5x07 - The Big Sleep No More

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

Jonathan Karp called.

He got advance copy of next week's best seller list.

Did I go up at all? You dropped off the list.

There must be some way I can convince you to write a blog for the "Spectator.

" I wanna take "Gossip Girl" down.

I wish I could explain better, but I can't.

Know that I never meant to hurt you.

Oh, my God.

The "girl" you're seeing is our boss? Now you know and so does the rest of the world.

Nate's mine.

You were taking money to reveal confidential information about me.

If you don't believe me, you should ask your fiance.

He's the one who paid her.

What's scaring me is that you're changing into him.

I'm sorry I lost my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you.

I'm sorry I treated you like property I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew it.

But most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us when you never did.

And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

-DIFUNDE LA PALABRA- Blair? Louis, what took you so long? What are you doing here? Louis' not coming.

Are you thirsty? Shall I serve you up there? No.

I'll come down Just so I can go find Louis.

Let me help.

How do I know I can trust you? You can.

Good morning, Upper East Siders.

Or is it? We hear a certain future royal has had more than one rude awakening this week.

Uh-oh.

Mr.

Chuck in dream again? When Chuck's in them, they're all nightmares.

What he do now? Behave like a perfect gentleman, which makes him even more chilling.

That fake apology of his has permeated my subconscious and haunts me even when I sleep.

Apology not seem so fake to me.

That's because English is your second language.

As the wedding draws closer, he's trying to make me question my decision to choose Louis.

But I have no questions.

And with Louis in Italy overseeing trade negotiations, I'm not going to let anything interrupt my week of relaxation, nesting, and serenity Especially not Chuck Bass' faux-lanthropy.

Or his attention-seeking love of animals.

Grab the bread.

Not even Chuck's media mind games can disrupt the calm I feel while feeding the ducks.

Besides, you could use the exercise.

I'm pregnant, too, remember? * Some boys wanna hold my hand * * some boys wanna be my boyfriend * Please tell me you're not just getting home from yesterday.

Did you spend all night with Zarkana again or what? Early morning charity event meeting.

Is that what you're calling it now charity? Wait.

Seriously? Being decent is more of a struggle than I thought.

If I keep busy doing good, then there's less of a chance I'll find myself in a situation which triggers old habits.

Yeah, well, I have faith in you.

I could use some time on the straight and narrow myself at least away from anyone who might tempt me.

I thought things with you and Diana were going well.

You two were all the talk of the papers last week.

Isn't going public what you wanted? Yeah, except that it hasn't changed a thing.

I mean, we don't leave her house or the office, and it's just sex and work all the time.

Same as before.

If Diana won't commit to you in private like she does in public, maybe it's time to explore your options.

Monkey! How's the book tour going? Uh, where are you now? Nashua? Uh, I'm in no, I'm in Burlington, Vermont.

You don't sound so sure.

Ah, you know how it is on the road.

All stops start to start to blend together.

It's been great so far, though.

I knew it would be.

People who still go to bookstores are real readers.

They don't care if a book's on some best-whatever list.

Yeah.

It it seems that way.

Uh, turnout's been great.

Charlie, Serena, um, care to join us for a 2011 version of a family breakfast? We don't want to be late.

You know what? I should be going anyway.

I gotta meet Alessandra soon.

That was awkward.

Ugh, long story.

Which I hope I can read about on your new blog.

I know you've been posting, but I haven't been able to check it out yet.

That's the problem.

No one has.

I know Diana wants me to write about myself, but I don't know what to say.

I now realize why Gossip Girl is anonymous and only takes shots at other people.

Maybe it's none of my business, but it seems that if you want people to read you, and you need people to read about you first.

Get Gossip Girl's attention even a date would do it then steal her thunder by telling the real story on your blog.

You know, you may be an evil genius.

When I want to be.

I know you're not happy, but it's what I needed to do to keep him here.

Trust me.

If we're gonna take down "Gossip Girl," it's necessary.

Don't worry.

I won't lose Nate or Serena.

Just give me a bit more time.

I've been thinking about you all week.

Why have you been avoiding me? Look, I have a boyfriend.

Okay? I don't believe you.

Well, you have a girlfriend.

Yeah, who schedules time with me as if it were a board meeting.

And who's my boss.

Well, maybe I want something more.

If you want more, ask for it.

Charlie! My office.

And do us both a favor and ask her, not me.

Well, there must be some mistake.

We just spoke to him from Vermont.

Yeah, of course.

We'll let you know if we hear anything.

What's going on? Is Dan okay? I'm not sure.

That was his agent, Alessandra.

She says he missed his book signing in Boston yesterday, and he didn't check in to Burlington either.

Can't find him anywhere.

Isn't this nice? We're communing with nature, finding our inner peace, and I'll still make my afternoon prenatal massage.

Slow news cycle? Thank you, Arthur.

What are you doing here? Our treaty of 2010 clearly states the duck pond is my domain.

Don't try to fool me with your puppy dog eyes.

I apologize for the intrusion, but your limp-winged friend here waddled into the dog park and was about to become a Labrador's lunch.

And out of the goodness of your heart, you came to his rescue.

I like duck � l'orange as much as the next person, but it seemed cruel to let the poor creature suffer.

Mm, especially in front of a photographer.

What a lucky duck.

I've imposed on your domain long enough already.

If you'll excuse me, Monkey needs his constitutional.

How much more do you need to see? Of duck pond? It not really my thing to begin with.

Of Chuck trying to manipulate me into believing he's become a good person.

He knows perfectly well I chose Louis.

He endorsed my decision.

But now for reason, he's trying to make me second-guess myself.

I can't allow it.

This does not sound like week of serenity to me.

He's forced my hand.

I must expose Chuck as a fraud who's only pretending to evolve so he can win me back before Louis comes home.

In drama, there are many ways to unmask a villain.

I need to start a w*r between Serena and Gossip Girl.

Stay on her and let me know what happens.

Of course.

Oh.

Regarding Nate, I thought I told you to keep your distance.

You're not gonna want to hear this, but That was all him.

Maybe you should loosen up a little, not be on him all the time? I think I'll pass on the unsolicited romantic advice, thank you.

Just make sure Serena's all over "Gossip Girl".

Diana I would never do anything to jeopardize where I am right now.

I finally have a life here.

I'm not gonna screw that up, especially for a guy.

Sometimes you know who the bad guy is from the start.

* some boys wanna hold my hand * - Oh! - Oh, my gosh! Are you okay? Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I think that was my fault.

No, not true.

I was I was blinded by the maps.

Do you live in this building? No, I work here.

Can I help you find something? I'm looking for my ex-girlfriend, Ivy Dickens.

Do you know her? No, I'm sorry.

I think she But most times, you find out they've been right in front of you all along.

Right.

That's all for now.

Let's reconvene after lunch.

Thanks.

You look like you wanna say something.

Look, I guess I'm just a little confused.

About? Us.

I mean, Diana, what are we? What do you want us to be? I'm not sure anymore, but I'm starting to think we won't be anything if we keep mixing work and pleasure.

Maybe I should start looking for another job.

I get it.

Working together, going home together it's all too much.

Why don't we take a couple of days off? I'm going to Paris tonight anyway.

Maybe you should have some fun while I'm gone, without the pressure of me on top of you all the time? So to speak.

Is that your way of saying that we're not we're not exclusive? If that works for you, it works for me.

I just want you to be happy.

You're my right-hand man.

I can't afford to lose you.

These not look like happy nursery decorations.

I can't rest until I can prove Chuck is still his satanic self.

What do you think would be more effective having his shirts pressed with too much starch or getting him served blended scotch at the Empire bar? What this test testing exactly? We'll be there, in clever disguises, of course, to see him eviscerate the dry cleaner or fire the bartender, thus proving that he's only pretending to be magnanimous when he knows that I'll be there or will see it in the press.

You sure you not just do this because you and prince Louis not in a good place right now? I admit our relationship has seen stronger days.

And, yes, while it's true that I was upset with Louis and his momentary lapse of morality, he only did what he did out of love, and I forgave him.

But I simply cannot have Chuck chucking with my head.

So I have to prove this to him and myself.

So what do you think, starch or scotch? I'm sorry that security guard was no help.

That's okay.

I didn't come to New York to find Ivy anyway.

Really? I had this whole soul mates reuniting story worked up in my head.

Not quite.

Just have some of her stuff to give back to her.

Actually, uh, I'm in town for a job interview I have in two hours.

You know, DB Bistro is looking for a new line cook.

Wow.

Well, you must be a really talented chef to even get an interview there.

It's a huge deal.

If I can find my way there.

Well, why don't I show you? You you don't have to do that.

Well, I've actually been suffering from writer's block lately, so a walk might do just the trick.

You up for some company Max.

Cool.

Serena, by the way.

I just have to take this.

Yeah.

One second.

Hey.

Please tell me the reason you're still not at work is because you met a cute guy in a business suit.

Well, no suit, but definitely cute.

Sounds perfect.

I'm about to walk him to his interview now.

No! Forget that.

You need to take him to lunch someplace fabulous where you can be seen by people that read "Gossip Girl.

" Like, um, that place you took me BG.

I don't know.

I just don't want to make him late, though.

I expect to read all about you.

Bye.

Bye.

Who's the guy? Some nobody she found on the street.

Gossip Girl will love it, trust me.

Now you're off to Bergdorf's to get that picture.

Make your e-mail to Gossip Girl as depressing as you can.

Maybe she'll post it verbatim.

Hey, Charlie.

I can't talk now.

It'll only take a second.

Unless you wanna get me fired, you need to stop talking to me here.

I just wanted to make sure he didn't check out.

Thank you.

Well, the hotel in Boston says he's still checked in.

Well, maybe he just fell asleep.

Remember when you used to tour? We didn't know if we were in Norway or Denmark, never mind what time the show started.

Sure, but we always managed to get make the stage.

And I know Dan.

It's not like him to skip out on an obligation.

And I know you.

What time would you like to leave for Boston? Mm.

The Morris minor is in the parking lot in Brooklyn.

It'd be faster to drive.

Why are you still following me, Nate? You said you didn't wanna talk at the office.

Hey, come on.

You're a Rhodes.

If you had a boyfriend, the whole Upper East Side would know about it.

And what about Diana, who you might not think you're dating but who thinks she's dating you? I'm not so sure that's true anymore.

That's where we're going? So when girls like you say "lunch," they really mean clothes? There's a restaurant inside.

Are you sure we have enough time for this before the interview? I am relying on you to be my official guide to getting around Manhattan.

You know what? I, um I probably did miscalculate time.

You should go.

Go to 6th avenue and make a left.

It's on 44th.

I'm sorry.

Oh, and you should try to work apricots in somehow.

Boulud is obsessed with them.

Wait.

Where are you going? Will you just admit that you're not dating anyone and that you like me? Just a little bit, and we can see what happens? I mean, I'm a pretty good judge on things like this, and, you know, when you kissed me last week, there was a lot of chemistry between us, and I know I mean, that's what I was talking about.

Uh-oh, Charlie.

Looks like you've stayed in character all too well.

Too bad there's always an understudy waiting in the wings for you to slip and fall.

"Nate Archibald's cougar and her cub in pride w*r.

" Are you purposely trying to make a fool of me? I told you it was an emergency.

To hide from Max, your mysteriously reappeared ex? I do think it seems a tad convenient that the only way to do that was to snog Nate.

Look, I don't know why Max is here, but if he finds me, I could lose everything.

Fine.

I'll take over that side of things and get your ex out of our hair.

You focus on proving to Nate that you do not nor will you ever have any romantic interest in him.

Understood? Thank you.

Just let me know what you want me to do.

Oh, it's very simple.

You're gonna ask Nate out on a date.

They're voting on "Gossip Girl" and in a surprisingly positive turn for the 21st century, the cougar is winning, but it appears you chose the cub.

I didn't choose anything.

Diana tells me she wants to take some time off, then Charlie just kissed me and ran.

I mean, I thought we left stuff like that behind in high school.

Maybe we're maturing too fast.

Which is why you're back to playing "Phantom of the Opera" sex games? The mask is from a benefit performance of "sleep no more" I'm sponsoring tonight.

The whole audience wears them.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

It's kinda like, uh, "Macbeth" in an old hotel, right? And the audience can follow the performers from room to room? And since the set is 100,000 square feet and pretty much in the dark, it provides the perfect opportunity to disappear for a night And avoid any run-ins with Blair, which may set back my recent progress.

Care to join? I can get you a ticket.

Looks like I won't need one.

"Charlie: Scored tix to SNM! Be my date?" Hmm.

Why is it when you don't want Gossip Girl to post about you, she does constantly, and when you do, silence.

I share your frustration.

Ever her "Chuck Bass spotted" page is broken.

Not one blip.

He's off the map.

Wait.

Why are you looking for Chuck? I have no choice.

He's trying to destroy my relationship with Louis because he knows it's vulnerable.

I'm pretty sure the only w*r Chuck is waging is with his own demons.

He's hired a new therapist.

He's focusing on his businesses.

He's even throwing a benefit tonight for charity.

Oh, no.

He got to you, too? Chuck may be sponsoring a performance, but it's only because in the dark with his mask on, he is safe to reveal his true self.

B.

, whatever you're thinking, stop.

Just work on your relationship with Louis and let Chuck work on himself.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna stay home and work on my blog.

Well, how hard can that be? And if you write about how many strokes it takes to brush your hair, people will read it.

I'll pitch that to Diana now.

You know, Charlie told me that she didn't think anyone would read my blog unless I was on Gossip Girl's radar again.

Well, I always thought you were too good to blog.

Just tell Diana it's not for you.

Well, I think you're too good to scheme.

So if I talk to Diana, you'll leave Chuck alone? Absolutely.

Go talk to Diana.

Good luck.

Hello.

This is Blair Waldorf.

I was hoping you had a ticket left for tonight's performance.

Diana.

Hey.

I am so grateful for all your help last week.

Why do I feel you're about to break up with me? I'm not willing to sell myself or anyone else out to attract an audience.

Everyone sells themselves, Serena.

It's just how you do it that matters.

I don't think you understand.

I've been trying so hard to get off "Gossip Girl.

" Today I almost hurt an innocent stranger to to make you happy.

It just It didn't feel right.

And the worst part is he actually seemed like a good guy, and now I'll probably never see him again.

Oh, my gosh.

Max, we were just talking about you.

Looks like you spoke too soon.

We met this morning.

He, uh, was looking for his ex who apparently works in the building.

Diana.

I'm sorry.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Not at all.

Please stay.

So I just wanted to let you know that I got a second interview with Boulud himself thanks to your apricot tip.

Oh, that's that's great.

That was really nice of you to To track me down just to tell me that.

Well, seeing as you helped your friend Max get a job, you two should celebrate.

Get a bite to eat.

Show him the city.

Isn't your friend throwing a benefit tonight? You know, that That actually could be fun.

What do you think? I'm in.

Great.

Why don't you rush home and get changed, and I'll give Max all the details, and you can meet him there? I can't wait.

Me, too.

Seems "the play's the thing" tonight.

But watch out, players.

You might be the ones getting played.

Welcome all, to the McKittrick hotel.

The card you were handed upon your arrival is your ticket.

If you find yourself holding an ace, please take the door to your left and enjoy.

No talking.

No photos.

No phones.

Feel free to explore, follow, watch, touch.

Curiosity shall be rewarded.

You must remain masked at all times.

Not nice to steal.

Hey, did you see that? Thanks for the invite.

I wasn't sure what to think after you ran off this afternoon.

And, listen, if you're worried about getting in trouble at work, Diana's off to Paris, and we will be wearing masks.

You know, I'm just a little anxious about the performance.

It's dark in there and crowded.

Um I'm gonna get a glass of water before we go in.

Would you just wait for me here? Yeah, sure.

* So I don't die, realize * * who was here before * How's it going? Well, it would be better if you would just tell me your plan.

I don't feel comfortable stringing Nate along.

Well, I had planned just to catch you two together here, making Nate feel so guilty, he came running back to apologize, but something better struck me.

Deuces? All deuces may now enter.

* Sunlight, sunlight * Hey, you ready? I hope so.

* Sunlight * * Sunlight * Diana, thanks again for the tickets.

Is Serena here yet? Oh, you just missed her.

They called her card, and she had to go in.

But she told me to tell you to find her.

She's wearing a beautiful gold dress.

You can't miss her.

Great.

Have fun.

I intend to.

You really think pillows under covers trick me? You lumpier now.

You can't expect me to sit on my pregnant laurels while Chuck gets away with a secret double life.

But you tell Miss Serena that I wouldn't undermine Chuck, but that's completely different than revealing his authentically evil self.

Maybe you need to face fact Mr.

Chuck really is good.

Never.

That's what he wants you to think so he can destroy everything in secret.

Oh! Look! There's famous Polish film director Agnieszka Holland.

Where? Where? Hey.

Hey.

I know you suggested being fashionably late, but maybe I overdid it.

Not to worry.

Max hasn't even arrived yet.

Oh, I hope he didn't get lost again.

Maybe I should go look for him.

Women like us don't do things like that.

Just wait here.

I'm sure he's just running behind.

I'd better get in.

They called queens some time ago.

Can you do me a favor? Nate.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

I'm not even sure how we lost each other, but one minute I'm at this massive feast, the next, I'm in this freaky psych ward.

There was this nurse well, I'm glad you're safe.

Where do you want to head to next? Uh, you know what? Actually, I heard that the experience is even better if you stay split up, so why don't you go find the witches? They're awesome, and I think I see lady Macbeth.

Diana, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris.

Well, I decided it was, um, more important to spend time with you.

That's really sweet and unexpected, but I'm here with someone.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, Charlie.

I know.

I saw you both come in.

I have to say, I was surprised.

You said we weren't exclusive.

Neither is she, apparently.

You know she's seeing someone, right? Yeah, she mentioned something about that, but I'm pretty sure she was just making it up.

Well, then maybe they broke up.

Because last I heard, she felt he wasn't paying her enough attention, and she was trying to remedy that.

Anyway I won't bother you anymore.

I just hope you're not part of that plan.

Final group is going inside now.

Don't you wanna join them? Oh, no, thanks.

I'm I'm waiting for someone.

Who it seems isn't coming.

Beguile the time.

Look like the time.

Bear welcome in your eyes, your hands, your tongue * shells of silver * * silver, shells of silver * Blair? Of course you knew it was me.

Was it my perfume? I should get back to the performance.

You can't disrupt the drama.

Looks like we're stuck Together Alone amongst the masked and anonymous.

Do you remember when we used to play dress-up? How could I forget? Though I didn't think this was your kind of entertainment anymore.

At least I know I'm safe, locked in here with the new Chuck Bass who has none of his old urges.

I have to admit, I had a hard time believing you at first, but now I see the therapy, the apology you really have changed.

As warm as it's getting in here, I can sweep the hair from the nape of my neck without setting you off.

It's such a relief To be able to Let my guard down.

Oh, look.

They even have red hots.

Mmm.

You never could resist.

Do you want one? No, but thank you.

No one is looking.

Even the new Chuck Bass must still have some of his darkest desires.

Just a taste.

Mmm.

Are you ready, Charlie? There's Nate.

Go kiss him.

Ivy? Max.

It's been the performance of a lifetime for cousin Charlie, but tonight, it looks like it just might be the final curtain.

I knew you were still the same Chuck.

You thought by one fake apology and a few charitable acts, that you could get me to question all the reasons I'm with Louis, but I was right.

You are incapable of change.

Seems you know me too well.

And now, thanks to you, I'm more certain than ever that I chose the right man.

Good-bye.

Good-bye, Blair.

I can't remember the last time I drove it, but it died as soon as I pulled out of the garage.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, just let me know when it's ready, and I'll head back.

Yeah, I need to get on the road tonight.

Bye-bye.

Dan? One more? No, thank you.

Are you okay? I just saw the "Gossip Girl" blast.

"Serena van der Who? Last girl standing, or simply stood up" she is so heartless and humiliating.

Oh, this is nothing compared to when she called me "irrelevant" at graduation or when she lied to the world that I had an S.

T.

D.

This is exactly why we need to work together On your blog.

So Gossip Girl loses her readers, and her attacks lose their power.

Or I just develop a thicker skin, which is what I've done over the years.

It just upsets me when she goes after people that aren't strong enough to defend themselves.

I should probably go.

See you tomorrow.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Well, it turns out you were right about Charlie.

I'm sorry.

I didn't want to see you get hurt, even though I can see how much I've hurt you myself.

How can you hurt me? I'm your right-hand man, after all.

You're more than that.

Last week, I told everyone you were my boyfriend not because you wanted me to, but because I wanted to.

I care about you.

Well, then why didn't you just tell me that earlier? Because I didn't think that was what you wanted to hear.

Although judging from tonight, maybe you'd rather be with someone else.

Think about it.

Let me know.

It was one thing to to feel like my book wasn't exactly appreciated in the Upper East Side.

I expected that.

But but then the readings on the tour I mean, they you know, they were less and less full.

In Hartford, I think, like ten people showed up, and half of them were there to get out of the rain.

My book is a failure, dad.

I'm I'm a failure.

You're not a failure.

When I started touring with Lincoln Hawk, we didn't even have a a bus, a roadie, an amp that didn't create massive feedback.

I know.

I've heard this more than once.

Yeah, but what you don't know about this tour is how many times we played for a handful of people.

In Marfa, Texas, our entire audience was a bartender.

Yeah, but that bartender he spoke to his friends, and they told their friends, and soon we were selling out.

It just takes one person to connect with your art, who feels like you directly communicated with them to start a groundswell.

But you can't connect with that person unless you show up.

Thank you, dad.

I think, uh, I think I needed to hear that.

What are you doing in New York? In town for a job interview.

What's really weird is what you're doing here.

What the hell just happened back there? I recognized you.

Let's get outta here, catch up.

I'm here with someone.

In fact, I thought you were her when you kissed me.

I should really go find her.

Her name's Serena.

Serena van der Woodsen? Do you know her? Everyone in New York knows her of her.

Well, I'd like to get to know her better, so I'm gonna go find her.

Please don't.

Fate brought us back together for a reason.

I miss you.

I made a mistake in L.

A.

, and I'll tell you all about it if you just come with me.

I'm not gonna drop everything because you tell me to, Ivy.

You walked out on me.

You knew it was Max behind that mask, didn't you? I told you we were going to show Nate for the last time that you were the wrong choice for him.

Why would you use Max when you said that you would help me get rid of him? I found a better plan, and I like watching you squirm.

But let me put you out of your misery.

You're fired.

What? Clearly, your ex is going to out your secret.

Please don't do this.

It's already done, and now so are we.

Oh, wait.

One last piece of business.

A quick picture for "Gossip Girl" and then Serena is in place.

Oh, come on Ohh.

Perfection.

What name shall I use when I send it in Ivy or Charlie? Doesn't matter.

I'll surprise you.

All masks eventually have to come off, and with them, so do the gloves.

Dorota, I hope you've learned your lesson.

I will always be right about Charles Bartholomew Bass, and now that I've proven I made the right choice with Louis, tomorrow we can get back to my restful week of prenatal pampering before I welcome my fiance home with open arms.

"Dorota: Thank you.

" So I don't get it.

You kissed Blair so she'd think you hadn't changed? The only way for Blair to move on is if she thinks I never will.

I had to kiss her to set her free.

That may be the most selfless thing you've ever done.

I've never been more good and less happy about it.

And what of your happiness, Archibald? Was there a clear winner in the w*r for your heart? My heart was always in the same place.

I realized it was my head that was being messed with, so I've decided to make my own decisions instead of letting everyone else pull my strings.

Starting now, I see.

You wanted to see me? Yeah, I did.

Lock your windows, Upper East Siders.

Looks like Serena's cuckoo cousin Charlie is off her meds again and about to jump to her own conclusion.

What are you doing here? What happened to your date? My date stood me up.

What happened to you? I saw "Gossip Girl".

I know I shouldn't let her get to me like this, but I feel like she's after me or on to something.

Maybe I took on too much too fast when I came back.

I told Diana I quit.

I think maybe.

I should just go home.

No, no, don't let Gossip Girl bully you.

Come on.

You have to rise above it.

Everything is so fragile right now.

If I make one false move, my whole world collapses.

Don't leave.

Come on.

Whatever you're feeling, let me help you.

We're family.

I'm so sorry for what I said today.

You don't need to be seen with some guy to define who you are.

Don't worry.

I know that.

I don't think I'll ever see that guy again anyway.

But I'm not alone.

I have you, right? Come here.

I have to go make a quick call, then we'll hang out and chat more, okay? Sure.

* I'll be your thief * * in the night * * so I can steal you * We all wear different masks for different reasons.

Nate, you matter to me A lot.

I was just trying to be cool.

You know, that's my thing, although I'm beginning to see I may need a new thing.

* I'll be your sunlight * From now on, equals.

Just us, together, seeing what happens.

Yeah.

* Oh * * oh, oh * * be my life * * I'll be your calm * You can take it.

Are you sure? Because right now you're my priority, not business.

It's fine.

I'll get the champagne.

* You'll be the air * Hello, Serena.

Everything okay? Not exactly.

You know, it's one thing when Gossip Girl tries to humiliate me, but when she goes after someone like Charlie Ohh.

I hadn't seen "Gossip Girl".

What's she done? Just what she's done a thousand times before, and I'm sick of it.

I'm ready to help you bring her down.

Well, I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you to this decision.

I'm looking forward to working with you on this.

See you at 9:00.

I'll be there.

Some masks we put on because it's truly who we want to be.

"Dad: Proud of you.

" * tell my world I better try * "Thx.

On the road.

Call u later.

" * by your side * Some we wear because we can't bear to face what's really underneath * Be my life * * when I am dead.

* * I'll be your calm * * in the storm ahead * Or because it's what someone else needs us to be.

* To stay closer by your side * Everything's set.

Good.

Very good.

You should never have doubted me.

You've done a fine job rehabilitating my grandson's image.

He's right where I need him to be.

And Serena's right where we need her, too.

Always a pleasure working with you, William.

And some masks we wear because we hope to stay hidden.

But that's the problem with wearing masks.

They can be ripped off at any moment.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

-Blair?
-Louis, what took you so long?

-What are you doing here?
-Louis is not coming.

Are you thirsty?
Shall I serve you up there?

No, I'll come down.

Just so I can go find Louis.

Let me help.

-How do I know I can trust you?
-You can.

[GASPS]

GOSSIP GIRL: Good morning,
Upper East Siders. Or is it?

We hear a certain future royal...

...has had more than one
rude awakening this week.

Uh-oh. Mr. Chuck in dream again?

When Chuck's in them,
they're nightmares.

-What he do now?
-Behaved like a perfect gentleman.

Which makes him even more chilling.

That fake apology
has permeated my subconscious...

-...and haunts me even when I sleep.
-Apology not seem so fake to me.

That's because English
is your second language.

He's trying to make me question
my decision to choose Louis.

But I have no questions.

With Louis in Italy
overseeing trade negotiations...

...I'm not going to let anything
interrupt my week of relaxation...

...nesting and serenity.

Especially not Chuck Bass'
faux-lanthropy.

Ugh! Or his attention-seeking
love of animals.

Grab the bread.

Not even Chuck's mind games
can disrupt the calm I feel...

...while feeding ducks.

Besides, you could use the exercise.

I'm pregnant too, remember?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

NATE: Please tell me you're not
just getting home from yesterday.

Did you spend all night
with Zarkana again?

Early morning charity event meeting.

Is that's what you're calling it now?
Charity?

Wait. Seriously?

Being decent is more of a struggle
than I thought.

If I keep busy doing good,
there's less of a chance...

...I'll find myself in a situation
which triggers old habits.

Well, I have faith in you.

I could use some time
on the straight-and-narrow myself.

Away from anyone
who might tempt me.

I thought things with you and Diana
were going well.

You were the talk of the papers
last week.

Isn't going public what you wanted?

Yeah, except it hasn't changed a thing.

We don't leave her house or the office.
It's just sex and work all the time.

Same as before.

If Diana won't commit to you in private
like she does in public...

...maybe it's time
to explore your options.

Monkey.

How's the book tour going?
Where are you now, Nashua?

No, I'm in Burlington, Vermont.

You don't sound so sure.

You know how it is on the road,
the stops start to blend together.

-It's been great so far though.
RUFUS: I knew it.

People who go to bookstores
are real readers.

-They don't care if a book's on some list.
-Yeah, it seems that way.

Turnout's been great.

Charlie, Serena, care to join us
for a 2011 version of a family breakfast?

We don't wanna be late.

I should be going anyway.
I gotta meet Alessandra.

CHARLIE: That was awkward.
-Ugh. Long story.

Which I hope I can read
on your new blog.

I haven't been able to check it out yet.

That's a problem. No one has.
Diana wants me to write about myself.

I don't know what to say. I realize
why Gossip Girl is anonymous...

...and only takes shots at other people.

Maybe it's none of my business...

...but it seems that
if you want people to read you...

...then you need people
to read about you first.

Get Gossip Girl's attention.

Even a date would do it.

Then steal her thunder
by telling the real story on your blog.

You know, you may be an evil genius.

When I wanna be.

[CHUCKLES]

I know you're not happy, but it's
what I needed to do to keep him here.

Trust me, if we're gonna take down
Gossip Girl, it's necessary.

Don't worry,
I won't lose Nate or Serena.

Just give me a bit more time.

NATE: I've been thinking about
you all week.

Why have you been avoiding me?

-Look, I have a boyfriend, okay?
-I don't believe you.

Well, you have a girlfriend.

Who schedules time with me
as if it were a meeting.

And who's my boss.

Well, maybe I want something more.

If you want more, ask for it.

Charlie.

My office.

And do us both a favor and ask her,
not me.

Well, there must be some mistake.
We just spoke to him from Vermont.

Of course, we'll let you know
if we hear anything.

-What's going on? Is Dan okay?
-I'm not sure.

That was his agent, Alessandra.
He missed his book signing yesterday...

...and he didn't
check into Burlington either.

Can't find him anywhere.

BLAIR:
Isn't this nice?

We're communing with nature,
finding our inner peace...

...and I'll still make
my afternoon prenatal massage.

[SQUAWKING]

Slow news cycle?

Thank you, Arthur.

What are you doing here?

Our treaty of 2010 clearly states
the duck pond is my domain.

[WHIMPERS]

-Don't try to fool me with your eyes.
-I apologize for the intrusion.

Your limp-winged friend
waddled into the dog park.

It was about to become
a Labrador's lunch.

And out of the goodness of your heart,
you came to his rescue.

I like duck a l'orange...

...but it seemed cruel
to let the poor creature suffer.

Mm. Especially
in front of a photographer.

What a lucky duck.

I've imposed on your domain
long enough already.

If you'll excuse me,
Monkey needs his constitutional.

-How much more do you need to see?
-Of duck pond?

It not really my thing to begin with.

Of Chuck trying to manipulate me into
believing he's become a good person.

He knows perfectly well I chose Louis.
He endorsed my decision.

But for some reason, he's trying
to make me second-guess myself.

-I can't allow it.
-This does not sound like serenity to me.

He's forced my hand.

I must expose Chuck as a fraud
who's only pretending to evolve...

...so he can win me back
before Louis comes home.

GOSSIP GIRL: In drama,
there are many ways to unmask a villain.

I need to start a w*r
between Serena and Gossip Girl.

-Stay on her, let me know what happens.
-Of course.

Oh. Regarding Nate, I thought I told you
to keep your distance.

You're not gonna wanna hear this,
but that was all him.

Maybe you should loosen up a little.

Not be on him all the time.

I think I'll pass on the unsolicited
romantic advice, thank you.

Just make sure Serena's
all over Gossip Girl.

Diana, I would never do anything
to jeopardize where I am right now.

I finally have a life here.
I'm not gonna screw that up.

Especially for a guy.

GOSSIP GIRL: Sometimes you know
who the bad guy is from the start.

-Oh, my gosh.
-Oh! Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm sorry,
I think that was my fault.

Not true. I was blinded by the map.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

-Do you live in this building?
-No, I work here. Can I help you?

I'm looking for my ex-girlfriend,
Ivy Dickens. Know her?

No, I'm sorry.

But most times, you find out they've
been right in front of you all along.

Right, that's all for now.
Let's reconvene after lunch. Thanks.

You look like you wanna
say something.

-Look, I guess I'm just a little confused.
-About?

Us. I mean, Diana, what are we?

-What do you want us to be?
-I'm not sure anymore.

I'm starting to think we won't be
anything if we mix work and pleasure.

Maybe I should start looking
for another job.

I get it. Working together,
going home together...

...it's all too much.

Why don't we take a couple days off?
I'm going to Paris tonight anyway.

You should have some fun
while I'm gone...

...without the pressure
of me on top of you all the time.

So to speak.

Is that your way of saying
we're not exclusive?

If that works for you, it works for me.

I just want you to be happy.

You're my right-hand man.
I can't afford to lose you.

These not look like
happy nursery decorations.

I can't rest until I can prove
Chuck is still his Satanic self.

What would be more effective:
Having his shirts pressed with starch...

...or getting him served
blended Scotch at the Empire bar?

What is test testing, exactly?

We'll be there, in clever disguises,
of course...

...to see him eviscerate the dry cleaner
or fire the bartender...

...proving he's only pretending
to be magnanimous when I'm there...

...or when we'll see it in the press.

You sure you not just do this
because you and Prince Louis...

...not in a good place right now?

I admit, our relationship
has seen stronger days.

And, yes, while it's true
that I was upset...

...with Louis' momentary lapse
of morality...

...he only did what he did out of love.

And I forgave him.

But I simply cannot have Chuck
chucking with my head.

So I have to prove this to him,
and myself.

So, what do you think?
Starch or Scotch?

I'm sorry that security guard
was no help.

That's okay,
I didn't come to New York to find Ivy.

Really? I had this whole soul mates
reuniting story worked up in my head.

Not quite.
Just have some of her stuff to give back.

I'm in town for a job interview
I have in two hours.

You know DB Bistro?
It's looking for a new line cook.

Wow. You must be a really talented chef
to even get an interview there.

-It's a huge deal.
-If I can find my way there.

-Well, why don't I show you?
-You don't have to do that.

I've actually been suffering
from writer's block lately...

...so a walk might do just the trick.

-You up for some company...?
-Max.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Cool. I'm Serena, by the way.
I just have to take this. One second.

Hey.

Tell me the reason you're not at work
is because you met a cute guy...

-...in a business suit.
-No suit, but definitely cute.

Sounds perfect.

-I'm about to walk him to his interview.
-No. Forget that, take him to lunch.

Someplace fabulous where you can be
seen by people that read Gossip Girl.

Like that place you took me, BG?

I don't know.
I don't wanna make him late.

I expect to read all about you.

-Bye.
-Bye.

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

-Who's the guy?
-Some nobody she found on the street.

Gossip Girl will love it, trust me.

Now you're off to Bergdorf's
to get that picture.

Make your e-mail to Gossip Girl
as depressing as you can.

Maybe she'll post it verbatim.

-Hey, Charlie.
-I can't talk now.

-It'll only take a second.
-Unless you wanna get me fired...

[WHISPERING]
...you need to stop talking to me here.

[NATE SCOFFS]

I just wanted to make sure
he didn't check out. Thank you.

Well, the hotel in Boston
says he's still checked in.

Well, maybe he just fell asleep.

Remember when you used to tour?

Didn't know if we were
in Norway or Denmark.

-Never mind what time the show started.
-But we always made the stage.

I know Dan, it's not like him
to skip out on an obligation.

And I know you. What time
would you like to leave for Boston?

Mm. Morris Minor's in the parking lot
in Brooklyn.

It'll be faster to drive.

Why are you still following me, Nate?

You didn't wanna talk at the office.

If you had a boyfriend,
the Upper East Side would know.

And what about Diana?

You might not think you're dating,
but who thinks she's dating you?

I'm not so sure that's true anymore.

That's where we're going?

So when girls like you say "lunch,"
they really mean clothes?

There's a restaurant inside.

Are you sure we have time
before the interview?

I am relying on you to be my official
guide to getting around Manhattan.

You know what? I--
I probably did miscalculate time.

You should go.

Go to 6th Avenue and make a left.
It's on 44th.

I'm sorry.

Oh, and try to work apricots in.
Boulud is obsessed with them.

Wait, where are you going?

Will you admit you're not dating anyone
and that you like me...

...a bit and we can see what happens?

I'm a good judge on things like this.
When you kissed me last week...

...there was a lot of chemistry
between us and--

I mean,
that's what I was talking about.

GOSSIP GIRL: Uh-oh, Charlie. Looks like
you've stayed in character all too well.

Too bad there's always an understudy
waiting in the wings...

...for you to slip and fall.

"Nate Archibald's cougar
and her cub in pride w*r."

Are you purposely
trying to make a fool of me?

I told you it was an emergency.

To hide from Max,
your mysteriously reappeared ex.

You don't think
it seems a tad convenient...

...that the only way to do that
was to snog Nate?

I don't know why Max is here...

...but if he finds me,
I could lose everything.

Fine. I'll take over that side of things
and get your ex out of our hair.

You focus on proving to Nate
that you do not...

...nor will you ever,
have any romantic interest in him.

Understood?

Thank you.

Just let me know
what you want me to do.

It's very simple.
You're going to ask Nate out on a date.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

They're voting on Gossip Girl.

And in a surprisingly positive turn for
the 21st century, the cougar is winning.

But it appears you chose the cub.

I didn't choose anything.

Diana tells me
she wants to take some time off.

Then Charlie kissed me and ran.

I thought we left stuff like that
in high school.

Maybe we're maturing too fast.

Which is why you're back to playing
Phantom of the Opera sex games?

The mask is from a benefit performance
of Sleep No More I'm sponsoring.

The whole audience wears them.

I heard about that, kind of like
Macbeth in an old hotel, right?

The audience can follow
the performers?

Since the set is a hundred thousand
square feet and in the dark...

...it provides the perfect opportunity
to disappear for a night...

[CELL PHONE BEEPING]

...and avoid any run-ins with Blair
which may set back my recent progress.

Care to join?
I can get you a ticket.

Looks like I won't need one.

Mm.

Why is it when you don't want Gossip
Girl to post about you, she does...

...and when you do, silence?

I share your frustration.

Even her Chuck Bass Spotted
page is broken.

-Not one blip. He's off the map.
-Why are you looking for Chuck?

I have no choice.

He's trying to destroy
my relationship with Louis.

He knows it's vulnerable.

I'm pretty sure the only w*r Chuck
is waging is with his own demons.

He's hired a new therapist,
focusing on his businesses.

He's even throwing a benefit tonight
for charity.

Oh, no. He got to you too? Chuck
may be sponsoring a performance...

...but it's only because
with his mask on...

-...he is safe to reveal his true self.
-B, whatever you're thinking, stop.

Just work on your relationship
with Louis...

...and let Chuck work on himself.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna stay home
and work on my blog.

How hard can that be?
Write about how many strokes it takes...

-...to brush your hair, people will read it.
-I'll pitch that to Diana.

Charlie told me she didn't think anyone
would read my blog...

...unless I was on Gossip Girl's radar.

I always thought
you were too good to blog.

Just tell Diana it's not for you.

Well, I think you're
too good to scheme.

So if I talk to Diana,
you'll leave Chuck alone?

Absolutely. Go talk to Diana.
Good luck.

Hello, this is Blair Waldorf.

I was hoping you had a ticket left
for tonight's performance.

Diana.

Hey. I am so grateful
for all your help last week.

Why do I feel you're
about to break up with me?

I'm not willing to sell myself or
anyone else out to attract an audience.

Everyone sells themselves, Serena.
It's just how you do it that matters.

I don't think you understand.

I've been trying so hard
to get off Gossip Girl.

Today I almost hurt
an innocent stranger to make you happy.

It just-- It didn't feel right.

The worst part is he actually
seemed like a good guy...

...and now I'll probably
never see him again.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, my gosh, Max.
We were just talking about you.

Looks like you spoke too soon.

We met this morning.

He was looking for his ex
who apparently works in the building.

-Diana.
-I'm sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting.

Not at all. Please stay.

I just wanted to let you know
I got a second interview...

...with Boulud himself,
thanks to your apricot tip.

Wow, that's great.

That was really nice of you
to track me down just to tell me that.

Well, seeing as you helped
your friend Max get a job...

...you two should celebrate.
Get a bite to eat, show him the city.

Isn't your friend
throwing a benefit tonight?

You know, that actually could be fun.
What do you think?

-I'm in.
-Great.

Why don't you rush home and get
changed and I'll give Max all the details?

You can meet him there.

-I can't wait.
-Me too.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Seems the play's the thing tonight.

But watch out, players,
you might be the ones getting played.

[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Welcome, all,
to The McKittrick Hotel.

The card you were handed
upon your arrival is your ticket.

If you find yourself holding an ace,
please take the door to your left...

...and enjoy.

No talking, no photos, no phones.

Feel free to explore,
follow, watch, touch.

Curiosity shall be rewarded.

You must remain masked at all times.

Not nice to steal.

NATE:
Thanks for the invite.

I wasn't sure what to think
after you ran off this afternoon.

If you're worried about getting in trouble
at work, Diana's off to Paris.

And we will be wearing masks.

You know, I'm just a little anxious
about the performance.

It's dark in there and crowded. Um....

I'm gonna get a glass of water
before we go in.

-Would you just wait for me here?
-Yeah, sure.

How's it going?

Well, it would be better
if you would just tell me your plan.

I don't feel comfortable
stringing Nate along.

Well, I had planned
just to catch you two together here...

...making Nate feel so guilty
he came running back to apologize.

But something better struck me.

HOST:
Deuces. All deuces may now enter.

-Hey, you ready?
-I hope so.

Diana, thanks again for the tickets.
Is Serena here yet?

You just missed her. They called
her card and she had to go in.

But she told me to tell you to find her.

She's wearing a beautiful gold dress.
You can't miss her.

Great. Have fun.

I intend to.

[GASPS]

You really think pillows
under covers trick me?

You lumpier now.

You can't expect me to sit
on my pregnant laurels...

...while Chuck gets away
with a secret double life.

-But you tell Miss Serena--
-That I wouldn't undermine Chuck.

That's different than revealing
his authentically evil self.

Maybe you need to face fact
Mr. Chuck really is good.

Never. That's what he wants you to think,
so he can destroy everything in secret.

Oh. Look, there's famous Polish film
director Agnieszka Holland!

Where?

Where?

-Hey.
-Hey.

I know you suggested
being fashionably late...

...but maybe I overdid it.

Not to worry.
Max hasn't even arrived yet.

Oh, I hope he didn't get lost again.
Maybe I should look for him.

Women like us don't do that.
Just wait here.

I'm sure he's just running behind.

I better get in.

They called queens some time ago.

Can you do me a favor?

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

-Nate.
-Hey.

I'm not sure how we lost each other.

One minute I'm at this massive feast,
the next, this freaky psych ward.

-There was this nurse--
-Well, I'm glad you're safe.

-Where do you want to head to next?
-Uh....

Actually, I heard the experience
is better if you stay split up.

Why don't you find the witches?
They're awesome.

And I think I see Lady Macbeth.

Diana, what are you doing here?
I thought you were in Paris.

I decided it was more important
to spend time with you.

That's really sweet, and unexpected.

-But I'm here with someone. I'm sorry.
-Yeah, Charlie, I know.

I saw you both come in.
I have to say I was surprised.

-You said we weren't exclusive.
-Neither is she, apparently.

You know she's seeing someone,
right?

She mentioned something about that,
but I'm pretty sure she was making it up.

Well, then maybe they broke up.

Last I heard, she felt he wasn't
paying her enough attention...

...and she was trying to remedy that.

Anyway, I won't bother you anymore.
I just hope you're not part of that plan.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

The final group is going inside now.
Don't you wanna join them?

Oh. thanks, I'm waiting for someone.

Who it seems isn't coming.

LADY MACBETH:
To beguile the time...

...to look like the time.

Bear welcome in your eyes...

...your hands, your tongue....

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

Blair?

Of course you knew it was me.
Was it my perfume?

-I should get back to the performance.
-You can't disrupt the drama.

Looks like we're stuck.

Together, alone,
amongst the masked and anonymous.

Remember when
we used to play dress-up?

How could I forget?

I didn't think this was
your kind of entertainment anymore.

At least I know I'm safe locked in here
with the new Chuck Bass...

...who has none of his old urges.

I have to admit,
I had a hard time believing you at first...

...but now I see.

The therapy, the apology....

You really have changed.

As warm as it's getting in here...

...I can sweep the hair from the nape
of my neck without setting you off.

[SIGHS]

It's such a relief...

...to be able to let my guard down.

Oh, look, they even have Red Hots.

Mm. You never could resist.

-Do you want one?
-No, but thank you.

No one is looking.

Even the new Chuck Bass must still
have some of his darkest desires.

Just a taste.

Are you ready, Charlie?

There's Nate. Go kiss him.

-Ivy?
-Max.

GOSSIP GIRL: It's been the performance
of a lifetime for Cousin Charlie...

...but tonight it looks like
it just might be the final curtain.

I knew you were still the same Chuck.

You thought by one fake apology
and a few charitable acts...

...you could get me to question
all the reasons I'm with Louis.

But I was right.
You are incapable of change.

It seems you know me too well.

And now, thanks to you,
I'm more certain than ever...

...that I chose the right man.

-Goodbye.
-Goodbye, Blair.

[SIGHS]

I can't remember the last time I drove it,
but it died as soon as I pulled it out.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, just let me know when it's ready
and I'll head back.

Yeah, I need to get
on the road tonight.

Bye-bye.

Dan?

WAITRESS: One more?
-No, thank you.

Are you okay?

I just saw the Gossip Girl blast.

"Serena van der Who?
Last girl standing, or simply stood up?"

She is so heartless and humiliating.

Oh, this is nothing...

...compared to when she called me
irrelevant at graduation...

...or when she lied to the world
that I had an STD.

This is exactly why we need
to work together. On your blog.

Gossip Girl loses her readers,
her attacks lose their power.

Or I just develop a thicker skin,
which is what I've done over the years.

It just upsets me
when she goes after people...

...that aren't strong enough
to defend themselves.

I should probably go.

-See you tomorrow.
-Okay. Bye-bye.

[NATE SIGHS]

Turns out you were right
about Charlie.

I'm sorry.
I didn't wanna see you get hurt.

Even though I can see
how much I've hurt you myself.

How can you hurt me?
I'm your right-hand man.

You're more than that.

I told everyone
you were my boyfriend...

...not because you wanted me to,
because I wanted to.

I care about you.

Why didn't you tell me earlier?

I didn't think it was
what you wanted to hear.

Although judging from tonight...

...maybe you'd rather be
with someone else.

Think about it. Let me know.

[SIGHS]

It was one thing to feel like my book
wasn't exactly appreciated...

...in the Upper East Side.
I expected that.

But then the readings on the tour,
they were less and less full.

In Hartford, 10 people showed up,
half of them to get out of the rain.

My book is a failure, Dad.

-I'm a failure.
-You're not a failure.

When I started touring
with Lincoln Hawk, we didn't have--

A bus, a roadie, an amp
that didn't create massive feedback.

-I've heard this more than once.
-What you don't know...

...is how many times we played
for a handful of people.

In Marfa, Texas, our entire audience
was a bartender.

But that bartender spoke to
his friends, they told their friends.

Soon we were selling out.
It just takes one person...

...who feels like you
communicated with them...

...to start a groundswell.

But you can't connect with that person
unless you show up.

Thank you, Dad.
I think I needed to hear that.

CHARLIE:
What are you doing in New York?

A job interview. What's really weird
is what you're doing here.

What the hell just happened
back there?

I recognized you.

Let's get out of here, catch up.

I'm here with someone.

I thought you were her
when you kissed me.

I should really go find her.
Her name's Serena.

-Serena van der Woodsen?
-Do you know her?

Everybody in New York knows her--
Of her.

Well, I'd like to get to know her better,
so I'm gonna go find her.

Please don't. Fate brought us
back together for a reason.

I miss you. I made a mistake in L.A...

...and I'll tell you all about it
if you just come with me.

I'm not gonna drop everything
because you tell me to, Ivy.

You walked out on me.

You knew it was Max
behind that mask, didn't you?

I told you we were going to show Nate
for the last time...

...that you were the wrong choice
for him.

Why would you use Max when you said
you'd help me get rid of him?

I found a better plan.

And I like watching you squirm.

But let me put you out of your misery.
You're fired.

What?

Clearly your ex
is going to out your secret.

-Please don't do this.
-It's already done.

And now so are we.

Oh, wait. One last piece of business.

A quick picture for Gossip Girl
and then Serena is in place.

Come on, pl--

Perfection.

What name shall I use when I send it in?
Ivy or Charlie?

It doesn't matter. I'll surprise you.

GOSSIP GIRL: All masks eventually
have to come off...

...and with them, so do the gloves.

BLAIR:
Dorota.

I hope you've learned your lesson.

I'll always be right
about Charles Bartholomew Bass.

Now that I've proven
I made the right choice...

...tomorrow we can get back to my
restful week of prenatal pampering...

...before I welcome my fiancé home
with open arms.

So I don't get it. You kissed Blair
so she'd think you hadn't changed?

Only way for Blair to move on
is if she thinks I never will.

I had to kiss her to set her free.

That may be the most selfless thing
you've done.

I've never been more good
and less happy about it.

And what of your happiness,
Archibald?

Was there a clear winner
in the w*r for your heart?

My heart was always
in the same place.

I realized it was my head
that was being messed with.

So I decided to make my own decisions
instead of let everyone pull my strings.

Starting now, I see.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I did.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Lock your windows, Upper East Siders.

Looks like Serena's cuckoo cousin
Charlie is off her meds again...

...and about to jump
to her own conclusion.

What are you doing here?
What happened to your date?

My date stood me up.

What happened to you?
I saw Gossip Girl.

I know. I shouldn't let her
get to me like this...

...but I feel like she's after me...

...or onto something.

Maybe I took on too much too fast
when I came back.

I told Diana I quit.

I think maybe I should just go home.

No, no, don't let Gossip Girl bully you.
Come on, you have to rise above it.

Everything is so fragile right now.

If I make one false move,
my whole world collapses.

Don't leave. Come on.

Whatever you're feeling,
let me help you.

You're family.

I'm so sorry for what I said today.

You don't need to be seen
with some guy to define who you are.

Don't worry, I know that.

I don't think I'll ever
see that guy again anyway.

But I'm not alone. I have you, right?

Come here.

I have to go make a quick call,
then we'll hang out and chat more.

Sure.

[SIGHS]

GOSSIP GIRL: We all wear
different masks for different reasons.

Nate, you matter to me. A lot.

I was just trying to be cool.
You know, that's my thing.

Although I'm beginning to see
I may need a new thing.

From now on, equals.

Just us, together,
seeing what happens.

Yeah.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

-You can take it.
-Are you sure?

Because right now, you're my priority,
not business.

It's fine. I'll get the champagne.

Hello, Serena. Everything okay?

Not exactly.

It's one thing when Gossip Girl
tries to humiliate me.

But when she goes after
someone like Charlie--

Oh. I haven't seen Gossip Girl.
What's she done?

Just what she's done a thousand times
before, and I'm sick of it.

I'm ready to help you bring her down.

I'm sorry for the circumstances
that brought you to this.

I'm looking forward to working with you
on this. See you at 9.

I'll be there.

GOSSIP GIRL: Some masks we put on
because it's truly who we want to be.

Some we wear because we can't bear
to face what's really underneath.

Or because
it's what someone else needs us to be.

-Everything's set.
MAN [OVER PHONE]: Good. Very good.

You should never have doubted me.

You've done a fine job
rehabilitating my grandson's image.

He's right where I need him to be.

And Serena's right where
we need her too.

Always a pleasure working with you,
William.

GOSSIP GIRL: And some masks we wear
because we hope to stay hidden.

But that's the problem
with wearing masks.

They can be ripped off at any moment.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.