- We descend into Times Square
with this strange, icy fortress.
- Can I just heave that sh*t off me?
- You fling the entire chrysalis
off into the sky.
- What?
- No!
- Oh, is that Santa?
- Santa!
- Santa!
- Ah, it's crushing me!
- Hang on, Santa, I'm coming to get you.
- You leap up and fully
decapitate the entire—
- Holy cow!
- Holy sh*t!
- What
the f*ck happened here?
The sleigh, where's my sleigh?
- Still in the park.
- You guys arrive in Central Park.
A full centaur walks up.
Any idea what happened here?
- I saw some pixie stuff around here.
- Maybe it was somebody trying to cover up
and make it look like it was pixies
because underneath it was infernal.
- It's gone.
- The sleigh?
- What's gone, Santa?
- My list.
- How powerful is this list?
- It's extremely important
that we find this list
and get it back.
- I will say that there has been
this dark force inviting me.
- That sounds like something
you all should check out.
- Welcome back, one and
all, to The Unsleeping City.
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan.
These are our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- And last we left them off,
they were near the
promenade in Central Park
in a version of New York
with magic around every corner, indeed.
But we have gotten our first
taste of The Unsleeping City.
Santa Claus' sleigh has just
been flown away
by jolly old Saint Nick himself,
and his eight tiny reindeer.
- Bye Santa, we love you.
- And the cops who perceives it
as a Toyota Camry being towed away
due to the strange umbral
arcana that prevents New Yorkers
from noticing pretty much
anything weird happening,
have now begun to disband.
You guys see Officer Epona
Cirillo, a centaur cop,
has entered now this
piece of Santa's dashboard
with this strange fae runes,
some infernal underneath it.
She's taking that to go
enter it into evidence.
The wind kicks up, a little
bit of snow flies around.
You six companions,
bedraggled by some combat,
but all standing at this point,
now stand here in snowy Central Park
as the crowd kind of chatters
and talks to each other
about this crazy car crash.
Can you believe this sh*t?
Some f*ck' drunk driver
must have taken a car
right into the tree, man, I tell ya.
You are left with each other,
snow whipping around you,
the cold, brisk, New York
day late in the afternoon.
Pete, you feel that sweet peppermint tooth
still in your head.
Look around.
Sofia, you now see the
centaur walking away
that a mere three days ago
would have just looked
like a horse cop to you,
and the rest of these denizens
of The Unsleeping City,
you guys all know
that something very strange
indeed has happened.
What do you guys wanna do?
- Hey Pete, lemme see you old tooth there.
- Like my—
- Yeah, your—
- Should I just rip it out?
I don't want this in my mouth.
- No, no, no.
- It's gonna rot in my teeth.
- Ah, it's not appropriate.
- Nobody has to be
rippin' teeth out, all right?
- Let's have a vote.
I say rip it out.
- I agree with Kug.
- Okay, I don't like any of this.
As the trained medical professional here,
nobody's rippin' teeth
out of nobody's mouth.
- Truthfully, I just said
it 'cause it sounded fun.
- You know what?
Ultimately, Pete, it's up to you.
- I can't be missing a
tooth and selling drugs.
That's too dangerous.
- That's true.
- Probably shouldn't be
doing that either, yeah.
- These days, people hold drug dealers
to a very high standard.
- I'm gonna leave the
tooth in and keep sellin'.
- Can I look at it very closely?
- Yeah.
- Okay, I pry
open his mouth and look in.
- The dirtiest rat fingers of all time.
- I mean, Kugrash, you're
supposed to wear gloves
or something, man.
- Hey, it's fine, it's fine.
You go camping, you're touching the dirt,
and you're sleepin', you
do whatever, who cares?
- Where are you camping?
- You touched the dirt?
- I camp every night.
I live in the subway station.
- Don't worry, I've
eaten so many sandwiches
from his dirty hands.
- Kugrash, what are you rolling right now?
- A medicine check, maybe.
- Yeah, got for it!
- Cool.
g*dd*mn it.
Ooh, 23.
- Yeah, absolutely!
Well, you take a look.
The peppermint tooth, it
seems that Kingston's vaccine
that he put in there earlier
has fully stopped his
transformation, but it looks...
This shouldn't be here.
Kingston's medicine should
have reverted his tooth
back to regular bone.
Something about the intrinsic
nature of Pete's DNA
or maybe even something more profound
and spiritual than that
is keeping this peppermint tooth here.
And though it tastes sweet,
you don't see it corroding.
You don't see the saliva
eating away at it at all.
If you had to guess, you
had a very good roll.
If you had to guess,
the tooth is there because it wants to be
and something about
Pete means it's more fun
if it's there than if it's not.
- Hmm.
I mean, it's fine, it's fine.
It's just a f*ck' peppermint tooth.
- Good.
Good, it's fine.
- I don't know, you
got a peppermint tooth.
- Here's some multivitamins
if you wanna just take one
if you're worried about the swelling.
- Oh yeah, I haven't swallowed
a pill in four hours.
- So it was really all a crock of sh*t?
- They're a crock of sh*t.
- We're talking
Vitamin C, B12.
- Truly.
- Should we talk to the wizards who—
- We should come out and see.
- Yeah, you should go.
- Oh, I think they have
a place near here, right?
- Real quick, 'cause
I'm kinda new to this.
Magic is just real?
- Yeah, pretty much.
- Yeah, I actually
wanna check in with you two.
Are you guys doin' okay?
- I was gonna say.
- You guys woke up this morning and—
- You just talked to you privately.
- You wanna talk to me?
- I would love to just
run and get dumplings
with Kingston and be outside.
- Hey, you wanna grab
some coffee real quick?
- Yeah.
- Hey, we're gonna go grab
some coffee for everyone.
Do we wanna head somewhere?
Do we wanna go talk to Alejandro
at the Gramercy Occult Society?
Maybe let him know what's going on
with all the information we just got?
- Yeah.
- That's not a bad idea.
You guys can walk ahead.
- Yeah, we'll walk ahead.
- And do you guys want,
maybe someone could just refresh me on
what you guys talk about.
I just wanna know what's
going on with magic.
- I wasn't gonna do it this publicly,
but you know what, it happens.
I don't really know if
I jive with any of you,
but Kingston, I feel I can trust you.
- Darling!
- I got some questions.
- Here's the deal.
Magic is real and you get to see it.
Isn't that great?
- Let's go get some coffee.
- It's so fun!
- Okay.
- Will you talk to her?
- That's enough for me, I suppose.
- As you guys head off,
you see that the actual
natural movements of the crowd
as you get toward Columbus
Circle and start walking,
it's not too far of a walk
from here to Bryant Park
and the public library
there, so you guys head off.
The crowd naturally moves around Kingston
and creates a little pocket of privacy.
You guys stop.
You have never in your life
seen a dumpling cart in New York.
- Yuck!
- But you go up
and you see that there's
a guy standing there
who looks around for a second and goes,
"Ey, Kingston, bro!"
- Hey Ricky, good to see you, man.
How are you?
- How's it going?
I appreciate, good to see
you, man, you're looking fit.
You're looking good.
- Hey, I like the mustache.
Is that new?
- That is very new.
My girlfriend, she like
the wax of the mustache.
- Oh, okay, I see, man.
- She say she want to
f*ck the Pringles guy.
What you can do, huh?
- Oh.
- Hey, that's her business, right?
- It's my business now, too.
You know how it goes!
- Okay!
Hey, my friend's tryin' to
get a couple of dumplings.
Can you hook it up?
- Yeah!
Can I get some hot and
sour pork dumplings?
- Oh for sure!
You want some hot and sour pork.
He reaches in,
throws some dumplings.
You get these little plastic containers.
It smells so good.
- f*ck.
- He gives you these
huge, heaping containers.
You have these little
spoons that go in 'em.
- I'm rolling a blunt.
I'm not about to eat this sober.
- Okay.
- My name's Ricky, too.
My name's Ricky, too.
- Oh, Ricky!
You're named Ricky, as well?
- Yeah.
- Nice to meet you, man.
Here, and he says, "Hold out your hand."
Hot, wet dumpling right in your hand.
- Thanks.
- Whoa!
- You see, he puts these in there.
You immediately eat this dumpling.
You regain, it's been about
a short rest amount of time,
but you do regain five hit points
from eating this.
- Oh, cool.
- Kingston, I'm not
sure if you're full or not,
but you regain five hit points as well.
- Great.
- You guys walk away
from the dumpling cart
chowing down on these bad boys.
They are so tasty and delicious.
- I'm smoking and eating,
so I'm kinda just like,
almost like drinking the dumpling.
- So you're full, you'd have
to hork down an unchewed dumpling
and smoke the spliff in the middle—
- Oh, it's blueberry!
I should've just picked a natural roll.
- Yeah, so you guys have a
weird little amount of privacy
and the noise of the snow,
there's this beautiful thing.
New York is a very noisy city,
but with the thick snow
around you right now,
it's actually kind of muffled
and you realize that
you're having a hard time
hearing the people around you
and you have a feeling that anything
you were to say right
now would not be heard,
something about the confidence
you're keeping with Kingston
means that what you're saying
wouldn't be heard outside of
your conversation right now.
- Cool.
Hey, so what is going on?
What the f*ck is going on?
- Well, you mean with all the
magic and the Santa Claus,
and all that bullshit?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Welcome to The Unsleeping City.
New York exists in a plane of existence
where just below it is The Unsleeping City
and just above it is Nod
or the Sixth Borough,
and so New York is this magical place
where The Unsleeping City,
which has all these
fantastical, magical elements
that you keep seeing and
sh*t, bleeds into New York.
I don't know what has happened to you,
but you, unlike most people in the city,
are now able to see all this bullshit,
trolls that Central Parks
in, all of that sh*t.
- I just thought I was always f*cked up.
I've been taking so
many drugs for so long.
I've seen all this stuff for a while.
but I just thought, oh
yeah, I was tripping.
- Yeah, well, for a while you were,
but now something has
clearly happened to you
with that weird sh*t
that happened back in my nurse's office.
There's clearly some magic
has been imbued in you.
- f*ck.
- Hey, don't fret.
It's gonna be all right, okay?
You are in good company.
Me and Misty have been
doing this for a long time.
We're gonna talk to Alejandro.
- Is this a full-time job
or do I still have my life?
- You can still have a life,
but I'll tell ya, it's
gonna be a wild one.
- f*ck.
- That's f*cked—
- Hey, sorry, I just
think this is information
that I also really need
to know, I don't want—
- Kugrash is using his little rat ears
and just translating for you,
but in a shitty Kugrash way.
- Oh, okay.
- So there's a real New York
and there's a f*cking fake one.
You're in the real one now,
so there's f*ck' magic everywhere.
We're gonna save the world and
sh*t like how we saved Santa,
like that but all the time
without f*cking everything.
- Is this a full-time job?
- Eh, it's gonna be a wild one.
- A wild job I'm in?
- Yeah.
- As you guys walk along,
the exact opposite of what's
happening to Kingston and Pete
is happening to you guys
because you can't go f*cking
five feet in the city
without people being like, "Misty!"
- Oh, darling, darling.
- God, I'm so sorry to bother you.
I'm here with my kids, can you believe it?
We're doing a trip for
the holidays.
- I love that!
I love it.
New York, it's the
greatest city in the world.
- Ah, you're telling me!
I always dreamed of coming here.
It was this or Paris, and we just couldn't
with my mom.
- Oh, me too, I love Paris,
but New York is New York!
- Oh my god, we see the
Broadway shows and everything
and the Statue of Liberty's from France,
so it's almost like an extra free trip!
- Exactly, exactly!
There's so many beautiful French monuments
right here in New York City.
- You're just talking to
me like a regular person.
I can't even believe it.
- Oh, stop, everybody's a regular person.
- You see that as you continue talking
to this family from the
Midwest, their smiles light up,
and again their adoration
wisps off of them
in streams of gold and
silver and purple and pink.
You see she says,
"Well, thank you so much for
taking the time, Miss Moore.
"You didn't have to and
it really means a lot."
- Please, I love my fans.
It's not even my fans,
you're like my family.
- Oh my God!
Can you believe someone
would say something so nice?
You see that they all chatter excitedly.
The dad, who's up to this
point said absolutely nothing,
just let his wife and his
two daughters talk to you,
leans in and says, "I
thought your performance
"in that revamp of
Assassins was remarkable.
"I thought it was really remarkable."
- Stephen Sondheim, my dear Stephen,
it's such an astonishing talent,
and to be alive when he is alive,
we're all just so lucky.
- "I mean you're a vision,
and I'm sorry, I gotta go."
He turns and walks away.
Yeah, you guys continue
walking down the street.
You eventually arrive at
the public library again
where you see the two giant stone lions
turn to look at you guys.
"Well, well, well, it seems
our friends have returned.
"And how fared the
battle in Times Square?"
- We're alive.
- Honestly, yeah, pretty good.
- We did well.
- Santa's alive.
- Santa's alive, k*lled
a bunch of mutants.
- I personally had a great time.
- If I had to be honest, I
think that we saved Christmas.
- Well, Christmas is saved.
Splendid, splendid!
Someone needs to save it every year.
For that thing to go off,
it's a tremendous amount
of effort, certainly.
Well, as we have said before,
we are Orlando and Rubeus,
the guardians of the
Gramercy Occult Society.
My brother always lies,
I always tell the truth.
Wait, hold on.
- I start to walk in.
- Wait, hold it!
A few of the stairs lower.
We're gonna get this right one time!
You guys descend through
the staircase, walking down,
crazy M.C. Escher steps and
this golden, warm, brown light,
the clicking of that tile,
there's so much echo-y
goodness in this place
when you're in that giant
stone kind of civic building.
Tick, tick, tick of
your shoes on the stone.
Open a pair of doors.
You see Esther is here, as is Alejandro.
Alejandro has his little flat cap off.
You can see his sort of bald head
with a little wrap around of white hair.
He looks down.
You see that Anna and Emilia,
who both look to be in their,
maybe, late teens, early 20s,
sort of college age,
you see that they are laid back in chairs
and that they have some injuries on them
and they smell strongly of mint.
Strong mint smell.
- Well, now that I'm magic,
I might have some healing,
so I go over to them and
I lay my hands on them.
- You see that they look
up, one looks up and says,
"Who the f*ck are you?
"Who the f*ck are you?"
- Hi, Sofia Bicicletta, newly magic,
experimenting with my limitations.
- You see Alejandro looks
over to you and says,
"She can heal people or is this?"
- No, not at all.
But she helped us, so we're
trying to roll her in soft.
- She's trying.
She's doing a really good job, girl.
I could lay a hand on someone.
- Can I come and just put an
arm around her and be like,
hey, remember when you did a full flip
around the Santa Claus rip?
That's your sh*t.
- Okay.
Okay.
- This is not your magic.
- I am so sorry.
- You take the hands off of them.
Kingston, you go to work on these two—
- You do other cool sh*t, I promise.
- Okay.
- I promise.
- Okay, I'm not a healer.
I have just learned, thank you.
- Pretty good.
- You see that Anna looks over at you
who's one of the twins
who's on the left and goes,
"So basically, a bunch of these f*cked up
"Santa Clauses came out,
we were on 34th Street."
You see Emilia goes,
"We're not on 34th Street.
"We were on 5th Avenue."
But they came out, "Okay, but no,
"we were rounding the
corner onto 34th Street."
- Ladies, all we need to
know is what happened.
- Sorry, it's
just my sister is like.
- No, I understand, but what happened?
- Well, basically, we were going on patrol
'cause we knew that the
clones were gonna be out
'cause Santa kinda was happening
and a bunch of these mutants came out
that were not bumbling around.
They charged straight for us and bit us
and now it feels like my bones
are turning to peppermint or something.
- Mm.
Do I have what I need
or do I need to go back
to do what I did for Pete?
- Give me a medicine check.
We'll see—
- Can I?
- If you have
the ability to do it now.
- Can I do a check and see
if I recognize any of it?
- Nine.
- Nine? Yeah, you need to
take them to the hospital.
- Okay.
- Go ahead.
Yeah, give me a flat charisma check.
- Mm, cool.
- You see that Emilia
and Anna both turn up,
look at you, and there eyes go wide.
You have definitely sold weed
to these two many, many times.
You see they go, "Whoa!
"Oh man, who are all these new people?
"Are they all new to The Unsleeping City?
"I've never seen either of
these two people before.
"They are both brand new,
"both this person and
especially this person,
"not yet, I haven't—"
- I think we've met
at a party, yeah.
- You?
What?
- We met at a party
raising money for a political candidate.
- You see that Alejandro
looks over and says,
"I had no idea you two were
getting involved in politics.
"That is so good to be civic-minded.
"That's incredible!
"Who was the candidate?"
- Oh, it was someone who
didn't end up going forward,
which is a bummer.
- Honestly, I think
politics is so important
and every year I do one of those videos
where I tell people to vote with a bunch
of other theater people.
- Oh, people love those.
- People love those videos!
- I lean into them and I'm like,
"But we are taking donations
for someone really similar
"and they're really good,
what we've heard recently,
"they're really good.
"So it's 25 a pop.
"And she'll really
appreciate your support."
- Oh my god.
- I was talking to Alejandro?
- Are you done?
- Yeah, I was talking to Alejandro.
- He says, "Cool, yeah, absolutely!
"I would be happy to
donate, let me see here.
"Do you take Paypal, Venmo,
or anything like that?"
- Yeah, I definitely take Venmo.
- I hand you $100.
- Great!
- That's a lot for me.
- Thank you everyone, thanks.
- You see Anna and Emilia
look at you and they say,
"Could me and my sister split a donation?"
- You could, yeah.
Absolutely.
- Cool.
- It's definitely splittable.
- It's enough to—
- I actually
donated earlier this morning
and then had some dumplings
and it was a great choice.
- They both nod.
- I thought you smoked weed
before you had the dumplings.
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
- You see that Esther
crosses her arms and says,
"This is the most poorly veiled innuendo
"I've ever heard in my life.
"Alejandro, this young
man is a drug dealer."
You see that Alejandro
says, "How could you tell?
"It seemed like he was so civic-minded."
And you see she says, "He's
talking about selling weed
"to your granddaughters."
You see, he looks and says,
"Well, they're adults,
"it's their business, no problem of mine."
- f*ck yeah.
- Esther, are you a
politically-minded person?
'Cause I'm trying to get more involved.
- Yeah, yes,
I'm politically-minded.
- That's awesome.
- Mostly I do a lot of canvassing
for causes over candidates, generally.
- Oh!
- There's a lot of rent justice
and trying to fight for
neighborhoods to be preserved,
things like that.
- Oh, for sure.
G*ntrification is ruining everything.
- Hey, real talk.
- Where do you live?
- Hmm?
- Where do you live?
- Brooklyn.
- Nice.
- But I live in Polish Brooklyn, okay?
It's f*cking different.
- Hey, real quick,
I'ma go get medicine for these
ladies' peppermint bones.
I'll be back in 25, 30 minutes.
- I'll go with you.
- Yeah, I'll also go with you.
- Everyone!
- Can I casually
put my hand on the other
twin that I didn't touch
and just try to heal real quick, again?
- Give me a medicine check real quick.
- I got a 16.
- A 16?
You see that she goes,
"That's not helping,
"but it does feel good."
- All right, okay.
Magic of love, there's something to it.
- Can I try and lay on hands them?
- Yeah, got for it.
- For five points,
it says I can cure disease.
- Yeah, absolutely!
Ricky, you lay hands on one of them
and you see that
this light glows through them
and you can feel the disease, the virus,
being arrested in her body.
It's still present there,
but it looks like it's not
going to spread any farther
while they get to the hospital.
- Cool.
- Cool!
See Alejandro says, "All
right, let's get these girls
"to the hospital.
"Perhaps I can come along with you
"and we can discuss
everything that has happened."
- Hey, we all talk on the bus.
- You guys leave the public
library with Alejandro.
You see Esther looks
at Alejandro and says,
"Al, you want me to stay here?"
And he says, "If you could
keep an eye on the society,
"that would be for the best."
She looks at you and says,
'cause you're still a
little injured, right or no?
- Yes, I guess I am.
- You see she says, "You all right, Ricky?
"You look pretty beat up."
- Oh, it's just part of the
whole thing, right?
I'm a little hurt, yeah.
- She nods and says, "Well,
hopefully get Kingston
"to take care of that.
"I also heard that you
decapitated the big guy, right?"
- Yeah, I got kinda
caught up in the situation
and I k*lled the mutant Santa
that was the biggest one, so I don't know.
It was just such a
threat, so just had to—
- I'm watching because I'm just fascinated
by this level of macho.
And I'm just like, "g*dd*mn."
- All right, well, thanks for hitting
the talking points with me, Ricky.
- Used two hands on it.
- I appreciate it.
- And I jumped through the air.
Clean off.
- Great!
I'm gonna look after some
of the goings on here.
We gotta take care of the
engine, so best of luck.
You guys head off, catch
the bus as it heads up town.
As you're sitting on the bus
headed back towards St. Owen's,
Alejandro looks over at you and says,
"Peter, Peter, it's a very—"
- I take out my headphones
'cause I'm wearing them
like a teen on a road trip.
- You see he says, "So I
took a quick arcane scan
"of your body and spirit before you left
"to deal with the menace in Times Square.
"This is a very special moment
"in the history of The Unsleeping City.
"Peter, you are what is
known in arcane circles
"as a vox phantasmas.
"Do you know what this means?"
- No.
Fox?
- Vox, which is Latin for voice.
And then phantasmas to mean an apparition
or in this case a dream.
- I'm a voice for the dreams?
- That is correct.
- I'm a dream voice.
- A dream voice, it's true.
There are certain people
within The Unsleeping City
who occupy positions of
important weight and gravity.
Not myself.
As a wizard, I have had to
bust my a*s my whole life,
work very hard to study
magic to get to this point,
but I'm not complaining.
There are certain people who
are instead innately magical
because of how they are born
or because forces and
entities speak through them.
Kingston is one such person.
You are another.
There has not been a vox
phantasmas in this city
since, I believe, the mid-1920s.
In the history of New York,
there has never been a vox phantasmas
and a vox populi at the same time.
- And a what?
- I'm the vox populi.
- What's that?
- As it was explained to me
long ago, I am the spirit,
the spirits of New York City saw fit
to give me the strength
and powers and blessings
of New York itself
'Cause I was doing my part,
New York invested its energy in me,
and thus I was, about 30 years ago,
I don't know, able to do magic.
I'm assuming, I guess,
similar to what you're
going through right now,
I woke up one day and I could touch people
and make them feel better.
I didn't need any of the medicine or tools
that I had spent years learning
how to do the exact same thing.
- You see that Alejandro nods and says,
"New York is a place of incredible power
"for a number of reasons.
"Much of the magic of The Unsleeping City
"comes from the interplay
between the waking world
"and the dreaming, what we
call Nod, the Sixth Borough.
"The Unsleeping City is the place
"where those two planes touch
"and we find that beings from one place
"can enter into another.
"I will say as well here that
"there are opposing
forces in certain cases.
"The magic of the vox populi
"comes from the power of the waking world,
"the places and people of New York itself.
"Your power does not come from that.
"It comes from the New
York of the other side.
"Tell me, Peter, have
you had any interactions
"with beings, entities, or locals
"that would perhaps
deviate from the norm?"
- No.
- No?
- Mm-mm.
- That is highly unlikely!
- I make a look at Kingston.
He's like, I'm not answering
anymore questions from this guy.
- You're a dodgy m*therf*cker.
- Young man, I think you'll
find it easier around here
if you just start to tell the truth.
- Tell him, Misty.
- Because whatever sh*t
you think that you've seen,
we've seen worse, and more.
- I just—
- And let me tell you—
- All right, if you guys are
cops, you have to tell me.
Do you know that's the law?
If you're cops—
- Hey, I'm a rat, right?
- That man's a rat, we're
on a magical bus, you—
- I'm definitely not a cop.
- This just feels like the
most elaborate sting operation.
Now you're asking me
if I've ever seen anyone—
- And let me tell you.
- Nefarious.
- The Voice of Dreams back in the 1920s
was a g*dd*mn delight.
It was so much fun, it was the 1920s,
everything was roaring—
- What was that person like?
- Oh my god, so fun!
Threw the most amazing parties.
She was fabulous.
- Huh!
- She was really something
else, Josephina Gatsby.
- Oh, loved her.
- My love, she was great.
You see that Alejandro
looks at you and says,
"I will tell you two things now.
"Number one, I promise you on my word,
"as a wizard and as someone
"who wants only the best
for his city, I'm not a cop.
"Secondly, I watched you
actively try to sell drugs
"to my two granddaughters
not more than 10 minutes ago.
"So if this was a string,
"probably I would have
leaned into the microphone
"and say so by now."
- Yeah, okay.
- Something to consider.
- Also, cops don't have
to tell you they're cops.
- Oh, that's extremely important.
- You should know that by now!
- Really?
- They really
don't have to tell you.
- They don't.
That's stupid!
It's a very stupid thing to believe.
- But then in court, it could
get thrown out if they lie.
- No!
- Pete, just tell them
the stuff, g*dd*mn it.
- All right, f*cking fine!
I take a microdose of acid pill
out of my pocket and swallow it.
Great.
All right.
Yeah, okay, so I saw
someone k*lled my dad,
but not like it's a sad
way, like in a good way.
- What?
- Then there was a big happy face button.
Someone asked me to push it and I did
and he said, "Spread the word, I'm free."
And I think his name was...
f*ck!
Lazarus.
He said, "Spread the
news I'm leaving today."
So whoever Lazarus is, I let
out by pushing the button.
- Your dad's dead?
- Yeah, what was that part?
- He's a piece of sh*t, man.
- I mean.
- Okay.
- He sucked and I guess
I do feel in contact
with this voice still.
- So there is a voice in
dreams that you spoke to
and released from some kind of bondage.
- That's kinda what it felt like, yeah.
- Okay, that has the
potential to be very bad.
That has the potential to be very bad.
That has the potential
to be extremely bad.
So what I will say to you now is this.
It is important that you learn
to govern these abilities.
You are dealing with an
extreme amount of power.
That power, if wielded recklessly,
could tear this city apart.
So I know it is not fair to you,
but you have become someone
of great significance,
and your decisions,
should they be reckless,
selfish, and dangerous,
will carry an impact far
greater than they would have,
even a week before now.
Are you about to microdose again?
Does that feel responsible?
- Pete, what are you doing?
- I mean, at what point does a microdose—
- It's so little, it's so
little, the kind I dose.
- I gotta say, I think
that what Pete is doing,
there could be some value for that.
There hasn't been enough
research into what—
- There is research out
there, there's just this—
- There's research out there!
- Psychedelics would do for—
- It's not micro-dosing if
you keep taking it, right?
- It was two small micro-doses.
- Pete, I can get you
a guest pass to my gym.
- What?
- We can do some sets together.
We can just hit shoulders.
- I mean, I'll think about it, man,
that's really nice.
- They got a spectator pass?
- Really?
- You guys pull up to the hospital.
- I don't know!
- You guys pull up to the hospital,
you get off, Anna and
Emilia walk with you.
Go ahead and make some
medicine checks with advantage.
- Oh, threes.
- Whoa!
- Okay, great, that's 18.
Less than 18.
And that's very high, it's 26
and 25, so 18 and—
- 26.
- 18, 26.
- You go ahead, you perfectly
cure Anna, and then Emilia,
who actually was the one
who had the virus stopped,
you're able to take it
the rest of the way over
and they are both healed.
- Nice.
- You see Alejandro looks over and says,
"I know we're in a hospital.
"Is it cool if I light up in here or no?"
- In my office, sure.
Everywhere else?
- I'd actually prefer you not.
- He nods.
You see he takes this
old, crazy wooden pipe
and puts it back in his coat.
- I hand him a Juul.
Here you go, man.
- What is this?
What am I looking at right now?
- It's an e-cigarette, you can
plug it into your computer.
That one is cucumber habanero flavored.
It's just like a tobacco pipe, my brother.
- Peter, this is extremely rad.
Can I buy this from you or I
can just get this anywhere?
- You can have it, man.
If you need are-up,
though, then you gotta pay.
- Peter, you are an extremely cool dude
and I very much appreciate that
you have given me this gift.
- Thanks.
- Know this.
You see that one of his eyes
turns into a golden point of light
and you see that in a mirror,
his reflections begin to double up
and extend infinitely away.
He says, "Do not take it lightly
"that a wizard is in your debt.
"Call my name thrice and I shall appear
"in a moment of need for you."
- Wait, I'm so sorry
but as a Lady Gaga fan,
I might accidentally say
Alejandro multiple times,
and I'm not calling you.
- Okay, if you do it to the
tune of the Lady Gaga song,
I will know not to come.
- Ale-Alejandro, okay, great, cool.
All right, good, good, good!
I'm just double-checking.
- Oh, for sure.
It's not like I'm bound by this.
Just that I have a thing in my office
where if someone says my name,
a little wisp of smoke
goes into a glass bulb.
- Oh, cool!
- So really, it would be cooler to say
it's just magic where I just appear,
but it's actually I just see
it and then I teleport there.
- That's really generous, man.
- No problem!
- Thank you so much.
Put it in.
- He says, "Oh Peter,
"come here!"
I don't know why I'm
giving my tricks away.
I should not do this.
This thing, this is crazy,
and it has a kick to it, a flavor!
- Isn't it nice? Yeah!
- The flavor is not
a bad part of it.
- Do you have a phone?
Put my number in.
You can hit me up anytime for anything.
- Alejandro!
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
- What are you doing, man?
You're a grown a*s man.
- Don't talk to me about a grown a*s man.
- No, you a grown a*s
man, then why you acting—
- I'm old enough to be your father.
I don't need you to tell my business.
I can't have a good
time with the young man?
- No, you know what I mean?
You don't need some kid's
number to buy drugs, man!
- Kingston!
All right, look, thank you very much
for this Juul.
- Thank you.
- I will treasure it
forever, I am in your death.
- Well.
- He says,
"Now, there is something
very sinister at work.
"The Dream Realm is an area
"which even for the wizards
of the Gramercy Occult Society
"exists outside of their
realm of knowledge.
"We know a fraction of
what there is to know
"about the Dream Realm.
"We have hardly enough time as it is
"simply to map out The Unsleeping City,
"and those things which
are able to issue forth
"from the Dream Realm
into the waking world.
"The actual Dream Realm itself
"is far beyond our understanding.
"However, there are things there
"vaster and more potent than
I can describe in words.
"And if you have already
engaged in powerful magics there
"as the vox phantasmas,
then it is hard to say
"what may have happened.
"How did you come to know
this being was released?
"I can see on your bracelet
"that that is a source of your power,
"so if you were to press that brace—"
- That's exactly what happened.
Yeah, I saw a gold rectangle appear
and then I was able to push
this button to release.
They asked me if I wanted
to, and I did want to.
- A gold rectangle.
And that is when the voice
started to speak to you?
- Yeah.
- It was the same voice the
whole time or different voices?
- Felt like different voices, maybe.
- Okay.
- There was a gray baby.
- A gray baby?
- Mm-hm.
- A gray baby.
A gray baby.
- It's starting to lose all
meaning, those words are—
- A gray baby?
- And he said,
"Okay, hold on."
- Gray baby, gray baby.
- I don't the book is
still at our main chapter,
but maybe out at the Clinton Hill Chancery
or somewhere else.
I must go!
You see he says, "Anna, Emilia,
you guys need cab fare?"
And you see that they look and they say,
"Grandpa, it's Lyft now or Uber
"or we'll just take a f*cking subway."
"Okay, I can give you cash if you need it.
"I just care about your safety
"because today you almost died.
"My granddaughters, mijas!
"All right, I'm going to head out."
And a bunch of—
- Did he says he's going to Hell?
- He's heading out.
- He's head out.
- Oh.
- Oh, I heard Hell, too.
- Anna and Emilia say,
"Kingston, thank you so much."
- Of course.
- Appreciate it.
Well, listen, do you need anything from us
before we head out?
'Cause we can redo some
of the enchantments
on your nurse's office or
if you need anything else.
- That would be lovely, but
if you guys got places to go,
I can happily handle it.
- You see that one of them
is on their phone already clicking.
You see the other one begins to
cast some enchantments
that, again, all have.
You see these circular
gyroscoping images of light
that look like New York
City manhole covers
made out of green and
orange neon light begin to
go into the walls all
around your nurse's office.
She says, "Cool, that should do it.
"Thanks Kingston, bye!"
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, before you guys leave,
you two are just so cute.
If you ever want a haircut or anything,
and I give them a business card.
- Aww!
- They look, go ahead and make a little
persuasion roll for me.
- Well, it's on the house.
But that is a 12.
- A 12!
You see they look and so
they say, "Oh, that'd be fun.
"On the house?
"Sure!
"Your hair looks awesome."
- Thank you.
- Where is your haircut place?
- It's on Staten Island.
- Okay, have a good one!
- It's just a ferry ride away.
- Bye!
- They have beers on the ferry.
- 'Kay, 'kay!
Lovely to meet you!
- Okay.
- So they head out.
- All right.
We're gonna get a subway
stop one of these days,
I'm sure of it.
- Great!
And it's just you guys left here,
that are left here in Kingston's office.
- Well, well, well.
- Just like old times.
- I'll tell ya, vox phantasma.
- Yeah, sorry to be such a d*ck about it.
There's a lotta cops after me,
and I move a lot of
product through the city,
so I didn't wanna be taken down.
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
- I think you're cool.
I think you don't really
have to worry about,
you have magic now, so you're cool.
- Yeah, I wasn't sure.
I hand you four Xanax.
- Okay, stop giving people drugs.
- I mean I will take some
Xanax if they're going.
- There you go!
- I weigh it, dude, this will k*ll me.
This absolutely will k*ll
me, please take this back.
- Ah, okay!
- Hey please, I'm a tiny rat.
- Do you have a place to stay?
- Yeah, yeah, I got a
house and everything.
- Okay.
Good.
- f*ck!
I may have been kicked out of my house.
- Well, if anyone needs a place to stay,
I'm but a ferry ride away.
- So where do you live?
- I am in a studio apartment in Brooklyn.
- Oh, sick.
- Pete, I have another bedroom.
If you'd like to stay with me,
that's also an option.
- Ooh, yeah.
A lotta options, you guys.
- I have a whole house.
- Oh!
- Whoa.
- On Staten Island.
- Ah, okay, so where do you live?
- Every time.
- I live in the subway tunnels.
If you wanna curl up in a—
- I just get very quiet and
edge away from this conversation
because I definitely don't
want Pete staying with me.
- It's a guest bedroom
with a California king.
- That is all lovely.
- That's really nice.
- I guess I'm on fireman time
is the other thing you should know.
I'm waking up pretty early
and as soon as I leave the house—
- Yeah, Kingston, it would be really cool
to crash with you maybe.
- We can work something out.
- Private bathroom for the guest room.
- Oh, that's pretty cool.
- On Staten Island.
- Hey, Kingston,
when can I move in?
- Okay, moving in is a strong word.
You can stay with me until
we figure something else out.
- All right, why don't we all meet
at Kingston's apartment tomorrow morning?
- Great.
- Okay.
- Everybody can come on over here.
- Headquarters.
- Great, I'm on the top floor.
You guys say hello to my mother
on the way up, all right?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Do you know what I mean? Have manners.
- I love visiting Kingston
'cause there's this little
place that does cafe con leche
for 75 cents!
- Oh, really?
- That's fantastic.
- Down on the bodega
on the corner, oh!
- That's what living in
New York's all about.
- All about it!
- It's crazy
when you can get coffee
for less than a dollar.
I mean, honestly.
- Less than a dollar!
It's beautiful condensed
milk and espresso.
- Wonderful! While you
guys take off from there,
going to your various
places, let's go around.
You've had this weird meeting
of all these different
various forces at work
and it's sort of come together
and it seems like some
momentous things are underway.
We'll just go around the table.
Ricky, what does Ricky do
as he leaves from there?
Where is he headed to?
- Ricky's just going home.
He's gotta get a good eight hours in.
This hasn't registered to him
that this is anything that crazy.
- Anything special.
- Made some new friends today,
cool, and then jogged home.
- Hell yeah, you jog home.
In your studio, you have all your jam
and workout equipment in
there, do a couple quick reps.
You get a little message as
you do every single night,
from your mom and dad
saying, sending our love,
hope you had another great day,
saw you on the news, love our boy.
- Text them a picture of me working out.
No days off, love you, Mom and Dad.
- No days off, you f*ck!
- You get a text back of your
mom way in the foreground
with her face kind of clipped
off going like,
and your dad completely in
a newspaper not looking,
and she says the text under it is,
"Your dad says 'Wow, so strong!'"
Heart eyes, heart eyes, heart eyes.
- Sounds like Dad.
- Where does Sofia head off to?
- Okay, well, Sofia is
heading back to Staten Island,
but the looming disappointment
of her very empty, once
marital bed is haunting her,
and so she immediately turns back around
and she goes, "Kug, do you
wanna grab a drink or something?
"Also, I've got an amazing detangler.
"Let me at your fur, it's
all matted and destroyed."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah I
kinda like it like this.
Are you sure if you wanna?
- Yeah, I think so,
and then I think I just
wanna work on Kugrash's fur
and give him a little styling.
- You're gonna straighten Kugrash's fur.
- So you guys are in a
speakeasy around the corner
and you're chemically de-tangling.
- Do I just look like a little ugly dude
to non-magic people?
- I'm gonna actually ask you
to roll a charisma check.
- Fine, but I just look like a rat.
- Roll a charisma check.
- I'm gotta try to not look like a rat.
- You have negative charisma!
- Oh, I'm so bad at charisma!
I rolled a 13 but I have
negative two, I got an 11.
- 11, okay!
So you're there
de-tangling this rat's fur.
- But also giving it some volume.
- Tease it a little bit.
- It feels good.
- You look in the mirror,
you're starting to look
like a full chinchilla.
You're just so poofy.
You see that a maitre d' walks over,
this is a restaurant and
bar, walks over and says,
"Hi, ma'am, I've never
had to do this before."
- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not interested.
I know what you're going after
and I'm not married, but I was recently,
so I still kind of
consider myself married.
I'm so sorry.
- In no world could that have
been what I was going for.
- I try to start dancing.
- What?
- As a rat, like I'm a trick rat.
- You don't know what you
look like right at this moment
and you see that the person
looks down at you and says,
"Ma'am, you have to understand
"how far it has gotten
for me to say this."
- Do I see him dancing?
- You see him dancing as Kugrash.
But you see that the guy
looks at you and says,
"Your baby is so hairy that it is—"
- Oh my god.
- "Upsetting other customers
"and I'm going to have to ask you
"to take your child out of the bar."
- Oh my god, seriously?
You're gonna be against children?
God, new mothers just can't go anywhere.
- Your baby's covered in
hair and everyone's upset.
I need you to...
We're gonna comp your drink,
so your drink is on us,
but you need to take your baby—
- Free drinks, get one more!
Get one more for me and then let's go.
- For one more drink, I'll leave.
- Okay, we're gonna do that.
- Okay.
- Yeah, right!
- You get a little to-go coffee
cup of the alcoholic drink.
- This is a good scam!
- I know, Kug.
- You go in there, you got a hairy baby,
people don't want to ask
you to leave, you get.
- I think we gotta run this
scam on a couple more bars.
- You end up running that scam.
Make an insight check, Kugrash.
- Okay.
- 22, you can tell after the third bar
you guys run hairy baby on—
- This is the best night.
- You can tell that Sofia's
trying to not go home.
- Oh.
- Okay, where to next?
- You know what?
Let's go to Staten Island, huh?
You got a basement I can curl up
in a dirty rag or something?
- No, you know what?
You can sleep in my bed and
I'll sleep in the guest room.
- Yeah, all right.
- Okay, yeah.
- You guys toddle off.
You're blasted, Sofia.
You guys wander—
- Now you're dancing.
- Through the park.
- What was the dance
you were doing, Murph?
- Go ahead and make me a constitution.
Just give throw, real quick.
- Your turn, Siobhan.
- Okay.
- Oh sh*t.
- Me too or just her?
Oh, she's drunk.
- Yeah.
- That's gonna be 17.
- Hey, you're feelin'
great, you're all right.
You're just a little tipsy.
You guys are wandering
through Central Park at night,
snow kinda kicking around again.
You get to a certain point,
and are you still wearing your
plastic bag shoes or did—
- Have I seen any shoes on the street?
- Go ahead and make a investigate.
- Yeah, I'll look around for shoes, too.
- Make an investigate check.
- I'll crawl in some dumpsters.
- Oh!
- I got a 19.
- I got 12.
- You got 19, Kug knows
where to look for 'em,
so on your way through the park,
you look around and you find
the boathouse has some lockers in it
where people keep shoes sometimes,
and the lockers and very, very old.
So on the way through the park,
you bust
into one of the lockers
and there's a little pair
of just some comfy loafers.
- I think no, I'll just
stick with the plastic bags.
- Eh, they're rich people,
they're f*cking loafers.
- I know but I go for a little more flair
in the way I decorate myself.
Thank you, though,
I really appreciate it.
- All right, yeah.
- You guys wander away from the boathouse
and you guys actually end up crossing
through Bethesda Fountain,
which is known as the giant
fountain in Central Park
right next to the lake with
this giant statue of an angel.
It's a beautiful angel in Central Park.
You're walking through.
Each of you guys make a wisdom check.
A wisdom check.
- 14.
- Six!
- The tipsiness kind of hits
you a little more, Sofia.
You look up and are
entranced by this angel.
She's just so beautiful to you.
- God, that's a nice figure.
- The head of the angel turns
to look at you and says,
"You're not so bad yourself."
- Oh my god, being magic is awesome.
Hi, I'm Sofia Bicicletta.
I hold out my hand to it.
- The snows swirls around in the moonlight
and the angel soars down on
wings and as she lands, boom!
You see she's made of metal.
You see she says, "Charmed,
I'm the angel of the waters.
"You can call me M."
- Oh, hi M, nice to meet you.
- So what, bags are in now?
- Well, it was this or loafers.
- Oh god, loafers in the middle of winter?
- I know.
- What is this?
What are we, in The Hamptons or something?
Give me a break.
- I know.
I don't need yacht slippers.
- No yacht fashion, thank you.
- No thank you.
- You see she looks down and says,
"Kugrash, I don't know
if we've formally met,
"but you do really good work
around here in the Park."
- Oh, thanks, yeah.
It's good seeing you.
Did you happen to see anything weird
going on in the park tonight,
what with the Santa
being kidnapped and all?
- You see she says, "Oh God,
I heard about that yesterday.
"Yeah, that's awful.
"well, I'm pretty stationary
as far as things go.
"I have to guard these waters
or all hell breaks loose.
"But I did hear, it's
interesting about the pixies.
"I heard a rumor going
around that it was them
"or something like that.
"But I will say that seems a little odd
"'cause Don Confetti's
daughter is getting married.
"So it seems like—"
- Oh!
So why would they be
dabbling in some sort of—
- Seems like it's being stretched
pretty thin, I don't know.
I mean, maybe it's a perfect time
for him to get up to some
trouble or something.
- Have you not heard—
- Who's she getting married to?
- Some pigeon.
- Pigeon.
Oh, these pixies
are gettin' fancy.
A real rat bird, huh?
- Have you ever heard
of pixies getting involved
with the infernal?
- The infernal?
- Yeah!
- These pixies?
No, Don Confetti's a f*cking idiot.
I don't think he has the smarts
to tangle with any kinda real envoy
of Hell or anything like that.
Hey, if it was gonna happen anywhere,
it would happen here, right?
- Mm, yeah, I guess that's true.
- Is this an actual pigeon
that she's marrying?
- Yeah, Ronald Pigeon.
- Ronald Pigeon.
- Maybe he's trying to ruin the wedding?
- Do I know if Ronald's a sh*t head
or if Ronald's a good pigeon?
- Make a nature check for me.
- Okay.
- When is there marriage?
- 13.
- 13.
Most pigeons are exactly
the same level of stupid.
- Okay.
- And Ronald Pigeon
just comes from a good pigeon family.
- So is this an alliance?
- And he comes
from good stock.
- Is this a political marriage?
Are the pixies trying to make
an alliance with the pigeons?
- Honestly, I don't think so.
The pigeon's don't really have—
- So you think it's true love.
They just really love each other
and outside, they're just
marrying outside of the family.
- I think they're just
marrying outside of the family.
It's also his youngest daughter,
so I think that she has a little more—
- Okay, it's not as much pressure.
- Not as much pressure
as her older sisters.
It is what it is.
Well, listen, it was
lovely seeing you here.
- Yeah!
It's nice to meet you.
My friends call me Sofia Bikes,
so if you wanna say that, you can.
- Sofia Bikes, well, you
can call me M, as I've said.
Nice to meet you, Sofia Bikes.
You want some water on your way home?
- Yes, that would be wonderful.
- You see that she holds
a hand up to the fountain,
which has been shut off for the winter,
and some of the water
comes out into her hand
and she holds it out
and it holds it's shape
as though there is a cup or bowl there,
and pours it into your hand,
and it holds the same shape
as though held there by
some invisible force.
- I marvel at it and then I
throw it back like a shot.
- Do you mind if I take
a quick bath in this?
- Oh, he says—
- Oh, I just did your hair.
- Nevermind, I'll just
have a little drink.
- She gives you a drink, as well.
You guys are healed
all the rest of any hit point
damage you had left over.
And the water also,
you see that actually even
just drinking the water,
a lot of the dirt and
grime comes off of you.
For you as well, it feels like
this weird, purifying thing
where a lot of your
drunkenness leaves you.
It almost sobers you up a little bit,
but it doesn't leave you
feeling anxious or edgy again.
It leaves you feeling a little bit clear
but solid like you're
anchored to something.
- M, do you mind if I
take a flask of this?
- She says, "Oh, this
is pretty potent stuff,
"but of course, I'll do it for you."
- Thank you.
- You see she pours some into your—
- I take out one of those
tiny nips of Smirnoff Ice.
I dump out the Smirnoff Ice and then.
- Some of the water goes
into it and she says,
"All right doll, take care of yourself.
"It's a long ferry ride back."
- Eh.
- And she flies back up to her stance,
goes back into her stance,
and the snows begins to
collect on her wings again.
Wonderful!
What's Kingston doing?
- I guess me and Pete
are together on the bus.
We're on the bus going back
to my apartment building.
- Cool, you get on the bus.
You head back to Kingston's apartment.
You walk up the steps.
- What time is it?
- It's about 11:30 at night.
Your folks are probably asleep.
- Yeah, great.
- Probably Claude
and his family's asleep, as well.
But you guys get up into
Kingston's apartment.
Kingston's apartment is lovely.
It has that rich smell
of cool old antiques
and good books and a
lot of coffee grounds.
All those kind of musky, deep smell
that immediately you're like,
oh, I'm in someone's nice home.
- I love this sh*t.
But I'm standing like this
the whole time, like awkward.
- Hey, you want a glass
of water or something?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right, word.
Can I put on just a jazz record
and get him a glass of water?
- You see a for real old vinyl
starts playing some great f*cking jazz.
Go ahead, actually, and Kingston,
give me a medicine check.
- 24.
- Kingston's mere presence,
glass of water is great,
New York tap water.
Best tap water in The USA, by
the way.
And the music playing, you feel yourself.
Pete has whatever reservations he has,
but physically you feel your
body relaxing a little bit.
- Cool.
- Wild day, right?
- Yeah, that was crazy.
I think I'm texting my guy.
I'm just letting him know
that I was kicked out of my old place,
but there wasn't anything there.
- You get a text immediately
back saying, "Copy.
"Come to my place to re-up.
"One time thing while
you're figuring sh*t out."
- Okay, cool.
- All right, you're gonna be
stayin' in the master bedroom.
- Why?
- Honestly, I sleep in
the guest bedroom now,
so you'll be in the master.
- All good, thanks.
- All good, man.
And I go, can I just do classic host stuff
and just get towels?
- Oh, this is making me feel so awkward.
I'm just like, thanks so much!
- A bunch of travel-sized
one soap, one shampoo.
- Oh, that is so nice, thanks so much.
- Of course, man.
Whatever you need until
you get on your feet.
- Ah yeah, thanks, thanks again.
- Just be kind to my family
and if I catch you sellin' any drugs
to my cousins or my parents
or my other cousins.
- Okay.
- We're gonna have a problem.
- Okay, all right, all right,
all right, oh yeah, yeah.
- We're gonna have a big a*s problem.
We're gonna have a huge a*s problem—
- I get it!
- From which
we cannot come back.
- I just wanna say I don't create
the desire in other people.
What you should be worried about
is the desire that is there already.
- Well, let me tell you
something right now, dawg,
all right?
The desire is not there.
If for some reason you enter
the home and create the desire,
we gon' have a problem.
- You see as you guys have
this little interaction,
there's a cool little
piece of art on the wall
that has some mirror or
reflective stuff in it.
You see the kind of soft, golden light
and sort of rainbow
light in a corner of it,
create a little bit of sparks
and you guys hear a loud noise
as the painting rattles
and falls off the wall.
- Man, this is that same old bullshit,
us two being two voxes
here at the same time.
Man, we need to figure this sh*t out.
- All right, yeah, yeah.
I won't sell anyone in your house drugs.
I really won't.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I take out a bunch of
little holders and vials
and stuff that I just have on my own.
This is just my own supply.
- g*dd*mn, Pete.
How are you standing up?
- It's like a mixologist.
You're just constantly
re-navigating where you're at.
- I tell you, I did dope one time in 1978.
It was the craziest
thing that ever happened.
You know what?
Whatever.
I'm going to bed.
Good night, Pete.
- Kingston goes off to bed.
You're just kinda kicking it, waiting to—
- I'm gonna be awake for five more hours.
Sitting there, I'm just like.
- You look around.
What's Pete doing awake
at Kingston's apartment?
- I'm trying not to go through anything.
I am trying to be a good
guest, so I'm just kinda like.
- Give me a perception check.
- Yeah, cool.
- Nat 20.
- Nat 20!
You see on top of the refrigerator,
just a little light layer of dust on it,
there's a big glass vase full of corks.
There's some takeout menus.
You also see that wrapped
in ancient, stinking gauze
is an obsidian ankh, this
old Egyptian symbol of life.
You immediately pick up
some weird magical sensations from it.
You see that it's under
a clear salad bowl,
so it's like there's a salad
bowl was put on top of it.
And you see that there's also
what looks like a framed photograph
that's fallen down onto
the face of the photograph,
so that you can't see what the photo is.
- Okay, I lift that
up, I gotta look at it.
- You see there is a young Kingston Brown.
His dreads not yet silvery white,
but instead sort of salt and pepper.
Clean shaven.
You see that there is a younger
Hispanic woman in her 30s,
beautiful, classic high cheekbones.
You see that there are
wedding rings on their fingers
and that they are standing
in front of City Hall.
- She's pretty cute.
I feel sad.
- Yeah!
Wonderful!
Misty, you get back to
your lovely penthouse.
There's some notes, some
sticky notes left from Alissa,
there's one big one on your kitchen table.
I assume you're going back to
your penthouse, by the way.
- It's Monday, we're dark
on Mondays, it's fine!
- And you see that there is an invitation
that has been on your to-do
list for a little while.
You've frankly forgotten about it,
but there's a little Post-it saying,
"Last day to RSVP." highlighted by Alissa.
In little birch bark and
ivy leaves is an invitation
to the wedding of Angela
Confetti and Ronald Pigeon.
- ooh!
- Well, I don't super wanna go,
but also the Confettis are
one of those crime families
that also are great
supporters of the arts.
They're like, oh, it's
my cousin's birthday.
We're gonna bring five
incredible Broadway stars
and have them sing at the birthday.
As patrons of the arts, I
have to go to this wedding.
- There you go.
- And so I RSVP yes
in my most beautiful
purple ink calligraphy.
- You see that as you RSVP,
the invitation
turns into this little twig
blight and goes.
- Go on, go along!
- You see it runs and hits
its head into your door.
Backs up, runs, bam, head again.
- I open the door.
You're stupid, go through the doors!
- Thank you and
takes off running down the hall.
Lovely.
You guys all variously
go to sleep that night.
The only person that I wanna cover
what happens when they're asleep is Pete.
Pete, you crash in the master bedroom,
a big wide bed in Kingston's
apartment, and you come to
floating above the
dream-like city of New York.
The skyscrapers and buildings
are all a polished dark glass,
like a window looking
into an empty night sky
with the reflections of
the starlight above them
as the snow drifts up off the ground
going into the sky surround you.
You feel weightless here,
as though you could swim around
or move in any direction.
- I think I...
I think I go to Priya's house.
- You swim through the
dreaming of New York
and you arrive right near Union Square
sort of close to StuyTown
and you see a gorgeous, opulent apartment
all done in this
illuminated nighttime glass,
and you see that there is a little bubble,
something imperceptible,
flashes of light and color,
and you get the sensation
that Priya is dreaming in that room.
- Cool.
I know I shouldn't do
this, but I just go anyway.
I try to look in at the dream.
- You pop your head in
and you see that there is a
tea party on top of a clock
in a strange dark forest
and you see that Priya is
talking to a fractured man
as she's sitting at this little tea table.
She looks gorgeous, by the way.
You see that she looks up and says,
"Well, the collection
didn't meet my standards,
"at lease for myself, and
I think that often times,
"we find ourselves trying
to create a body of work
"or find a theme or a central
thread through something,
"we end up elaborating on
subconscious ideologies.
"Culture works on us in ways
"that we can't even quite estimate
"or imagine from our conscious mind."
And you see that she's just
talking to this fractured man,
this babble of stuff about her art
and what she's working on.
Go ahead and make a stealth check for me
if you'd be so kind.
- Okay.
Let's see.
That's 13.
- She looks up.
She looks at you and she says,
"Peter, what are you doing here?"
- What?
- Peter, have you come back to help me?
Well, it all feels so strange.
You lose your grip on the
outside dreaming world
and are now just in this forest.
The clock starts ticking
underneath the tea table.
You see that the fractured man gets up
and takes a little top hat and cane,
and starts dancing very slowly.
- I've made a mistake.
- Peter!
- Hmm?
- My goodness.
- How are you?
- How am I?
How am I?
It's so funny you ask that.
I don't think any of us
ever really knows how we are
or if we do, it's a
narrative we're projecting.
- I run.
I run through the forest.
- You run through the forest
and you see that the slow dancing man
starts dancing after you.
- Jesus Christ.
- And he tries to—
Cool!
- No!
- Go ahead and make a
wild magic surge for me,
if you'd be so kind.
- Oh, great!
- That's just a D20?
- D20, yep.
- Eight.
- Eight, cool.
You snap awake in the master bed,
not having blown up or anything,
but you are covered in a cold sweat.
- I get up and I start doing
some pushups on the ground.
- Wonderful!
The next morning at Kingston's apartment,
you guys begin to arrive
there the following morning.
You see that there is a small chair
on the second landing of the building
that has a little sign out.
The sign says, "Gone to church.
"Help yourself to a cinnamon bun."
and you see that there
is a big plate of fresh-made
cinnamon buns steaming
as you guys arrive there on the landing.
- I touch all of them,
just looking through for the best one.
I gotta
find the goopiest one.
- No, no, no Kug, just take the top one.
- All right.
I'll take the one at
the bottom, it's good,
like a Jenga apprentice.
- Oh, gross!
I pick all of the rat hair off of mine.
- I come up just after
them like, "Oh, cool."
- It's just a full mound of rat hair.
- You guys find yourself
in Kingston's apartment.
- What does Kugrash look like right now?
- He looks great, I
styled him this morning.
- He looks like full chinchilla.
He's the poofiest rat.
He's almost spherical, he's so poofy.
- I act like nothing's changed.
What's up, guys?
How's everybody doing this morning?
- Kugrash, darling, you look fabulous!
- Honestly, Kugrash, this is
my favorite look you've had.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I think it's the second look
you've had, but I'm into it.
- Oh.
Hey, thank Sofie, it's her work.
- Oh, I wasn't gonna take credit,
but yes I did do it.
- Wow!
- But I had a good canvas to work with.
- All right!
- And I do my dance again.
- That gets us free drinks.
- What are you doing?
- We get free drinks when he does that.
- You look like a hairy baby.
- So we talked to the fountain.
- Yeah, I was gonna say, does anyone know?
Don Confetti, that pixie,
his daughter is getting
married to a pigeon.
- Ooh!
- Ugh.
- Ronald Pigeon, good
stock, good pigeon family.
- Oh, I guess, I just RSVPd
to the wedding last night.
- Oh!
- Good going!
- How many plus ones do you get?
- Yes, I love a wedding!
- So we're going with you.
- Oh, I don't know.
- We're going to the wedding?
- You have plus five?
- If Misty's going,
we're all going, right?
- I don't think I have plus five.
That's seems like an insane—
- I could just fit in your bag, right?
- I'm sure I could be your
stylist or something like that.
- I do need a stylist.
- When is the wedding?
- When is the wedding?
- The wedding is tonight.
- The wedding's tonight!
I RSVPd for a wedding that is tonight.
I am an as*h*le.
- Good going!
- Oh wait, I have been
getting hit up so much.
Where is this wedding?
- Oh, it's in Central Park.
It's at the boathouse.
Is it the boathouse, is it really?
- It's actually in the Ramble
near Belvedere Castle.
- Oh, great.
- Which is right near—
- Oh, beautiful!
It's at the Ramble.
- Okay.
I've been getting hit up non-stop
by people who want coke for this wedding.
So I was gonna be there already.
- Not to slow it down, but
we're just gonna run up
in the pixie mafia's wedding?
Is that our plan?
- I can probably talk to some pigeons
and maybe get us invited
by some lonely pigeons—
- Oh!
- If you'd like to be a date.
- That's a good idea.
- Two more pigeons?
- The plus ones
of a bunch of pigeons?
- Oh yeah, I'm not gonna—
- I wanna be a pigeon's plus one!
- I will say, though, the
markings from the pixies,
they're really the only thing
we've got to go on right now,
but running up in a mafia's wedding
is not a good way to get answers.
It's a good way to get hurt,
it's a good way to get the
sh*t kicked out of you.
- I agree.
Don Confetti is a sweetheart,
but he will k*ll you,
and all of your family.
- But that's why we just
go with the pigeons.
- We're just gonna go with the pigeons.
We just get a pigeon date.
I'm gonna go out and find some pigeons,
see if there's any
horny pigeons out there.
- Kug, you've had crazier plans.
Let's do this.
- I have my spirit totems
as a circle of shepard.
Normally, I think it's
bear, hawk, and unicorn,
but mine are juicy c*ck,
spicy pigeon, and unicorn.
I would like to use a spicy pigeon aura
and then just see if I
can find any pigeons.
- Cool!
You have to go over to the
window of Kingston's apartment.
You guys see that Kugrash
spreads his little rat arms
and before you hear
anything, the street darkens
and you see people go,
"Ah, get outta here!"
and start running on the street.
- Are they coming into my house?
- Like a f*cking fire hazard.
- No, no, Kugrash!
No!
- I come, I summon the
spirit of a spicy pigeon.
- Oh my God.
- Pigeons, come to me, my babies.
- Did you say spicy?
- I'm helping you shoo them off furniture.
- Yeah, I grab a couple—
- But you're like—
- Hey, hey, these are gonna—
- I'm in the bathroom
touching up my makeup,
so I can be a pigeon plus one.
- You hear a very gentle
knock on the bathroom door.
You open the door.
- Kug, what the—
- All right,
is anyone here from the pigeon family?
Is anyone here related to Ronald Pigeon?
Is anyone looking for a
date tonight to the wedding?
- You see that a ton of
wings start going up.
Actually, make a charisma check,
make a nature check for me.
- Oh nature check, I gotcha.
- Just make a nature check.
- So my house is just
covered in pigeons right now?
- Covered in pigeons everywhere.
- Mm, mm, mm.
- I'm looking for the hottest one.
- I almost had a 19,
but instead I got three.
I have a seven.
- It looks like a lot of the
pigeons are already settled up.
You see that they
say, "Oh, well, I don't know.
"If I had my date, I had my people set up.
"Oh people, I'm going with her all there."
- I think I'm gonna do a
sultry lean up against the wall
and say, "If anyone needs a plus one,
I'm available."
- Go ahead and make a persuasion check.
- Oh dear.
- Let's all
just turn into bugs, so
you guys are bugs per se.
- I got a nat one!
- Okay, all right guys.
We gotta impress these pigeons.
- Maybe I should try it.
- Ricky, please!
- As you say that, you're gonna be all,
you see the pigeons all come over and say,
"Do you have crumbs?"
- I'm sorry?
- She doesn't have crumbs!
Who needs her?
- Darlings, I have so many crumbs!
And I take one of the
cinnamon rolls and I—
- Oh!
- Okay.
Stop throwing cinnamon rolls
around my damn apartment!
- All right,
I'll do as you say.
- I follow suit.
- I'm helping you clean.
- Everybody says, g*dd*mn!
- I'm helping you clean.
- I take off my shirt
and I put some crumbs on my chest.
- Ricky!
- And I'm trying—
- Make a charisma check.
- I'm watching, I am shocked.
- Make a charisma check with
advantage if you'd be so kind.
Go ahead and have an advantage.
- 17 and three.
So 17 plus three, so I had a 20.
- Oh, you see that there's
one pigeon who says,
"Oh, this guy's covered in crumbs.
"You can be my date anytime, mister."
- Awesome, I'd love to go
to this wedding with you.
Do you wanna eat some crumbs off me?
- You see that she hops up
and begins to peck
crumbs off of your chest.
- I'm kinda jealous,
I poke her.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- I lean over to Pete and I'm like,
"I've been magical for 30 years.
"This is the craziest sh*t I've ever seen
"in my entire f*cking life."
- I've been studying men
for a really long time,
and I can't stare at Ricky enough.
- I have guidance.
I wanna touch Sofia and try
to seduce one one more time.
- Okay, what does that mean?
- You get to add a D4 to an ability.
One ability check.
- I'll go for another one.
Still here to be a plus one!
- I added three to it.
- Oh.
- Okay, that's gonna be a 10.
- 10 for 10.
- Did you do anything
with the crumbs or no?
- Yeah.
Oh, I don't wanna put
them anywhere indecent.
- I just throw crumbs all over her.
- I think I'm gonna be
really polite with the crumbs
and make a crumb trail all
the way up to my mouth.
- You see one pigeon looks
over and says, "It's a trick!"
and then they start walking away.
- Oh my god, what is wrong with me?
- Can I cast...
Is it a waste to cast suggestion on this?
- You can totally cast
suggestion, go for it.
- Yeah, I'm gonna cast suggestion
on just another pigeon.
- Oh!
- Cool.
- Let's see, ready?
- Oh, the pigeon completely fails.
Goes, "Huh?"
- I think my friend wants
to go to the wedding
if you need a date.
- You can come with me,
you can be my plus one.
- Oh my god, it worked!
I'm so charismatic, yes!
- Anything you want, Mr. Crumbs!
I'm happy to help.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Can I lean over and tell Kingston,
seriously, people have hit
me up for this wedding,
so if you just wanna look like muscle,
we can both go in there as dealers.
- I would much prefer that to the idea
that I'm walking in there with a pigeon
that I am possibly
romantically entangled with.
- Kingston, you can be my plus one.
- All right, fantastic.
- Why did no one else get that offer?
- Honestly, Misty, thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
- You're so welcome.
- I would've been able to see
you in street clothes, though.
- I wouldn't have liked it.
This is much better.
- You've got a nice suit, right?
- I do, of course,
I have a nice suit.
- Come on,
I'm gonna dress up really
great for this wedding.
You're gonna love it.
- Okay.
- I can lend you some cool clothes.
- Real quick, can we do a quick?
So everyone's got a way to get in?
Everyone's got a pigeon date?
- Do I have a pigeon date?
- Kugrash, I don't think
you have a pigeon date.
- Kugrash, you're in my pocket.
- God dammit.
- I ask my pigeon, "Do I get a plus one?
"As your plus one, do I get a plus one?"
- Oh boy!
- I don't think I get a
plus one.
- I'm gonna cast guidance on myself
and try one more time to seduce a rat.
All right, nine, but if
I can use nature, 13.
- 13? You see that one
of the pigeons says—
- We can just go as friends.
- That's gonna make me
look a little desperate.
Don't you think? That I can't
get a date to the wedding?
- All right, we can go as—
- Why don't you just go in my handbag?
- No, pigeon, do you wanna be dates?
Do you wanna go as—
- Do you wanna be real dates?
- I'll go with you.
I'll be a real date with you.
- Oh, okay.
- We can be a real date?
- We can be a real date.
- Oh gosh, I've thought about you a lot.
- Oh no.
- Yep, I've thought about you, too.
- Oh no!
- Is this conversation just happening
in a room with thousands of pigeons?
- They all just—
- Oh like.
- I'm super bothered with pigeons.
- I could be wrong about this,
but I feel like maybe I've
dealt drugs to these people,
but I didn't realize
that they were pixies,
like I saw them—
- Yes.
- Okay, cool, cool.
- Yes, you absolutely have dealt.
You look back over your text
history and you're like,
"Huh, some of this doesn't make sense
"that I would've been okay with it.
"I have to leave the drugs
in a circle of mushrooms.
"This is a weird."
Stuff like that.
- In a birdhouse.
- In a birdhouse.
Yeah, exactly.
Cool!
You see the pigeon says,
"Wow, I guess dreams
really do come true, huh?"
- They sure, you know what?
This is gonna be a—
- You guys should kiss.
- Sure!
- Yeah, I think so, too.
- Get over here, Perry.
I put my lips out.
- You see that the bird just inserts
its closed beak into your pursed lips.
- Oh my God.
- Is this is fine?
- All right, none of that in my house.
All y'all pigeons, a broom is coming.
- Everybody out!
- Everybody out!
- Meet you guys at the wedding!
- Everybody out of the house!
- We'll meet you
guys outside the venue!
- Everybody get out my damn house!
- Does the pigeon leave
your chest or is it—
- Yeah, the pigeon does leave your chest.
- I didn't catch you name.
- The pigeon flies away.
- Kugrash, don't ever do that bullshit
in my house again.
- Listen, I just got us
into the wedding, all right?
- Well, next time tell me—
- You should thank me.
- We'll go
on the roof next time!
I have a roof, I have roof access.
This does not—
- That's so cool.
- Thank you, Pete.
This does not need to
happen in my living room.
- All right, all right.
- Oh, it is a f*cking
disaster zone in here
of just feathers and debris.
- I'm already helping to clean up.
- This is fine!
- I'm spraying counters and—
- Pete, it's fine,
I'll call somebody.
- I'm pretending to help,
but I'm just like.
- All right, everybody
stop wasting they're time.
Can I call a cleaner friend of mine?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- I can't tell the way
things are supposed to look.
I'm just like, "This is fine."
- There's a woman who lives
on the block who always comes
'cause you have such a crazy schedule
and you've been working with
her, she's f*cking great.
- Great.
- You get a little text
back from her being like,
"Nothing's gonna jump out or
scare me this time, is it?"
- No, just too many feathers.
- You see that there's a little ellipsis
and then a question mark and that it says,
"Better not to ask." is the text you get.
- Yeah, with a bunch of Hs.
- Cool!
That evening rolls around.
You guys head off to Central Park.
Do you guys do any preparation
before you guys head there,
or what do you guys do?
- I hit up Conway's
for some discount padded bras and whatnot
and I squeeze myself into
something provocative.
- Awesome, great.
- I guess I would like a little suit.
I guess I'd buy a suit off a doll.
I ask Sofia to buy a doll suit for me.
Like a dummy, a ventriloquist dummy suit.
- And you look really good.
- Fits well, it's like
it's tailored to me.
- Wonderful.
- I think I go and get supplies and stuff.
- Cool, rad.
Do you head to Seven to do
that or just your own supplies?
- I feel like Seven and I have spot
that's a karaoke bar at night,
but during the way, we
go and do inventory,
and that's where we
keep everything stashed.
- Rad, very cool.
- So I go there.
- Cool!
You meet up with Seven very briefly.
Seven's got long sideburns,
he's a rail thin thick eyebrowed guy.
He's one of those very
high-strung New York acidic nerds,
just very nerdy about stuff.
He meets you up at this old karaoke bar.
Hey there.
- Hey!
- How's it going, pal?
- Good man, how are you?
- What happened with the home situation?
Girlfriend kick you out?
- No, it's f*cking stupid.
She thought I was selling drugs.
- So you've been made.
- Hmm?
- So what you're telling me
is you've been made.
- No, no, no it's nothing like
that. No one knows anything.
- Okay, what we are doing here,
is we are tapping into a market
that has an incredible
demand and not enough supply.
- Okay, so what I need is
multiple eight ba*ls for tonight.
- I can do that for you, but
what I have to understand
is do you have the vision
for the organization in mind?
Are you gonna be a company man?
Do you have what it takes?
For example, have you
upgraded to Bitcoin yet?
- No, okay?
I don't do cryptocurrency.
I don't wanna go to one
of those cafes with you.
- I could have you set up in 20 minutes
and your money is making money for you.
- The coins that you're
investing in sound made up, okay?
I'm not trying to waste my money!
- Money is made up by
the government, dude.
- Okay!
- It's a fiat currency!
I don't need to talk about
this with you right now.
Okay, how many eight ba*ls you need?
- Give me as many as we have.
- All right.
You see he takes out f*cking
enormous amount of drugs,
hands them to you.
You see he says, "Look,
honestly a prediction.
"I read trends, I am on my
computer all day every day
"working this sh*t out.
"In the next five to 10 years,
"the United States of America
will not have currency, fact."
- Hmm.
You are usually right
about sh*t, all right.
Yeah, I hand him $800
in cash and I'm like,
"Can you invest this for me?"
- Do you want me to take this
and go buy Bitcoin for you?
- Mm-hmm.
- I want you to set it up yourself.
I want an organization—
- I don't know, I looked it up.
You have to get a f*cking
wallet or something.
I don't want my name on anything, here.
- You see he takes $800 and says,
"All right, I'm gonna invest this.
"You're not gonna regret it, all right?"
- All right.
- "The future is happening now,
"which means that now already happened
"and if you're too asleep to realize it,
"you need to wake up."
- I'm adding his name
to a note in my phone
of people who owe me money
and people that I have stuff out to.
- Awesome!
You get the drugs, you head out.
Anyone else preparing or doing anything?
- I have a sad moment where
I'm going through my closet
and there's a tuxedo from my wedding,
and I push past it slowly,
and then just grab a white
shirt and a black tie
and just some little aftershave.
- Maybe, do I come back there
at the end of this sad moment?
- Oh yeah!
Pete just catches me standing in my closet
just like look, "Oh, Pete!"
- You good to go, man?
- Yeah, let's do it.
Are you good to go?
- I'm great man, yeah.
- Okay, great.
- Hey, thanks for letting
my stay here again.
- Of course, man.
- It's been great.
- You need a toothbrush
or something, you good?
- No, I'm good, actually.
- Okay, great.
- Oh, I also go to a
Sephora and use free makeup.
'Cause I don't wanna go home.
- You guys arrive in Central Park.
Snow's actually starting to
melt a little bit more today.
Even though New York stays
colder in the winter,
the snow often just melts.
It's not below freezing.
So you're in the lovely Ramble,
a little bit less lovely
now that all the leaves
have fallen off the trees.
But the thick trees
intertwine away from the lake.
You guys arrive with each
other in your nice duds
and you see that there is a
clearing through the trees
where it appears that pigeons
are beginning to descend.
- All right, let's go pick up our dates.
- You three have fun
f*ck' a pigeon tonight!
- I take Kug aside and
I give him a corsage
I picked up for him to give to his date.
- I don't actually want
to f*ck this pigeon.
- It seemed like you had
a really good connection.
- Perry and I are friends.
He's a pigeon, I'm a rat.
- I know, I'm just sayin'.
- I text Esther, "Just in
case you hear about this,
"I am going to a wedding with a pigeon.
"Just thought I should let you know."
- I'm reading over his shoulder.
- Immediate text back, "Why
would I need to know this?"
- Nevermind.
- I offer my arm to Misty.
We head off.
- You're so much taller than me.
I'm maybe up to your elbow.
I'm holding your arm, but it's like this.
- I take out a selfie stick
and just look like I'm a tourist,
taking pictures in the park
so that I can stay in
one area for a long time.
- I think that we're all
just getting together
for a group photo.
- It's just you and me in all my photos.
- I'm in there, too.
- You guys arrive at.
You see that two pigeons land
on each of you shoulders.
- Oh, okay.
- Your dates land.
And Kugrash, you as well, a
little pigeon lands there.
- Pete just takes a selfie
of all, aw that's cute.
- You see the pigeon says,
"Wow, you look beautiful."
- Thanks, you look great, too, Perry.
- "Okay, oh good!
Big day."
- Big day, Ronald
Pigeon's getting married.
My life sucks so much a*s.
- You walk through the
Ramble, off the Ramble.
You arrive at an old, not a doorway,
but it's just an area
where two birch trees grow side by side
and in a little arch, two of
their branches intermingle
and ivy has grown up in between them.
You guys are walking in here.
I assume that Kingston
and Misty are going ahead.
As Misty approaches,
you see that the leaves
of the vines begin to
shimmer and twinkle and part,
showing a separate part of the park
beyond what you saw as
you were approaching,
and you see a beautiful
wedding tent in a clearing
and little lights everywhere
that you see the lights are themselves,
sprites and pixies and fairies.
- So cool.
- And a small Faerie Glen
opens to you.
You see that there is a big buffet table.
There's a band playing.
You see the band is a
couple of working musicians.
It's a bunch of satyrs and fauns.
You see that there's some dryads
over in a corner that are smoking,
and you see that there is a giant ogre
that just has a huge
tray of hors d'oeuvres.
Many of the sprites and
pixies are on the tray
hanging out as they're
eating hors d'oeuvres.
Huge tent, and you see that
there is a smaller area
which looks like a little hunting lodge.
That has a bunch of pixies
that appear to be in very nice suits,
some of them pinstripe,
and the lodge has an open door,
but also some entrances
that are pure pixie-sized,
maybe like an old Central
Park groundskeeper's cottage
that has been renovated and
is now held by the pixies.
That seems to be where
a lot of the family is,
while more of the guests and pigeons
are in the tent and out on the lawn.
You see that there's some
lawn darts, some bocci ball.
People are just having a great time here.
Looks like the ceremony
hasn't started yet.
But you guys enter.
What do you guys do as
you enter the wedding?
- I say so loud, "Oh,
what a beautiful wedding!
"Oh!
"Oh my, oh!
"I love a wedding!"
- What?
- Everybody pay attention to me!
- Who are you talking to?
- I love a wedding!
- You see that the band
quiets down for a second
and one of the satyrs looks over and goes,
"Well, well, well, well,
well, if it isn't—"
- Oh!
- You see he shrugs his head and says.
You recognize this guy,
his name is Priepus.
- Priepus, oh, my darling,
I haven't seen you since,
oh what was that show that we did together
you were in the pit for?
- A Midnight Cabaret, downtown.
- Oh, Midnight Cabaret.
I love doing Broadway,
but there's something
about the visceral nature
of the cabaret that just,
you can see the people,
the people can see you,
you can touch them and smell
them and steal their food.
- I'm not gonna lie, you look good.
- Oh darling, you look good.
- No, I'm talking.
I'm attracted to you.
I'm sexually attracted to—
- Darling, I'm sexually
attracted to you, too.
- That was really straightforward.
- You see his says, "Any
chance we can get you up
"on that bandstand later tonight
"if you've had a few drinks?"
- After I've had a few
drinks, you know me.
I love to perform, I love my
people, I love my audience.
- I would bed you on the grass right now.
- I'm a little busy right now
and I do have some things
to do, but, maybe later.
- I am possessed with
the spirit of the wild
and there are things
that are happening to me.
- Hi, I'm Kingston.
- This is Kingston, my friend Kingston.
- Nice to meet you.
I'm Kingston, I'm Misty's
date this evening.
- Oh, okay.
- We're just friends.
- Gotcha.
- But also, if you feel
like having any kind of—
- If you wanna jump in.
- I'm sorry, what?
- If you wanna jump in.
- Yeah, if you wanna jump in.
- You are a beautiful man.
- Misty, I'ma take a walk.
I'll be right back.
You and your friend can—
- No, that's fine.
I have been trying to f*ck
that man for 40 years.
- He says, "Oh, he's hard
to get, huh?"
Well, we'll get the wine flowing
and we'll see what happens.
- Us theater people, we
just have a different code.
- Oh, it's the theater!
We're artists, it's New York!
- It's New York!
- I've f*cked every member of my band.
- Great.
- Do these people have
a lust spell cast on?
Can I check him?
- You see he's a satyr.
- Oh!
- He is a spirit
of lust and revelry.
- Oh, okay.
I know these guys are horny.
- Wonderful, what do
the rest of you guys do
at this lovely wedding?
- I look around just for snacks
to see if they have any
little plates going around.
- You see that there is another
ogre that's kind of dressed,
clearly, the ogres are the caterers.
He's just kinda tossing bird seed out
to a bunch of the pigeons.
You see that the pixies are
all looking at these pigeons,
very nonplussed and unimpressed.
- Okay.
- It's like
they're not into it.
- I try a handful of bird seeds.
- I guess I'll talk to my date.
Hey Perry, how do the pixies
feel about the pigeons?
- Huh, well, it's love, I guess.
I think they love us, right?
- They love you?
- Maybe, I don't know.
- Jesus Christ, Perry.
- That was a hard question.
- That was a hard question.
- No, no, it's okay.
You're fine, I think my—
- Oh, wow!
- Excuse me!
- Wait.
- Let me go get you some bird seed?
- Okay.
- And you stay right here.
- I am in love with you!
- I walked away.
Absolutely f*cked me.
- Is there a door person or—
- Yeah, there's an ogre over
by the door you can talk to.
He's kinda dressed up.
You see the ogre goes,
"Hey, how's it goin'?"
- Hey, good.
- You the plug?
- Yeah, yeah,
so if anyone talks to you,
find me, I'll be around.
And then I just go around
talking to the bartenders and stuff.
- Cool.
You see he says, "Hey
if you wanna drop a ball
"over by the food table, go for it."
And you see that he throws a
bunch of cash in your hands.
You look at it, this is
ancient British pounds
from the 1700s.
- Hey, no, I need—
- What?
This is what they use in New York, right?
- No, no, it's dollars, they're green.
- The hell is a dollar?
- I show him,
for example, this.
- Oh, sh*t.
I just got here from Faerie, man.
- You're killin' me.
All right, I'll leave
something back there.
- Okay, I appreciate it.
- You can help
yourself with that.
But if anyone hits you
up, you hear rumblings,
tell 'em where I am.
- All right, God save the
king, man, you got it.
- Can I talk to one of the ogres
for a second?
- Yeah.
- Hey, I don't know that
much about this kinda stuff,
but is it normal for a
pigeon to marry a pixie?
- You ask an ogre, you see he says,
"Hey man, I don't f*cking
know, I just work here, right?
"You want some beef wellington?"
- Yeah.
- Trying to get those macros.
- I don't have enough napkins.
My hands are gross.
- Peeling off the pastry
'cause it's too much carbs.
- Can I walk up to Kugrash and Misty
and kinda gesture to the
hunting lodge and be like,
"Feels like whatever we need
to get done is in there."
- Do we think Ronald
Pigeon might be in danger?
- I mean—
- 'Cause these pixies do not seem happy.
- I mean, look.
Nobody's happy at a wedding.
- What is your sad life, Misty?
- No, I'm not saying that
weddings can't be joyous,
but joy and happiness
are not the same thing.
And there will always be
people who are miserable.
Weddings have their own kind of magic.
That's why people who shouldn't f*ck
always f*ck at a wedding.
Suddenly, the fight
that you've been meaning
to have for the last five years,
suddenly you're having it in
the middle of the dance floor.
It's a strange magical place
and you just have to go with it.
- I think the mob is up to something.
- Yeah, I agree.
But, I don't know, I feel like,
do you have a relationship
with Don Confetti?
- I have a relationship with Don Confetti.
He's, as I said, a sweet man.
He will k*ll you, but he's a sweet man.
So I can go and talk to him, absolutely.
- Could you make introductions
for us or something?
- Yeah, you guys walk up.
Who else going to the lodge with Misty?
- I'm not because seeing this wedding
is bringing back memories,
so I grabbed a champagne flute
and entered the first closet I could find.
- Oh, hey.
Hey guys, I just thought of something.
You ever seen that movie The Godfather?
- Yeah.
- Yes, that movie—
- You know how they have to do the favor?
The Don has to do favors for people
on the day of his daughter's wedding?
- Yeah.
- Is that—
- Is that a thing?
- I think so.
- In The Godfather it is.
- It's based on real stuff, right?
- Okay, but that's based on human people.
These are all—
- I don't know,
it's a really old movie.
- Matrimony of pixies!
- It's so long.
- Hey Ricky,
do you have a Godfather
poster up in you room?
- Yeah.
- Cool, I thought so.
- How about a Scarface poster?
You got a Scarface poster up in you room?
- Yeah, I got both of 'em.
- That's sick, man.
- A little about—
- Those are my two posters.
- The door to the hunting
lodge opens as you approach
and Misty, you look inside.
You see that it smells so good.
There's so much food in here,
there's pixies everywhere.
There's also grigs and sprites
and other little types of fairies.
You see that on a countertop, sitting,
you know those little pizza tables,
the little plastic pizza things?
You see that sitting at one
of those, smoking a cigar,
is a very old pixie in a pinstripe suit,
weathered face, fedora
hat, rings on his fingers.
The gravitas of this tiny little man,
again, about that tall.
Pulls the cigar from his
mouth, looks over and goes,
"Well, well, well, if
it isn't Misty Moore."
- Donny, darling, you look fabulous.
- So, I see you brought
some acquaintances here.
Didn't know I gave a plus
five on your invitation.
- I don't have a plus five.
I have a plus one and these other people—
- We're guests of the pigeons.
- I'm kinda walking off on my own
to drop off the ball
where I was supposed to.
- I'm watching from the closet
where I'm drinking by myself.
- This food smells amazing.
Did you bring it all the way from Faerie?
- You see he looks and says, "What?
"No, this is from Fat Sal's."
- Oh, I love Fat Sal's.
- It's great, I think much
like yourself, Ms. Moore,
I haven't been to Faerie in some time.
It's a real hard time getting
all the way back there,
especially from places like here.
- It's a hard time and maybe
there's some people there
that I don't wanna see.
- Oh, is that so?
- Oh, you know!
- That's real funny to me.
Let me ask you a question.
I heard you're doing a new play.
Who are you playing in the play?
- Oh, you know, it's just a queen.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
Tell me, let me ask you
a question here if I can.
Does Titania know?
- What a beautiful wedding, it's really.
So is your daughter, I mean,
she's probably getting.
I'm so honored that you invited me.
- My daughter, she fell
in love with a bird.
- Love is love.
I fell in love with a
bird once back in 1783,
but really it was a fleeting affair.
I thought it was love, but
really it was just sex.
- The only bird I ever
loved is a bird I k*lled
when a crow tried to eat my babies.
- Mm.
- Sorry, you loved?
- I loved that he was dead.
- Do you not like the bird
that your daughter's marrying?
- Who, Ronald Pigeon?
- Ronald Pigeon.
He's a good pigeon.
- He makes my daughter
happy, what can I say?
Listen, you people come
here to my faerie glade,
middle of Central Park.
You come in here in the middle
of my little pizza table.
- Is that the little
center thing on a pizza,
you're sitting at?
- What do you people want, huh?
- We're here to celebrate.
- Well then, celebrate away.
Be my guest.
Mangia, this food is for
you, all you fine people.
I shall be here until the ceremony begins.
I hope you enjoy yourselves.
- We did have a question.
- Kingston Brown from Uptown, huh?
Your reputa—
- Hello, Don.
What?
- You're
reputation precedes you.
- Oh, as does yours.
- I hope it does because
I am the mastermind
behind all the tiny little crimes
that happen in New York City.
- The tiny crimes are abundant.
- Oh, by the way, I did lose
an earring a couple weeks ago.
I don't know.
I'm not accusing you guys of anything,
but I don't know if you found
it on your travels, did you?
- Who's to say?
Certainly not me.
Those things which
become lost in New York,
only some portion end up
in the pixie's coffers,
although we do well for
ourselves, I won't lie.
Mostly, these days I'm
an honest businessman.
- Yes, just like I'm an
honest Broadway star.
- Yeah.
Well, gotta feed the fire, right?
- Gotta feed the fire.
- Santa's sleigh.
- Yeah, what happened to Santa?
Do you know?
- I'm sure you were aware.
- I heard about it.
Seems like some pixies
got the wrong idea, huh?
- Can I do an inside check on him?
- Yeah, go for it.
- And I toss.
- I'll also make an insight check.
- 16.
- Less than 16.
- 24.
- 12.
- Misty, he knows.
- He knows.
- He knows.
You see he says, "Looks like
two acquaintances of ours,
"two boys that have done a
little bit of trouble in the past
"got a bright idea, went
rouge, acted on their own.
"They're in police custody
now, Pinky and Twinkle.
"But they were not made men,
not friends of the family.
"Looks like they might be
going away for a long time.
"I, for one, am acting in full cooperation
"with law enforcement, as I should."
- Now, I don't wanna worry
you, but it seemed to me
there was something more
than just pixie dust.
- Oh?
- Maybe a little
hellfire as well.
- Am I being asked these questions
on behalf of any state or legal entities?
- I'm an actual rat man.
I can't really speak to the police.
- I'm not speaking for
the fire department.
- He was this ultimate
narc standing there.
- You see he says, "If
there's no official capacity
"then I think I have business to conduct.
"Please avail yourselves
to the hors d'oeuvres.
"Have a good time at the wedding."
You see that some pixies go
to usher you guys back out.
You're hidden in the closet.
Actually, give me a stealth check.
- What I would like to do.
Okay, I'll give you a stealth
check.
I got a nat one.
- The closet opens.
- No.
- And you see your brother
Mario looking right at you.
- Mario, what the f*ck are you doing here?
- Sofie, what the f*ck are you doing here?
- No, I asked you first,
what are you doing here?
- What do you see right now?
- I see Central Park at its
finest in a Toyota Camry.
What about you?
- "Sofie, fun running into you.
"I'm just running some errands.
"I'll tell you about it when
I get home, I gotta go."
You see he grabs a bag off a counter,
looks over at Don Confetti
who doesn't look at him,
and heads out.
- What, Mario!
I'll chase him.
- You run out after him.
You see he says, "Sof,
funny runnin' into you
"here in the park, I gotta head out.
"I'll talk to you later, all right?"
- What are you doing with Don Confetti?
- You can't see it.
- Yeah, I was feeding you sh*t before.
- You see he looks at you and says,
"Look, let's talk about
this later, all right?
"It's dangerous here.
"I'll talk to you at home, okay?"
- What's in the bag?
- None of you're f*cking business,
that's what's in the bag.
- I think it's my business,
you and I share blood.
- He turns to run.
As he turns to run, you
feel the flask full of water
from Bethesda Fountain get
burning hot in your pocket.
- Oh, I don't wanna use that.
- Actually, it's just burning your skin.
It's just hurting you.
- Okay, I'll just
chase after him, then.
- Cool, go for it.
Make an athletics check.
- Okay.
It's gonna be 25.
- Hell yeah.
You grab him, boom, into
the wedding he goes.
- I wanna backpack him
and then pull him back in.
- You backpack him, you pull him back in,
you see he turns around, looks at you,
he says, "The f*ck are you doing?"
- Show me what's in the bag!
- I can't show you what's
in the f*ck' bag.
Look, I will tell you everything,
just talk to me later.
Don't f*cking pull me
down, these people will...
They'll come after ma.
- Okay.
Okay.
I don't know if you're abusing
ma's name right now, but okay.
- He gets up, says, "Come to
the house later, we'll talk."
- Okay, we better.
- He takes off.
He takes off.
The flask is now,
you can feel your skin is
actually starting to burn.
- Okay.
I find some piece of
cloth to hold it with.
- You hold it with some cloth.
You see that it's getting red hot.
- I guess I.
Oh, I don't know what to do.
I guess I'll just drink it!
- Jesus Christ.
- As you lift it up, get
it too close to your thing,
your flask bursts open and
the water goes everywhere.
It looks like the water inside
of the flask was boiling.
- What the f*ck?
- These guys come out of the cottage.
- Does it feel like it
was from seeing Mario
that my flask started boiling?
- No, unrelated, it feels like something—
- Ooh, can I—
- Something's gone wrong with M!
Something's going wrong
with the angel of the Bethesda Fountain.
- What?
- I run and I find you guys.
Guys, I have a flask from the
angel of the Bethesda Fountain
and it started boiling.
I'm worried that something
is wrong with the water.
- How far is the Bethesda
Fountain from the Ramble?
Pretty close, right?
- Right next to it.
- Okay, yeah, let's run to get over there.
- I'll run and check it out.
- You guys take off from there,
rushing as fast as you can.
You arrive at Bethesda Fountain
to see people looking around
a little bit confused,
but it doesn't seem like
anything weird is happening.
The statue of the angel is gone
from the fountain.
- I guess I'll just get into the fountain
and start looking for it.
- Anyone can make an investigate
or a nature check if they want.
- Yeah, I'll make some kind of check.
- I think I have a card for it,
but do I have detect good and evil?
- I only got a seven.
- Yes you do.
- I got 24.
- Wait, no, I have protection.
- 24 on investigate?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's not hard.
You see that there's clear
scrapes in the stone,
something dragged this thing outta here
towards a section of road
with a manhole cover in it.
- Okay, I'm gonna smash my champagne flute
and then be like, "Actually,
that was premature.
"Let's just go down the manhole."
- What did you get
on your nature check?
- Can I see it?
- I only got a seven.
- Cool.
- I got a 19 on my investigate check.
- 19, investigate.
You don't detect any fae anything here.
Ricky, you're casting
detect good and evil?
- I thought I had it.
I don't see the card.
- You have divine sense.
- Yeah.
- You just cast divine sense.
You do not detect any
celestial or infernal.
You detect the faintest
little whiff of undead,
but then it's gone a second later.
- I'm at the man hole trying to—
- Yeah, I'm there, too,
I'm helping you trying to—
- You guys open the manhole cover up.
You guys clamber down real quick.
- Scramble down there.
- Kugrash, where the f*ck are we?
Where are we?
- I don't know.
Are there tracks 'cause it was dragged?
- Yeah, you see scrapes on the wall.
You can even see scrapes on the wall.
Clearly the statue was somehow removed
from the fountain and
dragged down into the sewers.
- Can I see—
- Let's follow the scrapes.
- If there's any bugs or
c*ck or anything down here?
- Make a nature check.
- Or rats?
- Yeah.
- Six.
- Not that you can see, no.
- Can I do a nature check just in case?
- Yeah, do a nature
check.
- 18!
- 18.
- You're looking around very closely
for those creatures that would be here.
You notice something, which is you stop,
you actually hear in the
distance
and now that you're not looking
for it, you hear it, too.
You hear a chittering noise.
You hear the rats speaking
in a way you've never
heard rats speak before.
My brothers, my brothers,
the hour at hand!
The clarion trumpets call!
Let fly the flags of w*r!
The drums beat, the trumpets
play, the king has returned!
The king, the king!
- Oh, is this the f*cking Rat King?
This guy is such a d*uche bag!
Oh, this guy's not the real Rat King.
This guy sucks.
- Do I detect any w*r?
How is the—
- You detect no more,
there's no infernal,
celestial, or undead down here.
- Can we see anything
or is this just all hearing at this point?
- Sorry, you do detect a
trail of celestial magic.
You see a trail of celestial
magic left by the angel
as clear as light in front of you.
- Oh f*ck, there's a Rat King.
- Follow me!
- I just take off
running with you guys.
- Running, yeah.
- You guys take off running.
You hear the chittering
chattering all around you.
At once, at once, the banners ring!
The day of men is over!
- Don't follow the f*cking Rat King!
He's a dope!
- A day of rats now comes.
- No, g*dd*mn it.
- Brothers in arms, cheese for all!
- To us, is Kugrash just screaming?
- Screaming and rat chittering.
- Kugrash, shut the f*ck up.
- No, dude.
- Oh, he does this,
he does this.
- You guys vault through the sewers,
going through from place to place.
You guys see this big old
steel door you have to open.
You're in this giant cistern
beneath the Central Park reservoir.
As you walk into the space,
you hear a voice of many
rats speaking as one.
- I turn to Kugrash.
- Oh, you are too late again, I'm afraid,
for the Rat King of the
sewers now has his day.
And I have been gifted my bride!
She shall be queen to me!
A queen to a king,
a days of the rats one and all!
- You can't marry a
statue, you f*cking freak!
This Rat King sucks!
He's not the real Rat King!
- Shh!
- Try and stop me, brigand.
I shall marry this rat queen at once!
- All right, we need to do
this for the good of the rats.
Right, g*ng?
- Boom!
The door shuts.
I'm gonna need you all
to roll initiatives.
- This is our fight.
Oh, nat one.
- And that's where we're gonna stop
for this episode of The Unsleeping City!
Tune in next time for a
game of kings and queens!
- Gross, so gross.
- We find them deep underground
in sewers of New York City.
Our heroes face the Rat King.
- This dude sucks, he's a dumb a*s.
- This is disgusting.
Why am I here?
- Cry me a river.
Beep!
Water starts to course in out
of the pipes into the room.
Albino alligators.
- Oh!
- What?
They're huge!
- Drop it!
Drop!
- Dreams are anything you make them.
Sofia is frozen in place.
- Sofie, remember it is what
it is, whatever that means.
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03x03 - Pigeon Plus Ones
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.