♪ [guitar]
MAN:
♪ Look at the stars ♪
♪ Look how they shine for you ♪
♪ And everything you do ♪
♪ Yeah, they were all yellow ♪
♪ I came along ♪
- J" wrote a song for you ♪
- Hey, love bug. You ready?
Yeah.
- Hey, guess what, Mom.
- What?
- I figured out where wasps come from.
- Oh, yeah? Where?
Well, I think it must be
if you flick a rock into the air just right,
it'll turn into a wasp.
- Dang!
- Yep.
That's cool.
So, how was your day at school?
Fine.
Yeah, I had a good meeting
with Miss Butler this time. I kinda liked her.
What did she say?
Well, she said that you weren't turning in
your homework assignments.
And I told her, “I know he does them
‘cause I check ‘em every night.”
She said she found a big chunk of 'em
crumpled up at the bottom of your backpack.
She didn't ask for ‘'em.
Well, baby, she doesn't have to.
You're just supposed to turn 'em in.
And she said you're still
staring out the window all day.
Not af day.
And she said that you destroyed
her pencil sharpener.
Not on purpose.
Wait, she said that you crammed
a bunch of rocks in it.
I thought if it can sharpen pencils,
maybe it could sharpen rocks.
[chuckles]
Well, what were you gonna do
with a bunch of sharpened rocks?
I was trying to make arrowheads
for my rock collection.
Hmm.
- Dude, it's my turn!
- Hold on.
GIRL:
Mason!
Samantha!
Oh! Tommy.
Is Mason down there?
Yeah.
Well, tell him he has to
come home for dinner.
Okay.
Where do you think you're going?
- Wait. Come back here.
- [knocking]
- Hey.
- Hey, sweetie.
Why aren't you ready?
- Hey, Mason.
- Hey, Ted.
- Come on, come on. Hurry up. Let's go.
- What time is it?
It's 9:00. Let's go, let's go.
Okay, I meant to call you 'cause
Janice flaked out. I don't have a sitter.
Why didn't you call somebody else?
Well, I can't get a babysitter now.
It's 9:00.
But you're welcome to hang out with us.
Well, no. I mean, we have plans.
The guys are expecting me.
- Well, you can go.
- All right.
Yeah, well, I'll come back
in a couple of hours.
Is that okay?
- Yeah. Yes. It's okay.
- All right.
“Turn back! Turn back!
I don't wanna talk to Moaning Myrtle.
‘Who?' said Harry
as they backtracked quickly.
‘She haunts one of the toilets in the girls
bathroom on the first floor,” said Hermione.
‘She haunts a toilet?'
‘Yes, it's been out of order all year
because she keeps having tantrums
and flooding the place.
I never went in there anyway
if I could avoid it.
It's awful trying to have a pee
with her wailing at you.”
TED:
Why can't you just say that?
- I'm sorry. I don't want to go with you.
- You're sorry. That's bullshit!
That's right. I wanna stay here with my kids.
That's what I'd rather do.
Would you stop using your kids
as an excuse!
I'm not using my kids as an excuse!
You don't even know —
You're acting —
You have this immature life.
You have no responsibilities.
- I have an immature life?
- I have responsibilities.
- You don't know what it's like to be a parent.
- No, I don't!
- And why am I responsible
for your mistakes in life?
- If you had any idea —
Don't call my kids mistakes!
Don't!
I didn't call your kids —
You said, “You're respons — your mistakes
in your life,” pointing at my kids.
- Immediately you use your kids again.
- This is the reality —
- I am a parent! That means responsibility.
- I know you're a parent.
I would love to have
some time to myself!
I would love to
just go to a f*ck' movie!
You don't think I'd like that?
Go have some dinner, go to a bar?
I don't even know what that's like.
I was someone's daughter,
then I was somebody's f*cking mother!
Okay? I don't know what that's like.
♪ Oops, I did it again ♪
♪ I played with your heart,
got lost in the game ♪
♪ Oh, baby, baby
Oops, you think I'm in love ♪
♪ I was sent from above ♪
- ♪ I'm not that innocent ♪
- Stop!
- Quit it!
- & You see, my problem is this ♪
♪ I'm dreaming away,
wishing that heroes truly exist ♪
Quit it!
♪ I cry, watching the days
♪ See, I'm a fool in so many ways ♪
Mom!
- & But to lose all my senses ♪
- What the hell is going on in here?
- Do you guys know what time it is?
- He's throwing things at me.
Mason.
Do not throw things at your sister.
She's faking. She hit me first.
Listen, both of you.
I'm going back to bed.
I don't wanna hear another peep
out of here for an hour.
- Go to sleep.
- [door closes]
- Faker!
- Hey!
Oh!
Look at that.
Found it in the street.
- Dude!
- Dude!
I know, right?
Look at those.
Ooh. Look at those!
On!
[laughs]
So listen, guys, I wanna talk
to you about something.
You might not like this idea at first,
but we're moving to Houston.
- When?
- Well, soon.
We should be out by the first so we
don't have to pay two rents next month.
No, Mother, we're not moving.
Nope. Nope. Sorry, Mom.
Nope. Nope.
[popping]
Samantha, I have to go back to college
so I can make us a better living.
With this job, I can't take care of us
the way I'd like to.
I can't keep going this way.
And Grandma said she'd help us out.
And it would be nice to be near her.
Fine, Mother. You can do whatever you want,
but we're not moving.
What about our friends?
Baby, we can e-mail them or write.
We can come back to visit.
And guess what.
This place that Grandma found us,
you'll each have your own room.
Right?
And there's a pool.
Mom, do you still love Dad?
I still love your father,
but that doesn't mean
it was healthy for us to stay together.
What if after we move,
he's trying to find us and he can't?
Oh, that won't be a problem.
He can call Grandma,
and she'll tell him
or he can call Information.
We won't be hard to find.
Is he still in Alaska?
Well, that's what your uncle says.
Probably taming polar bears
or something.
Yeah. Well, I hope they're taming him.
Here. Wanna help me out?
- Sure.
- Okay.
Take this paint very carefully
and paint any little smudge or mark
or anything on the baseboard there,
behind the door and all around
the doorways on the inside.
She says we're gonna come visit,
and I'm gonna write and call you.
Oh, wait. Hold on a second.
I'm getting another call.
Hello?
Sorry, Tommy. Mason can't
come over today. We're moving.
And I'm on the other line. Bye.
Althea?
I'm gonna be sending
the scout instructions.
E-mail and write back telling me
how the other scouts are doing.
Well, because you're the leader now.
Okay, let's go, ‘cause I wanna
get there before it gets dark.
Good-bye, yard. Good-bye, crepe myrtle.
Good-bye, mailbox.
Good-bye, box of stuff Mommy won't let us
take with us but we don't wanna throw away.
Good-bye, house. I'll never like Mommy
as much for making us move.
Samantha!
Why don't you say good-bye
to that little horseshit attitude, okay?
‘Cause we're not taking that in the car.
Good-bye, old lady who listens
to rock music and rides a motorcycle.
WOMAN:
♪ My friend, the communist ♪
♪ Holds meetings in his RV J/
♪ I can't afford his gas ♪
♪ So I'm stuck here watching TV ♪
- ♪ don't have digital ♪
- [squealing]
Hey! Hey, what's happening
back there?
Stop. Put the barrier up. Hey!
Hey! Put the pillow between you.
Make a barrier.
Come on. Stop.
We're gonna play a game
called The Game of Silence.
Whoever can stay quiet
for the longest period of time wins.
You guys think you can do that?
Okay, go.
♪ Gonna tell ‘em that ♪
♪ I've got no one to blame ♪
♪ For every time I feel lame ♪
♪ I'm looking up ♪
♪ I'm looking up ♪
SIm—=JJS
The bus'll be here in 10 minutes.
Put that homework in your backpack.
Go eat.
- Baby, go eat.
- lam!
[babbling]
Speak English!
Shut up. Mom!
She's speaking that
stupid language again!
Samantha!
I was speaking
perfectly clear English, Mother.
You know, he's a little slow in the head.
- He did officially flunk first grade.
- Sit your butt down.
Yes, sir, Mother, sir.
All right, listen up, guys.
Grandma's gonna pick you up after school.
Your dad's in town for the day, so you're
gonna spend the afternoon with him.
Is he moving back?
I don't know.
We haven't seen him
in about 80 years.
Like, a year and a half.
Ha-ha!
- Oh, please.
- Can we please eat here?
The bus is coming.
Who wants syrup?
WOMAN:
All right. Nice cursive.
Okay, Mason, when I check the mobiles,
am I gonna find yours?
- No.
- And why not?
‘Cause I didn't finish ‘em.
- Well, it's time to finish it.
- Just a minute.
No, let's do Apple Quit.
Time to finish your work, Mason.
Apple Quit.
- SAMANTHA: So this is my history test.
- WOMAN: Mm-hmm.
- A-plus. Very good.
- [Samantha chuckles]
- And that's another history test.
- Mm-hmm, and another “A.”
Yeah, well, it doesn't have
a “plus,” but, oh, well.
And then, um,
that's my report on lizards.
Oh. Let me see your pictures.
- Oh, yeah, these are my pictures.
- What is that?
- Well, that's called a dewlap.
- A dewlap, okay.
Oh, yeah, this is a math test.
Oh, “A” again.
Mase, that's the last candy, okay?
Okay.
WOMAN:
We need to put this stuff up.
That's him.
Daddy! Hi!
Hey! Oh! Look at you.
You're so big!
Hey, M.J.!
What's happening, buddy?
- You guys ready to have some fun?
- [together] Yeah!
Yeah! All right.
Hey, Catherine, how are you?
- I'm good.
- Good to see you.
What time should I have
these rascals back?
Oh, I don't know.
Around 7:30, I guess.
I gotta get 'em home by 8:00.
Why don't I take 'em over
to their mom's?
No, that's okay. She's expecting me.
Ah, that's all right.
You guys know where it is, don't you?
All right, I'll do it. It's no problem.
- I don't think that's such a good idea.
- Look, it's no problem.
You guys ready to go? Let's do it!
Go? Wait a minute.
You gotta get your stuff.
- Oh, right.
- Your backpack, your purse.
Homework. Go to the bathroom.
I can't believe how big they are.
Yeah. Time's going by.
Yeah. It must be nice for you,
having them here in Houston.
I love it, yeah.
I'm volunteering at their school.
Yeah? What you doing over there?
I'm in the library,
reading to the little ones.
Ah, great.
So, Alaska, huh?
Yeah.
- Are you back?
- We'll see.
- How's Liv?
- She's a busy girl.
Yeah. She's back in school.
But she's working, and single parenting —
a lot to juggle.
- You guys got everything, huh?
- Yeah.
- Say good-bye to your grandmother.
- Bye, Grandma!
All right. Let's roll! Now, wait a second.
You're not the type of kids
who like presents, are you?
- Yes!
- Nah!
- Of course we are!
- Presents? Really? Let's go!
Yay!
- I call front seat!
- I wanted the front seat though.
All right.
Mason gets it on the way there,
and Samantha gets it
on the way back, huh?
- Hop in there.
- CATHERINE: Seat belts!
Seat belts. All right.
Don't forget your seat belts.
[quietly] Not like this car
has any seat belts, but —
Nice. Nice!
Nice!
Yeah! All right!
Come here! Come here!
Yes! Oh! That was awesome!
- Yay!
- Get up there, Mason! Get up there!
That was so good. Come on.
Let ‘em know who you are, buddy.
Let ‘em know who you are. Mwah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
All right. All right.
Don't worry about it.
Wish I could use the bumpers.
Bumpers are for kids.
You know?
What are you, two years old?
You don't want the bumpers.
Life doesn't give you bumpers.
There we —
There we go. There we go!
We got something there.
We got something!
We got something! Oh!
Last time I went bowling, we had bumpers,
and it was a lot more fun.
You don't want the bumpers, all right?
You bowl a strike with the bumpers,
it doesn't mean anything.
Trust me.
Just lay it out on the lane.
One, two, three and —
Ka-blam!
Let's hear it for the father! Boom!
- Get up there. Get in there.
- SAMANTHA: Great job!
Get out there!
MAN REPORTING: Four Blackwater
operatives have been viciously attacked
in their cars in Falluja.
The bodies and cars were set on fire
after insurgents started sh**ting —
Look at this. It's a disaster.
Let me tell you what's happening in Iraq.
Exactly what every thinking person
in the world knew was gonna happen
before they got started.
Bush and his little numb-nut fanatics he's
got around him, they don't give a rat's a*s.
That's a quarter.
- What's a quarter?
- You said A-S-S.
Oh, sorry. My bad.
My teacher says it's a good w*r
because it's better
to be safe than sorry.
That's what they're teaching you in school?
All right. Listen to me.
Listen to your father, okay?
That is the lie. That's the big lie.
Iraq had nothing to do with what happened
at the World Trade Center.
- You know that, right?
- I guess.
Who are you gonna vote for
next fall, M.J.?
I don't know.
He can't vote. He's not 18.
All right. Who would you vote for?
- Kerry?
- Anybody but Bush, okay?
Are you gonna move back?
Uh, I'm plannin' on it.
I gotta find a job.
Are you and Mom
gonna get back together?
I don't know.
That's not entirely up to me, you know?
SAMANTHA:
I remember when I was six,
you and Mom were fighting like mad.
You were yelling so loud,
and she was crying.
- That's what you remember, huh?
- Yep.
You don't remember
the trips to Galveston,
camping in Big Bend,
all the fun we had?
Nope.
- You ever get mad at your mother?
- Yeah.
- You ever get mad at your brother?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. You ever yell at him?
- Oh, yeah.
Doesn't mean you don't love him, right?
Mm.
Look, the same thing happens
when you're grown up, right?
You know, you get mad at people.
It's not a big deal.
What'd you do in Alaska?
I worked on a boat for a while.
Um, I tried to write some music.
- Did you see any polar bears?
- No.
But I saw a Kodiak bear.
It was f*ck' huge.
Dad! That's 50 cents for the F-word!
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
Here, take a dollar, all right?
Keep the change.
You guys are gonna be seein'
a lot more of me. Okay?
I missed you two real bad
while I was gone.
I want you to know that.
I just needed to take
some time, you know, to —
Just —
Your mom and me, okay —
Well, your mother, okay,
is a piece of work.
All right. I think you know that by now.
All right?
I'm just — I'm so happy
to be with the two of you.
I'm sorry about that bumper business.
I'm gonna get better
at stuff like that, okay?
MASON:
I got that one at Dripping Springs.
- And, um, my friend Rodney gave me that one.
- Yeah?
- And I bought that one.
- You bought this one?
- Yeah.
- You found this at Dripping Springs?
- Uh-huh.
- Wow!
- What else do you got?
- Well, um, these are snake vertebrae.
Snake vertebrae?
That's disgusting.
Mason, I don't want you collecting
snake vertebrae anymore.
- Is this the feather I sent you?
- Yeah! Yeah, yeah, it is.
Oh, Dad, I forgot to show you
these basketball pictures.
- You're on a basketball team?
- Yeah.
- Wow! Check you out.
- And these are — these are beaver claws.
- Beaver claws?
- That's me.
- What, you hunting beaver, huh?
- No.
That's McKinney,
that's Meg, and that's Gem.
- Dried Canadian grass.
- What position do you play?
- Guard.
- This is dried Canadian grass.
Wait, you scoring any points?
- About eight or 10 a game.
- Eight or 10 a game?
- That is awesome!
- Once she didn't score any, and she cried.
- You cried?
- Well, only a little bit.
Aw.
[chuckles]
- Hello!
- Oh, Mason, Mom's home!
- Mom's home.
- All right. Mom's home.
Hi! Look at this owl Daddy gave me.
Isn't it cool? See, its head spins!
And look at this bracelet.
It was made by Indians in Alaska.
Daddy made this cool hand-carved
grizzly bear and this tiki.
- LIV: It's a totem.
- SAMANTHA: And guess what else.
We went bowling,
and I made four strikes!
- Yeah, and we got to ride around in Dad's car.
- Wow.
- Hey, Liv.
- Hey.
I know you wanted me
to drop them off at your mom's.
I just thought it'd be easier
if I brought 'em over here.
Well, it really screwed up my plans.
- We just wanted to show him our rooms.
- Yeah.
Did you guys eat anything?
Well, we had some french fries
at the bowling alley.
- Did you do your homework or —
- Not yet.
Can I talk to you outside for a second?
Yeah. Sure.
They had more than french fries.
Hmm.
[muffled arguing]
Do you think he's gonna
spend the night?
SAMANTHA:
Doesn't look like it.
[groans]
MAN:
Okay. An unconditioned stimulus,
something that produces
an unlearned, involuntary,
unconditioned response.
Now, in Pavlov's experiment,
what was the stimulus that he used?
Come on now, people.
Tough weekend? What's the deal here?
Meat, right? Meat powder actually.
Whatever meat powder is,
it worked on this dog, okay?
Put the meat powder in there, and it produced
an unconditioned response in the dog
which was salivation, all right?
Now, who can give me another example
of an unconditioned stimulus response pair
that happens to you every day?
It's probably happening
to some of you right now.
How about sex?
Sure, you know, you see
an attractive member of the opposite gender,
you have an automatic response,
you don't have to think about it.
Mick Jagger wrote a song about,
“Oh, when they call your name,
I salivate like a Pavlov dog.”
[laughing]
Thank you very much.
Class dismissed.
Dr. Wellbrock.
- This is my son Mason.
- Oh.
Mason, this is Dr. Wellbrock.
Your son. See, I thought this was a boy genius
who was taking my college course.
[laughing]
He wasn't feeling well today,
so I thought I'd bring him with me.
Ah! No fever. It's a con job.
I can tell because I have a nine-year-old son.
He pulls this all the time.
Same kind of deal.
- Hey, you play soccer?
- Mm, no.
Neither does my boy.
He hates soccer. He likes computers.
My 11-year-old daughter loves soccer.
Go figure.
- Maybe we can get all you guys
together sometime.
- Maybe, yeah.
- Well, you ready to go?
- Yeah.
- Nice to meet you, Mason.
- Nice to meet you too.
And thanks for coming to my class.
Olivia. Nice kid.
Thanks.
So you think Grandma might be
available for a little babysitting?
OLIVIA [laughs]:
Maybe.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Well, great.
[chanting]
Dead man, dead man, wake up.
One, two, three, four, five,
you're alive.
[laughing]
- GIRL: My turn.
- Hey, kids, they're here!
Oh, they're home! They're home!
- Hurry, hurry!
- [squeals]
- Mom!
- Oh, they're here!
Hey, we've returned!
- Hi, Dad!
- Samantha, Mason, look! Thank you.
That's very nice.
Hi, Mom. How are you?
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!
Look at the sign we made!
Samantha and I made it all ourselves.
I know the boys helped you
with that a lot.
No, not at all!
That's good. Look at this.
Oh, pass out the goodies.
Don't worry. We got you
some absinthe or something.
Oh, let's pour it.
You take this big elevator up, and when we
got to the top we flew a paper airplane off.
- GIRL: And what happened?
- It flew.
BILL: It flew away. Went for miles.
Went under the Arc de Triomphe.
Oh, did you guys kiss
under the Bridge of Sighs?
- Yes.
- Yes, we did.
- Hey, Mom, can we see your wedding ring?
- Oh, sure.
GIRL:
Wow.
Technically, that's a fancy step cut
surrounded by miniature brilliant.
- I wish we could've gone to Europe.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we'll go as a family next time.
But you didn't miss much, really.
We just stayed in the hotel room
the whole time playing video games.
- Really?
- And the hotels are really small and really old.
- Squeaky.
- Can I get you anything else?
Would you like to see a dessert menu?
I told you to put that away.
Would you put that in your purse, please?
Computer games at the table.
Yes, uh, please, another bottle of wine.
- Um, Coke.
- OLIVIA: You know what?
Mason, you're okay with water.
No more Cokes, thank you.
BILL: How about you?
Did you finish your science project?
Not quite yet.
Did you work on it?
Did you build anything or plan anything or —
A little.
- Did he work on it at all, Mindy?
- No.
Did he sit around playing video games
with Mason the whole time?
Yeah.
Hmm.
You were supposed to finish that
by the time I got back.
Remember?
Hey.
- Grievous is the best, man.
- No, Yoda is.
Yoda, man. It's Yoda.
- He has four arms.
- Yoda!
Represent!
I hate Miss Barnsley.
Everybody's been saying she's l*sbian.
She is. She hit on Stacy.
- Man, that's gross.
- Think it's true?
She's always walking in the locker room.
I think I still have a couple of those —
Hey, Paul. Tell us a joke.
Damn. f*ck. Go to hell. a*s.
[video game explosions]
- Uh! I blew you up.
- Aw, heck, man. That was not fair.
[chuckles]
No, actually it was.
That's like the fairest thing ever.
Whatever.
- [grunts]
- Oh, once again I take you down.
-Uh -
- Three Musketeers?
First word.
Chicken?
Bird.
Second word.
Uh... hood. Big hair.
- Robin Hood.
- Ah!
- Whoo!
- Brilliant child!
OLIVIA:
Good one.
Second word.
- MINDY: Blanket?
- MASON: Hey, you can't use props.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Cut it out.
Judges speak. No props. No props.
Can't use props. You can do it
without that. Think, think, think.
OLIVIA:
Um, bunch.
- Is it like —
- The Gathered?
Um, folded.
Messing around with a blanket.
Wrinkling it.
A Wrinkle in Time!
[squeals]
♪ [orchestra]
“What are the guards at Azkaban?”
- [bell dings]
- Dementors?
Front of the line, are you ready?
[cheering]
Count down with me,
ladies and gentlemen!
Ten!
Nine! Eight!
Seven! Six!
Five! Four! Three!
Two! One!
Let's go!
♪ [orchestra continues]
Thank you.
Thanks.
- All righty. There we go.
- Yay!
No, no, no, no. Back up and take
a practice swing first, remember?
Nice and easy.
Sweep the floor. Sweep the floor.
That's good.
Don't swing too hard, Randy.
He always swings too hard.
Hey, all right! Very good!
Back your feet up a little bit.
Yeah, like that.
Now you're gonna hit it straighter.
All right. Go up and hit it.
That's good.
Nice slow swing
is gonna be better for you.
All right!
I don't know, man.
You must've been —
See, your feet are too open, Randy.
Nice and natural.
Yes! Go!
All right! Give me five.
Good putt, Son. Good putt.
Did you see that, Randy?
That's the way to do it.
All right. Birdie putt.
g*dd*mn it. Son of a b*tch.
Get my clubs, would you?
Get the ball.
This is just in case
we have guests this weekend.
- [door closes]
- He always says that, but we never have a guest.
Samantha, I think
I heard your dad pull up.
- Oh, all right.
- You guys finish your chores?
Not quite. Just about.
How about the dusting, Sam?
I haven't done that yet.
Well, I saw you working
on your art project.
You had time to finish
your little art project,
but you didn't have time
to finish your chores?
- I thought we talked about that.
- Dad, it's fine.
- I can finish the dusting.
- No, it's not fine, Mindy.
You have your own chores to do,
and Sam has hers to do. Huh?
It's simple.
Poor choice there, Sam.
And hurry up.
Mason!
Your dad's here.
You guys aren't settin'
any speed records, are you?
What'd you do, get about half done?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- So, did you finish?
- No.
Is the job complete?
So, what are you gonna
be doing tomorrow?
- Same thing, right?
- Yeah.
Okay. Go.
Bye, Mom.
Bye, babe. I love you.
- Bye, Mama.
- Bye, honey.
- Have fun with your dad.
- Just a minute, Mason.
The boys didn't finish raking the leaves.
Samantha did not finish dusting.
So tomorrow, when they come home,
instead of swimming and all
the other little stuff that they wanna do,
- they're gonna do their chores, right?
- Right.
Okay, guys, you had this conversation.
You understand?
Tomorrow? Okay.
Thank you. I just wanted you
to back me up on that
so I'm not the only one
yelling at ‘em all the time.
Okay, I back you up.
You guys got that?
We all agree. Everybody agrees, right?
Tomorrow, chores?
Well, they don't hear it.
Goes in one ear and out the other.
But, Dad, I mean, dusting is pointless.
I's not pointless.
You just don't like to do it.
But I mean, who dusts anymore?
You do when we ask you to!
And don't — Olivia, don't let her back-talk me
in front of the other kids, please.
- Thank you.
- Samantha, please.
Whatever!
Bye-bye.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Okay. Bye, guys. Love you.
I'm sorry,
but I thought we talked about it.
You have to draw a line,
you have to back it up.
Okay. It's just you have
so many lines, Bill.
Everything's a line.
- Hey, Randy. Hey, you guys.
- Bye. Bye.
Hey, you two. How you doin'?
- Shotgun.
- Ooh!
Here, let me get this bag here.
- You doin' okay, darlin'?
- Yeah.
- All right. What about you, cowboy?
- Pretty good.
Yeah?
All right. Let's roll!
You guys ready for the big game?
Yeah.
Sam, who are the Astros
playing tonight?
- I don't know.
- The Milwaukee Brewers.
Get to know ‘em.
Get to hate 'em.
Mase. How you been, huh?
How was your week?
- Pretty good.
- Yeah?
- What you been up to?
- Not much.
No? You still hangin' with that kid Joe?
- Yeah.
- He still your best friend?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay. How "bout you?
How was your week?
- Fine.
- What you been up to?
Nothin' really.
You, um — You still working
on that sculpture project?
Yeah. Almost finished.
- What's it of?
- Nothing.
[chuckles]
All right. No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, that is not how we are going
to talk to one another.
All right? I will not be that guy.
You cannot put me in that category.
The biological father
I spend every other week with
that I make polite conversation while
he drives me places and buys me sh*t.
No. Talk to me.
Samantha, how was your week?
“I don't know, Dad. It was kinda tough.
Billy and Ellen broke up,
and Ellen's kinda mad at me
‘cause she saw me talking to Billy
in the cafeteria.
Remember that sculpture
I was workin' on?
Well, it was a unicorn, and the horn
broke off, so now it's a zebra, okay?
But I still think I'm gonna get an ‘A.”
Right?
Mason, uh, how was your week?
“Well, Dad, you know,
it was kinda tough.
Joey's kind of a jerk. Actually,
he stole some cigarettes from his mom.
He wanted me to smoke em,
but I said no
‘cause I knew what a hard time
you had quitting smoking, Dad.”
How ‘bout that? Is that so hard?
Dad, these questions
are kind of hard to answer.
What is so hard to answer about
what sculpture are you making?
- It's abstract.
- Okay. Okay, that's good.
See, I didn't know you were
even interested in abstract art.
I'm not. They make us do it.
But, Dad, I mean, why is it all on us though?
You know, what about you?
How was your week? Who do you
hang out with? Do you have a girlfriend?
- What have you been up to?
- I see your point.
So we should just let it happen
more natural, right?
That's what you're sayin'.
Okay. That's what we'll do, starting now.
Hey, check this out.
That would be, uh —
That would be a Magnificent Owl.
Caligo atreus.
What's that one? Look at this.
- SAMANTHA: Whoa.
- What kind is that?
That looks like a Zebra Longwing.
- All right.
- MASON: Cool.
This one's incredible.
That's the owl one, right?
Yeah. Magnificent Owl.
I think he went pee-pee on you, bud.
[laughing]
One, two, three, four, five.
[laughs]
Ah! Ah! Get away from me!
Get away from me!
Hey, hey, hey!
Yo, Mase, look at me here.
Make a diamond with your hands, right?
Fingers and thumbs.
Keep your hands soft. Hey, Sam.
Very nice. That's how
you want to catch it — just like that.
Even when you're runnin', that's what
you're thinkin' about — that diamond.
That diamond and soft hands.
There it is.
[clicks tongue]
Down!
Set!
Hut!
[shouts]
No, no, no, no, no!
Dad! Dad!
Don't let her get —
No, no, no, no, no!
Let's go, Roger!
- MASON: Dad?
- Get him out.
Strike! That's it, Roger!
- Yeah!
- Guy's incredible.
He's unhittable this year.
Now just so you know,
what we're watching here is history.
Now you see this guy out here?
This dude is like 43 years old,
and he's strikin' out guys half his age.
- MAN: Come on, Roger!
- This guy's ERA is 1.47. Can you believe that?
Now if the Astros could just get a few runs,
maybe we'd win a game.
Dad, do you have a job?
[laughs]
Why would you ask me that?
I don't know. Mom wanted to know,
and I didn't know what the answer was.
Mom wanted to know.
Well, you can tell Mom
that I just happen to have passed
my second actuarial exam, all right?
So... you tell her that.
- How's she doing?
- Great.
- Is she finishing school?
- Yep, all A's.
All A's, huh?
Like mother, like daughter, right?
- [cheering]
- He got that! It's out of here!
Oh! Oh!
- Yeah! [shouting]
- Yay!
DAD:
Yeah! Mason!
MASON:
Yes!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[laughing]
♪ [speakers. rock]
- Hey!
- Yeah!
CROWD:
Hey!
[woman screaming]
- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hey, Samantha.
- Hey, what's up, Jimmy?
- What's goin' on, Mason, man?
- Astros won.
- You went to the game?
What, I'm the only one with any arms around
here? Nobody else can carry anything?
- Help their old man out.
- What you watching?
Oh, come on, Jimmy, man!
You knew the kids were comin' this weekend.
Can't you just help me out
a little bit, just —
- I'm sorry, muffin.
- Don't “muffin” me, all right?
Don't put me in that position.
I'm not your f*cking Tony Randall.
Dad, it's always a mess.
It was not a mess this morning, okay?
I mowed the lawn.
Oh, yeah? Great.
Oh, come on, man!
Turn this sh*t off. Give me that thing.
- Did you watch the game?
- No.
Lane won it with a three-run homer.
It was beautiful, wasn't it?
Sam lost her mind.
She's a huge Astros fan.
Sure.
♪ Well, Saturday night was a lunar eclipse ♪
♪ I sang 'em a song
Went somethin' like this ♪
♪ Well, go to sleep, my weary babies ♪
♪ Let the sounds roll on by ♪
♪ Tonight we're safe here in Houston ♪
♪ With this, your daddy's lullaby ♪
♪ Your mother's got a new husband now ♪
♪ He seems all right ♪
♪ I wonder if he's readin' them stories ♪
♪ And kissin' them good night ♪
♪ Babysitters say they miss me
♪ 1 know I shouldn't hope it's true ♪
♪ The teacher says my son
paints pictures of a family ♪
♪ Allin blue ♪
♪ She says she caught him
whispering through the window ♪
♪ “Daddy, please come home” ♪
♪ 1 know I could call him up ♪
♪ But what if his mother
answers the phone? ♪
- You brush your teeth?
- What?
Did you brush your teeth?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- You gonna fall asleep with
those things in your head?
- Maybe.
- Yeah, well, try not to, all right?
- Okay.
- You want me to turn off the light?
- Sure.
- Good night, Sam.
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night, Sam.
- Good night, Jimmy.
Hey.
- That was a fun day, right?
- Yeah, it was. Sorry.
- Why?
- That Mason had to be there, you know?
- [laughs] Good night.
- Good night.
Dad?
There's no, like, real magic
in the world, right?
What do you mean?
You know, like elves and stuff.
People just made that up.
I don't know.
I mean, what makes you think that elves are
any more magical than something like a whale?
You know what I mean?
What if I told you a story
about how underneath the ocean,
there was this giant sea mammal
that used sonar and sang songs,
and it was so big that its heart
was the size of a car
and you could crawl
through the arteries?
I mean, you'd think
that was pretty magical, right?
Yeah.
But, like, right this second,
there's, like, no elves
in the world, right?
No. Technically, no elves.
MAN [on stereo]:
♪ Do you realize ♪
♪ That you have ♪
- Love you, guys.
- See you, Dad.
All right. Be well.
- ♪ The most beautiful face? ♪
- Have a great week.
- Sam, I'll see you next weekend.
- All right. Oh, yeah, that's right.
- What?
- Suzie has a birthday party next Saturday.
- A sleepover?
- Yeah.
- All right. I'll talk to your mom about it.
- Bye, Dad.
- Don't worry about it, okay? Have a great week.
- Had a great time.
♪ Floating in space ♪
Oh, man.
How do you guys
not know how to do this?
I'll make you some bookmarks.
Just a second.
Choose — She looks nice.
[knocking]
Randy, Mason,
Dad wants you guys downstairs.
- Why?
- You're getting haircuts.
♪ [man singing country]
BILL: This is gonna look
SO much better.
You're gonna look like a man
instead of like a little girl.
You're takin' the eyebrows
off next, right, Byron?
[laughing]
Mason, we're leavin'.
You're not sick.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, Mom.
- Where's Mason?
- He doesn't feel too good.
I don't think he's going to school.
He's totally faking it.
Bye.
- [door closes]
- [sighs]
Mason, what's goin' on?
- I don't feel good.
- Yeah, your head feels fine.
So get your a*s out of bed.
I'm gonna drive you to school.
You got five minutes, and don't make me late.
I mean, he didn't even ask.
He just cut it.
I mean, it's my hair.
No wonder you were angry.
I'd be angry too.
I look like a Martian now.
Honey, you know what?
I'm gonna talk to him about it later, okay?
Yeah, I tried to call you,
but you didn't answer your phone.
I'm so sorry.
I've been so busy with school.
Hey.
For what it's worth, it's hair,
and it will grow back.
Now I can see your pretty eyes
and your foxy face.
Why'd you even marry him?
He's such a jerk.
Well, Bill has his good qualities.
You know, nobody's perfect.
And now we have a family.
We already had a family.
ALL: I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America,
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation, under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.
TEACHER:
Please join me in the Texas pledge.
Honor the Texas flag.
I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas,
one and indivisible.
Thank you. You may be seated.
- [laughing]
- All right.
All right, class, as you know,
we've been working on
our mythology projects.
We're gonna be writing papers
about gods and goddesses.
We've listed those gods and goddesses
here on the board.
We added a couple of monsters for some
of you who might be interested in that.
You're gonna write your essay
about your god and goddess.
And to make sure
that you cover everything,
let's make sure that we do
all of these things right here.
First of all, we need to name
your god or goddess
and you need to include
who, what, when, where,
why and how.
So make sure that you cover all those things
when you're writing your essay.
♪ [hip-hop]
There's a bump right there.
- See you later, guys.
- Yeah.
- [crying]
- Mom, are you okay?
- What happened?
- No! Go in the house!
Go! Go in the house!
Go in the house!
Your mother had a little accident.
Now she's being dramatic.
[sobbing]
Get off the f*cking floor,
Olivia, for Christ's sake.
[door slams]
Ah.
I'm having a drink with my dinner.
Anybody else have a problem with that?
Hmm? Samantha?
No.
- Mindy?
- No.
[chuckles]
I didn't think so.
Ah.
You don't like me much, do you, Mason?
That's okay. I don't like me either.
[laughs]
Think that's funny, huh?
- You think that's f*ck' funny?
- [gasps]
What's the matter?
You feeling a little left out?
- [glass shatters]
- Oh!
Clean it up, g*dd*mn it! Clean it up.
- Bill! Stop it!
- Clean this up, g*dd*mn it!
I hate squash!
TODDLER:
...on the streets'
MAN: Pearl, I'm gonna pay you.
I'm workin' three jobs now.
How many times
can you watch that, Mason?
- It's funny.
- I'm drivin' a cab.
I'm inside with my buddy right now,
goin' over my resume.
I'm gonna smack you.
Okay, you know what?
You need fo relax.
Why do you need your money
so fast? Come on!
- Has he ever gotten this bad before?
- RANDY: No.
But he's yelled a lot.
Yeah, but he hasn't thrown
and broken stuff.
WILL FERRELL.
Yeah, you're drunk. I knew it.
- You're already drunk.
- I'm not drunk.
Give me your cell phones.
So nobody talked to her, huh?
- Mason?
- No.
- Mindy?
- No.
I believe you.
- Samantha?
- No.
I didn't talk to her.
She left a message.
- What'd she say?
- Nothing much.
What did she say?
She said she'd be back later.
And that's all?
“I'll be back later.” Click?
She said, “Stay in your rooms.
I'll be back later.”
Be back later. Stay in your rooms.
And that's all, hmm?
Yeah.
- Where is she?
- 1 don't know.
- Where is she?
- She didn't say.
All right. Everybody, get in the car.
Hurry up! Get in the car!
It's still not working.
Oh, bullshit.
She took it all.
All right, Randy. Go cash this.
[mutters]
Tell 'em I'm not feeling well or something.
I don't know.
Mason, go with him.
Here. Here's my ID.
[exhales]
[sighs]
Hi. Good afternoon, fellas.
What can I do for you today?
Now what's this?
Can't read this.
Hey! This isn't you. Who is this?
It's our... dad.
- He's not feeling well.
- Oh! Hey!
Yeah, I know him.
Okay, here we go.
All right? Don't forget your dad's ID.
Now take care of your dad now, son.
You only got the one.
Damn it.
Get outta the way! Jesus Christ.
- God.
- [screaming]
- Calm down!
- What the hell!
[horn honks]
Samantha! Mason!
Samantha!
Where the hell have you been?
- I'm leaving you, Bill. We're moving out.
- I doubt that.
Samantha, Mason! Come down!
No. Mm-mmm. Don't think so.
Oh, who's this?
I'm not here for you.
Oh, really? Oh, I know.
You're here to protect my wife from me.
- Well, thank you so much, you two.
- Okay, stay back!
- Behave!
- Why don't you come inside here, huh?
Come inside here.
Where the hell are you goin'?
- Get your a*s upstairs.
You're not goin' anywhere.
- Stop!
- Come on.
- Where the hell do you think you're going?
Get upstairs! What the hell —
Nobody's going anywhere, g*dd*mn it.
- Stop it!
- No, g*dd*mn it!
- Don't touch my kids!
- All right, take ‘'em. Go on.
- Goon.
- Don't touch them!
- Well, take 'em then! Just take ‘em!
- Get in the car!
Go!
Get upstairs!
- Olivia!
- Seat belts! Put your seat belts on.
Where are we going?
We're going to stay with Carol
and her family for a while.
Don't look back.
CAROL.
I's gonna be okay.
- &J& [child singing]
- [game. crowd roaring]
♪ And we see that we're
all in this together
♪ And it shows where we stand
hand in hand ♪
Hey, Lee, Mason. Guys, when you
want to take a break, here's a snack.
♪ Goin' on
Wildcats in the house ♪
♪ Everybody say it loud ♪
♪ Wildcats everywhere ♪
♪ Wave your hands up in the air ♪
Hey, Abby. Why don't you
come help me with this?
Why couldn't Randy and Mindy
come with us?
I'm not their legal guardian, honey.
That would be kidnapping.
I can't just —
Well, what's gonna happen to them?
What happens when their legal guardian
is dangerous and a*usive?
You know, I don't know, honey.
I called their mom.
I called the Child Protective Services.
I have you and your brother.
We're in a dangerous situation.
You're my responsibility.
Are we ever gonna see them again?
I don't know.
I hope so.
How much longer
are we gonna be here?
Not long. We're —
I don't — I don't know.
[crying]
I don't have the answer to everything.
Hey, listen. We are happy
to have you here as long as you want.
As long as you need.
- This is fun for us, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's like having a big sister,
like having a brother.
We're gonna help out, right?
- You're not even gonna know we're here.
- Okay.
Mom, this is awful.
You're dumping me
in some parking lot of the school
where I don't even know anyone.
I'm leaving all my friends,
and I didn't even get to say good-bye!
- 1 don't know where to go!
- Samantha, you go right through that door.
The office is right there.
They're expecting you.
They're gonna give you your schedule.
Here's your lunch money.
I will pick you up right here at 3:30.
I'm wearing dirty clothes
because you wouldn't
even let us get our stuff!
We don't even have a place to live!
This sucks!
Samantha! I'm doing the best I can!
And you're right! It sucks!
But it doesn't suck half as much as having
a drunk fool slam your head against a wall!
So cut your horseshit attitude!
Put your seat belt on.
You know, if you need anything,
I'm in Room 112, right?
Okay.
This is Mrs. Darby's room.
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
Okay?
Mom.
That concert was off the hook.
I mean, when he smashed that board
against that microphone,
I swear, I thought of —
- Are you Mason?
- Yeah.
Hi. I'm Mrs. Darby.
I'm glad to meet you.
Why don't you sit here?
- Kenny, off.
- Yes, ma'am.
Kenny.
This is Mason, and I want you
to show him around today, okay?
- Got it.
- Okay.
Hey, dude. Welcome to the suck.
Everybody, listen up.
We have a new student
joining us today.
His name is Mason.
He's sitting in the back row.
Kenny's gonna be his buddy,
but I want each one of you
to take the time today
to introduce yourselves
and welcome him to school.
Okay? Right? Let's get started.
What?
Oh, hi. Can I put an Obama sign
in your yard?
Do I look like
a Barack Hussein Obama supporter?
No.
This is private property. Get off.
I could sh**t you.
What a d*ck.
He had a Confederate flag on his house.
WOMAN: Love it!
Young Obama supporters out on the trail.
This is great. Are you doing this
through your school?
- Um, our dad's a big supporter.
- Oh, that's great.
I mean, we just got to pull together
to get this win, right?
- Yeah.
- I just love him so much.
I have these dreams where I'm just kissing him
‘cause I just love him so much!
- He's so cute, isn't he?
- [chuckles] Yeah.
I made these T-shirts for my kids.
- “My mama's for Obama.”
- [laughing]
- Do you like it? It's good, right?
- Yeah.
- Thanks for the sign.
- No problem.
Hey, all right! Looks good.
How many you got left, two?
All right, all right. We're done.
Let's get out of here.
Come on, Sam.
- Go get that McCain sign, would you?
- What?
Get the McCain sign.
Rip it up. Come on.
Get it! Get it! Go, go, go!
Good job, good job.
I'm proud of you, Son.
♪ [whistling]
SAMANTHA:
You guys are gonna get us arrested.
I'm a patriot, all right?
Sometimes in this life, you gotta fight.
- [bowling pins clattering]
- And what is it that you do at these parties?
I don't know.
Talk, dance, listen to music.
Uh-huh.
And that's more fun to you
than going camping with your brother
and your father, who love you?
Yes. Sorry.
Wow. Is there gonna be alcohol there?
Probably not.
Maybe some of the seniors.
Mm-hmm.
I know what this party is.
The parents are out of town, right?
Somebody's scored a keg.
You guys are gonna have a good time,
trash the whole house.
- Right? Am I right?
- No. No, Dad.
- Amy's really responsible.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who's gonna be there?
- Marie, Christine, Amy. Everyone.
Is, uh — Is that guy on your Facebook page —
Is he gonna be there?
Who?
Come on. The guy that has got
his arm wrapped around you
with his hair over his eyes.
- Garret?
- Garret.
Is that his name? All right.
Is Garret gonna be there?
Probably.
Probably. Uh-huh. You see?
I learn more about her
from her Facebook page
than I do from
our scintillating conversation.
- Is he your boyfriend?
- Kind of.
Have you met him?
Has he been around the house?
- Sometimes.
- Sometime-s? “S'?
You have a boyfriend. Wow.
- Have you heard of Sarah Palin?
- Yes.
What's the one thing you know about
Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter?
- She's pregnant?
- That's right.
What is the one thing
that you are not going to be
in a couple of years
when you turn 177?
- Pregnant?
- That's right!
Now, what are the two ways
that you can achieve that goal?
First is
not have any sex, okay?
That's the first way.
Just not engage in that.
That did not work out very well
for your mother and me.
- What's the second? Where are you going?
- Bathroom.
You don't have to go to the bathroom.
Sit down.
Just sit down.
What's the second way?
Huh? Has your mother talked
to you guys about this stuff?
- Oh, Dad!
- Come on.
Has she talked to you
about contraception?
Huh? What, has she — Condoms?
- Has she talked about that?
- Dad, please.
- What? Does Garret have a condom —
- Oh, God!
- What? What? Come on, Sam.
- Dad!
We have to be able to talk about this.
Come on. We do.
We can do it.
Just stay with me here, all right?
It's as hard for me as it is for you.
But seriously, I read in an article
in the paper the other day
that said although US teenagers
are not the most sexually active,
we have the highest rate
of teenage pregnancy, okay?
- Hey. What's goin' on?
- Oh, hey, Tammy. How you doin'?
- Nice to see you.
- Oh, yeah. Good to see you.
- Um, Tammy, this is my daughter Samantha.
- Hey, Samantha.
And this is Mason Junior right here.
Tammy.
- Mason Junior.
- Say hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mason. Nice to meet you.
- Heard a lot about you guys.
- What are you doing here?
I'm just here with some friends.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
- What are you guys up to?
- We're goin' camping.
Well, no.
This one is not going camping.
- This one is going to a party.
- Oh. Fun.
We — the men — are going camping.
Boys are going camping.
All right. Very nice.
Well, uh, are we still on for tomorrow?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll drop him off at 7:00,
and then I'll just call you.
- All right?
- Okay. Great.
It was really nice meeting you both.
Take care.
- Talk to you soon. Bye.
- I'll see you.
Don't — Don't look at me
like that, all right?
I just — Look, just to
finish the point, okay?
I was 23 when your mom had you, all right?
So was she, all right?
We didn't put ourselves
in the best position to be great parents.
And I wish that — I wish I were
a better parent to you guys, all right?
And I-I hope that you
can learn from my mistakes.
Okay? So wear a condom, okay?
- Oh!
- Or get Garret. I don't know.
- Whatever.
- [laughing]
Now, listen to this song, all right?
[singing along]
♪ I try to stay busy ♪
It's straight up, the lyrics, and it's
a straight-up old school country song.
♪ 1 do the dishes
I mow the lawn ♪
Listen to the production.
The production's like, uh —
like Abbey Road or something.
- /' I try to keep myself occupied ♪
- & Occupied ♪
♪ Even though I know
you're not comin' home ♪
You know, his old woman's gone.
Straight up.
- Nothin' fancy.
- & I try to keep the house nice and neat ♪
♪ Make my bed
I change the sheets ♪
♪ I even learned how fo use
the washing machine ♪
♪ But keeping things clean ♪
♪ Doesn't change anything ♪
MASON. Yeah, I think she's about
fo get her master's degree.
- Well, then she's gonna start
applying for teaching jobs?
- I think she already has.
- Really? Where?
- All over.
- All over Texas?
- Yeah.
Well, if you gotta move, you gotta move,
you know? It's no big deal.
We can handle that.
I'll still come get you every other weekend.
I mean, unless she moves
It'll just be a little more car time.
No big deal.
- I'm just kinda sick of moving.
- Well, I bet you are.
But you never know.
I mean, I might have to move, right?
I'm working for
this insurance company now.
These places get bought and sold
all the time.
You know, we'll just roll with it.
I thought you were a musician.
I am, but... life is expensive, you know?
Guy's got to be responsible.
What do you think? Hey! You —
Oh, you punk kid!
You got no respect!
You know that redhead
at the bowling alley?
Sure. What about her?
Do you know her well?
Uh, you know,
we've hung out a little bit.
Is she your girlfriend?
How do you mean?
Like, have you kissed her?
Um -
Yeah, yeah. I've kissed her.
What about you? You got a girlfriend?
Sort of.
Really? Have you, uh —
Have you kissed her?
Not really.
Yeah. What have you done?
- We talked on the phone.
- Oh, yeah?
- How'd that go?
- Pretty terrible.
Yeah? [chuckling]
Why?
Well, when we're at school,
we got plenty to talk about,
but when we're alone or on the phone,
it's like we have nothing in common.
Nothin'?
She's not interested
in music or video games or —
- Three best movies this summer.
- Right.
Tropic Thunder, Dark Knight
and Pineapple Express.
- Yeah, what about ‘'em?
- She said they all sucked.
- Okay. What's she interested in?
- 1 don't know.
- Goin' to the mall with her stupid friends.
- All right.
- Well, is she cute? Watch your step there.
- Yeah.
Yeah? All right.
Well, here's what you do. All right?
First off, you gotta
ask her a lot of questions.
Then you have to listen
to the answers, all right?
Actually be interested in her.
If you can do those things, you're gonna
be light-years ahead of all the other guys.
Okay, this is the best s'more
I ever made in my life.
- Dad.
- This is absolute peak. Look at this.
- Ah, that's just perfect.
- Honey brown, no burn.
Look at that, huh?
Sell that in the store. Mmm.
That's like advertisement worthy.
- Advertisement quality.
- Yeah.
[laughing]
Mmm.
You think they ever
will make another Star Wars?
I don't know. I think if they were
to make another one,
that the period where this game is set
is where it would have to be
‘cause there's nothin' after, really.
Yeah. Return of the Jedi —
it's over. There's nothin' —
Yeah, there's nothing else
to do there.
- You can turn Han Solo into a Sith lord.
- What are you gonna do?
♪ If I can just get off
of this LA freeway ♪
♪ Without getting k*lled or caught ♪
♪ I'll be down the road
in a cloud of smoke ♪
♪ To some land that I ain't
bought, bought, bought 7&
[exhales]
- Good mornin'.
- Good mornin'.
- You gotta pee?
- Sure.
Yeah. Hit the campfire.
Ancient Native American custom.
You give back to the Earth
what you take from it,
and you don't burn the forest down.
Okay, guys. Have a good day.
Mason, don't forget.
I have to teach late today.
- Sam's gonna pick you up. Right, Sam?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Okay. Bye, guys.
See ya.
MAN:
♪ Counting all different ideas drifting away ♪
- Hey.
- That's what I was talking to you about.
- Yeah. Good luck with that.
- See you, man.
♪ Watch her moving
in elliptical patterns ♪
♪ Think it's not what you say
What you say — ♪
- Don't bump into me, little b*tch!
- I didn't.
- You call me a liar?
- No.
Don't act like you're tough sh*t,
m*therf*cker.
I don't think pretty boy's hair's
good enough.
Hey! Don't touch me, f*gg*t!
You're a f*ck' as*h*le.
[door closes]
- Hey, Mason.
- Hi, Jill,
So, where you going?
Over to the college.
- What's going on there?
- My mom's a teacher.
Oh, cool. What does she teach?
Psychology, I think.
- What are you up to?
- Oh, my mom owns Needleworks.
The arts and crafts store over there.
So I'm just kinda hanging out.
But I'm supposed to be going
to the hospital soon.
- How come?
- You know Courtney?
Girl with the dyed black hair
and the nose ring?
- Wears Hot Topic every day?
- I think so.
We used to be best friends growing up,
but we've kind of grown apart.
She sort of got all emo.
She thinks I'm a prep.
But I still consider her a friend.
Anyway, she cut one of her wrists.
I don't know how bad,
but I think I should go visit.
- So what are you reading?
- Uh, it's Breakfast of Champions.
Kurt Vonnegut.
I think my older brother likes him.
I'm reading 70 k*ll a Mockingbird
for the third time.
My friends make fun of me.
I think I'm the only girl in the whole school
who doesn't like the Twilight books.
- Have you read them?
- Sure haven't.
I tried, but it was so cheesy.
So how do you like San Marcos?
I like it all right.
It's a lot smaller than Houston,
but it seems pretty cool.
Have you always lived here?
Yeah. If you want
the big city around here,
you have to drive
to San Antonio or Austin.
Have you been there yet?
I went to San Antonio for a day,
but I haven't been to Austin yet.
That's where all the high school kids
go on weekends for shows and stuff.
That's what I've heard.
So are you going to Shauna's party
next weekend?
Um, I think I heard about it.
I'm not really sure though.
- Well, you should.
- Why's that?
LeeAnn has a big crush on you,
and I know she was hoping you would go.
- You don't have a girlfriend, do you?
- Not currently.
Well, then you should come.
- I'll tell Chase to make sure you're there.
- Okay.
But don't tell LeeAnn I told you that.
She'd k*ll me.
I won't.
- Well, I better get going. See you later.
- Bye.
OLIVIA: His cognitive series,
his interviews with orphans,
ethology theorists' work.
And then he, in turn,
was supported strongly
by Harry Harlow's
rhesus monkey study.
You guys, you gotta think,
this is the 1950s. This was radical.
This flew in the face
of traditional learning theory,
of B.F. Skinner's classical
and instrumental conditioning.
Now, Bowlby's gonna argue
that human survival
depends on us falling in love.
It depends on me
falling in love with my mother,
and my mother falling in love with me.
And if that doesn't happen,
we're pretty much doomed.
Now think about it.
A tiger chases her tribe out of a cave.
Now, an ideal mother goes —
[gasps]
“My baby! I love you! I'll protect you.”
Or “Why am I gonna pick you up?
You're gonna slow me down.
You are — [whistles] tiger kibble.”
[laughing]
So next week we are gonna get into
Bowlby's four stages of attachment.
Oh, oh, uh, Professor Douglas and I —
Some of you might have
classes with Elena —
She and I are hosting a little
pre-Thanksgiving get-together at my place,
so if anyone wants to come,
please stop by.
- I'm not the greatest cook.
- [laughing]
Thanks, honey.
Samantha!
Why the hell didn't you pick up your brother
like you said you would?
Mom, I know what you're gonna say.
She was running late,
and we couldn't turn around.
No, no! No excuses!
The bottom line is you didn't do
what you said you were gonna do.
You stranded your brother.
It's embarrassing to ask
my friend to turn around
and go get some kid
at the middle school.
What do you mean “some kid”?
He's your brother.
And you know what?
We've helped Janie out before.
She lives right around the corner.
I's no big deal.
Sorry.
You know what, Samantha?
You need to start thinking long and hard
about who you want to be.
Do you want to be a cooperative person
who's compassionate
and helps people out,
or do you want to be
a self-centered narcissist?
You know what? You're right.
I am this horrible person.
But honestly,
he's not a baby anymore.
You don't have to treat him like one.
He's in eighth grade, and he can
find his way home if he wants to.
You know what?
When Gabi leaves,
you and me are gonna have a chat.
- Awkward.
- [laughs]
Dude, that sucks.
[knocks]
- Hey, man. What's up?
- Hey, we're going camping tonight.
-You in?
- Uh, who's goin'?
My brother, one of his friends
and Tony... maybe.
Yeah, let me check with my mom.
Hey, Mom. Can I go camping
with Chase tonight?
Camping? Where?
Uh, at that house that his family's building.
It's pretty much finished.
Well, will any adults be there?
His brother's a senior.
- You have your cell phone?
- Yeah.
- Is it charged?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, do me a favor. Leave his parents'
number and the address on the counter.
Okay.
Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!
- You ready?
- Check this sh*t out.
That was all right,
but this is gonna be badass.
All right, let me see —
Let me see what you can do.
This is your face.
I'm about to break his face right here.
- [shouts]
- Oh, sh*t!
- sh*t.
- All right. Now check this out.
You might want to move.
Oh!
Ow! That'd be painful.
That's like the kidneys, stomach, something.
Oh.
Check this out, man.
- ALL: Whoa!
- Pancreas.
- That sh*t's lethal.
- Yeah, that would be painful.
Man, have a beer, man.
That was awesome.
- It's beer-30, children.
- Nice.
- Aw, no, thanks.
- Come on, man.
What are you, a p*ssy?
No, I just don't feel like
drinking a beer right now.
Man, if you're too chickenshit
to even have a beer,
I know for a fact that you
have never gotten any p*ssy.
- [laughing]
- Like you guys have.
- Sure have.
- When?
- Last summer.
- With who?
It was awesome. Chase went down
easy street and f*cked this wh*re Nancy.
- At least that's what he said.
- I did. Would I lie?
Bullshit. Quick, where were you?
At Tobler's house.
And she f*cked a couple other guys too.
Oh, man, his first piece of a*s
was sloppy seconds.
What about you, Mason?
You ever got any?
Yeah, you ever made her
howl into the night?
A few times.
- Really?
- Yeah, right.
What was her name, Lucky?
No.
Jennifer.
She doesn't live here though.
- She's back in Houston.
- You're f*ck' lying.
I don't care if you assholes
believe me or not.
Let me guess — you were pulling all kinds of a*s
back home, but once you got down here, lefty.
Hey, f*ck you. I would,
but none of the girls here want to.
Dude, it's not what they want, man.
I's what you want.
- True “dat.”
- You know what you should do?
- Join a band. That's all it takes, man.
- Oh, yeah?
f*ck yeah, dude.
You don't even have to play that well.
Start playing your instrument, and they line up
to give you blow jobs. Except for you.
Doesn't impress the ladies so much
when you play flute for the marching band.
I'm not in the f*cking marching band.
Oh, dude, you sure?
I heard you play the skin flute.
All right.
I got a question for you guys.
If you think you're so cool,
why are you hanging out with a bunch
of eighth graders on a Friday night?
Hey, f*ck you, you little p*nis wrinkle.
You're lucky to even be here.
This is our campout.
The only reason you little c*m gums
are here is because
f*cking Charlie's mom made him
bring his little as*h*le brother,
and then he drags along
you little dice danglers.
f*ck' fuzz nut talking sh*t!
It's all good, man. These little fuzz nuts
are gonna get their chance soon enough.
- We got some wh*res coming by later.
- Yeah?
- Hell yeah!
- Now, I know Chase will f*ck anything.
I've seen this kid mount boulders before.
What about you guys? You in?
- Whatever.
- All right. Good man.
- What about you, Peter Puffer?
- 1 don't know.
- Maybe.
- Dude, it's okay to be g*y. We understand.
Just, you know, sleep over there.
I'm not g*y.
- Give it some time, man. You'll realize.
- f*ck y'all.
See, that's exactly my point, man.
Nah, we don't have wh*res coming over.
We were just f*cking with you
to see what you'd say.
- And you just earned your “vage” badge.
- [laughs]
Put it next to your b*tch card.
Yeah, ‘cause, you know, you're a b*tch.
Now hold this
like the b*tch you are, b*tch.
All right.
This sh*t is called the death punch.
Oh!
Okay.
Hey, you guys made it. Good.
- Oh, there you are.
- Oh, wow.
And here you go, hostess.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, can I get you a plate?
- Oh, that's cool.
- Thanks.
- You did that?
- Yeah.
Wow.
- How long have you been doing that for?
- Not very long.
Um, I went to this camp thing
just this past summer.
They have a camp for graffiti?
- Well, they call it “urban art” —
- Oh.
so it sounds, you know, less ill*gal.
But it's only just a way
to get free spray paint.
Cool. So is this your tag?
Is that what they still call it?
Yeah, but you know, it's just letters
that I'm good at writing.
It's good. K —
- “BE.”
-E-
Z-J-0O.
Kezjo. That's cool.
It doesn't really mean anything though.
- Is that your dad?
- Yeah.
- Where's he live?
- In Houston.
You get to see him much?
Yeah. You know, some weekends
and over the summer.
Cool.
So, you're a student
of my mom's, right?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's, um —
I got one class with her.
Yeah, she's cool.
How's she doing? Is she —
Is she a good teacher and everything?
Yeah. She's great.
She's super smart and she cares,
you know.
She makes it interesting.
She's probably even my favorite teacher.
So, anyway, we figured out a way
to rig up our iPods
to the external speakers on the ASV.
So every time we come rolling into town,
you knew the 456 was there
‘cause we were bumping House of Pain.
It was like,
“Jump around, jump around.”
The whole family's coming outside.
You got the kids
and the mom and the dad,
and they're all bouncing up and down.
We're throwing out candies for the kids
and soccer ba*ls
and Beanie Babies and Frisbees,
um, smokes for the adults,
and, uh, they loved —
they absolutely loved Gatorade.
But for some reason, you know,
they hated the lemon lime flavor.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah. Couldn't give it away.
- How long were you over there?
- 1 did two tours in Iraq and one in Bosnia.
Wow.
- Did you enlist?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I was, um, Army National Guard.
And, uh, you know, coming
straight out of high school,
needed money for college.
Seemed like a decent-paying job.
And, uh, did my tour.
And whenever I got done,
I told them if there's a world-changing event,
I'll come back.
And, uh, three months later,
And I'm proud to say the 456,
the whole time we were there,
we never lost a guy, not one casualty.
But is that odd? Is that unusual?
Yeah.
Almost impossible.
Like the guys that came along after us
and replaced us,
they didn't listen to any of our advice.
They, you know, did basically
the polar opposite of what we did,
and they lost seven guys
in the first month.
Wow. What did you guys do differently?
Well, I'd like to think it's just a matter
of mutual respect, you know.
All the time we spent
over there building trust,
these guys basically destroyed it
in three days.
So what did the locals think
about why we're there?
Oil. Plain and simple.
♪ How I wish ♪
♪ How I wish you were here ♪
♪ We're just two lost souls
swimming in a fish bowl ♪
♪ Year after year ♪
♪ Running over the same old ground ♪
♪ What have we found? ♪
♪ The same old fears ♪
♪ I wish you were here ♪
♪ [ends]
♪ [car stereo. rock]
- [engine stops]
- Hey, Mason. One last hit.
♪ [continues]
Hey. Mickey Mouse Club.
Get the f*ck out of my car.
Just crawl out the back window
or something, man.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll see you on Sunday night.
All right. You better text me.
Mm. Do you have any gum?
Um — Yeah, I do, actually.
- Here you go.
- Thanks. See ya.
And they're buying this party line
that they're supposed to feel bad
and trade off their own pension,
as if that's what's been
corrupting this nation.
WOMAN: Yeah, because those who hear Fox,
in my opinion, are being lied to.
OLIVIA: Yeah, thank God for Wisconsin.
We have to follow that example.
You're right.
Hey, Mason. What time is it?
Uh, like 12:15.
Happy birthday.
[gasps]
Happy birthday!
Mason, it's your birthday?
Uh, just now, I guess.
- Yeah, how old are you?
- Fifteen.
Fifteen.
Give me a hug. Happy birthday.
Oh, my goodness.
Hey.
Have you — Have you been drinking?
- Have you?
- Yeah, a little.
- Have you?
- A little bit.
Have you been —
[inhales]
A little bit.
Oh.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm gonna go to sleep.
Talk in the morning, huh?
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey!
- How you doing?
- Good.
- Whose car is that?
- That's our car.
- Hop on in there.
- Hey.
Hey, sweetie. Mmm.
Aw.
Hey, Cooper. Hey.
How's it going?
Hello, little brother.
He's so cute.
OLIVIA: Can we just replace
that part of the pipe?
No. No, it's-it's no good.
Everything is no good.
- ¢ Todo? ; Total?
- Everything. Yes. Mira.
cya ve? Se quiebra.
Mira. Pdrate ahi para que vea.
This one is —
- Gusto. It's stronger —
- Yes. It's better. Yes, yes, yes.
Hey, listen, thanks
for that camera you got Mason.
- Oh, yeah.
- He's loving that thing.
- He's all into the photography thing right now.
- Yeah, I know.
He's actually talking about turning
his closet into a darkroom.
The red light and developing —
the whole bit.
- You all right with that?
- I probably won't see him for a week.
- Yeah. Right.
- But he's having a good time.
- At least he's focused on something.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's what I like.
- Yeah, he's all about it.
Okay, let's go grande.
It's good? It's better. Yes.
Mira. Agarra la ‘pipa”
y la caja y vamos a hacer fodo.
- Claro.
- Si
Hey, you know, you're smart.
You should be in school.
I like school. I need school.
But it's hard. I working all days.
Go to night school
at community college.
It's-It's pretty affordable.
You're doing a nice job
with the house though. It's looking great.
- Thanks.
- Really great.
Yeah. Some fix-its here and there.
We got a good deal on a foreclosure,
so now I'm finding out why.
- Yeah, right. Hey, bud.
- You know?
Hey. Happy birthday, huh?
- What's that?
- That's our new car.
Getin it.
All right, have a good weekend.
Hey.
- Hi.
- How you doing?
- Good to see you.
- You too.
Hey.
- How are you?
- Ooh.
You look great. Ooh! Look at him.
Oh! He's got Mason's nose.
- SAMANTHA: Yeah, isn't he cute?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- MASON: Bye, you guys.
We got a big drive ahead of us.
- Bye, Sam.
- You guys drive safe.
All right.
Well, we'll be back tomorrow night.
Bye, honey.
I'm so glad you were born.
MAN:
♪ Love waits forever ♪
♪ For one and for all J//
MASON:
So, this is, like, Annie's car and —
and you drive the GTO?
I guess you can't really
put a baby seat in that thing.
Yeah, no.
But I had to sell that anyway.
- You what?
- Yeah, I had to sell that.
So — So it's gone?
Yeah, some sucker collector
from California paid 22 grand for it,
which is great ‘cause I basically
got to pay for this in cash.
I only paid 8,500 for that thing
way back when.
Cars are generally
a terrible investment, you know?
Soon as you drive them off the lot,
you got a used car on your hands,
and the value's only dropping from there.
But if you take care of it, you know,
and you get lucky and it's a classic,
the value starts going up again.
sh*t, you got guys paying hundreds of thousands
of dollars for some Shelby Cobra.
What?
You don't remember?
- Remember what?
- Really?
You said that was gonna be my car
when I turned 16.
[chuckles]
What?
- No, I didn't. I never said that.
- I remember.
I was in third grade,
and you were taking me over to
Anthony Nagar's house for his birthday,
and we were there early,
sO we gave him a ride around the block.
He was talking about
how much he loved your car,
and you were all like, “This is gonna
be Mason's when he turns 16.”
[chuckles]
What are you —
First off, I have no memory
of that, all right?
Second of all,
I would never say that. Never.
You did though.
What — Mason.
What about your sister?
I'm just gonna forget about her?
Come on, how's that fair?
Huh? Anthony Nagar. What —
[chuckles]
Are you —
Oh, come on.
I mean, you're not —
[sighs]
Look, you can sit there
like there's a death in the family,
but bottom line is that was my car.
I paid for it, I took care of it,
and I can do whatever I want with it.
All right?
I'm sorry if you had other ideas about it,
but when you get older, you can save up
and buy a car of your own
and be cool like I used to be.
Or... you can get a minivan.
WOMAN ON VIDEO:
We're gonna make you swim out of here
in your own blood.
Does your mom
actually let you watch this?
Yeah. She likes it too.
Oh, my God.
- Okay. Well —
- SAMANTHA: Yeah.
Have you ever seen her in concert?
No. But she's coming
to Houston in April.
- She's coming to Houston?
- Mm-hmm.
Your dad and I could get you tickets
and you can stay with us.
- That'd be great.
- Yeah.
- MASON SR.: Hey, hey, Annie?
- Yeah?
Will you get me
the little birthday present for Mason?
- Yeah, babe.
- All right.
This one — This one needs
a little explanation, okay?
Open it up.
I call that the Beatles' Black Album.
What it is is the best of John, Paul,
George and Ringo solo, post-breakup.
Thanks.
Yeah, basically, I put the band
back together for you.
Whenever you listen to
too much of the solo stuff,
it kind of becomes a drag, you know?
But you put ‘'em next to each other, right,
and they start to elevate each other,
and then you can hear it.
Ah. It's the Beatles. You know?
I don't know.
I think I always just liked Paul the best.
It doesn't matter.
You're missing the point.
There is no favorite Beatle.
That's what I'm saying.
It's in the balance.
That's what made them the greatest
f*cking rock band in the world, okay?
And there's this decade of music
out there that's been scattered.
And now it has been carefully found,
arranged and ordered for you
by your loving father.
Very arranged and very organized
over and over again
- by your loving father.
- MASON SR.: Yes, yes, yes.
So, I mean, look at that —
look at that.
Top of volume II, first four tracks,
you've got “Band on the Run”
into “My Sweet Lord,”
into “Jealous Guy,” into “Photograph.”
I mean, come on,
it's like the perfect segue.
You got Paul
who takes you to the party,
George who talks to you about God,
John who says no,
it's about love and pain,
and then Ringo who just says hey,
can't we enjoy what we have
while we have it?
It's a good record. I sh*t you not.
Cool.
♪ [intro: “Band on the Run']
MASON SR.:
Hey there, CIiff.
CLIFF:
Hey, how you doin'? How you doin'?
- It's good to see you.
- Great to see you.
- You made it all right.
- Yeah, we sure did. We sure did.
How are you, darlin'?
- All right, we ready?
- Yeah, yeah, get started.
Wait. Help light ‘em up.
- Hey, Sam.
- [fingers snap]
Come on.
Hey, still sleeping here?
- CLIFF: Oh, yeah.
- Hey, buddy.
- Sawin' logs.
- Oh! Ready?
- ALL: J Happy birthday to you ♪
- [raps table]
- § Happy birthday to you
- [raps table]
♪ Happy birthday, dear Mason ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Make a wish. Make a wish.
- ALL: Hey!
- Real good!
Presents. Wait, wait, wait.
Here, sweetie.
MASON SR.: Sam, would you
get us a knife so we can cut this up?
All right.
I hope you like it.
I heard you didn't have one, so —
It's a Bible. This is your first Bible.
Look. There's your name.
- Wow.
- In gold. And wait, wait, wait.
Look at this. Okay.
It's a red letter edition,
and that means that everything
that Jesus said is in red.
- Thank you.
- Like it?
All right. I love you, sweetie.
Happy birthday.
- This one's from us.
- Wait.
I's not gonna make
all your dreams come true.
Just keep your expectations low.
No, no, no. You need it.
Hey! Come on, right?
You gotta have it.
You need this.
You've got a life ahead of you.
ANNIE: And the shirt is blue,
and I know you like blue.
MASON SR.:
You've got dances and job interviews.
I'm gonna get it all wrinkled here.
- Mason?
- The Black Album was from me.
- Uh-oh.
- Come here, son.
Pull that off.
There's a 20-gauge shotgun.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
My dad gave it to me
when I was a little younger than you,
and his dad gave it to him,
and, well, you're 15
and I'd like for you to have it, all right?
Here, you hold it.
Yeah?
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, son.
I'll teach you how to clean it,
teach you how to fire it.
- [all laugh]
- I'll teach you a little bit of safety.
Now c*ck it.
All right, there you go.
Now, what you want to do is line up
the front sight with the back sight here.
- You see this little “Vv” right here?
- Mm-hmm.
- Now, which one you aiming at?
- Uh, the middle can.
The middle can? All right, all right.
- Now, fire at will, all right?
- All right.
- h*! Whoa!
- Yeah!
All right, watch out, watch out.
Whoa. Be careful. All right.
Ready?
Pull!
[g*nsh*t]
Oh, you-you, uh — you hit a little low.
Wait until it gets up high
and then sh**t, all right?
‘Cause then it's
a better aim coming down.
Remember, second trigger.
Mm-hmm.
- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
- Pull!
- [g*nsh*t]
Ha! Ha! Look what you did.
Well, you nailed it, didn't you?
- How's that feel?
- Felt good.
Yeah, it felt good. Good.
♪ Well, I want for us
to be together forever ♪
ANNIE:
♪ But to wander wherever I may ♪
♪ 1 want you to be easy and casual ♪
♪ But still demand I stay ♪
♪ I want for you to know me completely ♪
♪ But still remain mysterious ♪
♪ Consider everything deeply ♪
♪ But still remain fearless ♪
♪ Climb to the top
Look over the ledge ♪
♪ Dance barefoot on a razor's edge ♪
♪ Reach for the stars
Grab the tiger by the tail ♪
- ♪ If I don't try, I'll never fail ♪
- MASON SR.: Good!
♪ If you go home,
you're rolling the dice ♪
♪ Can't step in the same river twice
♪ If you love too much,
it'll turn to hate ♪
♪ If you never leave home,
you'll never be late ♪
♪ Eat too much,
you're gonna get fat ♪
♪ If you buy a dog,
it'll piss off your cat ♪
♪ Take a deep breath
Enjoy the ride ♪
♪ 'Cause arrivals and departures
run side by side ♪
- Oh!
- MASON SR.: You're our first
audience, you know?
That was — It was wonderful.
MASON SR.: Mason demanded
we work on it the whole time.
- Thank you, thank you.
- MASON SR.: It's a work in progress.
MAN: A week later — We don't know
why Thomas wasn't there the first time.
But a week later, Thomas comes back
and joins the other disciples.
They say,
“Hey, the Lord's alive. We saw him.”
“I won't believe it
until I put my finger into his side
and I'm gonna see
those nail prints in his hands.”
Phew. About that time, here comes Jesus
standing right next to him, okay?
And he turns to Thomas.
Don't you know Thomas felt some shame?
He turns to Thomas and says,
“Thomas, here, stick your finger in my side.
Look at these nail prints. It's me.”
And Thomas says,
“My Lord and my God, I believe.”
And Jesus said, “Well, that's good.
But blessed are those
who can believe without seeing.”
It's a lot easier when you can see
and feel and touch.
But like us,
we haven't seen him in the flesh.
We haven't felt him in the flesh,
but we have experienced him in the spirit.
At least I have.
And I hope yall have too.
This pond's right up here.
Ooh, it's low.
Yeah.
My dad could take you fishing
next time you're here if you want.
Nice.
Hey, baby. What's going on?
I think we're just gonna
hang out here for a minute.
- You want me to stay with you?
- No, it's okay.
- You sure?
- Yeah, thanks.
- [shutter clicks]
- Mason, why are you such a stick-in-the-mud?
What are you even talking about?
Hey, you guys don't mind coming back here
on the 20th, do you, for Cooper's baptism?
- No, it's fine.
- Sam?
- Okay.
- I appreciate it.
It means a lot to Annie
and her folks, you know.
- [sighs]
- Were we baptized?
I wasn't the least bit concerned
with the state of your soul.
- We can do it now, though, if you want.
- No, I think I'm all right.
You and Cooper together, you know.
Dunk your heads.
You're not becoming one of those
God people, are you, Dad?
And what's that supposed to mean, hmm?
I can hear you!
Well, I think that shotgun
should live at my house, huh?
- I don't think your mom would love that.
- [chuckles]
Hey, look out, Sam.
Let me show you how it's done.
- Nice, Dad.
- [shutter clicks]
MASON SR.:
Still got the goods, hmm?
[door closes]
How long you been in here, Mason?
I'm not sure.
I'm sure.
All class.
Did you complete your image diary?
Not yet.
Completed your digital contact sheet?
Not quite. But, I mean,
it's not gonna take me long.
“Not yet.” “Not quite.”
Darkroom time is extracurricular.
Technically, you don't ever
have to be in here these days
and certainly not until
you've completed your assignments.
- That's the deal.
- Sorry.
I'm worried about you, Mason.
- Why is that?
- I'll tell you why.
The images you're turning in,
they're cool.
You're looking at things
in a really unique way.
Got a lot of natural talent.
Thanks.
Yeah, but that and 50 cents will just get you
a cup of coffee in this old world.
I've met a lot of talented people
over the years.
How many of them
made it professionally
without discipline, commitment
and a really good work ethic?
I can tell you.
I can count it on two fingers.
Zero.
It's not gonna happen for you, Mason.
The world is too competitive.
There are too many talented people
who are willing to work hard
and a boatload of morons
who are untalented
who are more than willing
to surpass you.
As a matter of fact, a lot of them are sitting
in that classroom out there right now.
You know what they're doing?
They're doing their assignments.
Which is what you're
supposed to be doing.
But you're not. You're in here.
Now, why is that?
- You special, Mason?
- No.
But the things you're talking about,
like work ethic or whatever,
I feel like I do work pretty hard.
I spend the whole weekend
taking pictures a lot of times.
You like football, Mason?
- Not really.
- Yeah, I know you don't.
That's why I've just assigned you
to sh**t the football game tonight.
Okay? It starts at 7:30.
I want you to get there early.
I want you to sh**t a full card,
I want 'em sorted, and I wanna see 'em
very first thing Monday.
Okay?
Wanna know why I'm doing this?
I guess.
Who do you wanna be, Mason?
- What do you wanna do?
- I wanna take pictures.
Make art.
Any dipshit can take pictures, Mason.
Art — that's special.
What can you bring to it
that nobody else can?
That's what I'm trying to find out.
Try harder.
Hey, maybe in 20 years
you can call old Mr. Turlington
and you can say, “Thank you, sir,
for that terrific darkroom chat
we had that day.”
Get back to class and do your work.
[door opens, closes]
Hey, man.
You're walking a little funny.
f*ck you.
I'm just saying, you guys were
in there for a long time.
Just hope he bought you dinner first.
Mason, honey, come down for dinner!
Samantha, you didn't post these pictures
and their descriptions?
Come on. This auction
is gonna end on Sunday.
Honey, you got to get those posted.
Why are we even doing this?
It's like an online junk shop.
I thought you had a good job.
I do. We're what you
call “house poor.”
Everyone's got to do their part.
Your brother took the pictures.
You have to help.
Who even buys this sh*t?
Hey, Sam, watch your mouth, all right?
Don't disrespect your mother.
You like a roof over your head, don't you?
Yeah, and you like having electricity
so that you can charge your cell phone?
SAMANTHA:
I'm not even gonna be here next year.
I'm a senior. I should be having fun.
[sighs]
Nice nails.
Yeah, some girl did that in sixth period.
You planning on keeping ‘'em?
Until it comes off, I guess.
Last summer it was the earrings,
and now the nails.
You got a, uh —
You got a purse to go with all that?
A lot of guys do that.
He's just trying to be cool.
When I was in high school,
having a job, being responsible,
being able to afford a car,
that was cool.
Mason, honey, why don't you get you
and your sister some water?
[sighs]
♪ [marching band: fight song]
[whistle blows]
Hey, man, Turlington says to cut
the artsy crap and sh**t the game.
So take your lens and point it that way.
- Jesus Christ.
- Also, we got a ride.
McCormick's gonna take us to the party.
We're gonna head out after the game.
You're going, okay?
Okay.
sh**t the game.
[cheering]
♪ [speakers. rock]
ow!
MAN: / A-long gone ♪
♪ Oh, now she's long ♪
♪ Yeah, now she's long gone
like Moses through the corn ♪
Oh! First one.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- What was that?
- What's up?
- What is up?
♪ [vocalizing]
♪ Give me a cigarette and a beer ♪
♪ My wardrobe and stuff ♪
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. How's it going?
Pretty good.
How long have you been here?
I don't know. A while, I guess.
A while? Yeah.
I just feel like there's so many things
that I could be doing and probably
wanna be doing that I'm just not.
Why aren't you?
I mean, I guess it's just being afraid
of what people would think —
you know, judgment.
Yeah. I guess it's really easy to say,
like, “I don't care what anyone else thinks,”
but everyone does.
- You know? Deep down.
- Exactly.
I find myself so furious at all these people
that I'm in contact with
just for controlling me or whatever.
But they're not even aware
they're doing it.
Yeah.
So,
in this perfect world
where's no one's controlling you,
what's different?
- What changes?
- Everything.
I just wanna be able to do anything I want,
because it makes me feel alive
as opposed to giving me
the appearance of normality.
Whatever that means.
I don't think it means much.
You're kind of weird, you know that?
Yeah?
- Is that a compliment?
- 1 don't know.
Do you wanna be weird?
I don't wanna, like, scare kids at the park
or anything like that.
I really like talking with you.
I don't usually even try
to, like, vocalize my thoughts
or feelings or anything.
Just — I don't know.
It never sounds right. Words are stupid.
So, why are you trying with me?
I don't know.
I guess I feel comfortable.
I'm glad.
Hey, Jim.
Uh, sorry I'm so late.
What time were you
supposed to be home?
I don't know.
A while ago.
A while ago
like 30 minutes ago, an hour ago?
‘Cause, truthfully,
nobody even knew where you were
until your sister told us.
She's been home for a while.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, been hearing a lot of that lately.
See, but you don't actually care.
You just kind of — kind of
come and go as you please,
and you don't care if your mom's upset
or what time you gotta be home.
Is that what's up?
- I don't know what to tell you.
- Stop mumbling.
You know, speak up.
I can't understand a word
coming out of your mouth.
It's just like — [mumbling]
And I ask you questions,
and you just —
Can I just have one day where
everybody isn't all over my a*s?
[cans clattering]
I'm up your a*s?
This is my house.
Now, if you wanna live in my house,
then you get home when you say
you're gonna be home.
You know, Jim, you're not my dad.
No, I'm not your dad.
You know how I know that?
‘Cause I'm actually here.
I'm the guy with the job, paying the bills,
taking care of you, your mom, your sister.
Huh? Huh?
I'm that guy.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Hey, which one of you guys used
the downstairs bathroom last night?
I don't know. I didn't.
That tall guy, what's his name?
- Phillip?
- Yeah, Phillip. He did it.
Can Phillip read?
There's a big sign on the door that says,
“Do not use this bathroom. It's broken.”
How difficult is that?
I don't know. I'm sorry.
I think I'm gonna put
the house on the market.
Why?
This house is too big for us.
You're going to school eventually.
It's too expensive. I'm done.
Well, why did you even buy it
in the first place then?
Because I really enjoy
making poor life decisions,
keeping us on the brink of poverty.
I've spent the first half of my life
acquiring all this crap,
and now I'm gonna spend the second half
of my life getting rid of all this stuff.
Really? Like what?
Like — Well, I got rid
of a couple husbands.
Now I'm gonna get rid of a mortgage,
some maintenance,
the tchotchkes,
the — the homeowner's insurance,
the property tax, the plumbing.
[sighs]
You know what? From now on,
I am gonna be Mommy Monk.
Simple. Celibate.
[snickers]
Don't be gross, Mom.
Fine.
I'll be a poor wh*re with a big house.
[chuckles]
Is that better?
Okay.
Mason —
Mason, please, don't leave me
that dirty dish to wash.
I do dishes all day.
Well, great, honey.
Then you're a professional.
Come on, you could do one or two
more for your poor old mom.
Okay.
Thank you.
[engine starts]
You want one?
[groans]
She didn't even touch them, seriously.
I watched her the whole time.
I bet you did watch her,
you little pervert.
It's like we're on a date.
Cheers.
It's a night of romance.
Yeah, except I'm not gonna kiss you.
I will blow you though.
- [water spraying]
- Mason!
We are in the weeds out here.
I'm going as fast as I can.
Oh. Then I must be confused then,
‘cause I just saw you
chattin' it up with April
when I got a salad bar
that needs a refill.
I got a six-top, two four-tops I can't use
because they hadn't been bussed.
Enrique is not here. I'm trying.
Well, while you're tryin', we're dyin'!
What — What am I supposed
to tell my customers?
“Oh, I'm sorry that your table's
got dirty plates on it, but Mason's tryin'.
At least that's what he told me
after he was flirtin' with April
and eatin' your leftover shrimp.”
Now, it is a challenge
out there today, I know.
But I wanna share something with you.
I got you pegged
for fry cook this summer,
and that's a lot more responsibility.
It's also more money. How's that sound?
Good.
I know you can handle that money,
but can you take the responsibility?
I think you can,
because I believe in you.
But I need you on the floor.
Now, leave the dishes.
Giddyap. All right, come on.
Don't let me down.
Well, so it's — it's runnin' okay?
That alternators
not messin' up anymore?
No, it's fine. It's up for the trip.
Well, you gonna see your sister
when you guys are in Austin?
Yeah, she said I can stay at her dorm,
which is cool,
and I guess her roommate's
out of town, so it's no big deal.
All right, well, did you apply there yet?
Did you get that application in to UT?
- Not yet, but Sheena's pretty much in though.
- Yeah, right.
Well, if you know
that's where you wanna go,
you should probably do that
early acceptance thing.
I mean, seriously, let ‘em know
you're a man who knows what he wants.
Yeah.
A little decisiveness goes
a long way in this life. All right?
- Yeah.
- Great
And what about work?
How's that going?
Uh, I don't know. It's all right.
Today kind of sucked.
This guy didn't show up.
But it's definitely an interesting
perspective on the world.
People are slobs.
[chuckles]
Well, when people
ask me about you,
I say to them,
‘Oh, Mason, he's doing great.
He's got a job.
He's really cleaning up.”
All right, hey. Hey, say hi to Annie
and Cooper, will you?
Say hi to your big brother.
Hey, big brother.
Hey, Annie. Hey, kiddo.
- Can you say bye-bye?
- Bye-buh.
[chuckles]
We'll see you soon.
MASON SR..: All right, well, be careful
when you're driving, all right?
Don't be texting.
Don't be doing any of that.
All right. Just — You're Obi-Wan.
You're centered, patient. Right?
You walftch three cars ahead,
two behind.
It takes two bad drivers
to have an accident, okay?
- Okay.
- Right.
Tell your sister to pick up her phone
or call me back or something.
- Okay.
- All right, buddy. You have a good one.
Bye, Dad.
Hey, honey, take this to your sister.
- Throw it in the truck, okay?
- Okay, I will.
So where is Sheena staying?
At her friend Emily's.
Is Emily a real person?
Yeah. Yeah. She's a sophomore.
She has an apartment.
Okay, this is in case of emergency.
- Don't spend it. I want it back.
- Okay. Thanks.
Did you do your homework?
Most of it,
but I can finish tomorrow night.
Honey, 11th grade
is really important for college.
- Don't blow it.
- I know. I know.
We're going to UT and everything.
Oh, don't you want me to come?
Come on. Sheena.
Road trip with Mom. I'll pay for gas.
Um -
I'm just kidding. I have work.
- Call me when you get there.
- I will.
Have fun.
[door opens, closes]
That sounds to me like just another
extreme Mason view of everything.
Not at all.
I finally figured it out.
It's like when they realized
it was gonna be too expensive
to actually build cyborgs and robots —
I mean, the costs of that
were impossible.
They decided to just let humans
turn themselves into robots.
That's what's going on right now.
- Oh, right now?
- Yeah. I mean, why not?
There are billions of us just laying around,
not really doing anything.
We don't cost anything.
I mean, we're even pretty good
at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly.
And as it turns out,
we're already biologically programmed
for our little cyborg upgrade.
- How?
- Seriously.
I read this thing the other day
about how, like, when you hear
that “ding” on your in-box,
you get, like,
a dopamine rush in your brain.
It's like we're being chemically rewarded
for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed.
How evil is that? We're f*cked.
So you deleting your Facebook page
is gonna change all that?
Remember when Trevor deleted
his Facebook page last year
and everyone just hated him?
You made more fun of him
than anyone.
I still make fun of Trevor though.
But it was like he was so
pathetically desperate for attention.
Or to be different or something.
That's just ‘cause they did that lame story
about it in the school paper.
And then he had to make a big announcement
about it when he came back a month later.
That's the thing though.
I'm not doing it for attention.
I just wanna try and not live my life
through a screen.
I want, like, some kind
of actual interaction.
A real person,
not just the profile they put up.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you saying something?
Yeah, okay, I know you're joking.
But it's kind of true. You have been
checking your phone this whole time.
So what are you really doing?
You don't care what your friends
are up to on Saturday afternoon,
but you're also obviously not fully
experiencing my profound bitching.
So — it's like everyone's just stuck
in, like, an in-between state,
not really experiencing anything.
It's not an experience.
It's just information.
Look, for example,
I just got the address of the club
where we're meeting them later
SO we won't be wandering
the streets of Austin lost for an hour tonight.
Thank you very much, Facebook.
And I just texted my mom back.
Oh, that's — that's groundbreaking.
She hasn't seen you
in, like, 55 minutes.
Oh. Oh, my God.
Most importantly, Meg's family
just got a miniature pet pig.
Huh.
[chuckles]
Okay, you're right.
- That is a —
- Right?
That is a really cute, tiny pig.
Our lives can go on.
I want one.
Nice shot.
SAMANTHA: Yeah, just give
the lady at the front y'all's ID's
and, uh, she should let you in.
- I's room 206, right?
- Mm-hmm. Right.
- It's not, like, weird that we're staying there?
- No, it's fine.
- Have fun.
- Thank you.
How long have you guys been dating?
- About three months.
- Cool.
Yeah, we met at a party,
and it's been, you know, chill.
- Yeah, he seems cool.
- Yeah. He is.
- Does he go to UT too?
- Yeah.
Cool. What is he studying?
He's studying history and, uh, Italian?
I think. His minor, yeah.
- Does he wanna — Does he wanna teach?
- I don't know.
I think — I think he's still
figuring stuff out.
Yeah, he'll figure it out.
He's smart. Yeah, he's smart.
So, where are you thinking about living
when you come here?
Um, I'm not really sure yet.
We're gonna look at apartments tomorrow.
Um, but I know my parents sort of
were expecting me to live in a dorm.
Yeah. But, I mean, I'm paying
my way through college
so it doesn't really matter that much.
Yeah, you don't have to listen
to your parents after you turn 18.
I mean, especially if they're
not helping you financially.
That's what I figured, yeah.
- But, I mean, living in a dorm isn't so bad.
- Yeah.
- I mean, especially if it's a coed dorm.
- Yeah.
I mean, I've never been around,
like, so many cute guys at once.
Like, college is really fun.
- I'm excited.
- It's great, yeah.
[chattering]
- Watch out.
- Oh.
♪ On the day that I was born,
I started growin' old ♪
♪ No one told me life
would be so lonesome and cold ♪
♪ I had a gray hair
by the age of 23 ♪
♪ This hard-luck living's
gonna be the end of me ♪
♪ The old black crow
leaving tracks all across my face ♪
♪ And everywhere I go
I seem to be in the same damn place ♪
♪ This heartland is gonna be
the end of me ♪
♪ [continues]
The last death at the Hoover Dam
construction site
was his son, Patrick Tierney,
who died on December 20, 1935,
exactly 13 years to the day.
See those sorority girls over there?
[chattering, laughing]
I've just decided
if you delete your Facebook page,
I'm pledging.
Yeah, in just a few years that's you
and that's gonna be me.
...inlaid into the terrazzo floors
was a star map —
a celestial map of heavenly bodies
so accurately displayed
that one could chart
the procession of the Pole Star
such that future generations upon —
SHEENA:
I wonder what his deal is.
I mean, he obviously
has money to eat here.
He just said. He's a UT professor,
tenure and everything.
Look at all these people.
What are they even doing here
at 3:00 in the morning?
What are we even doing here
at 3:00 in the morning?
We know what we're doing here.
Queso. We have a purpose.
Hell, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
You know, by, like, next summer
this'll just be our lives.
Mm-hmm.
Staying out all night
and going to shows —
whatever we want.
We ever gonna go to class?
Sometimes.
When it feels right.
When the inspiration hits.
- Only then.
- [chuckles]
Anything else?
- Uh — More queso?
- Yeah.
WAITRESS:
Mm-hmm.
[sighs]
Ah, Jesus.
What?
I don't know. Doesn't it all
seem a little overwhelming?
I mean, college.
I mean, I like the idea
of being away from home
and gaining skills
and getting better at photography.
I just — I don't know.
I'm not counting on it being
some big transformative experience.
I don't think it's that transformative.
I just see it as the next step.
But it's like a preordained slot
that's already got your name
and number on it.
I don't think
it's the key to my future.
‘Cause — I mean, look at my mom.
She got her degree
and got a pretty good job.
She can pay her bills.
Well, I like your mom.
Well, I like my mom too.
I just mean —
Basically, she's still just
as f*cking confused as I am.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
- Hello?
- Hey.
Um, did, uh — did Sam tell you
we were gonna stay here?
- No.
- [chuckles] Sorry.
Um, she, uh — she said you were
out of town for the weekend.
Yeah, I was. I just got back.
Are you her brother?
Yeah. I'm — I'm Mason.
Um, this is Sheena.
Hello.
Uh, great. All right.
I'm gonna leave my stuff here, if it's okay,
and get something to eat.
- I'll just come back in a little bit.
- Yeah, yeah.
We have to — We have to get out
of here soon anyway, so —
All right. It's nice meeting you.
- Yeah. You too.
- Sorry.
[door opens, closes]
- [chuckles]
- Oh, my God.
- That was so awkward.
- I know.
Mason. Silver medal winner.
[chuckles]
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Heard you got a scholarship.
- Yeah.
Yeah, every little bit helps, you know.
- Yeah. When you gonna go out there?
- End of the summer, I think.
You know, work some more
before then,
try to save up some money, at least.
- Yeah, before you have to fend for yourself.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's the idea.
- Yeah.
Well, how are you feeling about it?
Excited, you know.
But kind of half excited, half terrified.
- Yeah, kind of that voluptuous panic.
- Yeah. Exactly.
Well, it's gonna be good.
I's gonna be crazy good.
I liked college
a lot better than high school.
You kind of find your people
in college, you know?
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
Well, you'll be fine.
You got a good heart.
Just follow your heart. Yeah?
- Thanks.
- Good luck.
Don't forget to floss.
[cell phone chimes]
I just don't get why you're
being so f*cking childish.
I'm not being childish.
You're the one who made it into
this big thing by telling everyone.
I haven't told anyone.
So Cynthia just magically knows
you're going to the prom with this loser
even though you're
not dating him anymore?
She's my best friend.
Well, your best friend
has a big f*cking mouth.
Well, take it up with her then.
Why don't you just tell Miss f*ck'
Rubber Jaws she can keep on talking
as long as she includes the truth,
which is that we wouldn't
be having this conversation
if your college boyfriend
weren't out of town this weekend.
You had already bought the tickets.
It's just prom. It's not like it matters.
I'm just trying to be friends with you.
Oh, it's just humiliating.
I can't — I can't do that.
Mr. I-Don't-Care-What-
Anyone-Else-Thinks-Of-Me.
f*ck anyone else.
I care what / think of me,
which isn't much right now.
King of the pity prom.
Fine. We're not going.
Great.
Why are we even —
I mean, we both knew this was coming.
I'm just the one
who did something about it.
Yeah, f*cking some college guy.
Oh, f*ck you.
I don't regret anything.
Of course you don't.
You know,
it's actually kind of a relief
not to have to be around someone
who's so gloomy all the time.
The world's not so horrible.
Not everything's some big conspiracy
against humanity.
It's great that you can think that way.
You know, I'm sure dating a jock
really helps to clear the mind.
He's not a jock, okay? He just happens
to be on the lacrosse team.
We're all going to other schools
next year anyway.
So it's not some
super serious relationship.
Great. I feel so much better now.
We're just having fun.
I bet he's having fun.
Grow up, Mason.
It's not like I haven't been
with anyone else.
Who?
What do you care?
Who?
Does it matter?
You're the one who brought it up.
This is pointless.
Now you're just frying to be an as*h*le.
Holy crap. I would rather have
my ba*ls clawed off
than ever sit through
anything like that ever again.
[chuckles]
Well, we never, ever have to.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Give me that.
- Dude, it's all you.
Drink up.
So you coming out with me tonight, brother?
Should be some
pretty awesome stuff happening.
Nah, dude. I'm going to this, like,
show with my dad in Austin.
His friend's playing.
God, have fun with that, I guess.
f*ck, there's so many cars here.
I don't wanna go in there.
Dude, you will have so much fun.
Your family loves you.
You're gonna have a swell time.
f*ck you.
You're coming in with me.
- Oh, no. sh*t, no.
- Yes.
Yes, you are. My mom loves you.
You have to say hi.
Just —
- Do you wanna hurt her feelings?
- Mm-mmm.
Well, then let's — let's go get ‘em.
Just for a second. Just a second, seriously.
[blows, sniffs]
You know, you're in sort of —
you're in enemy territory here.
We're aware.
[chattering]
Oh. Look who's here.
Whoo!
Hey!
[cheering]
Get a job!
No, no, no, no, wait.
We're gonna take pictures. Put it back on.
My hug.
- Hey, can you get a camera?
- CAROL: I have it.
I don't know you.
But congratulations.
All right. Look here.
- Smile.
- Here we go.
Oh, that's a good one.
And — Good. Got it.
GRANDMOTHER:
Oh, we need — Sam, where are you?
- Samantha!
- OLIVIA: Sam.
Where's Mason Sr.?
I'm feeling generous.
Come here.
Great. And —
Beautiful.
I'll e-mail these to everyone.
- Whoo!
- Don't even start. Don't start. Don't start.
[chattering]
Can't believe you guys came all this way.
It means a lot to me.
Mmm. We wouldn't have
missed it for anything.
I'm so proud of you.
Congratulations.
I'm really sorry that Lee couldn't be here.
- He's on his senior trip.
- No, no, no.
- Tell him I said hi.
- I will.
Abby, I didn't even recognize you.
How old are you now?
-I'm 13.
- Wow.
WOMAN:
Everybody just died laughing!
All right, let's top her off.
You want some, doll?
Um, sure. Whatever.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
- MR. WOOD: I got you something.
- What is it?
- That is a savings bond.
That is worth something.
I's better than money. You just spend that.
God. Is that your mom?
- Yeah, yeah. That's her.
- Wow.
It'll be — Three-second rule.
Put it on your plate.
- WOMAN: Such a great dad.
- I know. I'm trying to help.
Come here, you guys.
I wanna make a little toast to Mason.
- Whoo! Yeah!
- All right!
Now, Mason, I know you didn't really
wanna have a party today,
but... we did.
And you only graduate high school
once in your life.
So I wanna celebrate you
and this next phase.
And you're gonna learn
so much in college.
You're gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna have inspiring teachers.
You're gonna learn more about your art.
I love you, babe. So proud of you.
- To Mason.
- To Mason!
Hear! Hear!
- To Mason.
- Hear! Hear!
All right, you're up, kid.
Oh, uh — All right, uh —
Well, Mason,
I'll make a toast to the future.
To your future.
It's been a little sketchy,
this end of the school year here,
trying to figure out
what school to go to.
Mason told me that, uh, he wanted
to get as far away
from home as possible
but still honor our agreement
that we pay in-state tuition,
which I do appreciate.
He's a prudent man,
and he's gonna have a great future.
So here's to you, buddy.
- Whoo!
- WOMAN: Future!
- Hear! Hear!
- Congratulations.
Mason Jr.
High school graduate, 18 and straight.
Just ignore him. My brother needs
to learn to pace himself.
Well, I've not known you
as long as everybody here.
But, uh — uh, since I have known you,
uh, you've grown a lot.
And, uh, I-l = I don't know —
I'm proud of you.
So if this photography thing
doesn't work out,
you know you always got a job.
Lose that earring.
But, uh, you know, maybe I can
get you in front of house.
All right. To you, buddy.
- Sam, say something.
- MASON SR.: Come on, Sam.
- Um —
- GRANDMOTHER: Come on, darlin'.
Good luck.
[all laugh]
Yeah, Mason!
GRANDMOTHER:
Congratulations.
Aw!
So, you broke up with your girlfriend?
Yeah. Yeah, just recently.
- What was her name?
- Sheena.
Sheena.
She's gonna go to college with you?
- No.
- No.
- No.
- She's staying in this part of Texas.
Oh, okay.
You need a ride to college?
Oh!
I just wanted to say hello before you got
out of here. I haven't gotten a chance.
You guys met before, haven't you?
Annie and Jen?
- Yeah, yeah, we met at, uh, Sam's graduation.
- Oh, yeah.
And with your little one. Where is he?
- Oh, he's at home.
- Yeah, yeah.
Remember, he was such a pain
at Sam's thing that, you know —
Oh, I would love to see him.
Well, we have a special weekend
this weekend, so —
I'm so glad you found her.
I really am.
You — You've got him
at a good time, I think.
- I think so too.
- Yeah.
- It's good to see you too.
- Nice to see you too, Jen.
- I'm so proud of your boy.
- Yeah. Yeah, we all are.
- If you think she's a b*tch now,
you should have seen her —
- [chuckling]
MAN: You got to remember,
you're going to college, though, all right?
And if you're anything like me
or your old man,
you're gonna be pulling down
some serious wool.
- You're gonna be tapping some masterful gap.
- Steven.
You're gonna be doing
some good work out there.
Think about it.
An awful lot of flowers in that bouquet.
But you got to do me a favor.
You're gonna be vulnerable
this summer, all right?
Remember to use protection
during breakup sex.
This guy knows exactly of which I speak.
- Look what happened to him. Voila.
- Steven.
Cheers.
It — It's not that simple.
[chanting]
Four more years.
Four more years.
I'm just saying.
[yawns]
Do yall recycle?
- Should I -
- I have one started there.
Oh, yeah, right. Okay.
Am I, uh — Am I your only ex at this party?
Yes. I'm not your only wife here though.
Yeah.
Can you believe
they're both out of high school?
No.
No, I can't.
You did a great job
with both of them, by the way.
Thanks for saying that.
I never thought I'd hear you say that.
Well, it's true. Thank you.
You're doing it all over again, huh?
I know. I know, right?
It's gonna be, uh, 15 years
till I have an empty nest.
Hmm.
But hey, I'd love to pitch in,
help with this, if I could.
It's so great that you did this.
Can I just give you a little —
- I'd appreciate it if I could —
- Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. But I don't have any cash.
[chuckles] No, it's in Annie's purse.
I'll be right back.
♪ [warming up]
So it sucks. I mean, the guy's
a college lacrosse player.
- I mean, what are you gonna do?
- She didn't even like sports.
- You want a beer?
- No, that's all right.
- You can have one.
- It's all right.
Yeah, well, for what it's worth,
we've all been through the exact
same thing at one point or another.
It's not the same though.
- I mean, you never got to know her.
- No, I know.
It's not the same.
I just don't know what I did wrong.
Hey, Jimmy. Hey, man. Hey.
Hey, Mason.
We're up here, uh, raiding the green room.
Hope that's okay.
- That's totally cool.
- All right.
Wow. Is that M.J.?
Uh-huh. Right?
Unbelievable.
Well, we just decided to come a little early,
check you out.
That's cool, man. Let me finish up.
I'll be up in a minute.
All right. All right. I guarantee you,
you didn't do anything wrong.
These high school love things,
they never work out.
Here, come here.
I mean, everybody's
just changing so much, you know?
The odds of two young people
staying on the same wavelength are —
- Yeah, but still —
- Look, and I also guarantee you
that every day of your life
that you spend crying over some silly girl
is a complete waste of time.
She wasn't a silly girl though.
I mean, she's a serious person.
I really thought we were —
- What?
- 1 don't know.
- &J' [guitar tuning]
- MASON SR.: Here's the truth.
Women are never satisfied. Okay?
They're always looking
to potentially trade up,
and that's, I'm sorry to say,
what I think has happened to you,
my fine-feathered friend.
What does that even mean?
It means don't hand over the controls
to your self-esteem to Sheila.
- Sheena.
- All right, it means you are responsible for you,
not your girlfriend,
not your mom, not me.
You. And if you truly
take care of you,
you will be amazed
at how much girls like Sheena
start lining up at your front door.
Great.
Yeah, you know, you just gotta separate
yourself from the pack in some way.
Excel at something, you know,
and then you have your pick of the litter
when them front-running hussies
start sniffing around.
So what you're saying is
I should take up lacrosse.
Exactly. Or you could,
you know, start a band.
Worked for me a long time ago.
I think it's still working for Jimmy.
- [chuckles]
- Or you just keep taking pictures.
She hated the pictures I took of her.
All right.
I'm sick to death of her, okay?
I only met her a few times.
And, yes, she was cute, all right?
But truth be told,
I always thought she was a little bit —
you know,
a little bit too square for you.
You know, not quite the same vibe.
- You really thought that?
- On some subtle, lower level.
I mean, uh,
I wasn't surprised when it turned out
she was interested in some
knucklehead lacrosse player, okay?
I mean, the bottom line is
it's all timing with these things.
Yeah.
I mean, uh, take your mom and me.
I think I've probably turned
into the boring castrated guy
she wanted me to be
I'm not saying she was wrong
to be pissed. I'm not.
I'm just saying that she could've
been a little more patient,
a little more forgiving.
Would've saved me that parade
of drunken assholes.
So what's the point?
Of what?
I don't know. Any of this. Everything.
Everything?
What's the point?
I mean, I sure as sh*t don't know.
Neither does anybody else, okay?
We're all just... winging it, you know?
The good news is you're feeling stuff.
You know?
And you got to hold on to that.
You do. I mean, you get older
and you don't feel as much.
Your skin gets tougher.
The point is those pictures you took —
thousands of submissions
from all over the state, and you won.
Well, I got silver.
- And nine other people did too.
- I'm gonna k*ll you.
I'm trying to tell you that I believe in you, Mason.
I think you're really special.
And if some girl doesn't see that,
then f*ck her, you know?
JIMMY: Hey, this next one goes out
to a young man in the house.
- Whoo-hoo!
- Known him since he was just a small boy.
Now he's all graduated from high school
and making me feel old.
Happy high school graduation, Mason.
♪ [song intro: blues rock]
Thank you.
Okay, guys, let's be clear.
I'm gonna break this into four categories.
One - anything you wanna keep
from your childhood and you're taking with you.
Two — throwing away.
Three — donating.
Four — whatever you wanna try to sell
at the garage sale next weekend.
Whatever we don't sell, we're donating.
Doesn't the apartment have,
like, an attic or storage or something?
No. You're missing the point.
We're not gonna drag a bunch of crap
to Mom's tiny apartment.
Can't believe we're moving again.
No, I'm moving.
You moved two years ago.
You have an apartment in Austin.
Mason is moving in the fall.
I'm done.
This will be great for me.
I'll have all these options.
I can take a sabbatical.
I can get some writing done,
try to get published.
What about Christmas though?
What are we gonna do?
I'm not sharing a room with him.
One of you will sleep on the couch,
and we'll use that blow-up mattress.
How am I supposed to do my laundry?
Sam, I'm gently pushing you
out of the nest.
And on your way down,
you may magically find some quarters
that you use to do laundry
in your own apartment.
Come on, you guys are adults.
You need to take some responsibility.
Now, what do you want?
I'm gonna get the veggie burger.
I'm not having anything.
I'm not hungry.
What's wrong with you?
I'm sick.
What is it, your head?
Do you have a fever?
She's pregnant.
No. To be honest,
I drank way too much last night.
- You weren't driving, were you?
- No. No.
Carrie's back home, too,
and we just hung out.
You know, peach Smirnoffs,
they just go down so easy.
No, no. Hey. That's not an excuse.
You could still pack boxes.
These people wanna move in
as soon as possible.
Hi, guys. I'm Ernesto. How are you?
Uh, you probably don't remember me,
but I worked on your septic line years ago.
Oh, yeah.
Believe it or not, you changed my life.
You told me that day that I was smart
and that I should go to school.
I took your advice.
I signed up for English classes,
and then a year later I went to community
college, and I got my associate's degree.
I'm working on my bachelor's now
at Texas State
and also one of the managers here.
That's great.
Uh, it's good to see you.
Because I really wanted a chance
to-to thank you for that. Gracias.
It really meant a lot to me.
Don't worry about lunch.
- It's on me. It's the least I can do.
- Thanks.
You guys should listen to her.
She's a smart lady.
Thank you.
Isn't that kind of crazy, though,
that a computer knows who you are
from just 20 questions off a form?
I guess there are really only, like,
eight types of people in the world.
I mean, there are subsets,
like male and female,
but apparently we're not as unique
as we wanna think we are.
Have you even talked to this guy yet?
No, but we've been trading e-mails.
He seems pretty cool.
He's studying literature
and anthropology.
And he's way into Bright Eyes,
so that's not so bad.
But anyways, he was telling me
about how the system they use
for assigning roommates
is kind of spooky.
Like, the freshman satisfaction rate
for new roommates
used to be, like, 60%.
And now it's a hundred...
just ‘cause of the computer.
Well, sounds like he'll
be a good roommate then.
Yeah.
But we've pretty much decided that soon
they won't even need a questionnaire
‘cause they'll just let
the NSA scan your digital ghost,
and they'll tell you who your roommate is
based on everything you've ever said,
written or clicked.
Did you — Did you put this in here again?
I don't want it.
Come on, it's the first picture
you ever took.
Well, I mean, all the more reason
to leave it behind, right?
- What?
- [sniffles] Nothing.
No, what is it?
Nothing.
Mom.
This is the worst day of my life.
- What are you talking about?
- I knew this day was coming.
I didn't know you were gonna be
so f*cking happy to be leaving.
I mean, it's not that I'm that happy.
What do you —
What do you expect?
You know what I'm realizing?
My life is just gonna go — like that.
This series of milestones.
Getting married, having kids, getting divorced.
The time that we thought you were dyslexic.
When I taught you how to ride a bike.
Getting divorced again.
Getting my master's degree.
Finally getting the job I wanted.
Sending Samantha off to college.
Sending you off to college.
You know what's next? Huh?
It's my f*cking funeral.
Just go, and leave my picture!
Aren't you jumping ahead
by, like, 40 years or something?
I just thought there would be more.
♪ Let me go ♪
♪ I don't wanna be your hero ♪
♪ I don't wanna be a big man ♪
♪ Just wanna fight with everyone else ♪
♪ Your masquerade ♪
♪ I don't wanna be a part of your parade ♪
♪ Everyone deserves a chance to ♪
♪ Walk with everyone else ♪
♪ While holding down ♪
♪ A job to keep my girl around ♪
♪ And maybe buy me some new strings ♪
♪ And her and I out on the weekends ♪
♪ And we can whisper things ♪
♪ Secrets from our American dreams ♪
♪ Baby needs some protection ♪
♪ But I'm a kid like everyone else ♪
♪ So let me go ♪
♪ I don't wanna be your hero ♪
♪ I don't wanna be a big man ♪
♪ I just wanna fight like everyone else ♪
♪ [fading]
Hey, you must be Mason.
Yeah. Dalton, right?
- Yeah, man, it's nice to finally meet you.
- Definitely.
- Uh, you cool with this side of the room?
- Yeah.
Got in this morning.
Just moved my sh*t in, man.
- Well, yeah. I don't — I don't care. No worries.
- Cool.
Can I help you with anything, man?
Any bags?
I just got, like, one box left.
I packed pretty light.
- But I appreciate it.
- My pleasure, man. Of course.
Um, are you going
to the orientation mixer thing?
Orientation mixer thing?
f*ck no, man.
I'm not going to that,
and neither are you, by the way.
- We got way better stuff to be doing.
- All right.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Hey, Barb, this is my roommate, Mason.
Mason, Barb.
- Hi.
- BARB: Hey.
- You comin' with us?
- Where are you going?
- Hiking.
- Yeah, man, you should come.
If we leave now, we can catch
the late afternoon at Big Bend.
- You ever been before, man?
- Yeah, but not since I was really little.
Oh, well, then all the more reason
to come now, man.
That's why we're here, dude.
Oh, Mason.
This is Nicole, Barb's roommate.
Hey, what's up?
Hi.
Mason, Nicole.
- So, you game?
- Sure.
Here. Have the rest of this.
Got it timed perfectly.
It'll kick in when we get to the mountains.
- Awesome.
- DALTON: Let's go.
MASON:
Do they let you major in that here?
NICOLE:
Well, it's not that serious here,
so I kind of, like, train
outside of the university,
but I'm taking all my basics
like History of Dance and all that.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- What do you teach?
- Oh, gosh.
- Uh, ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, hip-hop.
- Wow.
Which one's your favorite?
- Tap.
- Yeah?
Yeah. You get to, like, make up all
your own sounds, and there's no rules.
And just, like, creative freedom.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
That's why I love teaching it
‘cause it's so beautiful to me
and it's kind of dying away
in this generation,
so to be a part of, like,
bringing it back to the kids —
- Right.
- it's really rewarding.
- Yeah.
- How old are they?
- Six to eight.
- Wow.
Yeah. They have, like, no fear,
and they're not self-conscious at all.
They haven't reached
the awkward years yet.
Yeah, not yet. It's coming.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Dalton, Barb howling]
[both howling]
Dalton can be crazy sometimes.
- He seems cool though.
- Yeah.
Yeah, they're both really cool.
How are you feeling?
Great.
Really great, to be honest.
Good.
I'm really happy
that you're hangin' out with us.
Yeah.
Me too.
DALTON:
This moment's having a multiple orgasm.
It-It's as if all of time
has unfolded before us
so we could stand here
and look out and scream, “f*ck yeah!”
Whoo!
You know how everyone's always saying,
“Seize the moment”?
I don't know. I'm kind of thinking
it's the other way around.
You know, like, the moment seizes us.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know. It's —
It's constant, the moments.
It's just —
It's like it's always right now, you know?
Yeah.
MAN:
♪ Here ♪
♪ In my place and time ♪
♪ And here in my own skin ♪
♪ can finally begin ♪
♪ Let the century pass me by ♪
♪ Standing under a night sky ♪
♪ Tomorrow means nothing ♪
SIS
♪ Was only a child then ,
♪ Feeling barely alive when ♪
♪ Heard a song from a speaker
of a passing car ♪
♪ And prayed to a dying star ♪
♪ The memory's fading ♪
♪ I can almost remember singing ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ Ooh-whoo ♪
♪ Wes
♪ Watched the end of the century ♪
♪ Compressed on a tiny screen ♪
♪ A dead star collapsing
and we could see ♪
♪ That something was ending ♪
♪ Are you through pretending ♪
♪ We saw the signs in the suburbs? ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Could never predict it ♪
♪ That it could see through you ♪
♪ Kasparov, Deep Blue, 1996 ♪
♪ Your mind's playing tricks now ♪
♪ Show is over, so take a bow ♪
♪ We're living in the shadows ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ Ooh-whoo ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Put the cell phone down for a while ♪
♪ In the night there is something wild ♪
♪ Can you hear it breathing? ♪
♪ And hey ♪
♪ Put the laptop down for a while ♪
♪ In the night there is something wild ♪
♪ I feel it
It's leaving me ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ Summer noon
I can always stay ♪
♪ To radiate what the cello can't play ♪
♪ She spoke to me
and provoked my band ♪
♪ And I broke in two
in the heat of her hand ♪
♪ Like a lioness or a coyote ♪
♪ At a pink beating heart
in the balcony ♪
♪ I followed the finger
fo the creature's gate ♪
♪ In the hubbub
where the pitiful congregate ♪
♪ I thought there was a note
that I could not hear ♪
♪ So I floated to the whisper
up against my ear ♪
♪ Afterwards, I found
my place in the trash ♪
♪ Really at the core of It,
it wasn't so bad ♪
♪ Never leave your mother's womb ♪
♪ Unless you wanna see how hard
a broken heart can swoon ♪
♪ Unless you wanna see how hard
a broken heart can swoon J.
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Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
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Boyhood! (2014)
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