- [Brennan] A list of the topics,
themes, and subject matter
featured in this episode has been included
in the video description.
(spooky scary music)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
Welcome back to another thrilling episode
of Dimension 20: Neverafter.
I'm your humble Dungeon
Master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes!
- Oh!
- Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- See you in the stars!
- Wow, stay frosty.
Last we left off, our intrepid
heroes were heading off
under the light of the gibbous moon,
the snow of the tundra
reflecting in radiant splendor
as if in midday in the
middle of the night,
journeying towards the
encampment of Snow White.
You had come from the City of Chimneys,
having met the Big Bad Wolf,
having spoken and learned
the secrets of this being
of death, this eternal force
within the lands of the
Neverafter, and you also uncovered
a huge host of correspondence
within the desk
of the Baron of Bricks,
the third little pig,
detailing the Council of Kings
and the machinations of w*r,
the Mer-King searching
frantically for his daughter.
You learned that she'd
been spotted at a place
that Pinocchio recognized from Toy Island.
You communed with the Gander
and learned some secrets
about the Goose itself,
the Big Bad Wolf seeming to
think there were some answers,
and the Wolf told you if you
were searching for allies,
he alone perhaps could track
the house of the Baba Yaga.
However, upon arriving at the tavern,
you met a bunch of companions.
You moved tables together and you split
a series of apps with Arzt,
Mürrisch, and Schläfrig.
- We got to. Classic night at Friday's.
- Some more than others.
- [Brennan] Classic Snowhold meal.
- Love f*cking potato skins so much.
- [Brennan] Potato skins
are so good. Those loaded-
- Is there anything better?
- The cheese, the bacon,
the sour cream, yeah.
- [Siobhan] The potato it's
so crispy and like creamy.
- Yeah.
- [Ally] Little green onions.
- [Brennan] Little green onions.
- Ooh, the scallions?
- [Brennan] Little scallions.
- I was thinking of potato wedges
when we were talking about them
earlier, which I'm okay on.
- I love potato wedges as well, but-
- I prefer, I like a wedge.
I like a steak fry
that has a lot of the
fluffy in the middle.
- [Siobhan] It has the spicy crust on it.
- Yeah, a good seasoning.
- If it's going to be a
steak fry, I need it to be
crispy on the outside and
squishy on the inside.
- Anyway, so that's
what happened last time.
- [Ally] Definitely never been there.
- Here within the Neverafter!
You were journeying with these dwarves
who have a chest containing the death
of the knight Koschei, who
will fight come the morrow
on the side of the Tsar of Snowhold.
However, you took a chance,
revealing yourselves,
and showed yourself to be a
princess, and the dwarves agreed
to take you to their princess, Snow White,
who they said had been searching for you.
You took off, trusting the
Big Bad Wolf to find you
to bring you to the hut of Baba Yaga.
- Unfortunately, when it comes to death,
he might find us, if you know what I mean.
- Oh yeah.
- If we die.
- Thank you, Ylfa.
- That was awesome.
- [Ally] Little Red, that was amazing.
- Wow, that was pretty good.
- That was really good.
- We're going to die!
- [Lou] It's going to be a great episode.
- Going to be a great
episode. Great episode.
- [Murph] It's going to be a good episode.
- It's going to be a good episode.
- Traveling long through the night,
stars glittering overhead,
you eventually come to a tall ridge
crowned by tall evergreen
trees under the wind
that blows pretty constantly
here in this frozen place.
(wind howling)
Moving up and over the twisting path,
you look down and see, nestled
in a partially surrounded
by woods clearing,
dozens and dozens of tents
with banners flapping in the wind
and all of the lights k*lled on them.
I think anyone here, of people here
who would know anything military,
anyone here who wants to
can roll a history check.
- I'm, like, periphery at best.
- [Brennan] Mm-hm.
- I can't even justify a
help action, I'll be honest.
- I think my literal character arc
is that I did not pay
attention to w*r stuff.
- [Brennan] This stuff.
- I'm a child.
- [Emily] Yeah, I can't
even justify a help action.
- Yeah, I rolled a two.
- 22.
- I also was not paying attention.
- So Mother Goose,
everyone is looking down
at this encampment and you're
like, ooh, an army encampment.
They must all be sleeping.
Mother Goose, you notice
that there are no campfires
in this encampment, there are no lights.
There are also no
sentries posted anywhere.
- They're undead.
- They're undead.
- They don't need to sleep.
- And you look down and see
that there is a single tent
at the center of the encampment
that is beautiful, cream white canvas
with silver brocade, red
stripes along the corners
that lead to a central
sort of pillar at the top
that goes up into a
series of waving banners,
and you see that there is a small lantern
lit within that tent and that tent alone.
- That's probably where she
is, and that would suggest
that yeah, perhaps she's not undead.
- Oh, yeah.
- The dwarves begin
to descend, making their
way towards the camp.
Do you guys do anything on your
way through the encampment,
or do you just move
towards the central tent?
- I guess I'll turn to the
dwarves that we're walking with.
Can you, like, vouch for us?
- There will be no need to vouch for you.
- [Murph] Okay.
- The Princess Snow White
will be elated to see her
colleague, her sister.
- I just want to, just in case,
just note what looks like
the ways out of this camp,
because it does seem like, you know,
if there's anything that we need to do
if we need to make a fast
exit out of this place.
- I don't really think this is a trap,
but I think that probably the
most vulnerable person here
would be Rosamund, so I'm
moving my security detail
from Timothy to Rosamund.
- I'll take a little flask out,
be like, "It certainly
is cold!" and take a swig
and cast Expeditious Retreat
on myself, just in case.
- [Brennan] Cool, lovely lovely lovely.
- I actually might also get
one of my little sparrows
and cast Speak with Animals on it.
- [Brennan] Sure, yeah yeah yeah.
- And say, little bird!
Would you mind awfully keeping watch?
- I'd be delighted to.
I'll keep watch for anything
approaching by sky or field.
- Thank you so much.
- [Brennan] Bird goes up.
- Can I give one Goodberry
to that little bird?
- Oh, that's a fantastic idea.
- Yeah, give one Goodberry.
- Yeah, can I give one too?
- How many Goodberries do you have?
- I make 10 a day, so we divvy up them.
- 10 a day, so we divvy them up.
- [Siobhan] Great.
- I can take one again.
- I'll take one.
- Cricket can take one
as well. I'll take one!
- Cricket takes one, bird takes one, okay.
- Can I check my sword and maybe hold it
so I'm seeing through
it to one of the tents?
- Yes, you hold it through,
and you and you alone, Gerard,
as you draw it, see the sentries.
Two completely spectral
dwarves, armored and armed,
gazing at you stoically as you walk past.
Do you meet their eye?
- Nope.
- [Brennan] Okay.
(sword clanking)
- I think this is basic stuff?
They're here. Yeah, they're ready to go.
- Are there more than seven?
- You look at a field of tents.
- There's a lot.
- Okay.
- I think we're all on the same side.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- [Murph] This is what we expected.
This is all normal. Normal stuff.
- Everybody talk through your teeth.
- That's how you cast Message.
- Okay, I'm going to talk to
you guys through my teeth,
but then I'm going to say, let's
just go to the middle tent.
- [Lou] Yeah, let's go say hi!
- Can we speak to Snow White?
- All of them walk up to the middle tent.
Everybody here, give me one
last constitution saving throw.
- Do we still have the advantage?
- [Brennan] I don't think so.
- Okay.
- [Murph] Dirty 20.
- Nine.
- Goddammit.
- [Brennan] Nine, okay.
- 11.
- 10.
- [Brennan] 10.
- Seven.
- 22.
- Geez.
- You still have bardic.
- Oh.
- I don't know if you
want to use it for that.
- Oh yeah, use it,
because it might just
need to bump you over.
- [Murph] Oh, nice, dude.
- So that turns me to 14.
- [Brennan] Who got beneath a 10?
- I got a 10.
- [Brennan] Got a 10? Okay.
- [Murph] God, Rosamund,
you're dying out here.
- I know, I've got to up my con.
- As you're walking through,
I think actually at the
second level of exhaustion,
I'll just need one more con save.
- [Siobhan] Oh boy.
- Okay, wait.
As her security detail,
can I take the level
of exhaustion for her?
- Unfortunately, no.
- I got a 17 on my second roll.
- Okay, you feel it is colder here
than it was at any point
on the long journey here,
and Rosamund, your speed is halved.
- Oh boy.
- Okay.
- I'm cold! I'm so cold!
- Do you want some whiskey?
- Yes!
- And bubblegum?
- It's honey whiskey.
- I do want that!
- It tastes like running away.
- Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, maybe.
- It tastes just like running away.
- You approach the tent at the center.
The dwarves in front of
you announce themselves.
My Lady, we have returned
successful in our mission,
and we believe also with new
allies to present to you.
What to an outside observer
might look like telekinesis,
but you realize is just unseen
hands moving them apart,
parts the entrance to
the tent, and inside,
there is hard-packed snow, but over that,
a wonderful carpet and a beautiful table.
It has a map on it of the
Neverafter, and you see,
wearing a long, black gown
of many pieces of black lace
laid over and over and
over and over each other,
with long, dark, black hair,
skin as white as snow
that looks to be frigid to the touch,
and deep, blood red lips,
wearing herself a glimmering,
not even silver, but
almost pure white tiara,
a princess stands, gazes at you,
deep darkness around her eyes,
and smiles.
- Your Highness.
- Your Highness.
My goodness.
- I don't suppose you have
a blanket or something?
I'm so cold.
- Oh, I can't ever not be cold,
and so I don't bring them.
- Oh.
- But, little birds! Little birds!
And skeletal sparrows
move out of the chest.
- Oh!
- And can't fly, because
that's not how wings work,
so they just scuttle across the ground.
- Oh.
(players groaning)
- Oh, that's where I went too far?
- You see Pib is sweating,
trying to stop himself from-
- They'll get caught in your throat!
- Yeah, of course.
- Not a lot of meat on those bones.
- Of course there's no meat on them.
There's reason for me to chase them.
- You see the table is lifted up,
and the rug is pulled out from under it,
and she goes, poor cloak for a princess,
but perhaps some protection
against the cold.
- These are poor times.
- I agree.
As these sort of skeletal
creatures begin to move
the thing around you, she walks forward
and says,
may I embrace you?
- Yes. I open up the rug.
- She gives a hug.
As you open the rug, you see
she actually takes your hands,
closes it, and hugs you over the rug,
and you can feel the presence
of her body is freezing cold.
It's very quick, as she
can sort of anticipate
that this is going to happen,
and she looks and says,
to your companions, welcome.
- Yes, let me introduce you.
I introduce her to everybody.
- Timothy Goose.
- Snow White.
- Ah!
- Pinocchio.
- Oh, I'm Puss in Boots. Hi.
- Hello.
- Prince Gerard of Greenleigh.
- [Brennan] Mm-hm.
- Ylfa Snorgelsson.
- You see she looks at
you, Ylfa, and goes,
my, what big teeth you have.
- Better to eat you with.
- You see she says,
bold.
Very bold.
- She's 12.
- Did my darling sister
pass along the parcel intended for you?
- Yes, I threw it
at a very mean mom.
- That, at least my gift,
was from a very mean mom,
and that's what you should do.
Turnaround, after all, is fair play.
And you see that her eyes
sort of sink in a little
bit more as she says this.
- Does she look undead or does she look-
- Hard to say.
You can see her drawing breath,
but it's f*cked up,
because there's not steam.
All of you, when you
breathe out, there's fog.
- I want to sniff her, but
I don't want to insult her.
- I think what you see is
that there is no rot here.
I think that she may be, if not undead,
in some sort of deathless
state, in some sort of-
- Did you wake yourself
up from being poisoned?
- I did, and no one was there to help.
- Nobody was there to help
me! Where are these men?
- Well, we've k*lled a lot of them.
- A lot of them were dead around me.
- Yes, yes, absolutely. Well, many came.
My understanding,
at least in the Reveries
that I've been to,
is that many do come and
die within the briars
even prior to the times of
shadow, which is, of course-
- Dark.
- Dark, and rather the point.
I look at the understanding
faces around me and understand
that much like my fellow
daughters of the crown,
that all of you understand
the stakes of the w*r we are now in.
- Yes, we've seen
what lies beyond the veil, if you will.
- So are you fighting fairies?
- Absolutely. That is our enemy.
The fairies are trying with
all of their might to return
the Neverafter to the path of destiny,
a destiny that I, for one,
do not agree with and did not choose, and-
- Me neither. I mean, would it
be nice if true love existed?
Absolutely! And if it
happened, that would be great.
- Hm, yeah, so that...
And you feel, sorry-
- I'm trying to be open to it!
- Listen, I understand,
and it takes time to come to grips.
- Mm-hm, yes.
- You know, when you see how often
things work out different
for you and you go, oh,
why did I wake up in a version of my story
where instead of a
handsome prince saving me,
I have to punch my way
out of a glass coffin
as I'm suffocating to death?
- That sounds bad.
- It's bad.
- I had to escape an entire
kingdom made of thorns.
- I didn't want to say anything,
but looking at your face
and hands, I can tell, yes.
- You know.
(briars snapping)
- Yes, bad, it's bad. It's bad here.
- They're just there.
I just kind of forget.
- It's really bad here.
- So is Snowhold aligned with the fairies?
- It's my understanding, and
things change a little bit
from world to world, but overall,
especially in this world,
which is the world that, I
think, we are the most poised
to make a final stand against the fairies.
We've lost to them
in about two or three, at this point.
There's one where there's
still partially a chance,
but the important thing
is, you came to this one,
and with you here,
and with Cinderella on the
way with some reinforcements,
we are very close to
having the power we need
to stand up to the fairies here.
- But I don't know if I'm enough
to turn the tide, or even
all of us.
They're so strong. They're strong.
They're so strong,
and mean,
and crafty.
- We all must become cunning
and wise in our time,
to survive these worlds,
and I like to think
that even though they have enjoyed
the benefit of their magic
for a long, long time,
that the lack of effort
that they needed to spend
to obtain it has made them soft.
I think there is much hesitation
and dawdling within them,
and I also know that
there is more disagreement
amongst them than there is amongst us.
- You're probably right.
I feel like I'm still
changing over to a world understanding
where I make choices, and
choices don't happen to me,
and even though in the abstract it's nice
to say I have the choices, when
you don't have any choices,
nothing is your fault
if anything goes wrong.
- I understand that.
It is a deep and unsettling
dread when you realize
that you can,
by taking charge, cause harm.
It is an even deeper
dread when you realize
that in taking charge,
you will cause harm.
You will not make every perfect choice,
and the fear that you
will make some choice
that does some wrong within the world
is exactly what your enemies
are hoping will stop you.
(Siobhan sighs)
So, we do as best as we can
to do as good as we can,
but not to let the
Neverafter fall into the fate
that the fairies intend for it.
- What do you want to happen?
- To prevent them from returning
all of creation to what was intended.
In their version of this
world, all of the knowledge
we have wrested about
the nature of our reality
would be ripped from our minds.
We would go back as to
what we were before.
Oblivious, blind.
- So you see these chaotic changes
as revelatory to the possibility of living
outside of a predetermined story.
- I would not have chosen
to gain this knowledge
through the horrors I have endured.
And here she looks at the
dwarves, standing and waiting,
and the empty tents outside.
I would not have chosen to have lost
all the things that I lost.
But those horrors woke me up,
and I would not go back to sleep.
- So your thoughts on the canon are clear.
- Against.
Let me settle one thing quickly,
because my dear servants
deserve their rest if they can get it.
And you see she turns to the
three dwarves here, says,
Arzt, my dear and faithful friend.
Arzt kneels and says, Your Highness.
We have gathered this from the island.
We have retrieved Koschei's
death, we believe.
They take the sealskin off,
and you see this massive,
sort of weather-stained,
and the smell coming from it is grotesque,
this massive, old chest with rotting wood.
- You guys don't need to
breathe, but that's a stink.
- [Lou] What's it smell like?
- It's a lot.
- Well, it smells like dead hare.
- [Ally] Pib, stop smelling
it with your whole face!
- A very old hard boiled
egg with a needle inside.
- Yeah, that's mostly the egg.
- [Lou] It's a lot of egg.
- [Siobhan] A lot of egg.
- It's a lot of egg.
- Also, it's freezing cold in here.
For a thing to stink in the cold is bad.
- Impressive!
- It's rough.
- [Zac] Wow.
- You see that Snow White goes,
puts a hand on it,
(energy humming)
casts some magic, goes,
you have found it true.
Do the three of you wish to rest?
You see that the dwarves nod,
and you see that she says, here.
And you see that they all
hand their cloaks to her,
and as they do, they go fully translucent,
and these glimmering white
shapes appear before you.
And she says,
rest.
I will call on you if I need you again.
And the dwarves all hold
hands over their heart
and take a step back, and suddenly
it's almost like
direction shifts for them,
so that behind them is instead down,
and they just slowly float
like they're sinking into
something and vanish.
- Thank you so much, Sir Dwarfs.
- They had a lot of potato skins.
Is that going to inhibit the crossing?
- The potatoes, funny,
the potato skins are
actually in the cloaks.
- Oh.
- We wasted those.
- You see a bunch of
ice cold potato skins.
- They were intent on
divvying these up evenly.
- [Lou] Yeah, they were really into-
- No, that's important, because they have
to keep cover, okay?
- Right, okay.
- I see, and I guess if
there are seven of them,
they're very used to the family dynamic.
- Yes, they're very good at
sharing. They're wonderful.
They're very communally minded.
They believe in the cause, absolutely.
- May I ask, just, I guess, you know,
because in times like
these it's good to have
an idea of what could work,
what is this world that
you said it might work?
You said there's one world
that it might work in.
- So my work here,
I am able to travel between the worlds
a little bit more swiftly,
thanks to my dear friends.
- Oh.
- But, as you've all experienced,
death is a passageway through
the worlds, one to another.
Cinderella had to gain some of our allies
from the Neverafter where we
had met you the first time,
and she is gathering some
of the princesses there
to come here as well,
so she is bringing
reinforcements on her way.
- From the world that we left after dying?
- Yes, this is correct.
- And you can get back there?
- That's the one that you
think has a chance, also?
- Partially. Much has been lost there.
But from what I've seen,
it's not completely lost.
But yes, it is very hard.
It will require much
diligence, and potentially,
magic always exacts a great price.
But if you wished to return to that world,
you could.
- Oh.
- Everything has its price.
Getting back there is possible.
If you are dead in that world,
you would be,
not to get into the
grotesqueries of necromancy
and of passing between the realms,
but you would likely
have to take your bodies
from this world, unless
you had a way of raising
your old bodies from the dead.
Which would effectively mean that, yes,
you would be able to live a life
back in that world, and
be gone from this one.
So it doesn't solve anything permanently,
but it's also not...
It is not beyond some
powers within these realms
to cross over from death to life again,
but for me, I have not
achieved that power yet,
though I can call upon
the dead for their aid.
You are no small sight,
a group of six that have traveled
from one world to another
and seem to have, at the very least,
judging by your carriage,
bested the Baron of Bricks,
which was the thing I
needed to do after finishing
my business in Snowhold,
so thank you for that.
- Yeah, we did best him.
- It was our honor.
- Are we all doing this?
- Mm-hm.
- I just sort of flex.
- [Siobhan] We just started doing this.
- My business here in Snowhold
was to help clear a way.
The Baron of Bricks and
the Council of Kings are
working for terrestrial aims.
They wish to conquer this world.
I believe the baron may have some-
- He knew more than what he was saying.
- [Brennan] You know this for certain?
- Mm-hm.
- He was even lying to the fairies.
- Truthfully?
- Yes.
- [Emily] Truthfully.
- How did he come to awaken?
How did he come to understand
the knowledge above?
- Can I make an insight check?
- [Brennan] Yeah, go for it.
- Yeah, I think I would
like to do that too.
- I'll hold my response to her after.
- 19.
- 13.
- Do we really, you know, like, how-
- Yeah, it's smart.
Each step of the way we pump
the brakes a little bit,
just to make sure we're not being crazy.
- Pib, you never met
Cinderella. You never met Elody.
So you're just taking this all
on the basis of what
Sleeping Beauty told you.
- Princesses are f*cked up.
- On a 19, I don't think
you've heard anything
that you're like, that's a lie!
I think that you're looking at someone
who has an army of her dead friends
and had experiences
similar to Sleeping Beauty,
but maybe not with a pack of friends,
and you're talking to someone
who has steeled themself
to win an interplanar w*r,
and she's speaking with
an intensity and a focus
that I think you clock as dangerous
in a way that is both
like, that's dangerous,
but also in a way where you're like,
yeah, of course it's dangerous.
She's fighting enormous universal powers
that are trying to stop her
and return her to a
world she doesn't want.
- Right.
- Is that sort of where
your head was going to
in terms of the insight?
- Yeah, I'm just like,
how hungry is she for
the knowledge of this?
- Unbelievably hungry.
- And the idea of her
relationship to death
is what I'm focused on.
- Yeah, and you also see this too.
When you first met Cinderella,
she knew a ton of sh*t
you didn't know, but you
also see that very clearly,
within the times of shadow,
these princesses had gotten
a bunch of steam under
them, but that doesn't mean
that they found the stuff
you guys found, right?
So they're very much like, she looks,
much like you guys are,
hungry for information.
- Okay, yeah.
- Okay.
- You took the letters, right?
- Mm-hm.
- I think that in the same
way that when I met Rosamund,
I was a little starstruck,
I'm a little starstruck right now.
See you in the stars.
- Okay! Okay!
- I think I'm just going to spill all.
He, the Baron of Bricks
did, had the god of death,
whom you may know as the
Big Bad Wolf, in a stew,
and he was essentially boiling him down
and feeding off of his
divine, primordial essence,
and that gave him certain access
to cosmologies
(Brennan sighs)
beyond the mundane, if
you know what I mean.
- It was a bad situation,
and he was very weird
- f*ck yeah.
- I've never met anybody
as humorless as him.
- Mm, a bad trait.
- Very bad.
- How did you get into his castle?
- [Lou] Ha ha!
- That is a funny story.
I panicked and offered
him my hand in marriage.
But don't worry! Nothing happened.
- Honestly? Honestly, Rosamund?
Classic. Absolutely classic.
- That is really nice to hear.
- We got to hop around in a lot of worlds,
and we don't have time for a lot of-
- [Siobhan] Sometimes you don't have time!
- Let's go.
- And look, honestly,
he was going to say yes.
- If you are accepting proposals
from strangers, on you.
- On you! On you, man!
- [Brennan] Whatever happens next, on you.
- Just because I'm a princess,
you're just like, yes I'll marry you?
That's weird!
- And you can tell,
there are so many people in the Neverafter
that think that they are the
main character of a story.
- Yes! Oh my goodness.
- And a princess comes along
and proposes and they say, here we go!
- This guy doesn't even have a name,
he's just the third little pig.
- There you go, exactly.
Well.
Oh, it's so delightful to have company.
- I think, you know, per
what Gerard whispered to me,
I'm like, all right, look.
These are, we found
these in the hog's haven.
Hand over all the-
- You give those to her. You see she-
- I'll probably want them back,
but just so you can look at them.
- I need not sleep,
so I will read them during
the night before morning.
- Good skill.
- Kind of a boss girl.
- Gerard, do you promise
not to be mad at me?
- I suppose it depends.
- For what I'm about to do?
- [Lou] Gerard, promise not to be mad!
- [Ally] Gerard, do you promise?
- I refuse! What are you going to do?
- [Siobhan] You're not allowed to be mad!
- I might get mad! I'm mad now!
- Promise!
- I'm already mad!
- Gerard!
- Gerard.
- I don't know what she's going to do!
- You're screaming. You're
absolutely screaming.
- You need to calm down!
- Will you roll
for promise or not?
- Promise not to be mad at me!
- What if I'm just irritated?
- [Ally] 1 through 10, you don't promise.
- [Brennan] Gerard, you are
still making a first impression.
- Fine, okay, I won't be
mad no matter what happens.
- [Ally] Wow, that's crazy.
- Insane promise. Go ahead.
What are you going to do?
- Do you know Princess Elody?
- That's a great question.
- [Brennan] She's on her way.
- Here?
- She's on her way.
- Prestidigitation. I'm
putting blush on the frog.
- Aren't you glad I asked? Now
you have time to get ready!
- On her way to this world.
- Oh.
- Cinderella is from the world
in which your adventures here started.
I am from another, but
I came to that world,
and Cinderella was the first I met
and was able to see had awakened, like me.
Elody, we found in your world.
That was the one in which
she had awakened as well.
But Elody, Cinderella, and
two other companions of ours,
the Princess Rapunzel
as well as the Beast.
- [Siobhan] The Beast?
- Yes.
- [Emily] The Beast?
- [Lou] The Beast?
- The Beast.
- Is the Beast a princess?
- The Beast is a princess.
- Oh.
- It's a different version of the story.
- That's really cool.
- [Siobhan] That's really fun.
- I didn't know monsters
could be princesses. Uh-oh.
- So there's a Beauty and a Beast?
Yeah! Yeah!
I try to put the tiara back on you.
- I know that you want
it more on your head.
- She looks and says, tomorrow morning,
in a few short hours, the Tsar of Snowhold
will appear at the edge of that field
with Koschei the Deathless
at the head of his knights,
ready to cut down my army of dwarves.
- And the princesses will
be showing up before that
with an even bigger army?
- No.
- Damn.
- And this stinky box makes
it possible for him to die?
- Oh, it makes it quite
effortless for him to die.
- [Siobhan] Oh, okay.
- What sort of magic did he use
to separate his own death from himself?
As an acolyte of death,
I'm curious to know.
- Well, you'll have a very
short window of time to ask him.
- Okay, everyone give me a
tight five alone with him, okay?
- Got it.
- Okay.
- You're going to work out some material?
- I've got to come up
with some undead jokes.
- Snow White says, all of this was a means
of defeating the tsar here
and then moving past this
to gain the leverage needed
to address the Snow Queen,
who I believe, once the tsar
is dead, will listen to reason.
This is neither here nor there.
This is simply politics
of us trying to track
down the fairies' magic.
The fairies' numbers
change from world to world.
- Oh, we noticed. We're up to eight here.
- Up to eight here,
which is actually not as bad as it sounds.
The fairies are mostly the same
amount powerful everywhere.
- Oh, okay.
- So eight fairies is dangerous
if they're running around the countryside
doing a bunch of different
things, but individually,
they are actually less formidable here
than they would have been
in a world with four or a world with-
- Oh, okay, so-
- They're sharing a source of power.
- They are sharing one
source of power, exactly.
- Do you know what that
source of power is?
- [Brennan] I believe they are able to tap
into destiny itself, somehow.
- [Zac] Interesting.
- Timothy, I bet it's the Authors.
- Tap into destiny itself?
- Do you think it's the Authors?
- What?
- Oh.
- The Authors.
- You think so?
- Do you think?
- The ones that we're not supposed to say.
- [Zac] Don't you get
your powers from destiny?
- I don't get my powers from
destiny. I get my powers...
Do I get my powers from destiny?
- Are you asking Cricket right now?
- [Lou] Cricket.
- Yeah.
- Do I get my power from destiny?
- Sure, bud.
- Are you just being supportive?
- Always.
- I feel like you're
just giving me an answer
to give me an answer to be helpful.
- Wait, wait, wait, okay, I didn't know.
Sorry, hey, it's not every day
you want a real piece of advice.
So, what can I help you with?
- Well, Pib gave me a look,
and then was like, you get
your powers from destiny.
And so now I'm wondering, do
I get my powers from destiny?
- Where do you think you get them from?
- I don't know, I guess I hadn't
thought that hard about it.
I think-
- I hate to be this guy.
That's kind of a running problem.
- All right, well I've been
alive for upwards of four years.
Give me a break, all right?
- I know but, you know,
it's time to knuckle down.
It's time to kind of, you know,
we've been having a laugh-
- This kid is working really hard!
- I'm working really hard.
- Don't give him a hard time.
He's a kid!
- I'm sorry.
- I hand Pinocchio a hand mirror and go,
get to know yourself.
- [Emily] Timothy! (laughing)
- I don't think that's what he was-
- Just look in the mirror
and get to know yourself.
Who is that?
- I remember when Timothy
did this for me the first time.
- [Ally] Everyone needs
to get to know themselves.
- You know, that moss will come right out.
We just got to get you to a carpenter.
- Yeah, you know, I don't hate it.
- [Emily] I was going to
say, I personally like it.
- If you'd like, I could set
some of my little birds onto your moss.
They could peck it out.
- No, no.
- I think it looks dashing.
- Yeah, dashing. Yeah.
- [Emily] I think it looks good. It works.
- But you're asking if you get your powers
from destiny or not, but
you threw your handle
into your book, right?
- Yeah.
- [Brennan] That's your story.
- Yeah.
- What's the difference between destiny
and what we think the story
of our life should be?
- Cricket, that was way too
much. That came too fast.
I asked you a yes or no question.
You gave me a mental health assignment.
- If you don't want the heat,
don't step in the kitchen!
- There's this big pool of magic juice!
Does he suck from the same
magic juice as the fairies?
That's what we're asking.
- When I threw my handle
in, did I put a straw?
- Did he put in a big
straw with the fairies?
- Snow White looks at you
and gets very serious.
She goes,
Pinocchio, would you like to cast a spell?
- Yeah, sure. I cast Mage-
- [Emily] Elditch Blast.
- [Ally] Yes!
- I cast Eldritch Blast at Snow White. No.
- Counterspell.
- Okay, very impressive.
Good to know you got it.
I cast Create Bonfire near Rosamund.
(Siobhan shudders)
(fire whooshing)
- I hold the rug over (indistinct).
- Ooh, you're like one big chimney.
- Snow White's going to
make an arcana check.
- [Ally] Can I give her advantage?
- Yeah, you want to give a help action?
How do you give the help action?
- I say, "We'd all love
to know," way too close.
- [Brennan] That's
bordering on disadvantage.
- We'd all really love to know.
- Timothy, can I just say,
I feel like you've gotten creepier
as this adventure has gone on.
- Can I help? I take Pinocchio's book.
Perhaps looking at this
would help as well.
- I miss my friends.
- Okay, here she goes. Help action.
Okay, 15. 15 on the die.
She adds her arcana to that and goes,
you're not a fairy.
- Mm-mm.
- [Brennan] But you're
wielding a fairy's magic.
- Mm!
- [Murph] We love to hear that.
- [Siobhan] The Fairy
with the Turquoise Hair.
- Thanks for giving me that look, Pib.
- [Murph] It was good.
- Hey, you know, I do think you're funny,
just not intentionally.
- Way worse! Way worse!
- Wow.
- My organs don't work anymore,
and that was gut punching.
That was absolutely-
- And if I had guts, g*dd*mn
would they be punched.
- Hey, I'm sorry. Hey, real quick?
- [Lou] Yeah?
- You're my best friend.
- I've heard you say
that to, like, 85 people.
- That, I think, might actually be true.
- [Siobhan] I think that might be true.
- Can I make an insight check
on if I'm Pib's best friend?
- [Brennan] Yeah, go ahead
and give me an insight check.
- That's an unnatural 20.
- I think it is.
- I think it is just true.
I think it's just true.
- Who else would Pib's best friend be?
- Who else?
- I think on an unnatural 20,
you can tell that Pib's
energy is very much like,
you know, whatever the energy of that is.
- I don't have that many
close people in my life
except for the people in this room.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- Wow.
- I give you a treat.
- You see Snow White says,
that, young Master Pinocchio,
is exceptionally interesting.
- Wow, she called me Master Pinocchio.
- Wow. That's crazy.
- This feels incredibly fortuitous.
I was simply worried
that my old, dear friends
would return with this chest
so that I would not be
slaughtered on the morning,
but it seems that the chest
is perhaps one of the lesser
wonders to arrive here.
I also cannot help but notice,
and here she closes your book and says,
this book was not written in this world.
- No.
- We kind of all have them.
- Where did you collect this from?
- We took a little trip
to a world between worlds.
- Again, I'm starstruck.
We went to a, it's kind of
like a library in the sky.
- It was pretty cool.
We met this guy named Aesop,
and we met this other
guy named Scheherazade.
- We met a lion that's starving.
- Because he doesn't eat meat.
- It's not starving. He's magic.
- His nose was freely bleeding.
- You see she says, you met
a woman named Scheherazade?
- [Lou] Yeah!
- I think Elody may have
mentioned that name to Cinderella.
You see she checks some notes of hers.
- Have you ever gone to-
- [Ally] The in between?
- [Emily] The Lines Between?
- The Lines Between?
- I like to maintain an air
of status, repose, and poise.
I had no idea what that place
was until you just said it
right now, and I am stunned and amazed.
- Wow, do I have her
story in my main book?
- You can summon it, if you
want to, yeah, for sure.
You read Snow White's story.
You see it there, plain as day.
She looks and says, this book, your story,
and you see she realizes she's
been holding it for too long
and hands it back to you.
- Oh, thanks.
- She goes, you attached
to that and were able
to call upon its magic as
though it were itself a patron,
a deity, something of that nature.
You see she goes, because it is, in a way.
You have taken something of
a higher world into this one,
and it burns like a sun.
It is itself a piece of
physical destiny written down,
and you seem to have some
ability to control it?
- Yeah, my marionette strings go into it,
and so I think about parts of my life,
and I pull on those strings,
and then those things appear
here in the Neverafter.
- So, a means of controlling destiny.
- [Ally] Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- I will say one more thing,
which is that on top of
this fight that we have
with the fairies, there's
perhaps an even greater threat
that is essentially
trying to consume stories
and completely erase them, and
then there's another faction
that is writing them
and is quite unpredictable.
- Yeah, I hold up a piece of paper that-
- Says the name?
Snow White looks at that,
and you feel a sort of...
(energy thrumming)
This deep, almost magical
drum beat behind the world
of something profound and magical moving.
Oh, I don't think I like
them very much at all.
- No.
- Doesn't it make you go like this?
- It does, and very little
makes me do that these days.
- Yes, they do seem to be the people
who are ultimately behind
what the fairies want,
of us having a set story.
- I think the fairies are afraid of them.
- I think the fairies are afraid of them.
- [Siobhan] Oh, the fairies
are definitely afraid of them.
- And I think the Stepmother
is very angry with them.
- Oh, have you met the
Stepmother? You had a stepmother.
- My mom.
- Well, there was the Stepmother.
No, my...
- [Lou] Mm-hm.
- My Step...
- What's her name?
- I don't remember.
- She destroyed her name.
- [Ally] What does she look like?
- Do you know who would know her name?
- Baba Yaga.
- That's what we needed
to ask from Baba Yaga.
- [Siobhan] Maybe.
- We've got to quit
saying that name out loud.
- [Ally] Really?
- I did it via Message.
- I apologize, I know
Cinderella very well.
Are you saying that
Cinderella's Stepmother ate-
- Your stepmother.
- Mm-hm.
She crawls around in between
the books and reaches in
and rips people's parents
out and consumes them.
- [Siobhan] Yes, a very mean woman.
- One of the fairies saw
her, scratched her eyes out.
- So you're saying that the
Stepmother and the fairies
are at cross purposes.
- Yes.
- I think the fairies don't
want everything to get erased.
They want everything to
go back to how it was.
- The fairies want it to go
back as it was, and the Stepmom
is upset with the lot she
was given and what it was.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- The way she was written.
- Very much, the Stepmother
does not want things
to go back to how they were.
- She doesn't want to be the villain.
- But I don't think she
even considers the fairies.
- But she's making herself
even more the villain.
- I think she's being
the villain as, like,
oh, you want a villain?
I'll show you a villain.
- I need to explain
the nature of this w*r.
If the fairies wanted to
k*ll us, we'd be dead,
but they want to control us.
- Right.
- So their power is immense,
and that is the only thing
that has enabled us to
fight them effectively,
is that they want us alive
and under their thumb.
But the Stepmother
complicates the b*ttlefield
and offers, perhaps,
an interesting opportunity.
- You think maybe we could
turn them against each other?
- Or you want to work with her?
- Work with and take advantage of
are two very different things.
Much to consider.
You see that she looks at
you all and goes, all right.
Time for me to do some revealing.
You've done much, and if
there is anything else
that you think I should know
about the enemies we face,
The Lines Between or what awaits us there.
The description that you
have said, I have seen.
I have seen in visions in my mirror.
- Whoa.
- There is, You see she goes,
I saw a castle of text,
but knowing nothing else of it,
I assumed it was somewhere in the world,
somewhere here in the Neverafter,
and was busy looking for it.
The Snow Queen and facing her here,
the Council of Kings in
this world works in tandem
with the fairies pursuing
them, so my goal here
in this battle was to
defeat the Tsar of Snowhold,
and in doing so push the Snow Queen,
who wields a great magic
but is not a fairy,
to reveal their hiding
places to me and give us
a possible advantage to
find this castle of text.
As I have now just
learned, the castle of text
is not in this world,
it is beyond this world.
By what means have you traveled
there, and by what means
did you communicate
with this Scheherazade,
whom Elody spoke of?
- She got us there
using this book that I have.
- By what means did you acquire this?
(Ally wheezes like a sad old
man reliving horrific trauma)
- I held my dead son's bones,
and then I asked a duck for power.
- Timothy, I get it.
I get it. You don't have
to carry that shame.
- Thank you.
- [Brennan] You don't
have to carry that shame.
- I hug Timothy from behind.
- [Brennan] Everyone hug Tim from behind.
- [Emily] Let's do a hug train. Hug train.
- Choo choo!
- Inside the rug. Hug rug.
- Thank you, thank you.
- [Zac] Guys, be careful. I'm down here.
- Oh, you're on my little ankle.
- In my visions,
we failed to stop the fairies every time,
except,
(sighs) in some battles,
we were able to win
with no less than seven of our number.
- Seven princesses?
- [Brennan] That is correct.
- How many are your numbers
now that you've got Rosamund?
- Four are on their way
from the other world.
- So six!
- We need one more.
So we just need the mermaid.
- Do you know of the princess by the sea?
- Yeah, we actually do.
- Yes, we know where she is.
- Toy Island!
- [Emily] She's on Toy Island.
- Having a ball!
- She's dancing.
- You, me, Little Mermaid,
Cinderella, other three princesses.
We can do it in this world!
We can do it in this world!
- Yes.
- I mean, now I know we have
to do it in not this world,
specifically, but you
understand what I'm saying.
We can convene here.
All right.
- So what's the most pressing thing to do?
- Truth be told, if Cinderella were here,
we would split up and either
she would remain and fight
or I would, and one of us would
go to retrieve the mermaid.
If the mermaid is
captured by the Mer-King,
I know we talk of universes and cosmos,
but we must still contend
with terrestrial life.
If she goes underwater, our job gets hard.
- Okay.
- So we have to go to Toy Island.
- Gerard.
- Yes?
- You promised not to get mad.
- I promised not to get mad
at that specific thing.
- No, we all heard you Gerard!
- Gerard, you're going
to have a great time.
- You promised you would never get mad.
- I agreed to never get mad ever again?
- You said you would never
get mad again. You said.
- [Siobhan] Yes. That was legally binding.
- That's infuriating!
- Well, that's what you said.
- Why did you tell him not to get mad
when you asked a question
about the Princess Elody?
- Don't get mad at me.
Promise not to get mad.
- [Zac] Forever.
- I promise not get mad about
this specific thing. Go.
- You say it, or I'm going to say it.
- You say it, at this point.
- He's her husband.
- She's married?
- Well.
- Oh god, that was like the
worst thing you could've said.
- [Ally] That's pretty telling.
- God, that's Pib level!
- For being an ice queen,
you were very emotive in that moment.
I would think you'd play it
a little cooler, Snow White!
Yes, my marriage is in shambles.
- Timothy, do you have a Cure Wounds?
- I throw a Cure Wounds and a Bless.
- Appreciated.
I think I have several
levels of exhaustion.
Yes, my marriage isn't going well.
she's probably not telling a lot of people
that she's still married.
- I'm so sorry.
- The wars and whatnot!
You get separated, some
people go and fight,
some people go and hide with the children
and then run out a back tunnel.
- I know how your whole thing
is being cold. You seem hot.
- I'm so sorry.
In this version of my story,
I've literally never even had a boyfriend.
- There's a bunch of icicles
forming right around your-
- [Murph] I'm sweating.
- Ay yi yi.
Oh, actually, I need
to wake up the ghosts.
It's hard, I've got to go.
- Wait, wait, wait, before you go.
What are the two requirements
to being Snow White's friend?
- What?
- What are the two requirements
to being Snow White's friend, your friend?
- I don't know.
- A warm heart and a tombstone!
- Give me a performance check.
- That's so dark.
- [Zac] Can I help?
- You don't have to.
That's a 25.
- She goes...
(Brennan chuckling)
(Brennan cackling)
- Wow.
- Wow.
- Yeah, he's funny.
- Funny guy. Funny guy.
- [Brennan] Wow.
- He's funny, yeah.
- So glad we got to bring
out the emotion in you.
- What do you know about the
giants, just before we move on?
Because that's kind of
what's been motivating me,
but if we have to go back to Toy Island,
we have to go back to Toy Island.
- I know that the Snow
Queen has some relationship
to the giants, and my intention
after defeating the tsar tomorrow
is to take audience with the Snow Queen
and show that my missives
cannot be ignored.
I will have audience.
So I would be more than happy
to pose a question to her
about the nature of giants
in this realm, if you wish.
- Is she on our side, do you think?
- The Snow Queen?
- [Emily] She's a witch, right?
- Yes, she is a witch, and I believe
that once the tsar is
gone, she will see reason.
- Okay.
- I know that the
princesses were interested
in potentially reaching
out to a few witches.
Is this the first foray into that?
- This is the first.
I will not lie, it would be better
if Rapunzel were here.
She has a way with these
sort of interactions,
and I find that my demeanor
has grown cold of late.
And I will say, I much
enjoy the company of witches
whose primary pursuit
is the tending of magic.
Witches who moonlight as
queens are not my favorite.
- No, I see that.
- However, me and the Snow Queen
will have words and come
to an understanding.
When I do, I would be happy to pose
any question about giants you might have.
- Well,
where I'm from,
things ended in a sort of
happily ever after fashion,
and then later, after that,
giants appeared and destroyed the whole-
- [Brennan] And this
was in your first world?
- This was.
- Yes, the Kingdom of Marienne.
- [Zac] That's correct.
- I think I heard, that
was the world we were in
before coming here, so
I think I heard that.
- And just, I mean, to
clarify, maybe I misunderstood,
but is Marienne destroyed here?
- Destroyed here as well, yeah yeah yeah.
There's a little bit of fog in your mind
as you try to remember here.
It's almost like you feel a
little static shock in your head
as you try to remember,
almost like a little bzzt,
and then settle again on the memory,
but you know that Marienne
is fallen here, for sure.
- But is it fallen from giants?
- I think as you go for that memory here,
you kind of draw a blank.
- [Ally] A cutback?
- Like it was cut out of the world?
- Yeah, because you know
that the Baron of Bricks
had correspondence about giants,
but there's just some weird connection.
This is the first thing
you've experienced like this,
where it's literally like,
oop, that file's corrupted.
It really feels like this
has always been going well,
been able to handle it,
but there's something
a little bit wrong here,
and it makes you think
that that Snow Queen having
information about giants
is even more significant.
- That's not good.
- What you have unfolded
to me here in this moment
will enable us, I believe, to
make a stand once and for all
against the destinies
that were written for us.
Do you feel,
in your way,
that you have everything you need from me?
I mean, if we can collect that mermaid,
then we will have what we need.
Although I will say, it is
terrible that we must part now,
for indeed, I believe that
book of yours, Mother Goose,
is of dire significance.
- I believe so too, yeah.
The wish I made, I made
two wishes in a row,
and it was, "What happened to my son?"
and, "How can I fix
"what's happening in the Neverafter?"
- Incredible.
That was the wording of your wish,
and so you carry the key to
ending the times of shadow.
- But we don't exactly know
how we're going to be using it.
We get a little closer each day, but-
- You have the key to
reality in your hands,
and are working to figure
it out, I understand.
If you wish,
the Snow Queen is powerful
and I know holds many of
the texts of Snowhold,
which has powerful magics.
It is, after all, the home of Baba Yaga.
If you wished for it, I could
perform some spells to discover
the nature of the book,
if you wished for me to.
- Yes, yes.
- Don't say that you
wish anything, Timothy.
- You did not say the word, I did.
- Okay, okay. Good, good.
- [Murph] Good catch, Red.
- In some worlds, people
are f*cking with wishes.
I'm not always doing
that, so we're going to...
Everyone say desire three times.
- [All] Desire, desire, desire!
- [Brennan] All right.
- I do desire that.
- If you would, I would be honored
to caretake with my very
life, or what remains of it,
this book, until such
time as we can discover
the nature of how to write within it.
- I wish I could do that, I just...
I just gave up too much to have it, but...
- I completely understand.
- I look forward to when
we can meet up again
and maybe do that together,
when we're back with the 7th princess.
- Absolutely, time is of the essence,
but you bargained for
that book with everything,
and I will do as much as I can
with whatever resources
the Snow Queen has,
and we will see it done.
- Great.
- Come, with the last few hours
of moonlight that we have,
there might be someone here
who can get you to Toy
Island faster than expected.
I don't know if it'll work.
I've never tried it before,
but we can give it a shot.
- Okay.
- You see she steps out
into the middle of the snow,
raises her hand, and the wind kicks up,
the black lace of her gown
fluttering in the light of the moon,
and she goes,
of the four brothers, oldest,
strongest, and most powerful,
do I call to you in
this place of strength.
- I use my cloak like a parasail.
- Northern Wind, show yourself!
Take my friends and allies
to the island of toys!
The boy of destiny knows the way!
Northern Wind, fill your cheeks and blow!
- All of you guys better call me
the boy of destiny from now on.
No more of this Pinocchio bullshit.
- Oh, I'm going to call
you the boy of destiny.
- [Emily] Once we get into the
water, the buoy of destiny!
- It's Master Pinocchio or
the boy of destiny. The what?
- Once we get in the
water, the buoy of destiny.
- She's so much funnier than I am.
Why did you guys ever make me the jester?
- [Zac] Some people are
just naturally funny.
- [Ally] Some people are
just naturally funny.
- [Siobhan] She announced that she was
going to be the handmaiden immediately!
- Snorgelsson's just over here k*lling it.
- But some people work
hard and they get there.
- [Ally] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Siobhan] They do.
- All right, all right.
I'm going to work on it.
I'm going to practice.
- Incredible.
So you see the sky moves, the clouds move,
and the face of an enormous, bearded man,
stern and horrifying in
the vastness of his visage,
sucks air into his cheeks.
(Brennan huffing)
(Brennan puffing)
And all of you are lifted from the ground
as Snow White raises a
hand and says, sister!
To you and your
companions, I say farewell!
We will see you soon!
- Farewell, sister! I've
always wanted a sister!
- Me too! And you're
lifted up and raised away.
And when I say you're
lifted by the North Wind,
there is nothing pleasant about it.
Think of how hard wind
would need to be blowing
to pick up your bodies, and
think about what your body
would be doing as it
took off into the sky.
- Gerard just has a sustained shriek.
It doesn't break the whole ride.
(Murph stage-shrieking)
(Zac meowing)
- It truly is just the kind of thing
where you have to really
push to breathe in.
(Brennan gulps air)
That sucking in of air.
Feel tears streaking across your face
and immediately evaporating
because the wind is
tearing the moisture off.
- Pinocchio feels nothing.
This is honestly a sh*t
ton of fun for Pinocchio.
(Lou giggling)
- Incredible.
You are suspended
for probably a day and a half.
- Oh my god!
- What?
- Just crying, completely
dry, dry heaving.
- Is everyone having fun?
- Holding onto the book.
- Weebly wobbled, starving.
(Zac yowling)
- Gosh!
(Murph heaving)
- Is everyone good?
- You see, every once in
a while you'll be like,
okay, I don't think it's
snow down there anymore!
It looks green! It looks greener!
Something green! The sky!
The land! Sky, land, sky, land, sky, land!
- Punch buggy.
- Tim barfs up a LUNA Bar
when we land. (retches)
- Those are for girls!
- No, no.
- Can Cricket try and stabilize
people, or it just never-
- [Brennan] Where's Cricket?
- With me. Cricket can fly.
Oh great, yeah, Cricket is still...
Hey there, bud! Oh god!
- Cricket, try and stabilize people!
- I'm sh1tting, I'm
sh1tting, I'm sh1tting!
- sh*t.
- Cricket sh*t.
- Cricket sh*t everywhere!
- It's getting everywhere!
There's so much sh*t!
How is there so much sh*t
coming from a little cricket?
- I haven't taken a sh*t in 100 years!
- You guys, I'm so sorry,
but I'm going to sh*t!
- Don't do it!
- I'm so sorry!
It's been a day! It's been a whole day!
All that stew!
- [Brennan] Okay.
- So much loose stew.
- We're going to roll.
This is going to be max falling damage.
- [Murph] Yeah, no, that makes sense.
- I am in a rage.
- [Brennan] You're in a rage?
- I go into a rage right before.
- I will also say, you are coming in
at a horizontal for a water landing,
so everyone give me a
DC 12 dexterity save.
- Can I "Triple X" it?
- [Murph] Oh lord.
- [Brennan] You want
to "Triple X" it? Yeah.
- Yeah, can I Eldritch Blast
the water we're about to
land in to try and soften-
- "Triple X" two?
- [Lou] "Triple X" two.
- Yeah, yes yes yes, go
for it. "Triple X" it.
- Can Cricket help?
- [Brennan] Yeah, he'll give you
the help action on the attack roll.
- That's an 18 on the die,
so I hit the water, I think,
and then 2d10.
- Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
- That water's going to take 11 points of-
- Everyone may roll your
dex save with advantage.
- 15 points of damage as I "Triple X" it.
- Okay, thank god.
- "Triple X" it two.
- Thank god.
- 24.
- Pinocchio, did you "Triple X" it?
- I'm going to "Triple X" it!
- [Ally] What kind of save?
- [Siobhan] Dex.
- If I Misty Step horizontally
the minute I'm hitting
the water vertically,
what would that do in terms of my speed?
- I'll say with the inertia you had,
if you Misty Step straight up-
- Yeah.
- You will change the
inertia to going straight up,
and then balance out and just
fall softly into the water.
- [Siobhan] Amazing.
- [Ally] Whoa.
- I succeeded on, but I'll do that.
- Everyone make that DC 12 dex save.
- I did not.
- Mother Goose did not pass.
- [Zac] Yikes.
- [Emily] Timothy!
- I got a nine.
- Wow.
- [Brennan] Got a nine. Okay, copy.
- Can I take Timothy's damage, though?
- You want to take Timothy's damage?
- [Emily] Yeah.
- Okay.
- So I'll take full damage
instead of half damage.
- If you want to bodyguard
Tim and be the shield on Tim.
- Okay, I'll take half,
then you take full.
- So all of you, North Wind... (puffing)
All of you five take 37 points of damage.
- Oh boy, I'm down to two hit points.
- You take 72 points of damage.
- [Zac] Can I Uncanny Dodge?
- Whoops! I die.
- [Siobhan] Oh no!
- Uncanny Dodge I might
not be able to do here.
- I think you can land on your feet.
A cat falling on his
feet makes sense, yeah.
- Okay, then I don't die.
- Hell yeah.
72's not more than double your
hit points, though, is it?
- More than double? No.
- Does anyone go down on the
amount of damage they took?
Red's down.
- I took no damage.
- I'm at 12. I'm going to
pop Red with a Goodberry.
- Hell yeah.
(Emily gasps)
So you all, bam!
(water splashing)
And you see yourself
floating in the ocean.
A little bit of sun is actually shining.
It's grayish cloud cover, but light gray,
so you can even look and see, ooh,
that cloud's almost white up there
in that little crevice or
that little sort of canyon.
You're floating in a
kind of deep blue gray,
that kind of almost stony blue ocean,
and you see Toy Island.
Pinocchio, this version
is not like the version you recognize.
You see this one appears to be
a completely artificial island.
You see it's rooted in
canoes and pontoons,
almost like some kind of floating rig.
Wooden buildings, boardwalk.
There's music playing
that's sort of tinny,
kind of jack-in-the-box style music,
and you can smell the smell
of confections and stuff.
But you look up, and you
don't see many people,
but there's just some
noises of bells ringing,
and you see, up ahead, a big sign.
Toy Island.
So, all of you are floating in the water,
and some of you badly
injured after being dropped
by the North Wind into the
sea, in need of a rest,
everything else like that,
and you see Toy Island.
And Pinocchio, I think you look at it
and are like, Toy Island's
a little weather-beaten.
- It's a little jankier than
last time, but I'm sure-
- This is your favorite place?
- In the story I came from,
it was aesthetically a lot
better, but I promise you,
I'm sure all the gags
and joys are still there.
- [Emily] Can I sniff?
- I climb onto your back.
- Okay.
- Can I sniff the air
to see if there's the vague scent
of bubblegum, hot dogs, and whiskey?
- Oh, a ripe smell of hot dogs.
(Emily laughs)
- They do not change
that water out at all.
- I mean, definitely not.
- I mean, they're
surrounded by seawater, so.
- Popcorn and booze and
all sorts of frying oils.
- I relay this all to Gerard.
- Great. Good stuff.
- [Lou] Everyone's
feeling good, we should-
- [Siobhan] Let's go.
- I guess I'll take
another perception check.
Is it just the fact that
it's on this kind of rig now
instead of an island?
I guess a perception check for the jank,
or the nature of the jank.
- [Emily] Ooh!
- Give me a perception check
for the nature of the jank.
- I'd like to explore
the nature of the jank.
♪ It's the nature of the jank ♪
- Can I help you? I'm sitting on his back.
- Sure, rowing Pinocchio.
- [Siobhan] Captain.
- Huge difference.
Perception check on the
nature of the jank is a 21.
It's mostly Pib, honestly.
- You're out in the deep ocean,
so as you're going along,
I think you realize that this is not,
because this is now a manmade island,
it's almost like it has the capacity
to sail or move or do whatever.
I think you see some things
anchoring it in some places,
and it's almost a little bit like Venice
in that most of the structures
are right on platforms
built onto canoes and
pontoons and things like that,
but there are also a
lot of raised platforms
with buildings and
bridges on them and stuff
so that ships can actually kind
of sail through the wooden,
kind of floating lake
town vibe of Toy Island.
The wear and tear kind of looks
like standard times of shadow stuff.
It looks weather-beaten.
The paint's peeled off
and stuff like that.
You do not hear any voices.
- [Murph] Perfect.
- I was going to ask,
is there a jazz club?
Maybe the Little Mermaid
is performing there.
But I'm not thinking
that's the case anymore.
- Do I hear any braying?
- On a 21, no.
- [Murph] All right.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Well, this is perfect.
There's no kids around.
Why don't we go to, what is it called?
Bubblegum and Whiskey?
- [Lou] Yeah, let's hit Slappy's.
- Can we try to swim quietly?
- Sure. Well, do you want
to get onto the island?
- I think so. I'm too curious.
- I kick over to Ylfa. Hop
aboard the SS Pinocchio!
- Okay! (grunts)
- Gerard.
- Yes?
- Gerard, I know you
don't love being a frog,
it's not your favorite
part of who you are,
but do you mind using your frog eyelids
and looking underwater
and seeing if you see
anything underneath it?
- [Siobhan] Good idea.
- Yes, I do mind, but I will.
I go under,
and I'll see if there's
anything going on underneath it.
- Yeah, give me a perception check.
- That's an 11.
- You swim down.
You see that there are
some long anchor chains
that are supposed to keep
this place in one place,
and the anchor chains, they're
heavy, so they're going down,
but you see that they're
going kind of down at a slant,
and they don't look particularly taut,
so you're wondering if this
place is still anchored,
or if it's just dragging
a chain through the ocean.
- Okay, the anchors are cut.
- We were never great at
maintenance on Toy Island.
- The 10 year olds and the donkeys?
- Come on, guys! Who doesn't
want a hot dog right now?
- [Emily] Let's just get on.
- Come on!
- If you really think
about it, it's almost like
we have a substitute teacher
or something like that,
or our parents are out of town.
We have the place all to ourselves.
- All to ourselves! We gotta!
- [Emily] An amusement park!
- I'm going. I'm kicking.
(water splashing)
- Cool, you're kicking.
You guys get, you're up a ladder,
and go ahead and give me
an investigation check
as you look around.
It's the size of a city. It's enormous.
- I'm looking for a hot dog stand.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- [Siobhan] Okay!
- I got a 12, and I'm
straight-up looking for toys.
- I got a dirty 20.
- I also got a dirty 20.
- [Brennan] Okay, what
are you looking for?
You're looking for hot dogs.
- 17. I'm looking for food for Gerard.
- Just give me bugs!
- You find hot dogs,
and what you see is, there is
an old frying thing of grease
that has completely
hardened and solidified
with a bunch of crabs dead
and half trapped in it
who crawled up out of
the ocean to get hot dogs
and then were in the hot
oil, and congealed around it,
but it's been here for years.
- Oh. Years.
- Absolutely disgusting. I will
eat the bugs that are on it.
- Are there any hot dogs?
- They would be under the oil, maybe.
- I'll reach in.
- You reach in, you reach
under the dead crabs.
At the bottom, preserved in the oil,
is a solid gray hot dog.
- Okay, I grab that. Is
there any buns around?
- Yeah, you find some buns, yeah.
- I slap that in there.
- [Murph] He definitely slaps it down.
- [Siobhan] That is green.
- Gerard! Gerard!
- [Siobhan] That is so green.
- I saw everything that just happened!
- [Lou] Gerard! Gerard!
- I saw everything that just happened.
- I got you a hot dog.
- [Murph] I saw everything.
- Gerard!
- There's no part of me
that wants a hot dog.
The prince part of me doesn't
want a f*cking hot dog.
The frog part of me just
wants to eat bugs and sh*t,
doesn't want a hot dog!
No part of me wants a hot dog!
- Gerard, I feel like you're cranky,
and I feel like once
you have this hot dog,
you're going to really mellow out.
- I got a 12 looking for toys for Gerard.
- Okay, on a 12, you go and find
one of those rattles
that you spin, and it...
(Brennan imitating a helicopter)
- [Murph] Great noise.
- I hear it. I go running.
- Noisemaker.
- I'm just going to stealth.
- [Siobhan] I'm going
to go look for Slappy's.
- You go look for Slappy's.
You guys take off.
- I also got a dirty 20 looking for...
I guess if you're looking for Slappy's-
- [Siobhan] Yeah.
- I'll look around
and make sure there's nobody
who's going to k*ll us.
- [Siobhan] Great.
- Because clearly someone
k*lled everybody here.
- Did anyone get higher than a dirty 20?
- I did, 21.
- 21 on investigation? What's
Mother Goose looking for?
- I think I'm also looking
for signs of, like,
maybe there's an underground
group of people in hiding here,
or why it's deserted.
- Yeah, cool.
So Ylfa and Pinocchio are
just kind of, you're kids!
You're like, ah!
(noisemakers whirring)
- Faster!
- Mother Goose, Rosamund, and Pib,
give me your stealth checks.
- This hot dog dropped on the ground.
- Gerard will want it later.
- Oh, great.
- 14.
- 14? Okay.
- 24.
- 24, so Pib and Rosamund,
you two take off looking
for Slappy's, right?
Mother Goose and Gerard,
you are looking around
for survivors or whatever.
There's a lot of filth around here,
seagull waste and other stuff like that,
and you find a place that's
a little bit less filthy.
There's an old little
ramshackle standing closet
or a shed or something,
and you see that it has
a little bell strapped
to the outside of it
on a wire going to the door handle.
There's a little alarm or
something, a makeshift alarm.
- Well, I'm hurt.
Do you want to take a short
rest and then ring the bell?
- Yes, I think that sounds-
- How do people actually feel?
- I should also take a short rest.
- [Siobhan] Yeah, I should
also take a short rest.
- I'm all good!
(noisemaker whirring)
- This will be my Song of Rest.
- I would love to take a
short rest while they play.
- Okay, so I think you guys are not taking
a big investigation right now.
I think you guys get up on the
island and take a short rest.
- Yes, yeah, I think so
too, after that travel.
- I hunt down hot dogs for everybody.
- [Murph] Good lord.
- Cool.
Okay, so Pinocchio's the
only one who's out ranging.
Everyone's ranging is
diminished as you go, oh,
we're badly injured because we got blown
across a continent, into the sea.
So Pinocchio, you run and
get a bunch of hot dogs.
As you do, give me a perception check.
- Natural 20.
- [Ally] Oh!
- Got to find those hot dogs.
- You find hot dogs,
and as you look at them,
you realize that the hot
dogs are underneath a crate,
and the crate is resting on a
piece of wood propping it up,
a giant box, and there's just a plate
of fresh hot dogs underneath it.
- Fresh?
- Fresh hot dogs.
- [Ally] Nat 20?
- All right, Gerard would
want to eat a gray hot dog,
but how can you say no to a fresh glizzy?
I want to move closer to the hot dogs.
- On a nat 20 perception,
you see that there is a fishing line
attached to the wooden post
that the crate is rested on.
- Weird. Can I see where it goes?
- On a nat 20 perception,
it goes to a little cluster of barrels.
- Weird, somebody's left
this fishing line out here.
I'm going to walk over, get a
little closer to the hot dogs.
- Smells good.
- I mean,
(players snickering)
Gerard, he was so upset,
but it's got to be because he's hungry,
and he just needs a fresh hot dog!
He's going to be all good!
- [Siobhan] Too tempting.
- [Emily] I love watching
Lou throw away a nat 20.
- Do I have to walk
across the fishing line
to get to the hot dogs?
- So the plate of hot dogs is on the deck.
Above the deck is a crate,
is this massive crate,
that is kind of tilted back
and is open on the bottom.
- Okay, got it, so it could come down?
- [Brennan] It could come down.
There's a wooden post there.
- There's a stick, and
then there's fishing line
tied on that.
- [Murph] Elmer Fudd style.
- Going over to those barrels.
- Going over to the barrels.
- [Zac] There's a big sign
that says, "Safe in here!"
- Okay.
- And ooh, they're sizzling a little bit.
They just got done.
- Wow, fresh!
Do I see any mustard or ketchup around?
- Well, of course, on the
other side of the platter
are a series of buns and
some ketchup and mustard.
- Oh, Gerard, you are going
to eat your f*cking words
about Toy Island!
I jog over, reach down.
- Whip! Bam!
- What the f*ck?
What? What?
- You hear a voice go,
the barrels shudder,
and you hear, I'm gonna eat ya!
I'm gonna eat ya! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- What the f*ck? Hello?
- I'm gonna eat ya!
I don't know who you are!
I'm gonna grind you up and
make you into hot dogs!
I'm gonna grind you up and
make you into hot dogs!
Get ready!
Get ready!
- Gerard, cut the jokes
out, man! Puss, stop!
- A poison gas is pumped into the crate.
- I, for a second, go, oh no! Oh no!
And then I remember I have
advantage to being poisoned
and I have resistance to poison damage.
- You hear a voice say, ha ha ha!
Dinner! Dinner, dinner, dinner!
- Hey! Hey, it's me! It's
me, Master Pinocchio!
I'm a Toy Island regular,
or I was, back in the day.
- Silence. The crate moves up.
(wood creaking)
- Hello?
- You see there is a
hirsute, full grown man
with a wild, matted beard, rotting teeth,
wearing a little boy's sailor outfit.
- Oh no.
- It's Grant O'Brien?
(Emily cackling)
- But bared midriff.
- Yeah, it is.
- And you see that the shirt,
he's got the little hat,
little shorts, but there are
deep lacerations into his body
of the pants and shirt
not fitting anymore,
but he's just never taken them off.
Deep, matted beard,
long fingernails, uncut,
that look like they snapped off violently
maybe a couple of times, and toenails too.
Just a filthy, trapped on this place guy
looks at you and goes,
Pinocchio.
- Yeah, it's me, Master
Pinocchio. Or just Pinocchio.
Can I make a history
check, would I recognize?
- It's me.
- [Lou] Who?
- Your old pal Candlewick.
- Candlewick? Oh my god.
It's so good to see you.
- You're not made of meat
at all. You're made of wood.
- I'm still made of wood.
- Aw, okay.
- You can't eat me.
Honestly, go ahead and give it a shot.
- The teeth are soft.
(players groaning)
- Go ahead.
- I mostly suck the hot
dogs down these days.
(Brennan slurping)
- [Ally] Oh my god.
- That's wood, all right.
- Yeah, it's wood.
- [Brennan] That's wood.
No good for eating.
- Candlewick, what happened, man?
What happened to Toy Island?
- Toy Island's fine. It's fun as ever.
Got plenty of cotton candy,
plenty of games to play.
You want to play with a rattle?
(both mimicking noisemakers)
(both cackling unsettlingly)
How'd you get here, Pinoch?
- I'm traveling.
I have a bunch of friends
who I'm with here right now.
- Let's go smoke some
cigars like the old days!
- Candlewick!
- You're my best friend!
We're both little boys again!
- I mean, I am a little boy again.
- I am a little boy!
(tense string music)
- Candlewick, man.
- Toy Island, you get to
have fun like a big kid.
- Yeah, but you're not a...
- How many days has it been? Five?
- No!
Can I take out the mirror
that Tim gave me earlier
to look at myself?
- [Brennan] Mm-hm.
- Candlewick.
- It's a magic mirror that
shows you a nasty man!
- No, Candlewick, it's not a magic mirror
that shows you a nasty man.
- Nice trick, did you get
that from the joke shop?
Let's go get electric handshake buzzers!
Let's go get Whoopee Cushions
and have a good boy time!
- Candlewick, Candlewick, you
know there's nothing I love
more than a good boy time.
You know I used to be the
king of the good boy time.
Candlewick, you need...
Candlewick, you're not, this isn't...
Candlewick, we can't do this anymore, man!
- The trick with the nasty man.
Let's get some whiskey and bubblegum.
You know what? You know what I do?
I make bubblegum pancakes.
Sometimes the sun comes out
and it gets the roofs so hot
that they burn to the touch,
and you drop some bubblegum on it
and it cooks you a bubblegum pancake.
I eat that, and that keeps you
from having to go to the bathroom
because it hurts your butt to do it.
- Candlewick, a bubblegum
pancake sounds delicious,
and as someone who does not defecate,
I'm all about it, but can we...
I feel like, I mean, I don't
want to say I've grown up,
but I spent time with more
adults than I used to-
- Boo! Like the Coachman?
- Like the Coachman.
- He comes and takes the
donkeys, and that's bad,
because that's where the
new hot dogs come from.
(Siobhan gasps)
- Oh.
Wait, is the Coachman still around?
- Not for a while.
- For how long? Like, five days?
- About five days.
- Okay.
Everything's kind of
five days around here?
- [Brennan] About five days.
- Okay.
- Been a quiet five days here!
You know who you got to stay away from
here on Toy Island is the quiet pirate.
- The quiet pirate? Who's that?
- Oh, she's nasty.
- Oh, where does she hang out?
- She's back over by Bart's
Funnel Cake and Cigar Shop.
- Oh man, is Bart still
running Bart's Funnel Cake and-
- I haven't seen Bart in about five days!
- Okay, all right, that makes sense.
Hey Candlewick, I want to
introduce you to my friends, okay?
- Good. What are they made out of?
- Candlewick, I'll tell ya,
my friends, they all live,
I'll tell you, they look like
they're made of flesh, okay?
- Okay.
- But they're all made
of wood, just like me,
and if you try and bite any of them,
you're going to hurt your soft teeth.
(Emily laughs)
- Okay. Give me a deception roll.
- 17, I think. Yeah, 17.
- Candlewick has a plus nine to wisdom.
- Okay, Candlewick says,
you know, it's been quiet
the last couple days,
so let's meet your friends.
Let's play some cards!
- Yeah, Candlewick. Here.
I'm going to pick up the
hot dogs. Eat one of these.
I only need one for my friend Gerard.
- Bon appetit.
- [Lou] Don't swallow it.
(Brennan gagging)
You m*therf*cker. Okay.
- Gotta save your teeth.
(Zac groans)
- Just make sure, again,
don't bite anybody.
They're all made of wood, and
you want to save your teeth.
- You got to save your teeth.
- [Lou] You got to save your teeth.
- Otherwise you can't smile.
- Yep!
Pinocchio's going to
turn away from Candlewick
and have a deep examination of self,
and what he thought this place was,
and the boy that he wanted to be.
- Candlewick begins to come with you.
You see, the noise of his
just truly too small clothes
cutting into him as he moves.
(Brennan grunting)
You just see a little, it's
not fully drawing blood,
but it does rip the skin
away and make it raw.
- [Emily] Just a rash.
- He goes, the best part about Toy Island
is you never have to stop having fun.
- Well, that was the best part.
- It still is!
- Here. Play with the rattle.
(noisemaker rattling)
- I never get tired of this!
I'll tell you what, I
never get tired of this!
♪ The party never stops,
the party never stops ♪
- The party never stops.
The party never stops.
- Cool, so all of you are
having your short rest.
- I'm going to cast Invisibility.
Just before we get back,
I'm going to cast
Invisibility on Candlewick.
- [Brennan] Okay, great.
You cast Inivisibility.
- [Ally] f*cking god.
- You cast Invisibility on Candlewick.
I'm going to say you guys have
the benefit of your short rest.
- [Ally] Great.
- [Siobhan] Great.
- Do you bring the tray of hot dogs?
- Of course I bring the tray of hot dogs.
- Amazing. So Pinocchio, you
arrive, see your friends.
They're snoozing and resting.
- Hey, everyone.
(Ally snoring)
Hey, I found some hot dogs.
- Those look better than the other ones.
- Those do smell good.
- Everyone, please don't come
anywhere near, don't come closer to me.
Everyone stay where you
are. No sudden movements.
- Okay.
- That sounds reasonable.
- Are you sure that's
not something dangerous?
- Yep! There's nothing dangerous going on.
(dice clattering ominously)
I found an old friend
while I was exploring.
- Brennan, who's being eaten?
- Gerard, you take 13 points of damage.
(Murph hollers)
And you see Candlewick
phase out of invisibility.
He's got a table leg and
he just smashes Gerard
over the back of the head.
- Candlewick!
- Ah!
- Good frog meat!
- Ah! I try to k*ll him.
- Can I get a crack at him?
- [Brennan] Everybody roll initiative.
- What are we doing? Everybody, stop!
- I'm going to k*ll him!
- I crit.
- I'll save you!
- [Brennan] You crit.
- [Siobhan] 25 initiative.
- I got a 19.
- Candlewick rolled a nat
20 on his insight check
against your deception.
- f*ck that.
- Who got higher than an eight? Everybody?
Rosamund crit, so what do you do?
- I grapple him.
- Okay, go ahead and give
me an athletics check.
- Four.
- You actually beat him.
No kidding, he rolled a two.
But I will say, the feel
of touching his body-
- It's so unpleasant. He smells so bad.
His hair is really wiry.
- Oh, Rosamund.
(Brennan wheezing pathetically)
- This is where it ends!
This is where it ends!
- I mean, it could, if you want.
- Nobody's going to k*ll you, Candlewick.
- [Emily] Who are you?
- I could k*ll him.
- This is Candlewick!
- I've known this man
for two seconds, and he bit me, hard!
- It was my mistake!
- Or hit me with a table leg or something.
- He beat a club over
the back of your head.
- He clubbed me!
- I promise you, he did not
bite you with his soft teeth.
- You think I could bite
through a frog that big
with these teeth this soft?
- I punch him.
- He's unconscious.
- Guys, this is my
friend Candlewick, okay?
Candlewick's an old buddy of mine.
He's the reason I came to
Toy Island the first time.
- He's your buddy?
- Well, not this Candlewick.
In my story, the Candlewick
I knew was a child.
This is a much older, much more-
- Nasty.
- Nasty version of him.
- He attacked Gerard.
- We have to k*ll him.
- [Lou] No, we don't!
- He must be able to turn invisible.
- No, I did that.
- You assisted him?
- You did that? You?
- He must've turned invisible
and then, I don't know.
- Pinocchio, don't make me get my forms!
- Don't, put your forms away.
It was not, I, okay. (sighs) I swear.
I don't breathe, but sometimes I mimic it
to kind of bring myself down.
I cast Invisibility because I found his,
his appearance, I thought,
would be too intimidating,
and I thought I would kind of-
- You thought you'd
let him sneak up on us?
- You thought you'd let
his actions speak for him?
- You thought that this would
make us like Toy Island?
- No, I thought that the hot dogs
would make you like Toy Island!
- Why?
Why, Pinocchio?
- Hey, hey.
- I take a bite of a hot dog.
- I honestly don't know
what those are made of.
He said he was going to grind me up.
- I pull out the sword.
Do you really not know what
the hot dogs are made out of?
- Wait, hold the Sword
of Truth to the hot dog!
- That's what I'm doing!
- Put the Sword of Truth on
the hot dog. What do we see?
- Well, wait a minute, who
has proficiency in butchering?
You're just holding the sword?
The sword goes, would you like me to say
what the meat is made out of?
- [Ally and Murph] Yes, please!
- Technically, donkey!
(players groaning)
- What's the technically part?
- [Brennan] Technically-
- It's a man that turns into a donkey,
so really it's like human meat, but-
- By man, do you mean child?
- I guess, yeah.
- So ideally, how this turns
out is you feed me human meat?
That's the ideal scenario for you?
- Gerard, I did not think!
I did not know that it was-
- What are we even doing here?
This was a mistake. It's completely-
- No, I know where the-
- Now we have this psycho!
- I know where the princess is!
- What?
- The silent pirate!
- Oh, well, why didn't you lead with that?
- Oh, okay, now everyone
wants to listen to Pinocchio!
Now everyone doesn't
want to stab Pinocchio!
- I'm still not over this guy.
- I feel like a better nickname
would be the quiet pirate.
- I stick the rest of
this hot dog in his mouth.
- Wolfed it.
- In dead unconsciousness, he goes...
(Brennan making terrible
wet throat noises)
And just gets it down the
esophagus one whole piece.
- Oh god, his teeth did look so soft.
They look like water balloons.
- Do want me to cut him out
of his tiny baby clothes?
- I mean, then he would be naked.
- [Emily] I think that we
would see what was underneath.
- We can cover him with this rug.
- Yeah, put the rug on him.
- I guess we could do a
little bit of a makeover.
- We're going to come back for him.
Let's roll him up in the rug, tie him,
and then we'll go see
where the silent pirate is.
- Okay.
- The quiet pirate.
- I honestly think if he wasn't invisible,
he wouldn't be able to sneak up on us.
I think if you just don't aid him-
- I think I would've known very well.
- I believed that he was-
- Don't feed us human meat.
- I won't do that.
- Don't aid people who
are going to club us.
- I didn't know they were
going to club you, all right?
I guess I'll ask more questions!
- So how did you run into him?
- I saw a hot tray of hot dogs.
- Okay.
- And I saw there was a crate above me,
and I kind of saw everything
that was going on,
but I was like, Gerard
is having such a bad time
and these hot dogs are going
to turn the day around.
So I went to get them, and then
he dropped the thing on me.
But then he tried to poison me, and poison
doesn't really work on me,
and he's my old friend!
- So you systematically-
- This man has access to poison?
- This man has access to poison.
- So is ideal day is that
he murders you and eats you.
- [Siobhan] So many red flags.
- Yes, yes.
- And eats you.
- All right, let's leave him here.
- [Siobhan] Let's leave him here.
- He's kind of a sophisticated hunter.
- I'm kind of giving him
layers while we talk.
- I think I'd like to help
roll Candlewick up in the rug
and then tie the rug off.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- I'm going to cut his fingernails.
- You cut his fingernails,
you roll him in the rug
and then tie the ends
of the rug to seal it?
- Exactly, and I leave the hot dogs
right in front of his mouth.
- [Ally] Like a candy.
- Okay. Is his head poking out or no?
- Barely.
- Barely, okay.
- [Murph] This is going to be a m*rder.
- Hey, Candlewick? Candlewick.
Hey, it's your old friend Pinocchio.
We're going to figure this out, man.
Everything's going to be okay.
- What are you made of?
- I'm made of wood.
- Ah.
- You gonna try and bite me?
- You tell a lie and grow your nose,
and then (indistinct)
You tell a lie.
- I told a lot.
- You tell a lie as a real boy,
you're going to grow a meat nose.
That's free meat.
- What are you talking about, Candlewick?
- Help me.
- I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
- Okay. A long five days.
- We'll be back.
Yeah, hey, you just got to wait one more.
- It's fun here.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- I don't want to go home.
- It's going to be fun again.
- What has been fun in the past five days?
- Bubblegum! Circus!
Whiskey!
- Okay.
- No school!
- Ooh!
- Bones!
- What?
- What?
- You got to catch the donkeys.
- Oh.
- And then there's secret meat
on the inside of the bones.
- Oh yeah, secret meat on
the inside of the bones.
I use the mirror to show
him his new haircut.
It's kind of like I dyed the bottom.
It's like an ombre, kind
of, but it's layered,
and there's kind of bangs,
like a feathery look.
- You gave him a really good Rachel.
- Give me a performance check.
- Okay, great.
I cut hair in this world.
- [Emily] What? What?
That wasn't in my backstory,
but I'm good at cutting hair.
- Can I give him the
help action by saying-
- [Emily] Wait wait wait, you
did cut my pigtails for me.
- Oh my goodness, you
did a really good job.
- What is that?
- [Emily] Oh no.
- It's an eight.
- [Brennan] An eight?
- Yeah, it's an eight total.
- What was it on the die?
- Three. Three on the die.
- Three.
So you see he looks at it and goes,
there's that terrible man again.
Why did he do that to his head?
- That's you.
I think that you look approachable,
yet also professional.
- You sound like a teacher.
- Yeah, I kind of am.
- He's a really good teacher, actually.
You would get bit by the learning bug.
- You know what I do to teachers?
- What?
- [Brennan] Fill up the house
with fireworks and k*ll them.
- Oh!
- Okay, this is
a different Candlewick than
the one I hung out with.
- This is your best friend.
- This is your best friend.
- Yikes.
- He was!
- Big yikes.
- I'm going to stop
trying to defend this guy.
This is not my Candlewick.
- I wasted all that toner.
- You see Cricket says, I think it's time.
We need to X Candlewick.
- Well, I feel...
Yeah.
- For his own good.
- You guys want to k*ll Candlewick?
- No, no.
- No, I just mean detach with love.
- Yeah, maybe he could just-
- Maybe Candlewick seems like-
- [Lou] Yeah, put Candlewick in the book!
- Maybe he'll give you
Continual Flame or something.
- Can I see if the book accepts him,
or if he brings anything up in the book?
I hold the book up to him.
- Oh, you hold the book
up to him, and as you do,
give me, it's almost
like a spell attack roll,
not in an aggressive way.
- [Ally] Okay.
- But proficiency plus charisma.
- On a man wrapped up in a carpet
with ombre layers.
- 15.
- 15.
- Your book lights up and begins to shine,
almost like a mirror reflecting
light to another mirror,
begins to reflect light
to Pinocchio's book,
and you have a choice of, you think,
sending Candlewick into your book,
which you know is this
cosmically powerful one,
or to sort of send him to Pinocchio's,
whichever you wish to do.
- Oh, Pinocchio, would you want him
kind of where he belongs, in your story?
- That way, you can chat with your friend.
- Maybe a little bit
closer to you at all times
than me and my skin.
- [Zac] It's perfect, then we don't
have to smell him anymore.
- Yeah.
- You know what, let's give it a try.
I would like to, it's up to Tim,
but I'm happy to take
Candlewick in my book.
- Great, yeah. I think, yeah,
I think that's a great idea.
- You see Candlewick
looks at you and goes,
has it been more than five days?
- Since when?
- Has been been more than five days?
- Smells like it.
- Looks like it's been
maybe, like, 25 years.
- I think I'm pretty tired.
Golden light, and he
vanishes into the book,
and you see an illustration
of you and Candlewick
when you were young together.
- Now that's my Candlewick. Yeah.
- He looks like a real little scamp.
- Yeah.
- He's flashing.
- I had been going to
school for a whole year,
and then he convinced me
to come here and drop out.
- So he was a bad
influence even back then?
- A hugely bad influence.
I was one day away from becoming
a real boy the first time,
and then Candlewick
convinced me to come here.
- One day?
- I was one day away!
Anyway, we got to head to the
funnel cake and cigar place.
Would you like a funnel cake?
- No.
- Hey, are you sure you
want to lead the way?
- Yeah, no, hey, this is my island.
And I'm going to take off.
- Take off?
- I chase after him.
- Okay! Here we go!
- [Emily] I follow slowly.
- [Brennan] You take off.
- I'll take up the rear,
making sure no one comes up
and attacks Gerard again.
- Please. I'm going to do-
- Second Wind?
- I'm going to Second Wind,
because I was clubbed.
Close to full.
- [Brennan] Close to full.
Hit hard with a club
in the back of the head
by a very old little boy.
You know the way back
to Bart's Funnel Cake.
- Yeah.
- As you arrive,
the day is growing a little bit longer.
You were flying for a long, long time.
You took a moment to rest.
Candlewick is gone now,
but there also was a lot of
noise that was being made.
Pinocchio, your book
hasn't stopped glowing
since Candlewick went in.
It hasn't subsided, really.
It's a little bit dimmer,
but it's still glowing a little bit.
- I'll take a peek real quick.
- You get an uneasy feeling,
and as you open the book,
there's a little bit of glow.
One of your strings feels very taut.
- Can I make either an
arcana or insight check
as to what's on the
other end of that string?
- Yeah, give me an arcana check.
- 18.
- No give at all to the string.
You're in negotiation
with your own destiny.
You're wielding its magic
to your own free will.
Free will and destiny don't
always see eye to eye.
You feel like suddenly,
the book has decided
for the magic you've been wielding,
that some part of your
story is going to happen,
and you don't get a say in it.
The sun in the clouds is
going away at this point.
(thunder rumbling)
There's an approach
of something sort of ominous,
and as you guys get closer,
I'm going to need everybody
here to make a perception check.
- Dirty 20.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- 15.
- 26.
- You're approaching an
entrance to a little circus area
that's much closer to
the water level here,
and you see a woman who is bent over,
looking down at the water.
You see she's bot a
bandana with a long trail
tied around her head, sort of
like a pirate's silk shirt,
down at the water.
She seems to be doing something
with rolling a series of bones,
and you see there's a lot of bones
covering the docks around
here, a lot of donkey bones.
- Doing some kind of divination?
- Yeah, some kind of divination.
She whips around at your approach.
She hears you guys approaching.
Anyone that wants to
can make an insight check for me as well.
- I got a four.
- Dirty 20.
- You make eye contact with
this woman as she turns around,
and you see that just in the small step,
she does a quick two
steps to wheel around,
the flinch, not in the
face but in the body,
to protect from sh**ting pain,
someone who lives with constant,
sort of never-ending pain
as she moves to face you.
It's not something that
she is surprised by.
She completely anticipates it,
and it hurts deeply nonetheless.
Whips around, hand to a sword.
- Hi.
I'm Rosamund.
I think I'm here to
find you, and help you.
- We are here as the princess's envoy.
- That's me. I'm the princess.
I take my bow and I put it on the floor.
- She looks at it, doesn't take any steps,
which she's sort of careful only to do
if it's really important.
She reaches into a bag
and takes what looks like a stiff block.
It looks like she has a bag
of toys from the island.
This is sort of a longer red X,
and she holds it over her throat.
- Hmm.
- Oh.
- Could you Message her?
- [Ally] Yes.
- [Siobhan] Oh, good idea!
- So then you could speak with her.
- Or maybe she can write.
- I Message, can you hear me?
- Try writing.
- Are you the princess by the sea?
- As she hears you in her
mind, responds telepathically.
Her telepathic inner voice
sounds like it's coming
from deep underwater,
just sort of like whoom,
has that sort of depth to it.
Are you a witch?
How can you speak to me
in my mind like this?
- Yeah, kind of.
I got my powers
from the Gander,
through a wish.
- Wishes are very serious things.
- Yeah, I agree.
Are you here hiding out?
Are you alone? Do you need help?
- I am hiding.
- I reference everybody.
We would like to take you to Snow White
and gather you with all
of the other princesses.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Who is Snow White?
Who are you?
- Okay.
- [Brennan] I am hiding from my father.
- Yes, it is our hope
that we keep you hidden from your father.
- Do you know how to make
this place go to land?
- We have a captain with us.
- I mean, I have Gust.
I could maybe try and get us moving.
- I relay to the group,
she doesn't know anything
about any of the other princesses.
- She's been sequestered
here for some time.
- And she's hiding out from
her father, which we knew,
but that's important to her.
- Maybe convey
that she's trying to carve out
her own destiny, and we're all
trying to do the same thing,
as are these other princesses.
- Yeah, have you noticed that
things have gotten pretty bad?
- Wrong, all wrong.
- Yes, things are wrong.
And then, yeah, I tell her all of that.
- You convey that there's
this group of princesses
that are trying to fight
sort of the wrongness in their lives.
- And that we're on that side as well.
We're also trying to
figure out what's going on.
- She nods and says, my life is bad.
I gave up my voice, and every step hurts,
and the person I loved did not love me,
and my father is enraged beyond reason
and afraid of losing his kingdom
because great horrors are
moving upon the world.
- Which horrors were-
- A name too terrible to speak,
which is why my father
wishes to conquer the land.
Those places of the coast
outside of the deep.
He has made alliance with terrible forces
and banished the sea witch.
If only I could find her again.
I refused to die,
and I refused to take the life
of the prince.
- Can I ask again, I know
you said you don't want
to speak this person's
name, but we've all died.
We've had crazy run-ins
with the worst of it.
What is underwater? What's-
- The beast needs no name.
It has no name. Beyond those things.
But I will come with
you and help, if I can.
If there is some good
that princesses can do,
then I wish to do it.
- Incredible, yes.
- We must be careful how we
go. I cannot touch the water.
My father has been
searching for me dearly,
and he, before banishing the sea witch,
paid a dear price for a spell
that if any princess were to
touch the water of the ocean,
he would know at once where they were.
- Any princess?
- Uh-oh.
- Yes, it's a powerful
spell for him to find me.
- Okay, we need to be moving right now.
- I'm going to stealth.
- [Ally] We need to go.
- [Siobhan] We need to go now!
- We grab you.
- I think going is out of the question!
- No!
- I'm going to need everyone
here to roll initiative!
- You're stealthed.
- I said I stealthed.
- [Emily] Damn!
- As the Mer-King and his soldiers
burst from the ocean onto
the docks of Toy Island,
that's where we're going to end
this episode of Dimension 20: Neverafter!
Tune in next week as we begin
the battle over the deeps
of the Island of Toys.
Farewell! Stay frosty in the soup.
You are too late! The Mer-King
has thundered to the surface.
- Help!
- Daughter,
you have debased yourself
with this vile new form!
- I'm so f*cking scared.
- Rosamund, change of plans.
- Yep.
- I f*cked up.
- We should've k*lled these guys.
- Man, that would've been
so sick to stop that.
- I'm going to throw up.
- That connection can be
used for either good or ill.
- Oh, everyone's in trouble.
- It can either doom you or save you.
- It's too much of a gamble.
- It always has to be like this.
- Come on, please!
- Oh no, no, no!
- Say it. Say it.
- [Emily] No, Brennan!
- [Siobhan] Brennan!
- Say it.
We can do this.
(Zac grunts)
- sh*t!
(Emily giggling)
- f*ck.
- Look at that sick swashbucking fight
on that big ol' bridge.
Bam, bam!
- Oh!
- [Lou] Wait, what?
- f*ck you! I'm trying to be your friend!
(Siobhan gasps)
- Jesus.
- Boom!
- Gerard!
- Are you hearing this?
- Gerard, you gotta get out of the water!
- We need to get out of here!
- I'm going to f*cking throw up.
- You hear it as you meet
eyes with Sleeping Beauty,
the pages of your book.
(mimics pages rustling)
(players screaming)
- [Siobhan] What the f*ck?
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
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16x12 - A Warm Heart and a Tombstone
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.