(suspenseful violin music)
(thunder strikes)
(mice squeaking)
- Hello, one and all welcome
to another thrilling episode
of Mice and m*rder.
I am your humble dungeon
master Brennan Lee Mulligan
with me as always our Sylvan Sleuths.
Say hi, Sylvan Sleuths.
- Hi, Sylvan Sleuths.
- Ohhhhhh, love it.
g*ng, last we left off
our animal investigators.
They were at Loam Hall having
just heard the announcement
of an enormous tithe to the
Vicar Ian Prescott's church
from Squire Badger himself.
That's right - William
Thornwell Brockhollow
the Squire of Loam Hall
giving a huge amount of money following
some ghastly business with
the death of Connor McCabbage,
a worker at his textile mill.
We saw the return of the
fee from Sylvester Cross
world-renowned gentleman detective,
handed over by his body person.
The incredible Sergeant Lars Vandenchomp.
We also had a recognition,
a little bit of a meeting
of some criminal enterprises
between Buckster $. Boyd
and Gangie Green,
exchanging a list of names
of the graves that had been robbed
and the cadavers collected
by the criminal Gangie.
We ended on a look shared between
Buckster's right-hand woman
the fabulous Daisy D'umpstaire
and Sylvester Cross
across the ballroom here at
the 60th birthday celebration
of the Squire.
However, I do not invite you
yet to return to those halls
of high society and the
business to be tended to,
between Buckster and Badger, between Vicar
and the townsfolk of
his parish, nor indeed
between Sylvester and the
halls where he could not crack
his only uncracked case.
No, instead, I invite you to a locomotive
surging through the Alps.
(Brennan does a pretty
solid train impression)
Many years before - I
invite you 12 years prior
to a as yet uninjured 43
year old Sylvester Cross.
Debonair and dashing -
this train surges across
huge expanses where the snowy
caps of the Alps plummet away
deep, we see little farmhouses
where Swiss yodeling
big horn sheep tend their
little farm cottages
as the sun sets and night descends
on this mountain top train.
Frost and snow ripping away
from the cow catcher at
the front of the train.
Sylvester, you look over
and see a snarling jackal,
wearing little pork pie hat, stand up.
This is the man you've been following,
gets up with a strange glint of gold
as he tucks a stolen diadem
into his coat pocket and
makes his way along the train
through the door, leading to the next car.
Sylvester what do you do?
- Undetected, as far as I know,
I follow him and I make it a point to hide
behind a big newspaper, so
he doesn't see that I am--
(laughs)
- Oh, Detective 201.
(laughs)
- The world's greatest
detective at it again.
- You follow him into the next car,
you see that he is seated
at a table in the dining car
looking around suspiciously,
go ahead and give me a stealth roll here
if you'd be so kind.
- 24.
- Oh.
- Sly as a fox you settle in,
you see that the jackal sort
of leans around looking,
looks like he's waiting for
an appointment of some kind.
You know that he's here
meeting a famous fence
from the London underground.
That should be here at any
moment, someone that will help
him move this diadem that
you're trying to recover.
However, when you hear
someone sit at the table
across from him, you
are a little bit shocked
that the voice of that
fence does not pick up.
Instead, a beautiful and
sultry Southern voice
fills the air.
Rekha, Daisy has just found her mark.
As you sit at the jackal's table
you see that the jackal looks up at you.
This is Roscoe McCoy, you
see, he looks up and says,
"Girl what do you want
lady, do I know you?"
- You're about to.
(chuckles)
- Go ahead and roll
persuasion with advantage.
- Okay, first roll is 11 and
then - you said with advantage?
- Yes.
- Okay, second roll is a 17.
- You see he smiles and says,
"Saucy..."
"I could swear that you was a raccoon"
"but maybe I'm looking
at a mink after all."
(laughs)
- Okay, great and you see.
(laughs)
And sorry, you said this is my mark,
so I'm trying to get
that diedam off of him?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Okay, great.
Oh, you flatter me.
So what is it Mr. McCoy?
- You see, he snarls and says,
"How did you know my name?"
- Oh, a woman's intuition is
stronger than you know, sir.
- Go ahead and give me deception check.
(laughs)
- Oh, women's intuition.
- Okay, that's a 10.
(laughs)
- Oh, you see, he looks at you and says,
"That's right, women's intuition, yeah?
"ah, excuse me, I have to head
off to the little boy's room
"real quick."
He gets up walks back the way he came
going past you Sylvester
towards the door again.
- Is there a way, can I
try to swipe the thing
as he walks by me?
- Go ahead, he's moving pretty fast,
- Okay.
- so give me a sleight of
hand check with disadvantage.
- Okay, 24 is the first
one, second one is 13.
- 13, you go to grab it, as you do so,
actually 13, let me roll for him.
You snag it.
(laughs)
- Great.
- Even with a 13, you grabbed the diadem.
However, give me a
perception check, Sylvester.
- It is a 22.
- You watch this very slick raccoon
palm the diadem as this guy gets up
to go back into the car.
- And then I think I probably get up
and try to swipe it off this raccoon.
- Give me a sleight of hand check,
Rekha go ahead and give
me a perception check.
- [Rekha] Okay.
- 25
- 19.
Okay, and Grant, before you said,
that's what you were going to do,
in my mind I'm licking all
the dirt off of this diadem.
So...
- Amazing you--
- In my mind, I saw it and appreciated it.
(laughs)
- You lick all the dirt off of it
and you stow it away in
your purse and walk away.
Having gotten the diadem
which is the only thing
you were here to do.
What do you think Daisy does after,
do you return to your car
or what else do you do?
- I think, let me think.
Which car are we in, are we
in like the rich people car?
- You're in the dining car right now.
- Okay, I think I swiped
something else on my way out.
- Cool, you swipe something
out, throw it in there.
You get all the- as you
swipe something else,
I think you get all the
way back to the hallway
outside of your door.
- Yeah.
- As you're putting that last thing,
- Yes.
- You did, you realize the
diadem is not there anymore.
- Yeah, I turn around and my
raccoon senses are tingling,
I'm sniffing around underneath chairs,
I'm licking up dirt as
I go, as a little snack.
I'm like I'm opening people's
curtains and their beds
and stuff and sniffing around
for where this thing might be.
- Incredible, Sylvester, what do you do?
- I see her opening these
curtains and I return to my car
knowing that soon she'll get to mine.
(laughs)
- f*ck, okay.
- Daisy, you sniff out all
the way, get to a personal car
you can smell the diadem in there.
- Yeah.
- What do you do?
- I'm sniffing around and I
listen to see if I can hear,
if the diadem's there alone
or if there's a warm body holding it.
- Rekha, you give me a perception.
- Grant, you give me stealth.
- Okay.
Seven.
(laughs)
- 25.
- Yeah, whoa.
- Rekha, you can easily
pop the lock on this door,
there's nobody inside.
- Okay, cool, so I pop
the lock, I look inside
and you said the diadem
is there or is not?
- You smell the diadem in there for sure.
- Okay, great so, yeah, I pop the lock.
- Pop the lock, go inside
totally dark in here.
Sylvester, would you have
the diadem on your person,
would you have left it
somewhere in the room?
- I think I'd be holding
it right here in my hand.
(laughs)
- Daisy--
- I was so like he's shrouded in darkness?
- Shrouded in darkness.
You walk in, close the door,
Grant, how do the lights
come on in this room?
(laughs)
- They don't.
My match strikes.
(laughs)
- Oh, yes b*tch!
- Does this belong to you?
- Why, as a matter of fact, it does,
so I'll be taking that now.
- Interesting. My goodness, for a moment,
I thought this was the Chase diadem,
belonging to the Chase
family of New York City.
- Of the Chase sapphires?
- That's right, of the Chase sapphires.
That's right of the Chase
sapphires, famed jewel merchants.
(laughs)
Why yes, I do believe I pull
out a little magnifying glass
that I can use as a
makeshift jewelers loop.
I do believe this is the
exact carat of the diadem
that they have lost.
- Why, yes, it is - and I'm Virginia Chase
heiress to the Chase fortune
and you can notice that my
slobber's all over this diadem.
So if you want to hand it
back, I'd be much obliged.
- I'm gonna need a deception from Daisy,
I'm gonna need an insight from Sylvester.
- Damn, I'm striking out, I got a 10.
(laughs)
- 21.
- Sylvester, can't get low
enough to not beat a 10
because of his inquisitive rogue features.
I'm gonna say this, because
Daisy's just struck out
a couple of times in a row.
I think something has thrown
Daisy off her game here.
You...
- I think I'm in the presence of a hottie
and I don't think she knows what to do.
(laughs)
- So Sylvester, you look up and see a
smitten raccoon
and I think that Daisy's being off balance
disguises exactly how
criminal she is from you
in this moment, because
you're seeing genuine fluster.
Daisy, as you look,
there is a pregnant pause
that hangs in the air, it's
Sylvester puffs on his pipe
and Daisy stands here.
Sylvester you see right through that.
I'm gonna say that Virginia
Chase is a real person
and Sylvester, about
a week and a half ago,
Virginia Chase was in your
office hiring you to do this job.
(laughs)
- Why Virginia!
My goodness, that's my
mistake, please have a seat.
- Okay, do I believe this?
- Reverse! Now it's deception,
Sylvester, and it's insight.
- Okay, great.
(laughs)
- 18.
- 18.
- You guys stare into each
other's eyes, not quite sure
where the lie ends and the reality begins
and this hot and heavy
tension caught in this moment.
It's only interrupted by the noise of
BLAM!!
down the hallway as the door
to Daisy's room is kicked in
and a g*nsh*t goes off.
(g*nsh*t)
Both of you are slick enough
to know exactly whose room that was.
What do you both do?
- I think...
- 'cause it's my room, you said, right?
- Yes, and you hear a call of that jackal,
accompanied by a number
of other figures, goes,
"She ain't in here, track
her down, find her!"
- Yeah, so as a bit of a clothes horse,
I travel with a giant chest of clothes.
I pop it open, pull the
clothes out and say, "Get in."
- To me?
- Yes, to you.
- Well, I'm round as a bob,
but my flesh is squishy,
so you're lucky I can fit in here,
in your tiny little suitcase.
- My dear, I wasn't ready
to hear about your flesh
but please protect yourself.
- Oh, God, good God, I zip myself in.
- Incredible, the door,
you hear sniffing outside
and then a bang, bang, bang
on the door of your carriage,
your little carriage compartment.
- I don't believe it's locked, do come in.
- The door opens and you see,
four like rough customer
London criminals outside.
The one in the front looks and says,
"Sylvester Cross."
And takes his hat off, looking
at a renowned detective.
- The very same.
(laughs)
- I'm going to, he says, "Ah,
so you ain't seen a raccoon
"come by this way, I've you?
- A raccoon, on a train?
No, sir.
(laughs)
- Daisy goes, "Hah!", inside.
- Give me a deception check, Sylvester.
See if your luck holds out.
- Five.
(laughs)
Rolled a one.
- Oh, it was a Nat one.
- It was a Nat one.
- Oh, Nat one is an auto failure.
- Okay.
- So you hit that Nat one,
you see the criminals look
as they look, you hear, you
say like a raccoon on a train
and the suitcase next to
you just goes, "Hah!",
in this offended way,
and we are going to,
from this moment, we are going
to like push forward in time
because indeed we are just
living in memory right now.
The lie fails catastrophically,
and violence ensues
fighting over the suitcase,
which eventually gets popped,
you and Daisy end up fleeing.
There are more criminals on the train,
you end up on the roof of
the train, running down
the diadem and your hand,
fist fighting, bam, bam, bam.
Knife, sword comes out.
Like brass knuckles, black jack,
the diadem sails through
the air, leap, caught.
You're hanging off the side of
the train, boom, back, goes.
You like the main, most
muscly criminal comes after
Sylvester while he's prone, boom.
g*nsh*t hits him in the
shoulder from Daisy behind.
He goes up and right as the
train goes into a tunnel,
you both flatten and this last criminal
hits the top of the tunnel
roof and is no more.
From there, days into weeks.
As both of you find a
way to work hand in hand.
Daisy introduces herself
as an American detective
a Private Investigator
here on the same case,
your case in the case
of the Chase or rather,
the Chase's case ties in with Daisy,
who was just working for a common family
connected to the Chases, a
very humble beginning, similar.
And your case takes you
to Vienna and Berlin.
You realize that the diamond
was stolen as a front
as part of a blackmail operation
from none other than the
villainous Fletcher Cottonbottom.
- I knew it.
- Getting-
(laughs)
Exactly, you end up going
all over the world together
with this caper and then
many others past it.
You fall head over heels in
love, a whirlwind romance,
a proposal within the year,
and the day before your wedding...
Sylvester, you discover the documents
hidden away in a secret
compartment in Daisy's hotel room
at the Savoy where she's been staying,
that reveal all of the
income she has been making
from a mysterious American businessman.
Daisy has been at your side
for all of the past a year
and you've never known a love like this.
And she has also been using her proximity
to your investigations to take information
that you were providing
to the bereaved families,
to the Crown, to Scotland yard,
and giving it to the shadowy
and powerful who could
use that information
for their own purposes.
You even find moments where Daisy has,
you even find on occasion
that Daisy has planted things
within your investigations
to protect the interests
of people whose wrongdoing may
otherwise have come to light.
You, Sylvester, for the
first time in your life
have been had.
And Daisy got the drop on you.
- I'm so sad.
- The door opens.
(laughs)
The door opens
and Daisy walks into her
room to find you here.
And I will ask Rekha and
Grant, if you would rather us
revisit this scene of the
confrontation that happened here,
or if you feel that it
is better left unsaid?
- Hmm, what do you think?
- Oh, gosh.
- Do it! Sorry.
- I think we need to know what we said.
- Let's do it.
- Daisy, you were breaking
into Sylvester's home
on Hampstead Street to
find him absent there
and immediately knew that
he had broken into yours
and rushed here as fast as you could.
- Yeah.
- Having arrived, you open the door,
your wedding dress dominates
the room on a stand
next to a large vanity mirror,
all of your beautiful gowns and wealth
spread throughout the room
and you see Sylvester
standing by the window,
the lights of London outside.
- Well, there's something
old and something new,
something borrowed and now something blue.
- Don't say it.
(laughs)
Listen, I can explain everything, okay?
It's not what you think, alright?
I was duped, these were planted on me.
- You being duped is the
only lie you've told,
I can't believe.
(sighs)
(laughs)
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Daisy.
- What?
- The man I was is not the man I am today.
I have...
lived a life of wit,
but never in my life
have I had heart to offer until I met you.
How...
can I go back?
I wish I could...
I can't.
I forgive you.
- You forgive me?
Sylvester, I - listen,
you ain't gonna change anything about me.
I'm gonna be me, I'm gonna
be trying to get ahead, okay?
You, yes, this was a torrid affair.
Yeah, it's something that I didn't expect,
I've never truly been in love
and I didn't expect this,
I didn't expect you.
I'm just, I'm not gonna change for you,
so you might as well give me up.
- Sylvester, roll an insight check for me
and Daisy if you wish
you can roll a deception.
- Okay.
- Nat two plus eight to 10.
- On insight you can't
roll less than eight, so--
- Oh, then 16.
- 16.
- I rolled a 12 on deception.
- Sylvester, you look as Daisy
advises you to give up on her
and Rekha, I'm reading Daisy here as well,
so you tell me if I'm wrong.
But I think when Sylvester looks
and sees Daisy advising him
to give up on her,
beneath that, under all
of Daisy's cynicism,
which you always knew was there,
but you didn't know it was this strong
underneath all of that.
You see Daisy, not only
advising you to give up on her
but a panic as she's asking
you to give up on her.
- I can't, I just can't.
- Silence in the weight of that statement.
We move from that room and
I'll pause here and say,
if there's anything else that
you want to do in that room,
we absolutely can, but
we move from that room
to a small city
not even a church - a chapel.
Small little stone shrine
near the riverside,
near some green trees.
We see a kindly looking priest
and we see as dashing
as he has ever looked,
Sylvester Cross standing at the altar.
Sylvester, we definitely
know who is not here,
but other than the priest,
is there anyone else in
attendance at the ceremony
that was supposed to occur?
- No, Sylvester's not
close to anyone else.
- Brutal.
- The sun sets and,
wearing his wedding tuxedo,
Sylvester Cross walks
the long and lonely walk
back to Hampstead Street.
- Can I say,
- Yeah.
- that on his doorstep
where he walks back home,
I've left a little deerstalker hat.
(laughs)
With an a note that just says "-D".
(Emotionally-devastated Grant noises)
- It is 1905, the rain is
pouring outside of Loam Hall
and Sylvester Cross downs his c*ck.
(chuckles)
Oh, boy.
(laughs)
- Oh, my goodness.
Oh, dear.
- I threw you guys into
the f*ck' deep end,
this is the all goofball
CollegeHumor cast season,
we're going HARD.
- This is what you do, Brennan,
and this is what you do.
- I didn't know Grant
was gonna go Tisch on me.
Oh, my God.
(laughs)
- Hey, Rekha where did you
go, what was your program?
What was the program you did, Rekha?
- I did the film school.
- Did you see me?
- At which school?
- At Tisch!
- Ohhh!
(a cacophony of Tisch riffing)
I can't bring a CollegeHumor
to a Tisch fight.
(laughs)
- Beautiful - yes, Katie?
- I have a short question.
- Yes go for it.
- The Squire Badger donating
on behalf of the dead worker.
Where was he donating to?
- To the church, to Our
Lady of Prayerful Paws.
- Got it, thank you.
- We see the party sort
of continues in earnest.
I am gonna turn it over
to all of you right now,
'cause a lot of you have
like business to conduct.
So let me go ahead and say,
if there's anyone that has
something on their mind
to do right now, go
ahead and holler at me.
Let me know what you wanna do.
- Something I thought
about is Daisy is like,
I think in business mode
and she sees Sylvester
and it's like a distraction.
- Yeah.
- So maybe that means
like, I won't be as good
as what I'm trying to do.
But one thing I was thinking
about the reason I asked about
if Catherine was here.
- McCabbage.
- Yeah, McCabbage is here, is because
I wanna kind of utilize
this whole debate between
like magical forces and stuff.
And like basically
manipulate vulnerable people
into thinking that I can
help them channel people,
like with Buckster, like see
if we can con people for money
and be like, "Yeah, you
can talk to your husband!"
Like, "Let me set that up
for you" kind of thing.
I don't know if that's
something I can do here.
- Go ahead actually,
and I'll say that Lars,
right after everything happens
Lucretia comes back over and is like,
well, listen, my darling
sargeant, if anything else,
you should know this - eat, be merry,
dinner will be served shortly.
But I would ask of course,
that I think we will be having
a little post-dinner seance!
Ha-HA!
And Daisy, you walk over
and you see that Lucretia looks over
and he says, oh, and actually
you see that the butler,
Mr. Gilfoyle, comes over and says,
"Your ladyship, Mrs. Lucretia,
"This is Ms. Daisy
D'umpstaire, South Carolina."
And you see the Lucretia
says, oh, Ms. D'umpstaire,
you are, my understanding is that you are
Mr. Boyd's personal assistant
in all matters corporate.
- We're more partners, but yes.
- Oh, I see that you are a fiery...
So I sense your aura...
it's fiery.
- You're trying to say I'm an Aries?
(laughs)
- That's exactly--
- I crack up.
(Ally barking)
- She says, "Do we have another
cosmolgrapher here?"
- Oh, yes, I love studying
the routes of the stars
and the way the planets
moving, the energies,
I consider myself an expert.
- That's exactly right, the
stars control the spirit,
which is in turn controlled
by ghosts and also auras.
- You're totally right.
- It's all true, you can say
anything, you can say truly,
...anything! I don't need it verified,
if it's fun I'll buy it.
To the seance room!
- Can I, I mean, obviously
I've heard everything
about Daisy D'umpstaire, so can I,
I don't know can I see
Sylvester anywhere or--
- You can go find him for sure,
if you wanna let Lucretia
go off with Daisy,
you absolutely can.
- No, I wanna stay here, but,
okay, I can't make eye
contact with him anywhere,
like, oh, my God?
- Yeah, you can sh**t
him a glance real quick.
- [Lars] Okay.
- What pit is Sylvester in right now?
- Sylvester has gone to the bar.
(laughs)
- Oh, okay.
- Sylvester as a...
former military man, self-medicates
just a little bit and he's
self-medicating tonight.
- Amazing, you walk over, you see
that there's this, these sleeves
rolled up with a big apron.
It's a very jovial member
of the Brockhollow staff.
You actually met this
guy back here this summer
when you were working
at, you interviewed him,
'cause he actually knew
the McCabbage family.
This otter's name is Ollie Banks
and he's actually the husband of the cook
in the kitchens as well.
The sort of head of the kitchens.
And he looks up and says,
"Oh, right there, oh, Mr. Cross,
how are you doing there, sir?
- Banks, I believe you remember,
I have several friends in
Ireland and they're all liquors.
- Right, sir, I remember that, right, sir.
Let me get right on
that for you, my friend.
And you see, he pours up a drink.
You see that he- it's like,
this dude's got a heavy paw
like you've never seen.
The only thing he's stingy
with is like a little bit
of the like bitters that
goes into whatever c*ck
he's making, puts it in
front of you and says,
"Right there. Looking long
in the face there, sir.
"And longer than a fox for
usual, everything all right?"
- Nothing's been alright
for quite some time,
but, leave it to a barman to ask.
I won't burden you with it this evening
and then I flick up a French franc.
(laughs)
(French franc noise)
- He's like, "Right, at least
you can spend this somewhere!"
Puts it in his apron.
You feel a strong paw
on your back, Sylvester
and you see Squire
Badger looming over you.
You see, he says, "Sylvester,
very glad you could show your
"face here, old boy."
Long drive coming up from London, no?"
- As long as my face to
hear your man here tell it.
- He says, (laughs) "Yes,
I imagine it will be
"getting a little bit
longer in the face soon."
You see he squeezes your arm and goes,
"I don't like surprises,
Sylvester. You may think yourself
"a little bit above the
fracas of high society living.
"Your celebrity has done plenty of work,
"putting up a shield in front of you,
"but your star's on the decline, my boy,
"I won't have my nose put
in it, not in my own house."
- Then I dare say, you'd
better move your nose.
(screams)
And can I roll an intimidation check
to see if I intimidate him?
- Please roll.
- Can I make Squire Badger sh*t his pants?
- Please roll an
intimidation check for me.
And that line was so raw,
I'll give you advantage here.
- Yeah, all right,
I will need it because I rolled a 12 and
Nat 18 plus
two to 20.
- Dirty 20 on the roll.
- Dirty 20.
- You steel up with this dude,
give me an insight check.
- 16.
- 16.
You rattled this guy,
Squire Badger is a veteran
and is not like a pushover.
And you see that there's an
element of your melancholy
that he has mistaken for
weakness in this moment.
And when you come back at him
with like, basically like,
no, no, no, I'm sad about some real sh*t.
Like--
- You're not involved in this, man!
(laughs)
- He backs away, but you also see
there's something,
you got 16, 16 is not high enough there.
You see a little smirk in his eye,
you've scared him and he's
backing down from you.
But he has this look that
you just can't shake,
like he knows something's coming for you.
He backs away and moves off.
And Ollie hands you
your drink very quietly
having been party to
that entire interaction.
In that way that Squire
Badger kind of overlooks
like working class people
as kind of not being there.
You see Ollie kind of looks
a little bit embarrassed
to have witnessed that and
puts it back in front of you.
We are going to scoot over,
Squire Badger moves away from there.
Buckster, what are you up to?
- Is it possible that
I've been close enough by
to see this interaction
or at least witness it
from a distance?
- I'll say that anyone go ahead here.
And Lars and Daisy have left,
but for Gangie, the Vicar, and
Buckster, go ahead
and just give me a DC 15 perception role.
- What does that mean, a DC?
- That means you need
to get a 15 or higher,
I'm telling you the number
you're trying to beat basically.
- Oh, got it.
- That's a 17.
- Hell, yeah, Buckster
you see - 14 from Gangie.
Gangie, 14 is not high
enough to hear this,
but I also remember you're
in the kitchens right now.
So we're gonna run a
scene with you in a second
in the kitchens.
What did Vicar Ian get?
- 18.
- 18, cool.
Ian, you also overhear.
So Squire Badger is not...
he's trying to be coy,
but Ian and Buckster are both
paying close enough attention
to kind of hear this.
- I think I ever since I
saw Daisy and Sylvester
see each other, I was
watching her, she went off
and now I'm watching him.
Do I know about their history?
- I'm gonna leave that up to Rekha.
Rekha, to what degree would Buckster
know your history with Sylvester?
- I think I've lightly told you
but we're not like buddies.
So like the way like Sylvester and Lars
would have confided in each other.
I think I've only told you,
like that we had a little
affair, we slept together
kind of thing.
- I'm going to actually ask
for a deception role from Daisy
and an insight role from Buckster here.
- Okay, cool.
- Cool.
- 14.
- 25.
- Oh.
- Okay, Daisy is not good at lying.
(laughs)
- Buckster, on a 25,
not only do you know what happened,
between Daisy and Sylvester,
you knew it while it was happening.
- Yeah, true, I think that tracks too,
because I think he may,
Sylvester's like the only
person that can rattle me.
He's the one thing I can't lie about.
- Yes, exactly, I love that.
And Buckster, I think
there's not much about this,
that eludes you and I
think Buckster knew again,
it was happening at that time.
- Damn.
- Can I saddle up next to the detective?
- Absolutely, a cowboy
walks up to the bar.
- Oink oink.
- Well I see you've met my Irish friend.
- Yuh huh.
- Barkeep, make an introduction to me.
- Right you are, sir, I'll
make one for you right away.
Puts the glass in front of you.
- Forgive my lack of diplomacy.
The name's Buckster Boyd.
- Ah, from Texas?
- Indeed.
- [Sylvester] I liked it
better when it was Mexico.
- See, detective, that is the wry wit
that you are famous for.
- Mm-hm, and that's what story--
- That only seems that, oh, I'm sorry.
- It wasn't going to be good - please.
(laughs)
- Wow, Sylvester is really drunk.
- I'm just shaken is all.
- Hardly, yeah, hardly
seems fair, does it?
That our man's bad publicity
would be your bad publicity?
- Yeah, it seems there's
quite a bit of unfairness
going on this evening, doesn't there?
I'm sorry, you don't know
what I'm talking about.
I'm in the middle of my own
thing, anyway I'm sorry, please.
It doesn't seem fair to me at all, yes,
you're absolutely right.
- Buckster I don't need you
to make an insight check
the world's most renowned
detective is a shaking mess
whatever f*ck' juice
there was in the tank
was completely burned up to
dunk hard on Squire Badger
and then it was
(Brennan makes sputtering
dusty exhaust noises)
and full meltdown.
- I think I sort of lean
a little closer to him
and I say,
(sneaky-time music)
(clears throat)
I imagine it's hard investigating a man
who don't himself want to be investigated.
People like me who are
in the world of oil,
we're used to digging in the
ground and as such, we...
we know where the bodies
are buried or in this case,
(clears throat)
maybe even the bodies that
are getting digged up.
Now look, I'm not saying
that the man would hire you
specifically so that you
wouldn't find something out.
All's I'm saying is
maybe the bad publicity
ought to be pointing the other way.
And with a little bit
of proper investigating,
maybe it could.
- I'm sorry, what did you just
say about digging up bodies?
(chuckles)
- Oh, it was a metaphor,
my friend, just metaphor.
- It doesn't, I can't, fair enough.
- Or it wasn't?
(laughs)
- Was it?
- Buckster, go ahead and give me deception
and give me insight, Sylvester.
- Nat 20 plus eight, 28.
(laughs)
- 18 plus eight, 26.
- Oh.
- Wow!
- The little dance.
- Oh, my God, I'm gonna
say you both cleared a 25.
You guys can continue to talk,
I'm gonna get real cinematic here.
We, if this were a movie we zoom in
as you guys continue
to talk about metaphor
and generalities,
you are both in that Sherlock Holmes-ian
way, like genius-level intellects.
And you realize Sylvester
that Buckster is slick enough
to basically speak in innuendo.
You guys can both say exactly
what you mean right now
and it will be completely disguised
from everybody else in the room.
Sylvester's Nat 20, like you hear him
say the thing about bodies,
Buckster you're just
like sh**ting the sh*t,
having a drink at the bar and you guys,
what everyone else is hearing
as like a conversation
about like oil fields and
poems you guys f*ck' read,
you guys say literally whatever
you want and it is happening
like voiceover through subtext
in what you are saying.
- Cool, so I'm basically
communicating to you
telepathically right now.
- Gotcha, gotcha.
- What I want you to know is that,
this m*therf*cker here, Squire Badger
I think he's the dirty one,
man, I think he's the dirty one
and you and me, our interests are aligned
because I'm here to make
bad publicity for this guy,
I imagine that helps you too.
- You know for sure that I am
not down with your whole deal,
like, your whole thing, I think sucks.
This whole like, Texas oil guy thing,
I think it's sucks and you,
I know you know that I know
that you know, that we all know that.
'Cause I think you suck and that's clear.
However, the enemy of
my enemy is my friend,
and so yeah, I could make a
little bad publicity with you,
if I can keep my hands clean.
- Oh, don't you worry
about that for a second
because I'm used to getting my hands dirty
and the people who work
with me their hand will--
- With the oil, sure with the oil.
(laughs)
- You guys like clink your glasses
and finish up talking about
whatever the actual words were
like pleasantries about the
weather and getting here
and yada, yada, yada.
- Down along the Thames, eh?
Hear, hear.
- Clink! Oh, what a great f*cking
detective m*rder mystery moment.
So, we are gonna cut from
here to the kitchens.
Gangie Green, you're in the
kitchen having your little bit
of clotted cream.
You see that people are eating there,
as the staff are in here.
You see, there are some of
the mouse maid staff are here,
there are John Sprout,
the gardener is in here
along with two of the
two of the kitchen staff.
So these are dressed more commonly,
they're not dressed in uniforms.
They're just out back
here running the kitchen
who are feeding you as well, Gangie.
John's at the table with
you eating very quickly,
'cause he's just finished
his gardening work.
The two mouse maids that are
in here working in the kitchen,
you see Maggie Banks, the
otter cook who's much bigger
than everybody else stirring
up big stuff for dinner.
And the two mouse maids are
Molly Milton and Millie Molton,
who are married to each other.
So you see that Molly and
Millie come over and say,
"Oh, bless you sir, we have
some carrots there, lovey,
"a little bit o' stew."
And just putting food in front of Gangie.
As they say, "Hard work
out there with the rain,
"I imagine the garden will
be awfully muddy, Mr. Green.
"Just a shrug? Oh, well Mr.
Green, you are, as they say
"cold as the grave and twice
as upsetting, alright."
(laughs)
You see
Katie, just eat this f*ck' food,
you see that
Mr. Gilfoyle walks in, the butler
and you see he says, "Everyone, attention,
"we are less than 30 minutes
away from dinner being served.
"I'd like everyone to
be at attention please
"service will commence precisely
at six o'clock on the dot,
"I would ask that all of you be ready."
You see that, Mr. Gilfoyle
looks up and says,
"Mr. Green, you'll kindly keep yourself
"to servants' quarters
"only, while you are in this
state of exterior dress.
"You understand."
Yes?
- Yes.
- Mr. Gilfoyle leaves
and you get that nat-
you get that 14 perception.
Mr. Gilfoyle walks away,
you hear the elevator for Loam Hall.
Loam Hall actually had
an elevator installed
which is its version of
like a servant's entrance
'cause it's underground, so the front door
is like where guests come in basically.
You hear the elevator for a moment
and maybe a minute later,
you see Mr. Gilfoyle walks
down the hall and Mr. Harding,
who is the personal Valet
of Squire Badger comes in,
looks over at you and says,
"Mr. Green...
"there's some...
"business to attend to...
"after dinner...
"once dinner is served...
if you would do me the kindness."
- Oh, come on.
(laughs)
- "Come on with what, precisely?"
- Nothing.
- "Piff poff poppins, I say...
"I shall meet you at the
landing of the second floor,
"at half past seven, Mr. Green,
"see that you bring
"a pair of work gloves
"tutty bye, pip pip, and...
"...such."
And he turns around and leaves.
Vicar Ian, I just wanna make sure
that we know what you're doing
in all of this time as well.
- Can I try to think-slash-confront
the Squire Badger for the donation?
- Absolutely, I think that...
You go to do that,
as you do, by the way,
Buckster and Sylvester
at the end of your conversation,
Lawrence Longfoot walks up.
He goes, "Hello gentlemen,
pleasure to meet you both.
Lawrence is one of the few people here,
He is not a Lord, he's
one of the few people
that's like you Buckster,
he's a newspaper magnate.
This dude publishes trash
and got really rich doing it,
but has been invited here
because for the same reason
that Vicar Ian is here,
like the Squire Badger
trying to f*ck' dig
himself out of this hole.
So Mr. Longfoot comes over and says,
"Hello, hello, gents, pleasure
to make your acquaintance,
"Well, the fabulous Mr.
Cross, a pleasure my friend
"and this must be Buckster
Cash Boyd, $ if you please."
- Mr. Longfoot, I am a big, big fan
of the trash you pedal.
- He says,
"I'm a big, big fan of the
trash you pump, my friend."
You see he gives you a big
handshake, claps you on the back
and you see that he looks
at you both and says,
"Mr. Cross, I got a lovely picture with my
"new fangled camera, here."
And you see that he looks
around for a second,
sees his camera on the table.
And you see he goes,
"Mind if I get a picture of the two of you
"for the paper, is that's all right?"
- What do you say, detective?
- Well, as they say,
all press is good press.
And my dear man Longfellow,
you do qualify as all press,
so, yes indeed.
He says, "That's a git
with a bit of humor there
"over on Hampstead Street,
"I'll tell you what my
friend," he says, "don't worry.
"We got something planned just for you."
And you see that he goes
to square up a picture.
We cut over across across the hall.
You see that Squire Badger is walking
and conversing with a a couple people.
Oh, he's walking with the
lady Calliope Fawnbrook,
who I already described
as that sort of regal,
very like is a Isadora
Duncan-esque patron of the arts.
Her wife is also here, the
lady Tabitha Fawnbrook,
who is a cat and is just
going a mile a minute,
sort of being like, "Well! A lovely party
I think we should all be so lucky
as to have such a lovely turn of events
these canapés are to die for!"
Darling, have you tried them?
And you see that the lady Calliope says,
"Darling I haven't had a
chance yet, please do save me
"some, my sweet angel."
He's also walking with
this military regalia hawk,
who is - you guys recognize
is, this is Col. James Hawkins
who's going along and says,
"Absolute fiddle-faddle there, old boy.
"That fox getting up there,
stealing your moment,
"well, it was like we
were back in the Rhine!
"I'd give them the old
one, two pincer movement.
"Once across the jaw,
another across the temple,
"down to the floor.
"Her Majesty's Royal Army
comes in for the win."
- I picture him this small.
Is he a tiny little hawk?
(laughs)
- You see, he says, "Just
say the word, old Brocky-boy,
"and it'll be fisticuffs at once.
"No Marquess of Queensberry
rules necessary.
(laughs)
You see that Squire
Brockhollow looks out and says,
"James, that's all right my friend"
and Ian, you cross his
path and he looks and says,
"Oh, Vicar - pleasure,
glad to see you here,
"your presence means the world."
- Yes, much appreciated,
of course, I had no idea,
I was not expecting to fall
into all of this fortune here
but the Lord has been good,
the Lord has been good.
- Yes, indeed, the Lord has
been very good to us all
and may His light continue
to guide our steps.
I hope you understand why
I didn't communicate to you
that I would be giving
a donation of this size.
I didn't want it to seem like my purposes
were selfish in nature.
I wanted to give from a
place of true altruism.
- And that is what you did.
(laughs)
- Raph, go ahead and give me a...
I'm gonna say a persuasion check here.
- Okay.
11.
- Your statement is read
clearly by everyone present
as being an open questioning
of the Squire's motives.
- Dope.
- And you let it stand,
it is as uncomfortable
as you intended it to be
like I thinks the Vicar is like,
doing the damn thing right now.
So, this is not out of
the ordinary for you,
but you see that the lady
Tabitha and the lady Calliope
both kind of look at each
other and make a little motion.
And the Colonel gives you
this imperious hawk glare,
kind of like turns his head to
the side, sort of hawk-like.
And you see that Squire Badger
looks at you and says, "Why
of course, Vicar, I gave,
"because when one has
been blessed by the Lord,
"one should return the blessing in kind
"to those less fortunate, that's
what you've been preaching.
"Or have you had time for
preaching these past few months
"with all of the letters
you've been writing
"to the London newspapers?"
- Why, yes, I have noticed that
my pews have been
wanting of you lately
over the past few months,
so I will excuse your
ignorance over my actions
as you have been absent.
May I remind you though that
those who the Lord blesses
are not above reproach
and in fact, have been endowed
with more responsibility and
a microscope, if you will.
I'm sure this has been invented already.
If not, you know what I'm doing,
you took the words together
and you know what I mean.
- Is that a great idea,
what is a microscope?
- A little scope, you can imagine it,
it's been placed on you and
your life by the Lord almighty.
- Yes, my absence from the pews,
I do apologize for Vicar
and as a responsibility
I agree, responsibility
as always is the mantle
of those blessed with
nobility and station in life.
Station in life I think
amounts to a great deal
of one's responsibility
does come from one's role,
mine as a member of the landed
gentry's to lead and yours...
Vicar, to lead in your own right.
When I made this generous
tithe to the church,
I made sure it got into the right hands,
that of the Cardinal
and we had long conversation
about responsibility.
Squire Badger leans in
and you see the letter
that Constance is holding
that she was stopped from
reading during the speech.
And you see that Squire Badger says,
"The Cardinal thought and I couldn't help,
"but agree with his wisdom
that your gifts are wasted
"in a parish as small as Tufting Meadows.
"No, someone who wields
the fire of the Lord,
"as brilliantly as you, Vicar Prescott,
"would be much better
suited to bringing the word
"to people who truly need it.
"I think the Cardinal mentioned Siberia,
(chuckles)
"Best of luck, father."
And you see that, the Squire gets up
and walks away.
f*ck that guy.
- Jesus.
- I don't like him at all.
- I like him.
(laughs)
- Incredible, Buckster...
Buckster $. Boyd...
- Yes, sir.
- Appearing by your side in the ballroom
and there's about like 20
minutes left until dinner,
Thomas Gilfoyle,
Mr. Gilfoyle, the butler,
approaches and says, "Mr. Boyd--"
- Mr. Gilfoyle, how nice to see you again.
- "A pleasure as always,
it's been some time
"since you were a guest here at Loam Hall,
"please alert me if there's
anything I can do to
"make y'all stay more hospitable."
- Oh, I'm glad to hear
you say that, Gilfoyle,
here ya go and I hand him my empty cup
expecting him to refill it.
- He takes it and actually
produces a wine bottle
from nearby, like from the
bar and pours it and says,
"Here you are, Mr. Boyd, a pleasure--"
- Service here is like magic.
(chuckles)
- Well, I am sure that
we are glad that our standards here
are miraculous to you, sir.
Squire Brockhollow is
currently in the leisure wing
and I thought it wise
to approach you and ask,
if your business was of an urgent nature.
The Squire has made it known to me that,
if you wish to meet now he
would have a few minutes
to attend to your business.
- Absolutely, my man,
absolutely, is it urgent?
I'd file it under the A-S-A-P category.
If it can be now, let it be so.
- Very well, right this way, Mr. Boyd.
And you see that Mr. Gilfoyle
leads you up the stairs
and you enter a new wing of the house.
You enter the leisure wing of the house,
and there is a room
with a large- it's like,
there is a large wrought
clawfooted billiards table,
a green felt card table and a grand piano
over in the corner of the room.
- [Boyd] Oh, I spot that grand
piano, am I alone in the room
or are there other people?
- You walk in and see
that Squire Badger is here
with Colonel Hawkins and over
in the corner is his Valet.
Valet would be the correct French station
but these Brits call it
valet, which is Mr. Harding,
this is sort of this turtle figure.
- Gotcha.
- So you see that you walk into the room,
so Mr. Gilfoyle says, "Your
Lordship, Mr. Buckster $. Boyd"
and Squire Brockhollow
looks over and says,
"Mr. Boyd, it's good
to see you, my friend,
"how fares our business
endeavors and the colonies?"
- Squire Badger, I am
happy to say everything
is going exactly to plan.
- Give me an insight check, Buckster.
- That is a natural one.
- Very good.
- I'm gonna say in this case a natural one
actually lets you glean the information
because it hurts more to
know it on a natural one.
As you say Squire Badger,
you walk in and being like,
Squire Badger to his face.
You see that Colonel Hawkins
raises an eyebrow and says,
"Well ol boy, should leave
you to it, Squire Badger."
(laughs)
And you realize that you've
done some f*cking American thing
which is that Squire,
there's some rule of conduct
in this f*cked up little tiny island
that you're like not supposed
to-- like some etiquette
of like title that
Squire Badger is the term
meaning the current or
previous lord of Loam Hall
and it's meant to be
done in the third person
and never in second person
where you would call him
Squire Brockhollow.
And you see that Colonel Hawkins
sort of laughs to himself,
and Buckster has this little moment of,
well, you tell me how this little moment
makes Buckster feel.
- I think Buckster feels angry.
He feels angry at this
kind of British pomp
and circumstance and oppressive pretense.
- You see that Mr. Gilfoyle leaves
and you see the Squire says,
"Mr. Harding if you would,
"please escort Colonel Hawkins
back to the dining hall."
And you see that Harding
goes and it's just you
and Squire Badger in here
and Mr. Harding closes
the door behind him.
(door closed)
- You'll have to forgive me
for that faux pas as it were,
your excellency, does that do the trick?
(laughs)
- Your American disdain for custom is
as refreshing as the
checks that get mailed here
from across the sea, Buckster.
- Well, your spirits are as
refreshing as those checks
and I down the rest of
the drink I'm holding
and I place it on the piano.
- You see you place it on
the piano, you see he says,
"Well, you've traveled
a long way for business
"that you said needed to
be conducted in person,
"so I'm all ears."
And you see that as he does so,
he picks your drink up off
the piano, takes out a thing,
wipes the priceless wood of the piano
and puts it down on a
Puts it down on a coaster
at the poker table,
where he sits down.
- Oh, f*ck that guy.
- Okay.
(laughs)
Well, sir, all the way
over in the states, sir.
I couldn't help but overhear
about the little PR problem
you're having.
Deaths in the textile mill?
- Sorry, you used an
abbreviation I'm unfamiliar with
"P.R."? Is this some American-?
- Oh, this may be an American phenomenon,
Public relations.
We've turned it into a whole
industry in the United States
here I suppose you can
call it your reputation.
- Oh, so you Americans have
found a way to commodify
the concept of reputation?
- Yes, you can say commoditizing
is what we do best.
- Well, I'm certain that I
can't think of anything else
I would put in that position.
You, give me a perception check, Buckster.
- The mouse is being weird.
Oh, boy, 26.
- Wow.
- The billiard table has pool ba*ls on it.
Like the billiard table has ba*ls on it,
like a game was stopped, mid-game.
- ba*ls.
- ba*ls.
- Wow, Sylvester is smart.
(laughs)
- You know that this billiards
table is probably here
as an extravagance, like Squire
Badger is not a gaming sort.
So, you don't think that he'd
be out here like playing,
everything in this room
is Jeremy's, right?
Like everything here, his son,
who's the sort of dilettante,
brought into the room,
but you know enough,
you don't see the cue ball on the table
and the scattering of ba*ls
with that high perception check.
I think you just look at it and are like,
someone's been f*cking around in here.
Like you've been in so many pool halls
and like when you were a young man
you like cleaned up at pool
and poker and things like that.
And all those kinds of
like games of skill.
I think you know the people
that have been in here
not playing a serious game
but like f*cking around,
like the scatter of the,
of the constellation
of how the ba*ls were laid
out on the table is like,
would almost make you think
like, have kids been in here?
Like there's like
something like that, right?
In any case, the Squire says,
"Yes there's been some manner
of my name being dragged
"through the mud and attempts
were made to salvage that
"and those attempts failed, I'm afraid."
- Well, in that case, I'm
here to let you off the hook.
I would hate that my
reputation in the states
would do you any more damage.
You know, I run my mill like
any, I run my oil operation,
like any other Texan.
We k*ll a lot of people my
friend, a lot of people.
Why just since the beginning
of the year, I've lost, what?
29, 35, who's to say.
(chuckles)
I think you and I should
renegotiate our relationship,
such that I don't cause
you any more trouble
than you're already in.
I'd hate to, I take the eight
ball and I hover it over
one of the pockets.
I'd hate to sink your game.
- Give me your choice between
intimidate or persuasion.
- Oh, let's do intimidate.
- I'm gonna say, yeah, intimidate,
this is intimidate for
sure, yeah, for sure.
- Can I just say his character
is making me proud to be American?
(laughs)
- No, you can't.
- Proud to be an American.
- I'm so sorry, all of this like manners,
versus just like real
f*cking rich person I'm like,
- Yeah, I feel like.
- that's right, baby.
- Yes...
- Alright.
- they are both bad, but one
is not interested in pretending
to not to not be bad.
- Yes.
- At least us Americans,
we do it to your face.
Not awesome, it's a 10.
- Awwww
- You move the thing around, there is a,
give me an insight check
immediately following that.
- You got it, that is a 15.
- Badgers are amongst a group of animals
that you know experience deep,
sometimes frightening levels of rage.
You see blood creep into the
corners of Squire Badger's eyes
as you move the eight
ball around the hole,
you see he says, "Blackmail, is it?"
- Oh, I don't know if you
call blackmail in the States,
we would probably just say
it's a creative business model.
- "Well you're not in
the States, Mr. Boyd.
"You are in Loam Hall."
And you see, he stands up and one handed
flips the poker table over to the side,
strides across the room in
two steps to loom over you
and says, "I won't have
it, I won't have it.
"you little pig! Javelina, is it?
"Well your father
"was a boar! A common English boar,
"who sailed across the sea and
got had by common criminals
"fleeced to within an inch of his life
"and whatever sense he had,
"you, sir, have even less!"
And he hits the pool table with a fist,
everyone else make a perception check.
Let me roll, let me know
if you roll above a 20.
- Not me?
- Not you, you can hear it for sure.
- I got nat 20 plus three, 23.
- Daisy?
- I got a 23.
- 25
- Gangie.
- 5.
- Sylvester at the bar,
Daisy in the dining room
and Gangie in the kitchen.
All of you, this is a
big subterranean manor,
so it's had to have air
vents for a long time,
all of you are hearing this
conversation take place.
It's, but no one else can,
everyone hears a loud thump,
literally Squire Badger
is big enough that this,
like him hitting the
table kind of reverberates
and all of you listen in to
this like whispered conversation
through the ducts of the house
that you can kind of hear.
You see Squire Badger
looks at you, Buckster
and you see he says, "Drag
my good name, all of this,
"ALL OF THIS...
"nothing lives but legacy,
"you stupid pig!
"I'll tell you this, I would do anything,
"Anything! ...to protect my reputation.
"I'm tired of being pushed around!"
And he shoves you and you,
he's gonna make an attack roll.
- Holy sh*t!
- Oh my God.
- It is a non-damage dealing attack roll,
but he knocks you prone to the ground
and just stands there, breathing.
"I won't have it anymore, I won't have it.
- Am I...?
- He just walks- he looks
and immediately you can tell
the bloodshot fades from his eyes.
Give me another insight check.
- Okay, now I'm proud to be an American.
- 22.
(laughs)
- 22, you see, as the rage subsides,
you see a deeply haunted man.
All of the strength and
fury goes out of him
and he flees, shame-faced from
this prone guest in his home
slams the door behind him--
- As he does I sort of my
confidence a little bit shaken
Buckster really doesn't
like to be pushed around.
I sort of get up and dust myself off
and I grab the drink and
put it back on the piano.
(laughs)
- You remove the coaster.
- f*ck yea!
- ♪ And I'm proud to be in American.♪
- ♪ O say, does that star-spangled ♪
♪ banner yet waaaave...♪
♪ And the land of the free! ♪
- Incredible.
(laughs)
- My favorite song.
- Oh, flashback to Total
Forgiveness, hell yeah.
Ally solo...
Give me a perception check, Buckster,
as you leave the room.
- God, I'm rolling so
well guys, that's a 25.
I mean, these are all my strengths.
- As you leave the room,
Buckster, you look back
and see a pair of curtains
that are sort of drawn
over in a corner of the room
and you see two pairs
of little mouse feet
poking out underneath the curtains.
- Can I do something about this,
is the scene still active?
- Scene is still active,
You see two little pairs of mouse feet.
- So, I'm on my way out of the room.
- And then I--
- You turn back and you see curtains,
there are no windows in this room,
these curtains are over,
are basically just like...
almost like in like a gaudy
theater, like big velvet drapes
just to kind of decorate
the room and you see, yeah.
There, there are two little pairs of feet,
like two people standing
behind a curtain in the room.
- Okay, I carefully...
- ...what do I do?
Maybe I say,
Well, that about does
it for that interaction.
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪, and
then I close the door ♪
as if I'm on the other side of it,
but I'm still in the room.
- Cool, go ahead and give me deception.
- 17.
- After about two minutes of dead silence
the curtain rustles, parts,
two little mice maids
in maid uniforms, walk
out, see you and scream
and clutch each other.
(screams)
Sort of hold each other.
- Yes.
- And just first start
weeping in front of you.
- Now, now, now there's no need to cry,
I'm sure all of this was
up big misunderstanding.
- "We're ever so sorry sir,
we didn't mean anything,
"we were just...well, Edwina?"
And you see that the maid says,
"We're sorry, your
lordship, we was playing
"just the tiniest bit of
hooky to run in and--"
And you remember the ba*ls on the table.
- Well, no harm done, but I'm sure
that his lordship wouldn't take
kindly to the knowledge
that a couple of mice were
running around on his table.
I think we can all agree that
what happened in this room
is best left off the record
and I've produce two
little American coins.
(laughs)
- This is your tycoon feature,
go ahead and roll persuasion
with advantage.
- Yes.
- Every time you say off the record
coins appear in your hand.
(laughs)
- And more useless American currency!
- Was that off the record? Oh f*ck,
- That is a 23.
- Sam!
- The other one was a natural one.
- Perfect.
- Incredible.
- Incredible, you produce these coins,
both maids look at you
and you see that Edwina turns
to the other one who's Carolyn
and says, "Carolyn we
didn't see nothing, did we?"
And you see the other one says,
"Oh, where would we have seen anything?
"Because we certainly
weren't playing hooky."
And they both smile at you, curtsy,
and one of them quickly
sweeps the billiard ba*ls
back into the pockets and
they rush out of the room.
- Just a couple of mice
who didn't see anything,
two blind mice, see how they run.
(laughter and cheering and
some groaning from Grant)
- Incredible!
- So, we return downstairs.
Is there anything, oh, we're
sorry we never did our seance.
- Oh, before dinner seance?
- Before dinner seance.
- Who can move it to after dinner.
- As is tradition.
- Yeah, antipasti.
(laughs)
- I actually think maybe
the lady Lucretia says,
"A seance after dinner
maybe does make a little bit
"more sense - closer
to the witching hour."
- Yes.
- "But I'd love to show
you the seance room."
She brings you to this wild room
with like a skull with
like a pentagram on it
and crystal ball and
scarves and tarot cards.
It's just a hodgepodge
of like occult stuff.
Purple drapes everywhere,
it's all purple with like
guilded stuff.
And she says, "Well, as you can see here
"I have collected much of the occult
"and various curios and artifacts
in my cabinet of wonders
"you understand, of course, I
am descended from Atlanteans
"and so carry the blood of
lost Atlantis in my veins,
"whereas my brother is
descended from Spartans
"and carries their heritage in his."
- Oh, yes, I've heard of
this, this is very real.
(laughs)
- Of course, of course
and you know, Loam Hall,
is an old building, lots of history.
Absolutely stuffed with ghosts,
I mean, packed to the gills
with poltergeists!
You couldn't cram more spirits in here
and if you tried, believe me.
- Lucretia.
- Yes!
- What kind of ghosts
have you been seeing?
- I've seen all ghosts!
Our dearly long lost parents,
ancestors, I've seen the ghosts of people
who haven't even died!
That's how many ghosts there are here!
- Oooh, uh, yeah...
That is categorically
impossible and I love it.
I love that to say it and I believe it.
(giggles)
- Yes, well, a less powerful medium
than I would have to wait until death
to speak to someone's spirit.
But I have been cursed and blessed both
with the gift of sight!
You know, people call me an
eccentric, but I think of myself
just as someone attuned to the
vibrations of planes beyond!
- Yeah, yeah, definitely.
What do you think, Daisy?
- Yes, Daisy, you talk about it.
(laughs)
- Oh, Lucretia, Lucretia
you're making a world of sense,
I feel it too, there's
what 20, 50 ghosts in here.
I feel 'em touching me,
tappin' me on the shoulder.
- Oh, you're being touched by
ghosts at this very moment.
They're trying to speak to you!
Quickly, grab this crystal ball.
You grab this crystal
ball, you see she says,
"This was discovered in the
perfect form by ancient yogis
of the Persian empire who
were themselves druids
and also shamans, they were
everything all at once.
- Daisy looks on the bottom
it says, 1800s Party City.
(laughs)
And she goes, oh yeah, of course.
- Yes, everything is always real.
Now, touch this crystal
ball, and she goes,
Oh, the ghosts are speaking through me.
They're telling me.
Daisy, you knew there is a man,
there was a tall man in your life,
someone you knew or maybe
know still, is this right?
- Well, I guess it's general
enough to be true, yes.
She is a little freaked out.
- No, it's very specific,
you knew or still know a man,
this is the insight of the spirits!
(laughs)
You see she says, "He's speaking to me,
"he says there is business
between you, something...
"There was something
between you that mattered
"and it maybe still matters
or doesn't, am I right?"
- Well, I suppose, everything
you just said again,
is pretty general, but,
yeah, it feels right,
you're doing a great job, honey.
- "He says that the
future doom approaches!
"Something bad will happen in the future,
"but then perhaps you will do something
"to stop that bad thing
or a different bad thing
"from happening! Am I
getting close, Daisy?"
- You're right on the money, Lucretia,
that sounds exactly like
what's going on in my life.
- "Another one in the
corner pocket for Lucretia,
"she's done it again!"
See, she goes (jerks
violently) I come back.
- Oh, good, wake up, wake up.
- Did the spirits pass on it's...?
- Oh, there's drool everywhere.
(chuckles)
- The power of the spirits and-
did they communicate to you
through the blessed tarot?
Or the ball? Whatever, yes.
- Daisy is a little shaken,
but she knows it's all bullshit
but she's still a little shaken.
She said, oh, yes, Lucretia,
they certainly did,
your insight is surely gonna
help me for years to come.
Thank you so much.
- Heed the warning of the spirits, Daisy,
be alert for bad things
and try to stop them,
if you figure out when and
how they're going to happen.
This riveting insight that only a ghost
could have communicated, I give to you.
- Lars is writing this down furiously.
(laughs)
- Thank goodness Lucretia,
you were here to tell me
that something bad could happen
and if it does, should it
happen, and should it get close,
should I be able to, I
should stop it, thank you.
I think, Lucretia - call me crazy,
I think we should harness
this power of yours, okay?
Now you just gave me a free seance.
Oh, and I appreciate that as a gift
but what if we could provide
this as a service for people,
You know, those dang
mills are taking over.
They're causin' deaths all over.
People are dying because
of bad working conditions.
Maybe, you know, we set up
some seances for sad family members
or what have you in this
sad, dreary little town,
we make a little penny.
That's American currency.
- You see that she smiles,
give me a persuasion check
with advantage.
- Okay, great.
Okay, first roll is a 14...
Second roll...
...is - an 11.
(laughs)
- We'll go with 14.
You see she says,
"Why, Ms. D'umpstaire,
"you would seek to commune
with the spirits...
"for money?"
- Well, it's only because they drain you
you're drained of your energy, honey.
You lost so much spit during all of that
and your face is pale.
You look like you could use a brandy,
it's a cost of business, honey.
- Daisy, you're so right, I
give and I give and I give and,
but no, I couldn't accept cash for it.
It's too crass, the filthy
lucre of the common folk.
No, the last time I even saw
money I was but a school girl.
Listen, you see she says,
"No, this is my gift
"and the spirits have
chosen me to share it,
"but you are kind to think
of my needs, Ms. D'umpstaire,
"you are a friend as always.
"And by my power, I say now, ghosts!
"Never let foul fortune
"befall Daisy D'umpstaire,
"and if it does, only let it happen,
"if it should happen
for a different reason,
"that will be revealed later,
"that will justify why it
happened, if it happened!"
And she strides from the
room in a swirl of her shawl
leaving you and Lars in the seance room.
Lars and Daisy make
perception checks for me.
- Mm-hm.
19.
- 13.
- Ooh, Daisy, you guys look around,
there's all this fake sh*t here.
Bizarrely, I think that on a
19, you just notice, Daisy,
that like that clearly this room
was retrofitted for Lucretia.
Like this house is, like generations,
like this place has
been here for centuries
and only in Lucretia's lifetime,
did this become a seance room.
- Yeah.
- So you're just noticing
the parts of the room
that are older.
One of the things you notice is,
there is an enormous painting
of a medieval kind of like,
Henry VIII-style Badger,
a former lord of Loam Hall
that dominates the space.
It's the biggest thing in the room,
and I think the only thing
that seems weird about it,
is that Lucretia would let it be.
You don't know why Lucretia
would let something
this obviously nonmystical
stay in the room.
- Yes, can I check something out about it,
like see if it like as a
door that opens or something?
- Give me an investigation check.
- Okay.
That's gonna be a 24.
(impressed noises)
- By the way, so are
you gonna go investigate
with Lars in the room?
- Oh, fair enough, Lars is there.
Should I try to get them out of the room,
'cause I - you're right.
I don't want them to
see what I'm privy to.
Am I allowed to try to get
them out and then do my thing?
- With a 24 investigation,
- Yeah.
- You can either risk
trying to bamboozle Lars
or I can give you information
that will be a little bit
less than you would get, if
you could get your paws dirty,
but will still be a lot,
'cause you got that 24.
So I can give you,
- Yeah.
- secret information that
you just clock with Lars.
- I'll do the latter so
that Lars doesn't notice me.
- Cool, you guys skip out of here.
You notice two things:
Number one, the painting
has been restored,
you see a type of paint
that was not available
during the time period where
this frame was created.
And the second thing you
notice, is that the frame
is bolted to the wall.
- Oh, it's about to get
real Clue up in here.
- It's about to get real f*ck' Clue,
[Chanting]
m*rder! MYSTERY! m*rder! MYSTERY!
- Can I talk to Daisy
as we're, maybe leaving?
- Yes, you can actually,
Lars and Daisy walk out
of the seance room.
- And I think Daisy's trying
to like speed ahead of them,
but because she knows.
- No, I bound forward.
(laughs)
Yeah, Daisy, you say?
- Oh, I didn't say - hello.
- We really off to a
great start, aren't we?
So I was wondering,
it seems like maybe you are
never too far from the trash.
So what's going on right
now, what's the angle,
what are you doing?
- I'm sorry, Lars.
- What kind of mess are you here to make?
- What kind of what?
- What kind of mess are you here to make,
you messy, messy girl?
- I'm sorry, Lars,
I can't tell if you're
speaking my family's language
is which is "Mess" or if
you're trying to insult me.
Do elaborate.
- Okay, I feel like Sylvester
on like a drinking night
or something, we got some of this out.
I don't think I know everything,
but I think I know enough.
- Yeah.
- And I think you know a good bit of it.
- Okay.
- Yes.
- So, we're walking down the hall,
- I'm like, I think for
dinner, they're having a roast
with potatoes and carrots
and I think we both know
that this sounds better
and I reach into a trash
can and with my teeth
I pull the bag out and
I kinda rip the bag open
and then I look at you and go,
interested?
- No, no, Lars, I'm not interested,
there's a lot of trash in
front of me right now as it is.
(gasps)
(chuckles)
- I start licking the
inside of a tuna can.
Listen, I just want answers, okay?
We're on the same team.
- Are we now? Really? What
team are you on, Lars?
- Hmm?
- What are you on?
- I am just here to clear my
best friend and the best man
that has ever lived's name.
- Oh.
- And--
- And Sylvester's your best friend?
- Sylvester is my brother, he's my father,
he's my best friend, my roommate.
He's kind of like my co-life partner,
we co-parents, we are
partners in a business.
Yeah, Sylvester is everything to me.
- Oh, okay, so if he's your best friend,
then what the hell are
you doing talking to me?
The person that probably ruined his life.
- I couldn't have said it better myself.
- Yeah, so I'm going to
take my trash out of here
while you just sit in
yours if that's okay.
- Yeah, it's fine, I guess you didn't want
this eggshells that has
some coffee grounds on it.
I guess that's not what
you wanted for dinner...
- Daisy is really, having
a hard time, not salivating
and then she slaps herself.
And she says, no, I don't want that, yeah.
- Borderline inedible.
- Daisy, control yourself,
dinner is almost ready.
(chuckles)
- Incredible, you guys
head back down to dinner.
- I run and my snout is just pushed
deep into Sylvester's ear
telling him the whole story
way too loud of a whisper.
And then I said you're trash.
I said, he's my best friend,
I said he's my roommate.
- What did she look like when
you did, what was her face?
- She looks so sad, she
looks so past her prime,
- Oh good...
she looked like she's still looking.
- Oh, that's incredible,
Lars, you are my best friend,
thank you very much.
- You're my best friend!
You're my best friend!
- Amazing, so...
I'm going to need,
does anyone do anything
prior to dinner being served?
You only have about like five minutes.
- Am I invited to dinner?
- There will be a staff
dinner that will take place
like 10 minutes after service
in the staff quarters.
However, Gangie, go ahead
if you would be so kind,
- I am.
- And roll an insight check for me.
- 16
- 16, I think you notice
a little quibble happening
between Mr. Gilfoyle and Mr. Harding
and kind of a back hallway
in the servants quarters.
16, you don't quite hear
what they're talking about,
but you hear Gilfoyle saying,
"I'm not a fool, Harding.
"I have taken a look around
"I understand what's happening here.
"You know who that man is.
"You know what he is, you
know where he came from."
See Mr. Harding says,
"Mr. Gilfoyle...
"one who has dedicated
"one's life who service
"does not take it upon oneself
"to question the judgment of one's master,
"Squire Brockhollow has seen fit
"to enlist the aid
"of this man for reasons
of which he is aware
"and for reasons of which he is not,
"I would suggest that you keep your nose
"such that it is out of
other people's business."
You hear a pause, Mr. Gilfoyle says,
"I apologize, Mr. Harding,
'cause I've given offense,
"I suppose when one has a nose at all,
"it's difficult to keep it out
of other people's business."
And you see that he walks
away from the turtle
to which he is speaking
and strides down the hall.
And that's the only
interaction you see, Gangie.
Give me an insight check, if you-
it's a very vague conversation.
You can give me an insight
check to try to glean
who they're talking about.
15 will be a little bit of information
and 20 will be a lot of information.
- I got 20.
- You get a nat 20?
- I got a 13 plus a seven.
- Cool, okay, dirty 20, perfect.
- Dirty 20.
- On a dirty 20...
- Dirty 20.
- They're talking about
someone who's been hired
at the estate.
And it's clear that Mr. Gilfoyle
doesn't like this person
and it's clear that Mr.
Harding was vouching for them
but Mr. Harding used some language
that I'm not sure if Gangie psyched about.
Because Mr. Harding said, for
reasons of which he is aware
and for reasons of which he is not.
- It's me, right?
- That is absolutely
right, you have guessed it.
It is absolutely...
I think Gangie is paranoid
enough in this moment
that you're like, you're
being talked about.
This is not like a
place with the internet,
like your criminal record
does not follow you
from town to town.
If Mr. Gilfoyle knows
about your criminal record,
it means Mr. Gilfoyle got
up to some sh*t himself.
Like, you're thinking about
how does a country butler
know how to find out sh*t about me?
What's Gangie thinking and
feeling in this moment?
- I think Gangie is
getting a little anxious,
which is a feeling that he does not like.
So, he...
leaves and steals some fancy
utensils on the way out.
(laughs)
- Go ahead and give me
a sleight of hand check.
- 17.
- 17 you grab a bunch.
17, I'm gonna roll here.
As you are grabbing a bunch
you can feel suddenly a shape
beside you and Mrs.
Molesly is next to you,
grabbing silverware and
putting it into your pockets,
like helping you...
- Oh.
- So cute.
- What a cutie.
- You see she says, "Oh,
very nice Mr. Green,
"very nice, is the groundkeeper's
cottage keeping you well,
"it's still raining
cats and dogs out there,
"but if you would like to
borrow an umbrella to go home,
"that would be quite all
right, but I would hate for you
"to catch a cold Mr. Green."
- All right.
- She smiles and says,
"Do you own any sweaters?
"I see you wearing the same coat every day
"but out in the countryside,
a nice sweater could be good.
"I haven't knitted a
sweater in quite some time
"but I would be happy to
knit you one, my friend."
- And I think Gangie wants to be mean,
but this person is so
incredibly nice that he even
Gangie is like, all right, thank you.
- She pats you and says,
"I have been here at Loam Hall
"longer than any other
beast and that's a fact.
"I was the nanny, when I was a young maid
"to the little baby
Brockhollow, Lord William.
"And I know this place like
the back of my hand, I do.
"And I can tell you this,
there's a lot of servants here
"who like to look down
their noses at people,
"even though they's not highborn
"like anybody else who's serving here,
"so if any of the boys
who work here at Loam Hall
"give you trouble, you
just send them my way."
- And then Gangie looks
around to make sure
he's not being watched and
pulls a little dandelion.
And gives it to her.
- You pull a little dandelion
out and she looks at it
and has to hold it like right
up here to be able to see it
and goes like, "Oh! It's a flower!"
"Well, a young gentleman
like-" you're like 55
She's like,
"A young gentleman hasn't
thought to give me a flower
"in quite some time.
I shall treasure this,
"Mr. Green, and I'm blushing."
And you see puts the flower
sort of like tucked into the fur
by the side of her head, little dandelion.
- Wait question, isn't it
because it's a dandelion.
Isn't that the thing that...blows away?
- Yes, absolutely.
- It's just actively disintegrating.
- But she loves it.
It's a nice gesture.
- Oh, no it's very cute!
I just think it's funny
she puts a stem - like, a dang stem.
- She loves it, she loves it.
And you see that she goes
to get you an umbrella,
and then you remember that
you're supposed to meet
Mr. Harding after dinner.
So you probably shouldn't go back
to your groundskeepers cottage, yet.
We cut to the dinner table.
A couple of people at this dinner table
have been rocked recently.
The only person who's come out
ahead in social interactions
is Daisy, for the most part
like, Sylvester is, I think,
well into his cups, at
this point, Vicar Ian,
lets go just go down the line.
Sylvester, Ian and Buckster
each of you guys has gotten
kind of rocked in the last hour.
Going down the line, how's Sylvester doing
at the dinner table right now?
- Oh, terribly.
It has, I assume there are,
there are place settings,
although he he'd rather be
able to pick his own spot
in the room, just to be as
far from Daisy as he can,
he's dreading their interaction.
- We are going, I'm gonna roll.
This is our first Box of Doom roll
and nothing could be better
because this is going to be
how close you are sitting to Daisy.
- Oh, God, oh, no.
I love it, in other seasons,
Box of Doom is like death,
and this is a social interaction.
- It's totally social anxiety Box of Doom.
- Oh, God.
- Now, 16 and higher,
you're nowhere near Daisy
at the table.
- Okay.
- 11 through 15 you're within earshot.
Six through 10, you are
immediately next to...
- Oh.
- What do you think is worse:
across from or next to?
- Next to.
- Cool, so then six to 10,
is across from and one
through five is next to
- Okay.
- Box of Doom, here we go, baby.
- Oh, God I hate it.
- This isn - for like a regency era thing,
the perfect Box of Doom roll.
That is a 10, you are across
from Daisy D'umpstaire.
- I'm still actively whispering.
...and then she said "you're trash,"
And I said, "No! You're trash--"
- You're retelling the story.
- Could you tell she
wanted to eat the trash
'cause she loves trash?
She eat so much trash.
She was - she was all over it!
Oh, I'm not surprised.
So you guys are down near
the other end of the table
from Squire Badger, you're
sort of a little bit
farther away.
His family is all up near him
and then the lords and ladies,
you guys are, it's kind of
the kids' table down here
at the end of the table and
wrapping around the table.
Sylvester, you've actually
been sat at the foot
of the table.
I'm sorry, no wait, no, sorry.
The foot of the table is,
I'm gonna say the Vicar, Ian,
you're actually the deepest,
you are the deepest on
Squire Badger's sh*t list.
Sylvester didn't help - you actively hurt.
So Squire, Ian...
Vicar Prescott, to your
immediate right, is Sylvester,
to your immediate left is Daisy
and then one past Daisy is Buckster
and then one past Sylvester is Lars.
And then one more past
Buckster is Armond,
who's still here, "Well, it seems good
"they will be able to
get a little bit of grub.
"I tell ya, I definitely
fractured a bone serving
"as the wheel of that vehicle."
- Armie, I'm gonna go ahead and
take half the food off your plate
and give it to myself,
'cause you're- I need,
I take more calories than you do.
- Well, you certainly do,
sir and I'm happy as a clam
to just have any food at all.
The painkillers, I think have
some calories in 'em too,
so I'm doing pretty good.
- I'll take one of the painkillers please.
- Oh, you want a little bit of laudanum,
some opium, some morphine?
It's 1905, we're good to go, my friend.
- Baker's dozen, give it all to me.
- And you see that there is
a sort of bespectacled snail
with a mustache and a little tweed coat.
This is Professor Simon Shellcrest.
Professor Simon says,
"I say, is that an Armadillo from Texas?
"My goodness, that man's
turned into a ball,
"how extraordinary."
And sort of claps their little hands,
dinner commences,
Constance stands up at a
certain point and says,
"To friends of the Brockhollow family,
"guests one and all, I
would like to raise a toast
"to my dear father William Brockhollow.
And you see, she raises
the glass and says,
"Generosity, kindness,
and nobility of spirit,
"we have not always seen eye
to eye politically or otherwise
"father, but I love you and
"I wish you a happy birthday
"to a brighter future."
Raises the glass and hear, "Hear hear!",
Drink.
(everyone but Katie pretends to drink)
she sits down, her husband
smiles and pats her, Dr. Magpie
and dinner commences, how
has Ian and Buckster doing
with everything that
happened prior to dinner?
- First of all, did not
care for that seance,
but I'm trying to be cool.
I can be cool- I can
be cool and be social.
- Yeah, father Prescott, you do see it
at the head of the table
Lucretia is saying,
"Yes more spirits than normal,
the witching hour is upon us.
"Take my word for it, ghosts
are real, but so is God,
"but so is everything else," and you see,
(laughs)
You see...
"Fairies, too! Especially fairies!"
And, yeah, so Father Prescott, you're down
at the foot of the table,
thinking about the fact that,
the Cardinal already
assigned you this, like,
tiny little parish, you
don't have political pull
within the church.
You're not that kind of
priest- your father did,
and your grandfather did,
but you certainly didn't.
- God, God, God, are you still up there?
You better be listening to me.
This is not what you had in mind.
I know because I sent
applications there before
and they didn't want me, now
they want me all of a sudden,
and then all of a sudden,
when I made my home here
I don't want to go anywhere else.
- You were trying to go to Siberia.
(laughs)
- f*ck, that was his first choice.
- Yeah, I applied early to Siberia.
- Applied earlier and they didn't want me,
they totally rejected me, now I'm here
and I've already made a home for myself
and now you want me to
uproot myself to go somewhere
where I will be in isolation
and then no longer able
to withstand the weather.
I'm not young enough to make a
change like that anymore, God
- So, Brennan, what does God say?
(laughs)
- Go ahead and make a
religion check for me.
- That's cool.
- A religion, oh, sh*t
it's on there. Okay...
(laughs)
That's a 12.
- You, in your head,
hear voices of comfort
that are immediately doubted
by you as they appear
because you can't be sure
if you are hearing something
or imagining what you would want to hear.
- Right.
- Which is the reaction you've gotten
every other time you've prayed
for the past X amount of years.
- That's right, that's right.
- Big slam on religion.
(laughs)
- Are there any more
painkillers going around sir?
(laughs)
- Where's that little turtle?
- Yeah, get 'im in here.
- I'm not a turtle, I'm an
Armadillo but that's okay.
Well, how's Buckster doing?
- Buckster's sitting next to Daisy, right?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- So Buckster's got some
catching up with Daisy to do.
I think I sort of lean,
sort of trying not to appear
as if I'm speaking too
intimately and I say--
Yeah.
- The hammer's been dropped but whether
or not it was effective
at getting its nail.
I don't know, guy blew up at
me, either means it worked
or it really didn't.
- Okay.
- Can I roll a perception
check to see if I caught that?
- Yeah, give me a perception opposed by,
I'm gonna say actually this
is, because this is social.
I'm gonna say it's your insight
versus Buckster's deception.
- Got it.
- Good luck.
- 17 insight.
- 22.
- All right.
- Sails past you.
- So, Buckster's got a big newspaper up.
- You're in your cups.
(laughs)
- Behind a big newspaper.
Another huge newspaper.
- So you and Daisy reconnoiter
like that very briefly,
there's one other thing I want to do,
while I have Daisy and it's
share with her the Gangie news
and the list of names.
- Okay, great.
- That Gangie gave.
- Sam, you can feel free
to send that little list of
names that I sent to you.
Oh so secretly, over to Rekha.
- Yes!
- So, Rekha, prepare for a text for me.
- There are secrets at the table?
- There are secrets at the table.
- Yeah, you don't realize but
Buckster and Daisy have cell phones.
It's 2020.
- Oh, my God, it's like that movie,
"The Village" with Bryce Dallas Howard.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's the reference, Grant,
it's exactly like "The Village"
with Bryce Dallas Howard.
- M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village"
- Yeah! With Bryce Dallas Howard
- Yes.
- And have I, I haven't yet acknowledged
that Sylvester is sitting across from me.
Do I do anything or should I do anything?
- Do something.
- Wow.
- Sorry, what's that?
- Oh, sorry, I haven't yet
acknowledged that Sylvester
is sitting across for me.
- No, you guys just sitting
across from each other
and have not acknowledged
each other at all.
- Yeah, okay, can I acknowledge him?
- Yes, you can.
- Okay.
So I'm like kind of, my eyes
are down the whole time.
I'm cutting into a banana
peel with a side of eggshells
and coffee grounds or whatever
Lars found in the trash
that I went back and then I grabbed.
(laughs)
Sylvester, I just ask that we be civil.
- I'm...nothing, if not
a picture of civility,
Miss Dumpster.
- It's D'umpstaire.
- Since when?
- She, oh, f*ck, you're annoying.
(laughs)
- Y'all said civil looks
to me like civil w*r.
- Oh, Sylvester, I just
say you watch your back,
you're a fox in England, lest
you be hunted by somebody.
- I'm gonna need each of you guys
to make a wisdom saving throw for me.
- Oh, okay, so wait, how?
- So if you look at D&D Beyond.
- Yes, all under saving
throws, yes, yes, yes.
I just click wisdom? Okay, cool.
Six.
- 12.
- Both bad, maybe--
- Six and 12.
I think as you guys, the
first time you've spoken
to each other in years,
you trade these barbs,
you guys sling quips all day, every day.
I think that both that
you've rolled low enough
that there is a real glass
cannon thing happening here
where you're both realizing
that it's like a w*r
where everyone is armed to the teeth
and no one has any armor.
And I think there's like
even a feeling of like,
oh, it's so easy to hurt each other.
- Yes.
- Dinner is served, lovely feast
as dinner concludes,
you see Constance walks
away with Squire Badger,
walking to sort of a private
study in the entrance wing.
I want to know, oh, and you see that,
Mr. Harding comes over to you, Buckster
and he hands you a letter.
He says,
"This is a legal advisement
"prepared by Squire Brockhollow.
"If you would be so kind as to read it
"there's some privacy down the hall,
"if you wish to read in peace, Mr. Boyd."
- Well, thank you, Mr.
Harding and I thank you all.
I will take your leave.
- Yes, RIP, do that.
(Grant pretends to smoke
a pipe but it's his pen)
(laughs)
- You- Buckster, you head down the hall.
I'm going to need everyone
here to tell me where they go
immediately following dinner.
There will be dancing in the ballroom
in a moment to celebrate the party.
But I wanna know where everyone
is in that weird transitory period.
People like going to the bathroom
and getting ready and stuff
like that. Where is everyone?
- Can I actually maybe take,
would it be too conspicuous
for me to take Daisy with me
to look at what...?
- No, you guys can both
go together, for sure.
- Okay, great.
- I'll go there.
- Cool, hell yeah.
- I think I'm just waiting
for Harding at this point.
- Awesome, you're waiting
for Harding, I think Gangie.
Give me a perception check real quick.
- 16.
- Give me stealth.
- 19.
- You are in the shadows,
observing Buckster and Daisy
you're going to be able to
see their whole interaction.
[Bouncy]
Mystery! Mystery!
Awesome. Father Prescott,
where are you at?
- Can I be, since God is ignoring
me, talking to the medium
about what she thinks is going to happen.
Like if I will go to Siberia
or how Siberia will turn out.
- Who are you gonna talk to?
- The medium lady, I
forget what her name is.
- Lucretia?
- Oh, yes, Lucretia, Lucretia.
- Lady Lucretia, you
see she says, "Oh, Vicar
"I'm so glad to see that
you have embraced yourself
"as a spiritualist."
Listen, if God had not
wished for man to have magic
he would not have made
magic so evidently real.
And you see--
- When you're right, you're right.
- When you're right, you're right.
Lady Lucretia says, come with
me right away and takes you
to the seance room
and says, "Wait here!
"I am going to put you in
contact with the forces
"of the great beyond.
"I just need a knife and
the skull and a head dress
"and various tinctures and ointments!
"I'll be right back" and
walks out of the seance room.
As she does so Lars and Sylvester,
what are you guys up to?
- I think Sylvester loved dancing
and is now kind of
embarrassed that he can't
because of his injury since
he uses a walking stick.
And so goes as far away from
the dance floor as he can.
I think he maybe steps
outside to get a little air
and brings Lars with him.
- You guys are both outside
under the awning, rain is like,
your shoulders are like half an inch
from where the rain is pouring down.
You're smoking your pipe
and you hear Lucretia
in the entrance hall
behind you being like,
"Has anyone seen my ritual
dagger from the far away lands
"of some-somewhere not from
here, that makes it special."
And you see she's sort of rushes off,
she says, "And, by the
way, if anyone sees a ghost
"you have to tell me!"
You see that, as she says that,
lightning crashes.
(lightning crashing sounds)
Storm breaks.
Sylvester, no perception check needed,
you look through the rain
as the lightning crashes
you see a figure standing by the dock.
And we'll come back to you in a moment.
(Grant gasps)
(Ally's confused)
I'm gonna need the people who are inside.
So, Gangie, Buckster, Daisy.
Go ahead and give me perception checks
and I also want one from Vicar Prescott.
And Vicar Prescott you actually
make yours with advantage.
- Okay, perception.
- I got a 24.
- Six.
- 19
- Prescott, what did you get?
- 19.
- Okay, the two 19s, you guys
hear a door slam upstairs
just as you are opening
this letter, Buckster,
actually reverse that.
Buckster and Daisy, you read the letter,
Gangie this whole scene happens
before you guys hear
anything, you read the letter,
Buckster, this is a
legally prepared document
of Squire Brockhollow, selling
his interest in BB Industries
to Hazel Hogswallop, who is another,
a very small shareholder in BB Industries.
Not like someone, who's not a huge like,
consideration to this,
but there is an addendum
to the contract, which names...
which has to do with Hazel.
Who's like an ancient kind
of like heiress in Texas
not anyone that has been like
that much of a concern to you.
With an addendum that
recognizes with him and one
of his last acts as a 50% shareholder,
her ability to sign
over a proxy vote to Josiah
Jackrabbit, who you know
as one of the biggest
competitor oil barons in Texas
It has not to your- the
ink on this is fresh,
Squire Badger wrote this today
and you think maybe wrote
it after your interaction.
This is a hastily done thing.
That contract
can't have left this Manor house yet.
- Is it signed by all parties?
- Well, this is something informing you,
this is a notice as the you
to the other shareholder.
But go ahead and make
an insight check with me
because you actually have
the ability as a mastermind
to make insight checks on writing.
- On writing.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- 27, baby.
- You--
- Guys, it's just, all my,
it's all the things I'm great
at, insight and deception
and I mean--
- No, I suckin' a*s at the
things I'm good at, Sam
it's magic, magic is real.
- Incredible, Buckster, you look at this,
recognize the following things.
Brockhollow has lost it,
something's going on in his life,
there is no way he's doing this,
in a way that's gonna make him more money.
So you're immediately,
you're like this move on the
chess board doesn't make sense
to actually make him more money.
There's no--
- It's desperate.
- He's desperate, 'cause you
know Josiah as a competitor
you're not sweating Josiah back in Texas.
He's not liquid enough to pull this off.
There's no way he could
front whatever this was worth
to Badger, unless Badger
was parting with it
for a f*cking song, right?
What you also recognize...
And also Josiah doesn't have any shares
but it's getting around
that by being named proxy,
Hazel- you heard Hazel was in poor health.
So like her naming a
proxy is some stipulation,
it's this, you realize that this move
has to have been set up for a while.
And Badger was holding
off on pulling the trigger
because it was going to net
him such an incredible loss,
and it was only from desperation
that he's doing this.
On a 27 as well, hastily written
something else is at work here.
You know your rivals in Texas
and no one's pulling big swings like this,
without your know how,
if it's not a total
hail Mary, you would bet
that Josiah did this on a
f*cking like wish and a prayer,
like maybe this will work.
Someone else is pushing Badger to do this.
Pushing the buttons, yeah, for sure.
As this happens, all of you hear a slam.
Gangie, you got the highest perception.
You hear the voice of
Constance Brockhollow,
and I said before the study on the edge
where this is actually
happening in a room upstairs
you hear her voice through
one of the air vents going,
"Father, you're possessed!
You're a man mad.
"This will never work!
"Speak of this to me never again!"
Slam!
And everyone else just hears the slam.
Constance at the staircase
as you guys move from your private area
you see Squire Badger moving along,
looking very upset.
And Mrs. Molesly appears and says,
"Squire milord?" and
he says, "what is it?"
And sees Mrs. Molesly and she
sort of comes back and says,
Squire Badger, you haven't
eaten any of your food.
I was clearing your plate sir.
And you see this little
interaction between a woman
who was once this dude's
nanny when he was a baby.
And he says, "I don't have
time- here, come with me."
and walks off, Mrs. Molesly
hangs her head, follows him
along with Mr. Harding.
They go into the drawing room,
Outside, crash, lightning, Sylvester.
You hear Lucretia saying,
"If anyone sees a ghost
you have to tell me!"
Standing on the dock, pale white,
taking his hood off...
Two long ears stretch,
and Fletcher Cottonbottom
looks up at you from the dock
in that one flash.
Dark again, and as the lightning goes off,
a second later, there is no one.
Crash.
Lightning strikes the tower
at the top of the hill,
Loam Hall.
You hear a scream, something drops.
(screams)
A moment of silence, you hear footsteps.
A door is slammed open and you hear,
"My God!"
I'm gonna need everybody
here to roll initiative.
- Oh, no, all right.
- Rolling initiative is
just rolling a D20, right?
- No, it's rolling initiative
should be on D&D Beyond
if you have it.
- Oh yes.
There's a specific number,
it's just your dexterity modifier.
- Yeah.
- I got a 19.
- Okay, Gangie with the 19.
- 22 from me.
- Daisy with the 22.
- Nat 20, 23.
- 23, Ian got the 23.
- Yeah.
- Nat one plus four.
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, plus three.
- Sylvester got the five, okay?
- I'm sorry, no, I got a four,
I got nat one plus three,
so four.
- Okay, what did Lars get?
- I also got a four, can
I please go before him?
I got a two.
- Totes, yes you may go before Sylvester.
- I must protect my best friend.
- What did Buckster get?
- I got an eight.
- Ian, you're the first to act, you are up
in the seance room still.
- Oh, Lord.
- And you with that
19, heard the door slam
and heard Constance walk out,
probably like three minutes
before the scream and
crash and everything else.
- Oh, Lord,
Lord give me strength, is
there anything I can use?
I don't think I can use my--
- Just because we've rolled
initiative doesn't mean
that we are necessarily
fighting people right now.
You are still welcome to
do whatever your character
would do, it's just that
this is a moment of crisis,
you've heard a scream and footsteps
coming from the drawing room.
- Okay, I think--
- You are upstairs,
Ian, so you let me know
what you're going to do.
- Okay, I think since
I have the initiative,
I'm gonna gather everyone together.
- Awesome, you leave the
seance room and rush down.
You get to the bottom of the staircase
just in time to see some people coming out
of the ballroom, you are
alone on the staircase
and call out.
What do you say to
everyone as they rush out
of the ballroom, looking?
- Everyone! I'm not in Siberia yet.
Listen to me, come,
(laughs)
I know what to do, I know what to do.
Just come to me and everyone
gather in this room.
- Cool, are you leading
them to the drawing room
where the noise came from?
- Oh, so, yeah.
- Yeah, what are doing?
- You trying to k*ll everyone?
- What are you doing?
- That's exactly what I'm
doing, okay let everyone
- Incredible,
you see, you get everyone in there.
Daisy, as Ian is doing
that, what are you doing?
- Okay, I think instinctively, I--
- Oh, I'm so sorry, can we
actually go to Roll 20 now?
'Cause this is actually
important, we want to see
where people are.
- Oh, yeah.
So let's go ahead and load up Roll 20,
and get everybody into the entranceway.
Boom, boom, boom.
Carlos has got it, baby.
- Oh, this looks great.
Okay, great.
I think for like one
brief second- do we know,
does this scream sound
like a familiar person?
Like a person that we've heard today
or he's just like hard to tell?
- Give me an insight check.
- Okay.
- DC 10, low DC.
- Okay.
- 20, well not nat 20, but dirty 20.
- The scream was Mrs. Molesly.
- Okay, okay, I think Daisy
doesn't know who the f*ck that is, right?
- No, she is member of
the staff, yeah, yeah.
- She hasn't interacted with her,
there is a brief moment, a pang
where she goes: is Sylvester okay?
'Cause I think, they have similar screams.
- And but then she shakes that away.
- She shakes that away.
And yeah, I think I would like to,
I think I rush towards the
room where I hear it from.
- Daisy, you rush towards the room
where you hear it from,
rush down the hall.
Gangie, you are next to act
but you're still hidden in the
shadows behind the Buckster.
So it's up to you what you wanna do.
- I want to also get there,
but maybe like, secretly,
so people don't know that I'm there.
- Cool, go ahead and give
me a stealth roll and yeah,
go ahead and give me a stealth roll.
You're trying to beat
Buckter's passive perception,
which is 17.
- I got a 19.
- Hell yeah, you slink past.
Ooh, Gangie's good,
man, a career criminal.
We love it.
Gangie, you come around another...
I'm gonna say Gangie,
you sneak through the hall here
and actually go through the dining room.
So you slink through and
come through the other door
and then after you, that's
going to be Buckster.
You are next to act.
(sighs)
(clears throat)
- I think that, Buckster is a lot of,
kind of a, he shows like a big guy,
but he is in fact a total coward.
So as soon as the lights go
out, he draws his weapon--
- Yeah, there is a light
because when that lightning hits
some of the lights, like sputter
in the room a little bit.
So you, yes, the lights
go out and what do you do?
- Well, I've seen now Daisy leave, right?
For the direction of where the scream...?
Yeah.
- Came from?
- Yes, absolutely.
So I say,
Right behind you, Daisy!
and then I hide.
(laughs)
- Really? I don't see you.
- Okay, that is- go ahead
and give me a stealth check, Buckster.
- Cool.
(clears throat)
- Ooh, I'm not good at stealth.
Ooh, 17.
- Not- did you roll a 19?
- I rolled a, wait a minute.
What did I roll?
- Or maybe, yeah, no,
I'm sorry, it's a 15.
It's a 15.
I rolled a 17.
- Gotcha, gotcha,
gotcha, cool, cool, cool.
So you tuck away and hide?
After you, it is Lars.
- Okay, I turn to Sylvester and I say,
What should we do?
(laughs)
- Cottonbottom, Fletcher Cottonbottom.
- What?
- We should investigate the scream.
- Yes, let's go, okay, I book it.
I think I have just enough movement to get
to this door right here.
- Hell yeah--
- In the room where everything's going,
unless these two people
out front are guarding it.
Can I push past them?
- No, they are not, they
are not guarding it.
They're rushing in, too.
It's Jeremy and Osmond.
The the Squire's son and his husband
who are rushing to the next room.
The whole manor quickly
piles into the dressing room.
As you run in - Sylvester,
you run in with Lars
quickly joined by Daisy
and followed up by Ian,
who's taken a moment to gather everybody.
You see Gangie entering the
room from the other side,
in the room already: Colonel
Hawkins has been speaking
to Professor Simon Shellcrest,
Armond Armadillo entered
with Vicar Ian Prescott.
He was not in here originally.
The couches had Lady
Tabitha, Lady Calliope
and Lady Winifred all in here together.
At the door of the study,
hold on one second.
Waiting outside the door of
the study was Ambrose Harding,
who has just flung the door open.
Sylvester, you cross the
door and look inside.
Inside you see...
the following:
Mrs. Molesly,
her hands covered in blood
kneeling on the ground
over the dead body of Squire Badger.
Squire Badger is on the ground,
the desk is...
The room is a mess,
objects are scattered all over
in a pattern that immediately looks like
some force
scattered things around the room.
Lucretia screams and goes,
"A poltergeist!"
You look...
and see a bloody knife
in the Squire's hand
and an open wound over his heart.
Mrs. Molesly turns to you and she goes,
"There...was...something wrong..."
"There was a flash of something and..."
"I looked down, and...
"He was digging into his
own chest with a knife.
"He's done it to himself!"
You see immediately
everyone else, Lucretia claps like this,
everyone else looks and goes,
Mrs. Molesly was the only other
person in the room with him
and they all start looking around.
Sylvester, all eyes turned to look at you.
What do you do?
- Lady Lucretia...
I've seen a ghost.
(laughs)
- That's it for this
episode of Dimension 20,
tune in next week for Mice & m*rder.
- Oh, my God.
(Grant victory-shimmy noise)
- That's D&D, baby!
- Oh my god.
- I need everyone in the room
to remain exactly where they are.
I do hope that everyone had
their fill of food and drink
earlier this evening,
because for the time being,
unfortunately, I'm going
to have to ask everyone
to stay.
There has been a m*rder...
and no one is allowed to leave.
There's not a person at this
party that wouldn't have motive
to see William Thornwall Brockhollow dead.
- Gasp goes up.
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09x02 - A Scandal in Britannia
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.