[dramatic music]
- [Matt] Behold, Calorum,
a vast, many-cultured land,
where manifold societies
and everyday citizens
chase their individual happiness.
Years before the forging of the Concord
and its unifying emperor.
Before the grasp of the Bulbian Church
had stretched the
breadth of the continent.
Long before the corruption
of the Sweetening Path
and the as*ault on Castle Candy,
a tenuous peace hangs in the balance
between the six kingdoms,
for the great King Arthur Cardoon,
the long-ruling sovereign
of Vegetania, has died,
and without an heir, his
succession remains a topic
of debate and contention.
But our story does not begin
in the hallowed halls of Greenhold,
nor does it begin within the
grain marble amphitheaters
of Pangranos.
Our story begins in a
land of saccharine fields
and clandestine plots,
of secrets and of shadow.
Our story begins in the
whispers of the Ravening w*r.
Our story begins in the
whispers of the Ravening w*r.
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music continues]
[dramatic music continues]
[dramatic music continues]
[dramatic music continues]
- Hello, everyone, and welcome
to this Dimension 20 side
quest, "The Ravening w*r,"
where we return to the land of Calorum
from the "Crown of Candy"
series from not that long ago
but long enough to miss it terribly.
I am your humble dungeon
master for this adventure,
Matthew Mercer, taking the Dome on loan
to play with these wonderful people.
Let's go ahead and say hello
to our Scrumptious Scoundrels.
Say hi, Scrumptious Scoundrels.
- [Players] Hi, Scrumptious Scoundrels.
- Nice little mouthful on that one there.
[all imitating munching]
Yeah, make it enjoy- Get the
mouth around it a little bit.
- [Lou] Oh yeah.
- The mouths.
- [Brennan] Oh yeah.
- Mouthfeel's important.
I mean, we're in Calorum, it makes sense.
We'll go around the table here
introducing our wonderful
players over here.
Actually, let's actually go ahead
and begin with Anjali
Bhimani on this side.
- Hello. I'm Anjali Bhimani.
And here I am.
- [Matt] There you go.
You have it.
Zac Oyama.
- Hello, I am also here. Here I am.
- Fantastic. Aabria Iyengar.
- I am actually absent today.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[Aabria laughing]
- Over here looking at
his sheets intentionally,
Breenan Lee Mulligan.
- What? Oh, it's me.
I'm here too.
- My goodness.
And over here on the front
of the table to my left
is Lou Wilson.
[all laughing]
- You know, I'm right there with you.
I get you.
- Almost did it.
- Almost did it.
- Yes, I'm Lou Wilson
and I'm here.
- Fantastic.
Well-
- Thought about it.
I was like, that would piss everyone off.
- Strong, strong, strong.
Really strong.
- And it was a fun moment
of looking over and going, coffee, water,
coffee, water.
[all laughing]
Coffee, more traditional. Water...
[Matt laughing]
- It's okay. We got time
for a callback later
if you're feeling fresh.
- Oh, why?
[all laughing]
- Biggest mistake you ever f*cking made.
Sitting on this side of the table.
- You're gonna get f*cking drenched.
You're in the splash zone, m*therf*cker.
- You're in the splash zone, m*therf*cker.
- Help, help, please, send help.
- I don't feel safe over here.
It feels better over there.
- Yeah.
- Let's go ahead and
bring this back to a time
before the events from "Crown of Candy."
Two decades before, to where
history began to unfold
into a dangerous and tumultuous era.
Water.
[Brennan and Aabria laughing]
Water rains from the stormy sky
and dense sheets from above,
across the Vegetanian countryside.
The rolling landscape of enormous
leafy green cabbage hills.
[players laughing]
Dammit.
- This is supposed to be serious?
- [Matt] Yeah, I'm trying here.
Out of the gate.
[rainfall pattering]
The landscape of enormous
leafy green cabbage hills
and fields of low-set fennel grass
passed by mud-caked, whit,
the Pilgrim's Road, here,
passed by mud-caked, whit,
the Pilgrim's Road, here,
traveling from east to west,
from Greenhold to Brightgarden
to eventual destination of Comida.
Flanked here, a retinue rides
through the center of this storm.
The heavy cloaks barely keeping the water
from soaking through the soldiers
that surround the outskirts
of these two pale gourd carriages,
valiantly tugged forward westward
to the Fructeran metropolis,
its destination, in time for
the coming Eggamere Festival.
Today is the 22nd day of Highbloom,
in the Year of our Bulb, 1188.
As the sound of rain and water crashes
against the exterior of
the carriage windows,
we come in to see the
soft, luscious interior,
the warm cushions, the blankets,
and the somewhat crowded
space of various chests
and the somewhat crowded
space of various chests
and personal belongings
that have been pushed
to the edges of the sitting arrangement,
as they are staring out in the storm,
the gray, the coming ominous
sense that comes over you,
Lady Amangeaux Epicée.
Anjali, if you would describe
your character for us, please.
- Yes, of course.
Lady Amangeaux Epicée, she
is Jessica Rabbit as a mango.
Lady Amangeaux Epicée, she
is Jessica Rabbit as a mango.
[all laughing]
She's got a voluptuous,
beautiful, big red hair,
slightly orangey,
self-tanner-looking skin,
bright orange eyes, curvy
and sweet and just delicious,
but she has a sadness in her eyes
as she is unsure of
what is to become of her
with the current events.
[Matt imitates carriage thudding]
- The carriage hits a bump
and it's kinda glide through
some of the stranger, slicker
parts of this roadway.
You kind of gather
yourself, arm to the side,
and catch the interior of the carriage.
To your left and kind of
facing, staring at you,
hood up is another figure.
One of a past history and entanglement
with the events of your recent past
and one of the few
individuals that you trust
as the late queen to the
fallen Vegetanian king, Karna.
Aabria, if you would please
describe your character for us.
- Karna is a short, small,
slight, young chili pepper.
- Karna is a short, small,
slight, young chili pepper.
She looks half-starved and is trying
to affect a sense of calm
while looking very cagily
now that she's actually
revealed herself to you
since she normally pretends
to be people close to you
when you discuss any of our
secret dealings and matters.
And she's covered with
red and green robes.
And you can just see that across
her green, unripened skin,
just the beginning of blooms
over ripening red cheeks.
Kinda nudges some of the
luggage back in place.
- Are you comfortable?
- Yeah. This is fine.
- Are you going to look
like this the whole time?
Well, you know, you do
the thing and the...
Do people, are you...
You look lovely. Never mind.
I'm sorry.
- I immediately turn into her.
- No, that's the most-
- Is this better?
- That's the most dangerous thing
you could possibly do.
- Just let your t*tties out.
- Please stop. Stop, stop, stop.
- Look, I'm a queen.
- ♪ I don't see you ♪
- And I return to form.
Are you okay?
- No!
- [Aabria] Okay.
- No, I'm not okay.
What about this situation
seems okay in any possible way?
- You are still a lady.
- I'm a lady, but am I still a queen?
No one seems to know.
I feel a queen.
I should be a queen.
But no one's calling me queen
because my husband has died.
So what is okay about this situation?
- No one expects anything of you anymore.
You're no longer on the
hook to produce an heir.
You're no longer expected to
do anything but smile and wave.
- For how long?
[thunder rumbles]
- A flash of light
from beyond the window as
a nearby lightning crash
hits the distant hillside.
You see one of the knight
yam riders on the outside
of the window, its yam rears up.
[Matt imitates yam neighing]
Before catching it, trying
to keep it from being spooked
and ramming into the side of the carriage.
In that brief moment, you
hear the roll of the thunder.
[Matt imitates thunder roaring]
In that paused moment, as
you clutch your clavicle
and glance to the third and final member
of the interior of this carriage,
the representative of
the Greenhold cathedral,
sent along, by request, to accompany you,
Lady Amangeaux, to this
celebration of Eggamere
that now overlaps with the memorial
to the late King Cardoon,
Brennan, if you could describe
your character, please.
- Well, hello.
[Aabria and Anjali laughing]
I am Bishop Raphaniel Charlock
of the diocese of Greenhold.
I am Bishop Raphaniel Charlock
of the diocese of Greenhold.
A very wizened and elderly radish.
I have a big old red head.
[all laughing]
And the wispy roots of the radish come out
of my wizened, old frame.
I wear the heavy vestments of a bishop,
which I have worn many long years.
I have remained in that
role since my youth,
tending to the spiritual needs
of the royal family of
King Cardoon and his widow,
of the royal family of
King Cardoon and his widow,
the queen, Amangeaux.
Yes, yes, still queen, I think to say.
But I am very wizened
and somewhat shrunken.
I look sort of small in my big vestments,
and I have my crozier, the
symbol of my station as a bishop.
[thunder roaring]
Oh.
Ooh.
It's really pouring out there.
Drink deep with your roots, my friends.
The Bulb has seen fit to hide long enough
that we might have the gift of rain.
- You are the only person
that gives me solace in
these troubled times.
- Oh, Your Majesty.
- Thank you so much for accompanying us.
- It is an honor and a privilege
to represent the church in
this funerial procession,
to represent the church in
this funerial procession,
to see ourselves hold our heads high
at the feast of the
blessed Saint Eggamere.
I hope you're not too troubled.
I know dark rainclouds
here, but I think that,
I know dark rainclouds
here, but I think that,
well, I hate to speak in cliche,
but it is always darkest before the dawn,
and these storm clouds too shall part.
I know it.
[thunder rumbling]
Maybe not for awhile.
[all laughing]
But part, they will.
- I'm trying to reach to your little staff
while you're rambling.
I just wanna touch it.
- Yeah.
Hold it.
Do you feel yourself compelled to,
well, that's not very sacred.
Give me that.
[all laughing]
I'm gonna smile and laugh
and let you keep holding it
and just say, Karna, there
is a great deal of pride
and just say, Karna, there
is a great deal of pride
within Vegetania.
We are accustomed to our ways,
which are pious and devout,
We are accustomed to our ways,
which are pious and devout,
and I will say, even at
times, somewhat parochial.
We will depend on your shrewd insight
when we arrive at the
great city of Comida.
And I know that the Bulb
above watches our footsteps,
And I know that the Bulb
above watches our footsteps,
but it is nice to have-
[staff thudding]
Can we focus up?
- [Aabria] Yup.
- It's great to have-
Hey, we need you.
We need you.
- [Anjali] We do.
We desperately do.
And I'm so sorry.
It wasn't about your appearance,
I just want you to be safe.
After all, I don't know
how many people actually know you're-
[Aabria's throat clearing]
- It's fine.
I don't mind people know-
I don't have a title like you two.
And that's okay.
- Well, a lot of trouble
can come from titles.
I think that's going to be a running theme
when we arrive in Comida, certainly.
- It's about this moment that you notice
the carriage is beginning to slow,
until it eventually comes to a stop.
- Oh dear.
- You just hear the sound of heavy rain.
[Matt imitates rain falling]
Scattering across the top
of the carriage for a few tense moments
as that kind of pregnant, vacuous air
wordlessly begins to fill the interior.
[Matt imitates door unlatching]
The door opens, and there you see,
hooded, cloak fully drenched,
one of the various knights
of Greenhold, faceless under the shadow
except for a bit of what looks
to be a carrot-like crook
at the end of the chin that kind of ends
in this frazzled little
speck of fur at the edge,
kind of pokes his head through.
Ladies, we're a few days travel.
It seems we're going in
the direction of the storm.
So it might progress
for a day or so longer,
but we're hoping it'll break upon arrival.
Might be a bit bumpy, so
be as careful as you can.
- Thank you, kind sir.
- Of course.
Bishop.
Child.
[Matt imitates door latching]
And closes the door.
- See? You do have a title.
[Aabria laughing]
- Great.
- I'm going to look and
just very calmly say,
that knight has seen you wear this visage.
that knight has seen you wear this visage.
- Oh.
- It's all right, just you
need to depart the carriage
in this manner and if Her Majesty and I
were to encounter someone else,
we would just need to encounter them
in Comida when we arrive.
- Oh, okay.
So don't, okay.
- Unless you have a way
of erasing that loyal knight's memory.
- Under the Bulb, no. I would not.
- Oh good.
- Know how to do that.
But I will.
Oh god.
And I'm going to telepathically start
talking to you to say, what does he know?
Why?
I told you when I trusted you,
and he's just like a weird old man.
And if I just do magic in front
of him, is he gonna k*ll me?
- I have not told him anything.
But the bishop,
His Eminence is wise beyond
anyone's understanding.
The things he sees that even
the Bulb above couldn't see,
if there is a Bulb after all.
- Don't say that in front of him.
- I'm not. I'm saying it in your head.
- Yeah, well.
- The Bulb sees all.
[Aabria shrieks]
And I think it will see a path
through this storm for us.
- Hmm.
- I'm gonna take a little nap.
[all laughing]
- As the bishop curls up
amongst his robes in the corner,
you reach over and grab some
of the nearby cushions you can
to put a little space between
you and the still rickety,
shifting with the luggage as another bump
causes to kind of stumble
and crack onto the ground.
The storm's not letting up,
but there's still days to travel,
as we shift back out of the carriage,
past the green fields of Vegetania,
up beyond the darkened gray clouds,
through the yellowed skies
where the Bulbian light graces
the upper atmosphere, we come back down,
through, from the candy raven's view,
down over the fields of Fructera,
where the Fructeran Road
meets the Glucian Road,
heading southward to Comida,
where a singular carriage
makes its way southward from Uvano.
Where a unique gathering of
new alliances were forged
Where a unique gathering of
new alliances were forged
over the milk-like waters
of the Yogurt Shoals
and the Pulp Bay.
Here, we see a somewhat
ramshackle cabbage carriage.
Not the same pristine, royal visage
that we were privy to
in the previous visuals.
This looks like it was a rental.
[all laughing]
But still pulled by about
a half-dozen strawberries
and their riders that
escort the exterior of it,
we come into the interior where
a number of Meat Land folk
sit to varying degrees of patience.
If you wouldn't mind, Lou,
describing your character.
- Of course.
Sitting there is Thane Delissandro Katzon.
He has a face right on the
edge of boyhood before manhood,
He has a face right on the
edge of boyhood before manhood,
pink with a kind of close-cut,
pink with a kind of close-cut,
pink with a kind of close-cut,
rich brown, almost blackened, edge hair.
He wears kind of plain clothes.
Not so much, kinda in contrast
to the traditional furs
of some of those around him
that also hide chain metal
that he wears that also
they most likely do not.
Peeking out from those clothes,
though, are his extremities,
which are colored that of
a rich marble dry bread,
[Zac laughing]
as he is of both Meat Land
and Ceresian parentage.
He wears kind of a formal
headdress kind of dressed for-
A little bit dressed up for
the event and kind of leaning
against the side of the
carriage next to him
are his armaments, his
spear of sharp bacon steel
are his armaments, his
spear of sharp bacon steel
and a kind of prized shield,
cured besalted shield.
As he kind of anxiously
looks out of the carriage,
trying to clock, trying to make sure
that everyone's staying in line.
Trying to see if anyone is seeing us.
Trying to see how far we are from Comida.
Just kind of anxious
and waiting to be there.
- Across from you, sitting
kind of listlessly eyes closed
in a concentrated state,
there is a familiar,
long, lifetime familiar figure to you.
Your mother, Chieftess Cleva Katzon,
a thick cut of muscular, if
aging, marbled rib eye steak.
a thick cut of muscular, if
aging, marbled rib eye steak.
Broad shoulders and a
strengthened barrel-like torso
Broad shoulders and a
strengthened barrel-like torso
that has wrestled to submission
many a warrior through her years
as she climbed the ranks of
respect within the beef clan
that you reside.
Here she sits, wearing what
looks to be a combination
of ceremonial armor, not too
far from what you are wearing,
along with other gifts that she's acquired
through the years, and
a discomfort is visible
in the presentation that she wears.
You know her feeling most
herself when she's at home
and not cramped in this small space.
And as she sits with her eyes closed,
she slowly opens them and
looks towards you and goes,
how much longer must we go, my son?
I am this close to just
breaking out and running back.
- We're but a day.
A day and a half, no more.
And then, we will experience
the comforts of Comida,
which I'm sure are numerous.
[Matt sighing]
- I think we may have to stop soon.
I have to pee, and I
have to break something.
[all laughing]
- Of course.
I'm gonna bust open the door.
We need to halt.
- Immediately [chuckling] you see exterior
on one of the strawberries.
Colton Gouda, who is this
spindly, dim-witted young fellow
from the northern area
of the Yogurt Shoals,
himself this kind of pale,
almost slightly melted,
cheesy face, and this
kind of just ever dull,
looking past you expression goes, okay.
No, we'll stop, then.
We should stop.
Colin, we're supposed to stop.
- Stop!
[all laughing]
- And we hear the strawberries
[imitates hooves grinding]
grind into the ground itself here.
The open bright sky, at this
moment, this dry expanse,
in contrast to our opening,
you can see the eastern storm
on the horizon approaching to wash over
and cross with your path southward,
which [laughing] Colton looks
over towards you and goes,
I'm sure that's probably
gonna make it a bit difficult.
I didn't bring any cloak to wear.
- Colton sees [laughing]
Colin just kind of hold his jacket tight
and says, uh, sorry, man.
[all laughing]
- Well, sh*t.
And if you don't mind describing
your character for us.
- [Zac] Yeah, sure.
Also riding a strawberry,
Colin Provolone pulls
his long jacket tight.
He in kind of the tradition of a lot
of the sort of seafaring cheese
people of the Dairy Islands,
of the sort of seafaring cheese
people of the Dairy Islands,
wear sort of almost a
swashbuckler-y kind of outfit
with just sort of a long coat.
But it's like grimier.
It's a little more dingy and gross,
'cause he's not exactly the
first hire someone would make.
He's very greasy-looking.
He's unkempt.
He looks tough, I guess,
but he probably smells.
[Matt laughing]
But he draws his sword
and runs to the carriage
to see what's going on.
- Colin.
- Yeah.
- You can put your sword away.
- Oh, okay.
I wasn't sure what kind
of situation it was.
- No, we just need to relieve ourselves.
- Okay.
I will stand guard while you-
- Oh, you don't have to do that.
Here, walk with me a bit.
- Okay. Sure.
I could pee.
[Matt and Aabria laughing]
- I look to my mother.
We'll take a moment.
- Good.
She gets out immediately
and just kind of storms out,
stops for a second, looks
at one of the strawberries
that's been dismounted,
the one that Colton was standing upon.
He's kind of next to it
and gives her a smile.
She just decks Colton in the face.
Oh, on the ground.
Just [imitates fist
thudding] spits a couple of
shiny wax false teeth that
he got when he was younger
when they all fell out originally.
Oh.
- Put 'em back in.
- [Matt] Yeah.
So crooked.
- And I think Colin will
look at the lady and just go,
that's how I woulda done it too.
[Aabria and Anjali laughing]
- And she just squats.
- Wow.
That's awesome.
- Let's talk.
How far are we from Comida?
- You know, to be honest,
I'm happy to be here
guarding you and all that.
This is the furthest inland
I have ever been in my life.
[Zac laughing]
I'm used to being completely
surrounded by milk.
And here we are.
- We're used to being
completely surrounded by meat.
So I guess we're two people
trying to figure it out.
But we worked well
together on the trip here,
and I think that'll continue on to Comida.
- [Zac] Mm-hmm.
- Is there any chance of
us going a bit faster?
- It's gonna be a bumpier
ride if we go faster,
but I'll give it a shot.
- We can take that.
We can take that, yeah.
- [Zac] Okay.
Yeah, anything I can, any
other, like, you know,
any other battle advice or
anything you want from me,
'cause that's kinda my gear-
- No.
I'm sure, we've compensated
you for your services,
and when they are needed,
I'm sure you will be there and ready.
- Okay. 'Cause, you
know, I'm good at that.
- Yeah.
- [Zac] I'm...
Ask me if we got ambushed right now,
ask me how I'd handle it.
- Colin, if we got ambushed right now,
how would you handle it?
- Circle the strawberries.
Surround the cart with strawberries.
- Uh-huh.
- This is not bad maneuver
when he says that.
And you watch as one of the strawberries
kind of rides astride next to you,
kind of overheard the conversation.
Where there stands a tall,
thin, densely packed cluster
of cooked brisket.
- Ooh.
- With a similar kind of
off-the-shoulder piece
of cured armor, a large shield
that's kind of strapped over the back,
and you see where one hand
would be on the right side,
there is kind of a golden-colored cap
that denotes where it once was.
With the other hand
kinda clutches the reins
on the strawberry as it
saddles up to the side.
You know this to be Sirley Haig,
a longtime friend and
companion chosen to escort you
and the chieftess on this journey.
Looking down towards you, he
grins with this square jaw,
handsome face.
So the strawberries would
surround the carriage then, huh?
- I think that could
possibly buy us some time
depending on what the situation is.
And then, we could, from behind
the strawberries of course,
pick 'em off with bows and arrows,
or I got sort of a shiv
made out of a cheese crust.
Yeah, I think that's just a pitch.
Not exactly 100% foolproof,
but I think it could work.
- That's good. We workshop it on the way.
- We will workshop it on the way.
- Do you have bows and arrows?
- No, but-
- Okay, never mind. Never mind.
- I can throw this.
- Okay, great.
- One time, but after-
- It's like very big arrow.
It's just once, you got to hit.
- [Lou] One big arrow, yes.
- Yeah, yeah. Okay.
- Like we said, we'll workshop it.
- We'll workshop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- How has the riding been, Sirley?
Is everything where everything's feeling?
- I made friends with a strawberry.
I have not met one before.
[all laughing]
My ba*ls are numb.
I can't feel anything below the waist.
What a joy.
- I'm a bit jealous
riding in the carriage.
It does seem-
This is our first time in Fructera.
- If you wanna switch with
me, it's probably not the best
for someone of your importance
to be on the strawberry.
- Yes, that's what I'm thinking.
- Okay.
- So I'll wait
in the carriage.
But maybe when we get there,
we'll have a day, yeah.
- There's room for one more if you want.
- Well, while she's peeing.
And I hop up on.
[Matt imitates saddle thudding]
Oh yeah, this feels awful right here.
- [Matt] Yeah.
- It's really bad.
- It's just chafing, it
tucks it all back in.
- [Lou] Exactly.
- Like, I'm pretty raw in
general by my personage,
but this is like nothing exists
but paper of sand meeting-
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, well, you know what, I hop back off.
Well, I think I got what I wanted.
- Anytime.
- [Lou] Yes, anytime.
Chieftess.
- She finishes her squat and stands up.
Yes, Thane?
- You ready to continue?
- Nearly.
She looks over towards Colton
once more and he kind of like.
[Matt whimpering]
He like [shrieks] shrinks
back for a second.
[Matt chuckles]
Now I'm ready.
And she climbs back into the carriage.
- Glad we hired you guys,
in part because we can
beat the sh*t out of you
and you're just kind of okay with it.
- It's awesome. It's fine.
Hey, if you need anything
at all, we're your guys.
You know?
We've attached our
strawberries to your carriage.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- And I mean that as a metaphor
and not literally what
we're looking at over here.
- Well, 'cause I paid for all of-
These are my strawberries
that you're riding.
- One day, I'll have a strawberry,
if I keep working for you.
[Aabria and Anjali laughing]
- I think, Deli turns around.
Okay, and I'm gonna get
back in the carriage.
[Matt laughing]
Yeah, maybe if we keep working
together for a long time.
- I'd k*ll anyone for you, but okay.
[Matt laughing]
- Thanks, Colin.
Let's continue moving.
[Matt imitates carriage thudding]
- The strawberries pick up pace.
The carriage begins to
roll forward once more.
[Matt imitates hooves clopping]
Across the road as it shifts
back to a southward direction.
You can just barely make out what looks
to be the distant shape
that breaks at the horizon
of gentle forested lands
and massive apple-like hills
of gentle forested lands
and massive apple-like hills
and mountain-scapes, to what looks to be
a clustered metropolis of shadow.
The stormy westward front coming closer
and closer as you go.
The two days travel without major issue,
and the storm does come
and rain down upon the area
where Vegetania and
Fructeran share a border,
bringing with it the
renewing water of life
as well as the extremely frustrating muck
and quagmires that build in its wake.
But as it begins to part and pass,
you can see the various
farmers coming back out
to their dotted homesteads.
You see the wondrous kind of large apples
drawing their various farming implements
and their, you know,
leather-based farming clothing,
the wonderful presentation
of families out there
gathering after a storm
and getting the children
out in the fields to work
for them while they watch.
[all laughing]
It's a beautiful sight as
the peoples of this land
begin to celebrate in their own unique way
the coming energy of
the Eggamere Festival,
as now morning Bulb light
crests the breaking clouds
and you can see the colored banners
and already the jovial
sounds of bustling city
that awaits you as your
disparate carriages begin to pull
up towards the city itself.
Here on the gargantuan outskirts
of the cultural trade hub of Fructera,
the gorgeous skyline of Comida greets you
with an inescapable energy.
Climbing spires of golden
grain and stock stone towers
reach for the Bulb's light itself
while leafy cathedrals
of grandiose architecture
welcome droves of Calorum
citizens to worship
on this day of celebration
for the coming harvests beyond
as well in the name of Saint Eggamere.
The streets still glisten
with the recent rainfall
as denizens rush around
with streamers and baskets.
Flooding the streets and side markets
and musical displays
of laughter and revelry
just fill the air around you.
For those who have not yet
traveled to this side of Calorum,
it's an oddly welcoming energy.
And you can see the diverse
cultures that have gathered here
and the various levels of living populace,
people who would normally
appear impoverished
still find their groups and
attempt to squeeze their way
into the more astute
and money-laden portions
of the townscape, whereas
the armored guardians try
and keep the best of the riffraff
off to their respective
portions of the cityscape.
But around you, you can see
majestic displays of structures,
long-built historical buildings.
One that catches your eye as you pass by,
a massive building that looms
in the northern side of the city.
Still mid-construction
while dozens of workers
and masons work across
numerous work sites.
Large tread wheel cranes slowly rotate
and place massive blocks
of root stone into place
descending in width as it
rises towards an eventual peak.
This is to be the Great Pyramid of Food
and the home to the new council site
of the noble court of Fructera.
[Aabria and Zac chuckling]
As you kind of watch in
passing at this unique display
of Fructeran and, well,
nobility throughout the land
coming together to craft something
of historical significance,
you also can't help but have your eyes
be caught by your arrival
at the Cornucopian Hall,
an enormous structure that stands
as one of the largest gathering
halls in all of Calorum
and will remain so until the
completion of this pyramid
which threatens to dwarf it.
Here, this horn of
plenty-looking structure
of astonishing size stands far
above the surrounding buildings,
a beacon of power, and essential chambers
to host the Eggamere
Cornucopia convocation.
As you pass through the
massive gates, they swing open.
[Matt imitates gates squeaking]
Folding outward into the
central courtyard here,
you can already see there
are numerous spiraling domes
that welcome you with the bustling crowds
of servants and nobles and
other would-be dignitaries
that are gathered around
the exterior space
and many of which are stepping
into the Cornucopia itself.
Other carriages have already
arrived at these outskirts,
some emptied, some in the
process of being emptied.
And we'll say you,
who actually are Fructeran
in original nature,
you notice at first glance
there is a polished eggplant carriage
that bears the banner of Uvano.
Currently, apparently,
emptied and being guarded
by its servants and some Uvano soldiers,
themself just kind of arms crossed,
keeping an eye on the space around them.
You also notice an incredibly
lush white pumpkin carriage
adorned in Bulbian iconography.
There is a chocolate
orange and foiled carriage,
the Candian banner waving
gently in the post-storm wind.
There's also a two partially
open, kind of open air,
almost like a rising canopy on the top,
garlic knot carriage.
- Ooh.
- Delicious.
- Oh, I'm hungry.
- These long streamer banners behind it
just kind of gently flutter
with the occasional burst
of wind where you can see the
banner of Pangranos displayed.
Now, for the Greenhold retinue,
upon arrival, as you
slow into the courtyard,
your surrounding soldiers stepping off
of their respective yams in
full, you know, barding armor,
setting them to the side and
hitching them to a nearby post,
suddenly the servants begin to come
out of the other carriage,
open the door, and guide
you out to your feet.
Lady Amangeaux, please.
As this young-looking, kind
of silken cornhusk figure
leads you outward.
- Why, thank you.
As I step out, I feel a swell of pride.
It's been so long since I've been here.
And I actually take down
my cloak to take in the air
and [deep breathing] the
sweet smell of Comida
that's unlike anywhere else.
It doesn't matter who else is here
or how many people are here.
It just smells like home.
- Hm.
- And there's a little
bit of a spring in my step
despite everything that's going on.
- I follow piously.
I took the bishop's advice,
and I have spent the
rest of the carriage ride
as a turnip lady's maid.
But I do wanna mark the
one knight that clocked me
early on in the travel-
- Roll a Perception check
for me, if you don't mind.
- First roll of the campaign.
- First roll.
- Woo, woo, woo.
- Oh, it was on a 20 and
then it got bad after.
- [Lou] And then it got bad.
- And then it got bad. 13?
- And then it got bad.
- 13?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, yeah.
You don't have a terrible
time clocking him.
He's not trying to be unseen.
You see he's currently having
a hard time with his yam,
which seemed to have been not doing well
with the journey over here.
And it's kind of pulling
against his reins.
He's like, sh, sh.
[yam neighing]
It's okay, buddy. It's okay.
You see his kind of carrot face,
kind of scraggling through the bottom,
and he's kind of just keeping it quiet.
He reaches in and pulls out
a bunch of smaller carrots
and feeds it to it, which is a
little weird, but go with it.
[all laughing]
Good boy, good boy.
- Can I drop back into the
shadow around the carriage?
I wanna see if I can fire
off an Eldritch Blast
to get the yam to fall onto the knight.
I need him gone.
[Brennan laughing]
- All right.
- Hot start.
- Hot start.
- Roll a Stealth check
for me, if you don't mind.
- We're k*lling knights.
- Woo.
- We are in the center of an
incredibly busy courtyard here.
- Yeah.
Stealth, 18.
- 18. Okay, okay.
You confidently walk
around, and to the credit
of the timing that you
chose to take this endeavor,
the secondary carriage
is now being arranged
alongside the one that you arrived in,
which leaves a very, very
small gap in between.
The perfect-sized gap for a child.
And as you circle around, kind
of pretending to be looking
for a cluster of packages
you [imitates air whooshing]
dip into the shadow beneath
and glance from underneath
where the wheels themselves
are affixed to the carriage,
and you have an eye line
directly to the feet
of both the knight and
where the feet would be
of this feetless yam.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna hit it in the bottom of the yams
and see if I can get the yam
to crush my little carrot knight.
- Yam-on-yam-on-carrot violence.
- Yeah.
- I like it.
- There's a lot of root vegetable
on root vegetable violence
that I'm trying to foment.
- I'd like you to roll
an Attack roll for me-
- Yes.
- If you wouldn't mind.
- Wow.
- Okay.
Come on, dice, be good.
That's terrible.
On the first one.
And then, the second is a 24.
- Describe to me what your
Eldritch Blast looks like
in the middle of this broad,
daylight, mid-city experience.
- It makes more sound,
I think, unfortunately,
than any visual to it.
But it's just this pulse of darkness,
and it sounds like a rumbling stomach,
and sort of pulses with
peristalsis-like clench.
[Matt imitates air whooshing]
- It misses its mark and
strikes into the dirt ground.
[energy warbling]
Bits of stone and dirt
kind of puff up in the air
as the yam [imitates
yam neighing] rears up,
and the knight's like, no, no, sh.
The second one slams
into the knee of the yam,
and as it does, it buckles, and the yam,
mid-air, kind of crumbles
and falls to the side.
The knight is going to go,
oh sh*t, and try and dodge.
That's a four on his
Dexterity saving throw.
[imitates yam crashing]
Immediately, a heavy
impact, a cracking sound,
and a voice going, help, help.
Immediately, the nearby
servants begin to rush over.
What happened? What's going on?
I just saw this yam crashed over.
I don't know.
Oh, this is a dark portent.
No, shut up.
It's a celebration. Be happy.
Help him. Somebody help him.
People are gathering
around to try and go ahead
and help this yam up that's currently,
its legs, or its little
nubs I guess you could say,
are flailing in the air.
- It's those little
growths you get when you-
- Yeah, it's like going in for a-
- It feels a little too-
- It's been on the counter for a month.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, exactly.
- The energy and extreme
bustle of this circumstance
will carry on for a few minutes.
While this wasn't enough
to k*ll this knight,
he definitely seems to have
sustained injury enough
to likely be absolved of his duties
for the remainder of this event.
- I'll take it.
- I am gonna rush over
to the chaos over there
and make sure that we send this knight to,
this is such a terrible injury
for such a loyal knight.
And I'm gonna make sure that we send him
to a hospital very far from the action
so that he can get all
the rest that he needs
and get him way to the edge of town,
just nice and far away from here.
[Matt chuckling]
And I'll go over and join
the queen and go, oh.
What a terrible, frightening beginning.
And, oh.
Oh, look. Comida.
It's the hustle and the bustle.
Look at everything happening.
Every time I come here,
I want to open a bakery.
[Matt laughing]
A little coffee shop.
Doesn't just something about the city
make you want to open
a little coffee shop?
I love it.
- Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
Although, I am a little bit nervous.
I mean, I don't know where
that craziness came from,
but you know, I don't trust these people.
Not the Comidans, of course.
I don't trust our own.
- Well, the Bulb knows that
each of us has the ability
to turn our face towards the light and,
Your Majesty, I know
that you know how many
of our Vegetanian lords
have seen fit to
all-too-quickly move on to
the business of succession.
- Do you think it's just the lords?
I've heard the ladies speak.
- There are many in the aristocracy and,
unfortunately, many in the clergy as well
who seem to have forgotten
that you still wear the crown
who seem to have forgotten
that you still wear the crown
and Greenhold and Vegetania
require a monarch.
You are still the head of state.
Though an heir was never produced,
we are not now suddenly in anarchy.
I want you to know that trust
is a very precious resource.
I want you to know that trust
is a very precious resource.
There is no fruit more
rare or hard to come by
than that which blooms
between true friends
and those that can trust one another.
But it is possible that we may find some
friendly hearts here in Comida that
otherwise would not
have availed themselves
to us in Greenhold.
- Perhaps.
But who knows?
Perhaps someone from my youth
or friends of my family.
Someone somewhere, I'm sure,
will, I don't know, be kind.
- As the storm clouds part,
the Bulb's light may shine
on unexpected places first.
It is good that you have come
here and not simply retreated.
I would hold my head up high.
- Oh, I will.
They're going to have to work
very hard to take me down.
- Yes.
That's exactly right.
Yes, well, and if they
want any rough stuff I'll,
anyone who wants to forget
that we still have a queen
in Vegetania, they'll have to
contend with this old bishop.
[Anjali laughing]
- And Bishop, as you laugh and smile,
you glance back as they
manage to push the yam off
of this knight and lift him up.
And, you know, his arm
and hip are wrecked.
You can see where part of the bone
and kind of the interior
carrot sinew is exposed.
And in that moment,
[imitates carrot ripping]
a flash, tear, flesh, viscera, red blood,
tear, black, shadow.
Mm.
- I do love this city.
[Zac whimpering]
[Anjali forced laughing]
- What?
- Well, onwards and upwards.
Why, that pyramid, look
at the size of that thing.
- Yes.
It's been under construction
since I was a child.
It's amazing to see it now. Oh.
- There's so much money in this place.
Ugh.
- As you both step towards
the center entryway
to the Cornucopia's main
social gathering event
of the mid-afternoon,
following the rest of the crowd
and the energy into some
of the building, you.
How are you planning to follow suit?
- My priority isn't the queen.
I needed a ride here,
but I have work to do.
So I'm going to take
sort of the commotion,
send you a little message.
Use the pod if you need me.
- The pod.
I left the pod at the castle.
Oh, no, wait.
No, wait, Chutney has it.
I told her to pack it up. We're fine.
- You don't have to yell in your own head.
- I'm sorry. I just get excited.
It's very fun to speak
to someone else this way.
I haven't done it in
years, since I was a child.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Use the pod if you need me.
- I will.
- I have business to conduct.
- Farewell.
- For now.
And remember what I said.
You are too trusting.
You are alone here.
As long as you don't forget that,
you'll be looking out for
danger, it'll keep you safe.
- Right.
Noted.
- In the middle of your staring reverie,
a familiar voice comes up from behind.
Excuse me, miss.
Lady Amangeaux, I brought your
belongings along to the back
into where you want me to put them.
- Thank you so much, Chutney.
Don't hurt yourself, now.
It's been a very long journey.
Have you stretched?
- I've been stretching for most of this.
It's plenty of time.
And you see this older woman
comprised of a glass-like,
almost miniature Kool-Aid Man visual body
filled with a mixture of
apple and spice and chiles
to this kind of unique kind of green
almost orange concoction within this soft,
blue, and purple dress
that's pulled around
with a bodice which doesn't do much for a,
you know, barrel-shaped glass container.
But she's been your
handmaiden for quite some time
and is eager to be of assistance to you
as she drags the large cases behind her.
Just tell me where to put them.
- Chutney, Chutney, leave those
for the knights or someone else.
Look where we are.
We're home.
Do you see?
- It has been some time.
It doesn't feel the same.
They've done quite a bit with the place.
- Oh, yes. It's grown tremendously.
But don't you feel it?
Don't you smell it in the air?
The warmth, the sweetness, the kindness.
[Anjali sighs]
- She glances over towards
the Bulbian carriage
that lies still parked, not unpacked,
and she kind of gets a
shiver in her shoulders.
Mostly.
Let us go inside.
- Yes.
- And she sets the boxes down.
And as you catch up with
the bishop to the entryway.
- I'm over at a little stand being like,
cream-filled blueberries.
Look at this.
[all laughing]
Unbelievable.
I, oh, I need money. Hold on.
Where is-
I need money.
Where do I have money?
And sort patting around in my vestments.
I have a little pouch for-
- Oh, Your Eminence, don't worry about it.
It's your first time here in
so long. Let me get it for you.
- I'm gonna look at whoever
has the blueberry stand
and be like, is a gold piece enough?
- You see there's a
tiny raspberry gentleman
who is wearing this leather apron on
and has this really thick set
of bottle glasses in front
and goes, yes, of course, sir.
That'll be enough.
- Oh, lovely.
That's so wonderful.
Can you believe it?
For only a gold piece.
And I'm going to start
eating it and be like.
- It's pickled, sir.
Did you read the sign?
- This is so-
I don't want to be unpatriotic.
This is so much better than
anything we make in Greenhold.
It's just so incredibly-
I feel like my brain is
exploding out of my skull.
- Oh, you understand.
- It's so sweet. What is that?
That is extraordinary.
- Yes.
[Brennan munching]
- I can't actually have any more of this.
[Matt laughing]
A pickled creamy blueberry.
Oh.
Yes, this is having an effect
in my body and my mind.
[all laughing]
- Let me take it from you.
Chutney used to make these all the time.
Here, Chutney.
- Oh, thank you very much.
[Matt sniffing]
Oh, I can't have that.
[all laughing]
- It's been a long time, but here we go.
Down the gullet.
- When in Comida.
- Mm.
Mm.
Oh.
Oh.
- Woof. There.
I know.
It makes you want to make
sort of licentious noises.
- Oh my.
Your Eminence, I'm so sorry.
- Ooh. Woo-hoo.
- As you walk past and the gathering
of beautiful patriotic displays
of these kingdom-based carriages
and banners floating in the
midst of this courtyard,
the gates open once more as
a [imitates squeaking wheels]
rickety-sounding gentle
cabbage carriage pulls
through the front gates
accompanied by some exhausted
and drenched riders on strawberries.
- As we get close, I'm
gonna tap on the glass
and try and signal for Colin.
[glass thudding]
Colin.
You need to introduce us.
- To who?
[Aabria laughing]
- To the crowd.
- Hey, everybody.
- Oh, no.
[all laughing]
Once we come to a stop, more formally.
- The bishop has no hesitation
to respond to, "Hey, everybody."
Ooh.
- Everybody.
Know where we park these bad boys?
- Yeah, well, I think just really
sort of the courtyard generally.
- Nice.
Okay.
Thank you, Red Guy.
[Zac laughing]
- Oh, yes, that's me. Mr. Red Guy.
- Colin is feeling like, wow.
I didn't know I was
gonna be doing this part.
[all laughing]
- Introduce us.
Right, this is-
- Hello, one and all.
Just announce it?
Hello, one and all.
Introducing, from the Meat Lands.
[all chuckling]
You know 'em and you love 'em.
[all chuckling]
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Chieftess.
- The chieftess and her son.
[all laughing]
[regal music]
- You watch as a mini vein-
[glass banging]
[Lou laughing]
A mini vein bulges inside of her head
and slowly [imitates meat squelching]
I really hate this.
- Yes, that I planned poorly.
But you need to go.
- As you're still at
the window of the door
[imitates door banging]
slams right into your face
as the chieftess kind
of storms out and looks
to the first currently decorated
member of the arrival staff
here at the Cornucopia.
You see what looks to be a somewhat
kind of small Brussels
sprout-looking figure
kinda squat with hair
combed over to one side
and this kind of pointed
nose that kind of comes
to this kind of little hook at the end.
He gets over to you with this tabard on
and is adorned with the
colors and symbols of Comida,
and he goes, you don't
need to announce right now.
When you arrive into the actual event,
we will be announcing you as you come in.
- That's kind of what I thought.
[Zac laughing]
- I'm sorry.
We are new.
- It's quite all right.
I understand you're Meatlanders.
If you show us your invitation, please.
- Yes.
I produce it.
- Yes, sir.
Right. It all seems in order.
And I assume you're the chieftess.
He looks up.
And she's kind of looming over him.
Indeed.
Very well.
Do come with me, follow.
It is a pleasure to have
you traveled so far.
I do believe your servants stayed behind?
- Colin will join us.
I look over at Sirley.
Sirley, will you corral
some of the other men
and make sure everyone stays in line?
- Of course I will. Happy to keep watch.
Make them all safe.
Maybe we can swap some pointers.
- That would be great.
- [Matt] Ah, great.
- That's not gonna be the thing
I'm great at is announcing.
- Good to know.
- Not a great public speaker.
[Anjali laughing]
- No, now I know.
Colin will join us.
So, yeah, me, Chieftess, and Colin.
- If we were attacking, I'd
ride right through 'em, though.
- I know. I know you would.
- Just so you know.
That's the strategy I have planned.
- If we were to pack through-
Okay, great. Good to know.
- All right.
As you approach what looks
to be these beautiful curved,
kind of leafy marble steps that ascend up
to a small, arched bridge walkway
that leads into the open
portion of the central courtyard
where you can see there
are heavy corn silk banners
that flutter in the air,
bright colors of blue and
green and yellow amongst them.
You can hear music playing.
And here, there are tables,
and there is spreads
of various foods from all over Calorum.
You can see, which is
kind of impressive to you,
a charcuterie board that would make
people back home quite impressed.
But as you mingle into the
crowd here as best you can,
definitely drawing stares from many
of the more southern Calorum
well-dressed nobility
and the Fructeran individuals
that are playing host
to this event, there
is kind of a mild hush
and kind of a curious curvature
to the grin of curiosity
at the arrival of these Farlanders.
And as you kind of nod and take this in,
we come to you, Karna.
What are you up to with your business?
- So, masquerading as my former spymaster
and employer, Jacque Crudites,
I know I have a bunch of information
that I need to go pick up and drop off
and start making deals.
So I have some set appointments.
I'm from the streets, the slums of Comida,
so I'm gonna make my way back
to my old stomping grounds
and start planting little
seeds of information.
- What information are you planting?
- Oh.
I love the queen so much.
But that's been the biggest boon,
selling the knowledge to the nobles
that she's been largely
abandoned in Greenhold.
- Mm.
- And alone, and friendless.
- You take a short time while
they're gallivanting about
to begin to seed this
information throughout the town,
to meet with some old
friends, some old contacts,
kind of leave some warnings
for some old maybe faded alliances.
Those of you at the party, other
individuals begin to arrive
within due haste, as certain announcements
begin to echo out amongst
the party atmosphere.
As you step into the chamber,
immediately you see this
kind of slightly
bundled-up lemon gentleman
with kind of a bulging cheeked face
with this long, thin beard
that comes to a little bow
of ribbon at the bottom.
His hair itself kind of pulled out
into this side curls there,
wearing one of those breast adornments
that have to fold down in,
like from the "Peter Pan" movie
that keeps hitting the dad in the face.
[all laughing]
My only cultural reference to that
I have in the chamber, so deal with it.
[Brennan laughing]
Folds his hand.
Introducing-
[Brennan laughing]
The widowed queen of Vegetania.
- Oh god.
- Lady Amangeaux Epicée Du Peche.
- I'm gonna swoop in by
your side and be like,
oh, they led with widowed.
And I'm going to-
[Aabria laughing]
I think that is such a
humiliation that I'm gonna zoom in
to flank the queen as much as I can.
- Yeah, there's no way to
hide the moment of shock
that they not only called
me the widowed former queen,
but that they called me Du Peche,
which is my family name,
not my married royal name.
But I pull myself up
when he runs to my side,
and then I remember that I am a Fructeran,
and now they all remember that,
because I am from House Du Peche.
So I raise my head high
and I nod to everyone.
- As you do, that heartbeat,
that [imitates heart beating]
in the back of your
neck begins to subside.
The confidence winning once more.
Years of practice and training
has made you ready for this.
And you can see amongst
the faces of the crowd,
many themselves were kind of taken aback
by the announcement,
and a number of Vegetanian
nobles just seem to be.
- And I look back, 'cause
I know these nobles.
I know they're just loving this moment.
So I look back at all of them,
and I look forward towards the Fructerans,
and I say, in Fructeran-
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you so much for
welcoming me back home.
[Matt laughing]
It is so good to see you all
and to see this beautiful display
of so many countries coming together.
- Hear, hear!
And the voice rings out
from the crowd as a number
of the Fructeran in gathered
parties raise their glasses.
You see, stepping out in
the center of the area
to kind of greet you head-on,
a round, brightly red-colored
tomato-like figure.
You see this long-brimmed purpled hat
with what looks to be a feather crafted
from some sort of a frond that is colored
in a purples and greens at the tips.
This long black and gray Van d*ke
that curves to a chiseled point.
Big kind of leatherish
gloves that reach up
to the elbows and goes,
well, it is a pleasure
to see you once more.
It has been quite some
time, the great queen.
It is me at your disposal, the
humble Count Jacque Tomate.
[Brennan gasping]
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
[Brennan laughing]
- Yes, it is good to see you again.
- Indeed, it has been so
long since you've come
and visited your people.
- Well, the duties of a queen are many.
And knowing how well you've
all been faring from afar,
I thought it good to attend to the folks
who needed me more in Vegetania.
- Well, your timing is
extremely bountiful.
This is going to be an
important remembrance,
and I think a very important celebration.
- Well, I hope it will be a celebration
not only of the festival but
a celebration of the life
of my late husband, Bulb rest his soul.
- Bulb rest his soul.
Mm.
Come, come.
I must introduce you to
other members of the house
that have not had the pleasure
to be within your presence.
- As this is going on, I'm going to,
with my staff, which
is known to be a relic
of the Bulbian faith, I'm gonna
cast Mage Armor on myself,
which is just an eight-hour duration,
and I'd like to Subtle
Spell cast Detect Thoughts.
- [Matt] Okay.
- And I'm just [imitates air
whooshing] moving it around
from person to person.
Not ever probing deeper.
I just try to be as
perceptive as possible.
- Of course.
And you pick up little wisps
of information and emotion
as you kinda coast through.
You find bits of anxiety.
You find self-absorbed
narcissism and confidence,
laughter, horniness, lots of horniness.
- I have to remember
when I get to Fructera
I'm gonna get a lot of that.
[all laughing]
- And as you continue to step through,
just the glancing bits of
memory and surface information
just the glancing bits of
memory and surface information
that passes by, there is an
anticipation for more arrivals.
And as that moment hits,
the announcement comes through once more.
Presenting.
From Castle Candia, Queen
Pamela Rocks of House Rocks
and Princess Citrina Rocks of House Rocks.
[crowd applauding]
And here you watch as they step down off
of that arched bridge onto the walkway,
a matronly blackberry with kind, dark eyes
swathed in deep royal
blue and purple robes,
smiling and kind of
nodding as she descends.
Her hand out, the other clasping an amulet
around her neck, smiling.
People kind of clap.
Some other folks kind of pay attention
but go back to their conversation.
And then, behind her,
you see a younger woman,
a pious-looking if somewhat stubborn
and hardheaded expression on
her face as she doesn't seem
to enjoy this public space
as much as her mother does,
of yellow candied skin,
long orange-yellow hair,
dressed in gray-blue robes that
denote an odd middle ground
between royal dress and priestly wear.
A royal circlet of some kind,
the only piece of jewelry
that she carries,
different from her mother's
rather robust display of jewelry,
just kind of hangs at
the side of her belt.
They kind of cascade into the crowd
and begin making conversation.
And shortly after them, another
announcement comes through.
Bringing into the event, introducing
Senator Focaccia,
Senator Enzo Carbano, and
Senator Ariana Gemelli.
And here, you see, as
they step into the space,
a pocked, thick wedge of seasoned bread
with intense, piercing light blue eyes.
A well-groomed kind of deep gray goatee
that transcends down the entire length,
almost like a happy trail
that disappears beneath.
[all laughing]
- All right.
- Oh, that's that horniness.
There it is.
- You see my face just, whoa.
[all laughing]
- It's like a divot in your cheek.
[all laughing]
- Getting punched.
See everyone can tell
I cast Detect Thoughts
'cause of my face.
[all laughing]
- Beneath the laurels,
you see his toga is fitted
with intricate shoulder pauldrons
and a ceremonial breastplate.
Steps into the crowd, and
you can see many folks
begin to move to gather.
This is definitely a figure of import,
or at least of interest
for folks to talk to,
as the nobility begins to kind
of queue for the opportunity
to shake hands with Senator Focaccia.
As Senator Enzo Carbano steps from behind,
you see a crusty old
mass of dried linguini
that sits in a tangled,
rotund pile tied together
by a bulging toga that
barely contains his form,
as he kind of rests and waves a hand a bit
and kind of just falls in
line right behind Focaccia.
And there, taking his arm,
you see a voluptuous middle-aged woman
with twisting pasta hair
that descends into a thick ponytail.
Her pale, tawny skin
decorated in bands and jewelry
as she kind of pats the
elder statesman's arm
and leads him further into the crowd.
You, having just entered a short time ago,
hearing some of these names, can't help
but immediately freeze in place.
- Of course.
I think I see my grandfather, Enzo.
And, I think, look to Colin.
Will you do your best to keep
the chieftess entertained?
Chieftess, I must say
hello to my grandfather.
I will be right back.
- Of course.
I understand that is how these things go.
And she kind of looks over
with a begrudging side-eye,
and then immediately takes
a fistful of the charcuterie
in front of her and just kinda [munching].
- Wait, what am I thinking?
An introduction.
An introduction is right.
Wait. Come with me. Come with me.
Sorry.
And I grab her and.
- Oh.
- You can eat on the way.
- I will. I will.
- I will sit here?
Or do you want me to go-
- No, no.
Just stay beside me.
- Right beside.
- She slaps the back of your shoulder,
the meat kind of pressing
against you as well and goes-
- Oh.
- If I suffer, you suffer.
[Brennan laughing]
- And I'd like to try and cut
a path through toward Enzo
and Angela.
- Okay, and as you pass, you
begin to hear the senator,
Focaccia, and holding court
in the center of this too.
Well, you see it has been a
long time we were supposed
to come and talk to you all.
It has been a wondrous year
as the fantastic people
of Ceresia have risen to the occasion.
We have passed a swath of fantastic laws
within our fair city and our country.
And our countrymen and ladies,
they are themselves
enjoying the prosperity
of a great future around us.
As this is happening, you can
see kind of sitting behind,
Senator Enzo is half-passing off
before Ariana kinda pats him again.
He looks over and is the
first to see you approach,
and a big smile creeps across his face.
Oh.
It's grandson.
How are you? It's so good to see you.
It's been so long.
- Grandfather.
I kneel down and take all of his linguini,
his dry linguini into my hands.
- [Matt] It cracks a little.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
- Oh, it's okay. I'm very used to it.
I did not put on enough nice,
soft solution on the skin this morning.
- The air in Fructera,
it's much more humid here.
So, be sure you'll take
in some of the moisture.
- Of course.
It's why many of my family
retire this far south.
[all laughing]
- Senator, I'm sure you
remember Chieftess Katzon.
- Of course I do.
It is very good to see you again.
You are very healthy-looking.
And then the chieftess
kind of reaches a hand out
and kinda pats the top of his hand.
I will take that as a compliment.
You look conscious.
[all laughing]
It is nice to see you, Senator.
And there's a palpable
kind of tension in the air,
not so much from the senator,
but definitely kind of,
there's a vacant division
in this area before Senator Ariana
kind of steps in a bit and
goes, and do not worry.
My father, he is very
tired after a long journey.
Perhaps he should go have a drink or two.
I'll be with you in just a moment.
Oh yes. That would be wonderful.
I think I had enough wine in the carriage,
but I can always have more.
It is a celebration.
[Brennan chuckles] And
he kind of wanders off.
In a second, Ariana turns around.
A pleasure to see you, Chieftess.
And what a pleasure to see you.
- And you as well.
You seem well.
- As do you.
Strong.
- I've been...
Time in the Meat Lands
makes one quite powerful.
There's not much to do but train
and travel and train and
travel and train again.
- Of course.
Chieftess, my apologies.
If I might borrow your Thane for a moment,
we have important political
business to discuss.
And she's, at this point,
already stopped paying attention
and is just kind of looking
off the crowd. What?
Oh, yes.
You can take, do what you like.
I'm gonna go sit down.
- Colin.
- I...
You want me to sit with him or?
- Sit with the chieftess.
Keep her entertained.
- Okay.
You wanna go back to
the charcuterie board?
- Yes, I do.
Let's go.
- Clear a path.
[all laughing]
- Oh.
Everyone, scoot, scoot.
[Matt laughing]
- As you kind of push off to the side,
she actually just grabs
the charcuterie board
and takes it off the table and walks over
towards the side of one of
the garden wall elements
that hits the exterior of the party space
and just kind of holding it in one arm.
Again, she's just kind of shoveling it in.
- I think, for Colin,
this is the first time
he's ever been at anything
this fancy in his life.
He's just like, okay.
I guess that's a way to do it.
[all laughing]
Just really absorbing.
- I'm sorry. I should be sharing.
You want some?
- Okay.
And just also starts
eating charcuterie like.
I'm not gonna win anybody over,
probably, so I'm just gonna
at least fill my stomach.
[all laughing]
- Says, your energy, I like it.
- Wow. Okay.
- It is good to know I am not the only one
who despises every single
thing about this event.
- Yeah, I don't know that
this is exactly wheelhouse
- Yeah, I don't know that
this is exactly wheelhouse
for me to be here.
But I'm happy to be of service
if you have anything else you need.
- This was Delissandro's idea,
and he, well, what perhaps some
of us lack in social acumen,
and he, well, what perhaps some
of us lack in social acumen,
[tense music]
he'll be a great leader one
day when I'm no longer around.
[Zac munches]
- She cheers her meat to yours.
[Matt imitates meat squelching]
- That's good.
That's way good.
- If I can too, I remember there's that
white pumpkin carriage
from the Bulbian Church.
Seeing you with Tomate,
I'm think I'm going to say,
I should go and pay my
respects to the Bulbian-
- Yes, of course. Don't leave me with him.
- You don't like?
What's wrong with Count Tomate?
- Sh.
- What's that?
No, he's good?
[Aabria laughing]
- Yes, of course, Your
Eminence, please go.
- Yes, Your Majesty, I shall be back
in the twinkling of an eye.
You see, the chieftess
of the Meat Lands grabbed
an entire charcuterie board.
So I think it's open season.
I think you can get any snacks you like.
And I'm gonna scoot over
to the Bulbian entourage.
- As you head over to
the Bulbian entourage,
it's interesting.
You notice the iconography and the robes,
but they're all kind of lower end.
Various church hands and individuals
that appear to have arrived in advance,
and they're looking a bit anxious
and looking about kind of glancing
for any other Bulbian clergy that should
or is supposedly arriving.
And upon making eye contact with you,
immediately some of them brighten up.
And as they're about to open their mouth,
another voice calls from across the way.
Introducing.
Archbishop Camille Colliflour
and Bishop Belizabeth Brassica.
- Oh!
- From across the arched bridge-way,
you see this elderly-looking woman
with these kind of clumps
of cauliflower hair
that kind of spiral a bit
on the sides of the head,
and a face that the
lips are smiling high up
and the rest of the skin sags down
into almost a frown beneath,
past where the robes gather,
and this high collar of
the archbishop lies behind,
and kind of this waddle that
kind of wags as she walks.
- I don't like that.
[Aabria and Anjali laughing]
- A massive staff that itself is adorned
with spiraling vines and itself
its own cornucopia of color
of the various vegetables
of Vegetania on display,
and at the top, you see
the Bulbian symbol itself
almost glowing as it
reflects off the light
of the Bulb in the sky.
And you see, attending
to the immediate right
in simpler garb, this
longish, golden-white robes,
kind of a wide-shouldered top piece
that kind of guides into
a train that drags behind.
You see a younger woman
with deep green skin,
with kind of dark, verdant hair
that is pulled up into a bishop's miter
that climbs up into the Bulbian symbol
as Bishop Brassica follows
behind with a smile.
The archbishop kind of looks
out amongst the crowd and,
it is my pleasure to attend
such fine servants of the Bulb
on this great day.
[Matt coughing]
And Brassica steps forward.
And with that, we want to
extend our gracious thanks
for all of you, your wondrous
heart, your piety, your faith,
and your love in the great
Bulb above for Saint Eggamere.
And her eyes come across to you.
And of course, the loving
memory of the late king.
It is joyous to be here.
Please, continue.
As she takes the arm of the archbishop
and then they step into the crowd.
As the central chaos of
this social gathering
continues to grow more and
more tense and filtered
and colorful, we swing
back to the many alleys
and streets here in Comida.
Karna, as you've gone around
placing rumors and information,
what specifically now are you
planting amongst the populace?
What thoughts are you
attempting to stir within those
who are outside of the high
gates of the Cornucopia?
- I think what I want
the people who are here
to consume gossip to know is a little tip
from the bishop himself
that the Vegetanians don't
like any of the options
for succession, and that
there's some stirrings,
but it's coming from the Vegetanians.
- Okay.
Roll a Persuasion or Deception check,
your choice, to connotate
how effective this is.
- Natural 20.
- [Players] Oh.
- Wow.
- That's right.
- Now, growing up here,
especially growing up
in the kind of rough-and-tumble
streets of Comida,
you very much know the hotbeds for gossip.
You know where the common folk gather
to do the work of the
more wealthy individuals,
and then spend their time talking sh*t
about the wealthy individuals
that they work for.
And with just the tiniest of seeds,
especially with the energy
that's already brewing
around the death of the
king and the arrival
of such a unique array of long-storied
and rumored individuals
in their own right,
you have no issue but
to drop a thread here,
drop a thread there in passing.
A few moments of
recognition of old friends
or of faces that you've worn before
reengaging in a passing by.
Oh, did you hear?
And one by one, within even
just a handful of hours,
you have aggressively begun
to spread those murmurs
where they need to be seeded.
Is there any other business
that you wish to attend to?
- I wanna see if in any of my transactions
if I'm hearing anything about big moves
that might be going down
during the festival,
primarily from either, mostly
around the Bulbian Church,
if they're trying to push themselves
into this strange little
power vacuum that's happening.
- Interesting.
I will say roll either a
Persuasion or Investigation,
your check, depending on how you go
about ascertaining these answers.
- Oh.
Natural one.
- Oh.
- Most everyone you speak to is like,
to be perfectly honest,
I'm not really a fan of
this Bulbian Church anyway.
They've been pushing against
the borders for some time,
and you know, and I'm not
really much of a pious type.
I know, you know, they
go around talking about
how great the Bulb in the sky is,
and I guess it's kind of warm and stuff,
but I don't know, my mom was into this,
she would burn incense and stuff at night,
and you just kind of lose
interest and wander away.
[all laughing]
It seems that religion isn't on the mind
of a lot of folk here, you know.
The Bulbian influence,
while it has been pressing
against the borders of Vegetania,
it still is largely contained
within the southern country land.
And, you know, various pagan
beliefs still kind of hold
onto the final dregs of this era,
as well as people that
just kind of sit in a space
where they appreciate the Bulb
and that's as far as it goes.
- Good. Great.
- So as far as you know, no
big movements by the church.
But there is definitely interest
in the various noble houses,
both Fructeran and
Vegetanian coming together,
and there is rumors of various individuals
that are coming up with
curious ways to try
and out-law the claim of the throne.
- Ooh.
Any fun names that I can have on my tongue
as I try to make my way
back to the Cornucopia?
- Sure.
I will say the two names that
seem to really kinda gather
the most conversation
is Count Belvedere
Cabbage of House Cabbage,
who is one of the storied higher nobles
of the various noble houses
that exist in this vacuum
in Vegetania was attending
to and very involved in much
of the king's business right
below the central court
and throne, and is as
well-regarded, though older,
but a storied soldier and a
benevolent friend to the crown
for quite some time, who is in attendance.
And then others, more of
the Fructeran countrymen,
those who aren't a big fan
of the Vegetanian influence
and love the daydream, the
idea of maybe perchance
seeing somebody with their
heritage upon the throne,
much like how they celebrated the marriage
of the queen Amangeaux all
those many years before,
speak of the aspirations
of a Count Jacque Tomate.
- Oh yeah.
- Who has been on quite the
political missionary journey
throughout Comida and the
surrounding countrysides
of Fructera speaking about how the union
of Vegetanian and Fructeran culture
can lead to a prosperous dual nation
were someone to bring them
together under a similar banner.
- Karna tries to be very
impartial in her sort of spy
and information trading and dealings.
But even though she's a
little spicy Carolina Reaper,
she is technically a fruit,
so she's very excited at the prospect
of Count Tomate and will do her best
in her dealings earlier on in the night
to sort of throw some more support
and insinuate that his claim is stronger
and more supported by other individuals
that she's talked to.
- Wonderful.
As you head back, we
come back to the center
of this social gathering while you,
Lady Amangeaux, have at
the edge of your arm,
indeed, this Count Tomate.
So, please tell me how the journey
was everything you hoped it would be, yes?
- Oh, the village was a little bit,
dare I to speak in Fructeran with you?
- Of course. Of course.
What's the problem there? Yeah.
No, just talk to me, as
we talk to each other.
Don't make it weird.
- I'm telling you, these
Vegetanians do not know
how to handle the rain.
We are very good with it.
You know, we are luscious.
We are used to the humidity.
They cannot drive,
think things like there are
fireballs falling from the sky.
- You're telling me.
Trust me, our entire family house
has been going around doing business
with many Vegetanian
nincompoops for quite some time.
I just, I think, I don't know.
[Matt sighing]
Your late husband was a great man.
- He was.
- And I think it was behind his wisdom
and his guidance alongside you that he,
well, he was able to bring us all together
in a place of mutual benefit.
- Yes.
- Across the landscape.
The six kingdoms, it has
been a very tense period
these past five, 10 or so years.
The Ceresians are falling apart.
Their entire government
is at odds with itself.
The Senate is completely incapable
of protecting or even
controlling their populace.
The worth of the Ceresian
dollar is crashing terribly,
and the Senate can't even
pass a law without infighting.
And he points over to the
Senator Focaccia across the way.
There is something about
this one's confidence
that makes me uneasy.
- Hmm.
- So, do you know if
you will still be able
to maintain some form
of power in Vegetania?
- In truth, I am not sure.
I feel that there are forces in the court,
some of the ladies at
most, forces in the court
that are trying to send
me away, shall we say.
- Well, if you are to be sent away,
would you like to stay in your
old home here in Fructera?
- But of course.
If I couldn't be with my husband,
I would want to be here with my family.
- This is good to know.
Well, perhaps an interesting change indeed
might be in the future.
Ah, but nevertheless, let
me introduce you here.
Ah, Pamela.
[Matt laughing and clapping]
He claps his hands
together and you watch as
Queen Pamela Rocks of House Rocks
turns around with a bright smile.
Oh goodness, how wonderful to meet you.
I'm sorry. Where are my manners?
Lady, Queen Amangeaux, I
have not been to Greenhold
Lady, Queen Amangeaux, I
have not been to Greenhold
since before you had been married in,
and it is quite past my
time to take your hand
and tell you, one, I am so
very sorry at your loss.
- Thank you.
That's very kind.
You're one of the few people here who
has actually called me by my real title.
So thank you for that show of respect.
- Of course.
My daughter, if I might introduce you.
As she turns around,
you see Citrina is currently arms crossed
and just kind of looking
over in the direction
of the archbishop with
kind of a longing gaze
and kind of fiddling with her fingers
before turning to you
and placing what looks
to be a small tome deep
within her robes again.
Hello.
I'm Citrina.
You are, oh, you are the queen.
Well, really, it is a pleasure.
And she kind of clasps
your hand in both of hers.
May the great Bulb above
look upon your journey ahead,
and all of us, and the
pious gaze of the light
find a better future for all of us.
- Why thank you, child.
That is so kind of you.
You know, I take great
solace in the teachings
of the Bulb through my friend, the bishop.
I see you do too.
- But I am familiar with the
bishop you speak of, Raphaniel.
- Yes.
- I have not met him myself
but I have heard word
of his great life spent
in the justice and the light
of the cathedrals in Greenhold.
I would love to meet him.
- Oh, I would be happy
to introduce you, truly.
In the absence of my own father,
he's been the closest thing
to a father I've had in Vegetania.
- Wonderful.
At this point, Tomate
kind of butts in and goes,
and, of course, Pamela, Queen Pamela,
I'm sorry, I do not wish to speak
on such a disrespectful way,
I just like to keep it friendly,
you know, between mutual noble-born.
- I like this guy. I like this guy a lot.
- I was moments away from
leaning over and going,
this guy f*cking sucks.
This guy f*cking sucks.
- Did you see that f*cking hat?
- Especially the middle.
[Brennan laughing]
- I wasn't too sure with
the mustache and the thing,
but now he's kinda growing on me.
- With those f*cking gloves, man.
- [Anjali] He's kinda growing on me.
- But I'm curious, as you are leaders
within the six kingdoms,
who do you support in
the claim to the throne?
Is there anybody who you have eyes on
who might step up to become
the new sovereign leader
of Vegetania?
- Why would it not be me?
- Well, I mean, I am not discounting you.
Why do you think I brought
you over to introduce you?
- I believe that I have the most knowledge
of the ruling of the kingdoms
as my proximity to my late husband.
With the guidance and
the wisdom of the bishop
and the support of the ladies
and gentlemen of the court,
I'm sure I would make a fine queen
with or without my husband.
- Very well.
- I'm gonna swoop in at this time and say,
I made a little plate for
myself over at the buffet.
Oh, hello.
Oh, hello.
Count Tomate, yes?
- That is indeed my name.
And you are Bishop
Raphaniel Charlock, right?
- Yes, I am the bishop of Greenhold.
A pleasure and an honor.
Wonderful to meet you.
And I must say, the rumors are true,
though you are a Fructeran lord,
something about you does
strike me as Vegetanian.
You seem like a kindred spirit,
my lord, able to stride both kingdoms.
[Matt laughing]
- You're not the only one who says this.
I have been across both
sides of this border
for most of my life, friends on all ends.
You know, I have a mind and
a heart for unity, of course.
[Matt laughing]
- A cosmopolitan and a Caloritarian.
- And I have been said in the past
to have quite a, I don't
know, a pious day or two
during the week to the
great Bulb, as they say.
So, you know, I would very much hope
that the Bulbian Church
would also be appreciative
of Fructeran nobles who
would also be friendly
to the plight of the pontifex
and his followers, huh?
- Oh, well, of course.
You know, the great Bulb
shines equally on us all.
Though, the people of
Vegetania have seen fit
to devote themselves most
piously to soaking in that light,
the truth is the Bulb shines as equally
on the fruit of the orchard
as it does the leaves
of the garden, and it
is a pleasure to know
that your piety matches
your charm, my good count.
- Oh well [chuckles] I would turn redder
if I wasn't already.
[both laughing]
- I know that story.
Radish.
[Aabria and Anjali laughing]
Well-
- Your Eminence,
I would love to introduce you
to a delightful young lady.
Is it Princess Citrina?
- Yes. Citrina Rocks.
- Yes. Oh.
- This is the bishop,
Raphaniel Charlock.
- I understand that you are
a very promising young member
of the clergy, Your
Highness, or I should say
my reverent sister in the clergy.
Welcome.
- Thank you for your kind words, Bishop.
As you know, the Bulbian faith
is not quite as well-rooted in Candia,
but I am one who carries
that torch with me
as the light might shine upon all
within the Great Candy
Mountains and beyond.
- Little old hand will go
and take her hand and I say,
there is no light more welcome than that
which first pierces the darkness.
And I am so grateful to hear
that you pursue this path.
And though I have not had the fortune
of being to Candia myself,
I know that there are...
I know that we are very
lucky to have you there.
- This gathering between all of us here,
it's like a uniting of
all of the countries.
- As you're saying this,
as you're kind of clasping Citrina's hand,
Pamela's hand comes in
and pulls Citrina's hand
from yours and just kind of goes-
[Brennan laughing]
- And it is a pleasure to
meet you as well, Bishop.
- Your Majesty.
[Aabria laughing]
Goddammit, Amethar's mom.
[Brennan laughing]
I'm going to say, Your
Majesty, a pleasure.
We are so very fortunate to have
your daughter's ministrations
within the clergy.
And I understand that your station there
as a Bulbian yourself.
It's a pleasure to know.
And if there is ever any support,
a humble bishop as myself,
I've been ministering
to the needs of Greenhold
for some time now.
But know that the Bulb
above shines brightly
on your blessed family.
- I greatly appreciate your interest
and concern in our family's faith.
But know that the Bulb
does indeed shine equally,
but we choose to take the
light of our own reading
and pious worship.
Citrina and myself and many others
have taken quite lovingly
to the Book of Leaves.
We just are careful with
which sects of the church
wish to impose disparate law
and rule upon how we worship.
wish to impose disparate law
and rule upon how we worship.
- Hmm.
What is my Detect
Thoughts saying right now?
- Oof.
[Matt chuckling]
- Initially, you get this
kind of flash of emotion.
She's an empathic entity.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you've read this before.
There are certain people
that are closed off,
that are open, she is a
guarded, empathic force,
and you just get this cold stillness,
this deep mistrust for you
that you don't understand.
- The garden of the six kingdoms
bears many plants that
grow in their own ways.
It is, of course,
impossible that all of us
should be pointing in the same direction.
But the Bulb is fixed in the sky,
and though I may be pointing
north and you south,
we point to the same truth.
And it is, I think, a
vital and beautiful thing
that Mother Church should
be able to embrace us all
and that disparate readings
or sectarian squabbles,
I myself am a minister to
the plants of my garden.
I am not a theologian.
They are sort of bookish types.
But these sectarian doctrinal differences,
I don't make much head or tail of them.
I think the important thing is that
where we disagree on
readings of the scripture
of the Book of Leaves, we come together
under the embrace of Mother Church
and are able to settle these
things within the confines
of this special sacrament we all share.
- Mm, that was a lot of
very beautiful words.
- Oh.
- And may we enjoy walking
under his light continually
in our disparate directions.
It's been an absolute pleasure.
I need a drink.
And Queen Pamela Rocks kind of steps off
and brings her daughter
with her to the side.
Citrina's like, Mother, I don't-
And kind of-
- I turn to Tomate and I say,
do you think we've offended them?
- To be perfectly honest,
Candians can be a bit touchy, you know?
Especially when the weather's so damp.
It makes them stickier.
- Yes.
Water can be quite corrosive
to sugar, it's true.
Your Majesty, can I, might
I borrow you for a moment?
I've dropped one of my
emblems in the artichoke dip.
- Oh no.
Please excuse me.
Yes, of course. Let me help you.
- Aha, friend, and Tomate
kind of wanders off
and embraces another-
- This guy f*cking rocks.
[all laughing]
He has so many friends for a reason, okay?
- I'm gonna take your hand
and say, oh, it's all right.
Don't pay any attention to the Candians.
Your Majesty.
- Yes?
- You are the crown of Vegetania.
I would be very careful about
proclaiming that so boldly.
I would be very careful about
proclaiming that so boldly.
I am not given much to
dwelling on dark thoughts,
but I will simply bring up the fact
that you undeniably are
the monarch of Vegetania.
However, given the state
of your late husband,
you cannot produce an heir to the throne.
And when you loudly proclaim
that you are the sole monarch,
you are inviting a...
path to conflict.
Because someone must come next.
And it cannot be your child.
So you must be involved in the decision
of where the power will flow from you.
And if you choose to
not let that power flow,
then you will become a dam.
And as a dam, you will
be a very inviting target
to those that would like
to see that river run free.
- Your Eminence, may I speak freely?
- By all means.
- I loved my late husband dearly,
and I would not have wished
a single part of his soul
or body to be harmed,
but now that he is gone,
I feel that there is only one way
that I can maintain my position as queen.
And that would be to forge
some form of alliance
with whoever's next.
- Well, your holy vows were
for a very set period
of time, Your Majesty.
Until death do you part.
That clause having been satisfied,
I think finding who you
would like to select
that is amenable to the various powers
that now hold their
interest within Vegetania,
there is a possibility for
you to maintain your station
and add extra legitimacy
to the crisis of legitimacy
and add extra legitimacy
to the crisis of legitimacy
that Vegetania now finds itself in.
- Then we are of the same mind.
- As always, Your Majesty.
I am your servant.
- She takes his hand again.
[Brennan laughing]
- As you walk together
kind of clasping hands,
we come by the outside of the party
where you both had kind
of quietly had a moment
by the exterior hedge there on the bench.
We see Colin Provolone still
there flanking the side
of the chieftess.
- Come on, Provolone.
- Come on, Provolone.
- Come on, Provolone.
- Provolone.
- So, tell me, Colin.
[Aabria and Anjali giggling]
Who are you?
- Whoa.
- My son meets you, hires
you, know nothing about you.
Do you have a blade to put in his back?
- I have a blade not for
his back specifically.
- Look me in the eye, and she leans in.
Do you mean to harm my son?
- I do not.
I haven't been very lucky for a long time,
and this is the closest thing I've felt
to being above water-
or milk.
- You must come from the
bottom of the proverbial barrel
to consider this lucky, but
I think I see your meaning.
- I think Colin looks around
and sees all the rich,
snooty, powerful people and is like,
I feel like I don't really like that.
But it's nice to be
inside and be eating well
and, I don't know, I feel
like there's a lot of power
in this room.
- [Matt] Hmm.
She kinda looks out at the crowd,
shovels in another piece
of crinkled, shaven meat
into her maw.
Kinda wipes the edge of her lip.
People like this are good for one thing.
Taking what's theirs when
they don't deserve it.
- Right.
Yeah.
I think so too.
- For those of us like you who
might not have been so lucky,
you are also the most capable
at getting away with it.
That is why I keep my eye on you,
but that is also why I think opportunity
will continue to find you as well.
- Cheers as another piece of salami.
[Anjali laughing]
Is there anything I can do for you?
- My son has an open heart.
As hard as I have tried
to train it out of him,
it is both his greatest weakness
and his boldest strength.
I don't trust any of these people.
And as she looks over across the way,
and you can see Thane Deli over there
kind of standing, smiling, and laughing
alongside the kind of
matronly senator, Ariana.
And she looks back towards you.
They will all use him or worse.
And I cannot always be
there to protect him.
I will not always be here to protect him.
I'll pay you whatever it
takes for as long as you want.
Just watch his back.
- I think we have a deal.
- She puts her arm out and
kind of clasps your forearm.
[Matt imitates meat thudding]
[Zac laughing]
As she holds on tightly and pulls you in
to where you're just
an inch from her face.
And if you betray him, I
will rend your cheesy body
from side to side and strip it
across the very Lacramor itself.
- That's a visual.
[all laughing]
Understood.
- Then we understand an accord.
And she reaches into
a pocket and pulls out
a handful of coin, doesn't even count it,
and just drops it into your lap.
[coins rattling]
- Whoa.
Colin just throws it
into his jacket pocket
and stands up a little taller.
Okay.
And I'm just gonna keep an
eye on Delissandro from here.
- All right.
Over to you as you sit there laughing.
[Lou laughing]
- I say, "More sauce."
[Lou laughing]
- I would have never done that.
You, you are just, oh,
you're worldly and traveled.
I barely go outside the city these days.
It is so much work to be done.
I've, it is so good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
I miss my time in Pangranos.
I mean, the Meat Lands is my home,
and I belong at the chieftess' side,
but the time I spent with
my grandfather and you,
it shaped me.
Helped me become the man that
I'm continuing to become.
- And what a man you are coming into be
in the time you've been there.
You've grown quite a bit.
[Matt laughing]
- The life we lived in Pangranos was soft.
In the Meat Lands, life is hard.
- Oh my god.
- We are constantly on awares for danger.
- Mm.
- You never know
where it will strike.
[Aabria shrieking]
- We see Raphaniel in the background
getting blasted by horny energy.
[Brennan imitates energy blasting]
Whoa!
Going a*s over teakettle.
[Brennan imitates Raphaniel thudding]
- Oh, my friend Bishop, are you okay?
- [Brennan] I'm dying.
- This is such a different lifestyle
from what us, well, our own
Ceresians aren't used to it.
I would maybe one day like to come
and visit, you show me around.
- The steeps of the Meat
Lands are beautiful.
[Matt laughing]
We have rugged canvas tents.
[all chuckling]
- Oh my god.
- You'll see it's quite
special to watch the Bulb rise
over the red landscape.
- I'm sure it is.
- [Lou] I'd love to
show it to you one day.
[all laughing]
- Yes!
- She kinda-
- Oh, more wine.
More wine.
[Brennan laughing]
More wine.
- For me, thank you very much.
Just fill it up.
Ah, and she kind of leans in a bit
and kind of turns away
from the rest of the crowd
and kind of leans into your shoulder,
and kind of guides you,
so you both have this
little pocket of privacy at the moment.
I'm curious.
In the time that you've been there,
it seems dangerous for me to journey.
What, is it safe?
What would be the political state
between the clans right now?
- I mean, we, my mother, with my guidance,
has made great strides to-
The tumult and violence
that led me to leave there
in the first place that
ended the life of my mother,
my other mother, has
been quelled somewhat.
my other mother, has
been quelled somewhat.
Much of the beef clan, we've been-
This was a hard winter this last winter.
And there were discussions
made about sharing food
and creating community.
We are making great strides.
It is hard to say if the Meat Lands
will ever be truly unified.
But a common cause.
The ability to walk freely
without fear of raiders.
These are the things we are striding for.
And we are doing well.
- And you are one of the minds
unifying these thoughts, yes?
- I'm, one might say the architect.
I mean, it's of course my mother
who is the voice of the beef clan.
- Ah, but she is but the mouthpiece.
- Yes.
- And a piece of meat.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- You, you are the mind behind this.
You carry with you Ceresian wisdom.
- My time in the halls of
the Senate has done me well.
- My time in the halls of
the Senate has done me well.
- Well, maybe if you continue these talks
and bringing the clans
together underneath you,
maybe you could be useful.
Make an Insight check for me.
- Oof.
- Ah.
- I just wanna point out
that she just called your
mama a piece of meat.
- Well-
- She is.
- She is, but she said
it in a not good way.
- She said it in a bad way.
- [Anjali] She said it in a not good way.
- That's a- Insight?
- [Matt] Yeah.
- 19.
- 19.
- Mm-hmm.
- As she's saying this, she
kinda glances over your shoulder
for a split second and
you catch it a little bit,
and you can't help but kinda glance over,
and across the way you see Focaccia
kind of still holding court
within a few of the groups,
and she looks back to you and goes,
well, when it's safe and welcoming
for a Ceresian senator of
my esteem and experience
to come visit, maybe you can show me
one of these Bulbian rises
across the Meat Lands,
and then she leans in
real close to your ear,
maybe finally, perhaps,
slam it down big style.
[Aabria yelling]
[Brennan laughing]
- Goodnight, everybody.
Nailed it.
[all laughing]
Perfection.
- No way. No way.
- No way, dude.
- Ow, it hurts.
- I'm sorry. I have to be off.
There's conversations to have.
And her hand kind of
caresses past your cheek.
- Oh, f*ck.
[all laughing]
- Oh my god. I think Deli finished.
- Deli's gonna cross his
legs in front of the other.
- Yes.
- He's gonna sit, ah.
- We'll talk later.
- Yes, we will.
- She gussies up herself a bit
and wanders off into the crowd,
gives you one last look over her shoulder
as she exits into the rest of the troop.
- [Aabria] Yeah, dog.
- Woo.
All right.
- The conversations
continue. The banter unfolds.
The longing glances, the
curious alliances progress,
as the afternoon grows later.
You weasel your way amongst the crowd
and begin to listen and
watch from a distance,
taking what information you can from afar,
what's safe and comfortable
within your purview.
And as the day turns into night,
the festivities come to a close,
and folks begin to scatter
amongst their respective
business and interests,
to their various chambers
where they've been assigned
here within the Cornucopia
Halls until later
where the memorial dinner for
King Cardoon is to be held.
[chimes ringing]
[Aabria gasps]
As you each begin-
- Ooh, that's nice.
- To head down into the later evening
to your various shown rooms,
you, Colin, strangely, stepping
into your modest chambers
with what little you've brought with you,
there is a package, like a wrapped package
with a single bit of twine
on the edge of your bed.
- Colin draws his sword.
[all laughing]
What the f*ck?
[all laughing]
What the f*ck is that?
From a distance, cut it open.
- Unfolds.
And there's something folded
that looks like a cloth
or a garment of some kind is folded,
and there is a scroll that
is rolled up and set there
with what looks to be a wax seal
just barely visible as it's
facing downward over the top.
- Colin reaches for it and turns it over
to see if he recognizes the seal.
- You see in the seal,
it's a carving of two hands
pressed like this, in between
them what looks like a quill.
You don't recognize it.
- He breaks it, opens it
up, and wearily reads it.
[Zac laughing]
- It reads, "You are
destined for great things.
"We wish to guide you to them.
"By your hand, we can change the world.
"After the Bulb-set light
leaves the western horizon,
"we implore we meet at the pyramid's base.
"Follow the blue flame.
"It would be wise to attend.
"We know."
As you look past the letter,
the folded material you
cautiously begin to unfold it,
and it's not a garment.
It's a partially burned banner flag
bearing a dotted mountain atop an island.
This you do recognize as
the banner of Fontina.
Not since the failed coup of Lucas Fontina
many decades ago has
this banner been seen,
a dark spot on the history of the isles,
and a deep shadow that lingers at the edge
of your hard-buried origins.
Karna.
- What?
- Wait, hold.
- Okay, okay.
- That f*cking rules.
- Begin to step outside of this event,
take a calming breath
amongst the chaos of the day,
and in your mind, racing
around, you begin to consider
and think of what the
next plan of action is,
how you can utilize the
things you've learned.
And you hear someone stumble.
You glance over and see a shadowed figure
kind of stop over a rock and
drop something on the ground
and keep running.
- I wait for them to
pass and immediately dive
for whatever they've dropped.
- It's a small package.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Yeah, I'm just gonna
grab it and open it.
- You find a letter of
the exact same words
that Colin had read on his.
"It would be wise to attend us. We know."
And within the package, a
wrinkled four-inch carrot
wrapped in a band of corn silk silver.
Not a carrot on its own, for
you now make out the knuckles
that bend ever so slightly
across this withered finger,
the ring adorning it displaying
a simple stylized kernel,
the brand of Jacque Crudites.
The finger of Jacque Crudites.
- Oh my-
- Delissandro.
- Who is-
- Oh my god.
- Guys, it's just me
changing pants, all right?
That's the scene.
It's not, I didn't also get a package.
- And as you are changing your pants,
kind of stumbling through the chamber.
- I only brought three.
- You hear a [imitates package thudding]-
- Oh my god.
- At the outside of your door.
- Is there any sort of
hole to look out into the-
- There is a [imitates metal
creaking] a little opening.
- I peek through that to see if...
- There's nobody there, but
there appears to be a package
at the base of your door.
- Don't open it.
- I open the door and can
I make a Perception check
down the hallway to see?
- Yes, you may.
- Oh, we should've done that.
[all laughing]
- That's gonna be just a 11.
- 11.
Looking back and forth down the
hall here in the Cornucopia,
no sign of anybody.
- All right.
I'll quickly bring it
in and close the door.
- Okay.
- Open it.
- Open it up and there
lies the sealed scroll.
Upon reading it, "You are
destined for great things.
"We wish to guide you to them.
"By your hand, we can change the world."
The same notation to you.
And behind it in the package,
a small box that contains
a strange garment.
A soft, verdant dress.
A negligee of smooth wheat
weave trimmed in lace.
And as you unfold it, a
strong perfume fills the air
like a sweet caramel and oats.
Perfume you smelled not
but earlier this afternoon.
It has accompanied every letter
that Ariana has sent you.
It suffuses the pasta twists
that fall from her head
to her lower back, her
teasing notes and promises
of grand partnership.
Should you be a good,
ambitious boy in your mind.
"We know."
- Deli goes and takes
this pair of pants off
and gets his third.
[all laughing]
I'm out of pants already.
- Amangeaux, you take a period
of time within your large,
well-dressed, well-decorated queenly suite
and sit in silence and sadness.
The tension of the day's conversations
and the uncertainty of
what is to come before you,
the words of the bishop Raphaniel
still ringing in your ears.
You then notice at the foot
of your bed resting a package
with the same seal, the same note.
And within it, a folded
letter stained with wine.
Too thick to be wine.
You open this bloodstained
letter and it reads,
"Then the minister presses
and your debts quake
"beneath the crumbling
ground of the Pinoir House.
"My associates and I cannot stress enough
"the importance of your diligence
"in alleviating the deep-set
ledgers we carry in your name.
"As the harvest swells, your
window of time diminishes."
A series of notations
follow, numbers, values owed.
- It's just been there
since before I was here?
- Yeah. You only just now noticed it.
[Anjali gasps]
- I open up my mind to
see if I hear anything,
hear anyone nearby.
- No one.
All you do hear is in your
mind those words you just read.
"We know.
"It would be wise to attend us."
Bishop Raphaniel.
As you step towards your modest
but Bulbian-adorned interior
comfortable bedroom,
and take off your boots
and stretch out the creak
in your back and your shoulders
and rest your accoutrements to the side-
- Ah.
[Brennan's throat clearing]
- You see there on the
windowsill a package,
the same sealed letter within
with the same notations,
the same request to come post Bulb-set
to the base of the pyramid
and follow the blue light.
And it would be wise to attend.
"We know."
And behind that, a pouch of simple cloth.
Within it, a gathered patch of herbs.
Familiar herbs to you.
Violet cloves, an extremely rare bud
cultivated along the
southern coast of Vegetania
crushed and dried into a tea,
known to aid in digestion
in small amounts, but in larger ones
can cause other biological challenges.
"We know."
[Brennan's tongue clicking]
- Hm.
Curious.
I'm going to burn the sachet of tea
in a small brazier used for offerings.
I'm going to turn invisible
and leave the room.
- The rest of you, do you intend
to head towards this gathering site?
- I immediately put on Jacque Cru's ring
and don't care about how long I have.
I'm gonna get there early
and scope things out.
I also turn invisible.
- Okay.
- Colin, he's doing his version of that.
He stuffs it under the bed.
[all laughing]
That'll be good.
[all laughing]
- Come on, Provolone.
- Come on, Provolone.
- Come on, Provolone.
- This f*cking sucks.
[Aabria laughing]
And, I guess, Colin's
just gonna keep his sword.
He has his cheese rind dagger
in the back of his belt
and he's like, all right.
I think he's not used to-
This was never something he
thought anyone would know.
- Mm.
- And he's just
gonna see who knows.
- Okay.
Amangeaux?
- I will take the letters,
'cause there's two of them.
And I will stuff them
in my cleavage inside,
way down inside, right low.
And no one's getting there.
And, not to my knowledge.
And I call for Chutney.
I say, Chutney, I need your help.
- Yes. What is wrong, My Queen?
- Nothing's wrong.
I need you to do me a service.
I so want to visit my mother and father,
and I'm afraid if I do
during all of this ceremony,
you know, people will see,
it would be a big thing,
and I just want to go
under the cover of night
and see them.
Could you cover for me
and just let people know
that I'm just not feeling well
so no one comes to bother me
in my quarters?
- Of course, My Queen.
I will cover for you.
You go and sneak, do what you need to do.
I will tell everyone else
that you are taking a nap
and preparing yourself
for the memorial dinner.
- Thank you so much.
I know my parents will
want to say hi to you too,
so I'll bring back a letter
from them, all right?
- Please.
- Yes.
- Be safe.
- I will, I think.
And I go.
- Delissandro.
- I think I'm also deeply troubled
and kinda sit there just holding
the negligee for a second
before stuffing it deep
into the things I packed
and have brought with me,
grabbing my spear and my shield,
hoisting the shield on my back
and walking out of my room spear first.
- You each in your own time
begin to exit the Cornucopia.
Servants kind of nod and let you leave.
Most folks are either off pre-gaming
before the evening's dinner,
meeting other allies,
making connections before the
event, but for the most part,
based on maybe aside from
you, keeping your head down
best you can, traveling
through the city streets,
trying best to not garner
too much attention,
especially those of a more
prestigious public persona.
Until, eventually, you
wind towards the base
of the Great Pyramid of Food.
The work has stopped for the
night as the Bulb has set
and the stars in the
sky above broken apart
by the wispy clouds that now travel slowly
in the wake of the past storm.
You see amongst the darkened stone
and currently closed
passageways no movement
other than the slowly
arriving other members
of this group of five, or
group of three, I should say,
since two of you are invisible.
- Are you invisible all the way there?
- I'm invisible all the way there.
- Did you send me something?
- Colin?
[Zac laughing]
- Colin's gonna draw his sword.
- I bring my spear up.
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Queen?
- Queen?
- Did you send me a letter?
- No.
- Did you send me a letter?
- Did you send him a letter?
- Did you send him-
- I sent no one a letter.
Queen Amangeaux, I bow.
I'm not sure you would remember me.
I'm Delissandro.
You visited the senate long
ago just after your marriage.
It's good to see you again,
and I'm so sorry for your loss.
- I'm sorry. I'm terrible with names.
You're?
- I just said it. It's Delissandro.
- Oh, right, right.
Of course you just said it.
See, I told you I was terrible with them.
Mm.
It's so lovely to see you again.
- Yes.
Anyway, the letter.
No, I did not send any sort
of letter to either of you.
It came wrapped with the...
It said, "Greatness. We will guide you.
"Follow the blue fame."
- Oh, no, no, no.
Mine was simply a missive,
a very promiscuous missive.
It wasn't anything like that.
No, of course.
- It's about this time that
the dark base of the pyramid
begins to show a blue
glimmer as you glance off
into the shadow on the eastern side
of the construction site.
A lantern hangs at the
hand of a cloaked figure
and it just wades back and
forth, a blue flame within.
[Matt imitates flame whooshing]
- You're not f*cking with me, right?
- I'm not f*cking with you, Colin.
- [Zac] Okay.
- But I'd say, weapons up?
[Zac laughing]
- Draws his longsword.
- I'll walk behind the two of them,
but I'm gonna reach under my
bodice and pull out a dagger.
- All right.
- I wanna try to sneak up and get eyes
on whoever the lantern holder is.
- Okay.
Roll a Stealth check with advantage.
- Okay.
Try to be good.
Double 19s, let's go.
- Okay.
Quietly, you approach this cloaked figure.
You see them standing, stepping
out from one of the archways
that has completed construction
with a staircase that
descends beneath the pyramid
from its side.
The figure you see is wearing a cloak
that has kind of a deep brown
and gray patchwork texture to it.
Elements having almost a
yellowish-tan coloration as well,
like a calico.
On the face, you see a
reflective mask possibly made
of some sort of an odd vegetable iron
that has been rusted to the point
where there's kind of a deep
brownish-red coloration to it.
And they just hold this lantern out
looking over in the
direction of the other three.
- I wanna reach out telepathically.
Who are you?
- The voice doesn't
respond and it just turns
with the lantern and begins
to descend the stairs below
while the three of you
watch the light vanish
into the pyramid.
- Are we going? Are we gonna go in there?
Also, why would they have
chosen the three of us?
You're a queen.
Colin, you're-
- There's no reason.
[Lou laughing]
None at all.
- Perhaps this is a matter of diplomacy,
and since we've met before,
obviously, in the Senate-
- Yes.
- Perhaps they wanted to bring us into,
to bring peace between our two nations.
Yes?
- Perhaps.
- You, I don't know.
- Yes, you are kind of-
This, I would kind of see it this way.
But you're the one that's
really messing me up.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna come out of
invisibility way behind them,
go behind something that
obscures me from sight,
and I'm going to hustle up a little bit
out of breath and go [Brennan
coughing] Your Majesty.
- Oh.
- Are you all right?
I spoke-
I couldn't find you in your chambers.
- Oh, for goodness' sake, did
you not speak with Chutney?
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
Chutney must've been occupied.
I came directly to your
chambers and bypassed-
Is everything all right?
- Everything's fine.
- One of the acolytes in a nearby chapel
came and spoke and said
that you had been spotted coming here
without a retinue or any guards.
- I simply wanted to visit my parents.
I just wanted to be out for-
- Sorry, hello. Bishop Raphaniel.
- Thane Delissandro.
- Delissandro, pleasure.
- I'm overhearing this.
Can I make an Insight check?
- Yes, I will also make an Insight check.
- I will allow it.
And you may make a-
- I just trust him implicitly.
So obviously I'm not-
- You can make a Persuasion
or Deception check of your choice
based on the intent of your statement.
- Did you get a nat 20?
- I did.
- Wait, Silvery Barbs.
- You don't see me.
- See me. sh*t.
That sucks. Okay.
- Yes.
- How can I cheat?
Hold on. Let me find a way to cheat.
- I got a four.
- This is you.
- All right.
- I got a 16.
- 16, okay, okay.
- All right, you know what?
You know what? This is
just a straight roll.
This is just all this is.
- Also, it is a little sketch
that Chutney didn't stop you
from coming in my quarters.
So I'm gonna do an Insight check too.
- Fair.
Well, everyone's grilling me,
so I'm going to Subtle Spell
Enhance Ability on Charisma checks.
[all laughing]
- Natural 20.
- You got two nat 20s?
- Dang.
- Okay.
- The power of the many. What?
- That's how fruits roll, baby.
[Matt laughing]
- I think I'm like, this
poor old man ran here?
[Anjali laughing]
- [Zac] He's so out of breath.
- Do you need water or?
- Now, now, so there's two
nat 20s, I'm so good at lying.
I built this character to lie.
- Okay.
- So I'm gonna roll 2d20s
and I need one of them to be a 20.
Please.
[Brennan exhaling]
Hold on. Oh!
- But wait. But wait.
- Silvery Barbs.
- If it's a nat 20, don't we get plus our-
- Well, I mean, here's the thing.
In critical skills, it still
comes down to the numbers.
So total of-
- 30.
- [Aabria] f*ck.
- Insight total?
- 25.
- 24.
- [Matt] You're casting Silvery Barbs?
- But I'm not even
looking at the second die,
so the advantage and disadvantage
cancel each other out.
- I believe Silvery Barbs says
you can force them to re-roll
a d20, it doesn't say
advantage or disadvantage.
- Oh no.
- Yeah, it's one of those f*cking spells.
- Yeah, let's look up all our spells.
- How's my 16 doing?
[all laughing]
- But you do still have advantage on it,
so you get to re-roll them both.
If this is also a nat 20,
then I did use the lower roll.
- Fair.
- Right?
- Don't you do it.
- It's not.
- No.
- So now I'm going to-
- Re-roll one.
- Re-roll.
I know I re-roll the 20.
- Correct.
- But I re-roll it with advantage.
- [Aabria] Horrifying.
Please roll so low.
- Come on. Come on, baby.
Come on, Provolone.
- Seven.
- Seven.
- 17.
- 17, so it's still 27,
but does it beat the nat, you're right.
- Nat 20s for skills technically
aren't an automatic success.
It's that way with
attack rolls and spells,
so you kinda still believe him.
- Cool.
- However, you also lose invisibility.
- Yep.
- Wait, you lose invisibility.
Got you.
- You're over
by the pyramid, so you lose invisibility.
Who here has a relatively
decent passive Perception
of 15 or higher?
- Damn you, Brennan.
- Both of you do notice the
[imitates air whooshing]
especially since you were
focused on where that flame went.
You do notice this cloaked
figure also just apparate.
- Does she look like her?
- Unless you took another form,
I'd say it looks like Karna.
- I didn't take another form.
Yeah, I'm Karna. f*ck.
[Matt laughing]
Oh.
- As soon as I see her, I
telepathically reach out and say,
what the hell is going on?
- I have no idea.
- Do you need water? Are you all right?
- [Zac] Help him up.
Stand back.
- Of course.
Here, rest on my shield.
Yes.
[Anjali laughing]
- He's so little.
He's so little, and he's so weak.
- Oh, what a lovely, strong, young man.
So, yes?
- Your Eminence.
I'm fine. You can go
back to the castle now.
There's nothing to worry about.
- Oh?
But this is such a strange turn of events.
No one else knows that you're here.
You don't have any retinue or guards here.
Did we all just see Karna
drop out of invisibility?
- Just the two of us.
- The two of you did.
- Only the two of us did.
I'm going to, for the first
time that you've seen me do this
in our long relationship,
I'm gonna speak telepathically to you.
- Oh my god.
- And I'm gonna go,
if you tip your hand
magically in front of people
that we can't trust, there'll be nothing
I can do to help you.
- I think Karna is just
genuinely chastened
and kind of shrinks back against the wall,
and you see a nearly imperceptible nod.
And she's just gonna
turn and follow the lamp.
- I'm just such a tired, little old guy.
[Aabria laughing]
Listen.
- So small.
- Well, Your Majesty,
all things being equal,
I think it would be best
if I accompanied you
until such time as you
have some retinue around.
I trust-
- Hey, this guy's gone now. Come on.
- Your Eminence, I think
you should stay behind.
These two lovely gentlemen
will keep me company
and keep me safe.
- No, he should go. Come on, come on.
- Oh for f*ck's sake.
Come on. Let's go.
- Hurray.
- All right.
- And I'm gonna lead
because now I'm like, f*ck it.
Let's go.
[Matt chuckling]
- You shouldn't walk on your own.
- Oh my god!
[all laughing]
Yes!
- Oh, he's so handsome and he's so strong.
- You're very strong.
- Deli.
- Oh wow, Deli, that's a little bit-
- Just scraping his head on the top of it.
- That's a little bit, I'm not gonna lie,
that's a little flustering.
- Well, what can I say, you know?
- Oof.
- As you all slowly gather
to the base of the Great Pyramid of Food,
you begin to descend the archway
to follow, pursue the path
where this blue lantern flame led.
You can't help but glance up
and see amongst the starlight
the outer framing of the
multitudes of Calorum fruits,
vegetables, grains, all
the various societies
and peoples have been
displayed and represented here.
And then, the root stone takes over
as you descend the steps below.
Clack-clack.
Clack-clack. Clack-clack.
The shadowed basement greets you.
High curved arches and pillars textured
with stone-carved blueberries.
And here in this dark expanse,
nothing but a series of sconces,
with small flames burning within them.
Not on every single pillar,
but just a row of them,
leading you to the center
of this subterranean floor.
[Anjali whimpering]
- [Aabria] What?
- You see the distant blue
fire flicker of the lantern
serene and still.
And you watch it descend.
As you follow through the firelight,
you approach what looks to be some sort
of an interesting pit,
like a hollow that's
about 20 or so feet across
that is just two spiral
stairs that descend further
and further to a base floor.
And there beneath, you
see the cloaked figure
swinging the lantern.
But here amidst this kind
of odd mausoleum sense
of the subterranean
basement of the pyramid.
- From Deli's arms, I'm gonna
look at the queen and say,
Your Majesty, this is
where your parents live?
- They live nearby.
- Oh.
This is sort of a strange meeting place.
- Hey, what the f*ck are we doing?
Right?
Like, what is this?
- I don't know.
I was summoned here.
- Well.
- We're allowed to express incredulity?
- I'm along for the ride.
- We continue.
- Okay.
Do you follow behind?
- I do.
- In a single file line,
you begin to slowly descend
the curved staircase
down into this hollow.
And as you all touch onto
the hard floor beneath,
the figure turns around
and begins to ascend
the curved stairs on the
opposite side back to the top.
- Oh hell no. I'm going up.
- As soon as you stare up,
other figures step to the edge
of the pit, five, 10,
in the dark browns, also dull tans
and golds and grays and blacks.
These calico cloaks and robes,
these strange shiny masks
These calico cloaks and robes,
these strange shiny masks
on their faces.
And they complete a ring around the top
as the lantern figure sets it aside.
- Apologies, Bishop.
[Brennan grunting]
I'm gonna drop, spear, shield.
- It's all right. It's all right.
The Bulb will not let any harm come to us.
- Oh, for goodness' sake, Bishop.
- We welcome you, treasured guests.
Your wisdom and arrival
confirms our faith in you.
Another voice across the way.
We live in a world of radical indulgence.
Rampant narcissism.
Arrogance and ignorance.
It is within this void
of virtue and insight
that the shadow of
destruction looms over all
of the six kingdoms
and has grown darker
with each passing year.
Would you not agree?
- In broad terms,
I see how one could arrive at
such a position, certainly.
- Another voice across the
ring from underneath the mask
partially muffled again.
Our forefathers unified
under the common cause
of guiding us all from the
precipice of destruction.
To seize the course of history
and shape it for the good of all.
Another one across the way
even further from there.
We have been the background caretakers
to the future of Calorum.
We are the Fellowship
of Destiny's Architects.
Another voice.
We pull the strings from the
shadows behind the thrones.
We design the necessary
conflicts that serve our cause
and engineer their doing.
As Architects, we seek no prestige.
We wish no gilded praise, coin, or glory.
We only seek to steer
us away from the messy,
dangerous impulses of the ignorant masses.
Away from the imbecilic leadership
that passes ever onward
through thinning bloodlines.
Away from the true terrors and threats
that most do but do not chose to see
and build a bright, sustainable future.
There is a pause.
And a gentle voice comes through
one of the other robed figures.
You have been chosen now,
just as many others before
you, for a particular task,
an opportunity to help in
making this way forward.
When the time is right, we
will call for you once more.
Answer and succeed, and
you will be rewarded.
Wealth.
Influence.
Truth.
Vengeance.
We can grant them all.
- How?
- Another voice.
Decline or fail and your darkest secrets
will be made plain to the world.
You will wash away with the riffraff
that pulls us all down into
the muck to be forgotten.
- Why are you threatening us?
- It is not a threat.
- No, that was a threat.
- It's an assurance.
- And who are you who
hide behind these cloaks?
Who are you really?
- There's no response.
- I suppose it a fool's errand,
but I think in this
moment, I would be making
either a Perception or Insight to see
if I recognized even a
single one of these voices.
- Yup, yup, yup.
- Yes.
- Make a Perception check,
and I'll say with disadvantage
because of the low light
of the interior here.
- For sure.
- If I look over and see the bishop
kind of trying to suss things out,
I'm gonna sneaky throw
you a Bardic Inspiration.
- Ooh.
- You just feel
your stomach rumble a
little bit with hunger.
- In that moment where
I can feel your support,
I'm going to throw just a
little sort of mischievous smile
your way and telepathically
say, cloaks and voices,
but they do seem to have
secrets, don't they?
- I like secrets.
- If you let a fox pick
you up in its jaws,
sometimes it'll take you back to its hole.
- The bishop's really cool.
- Perception with disadvantage.
- [Matt] Yeah.
- That is only gonna be an 11.
- Unfortunately, due to the
low light of this interior
and the heavy amount of unique clothing
they use to obscure themselves,
you do not pick up anything
beyond just variations
in height and what little bit
of the voices you could tell,
you can sense voices are being put on
to the best of their ability.
So no one catches your attention.
- I don't know if you'd be able to tell,
but does it seem like
multiple food groups here?
but does it seem like
multiple food groups here?
- Make a Perception check yourself.
- Let's go.
- Definitely the different
nations, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The different accents were clear.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- Oh.
- Well.
That's Perception check is a 14.
- 14, yeah, that's-
- Can I make
an Insight check on the
people in the pit with me?
Do they seem scared or-
I guess I'm just trying
to read everyone here.
- The troop?
- Everyone here?
- Yeah, read the room.
- Who fell in with me.
- Sure.
Are any of you hiding your
current emotional state?
- I'm trying to.
- I'm not.
- Go ahead and roll an Insight check.
- sh*t.
- Insight?
- Deception.
- Is a 19.
- 18.
- Deception 20.
I rolled a three, but I
can't get lower than a 20.
[Brennan's tongue clicking]
- The bishop seems oddly unfazed,
but the majority of the troupe in here,
through various stages of careful guarding
but unable to keep at bay,
the shakiness in their voices,
and the wideness of their eyes belying
of their current back foot situation.
- One last attempt.
I'm gonna spin my ring around
and hold it in my fist
and say, let me see.
And I'm gonna see if I can use my vision
to pierce through any of the cloaks
and see who's actually
being hidden behind them.
- Okay. What does this ring do?
- While wearing this ring.
While wearing this ring,
you can use an action to
speak the command word.
When you do so, you can see into
and through solid matter for one minute.
This vision has a radius of 30 feet.
- Whoa.
- To you, solid objects
within that radius appear transparent
and don't prevent light
from passing through them.
The vision can penetrate
one foot of stone,
one inch of common metal,
or up to three feet of wood or dirt.
Thicker substances block the vision,
as does a thin sheet of lead.
- That's interesting.
It's designed to look
through thicker materials.
Okay.
Roll a Perception check for me,
'cause even though you can see through it,
it's still low-lit.
So still a disadvantage,
but the DC is not as high.
And if you succeed, you
might get some details.
- Disadvantage, 11 plus
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah ♪
Perception?
- Mm-hmm.
- 15.
- 15, okay, okay.
Not terribly bad.
You make out one figure just a little bit.
They appear to be almost like a bottle,
like a glass container.
Tall, some sort of an amber liquid within,
but that's as much as you
can tell from this distance.
But even with that Perception,
and then you said you were
looking at a different-
What'd you roll, again?
- My original was 14.
- 14.
You also notice this.
Beyond the different heights,
there are definitely,
based on the accents,
based on the body types,
there are members from pretty
much all the six kingdoms
represented here.
- I think, for that Insight check,
I think my confidence
is reading as the pious,
it's reading as I said
the Bulb would not let
any harm come to us, and
that's the kind of confidence.
I'm going to look at
everyone here in the pit
and look up at these strangers
surrounding us and say,
though you will not show us who you are
or share your names with us,
you have said nothing of your
cause to which I can disagree.
You have told us that
you will make a request,
and in the time of that
request, should it be
within the Bulb's light
to see it due justice,
then I will acquiesce.
And if not, then I will smile
through whatever consequence awaits.
- The shorter robed figure
steps forward and goes,
you say within the Bulb's light.
We all walk in it.
This is the greater destiny
the Bulb has for us.
And for well over a
century, we have engineered
and maintained all that
is good in these lands
from the shadows.
We are not kings. We are not leaders.
We are the ones who guide them.
We are the ones who forge the future.
And we invite you to help us do so.
If you decline, we will find another,
and your secrets will wash you away.
- I don't mind this deal, Colin.
I kinda like it.
- You like it?
- Yeah.
They're asking us.
These guys, they're kingmakers.
And they've chosen us.
- I don't think they
want us to be the king.
- I'm just gonna telepathically
reach out to Karna.
If there is anything you know
about who these people are,
tell me now, because
what they have sent me,
you're the only one who knows.
- Have I heard anything,
even rumors, about a group like this?
- Roll a History check.
- [Aabria] Mm.
- [Matt] This is a very, very high DC.
- 11.
- No f*cking clue.
- Can I make just a general
Insight check about this group?
I'm trying to decide or I'd
be curious what you think
of knowing that they
said we all have secrets-
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Regardless of how people
are presenting themselves,
it seems like people are lying, right?
[all laughing]
Is there...
[Zac sighing]
Oh.
That's a four.
[Matt laughing]
- 11.
I mean, everyone's
pretty focused elsewhere.
You can take the word for what it is
from what the robed figures said,
but no one's giving
too much at the moment.
- I don't know who you
are, but maybe don't talk
about wanting to be a king
with people who are like,
"We don't like leaders." You know?
- I don't want to be a king.
I'm just saying they're
people of influence.
And I don't know who
the hell you are either.
- And I don't know who the hell you are.
- Great.
We're two people who don't know
who the f*ck each other are.
- Oh, for goodness' sake.
- What's your deal?
- And if we say yes-
- I don't like this.
- Do we go home?
- All their arms open,
not quite in unison,
but kind of following each other's thread.
The voice say, of course you do.
You have lives to attend.
And whenever we need you, we'll call.
There are many big things coming.
Many plans we have spent years
and other alliances like
yours to ensure its passing.
and other alliances like
yours to ensure its passing.
Another voice says, consider it.
You'll know we mean the
truth in short enough time.
That should be proof enough.
We speak our truth.
And when we ask of you to return,
then you can make your choice.
And they all step away from the ring.
- Okay.
- A voice echoes as they've
vanished from eyesight.
Now go.
Enjoy your dinner before it's too late.
Make your handshake
deals and pleasantries.
Before the night is out, our
plot shall begin to unfold.
- Your Majesty.
I offer my hand.
- Your Eminence.
Yes.
- I start going up the steps.
Your Majesty, they mentioned secrets.
Do you know what they
could be referring to?
- Well, of course I have secrets.
I'm the queen.
I know all sorts of things
that the king only knew.
- So they sent you some
messenger who said,
"Hey, we've got dirt on-
- No, they sent me nothing.
I was looking for my parents.
- Your Majesty.
I can only protect you
if I know where you are.
- All right.
I'll be more careful next time.
- And I can only protect
you if I know who you are.
- I am the Queen
Amangeaux Epicée Du Peche.
I am both.
- Lovely work in this pyramid.
- Isn't it?
I love the work of Fructera.
- Just gonna rock up to
Deli and stare him down.
- Can I help you?
- What's your secret?
[Lou laughing]
- What's yours?
- And I'm gonna just take the ring off.
I replaced a really powerful
spymaster several years ago.
So when I say I don't
know who the f*ck you are,
you should probably take that as,
you know, you're not worth knowing yet.
- Wow.
Well, I didn't even know
there was a spymaster.
[all laughing]
And I say, Colin, let's roll.
[all laughing]
- You're gonna have to
think about that one.
- [Lou] Yeah.
- No, I'm not.
- Colin, I'm into this.
- I think certain things
might sound more interesting
than they are in the reality of it.
It is a little scary to me.
- I know, but like they
said, they're not threats,
they're assurances.
They just want us to double
down on what they see in us.
- What possible favor do
you think they will ask us?
- I don't know.
I mean, probably nothing
crazier than what you offer
to do for me every 15 seconds.
- I think that I offer that
in a very specific time
and place of my choosing,
and I don't like having the choice.
- Is this your secret?
- I'm sorry?
- What?
You're talking. I can hear you.
- Yeah, I know but what do you mean?
- There's two stairs.
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean?
- That was the thing
you were hinting at.
It was very, like, in the thing I offer.
I'm sorry.
- No.
I meant, like, oh, well, yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'm assuming you got
the package as well?
- Yeah. Of course.
- Yeah.
Which had your secret in it.
I'm not gonna just tell you my secret.
- Why not?
- We're not there yet.
- I mean.
If they didn't want us working together,
they would've talked to us separately.
So maybe there's some value
in getting to a base trust.
You know what I mean?
- Are we so far ahead
that we can't hear them
or can hear them?
- I'm slow as hell.
- Okay, right. So we can hear everything.
- I think if we get to the
outside of the pyramid,
I'm going to turn to face the
rest of the group here and go,
well, on some level,
this was always to be
expected, Your Majesty.
You are a target.
And we know that the nature of
this feast of Saint Eggamere
relates to your late husband, the king.
Clearly, these interlopers
see some benefit
to the young Thane of
the Meat Lands as well,
and this warrior of your retinue.
Whoever was in that room
had enough power to draw
the queen of Vegetania
to the bottom of a pyramid
in the dark of night.
But they didn't have enough
power to not need you,
to not need all of you.
- And you, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Me?
No, I think I was-
- Come on, dude.
- I'm gonna send telepathically,
okay, come on now.
They didn't seem surprised you were there.
- They had one guy just watching it, huh?
- They just let you stumble in.
- Now listen up, you m*therf*ckers,
listen up and listen good.
[Aabria gasping]
I ran up here because an
acolyte saw the queen come here.
- Mm-hmm.
- And just because
that's what happened
doesn't mean that you all
have to feel some type of way about it.
- You need help walking?
- Yes. Hold me.
- I definitely like this is the first time
that I have shot back
at him was down there.
That's the first time that
I've ever shot back at you
because I did not trust
that that was what happened.
- Can I Sleight of Hand
just check his pockets
when I pick him up?
- Yes, you may.
- Yes.
- Go ahead and make a Perception check.
- You still have Bardic Inspiration.
- Thank you, d6?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- That's a nat 20.
- f*ck.
- He doesn't even have pockets.
[all laughing]
- Oh, are you looking
for a letter that says
where I was earlier tonight?
- Yes, I was.
- This is a bunch of
receipts from a donut shop
elsewhere in Comida.
[Matt laughing]
- Vinegar.
[Brennan laughing]
Vinegar cream puff blueberries?
- I love little cream puff blueberries.
Look, so the four of you are
important and I'm some guy.
[all laughing]
- Don't buy it.
- I can't believe this is
working on my brain, but-
[all laughing]
- It hurts, right?
- I feel myself
being convinced even
though I'm not convinced.
[all laughing]
- Against your better judgment,
the old man makes a point.
- The dice are trying
to tell a story, okay?
That was a straight up other nat 20.
- Yeah.
- That's f*cking crazy.
- This is wild.
- That is crazy.
- Again, whoever was in that pyramid
was dangerous enough to
draw all of you here,
but not so dangerous
that there's not something
they need from you.
There is opportunity here.
Dangerous, mysterious, but
opportunity nonetheless.
Owie.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
I like what you're saying.
- Yes.
I don't know who they are,
but I don't think they're wrong about you.
Well, memorial feast and everyone here
has been engaged in
some form of espionage.
So let's get on the hot foot tout suite.
- Before we leave, I slide up to Karn.
- [Matt] Mm-hmm.
- Base trust?
What do you wanna know?
- Why did you come here?
- They know about a romance
that I'm involved with
- They know about a romance
that I'm involved with
that I shouldn't be.
- Okay.
Base trust.
- Base trust.
- I'm very used to being disposable.
And that had all of the seeming of people
who are interesting enough
that no one will miss.
So, I'll look out for you,
but I told you my secret.
So, I'll look out for you,
but I told you my secret.
The people that are coming
for me, let 'em come.
- All right.
That's pretty tough.
- And I want to pull out a little notebook
of just information that I've gathered
when I wasn't at the
earlier afternoon events.
And I think just as a baseline trust,
I'm getting you caught up with
what the nobles are saying.
- Who are any of these people?
[all chuckling]
Oh, these are, oh, oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, I got it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Great.
- I'm gonna need
that notebook back, but
we can walk and talk.
- Great, thanks.
- Yeah.
- As you all step out from underneath
the Great Pyramid of Food and
back into the night streets
of Comida, you take this
time, in partial conversation,
in partial silence,
contemplating the ramifications
of such an established
group supposedly knowing
what they know and what they
may have in store for you,
whenever that may be.
You gather your thoughts and
attend the memorial dinner,
somber at first, then as the drinks flow,
it becomes a little more pleasant.
Fond memories of King
Cardoon begin to be shared,
and then, in the midst of this revelry
and sense of understanding
amongst the attendees,
a round, red, ruddy-cheeked
tomato stands forth
a round, red, ruddy-cheeked
tomato stands forth
and clinks a glass.
[glass clinking]
As those in attendance
look around and says,
all of you who have come in
the memory of the great king,
it has been said and spoken
that without an heir,
the bloodline comes to an end.
But that does not mean that
we are without options.
For the house of Tomate legally holds
the next in line birthright
to the throne of Vegetania.
And I myself and the noble
houses of Fructera are behind me
to be the king to unite the two kingdoms
as your king Jacque Tomate.
[crowd applauding]
At this point, certain cheers
and claps begin to come
from the various Fructeran
nobles in the chamber.
Others kind of clap confusedly
and all the Vegetanian guests
just stand there still.
Eventually, as the glasses
aren't rising quite as much
as Tomate was expecting,
he looks towards the Vegetanians
who begin to stand up.
And there you see Lord Belvedere
Cabbage clear his throat.
[Matt's throat clearing]
[Matt sighing]
We deny his preposterous claim.
This is not recognized
by Vegetanian nobility.
And indeed, the successor
will be chosen for Vegetania
by Vegetanians.
Tomate retorts.
Was this law not established
by the Bulb's light itself?
I thought you, as pious people,
souls from underneath the great Bulb,
would understand that the
Bulb's will will not be denied.
Belvedere turns with
the rest of the nobles
and looks towards the
archbishop, Camille Colliflour,
with Bishop Brassica at her
side, arm on her shoulder.
Bulbian law is but an interpretation
of the great Bulb's will.
Flawed by the minds of
mortals who write it down.
We have conferred with the pontifex
and have ruled that your claim,
Tomate, to the Vegetanian throne
is inconclusive by divine script.
In such matters, it has been agreed
to leave such decisions to the remaining
sovereign noble houses of
the kingdom of Vegetania,
House Cabbage.
[crowd shouting]
The debate roars on for five minutes.
The rest of the nobility
in the room holding back,
finishing their drinks,
and others preparing
for some sort of a show of violence,
until the Vegetanian
nobles stand up and leave.
As they go, the partially drunken
Tomate screams after them.
You can do what you will.
The throne is rightfully mine,
and I will take it by word or by sword.
In the wake of this
ominous Eggamere Festival,
as you begin to scatter
in the following morning,
Eggamere concluded, to your
various homes and lands,
Tomate rallies the people
of Fructera behind his cause
and begins seizing
bordering Vegetanian lands
as the months go on.
Marching Fructeran armies make their way
to the gates of Greenhold to
claim his throne by force.
You must flee and find
safe spaces beyond the home
that you had once held.
And you, returning to Fructera
in the embrace of your
family and your parents.
In the midst of this struggle,
to the north, the Ceresian
Senate engages military support
to aid in their alliance
with the Vegetanian lords,
a move that widely upsets
the Ceresian people
and pushes back the Fructeran armies.
In the two years that
follow this Eggamere,
Senator Focaccia claims
dominance of Ceresia
as the new Imperator.
Withdrawing from the southern conflict
and instead mounting the Ceresian armies
to as*ault the Meat Lands at their border.
[Brennan gasps]
- f*ck.
- This galvanizes the Dairy Islands
to take up arms in support
of their Meatlander allies,
which in turn triggers
a full-scale as*ault
from Ceresian retaliation,
and they invade the Dairy Islands.
Candia's refusal to take the banner of w*r
in defense of the
islands further fractures
the ruling House Rocks of Candia,
establishing the Candian
traitor house of Jawbreaker.
[Aabria gasping]
By the year 1190, all
of Calorum is embroiled
in the beginnings of a
full-scale continent-wide w*r,
one to be known in time
as the Ravening w*r.
And we'll pick up there next episode.
[all screaming]
[Brennan clapping]
- And it was in front of our face!
- Yeah!
- There you are.
You're safe.
- Do you need more resources
awaiting you in Comida?
- No, you've been
incredibly generous, Bishop.
Thank you.
- Colin, Colin.
[Zac shrieking]
It's the Fellowship.
We need to get to Comida immediately.
- The entire continent of
Calorum is holding its breath
for the next wave of bloodshed.
- You are still, though
you may not be referred to
by these rebel lords and
ladies, a monarch of Vegetania.
- The Ceresians see us as
the sh*t of the Great Beasts
and will use our bodies and
our children as fertilizer
to grow their wheat fields,
and if we do not stand together,
if we do not unite, we will be overrun.
- This will not be an
occasion for weakness.
- No, no, I've learned from my mistakes.
- Did you send a missive
to Tomate directly?
- Yeah, I did.
- Then you know where he is.
- You didn't get a missive back.
- I didn't get a missive back.
- When all of this fighting is done,
will they remember you as a hero?
- I would prefer not to be remembered.
[Matt imitates blade thudding]
[Matt groaning]
- I'm sorry.
We are all eventual waste.
- Y'all freaks.
[all laughing]
[orchestral music]
[orchestral music continues]
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17x01 - The Seeds of Conflict
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.