- [Brennan] A list of the topics,
themes, and subject matter
featured in this episode has been included
in the video description.
(spooky scary music)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
(spooky music continues)
Hello, one and all!
Welcome to another thrilling
episode of Dimension 20:
Neverafter
I'm your humble Dungeon
Master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- Last we left off, boy howdy,
descending the beanstalk.
A couple strange little things.
A couple strange little, you
know, could call them clues.
Couple strange little, eh...
Walking on a cloud, a little squishy.
- Thought that stuff was going
to be big, and it was small.
- We are the giants.
- [Brennan] Yes, the land of giants.
- [Siobhan] We might be.
- We might be the giants.
- [Siobhan] They might be just small.
- Giants confirmed.
- Giants confirmed.
- [Brennan] Giants
confirmed, giants confirmed.
There are giants in this
land, and we are them.
Descending the beanstalk, you arrived here
facing what looks to be a
kind of DEFCON 1, you know,
state of preparedness
for giant incursions,
and you see, sort of
arrayed out before you,
all of these tiny little people
who have prepared for this onslaught.
Of course, you've come here
after the book, Mother Goose's book,
stolen by the Princess
Rapunzel back in the-
- Why, I oughta!
- Why, I oughta!
- I'm going to shave your f*cking head.
- God, it would probably
just skitter off on its own.
- Ew! She's like, I'm innocent!
It was the hair the whole
time! The hair put me up to it.
- It's like when you
try and squish a spider,
and then it runs
somewhere and you're like,
now I can't go to bed,
it's somewhere in the room!
- You've come here after a
confrontation with the Gander.
As Rosamund and Pib tried
to move into another world,
you felt the beating wings of the Gander.
Due to some quick
thinking on Gerard's part,
revealing the Sword of Truth,
the Golden Goose faced its
brother, and for the first time,
the Gander realized
that his fears were true
and that indeed, the
Goose was hiding somewhere
in the world, which should
not be able to occur.
It should not be that
the Goose and the Gander
can coexist, and yet here we
see the Goose beholding you
with a state of befuddlement,
tied up as she is
by these sort of militant,
shouting militia members
here at the bottom of the beanstalk.
- They let her keep her bonnet on.
- Yeah, they left her bonnet on!
I bet it would've been way too,
it would be like a giant
parachute to try and handle.
- So you descend, hearing...
(mimics horn tooting)
The giants! The giants are coming!
They're descending the beanstalk!
Archers at the ready!
To the birds, the birds!
And the nighttime landscape
is illuminated in fire
as the watchtowers are lit.
(mimics flame whooshing)
- Right, it's night.
- You hear a triumphant cheer
from the ramparts and the walls, going,
here comes the Giant Slayer! (cheers)
A cheer goes up. Rosamund,
you're first to act.
- Great, I do want to say, I don't suppose
there's any chance of
us just talking, right?
- A voice echoes out
from beyond the ramparts,
saying, more giant flesh
for hungry warriors!
- Okay! Okay!
I cast Ice Knife at this
group right here of soldiers.
That is a 21 to hit.
- 21 is going to hit, absolutely.
- Great, so the guy in the
middle takes 1d10 piercing damage
and then each creature
within five feet of it
must succeed on a dexterity saving throw
or take 2d6 cold damage.
- Copy that, okay.
They fail that saving throw.
- Great, so the 1d10 is a 10.
- Ooh, yeah!
- And then the 2d6 are...
A six. One guy takes 16 damage.
Everybody else takes six damage.
- The way those little mini things work
is that they actually work as a swarm.
- Okay, yes, great.
- So they are going to
take both sets of damage.
You turn around, Rosamund,
say, ah, I get it!
You throw out a spell that
you've maybe not cast before.
You have this extra Snow Queen magic,
maybe pulling out of that
little pink, you know.
- Found this in this inside pocket.
- Here comes the Giant Slayer!
An entire phalanx of
archers goes... (shrieks)
As a massive giant, as you
unleash and just... (shrieks)
Ribs, blood, intestines. No!
(flesh squelching)
You see one person whose legs
are separated from their body, crawling.
- This doesn't need to be a fight!
We don't need to fight, necessarily!
- They're monsters from the sky!
- Rosamund, what the f*ck? Did
we even try to talk to them?
- I tried talking to them! They
said they wanted to eat us!
- Whoa, did you even try to talk to them?
- Yes, I did!
- They're this big!
- [Murph] The Goose has a hat on it!
- Shut the f*ck up!
- They're this big!
I feel like I just saw
something I can't un-see.
- [Murph] They all started this!
- Wow, princess or bully?
- Princess or bully?
- It's a good question.
- You go, then!
You go and you talk to them
and you try and stop them from eating you.
- [Zac] Classic bully.
- Wow, classic bully.
- I think I'm going to
climb out of this pit.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- [Lou] Rosamund immediately popping off.
- [Ally] Wow, that was
crazy, Siobhan the person.
- Siobhan IRL.
- I'm assuming this is
difficult terrain to climb?
- Yes, actually you're
going to need to give me
just a DC 10 athletics
to get out of there.
- [Lou] I promise you, I never
would've asked any questions.
- Yes!
- Okay, cool.
- [Siobhan] So it was 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30.
- Hell yeah.
- [Ally] This looks like someone else.
- [Siobhan] There's somebody in here.
- [Brennan] Yes.
- But there's a wall here.
I think that they're just aimed into here.
- Rosamund, as you crawl up out of there,
you look and see this figure
holding a massive sword.
- [Siobhan] That's Jack the Giant k*ller.
- I stand between Timothy and that figure.
- My boy!
- Look up at you and say,
you were a fool to come here, giant!
For the Giant Slayer! And he
is going to bound forward-
- Oh.
- No, he's saying it for himself.
He's a narcissist. - Oh, okay.
You see Jack goes 5, 10, 15, 20,
sails through the air in a massive leap-
- So nimble, so quick.
- So nimble.
- As he's sailing, he
points to this trebuchet
mounted on the back of
a cow and goes, fire!
And is going to use a legendary action.
- My boy has legendary actions!
- [Brennan] At the end of Rosamund's turn.
- [Murph] Cute little legendary actions.
- Oh my god!
- Look at him!
His cute little legendary actions.
- I never even had a legendary actions.
- Oh my god, I would love
to have a legendary action.
- Hey, you deserve a legendary.
- Your kids really jump off
from where you've brought yourself to,
and you just get to watch them soar.
- Standing on the shoulders of giants.
- He goes, fire!
And this trebuchet nails
Rosamund in the head
with a boulder for 17 points of damage.
- 17?
- 17.
- Okay.
- Not 70?
- Okay, Ylfa sees these siege weapons
go after her hero Rosamund and she's like,
you have a score to
settle with me, trebuchet.
- [Brennan] That is now
going to be Pib's turn.
- Wow, what?
(all laughing)
- There are two groups of
little guys down here, as well.
I don't know if you guys saw that.
- Inside the area?
- Inside the area,
you've got two groups.
- [Murph] This guy's
right in front of you.
- [Zac] Oh god. All right, well, I will...
Do I have an ally within five feet
of one of those dudes in front of us?
- [Brennan] Yes.
- I think I can take a step
in without leaving an area,
I can't really tell from
here, towards Gerard.
- [Brennan] Yes, you can.
- [Zac] And attack the one next to him.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Since it's within five
feet, I get sneak attack.
- [Brennan] That's correct.
- Okay, little guys.
I'm probably going to
eat you, and I'm sorry.
That's a 22.
- 22 hits.
- Okay, and-
- Huge knife the size of a
ship just cutting people down.
- You're kind of just
swatting them with your knife.
- You do 3d6 sneak attack now, right?
- Mm-hm.
- Nice.
- Hell yeah, that's so sick.
- That's 18 points of damage
to these little turkeys.
- You do 18 points of damage
to that group of
skirmishers in front of you.
You slash at them.
You see that as you're going for them,
two or three of them die
as you just... (grunting)
Heads go, but the rest leap back.
Rally, boys! Rally for the Slayer!
- What's so great about the Slayer, guys?
- We're going to eat giant!
- I'm going to eat you next.
- So Pib, that's your
attack, sneak attack.
- I'll give Gerard a bonus action help.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Then could I just make a
perception check, as well?
- Hell yeah.
- I want to see if I can see any tunnels.
What's going on with these tunnels?
- [Brennan] Give me perception.
- Get into the tunnels, man.
- That's a 19.
- Yeah, you definitely clock
those tunnels as, like,
that's monsters or that's reinforcement
or that's just a place
for these guys to hide.
I mean, you just see the sort of death pit
that awaits you here, this
sort of funneled trap.
On a 19, you think there's more stuff
further down the field.
From in here, there's
not much you can see.
Rosamund, I'm going to need
two wisdom saving throws,
and I'm going to need one from Pinocchio
and one from Gerard.
- sh*t.
- I got a 15 and a 17.
- 15 and 17 from Rosamund.
- 17.
- 17 as well.
- All of you save on
everything, but you see
in these towers, wearing
sort of flapping robes,
a bunch of little tiny bearded wizards
come out and are like-
- Oh!
- This guy right here full
Gandalfs and is like...
(Brennan incanting in
a resounding baritone)
But you hear... (squeaking)
- Excuse you! Stop casting
spells on us, very rude!
- Four Hold Monsters come your way.
These are all 5th level
spells that all of you dodge.
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam.
You can tell that they've been trained.
They're giant fighters,
so it's, like, single save
take you out of combat
wisdom-based stuff, essentially.
- Got to get out of
line of sight from them.
I would be screwed with that.
- So the tiny little
wizard, ropes of magic.
You see one of them call out
and be like, Giant Slayer!
The titans are too powerful!
And he goes, hold the line, mages!
And that is the tiny wizards' turn.
- So the tiny wizards were
one, two, three, four?
- Yeah, you saw these four cast spells.
It looks like these guys
up here, there's more,
and they are just
straight-up out of range.
Their tiny little magic doesn't have
the same range increments that, you know.
- I'm so fudged.
- I think we should
pick a side and just go.
- I think I can get pretty far.
- I'm trying to go this way.
Over here, there's an egg.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Rosamund, your AC is 15, correct?
- No, it's 16. 16 is my AC.
- Ylfa, yours is 16 as well?
- Run! Go, go, go!
- [Brennan] 16 points
of damage to Rosamund.
20 points of damage to Ylfa.
10 points of damage to Gerard
as these different trebuchet
mounted on these siege beasts
just wha-pow, pow, pow!
Over and over and over again.
Gerard, that is going to be your turn.
- All right, Pib, I'm
going to kind of be going
into the middle of everything,
do you want to come?
- The middle middle?
- Middle middle, I think.
Maybe I can get in here
and get some cover.
Oh yeah, if we get in
here, it's not that bad.
Sick, going to jump to here and bring Pib.
- Okay, so you burn the
action surge, everything else.
Go ahead and just give me an athletics
to get down in that crevice successfully.
- Oh boy.
- [Lou] Get in that crevice!
- Get in the crevice.
- Get in the crevice good.
- [Lou] Get in that damn crevice!
- All right, 18.
- Hell yeah.
You sail through the air, whoosh!
There's a cry from all of
these people here of, like...
(Brennan shrieks)
Imagine watching a giant just
leap half a mile. (shrieks)
- Heartbreak only makes him better.
- I only lost 10 hit
points, but I might as well
burn my second wind and
try to get some HP back.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Sick, I rolled a 10.
- Sick, as you sail overhead,
you look down and see
Jack the Giant Slayer
with that massive sword
down there see you going
and immediately swivel and
begin to double back after you
and call up, points to the
ridge and says, rangers!
After the titan frog!
And is going to legendary
action at the end of your turn.
Going to just go 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30.
- Oh gosh.
- Can't believe Alphonse is here.
- Is that Alphonse?
- It's got to be, right?
- [Lou] I mean, if it's a mule.
- While I was sailing through the air,
did I happen to notice Alphonse?
- You looked down and saw
Alphonse going, sh*t, man.
sh*t, man.
- He can't do nothing right.
- I will say, it doesn't seem
from Alphonse's vibe
that he super chose this.
This may be, like, I
tried to do some stuff,
and instead what happened
was some other stuff.
- Extremely quickly,
you found yourself here.
- I think he imagined
that he'd talk to Jack.
- You beat us here, Alphonse. How?
- [Brennan] Mother
Goose, that is your turn.
- Great, I guess I'll kind of go up here.
- [Brennan] Okay, give
me an athletics, DC 10.
- You got it, Goose!
- We got it, Goosey!
- Oh yeah, he goosed that.
- That was 10.
15, 20, 25, 30,
and I'm going to shout, Jack,
you get back here right now!
- Okay, give me a persuasion roll.
- Okay, not the worst. 19.
- The Giant Slayer turns and looks at you
with a look of confusion,
but gives you his attention
as he runs towards the
threat to the Goose.
- Okay, great.
I look at his eye and I go,
in another world, I was your dad.
And then I Misty Step 30 closer to him.
- [Brennan] Okay, go ahead and move.
- 10, 15, 20.
- No, Tim!
You're right in the middle!
- 25, 30.
I guess for my action, I'll Bless
you two in front of me and you behind me.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
- I'm kind of kneeling down to
be a little bit closer to him
and I'm just like-
- You say, in another life-
- In another world, I am your
dad, and we're the same size.
I just want to also paint a picture there.
- And then you also Misty Stepped.
- No, I call him and then
I appear closer to him
and I'm explaining that in
another world, I'm his dad.
- And it seems like you're
very strong in this world, too.
- Huge, you know, to him,
it's like a 15 foot sword.
He goes,
what speak you, giant?
And you see, at this distance,
your son's face looking back at you.
You mock me?
I think you do.
- No.
- Go ahead and give me
one more persuasion check.
- Okay, because he's
about to f*cking stab me,
and that's just Mr. Goose's no good day.
- [Murph] What was it?
- Sometimes you stare down at a nat one.
- No!
- And you just think,
did the dice know that this
was already going so terribly?
I think they did.
- It's going to be okay.
- I go, yeah. I was your dad.
- Yeah!
- I was your dad. You were
my only son. I love you!
What are you doing with the
knife? I love you, Jack.
- It's a sword. To him, it's a sword.
- Huh?
- You called his sword a knife.
- Oh f*ck!
- He's going to be really emasculated.
- At the end of your turn,
he is going to fully abandon
his pursuit of Pib and Gerard
and just move to engage you.
- I'm just standing there with my broom.
- He goes... (chuckles)
Many have claimed that
for the strength I wield,
I must be the son of giants.
Would you come and mock
me with that same joke?
- No, you're my size in another world.
Maybe I'm your size in this
world. I don't know where I am.
My name is Timothy Goose.
I stick out a pinkie.
- [Brennan] Cool, that's going
to be the end of your turn.
Archers are going to go. These
ones are coming for Rosamund.
- Oh my god.
- Geez Louise!
- You jumped out of the pit!
(Siobhan mumbling defensively)
That's a miss.
Archers up here are going
to fire at Mother Goose.
- Talking to their leader?
- Mm-hm.
- Interrupting Jack?
- The other archers are dead.
These guys are going to
take off. Let me see here.
Then there's two more over here,
and they're all going to come
swinging down over to Pib and Gerard.
swinging down over to Pib and Gerard.
We'll have three of them go for Gerard.
- I mean, I've got to say,
that is kind of a steep
canyon to fly into.
- Yeah. Top g*n.
- Seems like partial
cover to me, honestly,
being at the bottom of that canyon.
- They might clip a wing.
- Seven damage,
and then seven again,
so 14 damage to Gerard,
and then Pib, your armor class is-
- 15.
- 15.
Okay, Pib.
You take four, seven,
and then give me a
constitution saving throw.
- [Lou] I believe in you.
♪ I believe in you ♪
♪ I believe in a thing called love ♪
- 15.
- You're blessed.
You can use that on saving throws.
- My bless as well. Plus four, 19.
Plus Uncanny Dodge.
- Okay, good.
That one was 14, you halve it to 7.
- Okay.
- And that was a nat 20,
so it could've k*lled you.
- Jesus.
- Oh wow.
- But 19 saves?
- 19 saves, correct.
So, these bird mounted lancers
flying on regular sized crows
So, these bird mounted lancers
flying on regular sized crows
just come in and begin to spear you
across the eyes and neck,
sort of flapping in sky knight style.
As they do so, that's
the end of their turn.
That's going to be Pinocchio.
- Oh, what a dream.
My 6th level ability, Strands of Fate,
allows me to cast Animate
Object as a spell.
Can I animate the tower
carrying the mages?
- Yeah, I think so, yes.
- Let's get you out of
the death pit, also.
It's surrounded in skulls.
- I got to get out of the death pit.
- There's two death pits now.
- Yeah, definitely.
There's the death crevasse,
and then there's the death pit.
- The death plain.
- And the death tunnel.
- If I can, I think I
want to animate the tower
on the hill and make it, if I can,
walk 30 feet and attack the trebuchet.
- Nice.
- Okay.
- What size would that be for you?
- The tower there? That's
a large sized tower.
- Okay, what are the swords?
- The swords would be,
those to me look like
medium sized objects.
- Okay, medium count as two.
I can do three swords and a tower.
- Great.
- That seems kind of fun.
- That's crazy.
- On your turn, you reach into your book.
New 6th level ability, Strands of Fate.
- So you still have a book, huh?
- Timothy, we can't be
turning on each other!
- Some of us don't get
lost in hair cocoons.
- I'm sorry, no no, I was just...
- And you call upon-
- I hug you.
- The same thing that woke
up a little wooden puppet
all those years ago
comes under your command.
What do you choose to
awaken in this moment?
- I will be bringing to life
the watchtower on the hill.
I'll be bringing to life two
of the swords around the pit.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- [Lou] As well as two of the skulls
toward the back half of the pit.
- Cool, okay, two swords,
and then back here we have two skulls.
- Wow.
- Sick.
- [Brennan] Unbelievable, boom boom.
All right, puppet master.
All of you watch, truly as bright as day,
strings of gold fly out
from Pinocchio's hand.
- The dogfish is here!
- No, no, it's not that!
- [Brennan] Pinocchio, what do you do?
- I think I start swinging at them.
I'm going to have this guy move to attack
that trebuchet there.
- Okay.
- They have 30 feet of movement.
- Do you want to just attack these guys
if you can't reach the trebuchet?
- If I can't reach the trebuchet,
I'll just take on the archers.
- Okay, cool.
I'm going to go ahead and make a save
for that wizard in there,
call it a dexterity save.
16 on the die, he grabs onto
the floor and starts screaming
(Brennan screaming)
as the tower begins to move.
- I do want to have it move behind them.
I don't want it to be as close to us.
- [Murph] There's also a hill back here.
- Yeah, make it attack this
and lose line of sight.
- That's how you get rid of the wizard?
- Yeah, I'm going to attack the archers
and then we'll just do
a full attempt to dump.
- Okay, go ahead and make an attack roll.
The tower is large.
- Okay, cool.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and make your attack.
- Plus six to this.
- That's a 13 to hit.
- 13 is going to hit the archers up there.
- All right, 2d10.
That is 14 plus 2, for
16 points of damage.
- Incredible, you see that
the tower wheels around.
All of you can kind of almost hear
circus-like, weird, ethereal music.
♪ Got no strings ♪
Boom, as the tower just crushes
two of the archers up in that unit.
- This is the best puppet
show I've ever been to.
- Yeah.
- Incredible, and-
- Can I have it attempt to,
can I have it just move down the hill?
- Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say
have it make an athletics
check, and it will be opposed
by a dexterity saving
throw from this wizard.
- It has a 14 strength. Is that plus-
- Plus two.
- That'll be a 12.
- Okay, dexterity save from
this wizard is a plus zero,
so he's got to hit a 12 on the die.
12 exactly.
- Wow.
- [Brennan] Hangs on for dear life.
- Can I at least, I just want
to push the range, though,
that it is from us.
- By bending over and causing him
to have to hold on for
dear life, you can give
all of your selves total
cover and break line of sight.
- Then I think one of the swords
is going to go into the pit
to stand between me and the guys.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- And the other one is
going to go outside,
and hey, I love him to
death, but f*ck Alphonse.
We don't have the relationship
that him and, you know?
I see a f*cking battle mule.
- If he'd taken the time
to introduce himself!
- Okay, incredible, incredible.
Go ahead and roll your attacks.
- Get out of there, Alphonse!
- A 15 and a 17.
- Alphonse gets hit, and
so do the skirmishers.
- Great. These are your dice,
I don't want to roll them.
Sorry, they're good dice,
just, you know, not me.
- Just not me.
- Eight on the skirmishers,
and 10 on Alphonse.
- And 10 on Alphonse?
- Yes.
- Pib, you hear the noises
of Alphonse go, what? (shrieking)
As just a enormous sword
springs to attention.
You see that there's a gem
in the pommel of the sword
that swivels and kind
of approximates an eye
and looks at you and is like... (wheezing)
Real boy!
- Yeah!
- Chops into the f*cking
meat of Alphonse's shoulder
as he goes... (hollers)
- He would run, right?
- This guy, the fact that
he's made it this far. - I
mean, Alphonse takes one hit,
and he would run as far as he can.
- Get out of there, Alphonse!
I forgot to give them context!
- Now the two skulls are going to attack
those two mages in those two towers.
- [Brennan] Incredible, cool, go for it.
- This is such a good spell.
- This is a crazy good spell.
- That's a nat one and a two.
- [Siobhan] Well, you can't win them all.
- Both wizards look to
be utterly bamboozled
by skulls flying straight at them.
- Great, and then I'll have
Cricket, he'll go assist.
What's the distance between
me and this tower right here?
- [Brennan] It is 55 feet away.
- I'll tell you, my man can fly 60.
Cricket's going to go f*ck his sh*t up,
or at least just get
in his face, you know?
- Incredible. Go ahead.
- Cricket'll get in that.
That's not going to be great from Cricket.
- [Zac] He rolled a
one, a two, and a three.
- And a three, great, so I'm
assuming a seven doesn't do it.
- Seven does not do it.
- I guess I'll move closer.
Can I move around to this side?
- [Brennan] Yeah, absolutely.
You can get right over here.
- Great, and I think that's
it. I think that's everything.
- So all of you watch the
b*ttlefield spring to life.
A tiny wizard up there
watches a cricket the size of,
a cricket larger than him,
leap to his tower and go,
hey, don't drink water!
(Ally cackles)
And try to bite his head off.
Unbelievable, that's Pinocchio.
These skirmishers are going
to, there's a giant sword
chopping at them, so that's f*cking-
- [Zac] We haven't finished one round?
- What's that?
- Red hasn't gone yet.
- I haven't gone yet.
- Which will be a huge difference.
- Well, I think I'm pretty
limited for my first round.
- That animated object is going to take-
- Which one, the one with the skirmishers?
- Yeah.
- We'll call him Sword 2.
- Sword 2 is going to take
10 points of damage from one
and 10 points of damage from the other.
- Okay, great. He's at 20 HP.
- As they start hacking at
this sword as fast as they can.
Ah! Ping ping ping ping ping ping ping.
As this massive blade-
- Crazy spell!
- [Brennan] I know, incredible.
- Against tiny people, it works out.
I can animate whole buildings!
- I will say, there's a
big caveat to this power
that balances it in the rounds to come,
so this round has worked
according to Pinocchio's plans.
- Okay.
- All right, Pinoch.
- [Brennan] All right, Pinoch!
- It's working according
to my machinations.
- [Brennan] Your machinations.
- [Ally] You're allergic to machinations.
- [Lou] I am allergic to machinations.
- [Zac] If I'm ever sick, I
like to take some machinations.
- [Ally] Yeah, I take
a little machinations
and some elderberry syrup.
- [Murph] They're letting Jack 1v1 Tim?
- Wow.
- f*ck.
- I'm going to spank Jack so hard!
- [Brennan] Red, that's you.
- [Murph] Yes!
- [Emily] Okay, I'm just
going to go into a rage,
and that's, what, 10 feet?
- [Brennan] Mm-hm.
- [Emily] Try and attack
these guys on my way out.
- [Brennan] Cool, go ahead
and give me an attack.
- Sword, she's cool!
- Does a 22 hit?
- 22 hits.
- That is 12 damage. No,
I'm in a rage, 14 damage.
- 14 damage to that group of skirmishers,
the one right there, that's number nine.
Incredible, you lay
into them with your ax.
Four of them die.
You see this unit over here
that the sword hit before
is kind of at half strength,
is sort of already being
routed for the most part.
The one near you is badly injured.
You have the rest of your turn.
- [Emily] I moved 10 feet,
so I still have about 20 feet
to just get right here
in line of sight from,
I don't love being in
line of sight of that guy.
Maybe I should go here so that the mage
doesn't have line of sight on me.
- So you're going to get
attacks of opportunity.
The swords and points here,
there's some dexterity saves
if you're going to try to crawl out,
or you can try to blast through the gate.
- But it's just dexterity saves?
- Yeah, it's just dexterity saves.
- Yeah, why not?
I'll just try to do a dexterity
save to get out of this pit.
- [Brennan] Cool, give
me a dexterity save.
- I don't add that much to dexterity.
- Can it be athletics? Jesus Christ.
- 12.
- Okay, you take 7 halved to
3 points of slashing damage,
and go ahead and give me an athletics.
Because you're taking
the injury, you'll do it
with disadvantage, so it'll
just be a straight roll.
- Okay.
14.
- Cool, you clear out of the pit.
- No, 15.
- 15.
You clear out of the pit.
- Sweet, and then yeah,
I think I just need to
make a target of myself,
so I think I just want to
stand here and be like, yeah!
Come at me!
- Cool, sick.
- You are the Giant Slayer?
I am the little slayer!
- Hell yes. Rosamund,
that's going to be you.
- I am going to cast Summon Beast
and I'm going to call forth
a really, really sharp bird.
- Cool.
- Hell yes.
Get you a sharp bird.
- I think what basically I'm going to do
is have one of the birds in my swarm
come and land on my
fingers, and as it lands,
its beak and talons
just get really gnarly.
- I actually have a little
bird around here somewhere.
- Just for funsies?
- How sharp is it?
- How sharp, though?
- If it's not sharp
enough, I need another one.
- Here we go. Yes, bird right here, cool.
Okay, you call a nasty
bird to come fight for you.
- [Siobhan] Yes, and I'm
going to have him attack
this mage right here.
- Cool.
- A cricket and a bird really here
to f*ck your sh*t up, guy.
- Cool.
- That's a crit.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- Roll to not die!
- Okay, 2d8 plus 6.
- [Lou] He's got to roll
to not instantly die?
- Oh yeah, he does have to
roll to not instantly die.
- That's 11 points of damage.
- Your bird sinks its beak
in and rips his torso apart,
ribs f*cking... (grunts)
- Here's a pitch that you can say no to.
Can I just have him pick him up
and then drop him on these guys?
Doesn't have to do any
damage, but maybe scare them.
- Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. I dig that.
Give me an intimidate
check with advantage.
- Well, nine.
- Absolute carnage on the field.
Wizard's corpse hits the
ground in front of them.
A vivisected body hits the palisades.
- Then I'm going to try to get up to here.
This is technically woodland, right?
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- The trees have been cut
down, but this was a forest.
- Sure, yes, correct.
- [Siobhan] So I ignore difficult terrain.
- Okay.
- So one, two, three, four,
five, and then I'm going to
take a little bit of cover
behind this tower.
- Hell yeah.
- [Siobhan] So these archers
can't hit me so easily.
- I love it, here we go.
Watching a giant take
cover, watching someone,
a 50 foot person crouch
behind a skyscraper is-
- Whoa, they never depict giants
acting like that, really...
- A really nimble giant
that's hiding behind-
- [Emily] I feel like they
do in Attack on Titan.
- It's basically like hiding
behind a vending machine.
- [Emily] They feel like
really stupid, dumb people.
- It's a vending machine sized tower.
- As you crouch behind
that structure, Rosamund,
give me a perception check.
- That's a nine.
- Nine, cool.
The chaos of battle, everything
unfolding, absolute madness.
Okay, Mother Goose.
Jack, as you kneel down
and extend your pinkie.
- I can feel something.
- That's a roll for a handshake?
- How wet the handshake is going to be.
- Deals you 22 points of damage.
- [Lou] He's really
gripping that hand hard.
- Took that finger right off.
(Brennan grunting)
(sword clanging)
- Slashing into your arm.
- Ah! Jack!
- He goes, giant! Fall at my sword!
Just shouting at the top of his lungs.
- I'm not just any giant.
I'm your giant daddy.
Thumbs up or thumbs down for daddy!
- Pib, that's going to be you.
- Oh god.
- [Murph] Welp!
- I'm going to go up there
and get behind the Goose.
- Yeah, that's the way to do it.
- Bear in mind, you do have
this squadron of bird riders
up above you, kind of flurrying
around you, essentially.
There will be some attacks of opportunity.
- In which case, can I
actually have my bird,
after he attacks, fly towards them?
He has 60 feet of movement.
- So you summon, he attacks,
and then he's going to
take 60 feet of movement?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- You could move your initiative down
if you want me to try to
jump through them later.
- Oh, of course.
- We're shifting initiative.
- I would, if I can, move
my initiative down to be-
- With Gerard?
- Yeah.
- Okay, you send your turn
down the initiative order.
Tiny little wizards are going to go.
This guy here, this guy over here.
This guy's going to try to take care
of that skull in front of him.
- Good luck. That's an advanced skull.
- Have that skull make a wisdom
saving throw for me, please.
- Oh, you got it. That
skull has a wisdom of three.
- Not plus three, but three.
- But three total.
It got a two!
- The wizard there
goes, higgitus figgitus!
And turns the skull into a vase of flowers
that clatters to the ground.
- You've taken down one
advanced skull. Congratulations.
- [Brennan] This one over
here is going to hit you
with the same trick, go ahead-
- Counterspell.
- Woo! Okay.
- Nice.
- Boom, Counterspelled.
- Gorgeous.
- Can that one hit anybody? Let me see.
Okay, go ahead and give me
a dexterity saving throw,
Ylfa, with advantage.
- Come on, Ylfa.
21.
- Hell yeah.
Do you halve cold damage as well?
- I halve everything but psychic.
- Wow.
- I'm a teenage girl.
You can get into my head really easily.
- I heard you're not popular.
- That will fester inside my brain.
- 5, 11, 16, 26 halved to 13,
halved again to 6 damage
(Emily cheers)
as one of the wizards hurls an ice storm.
Winds of winter, dispel
these... (squeaking)
- Can it get so weak
that then I just eat it
like an ice cream cone?
- Ah!
- A breath mint.
- The ancient feud between
wizards and giants,
just like vampires and werewolves.
That's all the tiny little wizards.
- Aw!
- Cute turn.
- Cute turn.
- Pretty cute turn.
- Adorable turn.
- It's almost like a corn cutie.
- Yeah, right?
- Guys!
- [Lou] It's like they fed you ice cream.
- Guys, do we really feel good
enough about the b*ttlefield
to start bringing up that bit?
- He turned a skull into a cute
vase and fed you ice cream.
It's a cute-a*s turn.
- Two of these are going to come for Ylfa.
That's a miss and a hit.
Ylfa, you take 14 halved to 7 bludgeoning
from one of the trebuchet, boom!
- I get a trebuchet to the face
and I only take a couple damage?
- Only take a couple
damage. You're a giant!
- Oh yeah, that's true.
- A boulder thuds into
your shoulder as you snarl,
and then you have a plus
five to your armor class.
- Yes.
- AC is 21.
That's a miss.
You duck behind as the tower
explodes in shrapnel behind you.
That's all of them. Gerard,
that is going to be your turn.
So it's Gerard and Pib together.
- All right, with jump,
I think I should be able to
actually get pretty far here.
5, 10, 15, 20.
I can get to this side of the bird.
Can I try to use some movement to-
- [Brennan] Remember, you
have these swirling sort of-
- Right, so are they just right overhead?
- They're right overhead,
kind of harrying you, yeah.
- Got it. Will all of them
get attacks if I leave?
- Three will get attacks on one of you.
Three will get attacks on the other.
- What if I'm carrying him, though?
- [Brennan] Then they will
get attacks not on him at all.
- Great, okay, so I think
I don't want to disengage
because I want to be able to attack,
so I'm going to take three attacks.
- Okay, cool.
- And hopefully we get out.
- Only one hits you for
seven points of damage.
- Great.
- Wow.
The Goose provides.
- I love that Jack the
Giant Slayer's just fully-
- The Goose is good!
- Okay, Goose! Golden Goose!
- Hello.
- Hi, how do I get you out?
- Well, I'm tied down
with these terrible ropes.
- All right, I'm going
to start taking them out,
if that's cool?
- All right.
- Great. You're very calm under pressure.
I'm freaking out here.
- These things have a way of working out.
- Oh my god, she reminds
me of my grandmother.
- You're very comforting.
- Do you know Tim?
- Timothy Goose? Yes, I do.
The Goose turns to look over at you
and says, hello, Mother Goose!
- Do I see Jack respond to that at all?
- No, Jack is just in a battle fury,
attacking you as fast as he can.
- Hello, Goose!
- You see that the Goose
says, hello to you!
I've been trapped down here!
- Mm-hm, I know.
We're going to get you out!
- Oh, thank you.
And that's all the
Golden Goose has to say.
Anything else, Gerard?
- Yeah, attacking the ropes.
- Hell yes.
- Does it look like a situation
where I need to do one big one big attack,
or is there a bunch of-
- So there's 10 different
stakes in the ground
around the Goose, but that's
only actually five restraints.
- Got it.
- Because you would only have to-
- Yes, with all five
restraints that are on there,
the Goose on its turn can
attempt strength checks,
so every rope that breaks gives it
a better chance to break on its turn,
but obviously if you cut
all five, it's just free.
- Sick, okay.
- Nice.
- Take some attacks.
- Go for it.
- First one, come on.
That's a...
Yeah, like 23 to hit it.
- Absolutely. Go ahead and roll damage.
- Woo!
- Sick, okay. Come on.
g*dd*mn, that's going to be nine damage.
- Okay, nine damage is enough.
You, whoom! One of the bands goes.
- Woo!
- Sweet, okay.
I'll go for a second one. Come on, please!
Sick, that's 21 to hit.
- 21 hits.
- Sweet, all right.
That one is 14 damage.
- Second one, pow!
You slash through two
of the restraints there.
- Wow, yes!
- These guys be freeing geese.
- All right, I think that's it for me.
I don't really have any
bonus action things I can do.
I think I'm good, cool.
- So it's my turn as well now.
- At the end of Gerard's turn, however,
Jack is going to take
another swing at you.
10 points of damage to Mother Goose.
- Ah! Okay, listen.
(Brennan roaring furiously)
We're only here for the Goose.
We're not here to hurt you.
- You're here to steal back
the Goose, the harp, the golden egg.
Look at the riches it has brought
to our lands to have these!
Look at the joy that abounds here!
- Oh my god, Tim starts weeping.
Jack's always after
this Goose's golden egg.
Yeah, damn, it's crazy
that he's exactly the same.
- You see your son in a land
where his schemes worked,
and how much it destroyed
him that that happened.
- Yeah.
- Pib, that's going to be you.
- I don't get sneak
attack on a strand right?
- You do not get sneak
attack on a strand, no.
- Maybe you can sleight of hand it.
- Oh yeah, could I do
any rogue-like things to-
- I would say if you
want to use your action
to untie a rope, you could make
a sleight of hand check to do so, yeah.
- Yeah, I'll try that.
- Cool.
- I think that's worth doing.
- Go for it.
- Because there's always a chance
that I'll miss on one
next time or something.
- Okay, that's a dirty 20.
- Your feline dexterity.
Two restraints are left
on the Golden Goose.
- I'm going to bonus action
hide under the Goose's wing.
- Give me a stealth check.
- Pretty smart.
- Nice. That's so cute!
- That sounds so nice!
- [Ally] Two soft things touching.
- That is a 22.
- You see the Goose says,
right in here, darling.
- Okay. It's not cute, it's pretty badass.
- Two species making
friends with each other.
My favorite type of internet content.
- At the end of your turn,
another attack on Mother Goose.
- [Lou] Goose!
- That's going to be 12 points of damage,
(Ally groans)
and Mother Goose, that is your turn.
- Okay.
Jack, we'll leave the golden egg for you.
- You'll leave it all?
- We really won't, Jack.
I know I'm no one to you.
I'm just some random guy with poor posture
claiming I'm your daddy, but
this is very, very important.
- As you say that, give
me a wisdom saving throw.
- Okay, yeah.
17.
- You sit here talking to
Jack, who you finally found
in the moment of your
adventure for the first time
when you are without the
book that would prove this,
the book with the son from
your world still in it,
Jack Be Nimble, and on a 17,
you are not destroyed by it,
but a mountain of sadness falls upon you
as you look and see that you
indeed are a babbling giant
trying to convince your son,
who is not here your son,
and you wonder how many
strange lives are connected.
and you wonder how many
strange lives are connected.
Looking around at all these people,
thinking of all the
lands of the Neverafter
you have traveled to, how
many of those people out there
in another life or another
world were sons and daughters
or mothers and fathers to one another?
In this moment, is there
anything Tim can reach to
that you feel like is proof,
or does it feel beyond hope to him?
- I mean, his whole
relationship with his son
is him doing way more work,
so I think Tim just
thinks about his husband
and that he'll be home one day,
and moves forward.
- As you say husband,
you realize something.
You look into the eyes of Jack here.
Who spoke to Alphonse? Who
was looking for a beanstalk?
And you see in Jack's eyes for a moment-
- I just got chills.
- You look and see a moment of recognition
as Jack looks at you, and you
look back, that for a moment
in the eyes of this tiny
figure in front of you,
the face of Henry is
reflected back to you.
You wonder if Henry did not
come here looking as well.
- That's so exciting.
I cast Shatter on the birds,
and then I think about-
- Incredible, go ahead
and cast Shatter for me.
- I cast Shatter. I'm going
to do it as a 3rd level.
I get to do 4d8 damage.
- Wow.
- Saving our asses.
- Sweet Henry! Okay.
- Okay, my kids did good.
- Your kids did great, honestly. 16.
- 16 damage to all of them.
- Yes.
- Okay, and what's the
DC on that, by the way?
- What would my DC be?
- Yours is 15.
- 15, right?
- Yeah, 15.
- Okay, 15, damn. So this
is an important one here.
I'm going to roll this real quick.
Fail, fail, fail, fail.
Four of the bird rangers are dead.
You reach out, boom! They
are knocked out of the sky.
- I yell out to kind of no
one, my husband might be here!
- Henry?
- Yeah!
- This one's got a curtain over it.
- (gasps) He's in there!
- I know. I'm headed there.
- Mother Goose, at the end of your turn,
Jack is going to take
his third legendary action of the round.
And he misses for the first time.
- Thank god.
- As he swings and misses,
he goes, you are the second
giant to claim to be my father.
- In another world, he
was also your father.
- That means that Henry
came in this world.
- Henry's here somewhere.
- Henry from our world.
- Henry is hopping worlds as well.
- [Siobhan] I hope he didn't k*ll Henry.
- What happened to him?
- That's where we're
going to end your turn.
- Okay! Okay!
If I lose one more precious
gem on my charm bracelet today!
- [Brennan] Archers are going to go.
I think these are going
to fire on Pinocchio.
These ones are going to fire on Red.
- Oh yeah, what's your deal?
There was no like shoutout to us, or-
- Pinocchio, they miss.
They miss Red as well. Volleys.
- Nice.
- When I say they miss,
you're getting hit with arrows,
but they're just getting caught
in your clothes and stuff.
They're like that big.
- I look like a porcupine,
which actually I can turn into.
I don't care.
- Do it! Do it!
- Turn into a porcupine!
- It sounds cute!
- This tiny little soldier
on the back of Alphonse goes,
knife donkey, about face!
And wheels Alphonse around.
He's going to charge at Red.
Sword gets an attack of opportunity.
- Let's go sword, let's go
sword! Crit, crit, crit, crit!
- Alphonse is f*cking attacking me?
- Sword hits a 13.
- [Brennan] 13 is not going to do it.
Alphonse is strapped with
polearms and a bunch of sh*t.
- Alphonse, you're going
to f*cking regret this.
- Please don't take this personally!
- How else am I supposed to take it?
You know I'm sensitive to psychic damage!
- You are going to take nine
halved to four piercing damage
as Alphonse just, heehaw!
Brays and rushes forward towards you.
- You're so lucky
that I'm quite literally
the bigger person here.
Wait, no, you're normal sized.
- [Ally] He's a bigger person.
- These two rangers are going to rush up.
If you want to place
these next to you, Gerard,
they're both going to come for you.
That's going to be two hits.
You take nine damage.
- sh*t.
- And then eight damage.
- f*ck me, man.
I'm looking pretty hurt. I'm at 20.
- You hear the horn blower
blow. (mimics w*r horn)
- These f*cking tunnels.
- Ah, sh*t.
- These f*cking tunnels.
- Goddammit.
- Riding pigs, pugs, lizards,
all manner of small little beasts-
- Everything I've ever
asked for for Christmas
when I was a kid.
- Bugs, lizards.
- [Brennan] These ones
are going to ride out here
to encircle Mother Goose.
I'm going to need two
strength saving throws.
- Nice.
- 16 and a 13.
- You succeed both times,
but you do take 6 and
then 8 points of damage.
- Okay.
- Then the rest
are going to start to attack
Little Red Riding Hood.
6 halved to 3 damage, and I
need a strength saving throw.
- That is a 23 save.
- Hell yeah.
That's the tiny cavalry.
Pinocchio, that is you.
- Okay, so the caveat is
that I have to use my action
to control them if I want to
keep doing that, and I'm not.
- You're not? You're going to let go?
- I'm going to let go,
so they're under the confusion effect,
so I roll a d8 for each one of them.
- I believe it's a d10.
- d10.
- That's totally fine, honestly.
- So they're all going to
do a bunch of random sh*t.
Let's roll for that tower first.
- Great, big tower.
That's a four, so I think he does nothing.
- Doesn't move or take actions this turn.
Go ahead and roll for the sword
that was attacking Alphonse.
- That's a three, doesn't do anything.
- Roll for the sword attacking
the skirmishers inside.
- All right, sword number 2. That's an 8.
- The creature uses its
action to make a melee attack
against a random creature
within its reach,
so it's going to attack one
of the skirmishers inside.
Go ahead and make an attack roll.
- Free attack!
- sh**t me in the foot. That's a miss.
- Okay, and this skull, go ahead and roll
for the confusion effect.
- That's a four.
- All right, does nothing, cool.
- Cool, Pinocchio's incredibly
disappointed that I guess,
what, if you don't put
your energy into things,
they don't work out the
way you want them to?
This is horseshit.
- f*cking bullshit.
- All of Pinocchio's
friends are leaving the pit.
Pinocchio's wondering why he's still here,
so I'm going to crawl out the other side,
and I think on my way
out, I'm going to use
one Eldritch Blast on
the wizard in the tower.
- That one right here?
Let's settle that first.
Go ahead and give me the attack.
- Oh my god, we're rolling
not fun. 13 to hit.
- He's a wizard. Could be.
- 13 hits.
(players cheering)
- Nice.
- That'll be 12 damage.
- Every one of these
wizards has one hit point.
He looks at what, to him,
is a 20 foot wide column
of eldritch energy and goes, the visions!
They came to pass! (shrieks)
Obliterated, gone.
- [Lou] Then I'll climb out of the pit
and start heading up that hill.
- Give me the dex save.
- Okay, not good at that.
Not good at that. Please
let me out of this pit.
- Roll different.
- Roll different!
- Just roll different.
- How do you feel about a 12?
Will you let me out of the pit on a 12?
- I will let you out of the pit.
Actually, it wasn't about letting you
out of the pit on a 12,
it was about the blades,
so you are going to go ahead and take
that six points of damage.
- Okay.
- Now it's just the
athletics check to get out,
but you are going to roll
that with disadvantage.
- That's only, an athletics check?
- An athletics check.
- That's a 10.
- 10 is what you needed to get out.
That was the DC of getting out of the pit.
All right, so you're
going to go 5, 10, 15, 20.
- I'll go in that little canyon.
- [Brennan] 25, 30.
- [Lou] Great. We'll live
in that little canyon.
- [Brennan] A little bit of
cover, that's not a bad thing.
- I'll use that oversized shield.
I'm going to Eldritch
Blast this trebuchet.
- [Brennan] Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
- I'm going to Eldritch
Blast this trebuchet.
- Go for it, give me the attack.
- Black 12.
- That is a cool nat one.
Then Cricket will run down
and kick the sh*t out of those archers.
- Cool.
- Nice.
- [Brennan] All right, here we go!
- That's a two.
- Jesus, dude!
- Jesus, Lou. Wash your dice.
- I need water!
- Cricket, you've got to drink some water.
- Swap dice with Murph.
- Maybe we should start him with Gatorade.
It's a good entry level liquid.
- Yeah, some electrolytes
and a sh*t ton of sugar
in this little cricket.
- Maybe some sweet tea.
- Who's blessed, by the way?
- You, you, you!
- Then I need to make a
concentration check, I guess,
on the six points of damage.
- Oh yeah, do I also, for my Bless?
- Yeah, probably. You've taken
like five attacks, right?
Go ahead and give me five
concentration checks in a row,
all trying to hit a DC 10.
- You got it, guaranteed.
- 11. f*ck.
15.
- It's plus your con, as well.
- Okay. Give that one more try.
- One more try.
- One more try.
- Yeah, 12!
- Okay, cool cool cool.
- Wow, what's the armor
class on your medium objects?
- Armor class on my medium objects is 13.
- 13, okay, two damage to the sword
that's still fighting
the skirmishers inside.
- Okay, great. 18.
- And now these polearm
dudes are going to go.
These ones here are going
to move up into position
behind the cavalry, their
polearms at the ready.
Zac, could you go ahead and
move those four squares?
They take a double move action,
so they don't have an action
by the time they get to you.
Literally, it's like they're
running and turn around.
Giant!
- Get out of here.
- Get out of here, man!
- Freaking get out of here.
- Red, that's you.
- I think it's time for a nice
opportunity attack parade.
- God.
- Right now, I'm looking at Timothy.
I'm thinking he's in a bad situation,
and I'm going to try and intercede.
I'm going to turn into a fighting form
that gives me max hit points and speed,
and then I want to just come
around here and hoist him
up over my head so that
no one else can reach him,
and then ideally maybe walk
here so that the trebuchet,
so we have cover from this trebuchet,
and this trebuchet can't hit us.
- Cool.
- So if I become a hyena,
I have 50 movement, so
that's 5, 10, 15, 20.
I have 50 movement, so
that's 5, 10, 15, 20.
- [Brennan] Picking him up.
- [Emily] Yeah, so then that's 50.
Then I guess my action is picking him up.
- So just go ahead and
give me a DC 15 athletics
to grab him and throw
him over your shoulder.
- Nat 20, baby!
- Nice!
- Incredible.
- I pick him up and I swing him,
and he lands perfectly with
his legs on either side.
- I kind of do a little
dance. This is so fun!
- That's three hits
from the cavalry on you,
so that is 7 halved to 3, 8 halved to 4,
and then 4 halved to 2,
9 damage from the cavalry
as you pull away from them.
Also, give me a constitution saving throw,
if you would be so kind.
- That is going to be an 18.
- You are not instantly
k*lled, congratulations.
- Wait, why? Someone crit on me?
- Someone crit on you.
Alphonse is going to get a swing on you.
Go ahead, also, and give me
three strength saving throws.
- Another nat 20.
- Oh my god.
- Unbelievable, that's
good for all your throws.
That's good for all your throws,
and you take 10 halved to
5 piercing from Alphonse.
- Alphonse!
- Pib, f*cking talk to your boy.
- Come get your boy!
- He's not my boy but, you know.
- So unbelievably, you just turn.
The whole army, a unit, is just stabbing.
Bring low the giant!
And you just sort of walk out
of there as you transform.
You throw Tim effortlessly
over your shoulder.
- [Emily] Then I want to get in range
so that if the trebuchet
tries to hit anyone else,
I have a sentinel attack on
them, and also I can stop
their movement, and then
also they wouldn't be able
to get in range to attack Tim.
- [Brennan] Cool, so is right there good?
- [Emily] We're using
this to prevent from that.
- Yes, to prevent from that, awesome.
As you're going to go around this side,
you will not get attacks
from Jack or this one here,
but these two, as you
move out of their range,
or actually just this one
right here, so number 20,
will get one more attack of
opportunity on you and miss.
Hell yes, Little Red.
- Wow, thank you!
- [Brennan] You just feel yourself
yoinked out of the middle
of that death circle.
- It's like we're playing
chicken in a pool,
but the pool is full of dead bodies.
- I guess, sweetheart.
- Rosamund, that is you.
- Yes, okay.
I am going to bonus action
cast Zephyr Strike on myself,
I am going to bonus action
cast Zephyr Strike on myself,
and I'm going to pop out,
and I am going to sh**t
at your boy Jack over
there with advantage.
- [Lou] Get some, Jack! Get some!
- That is a 24 to hit.
- That's going to do it.
- You just instantly k*ll him.
- He had four hit points.
- So that's 11 points of damage,
and then I'm going to use my swarm.
He has to succeed on a
strength saving throw, DC 15.
- He fails.
- [Siobhan] I'm going to move him 15 feet
back towards where that tunnel
is, and he's knocked prone.
- 5, 10, 15, bam.
Jack the Giant Slayer turns
as you rip Mother Goose
away from him, confusion and horror.
An arrow that, to him, is
the size of a battering ram
thuds into his armor and a swarm of birds
that to him are like monsters... (screams)
As he flies back 15 feet.
- My boy!
- Then I'm going to do my second attack
on these archers right here.
- [Brennan] 11 damage to
Jack the Giant Slayer.
- Then I hit these guys for...
20 to hit these guys.
- 20 to hit, that's absolutely
going to do it, yes.
- I will reroll that.
That was a bad idea.
That's seven damage to them.
Then I am going to take my movement
plus the 30 feet that I
get from Zephyr Strike
after hitting with
attack, so that's 5, 10,
15, 20, 25, 30,
35, 40, 45, 50,
55, 60, and then the bird is going to go.
- Amazing.
- [Siobhan] The bird
has 60 feet of movement.
- Cool.
- The bird is going to go
to that tower over there
and attack the wizard in that tower.
- Hell yes, go ahead and
give me an attack roll.
- Great.
- Get 'em!
- That is a 22 to hit.
- That hits.
- Nice!
- So that wizard goes up.
You see the wizard is turning around.
He has got a Dominate
Person lined up for Gerard.
Turns around and says,
ah! Beast of the sky!
(Brennan shrieks)
(blood gushing)
(Brennan squeaking like
a tiny little wizard)
And another wizard-
- Wait, the whole time
that I was talking to Jack,
was it like... (squeaking)
- You're hearing little-
- I was just hearing tiny-
- Little tiny squeaks.
- You're not my dad!
There was another guy here,
and he said he was my dad!
- Then there's nothing
I can do mechanically,
but if I can just be real
birdy up in the skies.
To the ranger bird guys, be like, what up?
There's danger from the sky!
- Fly threateningly.
- Fly threateningly, yes. Hell yeah.
You fly threateningly
at those birds there.
(Zac does a little caw)
Give me another perception check
as you run up closer there, Rosamund.
- Actually, can I maybe go
this way and duck behind here
so I still have some cover?
- [Brennan] Some cover? Yeah, absolutely.
- Great, then I will
do a perception check.
That's a dirty 20.
- [Brennan] You hear cries
from within that tent cover up there.
- [Ally] What?
- They sound like squeaky
little voices calling out
and basically being like, please!
Come save us from these wild madmen!
Please, come save us!
- You got it, absolutely. I'm on my way.
- Incredible, Jack the
Giant Slayer's turn.
Uses half his movement
to get up from prone.
- Feeling pretty embarrassed, I bet.
- We love to see that, and
then he's going to go to close,
but he only goes 5, 10, 15.
He's out of reach, so he's
got to dip into the action
to square up with you, Red.
Boom, and that is his turn.
After Jack, the Golden Goose's first turn.
- Yes!
- The way the Golden Goose
works is it's making one check,
but it has to roll against
every restraint left.
So when it had five restraints,
it just wasn't even going to try.
Now, three of them are
gone, so it's gotta break -
the DC to break them is 17.
This has a plus nine strength.
- Oh, amazing.
- But it needs to break
them both at the same time,
and if it doesn't break them
both, it breaks none of them,
which is why the five restraints
was such a big deal, essentially, right?
So it needs both of these
rolls to be an eight or higher.
We'll go Box of Doom.
- Let's go, Goose.
(players chanting "Goose" disjointedly)
- Both 8 or higher.
(players commit to the chant)
A 2 and a 14, does not break.
- Goose!
- If you add them up, they become a 16.
- [Siobhan] Sounds like two eights to me!
- Divided by two, those are eights!
- So you see it starts to
open its wings and goes,
getting very close now.
Almost time to get out of these-
- Could use a little more effort, perhaps.
Some more urgency.
- They've fastened these quite well.
They're quite well fastened.
- I love this energy, so calming.
- That's the Golden Goose's turn.
♪ Tiny wizards ♪
Let's go, tiny wizards.
This one back here, you see
he goes, winds of the south...
(Brennan squeaking like
an itty bitty wizard)
And is going to cast Fly on himself,
and he's going to sprint!
He gets about here.
(cast laughing mercilessly)
Soaring across.
- I bet that's really
impressive at your scale.
- I bet he was like, I can't
believe I jumped that far!
- This guy is going to spend his turn,
he's just going to make a jump for it.
He's going to try to get
the hell out of here.
He's going to make a little
athletics check here.
He's just got to beat a DC 15.
- He's a wizard, he's
not going to beat that.
- He does not beat a DC 15. He falls.
He has one hit point. He's dead.
You see he stumbles down the hillside
and is impaled on a punji.
- Wielding great power,
falls to his death.
- This one over here, I'm going to need
a wisdom saving throw from Rosamund.
- Ay yi yi.
- Where's this one at?
- [Brennan] This is the northwest
tower. This one's up here.
- That's a seven.
- Seven? Okay.
That one up there turns to you and says,
giant, I abjure you from our lands!
Be now frozen!
You feel your body... (gasps)
And you're hit by a Hold Monster.
- f*ck.
- So he's got you with Hold Monster there.
- Can you Counterspell me?
- You have Counterspell?
- I do.
- Tim has Counterspell.
- [Brennan] You're within
range to Counterspell.
- Counterspell.
- Yeah, cool.
- Thank you!
- [Brennan] You're going to need to roll,
because it's a 5th level spell.
- Okay.
- Oh, yes.
- You're trying to beat,
hold on one second.
- Come on, big Timmy!
- Big Timmy, hold on.
- Big Timmy! Come on, big Timmy!
- Trying to beat a 15,
so adding your charisma,
you need to beat a 15.
- I add a plus 4,
so I need 11 or higher.
- 11 or higher.
Nat one?
- Almost.
- Five.
- Rolled.
- Come on, big Timmy.
- It just really showed us some
better numbers for a while.
- Teeter tottered.
- I'm sorry.
- Tim, you're feeling your
magic sort of withering.
There's a crushing sadness
in this space down here.
The magic leaves your hand,
Rosamund is hit by Hold Monster,
and now the trebuchets are going to go.
- Oh, bother.
- Oh, bother!
- Oh, bother.
- This one's going for Red.
This one's going for Pinocchio.
- [Lou] Rude.
- [Brennan] This one's going
to go for Pinocchio as well.
- Okay, the one that goes for Pinocchio,
I'm within five feet, so I can attack it.
- You can attack it, that's correct.
- Jesus Christ!
- I don't think I hit it.
11 to hit.
- 11 misses.
Two coming for Pinocchio, but
you do have partial cover.
You have a plus two to your armor class,
which is at a 15 right now.
That is one hit.
- Okay.
- You take 21 bludgeoning damage.
(Lou wails)
Boulder hits you.
One of them is coming for Red,
hits Red for 19
halved to 9 bludgeoning damage.
- That's not fun at all.
- Voom, voom voom voom!
As these boulders go flying.
Gerard, that's going to be you.
- Oh boy.
- Sorry, real quick,
DC 21 concentration check, or halved-
- Halved to 10.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] 10 concentration.
- Good.
- Hell yeah.
- All right, do you want to go first?
- I pop out from underneath the feathers
and sneak attack this whole polearm crew.
- Hell yeah, go for it.
- [Ally] Oh! There you go, darling.
- Surprise!
This is c*ck.
Two 10s, so I got an 18 to hit.
- 18 hits.
- So that is...
Ooh, 20 damage.
- Wow, okay.
You slash out, a bunch of
their heads just slice off
as you attack them with your daggers.
Anything else this turn?
- I'm going to bonus action help you.
- Appreciate it.
- And be with the Goose.
- Cool, end of your turn,
Jack is going to take
a swing at Red.
- Damn.
- I'm wearing your father like a scarf.
- It's going to be a hit.
- You're fireman lifting him?
- I'm kind of extra, like...
- [Brennan] 15 halved to 7.
- I smile, and blood bleeds from my gums.
- [Brennan] That is
going to be Gerard now.
- Oh god, I think I just
got to go for it, right?
Take some hits. I'm going to
try to jump to the other side.
- We'll resolve the bird soldiers'
attacks of opportunity first.
One hit for five damage.
- Okay.
- Now it's going to be
the polearms coming for you.
- Are they diminished at
all by my attack, or no?
- Partially diminished
by your attack, yes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- I'm so glad.
- Go ahead and give me
a constitution save.
- Goddammit.
- No!
Wait, can we do some sort of-
- He has advantage on it.
- [Siobhan] Oh yeah, you
have the help action.
- [Lou] If you have advantage on this-
- [Murph] And I have Bless.
- [Emily] That's good.
- So much.
- Gorgeous!
- 25.
- You do not instantly
die on a critical hit.
- You're critting a lot today.
- Yeah, you really are.
- Give me a strength saving throw.
- 27.
- Okay, this might down
you just with damage.
They deal 12 points of damage to you.
- I'm at 3 HP.
- Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!
That strength saving throw
was a restrained condition
they were going to try to, like-
You see their polearms go up with rope.
- [Emily] I knew it!
- They have these spears
that have breakaway knives tied to rope
to saddle giants and
restrain them to the ground.
- When you brought polearm
people out, I was like,
this is going to restrict our movement.
- I'll get as far as-
- You get back there.
You have three hit points left.
- Jesus Christ. I'll make some cracks.
- Come on, Gerard!
- Crack, Gerard, crack.
- Not great. 15 to hit?
- It's a rope!
- [Brennan] That hits the
rope. Go ahead and roll damage.
- Okay.
11 damage on the rope.
- The rope is gone.
There is one rope left.
- This one did kind of bad
last time. Give me a new guy.
Oh my god. Ooh, okay, 7, 16!
- 16 hits, go ahead and roll damage.
- Get that damage.
- Get that damage!
- Come on, Gerard!
- Gerard, get that damage!
- Not great. Nine damage?
- Voom! Through the rope.
Can you hand me that Goose
mini, Pib? Hold onto yourself.
♪ The Goose is loose ♪
The Goose is loose!
- She looks so triumphant!
- She's so gorgeous.
- Incredible.
- I want her bonnet!
- I use the rest of my movement
to pass out on the Goose.
- [Ally] Get on top of the Goose.
- Gerard, at the end of your turn,
Jack takes another swing at Red.
- Wait, one quick thing.
When you hit with a weapon attack,
can I use a maneuvering attack?
- Yes.
- And have the Goose move?
- (gasps) Yes!
- Yeah!
- I am going to say yes, you can.
- Sick, okay, so I'll
burn a superiority die,
and then the Goose can
use its reaction to move
up to half its speed without
provoking opportunity attacks
from the target of my attack.
- But these all used their reactions.
- These guys all used their reactions!
- Yes!
- That's true.
They used all their reactions
for attacks of opportunity,
so you just give it movement.
Half its speed is 80, and it's
going to soar into the middle
of the b*ttlefield and go,
never fear, never fear!
Brighter days are here!
(Brennan mimics a surge of radiant power)
Light fills the sky as the Goose moves
through space and time.
- Holy sh*t!
- [Brennan] The Goose takes off overhead.
Pib and Gerard, you are out of there.
- We're NeverEnding Story-ing.
- Atreyu!
♪ NeverEnding Story, ah ♪
- [Brennan] Red, you take 12 halved to 6
from another of Jack's attacks.
- Damn, you guys don't miss, huh? No one?
No one misses? Okay.
- [Brennan] Mother
Goose, that is your turn.
- Can I roll to see if
we need the Goose's egg,
or if it's just worth money?
Can I yell up to her?
- She looks at you and
says, we can, if you wish!
I do not know to what ends
a golden egg or a magic harp
avail to you, but I appreciate my freedom.
- We should try to get it.
- Yeah, let's get it.
- Try to get it? Okay.
- We can run if we need to.
- Then I'm going to Healing Word myself,
and then take a full dash action this way.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- Then I'm going to hop
off of Red's shoulders.
Will I take an opportunity attack?
- You haven't used your action,
so you could just disengage
if you wanted to run.
- Oh yeah, because this is
bonus. Yeah, I'll do that.
- [Brennan] Cool, disengage,
you go 5, 10, 15, 20,
and it's difficult terrain,
so you'll get, like, here.
- Okay.
- You can take the swings
if you want to make it
all the way up there.
- Who's swinging on me?
- It would be the soldiers
in the back of that cart
and Jack the Giant k*ller.
- Okay.
I don't really want to be
right here, out in the open.
I want to get close enough to this
to talk to whoever is in there.
If I'm right here, can I yell to them?
- Yeah, you can yell to them.
- Hello! Who are you?
Do you need help in there?
- I'm Tom Thumb! I'm in
here with Thumbelina!
Please get us out! These people
think they're normal sized!
- Definitely, coming! Can you
grab the wizard nearest you?
- I would grab him if I could
grab him! I'm restrained!
- Okay, little bit of an
attitude on that Thumb guy.
- Mother Goose running up the hillside.
The end of your turn, Mother Goose.
Jack's going to take another
swing at Red and miss.
- Yeah.
- There's the miss.
- Did you get distracted by your dad?
- A bunch of giants keep
saying they're my dad!
(Brennan squeaking like a little guy)
- I can't understand, you speak at a pitch
that's, like, ugh.
(Brennan squeaking angrily)
- Okay.
Okay, that's a hit.
These archers are going to wheel,
and they're going to move back two.
Cricket gets an attack
of opportunity on them.
- Cricket! Go!
- Cricket, crit! Crit-cket!
- (stammering, trying to
make the pun work) Crit-cket!
Close, it's a 19.
- Okay, that hits.
- Come on, (stammering) critic!
- Chronicles.
- Chronicles of Criddick!
That's a cool six.
- So you see that as they
turn to wheel around,
Cricket goes, don't drink water!
And bites one of their
heads off. Bug mouth.
- I love that we found one
bad thing about Cricket,
and it's like, well, it's what he says
before he performs evil.
- [Brennan] You are hit
by these archers up here
for 11 points of damage.
- Rude, dude.
- These other archers are
going to fire on Cricket.
That's going to be a hit,
and they are going to hit him
for 11 points of damage as well.
- I'm going to use my reaction
to give him resistance.
- Okay.
- So he'll take five, great.
- That is the archers.
- I'll make a constitution saving throw.
That passes.
- [Brennan] Alphonse wheels around
and is going to charge you, Pinocchio.
- Jesus Christ, dude.
- Alphonse, what the hell?
- They make me!
- All right.
- All right!
- Alphonse is going to come
roaring towards you, is going to hit.
- Freaking Alphonse.
- Absolute liability.
- You take 23 points of damage.
- I am down.
- Pinocchio goes down, boom.
Tiny cavalry are going to go.
They are going to charge
this sword over here.
Actually, you drop, so all these go away.
Tiny cavalry, this tower
crumbles and falls away
down the hillside, and cavalry
is going to turn to move.
These ones will ride and surround Red.
These ones will come through here too.
These ones are going to charge
through the difficult terrain
up the hillside and get to here.
All right, that's going
to be five attacks.
Wow.
Constitution saving throw.
- [Murph] Oh no!
- She's a con queen.
- Con queen over there.
- 16.
- You are not instantly
k*lled by a critical hit.
- You are critting so much!
- You take 9 halved to 4.
- Okay.
- And then 8 halved to 4 piercing damage.
- As you do that, I come
out of my hyena form,
and I'm back to Little Red.
- [Brennan] These birds over
here are going to take off
and double move to close in
after the Golden Goose.
Pinocchio, that's going to be your turn.
Death save at the top.
- 19.
- That is a success.
Skirmishers are going
to open the gates here.
- [Ally] Aw, the gates open!
- [Brennan] They're going
to come charging out.
This is as far as they can
run. They get to right here.
The polearms, these
guys are going to wheel
around here on Red.
- [Siobhan] Jesus Christmas.
- Red, that's your turn.
- [Ally] Ylfa's bottleneck!
- Boys, boys, one at a time, please.
Okay, is there a situation
where I am able to exit,
taking opportunity attacks
but not from polearm people?
They're the ones who
stop my movement, right?
- They actually all stop
your movement right now.
You need to find a way
to actually shove someone
out of the way, because right now,
you can't clear out
through any of the enemies.
- I couldn't even disengage?
- [Brennan] You can't move
through an enemy's square.
- You know what, I think this
is where I want everyone.
I think that I make a huge
show of strength, and...
(mimics bones cracking)
Wolf out even huger,
giving myself a whole
new pool of hit points,
and I say, I'm the most
popular girl at the dance.
DJ, hit it.
(Cast laughing, tense music fades in)
I want all of these people on me,
because they're not on my friends.
I don't like what's
going on with Pinocchio,
but if I can't get to him,
then it doesn't make sense
to bring a bunch of people to him.
- [Brennan] Yeah, sorry,
Cricket on your turn.
- Would Cricket continue even though-
- Yeah, for sure.
He can't take attack actions,
but if there's anything else
he would do on that turn.
- Do you have a Goodberry saved?
- Of course I got a
Goodberry in my pocket.
He'll head to me.
- Okay, he heads to you.
- Great, okay, so that's taken care of.
Can I just try to disarm Jack?
Is he the one doing the most damage?
- Yeah yeah yeah, for
sure. He'll set the DC.
You can try to make an
athletics check, basically,
to disarm him here.
He will have advantage,
because it's not a maneuver
you're trained in, and you're
just going to roll straight,
so you have disadvantage.
- Okay.
- The thing you have to beat,
he rolled kind of low, so
you're just trying to beat
an 18 here on a straight athletics.
- Okay.
- 12 or higher.
- I didn't.
- You swing out with your ax, clang!
Hit his greatsword, try to
knock it out of his hand.
He redoubles back.
- Whatever, I was here
to take damage anyway.
I'm still doing my job.
- Rosamund.
- I'm stuck, and the
bird can't do anything
without me telling-
- Telling it to, okay.
- Can you roll to get out of it?
- Can I do a wisdom?
- You can do another wisdom
save to get out of it.
Here we go.
- That is an 18.
- 18 succeeds.
You come out of the hold
at the end of your turn.
- In which case, the bird
acts on the initiative
directly after mine.
- Yeah, it can go.
- [Siobhan] Can I have it
fly over to here and attack
whichever of these guys-
- Yes, what is its speed?
- 60.
- Yep, absolutely.
It can go right for one of these.
- [Siobhan] Whichever one
of these is more damaged,
these ranger birds.
- Cool, they're both equally
damaged by that Shatter spell.
- [Siobhan] Great, then I'll
do the one that's closest.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- That's a 18 to hit.
- 18 to hit absolutely hits.
- Great.
- It's a bird off.
- That is eight damage.
- It reaches out. (screeches)
Sinks its teeth in and eats the rider
off of one of the backs
of these birds, done.
- [Siobhan] Then I'd like
to move the last little bit
to be directly in between the Goose-
- And that last rider? Hell yeah, sick.
That is Rosamund's turn. Okay.
That is 7, 10, 14, 24
halved to 12 damage to Red
That is 7, 10, 14, 24
halved to 12 damage to Red
from Jack the Giant Slayer,
whose legendary actions reset.
Golden Goose is going to go.
- Come on, Golden Goose!
- Come on!
- Golden Goose turns back
to either of you and says,
is there anything that would be
most helpful to you two gentlemen?
- I think we-
- Do you heal people?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Oh, of course.
- Heal Pinocchio?
- Ah, very well.
The Golden Goose is going to
have to land in order to heal.
It is going to land right
here, and in so doing
is going to get one attack of opportunity
from that ranger up there.
- Pib, now that you're near Alphonse,
do you want to tell him
to f*cking back off?
- Hey, Alphonse!
- Hey!
- I'll have to k*ll you.
You know that, right?
We're at a point where you
just have to be either brave,
or I have to k*ll you.
- Go ahead and give me
an intimidate check.
- 17 plus, can I add bless?
- I'll let you add bless.
- 21.
- 21?
You see Alphonse looks
and goes, got it, yeah.
- You got to get out of
here, or I will k*ll you.
- Okay, I'm going to run.
- You got to go.
- Can you k*ll the little guy on my back?
- You're going to have to figure it out.
- Okay, I don't know how to get him off.
- Roll! Roll!
Just roll around!
- Roll. That's it!
- Yeah.
- Roll!
- I'm all the way across the field,
and I just know, there's a f*cking idiot.
- Unbelievable. Okay, the Goose-
- Next time we see him, I'm
going to f*cking k*ll him.
- That's fair, I don't know.
- The Goose lands.
Pinocchio, you are swimming in darkness.
The water, the feeling of the Dogfish,
and you feel a claw on your heart.
Little boy, do you imagine
that your father's life
is pleasant with you running away from me?
I want you back, Pinocchio.
- Mom, I'm not...
I'm not coming back. It's not...
You're not good.
You're not good for me, and
you're not good for my father.
Leave us alone!
- I'm going to devour...
And you hear that
interrupted, and you hear,
that's quite enough, dearie.
Golden light.
The Golden Goose casts
a 6th level Heal spell,
healing you for 70 hit points.
- Past max?
- More hit points than I have.
- Can you scoop him?
- Can we scoop him?
- Would you like to scooped, little boy?
- Yeah.
- Scoop!
It only took her a few
movement to get down here.
- [Zac] Could she possibly
fly back that way?
- Yeah.
- Scoop and keep moving.
- [Zac] To be closer to everyone else?
- [Brennan] She's going
to scoop and keep moving.
- [Ally] We got Alphonse
out of the equation.
- Let's stay away from that
little guy. I don't like him.
- There's a little f*ck flying.
- You see that little f*ck over there?
- The bird is now just like...
- This guy is bad news.
- This wizard over here.
- He could cast some bad spells.
- [Brennan] Pinocchio, you are revived.
Golden Goose is riding out into battle.
Alphonse is here, who's
learned about rolling.
- He can talk, but he still is
as smart as an average mule.
- Does she have more movement?
Can we get over here?
Just because I want to get
away from that mage guy.
- [Brennan] Get away from that mage guy.
Where do you want to go?
You want to go all the way over there?
- Over to the egg, I think.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- [Murph] Because then we're by Rosamund,
we're by where Tim is.
- She's like 20 feet up,
but we'll just go ahead
and put her right here.
She's there. Bye, Rosamund.
There's an attack of
opportunity that does hit,
so the Golden Goose takes
six points of damage,
which she seems completely
capable of taking.
Okay, that's the Golden Goose's turn.
- Thank you!
- Appreciate you.
- Thanks for the scoop.
- Tiny wizard.
- No!
- Continues flying this direction,
and is going to throw down a
Polymorph on the Golden Goose.
and is going to throw down a
Polymorph on the Golden Goose.
- Jesus Christ.
- I'll Counterspell that.
- Thank god.
- Go ahead and give me the roll.
- Here we go. (smooching)
Ha ha!
Unless a nine does it.
- A nine is not going to do it.
- Am I within range to Counterspell?
- [Emily] Does she roll
against saving throws?
- [Brennan] You are just
within range to Counterspell.
- Really? Counterspell.
- [Brennan] All right, go
ahead and give me the roll.
Got to beat a 14, so
you need a 10 or higher.
- Love you, baby.
- [Brennan] Nat 20!
- It rolled for so f*cking long!
- Boom! You blast that spell
out of that wizard's hands.
- Get off my goose!
- Get off of my f*cking goose.
This other tiny wizard
is going to hit everybody
on the Goose, including the
Goose, with an ice storm.
I'm going to need dexterity saves.
♪ If you love my body ♪
- Cool.
- 19.
- Pinocchio can't catch
a break, that's a five.
- Anyone that beat a 14, 14 or higher,
you take three bludgeoning and eight cold.
- I'm out.
- Okay, Gerard goes down on
the back of the Golden Goose.
Pinocchio, you take 6
bludgeoning and 16 cold.
The Golden Goose takes
that damage as well.
These trebuchets are going to go.
You have partial cover
over there, Rosamund.
That's a miss.
That one right there is
going to fire on the Goose.
- When it fires on the Goose,
I will take an attack
of opportunity at it.
- Okay, go for it.
- 11.
- You tried.
- I want to play a spellcaster
again so I can roll well.
- Golden Goose takes 53 points of damage.
- From the trebuchet?
- From trebuchets hitting
the Golden Goose, boom boom.
But appears, again, to be able to take it,
but looks, you know, wounded, injured.
- Let's grab everyone and go.
- Should we get Tom Thumb?
- Yeah.
- [Brennan] Gerard, that's
going to be you. Gerard and Pib.
Pib, you act on the same initiative.
- If we have Goodberries,
I would have a Goodberry.
- [Brennan] Yes, I think
you have a Goodberry.
- I'm going to pop you a Goodberry.
- Appreciate it. Ow.
- Then if Tim is within 30 feet,
I'll give him the help action.
- If you wanted to give
me the help action,
I actually only add my
proficiency bonus to it
because I have zero dex,
but I do have a longbow.
- Nice!
- I have Bless.
All I need to do is hit these
mages, and they're dead.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hell yes.
- So I will bonus action help you.
- Great.
- There are how many mages left? Two?
- Two.
- Tiny mage, and then-
- [Brennan] The other one's in the tower
with the tent on it.
- Okay, going to use the help action.
I pull out my stupid bow.
- Are you still blessed?
- I am still blessed.
I add nothing to this except
for the plus three. Come on!
- Come on!
- Come on!
- Frog bow, strike true.
13...
16?
- 16 hits! k*lled by your shortbow.
- Wait, you should go for this one.
My bird can take the other one.
- I can bonus action now.
- Great.
- I'll have Pib do the other one.
- Sick, perfect, stunning, gorgeous.
- I'll do a superiority die.
I'll use my Commander's
Strike to give Pib an attack
to throw an knife at the other one.
- That is a 17 to hit.
- 17 hits.
- So I would hit it.
- Yes, both wizards...
(squeaking in distress)
You feel a cold wind
blow through these lands.
An order of wizards has been removed
from the miniature lands these days.
- Actually doesn't feel good, right?
- Doesn't feel great.
Also, f*ck these guys.
(Brennan squeaking)
- [Brennan] Tiny little wizards are gone!
- Does my knife flying through the air
reveal anything in there?
- You hear some shouts from in there.
Jack's taking his legendaries,
is going to hit 11 halved to 5 damage.
- Wow, you know how to
make a girl feel special.
- Are you still in the super wolf form?
- Yeah, I'm at 28 hit points
in my super wolf form.
- [Brennan] Mother
Goose, that's your turn.
- Okay, maybe I'll yell to you guys,
can you get Tom Thumb and
I can go for the harp,
or should we just scrap the harp and get-
- I think we scrap the harp.
We can try to scoop it on the way out.
I think let's not send anybody
on foot anywhere far away.
- All right, then I'm
going to go 5, 10, 15,
and reach into this tent,
open the tent and see who's in there.
- Give me a DC 5 athletics check.
- Yeah.
- You reach in
and have to so delicately break
the tiniest little chains and manacles
by just pulling them
apart with your hands,
as you save Tom Thumb and Thumbelina.
- They're so cute!
- If you could place them
at the top of that tower right there.
Thumbelina, a small pair of
wings spreads from her back.
Tom Thumb, he has a button where
the threads are the shield,
and he takes a little pin.
He's like, you're all small! We're small!
We are small! Just starts
yelling at all of them.
Any bonus actions from Mother Goose?
- Yeah, why not?
♪ Doo doo doo doo doo ♪
I guess I'll give a bardic, who goes next?
- Next would be Pinocchio.
- Pinocchio.
- Thanks.
- Archers are going to go.
These archers have to fire, I think.
The Goose is at long range. They miss.
These archers here are
going to whip around,
and they're going to fire
at the Goose, miss as well,
and Alphonse is going
to to attempt to roll.
- What is the DC?
- Roll for roll.
- He is going to roll a dexterity save
for the guy riding him.
This will be a Box of Doom.
The DC save set by Alphonse is
a 16. This guy gets a plus 2.
18, Alphonse rolls and the
guy completely survives,
hanging on, and says, you're a bad donkey!
- He's a mule!
- Pulls on it.
Alphonse goes, ah!
I tried to be brave and he
pulled on the sharp thing!
You lied to me, Puss in Boots!
- You have to keep rolling!
- You lied!
- It's not instantly
going to work every time.
- You have to keep rolling.
- Why not?
Jack misses on his
legendary. Tiny cavalry.
- [Ally] That's okay,
boy. You're still in it.
- Stop rooting for your son to hit me.
- I'm so sorry.
- You see Jack looks at the
Goose, looks at Tom Thumb
and Thumbelina up there,
free, and makes a call.
Right next to you, he calls
out and says, it's over.
It's lost, it's lost. Torch the beanstalk!
And calls out a command.
- Interesting.
- These two cavalry are going to move
down to the bottom of the hill.
The others here are all going
to take swings on you, Red.
Miss. Here's the bad rolls.
- Our beautiful sponge.
- A miss. Miss.
♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero ♪
Hit.
- Are you singing that for yourself?
- [Murph] I would think
if you like time out -
- I'm just trying to
get something started.
Everyone sing it for me.
- Five halved to two,
and nine halved to four.
Give me two strength saves.
- I do that with advantage
because I'm raging.
That's going to be a 19.
- [Brennan] You do it.
- That's going to be a 25.
- You're fine, just sitting here.
♪ I can fly higher than an eagle ♪
You see even Jack the
Giant Slayer's like...
(Brennan panting and grunting in exertion)
Wailing on this...
I've never seen a giant
whose power is to literally just take it.
This bird is going to attack your bird.
What's your bird's AC?
- 13.
- That's going to be a hit,
deals seven points of damage.
- Great.
- Just a frenzy, bloodbath, chaos here.
Pinocchio, that's your turn.
- Okay, so were we trying
to get the egg and the harp?
Just the harp?
- If we can.
- I'd love to take all of
it, but I'm a little creep.
- If we can scoop it on the way out.
- [Lou] All right, I'll send Cricket
out to start trying to undo these ropes.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah, he can attack them
or he can try to do a sleight of hand.
- Let's see, I think he's
going to attack them.
- Go for it.
- Cricket, go!
That's a seven.
- Seven doesn't hit.
- Cricket, you got to drink water, man.
- Don't drink water.
- Blood sugar is really low.
- Don't eat snacks. Don't go to bed.
- What? Cricket, you
haven't been sleeping?
- Cricket, how long since the last time-
- Dang, Cricket's from Vegas.
- In that case, I think I'll hop down
from the Golden Goose's
mouth and start myself
to start to do the work of
trying to get these eggs out.
- [Brennan] Pinocchio, you rush over here.
What do you want to do to get the egg?
- Can I Eldritch Blast-
- Yeah, the restraints?
Go for it.
- Great, all right.
Number one.
- That's a hit.
- That's a hit. Number two.
- That's a hit as well.
Go ahead and roll damage for each one.
- That's a 9 plus 4, 13 and a 7.
- [Brennan] Both ropes blast off.
The egg is completely undone,
only had those two restraints.
- Great. Come and scoop me again!
- [Brennan] Come and scoop me again.
The Goose prepares to scoop.
- You're essentially a handle for the egg,
because you're just a little
thing holding onto it.
- [Brennan] These
skirmishers take lit torches
from the cavalry and move two spaces
forward towards the beanstalk.
Red, that's going to be you.
- You know, guys, this
has been really fun,
but I think I gotta leave the dance.
Got to leave you wanting more.
First off, I'm going to shift
and get 10 more hit points.
- This is wild.
- Now my AC is 17.
Then I kind of just want to
overpower this person behind me.
- [Brennan] Okay, you have to beat
a DC 15 athletics check to grapple them.
- I got it, 21.
- Okay, it is going to take
your action, you have to grapple them
to be able to move half your
speed with them, essentially.
- Yeah, I'll do that and then
I'll drag them half my speed.
- What's half your speed?
- Right now, 25 feet.
I'll take 10 feet to
move 5 feet, drop them,
and then I'll still have 40 feet.
- Cool, so you drop them back there.
We're going to roll their
attacks of opportunity on you.
Hit.
Four hits.
28 damage, halved to 14.
- Okay.
- But they all take swings. You rush off.
You make your movement there.
- [Emily] I have 40 feet of movement left.
Could that get me to leap over here?
- 40 feet, let's measure
it out and find out.
Oh yeah, easy. Just give me
the athletics check for it.
DC 15.
- I got it, 21.
- All right, Red,
you sail out of the middle
of that pitched melee.
♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero ♪
You want a little sticky? Boom.
Giant leaps over the chasm.
These skirmishers up here
all scream. (squeaking)
Start screaming at the top of their lungs.
Incredible. Rosamund,
that's going to be you.
- I am going to
recast Zephyr Strike on myself.
- Can you sh**t those trebuchets?
- [Murph] These guys have polearms.
They could grab the Goose.
- I'm going to attack
these guys over here.
So that's a 25 to hit them.
- That hits.
- I'll actually use my birds
to move them 15 feet and knock them prone.
- Incredible.
- Yeah!
- I'm going to reroll that.
- Can you knock them over the cliff?
- That's what I'm thinking.
So that's 12 damage to them.
- Do they make a save for that, or no?
- It's a strength saving throw, DC 15.
- Okay.
- No?
- Arrow launches.
An arrow flies pretty inconsequentially,
and the headline is, birds kick
tiny soldiers into a canyon
and the headline is, birds kick
tiny soldiers into a canyon
is really the main headline here.
- [Emily] Okay, so if Mother Goose -
- That whole unit is dispatched.
- Then I'm actually going to use
my second attack on this one over here.
- Cool, yep.
- Nice.
- That's 23 to hit.
- 23 hits.
- That's 9 damage to them.
- Okay.
- Then I'm going to use
my 60 feet of movement now
that I get from Zephyr Strike
to come across here as well.
One, two, three, four,
then it's an athletics check?
- Yeah.
- [Siobhan] Can I do an acrobatics check?
- Yeah, you can do acrobatics.
- Great.
No. That's an eight.
- Eight, you're just going
to take some falling damage.
So you'll go ahead and take
four points of falling damage.
- That's fine.
- [Brennan] And lose 10 feet of movement.
- Great. That was 20.
That's 40 feet, so I can get to here.
- [Brennan] Yeah, awesome.
- I think we could get this harp,
because even if the Golden
Goose can't carry it all,
I can outrun these people.
I'll just be running with the
harp. You guys can find me.
- I'll jump on Ylfa's
back. I'll hold the harp.
- That sounds like an
indie pizza place's logo,
you running with the harp.
- You see that Tom Thumb and
Thumbelina look out at you,
Mother Goose, and say,
what are your aims here?
Is there anything that you need help with?
- Can you fly?
- Thumbelina says, I can fly.
- Can you fly the two of you over there
and start working on
those ropes on the harp?
- She says, yeah, absolutely.
Thumbelina grabs Tom,
lifts him up under his
shoulders, runs off.
Tom is going to take three
attacks against those ropes.
- Go, Tom, go!
- He has three attacks?
- He has three attacks.
- Hell yes, Tom!
- Okay, does he do enough damage
with his tiny little sword?
Five does it. That's another one.
So you see Tom, this tiny little warrior,
is dropped by Thumbelina, and he takes
his little sewing pin sword and (grunts)
slashes through both the
restraints on the harp.
- Amazing!
- That's going to be-
- I forgot, for the bird.
The bird attacks this guy over here.
- [Brennan] Go for it. Roll an attack.
- 12.
- 12 hits.
- Nice.
- Great.
- Clutch bird.
- That's 13 damage.
- [Brennan] Pulled out of the sky, done.
- Then I'll have him fly-
- Can you f*ck with the people
trying to burn the thing down?
- [Siobhan] Oh yeah, I'll
go have him harry them.
- Okay, sure sure sure.
- [Siobhan] Again, he
can't do anything more,
but he can be annoying.
- He can run down and get
in their way, essentially.
- Every time they try and light
a match, just blows it out.
- The idea of a bird
blowing is very funny.
Jack the Giant Slayer is going to go
10, 15, 20, 30,
take a dash action, and end up
right here next to you again.
- [Emily] Mother Goose has
got legendary reactions.
- Gets there and says, you wish
to steal the Goose, the egg?
If you were my father,
you would understand!
These people revere me!
- Yes, I get that.
You got everything you want in this life,
and you look miserable.
What do you want the egg for, money?
Is it for monetary value?
- Go ahead and give me
another persuasion check.
- Ooh! 15.
- I did these things to make people happy!
I did them so they wouldn't
think I was a fool!
Admit it, you think that too!
- No, definitely not.
I'm very impressed by you in this world.
- As you say in this world,
give me a little insight check.
- Dang.
Insight, that's an 11. I'll Lucky.
- Lucky it, yeah yeah yeah.
- No, the 11.
- You have this moment
staring off with him here.
That's the end of his turn.
The Golden Goose is ready to go again.
Goose looks and says, egg and harp?
- Egg and harp and let's get out of here.
- The Goose runs over, grabs
the egg, grabs the harp.
- Should we scoop Tim, too?
- Can you?
- I actually am going to rule
that I don't think this Goose
can take more than two riders.
- Okay, got it.
- [Brennan] The Goose
can get all the stuff,
get Tom and Thumbelina,
and get to about the middle of the field.
- Does that put her in
uncomfortable trebuchet range?
- [Murph] She's been
getting shot by trebuchets.
- Yeah, for sure.
- Can she fly up?
I mean, I guess the trebuchet -
- [Murph] Do we want to just
grab the stuff and fly up?
- Trebuchets are not designed to sh**t
straight up in the air.
- Yeah, you can grab that
stuff and fly straight up.
Egg goes, harp goes, Tom and Thumbelina,
Pib and Gerard, and the Goose goes 80 feet
straight up in the air, out
of range of the trebuchets.
Sorry, the Goose's speed is 160.
She could get all the way to this if she
took the dash action.
- That would be good.
- She could just drop us off.
If they set this thing on
fire, which let's face it,
they're probably going
to, do we get a sense
that we could climb
faster than it catches?
- It's miles and miles into the air.
- [Zac] Maybe if she drops us off here,
we can f*ck with them.
- She could drop you off in front of them
and basically let you guys fight it out.
- If you're up on the stalk,
you could have advantage on them.
- At least drop me off.
- We'll do that. I'm so hurt.
- Goose grabs the harp and the egg,
makes it all the way back
here with a dash action,
deposits you alongside your bird ally.
You have collected
all of the golden
belongings of this battle.
I did not think that was going
to happen. Hats off to you.
That is a wild level of
perseverance and dedication
in this incredibly dangerous b*ttlefield,
and you got Tom Thumb
and Thumbelina, as well.
Are they over there?
- [Ally] There's one kind
of still stuck in here,
but then here's one.
- Okay, great.
They come with you as
well. That's the Goose.
There are no wizards left, that
would've been a rough turn.
These trebuchets are going to fire.
Two are going to go for
Red, and one of them,
this one here is going to go, Gerard,
you're up on the beanstalk
and it's going to go
for you there, but it has disadvantage.
That's at long range for it.
That's a miss on Gerard.
Two coming for Red.
- AC is 17.
- AC is 17.
That's still going to be two hits.
21 halved to 10,
16 halved to 8.
- I come out of one my forms.
- Gerard, that's you.
- All right, do we get advantage
sh**ting down on these guys?
- Yes, you do.
- Great, I'm going to take an arrow attack
at the guys below me,
whichever guys seem more hurt.
- If you have any maneuvering, I can-
- Yeah, I'll do that as a second attack.
Okay.
Arrow attack is a 21 to hit.
- Hits.
- Sweet, maybe I'll do
a distracting strike.
When you hit with a weapon attack,
you expend one superiority die to add
to the total damage roll,
and the next attack roll
against the target is with advantage.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- So I'll do that for the first one.
I add an extra d8 to this damage.
10 damage.
- Throw arrows down, go for it.
They're still there, but-
- Then I'll expend another superiority die
to give Pib advantage.
- Can I do sneak attack twice
if I'm using this reaction,
then it's my turn right afterward?
- Yes, you can.
- Nice.
- That's 22 to hit.
- That hits.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- Add a d8 to this.
- Vroom, vroom.
- You're attacking the
more injured one here?
- The less injured one.
- Less injured one, cool.
- Can I also use my movement
to just kind of climb around
to the other side of the beanstalk?
- [Brennan] Yeah, for sure.
- Put the beanstalk between me and-
- Accidentally rolled
a d12. I'll roll a d8.
So that is 23...
28 damage.
- 28 halved to 14.
It is halved to 14, but that
obliterates them anyway.
You throw down knives. They are gone.
- Now it's my turn.
That's going to be a 22 to hit.
- 22 hits.
- With sneak attack.
So that's 20 damage.
- All of them destroyed.
- Thank god.
- The skirmishers are no more. Incredible.
- So no one's lighting
it on fire at the moment?
- No one is lighting it on fire.
There's no more fire
within the encampment.
- Should we just start climbing up?
- Yeah, honestly.
- All right, we'll meet you guys up there.
- Okay.
- You start climbing up.
- You owe us.
- You owe us?
- Because we have to climb for miles,
and you guys are going to get to fly.
It was just a fun little joke.
We don't have to think too hard about it.
- Well, there's four of us
and only two people can fly,
so actually, we'll figure
out the bill at the end.
- It's not a real bill. It was a joke.
- Mother Goose, it's your turn.
- Okay, I'm going to take
evade from Jack's attacks
and just say, I've told you,
I come from another world.
There are so many different
versions of our stories,
and this is just one
of them that you're in,
but you're very similar in all of them.
You have so much tenacity and
you go after what you want,
and it's always the gold egg,
and I stepped in to save you
and it's always the gold egg,
and I stepped in to save you
in my world, and the Gander cursed me.
I'm a breath away from dying,
and I'm running away from it constantly,
but I did that for you because I love you.
Because yeah, I'm a stranger
talking to you right
now, but you're my son.
- Jack listens to you say all of this.
Give me an insight check
here, if you'd be so kind,
looking at your son, who is not your son.
- Nat one. Luck point.
- Last one. Last one.
- (groans) Jack!
- [Brennan] What's the
wording of Luck, by the way?
Of the feat?
- You have three luck
points per long rest.
Whenever you make an attack roll,
an ability check, or a saving throw,
you can spend one roll
and add an additional d20.
You choose which die you use.
- Gotcha, understood.
Go ahead and use your luck point.
Not good?
- Better than a one.
- Sure.
- Twice as good, in fact.
- You rolled a one and a two?
- In this moment, looking
at this tiny little person,
you can feel the words
tumbling out of your mouth
and how nonsensical they are.
In another life, you were my son,
and I did these things for you.
I think you feel the unique
sort of panic and despair
of trying to explain that
something is important enough
to you that it should be
important to somebody else.
- And without the book
to show literal proof.
- In this moment, you become aware
that you want
more than anything else for
this person to understand,
and you feel a flickering
of shadow within you,
and you turn and see the
Golden Goose turning her head
to look at you with a moment of panic
as she feels the presence of
something moving upon you,
and a few crackles across the b*ttlefield
of those little seams of reality.
Knowing that your plan
is to depart this place,
and that in your short time
here, all you have done
is behave like giants,
to descend the beanstalk
and take back these golden
treasures and return them
to the sky, there is a way
to make Jack understand.
You have something.
The third such thing.
So my question to you is,
how badly does Tim want
Jack to understand here?
- I make a third wish and I die, right?
- You die, you die, and indeed,
it would bring the Gander's presence here.
- I say, all right, fine.
Yeah, I can understand
why you don't understand.
I'm sorry for coming in
and taking all this stuff.
We wouldn't have done it out
of selfishness or our own gain.
It's just really, really important
that we got this Goose
free, and I take off.
- Excellent. Disengage?
You take disengage, and
as you take it to move,
there is a moment of heartbreak as you see
that based on whatever you
had said, in this moment,
finally, Jack would
not have struck at you.
You move in this direction,
towards the beanstalk.
- [Ally] I would love to
come out here and meet up-
- [Brennan] 5, 10, 15.
You want to just meet up,
or take your full movement?
- I think I'll take my full
move and hope that we're all-
- Converging, cool.
- I got other plans.
I got a bunch of sh*t to do in the canyon.
- We're going after Alphonse.
- Okay, actually, I'm down
for that. I'm down for that.
- Pib's not here anymore,
so Alphonse is f*cking done.
- I can't help you, Alphonse!
- Incredible.
Archers are going to take some shots.
These archers are going to take some shots
at you, Mother Goose.
That's going to be a hit.
They deal seven points of damage to you.
Other archers are going to take a shot
at that bird down there,
and are going to deal
seven points of damage to your
bird that you've summoned,
and Jack is going to order
one of the trebuchets to fire.
Goose has cover behind that.
The Goose will take one
from that one over there, and misses Red.
Another one goes for Red, hits.
Red, you're going to take 21 halved to 10.
Goose takes 24, not halved,
and Alphonse is going to roll again.
- Come on, Alphonse!
- I want him on death saves.
- Alphonse does not
successfully roll over.
He doesn't figure it out.
- I want to see if I have
an angle to just put
him out of his misery.
- Now you k*ll him, after
stopping us so many times?
- Never mind.
- These cavalry here,
seeing Alphonse betraying the rider-
- [Siobhan] Oh god! RIP, Alphonse!
You could've been eating grass with Aesop.
- [Lou] Damn, rough way to go. Oh no!
- Just these cavalry
descending on Alphonse.
Alphonse looks at you. You lied!
You lied to me! You're
a trickster and a liar!
- Yikes.
- Oh my god!
- [Brennan] Pinocchio, that's your turn.
- Okay, how much of
Tim's sweet conversation
with Jack did I hear?
- All of it.
- Okay, cool.
Then I feel weird about just
blowing up this trebuchet.
Feels a little too-
- [Siobhan] How are these
archers still alive?
Maybe just run for it.
- 5, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30, but I do hate Alphonse.
- He's being k*lled.
- He's absolutely gonna die.
- He's being m*rder*d.
- Just one firework.
- Just one firework at Alphonse.
I'm going to sh**t one firework.
- Take a dash! You can fire the firework!
- [Murph] You're going to lose 30 feet!
- We're going to be climbing for so long.
- If this is the end of your
story because you wanted
to get one last kick in on
this dude who's already dead-
- [Siobhan] Listen, Cricket can
go after Alphonse. You dash.
- Give Cricket a firework!
- [Murph] Roll for it, at least.
- Can I light a firework,
give it to Cricket,
send Cricket into that, and
take a full object interaction
to light a firework
and hand it to Cricket?
- You-
- [Lou] Great, I'll take a full dash.
- Cricket, right near
this tiny horn blower.
- Wow, they're individualized?
- They're individual!
- Rick Perry you m*therf*cker.
- Wow!
- So we're going to go ahead-
- That is amazing!
- Then I'll take a full dash. Cricket!
Go give the mule one last gift.
- Cricket, who has not hit
d*ck this entire fight,
lines up with a lit firework
looking at Alphonse the mule,
and Cricket looks at you.
Cricket just appears
drunk. Don't drink water!
- Don't drink water, man.
- Oh my god, man.
You need some water!
- Light up the mule.
- [Brennan] Box of Doom.
- Let me tell you who
loves water. f*cking mules!
- Give me the attack roll.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] This is just going
to be a plus six to the roll.
- Okay, great.
That's a 16.
- 22. I need you to roll 5d10 damage.
- And it's an area of effect.
- These have done that much damage this
whole time? - [Brennan] It hits everybody.
- It's this entire-
- That's fine, actually.
- That's no joke, Cricket.
- That's f*cking awesome.
- You felt like it might insult Jack
if you attacked the trebuchet,
and instead you're going to
light up everyone remaining.
- This one felt weird,
because I was just going to
jam it in there and run away.
I'd be like, oh, you guys
having an intimate moment?
Boom! And sprint away.
Okay, 4, 4, 16, 20, 26.
- 26 is more than double the HP
of every single creature in that area.
- Cricket is a m*rder*r.
- Wait, sorry.
Except for Alphonse, who on a
successful save, can survive.
Except for Alphonse, who on a
successful save, can survive.
- But the guy on his back will die.
- The guy on his back will die.
- So you might have saved his life.
- Can I give my bonus?
- You want to give the bonus help action?
- Then I'm going to use Call of Destiny.
- Come on, Alphonse!
- Come on, Alphonse.
- [Brennan] So first of all, okay,
we just need to know that all
of these other guys are dead.
- Alphonse, this is what
rock bottom looks like!
- Alphonse is a mule. He
has a dexterity of 10.
The DC for this is 14, so he's got to roll
a 14 or higher straight on the die, okay?
- Can I-
- Help action.
- I'm using Call of Destiny
to roll an additional dice
that I can choose, do they
choose or do I choose?
- He got a six and a two, so
this all comes down to you.
- Oh no, I was going to use it
to do the opposite. I'm good!
- [Murph] You wanted to k*ll him, yeah.
- I was going to let it happen.
I was thinking if he gets
it, I want to scooch one in
to make sure he doesn't get it.
- Pinocchio wants to m*rder this mule.
- Guys, Alphonse sucks, I'll
say it. But I will say this-
- He's also Aesop's person that Aesop
was able to get through.
- He's the last person
I know from my kingdom at all.
- Okay, I think in this
moment, realizing that,
and also that I had a lot of
friends who were donkeys once-
- It's got to be a 14 or higher,
or Alphonse is toast, g*ng.
- Alphonse is your Candlewick.
- Again, I shot him!
- [Murph] What a hilarious
way to save someone,
to sh**t around him.
- Come on, Alphonse!
- That's a nat 20!
- What? What?
- That's a nat 20!
That's a natural 20
on the die!
- Oh my god.
- Climb, Alphonse!
- You're telling me I am having
a heart to heart with my son
and I critically failed
twice, but you sh**t fireworks
at a donkey and use your hand
of destiny to not k*ll him?
- No no no, he did not
fire fireworks at a donkey.
His cricket shot fireworks at a mule.
- I just started sweating.
- Oh my god. Oh my god.
- So the scene that unfolds
for everybody here is, again,
you hand a lit rocket to a
cricket who swerves with it,
dipping in and out of consciousness,
and goes, don't drink water!
Pew!
(fireworks whizzing)
All these people
riding lizards and pugs
and cats are incinerated.
You watch, boom!
Alphonse flies into the air,
and you just all see crackling
purple and red and green,
and you hear, ha ha,
welcome to Toy Island!
What do you say to Alphonse?
- Make this worth it.
- Alphonse goes... (gasps)
And you see a curse breaks. (gasps)
Hooves turn into hands,
mule hair fades away,
and a handsome prince
with two hit points lands on the ground.
- What the f*ck?
- Who the f*ck are you?
- You broke my curse. A
cricket shot a rocket at me.
- What the f*ck?
- A cricket shot a rocket?
- I got to go. Alphonse sprints.
- [Murph] That's my
thing! That's my thing!
- f*ck that! Where's he going?
- Loosing the arrow, missing.
Dammit!
- Goose, pick up that
m*therf*cker! Get him, Goose!
Also, fully not talking
in Pinocchio voice.
- You m*therf*cker!
- You m*therf*cker!
- Your voice dropped as that-
- This is going to go
back to Red and Rosamund.
Red and Rosamund.
- Do you have another animal?
- No, I am out.
- You're out? Great,
so we're just dashing.
- Yeah, we're just dashing.
- Hell yeah.
- I have a thing that I can
expend a 1st level spell
to regain a d8 of hit points.
- [Ally] I'm doing the opposite!
- Can I do that at any time?
- Yeah, you can do that, yes.
- Cool, I'll do that.
- [Lou] I'm not happy about it.
- Why not? Then let's just dash.
- You just dash. You two
tear across the b*ttlefield.
I'm going to say if you
guys are in full retreat,
these guys are all so slow, even Jack,
that I don't think any of
them can catch up to you,
especially with the Goose
about to act right after you.
I think all of you are
moved to the beanstalk
with these treasures.
- All right.
Can I see Alphonse? Is he running?
- [Brennan] Alphonse is sprinting
off into the countryside.
- I'm going to give him a bardic.
- You see Alphonse looking at his hands,
sort of princely garb.
As you begin to climb
the beanstalk with Jack
calling and saying, they've
stolen our treasures!
Back to the village!
More birds, more birds!
Calling out for them. You begin climbing.
Alphonse calls to the Goose
as he runs over this hillside,
sort of off the board, and
you see he looks and says,
I'll always remember you, Puss in Boots.
- Tell people what happened here.
- The Golden Goose takes
off over this countryside
as you begin to ascend.
You get to the top of-
(Ally sighs)
- You okay?
- Yes.
- You all right?
- I'm okay.
- You sure? You want a hug?
- Yes, please.
- A few minutes after you
arrive back at the top,
you hear the beating of
wings from the Goose,
who had flown out after
Alphonse in the countryside.
The Goose arrives and,
carrying a large basket in her mouth,
drops it, and as it opens,
the Goose says, courtesy of His Highness,
who knew where these were
being kept and imprisoned.
Opens the basket.
Tomas and his two brothers step out,
carrying the alive but at the moment weak
and sort of malnourished
body of Henry Hubbard.
- Henry!
- That's it for this
episode of Dimension 20.
- That b*tch Alphonse knew
where they were the whole time?
He was lying?
- I do think you're going to have to do
something about that Gander.
- Something's going to have to change.
- It seems like everyone is coming up
with creative, taped together ways
to have some of the power that
that book just naturally has.
- The world inside your book
is maybe happily ever after.
- There are a lot of stories about Jack.
- A lot of Jacks.
- Someone comes out on top.
- Know that if you write nothing,
others will write something.
- What?
- I think that something's
affecting the Auroratory, too.
(Ally gasps)
- You shouldn't have to
be perfect for people
to say you're a real boy.
- Yeah.
- Something's going down
in this world specifically, it feels like.
- But at this point, I think
the damage has been done.
- I think her intent is
to destroy everything.
- The sky, whoosh!
- No!
- Darkens.
(players groaning)
Your third wish will k*ll you.
- Yeah.
- Run, dear boy.
(Ally gasps)
- What the f*ck are you doing?
- I can't keep going like this.
- I can feel them.
- Shouldn't we just get
to make our own stories?
- Oh my god.
- Everyone relax.
You know that there
are all these factions.
Bizarrely, one of the most
significant ones is you.
- We're ready to fight the Gander.
(Brennan laughing nefariously)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
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16x16 - In the Land of Giants
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.