and freezing mint,
And deep rich chocolate, and
a little hint of some cherry.
A little cherry on top.
You hear this chanting continue.
And two huge braziers are lit.
And as the fire begins to glow,
The light creeps up the stairs
As the fires expand.
You see that the woman, gooey,
Stands on the other side of
the beginning of these steps
Going up this dais to an
enormous throne still in shadow.
And as the light extends
as the fires grow brighter,
She calls out, "all kneel for her majesty,
Queen saccharina of
the house of frostwhip,
First of her name,
Sovereign ruler of candia
and the sugarlands,
Witch-Queen of the dairy sea
And high priestess of the sweetening path,
Archmage of lost sucrosia
and enemy of the faith.
The sundae sorceress
And storm captain of the frosted fleet."
The fire rages
to its utmost height,
And you see, for the first time,
The figure seated in the throne
As your captors slam you to your knees.
Emily, you wanna come in?
- What?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Is she gooey?
- What?
- Are you swifty?
- I'm swifty!
- Yeah!
- What the f*ck?
- Oh my god, you're so annoying.
- I'm back, baby, and i got spell cards!
- Oh!
- Oh my god, that's even more than i have.
- How did we do this?
How did we get all spell-Y again?
- As the fire reaches the throne,
Emily, could you please
describe the figure
They see illuminated
towering over the hall?
- Okay.
So i'm basically...
I'm basically like a
warrior ice cream sundae.
I have sort of a caramel
cape going down my back.
I've got sort of cherry epaulets,
Very military but also sweet.
And then i've got a mohawk that's dyed
To be the colors of neapolitan ice cream.
And at my side, i have
winterscoop, the spooning staff,
And then i've also got two swords.
- What?
- Yes, indeed this woman
is partially armored,
Holding a clearly magical staff
In the shape of a giant wood-Wrought spoon
Frosted with ice cream on the top.
- I'm also wearing plate mail.
- Yes, that's correct.
And then has a full long
sword short sword bound set
With the magical sword
freezerburn at her side.
You behold saccharina.
Saccharina, you see the prisoners
have been brought to you.
- I use my mage tools to undo my thing-
- Oh yeah, me too.
- But still look like
I'm being held.
- Yeah.
- Mm-Hmm.
- And i also use my mage hand
to unlock everybody else's.
- I would have freed you soon enough.
Hi.
- We're not free.
- Well, i mean no one
really is in a monarchy,
If you think about it.
Right?
- Wow.
- Aren't you a queen?
- Yes.
I am the legal heir.
Instead, i am the legal queen
of candia and the sugarlands.
- Queen caramelinda looks at you and says,
"by what claim are you
legal queen of candia?"
- Oh, i'm sorry, was i introduced
as saccharina frostwhip?
Some other people might
know me as saccharina ghee.
- Mm.
- Word travels really fast.
I'm liam.
I am also from these candy mountains.
- Ah, yes.
Oh, you're the child of jawbreaker.
- Yes, exactly.
- I have heard such wonderful things
About all of your mothers and fathers.
Yes, they're great.
I was wondering, since you know who i am,
You could let me go and i could sh**t
That gingerbread guy in the face.
- Swifty?
- Mm-Hmm.
- Yeah, it doesn't-
- Love you see you try, as*h*le!
- Come on!
I get out my chains.
I didn't need them.
- Honestly, swifty's a sick f*ck.
Take a stab at him.
- You're stupid if you
think i wouldn't be into it.
- What?
- He's gonna like it.
Just don't hurt him.
- You wanna die?
- Life is t*rture!
- I kind of agree.
Can i make swifty my new familiar?
- You're friends with him, liam?
- Look, he kinda reminds
me a lot of preston.
Preston always had a
weird look in his eye.
- Who's preston?
I don't have context for this.
- I stand up.
So,
I'm looking at my daughter?
- You said it, not me.
Don't worry, i'm not
here to sort of rekindle
Some relationship or
make up for lost time.
I have no illusions about any of that.
But i do think that we could
all be of use to each other.
- I mean, i believe that, definitely.
- Yeah.
- I guess one thing,
Starting this already
poor relationship off
With some bad news,
No longer is house rocks
heir to the throne.
I've been dethroned,
And joren of house jawbreaker is now king.
- Well, you were excommunicated,
But the daughter of your legal marriage
Still has a claim to the throne,
And perhaps a less controversial
one than jawbreaker,
Who is in open rebellion with the concord.
- Right.
I mean, sh*t-
- I'm sorry, are we
supporting this person?
- Everyone here go ahead
And give me a flat intelligence check.
- 14.
- 11.
- 10.
- Or history.
- Oh, sweet.
- Oh, in that case, 11.
- My history is worse than my
intelligence, so i got a 10.
- What'd i say? 14?
- Mm-Hmm.
- Hmm?
- I said 14?
- Yeah.
- That's actually 16.
- Theobald, as saccharina speaks...
By the way, you see that
saccharina's forces,
As you guys stand and
take your manacles off,
All of them back away.
- Oh, let me make you more comfortable.
I create bonfire for them.
- In a raw display of magic,
Saccharina creates a roaring
warm fire in front of you.
- I like it a lot colder than most people,
But i'm sympathetic to
other people's temperatures.
- Theobald, you recognize that
what saccharina has just said
Is profoundly accurate.
If saccharina is who she says she is,
If she is the daughter of
amethar rocks and catherine ghee,
That means that even with
excommunicating amethar,
The pontifex could not have
expelled candia from the concord
If the crown didn't pass
to joren jawbreaker,
Which means that all of this,
All of ciabatta being in
dulcington and castle candy,
All of this is wrong, is actually...
In other words, the
dairy lands wouldn't be
In any danger of supporting you,
And in fact, vegetania, everybody else,
There is no removal of
candia from the concord
If the crown didn't pass to joren,
And if this person is telling the truth,
Then that means the crown
didn't pass to joren,
It passed to her.
- I'd like to cast message
and relay that to my king.
- Can i make an insight check
As to whether or not i believe this person
To be my daughter?
- Give me an insight check with advantage.
- Yeah, that's gonna be 20, or sorry, 19.
- With a 19, what does
amethar see on your face?
- He sees catherine ghee's eyes, for sure.
- Not only do you see
catherine ghee's eyes,
You see a familiar swagger.
Obviously saccharina has
a very unique bearing.
From how she got introduced,
She's here as a witch-Queen,
Deep in the mountains with a
band of marauders serving her
In a reverence tone.
You see catherine ghee's eyes,
And you see that as she sort of stands
At the front of her throne,
Her standing in a manner of confidence
And unafraid welcome matches a pose
That you recognize in yourself.
- I message back to theobald, "yeah."
- Now, i hope you don't mind,
As soon as i heard what
the nets dragged in,
I prepared a little feast for you.
I assumed you would all be hungry.
- Oh, wow, i'm pretty hungry.
- Forgive us, lady saccharina-
- Forgiven.
Moving on.
- We've been betrayed
quite a few times recently.
If you knew we were coming,
Why were we brought in nets?
- Oh, i didn't know you were coming.
I didn't mean to catch you in the net.
What i've been trying to catch in the net
Is people who are trying to attack me.
That was a mere coincidence,
But swifty ran ahead and told me
Of the sort of arcane power of the party
That he had just picked up.
And i suppose i didn't know
i was preparing a feast
For my father and my little sister
And a cotton candy man.
- We're actually related
too, very distantly.
- This is your cousin, cumulous.
- I actually recognize you.
Are you of the order of the spinning star?
- Spinning star, yes.
- I can just feel
Lazuli's fingerprints all over you.
- Oh please, you don't-
- I don't what?
- You're not my sister.
And you're not my queen.
- Honestly, i don't need to be either.
- Good.
- You see that gooey kneels
in front of you and says,
"your majesty, my queen,
I'm sorry that we accosted
your family so roughly.
In the manner of their dress,
We thought they were bulbians
Come up the pass from muffin field.
My apologies, your majesty."
- I kinda like the shirt.
I like it.
This is bulbian?
Camo?
- It's a little bulbian.
A lot of the bulbian-
- I pick up candy
And i just start.
- A lot of the bulbian
missionaries wear camo.
They come up here with their
guitars and their camo.
- No.
- They sing songs.
- How do you know of lazuli?
- Well, i've studied just about
everything she's ever done.
I...
I am her niece after all, so,
I've seen her in some dreams, long ago.
But i also-
What kinda
I'm chasing...
Oh, sorry, yes?
- What?
- Forgiven.
- No, thank you.
- Mm-Hmm.
- So polite.
Whoa, it's almost unnerving.
- I, i'm on a quest
To unearth some of her
more expl*sive studies.
- Can i make an insight check to see if-
- Yeah, can i also have-
- Yeah, go for it.
- Theobald is very interested in this.
- Is it just insight?
- Oh, hell yeah.
That is a 21.
- 16.
- 16? Okay.
Cumulous, what are you
looking for in saccharina?
- Bra size? 36c.
- Two scoops.
- I message-
- Actually three.
That's a sundae.
- I'm trying to understand what she means
By expl*sive studies.
- You focus your sight on her.
With a 16, you have not seen anyone
This powerfully magical
since the archmage lazuli.
Immediately the thought crosses your mind
About all of the lost secrets,
The fact that, like you said before,
All of these arcane and
powerful machines and spells
And arcane focuses that the
archmage lazuli had created
Have been worn and lost
to time and beyond repair,
And none of your order
know how to fix them.
You think of your teleportation room,
You think of all of the standing stones
Around the countryside,
And you look at saccharina
and immediately see someone
With the arcane power to bring
some of that old world back.
- Can i have a tiny storm
happening in my hand?
- Now she's just showing off.
- I don't like her.
- I hate this.
- You think about-
- I can hear you.
- The exhaustion.
- I know.
- The exhaustion of maintenance,
Which is what the order of
the spinning star has done,
Just trying to prevent
the loss of anything more.
And a feeling comes over
cumulous of having spent
So much of your life fighting
just to prevent loss,
Seeing someone that could
actually bring things back.
- I think cumulous bows.
- Thank you.
A handshake will do, though.
- I lean down from the dais.
- From the dais.
You see that your marauders
start bringing out
Tables and mess halls.
There's clearly an amount
of royal reverence here.
But also, you guys are
marauders in the mountains,
So some rough-Hewn tables of
candian food starts coming out,
Big cauldrons of stew.
It's getting a little robin
hood-Ey in here for sure.
Theobald, you got a 21, right?
- Yeah.
- What are you looking for?
- I think to theo,
She's kind of saying
all of the right things,
And i think i just look down
at my new familiar, princess,
And i go, "jet, lazuli,
should we trust her?"
- Hold on a second.
Bites your hand.
- Well, you do that all the time.
That's not super helpful, princess.
- Bites it three times.
- Oh, okay.
That seems different.
I also bow.
- Again, we shake hands here.
No one has gotten the memo, but yeah.
- Cousin, i know that this
is enormously complicated,
But i think this is a very good thing.
- I mean, i don't think it's a bad thing,
But the truth is, your highness, majesty-
- You can just call me saccharina.
I am your daughter.
- Great.
Saccharina, as much as a feast
would be pleasant right now,
We are currently committed
to defending candia,
Which is currently under
attack by the bulbian church,
And we really have no time for a feast.
- I suppose what i am...
First off, i'm delighted to hear
That time is of the essence to you
Because it is for me as well.
I merely offered a feast
as a sort of olive branch.
- We do need to eat.
- And we do have a very
hospitable guest room
For times like this.
No one's ever stayed in it,
So the registrar is empty.
But that doesn't matter.
The point is that candia
is currently under attack,
But if you were to proclaim me queen,
Then the pontifex would have no reason
To come after candia
Unless she wanted to show her true colors.
- Well, except for the fact
that you're clearly a heretic.
- I don't believe she's ever
gone after someone for just
Rumor of heresy.
- She went after liam
for rumors of heresy.
She locked liam up.
- See manta ray speaks up and says,
"right, i think she locked
master wilhelmina up
For casting a spell in the grand tourney,
When it was just a rumor of the highway,
No one had moved upon
the candian royal family.
Basha myaso is a...
Everyone in the world knows
that he follows the great beast,
But he proclaims himself a
bulbian when he's in comida.
- There is a general
respect from the concord
For the worship or practices
in one's home country.
- How would you know?
You just came here out of nowhere.
Where have you even been?
- Well-
- Just hiding away?
- No, unfortunately in order to be seen
As a penniless orphan
who escaped a nunnery,
I've had to very slowly work
my way around this world
And earn every single
follower i've ever had.
So no, i actually haven't hidden
Because that would be certain death
For someone born with nothing.
- Enough.
I take the crown off
my head and i throw it.
You want it?
You got it.
Now help us protect this place.
- That is all i want to do.
- Great.
- Can i see how my mom is
reacting to all of this?
- She is...
She is full, this might as well happen.
She's staring ahead
with just a vacant look
In her eyes of like,
How bad could amethar's
mistake have gotten?
Great it's all the way
as bad as it can get.
With the exception being that...
Yeah, i mean, it's the extra...
She makes eye contact with you.
You see she looks at you and says,
"my daughter and i are going
to take our meals in privacy.
We've been traveling for a long time
And i think a private meal,
Less noise, and a bath would be welcome.
She puts her arm around your shoulder
And walks off with you.
Yeah, you just see the look in her face
Of processing the personal
indignity of it all,
And the added injury of
the political reality
Of candia improving with the entrance
Of amethar's offspring.
That her claim,
If it is respected and
announced to the world,
Actually means something
Potentially very helpful for candia,
And the fact that that's true,
And that immediately swallowing
this is good for the realm
Means your mother hates it even more.
She walks off with you.
- I hate this so much.
- She squeezes your shoulder.
- King amethar?
- Hmm?
- May i have a word with
you, at least in the corner?
- I mean, it doesn't
have to be in the corner
Unless that's where you want it.
Do you wanna be private?
- It's...
I try not to be private with
my politics, but it's personal.
- All right.
- I am sorry that this is
the way that i met you.
I guess when i was young,
I always hoped that i
would meet you someday.
And i know that, you know,
I knew that i would have to sort of
Earn the love that your other
daughters so naturally got,
But i thought i would...
I don't know.
I'm sorry that i appear to
be such an inconvenience
To you and your family.
I didn't intend for it to be this way.
I guess i thought we might
all find each other useful.
- Saccharina, you are currently
The greatest boon that candia has.
It's just that we have
been through so much
And have so little love
in our hearts to give.
When this is all over, i'm
sure things will be different.
- I understand.
I'm just trying to apologize
For how upset i seem to
have made your party.
I thought if i had a feast-
- I understand.
- Then
Perhaps it would start
things off on the right foot.
- No, i mean, i see
where you're coming from,
And it's just, ruby and caramelinda
Have been through so much that it's...
I can't even imagine
where they are right now.
And to meet you in this way,
It's just hard.
- Well, i believe i may have
been equally inconvenient
For my mother and your wife.
But there is just so much to do,
So who has time to dwell?
- Exactly.
- Everyone, is everyone eating enough?
- Manta ray jack is like, "this is great.
This is really good."
- Good.
- Liam's eating a ton.
- Yeah.
Theobald's quietly housing
A ton of food.
- This is gorgeous.
- We actually make a
really good fermented milk.
- Oh!
I like that.
- Fermented yak milk.
- You see that there's a lot-
- Yak?
- Of ice cream guys here.
It's very clear that a
lot of saccharina's crew,
That she's clearly spent a lot of time
In the dairy sea.
Even one of her titles is
witch-Queen of the dairy sea.
You see there's a lot of piratey,
Occult-Looking dairy sailors
as part of her crew as well.
Yeah, they're a weird mix of occult,
Sucrosi, sweetening path people,
And rough and tumble
sailor-Looking warriors.
Those who wish to feast, feast.
Caramelinda comes into a private quarters.
Some of these people come and draw a bath.
There's some food brought to you.
Caramelinda looks up.
- This is...
Are we letting this happen?
Are you letting this happen?
- I can't remember the last time
When it felt like i had
a handle on my own life.
- But you are the handle.
- Am i?
Did i ever stop you or your father
Or anyone else from doing
what they were going to do?
Or have i just spent my whole
life crowing for nothing?
You're a woman grown, and
now the secret is revealed.
All the crowns on all the heads
Of all the kingdoms of the world
Don't know.
Don't know what they're doing
And don't know what's going to happen next
And don't know how to stop it.
Here's what i have control over.
I'm gonna take a bath,
i'm gonna eat something.
- Well, i'm not.
What i would like to do,
Is i'd like to cast
invisibility on myself,
And i'd like to sneak around
And see if i can see
what is going on here,
'cause i am so deeply suspicious
of everything and everyone.
- Cool.
- I'm chewing really loud.
- Give me an
investigation check.
- At some point i wanna talk to theobald.
- Investigation, 16.
- Cool.
Lot of stolen loot, lot of weapons.
This is the hideaway of the merry men.
This is a place for
saccharina's marauders to be.
They are surviving on
stolen food and weaponry,
And it's gruesome.
I mean, it's an army that has
forged itself out of nothing.
There's no taxes here, there's
no banners that are made
In a fancy shop somewhere.
This is an army that was
forged from common people
By a f*ck' sorceress
out of the wild white sea.
- Can i take the amulet of lazuli out
And see if that's doing
anything for me again?
- You look around.
There's just a moment of
seeing your shadow on the wall.
You see there's saccharina's quarters,
Which are elsewhere in the compound,
But there's a lot of people that are...
It's not that they're locked,
It's like there's just
people kind of in them,
Walking around and doing stuff in them.
It does seem pretty transparent
and kinda chummy here.
And there's a lot of sh*t about...
You see that there are artifacts
Of the order of the spinning star.
It looks like they're trying to assemble
A lot of lost candian lore here.
And there's also a room
with troop movements.
They're trying to keep track
Of what armies are doing in the mountains.
Where they are, what they're up to.
- Can i take a look at that and see?
- Yes.
You see obviously there's
jawbreaker's little flag,
Cruller has a flag on castle candy.
And you see saccharina's troops
Are scattered throughout
the mountains as well,
And then there's a lot of
imperials and ceresians.
Actually, more ceresians than
imperials in the mountains.
And you see one or two flags
of bulbian holy orders.
- Can i do a perception
check to try to sense
That she's invisible?
- Yeah, go ahead and give me a perception-
- Just in case i nat 20.
- Yeah, go ahead-
- Can i get a help action from gooey?
- Sure.
- Okay.
- Is gooey your familiar?
- No, gooey's her-
- I just figure she's my right
hand woman, i could like-
- Yeah.
- Okay, come on.
- Try and see me, b*tch.
- I'm going to try.
Okay.
25.
- Go ahead and give me a
stealth check with advantage
And add plus 10 for invisibility.
- Stealth with advantage?
- Yeah, stealth with advantage, add-
- Well, plus 10 already i have 17,
Plus seven so-
- 24.
- 24.
- 24, 25.
- Wait, what were the
two numbers you rolled?
- I got a 24.
- Oh, you got a 24?
- Yeah.
- You sense a skulking
little invisible thing-
- Goddammit.
- Going around
In your quarters.
- Can i just whisper,
just look for the warmth.
Being a cold woman, i could probably sense
The warmth of a body a bit,
And i just wanna lean in and say,
"i'm not here to take your
family, little sister.
I look forward-"
- Just.
- To the day that we are friends.
- Invisibly flipping her off.
You can't see me.
- Incredible.
- I feel like cumulous is
holding artifacts, just crying.
- There's a whole room,
a rough-Hewn cave wall,
Of new artifact, you're holding it,
New artifact, you're holding it.
Just touching stuff and
being incredibly moved.
- I do think i'd like
to speak to saccharina.
- Go for it.
- I'd like to find her.
So i kinda walk over to her.
And theobald's in this really weird place
Where he is subservient to the family,
But also this is...
He wants all of this
magic stuff to happen, so-
- I will bring up, actually,
Theobald serves the
sovereign ruler of candia.
- Right.
Yes.
But theobald's pretty attached
to his current people,
So he's really divided.
But i think i'm just gonna
Kinda casually go up to saccharina.
- Did you try the fermented yak milk?
- Yes, it was excellent.
Thank you.
- Forgiven.
- You, pardon for skipping the small talk,
But you've had visions of lazuli?
- Yes.
When i was very young,
When my powers were beginning
to manifest themself, i...
Well, i was in a place
that did not support magic,
And i believe that connection
was all but beaten out of me.
If i may be so blunt.
But i do recognize her fingerprint on you.
- You can see that?
- Well, her arcane energy
is just so powerful
And strong and intoxicating,
I feel like i can smell it on someone.
- Right? Yeah, she was-
- And you...
Well, you don't stink,
but there's a whiff.
There's a whiff.
- Right.
Yeah, it's just an arcane-
- Cumulous stinks.
- Right, yes.
- You know?
But there's a whiff from you.
- Well, his tears are so gooey that-
- Gooey, will you set up a sleeping bag
In the arcane room for cumulous?
- Your majesty, absolutely.
- Yeah.
- He's crying a lot.
Should i-
- I feel like he's gonna fall apart.
- Is it a danger to him to cry like this?
- I've known him for two days.
He seems to have survived for a long time,
So i would assume so.
But he also worked with lazuli.
- I mean, it's just-
Oh, he found-
- He found the ring pop.
- He found the ring pop.
The ring pop.
This is why i do what i do.
Do you see what magic does for people?
Ugh, there is just nothing more beautiful.
- I see visions of lazuli too.
You're not special.
- Yeah, but i also see you,
even when you're invisible.
- Wait, ruby, are you in here?
- I don't care if you can
see me. I can see you.
- Ruby, none of you wanted to be queen
Or anything until just now.
- Oh yeah?
Guess what?
I can cast invisibility on
myself and then we could see
If you could see me!
- Good, i hope you do.
- All right.
- I hope you do.
- Children, everyone relax.
- Honestly, it feels really fun to bicker
Because i didn't have a sister.
- Well, i had one, and she's
dead and you can't replace her.
I run away.
- I'm still just yelling at ruby
After she's gone 'cause i had no idea.
- She's gone, she's gone.
- She's gone, oh.
- It was really loud.
It was really loud running away.
- Okay.
- I'm surprised you didn't hear that.
- Sorry, with the helm on.
- She slipped at one point.
She very obviously opened the door-
- I didn't slip!
- Well-
- What's this sleeping bag?
Who's it for?
- Her majesty, the
witch-Queen of the dairy sea,
Recommended i get a
sleeping back and a pillow
And some fresh towels for you
If you wanna sleep in the armory hall.
- He's gonna cry himself away.
- Cumulous just lays down immediately.
- You don't have to go to sleep right now.
- Right now, right now?
- It's 9:00.
- Okay.
- What was your relation to lazuli?
- I-
- I see her in your armor-
- Yes, well i guess i was her bodyguard,
Although the idea of
her having a bodyguard
Is kind of ridiculous.
I carried her scrolls around, generally.
- Gooey carries mine.
- I carry it.
- Well met.
Well met, gooey.
- Is there a place
I could get some more of
that fermented goat's milk?
- Yak milk, right this way.
- Okay.
This place is awesome.
- Well, recently we've had
Some of our own run-Ins
with the bulbian church,
So my faith in the candian
spirits has been reawakened.
- That is music to my ears.
All i...
I mean, i'm sure i'll have to explain this
To everyone at some point
Because i think i've made
A real f*ck-Up of a first impression,
But i don't really care
about the candian throne.
I see it merely as a very fancy tool.
My real goal is what i
believe to be lazuli's goal,
Is to just bring about
a golden age of magic
And destroy the church.
- I hold up my little
princess snake and i go-
- Beautiful beast.
- Thank you, yes.
- We have a lot of those
in here, in the mountains.
- I think i know someone who
would've liked you very much.
- The snake would've liked me?
- Well, the snake, no, she's
representative of another...
Nevermind.
- Lazuli.
Are you saying lazuli would've liked me?
- No-
- What is the relation
Of the snake to lazuli?
- I'm gonna go get some more...
What is that, yak milk, liam?
- Yeah, it's...
I kinda just ate the rest of it.
- You guys continue to feast.
As you do, after the feast,
The fires begin to dwindle down to embers,
The guard is set.
You hear the howling of the wind outside.
And you guys draw together.
Gooey looks over at you,
saccharina, and says,
"your majesty, do you wish
me to bring out the maps
Now that all is feasted and done?"
- Yes.
- You see that she brings
out a number of maps.
They set up those troop things there.
- Would you like me to bring out my seeds?
- I would love to see
your collections of seeds.
There is so much magic inside of seeds.
- Oh my god, stop sucking up.
- You know,
One time i ate a bunch of seeds
And i could fly?
- She is such a suck-Up.
- That happened to my pig!
- Really?
- Yes! Oh my god.
- I mean, i'm limited
in how much i can fly,
But it was almost as if the
winds obey my command sometimes.
- Yes.
Yes, sister.
Okay, no one has wanted to see
my seed book in quite a time.
I put it on top of the maps.
- You see gooey goes, "oh, oh, oh, okay."
- Oh, sorry.
- She starts to put stuff back.
You guys look at the map.
First of all, you see that...
You saw this before.
The map has changed somewhat,
And you see that gooey
takes the jawbreaker flag
Away from castle manylicks
And puts it deeper into the
great stone candy mountains.
Doesn't address it or anything,
But just puts jawbreaker's flag
Away from castle manylicks.
You see, saccharina,
That gooey places a little
figure of an ice cream cone
Deep in the great stone candy mountains,
And places several books
and tomes next to you
In ancient sucrosi.
- I open them and i start
reading really knowledgeably.
I look like i really understand it.
- You see-
- Can i do an insight check to see
If she can actually read?
- She's really going in
On those books.
- Give me an insight check.
- Can you not read?
Why do you know that-
- Can definitely read.
- I got a 17.
- 17, she can read, it looks like.
- All right.
- Yep, that all adds up.
- I'm all about sucrosi.
- I see her mouthing the
words that are on the page.
- Saccharina, is this related to them?
- Anyone who wants to-
- I do thaumaturgy on my eyes
So they're going crazy.
- Look at one of these books
Is welcome to do either
a nature or arcana check.
- Okay.
- Definitely.
- Yeah.
- I'll do an arcana check.
- I'll do a nature check.
- I got a 22.
- 21.
- I rolled a two.
- 21.
- 22.
- Does it matter? Flat 10.
- Did anyone get higher than a 21?
- I got a 22.
- 22.
- I got an 18 nature check.
- 18 nature check.
So 21 nature, 22 arcana.
You see a ton of arcana sh*t.
You also see on this map...
So you're looking at arcana.
You see a ton of stuff
written in lazuli's hand.
Books that she wrote that have locations
Of other teleportation
runes scattered around.
She seems to have a way of
tapping into the standing circles
Of the sugar-Plum fairy.
You see some writings of lazuli
about the sugar-Plum fairy
That immediately strike you as a warning.
You see there's stuff
about the sugar-Plum fairy
That seem to indicate that
your aunt did not trust
Or revere this greatest
spirit of the sweetening path.
With a 21 nature check,
You find something where the symbol
Is a little sort of runic ice cream cone
That matches the figure
You see on the map in front of saccharina.
The ice cream cone has...
You open the book and it is
a book of lost beast lore,
Like it's an ancient candian bestiary.
You know, you've lived in a world
With so little magic
in it and just people.
You seeing the sugar-Plum fairy with jet
Outside of the castle
Is sort of the first
magical thing you've seen.
And every time there's a rumor
Of something cool or awesome,
Like an ogre or something like that,
It's never really proven,
Or if it is something,
there's so many times
Where it's a lie or a hoax.
You see candian unicorns
and gumdrop spirits
And fairies and stuff,
And you come to a page
and immediately are hit
With a smell of cinnamon off the page,
As though cinnamon was used in the ink,
And you see a roiling mass.
It is a rune that means
this ancient spirit,
Something that you see is a binding
Of something being locked away.
The margins of this book are all written
With sugar-Plum fairy runes,
And you see there's a lot of stuff
About the sugar-Plum fairy in here.
But this is on one of the last pages,
You just see the words binding
and circling the runes,
"dracoria azucar".
- It's a sugar dragon?
- Sugar dragon.
- You see that gooey sort
of looks at you and says,
"her majesty, queen saccharina,
Has been hard at work
preserving the magics here
In the great stone candy mountains.
Your arrival is fortuitous,
As some of our efforts
Have been less than
successful up to this point."
And she steps back behind saccharina.
- As i said before, i
think that lazuli had...
She discovered more in her laboratories
Than we currently have access to.
This may sound like a lot,
And i'm sorry if i'm
unpacking too much, but,
There is a presence in candia
Who has worked to suppress
much of lazuli's power.
She's taken
Many of the exciting relics and findings
And entombed then in a frozen temple.
The ice cream temple.
We were on our way to excavate it.
So.
- You were on your way before we got here.
- Who is it?
- Well-
- Is it the pontifex?
- No.
- Is it the carrot guy?
- Keradin?
- f*ck that guy!
- No, but he came to the
nunnery when i was young.
- No.
- It's the sugar-Plum fairy.
I know that she seems like
an innocent folksy deity,
And i don't entirely
understand her intentions,
But her belief is that magic
is possibly too powerful,
Or maybe she thinks it's fine.
I don't know what her reasonings are,
But she has sort of-
- She gave magic to-
- Well yes, i believe
that she has hidden it
So that she can mete it out
like a child's allowance.
- Can i ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- I forget who i was when
i saw the sugar-Plum fairy
And they seemed smaller than they were.
- I think you were lapin.
- Okay.
- I could be wrong about that,
but i think you were lapin.
- I saw the sugar-Plum fairy
and she seemed smaller.
- She seemed smaller.
That's true.
You remember the sugar-Plum fairy
When you went to her standing stones
In the grove near castle candy
And asked for her to bring jet back.
You remember her telling
you to come north,
And that she couldn't bring jet to you,
But she could bring you to jet.
- So what?
You wanna k*ll her?
- Oh.
No, i wanna loot that
awesome ice cream temple.
That's what i wanna do.
- Does that involve k*lling her?
- Mm, ideally not.
- Is she there?
- I don't know where she is.
Gooey, do we know where she is?
- Your majesty, the sugar-Plum fairy moves
Throughout candia of her own accord,
But we know that the ice cream temple
Is at least a place under her dominion.
She may not be there now,
But any arcane activity there
would certainly alert her.
- Yes, it's likely she would-
- Is there people guarding it?
- She may have alarms
set on it, or whatnot.
- You have not been there yet?
- Have we been there yet?
- You've sent some people there
and they have not come back.
- I have sent some of my friends,
And they have not returned.
- Whoa, okay.
- But, you know, i think that
just means that i need to go.
And honestly, i have,
I say this low enough
so no one else can hear.
Wait, no one else is in here, right?
- Just gooey and you, yeah.
- Just gooey. Okay.
And i have very loyal followers.
I don't deserve them, all that.
But a lot of them are just angry orphans
That i freed from various nunneries,
And so there's a lack of-
- Cool.
- Martial prowess from them.
You met swifty and bon
jon, or is it jon bon?
I don't remember.
- Jon bon bon jon.
- Jon bon, right.
I always mess that one.
- It's both.
- It's, okay.
- Oh.
- You can't be wrong, i guess.
- Basically, i don't have
much amongst my ranks
As powerful as some of you.
- So, we loot this temple, get this stuff,
It helps candia?
- That's my thought.
I'll be plain, my intention is to bring
A lot more magic into this world.
- Great.
- I know, i know, looting is a bad thing,
And yes, okay fine, in this
mountain we loot a lot, okay?
We're into looting.
- You hear a big cheer go up.
Yay!
- We loot, okay?
- I couldn't help it
and i just went, "yay!"
- They love the stuff.
- I know that that may
Make me look like some kind of villain,
But we are bringing magic to
more people than had it before.
And so that's why we do what we do.
- Well, i will follow you to the temple.
- I hate that i agree with her on magic.
- For the magic of candia.
- Let's do it.
- But i'll go just to see if-
- You hear a twinkling
voice on the wind, ruby,
And a voice says to you,
"things that are wrong
may yet be made right.
There is more than one true
magician in candia, princess,
And i await your coming
and will be delighted
For your wish to come true."
You guys sleep there that night.
- Is the sleeping bag comfortable?
- I'm just propped up from the
ground in the sleeping bag.
- You need to sleep, cumulous.
You can't just...
I feel like you should maybe set up-
- I know.
- I'm holding two artifacts next to me.
- He's just gonna look at the artifact.
- It is like setting a
toddler up to take a nap
In front of a tv.
- Yeah.
- I'm not tired.
- Caramelinda is going to remain here
With the marauders, which
she's not psyched about.
- I promise we only loot.
She's safe.
She might get pickpocketed.
- It's all right, i don't
have any wealth with me.
- If anyone pickpockets
my wife, i'll k*ll you.
- You see that one of the
marauders looks up and says,
"how would we pickpocket catherine ghee?
We've got no idea where she is."
- Okay, okay, that's enough.
- What?
- Oh.
- That's enough.
- No, i'm just trying to-
Just firing arrows into the air.
- Still in a sleeping bag.
- Yeah, can i pick up the
sleeping bag and throw?
- Yeah.
- The sleeping bag in-
- Yeah.
- You.
The marauders seem really
happy to have a big fight.
But you guys...
Manta ray asks if he
should come with you guys.
He says, "is this the sort of thing,
Is this candian business
that we shouldn't come on?
Or should we come along?"
- Should manta ray stay
with queen caramelinda?
- Can i do an insight check on manta ray?
- Yeah, go for it.
- It sounded like you rolled a d4.
- I agree.
- He brought guards.
- I got a four.
No, i'm kidding.
I got a 23.
- 23? Cool.
He seems friendly with amethar.
And he looks at you a little bashfully.
- Is he like, flirting with me?
I'm sorry, i...
I just can't have romantic
entanglements on this journey.
Maybe you should stay-
- Right, no, me too.
I'm trying to-
- Amen.
- Well, all of this is going crazy.
I'm trying to keep it
on the level as well.
- Yeah, i would prefer no
romantic entanglements either.
- I can cut the sexual
tension with a knife here.
- You see-
- I wanna say it as soon as he walks in-
- Manta ray says,
"anyway, i'm old enough...
You know, i was at your parents' wedding.
Your mother was a lovely
woman, by the way.
Catherine was a delightful, delightful-"
- We share very different
experiences of her.
- Ah.
I've stepped in it.
- Manta ray, why don't
you stay and we'll take-
- I'm gonna stay.
- Can we take your guards though?
Or your envoy, the
people who came with you?
- You can if you wish. You
wanna take some guards?
Yeah.
- Yeah, we'll take the guys.
You stay with my wife.
- He nods.
He says yeah, for sure.
Awesome.
You guys head deep into the
great stone candy mountains.
- Did we ever ask about
the jawbreaker situation?
- Oh yeah.
Saccharina, what was with
the little ice cream thing
On the jawbreaker castle?
- Yes.
Jawbreaker is not...
Jawbreaker has been feeling us out.
I sort of came here hearing
reputation of jawbreaker
And his many wives and husbands
As being sort of a sexual paradise,
But they have been less hospitable,
And we're sort of engaged in
a bit of a pissing contest.
- Oh no.
My dad's really good at
pissing and sh1tting.
- Damn right he is.
Guy pisses like a-
- Why do you love
Talking about this-
- Let me tell you
About this guy's stream, okay?
I mean, my man, if he's been drinking
And he starts pissing,
I mean, we're talking, 15, 20 feet.
He arcs it.
- It's also consistent.
- It's great, yeah.
- It's even.
- All the way through.
- All the way.
It's like, it starts, and then it's going,
And then we're done.
- It's a hard stop.
- I just wanna say, kids,
now that we're in w*r,
You can just walk a little further away
And go to the bathroom by yourself.
That's fine.
You don't have to-
- Yeah, get a load of this guy.
I bet you love to go to
the bathroom by yourself.
- Oh yeah.
- I bet you love
To go to the bathroom by yourself.
- It's all that milk and cream!
- Love going to the bathroom by himself.
- All the milk and cream
is coming out right now!
- Liam, we are in a cave.
- Someone help me up.
Someone help me up.
- I got you.
- Cumulous, get away from him.
- You see that gooey looks over at you.
Actually, as you guys
are getting ready to go,
Gooey talks to only saccharina
And is going to make sure
that no one else is around.
You see that she actually
talks to you, saccharina,
Privately as you guys are getting ready
To go to the ice cream temple and says,
"your majesty, i apologize for
moving jawbreaker's banner."
- Oh.
- He has left castle manylicks.
The people sieging his castle
Were beginning to t*rture and
burn the villages in the area
In an attempt to draw him out.
- Our people?
- No, the ceresians.
And they were doing it to goad jawbreaker,
And he took the bait.
He fled the castle, mustered
troops out to the countryside
To draw the armies away,
And now he's been pinned down
And surrounded in the mountains.
- I thought you just put
it there as a metaphor,
Like we're gonna win.
- No, no, it wasn't a way to hype us up,
It was actually a troop movement.
- Okay.
- He's left castle...
But i don't want to...
He's pinned down in
the mountains right now
Away from castle manylicks,
But on the eve of you being able
To seize that ice cream temple,
I didn't wanna say it in
front of everybody else.
- Well.
If we came in and saved jawbreaker,
That would be...
Well, perhaps finally he would entertain
My claim to the throne.
- That's true.
And that-
- If the ice cream temple
is very frozen where it is,
I don't fret about it
moving somewhere else.
- You see that she nods and says,
"that's very true, your majesty."
It's completely understandable
That you would want to move
to help duke jawbreaker.
I will follow your orders,
whatever it is you wish.
If you wish to take the house of rocks
To the ice cream temple to
face whatever lurks there,
I will follow your lead."
- Gooey, am i being sentimental
By thinking it might be a nice gesture
To take the house rocks
and go save jawbreaker
And hopefully end the invasion of candia?
Right now i need you to be honest with me.
- You see the swifty walks up.
- Oh, no, no.
- Oh, god.
Maybe you could whisper in gooey's ear.
- You got it.
- Love your council-
- You got it.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- I can hear it from my bedroom.
- What is anybody...
I can't hear anything.
- You see that gooey says-
- I know that my judgment is...
I'm aware that perhaps my
judgment is not as clear
And concise as it usually is,
What with these heightened
emotional times,
Being as my father is here,
And i am mostly human, so...
Or rather, milk and candy.
I'm an ice cream sundae.
- Gooey looks at you and says,
"my council to you, your
majesty, would be...
If you were to save duke jawbreaker,
As you've mentioned, that
is more time-Sensitive.
If you were to rescue him,
Then perhaps he would be more amenable
To recognizing your claim."
You see that swifty looks up and says,
"on the other hand, i'll just point out,
If he was f*ck' dead, then
his little kid would be able
To recognize your claim just fine,
And you'd have some real nice
Magic items to go with it.
- Okay.
All right.
Put out the pastries.
Let's have ourselves a w*r council.
I need to run this by other people.
- The next dawn, a w*r council is called
And saccharina invites you all to the-
- Now, i don't know, maybe
i've said this before,
But i very much so appreciate
transparency in my politics,
So i'm trying to extend
that to all of you.
There was-
- I farted.
- Liam, don't-
- It was just all the milk.
It was fermented milk.
- Liam, you're a count.
- You fully sh*t on the ground just now.
- Don't you remember?
He held you.
- I held your hands.
- Yeah, that felt-
- You did much more than fart.
- I just wanted to be honest, okay?
Yeah, in the name of transparency.
- I appreciate that.
- Saccharina, what's going on?
- Well, previously i didn't...
There's some information
that's been brought to light
Since we last met,
And i have decided that
i trust you all enough
To ask of your needs.
The reason that jawbreaker's estate
Is retreated into the
mountains is because-
- It's a metaphor, right?
'cause we're winning.
- That's exactly what i thought.
- Yeah, that's why you did it.
- That is also what i thought.
- That's why you did it, right, gooey?
- That's so funny, same brain.
- You moved it
'cause it's a metaphor.
- Same brain.
- I'm not that kind of person, i guess-
- When you move a thing
and you don't say anything,
It's a metaphor for, hoo rah, let's go.
- Exactly.
I love metaphorical maps in my governance.
- In my mind, a metaphor on a map
Is just more about the scale
than it is about the feelings.
- It's a...
So basically-
It wasn't a metaphor.
- I'm sorry?
- Jawbreaker has been scared
out of castle manylicks.
- No way, no.
- What? No.
- He doesn't get scared.
- The invading forces,
Because the concord is
at w*r with jawbreaker,
And jawbreaker is currently
the head of candia,
They've gone after him.
So i figured i would put it on the table
That we could go to the ice
cream temple another day-
- We have to go.
- We have to go now.
- Okay.
- We have to go to your brother?
- Yeah, to jawbreaker.
- Your uncle, yeah.
- Uncle, my uncle.
- We have to go to your uncle, yeah.
- Okay.
- I don't have a brother.
- I would like to reiterate
That if jawbreaker were to
acknowledge me as queen,
Then i believe we could make
the invasion of candia stop,
At least for a time.
- All right, well that
sounds like our best-
- Yeah.
I mean, at the end of the day,
They are your people, your majesty.
- Totally.
- Again, please don't
call me your majesty.
- Can i talk to amethar?
- It's so weird.
- Please don't call her her majesty.
- What's that?
- Can i just talk to amethar?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Like, to the side.
- Mm-Hmm.
- Yeah.
- He's not gonna-
- What?
- My dad...
My dad, or at least my brothers,
They're all really hellbent
on him being the king.
I don't-
- I know, hey-
- We need to go help him, for sure, but-
- We have to.
- I really don't think he's
ever gonna give up the seat.
- Here's the thing.
I mean, if he's not at manylicks,
He's in a bad f*ck' spot.
He's acting like a real dumb-a*s, right?
And if he's acting like a dumb-a*s,
I feel like he's weak right now.
We need to protect him
because he's family,
But then we'll make him see right.
- How long do we think he could-
- What? Cumulous!
- You came over to where i was laying down
On the ground and sleeping-
- I thought-
- I forgot you hadn't got out.
- That was something else.
- I forgot you helped him
sh*t then got back in the bag
And were holding the artifacts again.
- Wow.
- What did you say?
- Wow.
- How long do we think
he can survive a siege
Outside of the castle?
- I mean, if he's out of
the castle, he's f*cked.
- He's pretty scrappy.
- Gooey speaks up and says,
"the duke jawbreaker took
forces deep into the mountains
To lure the forces of ceresia away
Because they were torturing and murdering
And setting fire to the
villages around manylicks."
- What?
- What?
- We gotta go.
- We have to go now.
We have to go tonight.
- We have to go.
Today?
- I'm prepared, honestly-
- Us and what army?
- Doesn't matter.
- Yes!
- Yeah?
No, all right?
- How are we gonna defeat an army?
- It doesn't f*cking matter.
- We can't-
- Yeah, we gotta go.
- If your family's in trouble,
you're there, all right?
I would rather f*cking die next to him
Than f*cking live here.
- Mm-Hmm.
I'm a w*r guy now, so
yeah, pretty much the same.
- I'm also really used to fighting
Sort of at bad odds.
- Caramelinda speaks up and says...
And you see that she has clearly not slept
And has a stack of lazuli's books,
And you see that a hand
delicately rests on lazuli's books
And she makes eye contact with you, theo,
Touching the books as she does.
She speaks up and says,
"the armies of ceresia surround the valley
There in the great stone candy mountains
Where jawbreaker finds himself,
And if this is a majority
of your forces right here,
Which it seems that it is,
Judging by the figures on the table,
We won't be able to make it there in time
Or break through the ceresian forces
By the time we arrive there.
However,
If this is true and i can
get some help from cumulous,"
She opens a book that has
those teleportation runes
That your old room used.
She said, "we're not far,
i believe, from the order,
If these maps are to be believed.
If we get to the rune with the
order of the spinning star,
I think i can get us to that valley
In its circle of standing stones."
- Wow, this is a really intelligent party.
You guys are really good.
- I've always wondered.
Did you and lazuli have like, a thing?
- Yeah, we were married.
- Oh my god.
- This was open knowledge.
- Liam, this already-
- You know, no one in the family talks.
My dad, sex, sex, sex all the time,
That's all he talks about.
Love? Never heard of it.
- I had a commemorative
mug of your wedding,
In the nunnery.
- Oh, lazuli and i's wedding?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we had those nice mugs made.
I liked them.
- Was it love with sex?
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
- Hey, my life's shattered.
She says, "so, i can get us there,
And i think i can get us back,
But there's not another
teleportation rune in the valley.
It's just a circle of standing stones,
Which means that i will have to hold on
To the return trip with my mind.
Does that make sense?
- Yeah.
- From here?
- I can get us there from the rune.
To get us and to try
to extract jawbreaker,
Who's only taken a small
fraction of his men.
He was leading them on a rabbit chase.
He just wanted to draw the forces away
From the castle manylicks.
If we're just trying to extract him
And as many of his men
as we can, i can do that.
When we get there,
We will have a very
limited amount of time.
- Okay.
- We can do it.
- We're just getting
jawbreaker and getting out?
Is that the plan?
- Is there another goal that we-
- I mean, if i see the
carrot, i gotta shred it.
I gotta shred it and i gotta bake it.
- She says-
- Baked shredded carrot?
- Put a little cinnamon on that.
- She says-
- Stop sucking up to him.
- She says, "you can shred the carrot,
That's completely fine.
- I'm not sucking up to him,
I'm saying that would be delicious.
- I will not be able to hold on
To our teleportation for all that long.
So anything you wanna do there
Is going to have to happen pretty fast.
- Okay.
- And then we go to where
the sugar-Plum fairy is?
- And then we go to where
the sugar-Plum fairy is.
- I would feel wonderful about going
To the ice cream temple with jawbone and-
- Jawbone?
- Jawbreaker?
- Did i say jawbone?
I'm sorry there are-
- Who is jawbone?
- It was a lover i took in carn.
- This is a lot-
- We do a lot of these.
We do a lot of these.
- I would feel...
It would feel very powerful
To go to the ice cream temple
with jawbreaker and spearia.
- Should get going.
- Let's do it.
- You guys head out from
saccharina's caverns
To a path that cumulous knows,
Up to the heights above
the cotton candy clouds,
The order of the spinning star.
A white, pure sugar gleaming monastery
With symbols
of the archmage lazuli.
Ruby, you look around
and see the crisp lines
Of your shadow in the high thin air
Walk alongside you.
You feel this place, saccharina.
You've visited this place before
Since you've stationed
yourself in the mountains,
And with cumulous here,
The old place begins to come to life.
You arrive here, and cumulous,
You see fellow monks begin to walk out.
You see that one of the monks
comes to you, snickersnack.
You see that snickersnack walks up.
Has a little-
- My army is-
- Is a little wafer, sort of
crunchy wafer chocolate monk.
- Snickersnack.
- He comes around, he goes.
You see he shakes your...
Does the hero's handshake and goes,
"cumulous, you have
brought the royals here.
Who now walks in the monastery
of the spinning star?"
- We have the rightful queen
of candia, saccharina."
- The monks take the knee.
- I prefer lawful, because
i don't really know
That any queen or king is really rightful.
- Wow, wow, wow, wow.
Snickersnack just kinda
keeps pointing at you,
Smiling, like-
- Pretty cool.
- She just knows just what to say.
- Need to get to-
- Yeah, she knows
Just what to say.
- Ruby, you didn't want
anything to do with the throne.
- We need to get to the
teleportation runes.
- Says, "very well."
As you walk, you begin to see
That the runes begin to come to life,
Kind of, as saccharina approaches.
- Is it just a room with a whole bunch
Of rune portals, like "crash bandicoot"?
- How "crash bandicoot"?
- Yeah.
- Extremely "crash bandicoot".
- Okay, cool, cool, cool.
- "mario 64" with the paintings.
- It's a room with kind of
Almost a two-Dimensional
orrery, if that makes sense.
Geometric, astronomical
orbits and shifting platforms
In the floor that spin and gyrate and move
In different concentric circles.
- Cool.
- As you stand in the middle,
Caramelinda is going to begin to move.
The stars alight overhead, night falls.
It is now deep dark night
in the high mountains.
The runes begin to move as
caramelinda begins to touch them,
And you hear her whisper under her voice,
"lazuli, please help me get this right."
Moves the runes around.
Do you guys do anything
before she finishes?
- I wanna give her-
- Like a help action?
- I want to attempt to help her, yeah.
- Cool.
- Wanna give a help action.
- Yeah.
- Awesome.
- I say, "i can't believe you've been able
To do magic this whole time."
- Do we have any live animals?
- There was a sprinkle that ran by here
In a fit of terror.
- Sprinkle came up here?
Sprinkle's here?
- In a fit of terror.
- Sprinkle-
- You think there's any-
- Just talking.
- Little caramel chickens or anything?
- Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I take one and i just snap its neck.
- Oh, no!
- Oh my god.
- For a temp hp.
- For temp hp, great.
You suck the f*cking life
out of this caramel chicken.
- f*cking f*ck.
Oh yeah.
It is just w*r again.
I take my full payment day off...
Yeah, dude, i f*cking take my sword out.
- Awesome.
- I think my hair
Is just blowing with wind
Of the excitement of all this magic.
- Hair's blowing,
The circles move.
Caramelinda is fully
concentrating on this spell.
You guys, in a
blast of sweet-Smelling light,
Appear in a circle of stones
Inside a dark locked musty building
And hear the shouting of
ceresian soldiers outside.
And that's all for this
week on "a crown of candy".
We'll roll initiative and
see you guys next week.
Marching out from the
commander's tent in chains,
Duke joren jawbreaker-
- Oh my god.
- Is led to the noose.
Hereby sentence you to death.
- Watch your banner burn, b*tch.
- But you just met my new daughter.
Not new, old.
But i just found out about...
- No way!
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05x11 - At the Mountains of Sweetness
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.