- Robert Moses is here,
the floor of the New York Stock Exchange.
There is insane money
magic happening here.
And he is casting magic through this web
in the dream realm,
though he cannot enter it.
- That is so mean!
I hate this m*therf*cker!
- Those are vampires piloting kiosk mechs.
One of 'em's gotta go.
You watch
Pete's life leave his body.
- Come on!
We got work to do!
- Boom!
You are, whoom!
Sucked out of the dream
realm, back into your body.
- Ahh, dad!
- And the door opens.
I'll see you
in the funny papers.
Whoom, and you
take his f*ck' head off.
- That felt bad.
- The door's open,
the ritual is done,
the paragon cannot come through
without a great act of magic.
- f*ck, he wanted us to k*ll him!
- Play some D&D?
- Sure.
- Yes.
- Spicy!
D&D!
- Hell yes, some spicy D&D.
Welcome, one and all, to
another exciting episode of
The Unsleeping City.
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan,
these are our intrepid heroes,
say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Good morning!
- It's seven AM!
- Oh my God, it's seven—
- It's important for you
guys to know if you're like,
what's going on with this episode,
we're sh**ting early today,
because, because—
- Brunches and Dragons.
- Brunches and Dragons?
- I spilled my peanuts everywhere.
- That's how early it is.
Ally's spillin' peanuts.
- Put them back, dude,
you're just eating—
- I'm just gonna fish
them out among my dice.
- All of those dice have been on the floor
because you're so bad at throwing.
- f*ck you, nat 20 and you're done!
Nine!
- A new die?
- Last we left off our intrepid heroes,
we're on the floor of the
New York Stock Exchange,
many of them having been gravely injured
by the foul, necromantic
powers of vampires,
and the lich Robert Moses.
Some of our heroes have indeed
had their hit point maximum
drastically reduced,
they are battered, bloody,
bruised, and beaten,
having spent many spells and much blood
and some treasure, including
the Holy Grail Detergent,
fighting the forces of evil
in the New York Stock Exchange.
Robert Moses was destroyed,
but his spirit fled out of
the New York Stock Exchange
across the city, you
guys summoned Alejandro,
who looks desperate and, or not you guys,
but Pete summoned Alejandro, who looks
frightened and scared and desperate,
and you guys are now on the dais,
having looked up in The Big
Book of Bits and Bobbins,
all that has to do with the time stone,
you also have Santa's list here,
which I don't believe
I described last time,
but if there are any
questions about who is on
which part of the list—
- Am I on it?
- Am I on it?
- You are not.
Rowan is not a human, a person,
so Rowan does not—
Humans don't
get to be on Santa's list?
Non-humans don't get
to be on Santa's list?
- Fairies are exempt from
the moral frameworks of mortals.
- Great, well.
Narnia it is for me.
- Flash.
- What?
- Sorry, the nuts look insane.
- Brennan, if you can take
pictures during games,
we can take pictures as well.
- Yeah.
- Is Pete on the list?
- Pete is on the list.
- On the good list?
- Pete's on the naughty list.
- No!
Honestly, obviously.
- I'm assuming Sofia's on the good list.
- Sofia's on the nice list.
- Isn't it like an elastic list?
Like if I'm starting to be good—
- You're still selling drugs to children.
- But I'm not happy about it.
- How thick and bold is the print on Pete?
Does it look like it's faded a little bit?
- Yeah.
- All of the print here
is a delightful, festive,
jolly calligraphy in a
bold, red fountain pen.
It looks that Santa happily
transcribed everyone's names
on this list, at whatever
point that he made them
with the same festive, jolly spirit,
even though half of these people
on one half of the list
are doomed to damnation.
- Where's, hmm.
- Where's Kingston?
- Where's Kugrash?
- It feels like also it
makes me like Santa less
that he's like, yes, absolutely,
I will doom these people.
And I'll put coal, so
they'll have a miserable time
during their lifetime, and
then a miserable time—
- Yeah, adding the hell factor is like,
ooh, Santa.
- But did he know, did Santa know?
- Yeah, he absolutely knew.
He sold them to him, for money.
- What?
- Santa didn't sell it
for, no, not for money.
He's just, he was doing a favor.
- I just assumed.
- Bold claim!
- What are you talking about?
- Look, he's gotta buy
those presents somehow!
How does he buy those presents?
- f*ck' Santa is an
aggressive capitalist.
- He's making the presents,
but he gotta buy the materials.
- Because I think, who rolled
the nat 20 investigate?
Our last time?
- Pete, it was—
- Oh yeah.
- It was Pete.
Yes, so you see Sofia, Ricky, and Kingston
are all on the nice list.
- That's good for you.
- Well, the good side and the bad side.
- Is Kugrich—
- Good kids, bad kids.
- You see that,
poor Kugrash is there on
the naughty list with you.
- Hey, man.
We're both trying our best out here.
- Yeah.
- Well, I do agree that I
could try a little bit harder.
- You've done some sustained damage,
and I did a lot of damage at once,
sort of a heavy hitter,
and you're just consistent,
out there every day,
just doing a little bad, getting on base.
- Yeah, totally.
- She's constantly getting on base.
- Yeah.
Blasts.
- So many RBIs.
So many RBIs from Pete,
I just come out there, A-Rod.
- I sold, I sold speed to
a babysitter yesterday.
- Can I come over to the list
and see Pete looking at his name,
and then write his name on the nice part?
- The ink is immediately
absorbed into the list,
but it's a nice gesture.
- Hey, I think there is
something we can all be doing
to actually get these
people on the nice list,
and that's be talking about what we got
going on this evening.
- Let's do it.
- You know what's f*cked
up, is that I know Santa,
and that we're friends.
I'm not saying that I should
be absolved of my sins,
but you'd think it
would help a little bit.
- I mean, you know, you would hope that
after the kindness you
had done him, you know,
earlier this month—
- I don't know, I mean,
I don't think Santa
takes into account personal favors.
- You know what?
Then that's why I respect him,
that's why we are friends.
- I have 50 points of Lay on Hands,
how are people—
- Whoa.
- Do you guys look around,
you guys hear sort of
the rolling of thunder
out in the sky—
- Like a natural thunder, like a—
- Yeah, natural thunder.
No, extremely bad, apocalyptic—
- g*dd*mn.
- Evil—
- Has this thunder had work done?
- You guys also see, you know,
the scraps of the ritual around here.
You're very badly hurt,
it is about nine o'clock at night
on New Year's Eve.
- Great.
- We have never taken a short rest before,
but this is the exact
time when a short rest
comes into play.
- Can we do it on the bus?
- No, I'm gonna get us, I'm
gonna use my credit card,
I don't care about worldly possessions.
I'm gonna get us the nicest hotel room.
- A penthouse—
- I want to get the penthouse!
- We don't need to go to a hotel,
the world's about to end!
Let's get in the car—
- We deserve something nice!
- Let's take, we'll do
it after New Year's!
- I have to go to Yankee
Stadium right now!
I'm sorry, I have, you guys
can do that if you want.
- Oh, can I pick up all the artifacts
from the, what he did,
I just stuff all the—
- Yeah, oh, you stuff all—
- Even though he used them.
- Here's my feeling.
I think that we need to get
everybody that we know in on this.
So you guys go to Yankee
Stadium, fantastic.
I think I should go to
Grand Central Terminal
and get the fairies on our side,
and I think that if we
can get Em and Willy
and anybody else that we've ever met.
How do you think the mummy is doing
after he's spent the last
you think he's feeling
like he's a better person?
- Ah, I mean, I don't know,
I could talk to him.
We can see what's up.
- I'm, who needs to be healed,
'cause I'm gonna go now.
- I have 19 points left.
- I got 21, my max is now 58
after these vampires.
- Does anyone want a Greater Restoration?
It'd be my last fifth level spell,
but I think that's fine.
It's better to do it—
- I mean, my max is only 54 right now,
and my eventual max is 84, so—
- I think I could heal
somebody's hit point max
back to its normal.
- So you're 30 points—
- I'm 30 down.
- 30 down?
Jesus.
- I wouldn't mind a higher max,
I wouldn't mind a higher max because then,
that means that I can go to do,
start doing radiant damage quicker.
- Mm-hmm.
- But I don't, you know.
- How much are you down?
- My max is 84, and I'm currently,
my max is 58.
- Oh yeah, so do Sofia.
- Cool.
- Are you sure you want to use
a fifth level spell, though, right now?
- I mean, what better time
than to not waste an action
and a spell, than to do it right now?
- Okay.
- Cool, I'm gonna do a
Greater Restoration on Sofie.
- Kugrash, you push out your little paw,
your friend Sofie, all
those big mac and cheeses
and alleyways outside
of bars, little rat—
- The greatest restoration of all.
- One more hangover cure.
- Your hit point maximum is restored,
Kugrash, you hold your paw out
and cast this healing spell,
you've been doing good deeds in this city
for so many years,
and look at your little name
on that naughty list still.
And but Sofia is healed, a selfless act,
you, whoom, restore her.
- I sh**t Sofia's leg.
- I'm okay to keep my hit points low,
but it's nice to have my max be high.
- Oh, right, oh, got it.
I'm sorry, nevermind.
- So your hit point max is restored,
what we're gonna do now,
I will actually, I'm
not gonna make you guys
wait 'til the end of the short rest,
because you're not engaging
in any strenuous activity
over the next hour,
we're just gonna roll
your guys' hit points now.
- Woo!
Feeling good!
- Yee ha!
- Sofia Lee.
- And then I get my body back.
Woo!
- Be nice if I had more
Greater Restorations,
you know, high level spells are good.
- Yeah!
Funny, that.
- Believe it or not.
- Pete, as your blink spell
continues, by the way,
you get flashes and images of Nod
roiling in this insane dream storm.
You look up, see the
Golden Door fully open,
the weird hex moving around it
where the lock is keeping it open,
and you see that that infection
within the dream realm
is just pouring power and trying to suck
the thing out of the Golden Doorway.
You see that there's a bunch of trash cans
that are bouncing up and down the street,
but sort of running, you're like,
man, we gotta
get the f*ck outta here!
Let's go!
Hey, man, if you got any
f*ck' brains in your head,
you gotta get the f*ck outta here!
You even
see, up on top of the thing,
holding on to a little railing, looking,
is Pizza Rat with a little
pizza tied to his belt.
- Aww.
- Looking out,
Things are startin' to look
pretty bad out here!
And you see
that Nod appears next to you
as you kind of phase
in and out of reality.
Nod looks and says,
this is as bad as it could be.
Anything that you need to do,
there is a very real chance
that the world will
change forever tonight.
- Okay.
What should I focus on?
- I will be as close to
the edge of the Dreaming
as I can,
but...
This is the hour.
This is it.
- Okay, well, me and everyone
that I was with before,
we're gonna go and try to find Bob Moses.
We know it has something to do
with the ball that's
dropping in Times Square.
- Nod reaches out,
and sort of touches their head and says,
something bad is happening
at the Occult Society.
At the library.
And...
Kugrash's son,
something with Kugrash's son.
- Okay.
Am I able to blink back,
or do I control the blink?
- Yeah, you actually, your
blink spell probably ends.
- Okay.
- Just, duration-wise.
- We have to go get Wally,
he's at the Occult Society,
and he's in trouble.
- Or is it the other son?
- Oh!
- I ask the bagel who is in trouble.
Or, has it been, when did I use it last?
I used it to see if
Esther was the one who—
- I think you used it today.
- I used it today, f*ck' f*ck.
- Let's—
- Call people.
- Yeah, call her.
- Wait, do I have time to go to—
- Cool.
You guys are looking around,
you don't have too much time,
but there's a bunch of
stuff you guys have to do.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Yeah, I'm going to Grand Central.
- Cool, Rowan is going to Grand Central.
- Wait, something's going
on at the Occult Society?
- I guess we'll go to the Occult,
did we get the sense that
the Occult Society and my
family were the same thing,
or they were separate?
- It was at the Occult Society.
- I don't, I did not say that,
I just wanted to say, I did not—
- Oh.
- Okay.
I will go to Wally's house, then.
Or Wally's apartment, and then I'll—
- I think I have to go
to the Occult Society.
- I can handle it if you have business
you need to take care of.
- I just feel like,
I think Ricky would go
to the Occult Society.
- Or it might be David,
I don't know how to to
f*ck' figure this out.
- I can go to one—
- I can call Jackson and
I can just go check out—
- Yeah, can you—
- We're with Alejandro right now.
- Oh yeah, can—
- I can call, but I can call him,
and rather than going all the way down,
I could just call him and
be like, hey, come through,
and then go check on your son.
- That's interesting.
Alejandro, do you have any way to,
for me to figure out which one of my sons
is in trouble right now?
He just cast a scrying
on, he says,
do you have an address?
- Yeah, I give him Wally's address—
- He
scries on Wally's apartment,
lights off, no one home.
- Okay.
What about David's house?
- He looks,
you see a mostly dark home, Forest Hills,
with one of the windows broken.
- g*dd*mn it.
- A door slightly busted open.
- All right.
I gotta go to David's house.
- I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna
do a Greater Invisibility
and try to go to the Financial
District and look around.
- You're in the Financial District.
- Or to Bob Moses's—
- Lair or something?
- Lair, yeah, look around.
- Could I call Jackson real quick?
- Cool, you—
- And just see if I need
to physically show up—
- Also invite Em.
- Yeah.
- Dope.
You give Jackson a call,
it goes to,
as you give Jackson a call,
you see that it goes to
voicemail.
As it does,
Kingston, you have a little residual,
give me an insight check.
- Nice.
- Very high, 19 plus 13.
That's perception, excuse me.
Insight, that's also 13, 19 plus 13.
- 32?
- Yes.
- You, from the little
trickles of electricity
from your Shutdown spell,
you feel that call go out,
and know that Jackson's phone
is at the Occult Society.
- All right.
- Oh!
- I think there's a lot going down
at the Gramercy Occult Society.
- Alejandro, do you know it's,
do you sense anything
about the Occult Society,
there's something—
- He says,
I was, no, I was home,
I was not at the Society.
He says,
we should go now.
- Can I text Emiko for an update on Liz?
- Yes, you can.
- As we go.
- Sofia, maybe you can also
get your family to come help, I mean—
- I was thinking of texting Mario—
- Get some muscle in there.
- I don't trust my dad.
I think he would flip for
whoever pays the highest price.
- You don't think he wants you back?
- I'm out of the door.
- Cool.
- I'm going to—
- Kugrash is out the door,
going to David's place.
- Yeah, I'm headed to Grand Central.
- Rowan dips out.
- I'm, do you guys, can we go
three deep in this Maserati?
- You see that, yes, you absolutely can.
Cool.
- Sofia lying in the back,
that shitty backseat.
Where you have to put your
knees way up in the air.
- Who all's getting in
the Maserati with Ricky?
- The good kids.
- Cool, the good kids—
- f*ck you guys!
- I want to, I am so excited to,
I'm secretly kind of
excited to be in a Maserati,
so I put on a little thing
and think it's going to
be like wind in my hair,
but I'm just in that shitty third seat.
- You're just, it's shaking so much.
- Pete, you're staying in the
Financial District, looking—
- Inspecting and—
- Cool, go ahead and give
me an investigation check.
- Sure.
Let's see.
Nine.
- Cool.
So,
you guys get in this
f*ck' sick Maserati,
you see that Alejandro
takes his jewel out, says,
- Cool.
I'll have Mindlink open with everybody,
is that a thing I can do?
- Yeah.
Whoom, make your Mindlink open,
you see that Alejandro goes,
my God,
this car is sick as hell!
- It's really outside my comfort zone.
- You guys tear off down the street.
You see that, Kingston,
you get in the car,
and traffic just,
like the Red Sea parts in front of you.
- It's Bruce Almighty?
- This really is like a f*ck' movie,
when do you ever get to drive a Maserati
through New York City with no traffic?
- Honestly, nobody needs to be driving
anything in New York
City, everyone should be
taking public transportation—
- But there are some jobs that—
- But this is sick, I mean, I'm not lying.
I prefer taking the bus usually,
but this is dope.
- Awesome.
Cool.
Rowan, how are you
getting to Grand Central?
- I am going to jump in a cab.
- Cool.
- And be like,
this is it, man.
We gotta get to Grand
Central as fast as possible.
- You see that—
- I'm sort of stand-sitting in the cab,
like, get me to Grand Central
right away!
- See the cab driver says,
I'm going to
go at the pace that is,
hello!
Hi, yes.
- Now.
- The cab takes off,
hops up on the sidewalk.
Just dips into a bike
lane, someone's like,
f*ck you, man!
- f*ck you!
- f*ck you, hey, f*ck you—
- f*ck you!
- Go f*ck yourself!
- f*ck yourself!
- You see the cab tears off,
you arrive at Grand Central.
It is a strange night outside.
Thunder, a bunch of drunk people out
already for New Year's Eve,
people are partying,
you arrive at Grand Central
a few minutes later.
- Great.
I'm gonna go to the Whisper Corridor,
Whisper Corridor?
- Yep.
Or the Whispering Gallery, yes.
- Whispering Gallery, Jesus.
And I'm gonna say,
now is the time, our people must assemble.
- You hear,
Bing!
Ding-dong-ding-dong.
Boom, opens up Bilbry.
A little, you know, bike
pedal ornithopter comes out.
Oh, oh, Miss Berry!
- Hi, how you doing?
- Good to see you!
- Okay, we've all gotta go.
We all gotta go.
- What?
The trumpets of w*r be blown?
Assemble at the clock!
- Oh, and before we run off anywhere,
is there anything that you can do
to pimp up this umbrella a little bit,
make it a little fancier?
- Oh sure,
let me take a look at, here.
You see he
snaps the knife off the front
and takes a vial of mercury
and pours it on top of the umbrella,
and a quicksilver knife
of moving liquid silver—
- Sick.
- Appears at the end of your umbrella.
That should
do the trick in a pinch!
All right!
And you
see that he takes off
towards the Grand Central kiosk,
the Umbral Arcana whips around it,
and you see clock gnomes,
sprites, pixies, dryads,
you see that, in his little sort of tux
with the bow tie untied,
Priapus the satyr shows up.
Oh my f*ck' God.
- God.
We don't have time, but later.
- Three minutes!
- Later!
And I'm so sorry, but I didn't say,
but we do all have to go to
Times Square on New Year's Eve,
and I'm sorry about that.
- Boo!
All the fairies, boo!
- I know!
But I want, I don't want to go either!
- To suggest to go to Times
Square on New Year's Eve,
I'm gonna need a persuasion check
with disadvantage.
- But I have advantage on persuasion.
- Then you're just gonna roll a flat—
- Oh wait, I don't have
advantage on persuasion,
g*dd*mn.
I just have it on performance.
g*dd*mn it.
Well, that is a nat one.
I also got a 16.
f*cking disadvantage.
- You see that everyone goes like,
New Year's Eve, it's gonna be a zoo,
it's
gonna be a zoo out there!
- You can fly, you lazy m*therf*ckers!
g*dd*mn, I should have
just taken the crown.
- You see that all of the fairies
sort of speak,
Aquamarine is here,
you see that in his plaza bathrobe,
he clearly was taking a bath,
Bobby Goodfellow shows up and goes,
oh, what the f*ck is going on over here?
We're calling some kind of w*r meeting?
- Yeah.
- You see that all of them say,
Times Square's
gonna be full of cameras and,
yeah, it's
gonna be full of, you know,
f*ck' there's gonna be Cold Iron there,
people are gonna be smoking.
- Yeah, but also, Robert Moses,
who is an absolute scumbag,
is trying to destroy the American Dream.
- You see that one of the
little sprites looks and says,
The vampires!
they're coming
up in the Financial District.
- Now?
- Yes.
- To here?
- It
looks like they're headed
for Times Square.
- Everybody get on the
g*dd*mn seven train right now.
- You see that Bilbry says,
Times
Square is a sh*t show.
We, I don't think it's safe for any fairy
to set foot there.
But you are founder of the
fairy realm of New York.
We'll cut those vampires off at the pass.
- Excellent.
- You see he takes out a r*fle that,
instead of having a trigger section,
just has a giant clock in it.
And you see he says,
we'll
sh**t those m*therf*ckers
to the end of time!
Time g*n style!
- And Bilbry, before you go,
I think I'm gonna need the crown,
if you have it available to me.
- Ooh.
I, it's bad news.
I did smelt it.
But here you go,
and he just tosses a chunk
of silver bouillon to you.
- Great, I'll just put it in my pocket.
- It's, all
the power of fae is in there.
- Great!
- But it's
not, it's just a big chunk—
- Bulky.
- It's just
a little bulky right now.
- That's fine.
- Feel free
to hoist that bad boy up
if you need to.
- Thank you.
- All right!
Let's k*ll some leeches!
You see that the fairies
charge out of Grand Central
in this massive w*r party.
Priapus leading the way,
he's got his, you know,
musical instrument in his hand.
This big, did I say what
his musical instrument was?
- I don't—
- I don't remember.
- I'm gonna say that he hoists,
Priapus hoists a giant
stand-up bass in one hand.
He is fully erect and runs—
- Oh God.
- Out of Grand Central.
Bobby Goodfellow looks over and says,
all right, well, let's do this thing.
Runs out.
Wonderful.
Everybody else, you guys head
to Gramercy Occult Society,
you guys arrive at the public library
and you see on the steps,
strange storm clouds in the sky.
A weeping Orlando standing over
the cracked body of Rovias.
One of the stone lions
has been cracked in half.
- Does anyone have a mending spell?
- I'm gonna have mending,
but I'm assuming this is—
- I mean, I'm discovering my
spells every day, let me try.
- Okay, Sofia,
Sofie, this is not the time.
- I got it!
- This is not the time.
- You see—
- Hang in there, little stone guy!
- Orlando, what happened?
- You look around and Sofia,
you see very fresh, there
are injured and wounded
and dead bodies of monks,
of the Order of the Concrete Fist here.
Looks like a huge fight
happened on the steps.
- My God.
- I run downstairs.
- Yeah.
- You run downstairs.
Alejandro runs with you.
You see that Orlando looks up and says,
oh, vampires came
and attacked here, we
destroyed as many as we could.
And you
do see clumps of ash
around the steps.
My boyfriend.
Rovias.
My sweet lover.
Oh!
You see he
pets his giant, stone mane.
I...
He died defending
the library.
What is happening?
Alejandro looks,
can't think of anything to say,
just charges into the library.
- I give the lion a hug.
- He nestles into you.
- Still trying to medicine it.
- Go ahead and make a medicine check.
- One.
- No!
- A one, a nat one?
- You k*lled that lion!
- I didn't k*ll him!
- You go over and touch the body,
and a bit more stone crumbles off,
Orlando goes,
- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
- Are they still fighting,
is there still anything going on inside?
- Some of
the greatest warriors
were slain here on the steps,
but some snuck past, some rose, mist form,
made their way past here.
This huge, mournful roar.
- I run inside.
- You rush inside.
You go in,
you see a couple of the
monks recognize you, Sofie,
bloodied and battered.
- What's going on, tell me what—
- They say,
don't worry, we beat 'em.
They're defeated, but they made their way
to the Chamber of the Umbral Engine.
- Where is that?
- In the heart of the library.
You rush past.
You get to a room, you know,
crazy steps, M.C. Escher,
you get to this giant chamber
buzzing with arcane energy.
You see a bloodied Esther
on a knee, next to what looks like
an unconscious Jackson.
- I'll, I guess I can Lay on Hands.
Both of them?
- Cool.
You start to do Lay on Hands them.
- For 10 points each.
- 10 points each.
Cool, Esther still looks somewhat injured,
but you reach down.
You see that Jackson comes to.
You see that, in the center of the room,
the Umbral Engine,
an elaborate, huge orrery,
this cosmic thing of a central brass globe
covered in runes, spinning,
gyroscoping wheels
and sort of celestial
bodies hovering around it.
And you see that something
has happened to it.
There is some whirling necromantic energy,
and it is fritzing and
clicking against itself.
- Okay, so all the people of New York
can see magic for tonight.
How does that help them do something?
- They want people to
witness the event, right?
So maybe the Umbral Engine would
have normally stopped them,
is that right?
- Whoa.
- You see that Jackson coughs,
looks up, something else,
go ahead and give me a medicine check,
anyone that wants to.
- I'm maybe not going to.
I'm gonna let you guys—
- Nat 20.
- Ooh!
- Aw, hell yeah.
- Cool.
You see that there is,
that Jackson's basically
life force has been greatly diminished,
his constitution score has
been dramatically removed.
I'm also gonna say that with that nat 20,
you can just tend to their wounds,
Esther and Jackson are
back up at full hit points.
But you see that Jackson's hit
points are greatly diminished
as his constitution has
been dramatically reduced.
- Is there something, do I think
there's something I can do spell wise
in order to restore that?
- On a nat 20, potentially
there's something you could do
to restore that.
- It's not a disease, right?
- It's not a disease.
But it, there's is a high risk that
whatever you did, in other words,
you'd have to make a roll.
So it'd be a roll of the dice,
and it would take a great resource
to be able to do it.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- You see that Jackson is lying there.
You see that Alejandro's
talking to another member
of the Occult Society,
they can't find Ana and Amelia anywhere.
It just looks bad here.
You see Jackson looks up
at Sofia, kind of smiles,
he goes, and sees
Kingston too and he goes,
what the hell, pal?
Good to see you.
You see he reaches up
and touches the side of your face.
How you doin', pal?
You good?
- I mean, things are wild right now,
but I'm doing all right.
- No sh*t.
You took care of Moses?
- I, his spell was successful.
We're not done yet, ask me tomorrow,
and the answer will be yes.
- You see he nods and smiles,
he goes,
ah, it's f*cked up,
why do we keep doing this sh*t?
I'm glad we got some fresh blood in here,
'cause I could use retirement.
- Well, for tonight,
I think just,
I think you do your thing.
I mean, stay in, watch a movie,
I don't know, don't watch the ball drop,
I think that's gonna be a sh*t show.
- Yeah, what am I gonna do,
watch the f*ck' ball drop?
Oh, my f*ck' Mets windbreaker,
what the f*ck, it's covered in blood,
these assholes,
you gotta go to the Mets store.
- Speaking of the Mets, the Yankees.
- Oh!
- Do you, Esther, do you know anything
about the Yankee Stadium,
I have something, I guess it's
not speaking about the Mets.
- You see that Esther
looks at you and goes,
did you get some kind of
vision or inclination?
- There's, something
happened when I was trying
to remove the curse from Liz
that I just saw a flash of Yankee Stadium,
I don't know why, but—
- You see that she says,
well, it's, she says,
it's about 9:30, 9:40 now,
if you got a vision, do you
want company on the way?
- Yeah, let's go.
- You see she says, all right.
I'm gonna go with Ricky.
Great.
We'll be back in a little while.
You see that Ricky and
Esther head out together.
You rush off to Yankee Stadium.
- I got a new car, by the, I don't—
- You see, she looks
at, go ahead and give me
a persuasion roll?
- Oh no!
- Oof!
- Five.
- You see she goes—
- Oh, excuse me, six.
- Oh, six.
She goes, ugh, this is
kind of gaudy, did you buy this?
- I didn't, no.
Pete bought it for me.
- Pete, so...
Do you think Pete got it honestly?
- Honestly, I don't, I don't think so.
And it's kind of tearing me apart.
It's really tearing me apart.
- These things just guzzle gas.
- It's really bad in a lot of ways.
I feel really uncomfortable driving it.
But it is very fast.
Hey, look, I mean,
you know I would never choose this, right?
- You see she says, I
mean, yeah, I guess, yeah.
I guess.
You see that—
- Just kind of like,
silent driving for a—
- You see Esther opens her,
opens her spellbook up,
and does something,
as you guys start heading
out from the library,
and you see that this spectral road
just made of pure light peels off.
- Look at that.
- She goes, take this.
as she holds concentration
on this spectral road.
And you peel off into the sky
on this Maserati—
- Awesome.
- Headed off
towards Yankee Stadium.
Jackson sort of on the ground,
looking very f*cked up.
He looks up at you, Sofia,
and you see he says,
how you holding up, kid?
You all right?
- Yeah, I'm doing fine.
Yeah.
Kug gave me a f*ck' fat
a*s fifth level spell,
so I'm doing excellent.
I'm doing better than I should be.
- So what's the deal?
Moses got his spell off,
what kind of spell is this?
What are we lookin' at?
- He's making, oh,
did I not fill you in on any of this?
He's making a lock to go,
he wants to go to Nod.
Nod made it so that no
one could come into Nod,
he created a lock,
and Sinatra's Law, he created a lock here
so that he could create one over there.
And now I'm assuming he's doing something,
I'm assuming he's made some sort of thing
with harnessing a time thing,
what is the time thing called?
- The time stone, time
stone, no you got this.
You got this!
- So yeah, I think he's
making a time stone
using the auspicious timing of midnight.
The energy of, you
know, the ball dropping.
- And he's and
what's, he's doing that
to what, live forever?
- I mean, we believe
based on the Book of Bits and Bobbins
that he's using the time stones to—
- Which Book of Bits and Bobbins?
- The time stone Book of Bits and Bobbins.
- No, but is it the
little one or the big one?
- No, it's a big book, it's a big book.
- Gotcha.
- Yes, I'm not.
- Not the Bitty Book of Bits and Bobbins.
- The Bitty
Book of Bits and Bobbins.
We wish.
- I think he's trying to turn Manhattan
into a place where only
the undead can hang out.
- Yeah.
- Or some sort of—
- Paragon or—
- Place where only he and his folk can be.
- On the level of heaven and hell.
- Yeah.
- Manhattan will become.
- He's making a realm.
- It's heavy stuff.
- This is heavy stuff.
You see
Alejandro's looking around,
he looks very distraught like,
he's scrying for his granddaughters.
He turns, he sort of uses
up his scrying spell,
and then turns to one
of the other wizards,
says, all right.
Fine, I'll try to find Ana and Amelia.
You see
he turns to Jackson,
Jackson says, Alejandro, oh,
good to see you, bud.
So this is it.
They're gonna try to pull
it out of the dream realm,
the Golden Door.
- Yeah.
- f*ck.
Well, I'm...
This is bad.
This is what Dale was warning me about.
He thought this was gonna happen.
- Dale?
Thought this was gonna happen?
g*dd*mn, he had a whole
f*ck' life without me.
I had a f*ck' book club.
- You see he goes,
yeah, that's,
Dale was into that whole
chosen one bullshit.
He...
He thought there was gonna be a time where
the dream realm would try
to fully destroy New York.
And he was a f*ck' new kid,
but he had a lot of big ideas about,
you know, the symbol of our order
is that yin and yang, right?
And specifically between
the energy of dream
and of the waking world.
And the stuff he found, the
scrolls and the monastery
that talked about the chosen one,
they all,
he was on this trip about
the fact that those
forces should be combined
and used together
rather than us as monks
standing as a guard
against the dream realm.
He believed in it,
and he went and found the pinnacle,
he went all the way up there, and...
It was all bullshit.
Nothing happened.
- Where's the pinnacle?
- You see he looks at you,
make an insight check.
- 15.
No, 16.
- He's looking at you
with kind of a look of,
why do you want to know?
- I give him a look of, because I ask,
because I want to know.
- You see he goes,
what'cha gonna do?
You want to...
All right.
Well, f*ck it.
I'm out of commission.
It is what it is.
The scrolls talked about a place that,
at the time, was unreachable,
except for powerful monks,
but they ended up,
but they ended up building
the Empire State Building
to reach it.
- I was kind of thinking
you might say that.
All right.
- He says,
but Dale was, you should know,
don't get your f*ck' hopes
up, it's not a dream, kid.
This is the real world.
- I get it, it is what it is.
You taught me well.
- You see he says,
there are—
- I'm gonna put that in my back pocket
maybe after I slay the
dreams of Robert Moses,
to save the dreams of others.
I'll go to the observation deck.
- You see he says,
he thought that there would be,
he got up there,
and there were no spirits,
there were no ancestors,
there was no sphinx,
the f*ck' make, to choose the one.
So it was all f*ck' bullshit,
so just keep your eye on the prize,
I don't know, maybe we all die.
Mm, it is what it is.
- All right, I'm gonna go get,
maybe a Jamba Juice or something.
I'll be back.
- Alejandro goes,
a Jamba Juice?
- Yeah, I need a little—
- On New Year's Eve?
Will they even be open?
- This is true, that's somewhat cruel
to patronage somewhere that—
- Well, if
you want a Jamba Juice,
can you get me an energy
boost guava mango?
- And can you get me one of them waffles?
- Yeah, yeah, I'll bring 'em,
I'll meet you at Times Square.
- You're going to ask Sofia
to get you a waffle from Jamba Juice?
- Jamba Juice they sell a waffle,
it's like a pastry,
but it's like a waffle.
It's in the clear thing.
- All right, well—
- Don't come at me, mister—
- I know exactly what he's talking about.
- Thank you!
- I will get you a waffle.
- It's like, hey,
let's go to like a halal place
and get, you know, fries there,
it seems like, go to Jamba
Juice to get juice, you know?
- You ever have the
fries at a halal place?
- They're—
They are really good.
- They're delicious.
- Actually, you know what?
Kingston it seems like—
- Two waffles.
- My
granddaughters are missing—
- Can I help you?
- You want to get
a chopped cheese at the corner?
- Me and you want,
you don't want to drive by your daughters,
you want to go get a chopped cheese?
- I don't know, man.
I can't find them.
- f*ck it, let's get a chopped cheese.
You go get a—
- If you are getting chopped cheeses,
am I still getting waffles?
- No.
We're good on waffles.
- Okay.
- All right,
we're getting chopped cheeses,
you get your Jamba Juice.
Cool.
You guys head out.
Awesome, awesome, awesome.
- I go immediately to the
Empire State Building.
- Hell yeah.
Dope as hell.
- Climbing up the outside like King Kong.
- I bet I could!
Wait, how tall is the
Empire State Building?
- It's really f*ck' tall.
- You could still probably run up it,
you're a superhero.
- We're gonna cut over real quick to Pete.
- Okay.
- So you got a nine on your investigation,
so they peel off, you
run out into the street,
and you start investigating.
You're looking at Wall Street,
there's a post office box.
- I pull out my business
card from Bob Moses,
I go to his work.
- Awesome.
You arrive at his—
- I cast Minor Illusion to make myself
look like a vampire.
- Awesome.
- And then I go up to the front and
I look like the most
intimidating vampire possible.
- Rad!
Let me roll a little check here.
Cool.
You arrive at the front,
and you see that there's a,
kind of like, just graduated ivy league,
huge party school frat lookin' vampire,
who's standing at the
outside of the building
as you walk up, and he goes,
'sup, bro?
- Hi.
- Hey, what's up?
- Is he here?
- Is who here?
- Is the boss in?
- Give me a deception check.
- Mkay.
Yeah, 28.
- He goes,
nah, dog.
He's at the Stock Exchange
doing f*ck' rituals, so...
- No, that's over, man.
Where is he now?
I just talked to him, I think he's here.
- You're welcome to go
f*ck' check, brah, but—
- All right.
- Probably you should be
up with the push, right?
- Buzz me in.
- Dude, it's chill.
Don't be a f*ck' d*ck, bro.
- I don't have time for this.
I flex my fake fangs.
- He goes, oh.
- I f*cking deck him!
- He goes, uh!
f*ck, bro, I'm sorry, f*ck!
Buzzes you in.
f*cked up, f*ck.
Cool, you walk into this...
- I try to get to his
office and look around.
I don't know.
- You get to his office,
and you see that there is a
enormous, there is an enormous,
there is an enormous arcane kind of lock
on the door of his office.
The door to his specific office is
warded with some crazy magical sh*t.
- Hmm.
- Go ahead and give me an arcana check.
- Sure.
Seven!
- Cool.
You're looking at it,
you don't think that,
it looks like a big mamma-jamma,
like a Dispel would have a
slim chance of success here.
You see that there's a
arcane passcode for it.
But your arcana does not reveal it to you
what that code would be.
We're gonna cut over to Kugrash.
Kugrash, how are you getting
over to Forest Hills,
which is a long way away.
- Giant eagle.
- Bald eagle flying,
or maybe a dirty—
- Bald because, not a bald eagle,
but a bald eagle, if it makes sense.
- Dirty trash eagle flying
across the city skyline.
- Flying this way?
- Yeah, a broadstroke.
- I like to think I put in a lot of effort
and then fall for a while,
and then put in a lot of effort and fall—
- It's mostly gliding.
- Just running into telephone poles.
- You get to David's house.
You see there are now cop cars here.
It looks like Diane and Matt and Dealy
are outside the caution
tape, kind of crying,
and you see that Wally is there with them.
- Okay.
- I'll fly up to Wally.
- All right.
- Actually, you know what?
Let me...
I want to fly in, while I'm still a bird,
I want to fly into the house.
- Give me a stealth
check with disadvantage,
if you'd be so kind.
- A bird flying into a house?
- A f*ck' giant eagle in Forest Hills.
- So there's a giant actual eagle—
- They'll just f*ck' wave me away.
Okay.
- Yeah!
- 11 was my bad one, buh-buh-bah.
- You see that there's
a cop at the door going,
this is a crazy New
Year's, we've had a B&E
and an as*ault, Forest Hills.
He turns, an eagle, whoosh!
The f*ck was that?
- Just the wings tucked in?
- Little APB, guys, keep an eye out
for a very large pigeon.
- Just like a piece of trash.
- Yeah, you kind of flop in.
There's a bunch of cops
walking around in here.
And you are literally like,
bum-ba-da-bum-bum, bum ba-da,
and you're kind of like
walking in that weird way that birds walk.
- Yeah.
- Like behind the
sofa, under a little desk.
- This isn't a Pixar short film.
- I'm just like a fan.
- Your investigation looks like this.
- Yeah.
All the way around.
- Go ahead and give me an investigation,
there's a bunch of stuff in
here that's obvious to see,
but go ahead and give me
an investigation check.
- f*ck!
f*ck.
Buh-buh-bah.
So bad, four.
- Four, cool.
You are in here, you around,
you see David is...
- f*ck!
- Bitten on the neck.
His computer is open,
and there's a small box next to it.
He's unconscious,
bitten,
it looks, give me a medicine check.
- Okay.
- It's hard to tell what's
happening with David.
- Mm-hmm.
- But it's bad.
- Okay.
Do I see if any of the cops are vampires?
- Sure, yeah, go for it.
Make a perception check.
- 13.
- You do not believe that
any of the cops are vampires.
- Okay.
- You see the computer, though.
And there's a small box
on the desk next to it.
You would have to get
closer to take a look.
- Okay, I'll go closer.
- Give me another stealth check.
- Okay.
Actually, oh God,
I was gonna say, I'll touch him
with my c*ck or something,
but they're going to be stupid,
they're not gonna know
what they're looking at.
- Cool.
You flutter up to a chair,
there's a cop literally
just looking at his phone.
You eagle up to this chair,
he's not facing away from
you, he's facing towards you,
he's just very into what he's doing.
You look at—
- Eagle eyes, I can see.
- Eagle eyes, you see it!
You look at the computer screen,
and you see that there's
an open email to you on it
from David.
- g*dd*mn it.
- The email says,
there's no emotional language
in it, nothing like that.
You see that it just starts with,
pulled up some info on RM.
- Mm-hmm.
- Found the following.
This guy was a real f*ck'
crook and a dirtbag.
I don't know why you need this,
but if this helps,
then here it is.
There are, you get your little mouse,
you get your little
eagle talon on the mouse,
start scrolling.
And...
- What is my man looking at on his phone?
- You look at a series of
financial documents, records,
stuff like that.
And you see there is a...
There are a couple
very old photographs
of Robert Moses that are in here,
there's one of him at his office,
and you see that, it's him sort of
breaking in the new office
down on Wall Street.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you see that there's a little funny
ribbon cutting ceremony,
like a small kind of joke
ribbon cutting ceremony.
And that he has, there's
little pins with him
and some other people here,
and the pins are these
little gag gift things
that say Rosebud on them.
- Uh-huh.
Rosebud.
- It's Robert Moses's sled!
- Yeah, that's it.
- You also see, in the
box next to the computer,
a ton of envelopes,
sealed, addressed to dad.
- Cool.
I'm gonna, hmm.
All right.
I'm a bird.
So I can't do too, too much.
But I am, g*dd*mn it, all right.
He's been bitten by a vampire.
I want to try to take
a little, I have a spell I could maybe do
in a couple days if he's dead.
I'm gonna try to steal some of his hair.
- Okay.
- To have a piece of his body.
- Okay.
- Not for—
- Okay.
- I don't need to,
you're not here!
- You're not here!
- I'm trying to save his life!
I know I'm a f*ck' rat.
Do I need to do a stealth, I assume?
- Yes, you do.
- Okay, that's 23.
- Incredible.
- It's the only thing I'm rolling good on.
- You go over, snip some hair
off with an eagle's talon,
cop does not see you.
- I would like to grab
the letters and just leave.
- Cool.
- It's just right in front of his—
- You grab a full thing of letters,
walk out of there.
You actually, it's you
dragging the box behind you.
One of the cops—
- Flapping slow like—
- You see that, as you drag it out,
a couple of cops step over you,
just very talking to each other.
You Mission Impossible
your way out of the house.
And you get all the way
to the rest of the family.
- Yeah, I'll talk to Wally.
- Dope, awesome.
You get out there, Diane's there,
you see that Wally looks over, sees you,
and goes, oh, look!
That eagle is writing a
bunch of letters to its dad!
- Son, you're the only,
you're very perceptive, Wally.
It's me, it's me, your dad.
- What?
- Yeah, you know I can turn into animals.
- Oh.
Right, yeah, yeah, I remember that.
Are you standing,
are you like—
- I'm gonna, I feel like I'm gonna signal
for Wally to come, I feel like—
- Yeah, Wally—
- The children and
stuff have had enough of a day.
- Yeah, Wally?
- Just Wally, yeah.
- Yeah, comes over to you.
What's up, dad?
- What happened with David here?
- Oh, it was an attack,
someone broke into their house
and beat the crap out of him.
But I think he was maybe
workin' on that stuff
that you asked for.
- Yeah.
g*dd*mn it.
All right, Wally.
You got...
Where you gonna be tonight?
- I was probably gonna go home,
make some hot dogs with string cheese.
- Okay.
I was gonna tell you to,
why don't you take...
Take Diane and the kids with you?
Maybe you all go?
- Go to Denny's?
- Yeah, go to Denny's,
go to a public space!
- Oh boy!
- I give him some gold
to take the family to Denny's.
Take the family to Denny's on me!
- You give him some gold,
so you drop some gold—
- Gold, I'm playing D&D.
- He goes, okay!
He goes,
hey guys!
We're gonna go to Denny's!
We're gonna pay with
these Spanish doubloons!
- I found some gold in the trash!
- Hey guys, it's Christmas.
You see that he—
- It's not Christmas.
- Fully not Christmas.
You see that Diane suddenly says,
Wally, where did you get those gold coins?
What's happening?
I got 'em from this bird!
He's my friend.
He's my dad.
And you see she goes,
Wally, come here, we're gonna, okay,
we can go to Denny's.
Okay!
I'm buying!
Moon Over My Hammy!
- I always want that and
I don't want to say it.
I say, this ham sandwich thing, please.
- You see,
cool, they take off, you get
this box full of letters.
- And my son's hair.
- And your son's hair.
- f*ck me.
- Don't forget he's got his son's hair.
- What's Kugrash do now?
- I wish I had a Greater Restoration
or something more that I can do,
but I don't think I can—
- I'm sorry that you wasted it on me.
- Super help.
Okay, let me—
- I'll help prevention.
- I feel like I'm pressing
my luck constantly,
poking in and out of that house,
but I'm gonna, I'll try,
I don't think a Healing
Word's gonna do sh*t for him,
but I'll try to do,
I'll try to just get near the windows
so where I can get eyes on him
and just try Healing Word,
and see what happens.
- Dope.
You jump into a Healing Word,
and you see that he,
wakes up.
- Oh f*ck!
Okay.
The cop does not notice.
- g*dd*mn it.
- Same one?
- Same one on his phone.
- Hey—
- He's watching Last Week Tonight.
With subtitles.
- This world, this world.
- Dialysis is f*cked up.
- All right, if he's awake,
then I gotta come out of, f*ck,
I've only got two Wild Shapes for the day.
All right.
Oh wait, I lost my Wild Shape,
'cause I had to do that to cast a spell.
Dope.
I'm f*cked.
I'm just gonna cast Pass
Without Trace on myself.
- Cool.
- So that I could go in and
try to talk to him.
- Cool.
Go ahead and give me a stealth check.
- Cool.
- Cool.
You dip in, as you sneak past,
you see that they're talking to,
they're just talking to
David as he's waking up,
paramedics are now in
there talking to him.
He's trying to not go.
You see that he looks at,
he notices you.
- Yeah.
- And goes, excuse me, I
gotta go to the bathroom,
hold on one sec.
And he walks in,
he walks into the bathroom,
goes,
Dad?
- Yeah, you were attacked?
- Some f*ck' as*h*le broke in here
and beat the sh*t out of me,
f*ck' bit my neck and sh*t.
You look and see that
David's reflection in the
bathroom mirror is transparent.
- Hey David, buddy.
Do you feel weird?
- Hungry.
- Oh!
- Go for like,
I could go for a rare steak.
Like, a rare steak.
- Dammit.
All right.
- Make him a beet smoothie.
- Oh God.
David.
- Yeah?
- You—
- Knock him out.
- I don't want to—
- He's a danger.
- That little Sofia voice
in the back of your head
never says good things.
- Oh God!
- As he looks at you and says,
dad, I was making an email
about Robert Moses and sh*t.
Look...
Do you still have the
box of letters with you,
by the way?
- Yes, I do.
- You see he looks and says,
did you take that?
- Yeah, I figured they were,
yeah, I kind of stole them.
I'm sorry, I saw they were labeled to me.
- f*ck' rat piece of sh*t.
- I'm f*ck' sorry, they
were written, my name was—
- Your hair is sticking out too.
- You see that he looks and says,
they're f*ck' stupid.
Don't, there's nothing worth,
there's nothing worth reading in there,
if sh*t's about to hit the fan.
- I'll read it.
- You open one, he says, no, don't.
And you see, it's
backdated many, many years.
And it's a...
There's probably, you've been
gone for a couple decades,
right, there's probably
- g*dd*mn it.
- And you see that, it says,
hey dad.
Don't know where you are.
Matt did great in school this year,
we're real proud of
all the work he's done.
It looks like
he might get to take some
advanced classes next year.
Diane got a promotion at work.
And it's just letter after
letter of him writing to you
over the years, letting
you know what was going on
in his life.
- Oh God, David.
I'm...
I would say sorry,
but there's just,
there's no...
There's no apology I could give you
for not being around.
- You see David looks at you and goes,
I don't know, dad.
Talk is cheap.
I don't really give a
sh*t about an apology.
- Yeah—
- Actions...
I'm helping you because
Wally told me what you've
been doing in your time.
I would have,
I would have loved for you to figure out
how to not be a piece of sh*t
when you were around me.
But you'd have to be an
as*h*le not to recognize
when someone's trying not to
be a piece of sh*t in general.
And...
I don't know that we're good,
but that doesn't mean you're not good.
And...
I guess you're worth helping.
- David, you are
such a g*dd*mn ball buster.
And I'm so proud of the man you've become.
I know it doesn't—
- Just proud of
the man you've become,
f*ck's crying, you f*ck'
as*h*le piece of sh*t,
make me cry.
Just blood coming down his face.
- Oh God!
David, look.
- The f*ck is wrong with me?
Looks in the mirror.
- Yeah, so all this magic stuff,
the guys who attacked
you, Robert Moses is,
you know about vampires.
The movies and stuff.
- I don't go in for that sh*t.
I like Rudy.
You know—
- You know you can't see
yourself in a mirror.
- Rudy?
- I have not, I don't think
I've seen the film Rudy.
I would, I became a,
one day we'll watch Rudy,
me and—
- Yeah, and Wally.
If we're all still alive, we'll watch it.
- But I think—
- Ally really liked that.
- Oh my God.
- Did tea go in your nose?
- Yeah.
- Tea from long ago.
- But David, you've been infected by
whatever it is that Robert Moses has,
by the, there's an arcane evil
in addition to the regular kind of—
- Gotcha.
- White collar bullshit that's going on,
so you are going to turn into something
that's gonna be able to hurt
your family and your friends.
- f*ck!
- Yeah, it's f*ck' bad, man.
- Stop it!
- Yeah, I will, I would stop it,
I don't have a way to stop it right now
except to like,
I can bring you with
me and just tie you up.
I think this is all gonna be,
basically the world's gonna end
or it's not gonna end in a few hours.
At midnight, Robert Moses
is doing this whole thing.
- All right.
I'm gonna sit tight,
I don't, these cops,
you see that one of the cops goes,
everything all right in there?
You need some toilet paper or what's...
I'm good!
Look,
if you guys shut the deal,
the world's gonna maybe
end in a couple hours?
- Yeah, like I was saying,
Robert Moses has, is
doing some kind of ritual
to make all this magic stuff
kind of come take over.
- Yeah, I was doing it,
but the email I was gonna send you,
there's some sh*t there—
- What is Rosebud, do
you know what Rosebud is?
- Rose, oh, that's not finance sh*t,
that's just like,
that was a gag.
Citizen Kane was big the year
that they opened the office downtown,
so they refer to the
office as the Rosebud Club,
there's a bunch of
rosebud sh*t everywhere,
just kind of a gag.
- Okay.
- Pete, what are you doing down there?
- I have proficiency in thieves' tools.
Can I try to start hacking or—
- It's an arcane lock,
so you're gonna roll with disadvantage,
but you can go ahead and roll.
- Okay, cool.
- Do I know that Pete is
at the office, 'cause when we split?
- Yeah, I think you do know that.
- I want to text Pete and say,
I don't know if this
means anything to you,
but Rosebud.
- What?
- Rosebud is significant to Robert Moses,
it's some kind of gag,
some kind of secret thing.
- Are we all in a chain?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm group chatting.
- Oh, we've got Mindlink on.
Right?
- It's only 30 feet.
- Oh, okay, nevermind.
- Sofia starts texting
anagrams of Rosebud.
- I put in Rosebud.
- Beep beep, beep beep beep beep.
Whoom!
Opens.
- f*ck yeah, I walk in.
- I'm completely ignoring
it 'cause I'm driving.
- Oh yeah, you have that thing
that texts all of us
a message that's like,
I'm driving.
- Yeah.
- You see Esther in
the shotgun thing says,
do you want me to answer that?
- I probably shouldn't.
- Do you want me to?
- Oh...
If you feel comfortable.
- Why would I not feel comfortable?
- I mean, just 'cause the car's moving.
- I'm riding as a passenger—
- You know what, you can do it,
I think it's, the stakes are high enough.
- She starts to go into your
pocket to get the phone.
Sorry, can you just raise your,
'cause the, you're making
a crease in your lap.
Could you just raise your
pelvis up a little bit
to open the pocket up?
- I guess...
- That's good, that's fine, thank you.
Good.
- And it just says, Rosebud.
- And she starts relaying
the texts to you.
And yeah,
she starts to relay the texts.
As she does so...
You see she starts to
go through your phone,
and she says,
you text your friends,
John, John, and John,
your mom, your sister,
and me.
- Yeah, pretty much.
Those are the people I text.
- God, that's a lot of selfies.
- Oh, I just,
I just like to let people
know what I'm up to.
- She looks over at you, shakes her head.
- Selfies are good because
you can get yourself and
then what you're doing
in one picture.
- Right, but wouldn't the
presence of a photograph
coming from your phone kind
of imply your presence there?
- Okay.
Yeah, I see that.
- It's all right.
You see—
You tear off in the car.
Pete, you walk into this place.
Give me another investigation check.
- Cool.
- f*ck!
- What do you think it was?
- I think it was a nat one.
- It was.
- A nat one?
- It was absolutely a nat one.
- Cool.
Awesome.
You walk in, you—
- Is there a way to use intimidation or—
- You can do—
- Persuasion—
- You can do an arcana check.
- Can I?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Thank God.
- Okay, so you're not able to,
you're trying to snoop
around and it's like,
you're like, God, I've
never worked an office job,
I have no idea where sh*t
goes in a f*ck' office.
What you do find, though,
is there is a small felt,
sorry, a small velvet
lined, ancient mahogany box
that you detect the scent of
this, for decades, held
Robert Moses's phylactery.
The place where his lich's soul lived.
It is not here anymore.
But you see the tiniest
little print of the beginning of a rune
that would have been
drawn on the phylactery.
With that 24 arcana check,
you know that
this rune begins a sequence
that if spoken aloud,
would allow somebody to
destroy the phylactery.
Robert Moses's body was destroyed,
and liches don't come back for,
he's, let me just double check,
I don't think they come back for days.
f*ck it, I'm the DM.
They don't come back for days.
You see that,
so Robert Moses will not be able
to reconstitute physically for days,
and if his body is destroyed,
and his phylactery is destroyed,
he will be permanently unmade.
But you don't have the whole phylactery,
you only have this little
bitty beginning of a rune.
- I take a ton of photos
and send it to the group,
including Alejandro,
so maybe he can—
- Cool.
- Do some work on that
or tell me what to look
for in this office.
- Awesome.
Yeah, you see Alejandro
texts back and says,
I will begin
to research immediately.
You see
Alejandro's getting, goes,
holy sh*t, we have
the beginning of the rune sequence of
Robert Moses's phylactery.
- Bam.
Okay, Pete!
- You see he goes,
God, this is so good.
- It's very good.
- You know, when there's
a fight about to happen,
it's like, you can sort
of pile on the calories
'cause you're going to be—
- Right, we gonna burn all this off.
- Can you ask Alejandro
if he can identify things
through a picture?
- You see she
texts on your phone,
Alejandro texts back a little gif
of someone doing,
he texts back that Robert Redford gif
of him doing the slow nod.
- From Jeremiah Johnson?
- The Jeremiah Johnson one.
And you see that he says,
Ana and Amelia told me
how to use gifs.
- What's a gif?
- A gif
is like a little movie,
but it's like for a joke,
it's a sassy kind of—
- I don't get it, why don't people
just say what they mean, you know?
- Kingston, you know,
you're younger than me, you could live—
- I don't—
- We could all die tonight!
You have to enjoy life a little bit!
- I enjoy life perfectly fine,
I just don't need little movies to do it.
- You are the
Vox Populi of New York City,
which means you speak
on behalf of its people.
And do you know what I think?
- What do you think, Alejandro?
- There is
one person in New York
who you have always refused to speak for.
And I'm looking right at him.
- Get out of here.
- I'm not going
to get out of here!
- Okay, what, because I won't use gifs?
- Because you won't use a gif
to have a good time!
- Okay.
That's what I think!
- Okay.
- That's my,
that's one man's opinion.
- All right.
- Okay, so—
- How much time do we have left?
- You, it's probably,
for you it's probably right around 9:50.
- Can I head uptown?
- Yeah, you can absolutely,
you get on your bus.
Alejandro says,
okay, I'm
gonna go research this.
Hey, whatever this is,
I approve.
- Get out of here!
- Okay!
He gives you
a little golden eyed wink.
- Get out of here!
- I'm 94, I can
have a fun time if I want!
You see that
he heads up into the library.
You guys—
Rad.
- I feel like this is Pete's new look.
It's a cantrip you can
costume whatever you want,
you're just like—
- Dope as hell.
- Keith would get implants of—
- Absolutely.
- Keith?
- Keith from Buzzfeed.
- The Maserati pulls in
right outside of Yankee Stadium,
you see that mist kind of flows around it.
You hear the questing blade go,
it has
chosen this place to appear.
- What has chosen this place?
- The Hall,
the Hall of Heroes
descends now.
You see that Esther goes,
are you, is your ax talking to you?
The questing blade.
- It said this is the place
where the Hall of Heroes
has chosen to appear.
- You see that Esther texts that out,
you see that not that
anyone's still there anymore,
but you see
that Alejandro goes into,
or Alejandro texts everyone back,
he says,
Jackson would
like everyone to know
that he thinks it's bullshit
that the Hall of Heroes is
appearing at Yankee Stadium.
And I quote, go Mets.
- I think that's very honorable
that you support your team in that way.
- You see that, you know, it's night time,
but the doors open,
you see a spectral figure appear.
First with this gleaming
silver of a questing blade,
and you see that
a questing baseball
bat appears in the air,
and you see the Bambino himself,
Babe Ruth tips his cap to
you and goes, holy sh*t, pal!
Look at you!
What do you got, you're
built like a brick house!
- I sort of just bow to him.
- Aww!
- You see he says,
as one member of the Order to another,
and bows to you.
He goes,
come on in, champion.
You see that Esther goes
to follow and he says,
I'm sorry, my lady, but
champions only beyond this point.
She looks out at the Maserati and goes,
f*ck, okay, fine.
Wicked.
As she walks with you,
you see that Esther conjures
a weird little spectral eye
and just sends it in after you
and is like, I'm gonna
f*ck' do what I want.
f*ck' Babe Ruth.
- Yeah, girl.
Take down that boys club!
- Don't tell me what to do, Babe Ruth!
- The patriarchy ends today!
- You see that Babe Ruth
walks through Yankee
Stadium with you and says,
how you holding up, kiddo,
you all right?
- I think I'm doing okay,
I just...
There's a lot happening right now,
and I'm worried we won't
be able to help everybody.
- The Hall of Heroes is always stood,
it and its questing blades to protect
those shining beacons of hope
and civilization, you know?
People have always liked
to talk a lot of sh*t
about this town.
Just like they did about London
and Rome and Ur long before.
You see these visions of
other cities in the past,
and these various people
holding questing blades aloft.
You see Camelot appears
and these other place where people hold
these shining weapons aloft.
- Awesome.
- He walks out into Yankee Stadium
and you're just in the,
just on the field now.
And you see he says,
I wanted you to come out here and
meet the rest of your Order.
You know,
there's the glitz and the glamor
and the madness and the dream realm,
but there is a power here
to the waking world as well.
Even the Sultan of Swat knows that.
You see he look out and says,
places like this have as much heart
as anywhere else,
because of people like us.
Go out there and get the work done.
He kind of pokes your
thick chest as he does it.
And you see he says,
so,
it's time for you to
receive your blessing here
in the Hall of Heroes.
Heroes!
And you
see there's a flicker,
and you see an image of Lou Gehrig
out in the middle of the field going like,
today, I consider myself
the luckiest man...
- Just starts crying.
- He's crying!
You see Babe starts crying as well,
and salutes Lou.
And you see that, walking out of the mist,
you see an old man with a mustache
and a little pilot's pin
comes out and he goes,
hi, I'm Sully Sullenberger.
The hero—
- Are you dead?
- No.
No.
- Are you really here?
- No, this is my ghost,
but I'm also still alive.
- Zero questions from Ricky.
- You see that also he goes,
if I can land that plane,
you can save this city
from the apocalypse.
You see that—
- Are we against geese?
I'm just making sure.
- You are against Robert Moses.
And I was against geese.
Different heroes have different enemies.
- So wait, are you telling me
that those geese were knowingly flying
into those jet engines?
- You see that he holds
a silvery pilot yoke,
like a yoke of a plane aloft.
And you see that there's an image
of a group of hooded geese going,
tomorrow we strike!
Though we shall not all survive,
we shall destroy Sullenberger
once and for all.
- Wow.
- You see that two other
figures come out of the mist.
So it's Babe Ruth, Sully Sullenberger,
and you see Carl Sagan
holding a silver telescope,
and Ruth Bader Ginsberg
holding a silver gavel
all walk out.
You see they say,
you see that they both nod,
hello, I'm also still alive.
And you see Carl Sagan says,
I'm not.
But I can recognize someone
who has devoted themselves
to a better world.
And it begins here,
my fellow passenger on Spaceship Earth.
- We're on a spaceship.
- You see that Babe looks out and says,
the champions of the Hall of Heroes
have always stood
to do what must be done,
even at great cost to themselves.
You hold the questing blade.
And this blessing is yours,
if you'd claim it.
Do you claim this blessing?
- I shall claim it.
- Right.
To perform the ritual,
you've got to play a little game of catch.
- We have to?
Or get to?
- See he says, all right.
Head on out there, Rick.
And you see he tosses a ball to you.
Cool.
You, Babe Ruth, Sully Sullenberger,
Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and Carl Sagan
play a little bit of catch.
- What position is Ruth Bader Ginsberg in?
- I was like, don't make
Ruth catch anything.
Preserve Ruth.
- Preserve.
- She breaks all the bones in her body.
- Put Ruth in amber now!
- You see that they place a blessing
in the questing blade
as you guys play catch.
I'm gonna hand this to you,
and I'm gonna ask you
to not read it aloud,
but read it only to yourself.
- Okay.
- I wouldn't not be,
even I want to—
- I just want to say,
by the time that this airs,
Ruth Bader Ginsberg has passed—
- Oh God, if we—
- The saddest ever.
I love you.
You are an inspiration.
- Dope.
After a few minutes,
you walk back out of there.
And you see that Babe Ruth,
all of them hold their
questing blades aloft.
Take care, Ricky Matsui.
- Thank you, heroes.
- They fade into the mist.
You walk from Yankee Stadium,
and you see that Esther says, all good?
- Great.
- Good.
- Awesome.
Should we, yeah, let's get out of here.
- Let's get out of here.
You guys take off.
Wonderful.
- Can I do something really quick?
- Yeah!
- Is Financial District near Times Square?
- No.
Farther away.
- I wanted to hang up
posters in Times Square
advertising for other parties
to get people not to show up there.
- I mean, they've been there for 12 hours.
People wear diapers and sh*t.
- You can absolutely just
summon a bunch of dream paper
if you want to start—
- Okay, yeah.
I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna advertise
for two very different parties.
One is gonna be—
- Lower East Side.
- Meet the cast of SNL and Fun Home
live at this address
that's way across town.
And then the other one is
unlimited drugs warehouse
all night party, a
completely different address
in a different area.
Flyers go everywhere
all over Times Square.
- I think you just got
yourself on the nice list.
- What was the second party, sorry?
- It was unlimited drugs,
all night, back to back
famous underground DJs.
- In-f*cking-credible.
So I'm gonna cut now over to, buh-buh-buh.
Sofia.
- Yeah.
Okay, so I show up to the
Empire State Building.
- You see it's,
the observation deck is closed.
- That's fine, I'm not going inside.
And then I'm just gonna
Otherworldly Leap myself
and try to,
ideally what I'd like to do
is I'd like to climb
it like a rock climber.
- You, bah, just scale
with pure force of will.
Give me an athletics check.
With Otherworldly Leap
we'll say with advantage
with Otherworldly Leap.
- Okay.
- 19.
- You fully scale the
Empire State Building.
Storm clouds,
roiling, strange color,
green and purple lightning.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna say,
okay, all you sphinxes
and you choosers of the
Chosen of the Concrete Fist,
you weren't there for my husband Dale,
and look what that got him.
So I don't really care
about being your chosen.
Honestly, I know that this is probably
an off-putting way to do this,
but I don't give a sh*t
about being your chosen.
I'm honestly just trying to
f*ck some sh*t up tonight.
Death has no fear for me.
I'll die easily, I'm on the nice list,
I'll go get to be with my husband.
It'll be f*cking dope.
So just choose me for the f*cking night.
You let Dale down,
now show the f*ck up.
- Make a perception check.
- 12.
- You look around.
Nothing but the wind howls up here.
- All right, I'll go to the other side.
- Cool.
- Are there any other,
are there any gargoyles
or anything adorning
the top of the Empire State Building?
- Make an investigation check.
- Mm, 13.
- No.
There's no gargoyles up here.
- Go to the top.
- Am I not at the top?
- You're at the observation deck.
- Oh, I meant to go to the top.
I want to go to the very f*ck' top.
- Give me another athletics check.
- Kay.
- Ooh, 13.
- You, takes a long time getting up there.
And you so poured your heart
out into that statement
and then for it to be met with silence
is so brutal.
Sofia, where's Sofia at
right now as she gets,
you perch like f*ck', you're like—
- I'm just determined.
I don't f*ck' care,
I'm really, right now, I feel like
I'm dealing with f*ck' cowards,
and I think they need to show themselves.
Because honestly, if you
don't f*ck' show up now,
there might not be anyone to
f*ck' choose ever again.
So then you'll have had this little gift
you could have given to someone,
this little choosing you could have done,
and you will never do it to anyone.
It's like letting food go bad,
I hate when people let food go bad!
- You look out.
You know, Sofia was raised
in a very conflictful home.
And for you to be pouring your rage out
and to not be met with anything,
is so maddening at this moment.
You're filled with determination.
Go ahead and make an insight check for me.
- 14.
- You look down and
see all the busy people
in New York, moving to and fro.
You see all of them
waiting for a lucky break,
all of them with these dreams and,
you think about what Jackson said
about the realm of dreams
and Pete and Kingston
and what they represent,
and this weird schism in this place
where people come to pursue some
completely lofty, far away goal,
and yet life from day to day
can be so dreary and miserable and hard.
And the gap from dream to reality
feels insurmountable.
- All right.
- You look around
and you also remember Dale's words to you.
- It is what it is.
- That's not what Dale said.
- Oh, at the top, what did he say?
He said, at the top—
- It's gonna feel like
there's not anybody there,
but there is, there is somebody there.
- Mm.
All right.
So at the top, it's gonna feel
like there's no one there,
but there is someone there.
So I guess I'll just kind of be like,
all right.
If this is how we're doing it,
this is how we're doing it.
And I'll just basically meditate here
until I gotta go to Times Square.
What?
I don't have any spells.
- You start meditating,
you enter your meditative trance,
you, the techniques you
learned at the monastery.
Ooh.
You are standing on one foot
on top of the spire
at the top of the Empire State Building.
You look down at New York.
Dale believed there was something here.
Roll an insight check with advantage
as you meditate.
- Nat 20.
And a 19.
- f*ck, man.
- You look out,
what Dale believed was that
Jackson's interpretation
of the monks' mission was
maybe not fully correct,
the monks are from the waking world.
But the idea of the dream being something
they have to oppose,
he didn't agree with by coming here
to seek it out.
He thought, just in the same way
that yin and yang are
opposed but complementary,
that these two forces here were as well.
And you've seen what happens
when Pete and Kingston's
magic works together.
The nat 20 insight.
You look at all those people down there.
And a true born and bred New Yorker,
you look down
and realize that all the dreams
that are being chased down there,
that the true spirit of this place
is to meet dreams with concrete,
to hustle in the muck and the grime
and grind a way to make
something miraculous happen,
in that the spirit of this place
is that these people
make it happen for themselves.
You look around.
Who is here
at the top of the Empire State Building?
- Motherfuckin' I'm here.
- Fwoom, you open your eyes
and look around.
Potential crackles in the air around you.
- Am I
supposed to do something?
What am I supposed to do?
- You see that
potential crackles in the air around you,
a reverberation leaves
and surrounds you as you say, I'm here.
And you can feel Dale smiling down on you.
There is someone at the top
of the Empire State Building.
- I put my hand out.
- Mm-hmm.
- For, if there's anyone else.
- There's nobody else.
- All right.
What am I not getting?
What the f*ck am I not getting?
Everyone's looking at me like
I'm supposed to do something.
- No, no, no.
You see that, yeah.
On that nat 20,
when you said, I'm here—
- It's the worst feeling ever!
- No, no, no.
- I feel like everyone's like—
- No, no, no, no.
- What?
- As you're saying I'm here,
you never saw these scrolls,
but in all the things
that Jackson described,
it was never clear who the spirits were
that select the chosen one.
And the scrolls never
mentioned who they were,
so there's no, no one knows
who picks the chosen one.
- Okay.
So I guess I just choose myself
to be the chosen one?
- Boom!
- You are filled with power,
you hear a purring in your heart,
, the
claws appear at your side.
There is nothing more in
the spirit of this place
than to rely on nobody else but yourself
to decide that you will be chosen.
- All right, f*ck yeah.
- I'm going to go ahead.
- This is a secret one?
- You don't have to tell anybody,
but you're also welcome to if you'd like.
- Woo-hoo!
- Is it a secret one?
- You—
- Oh, we're not here, I guess.
- You are filled with power—
- It's not that thrilling,
I can just, I can replenish a ki point
each time you are dealt damage.
- Nice!
- So I'm telling you guys,
'cause there wouldn't be a big reveal,
but it's dope.
- You also feel that
there is another element
even beyond that,
that you, you can actually
make an arcana check
to see if you understand
the secondary power.
So you, but you do feel another power
that you know somebody
more magical than you
could probably identify or see.
- Okay.
- But you have, here at the top
of the Empire State Building,
the ultimate,
there was no authority
higher than your own,
and nobody would have been as meaningful
to select yourself as you.
- Yeah!
Get it, b*tch!
- You can—
- It's beautiful.
- You hear a
voice on the wind say,
I love you,
I'm so proud of you.
This is even more beautiful
than the deer in the backyard.
- Oh my God,
I thought it was me talking
to myself for a second
until you said the deer.
Dale!
I'm coming for you!
I'm coming for you, Dale!
- Cool, you head off.
Kingston.
- Mm-hmm.
- You make your way uptown.
You arrive at the hospital.
Emiko greets you at the door,
hey Kingston,
stable for the moment.
She's actually conscious, she's awake.
Whatever you did,
do you want the room to yourself?
- Yeah, just for a minute.
- You walk into the room,
beep, beep, beep.
Liz is there.
- How you doing, Ms. Herrera?
- f*ck you.
You did this, you saved me?
- It wasn't actually me, it was actually,
you know Mr. March from
the fireman calendar?
- Mr. March?
Oh my God, yeah.
- Yeah, it was him.
I helped, but he did most
of the heavy lifting.
- You see she goes,
wow, well feel free to give him my number.
- All right.
- You see,
she looks out and goes,
what happened, some f*ck' b*tch
in a f*ck' pantsuit jumped me.
- Yeah.
- It was awful.
- It was a vampire, you know.
It's a big old
politician-slash-finance guy
who's been alive for 400 years,
he's a lich, he sold his soul.
Fae and, you know.
All the, same ol' bullshit.
- Well,
looks like I got
my f*ck' legs broke,
'cause I'm
an extra in your story.
- Okay.
I...
I mean, I don't know what to say, Liz.
This wasn't supposed to happen to you.
And I promise you, you
know, my other friend,
the person who did this to you
tried to turn into a gas,
and this person still
beat the sh*t out of them.
So they got what was coming to 'em.
- Honestly?
I'm very happy to hear that,
I want that f*ck' lady stopped.
So what, this is it, we're all gonna die
and there's an apocalypse,
something's gonna happen?
- Well, you know, I'mma try and do my best
to stop it, but—
- Oh, your best has always
been pretty good, Kingston.
- Oh, well.
- Why'd you come up here?
- Yeah, I don't know.
Just thought I'd,
you know, we've got to
put it all out there.
You just, you want to make
sure that you got a chance
to say everything that you wanted to say
and be everywhere you wanted to be.
- You want to be here with me?
- Ah, I guess so,
well, really I just want
to show up and, you know,
tell you how I saved you real quick.
- You see she laughs, painfully.
She looks and goes,
make a persuasion and
an insight roll for me,
if you'd be so kind.
- Persuasion and an insight roll?
- Huh?
And an insight roll.
- Yep.
- Okay, insight first.
That's gonna be a 28.
Persuasion,
Nat 20.
- She begins to,
she begins to weep a little bit, there.
She's like, it f*ck' hurts,
you're making me laugh.
You look at her, she looks back at you.
She knows that you can already tell this,
just by looking at her.
But it's been a long
time for her to say it.
You see she says,
you know, I think
everybody deep down wants somebody
as a partner that would,
that you know would lay
down their life for you.
And when I met you,
I knew you would do that for me.
And then I figured out
that the reason you would do that for me
is because you'd do it for anybody.
That's what a hero is.
Makes me feel kinda selfish, you know?
You want to be someone's everything,
and you're everybody's everything.
Made it real hard to feel special.
And I feel like a piece of sh*t
for wanting to feel special,
'cause you're the most selfless
person I've ever known.
- No, no.
- I don't want to take
up any more of your time.
People need you.
- Well, hey.
I mean, I can't visit everybody.
That's also because not
everybody's worth visiting.
- You say that,
and she looks up and, again,
what had for a moment stopped
just starts streaming down her eyes.
This is such a bitchy thing to say,
and it means the world.
- Liz, you are,
I mean, I don't know else to say it,
but you,
you were everything to me.
Just because I have to be
something for everybody
doesn't mean I can't be
something more for you.
And I'm sorry that I
didn't find that space
in which to do that.
And I'll spend the rest of my life
wishing that I could have done it right.
But, you know.
Who knows?
Rest of my life maybe
won't be too much more,
so I ain't got much more
time to worry about it, so.
- She
thinks long and hard
about what you've said.
There is something that
you and I have always shared,
we got thick heads,
and we're pretty stubborn.
And I think now, after a long, long time,
I think it's safe to say
we probably share something else too.
You're not the only
person that has regrets.
You gotta go.
- Yeah, I should.
You going anywhere?
- Ow!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, that's on me.
- You see she says,
if somebody would f*ck'
teach me how to do magic,
I'd come help you whoop a*s.
I'm from the f*ck' Bronx.
- Okay, okay.
Well, we can talk about that
if the world's still around tomorrow.
- If the world's still around,
I'd love to talk.
- Great.
- Kingston leaves the hospital.
- Can I head home?
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I, you know, sneak
into my parents' room?
- Mm-hmm?
- Kiss 'em both on the forehead?
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know if,
I'm assuming they're awake, actually.
- Oh yeah.
Yeah, you sneak into their home,
you see they're getting ready,
they have the, they have some tea made
and watching the ball drop.
- Yeah.
Hey, I'm headed downtown for the thing,
so I just wanted to, you know,
tell you I love you.
- Kingston,
I love you so much,
come here!
You see she comes over,
mwah, kisses you.
Tupperware full of muffins
in the coat pocket.
- Okay, and you know,
I'll give these to somebody.
- You see that your pop
comes over and goes,
very
well, be headed downtown.
- Big day.
- Big day, huh?
You on call, paramedic, is
it all the people down there?
- Yeah, something like that.
- Something like that.
All right.
Well, be careful down there, all right?
- You know I will.
Hey, and pop?
- Mm-hmm?
- You gotta give that $400 back to Pete
that he'd lost on
Christmas during dominoes.
You can't keep that money from him.
- What?
I won that money fair and square.
- You have to give it back to him!
He didn't know, he don't play
dominoes with black people,
he didn't have a chance.
He didn't have a g*dd*mn chance!
- Oh,
so if someone comes in
and they're fool enough, he's
got writing on his fingers,
I can't school a young
man in a game of dominoes?
- You know what?
It's a big night, this is not
the last conversation I
want to have with you,
I love you, pop.
- I love you too,
you tell that boy if he wants
to come learn some more,
he can come by and play
dominoes anytime he likes.
- Okay, all right.
And then can I head upstairs real quick.
Flip the frame on top
of the refrigerator up.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hit Cosmo's for one last cup of coffee,
and head downtown.
- Kingston Brown.
Cup of coffee.
- Thank you, Cosmo.
- It is hot and it tastes good.
- Ooh.
- You head downtown.
You get down from the
Empire State Building,
where is everyone headed,
so Ricky and Esther get
back to the Occult Society?
- I'm gonna be jumping rooftop to rooftop
to get to Times Square
so I won't be getting down.
- Gotcha, boom-boom-boom.
- But I have cell phone
service up here, right?
- Yes, you do.
So you're like, I'm on my way.
- Cool.
- Rowan, you're heading over from,
you're taking the seven?
- Actually, is there a dragon train
that goes to Times Square?
- Oh f*ck yeah.
- So I don't have to take the seven?
Great, then I will do that.
- You go up to one of the dragons.
- You're so cute.
- You crawl into its body.
Vwoom, rockets up.
- As I'm going, I want to text
every f*ck' Broadway superstar,
I'm texting Sondheim, I'm
texting Bernadette Peters,
I'm texting Audra McDonald,
any g*dd*mn person that I can think of
to be like, the theater as
we know it is under threat.
Come to Times Square immediately.
- But aren't all like, who is this?
- I was gonna say, is this
from a dead person's number?
- Also it's coming from
Misty Moore's number.
- Wow.
- And also Anderson
Cooper and Kathy Griffin,
'cause they're gonna be in Times Square
doing their, and Andersoon Cooper,
there's definitely
something magical about him.
Nobody's hair is that white
at that young of an age.
It's not for some kind of—
- Anderson Cooper is canon
fae in this universe.
- Fantastic, yeah.
The Rockefellers are all up there.
- Yeah.
- You sh**t off, you...
You get texts back from,
not everyone texts back right away.
Stephen Sondheim texts
you back immediately.
- Great.
- You see that the text just says,
the plot thickens...
Dot dot dot.
Ms. Berry, winky face.
- Love you!
- I also want to text Mario.
- Cool.
- And say, if you want to redeem yourself,
you can,
we're going after your boy,
Robert Moses in Times Square.
- You, there's a pause.
You get a text back.
On our way.
- Great.
Oh, and Em as well,
I would love to text Em,
just to make sure that she's—
- I don't know if that helped or hurt.
- Oh, and Don Confetti as well.
- I don't know if
Mario's gonna be on our side.
- f*ck' Don Confetti.
- Cool, you text—
- I text Willy, I tell him to
get his a*s to Times Square.
- Incredible.
- What about magical butt guy?
- Lowell Masters?
- I mean, Lowell's—
- Maybe he can—
- Yeah, hell yeah!
- Are that he can put things up his a*s
and identify them,
I feel like—
- Does he have anything that he could—
- Yeah, maybe he can bring some sh*t down?
- Kingston, are you heading
right to Times Square?
- I think I'll hit the Gramercy Occult—
- Cool.
- And walk over with—
- With, cool.
So yeah.
So Esther, Ricky, Kingston, and Alejandro
all just start walking over
from the Gramercy Occult Society,
you actually got some other texts.
Pete, you grab your flyers
and head to Times Square.
- Yeah.
- You just start flyering every—
- Cool.
- As much you can.
Kugrash, you're trying to
get back from Forest Hills.
How are you doing that?
- I guess I have to,
how long is a short rest,
could I potentially,
obviously you burn your
hit dice each short rest,
but could I potentially do another one
to get a Wild Shape back
if I fly back?
- Yes, I'll allow you
to go ahead and do that.
- Sweet, then I have to,
I tell David, yeah, so,
we'll catch up later,
hopefully after tonight you
won't be a vampire anymore.
But for now, you're a vampire.
So, if feel like you want
more than just a steak,
maybe chill out.
Maybe spend a quiet night at home.
- Oh, I will be careful.
I will be careful.
You get back to the
Gramercy Occult Society,
you see the steps, you see the horror,
you know the bodies, which now are being
partially cleaned up.
You also see Esther
casting an Identify spell,
partially on the Maserati
and some other magical stuff,
but they're like, she and
Alejandro are considering
bringing to the fight with them.
- Got it.
- Oh, yeah, let's get a
Maserati at the fight.
- Awaken the Maserati!
- Hey Esther, would you mind
taking a look at my crown here?
- You see she goes,
oh, sure Kugrash, yeah.
Yeah, I can take a look at that.
She,
casts Identify on it.
The stuff you already know.
- Mm-hmm.
- And the ability past that.
She looks at it and goes,
there's a powerful...
There's a powerful curse breaker in here.
- Oh sh*t.
- Because the crown, any
human that wears the crown
quickly turns into a rat,
there is a powerful spell
energy locked in here
that, and you see that she kind of
gets choked up for a second,
and steels herself, like.
It's a powerful spell energy
that can break extremely powerful curses.
- I nod.
Do you, why,
I guess can I do an insight check—
- Yeah, do an insight, yeah.
- I probably saw that she was upset.
- You look at her
and she says,
I've just never seen,
I've just never seen a curse
breaking that powerful.
- Is there something
personal to you that you—
- You said you knew my mom, right?
- Yeah.
- My family's been cursed for a long time.
We have certain...
We've been cursed for a long time.
And my mom has been out
of my life for a long time
as a result of that curse.
She was betrayed by
someone very close to her,
and it
took her away from me, my dad, family.
- This probably isn't the best time,
but that was me.
- What?
- Don't make her emotional!
I know, I
know you're right, it's good.
I'm sorry.
- I...
If whatever happened to her was because
somebody betrayed her,
then it might have been me.
We used to work together.
And,
I wasn't a good guy.
She turned me into a rat,
because I'm a rat.
But I want you to know that
I would like to use the crown to help her.
My son is also a vampire,
so I might need to use it on him.
But I'm willing to spend
the rest of my life as a rat
if it means I can help your mom.
Or you can help my son, so I'm,
I'm sorry, I can only do,
I can only try to do good things,
I can't fix what I did.
- You see, she looks at you, Ricky
and says, Ricky,
can I borrow the Maserati?
- Of course just, you know,
the seat belt and all that.
- You see she,
you see—
- I can't help myself
sometimes, I'm sorry.
- You see that Esther,
Esther gets into the Maserati
with, and she opens up
the suicide doors, and
says, get in.
- All right.
All right!
- Glad I'm not so here, though.
- You see that Esther
looks at Alejandro, Ricky,
and Kingston and says,
if you walk over,
I'll be there in time.
- Hey, just don't be late.
This is big stuff.
- I understand, I understand.
I do understand.
- I think this is good.
- You see
she peels off in the Maserati.
She is going, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
And starts crying a little bit
and you see some—
- No, it's all good!
We're good!
- You're, that insight check you rolled
was very high.
- Okay.
- Her emotion is sorrow.
Other strong emotions
will not trigger her curse.
- Oh, good.
- Got it, okay.
- But it looks like she's feeling
some kind of sorrow right now.
- Okay.
- So she's driving.
Oh God.
- It's all good.
We're, you know,
we're gonna figure this out,
we got the crown, that's good, right?
- You see that
the flood of emotion has brought back
all of the years she lost
and the life she lost.
And you can see her starting to change,
as she drives the car.
As the sorrow keeps setting in,
she's driving and driving.
- You know, look,
your mom was a great person,
I know you didn't get
to be around her much.
- That's just making her sadder.
- f*ck!
- Change your subject, pivot!
- That doesn't—
- Sing a song!
- Yeah, exactly, another—
- Ooh.
- I, f*ck, I'll use,
this is a bad idea, I'm gonna use my last
f*ck' Wild Shape of the day
and I turn into a golden retriever
and lick her face.
- Give me a persuasion check.
- Goddammit, I'm so—
- With advantage, 'cause he's so cute?
- I'll say with advantage,
'cause you're so cute.
- Oh, can I have dog stats now?
'Cause I have a minus
two, 'cause I'm a rat.
f*ck.
With my persuasion a 13.
- Okay, 13.
You lick her face,
it's slightly enough, she's,
you see she's pulling
up to Tompkins Square.
But yeah, it doesn't look like,
it doesn't look like
it's working that well.
- Dammit.
- What does Kugrash do?
- Oh my God.
- You see she sinks into her seat,
and her eyes start to go
silvery, milky.
- All right.
Gabby, I, f*ck.
- Do we know,
are we texting at all right now?
- Yeah, fully.
- Just like—
- I—
- That's like,
you know that it's a curse
on her whole family, right?
- Yeah.
- Just wondering.
- All right.
Oh f*ck' I'm sorry, David,
I gotta let you down again.
And I cast the remove curse on her.
- Cool.
You get to Tompkins Square Park,
you see at the edge of the park
her mother and grandmother float out,
and you see, as she
stumbles out of the car,
you hold the crown on your head and
Their eyes uncloud.
You see Esther looks up at
her mother and grandmother.
Esther, weeping uncontrollably.
Gabriella looks up at her daughter,
looks at you,
looks back at her daughter.
The grotto, the trees just move
to surround the Maserati.
And suck it into the park.
She rushes and picks up her daughter,
they look at each other,
and just begin to weep
and hold each other.
Her mother is crying, holding her,
kisses her on the head.
And you see that Esther's
sort of just kneeling,
her head against her mom's stomach,
her grandmother gently
petting her shoulder.
And all three women turn to look at you,
no longer furious but instead
three extremely powerful witches.
- Hey, Gabby.
It's been a while.
You know, you,
in a weird way, you turning me in to a rat
kind of saved me.
So I'm happy to get to
kind of help you guys out.
- Bruce, you dumb m*therf*cker,
you think I don't know
how a f*ck' curse works?
- All right, the Maserati's not me,
I'm not that big of a douchebag anymore.
- You understand, I understand
you learned your f*cking
little rat lesson.
- All right.
- That's why I didn't k*ll you,
I could have k*lled you.
- You know, I appreciate it.
I kind of like being a rat now.
Again, the Maserati's not
mine, it's my friend's,
it's actually, he doesn't,
he's not a Maserati guy.
- You see Esther's
going,
it's Ricky's, he's so hot!
I want to f*ck him so bad!
- Oh yay!
- I haven't been able to say it!
Mom, he's so hot!
He's got 20 abs!
- I'm recording this on video.
- Shh-shh-shh-shh,
Gabby's like, I know, I know.
We, listen, we were the Furies
of Tompkins Square Park,
we saw all, we saw how hot he is.
You see that her grandmother says,
it's true, we saw,
he's Mr. f*ck' March,
you can't deny that.
Esther looks up,
as she's weeping she's like,
mom, I can't believe you're back!
- Do we want to have a family reunion
after we save the world?
Do you guys all want to maybe go
one last job, Gabby?
- You see that Gabriela
looks at you and says,
says, I'm going to catch
up with my daughter.
I've earned that.
And you see that the grandmother
looks at you and says,
Patricia, we
met I think at a holiday party.
- Oh God, that just makes
it, yes, I remember you.
g*dd*mn it, I'm a rat.
- Before I became this,
but, just want to say, you'll have your,
there's plenty that we can do.
lightning crackles from her fingers.
Plenty
we can do from here.
- All right.
- You see that Esther says,
I'll be along.
I can get there.
You take the Maserati if you want.
- I mean, yeah, it's not my kind of car,
but yeah, yeah, it is kind
of Kugrash's kind of car,
'cause Bruce was that guy.
- You're wearing the Rolex.
- I feel, yeah, I'm wearing the Rolex,
and I go back in.
And it is 1985 again.
- You peel off to Times Square,
you leave Esther weeping and
with her mom and grandma,
they hug each other.
And you see the grandma says,
all right, well!
Looks like it's time to
brew up something special
for New Year's!
And takes
her little knobbly staff
and starts doing something with it.
You peel off, Ricky, Alejandro, Kingston,
Rowan, you come surging out of the subway,
Pete, you're flyering everywhere.
Sofia on the rooftops,
Kugrash, you whip up in the Maserati.
- I think I also ran up onto the rooftops,
'cause that's my thing as—
- Oh, can I also figure out
what is up with this crown,
what it gives me, or I
can ask Alejandro to—
- You can ask Alejandro to—
- Alejandro, what does this
ball of silver do for me?
- You see that he goes,
oh, that appears to be
a token of your station,
it looks like it doesn't
have any specific powers,
it has been melted down.
But it should make it hard for,
you know, fiends, celestials, fae
to do things to you
if you don't want them to.
- I probably don't want them to.
- You see that—
- So that's something.
- You guys pull up,
you hear, you know,
Anderson and Kathy going,
incredible night out here at New Year's,
we're about to see the ball drop.
Storm clouds are gathering overhead
and sickly lightning in colors
that we've never seen before
are raking across the sky.
Deeply unsettling as we enter into 2019,
but what a festive occasion,
here we go, Ms. Jackie Evancho!
You see that people are singing,
there's dancing, celebration.
You hear,
Nine!
- sh*t.
- Eight!
- I'm gonna cast Otherworldly Leap
right before it hits one.
- Otherworldly Leap.
- Can I pop this chocolate,
this delicious semi-sweet chocolate?
- Yes you can.
- Do you have the time g*ns?
- Gobble it down!
- Yeah, I'm gonna touch Ricky's abs
and give him Freedom of Movement.
- 10, nine, eight,
Five!
Four!
Three!
Two!
One!
The phylactery shatters.
The time stone breaks.
A tornado, wah, of raw smoke
and red, green,
and purple energy,
surround, at the center
of the hurricane's eye,
the Golden Door opens.
You see the American Dream
begins to emerge.
I'm gonna need everybody here
to roll initiative.
- Don't fail me now!
- That's all for this episode
of The Unsleeping City!
Tune in next time!
The paragon that moves
here beyond the Golden Door
looks like many things.
- I see choices.
- Like an immigrant's journey.
- He sees the process of his transition.
- Kingston sees sacrifice.
- Having fun in their family,
and he's not thinking
about material things.
- Sofia sees love.
Just getting to love who you want.
- This...
Is a wicked place.
I would see this
changed.
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03x15 - Hall of Heroes
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.