01x02 - BDE

[bunniefuu]

- Ooh, hey. What about these?

Frootie Monsters?

- Well, Mom says
they're way too sugary.

- Oh, she does?

Yeah, she's totally right.

I mean, 15 grams?

That's super bad for you.

Shh.

Oh, hey, you've... you've
never had Pop-Tarts, right?

- No.
- Yeah, good.

'Cause they're even worse,
especially these chocolate ones.

Ooh, they're gonna
taste great.

And... oh.

Hang on, buddy.

Uh... hello?

- Hi, this is Nathan Bartlett.

I got your number
from Sorrento Bath.

I was wondering if
you could install

a toilet for us tomorrow.

- Uh, tomorrow? Sure.

I could do around 12:00.

- Yeah, 12:00.
That works perfect.

- Oh, hey, could you
text me the address?

Sorry, I'm just with my son.

- No problem. I'll
see you tomorrow.

- See you tomorrow.

- Dad?

Dad?
- Huh?

- Can we get these too?

- Uh, oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're very unhealthy.

Put 'em in.

- You're the best.

- Oh, my God. I'm
so sorry about that.

- Are you crazy?

- More!

- Hey.

- I know who you are.

- Who I am?

- The serial k*ller.

The Westside Ripper.

All right.

This is a...

This is a joke, right?

- Don't worry. I'm
not gonna turn you in.

I have a proposition for you.

First, the k*lling stops.

Anyone gets hurt or k*lled
or you try to hurt or k*ll me

or anyone I love, it
triggers an email,

an automatic email
to LAPD Homicide

telling them that you're
the Westside Ripper.

And to prove it,
all they need to do

is match your DNA to
the bloodstained bootie

you left when you k*lled
Chloe Lake last week.

So you got two options.

You can make a run for it,

but you'll never
see your kid again.

You'll be a fugitive until they
hunt you down and k*ll you.

Or option two.

We work together.

We...

make a podcast.

- A podcast?

- About you and what you do.

You are a funny f*cking dude.

Come on, man. Let's
get out there.

- Take one more step and
the cops will be here

before you get out of the water.

No one's gonna know it's you,

but you have to answer every
single question I ask you.

Why you do it, how
long you've done it...

Everything.

So those are your options.

Life in prison...

or make a podcast.

What'll it be?

- Hey, guys.

- Man, yeah, check that out!

- It's good, huh?

- Hey. Hey!

Hey!

You got 48 hours!

That's all you got!

f*ck! f*ck!

You got one f*cking job
to do, you f*cking idiot!

- Hey, hey. What happened?

What did he say?
- You saw.

The f*cking surfers came,
and he went into the water.

- Well, why didn't
you go after him?

- Into the ocean?
- Yes.

- I just accused him of
being a serial k*ller.

- Now we just ruined our
only negotiating position.

Now he knows that we
know he's a k*ller.

Well, he could be out there...

We don't know what
he's gonna do next.

- I gave him 48 hours.

- Oh. Oh, did you?

You put a clock on the offer?

Oh, my God, I knew I
should've done this myself.

- No, no, he can't ever
know you're involved ever.

- I know.
- That's the deal.

It's way too dangerous.

- Did he at least
admit he's the guy?

- No.
- Great. Another... another win.

- Let's just be smart, okay?
Let's just stop and think here.

- Mm-hmm.
- We gotta go to the cops.

- No, stop. No, listen.
- We should... we should...

- No, we're not gonna...
- No, this is stupid.

We should go to the cops.
- Listen, listen.

We are not gonna... We
don't need to think.

We don't need to go to the cops.

We need to play this out, okay?

We need... we gave an offer.

He's gonna come back to us.

- It's not a condo in Palms.

Babe, he could be out there
right now planning to k*ll us.

- Yes, and then the
cop will get the email,

and his life will be over.

He loves his life, if
you haven't noticed.

I promise you, that
guy is gonna counter.

And what we need to
do is what we do.

We need to be normal.

We need to go to
work, go to our jobs,

like normal people.

This is work right... hi!

Ryan, good to hear from you.

- Hey. I need a little help.

I'm at 5302 Avondale.

Do you know this?

- I... I do know that one.

I didn't know they
were open today.

- It's beautiful. Hey,
are there any offers?

- Yes, from what I remember,

I think, two offers,
around 8 million each.

- Okay, great.
Let's offer 8.2.

- Wow. Really? Okay,
wow. Are you sure?

Do you want to, like, take
a minute and think about it?

- No, no. Let's
do it. Right now.

- No. Great. This is amazing.

Okay, I'm gonna... let me
get to work on it right now

and, um, good luck.

Fingers crossed.

- Fingers crossed. Got to go.
- Ahh! Okay.

- Fingers crossed?
- Yeah.

- Who was that?
- No one. A buyer hopefully.

- A good-looking buyer.
- Oh, really?

Right now? Really?

- You never say
"fingers crossed."

- I say it to everybody.

What, have you never seen
someone do fingers crossed?

Fingers crossed, fingers
crossed, fingers crossed.

- I have no idea how you
can multitask right now.

- Okay, babe, listen to me.

I know you're
freaking out, okay?

It is all gonna
be fine. Trust me.

He is gonna counter.

- Coach.

Coach.

Coach!

- Huh?

- What do we do?

- Oh, uh...

Let's play Three
Little Bears, okay?

Spread out. Spread out.

Good. Good.

- Nathan.

- Hey, we gotta fix
this crack on the court.

It's really f*cked up here.

- Yeah, um, Mason's
taking over this lesson.

- Hey, handsome.

- Why?
- Because you have, uh,

detectives from LAPD who'd
like a word with you.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- Hi.
- Nathan Bartlett.

- Detective Peterson.
- Nice to meet you.

- Detective Burrell.
- Nice to meet you.

- This place is
pretty sweet, hmm?

Pools and mai tais.

- Initiation must
be pretty steep.

- Yeah, it's... It's
ridiculous here.

Is there something
I can help you with?

- What you know about
the Westside Ripper?

- The... uh, what?

- The Westside
Ripper. Serial k*ller.

- Uh, well, I've read about him.

I mean, there was another
victim last week, right?

- Yeah, Chloe Lake.

- We were wondering
if you knew her.

- Me?
- Mm.

- No.
- Oh.

How about now?

- Her? Her.

Oh, right.

That's the bartender
from Lucky's.

- Yeah.

You're just now remembering her?

- Well, you know, I'm
a coach here, it's LA.

You know, you meet
a lot of people.

- Yeah. It's LA.

- It does look like you
were kind of friendly,

the way you were looking at her.

- Yeah, I just didn't
put it all together.

She was k*lled?
- Yeah.

- Trying to stop this guy
before he does it again.

- Sure. Yeah, we
gotta stop him.

Is there anything I
can do to help you?

- You remember her
leaving the bar

the night she was k*lled?

She with anyone?
- Uh, no.

I'm... I'm not sure.

- Well, if you
remember anything,

or just want to comp
me a free spin class,

give me a call, okay?
- Great.

It's so nice to
meet you. Thanks.

- Last thing.

Who's this guy?

We're trying to
talk to everyone.

We haven't been able to ID him.

- Yeah.

That's Matt Pierce.

He's a friend of mine.

- You have his number?

- His number?
- Yeah.

- Such a good boy, Duke.

- So what are you proposing?

- I'm saying that they
gotta go somewhere,

but... 'cause if you
move them from Venice,

they just go to Santa Monica.

- You know what? You
should tweet that out.

- Where's Nathan?

- I don't know, he
must've gotten held up.

- Hey, Newsom says
you can't regulate

public spaces, but
that's the thing...

Then the homeless are just
gonna regulate it for you.

- You can't say "the homeless."

It's not a zombie army.

- What? Can I say vagrant?
- No.

- Oh, my God.
- No. No.

No, you can't say vagrant.

- Jesus f*ck...

- Okay, what about
hobo? Can I say hobo?

- It's unhoused. Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

- Can we change the subject?
- Yes.

- So did you end up
booking the trip?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Where the hell have you been?

- The cops came to the club.

- Wait. what?

- We're gonna stop this now.

We're gonna stop this
whole insane thing.

- Okay, let's... Come
over here for a second.

Well, just what happened?

- They asked me if I
knew the dead girl.

I panicked and said no.

Then they showed me a photo
of me with the dead girl.

- You need to stay calm
'cause you look crazy.

- So they know I lied. They
know I'm hiding something.

And then they started
asking me about... hello.

- Hi.

- About Matt.
- What?

- Yeah.
- f*ck.

- That shitty bar had
cameras everywhere.

There's 100 photos of me

hanging out with
a serial k*ller.

They asked me for his
f*cking phone number.

- All right, let's... come here.

Look, they obviously don't
think you're the unsub,

so we're good.
- The what?

- The unidentified
subject, all right?

You were able to
deflect, so that's good.

- How was I able to deflect?
I know the dead girl.

I know the k*ller.
That's not deflection.

That's "come arrest me."
- Listen.

We're in the big leagues
now. We have stepped up.

There's gonna be pressure.

You remember what
Billie Jean King said.

- Please don't
Billie Jean King me.

- I'm gonna do it.
- Don't, don't.

- I'm gonna do it.
Pressure is a privilege.

We have never felt
pressure before because

we've never been in the game.
- What game?

- The game of life, man,
okay? The real game.

Not the game you and
I have been playing.

The real one where
people take f*cking risks

and you might flame out,
but maybe, just maybe,

you might f*cking soar

and get the life we've
always dreamed of

and not have to stress

when the f*cking
InSinkErator breaks.

And you feel like you've
already failed your baby

when it hasn't
even been born yet.

So come on. Let's do this.

Don't throw it away yet.
- Throw it away?

We don't know where
the serial k*ller is.

We don't know what
he's thinking.

All we do know is the
cops are up my a*s.

I go down, that's
aiding and abetting.

That's 30 years.

You want to come visit
me in San Quentin?

Midnight express
me under the table?

- What is that?
- You know.

- You look like you're sweeping.

I don't do that.
Why would I do that?

- It doesn't matt...
- Okay, just...

Mm. It's him.
- Shh.

- Okay, okay, listen.
It's him. Stop, stop.

We got... he's gonna counter.

Let's just hear what
he has to say, please.

Do not hang up. Are you ou...

- Tomorrow we go to the
cops, we turn him in,

we rejoin the human race.

That's what we're gonna do.

- No.
- I'm out.

- How does it work?

- So it's like a two-for-one.

First I do a story unboxing it,

and then I do a second
story trying on the bikinis.

- All I know is, we get all
kinds of free sh*t showing up.

- So you're opening boxes,
you're looking at them,

you're talking about them.
- Trying them on.

- And that's it.
- And people are watching this.

- Yes, it's a
haul. It's like...

- Theoretically.
- Unboxing.

- Why is it that funny?

- Hey, do you have a birth plan?

- A what?
- A birth plan.

- You're dropping
in, like, two months,

and you don't have a birth plan.

- Do I need one?
- You need to tell them,

like, what music you
want, what drugs you want,

and who's gonna go downtown

and who's gonna stay
up at the Paris end.

- Ew.
- I have a birth plan.

Not even pregnant.
- Uh, Richard,

what were you saying
about the... earlier?

The school's...
- The school's position

is that everyone has
unconscious racial bias

and the more we deny it...

- You doing okay here?

- So the more you deny it...
- You miss us?

- The more biased you are.
- Yes.

- We miss you.
- I agree with that.

Only a true witch would
deny they're a witch.

Duke, oh, come here, boy.

Oh.
- Guilty.

- It's true.

- You're such a good boy.

- Hey, uh, Nate.
- Hey.

- How's the club?
- Uh, club is great.

- Oh, my gosh, last week I
did Live Ball with Mason.

- I love Mason.
- More Mason, please.

- What about his, like,
teeny, little, tiny shorts?

- Those are not
regulation shorts.

- I love his butt.
- Right?

That butt launched
1,000 jerk-offs.

- You should have
him coach more Live Ball.

All the ladies and gentlemen

love him.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, no, they, um...
Everybody seems to really...

- Actually, Nathan
decided to step away

from the director role.

- Oh.
- You did? What?

- Oh.
- Uh, sorry. We didn't...

- No, no. Not
sorry. He loves it.

He's working with the
juniors, actually.

It's more satisfying
working with kids, so...

- That's... totally.
That's great.

- Everybody likes kids.
- He's loving it.

- Yeah.
- I got fired.

- Well, okay, that's not
exactly how it went down.

- No, they fired my a*s.

- Wait.
- Uh...

- Apparently, I'm
a middle-aged f*ck.

- Mm.

- And Mason's got
big d*ck energy.

- That is bullshit 'cause
you've got big d*ck energy.

- Yes.
- You've got huge d*ck energy.

- You've got a massive p*nis.
- Yes. Yes.

- You can see it from here.
- Tripod.

- Yeah, buddy.
- It's a big one.

- We talk about
your d*ck sometimes.

It's huge.

- Come on.
- Do you?

- I do.
- f*ck them.

You know what? f*ck them.
- f*ck them.

- f*ck them.
- f*ck that small d*ck club.

- And you know what?

You're, like, the
best coach ever.

- Yeah, you're a good friend.

- We'll f*cking quit, buddy.

All: Yes.
- We're gonna all quit.

- Yes, we should quit right now.

- We're gonna all quit.
- I mean, he'll quit.

- Guys, guys, I'm
cool. Honestly.

I mean, you know me.

I always land on my feet.

You loser.

You f*cking loser.

Oh, you f*cking loser.

- Ooh, good job, baby.

There we go. Mm, mm.

- He's literally a ten, right?

- I mean, so Simon
just doesn't even care?

He's just busy just having
sex with your bikini waxer?

- I have a little
story to tell you.

So I actually went to
her the other day, right?

And I kept, like,
sliding down the chair.

Just to, like, really
get her face in it.

You know?
- Oh, my God.

- Like, clean my house.

- That's...
- Reasonable.

- Very visual. Yeah.
- Yeah.

I mean, look at this one.
- Wow.

- There's something
about his arms.

They're not, like, white
and flabby like Simon's.

Honestly, it's not even
about the amazing sex.

It's like, Simon is
a trust fund baby.

- Yeah.
- Right?

You know we don't
even own this house?

His parents just gave it to us.
- Wow.

- And Carlos, he's...
He's a go-getter.

I mean, he has those
three gyms in LA.

He wants to open a
fourth in New York.

He's pitching that
TV show, you know?

And it's like, he's ambitious.

He takes risks.

Just really sexy.

- Yeah, no, I get that.

- Look at this one.

- Hey.

How you doing?

Hey, I, uh...

I got you a chocolate
croissant from the counter.

- I'm not here for croissants.

- Oh, you sure? Man,
they're so good.

Mmm.

Hey, you ever read
"Harry Potter"?

- What?
- "Harry Potter."

I've been reading them to Ollie.

The first three
books are amazing.

And then suddenly,
bam. "Goblet of Fire."

What the f*ck?

752 f*cking pages?

It's exhausting.

And if you give up, then
you're a shitty dad, right?

And then I realized

"Goblet of Fire" isn't a book.

It's a test.

A test to all the
fathers of the world.

A test of our dedication.

A test of our commitment.

- The f*ck you talking about?

- And as I was reading
"Goblet of Fire" last night,

it struck me.

You took a while
to call me back.

Maybe you aren't really
committed to your proposal.

Maybe you'll cut and run,

throw me under the bus.

Maybe you're a dad who won't
finish "Goblet of Fire."

- The police came to my work.

- Oh, yeah?

- They have footage
of me with Chloe Lake.

They have footage of
the two of us together.

I'm fully in no matter what.

What about you?

Are you in or out?

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hey, is, uh... is Nate okay?

He seemed kind of
down last night.

- Uh, yeah, no,
he's... he's fine.

He's... I think last night
he had a little too much red.

- I love him. You know that.

He's one of my oldest
friends, but I don't know.

Last few years, he's
kind of shut himself off.

He hardly talks to any of us.

- Yeah, no, he just kind
of keeps a lot inside,

but he's... he's good.

We're... he's good. We're good.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- I do need to talk to
you about one other thing.

Um, I'm sorry.

But I have to take
you off Palisades.

- What? No, no, no, no.
I need that listing.

- The owners wanted you off or
they're taking it elsewhere.

- Okay, the price
tag is way too high.

I've been telling them.
- Maybe.

But you had it for six weeks

and it didn't move.

Do you have anything
else in the pipeline?

- Yeah, of course. Always.

I, um... in fact, I met a
buyer last week at Palisades

and he just put in a big
cash offer on Avondale.

- That sold.
- What?

- They accepted an
offer this morning.

Some family from out of state.

- Okay, well, this... this...
My guy's very motivated,

and I have more
options to show him.

- Okay, great.

But in the meanwhile,

why don't you go back
to the apartment space?

Huh?
- Apartments?

- You're so good in that world.

- You're definitely
not gonna eat that?

May I?

- Here you go.

- So... thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

- I love your shoes.

So, uh, who have you told

about your allegation?

- No one.
- Ava?

- No one. Why would...
Ava doesn't know.

Nobody knows.
- Hmm.

Well, how'd you come up with it?

I mean, it's pretty crazy.

- Really? You want
me to go through it?

- Yeah.

- The blood, the scratches,

you followed the
girl out of the bar.

- Hmm, still, I mean,
it's kind of a leap.

- Like the girl you
k*lled in Pomona.

I looked it up.

I bet you there's a sh*t
ton of forensics all over

the Westside Ripper
murders that lead to you,

so we could pretend
this isn't happening,

but it's happening.

And we need to deal with it.

- And you came up with
all of this by yourself.

- Are you in or out?

I'm not asking again.

- All right, buddy.

I'm gonna give you some advice,
because I really like you,

and because it's really hard
to make friends in LA, right?

I would strongly urge
you to drop this.

Because, Nathan, this...

will not end well for you.

Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,

but eventually.

I guarantee it.

You know?

There's a lot of easier ways

to save your shitty
marriage, my friend.

- You're a f*cking monster.

- I'm the monster?

- f*ck you.

You know how long
Dahmer lasted in county?

I give you six months, as*h*le.

- Why don't you
sit down, Nathan?

All right, I'm in.

On one condition.

You and I still throw.

- Excuse me? What?

- Good night.
- Don't stay too late.

- He's in.

- What? What do you mean?
- He's in.

I called him. I met with him.

- You met with him?

- Yeah, at the diner on Pico.

He's totally in.

We start in a few days.

- Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Holy sh*t!

Wait, so he countered
like I thought he would?

That's so hot. Mm!

I cannot believe you did that.
- That's how I do, baby.

- That is so impressive. Mm.

Oh, my God, that
really makes me want

to f*ck you hard right now.

Yeah, literally right now.
- Right now?

- Immediately.
- Is anyone here?

- I mean, I don't know
if I can in this dress.

- Is anybody here?
- No, we're the only ones here.

That is so hot.
- Is it bad for the baby?

- No, no, the baby likes
it. The baby likes it.

The baby says smack
my a*s, actually.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. Over there.

Take me over there.
- Smack your a*s over there.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Get... get... oh!

Check, check. Check
one. Check, one-two.

- Okay, hey, he confirmed
for 1:00, right?

You're meeting him at 1:00 p.m.
- Yes.

And the place is secure, right?
No one's gonna walk in on us?

- No, no, no. It's
an empty warehouse.

We're not renting it
out for six months.

It's perfect.

Um, can you just not
forget to press record?

- Really?
- When you're...

- Is that what you
do? Press record?

Thanks.
- Listen, I'm just nervous.

I'm nervous. I'm so excited.

We haven't been
nervous in years.

- I know.
- I'm so excited. Oh!

- I love you.
- I love you.

- Testing one, two, three.
- It's been tested.

- I know. Is it too loud?

- It's fine.
- Testing. Test...

- The true crime genre
has never been hotter.

"m*rder Junkies" just sold
to Audioboom for $20 million.

And our own podcast,
"A Lipinski Original:

Sisters in Crime,"
sold for $60 million.

And do we sell merch? Yes.

Both: Absolutely.

- But as we sit
here and we learn

how to fully
monetize our podcast,

I don't want us to ever forget

that we're really
here for the victims.

- We are their advocates.

We are their voice.

We will never stop
fighting for justice.

- We need to talk.

both: Nice shot, Dad!