[slow whirring]
[slow orchestral music]
- Hello, friends, and
welcome to episode two
of "Misfits and Magic."
[upbeat orchestral music]
[Brennan cheers]
Hey, I am your game
master, Aabria Iyengar,
and with me are my magical misfits.
Say hi, magical misfits.
- [Group] Hi, magical misfits.
- Nice.
- Oh, it was crazy, we all
talked at the same time
'cause we're in a room
together, holy sh*t.
- Oh my God.
- It felt crazy.
- I wish you could feel
the energy in here.
It is so much.
- It's so much.
- Going around the horn,
we've got Lou Wilson.
- What's up, Whitney
Jammer Jammer. [laughs]
[group laughs]
That's why I play, I
never know how to intro.
[group laughs]
- Erika? [laughs]
- Hi, I'm Erika Ishii, I'm XX_Dream_XX.
You can call me Dream.
[group laughs]
- Danielle.
- Hi, I'm Danielle Radford,
I am playing Sam Black.
- Nice, and Brennan.
- Hi, I'm Brennan Lee Mulligan,
and I'm playing Evan Kelmp.
- Kelmp?
- I hate it every time, Kelmp.
[group laughs]
It's like you ate too much peanut butter.
[group laughs]
So with that, we dive back
in and we're actually going
to pick up the next day,
you all ended up having
to spend the night in Vertic Alley.
You all stayed at the Knave's Navel,
a pleasant enough inn with really generic,
bland, British food, and
you all took the train up
through the countryside
and you are now standing
before the place, the legend,
[slow orchestral music]
Gowpenny Academy of the Arcane Arts.
It is a statuesque, dark
stone castle on a hill
with these beautiful turrets
that glint in the moonlight,
cresting over clouds that are gathering.
You can hear just maybe a mile or so away,
the gentle roar of the sea, and it's brisk
and you can see your breath a little bit,
and you're standing not
just the four of you,
but four among hundreds of students,
many returning, some 11
years old and brand new
and full of just as much
wide-eyed wonder as you.
And you have but a short
to the castle, where you all
begin your magical education.
What do you do?
- You?
- Are you?
[overlapping chattering]
- Huh, huh, what?
It's just, I hear the
music in my head, right?
You hear it?
[slow orchestral music continues]
- I just wanted to say that I checked in,
and Digby, the kid from yesterday,
he's okay, it's pretty to
find him and teleport out
and get him, so.
I just wanted to say I'm really sorry
for losing it yesterday
when he said the wizard,
the evil comment, and it's not okay, and
I'm gonna hopefully get everything handled
so that that's not a risk in the future.
But I just wanted to
apologize to everyone.
- I don't know, dude, it was pretty cool.
- Yeah, that dude sucked.
- That dude sucked, it was honestly-
- Definitely deserved it.
- Yeah, he totally sucked.
- Yeah, [laughs] yeah, yeah, I guess...
Thanks, thanks, guys, thank you.
- All right, I guess, I've
never been to a castle before.
This is intense.
I've seen it in movies and
stuff, but this is a big castle.
- So are you getting any bars?
- I have no bars, I have
tried to get all the bars.
- Check your phone.
I would love for you, both of you,
we'll make this different rolls.
Your phone seems to be
rolling back and forth
in reception, do you want
try to do anything about it
'cause you're wizards?
- I first would like to
just kind of try messing
with the settings-
- Yeah, okay.
- Maybe we needed a check to make sure
that my international
data plan is working,
and kind of make sure
that I have the right,
the different settings turned on.
- Please take an adversity token
as you intro our homebrew
rule that we've added here,
which is the common f*cking sense die.
Whenever you use the
things that you've learned
in the normal world that make sense
to try to solve magical, mystical puzzles,
you get to add a D6,
and now you're rolling
with a dice pool, so
please roll your brains.
Difficulty of eight.
- Yeah, okay.
[dice rattling]
- Seven, and I will burn adversity token.
Perfect, all right, yes.
- With an eight, you start
by kind of just turning wifi
on and off again, and
then you begin the ritual.
There's great power in repetitive motions,
and you begin the most important one.
And the sigil you draw in
the air traces little lines
of magic that break through
the electronic interference.
[gently chiming music]
And then, [trills] you're at full bars.
- Oh, awesome, I'm in.
- Oh, you're in?
- I can tether you, I can make a hot spot.
[overlapping chattering]
- Can you tether all of us?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's okay.
- I'm gone need to, yeah-
- I don't know if you'll
be able to tether mine.
- I mean, just
'cause your phone doesn't
have a screen doesn't mean-
- I take out my gas station
phone, how's it doing?
I don't know what I would
even look at for information,
it's just the buttons.
- Well, you might need to call one of us.
We'll want to text and stuff,
so we should probably get, I
want to set up a chain, so.
- Yeah-
- I have, oh my God, I have
six saved hotlink numbers.
I have to punch them
in, there's no screen,
so I have to punch them
in and it saves them.
So I'll have 911, I guess 911 in Iowa,
and Animal Control and Poison Control.
But you guys could be four, five, six,
and then I would have your numbers saved.
- There you go.
- That's perfect.
- Great, it'd take a long
time to do a boop boop boop,
and pound, and hitting
star a bunch of times
to save fast links in my phone, great.
Oh, that's awesome.
Let me, just my gas station
phone is able to make a call?
- Are you trying to do
anything to sort of jail,
magically jailbreak the
rest of the group's phone?
- It's just like, I put out a hotspot,
and does it work for everybody else, or?
- Are you trying to just share wifi?
- Yeah-
- 'Cause there's magical
interference that pops up
on everyone else's phone.
- Okay, yeah, I also am
gonna sort of do the same
and be like,
look here, and then I just sort of trace
what I was doing to everybody's.
- Yeah, do the reception dance.
If you do the reception
sigil, it unlocks it,
and there are a bunch of
just 11-year-old adorable,
pale British children just
looking up at you while going,
"What are you doing, what's happening?"
- Deep, dark magic that you
usually have to schedule
at very specific times of the day.
But being older, we're
getting better at it.
- Yeah, we're the pilot
program kids, the muggles.
- You can't say that.
And this little kid just
covered in snitch energy turns
and books it up the path, very
clearly to go tell on you.
- I'ma stop him.
[group laughs]
I know a snitch when I see one,
and Jammer's just gonna
break out into a full sprint
to chase this kid down.
- Yeah, okay, that feels like a flight.
Let's do an oppose flight roll.
This kid's rolling D8 and got a six.
- Okay, I could beat a six.
- [Aabria] So beat a six.
- That's a seven, that's a nine.
- Oh, yeah, he doesn't even get far.
- Oh, snatch that kid, full on.
- You grab him by the back
of his little black robes.
He's like, "NO, I'ma tell."
- Hey, you're not gonna
say anything, all right?
You're not gonna say anything
'cause if you say
anything, I'm from America.
- Yeah, what do you know about-
- Oh, no, you have g*ns probably.
- Yeah, I probably, I'm a Black American.
I probably have a g*n.
[group laughs]
- It wasn't a race thing, but
then you said that like that.
- Well, it was-
[overlapping chattering]
Yeah, there it is, and I'll
tell all of your little friends,
I'll tell them all that you, that I,
you tell all your friends
that I have a g*n,
and then I'm gonna tell
all your friends, as well,
that you assumed because
I'm a Black American
that I have a g*n,
and all your friends are
gonna think you're r*cist.
- That's entrapment, no.
- Yes, you've been entrapped,
I've entrapped you.
- No.
- What's up, you're entrapped, little man.
So you gonna say anything?
- No.
- You gonna say anything?
- No.
- I just rip his neck, it
was just a thing I used
to do in high school, that
time where you just grab
and just rub the skin on-
[overlapping chattering]
Rug burn the back of his
neck, "Now get out of here."
- He's one of those little
kids that didn't wash,
you roll some-
- Ugh.
- It's worse for you than it was for him.
- That's nasty, all right.
- I'm gross.
- Yeah, all right-
- And he just runs away. [laughs]
- All right, well,
if you tell these kids you're American,
they get scared really quickly.
[group laughs]
That's just something we've
got in our back pocket.
- That's good to know.
- Yeah.
- Awesome.
- Totally handled.
- Great, great, great.
Well,
onward, let's go to school.
- Let's go to school.
- Also, I realize I didn't need
to burn an adversity token.
I didn't add my bonus, so that would have-
- Yeah, you're good, don't worry about it.
- Okay.
- And you guys make your way up the path
and you file in,
and the four of you, you
were able to pick up robes,
sort of, in advance, but you're wearing
your normal street clothes underneath.
- Oh my God, free clothes, can you-
- It wasn't free, you
definitely paid for them.
- Oh, did I?
- You paid, yeah, during the shopping.
- During the shopping.
- With your free money, though.
- Yes, it was free money.
[overlapping chattering]
- Free money.
- Free money.
- And you realize that
all of the first years
and the four of you all have black robes,
and every other student that's been here
for any amount of time
has robes differentiated
by color, you see red, blue, yellow,
and green kind of floating around.
And as you file into the Great Hall,
which is pretty close to the book series
they've clearly never heard of,
but that author got real,
real close to a lot of stuff.
It's this massive U-shaped hall,
and at the front of it, you
see Head Mistress Philtrum,
standing at a pedestal, and behind her,
a full bench of a bunch of adult wizards,
just looking quirky and amazing,
and there's a big cauldron at the end.
And it's just, it's so f*cking precious
that you guys are kind of lost in it
as you file in and sit in that central U,
as you're kind of huddled together
with all the other unsorted students,
as Philtrum stands up and speaks.
"Welcome, all of you, old faces and new,
young and
still technically young,
'cause you're all technically minors,
but it is another beautiful year here
at the Gowpenny Academy.
And all of you that are brand
new will experience the first
of many wonders that you'll
encounter across your life,
which is the choosing of your house."
[overlapping chattering]
- Yeah, we all want to
be in the same house.
- But, yeah, I'm gonna, you guys,
whatever house you guys pick,
I'm gonna pick that one, as well.
- Yeah, if it's anything
like "Harry Potter," though,
it'll get chosen for us.
- Excuse me, I'm going to need older,
well, let me just go ahead
and point out the elephants
in the room, these four-
- I think that's,
that's unnecessary,
unnecessary, unnecessary.
- These four are the first
foreign exchange students.
They're from America, they
do not possess firearms.
- I guess they heard,
I guess they must have,
I guess the snitch got away.
- "And all of you will be
dealing with your house selection
via the storied historic
confirmation dais."
And she kind of steps down off
[slow orchestral music]
of the little marble plinth she's on,
and you see a bunch of
purple runes etch themselves
across this white marble plinth,
as a powerful, ancient
magic item comes to life.
And she begins with the first years,
and they walk up, one by one,
and stand on this little plinth,
and sort of look off into space,
having internal conversations,
occasionally looking confused,
surprised, excited, and
the moment they step off,
their robes turn to one of the colors.
And as all of this happens,
because it's so deeply internal,
the head mistress turns to you all
and sort of gets you up to speed.
Now, knowing that most of you
grew up in magical families,
I'm only sharing this for
the ones that don't know.
There are four storied
houses here at Gowpenny.
We begin, of course, with Hercinil,
hero house, a sigil of a
glittering gold bird of prey
on a field of crimson.
Moving next, of course, to Aqrabus,
sigil being a lacquer
black scorpion on a field
of hunter green, the house
some those may call evil,
others would call cunning,
resourceful, means, no,
ends justified, truly, but
not with their own value-
- What kids are predetermined to be-
- Next we move to Messanteu,
blue, cobalt blue, a shining copper fox
on a cobalt blue field, this
is the house of the best
and brightest minds the
wizarding world can create
and sustain, and it is the drive
to maintain their pride of place,
their usefulness in this
way that allows them
to shine so brightly.
And then there's Chimeron,
dull pewter goats on a
buttery yellow field.
You are the salt of the earth,
and important in your
way to the preservation
of our society, writ large.
All four houses, valuable,
equal,
important, and it's now time for you
to find out where you belong.
Yes, sir, yes, sir?
- Is this tracking?
- What?
- In educational terms, this
is tracking students, this is,
you're predetermining a student's ability,
or assigning traits to
them and grouping them
into classes based on those traits.
- Yes.
- It's just a really, it's
a really proven ineffective
and harmful to students,
to group them based on these sort of,
just to group them.
- Well, I mean, that might be true
in the non-magical world.
[overlapping chattering]
- She was gonna say it.
- But here,
[overlapping chattering]
it is proven and known that who you are
at the age of 11 is who you will be
for the rest of your life.
- Holy sh*t-
- it feels like
if you thought about that for one second,
you would realize that
was wrong, that's wrong.
- I played with Barbies at age, like-
- My brain isn't even fully formed yet.
- What is different about a human brain
in a magical world versus
an unmagical world that...
Why would the classes
have to be tailored... mm.
- And why wouldn't you be
commingling with others
that have strengths that
would compliment your own?
- Right, we know that
cordoning off students based
on these groups is a
really harmful, across-
- Plus it's gotta be classicist, right?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- 100%.
They know how much money's
in our bank account.
- And sorry, is one of
the flavors of kid evil?
- That's not a word...
no, I think I said it,
I said it.
[overlapping chattering]
- You dressed it up by saying cunning, or-
- You said some say evil,
which that's sort of the,
I mean, that's where your head goes-
- I mean, look-
- Can an 11-year-old be
evil, it just seems like-
- That's so mean to-
- And literally a kid steps off,
and they're in tears,
their robes turn green,
and they look around, and the rest
of the Aqrabus students
kind of bring them over
and kind of start psyching
this little kid up,
and eventually they're like. [cries]
- It just feels like
if you get that color,
you should immediately be put
into a comfortable vehicle
and taken to therapy
'cause that's not normal,
there's no-
- Therapy.
- Or there's gotta be some
sort of school counselor,
or sensitivity training.
- No world culture prizing
cunning as a trait or attribute.
I mean, it's valuable to be cunning,
but no one would put
that over kind or brave.
- And then you just lock
them all up together
where they can start thinking ideas?
- Right, and what about the
smart kids screwing the curve
for the rest of us?
- Yeah, isn't cunning just bad smart?
- Yeah.
- Cunning is just a word
for if you're smart and bad.
- Can you not pick a
house, is that a thing?
- No, you're going to be in one of them.
- All right, but my friends
are saying a bunch of stuff
that's making me think it's
not good to be in any of them.
- No, no.
- Are you sure?
Hey, anyone, guy looking just around,
about here not pick one?
No, everyone pick one?
- Yeah, you were just getting
a bunch of blank stares.
- If young adult literature
has taught me anything,
is that there are special
people that do not-
- Excuse me! [claps]
You are being very disruptive.
- Sorry.
- During a very important
part of a ceremony
that's part of this school.
Now, if you all disagree so very much
with the way we run things here,
I invite you all to leave, do it.
- I've still got all these gold coins.
They don't spend back home.
- Yeah, I'm not going
home, I'm not leaving.
- No, it's fine, we can... there's-
- I mean, I feel like we just show,
if we get into the system
and then beat them,
then that's how you really win.
- Change implemented from the inside out.
- I mean, I'm really just
trying to kick their a*s,
but yeah, change, change.
- If I get into the scorpion
house, I'm gonna cry.
- Okay, [laughs] good, all right-
- Please don't bite your lip.
[group laughs]
It's not gonna be in a hot way.
It's gonna be in a sad, sad, ugly way.
- If you just... a single tear.
- It won't be a single tear,
I'm gonna have snot running out
of my nose if I end up
in that scorpion house.
I know it's gonna happen, I
know I'm gonna be a scorpion.
I know, it's already too late, let's go.
- You don't know, maybe
we'll all be goats.
- I would love to be a goat.
God, I would give anything to be a goat.
- Which of you will step forward?
- Me, me, I'm going first.
[group laughs]
- That is correct.
- Sorry, I'm sorry, did you?
- No, please, please, I want this for you.
- Ms. Tanaka, if you will.
- Okay, all right.
- And as you walk up, do me a favor.
Make a brains roll,
difficulty of six for me.
[dice rattling]
- Six exactly.
- Is it exactly a six?
As you kind of change your
vantage point in the room,
you're able to see that now
that all the first years
are perfectly sorted,
you're able to, at a
glance, see the breakdown,
that there's about 10% of the
first years in the red house,
or so in the blue house,
and the other 65 first years
were thrown into Chimeron.
- Hmm, guys, it feels like
Chimeron might be getting
the castoffs or something.
- This is tracking, this is really bad.
- Yeah.
- In educational circles,
this would be a huge problem-
[overlapping chattering]
- Yes, hmm.
- And you step onto the confirmation dais,
[gently chiming music]
and purple sigils trace
their way across the marble.
It shoots up you a thrill,
like your bones are being
vibrated, numb and buzzing,
and you hear a voice in your head,
low, calm, and confident, that says,
"Karen Tanaka"-
- Dream.
- Dream, where do you think you belong?
- Oh, definitely in the coolest house.
Probably the evil one.
- Hold on,
you're a lot older than
the other students,
that's f*cking kind of
weird, how old are you?
- I'm 17.
- Oh my God, that's like
an... I'm pretty sure,
now I am a plinth of marble,
just animated object,
but I'm pretty sure
you're full f*cking adult.
And I'm in your head right
now and I feel very weird
about being in an adult brain.
- My brain has not even
been fully formed yet.
There are studies that show
that you don't even fully set
your brain until you're
about 28 or something.
How am I supposed to know
what I'm supposed to be
for the rest of my life?
- What, no, yeah.
See, this is weird, trying
to reason with someone
who's basically an adult.
When you're younger, it's
more obvious where you should-
- It's more obvious
what you're going to be
when you grow up when you're younger?
- Yes, absolutely, that's
how it's always worked here.
- Are wizard brains
different than human brains?
- I mean, wizards, a lot
of wizards are humans,
not all of them.
I feel like you're doing a
weird exclusionary thing,
and it feels really nice
to just kind of jump in,
that you're wrong about that
and you should feel bad.
- Oh my God, oh my... okay.
- I mean, here's my problem,
is because I feel like
I was definitely leaning
towards pushing you
towards Messanteu because you're smart
and you have a lot of raw intelligence.
But then you just f*ck up
and say dumb sh*t inside
your own mind and I really don't know.
I'm leaning this, I'm seeing this,
but I don't feel very confident.
So why don't you explain
to me why you think
I should let you be in this house,
'cause you know it's a whole thing.
You can fail out of Messanteu.
- You can fail out of a house?
- Yeah, I mean, just this
one, very specifically,
if you are not the top
tier, you'll get dropped
into Chimeron so quickly-
- Oh my God, you guys,
you can just get dropped into Chimeron-
- Whoa, excuse me, [claps] miss-
- You can fail out of-
- You know what, no, f*ck this,
I don't have time for this.
You four, you four in the front,
you're all in Chimeron, I don't have time.
No one, no, no-
- Hold on.
- You can't do this.
- Oh, thank God, thank God I'm not
in the f*cking scorpion house.
- No, no, no, no!
- Yeah, yes.
- Not.
- You're disruptive,
you're rude, you whisper,
we can all hear you.
- Okay, it doesn't feel... it feels like
we should get a turn.
We're the pilot program, we
should be getting all the parts.
- No, [sighs] no, I think you
should all be kept together,
and I think the only place all four of you
could fit comfortably is in Chimeron.
You'll find your ilk.
- We all get to be together,
and we're not scorpions.
- Also, it feels like everyone
looks down on Chimeron,
and I feel like the four
of us could flip this house
and turn it into just an
absolute house of K*llers.
We could take that goat
and make it badass.
- Yeah, I think so, mess
with the goat, get the horns.
- Yes, I'm about that, I'm
pretty cool with goat house now,
if only 'cause of that,
'cause we get to say that.
I'm gonna scream that at people.
- We could turn this into a TikTok house,
where it's like-
- TikTok?
- Yeah-
- I'm sorry, I can hear
everything you're saying, so.
- Just a communal house of
buds, just sitting around,
and I guess going to class
is like making content,
so just sitting around, making content
in our very chill house
where nothing happens.
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah, and it feels like the other,
I mean, you know that the kids
in the other houses are gonna
have a huge attitude being
in those other places.
I feel like the people in Chimeron might
actually be the nicest or most chill.
They might actually be
just like regular kids.
- If I missed out on being in
the house with the dungeons,
I am going to be livid.
- Dream, I get that, but the idea
of sleeping in a dungeon and the reality
of sleeping in a dungeon
couldn't be more different.
Take it from me, sleeping
in a dry room rules.
If you can work, if you can angle that
and get a room that's
dry, you are flying high.
You are flying high.
- Evan, as you talk, you
see, there's a student
in all green that's sort
of run up to the deck,
the fleet of teachers, and is leaning in
and speaking fervently with one
and they keep pointing over at you.
They're getting a little louder,
but you can't make out
what they're saying.
[gently chiming music]
- I hate that.
- I don't like that at all.
- That's kind of rude.
- I don't want to talk to
any of the scorpion kids.
- Yeah, so are we gonna do Chimeron?
- Chimeron.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey, we're cool with it, we've decided
that we're okay with
that because if you mess
with the horns, you get the goats.
- And you see two other students
in Chimeron, they're like.
- Yeah, oh, we're doing this?
- [Brennan] Throw up your goat horns.
- As you guys kind of
step towards Chimeron,
all of your robes go from that inky black
to a mustard yellow,
and you get just polite applause [claps]
from the Chimeron students.
[overlapping chattering]
- At least we're all together, but really,
honestly, it's real messed
up that they're like,
"Hey, if you're smart,
you go to this house,
if you're evil, you go to this house,"
which is... still, I guess
they prize that here,
and then if you're brave,
you go to this house,
but this house is all the other ones.
They told me I could fail
out of the smart house
and end up here with the losers.
- What, the stone said that to you?
- Yeah.
- Every loser has a
cool kid inside of them.
- A student leans over
that looks roughly your age
and goes, "I failed
out of the smart house.
It's a thing that can happen,
it's not that big a deal."
- Can you fail out of the other?
Sorry, I'm Evan Kelmp, hi.
- Hi, hi, Coggle, my twin, Hoggles,
it's so nice to meet you.
- [Brennan] Your name's Goggle
and you have a twin named Hoggle?
- [Aabria] Coggle.
- [Brennan] Coggle.
- [Aabria] And my twin's name is Hoggle.
Yeah, that's a completely normal name.
- Great, yeah, congrats.
- Undergas, it doesn't matter-
- Can you fail out of
the other two houses?
- Oh, no, not really, just the smart one
because that's the prized trait.
You can't really lose being evil or-
- Being heroic?
- A hero?
- So out of hero, evil, and smart,
the one that the school
likes the most is smart.
- No, no, they definitely
like hero the most.
- So it's like hero and
evil, and then smart,
which you can fail out of.
- Yes, it's like a usefulness thing,
like if you're not smart
enough to be useful
to the good or the bad guys,
then you just have to come
be here, go goats, go goats.
- This is a nightmare.
- Yeah, we're gonna turn-
- Do you want to sit with us?
- I mean, yeah, sure, Coggle.
- Not even, I don't even
know where to start.
This is... we gotta make
like a TikTok series on this.
- We do, we have to expose them.
- Coggle, you on TikTok?
[overlapping chattering]
- [Aabria] What?
- [Lou] Are you on TikTok, Coggle?
- A clock, there's a
clock in the dormitory.
- Why do I ever expect...
I ask like I think
I'm gonna hear something other than,
"I don't know what a radio is."
- Just keep swiping through here.
I'm sorry, there's a lot of-
- Hide it, hide it, hide it, no.
[overlapping chattering]
- Why?
- Oh, you're not supposed to have things
from the outside world
here, when you... hold on.
We can't talk here.
We're full, we want to go away.
- Wait, I didn't eat, Coggle.
[group laughs]
Wait, Coggle, let me at
least grab some food.
- I'm super hungry too, yeah-
[overlapping chattering]
- We rode a train here,
I haven't eaten all day.
I 100% want to talk,
but also, come on, man,
I gotta nosh, dude.
- My dude, dude, f*cking trust
me, it's... this food sucks.
There's food back, we're
in the house with food.
We're food motivated, just come with,
please come with me. [claps]
- Yeah, all right, Coggle-
- Being in food house sounds pretty good.
- Yeah.
- Man, God.
- It's better than evil house.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
- We'll find you a dungeon, I promise.
- Thanks.
[quiet overlapping chattering]
- And as you guys kind of
get up and sort of leave,
you see the trio now
sitting with their ilk over
in Hercinil, and a very...
He's kind of wind-swept and
sunburned looking Digby,
that's just staring at
you, Evan, unblinking.
[gently chiming music]
- I meet his eyes and,
yeah, I look away, I look away.
- I look at him and I go.
[Brennan laughs]
[background noise drowns out speaker]
- You're supposed to be with us.
You're supposed to be with us.
- Yeah, I am, wait, no,
wait, who... no, I'm with us.
- No, be, just come here, come here.
- I guess I'll, yeah, I walk over.
- Yeah, Digby kind of leans in.
"Look, I don't know,
you're all, no, just you"-
- I think I'm hanging back from,
I'm gonna let Jammer go.
- Look, you're new, you don't
know how any of this works,
but I'm kind of a big deal here.
If you want me to put
in a good word for you,
I mean, are you good at sports?
'Cause we could always use fresh
blood on the scuffers team.
- I mean, I'm unreal at sport.
- I believe that.
- But I... does goat house have a team?
- I mean, yeah, every house has a team,
but we're the ones that
win the cup every year.
- Hey, we'll see about that.
- What the f*ck, what are you doing?
[group laughs]
- Why don't you go hang
out on an island, my guy?
Goat house!
[group laughs]
And I run back to join my friends.
I just told Digby to suck it.
- Yeah, suck it, Digby.
- Oh, that's awesome, man,
yeah, goat house, let's do it.
- Goat house... I'm gonna
learn the name, I swear.
It's just right now,
it's a lot of syllables.
- Yeah, it's a lot. [laughs]
As you kind of look over and
you say, "Suck it, Digby,"
Fergus catches your eye, like.
- Not you.
- Sam, are you, are you guys-
- Are you gonna try to smash?
- I don't know, look, nothing
here is like it is back
where we're from in America,
so I don't even know
if they know how to do any of that stuff.
And what if their wizard
bodies are different
than our bodies?
[Aabria laughs]
- Okay, I don't think they're that crazy.
I don't think they're gonna be that,
a whole new vibe.
- Species?
- Yeah, exactly. [laughs]
- Well, maybe we should, I don't know,
yeah, maybe if you like Fergus,
we should stop by the Health Office.
It's weird 'cause obviously I
know it's not a college campus
because we're all teenagers,
but it's still a boarding school.
I hope that the adults are cognizant
of reproductive health and having-
- Yeah, getting condoms and stuff, yeah.
- Yeah, I'm sure that there's
some sort of wizard sex ed
or something-
- Do you guys-
- Tell them about their bodies, right?
- Yeah, again, it's not
like a college campus,
but still, the adults have to know
that kids are... I mean, you know.
- Oh, we don't... I'm so sorry,
you're American, we're very British.
You don't talk about any of that-
- You don't talk about it,
that's how you get pregnancies,
I'm amazed this place hasn't shut down-
- Oh, no, there's spells you
can look up in the library,
like contraceptive spell-
- Whoa.
- I guess they do-
- Don't catch sh*t spell-
[overlapping chattering]
- I guess they sh*t in the hallway
and zap it with their wands.
[group laughs]
- Actually, that's kind of amazing,
bodily autonomy must just be
- [Lou] Wow, cool.
- [Danielle] Cool, cool.
- But anyway, so, yeah, Fergus?
- Kind of cute, right?
- Okay, yeah.
- Cute magic person.
- Yeah.
- Kind of into it.
- I ship it.
- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah.
- Coggle's trying very hard not to listen
to the conversation, as
they're leading you kind
of down the hallways, and
you're doing 1.000 turns.
If anyone wants to try to clock the path
that you're taking, I'm
gonna need a brains roll,
difficulty of seven.
- I think I'm gonna try, just for fun.
- Yeah, you might as well.
- Just to see.
- Oh, that explodes.
- Oh, snap.
- That explodes.
- And if you guys want to
mention what die you roll
for a brains roll, just
because we're trying to give
our friends out there an idea
of what you're fighting with.
- I have a D4, the lowest I can roll.
I have exploded twice.
[group cheers]
I will now roll again, I missed, but that,
so eight, nine, it's a 10.
So [laughs] Jammer's got
his head on straight.
- Yo, your court awareness is real,
and you are-
- Yeah, what's up, dude?
- You're zagging, you got it.
- Exactly, head's on a swivel.
- You figure, yeah, with a roll that high,
you figure that you've
now sort of moved out
of the Great Hall, across some halls down,
and you're pretty close to
directly under the Great Hall.
- Got it.
- And there is a massive
bank of portraits, and you see
Coggle kind of just standing
in front, and waits
for their twin, Hoggle,
to come over and kind of nudge-
- Are they identical?
- They're identical.
- Twins.
- Yeah.
- How do we tell the difference?
- Are you asking me?
That's gonna be a brains roll
whenever you try to differentiate.
- Oh, okay, great.
- Yeah.
- Okay, so there's nothing-
- There's literally no
difference between them.
In fact, just to mess
with you at some point,
they lean in and kind of
move in different directions
and reorient it so you don't know which-
- School uniforms makes
this hard, for sure.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- All right, okay, all right.
Well, look, I'm just gonna
call you Oggle, or Og.
I'm gonna call you both Og,
and you can respond as you'd like.
- That makes sense.
- Cool, Og.
- Sweet, we're just trying
to figure out which one,
which painting.
[slow orchestral music]
I think it's that one.
And they both sort of
point with their wands,
and the gold gilt frame sort
of lights up with yellow energy
and swings open, and a
full hallway appears,
and it opens up into a little intimate,
it's kind of like a cafeteria
of a sort of common room,
with a bunch of little tables and booths
in old squeaky cigar leather,
and it just looks really cozy
in the exact opposite way that
the Great Hall was imposing
and not very comfortable looking.
- Oh my God, is there food in here?
- Oh, yeah, are you hungry?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, you just said, you were like,
"We're very hungry."
"Sorry, follow, follow us,"
and both Ogs kind of hop over
in through the frame, go and sit down,
and they kind of just take their wands
and they start doodling
absently on the table
that they're sitting at, and
they write just a little order,
"and a shepherd's pie, please,
please, and thank you."
And after about a minute, the little poof
of yellow glittery energy, a
little shepherd's pie appears
in front, and they kind of
just push it towards you.
- Wait.
- McRib.
[group laughs]
Please, please.
- Oh, you don't really
know, but, I mean, go ahead.
All right, I'm gonna
call this a charm roll,
difficulty of eight...
no, it's gotta be a 10,
'cause that's a very specific order.
- All right, a 10, I gotta explode.
We gotta explode for this McRib.
- Let's go.
- Gotta explode for this McRib.
[dice rattles]
That's a two, no McRib.
McRib, please.
Please.
- And after 30 seconds, you
just hear a knock on the table,
and Og's just like, "I'm
sorry, they don't really know.
They don't know how to make
everything all the time,
and sometimes you just have
to kind of go back and forth
and figure out what's"-
- Do they do just the
Value Menu, or do they do-
- Value Menu?
- Maybe it's just...
the McRib is seasonal.
Maybe it's just not-
[overlapping chattering]
- You probably couldn't get a
Shamrock Shake in September.
- Exactly, yeah.
[overlapping chattering]
- Or maybe they call it
something different over here
in the UK.
- Oh.
- That's probably what it is-
- It's definitely that.
- Yeah, and-
- Cugglewugs, or-
- Could we have a Rib Deluxe, or a--?
[group laughs]
- If we call it a Rib
Deluxe, will they know
what we're talking about?
- I don't know what that is, probably not.
I mean, I'll try.
Charm roll, difficulty of five.
- Come on, come on-
[overlapping chattering]
- I'll just give it a shot.
- [Lou] We need this, we need this.
- Explodes.
[group cheers]
That's a seven.
- Okay, I'll do my best.
Rib.
[slow orchestral music]
Say, what was it again?
- Rib Deluxe.
[overlapping chattering]
I'm just guessing that that's
what they would call it here.
- Rib Deluxe, and you see that
they kind of just draw it out
and they wait.
And they wait, and it's
about twice the length
of the shepherd's pie,
and then eventually,
just sort of ribs on pieces of bread,
and scalloped potatoes
come up, and they're like-
- I'm not gonna eat that,
that's not what I want.
I want a McRib, the bones can't be in it,
you know what I mean?
I take it and just throw it.
[group laughs]
- No, no, no, don't throw it!
[overlapping chattering]
- It's not a McRib, dude.
- Oh, they don't like it
when you don't eat the food
that you asked for.
- Okay, you keep saying
"they," what does they mean?
- Oh, the...
The kitchen,
the kitchen.
- Are we placing an order
with a real kitchen right now?
- Not really, things can be alive
or dead or neither and sometimes both.
So the kitchen is its own
thing and it makes food,
and it makes a standard
thing for up there,
and then for us, because we're friends
'cause we're closer, they
will make food for us
when we want it, but they get really mad
if you don't eat what you asked for.
- Do they have a choice
in making food, or-
- I think, are they saying that
this is a sentient kitchen?
- It's just a kitchen, its
purpose is to be kitchen.
- Can I see that pen and paper, my friend?
- It's not a pen and paper,
you just use your wand
and you draw on the table.
[overlapping chattering]
You just draw on the table.
- I don't want to super
want to use my wand.
- What do you want, I'll-
- You should use your wand,
though, 'cause you're magic now.
- Yeah, I know, I got it,
thank you, thank you, Oggle.
- What do you want?
- Maybe just write to them,
"Dear Kitchen, are you trapped?"
[group laughs]
"Do you like being a kitchen?
Are you just a kitchen, or
are you people in a kitchen?
Sincerely, pilot program, pilot program."
- Mm-hmm.
- You write it, okay, I
need you to cast a spell.
So let's call this a charm
roll, difficulty of eight.
- Okay.
[slow orchestral music]
[dice rattling]
Eight.
- Beautiful.
- Incredible, incredible.
- And incredibly quickly,
as the wording fades away,
it immediately comes back up, "Dear Pilot,
that's a very nice name, we're
a kitchen and this is fine.
Your concern is appreciated, we don't love
that there's food on the ground.
Tell your friend to eat his food."
- I pick up the... yeah, here you go.
I'm sorry I threw it, I was just-
- That's okay, man.
I'll, yeah, start picking
it up with Jammer.
- You look down at your wand
after having interacted magically,
and you see at the core
of it, a little glimmer.
Your eyes sort of
unfocus, like a magic eye,
and you see past the wood of it
to its core, a glittering, pink diamond.
- I'm fairly certain I
got your magical kit.
That's just what it's gotta be.
- Are you sure?
I mean, we can, I don't
know if you can swap wands
and test it out-
- Here, here, just-
- But just, here we go.
- The moment you swap wands,
it switches to conform to what
your wand was already looking
like, and that goes back
to being a pink-tipped,
pink-cored situation.
- I'm not a scientist,
but I think that means
that you gotta keep...
You okay?
- No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
I will blog about this later.
- You used to love pink, remember?
We were pink pals.
♪ Pink pals, pink pals ♪
♪ Pink it all day long ♪
- Okay, yeah, but pink is-
♪ Pink pals ♪
Sorry, I shouldn't.
- It's so femme.
It's just not me, okay?
It's just not the image that
I want to maintain, okay?
- Oh, you're very scary.
- Thank you.
- And so dark.
- Yeah.
- You're the darkest
hearted person that I know.
- Yeah, and I'm super
broody and everything?
- You're so broody, you're
the best at brooding.
- Thanks, always.
- You're welcome.
- Okay, all right.
Sorry, what do you want to eat?
- You want to ask them if
there's something easier
for them to make, I don't want to impose.
If they have stuff that
has... do they have stuff
that's ready made, to go?
- I mean, what do you want, though?
- Just a free hamburger.
[group laughs]
- It's all free-
- It's all free.
[overlapping chattering]
- Sorry, just get a hamburger,
just ask for a hamburger.
But if you want to put hamburger X two,
hamburger times two, two hamburgers?
- Okay.
- Or if it's easier to
make a big hamburger
that's as big as two hamburgers.
- Okay, hamburger X two,
or big hamburger.
[group laughs]
Question mark, whichever is easier.
- Yeah, that would be great.
- Whichever's easier, okay.
- Sweet, give me another charm
roll, difficulty of seven.
It gets easier every time you do this
until you no longer have to roll about it.
- Ooh, 10.
- Oh, yeah.
What returns 30 seconds
later is a little smiley face
in gold energy, and
both two normal burgers
and one very big burger-
- Oh, wow.
- Look at you.
- Oh my God, please-
- Look at all that hamburger.
- Yeah, please say thank you for me.
Thank you very much.
- Thanks from the pilot program.
Yeah, so I guess everybody else can-
- I mean, I'm gonna eat these ribs
and scalloped potatoes that I ordered
and then threw on the ground.
- Yeah, I hope you eat the ground food.
I'll eat floor ribs.
- Yeah, floor ribs.
[group laughs]
We're gonna enjoy these floor ribs.
I don't want to be, I was-
- Jammer, if you want to trade,
eating food off the floor is no sweat.
[audience laughs]
- Dream.
- I'm trying to think of him as a person
and not just a wubby.
- It's just funny 'cause
literally the moment he said that,
I looked at you 'cause I
knew that you would react
in a very specific way
'cause every time he does
the sad stuff, you get all.
- It's just I feel like I could fix him.
[Aabria laughs]
- I'm not sure, he... this-
- Adversity token.
- Chased by his own shadow,
I'm not sure you can fix that.
- I don't know, I mean,
I don't know, I'm just,
I'm not super good with guys
and person and everything,
and this is the only way I
kind of know how to respond
to somebody that I'm kind of attracted to.
It's like a lot of emojis.
- Hey, I don't know,
maybe he likes emojis.
I don't know, maybe ask
him about what he likes.
I don't know, yeah,
what's his favorite emoji?
I don't know, does he have
a favorite emoji, I don't-
- I assume it's the broken heart one,
or maybe the little sad...
oh, what if he doesn't know
what emojis are?
- He's gotta know what
emojis are, he knows-
- What are you guys talking about?
- Emojis.
- My phone doesn't have a screen.
- But you know what they are.
- It's from "The Emoji Movie," right?
[group laughs]
- Yeah.
- Hoggle leans in and is like,
"Can I ask what emojis are?"
- Yeah, I pull out my phone.
Yeah, so it's a little
image that conveys meaning.
So this one is, this one means funny.
This one, this skull means funny.
This one where the face is red,
that means shy or embarrassed
or sweet, so it's just like-
- Anamica!
And while staring right
at you and your phone,
Hoggle just sort of screams out,
and a young, tall, super long
hair Indian girl runs over
and she's, "It's a phone, it's an e-phone.
I have a cousin, I have a
cousin that lives out there,
and also has an e-phone,
and you have one here,
and it works, you made it work."
- Yeah, Dream's pretty nifty
with the whole wifi situation.
- Yeah-
- I want an e-phone.
- I do a sort've like
tech stuff for friends.
- Nice, and none of that's
supposed to work here,
and you're obviously not
supposed to have any of it.
But that's amazing, show us
more things on your phones.
Everyone, come here, they have phones!
- Show them your channel.
- Oh my God, okay, so
this is so embarrassing.
I'm only doing it because you-
- No, I'm gonna hype you
up, anytime, every time.
- [Aabria] Hi.
- Hi, so I have a channel, do
you know what a mukbang is?
No,
so here is me eating
sausages and cucumbers,
and just talking to
people about their day,
and that is one of the best things
that you could do when
you have one of these.
- Put it on the screen, hold on. [claps]
We'll gather everyone.
Some of them are still upstairs eating,
but we'll all kind of filter in.
And as the Chimeron
students sort of fall in
from the Great Hall and dinner
and the events of the day,
they sort of gather around you all,
especially as you hold your
phone and explain a mukbang.
- Okay, so I'm just eating,
you see, there's the-
- Yeah, we eat here all the time.
- Yeah, so you can-
- Oh, cucumbers, and there's just,
you can see a lot of people
just writing cucumbers
on the table, a whole-a*s cucumber.
- Oh my God, you're an influencer.
- Oh my God, okay, so then next,
you want to get some sausage.
- Yeah, okay, can I have sausage, too?
- And some rice, and then-
- Is there any other food?
I would like to put the
order in all at once.
- Okay, yeah, so it's
cucumber, sausages, and rice.
- And you just see plates of it popping up
on other tables, as
everyone's like, "Uh-huh."
And you see them holding
one of each, like, "Go on."
- Okay.
[group laughs]
- It's just a room full of
people holding just two-
- This is what non-magical
people do, is they eat food?
- Yes.
- Well,
again, we don't want to generalize about,
all non-magical people do this-
- I think you can generalize and say
that all non-magical
people eat food, though.
- No, but you eat food and show each other
while you're eating food?
- Oh, that is not generally true.
- Yeah, that's not super true.
I'll take one, just so I can show you,
one of the cucumbers and the sausage.
- Oh, yeah, of course, and a
little first year just hands
you from their hands.
- Thank you, okay, so with the cucumber,
you just want to eat
it as loud as possible.
- Loudly, that's rude, I'm
British, that, my mother-
- But we love it here, wouldn't it be fun?
Your mom's not here.
Did none of you ever register
that your parents are just not here?
- You can do pretty
much whatever you want.
- Yeah, they're just not-
- Give me a charm roll.
[slow orchestral music]
We're gonna make the
difficulty, what's a subversive?
Let's call it 13.
- 13?
- This feels dangerous.
- This does feel dangerous.
Is this my common sense, or do I roll?
- No, this is closer to just an effect
to have on people.
- All right.
[dice rattling]
[group gasps]
- You see it, almost
magically, this ripple
of possibility that you've seeded,
especially in the younger students
who are realizing sort
of, we're on our own
and we make our own choices here.
And you see tiny gossamer-thin
threads sh**ting out
from them and connecting to you,
and then disappearing very quickly.
- Did y'all see that?
- No one else saw it.
- You just got followers IRL.
- I just, that thing that happened
with you two just happened to me
with all of these little babies.
- Wow, Sam, I don't think...
these people are British.
They may have never met
a cool person before.
- Oh.
[Aabria laughs]
I should have worn my
cooler hair, next time.
- It's probably the coolest
hair they've ever seen,
they're on a different spectrum-
- Ever seen, can I touch it?
- Absolutely not.
- Wait, why, it looks so nice.
- No, no, no!
[group laughs]
- I'm like, "No," Dream
immediately starts.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, we
don't point wands at people.
- Okay, I'm sorry, that was
just, it's not... all right,
I'm gonna take the emotional
labor off of my friend here
and I'm gonna tell you
it is not acceptable,
especially with Black
Americans in our culture
because people are constantly asking
to touch her hair and everything.
And please correct me if I'm wrong,
but it's just not cool, okay?
- I do want to be cool, sorry.
- It's okay, 'cause now you're gonna eat.
So you just stick that
cucumber in your mouth.
[Aabria chomps]
[group laughs]
Just chew as loud as you can.
- Just a chorus.
- It gets so upsettingly loud,
I do not replicate this sound.
I hate thinking about
it in my mind right now.
- I'm discovering that I have
misophonia in this moment.
I'm like, I want to get
out of here, I think.
- This is a lot,
this is a lot.
- This is a lot.
- I think Chimeron's about,
we're about to do some damage here.
- I didn't realize it, listen,
it's not saying anything
that you guys don't know,
that I'm far and away
the least cool person
in our crew of people, and
I feel like I hit square
in the middle of coolness
for this house already,
and I'm the low man on the totem-
- I mean, you've got a whole room
of people holding a
sausage and a cucumber.
My man, I honestly think
you're close to the top.
[group laughs]
- There are no rules here,
really, honestly, it is like,
we have something that these
people do not have, and it is-
- Right, right?
- I saw that snitch kid earlier.
I feel like these kids
all are pro institution,
which is a weird thing for
teenagers to be, right?
Adult institutions fail
children at every possible turn,
and it's so easy to
fall through the cracks.
You should mostly be opposing any system
of adults anywhere in
the world that you can,
and the fact that these kids
are just now discovering that,
I think we could, yeah,
I think that we could
take over the school.
What are you looking at me for?
- There's a... there's three second years
that are just taking notes
off of what you're saying.
"Oppose institution every time."
- Question authority always.
- Oh, right.
[quiet overlapping chattering]
- And stop telling your moms everything.
I feel like y'all are always
telling your moms stuff.
- No, my mommy is my best friend.
- That must be nice.
- I tell her everything.
[group laughs]
Do you have a best friend?
[group laughs]
That's a lot of pressure early.
[group laughs]
[overlapping chattering]
- Us, it's us.
- It's us.
- It's all.
- Yeah-
- You're all best friends?
- Yeah, I have three best friends.
- Yeah, we're the-
- Are you okay?
- I have three best friends,
no, I'm not okay, okay?
I have three best friends.
- Do you need,
do you need a little hug a little bit?
- Are you offering?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I mean, yeah, if you-
- My name's Peter.
- Is it coming from a place
of pity or from genuine-
- I don't know the difference.
- Why don't you just-
- I'm 12.
[group laughs]
- Okay, you know what, actually,
as touch starved as I am,
I'm gonna call it here.
I'm gonna say no, I'm gonna say no
to this offer, just because-
- I now know about boundaries
'cause I watched the thing
with the hair.
- Yeah, for sure, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
[overlapping chattering]
- Sam, I feel like you're
about to run this house.
I feel like we're about to
watch something pretty intense.
- I think so too, should I-
- Should I go, I'm sorry.
I don't know if I can
just be here and listen.
- Oggle?
- No, this is Peter.
- Peter, oh.
- Hi, Peter, hi.
- Yeah, I've got them holding
up a cucumber and a sausage.
I feel like I should probably
be having them do things
that are more important than that.
- No, that's a great place to-
- It's the first day, don't worry.
[overlapping chattering]
- I think it's a great place to start.
- Peter, what's gonna happen-
- We've been here five hours.
- Tomorrow, do we go to school,
or what's next on the agenda?
- Yeah, so here's what we're gonna,
you go to the dorm, it's up,
it's up there.
And then when you wake up,
there's a little thing,
a book, and it'll have
your schedules in it,
and you're all the same age, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It'll all be the same,
and you'll all go to the same classes.
- [Brennan] That's awesome.
- If we don't wear our
robes, what happens?
If I'm... not like I'm gonna be naked.
Peter, don't make that face.
- No, no-
- Don't make that face.
- That wasn't where I was-
- No, Peter, I know
what you were thinking.
You were like, "Is he"-
[overlapping chattering]
Is this man trying to be naked, no.
- Now I'm thinking it.
- It was the question on everyone's mind.
- Okay, well, that's not what I meant-
- New kid, are you thinking it?
- What's that?
- Were you thinking it?
- Was I thinking about-
- Were you thinking it?
- About someone being naked?
- Yeah.
- About specifically?
- No, I'm just feeling very grateful
that this is the best day of my life.
So I'm just feeling very grateful.
- Man, you said that two days ago.
- You gotta know that we
spiked so hard two days ago
and we just keep spiking, so it's been-
- We love to see it.
- Is that the day?
Was two days ago when
you sent Digby to hell?
- I didn't send him to hell.
[overlapping chattering]
I didn't send anyone to hell.
- No, no, no, 'cause
that kid over there said
that you sent Digby to hell.
He said he saw it.
- Who said it, who said it?
[dramatic orchestral music]
- I don't-
- The kid over there?
- No.
- I didn't send anyone to hell.
- No, it's, I just, that's what,
that's what we heard.
- You know how rumors are.
- That's what we heard,
that you sent him to hell,
and then he came back and
that's why he was all sunburned.
- Yeah, that's what happens in hell,
is you get sunburned, you
get sunburned in hell.
- I don't want to hug you
anymore, I'm gonna go.
- It's hell, where famously
the sun is, deep underground.
- Well, it'd be like a burn.
- Like a burn, like he would get burned?
That's not what happens in hell.
Hell is a dark forest where
your dad opens his ribcage
and invites you to dance.
- Evan.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, my man.
[Aabria laughs]
Now, I got no problem with
you going off on this kid.
[Brennan laughs]
- I wish you would have a problem with it.
That was very upsetting for me.
- Honestly, no, no, no, but my man-
- I'm gonna f*cking go, you
guys f*cking suck a little bit.
- I'm sorry,
he didn't mean it.
- I'm sorry.
- No, I came over, I was
like, "What's happening?
Do you need a hug," and then
he yelled at me about hell
'cause he's been there, and I'm gonna go.
And Evan just f*ck off entirely
and starts talking sh*t
about you in the corner.
- That's fine.
- Yeah, honestly, I could care less.
But for you, my guy,
it seems like you got-
- Issues.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- Yeah, there's a lot going on.
[group laughs]
- Dream, I feel like you're
gonna bite through your wand.
[group laughs]
- I know it's pink, but it's still pretty-
- It's just something, and
just steady the old mouth.
[group laughs]
- Did you say, "Something
to steady the old mouth"?
[group laughs]
- That's what happened.
[group laughs]
- I don't, you just need to understand.
I just have spent such a long
time flying under the radar.
The idea that people are
saying stuff about me, [sighs]
I'm just trying to figure out how to deal
with people talking about
me 'cause I don't...
I don't have a shadow,
people don't need to be making
stuff up on top of that.
It's way too much if people
are doing rumors on top of,
there's so much,
you guys saw those animals
puke blood all over the hay.
- Yeah.
- It doesn't gotta be worse than that.
Just say the truth, you
don't have to. [sighs]
- Yeah, I hear that.
- But on the other hand,
that's how legends start.
- Dream, you know what I
would love my legend to be?
Evan Kelmp.
- Kelmp. [laughs]
- He was a nice guy,
nothing weird ever happened,
and he just made some
friends and then one day,
he lived to just a normal age and he died,
and the only things
people said about him was,
"Hey, that guy was okay."
- ...soft.
- What?
- And on that note,
[group laughs]
we wrap for the night.
[group laughs]
As the next morning
comes bright and early,
yeah, the dorms, they are
coed, because, I mean,
a door isn't gonna stop
anyone from doing anything,
so you're in this giant hall of bunk beds.
And bright and early, you
hear a little "knock knock"
on the post of one of your double beds,
and you see just a very
normal-looking guy.
He's got glasses, his
hair's kind of pulled back
in a little low ponytail,
he's wearing a sweater vest
and khakis that are cuffed at the bottom.
He goes, "Hello, good morning, are we up?
"You're the new ones, hello."
- Good morning, hey.
- Hey.
- I'll wait, sorry, hi,
I'm the head of your house,
and the History of Magic professor.
My name is Dr. Norman Boodle,
and if you need anything at
all, just come and find me.
It looks like I don't necessarily
have you on my schedule,
maybe next term, totally fine,
not very many people like my
class, but I love teaching.
So sorry, there are some
people that are still asleep,
but you four, I am so
excited for everything
that you represent and that you could be.
Not in a pressure way, and please,
do not yell at the young ones.
It's just a casual note, I would like
to throw out there-
- Sorry.
- "It's totally fine, it's
nothing to apologize for.
Here are your schedules,"
and he hands each
of you little notebooks, and
each page of it is pieces
of parchment, just very generic.
"First class is potions, it
starts in an hour and a half.
Hope you have plenty of time.
Have a great day, have a magical day!
Get it, 'cause you're magic." [claps]
- Yeah. [claps]
- I appreciate this guy's
enthusiasm, I can get-
- Dr. Boodle's the first nice person-
- He's actually super helpful.
- Dr. Boodle is awesome, but he-
- No, there's no admin staff,
there's no registration,
there's no online sign-ups for things,
like do we get to take
electives or anything?
This has been the only
helpful grownup thus far
in this entire-
- Awesome,
I feel like.. yeah, sorry.
I was gonna say I have analysis paralysis.
I wouldn't know what to choose.
It's like, great, yeah, give me a sampler.
- Dr. Boodle, when is-
- "Yeah, sorry," he jogs back over.
- Where's the gym, if I
want to work out after,
like a weight room, track,
or any of that stuff
for when I want to work out after school?
- The scuppers field, it's on
the far side of the campus,
this big, flat field.
There's brooms, if you
want to lift the brooms up.
- No, weights, for muscles
and stuff, for working out.
Bikes?
- No, but we have big, like a big bike-
- Velocipede.
- A velocipede?
[overlapping chattering]
- Oh, you know what those are called.
- Well, Theodore's got one
of those if I want that,
but I don't want that.
I'm looking for, where
do the athletes work out
and stuff to get-
- I don't, no, you just
practice your flying.
- But there's no strength
or a track to run on, or?
- No, 'cause magic, so why would you run?
Generally speaking, you should
play scuppers on your broom.
- Is there normal english on here?
- What, no, what, no.
Oh, none of you are English,
but you all speak American,
it's basically the same thing.
- No, but I mean, writing,
how to have a thesis statement
and then follow it up with cogent points
that will support our argument.
- No, no, no, no, there's
nothing like that here, no.
Your classes are potions,
natura, which is sort
of a catch-all herbology,
druid craft situation.
You have applied evocation, astro,
and next semester you'll
have history of magic.
And we might have to
add a broom flying work,
you're a little behind the curve.
But you'll all catch up, it'll be great.
- Okay, but what about...
I feel like there
should be muggle studies.
- We don't-
[overlapping chattering]
- Ooh, the other one sounds worse.
- It sounds so much worse.
- I know, here's the thing.
I truly hate to do it, I'm going
to have to give you a demerit.
We try not to use that
kind of language here.
- For saying a thing that, what we are?
- You're not, you're literally wizards.
- Okay, but we are muggle borns.
- That's another demerit.
I cannot overstate how much I need you
to stop f*cking saying that.
[overlapping chattering]
Who cares, that's not a bad word.
It's just, it's a spicy one.
- I like Dr. Boodle. [laughs]
- I like you too.
- Okay.
- You're very nice.
- We're still discovering the boundaries,
being namp born.
[overlapping chattering]
- That's the thing, isn't there
some sort of namp, muggle-
[overlapping chattering]
I'm sorry, namp, going namp-
- Here's the thing, I apologize very much.
You're going to have to come see me
at the end of the school day.
It's going to have to be a
whole situation, I apologize.
- All right, well, isn't
there some namp magical class?
- What do you mean?
- To learn things that you
would need to do to live.
- No, no, there's nothing like that here.
- So who's gonna teach us
how to get rid of our poop?
- That seems priority numero uno.
- Numero dos, if you think about it.
[group laughs]
- Dr. Boodle [laughs] rules.
[overlapping chattering]
Dr. Boodle rules.
- Thank you, I don't
rule, not like a monarch.
I don't understand, I feel
like you did a saying,
so isn't just kind of appreciate it.
- No, that's fine.
- No, I can just, grab
your wands really quick.
We'll just kind of teach that, Mr. Kelmp?
- Are you gonna teach us how
to make our poop go away?
- Oh, it's more of a general-
- Oh, this removal, yeah.
- Yeah, it's a removal spell.
- How hazardous is this
if this goes wrong?
- "Don't mess up, just
don't mess up, okay?
Okay, all right, circle,
and you've really got
to nail the flick at what
you're trying to get rid of.
So hold on, hold on, hold on.
Oh, I was walking earlier,"
and he takes off a penny loafer
and kind of dumps out some dirt
from his shoe on the ground
and divides it into four
little piles in front of you,
like, "Everyone pick a pile."
- Does this affect destroying
it, or sending it somewhere?
- Mm-mm.
- I'm sorry, is there no theory of magic?
Is this sort of just like you-
- Oh, no, there is, I
just, I don't teach it.
I teach the history of it,
I don't know everything.
- But somebody surely knows how-
- I'm sure someone knows,
but you don't really worry about it.
There's so few magical
people in the world,
and we're just moving stuff,
it's really not a big deal.
- It probably goes back to the dirt.
It goes to a dirt pile or something.
- But what if it shows up in, [laughs]
what if there's some poor person
that's just like, wizard poop, showing up
in their house?
- I'm sure it's fine.
It's fine, they've probably
already dealt with a system
of figuring out how to deal with it
'cause we have all been
doing this for a while.
Life finds a way.
- Life finds a way.
- All right.
- All right, life finds a way.
- And I need all of you, [laughs]
we're gonna call this a... you know what?
I'm gonna call it a flight roll.
- Oh, I love that.
[overlapping chattering]
- Difficulty is a three.
- Are we adding magic die?
- [Aabria] With a magic die.
- [Lou] Oh, I'll take half.
- I'll take half, as well.
- Oh, I'll take half.
- Wait, what does the?
- Flight.
- Flight.
- Flight, okay.
And it's three, you said?
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah, I can take, I'll take half.
- Cool, I'm glad this spell
is as easy as it should be,
'cause it was be really bad
[group laughs]
if it was hard.
- There you go, super easy stuff,
and you execute it perfectly, [snaps]
and four little piles
of dirt just disappear.
- Great job.
- Yeah, so just-
- I still am troubled by
the ramifications, I just.
- There's questions about wiping,
there's questions about
other steps for the process,
for sure, but for now, it's good to know.
- That'll do.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- All right, Bodle.
- Boodle.
- Is it Bodle?
- It's Boodle.
- Bodle?
- Boodle?
- Bodle, thanks, Bodle.
- Oh, no.
- This was great, it
was great to check in-
- You can just call me a doctor.
- Oh, Dr. Bodle-
- Boodle.
[group laughs]
- Do you have a bodle?
- Boodle.
- Boodle?
- Boodle.
- Boodle?
Boodle, Boodle or Bodle?
I like you enough to get it right.
- Thank you, like a
ghost, like "boo," Boodle.
- Got it, all right,
Dr. B, thanks so much.
[group laughs]
This has been so good, you're the man.
- Thank you.
- Honestly, history of
magic sounds boring as hell,
but honestly, I might take
it because you're cool.
But it also sounds like
I might have to take it
'cause it's not like I have a choice.
- Kind of that.
- Cool.
- Sorry about the, saying the M word.
- Oh, it's fine, we'll deal with it,
disciplinary action later
today, not a problem.
Try to enjoy the rest of your day.
Any questions?
- Thanks, Dr. B.
- Okay, bye.
- Okay...
- Free notebooks, look at that.
- Yeah.
[group laughs]
- And I think, I mean,
they're just notebooks.
- Sorry, just notebooks,
yeah, they're just notebooks.
Can you believe-
- I mean, I'm sorry, that's
very privileged of me to say.
- No, it's fine.
[overlapping chattering]
You're doing me a favor by
helping me be more normal
'cause you know what
people are supposed to say.
- Again, it's not normal,
there's no normal.
- There is.
- Hey, Dream?
- There is, there is.
With all due respect, absolutely,
I would love to be more
normal, yeah, for sure.
- Dream, quick question,
where's your wand right now?
- Oh, just-
- [Aabria] Just in your hands?
- Yeah, yeah.
- You gesticulate wildly with it,
and your eye catches it,
but it's not the same.
It's deeply different,
[dramatic harp music]
having achieved its final form.
- What, oh, sh*t.
Wait, hold on.
- Oh, sh*t.
- Wait, what the f*ck,
hold on, wait, what?
Okay, what, is it gonna be like last time
where you pulled it out?
[group exclaims]
- What, what, what?
And it's just, oh my God, what the hell?
Why is, why, why, why, what
did I do to deserve this?
I just.
- That's not twisted at all,
that's super not twisted.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's sort of just delightful.
- This is not who I am-
- Whimsical.
- Whimsical, yeah.
- One might say.
- I look like the gender aisle at Target.
[Aabria laughs]
- Sorry, that one got me.
- Dream, I would switch with
you in a second if you wanted.
- But it'll do that thing.
- Yeah, yeah-
- It'll do that thing,
and I appreciate that,
but oh my God, this is not aesthetic.
- You can just tell people
that it's an ironic wand.
- Yeah, just constantly tell people
what you're doing is ironic,
and they'll always believe
that you're disassociated
away and not into it,
even though you're quite,
maybe part of you likes it.
I mean, I'm not trying to put that on you.
- But it's just...
irony is dead.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But not to these kids,
they'll believe anything we tell them.
- Yeah.
- Okay, maybe I can just
sort of get somewhat badass.
- Yeah, you'll make it
badass, you'll figure it out.
- And over my shoulder,
Theodore honks a little horn.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna go, Theodore, not now.
- Oh, no, but we're so proud.
You've achieved all your-
- Not now, not now.
[overlapping chattering]
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was
just very pleased to be here.
- All right, well, I guess
we gotta cast more magic
because [laughs] I wanna see more wands.
I wanna see more wands take full form.
- Yeah, this is, I feel like there's,
I mean, we're gonna be here for a year.
I feel like we should start...
there should be a gym here.
There should be other stuff here.
- Oh, yeah, 'cause we could
just, I can make a gym.
[Danielle gasps]
- I mean, if the kitchen can pop a bunch
of hamburgers upstairs,
getting a bunch of weights should be-
- Okay, I want,
what do I want?
Oh, yeah, free weights,
let me just get a bunch of free weights.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let's get a bunch of
free weights in here.
- Oh my God. [laughs]
- And I think Jammer's gonna attempt
to summon just a bunch of free
weights into the dormitory,
a full rack.
- Are you pulling them from
somewhere in the world,
or are you creating them
with the power of your mind?
- I think Jammer's
attempting to create them
with the power of his mind.
Yeah, I think-
- Please make a brains roll
with a difficulty of 16.
- Oh, okay, so you want me
to explode 19 times in a row?
- Yeah, that feels right for that.
- Okay, cool.
[dice rattling]
Well, no, that is a three.
Oh, I guess I would add a magic die
if we want to find out how--
Oh, yeah, that's a four,
so that's a total of five, as Jammer...
Weights.
- Now, your brain, in trying to conceive
of all that weights are, thought
of iron, heavy metal core,
and the thing you reach for
is deep within the ground.
You do not create whole cloth,
but you send a massive spike of iron
from deep within the earth's crust,
shattering through the bottom
of the dormitory stone
floor in front of you.
I need the three of you
to make flight rolls
with a difficulty of 10 in
order to avoid this nightmare.
- Any magic added to this,
or it's just normal flight?
- I'm gonna say normal flight,
unless you would think
to try to cast magic
to get out of the way of something.
- I feel like nobody is,
nobody's gonna make it-
- What's the difficulty, sorry?
- 10.
- Nine.
- You got nine?
- Yeah.
- [Danielle] Seven.
- I mean, I could burn one, too, but-
- I'm gonna burn, and
you got seven, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm gonna burn-
- I can't spend them,
can I spend them?
- No.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna burn four to jump and grab Sam
and... I'm gone bump theirs to 10.
I rolled a five, so I'm a
million miles away from it,
but I'll get Sam and Dream out of the way.
- I'll allow it.
And as you push them out of the way,
you feel a terrible pain, as
a little jut of iron pierces
your thigh and shoots directly through it.
Evan, your body,
whatever you are is so
attenuated to preserving
and growing whatever
power's dormant within you,
so what happens when your flesh is rent?
- I scream out loud and
say, "Don't touch my blood!"
[group laughs]
And a roiling snake of blood
that bursts out of my leg,
I grab it and just start
punching it in the head,
and I go. [shouts]
[group laughs]
- There's now a giant blood cobra.
I would like everyone to
engage with this, please.
- Great.
- Go ahead, you know what?
You got the jump... no, no, no,
you were finishing pushing them,
and you are moving towards
tackling the blood cobra,
but you're not gonna be
the first one to act.
You all are safe and out of the way,
as dark blood scatters across the ground,
swirls up into a serpent, looks around,
and is going to lunge at Sam.
What do you all do?
- Okay, don't think I'm gonna be able
to charm my way out of this
one, but we'll find out.
[dramatic orchestral music]
Sam looks at the blood cobra, [laughs]
which is the name of my new band.
- Pretty sick.
- And Sam is going to try
to talk to the blood cobra.
- Okay.
Give me a charm roll,
we'll go difficulty of 10.
- Okay, well, then I'll take
half and then that hits.
- Yeah.
- So I go to the blood cobra.
"Hey, it's so nice to meet you.
I know you when you were
previously inside my friend."
[Brennan roars]
"So it's like we're
friends already, right?
We're already buds, you're
in him, we were best friends.
So if you want to maybe just
go back inside my friend,
because I think you're doing not
as much... you could be doing
so much more cool metal stuff
if you had a whole body to get into.
So I don't know, just try
it and see what you think,
if you just want to go back
in, just this. [slurps]
I think that that would be good."
- The snake, it doesn't
respond to you in any way,
nor can you see its eyes
to see if there's a ton
of sapience there, but
it sort of gets lulled
by your lack of a heightened response,
and it kind of matches
your energy after a time.
It goes back to the
ground and slowly begins
to move back in the rivulet,
up Evan's leg,
and back into his body.
- Hey, how you feeling, bud?
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- That was incredible.
- Yeah, that was kind of scary.
- Oh my God, oh my God,
that was really awesome.
You sacrificed yourself for
us, oh my God, oh my God!
And Dream just launches herself,
like full body, sort of hugs onto Evan and
taps at the, pokes at
the wound with her wand
to close it up and heal it up.
- Do you know how to do healing magic?
- No.
- Cool, all right, go ahead
and make a brains roll,
difficulty of 14, for me.
- Are we gonna do this again?
[overlapping chattering]
All right-
- Yeah, I don't know why y'all didn't go
to at least one f*cking
class before you're like,
gonna do a lot of magic here.
- Hey, I set baby powder out of my wand.
I can do this, I can summon-
- What is target I gotta hit?
[overlapping chattering]
- Move a tiny amount of
dirt and you're like,
"Got it, master wizard."
- Yeah, we honestly
k*lled that dirt thing,
and I honestly think
that's part of the reason.
I was like, yeah, let me
get some weights in here-
- That's on me, I gave you a false sense
of confidence with magic-
- Wait, what was it,
what was it?
- 14, you're in a school
'cause you have to learn how to do magic.
- You've got this, you've got this.
- Oh my God.
- I believe in you.
- Is it brains, or could I do-
- Brains.
You have to know-
[overlapping chattering]
- Oh, I gotta do the magic spell.
- The spell.
- Okay, f*ck.
[dice rattling]
Nine.
Okay, I made it with 14, burn
him, burn him, burn him, 14!
- Burn him.
- Burn him.
- Burn him is a good word, you
suture the wound with fire.
- Okay.
[Brennan grunts]
- That's good, I always
have to burn it, too.
That's the only way to
get it back in there.
[Aabria laughs]
- That was metal.
- Dr. B just leans in,
"Oh, God, you know what?
I'm gonna deal with
that, please go to class
and don't do magic until
you've gone to classes, please.
You know what, I'm
sorry, I really like you
and I appreciate that we have
a whole vibe here, but please,
you made a giant, and then
the blood came out of that,
so please join Ms. Tanaka.
Dream, what do you prefer,
Karen, what should I call you?"
- Oh, it's definitely Dream,
Dream.
- Okay.
Dream, please join her
meeting me after school.
- Okay, yeah, fine, sorry, everyone.
I thought I could... I got
the dirt thing really tight
and I was like, oh, this is easy.
But I guess it's not, it's
not look sh**ting... it's like
when you sh**t a free throw, you're like,
oh, the mid range is... I'm sorry.
- No, it's great, man.
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay, that was really, really wild.
- Oh my God, you're like a
literal snake charmer, though.
...snake charmer.
- That was really cool.
- You guys are both incredible,
you guys are both incredible at magic.
You, I have never,
the only other times that that's happened,
it has never been resolved that easily.
Normally I have to eat the snake to get it
to go back in my body, or it's all bad.
And it's also never healed
that quickly before.
You guys are... you're
both incredible at this.
- This is just, you're acting
so normal about all of this.
You're just so weird.
- I burst into tears
and run out of the room.
- It's a good weird, it's a good weird.
Oh, no, no, no, it's good
weird, it's good weird.
[overlapping chattering]
- It's just like, what?
- It's all good, hey,
he's new to all of this.
We're new to all of this, and
then he's new to all of this
and to all of this, so-
- Friends.
- [Lou] Exactly.
[overlapping chattering]
- Eccentric, or it's eccentric.
- I'm hearing this just
full weeping, just.
- I think we have to go
that way to get to potions,
so we simply can just,
we'll catch up with him.
- You walk out, and you
just make your way slowly,
meandering, stupid
geometry, staircases move.
You left very, very early,
[slow piano music]
and you arrive almost too
late to the potions classroom,
that once you meander around, you find out
that it was kind of just on the other side
of the basement level of the Great Hall,
but there's no clear,
easy way to get there.
It's Escher halls, it's a whole thing.
And you arrive and you're sort
of the last students to arrive.
You see a bunch of red robes.
You are taking this class with Hercinil,
and the trio kind of
clocks you from the corner,
and you see them make an eye line
towards the one open table
that's kind of in the front,
where a massive bubbling cauldron sits.
- Is there another, is
that the only open table?
- Only open table.
- Yo, I got this, I'm gonna take off
and just sprint to the front of the room
and beat them there.
- Oh, they were sitting in the back,
they were just like, "Ha ha,
you have to sit in the front."
- Oh, got it.
[overlapping chattering]
- Too late, sorry.
- I still go, "Hey, I got this,"
and sprint up to the front of the room-
- Why do they look so smug
about being farther away
from the teacher?
- I feel like it's so
weird because I feel like
they're like, ugh, this is
just stupid Monday in school
and everything, but
it's like, we're making
elixirs that could give life
or de-age us and stuff, right?
These are primo things,
literally fountain of youth,
we could be making this,
and they're like-
- Exactly.
- Slacking off in the back, oh, hello.
- You don't see anyone
standing at the front
of the hall in the room.
- Ah.
- But you guys, somebody
said, "Exactly," right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I heard that too.
- This feels like a magic thing.
Yeah, you could make a potion that
made people strong.
- And the fire flares up,
and you see a face move
into the front of the cauldron
itself and, "Exactly."
- The cauldron is talking.
- [Aabria] Yes, I'm the professor!
- [Erika] That is so whimsical.
- [Brennan] Checks out,
that's a great professor
for a potions class.
- My name is Professor Viniscus.
Are you the exchange students? [laughs]
- Yeah, we're the pilot program.
- Yeah-
- I like this one.
- Pilot program, I like that.
Oh, pilot, like burning,
and as she sort of laughs,
the fire rolls and roils, and
the bright green potion inside
of her bubbles away happily.
- Wow, now, see, I want to do that.
Can I do that, can I become
incorporeal and become a potion?
- Oh, darling, I'm not a
potion, I'm the cauldron, hello!
- Oh my God.
- This is really... it's
very nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Evan Kelmp.
- Oh, I don't have hands,
and please don't touch me,
I'm very hot.
- Oh, that wouldn't matter, yep, yeah.
- Okay, it's so lovely to meet all of you.
I'm your potions professor-
- Resistance to heat.
[group laughs]
- Well, this is great, thank you so much
for being so inviting to us.
We're really excited to learn, and we...
Some of us are already very,
seem to be very proficient already,
but we know there's a lot to learn, so-
- Poisons, can I get good at poisons?
- Oh, that's such dark work, dearie,
but, I mean, absolutely.
- We can get you a poison ring.
- Oh my God, just like
Lucrezia Borgia, oh my God.
- Oh, she was a very bad student.
Couldn't make a potion
for a damn. [laughs]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on.
So who else who's famous
has been through here?
- Wait, is she famous, for what?
- Oh, mostly,
well, mostly it was sort of lavish parties
and potential incest,
but that could just have been
the propaganda machine working
against her family that was very popular
in the Italian city states at
the time that she was alive.
But I don't know, who else is
magic?
- Oh, I don't really
know how to answer that
because my entire context for
the world is wherever I am,
and it's usually not off the premises,
and I don't read books or anything.
- Okay, I look at my phone under the desk
and I'm like, okay, Neil deGrasse Tyson?
- Never heard of him.
- Okay, how about, okay, I'm sorry,
I'm probably distracting
from the learning.
- A little bit, but that's
okay, I appreciate enthusiasm.
- What about David Blaine?
- David Bowie, for sure.
- No, I said David Blaine.
- David Blaine?
- Who's David Bowie?
- Oh, I'm so excited for when
we get back to the dormitory.
- Okay, but is David Blaine,
did he come to school here?
- I don't recall that
name, I'm very sorry.
- I think he also went by
Mindfreak, was that also-
- Yeah, that's Criss Angel-
[overlapping chattering]
- He definitely went here, and he-
- Criss Angel went here?
[group laughs]
Criss Angel, the Mindfreak
went to this school?
- Oh, you're such a nice boy.
- This school just got 1.000 times cooler.
This just became the coolest school ever.
- How's he doing, is he
still alive, did he die?
- So we know notable
alumni, Lucrezia Borgia,
Criss Angel the Mindfreak.
[group laughs]
- Oh my God, I could
be the next Mindfreak.
- You could be the next Mindfreak.
- Well, first let's
find, let's try a potion.
There's a cauldron at everyone's table.
We're gonna try a potion of minor healing,
something light, easy.
Mistakes do happen and
I can't really intervene
if a fire or a spill, so
this is a very handy potion
for us to have in case you
all have a bit of a boo boo.
- Just in case, yeah, great.
- And she flares up one more time
and evaporates all of the green
potion within her cauldron,
and it sort of moves
towards the chalkboard
and populates a really
long and laborious list
of instructions for how
to make this potion.
It's all there, easy to
do, lots of really weird,
arcane diagrams, but she
explains nothing else,
and no students seem to be talking,
other than just sort of
chatting amongst themselves,
and you are simply left to your work,
like schools are, where
they don't explain it.
- This doesn't measure like America,
I don't know what if any,
what's a milliliter-
- I'll use Siri to,
I'm gonna ask Siri to
convert, Siri, what is
- And you hear a voice, dark and gravely,
"20 milliliters is already metric."
[slow ominous music]
- Oh, I'm sorry-
- Evan, you recognize that voice.
- What's the-
- It's one of the many
voices that you hear
from time to time coming out of her phone.
- Coming out of?
- Yeah, your Siri sounds wrong.
[overlapping chattering]
- So that wasn't Siri talking,
that was some other voice?
- Mm-hmm, but it answered the question,
so it's a win-
- Hey, did you change the
virtual assistant on your phone from Siri?
- No, it's just, I always
have it as a British man
because it's kind of sexist that all
of the default settings for
digital assistants are female.
- If I had one on my phone
I would for sure change it-
- Right, but he sounds a
little different over here,
I guess, maybe this is more
authentic or something.
- Kind of smoky.
- Can I make
some kind of brains check or something,
or try to perceive the phone and see why
that voice is coming out of that phone?
- Yeah, without holding it,
I'll say the difficulty is a 12.
If you get her to let you hold it,
the difficulty drops to eight.
- Dream, can I actually see your phone
for a second?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you, I'll take the phone
and try to make a brains check on it here.
- Okay, go ahead, difficulty's eight.
[dice rattling]
- Nope, four.
- I'll throw you two adversity tokens.
- Yeah,
I'll hold it up to-
- Only if you can explain
how you're helping Evan
figure out what's going on
with this demonic phone.
- It's like you gotta get
into the general settings-
- Yeah, I feel like I've jail
broken a phone once or twice.
- I just don't know how cellphones work-
[overlapping chattering]
- I just am explaining to him the basics
of an actual smartphone.
I know how a phone with a screen works,
and so that's where I'm helpful.
- Now, you've successfully
shown him how to navigate
to the settings, and I'm not
counting your adversity tokens,
but you have to explain to me how
you help Evan understand
the demonic voice coming out
of the phone.
- That I cannot do.
- Yes, your intervention is for naught.
Evan, you have no idea what's going on.
- Thanks for that, man, I don't know,
I'm gonna look up at my friends and go,
cool, yeah, that was something, yeah.
- That wasn't a sentence,
it's adorable when you're befuddled.
[Brennan stammers]
There, you're doing it again.
- I'm in hell, I'm in hell.
[Aabria laughs]
Yeah, there's, sorry, I made a mistake.
I thought there was
something weird with this,
it's all, it's just my mind...
- A girl with olive skin, a very tall,
super lanky, and teal blue hair,
and almost
a glittery
iridescent cast to her complexion
leans over on your table.
"Hey, how's it going?
How's your potion?
None of you have turned on your
fire, so I just want to see.
Hi, I'm Lemli, I'm in
your house, goat house."
- Goat house.
- Goat house, hey-
[overlapping chattering]
- Hi, how's it going?
- Well, I think we're a
little bit in over our heads.
- Yeah, the pot only stays off for an hour
and you haven't done anything.
She's not that pleasant all the time,
so can I help you with anything?
- Yeah.
- Well, we got the metric
to English system conversions down,
but I don't know, is there
anything we need to know-
- The steps of the instructions
are a little... basically,
we have make the potion,
but there's nothing
from what's on the
chalkboard that is hitting us
in a way to let us know how
to even begin that process.
- That's fair, school
didn't really do a good job
of, you haven't had the other five years
of potion work, so that's-
- We don't know what we
don't know, and it feels like
they're deliberately setting
up impediments against us.
- Nah, they wouldn't want to do that...
Well, follow me, here, I'll show you.
First things first, you
need ingredients, follow me.
- All right.
- She kind of gets up and
swishes through, and you see
that there's lots of people
stirring different liquids
and pouring things out, and you
see that she's giving anyone
with a potential splash
zone a very wide berth
as she leads you to the
back of the classroom
and into a massive thing
of just thousands of jars,
and she starts pulling things down,
like, "The secret, if you
don't know what to grab,
just wait and be the last people to grab,
and then whatever shelves
have the least stuff on them,
you just grab that, too,
you know what I mean?
So waiting, if it's really hard."
- Yeah, okay, great.
- "Yeah, so, yeah, here,
grab this and this,"
and she starts loading, she looks,
"You," and just starts loading you up
with jars and a big
thwok of dried seaweed.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, good, okay, yep.
- Are you guys having a good time?
Is this nice for you?
- This is kind of the best.
- Yeah, parts of it are really cool.
We get to do potions, I
learned what a milliliter was,
we're having a pretty good,
having a pretty good day.
- "Oh, that's great, okay, yeah, come on."
And she leads you back over,
and she's actually gonna
just start helping you with your potions.
So we're gonna make this a
collaborative brains roll.
You guys need to get to a 25 collectively
to pull off making this potion.
- Cool, we got that, together?
- Together.
- Together we could do anything.
- I believe in you all.
- Oh, that's a four.
- [Danielle] Okay.
- It explodes!
- Oh, minus one and two.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
- That's another four.
[group cheers]
- What is with our D4s?
I'm not questioning it, be quiet.
[Aabria laughs]
- That is a two eight-
- 'Cause we have a one
out of four chance of-
- Nine, 10, 11 from Jammer.
- [Aabria] All right.
- 12 from Dream.
- Okay.
- Two for me.
- You've got this one-
- Nine from me.
- Yeah, you absolutely exceeded it,
and Lemli leans in and is
kind of getting you started,
and you all kind of take
to it like a duck to water.
She's, "Oh, you just,
yep, and counter clock.
Yeah, I think you've got it.
You don't really need me."
- Yeah, it's basically
like a protein shake.
This is not that hard.
[group laughs]
- Yeah, you're really
good at this, do you have-
- I'm gonna say, Jammer,
you seem excellent at this.
Once we started breaking
down all the nutrition facts
and everything-
- Well, exactly,
if some of it's going in the body to heal,
I mean, yeah, you're just looking
for stuff with high amino acids.
I mean, this is pretty basic stuff.
- It's like chemistry.
- Yeah.
- Chemistry?
- Chemistry is confusing and weird,
but putting stuff in your body
so that you can be stronger,
go faster, all of that kind
of stuff, this is not hard.
This is basically like
a recovery smoothie.
This is something I would have
after a tournament week or something.
- That's awesome.
[quiet overlapping chattering]
- I feel like you nailed it...
ooh, are we all doing that?
- Thank you so much for your help, though.
- Absolutely-
- Yeah, that was honestly,
yeah, I wouldn't have known what to pick.
So that was all you-
- It's been intimidating.
- So thanks, Lemony?
- Lemli.
- Lemli.
- Lemli.
- Lemli, Lemli.
- Yeah, if you guys need
anything else, tools or stuff,
you can just ask me, I'm
in the back with Frink
and both the Undergus twins.
- The Oggles?
- The what?
- Oggle, Hoggle and Coggle?
- Yeah, what did you call them?
- Oggle, I just call them Oggle
'cause I don't know
which one I'm talking to,
so I just call them Oggle,
and it's just in case-
[Aabria laughs]
- And she laughs and it
sounds like gurgling water.
She's like, "Oh, that's amazing,
I'm gonna call them Oggles, that's great.
That was amazing."
[quiet overlapping chattering]
- I don't know-
- I'll just-
[overlapping chattering]
- Excuse us.
- Yeah?
- We, please, if this is
rude, let us know immediately,
but just pretend we don't know
anything about this world.
Are you the mermaid?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was gonna be super
cool about it for a while,
you guys figured it out so fast.
I am, all that really means
is please don't splash me.
It gets really awkward to switch back.
It takes a lot longer
than you think to dry off,
and it's kind of hard to just maneuver
when I am missing sort
of the motility of legs.
- Yeah, no, a lot...yeah.
I had never had any
intention of splashing anyone
for any reason, so easy to
not do that to a mermaid.
Yeah, for sure.
- We won't splash you.
- Thank you.
- No splashing.
- You guys are really nice.
- But are you from locally, or just,
I'm just trying so hard not to, I want to-
- Dream, are you okay, you
are bouncing up and down.
- It's like, when I was little
I said I wanted to grow up
and be a mermaid.
- Yeah, 100%.
- No, you just ask, we're cool.
- We all watched "Splash," is
that the name of that movie?
[overlapping chattering]
- You're not Hercinil, so yeah.
[overlapping chattering]
- 'Cause humans have
folklore about mermaids,
and clearly a lot of
it's malicious slander.
- Clearly.
- Oh, what do you mean slander,
probably not, like what?
- Probably just said you're like vixens
that lead sailors to their
deaths, sort of thing.
- Favorite, love it, love it.
- Is that?
- Yeah, it's way harder now
because most ships are kind of,
you can't see the sailor on the inside,
but yeah, it's super
fun, have you met men?
It's so fun to sink them. [laughs]
- Yeah-
- You're not supposed to
and you're not supposed to say it, but.
- You are so cool.
- Oh, thank you.
[slow piano music]
- You're how I'm trying to be.
- "I think... well,
you kind of have the... look at my wand."
And she pulls her wand
out and it's sort of,
it's not frozen water,
it's just water made
into a long slender implement
that sort of glimmers.
- But that's like-
- And she's like, "Yeah, it's the same,
we're like the same."
- But mine is like-
- You do the same thing.
No, yours is great.
- Yours is cool.
- Look how it's glittery, I like it.
- I like yours.
- Thank you, I like
you, you're really nice.
- You're really cool.
- Oh my God, you're really cool.
You wear such dark
clothing and I was like,
"Oh, no, is she gonna come
over and try to bite me
and make me a vampire?"
- Oh my God, is vampires real, too,
can I become a-
- Yeah.
- No, you don't want to become them.
No, I'm not trying to be
like, don't be a certain way,
'cause all paths are valid or whatever,
but don't be a vampire, it's weird.
- All right.
- They can't even go to our school
'cause they have to be up at night.
- Oh.
- Oh, that makes sense.
- Wow, it looks like you have
to take night classes
elsewhere or something.
- Don't turn into a
vampire, they're just tired.
- Okay.
- I know.
[overlapping chattering]
Well, thank you so much for your help.
- You're so welcome, okay, I'm gonna go.
Let me know if you want to hang out.
- Can we?
- Yeah, totally.
- Oh my God.
- Okay, I'm gonna go 'cause
I didn't finish our potion
at all, and you guys are already done
and everyone else is still working.
- Oh, God, this is disgusting.
[group laughs]
- Are you okay, man?
- I just took a big
drink, [heaves] oh, God.
- Did you?
- I just took a big sip, oh, God,
it's like fire inside.
- I have a little
thermos of tea in my bag,
and I'm like, Theodore here pulls it out.
- Here.
- He's just like, "Here."
- Thanks.
I feel incredible, [groans]
but it tastes disgusting.
- That was a lot, I'm gonna go, bye.
- Bye.
- She just goes back to the back
of the classroom-
- You're good, man.
Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, that stuff hits, bro.
- Yeah, I don't, should I try some?
- I mean, it's-
- Unless you need some-
- You have kind of a
shitty wound on your leg.
- You might want to mix it with-
- Honestly, that's what I'm thinking.
It's just, it doesn't have a flavoring.
The one I have at home is birthday cake
and it tastes great, but this
just doesn't have a vanilla,
it's not like vanilla ice
cream or ice cream sandwich
or anything like that.
- Yeah, let me try this, hold on.
I'm gonna take the healing potion and-
- Yeah, do you finish it?
- Yeah, I'll finish it.
- Yeah, yeah, you guys all see,
as little sort of pink and red
tendrils of flesh come over
that burned wound and
sort of stitch themselves,
and the scab gets pushed up and out,
and crumbles away, and
unmarred flesh is just sort of
where that jagged wound was before.
[Brennan heaves]
Yeah, and it tasted like butt.
- Yeah, man, it's not, you gotta-
- It's really-
- You should have cut
it with the tea, yeah-
- Honestly, 'cause going
down, it's mostly you're just,
it's just feeling like hot,
and then the aftertaste is bad.
- Just bad, bad.
- Bad.
- Hey,
Ms. Cauldron, Ms. V?
- The cauldron comes back
to life, "Hello, yes?"
- Can I take some of... I was gonna,
I'm gonna figure out how to
make weights at some point-
- Make weights, I don't
know, is that a euphemism?
- No.
- Okay.
- It's working out, I'm
just gonna exercise,
aerobics, yeah.
- Okay.
- But I just wanted some of the,
'cause you don't have a body, I'm sorry.
I just want-
- That's okay.
- To take some of the stuff
so I can make this at home.
Could I take ingredients
back to my dorm and stuff?
- Normally I would say no,
but were you successful at
making... I don't see a result
that I can judge or anything.
- Well, we drank it, look at my man's leg.
[overlapping chattering]
- Oh, yes, you have a lovely leg.
- Oh, it didn't used to be,
it was bad, it was hurt,
and now it's healed.
- Oh, I just have to kind
of take your word for it?
That's fine, that's fine.
- I mean, you can look
at the inside of the cup.
I didn't get all, 100% of it.
- Yeah, it's empty, I mean,
we didn't waste our time.
You can ask Lemli.
- "Oh, Lemli, dear?"
And Lemli kind of stands up, "Yes?
No, it's true, they made it,
and it looked like it worked.
They did a good job.
I don't like being... don't perceive me,"
and she sits back down immediately.
[group laughs]
[background noise drowns out Lou]
"Well, of course, I mean, if
your housemates are speaking up
for you, that's fantastic.
Do you have just a little scraping?
If you could just drop it in the cauldron,
get kind of an understanding."
Yeah, and it hits that cast iron bottom
and immediately dissolves
away, and she goes,
"Oh, that's lovely, that's lovely.
You did that on your first day?"
- Lemli helped us out with
finding the ingredients,
and then we sort of put
it together ourselves.
Honestly, Jammer-
- But it's like-
- Well, it was mostly Dream and stuff.
- Chemistry.
[overlapping chattering]
- Yeah.
- Oh, Jammer, your name is Jammer?
- My name is, [sighs]
it's what people call me.
- What do you want me to call you?
- Jammer, Jammer's cool, yeah.
- Jammer.
Oh, Jammer, you can borrow a
potion, you can, absolutely.
- Great, I'm honestly, it's mostly
'cause I'm worried if I
summoned weights more,
I'm gonna sh**t jagged spikes up again,
and I just don't, I want to be able to-
- We're a little accident prone in our-
- Yeah, exactly.
- All students are.
- Yeah.
- It really, can I ask,
it's incredibly dangerous.
We just have the power of
essentially what could
potentially be a nuclear warhead,
just in our pockets.
- What's a nuclear warhead?
But yeah, probably.
- And we are-
- They gotta know what nukes are.
[group laughs]
- Absolutely I do not.
- You've gotta know what nukes are.
- No.
- You've gotta know.
- I don't think that's
true, is it a potion?
- Yeah, it's a potion.
[group laughs]
[Lou claps]
I think this is a side of
Evan no one's seen before.
It's a potion, okay?
- Charm roll, difficulty of four.
- I understand that you like magic here.
There are things in the muggle world-
- Whoa, oh, oh, he knows that
doesn't offend me personally
'cause I'm a sentient cauldron,
but I don't think we're
supposed to say that anymore.
- We're namp born, so.
- Namp born, okay, okay.
I still don't think
you're supposed to say it,
'cause you're all doing
magic here, and not that.
- I just, it's figured very prominently
in just world history, and as you said,
if there are only a limited
number of magical folks,
would they have to interact with the folks
on the outside world and
know that they have the power
of essentially a small sun?
- Now, here's the thing, I'm
sure you have these kinds
of very interesting
conversations with all sorts
of other students and faculty members.
I'm a f*cking cauldron,
and I don't read books
or interact with the outside world,
so you know what, I'm gonna sit here,
and if you want to make
a potion inside me,
that's what I do, that's
my whole f*cking deal.
And I don't need a bunch of
uppity little brats trying
to explain to me how to
live my life, thank you.
- If Vladimir Putin called the shot,
your cauldron a*s would be in the sky.
- I don't even know what that means,
but if you want to come over here
and say something about it.
- Guys, I just want to
check in real quick.
We're fighting a big, black pot.
[group laughs]
I think our energy should be spent-
- I don't like the dismissive attitude-
- Hey, I know, I know, but-
- But it's just pervasive.
- I know I'm a wizard now,
[overlapping chattering]
but I have a lot of pride-
- They're a big, black pot.
Just let it, they have
never seen the world.
I mean, they have met
Criss Angel, Mindfreak,
but they haven't done
a lot of other stuff.
- God forbid the missiles launch.
Is someone gonna jump outside and go,
"Go away-oh warhead-io," I don't think so.
- That doesn't sound like a spell.
[group laughs]
- Don't fight it, don't
fight this cauldron.
Don't let this cauldron win.
- Jammer.
- Come on, man, this is not
a battle worth fighting.
We've got a long game to fight.
- How about you four are done.
Anyone else that's done and
successfully made the potion,
please come to the front,
get it confirmed by me,
and then you can be
released to your next class.
There's a lot of tension in this room.
- Jammer just wants to
clock real quick the trio
and just see how they did,
and if their potion is good as ours.
- Oh, what do I want to make this roll?
I would like you to roll,
'cause I don't want to roll
for this, please make a...
Let's call it a grit roll.
- Okay.
- Difficulty is eight.
- Difficulty's eight?
- If you beat eight, you
can decide how they did.
- God, I need that eight.
- [Aabria] No one can help.
- That's a seven, can I
spend two adversity tokens?
- You only need to have spent one.
- Okay, great, I'll only spend one.
I was down to spend two,
just to really rub it in.
Yeah, seven plus one equals eight.
- All right, so give me a general vibe.
- They did good, but
we hit like an A minus,
and they're for sure a straight up B.
- Yeah, they're working on it.
You see Tallulah and
Fergus actively sweating
over their cauldrons-
- Yeah, damn right.
- Trying to time stuff out.
They've hit this weird viscosity
that you never had to engage with,
and you can tell that
they're on the right path,
but they are struggling to get there
and they kind of look over at you.
- Hey, y'all need some help?
- Oh, you know what, no, we're super good.
Thank you so much for your consideration,
we super got it.
- Well, we understand that you
have sort of inherited skill
and you have the privilege of
a couple years of education.
- Got 'em, got 'em.
- But it seems like we just have somebody
who's naturally gifted at this.
- Me and Dream's, we're happy to,
if you need any help,
you just let us know.
You're more than welcome
to do your thing, but.
- Right, we can offer assistance,
the way that you helped us
on the first day that we met.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- I noticed that Jammer
and Dream were sort
of using real world nutritional
knowledge, and maybe instead
of following a rote,
inherited institution,
actually understanding
why certain things work
and what's making them work maybe leads
to a deeper knowledge,
that's just my thought.
- Yo, when you talk, all
I hear is snake sounds
'cause you're basically an evil wizard
and I don't know why you're
wearing yellow and not green.
f*cking weirdo, anyway,
I think you guys have been dismissed,
so I don't know why
you're still in the room.
Why don't you go ahead and
what's the word you, dip.
Why don't you go dip?
- Yeah, we're gonna dip, yeah,
we're gonna dip like a chip.
The name's skip.
- I don't get it.
- Jammer, I tried to trash talk
and I really got my feelings hurt.
- That was sick, dude.
- It's okay, you were right.
[overlapping chattering]
- It was solid, it was
just, sometimes when you go
to insult, sometimes when
you go to trash talk,
they trash talk harder, all right?
That just means you gotta pick
your moments when you talk,
but it was sick, what you said was dope.
Honestly, it made me feel cool as hell.
- I'm glad, man, you
should feel cool as hell,
'cause what happened, I
didn't sort of expect it,
they zagged way off topic to
some deeply personal stuff.
- And that's some sh*t you always,
if people know sh*t about you,
they can always hit you there.
- Hit you where you live, kind of.
- Yeah, exactly, exactly.
- For sure, for sure.
- As you guys kind of step out of the room
to have this conversation,
you see a woman,
it's not that she's eight feet tall,
she just has a very tall
countenance, with long,
curly red hair, and she's
wearing these swishy orange robes
that are super ephemeral,
and she's waving just a pair
of branches in the air
as she walks towards you.
[slow soothing music]
You can keep talking,
she's just gonna come down.
- I can't, I'm sorry, I
can't quite concentrate.
- Yeah, me neither, hey.
- And she kind of, she waits
until she gets right in front
of you to stop, and the smell
of eucalyptus is coming
off very strongly on her.
She gives you an incredibly deep bow,
and you can kind of see, now
that you're closer to her,
she has that sort of aged and
ageless simultaneously look,
where she looks like
she's in her middle age,
but incredibly well kept,
with sort of bronze skin,
and her eyes, she's got brown eyes,
but the center of her pupils just glows
with an orange glow, and she's,
"Hi.
Hello.
How are you, how's your day going?"
- Honestly, great, we just-
- She slowly moves a
branch down your face.
[quiet overlapping chattering]
- That was, that was good, that was good.
I didn't mind it, it was
honestly kind of nice.
- Okay.
- I'm Dream.
This is Jammer-
- Sam.
Whitney, Evan, I'm the Frunthwinkle.
I am your natura professor.
- The Frunthwinkle?
- The Frunthwinkle, yes.
- The Frunthwinkle, it's
a pleasure to meet you.
Oh, and you're the-
- Branch.
- Thank you.
- It smells great.
[overlapping chattering]
- That does smell very, very good.
- Druid sh*t.
- Yeah, all right, just
touching people with trees,
that's what we're doing now.
- Do you want?
- Yes.
[overlapping chattering]
- That's great.
- Oh, you get it right
away, you're not resistant
to energies the way other people are,
and I just, I really
appreciate that, all righty.
- This, I get.
[Lou laughs]
- I actually do find this very calming.
I know that some people might
think this is over the top,
but it's wonderful to be touched.
- Can I rub people with trees?
If we pass the class,
do we also get to go and just tree rub?
- And she tucks one of
the branches under her arm
and takes the other one
and snaps it in half
and just offers you half
of it, there you go.
- And I take it.
I got, here, right.
- [Aabria] It's nice, right?
- Yeah, I'm just kind of rubbing it down-
- Yeah, the less you
resist energies of places,
you kind of just flow with it,
everything's a cycle, and the
on you stand against cycles,
the tide will, the tide will.
- Yeah, yeah, the tide will.
- Do I feel anything different,
having now touched this face tree?
- Oh, no, no, not at all. [laughs]
- Okay. [laughs]
- Do you want to see if it's magical?
- Yes.
- Sweet, go ahead and make a brains roll,
call difficulty a six.
Use your magic die, also.
- Okay.
Come on, come on.
[dice rattling]
Three. [laughs]
- Even with a three, you're
not able to pinpoint it,
there's something to the
aura coming off of her,
but you can't target it to a branch.
It's just sort of part of a
vibe coming off very strongly.
- And I love vibes.
- You are very good
at vibes, yeah. [laughs]
- I love vibes, yeah, just big vibes-
- Glad you feel that
from you, and you just,
why do you have a rock around your neck?
- Oh, this is a quartz,
it's a quartz crystal.
It's just for when you
want to do a little bit
of intention magic, this is-
- Intention magic?
Oh, is that new?
- Yeah.
- Show me.
- Okay, so I have this book, right?
And then I write in it, "I
will be the coolest person ever
in the whole world, okay, bye."
And then this helps you channel it,
and then your aura is cleaned
and your crops are watered
and you just feel really good.
- Crops, I like that.
So now, is the magic,
is it magic, or are you
just putting something
into the front of your mind
so you can actively seek it?
- It's magic, but not the kind of magic
that we do here, it's the kind of magic
that you don't realize
that you've done this
until it's a year later,
and then you're at a show,
and someone's like, "Hey,
you're really cool,"
and you're like, "See,
magic," magicked it,
magicked all over it.
- Vibes, okay, I like
that, I like that for you.
And if it feels good for
you, if it resolves right
with the intentions and the being
that you're trying to be, who am I?
- And Sam, as she's moving,
is copying her every move.
I'm just kind of feeling vibes.
- You understand, you understand.
You should cast something right now.
I don't know, I'm feeling
that you're feeling,
do you feel this?
- I feel it, I so feel it.
- Yeah.
- Sam doesn't feel anything.
- What-
[group laughs]
- I so feel it, oh my God.
- Cast something, I don't know.
You're... wait, are you in a
class, you're not in my class.
We're not in a class, hold that thought.
You'll come see me tomorrow, yeah?
- Yeah.
- You should cast magic
now or then, whenever,
nothing matters,
[overlapping chattering]
but everything has meaning and purpose.
Do you understand me?
- Yes, I'm gonna cast a spell.
And so Sam intends to cast a spell
that will make it so the one
branch becomes two branches.
- Ooh.
- All right.
- Okay, let's call that,
yeah, dang it, I can't
give you anything better
than that... no, no, no, I'm
gonna call this a grit roll.
Let's call this a grit
roll, difficulty of eight.
- Okay, and then that's also got my-
- With your magic die, absolutely.
- Common f*cking sense.
[dice rattling]
Okay, yep, I got the 10.
[slow piano music]
- Amazing, why don't you narrate
for me what it looks like?
- Okay, so out of the point of the wand,
there starts to be bamboo that comes,
or the branches of the eucalyptus,
you see first a small
tree, and then it climbs up
and gets bigger and fuller,
until it's a fully formed branch,
which is connected here,
and I just snap it off,
and now I've got two.
- That's amazing.
- That was beautiful.
- "It's times are right, can I hold?
'Cause you're about to
experience something,
and I don't want branches
to hold you back, okay?
Thank you," and she takes the branches,
and then she grabs both of them.
They reform into a singular
branch in her hand.
"You're gonna want to look at your wand."
And the transformation that's
it's been going through
finally completes itself,
and your wand is fully formed
and fully realized.
[group cheers]
[group shrieks]
[overlapping chattering]
- These are the best reveals.
I mean, I thought it was
exciting when we just got these.
- I know, I love how, I
think toward a moment-
[overlapping chattering]
- There's a little tray I totally forgot.
You can just take it off of the tray-
- Oh, there's a tray?
- Incredible, look at that.
[overlapping chattering]
What's it gonna be, what's it gonna be?
- Bets.
- Oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God.
[group exclaims]
Oh my God!
- It's like a microphone,
it's chrome and shiny,
it's perfect.
[overlapping chattering]
- That's so, it could
be like a selfie stick.
That is so cool, that is so you.
- That looks, yeah, wow.
- It's shiny, oh my God.
- I shall trust this with my life.
- And it's hyper reflective mirror.
Even though it's curved,
you get exactly the angle
that you want whenever you
want to do a quick check
on yourself, whenever you look into it.
- It's so beautiful, I can't
wait to put this on my Insta.
- And by the time you look up,
the Frunthwinkle's already
moved down the hall
and is gone from sight and sound.
- That class is gonna be so easy.
[group laughs]
That's the class where
you could just hang out,
I could tell.
- I hope, I struggle with vibes,
but that seems like a very
nice teacher, for sure.
- That was total ASMR goodness.
- You feel the tingles,
just feel the tingles.
- Just full body chills.
- I could appreciate that, with that rub.
I didn't ask for it, but
I was glad to receive it.
- Yeah, me too, that
felt really, really nice.
- Oh my God.
- Congratulations, Sam, that's huge.
- Thank you.
- It's like, you're so good
at magic, it's awesome.
- I wasn't expecting
that I would be this good
at magic right away,
but kind of k*lling it,
so.
- Yeah.
- Should I change my name again
to something more magical?
'Cause Sam I like 'cause I'm
used to being, from Samantha-
- Black sounds really cool, though.
- Really, okay, so I shouldn't change it
to, like, Boogledogs, or one of the other-
- Wait, sorry, one more time?
[Aabria laughs]
Say it just one more time, I just want to-
- Boogle, Boogledogs? [laughs]
- I just want to make sure I
give it the time it deserves.
I want us to consider
it, one more, Boogle?
- Boogledogs.
- And it's about that time that the trio
and the fourth person at
their table, who's clearly not
with them and kind of
reluctantly walks out with them,
they kind of pass you all in the hall,
and the one student that was
sitting with them hangs back.
She's Southeast Asian, sort of shorter,
with a really short kind of buzzy haircut,
and she looks over at you.
"If you're gonna rename
yourself, don't... Boondoggle?"
- Boogledogs.
- Boogledogs, that's honestly...
it's not the worst thing
I've ever heard, but for what it's worth,
I know a lot about renaming yourself
to fit in with wizard culture.
My name here is Cleopatra St. Oppolie.
My name is Khanh Nguyen,
and no one here knows how to say it,
so I had to come up with
a stupid wizard name.
Yeah, hi.
- Okay, okay, okay.
So first of all, you're
from the non-magic world.
- Oh, not really, there's some
of both in my family, but.
- Okay, so you're mix.
- Yeah, yeah, totally, hi.
- Okay, so why, what is
the deal with everybody?
Why do they not know everything?
And also, that's not cool
that you have to assimilate
into wizard culture.
- I mean, I don't know, it's
out there in namp world,
but isn't it kind of the same everywhere,
where you're just like,
"I just want to fit in"?
Any dominant culture doesn't care about-
- Yeah, I know,
and that's imperialism-
- Yeah, it's ridiculous.
- And it's f*cked up.
- Yeah, it's ridiculous,
my name's Cleopatra,
that's f*cking ridiculous.
- We could take a stand
about that nowadays.
- I mean, yeah, I mean,
that sounds amazing.
- I mean, that's why we're here, right?
- The house for that, it's kind of harder
to pull off in our class,
but sure, men do it.
- Are you in Hercinil?
- Hercinil?
- Hercinil, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, Hercinil, see.
- Well, if you ever got, I
know it doesn't really happen,
but if you ever got demoted,
you could come hang out with us,
or you could just hang out
with us in general in Chimeron,
if you're ever just around.
- There's not a lot of mixing,
but I wouldn't be... yeah,
that doesn't sound bad at all.
Sure, sure, whatevers, it's cool.
I heard the word "vibes," so it's vibes.
Did I say that right, I don't
know if I said that right.
- You did say it right,
it is vibes.
- Oh, thank you.
- Friendship is such vibes.
- Nice.
- It doesn't matter
what house you're from.
- Oh my God, you are new, that's amazing.
Yeah, for sure, yeah, I
just want to say, also,
thank you, because Tallulah and Digby
and Fergus are the f*cking worst,
and I'm really happy you're
just getting in the scraps
and you're kind of a
legend for sending Digby-
- Oh, that's fine.
- Yeah, no.
- That's fine.
- No, in a good way, most of
us think it's pretty funny, so.
- Ha ha.
- Street justice, except
that we have these
terrifyingly powerful
artifacts to exact it.
- Wands, everyone's got them.
- Again,
I guess you got all magical-
- Oh, your wand's finished, yay.
Are all your wands finished?
- No, not yet, I tried to
cast a spell this morning,
and I ended up just releasing
a bunch of snake blood.
- That wasn't-
- Snake blood?
- Hey, man, that's not on
you, that's not on you.
- Hold on, where was-
- You released the iron
spikes, that's not on you.
- You made an iron spike and snake blood?
You guys are wild, how are you in Aqrabus?
- Well, we're just-
- That feels very edgy and
that's totally the bag.
- I don't know, we're just,
we're new and different,
and, I don't know,
this school doesn't
know what to do with us.
- Yeah.
- We fell through the cracks
in the system, as per ush.
- I don't even know what
that means, but tight, okay.
- I think your culture is ruled by shame,
and a lot of you are conforming
to some really unhealthy things,
and I think that the four of
us are fed up with it already
and we've been here for a day.
- But that's no shade on you, it's just,
we're talking about your culture.
- Yeah, we're still vibes-
[overlapping chattering]
- We have an outside perspective
that's just not something that anybody
from this world seems to have.
[overlapping chattering]
- Hey, guys, I'm gonna run to
the Nurse's Office, I think.
- Do you need... well, we'll go with you.
- You guys don't have to come
with me if you don't want,
but if you want to, you
can, but you don't have to.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
- I want to make sure that
you're okay after everything.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Don't you guys have to
go to your next class?
You have applied evocation?
- Applied what, applied evocation?
- Evocation, yeah.
- What kind of spells are those?
- The fun ones, where
you make a big thing,
it's kind of like where dueling
starts, and a lot of big,
it's the big, good magic.
- Can we please go after?
Can we please go after?
I promise you we will all go after.
- Jammer, I don't know what's gonna happen
to me in that class.
- Come on, please.
- Please.
- I mean, they said please.
- Can I make a brains check
opposed by a charm's check?
[overlapping chattering]
[group laughs]
- Yeah.
- Our charm-
[overlapping chattering]
- Go.
- Yeah,
your charm versus my brains?
[overlapping chattering]
- I love this.
- Both of them explode.
- I got a one.
[group laughs]
- I got 11.
- 12.
- Yo, take your adversity token,
and know that you have
been absolutely bum rushed
by the enthusiasm and
approval of your peers.
- I look at both of you,
I think also you can see
at this moment, Evan is a
kicked dog almost all the time,
but I think I should mention the fact
that he's also just
never had friends before,
and both of you are cool, popular girls,
and everything in my head
is like, I am in danger,
I'll k*ll someone in that
class, and you both say,
"Please," and I'm like, I'm going.
[group laughs]
[upbeat orchestral music]
I'm going, I'll go, I will
go, I will go to the class.
Yes, if it makes, if
you continue to like me,
I will do it, yes.
- Amazing, not that it
was conditional on us,
us liking you is not conditional
on your compliance with our request.
- But it would make it easier
if I went, so I will go.
- But also I really,
really, really would love
for you to go.
- Yeah, for sure.
- [Erika] Okay, awesome.
- We'll go after, promise.
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah.
- Vibes, sorry, I just want
to say that and say bye,
I'm just like, y'all are cool.
- Later, Cleo.
- Yeah.
- What's your name that you...
do you have the other name
that you prefer?
- I mean, you can call me Khanh.
- Khanh?
- Yeah, that's my name.
- Yeah, Khanh, I'll see
you, that's awesome.
- Would you prefer we call you Khanh,
or would you prefer we call you-
- Either is fine,
this doesn't bother me.
- But what do you want?
- I don't...
I need all of you to make a charm roll.
It's a combined roll, you
have to meet or beat 25.
- Geez, come on, Danielle.
- Can we add common sense?
- No, it's a goal, it's a group effort-
- But I was saying,
can we add common sense
to this, because we're-
- Absolutely.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- Absolutely, you're just
being nice to a person.
- That explodes.
- That explodes.
- Nice.
- All right, I rolled a-
- 14.
- 19.
- Seven.
- Six.
- I explode, and I still can't land,
you're still rolling 19s.
I feel so cool when I explode,
and then just to be like, oh, yeah,
and then just year 19, just,
yeah, okay, yeah, whatever.
- Wait 'til we have to
fight, table's gonna turn.
- You all kind of give each other a look,
and then recenter on Cleo,
and you see her entire
demeanor has changed,
[slow piano music]
and she seems relax and
calm, and the smile,
it actually makes it to her eyes,
and she stops the sort of
fidgeting, rigid posture.
"Yeah, you guys can
call me, call me Khanh.
And if you need literally anything,
I'm just over in the
tower on the side, yeah."
- Sure, all right.
- Bye, Khanh.
- Thank you for talking to us, Khanh.
- Wait, is there a way that maybe
we can contact you or anything?
- Oh, yeah, do you have-
- You could send an owl, I
don't know what you mean.
- Okay, so, oh.
- "If you have, I mean, if you have,
do you know, I'm gonna show
you this spell really quickly."
And she reaches into her bag,
kind of jams the hand out,
pulls out a scrap piece of paper,
and she folds it into a paper airplane,
and she just sets the
wand on the very tip,
and you see that whatever magical effect,
it was really, really basic.
And she goes, "Now, it knows
to go to me"-
- You try it.
- Okay, yeah.
- You try it, try it and see-
- All right, rip off a piece of paper,
just write, "Sup,"
question mark, and I, okay.
- Make a charm roll, difficulty of three.
- All right, I can do that,
right?
- Can you maybe take half?
- I can take half, I can
take half and hit three.
- Yeah, the moment you touch it,
you understand the
intention you need to set,
and you think her name,
and the paper seems
to accept the designation.
And she goes, "Oh, hold on, hold on,"
and she just takes half,
a couple of steps farther
down the hall, "okay, go."
- All right.
- And it just sort of lazily
sails through the air,
and just to kind of play with it,
she kind of is moving from
side to side in the hall,
and it drifts towards her,
and then she sort of grabs it
and turns and walks away
and continues down the hall
to her next class.
- She's cute as hell, right?
- I was about to say-
- It was vibes,
[overlapping chattering]
that was vibes.
- Vibes, vibes.
- Dude, that was so vibes,
there was something there,
it was awesome.
- You can, okay, I honestly, I mean, I'm-
- She seems into you.
- But Jammer plays the
field, I'm out here, I'm not-
- He pretends he cares, but he doesn't,
just like Han Solo.
- Just like Han Solo.
- I'm not Han Solo, I'm just,
I do, I don't, it's just-
- It's really cool,
she was definitely was-
- [Lou] Okay, cool.
- The bell rings.
[bell rings]
- All right, we gotta get to class.
- You all move to your next class.
And after walking for, it
only takes about five minutes
to get clear across from
one side of the castle
to the other 'cause now
you're following the flow
of traffic of the rest of Chimeron,
as they head over to applied evocation.
And the moment you get to the door,
you hear a massive bang
and a bunch of screams,
and a fire sort of
pushes out from the door,
and you all are able to jump
back just in time to avoid it.
But whatever maelstrom is happening
inside this classroom will
have to wait for next time.
[group shouts]
- That's not fair.
- Oh my God.
- Don't take this away from me.
- Let's call it a grit roll,
difficulty of 12 to notice.
- I got a dirty 20.
- You're the only one that notices,
as Tallulah, from the very
back, pulls out her wand
and looks like she's going
back to tie her laces,
and she levels her wand
dead-a*s at the center
of Evan's chest and is going to attempt
to fire off a very offensive spell.
So what do you want to do about it?
'Cause this is now
gonna be an opposed roll
between you and I, and I am
bringing out the Box of Doom.
[group gasps]
So exciting, try to
k*ll Brennan's character
with his own box.
[group laughs]
- Damn.
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
10x02 - Class Conflict
Watch/Buy Amazon
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.