- [Brennan] A list of the topics, themes,
and subject matter
featured in this episode
has been included in
the video description.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ It's our time, it's our year ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Everything's about to change ♪
♪ We're all gonna be okay ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
Hello, one and all!
[rock music]
Welcome back to another thrilling episode
of "Dimension 20: Fantasy High".
I'm your humble dungeon
master Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- Last we left off, we were
chasing down the Night Yorb,
who now flees towards a portal
deep in the archways of these
massive wind-carved stones
in the depth of the Red Waste.
The Night Yorb, surrounded
by its cultists,
conveniently called Yorbies,
that are chanting its name
as it approaches the portal-
- No!
- Don't worry, I only count
it on a bonus action for them.
- Okay.
- I'm not gonna be cheesy,
they have a bonus action
where they get to say
the name, Night Yorb.
We left with the Hangvan
perilously in the air,
tilting sideways, a rock tipped
over to crush it in midair,
and with a sickening
gurgle from her stomach
and a flash of yellowy light,
Fig, in a blast of magic,
sends the rock scattering and
the Hangvan rights itself,
bam, landing here back in pitched combat.
The Night Yorb surges ahead.
What happens when it makes
its way to this place,
we cannot say, but we
are once again in combat
with all of the Yorbies
pursuing you on their mounts.
We see the van here.
To the right, Duggan McCann
and Fabian Aramais Seacaster,
ballista all scattered out before you,
and these cultists of the Night Yorb
that wish to bring about whatever happens
when the Night Yorb reaches that portal.
Adaine Abernant, you are first to act.
We are back in combat.
[gentle instrumental]
- [Siobhan] Oh boy, okay.
Can I do an Insight check
to see if something grabbing
onto the Night Yorb would slow it down,
or is only this radiant
thing gonna do anything?
- Give me an Insight check.
- Great. 23.
- You don't know what would move
the Night Yorb specifically
but the solar lasso is
essentially a fishing line.
So I'll spell out the mechanics,
and then you make any determination
that you want. - Great.
- Because those mechanics are set.
That's physics. That's
law of magic in Spyre.
If it gets within five feet
of the sigil on top of the van
and it is bloodied-
- Yes.
- someone can do that action
to try to seal it away
within the sigil on top of the van.
If you are able to do
that- so in other words,
if the lasso were to
get it to like 10 feet
and someone could just leap up and beat it
in an Athletics to do
a shove attack, right?
You see what I'm saying?
So the lasso's doing a
tremendous amount of work,
because it's keeping it-
it's tightening the circle
of how far away it is, over
and over and over again.
But once you get it to
some kind of critical mass
where it's close enough, you can start to,
for lack of a better word, cheat it,
even though it's not cheating at all.
But you know what I mean.
- Sure.
- You would be able to go,
okay, let's just get it
over the finish line.
- So if I cast something,
it's not instantly
gonna get sucked into it
or not have any effect.
I can do something on its physical body
to move it, potentially.
- Potentially, yes. It
is incredibly strong.
It has a Strength of, like, 29.
- Great.
- But if you can find ways
of getting it five feet
closer, that's great.
But remember, if it moves-
either with a legendary action
or on its turn or whatever, if it moves,
then it goes to the maximum
distance of the solar lasso.
- Would me moving it make the solar lasso
an easier check for Zac?
- Yeah, potentially. If you
were to slacken it a lot, right?
- I could reel it in easier.
- [Brennan] You could reel
it in easier, for sure.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah.
- In which case, I will cast Bigby's Hand.
- Ooh!
- My second 5th level
spell, right in front of it,
and I will use
Grasping Hand.
- Hell yes.
- Which is a grapple check,
so it's the hand's Strength
score to resolve the grapple.
- Okay, so you're gonna try to reduce
its speed to zero, effectively.
- Yes, that's what I'm trying to do.
- Copy that, awesome.
- Yeah.
Describe what the hand
looks like as you summon it.
Or if it even looks like a hand.
It could look like anything.
- Yeah, I think the hand looks like
a really big version of
Riz's ringed Mage Hand.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
- Just as a fun little
bit, just for myself.
- Wow.
- Incredible.
- That's cool and casual.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and roll
your first grapple check.
- Great.
That's a 16 plus 8, so a 24.
- It is still Hexed,
so it's gonna have disadvantage
still on Athletics.
- Great.
- This is pretty significant.
So we're gonna roll, and
this is concentration.
- It is concentration, yes.
- We're gonna roll here.
If the lower of these two die
is an 11 or lower, it fails,
and also, because this is
an opposed skill check,
it cannot use legendary resistance.
- No, it can't!
- [Brennan] Very sharp.
Very, very sharp, okay.
- We learned how to play the
game in this last 5 1/2 years.
- All the way.
- A little bit.
- If one of these is an
Six!
- Yeah!
- And an 19.
- I only saw the 19 at first.
- Adaine, coming up with
that Healing Word from Fig,
comes to.
Magic cascades before you
and [gibbering] the Night Yorb is grasped
by a massive hand of glowing arcane force.
- And since I've done
that, and it is grappled,
I can use my bonus action
to use the hand to crush it,
so that's an extra 2d6 plus 4.
- Ooh, go for it. What
kinda damage does that do?
- Force.
- It is bludgeoning damage.
- Bludgeoning, gotcha.
- Classic.
- [Siobhan] Classic!
- So classic.
- I could not have rolled worse.
That is seven damage to the Night Yorb.
- Seven damage.
- Could get it to bloodied.
What does it gain every
time someone says its name?
- Five.
- Five, okay. That took
one of the names away!
- Yeah.
- There it is.
- From this new chorus-
- Don't patronize me. It was bad.
- But the main thing is
that you've taken a thing
that's the whole win
condition, is it getting here,
and it can no longer get there.
So, I'm gonna say its speed being closed,
I'm gonna adjudicate this in the moment,
a success on the solar lasso,
a success will go from 5 feet to 10,
and a success of 10 or more
will move from 10 to 20.
- Yes!
- Okay?
- Yes, baby!
- Adaine, that is your turn.
Gorgug Thistlespring, you are up.
- [Siobhan] Okay.
- [Zac] Thank you.
[guitar instrumental]
I can do the lasso on my turn, right?
- [Brennan] Yes, you can.
- [Zac] Okay, so I will
just try that, I guess.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- And it's with advantage, right?
- [Brennan] It's rolling disadvantage.
Okay, you've got to beat a 17.
- A 17 on the die plus 3 plus 5.
- So that's more than-
- 25
- 17 on the die-
- I'm gonna Cutting Words
to try and get it to...
Minus six.
- Whoa! Nice!
- Nice, nice, nice.
- You reel it in 20 feet.
The Night Yorb is on f*cking top.
It is five feet away from
the ritual being cast-able.
- All right, and I can do it again?
- You can do it again.
- All right.
- Yes, you can.
- It's showtime!
- Come on, yeah!
- [Brennan] Okay, that's gonna be a 26.
- Actually, it's a one.
I rolled two ones on my divination rolls.
- Yeah!
- Wow.
- Nat one, that is a 13.
- Dirty 20.
- 13, dirty 20. It is
Everyone in the Hangvan feels [gibbering]
as this thing beats on top of you.
- Balthazar, are you okay in there?
- [Murph] I'm sure he's fine.
- I'm gonna go into a rage!
- [Brennan] Okay, sick.
You go into a rage.
- It's happening!
- It's f*cking happening!
You've got it right there.
It is not bloodied, but you've got it.
This incredible piece of arcano-tech
you've built, Gorgug, is working.
You see that this hand is
shoving it down onto the Hangvan
as you've got the solar lasso going,
and Kristen Applebees, that
is going to be your turn.
- f*ck it up, Kristen!
- This is just a cantrip,
but I'm going to cast Toll the Dead.
- [Brennan] Let's see
if it gets it bloodied.
Let's see if it gets it bloodied.
- [Ally] If the target is
missing any hit points,
it's instead 2d12 necrotic damage.
- [Brennan] Okay, here we go.
[die rolling]
- That's a two.
[die rolling]
That's an 8! All right, 10.
- 10, and what I need from you is,
does it get a saving throw?
- Yeah, a Wisdom saving throw.
- Gotcha. Okay, 10 damage
coming the Night Yorb's way.
Wisdom saving throw.
Fails, takes the full 10.
It has resistance to necrotic,
so it's gonna become five.
However, five damage.
The Night Yorb is bloodied.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- The Night Yorb is Bloodied.
- So sick.
- So all of you are watching.
Kristen, you toss this
cantrip up overhead.
All of you see... [screeches]
Adaine's sigil on the roof
of the van begins to glow,
powerful daylight moving up.
You see that the Night Yorb is twitching,
the stars in its body [gibbering]
moving around everywhere.
Kristen, any bonus actions from you?
- No, no no no.
- Okay.
- I have...
Okay, never mind. That was fine.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- I was gonna maybe
try to borrow your g*n,
because I can add radiant
damage to a shot like that.
- I do have radiant damage on the g*n.
- Okay, tight.
Okay, cool.
- Do you have any kind of Healing Word
type situation or whatever?
- Definitely. - Because I
think a lot of people are hurt.
- Yeah, do you have Mass Healing Word?
- [Ally] I do.
- Would you be interested in doing that?
- Would you be interested in healing us?
- Can I interest you in healing?
I don't need any healing personally.
- I mean, I'm just worried.
- I mean, I'm on nine points.
- Because I feel like everything
the Night Yorb has done
would have taken me down, had it hit.
- Yes, and I feel like-
- Is Mass Healing Word a bonus action?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- Oh, is it? I had no idea.
I was like, I have it.
- It's a bonus action,
and you did cantrip,
so you can cast it.
- Who's the most hurt?
I'm at 29.
- I'm at nine.
- I'm all the way up to 50 now.
- I can do six creatures.
- I got my temp HP.
- I can do all of us.
- Oh sh*t, sick.
- However, I need to not
lose my Concentration on Hex.
- Everyone gets 11 points of health.
- Everyone gets 11 points of health.
- [Siobhan] Okay, back up to 20.
- Everyone gets 11 HP back.
- I don't need it. Is there
someone else we can give it to?
- Does everyone get it?
- Can the van take it?
- I will allow the van to
take it in this instance.
van is now back at 59.
We come back into combat.
The Hangvan gets those hit points back.
It is the Night Yorb's turn.
We're gonna roll a recharge
for that breath weapon.
Five or six does the trick.
- One!
- Three.
- Yes!
- Does not recharge.
- So huge.
- Thank god. That was so bad.
- Huge.
- Huge.
- Huge!
- It is going to multiattack.
- Aw!
- Wait, are you serious?
- That's so cute.
- That feels like a stretch,
that this has multiattack.
- It has multiattack
and legendary actions?
Feels like too many.
- I could name 10 monsters right now.
- Brennan, you're literally bullying us.
- I've never heard of a monster
that attacked two times?
- It's not like we're playing
level 20 characters, Brennan.
- We're only level 10.
We're basically babies.
- Playing with you all at
level 10 has never convinced me
that this game is unplayable at level 20.
f*cking unplayable.
Okay, it's going to bite
attack Adaine Abernant.
- How dare you, and also, you can try,
because I have Mirror Image on, so...
It does hit.
- No!
- It does in fact hit me.
- You were much too confident.
- [Siobhan] I had to roll above a six.
- You can try!
- You can try!
- It was really cute, though.
- Okay, in the Mirror Image,
first of all, let's see if it hits.
It might not hit.
It hits.
- Shield.
- It bypasses the shield.
- Can I Silvery Barbs?
- You can Silvery Barbs.
- Okay, let's try it.
- [Brennan] Adaine,
you've used your reaction
to cast Shield.
- Yes.
- [Brennan] Your armor
class is currently 20.
- Yes.
- You are making it reroll.
It succeeds.
- Goddammit!
- And it bypasses the Mirror Image.
It is going to deal 30
points of damage to Adaine.
- I'm back down, and the hand is gone.
- The hand vanishes, still at five feet.
The hand still did its job,
it got you to the point
where it's reeled in on top of the sigil.
- We just need to get to
our little lair action.
- The Night Yorb, it's
going to take advantage
of this situation.
The first thing it's gonna do is,
it's gonna take more attacks later,
but it's gonna move,
because it's no longer being restrained.
It gets its speed back.
I'm gonna need a Strength
saving throw from the driver.
- [Siobhan] Strength?
- [Ally] You get advantage.
- I have a minus two.
- And it's a saving
throw, so you get Bless.
- [Murph] Okay, all right.
[dice rolling]
- I just thought if I acted
excited, it would be good.
- Only a 13.
- Okay, this is still grappled,
so its speed is halved,
but it's basically like
you've reeled in a big fish,
and now the big fish is
pulling the boat, right?
- [Murph] Okay.
- It's gonna go-
- What?
- Naur!
- Naur!
- Are you sure?
[Emily laughing]
- So, you are all dragged behind.
Also, Gorgug and Fig, once again give me
some saving throws to catch Adaine.
- Okay. Dex save.
- Okay, what kind is it?
- Dex save.
- Dex?
- [Lou] And you have-
- [Ally] You have advantage.
- [Lou] Gorgug's got that ADV
- Oh! I got a 22!
And I didn't even add my Bless.
- I got a 14.
- I got a 22 plus 4, 26.
- 26, okay.
Adaine is once again grabbed
by her friends. Boom!
- Not today, friend.
- As you guys are moving,
I need to tell you,
this thing is five feet above you.
So you're getting hit
in the head as you move,
by this massive f*cking
monstrosity overhead, grab Adaine.
It's actually even a little
bit further on the board
than is indicated right here.
Its next movement, if
it is allowed to move,
it will clear it to the portal, okay?
- So we've got to do this.
- You basically have one round.
You have before it takes its movement.
It's gonna take its next two attacks.
It's gonna take a wing
attack on Fig and Gorgug.
- If I'm in the passenger seat,
is Fig within five feet of me?
- Yeah.
- I'll use my reaction
to use Protection to
impose a disadvantage.
- Oh, that's huge!
- Hell yeah, hell yeah.
- Huge.
- Wing is still gonna be a hit.
- I really need to not get
hit. I'm gonna Luck point it.
- Okay, gotcha.
- Just got to try.
- Okay, you're gonna do Luck
point. It's gonna reroll.
It hits, succeeds.
- Okay.
- What is it rolling with?
- Well, it's just got these huge,
it's got plus 12s and
plus 14s to its attacks.
It's just a giant monster, you know?
It's rolling disadvantage
on so much stuff.
Fig, you take 6 plus 8, you
take 14 points of damage.
- Okay, so it also takes,
because I have the Armor of Ayda,
it takes 15 points of fire damage.
- It takes 15 points of fire damage.
- And I still have my temp HP,
so if it hits me again,
it will take that again.
- I will also say this.
It's been halving so much
damage, but because you've got it
within the headlights of the
Hangvan, you pulled it in,
it is not going to halve that fire damage.
It takes the full 15.
- My girlfriend says hello!
- Phoenix fire surrounds you
and singes this thing as it strikes you.
Go ahead and give me that Concentration.
- We got it, baby!
- That's right, that's right!
- Nat 20 on my Concentration.
- Let's go.
- Because of my Eldritch Mind advantage!
[rock music]
- Bam, getting slapped
with one of this thing's
wings, you keep that-
- I've never been more focused.
- Hell yes, and then Gorgug
is gonna get a wing attack.
That is gonna hit Gorgug
for 10 bludgeoning damage.
- So halved to five?
- Halved to five.
[music fades]
You take a giant manta ray wing
across the face, no problem.
- Ow!
- It's kinda wet, right?
- Yeah, it's so wet. It
seems like ice cold water.
[country music]
- [Emily] Duggan, what do
you have up your sleeve?
- [Siobhan] Duggan, you son of a b*tch.
- Duggan!
- [Murph] Duggan, you're
late again, buddy.
- [Brennan] You tell me I'm late again,
I'll tell you to go sit
on a whiskey bottle,
you punk b*tch.
- Oh god!
- Duggan!
- I miss Balthazar. Does
anyone else miss Balthazar?
- He's drinking a lot.
- I feel like we need
an intervention for
Duggan right after this.
- We all agreed once the
Night Yorb adventure was done-
- When Balthazar's here, they
kinda play off each other.
- Yeah, exactly.
- When it's just Duggan, it's just sad.
- It's dark.
- I wouldn't pay you to
lick the dust off my d*ck.
- Holy sh*t.
- Duggan!
- [wails mournfully] Balthazar!
He's gonna fire wildly
at the Night Yorb,
screaming Balthazar's name.
- You sh**t six, and you sh**t six more!
- Here we go. What's up, Duggan? Okay.
- What's chuggin', Duggan?
- [Ally] What's chuggin', Duggan?
- What's chuggin', Duggan?
- f*ck you.
- Okay, okay, he's
gonna hit the Night Yorb
a couple times. Not bad, Duggan.
Duggan deals 20 damage to the Night Yorb.
- Hell yeah.
- Nice, Duggan.
- Go off, Duggan.
- Yeah, Duggan's just
charging forward, weeping,
just stumbling on his four legs.
[music fades]
- Those legs!
- We're gonna jump
back to the top with Riz Gukgak.
- Come on!
- f*ck 'em up, Riz.
- Okay, okay.
Should I try to stop us,
or should I try to just
sh**t the Night Yorb?
- Yeah, we can't brake,
but maybe we can turn.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- But it's your actual turn.
- It is my actual turn, but I do have...
So, I have grappling canisters for my g*n.
- [Brennan] You sure do.
- Normally, the way that I
would use that is like Batman,
to kinda fly towards something.
Is there any way I could sh**t it at this
and try to tie it to the van?
- Yes!
- Cool.
- This is hot.
- I'm going to allow you to,
you can use that as an action,
and if you want to, as a bonus action,
make a Sleight of Hand
check to tie it to the van-
- I will definitely do that.
- [Brennan] Okay, go ahead
and give me an attack.
Attack is simple. It's
just an AC 15 on that rock.
- Okay.
It's fine, just got to get
five or higher. I got it.
I got a two.
I was gonna say it's c*ck,
but it's mostly not c*ck.
- What about Bless?
- Bless might help, if
you got a four or a three.
A three or a four.
- Do we got those beans?
You got the beans?
- Please don't use the beans.
- 3 or 4. It's 50/50.
- The beans are due, god.
- They're due?
- Guys, the beans are due!
- They're due? I don't
think, statistically...
That's gambler's fallacy, almost!
- The beans are unlucky.
- That's a perfect example
of gambler's fallacy.
- Everyone's gonna be really sorry
when these beans turn up three!
- Four!
- That's a four!
- [Lou] They're due!
- The beans are due!
- The beans are due!
- Beans, beans, beans, beans!
- Okay, you're gonna
give me a bonus action
Sleight of Hand, which is gonna become
the new Strength check
for the Hangvan, essentially.
- It was on a nat 20 for a second,
and then it switched to the two.
- So it's like you
attached it, but it's not-
- But it's just weak.
- You just tied a really shitty knot.
- I tied a shitty knot.
- Okay.
- What's the DC on it?
- Seven.
- Okay, you fire it,
get it around the thing,
tie it around the steering
wheel of the Hangvan.
It's still gassing it. That
is Fabian Aramais Seacaster.
- [Lou] Now, with regard
to what we're hoping to do
with the sealing, how is it gonna look?
What is the setup for that as
we have come to understand it?
- So here's the issue.
Right now, you only have
two people that have set up
for the round as sigilists,
which is Adaine and Fig.
- That's me.
- [Siobhan] And I'm down.
- I'm gonna be doing a Performance check
against his Athletics,
which it currently still
has disadvantage on.
- So if you wanted to-
- And I can give you Boggy.
- On the car action, if
you wanted to get up and be
a third sigilist just in
case, you could do that.
- Yes, I'm coming up. I'm coming up!
- I was gonna say, is there any way Fabian
can reinforce the f*ck-up I just did?
Essentially, do we have a bad knot
on the van that he could fix?
- You do have a bad knot on the van.
I'm gonna say something
else here right now,
which is just to remind us
of the initiative order.
- The Yorbies are going
next, and their bonus action
is screaming its name,
so I wanna smack it,
but I think also be
ready to be a sigilist.
- That's great, that's great.
- So I'm coming up.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- It's five feet away.
- Fabian's coming up!
- Yes, so you're gonna
try to wound it so badly
that even when they all do it, they can't-
- Oh, yes.
- Ecaf, you stay here.
I don't want you in danger.
Beauty like yours needs to be protected.
- Master Sea...
It's go time. Let's go.
- It's go time.
- Yeah, it's go time.
- All right.
- You're gonna do it.
You're gonna do great.
- Is it...
I shouldn't. No.
I just thought, maybe I'd just steal...
No.
- Oh god!
- Kristen, please. Please,
give me your EarPods please.
- There will be plenty of time for that
after we defeat the Night Yorb!
sh*t! Sorry, she said it.
- No!
- No! That shouldn't count!
- No, you're not allowed to do that
when your NPCs say it!
- Don't yell at her!
Don't yell at her, she's perfect!
- Sorry, there's nothing
I can do. It's the rules.
- I punch the mirror.
- I punch you!
- Your turn is punching Kristen.
- I attack Kristen twice. No.
- [Brennan] All right,
give me the Acrobatics,
DC 15, to get on the roof.
- We each have one EarPod in
and we're plugging the other
ear to not have to hear this.
- No!
[Murph laughs]
- No!
Dude!
- I can't believe he got a nat 20.
- [Murph] What are you doing?
- I'm gonna throw up.
- Yeah.
- No, no, no.
- Okay, okay. That's okay.
What was that? Was that a nat one?
- [Siobhan] Yes.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- Don't you reroll them,
though, because you're Lou?
- Oh yeah!
- I think that's a feat.
That's a feat I took in life.
- Lou point?
- Yeah, can I use a Lou point?
- Infinite Lou points.
- Oh my god!
- For being your best friend!
- I'm gonna need a Dexterity saving throw.
- It's a home-Lou.
- It's a home-Lou!
There it is! I knew we'd find it, wow.
- Don't use that one.
- [Siobhan] Don't use that one!
- The other one is... [sighs]
No!
- Did he just get a nat one again?
- No.
- It was a five.
- Okay.
- It was a five.
Do I get Bless on this?
- You do get Bless on this.
- [Ally] No!
- Great, so 9, 14.
- Wait, 14?
- 14. Don't look at...
Don't do that!
[somber instrumental]
That's your "I'm sorry
I have to do this" face!
- [Emily] Oh my god!
- You know, I'm always rooting for you.
- Yeah, I know!
- I'm always rooting for you.
- [Siobhan] Don't cry!
- Because you make your NPCs
say the Night Yorb
every single other word.
- I have to abide by the rules
of the things I choose to do.
- Well, the Hangman is behind the van
for whatever you choose to do.
- Murph, I'm gonna need you to roll 5d10.
- Oh my god!
- No!
- [Ally & Siobhan] You're
gonna make Murph do it?
- Murph's driving.
- [Murph] Okay, I'm back to
myself this episode, g*ng.
Don't worry.
- Murph, don't you-
- Except for the beans, that were due!
- Don't break any probabilities this time.
- Here's beans, the beans are due,
so these beans stay in the can.
- That last damage roll
was .002 probability.
- No more probability smashing, all right?
- No more probability smashing.
- Or break it in the other way.
- Just regular cursed rolls.
- All of them are ones.
- Pretty cursed, okay.
[rock music]
- Nice.
- Okay, so we got two twos,
a three, a seven, and an eight,
so total is 15, 18, 20,
- Fabian, you take 22 points of damage.
Please put your mini prone-
- You have to stay in the van.
You have to stay in the van.
- I was trying to!
- [Murph] You have to wear
your seatbelt, Fabian.
- Fabian has jumped and gone
under the Hangvan twice.
[music fades]
- [Murph] You have to wear your seatbelt.
- In, what, two turns?
- Yes!
- In, like, two rounds.
- Two thirds of my turns
have been underneath-
have started underneath this van.
- All you had to do was
roll a two both times.
- That's it. All I had
to do was roll a two.
If I roll a two, it happens.
- Can I just say, for
anyone watching at home,
don't jump out of moving vehicles,
because even if you're so
agile, the risk reward-
- So agile.
- So agile!
- I was climbing!
All right, well, the
Hangman scoops me up again.
Can I make a check to
grab onto the Hangman?
- Give me another DC 15 Acrobatics.
- Don't do this to me.
You're embarrassing me on this show.
- If you roll a nat one,
this is gonna be worse
than Cody's turn in Unsleeping City.
- I've already lost one dice, all right?
[die rolling]
Okay, that's a 25.
- [Brennan] You scoop up onto the Hangman.
- [Siobhan] Damn, Fabian,
that looks so cool, again!
- That was awesome.
- Yeah!
Yeah, it was awesome!
- [Siobhan] I kind of feel
like you're showboating.
- [Murph] You're bleeding a lot, though.
- No, that's... [stammering]
I f*cked up.
- You're gonna have to explain
why you do that to me later.
- Yeah, sure.
- [Brennan] Okay, action and
bonus action from Fabian.
- I don't-
- [Siobhan] Do you have a g*n?
- Yeah, I have a hand crossbow.
- sh**t it!
- Don't you have spells?
- I do have spells.
I don't think they'll...
- It's okay, man. It's okay.
- No, it'll be- that's gonna be all
- [Brennan] It's gonna all be okay.
- I'm gonna redeem myself.
The eye I still have-
I'm gonna sh**t it twice
with my hand crossbow.
- [Brennan] Here we go!
- [Emily] Yeah, okay!
- Let's do that.
- I love this.
- Fully red-faced.
Covered in blood.
- sh*t. Just moving blood out of...
All right, I just need one! Just one!
Okay, that's an 18.
- 18. Did you add Bless?
- That means I need to add Bless!
- 19 hits.
[players cheering]
- All right!
- Good!
That is seven points of damage
that I'm sure you'll halve
or quarter for some reason,
because this thing has multiple attacks.
And then a 14-
- I know you can't, you
know, it's fun to yell at me
because you can't yell at
your own dice, and I get it.
I do get it. I get it.
- And then another 10 points of damage
for you to third or whatever you wanna do.
I'm hurting!
The mirror doesn't wanna kiss me,
I keep falling out of... [laughing]
- Twang, twang!
Both bolts connect with the
Night Yorb, dealing damage.
The Night Yorb [screeches] screams out.
Anyone in the van or within, not Fabian,
but I'm gonna need everybody to give me
a Dexterity saving throw.
- What about me?
- You are going to take
a death save failure.
- Great.
- Is this a magical effect?
- No.
- Okay.
- I crit.
- Okay, amazing. You crit.
- 15.
- 15 as well.
- 15 for Gorgug, 15 for
Fig, okay. What'd you get?
- Two.
- Okay, so Riz, you succeed.
- Yeah.
- Is there anyone else in the...
Ecaf is also in the van.
- Oh yeah, I'll roll for her.
- Oh my god!
- That was pretty good.
- [Brennan] Okay, you
rolled a 10 on the die?
- Yeah.
- Is there anyone else in
the van? Roll for Baby.
- [Emily] Okay.
- [Siobhan] I'll roll for Boggy as well.
- [Emily] Baby got a five.
- Okay.
- Baby, are you okay down there?
- 15.
- Okay, so the Night Yorb,
[battle music]
sensing radiant, sensing that
its health is going down,
fully just [screeches]
And sensing that it's been pinned,
picks up sand and dirt
and grit with its wings,
does a windstorm attack.
Riz, you are fully unaffected.
You hide under the wheel well,
stay in control of the vehicle,
the knot is still there.
Everybody else is going to
take a fair amount of damage,
and also, I'm gonna
need follow-up Dex saves
for anyone on the roof, so Fig and Gorgug.
- Okay.
[tense instrumental]
- Is wind damage a specific-
- It's bludgeoning, so
you're gonna take half.
I'll tell everybody
now, everyone except Riz
is gonna take 13 points
of bludgeoning damage.
- Is that halved to six or seven?
- That would be halved to six for you.
- Okay, Boggy is down.
- I keep my Concentration.
- Hell yeah, I'm gonna need Concentration
from Kristen for Circle of Power.
- [Zac] 18 on my follow-up Dex save.
- 18 on the follow-up Dex save.
What was your follow-up?
- Follow-up Dex save.
Nat one.
- [Brennan] Okay. So Fig-
- Oof.
- [Ally] Who just got a nat one?
- [Emily] I just got a nat one.
- I just got a nat one, too.
- [Emily] You know, the
ones that crit for you
also give you nat ones,
and so you've got to take
your ones with your 20s.
- Fig is thrown. You are not
thrown, but you do take damage.
So 13 damage, but you hold Concentration.
Circle of Power is now gone.
[battle music fades]
- Did I specify which was the
teddy bear and which was me?
- I don't think you did.
- 'Cause Bless and Circle of Power are-
- So, you actually have
to roll Concentration
for both, though.
- Oh, for the teddy bear too?
- [Brennan] For the teddy
bear, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It gives you basically another
channel. What was that?
- What's that?
- What'd you get?
- It's a six on the die,
but what do I add to it?
- [Brennan] Constitution save. Con save.
- Doesn't it feel like our
dice are sh1tting on us?
- You don't have it written down!
- Yes I do, yes I do!
- No, you don't.
- It's all the same right here.
- No, but you add proficiencies!
- No, it's not, it's not!
Oh my god, I thought you read the book!
- I did read the book!
- [Siobhan] You add proficiencies.
- I was rushed!
- Their saving throws are empty.
- Circle of Power and Bless are both gone.
- They're empty!
- Kristen-
- If you wanna be helpful,
bro, if you wanna be helpful,
you would open up D&D Beyond
or my brand new book right now
and tell me what these numbers are.
- I don't know what
proficiencies you have!
- We're a party.
- So, Bless and Circle
of Power are both gone.
[tense music]
Adaine has one death save fail
and is going to auto off of the Hangvan.
Both of your sigilists have
been knocked off the Hangvan.
Gorgug has stayed on the solar lasso.
As you are there, you take that damage,
Ecaf shatters.
- Nobody tell him! Nobody tell him!
- I just look at it and I go... [shudders]
- Boggy goes [ribbits] and
disappears into spell energy,
and Baby goes, "I'm going
to go straight to Hell!"
And blows up.
- Baby!
- Baby goes back to the Bottomless Pit.
That is the legendary action.
That is now going to be the Yorbies.
[players groaning]
- No!
- Can I roll a nat 20, and
everything just goes away?
- Can we start over?
- We just start junior year.
We wake up from the terrible nightmare
that Adaine was having.
- Do you think Fabian knows-
Fabian knows in his heart, do you think?
- No. Well, I think probably,
but I'm too busy keeping
the blood out of my eyes
from when you ran me over.
- All of the Yorbies
chant, the Night Yorb,
and the Night Yorb goes above bloodied.
Things are looking dire indeed.
That is, now the Yorbies are
gonna take their actions.
Fabian, all of those ones behind you
are gonna catch up to you.
Luckily, these guys are chasing you,
so their mounts are taking double moves.
- Great.
- The Yathmags are not gonna be able
to do their mouth thing, the
ants are not gonna be able
to do other sh*t like that,
but the Yorbies are all
gonna get to attack.
One of them uses the battle cry, saying,
"The Night Yorb defends us!"
And the rest are gonna come for you.
That's a miss.
[tense music]
Miss.
Miss.
- Look at me. Just look at me.
- [Brennan] Hit.
- No, it's okay!
- [Brennan] Crit.
- Don't look at me!
- Who do I look at?
- Look somewhere else! I don't know!
- Save me!
- Stay with me! Stay with me!
- The normal hit deals 11
points of damage to you, Fabian.
The next one's gonna do
a bit more than that.
- I'm down.
- Fabian is down.
And Fig is now down,
you're just prone, correct?
Or no, you're down.
- I mean, you don't think
that I might've landed
in a three point stance?
- I mean, Fig's really cool.
- I don't think you did.
- You don't think that I
do stage jumps where I jump
into the crowd, so
actually I have experience?
- Does she have tons of experience?
The Hangman is gonna
make a Dexterity save,
rolls a nat 15, and is gonna
keep you in the saddle,
driving forward.
This guy's gonna run up on here.
He's gonna make an Acrobatics
check to get on the roof.
Plus four.
He is going to rush up on here-
- Oh, and do the sigil for us.
- And do the sigil for you.
- He's been a spy this
whole time! It's Riz's dad!
- [Brennan] This guy's gonna rush up.
- [Zac] Probably gonna hit
the drunk centaur, right?
- He's gonna use his action
to give all these dudes
advantage, so he's like, "Yes!
We defeat them now!"
This guy's gonna take two
attacks at the solar lasso.
- Don't do that!
Don't do that!
- Oh my god, what if we lose
on our first time fighting this season?
- I miss the Circle of Power.
- He hits one time.
The solar lasso has a
damage threshold of 10,
but it only has 30 hit points.
It's not possible for him to
destroy it in just one hit,
but he does pass the damage threshold.
The solar lasso takes 18 points of damage.
- So it has 12 health.
- It has 12 health left,
as he slashes into it.
These ballista are going to fire.
They're gonna fire at the Hangvan. Okay.
That is a nat 20 on one of the ballista.
- What?
- Why are you rolling so many crits?
- I don't know.
- It's too many!
- The other one hits.
- [Siobhan] Murph, go touch his dice.
Lick your fingers a little bit.
- Guys, if our adventure
is going into this portal,
and that's the next
season, I'll f*cking do it.
For you guys, I'll do it.
- Sometimes you've just got to get sucked
into space with your best friends.
- The Hangvan takes 25 points of damage.
It is at 34 hit points. Boom!
The next ballista bolt comes for it,
but I'm gonna roll something.
It got a 20, which is
exactly what it needed.
Duggan McCann uses his
reaction Countershot
and shoots the ballista
bolt out of the air.
- Pure instinct, baby!
- [wails] Balthazar!
- I know!
- And then these guys, it's
disadvantage for all of them
to attempt to hit, so we're
just gonna roll disadvantage.
Miss.
Miss.
Hit.
Miss.
Miss.
Miss.
Hangvan takes five more points of damage.
It is at 29 hit points.
- Five is below the damage threshold.
- It does not take those. Thank
you for keeping me honest.
Good call, good call. Incredible.
That is the Yorbies' turn.
- What hell!
- [Brennan] What hell.
- Truly awful.
- [Brennan] Truly awful.
- I'm dead in a ditch.
- [Brennan] I'm dead in a f*cking ditch.
It is car action once
again. It is lair action.
Sigilists are on the
ground, but I will say,
if the sigilists could be
returned to the top of the van-
- Oh, someone could grab me?
- [Brennan] If someone can grab them
and get them back up there.
- Instead of gunning, you could just-
- Grab you, but-
- But I think the first
thing we have to do is,
I think if it's still gassing it,
if the van is still gassing it,
that means that it's
gonna have to interact
with the grappling.
Because it's moving against
the grappling g*n as well,
just like the Night Yorb is, right?
- Right.
- So Riz, I'm gonna kick it
over to the driver first.
If there's any way on this car action
that you can find some way to-
- [Emily] [whispering] Swerve.
- Is there anything...
Yeah, I might just do a hard turn.
- Okay.
- I may just do a hard turn.
The other option is, is
there anything to be done
to get rid of the mishap
so that we can potentially hit the brakes?
- Hit the brakes?
Yes, potentially. But the issue is,
I don't think you could use the car action
to fix it and then hit the brakes.
- Can we delay the car action,
or no? This is the turn?
- Yeah, I mean, if Fig
could go before the Hangvan
so she could Dimension Door
up there and then do it-
- That's true, that is true.
- That would be good for us.
- [Brennan] You want the car to go after?
- I'd almost like to try
to take my regular turn.
I don't know if that delays us too much.
I don't know if that makes any-
- You know what,
it's actually such a
complicated rules interaction,
let's just leave it up to a Luck check.
I'll say car action,
we'll send it five points
down the initiative order
if it's an 11 or higher.
Eight. All right, car
action has to happen now.
- I think we have no choice
but for me to take a hard turn
and make a Dex save not to flip.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- I think if anyone can grab my body
and throw it on the sigil-
- [Brennan] Mm-hmm.
- Can we do that kind of
interaction right now?
- Can somebody reach
out the window and grab-
- Well, what if I did a
slam attack with the door,
but it wasn't at anyone, so
I just slammed into the door,
it opened, and I could try to grab Fig?
- I would allow you to
make a slam attack...
So, okay, here's the thing.
First thing we're gonna do is this.
The car can only gas
it, but you're gonna try
to take a hard turn to flip it,
or to get it off the
wheels, essentially, right?
- Yeah. I think ideally,
I'd basically like
to spin the wheel to not
hit Adaine but have it
kinda drift over this way
and just get out of Dodge.
- For this one, I'm gonna
ask for an Acrobatics check
to just pull an e-brake turn.
What's your Acrobatics?
- It's plus five.
- Plus five.
- It's worse than my Dex save.
- Worse than your Dex save, gotcha.
So, I'll say this. You can
hard turn automatically.
If you can hit a DC 20 Acrobatics,
I'll let you do a Tokyo
Drift e-brake turn.
We will revisit history with
Fig's Johnny Spells thing,
and you can, in place,
U-ey the van to be gassing
it in the other direction.
- Okay, so I just need
to get a 15 or higher.
- [Brennan] Mm-hmm.
- I have no reactions to support you.
- That feels so doable.
- It's so doable.
- I'm so sorry.
- [Murph] I'm gonna do it.
- Let's Box of Doom it.
This is Box of Doom.
If you hit a 15 or higher on
this, we see some magic happen,
and you get the van gassing
it in the other direction.
- Okay, ready.
[tense music buildup]
Six.
- Six, okay. Now-
- [Murph] So, 11.
- Just to clarify, it's not
bloodied right now, right?
- Is it bloodied or not?
- It is not bloodied.
It's badly, badly injured, but
it's not bloodied right now.
- So there's no point to even trying
to work the sigil right now, anyways.
- Well, if it's only
five feet away from us,
maybe Kristen's door attack
would technically hit it.
- It's quite close to bloodied,
if you wanted to try to slam
a door into it. - Yes, yes.
- Let me say this.
You still did the hard turn
maneuver, so there's still,
you have to make a Dex save
for the car not to flip.
Now, as your friend and
someone who's played
a lot of D&D with you,
I'm just going to say
that the car flipping would be very bad.
It would deal damage to
everybody within the Hangvan,
and it would prevent
the Hangvan from moving.
- Wouldn't it also damage the Night Yorb,
because it's on top of the car?
- Quite possibly.
- And it would stop the van from moving,
which is attached to the-
- Night Yorb.
- Maybe it's not the worst thing.
- Yeah.
- Except for the damage.
And also the van. Your
parents' beautiful van.
- I'm saying, just hot water-
- I think the Hangvan's rolling Dex saves
with disadvantage, right?
- Yes, it's rolling Dex
saves with disadvantage.
That's correct.
I will also point out, though,
that you are always allowed
to choose to fail a saving throw in D&D.
- You just opened up my
mind. Do I wanna just-
- Flip it.
- Take the damage? You
haven't been hurt, really.
- Flip it, because then that
will hurt the Night Yorb.
- [Murph] Can I just
crash into these dudes?
Just freaking ramp it over
onto the ballista over here?
Right? Is that insane?
- I mean-
- Or should I try to-
- You don't have the slack.
If you pull a hard turn,
you're just gonna put the van on its side
and send the Night Yorb
faceplanting into the dust.
- Okay, you know what?
Then why don't we try to...
We'll try to stay up
for now, and if I fail,
that's not necessarily the
worst thing in the world.
It'll be harder for us-
It'll be harder for him to get away.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- Okay, so I'll try to keep it up.
With disadvantage, 20.
- Okay, so you succeed,
so you can keep the van up if you want.
You make a hard turn, you can
keep the van up if you want,
but fundamentally, it's gonna be basically
an opposed Strength, and the
best you could sort of do
at the turn you're making-
'Cause you didn't do a full
U-ey, so the best you could do
is kind of move it orbitally around...
It wouldn't move farther
away from the portal.
- I have a question.
- Yeah.
- If the van is then on its side,
could somebody then more
easily get to the sigil
because it's not on the top of the van,
it's then along the side of the van?
- Now, that's sort of interesting,
and I think that's how that works.
I think if you were to
put the van on its side,
you could put the sigil
right next to somebody.
- Okay.
Let's flip this thing.
- Yeah. Oh my god.
- All right, I f*cking flip the van.
- Uh...
- [Murph] Right? You guys are, I mean-
- No, I think that's where we're at.
- Dex saves from Kristen, Riz, and Gorgug.
Adaine and Fig have been thrown to safety.
- "Safety." [laughs]
- 23.
- 18.
- 18?
- Eight.
- 24 damage to Riz and Kristen.
- Did I fail?
- You failed, yes.
- Okay, sh*t.
- [Emily] Kristen's down!
- I had 23 health.
- You had 23 health?
- [Murph] Shouldn't have flipped it.
- No, I think it was
the right thing to do.
- [Lou] Hey, you know?
Because the Night Yorb now cannot move
unless they break the lasso.
- I have a feat. I have
Human Determination.
I can reroll one-
- Reroll, yeah!
- I can reroll one ability
check or saving throw.
- We read the book!
- Okay, okay, okay.
- [Brennan] This has got
to be a Beardsley 20.
- It's worse.
[Emily groans]
- No worries.
[Ally screams]
- Our dice have turned on us!
- That first turn, with
the hand and the...
We were on fire!
- We were different people!
- We were different people!
- Okay, is Riz still up?
- Yes.
- [Brennan] Okay, Gorgug,
you can stay right where you're at.
Everyone else, the van
successfully goes on its side.
- [Emily] Did the Night
Yorb take any damage?
- Oh, the Night Yorb will have
to roll a Dex save as well.
- Fail! Fail!
- Fail, fail!
- It is gonna burn a legendary resistance
to succeed on the saving throw.
Gorgug, you land on your feet
right next to the solar lasso,
taking no damage.
Fig is prone but conscious,
and I'm gonna say that Fig
is right next to the sigil.
Adaine is thrown some distance, and again,
so Riz, you skid, van crashes,
but the Night Yorb is flush to the ground,
sort of scrabbling in
the dust, having been-
almost like an alligator death roll,
the van rolling, twisting the lasso
and getting the Night Yorb
further to the ground.
- Even though it saved,
does it take half damage?
- Oh yeah!
- We're trying to figure out how to get-
- We're just getting every
little point we can get.
- It was 25, right?
- Yeah.
- 25. Just gonna halve that to
Night Yorb is bloodied.
- Yes!
- Oh my god.
- That's right, that's right.
- Okay.
Okay. Night Yorb eats the dust.
Adaine, down. Fabian, down. Kristen, down.
Riz, how many hit points are you at?
- 16.
- Gorgug, how many are you at?
- 60.
- Fig, how many are you at?
- 66.
- Looking good, Fig!
- Damn.
- Looking good!
- All thanks to Circle of Power.
- [Brennan] Okay!
- So since I'm near the sigil,
can I do the sigilist thing?
- You absolutely can. Because actually-
what I'm gonna say is, even
though Kristen's going down,
you were still in there.
So I'm going to allow you to take-
- We can reorder our-
- Yeah, I'll let you
do a car action first.
So if you want to do
something with a slam attack
or another car action, you absolutely can.
- I would have had to have
been a sigilist to do that?
- Yes, but you can do a door
slam attack if you want to.
- Okay, yeah, should I do it on the-
- The Night Yorb?
- The Yorb?
- Do it on Riz.
- You m*therf*cker!
- Put Riz's head in the door.
- And then you slam me and k*ll me.
Do we need it, though?
It's already bloodied.
- [Brennan] It's already bloodied.
- I would do it just in case.
- I might as well get a
little extra in there.
- [Siobhan] It has legendary resistances.
- Al right. Free slam attack
with door, 1d6 plus Strength.
- Yeah, roll your attack to hit it.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] No.
- [Lou] We have to find all those-
- If I'm hitting people-
it is very dark over there,
if I have hit a single person-
- Sue them.
- I will sue you!
- [Brennan] Hell yes.
- Oh, this is so bad.
- So, Gorgug, you're there.
However, because of this driver action,
it's still the car action,
so I'm gonna let you...
Things are looking f*cking grim right now.
- Should I also try a sigilist thing?
- Might as well.
- Yeah, do it, Gorgug!
- I have a plus two to Arcana.
- Yeah!
- Let's do it! That would
be so awesome if you got it.
That would be so beautiful.
- Hey, Fig's paramour did say
you are the greatest wizard of this age.
- With my wizarding powers
and my absolutely f*cked van-
- Come on, Gorgug.
- You're the first teenager
to destroy their first car.
- I've never wanted anything more.
- [Lou] I want this so badly.
- Versus the Athletics of-
- Still disadvantage. Still disadvantage.
- Do I have-
- That's right, and the Hangvan
takes that damage as well,
so the Hangvan's at nine hit points.
Your van has nine hit points left.
- I'm surprised it's anything at all.
- Hot water and a plunger.
- Do I do this just flat?
- All better.
- No, it's opposed by its Athletics,
but you're gonna roll Arcana.
This is gonna be opposed-
- [Emily] It's rolling
with disadvantage still.
- Fig miraculously has Hex up.
- Thank you to my Eldritch Mind.
- So this is definitely Box of Doom.
Disadvantage, but plus 12
Athletics from the Night Yorb.
This is a free action on
the car's turn, remember.
The lower of its two
rolls was an 11 for 23,
so you've got to hit a nat 20.
Got to hit the nat 20. Here you go.
- I really want this.
This is so beautiful.
No, I think it's an eight.
- Are we sure?
- I didn't know if it was
one of those designed ones.
- That's what I thought.
It looked like an image and not a number.
- f*ck.
- All right.
- Okay.
- I gave it a try!
- Fig, you've been thrown from the roof.
In the dust skidding, with
the van skidding behind you,
you feel the bump of the roof of the van
sliding into your body,
pressing your bloodied cheek
up against the roof as the Night Yorb
wrestles with the solar lasso.
Everything is dust, blood, and
darkness in all directions.
- That's metal as f*ck.
- [Siobhan] Furiosa.
- [Brennan] It rolled
a 19 and a natural one.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- [Siobhan] Thank god for Hex.
- Okay, okay.
- Just don't roll a one,
[tense music]
and this is over.
- Oh my god.
- I'm gonna...
My stomach-
- Look at me. Don't look at me!
- We've been on a little bit
of a journey today together.
- Look at your freaking-
- [Ally] Use the beans. They're due.
- All right.
- Okay.
[tense instrumental building]
- [Brennan] Nat 20! Yes, baby!
[players cheering]
- Oh my god!
- Okay, wait, I need one more roll,
and it's a Deception check to
make Gorgug think he did it.
- [Brennan] Here we go!
- I only got a 16, actually.
- What do I roll?
- [Brennan] You roll Insight
to see if you did it.
That's a two.
- Two plus one.
- [Brennan] Gorgug, you are
the greatest wizard of this age.
[rock music]
- His goggles are filled with dust.
His nose is bleeding.
- Gorgug, save us!
- I feel the power coursing through me!
- [Emily] Gorgug, what are you doing?
You're channeling some crazy power!
- [Brennan] Fig, as you
secretly touch your hand
to the sigil, subtly enough
that Gorgug can still believe
that this is him doing it,
the Night Yorb vanishes.
And for the first time in
months, day returns to Spyre.
- It's so bright!
- [Brennan] It is blindingly
f*cking bright in the desert.
- I'm dead, but f*ck!
- f*ck!
Duggan McCann dies.
[players cackling]
- Why?
- [groans] I'm a vampire.
[music ends abruptly]
- What?
- Wow!
- The slowest vampire.
The least eloquent vampire I've ever seen.
- He didn't turn to dust or
anything, he just fell over.
- You're actually not sure if
he's telling the truth or not.
- You look like you're moving a lot.
- He maybe just hates bright light,
and is really f*cking blasted
and sick and just fell over.
- Oh, I also got seven hit points,
because the Night Yorb died.
- Incredible. Night Yorb, sealed forever.
The roof of the van shimmers
as the sigil morphs and changes
into the shape of a
manta ray-like monster,
an ancient eldritch
horror of the multiverse
sealed in the roof of
Gorgug Thistlespring's van.
- [Zac] It's like a sick mural?
- [Brennan] It's like a sick-a*s mural
on the roof of the van.
- [Ally] Blacklight?
- Oh, you know it's blacklight.
There are still Yorbies here.
There are still enemies here
that want to free their master
from the roof of your van.
So Fig, that was you on the car action.
You have your full turn.
I assume you use half your
movement to stand, right?
- [Emily] Yeah. Well...
Yeah. I'm just kidding.
I'm definitely gonna bonus
action Healing Word Kristen.
Doing a 3rd level for 13.
- Hell yeah.
- Kristen's up at 13.
- Kristen's back up.
- Woo!
- [Emily] And what are the Night Yorbies
that look the worst?
Because I'm down to cantrip,
since I used that spell.
He's encroaching, he's
encroaching. Fabian's in a bad...
Wait, is Fabian down?
- Fabian's down.
- I'm on the Hangman.
- Ooh. f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
Man, I wish I had Spare
the Dying, but you do.
- I do. I have Revivify as well.
- I have it.
- You do?
- Fabian's on the Hangman.
- Okay, then you know what?
We've got two people with Spare the Dying.
I'm just gonna Eldritch Blast
the guy who's threatening Adaine.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah, go
for it. Give me an attack.
- Okay, that is a 23 to hit.
- That'll do it.
- Shout out to the two
crew. Does an 11 hit?
- An 11 does not hit.
- Okay, so we're just keeping it simple.
- 13 force damage to that Yorbie.
Fig, that's your bonus action and action.
- Yeah.
- Eldritch blast.
You guys see blinding
daylight, and suddenly,
in this moment of being like,
"We did it! We got the Night Yorb!"
And then there's just more
bullshit barreling on you
as these Yorbies surround you.
People are still down.
There's this feeling
of, even in this moment
of tremendous success, it's
like, no, it's not over!
There's more sh*t we've got to do!
And you feel- your turn
ends. Baby, gone. Squeem-
- I think I also, at the end of my turn,
as an object interaction, I'm
gonna look over at my phone
and that ping,
that school starts tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- And I'm gonna let that f*cking sink in.
[Zac groans]
- Adaine, I'm gonna need
a death saving throw.
You have a failure. A nat one
could permanently k*ll you.
- That is a failure, but not a critical.
- Oh my god!
- That was too much.
- Oh my god!
- That was too much over here.
- [Brennan] Gorgug
Thistlespring, that is your turn.
- So I have healing stuff,
but I'm already raging,
and the action economy would
make that take forever.
Should I just keep fighting?
It seems like that seems like-
- Who can get, because
we've got two people down,
we wanna get them back up.
- I can heal.
- [Lou] Yeah, Yorbies don't go until-
- You're back up.
- I'm back up.
- [Zac] Then okay, I'm
just gonna fight this guy
that's right here, the one
that seems to be giving people-
- [Brennan] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it.
- I'm recklessly attacking him.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah, go ahead and roll
as many attacks as you want.
- Okay.
- Wait, was that my turn?
- That was your turn, yeah.
- I'm gonna have my dog attack.
He's close enough to this guy, right?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is.
- Great.
- Nat 20!
- I crit.
- Nice!
- Roll damage.
- So that's 8d8.
- What?
- We don't see, but we
just hear... [barking]
- Your invisible dog does 8d8?
- My invisible dog does 4d8, but I crit.
- [Brennan] Unbelievable.
- A 27 and a 24.
- Hits.
- And then frenzy.
Nat 20.
- Nat 20! Woo!
- Hell yes. Here we go.
- Now we're rolling well.
That's 34 damage against
the one that's attacking-
- Everyone watches Adaine's
prone body as that Yorbie
stands over and says, "Enemies
of the Night Yorb must..."
And for a moment, if you're
looking so carefully,
a spectral, perfectly round Pomeranian
named Moggy the Doggy
leaps and ruthlessly tears
the throat of that Yorbie,
[Brennan yips]
and blood splatters everywhere.
You hear the sickening
crunch of neck vertebrae
being mangled in this dog's mouth.
He is no more.
- Wow.
- 19 plus 15, so 34.
- 34.
- 34 damage.
- You do 34 damage,
and then a crit, you roll 3d12.
- Oh sh*t, okay. Then one more.
It took forever to get to one. So, 35.
- [Brennan] This guy is toast,
decapitated off the top
of the ant creature,
but the ant creature is
still there menacing you.
- Don't menace me!
- Kristen Applebees, that is your turn.
- Okay, I'm back up.
I am going to do a little
bit of a Mass Cure Wounds.
- Yes!
- [Emily & Siobhan] Kristen!
- So, everybody-
- How many people can you hit with that?
- Six. I think I can get all of us.
- [Emily] I don't need it.
- You don't? I could give it to the van.
- [Emily] Yeah, give it to the van.
- I don't know if that means anything.
- Hey, it means something
to me emotionally.
- All right, yeah, great.
- Can you give it to Duggan?
- Yeah, honestly, bring Duggan back.
- Duggan died from the sunlight.
- He died, though.
- Because he's a vampire.
- We all know Duggan's not dead.
- It's gonna take some 12-step
for him to come back to life.
- He's definitely crawling away right now,
but he's dead.
- [Emily] His healing path is-
- [Brennan] All right, so you're gonna use
half your speed to get up from prone.
- And can I do it by doing a pushup?
That's really just for me.
No one's watching, but I'm just like,
yeah, we're getting there.
- I do see it. I clock it.
- [Ally] It looked effortless.
- Whoa, Kristen. Nice.
- Go ahead and roll Mass Cure Wounds.
- Eh. Okay.
- Thank you.
- Everybody gets 19 HP back.
Duggan or the van are not
included in that, correct?
- I wanted to include
the van, if that's okay.
- 19 back to the van, cool.
Cool cool cool, good call.
- Because you didn't need any.
- Yeah, I'm rescinding.
- Okay, the van goes from 9
hit points to 28 hit points,
a big, meaningful difference.
- Incredible.
I could also get under
that hood a little bit.
- [Brennan] Hm?
- Object interaction, could
I do a Medicine check?
- On?
- The van.
- Get under that hood
a little bit, you know?
- Can I get under that hood a little bit?
- Any bonus actions?
- Probably just-
- Getting under the hood?
- [Murph] Probably just
getting under the hood.
- A little bit.
- I'll let you do it.
- Will you?
- I'll let you. Oh, I would be happy to.
Give me a tinkerer's tool check.
- I don't know if I have that.
- Yeah, you don't. Give it to me.
You wanted to do a bit,
so now we're doing a bit.
- Nat 20.
- [Brennan] Nat 20? But
you didn't roll a die!
- Kristen, I can get in there.
- [Brennan] Riz, that is your turn.
- Okay.
Yeah, we're fighting it out.
These guys go down pretty quick.
Everybody's back up. Fabian's back up?
- I'm back up.
- Great, okay.
- But very surrounded.
- Yes, very surrounded.
I think I'm going to sh**t at
some of these dudes back here.
I guess the guy that's on
top of this mount here.
- You jump out from
behind the driver's seat,
rush over here, you're
sort of behind the rock.
The Ball jumps out. Go ahead
and give me an attack roll.
- Sweet.
- You also see that as the
power of the Night Yorb
vanishes from this world,
all of these Yorbies
and their mounts diminish
in power and ability.
They were already at half hit points.
It's been halved again, essentially.
- Wow.
- Kristen, they're desperate!
They're looking for someone to follow!
- Yeah, okay.
Did Cassandra text you?
- Nonstop.
- 20 texts in a row saying,
"Is Kristen mad at me?"
From a goddess.
- Is Kristen mad at me?
- 17 to hit.
- 17 hits.
- Great. Okay.
[Murph counting]
- Go ahead and pull a Yorbie
off one of those mounts, baby.
Bam, done.
- [Murph] Then I'll hide.
- [Brennan] Then you'll
hide. Give me the hide.
That's gonna be Fabian Aramais Seacaster!
- I guess Fabian comes to.
He's just exhausted. It's just so much.
It's been so long, and there's just...
He's gonna stab these guys but, you know,
it's not with any of the normal zeal.
Of course, the battle
silk's still gonna fly,
but it just, it ain't the same!
- That silk is limp.
- It's limp silk.
- The silk is filthy and limp.
- Fabian, photosynthesis is back!
I yell as I hit the deck.
- It is, Riz. It is.
I'm gonna swing on the red guy.
- [Brennan] Go for it.
- Photosynthesis is back, baby!
- That's a 25 to hit.
- That's gonna hit.
- 2nd level spell slot, and
use my last superiority dice.
Eight, 15,
- [Brennan] Go ahead and take
one of those Yorbies off.
- Great.
- Incredible.
- [Lou] I stab him through the neck,
but it's just- it's not the same!
- Everyone's already
doing the thing of just-
the steps are just lead.
Okay, we've just got to clean up now.
- Aren't these guys supposed to disappear
or turn into dust or something?
- Why would we turn
into dust? We're people!
We're gonna free the Night Yorb!
- No you're not!
- You're still on it?
- Is that what I used to sound like?
- Yeah, kind of. But really quickly-
- Toxic positivity.
- [Lou] With a Dash
action from the Hangman,
could I get to the guy
behind the ballista?
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- I think I might get the ballista guy
before he can ballista anybody.
- [Brennan] Hangman's gonna
take some opportunity,
but he's taking no damage.
- [Lou] Okay, great.
- [Brennan] That's two
hits on the Hangman.
- This is how he gets you.
- Yeah.
- Hangman takes 15 and 19.
- Please don't k*ll him.
- What? [whimpers]
- 15 and 19.
These two giant spears, boom boom boom!
The Hangman, gas and oil spilling
out, is like, "Oh, sire!"
But is still up.
- Okay!
- And we're gonna go and
hit the guy on the ballista
kinda aimed toward Gorgug.
- [Brennan] Hangman's at 11 hit points.
Okay, go ahead and take your attack.
- Does a 17 hit?
- 17 hits.
- Great, we'll burn the
last 2nd level spell slot,
one more, and no more superiority dice.
But we'll add a flourish.
I forgot I had...
I'll add a flourish, but
it just ain't the same.
- It's a flat flourish.
- The flourish lacks flourish!
- 21 points of damage.
- [Brennan] 21 is their
exact new HP total.
This guy is toast.
- [Lou] I stab him a couple of times,
just to try and feel something.
- [Brennan] Any bonus actions from Fabian?
- No.
- Okay.
- Does it need to be my turn
to light up a clove cigarette
and lean against the sigil?
- You can light one up.
You can light one up for sure.
With the daylight, all
the insects are riderless.
Someone call odds or evens.
- [Siobhan & Emily] Evens!
- [Zac] Odds.
- Wait, you called multiple-
- Two evens, two evens.
- Two evens, okay. Gotcha.
- What was it?
- It was odd.
- It was odd, it was odd.
- Dammit.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and move those.
All three are gonna attack
Gorgug, who called it right.
- Why do you care?
Why do you guys care?
You're bugs.
- I'm just smoking a clove cigarette,
watching you.
- You're absolutely bugs.
- [Murph] Real quick,
you guys are bugs, right?
- Gorgug, you good?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
Gorgug, do you have your outfit picked out
for the first day of school?
- Please don't mention that.
- Cool.
- I don't even have clean clothes.
- You sh*t-starter!
- Do you have your outfit picked out?
- I'm wearing it.
- Gorgug, you take 38
points of acid damage.
- [Emily] What? [laughing]
- They're low hit
points, but they're here.
- At least it wasn't
me, because I'm wearing-
[Zac screaming]
- Well, I don't know if I'm... [screams]
- I hope that isn't your outfit.
- Your clothes start to rot
off your body from the acid.
- [Brennan] Give me
those two yathmag guys.
- [Emily] Sorry, how do you pronounce it?
- [Brennan] Yas-mag!
- Yes! There it is!
- I am hiding.
- Oh, you are hiding.
What'd you roll for your Stealth?
- 19.
- Okay, they'll go for Gorgug.
- [Emily] Gorgug, you good?
[Zac whimpers]
- Did you come out of a rage?
- [Ally] Gorgug, what are you at?
- I'm still in my rage.
- But acid-
- Acid is not part of rage-
[Lou laughs]
- Gorgug, you take five halved to two
and nine halved to four piercing damage.
- Okay, so six total.
- [Brennan] Six total.
What's Gorgug at right now?
- 34.
- Okay.
- Gorgug, you're just weak
from that magic you cast.
- It's drained me!
Something about the acid
damage and the spell I cast
have drained me, and my
absolutely f*cked van.
- I think Fig's getting shot
with a ballista right now.
- [Brennan] Fig, you get
shot for 28 points of damage.
- I don't even Cutting
Words. I just take it.
- No! [inaudible] Cutting Words!
- [Brennan] You're standing there-
- [Murph] What's everyone doing?
- Okay.
- It's that era, The Ball.
- Riz, we're tired.
- What era?
- So tired.
- We did it! We did it!
- Post-battle.
- I go to light my cigarette.
It goes right through my hand.
- [Brennan] It goes right,
bam, hand, into the Hangvan.
- Aw, Fig!
- That's the ballista dead.
These guys are all gonna fire with-
- Which guys?
- The guys up here.
These guys are actually
going to leap forward.
I'll make some Dex saves.
- Make some ankle saves.
- Any natural ones on the-
- Because it'd be fun if
it happened on both sides!
- They both turn their ankles
and fall to the ground.
- One of them does die.
- I'll take it!
- [Brennan] This guy dies
and rolls to the bottom of the hill.
This guy just starts running
down to join the fray.
This guy flees. His heart's not in it.
- Go have a life, dude.
Go back to the movie theater you work at.
- [Zac] See that?
- We're gonna see that guy on Thursday.
- Then the last is the yathmag.
The yathmag mounts are going to go.
One's gonna go for Fabian,
one's gonna go for Gorgug.
- Stop! Stop!
- They're so vigilant.
- [Brennan] I'm gonna need
a Wisdom saving throw from Gorgug.
- Jesus Christ.
- [Brennan] And I'm gonna need
a Constitution save from Fabian.
- What kind of attack is it?
Don't you not take,
you can ignore Wisdom
attacks when you're raging?
- No, it's just, I can't
be charmed or frightened.
- [Brennan] Oh, this is a frighten effect.
- Oh, okay.
- What about mine?
- [Brennan] Yours is
not a frighten effect.
- 19.
- 19 saves!
- Ah!
Ah!
- You take 30 halved to 15
points of necrotic damage.
- [groans] Hangman?
- Yes, sire?
- When we get home-
- Yes?
- I want an ice cream. I just
want a big bowl of ice cream.
- Like the old days, yes.
- Yeah.
- We can go to Basrar's
and get a nice ice cream.
- Yeah, we could go to Basrar's.
- I could absolutely
destroy some Basrar's.
- Does anyone else wanna... [groans]
Does anyone else wanna go to Basrar's?
- Yes.
- Yes!
- All of you, suddenly it is
It took six seconds, and
all of you feel like,
no, come on, man.
And you see these Yorbies are like,
this is where the final victory...
Their hearts are so in it.
They believe so strongly.
- You lost, man.
- The acid has ripped my clothes.
- Fig, that's your turn.
- Wait, really?
- Yeah, that's your turn.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Ecaf is destroyed.
Hangvan's on its side.
- Gorgug is actually super
hurt, I think, right?
- I'm at 34. They've been
doing like 40 damage.
- [Emily] I think I'm just
gonna Fireball these four.
- Oh my god, yes.
- Oh, sick!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go for it.
- Clean, clean, clean.
- I'm gonna do a 4th level.
- So clean.
- So incredibly clean!
[drum solo]
- Oh my god, please.
- [Emily] 4th level Fireball.
- Smoking a cigarette and
blowing up a bunch of ants.
- [Brennan] Oh yeah, you
can get all four, no sweat.
Yeah, bam.
- And maybe Gorgug, too.
- Fig. Fig, please.
- And you're not removing
the ballista from your hand?
- I take a drag of my cigarette.
- [Brennan] Unbelievable.
- Huck a Fireball over my shoulder.
- Amazing, go ahead and roll
damage. I will roll Dex saves.
- Nice! Wow, so many sixes.
- 36 damage.
- The yathmags look very hurt.
Both Yorbies on top of them are dead,
and both bugs are dead as well.
- [Emily] Yes! I can see Gorgug, right?
- [Brennan] Yes, you can.
- With a ballista pinning my arm
to the sigil we just
sealed the Night Yorb with,
I'm gonna wink at you for a Bardic.
- Are you okay?
- I'm feeling a little unhinged.
I might have dug too deep for this battle.
- I think we've got to go to sleep.
[music ends]
- [Brennan] Adaine, that's gonna be you.
- Oh god.
These Yorbies are dead, right?
- [Brennan] Yes, I just
can't take them off.
- Okay.
- The yathmags are still up.
- [Zac] This guy's alive and the yathmags.
- [Brennan] The bug and the two yathmags,
and then there's one Yorbie
here and one Yorbie here.
- I think you're one of the
only people with area of effect.
- [Brennan] Half movement
to get up from prone.
- Yeah, I'm gonna do a
over the two Yorbies that are left,
because they're next to each other.
- The two yathmags?
- Yathmags.
- Yeah, go for it.
- That's a Dex check for them.
- Are they floating?
- Go ahead and roll damage.
- 27. Shut the f*ck up.
- What's up?
- Nothing!
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
- What's your thing?
- Nothing.
- Zac-
- Zac farted, okay?
- Were you talking about
how they're flying?
- No, I was farting! I was ripping a*s!
- [Brennan] It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter that they're flying.
- [Emily] Yay!
- Listen, hey, I would
happily go by the rules.
They're gonna make their
Dex saves. Both fail!
Go ahead and roll damage.
- Nice!
- [Siobhan] 27 damage.
- [Brennan] Describe for me,
as the yathmags are torn apart.
- As they're about to explode,
they both say, "Love is love!"
[peaceful instrumental]
- [Zac] Yas-mag.
- To be clear to the viewing
audience, that does not happen.
They do not say that.
You can describe how they are
destroyed, not what they say.
- Love wins!
Then they die.
- The most disturbing
thing I've ever heard.
Incredible. Any bonus actions from Adaine?
- I bonus action sit back down.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
Gorgug, that's your turn.
- Get away from me, you f*cking bug!
Just gonna...
- Okay, go ahead and roll an attack.
- 22 on the first one.
- Go ahead and roll damage
for that first attack.
- Okay.
- And you're raging.
- That's 15.
- [Brennan] 15? You decapitate
this bug, one attack.
- [Zac] Who we got? Who we got left?
- This guy and that guy.
- There's this guy over here.
Oh yeah, there's a guy right next to you.
- I still have Jump, and
I haven't used it at all,
so I'm gonna just jump 30 feet in the air.
- And land on him?
- [Brennan] Go ahead
and give me your attack.
- Okay.
- But maybe if you land on
him, it'll make him prone.
- Ooh!
- Although you already
roll with advantage, so.
- Yeah. 26 on the first one.
- That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
- That's another- this is actually not-
- Okay, still up.
- Okay, frenzy.
Nat 20, and a 19.
- Double crit, yeah.
- How alive is he?
- He's f*cking toast.
- He's dead, right?
- He's f*cking dead.
Just stumbling around in the dust,
blood and oil and the ink of
the Night Yorb everywhere.
Just, ant, turn around,
through this other guy.
- We're done doing this!
- Is anyone still fighting
for the Night Yorb?
- I think there's another
one of the ballistas.
- Popping out of trap doors,
two more Yorbies appear.
- No!
[Zac cackling]
- Are you kidding? Are you kidding?
- They have a readied action.
- Oh my god!
- They fire at Gorgug.
The first guy gets double... [laughing]
- Why? Why didn't you come out earlier?
- Why did they wait?
- Why did you wait till now?
- One guy, I swear to god, I
just rolled two nat ones for,
his crossbow backfires and
it shoots him in the eye.
- Why did they go for Gorgug?
- The other guy hits you
for eight points of
damage, halved to four.
- It's just like... [groans]
[bolt thuds]
Can I have a hit of that?
- Yeah.
I flick the cigarette.
- [Brennan] Lou, are you okay?
- They're so tactical and so
late. They're so tactical.
- You're crying. You're literally crying!
- They're just so professional,
to be so cold and serious!
is lost, just being like...
- [Brennan] One guy dies.
[Brennan mimics a crossbow
backfiring catastrophically]
[Murph panting with
admiration and bafflement]
- Stop! Everyone in the
little trapdoor, stop!
- [Brennan] All right, so
Kristen, it's your turn.
There's literally just
this one ballista guy
and this dude who popped
out of a trapdoor.
His buddy's dead, but he's
still up. It is your turn.
- Okay, I slowly reach into my bag.
- [Zac] Do it faster!
- [Emily] Nah, take your time.
- And I use my action
to reach into the Pouch
of Endless Ice Cream,
and I produce a tasty ice
cream sandwich from the pouch.
Yum.
- It says yum in the item ability.
- It does, and I walk over to
Fabian and I hand it to him
and I get on the Hangman with him.
- [Brennan] You hand him an ice cream.
You get on the Hangman.
That's your action, perfect.
Up next in initiative, we're
back at the top with Riz.
- It doesn't do anything extra?
- No. Why would it? It's
an ice cream sandwich.
- The language made it
sound like it wouldn't,
but then I thought we might as well try
now that we've got a little extra room.
- No, I think it's meaningful
in your friendship with Fabian.
- Wow.
- It doesn't hit the same, I know.
- [Brennan] Okay, that is your turn, Riz.
- Okay.
- This guy's got 3/4 cover.
- I think Riz was hiding-
- We will free the Night Yorb!
- I think Riz jumps up, still
thinks we're in winning mode.
We did it, g*ng! We'll stop this guy!
[rock music]
And I sh**t at that guy on instinct.
- [Brennan] Yeah, go for it.
- 28 to hit.
- That definitely hits.
Go ahead and roll damage.
You're attacking from hiding, right?
- Yeah.
- Gotcha, gotcha. Cool, cool.
- I just have to go after
that dude because I love him,
even though I know the ballista is-
- I don't think I've ever done anything
that made you laugh as much
in years of playing this game.
- They're just so tactical.
They're so tactical.
[music fades]
- So tactical, so late.
- That's the T-shirt.
So tactical, so late.
- 25 damage.
- He's done, man. He's f*cking done.
You sh**t him in the head
and he collapses in his little hole.
He's gone. Blam.
- Can I Fireball his and
the other guy's corpse?
- [Brennan] Yes.
- I hide again.
- [Brennan] Amazing.
Fabian, that's your turn.
There's a ballista over there.
- Fully one hand is eating an ice cream
and doing the slowest three point turn
as I back the Hangman up,
and then I'm gonna just
drive it straight over this
and land on this man and crush him.
- [Brennan] Go ahead
and make an attack roll.
- What do I add to crush with motorcycle?
- For you, this is a steering check,
so it's Dexterity plus proficiency.
Dex mod plus proficiency.
- So how do you feel about a 14?
- A 14, and there's no
Bless or anything else?
- No Bless or anything like that.
- Okay, he dodges out of the way
and wheels the ballista onto you.
- [Lou] Great, I'm gonna stab him twice.
- [Ally] I think this
is part of my outfit.
- [Brennan] Go ahead
and make an attack roll.
- Wait, real quick.
- Yeah?
- Buddy! Do you wanna go?
- Give me a Persuasion.
We'll call it a DC 15.
- 18.
- He goes, "I serve the Night Yorb."
- Well, yes, but he's there now.
- We...
We of...
We of the Nocturnal-
- There's no we.
- Hm?
- It's just you.
- No, we...
Guys?
- You know what you could serve,
is delicious ice cream at Basrar's.
They're always hiring.
- Oh.
- Do you wanna try some?
I know I already took a few bites.
- Yes, let me try some. [grunts]
And he throws it in your
face and turns to sprint.
- Stab, stab!
- That's after passing
the Persuasion check.
- That's for passing the Persuasion check.
- [Murph] He was running away.
- A 22 and a 26 to hit.
- That's gonna do it, yeah yeah yeah.
- 30-something damage.
- The Night Yorb... [grunts]
- You didn't have to do it!
You could have had an ice cream!
I want to go home!
Where's Ecaf?
[players groaning]
- Ecaf?
- Ecaf.
- f*ck!
- Which Ecaf?
- [Emily] Which Ecaf?
- The beautiful, the lovely Ecaf.
- Oh, I saw her going that way.
Can I Minor Illusion her?
- Send her into the portal.
- It's her kinda running away.
- [Brennan] Give me Deception real quick.
- Send her into the portal.
- Give me Insight, by the way.
- I got a 19 Deception.
- 22 on Insight.
- So first of all, you know.
You saw Fig earlier seal
the Night Yorb in the sigil.
- Never tell Gorgug! Never!
- Okay.
- Never!
- I can't believe I did it.
- That was awesome, Gorgug.
- Looking at the van.
- I really oversell it.
- And then this 19,
Fabian, roll Insight versus a 19.
- Yeah, I think I'm Minor Illusioning it
and then Prestidigitation
the sound of her being like,
"I was a turncoat the whole time!"
- I got a 17.
- I was a turncoat?
- You got a 17?
With the Night Yorb defeated,
Ecaf has fled into the desert,
betraying your love.
[melancholy instrumental]
- That turncoat.
- Wow.
- Today!
Why today?
I was gonna get some kisses.
She said we'd be kissing!
Can I have another ice cream?
- Yeah, definitely. I
reach into the pouch.
I give you a fresh ice cream sandwich.
- With a fresh ice cream
sandwich, looking at this spread-
Fabian's over here, Adaine,
Riz, Fig, Kristen, Gorgug,
so you're standing, the Hangvan
is... [mimics smoke hissing]
Smoke and b*llet holes.
- Anyone wanna remove
the ballista from my arm?
- Sure.
- I Mage Hand.
- [Brennan] Everyone
go around and describe
your state of injury and
destroyed-ness right now.
- I think that I'm bleeding profusely
from my arm that was pinned to the van,
and I think I already have a sunburn,
even though I'm immune to fire.
- The sun is radiant, I guess, yeah.
- And I'm really sweaty
and my hair is all matted,
and I think I'm wondering
what sort of deal I made.
- And I will say, as you say that,
you feel in your stomach...
[gurgling queasily]
Gorgug.
- What?
- Gorgug's just covered in
a mix of dust and acid.
His clothes have tattered
from the spray of bug acid
that he was surrounded by.
He's just leaning on his ax at this point.
- [Brennan] Adaine.
- Her jeans are ripped
at both of her knees
from falling off the Hangvan.
Boggy is gone, for now,
and she's just covered in dust
on one side of her body
from sweat and lying there.
- [Brennan] Yeah. Fabian.
- I think in addition to
just the cuts and bruises
and deep gashes from the first
time he went under the car,
there's also now just
straight-up tire marks.
There's a full tire mark
that goes across my body
and over my face as I just
kinda eat an ice cream sandwich
and look longingly at-
- [Siobhan] Hey, you got
a little something there.
- I keep the Minor Illusion going.
- Honestly, it's nice to not
make eye contact with anyone.
Yeah.
- [Brennan] How's Kristen looking?
- I think Kristen is so f*cking hot.
She's still in the full-
- Full bloke mode.
- Full bloke mode.
It's at the point where at one point,
she would have taken the jacket off,
because she's like, oh
my god, I'm sweating,
but now she's so sweaty that
she has to keep the jacket on
or else it'll be too gross.
She was already feeling dread,
but now that this is officially done,
I think everyone's kinda flashing
polite smiles at each
other like, we did it!
But just feeling so brutal.
- [Brennan] Riz.
- I think Riz is covered,
hair matted down,
he's got a bunch of blood all over him,
has glass from the flipped van.
I think is feeling sad right
now, not for the same reasons.
He kinda has an endless thirst
for school and adventure and everything,
so right now, he's just somberly
looking out and thinking
about the sacrifices of
our dear friends Balthazar-
- f*ck, and Squeem.
- Duggan, Squeem.
- Squeem!
- Is Balthazar in the portrait?
- In the Night Yorb portrait?
Make an Investigation check.
- Nat 20.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- [Brennan] You got a
nat 20 on Investigation?
- Yeah.
- Is he? You can tell me anything.
- I'm trying to think
how to honor this nat 20.
- Just a little guy.
- Help!
- You look and you see two
images of humanoid figures
touching a line that seems to represent
a point of reflection,
each a shadow of the other,
in the image of Balthazar,
and there is a third Balthazar
sitting on top of the
image with legs crossed
and hands out to either side.
- He's doing okay.
- Balthazar is everywhere now.
- Balthazar?
- Balthazar is all around us.
- He's the wind in our hair.
- Can you hear us?
- The father, the son, and the Balthazar.
- You hear a little thing.
How'd the battle go?
- Kristen, you need to answer.
She's blowing up my phone.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.
- She keeps trying to make plans with me
and asking if I can invite you.
- Damn, that's... Yeah.
- You see, sputtering from the engine,
you see the Hangman says,
"You did very well, sire."
[coughs] And coughs up a bunch...
Raise your hand if you are
under half hit points right now.
- Four.
- Nine.
Oh, 19.
- So more than half the
party's under half hit points,
and the Hangman and Hangvan.
You see that the Hangman
sputters up some gasoline,
and you see that the Hangvan goes,
"Looks like we did it, g*ng.
I feel that Night Yorb
resting up on top of my-"
- Can we say it now?
- You can say it now.
Night Yorb, Night Yorb, Night Yorb!
- Night Yorb, Night Yorb, Night Yorb.
- Yeah, it was when it was free, you know?
That was the big problem.
- Night Yorb.
- Believe me, no one hates
you saying the Night Yorb
more than me and that van.
You see that the Hangvan says,
"Another one bagged and booked.
Let's go. Way to go, g*ng. We did it."
- Let's go, Photosynthe-kids!
- No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
- Did anyone else feel like that was
even harder than they expected?
- And I also don't know
why anything happened.
- Those guys at the end
just came out of nowhere.
- We almost had it that other time,
and then it was like it got away,
and then honestly, today I
thought it was gonna get away.
- I think it was the
Shard of the Day Yorb.
I think that really did it.
- I think so too.
I go to sit down,
and I sit on the broken
glass of the mirror.
- [Emily] [groans] Kristen!
- Is that window?
Is that more window?
- You need to keep a straight face.
- It was a little bit
more window, I think.
- I distract Fabian with another-
- I sweep up the glass.
- Damn, I hate to see her leave,
but I love to watch her go.
- That little handle.
- That little handle?
- It's just sashaying.
- Fabian, I promise
you, you can do better.
- I've just been so tired. I mean-
- Can I just hypothetically ask?
- [Lou] Yeah.
- What would you guys have
done with our summer vacation
if we didn't have to save the world?
- I think I might have got a job.
- Yeah, I would have gone to dance camp.
- Camp?
- Yeah. There's this
really cool dance camp.
It's really aggressive and really intense.
- Oh, I thought a guy
named Dan had a camp.
- It is Dan's Dance Camp.
- Dan's Camp.
- DDC.
- Dan Camp's Dance-
- You've got to audition to get in, right?
- Yeah, and I did, and I did great,
and then we had, you know-
- What?
- You found the clues, and we were all-
- Things worked out for the best!
Because otherwise, we would
all have been separated,
and instead, we all got to
spend the summer together.
- Yeah, you know what? You're right.
Cheers to this victory.
- Yeah, we spent it together,
and now I don't have any money
for the rest of the year.
- I was gonna make some repairs on my van.
Just kinda work on it.
- Kinda extra detail it.
- Yeah.
- Well, I mean, it looks
pretty detailed right now.
- Can I help you lift it
up? I'm pretty buff now.
- [Lou] Everyone put a
little shoulder into it.
- In the hot desert,
everyone and the Hangman
puts a shoulder into it.
- One, two, three! [grunting]
- You right the van, and
you head back to Solace.
You have about 48 hours to get back across
a couple different nations
to get back in time.
- We should have flown.
- Do we even have time?
Is this one of those
road trips where someone
always has to be driving?
- Yeah.
- [Brennan] Someone
always has to be driving.
- I have some dry podcasts.
- Dry?
- Dry?
- I'd love to listen.
- Oh, the Dry Guys. The Dry Guys.
- Dry Guys? Dry guys?
- You've got to listen to it.
- Put on the Dry Guys.
- Their humor's actually pretty wet.
- They have a new one about-
- Welcome back to the Dry Guys,
a podcast by mephits for mephits.
- I love this.
- I put my headphones on.
- Oh, are you listening
to a different episode?
- We can put on your episode if you want.
- We can put on your episode if you want.
- Oh.
- Which one did you wanna listen to?
- Which episode of the Dry Guys?
- [Zac] Which one are you listening to?
- [Emily] You were on an episode?
- We're listening to the milk one.
- The one that I was on.
- [Murph] The one about
the history of milk?
- You were a guest on the Dry Guys?
- I was a guest on the Dry Guys, yeah.
- Put on Gorgug's episode!
- What?
- Put on Gorgug's episode!
- I'm not listening to
anything. I'm just exhausted.
- Wait, let's stop the van
until we find Gorgug's episode.
- I cast Fly on the
van so the van can fly.
- [Ally] Oh, thank god.
- The Hangvan, just leaking
and puffing and chugging along,
smoke pouring out from under the hood-
- And out of the window.
- Begins to just drive across the desert
with all of you badly
wounded and in silence,
driving back to Solace.
The Hangman is in the trunk,
or in the back area, sort of rumbling.
- I think I do a really
halfhearted Prayer of Healing
just because I don't trust you.
- You're attacked by two Yorbies.
No!
- No!
- Good looking out, Beardsley.
You gotta stay awake here
in the dome, m*therf*ckers!
You drive all through the Red
Waste, back through Highcourt,
all the way up to the Baronies.
The sun sets are you're
driving on the highway.
Bastion City, there's so
much cool, fun stuff to do
in Bastion City, and it's Sunday night.
You have school tomorrow morning.
So it's like, you can't even pull into,
you can't even go to The
Swan's Little Parade.
You don't have time.
- The Little Swan's Little Parade?
- I was gonna show it to Ecaf!
How do you say her name?
- I think it's Ecaf.
- Ecaf.
- Yeah, I was gonna show it to her!
- Driving up through Bastion
City, up the highway,
and you arrive in Elmville.
And as you arrive in
beautiful Elmville, literally,
you're basically on
empty. And at this point,
Zaphriel can't even run
the Hangvan anymore,
so you pull into the Arkon gas station.
It's so funny, because you're
literally like 20 minutes
from home, but you're
just on the empty tank.
- We have to get gas.
- You guys pull into a little gas station.
There's a little convenience store inside.
You're so close to home,
it's just the gas station off the highway.
As you're filling up, you guys
look across the gas station
and you see, next to the gas
station, a little garage,
and across the little
parking lot is Krom's Diner,
a diner you remember eating in
two years ago in freshman year
as you were spying on
Johnny Spells and his g*ng.
This is the gas station
that that chase started at.
- I have an armful of gas station food,
but I see the diner and
I'm like, should we just-
- Let's eat something hot.
I can't eat another piece of jerky.
- [Siobhan] I think I
need a cup of coffee-
- Sir, I took all of these off the shelf.
- [Siobhan] ...just to go to
bed, you know what I mean?
I'm that tired.
- I don't know where they go.
- I completely understand.
You're so tired you're wired.
So maybe if you get
wired, you'll get tired.
- [Siobhan] Exactly.
- It's like three AM.
You guys walk into Krom's
Diner, pile into a booth.
Dusty, road-weary.
It's been a couple days, so
you're no longer injured.
You see, walking up to
you as you sit down,
is Daisy Cubby, a little
halfling waitress.
Well, hey there, kiddos! How's it going?
Welcome to the diner. What can I getcha?
- Hi, Daisy.
- Oh, it's so good to see ya.
Hey, I know it's night right now,
but it was great to see
days these last two days.
Hooray, hooray! You did it!
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- I'll get potatoes four ways.
- Okay, potatoes four ways. Great.
- I'll do an egg white omelet
with a side of cottage cheese.
- I will also get...
Actually, I'll get a
plate of cottage cheese.
- Can I switch mine?
That's so much protein.
I'll do a platter of cottage cheese.
- Platter of cottage cheese.
- Can I get a chocolate
chip waffle a la mode?
- With cottage cheese?
- Sure thing.
- With cottage cheese on top.
- Can I get my cottage cheese a la mode?
- Yeah, ice cream with the
cottage cheese. Yeah, for sure.
- Can I get a pile of brown
with gravy all over it?
- Pile of brown with gravy, you got it.
- And some cottage cheese.
- Cottage cheese. Yeah, great.
- I'll do pancakes and
waffles, but also French toast,
cottage cheese a la mode.
- Cottage cheese a la mode,
gotcha. A la mode, okay.
- I'll have my cottage
cheese a la mode as well.
- I knew you would, I knew you would.
I remember, you've always
been big ol' ice cream heads,
ever since we first met.
Well, that's great. Okay, I'll
go get those orders started.
You look like you've had a hard time.
A little bit late for...
You got school in the
morning, right? Tomorrow's-
- Yeah, we just got back.
- Okay, all right.
- School in four hours.
- I mean, we might as
well just stay up, right?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- You guys just wanna stay up?
- Riz.
- Riz. Riz.
- What? It's fun!
We're hanging out!
- Is it fun?
- Why would you wanna go to sleep?
- You guys have a lovely three
AM dinner at Krom's Diner.
- I'm getting equal parts
cottage cheese and ice cream
with every bite.
- I'm so bummed I didn't do ice cream
but I did more cottage
cheese for the a la mode.
- You can have some of mine.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Oh my gosh, thank you.
- You guys actually look
out and see, once again,
you see the gas station with
the garage and are like,
oh yeah, we discovered
a palimpsest in there.
That was the first palimpsest
we found, that's right.
- Bud Cubby talked to us
about anarcho-communism.
- Remember when we were in prison?
- No, I'm too tired.
- After you guys eat,
you should figure out
who you're dropping off at home first,
and welcome to Elmville.
For our driver, go ahead and open that up.
- Wow.
- Whoa!
- A map.
- A map?
- [Brennan] You guys have
a map of Elmville now.
- Whoa!
- That's gorgeous!
- What if it just said f*ck you, Zac?
- It says, "f*ck you,
Zac," in beautiful writing.
- Whoa!
- Sick.
- Okay, we come back,
the grass of Aguefort
not far away, Owlbears in front of us.
As you finish your three
AM meal at Krom's Diner,
tons of cottage cheese, a
couple hours before you need
to be at school, how's everyone
getting home from the diner?
- Me, Kristen, and Fig can
just walk to Mordred Manor,
'cause it's literally across the street.
- Yeah, it's like an eight minute walk.
- We've been in a car long enough.
- Yeah, I need to get some fresh air.
- And it stinks in there at this point.
- Tuna farts.
- Where's the Hangvan headed
off to and the Hangman?
- Oh gosh, should I
just go to school early?
- Park in the parking lot.
- I guess I'll go home.
- Are you gonna tailgate school?
- Should we just wait in
the parking lot at school?
Then we don't have to get ready.
We can just sleep in the van.
- Yeah.
- Your clothes are gone.
- I'll look in the back to see
if there's an extra hoodie or something.
- I guess our parents might want
to confirm that we're alive.
- I think I'm gonna stop by my house.
- Are you guys close? I
can give somebody a ride.
- I'm right next to Gorgug's place.
- [Lou] Okay.
- Right, you can peel off at any point.
- Yeah, I'll just go home.
- [Siobhan] You wanna stay at our place?
- No, no, I need to-
- We have so many beds.
- No, I need to tell my parents I'm alive,
all those sorts of things.
Can I just ask one thing before I go?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Ecaf.
Did she say anything about me
before she wandered off into the desert?
- Yeah, she did.
I didn't wanna tell you because I thought
it would compound your
pain, but I can tell you,
in all truth, she said,
this was supposed to be
an in and out deal, but I got involved.
I got involved and I regret it.
I regret everything.
- [Siobhan] That's a long monologue.
- She did, she kinda gave a whole-
Honestly, I was there. I heard it.
- It was long.
- You were knocked out for a little while.
- [Murph] You were knocked out for a bit.
- [Ally] You were out cold.
- You wanna Insight this, Fabian?
Insight. Give me Deception.
- We're helping.
- 19 without help.
And an 18, so 19 becomes a 32.
- [Brennan] 32. How's
Fabian doing over there?
- Seven?
- Fig, as always, would
never lead you astray.
She is giving you the
gospel f*cking truth.
- She was working for the Night Yorb,
and she stuck around
longer than she meant to,
and then just seeing the
Night Yorb get sealed,
she actually said she felt
a little betrayed by you, weirdly.
- Yeah, isn't that f*cked up?
- That is f*cked up.
- Yeah.
- You know what,
maybe it's best that we
went our separate ways.
- [Siobhan] You know what?
You're better than her.
You're so much better than her.
- That mirror was a turncoat.
- You guys, don't.
- She also, as she was
walking away, let out a
really small but smelly toot.
- Yeah!
- She tooted?
- Out of the handle, the tip.
A little bit of water came out
like it had been submerged earlier,
and it was gross.
- This all happened? All
these things happened?
- All these things happened.
- A little bit of water came out.
- A little bit of water
came out of her base, dude.
It was nasty.
- It was a different side
than I'd seen of her,
but it also felt like her true self.
- Yeah, you know, yeah, that's real.
- Mask was off, and it
was ugly under there.
- And she just-
- She was literally two-faced, right?
Because you know how she had
a reflective side on both.
- She's a narcissist, dude.
- Yeah, that as well.
- Absolutely. She's the narcissist.
- She's the narcissist
and she's two-faced,
and I don't need no wet, drippy toots.
- Exactly, man, exactly!
We're gassing you up.
- You know what? [mimics engine revving]
- Sire!
- I'm going home! Let's ride!
- Let's ride! We're off!
We will find people with mouths to kiss!
- There it is! f*ck that mirror!
- And you tear off! Fabian tears off.
- Can I do a Medicine check
on what's left of the mirror,
actually, back in the
van, now that he's gone?
- Yes, absolutely.
- If you fix this-
- [Siobhan] Can I cast Mending?
- ...we're gonna have so
much explaining to do.
- That's an 18.
- 18. Do you have the Mending spell?
- I have the Mending spell.
I'll use the Mending
spell as a help action.
- Wait, really? We can bring her back?
I thought she was dead and we needed to-
- I don't think we wanna
bring her back. She did suck.
- I wonder if she's good for him.
- I don't think she is.
I feel like she feeds his worst instincts.
- Wait, if we could just
bring her back, though,
this feels wrong.
- I agree.
We have to bring her back.
- I think we should bring her back.
- If I had known! I
just talked myself into-
- You're right, and that was beautiful.
- Right, but maybe if we
bring her back, we have to-
- Okay, you Mend her-
- Oh, wait!
Actually, I don't have-
- ...and I'll banish her.
- I'm wrong, I don't have Mending,
because I took Booming Blade instead.
- I have Mending.
- Great.
- You have Mending?
- Gorgug's gonna just kind
of take out some stuff
and just kinda put the
mirror back together.
- Ecaf is Mended. [gasps]
- Oh no.
- Hi.
- Oh no, we've failed.
- No, we did it.
- No, it's just regular night.
- Oh. Oh!
- Do you have a big bag?
- I can just put it in my pocket.
You wanna go on an adventure
in an unexplored world?
- [Ally] Hey, girlie! Hey, girlie!
- Go on an adventure?
- In an unexplored world.
- Wait, what's your energy?
- Hey, girlie! I'm walking towards her.
This is me to my dog
every morning. Girlie!
- Please, the energy is horrifying.
- I'm holding Kristen's
waist, being dragged forward.
- She's gonna bolt from
whatever Kristen is doing.
- Come on, girlie!
- She goes into your pocket
and disappears into the
Jacket of Useful Things.
- Okay, great, well,
that'll never come back
to bite us in the a*s.
- Let's never speak of this
again. This never happened.
- Wait, maybe we should shatter her.
- She's already in the jacket!
- Why? She's gone!
- Because someday it's
gonna ruin my friendship
with Fabian, and I'm never gonna say this
to his face because I'm too cool,
but I f*cking value my
friendship with Fabian!
- I reach my hand in
the coat. Hey, girlie!
- Wow, you are so deep in there.
- Girlie!
- Kristen.
- True Skeksis behavior.
These f*cking nightmares.
- We have been awake for so long.
- [Ally] My shoulder unhooks. Girlie!
- The only sleep we've had
is car sleep in two days.
Actually, more than that,
'cause we took the Hangvan to the desert.
- You know what, you all
joined me in that lie, okay?
- I pinky promise.
- Pinkies in. No one says a word of this.
- Pinkies in. No touching.
- I think we're all okay
to make sure our friend doesn't
fall in love with a mirror.
At the end of the day,
we need to remember that she's a mirror.
- She's a narcissist.
- She's a narcissist.
- That's not as much the problem.
She's a mirror, right? So
that's the thing, and it's fine.
- She's not good for him,
'cause she's a mirror,
and she's a narcissist.
- She's not good for him.
- She's a freaking narcissist.
- And a leaky-
- That was a lie.
- She's got leaky guts.
- All of those were lies.
- Riz jumps shotgun into the Hangvan.
- See you guys at school in 35 minutes.
- [Brennan] So the first
person to get home is Fabian,
who tears off on the Hangman.
You get up to Seacaster Manor
and you see that some lights are on.
- Normally they're asleep.
Anyway, I'll step inside.
- You step inside and see some suitcases
packed up near the front door.
There's a bunch of them, big-
sort of a set of luggage,
a matching set of luggage.
And coming downstairs you see,
in a beautiful travel gown,
mantle, this wide hat,
your mother Hallariel,
her sword at her side.
Fabian! Oh, beautiful boy!
- Oh, Mama. Good to see you.
- I thought we were going to miss you!
I knew that school was starting tomorrow.
We delayed it as long as we could.
- I'm sorry? Yes, it was-
- [Brennan] How was it?
You saved the world!
- We saved the world, yes.
- She holds your hands and shakes them.
Oh, you saved the world!
- Yes, yes, yes.
Where are you going?
- Well, you wouldn't believe it, but...
You see, walking from the corner,
comb over and a little silken,
short-sleeved button-up,
but you see that it actually
is looking a little bit ironed,
Gilear Faeth walks out.
He says, "Oh, Fabian. You're
not going to believe this.
I was accosted in a convenience mart
during a robbery."
- You were being robbed, or...?
- No, the convenience mart,
and I was punched about
the head and shoulders,
but immediately after that,
someone knocked over
a sort of scratch-off,
and some fell into my pockets,
and I won a cruise in a raffle.
- Oh. What a fabulous stroke of luck.
- Yes, a stroke of luck.
It is delightful to know
the kiss of fortune.
- Yes.
- So, your mother and I won this cruise.
It's a couple weeks.
You see Hallariel says,
"So of course, darling,
I said, well, let's
let this be the kickoff
of a journey as, you know, we are..."
You see that she shows
a ring on her finger.
Your mother says, "Gilear
finally proposed."
- Oh.
Good on you, Gilear.
- Thank you, Fabian. I
appreciate your counsel.
And congratulations as well
on defeating the Night Yorb.
- Yes, it was a grand adventure.
I was kind of hoping...
- Hoping what, darling?
- No, it's- I just feel bad, you know?
The whole summer, gone.
- Oh, my sweet pea, my
little poppet. [smooching]
I know that your father
would be so proud of how much you've done
and the amazing things you've
done on your adventures,
and after all, rest and relaxation,
you'll have time for those later.
You're still... [sighs]
I know I'm going to sound
just like your father.
You're still writing your
name on the face of the world
with your heroic deeds.
- Another day, another deed.
- Another day, another deed!
We'll be gone for a couple months.
- Oh.
- Might extend the trip a
little past that, unclear.
There are some reservations but, you know,
basically, we're newlyweds,
and there's a long...
You know, Gilear and I will be married
for hundreds and hundreds
of years so, you know,
it's time to kick things off.
- Yeah. Are you taking
all of the staff with you?
None of the staff? What's-
- Oh no, no no!
- Am I just here?
- Well, that's exactly it.
Also, you've turned 18,
and congratulations!
- Thank you.
- There's, I think, a couple
dozen gifts up in your room,
so they're all packaged and ready to go.
There's an account on one
of the crystal screens
in the kitchen, just order
food and it'll be here.
- Okay.
- So that'll be food, and
there's a list of contacts
if anything happens with Seacaster Manor.
Just contact one of them, and
it's attached to the account,
and you turned 18, so you've started to...
One of your trusts has opened.
- Yes, okay.
So, more money.
- More money.
- And my money.
- It is now your money.
- It's my money now.
- It's your money now, absolutely.
- Okay, well, I mean, it
was good to see you guys.
- I love you, my sweet boy! Of course!
And honestly, this is
going to be very fun.
You have the run of Seacaster Manor.
You are the man of the house.
- I promise not to get too rowdy.
- Yes, there'd better not be any parties
while we're gone, young man!
- I promise, I'm not my papa's son.
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
You should be.
He was a great man, and
I know you will be too.
And I know that you will do well
in this wonderful school year ahead.
- Yes, of course.
- Of course, of course.
Well, we are going to be gone
for a couple months or a year.
[Emily laughing]
That's a blink of an eye in
the grand scheme of things.
- It'll just pass like that,
and then you'll be back.
- And we'll have our crystals,
and we'll have an extension
for the outside world.
So just, you know, contact
us if you need anything,
my sweet baby.
- Yes!
Are you thinking about,
maybe I could come join you at some point?
- That sounds so fun! We'll fly you out.
- Yes, maybe for the holidays
or something, you know?
- Yes! Oh, what a lovely idea.
We'll fly you out for the holidays.
- Okay, yes.
- Seacaster Manor, again, all yours,
and we're heading to the airport.
You see Gilear looks at
his crystal and says,
"Oh, I've been randomly
selected for a transport credit.
- Okay.
- All right, 10% off on
the trip to the aeroport.
All right. Well.
- More kisses from
fortune for you, I guess!
- [Brennan] Yes.
- Watch out, Mama! She might steal him.
- I'd like to see Lady Fortune try.
I would cut her to ribbons with my blade.
Have such a good time, my darling boy!
[both smooching]
- Yes, yes.
- And we would stay.
I'm so glad we got to catch you
before we had to rush to the airport.
You know that I love you
with all of my heart.
This is going to be a
very special year for you.
- And you.
- And again, oh, this is the number.
She hands you a little business card.
This is the number if you
want to talk to the trust,
because there's different
ways, if you want the money
all in one sum it's a little bit less
than if you get it, da da da...
- Stuff for tomorrow. I'm exhausted.
It's nonstop, so I'm gonna
go take a nap before school.
- All right, we're heading to the airport.
Love you, sweetie!
- Love you.
- Goodbye.
You see Gilear and Hallariel
walk out the front door,
and you turn around and
look at Seacaster Manor.
[introspective instrumental]
- All right.
It's all mine.
I'm gonna go get a glass of milk.
- Give me an Investigation check
to find out where your fridge is.
- That's a 15.
- You walk into the kitchen.
It's so huge in here.
There are multiple islands
and a couple of stoves.
You walk in and yeah, you find a fridge,
and there's four full cartons
of milk off to the side.
- Now where the hell are the glasses?
- [Brennan] Give me an
Investigation for glasses.
- Even better, 16.
I've poured a glass of
milk for myself before.
- You get a glass of milk.
- Okay.
Well, should be fun, should be fun.
I guess I'll go upstairs,
check out the gifts.
- You go upstairs.
Just extravagant clothing
and jewelry, shoes.
There's some daggers. It's
just cool masterwork stuff.
There's stuff for your room.
There's a beautiful gilded
pirate steering wheel
that you can hang as art.
You see there's a couple
barrels in the corner,
huge rain barrels.
- Oh. I'll pop one.
- There is a pirate with an
accordion hiding in the barrel.
Now?
[instrumental ends]
- What?
- Now?
- Sure.
♪ Well, it's a happy birthday
for Fabian Seacaster ♪
Two other pirates jump out
of the other two barrels
and play a little happy birthday ditty.
- Three accordions?
- Three accordions.
And then jump back into their
barrels and replace the lids.
- Okay.
One more time, just for fun.
♪ Well, it's a happy birthday
for Fabian Seacaster ♪
- A whole year of this!
- Our shifts replace
at nine AM and nine PM.
- Okay, great.
- So there'll be other pirates in here.
But we're here for the full year.
- All right.
- Until the next birthday.
- Great.
- Whenever you wanna hear Happy Birthday,
you just open the barrel.
- You don't play anything else?
- No.
- Are there other...
Could I ask you...
I mean, you're here for a year.
Is it much more to have
you learn another song?
- I know other songs,
but the service is only Happy Birthday.
- Oh, all right.
- You can get, because we're paid for
by a sort of subscription service, so-
- Can I ask for variations?
Could you do the same song,
but more kind of atonal
and kind of melodic?
- I need to talk to my union rep.
- Cool, well, you get on that.
You guys can stay in here.
I'm gonna take a nap before school.
Actually, can you set an alarm?
- We can't do other things.
- Come on!
- We can only do Happy Birthday.
- Will you just play the song-
- I'm gonna go call my rep.
You see he walks out.
- They're striking outside of your house.
- Fabian, you put a little business card
on the side of your desk
and you hit the hay.
Gorgug, you drop Riz off at
Strongtower Luxury Apartments.
Riz, you walk back into Strongtower.
How do you walk back into your apartment?
Do you try to do it quietly? Do you do...?
- I have a feeling there's a good chance
Mom's burning the midnight oil,
so I think I open it
kind of hoping for her to be awake.
- Lights are on. You open the door.
[jazz noir]
You see her mom has her
head on some legal books.
She's fast asleep, and her hand
is holding a cup of coffee.
There's some old coffee in a pot.
You see she's got a big board
with yarn and stuff on it,
but it's all concerning a legal case.
You see that she's got
lawyer's textbooks up,
and stuff like that.
- I guess my curiosity is piqued.
Can I take a look at the board?
If I'm seeing a board with strings on it,
what am I supposed to do?
- Yeah, give me a little
Investigation check.
- Okay, Riz was getting sleepy,
but now he's kinda waking up.
Investigation is a 30.
- Ooh!
- Natural 19.
- Natural 19; it's a 30.
You see that this is a defense
case that she's building
for one of the organizers
of the Frosty Fair Folk Festival.
The Frosty Fair Folk Festival
is a recurring festival
of folk music and Sylvan
music and jams that happens
in a different location
in Elmville every year.
It's where a lot of firbolg and gnomes
and druids and rangers all come together
and have a little jam with
bards and other stuff like that.
And you see that there are-
she's basically defending someone
who's being accused of embezzlement
and is being tried and convicted
for basically theft from
running the festival.
[snoring] What's that?
Oh!
- [Murph] [whispering] Hey, Mom.
- Hey. Oh no. No no no, I fell asleep.
- That's all right. It's late.
- You're back!
I knew you did it because of the sun.
- Hey, Mom.
- You did it.
Way to go, kiddo.
- I give her a hug.
[Brennan smooching]
- Missed you.
- Missed you so much.
I'm glad you're home.
[yawning] Are you beat?
Do you need to sleep?
- Yeah, I'll probably try
to get a couple hours.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- But it was awesome. I'm really excited.
- You did it, huh?
- Yeah, we did it.
- How'd it go? Did you
k*ll it, did you seal it?
- Well, here's the thing,
is that we thought we had it, right?
And then at the very end,
these two guys popped up
out of the ground, and I
thought we were done for,
but I turned around and
[clicks tongue] dead-eyed 'em.
- Wow. What happened to the other guy?
- He hit himself with this crossbow.
It was so tactical. He
came up and... Yeah.
- Wow, wow.
Okay, so the one guy kinda
missed his moment, got too-
- One guy was a lot more competent, maybe-
- [Brennan] Than the other guy, gotcha.
- Than the other guy. But that guy-
- But you got him.
You saved your friends,
like you always do.
Look at you. Oh my god.
I feel like- you've only
been gone a couple months,
but you look so much older.
You look a lot like your dad, sweetie.
- Thanks, Mom.
Thanks.
- This is nice.
I like this new hair and the
sideburns and everything.
It's very- this is very good.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Very good.
So, hey. This came up a couple weeks ago.
[peaceful instrumental]
I'm sorry, I'm really sleepy right now,
but I've just got to talk to you about it,
'cause I thought I might get
you a couple days before,
we would have time to do it over lunch,
but tomorrow's the first day of school,
so I've kinda just got
to tell you right now.
When I quit the department,
I was under the impression
that some of my pension
would be transferring with me,
and they've been fighting me
on that, and it looks like
that's sort of gonna
be an open and shut...
- Okay. I'm sorry, Mom.
- It's all right, sweetie.
Which makes
college stuff really tricky.
And it makes, sort of, you know,
if there are rogues' guilds you wanna join
or if there are anything, you know,
there are colleges or
universities that you wanna go to-
- Right, yeah, well,
you know, I'm good at...
My grades are good. I
think I'll be able to...
The real thing is, you know,
figuring out what adventuring academy
we're all gonna be able to get into.
'Cause, like, me and Adaine's
grades are really good,
but I gotta look out for everybody,
you know what I mean?
- Sweetie, your friends
are the sweetest,
most good-hearted kids that I know.
And not all of them
are in the same situation that you're in.
And that's not their fault.
It's just reality, right?
You know, Fabian's never
gonna have to worry.
The Thistlesprings own
their tree, you know?
I don't know what Adaine's situation is,
but I know that her
parents were very wealthy
before she k*lled her dad.
- Yeah, totally.
[Emily laughs]
- So I don't know.
Actually, that's up in
the air for me, kind of.
But what I would say is,
your grades are perfect.
You have perfect grades, and
that still might not be enough.
I have some stuff from Aguefort
about extracurriculars.
I just wanna let you
know that I'm gonna do
everything I can to set
you up for a good life.
And that it's not really fair,
but that you might have to
work extra hard.
And there's some colleges or
even just higher institutions,
if you wanted to go
try to find a job that-
or just gonna look at some of that stuff.
And I don't wanna put
any more pressure on you
than you already put on yourself,
but you might have to look
at some extracurriculars
as a way to guarantee,
because if you don't...
Scholarships are gonna
probably be really important.
- Yeah.
Mom, pressure is kinda my thing.
It's fun.
It's gonna be a fun year.
[Lou groaning]
- I love you so much, kiddo.
I have a bunch of pamphlets here.
There's different places you can apply to,
both with universities and
stuff that Aguefort offers.
There's a lot of clubs.
This is your junior year.
This is crunch time, in a lot of ways.
- I'm gonna set up a board.
I'm gonna set up a board.
- Uh-oh, there's my kiddo.
- We're doing it!
- I really love you, and I wanna make sure
that I do everything
that I can to get you-
- Mom, you already have.
We got it.
- You do everything for other people,
and I wanna make sure
that you don't get your heart broken.
So just make sure that you...
[Brennan sighs]
You gotta take care of yourself, okay?
- Yeah.
- I love you.
- Love you too, Mom.
- And your mom goes back to work.
I guess you start
putting a board together.
- I pretend to go to sleep,
and then I start putting an
extracurriculars board together,
start doing I can-
how all of us
can get into the best college possible.
- Riz, the goodest boy.
- I'm just looking at everybody's GPAs
and just being like, okay-
- How'd you get our GPAs?
- [Emily] Mine is negative.
- He broke into f*cking Aguefort's office.
- I definitely have your guys' GPAs.
I'm looking at Fig's. [sighs]
- There's a question mark
if I'm even a student.
- Puttering into the driveway
in front of the
Thistlespring tree, Gorgug,
you pull up into the driveway
and the van sort of sputters,
like a house sinking into its foundation.
- Was that the wheel coming off?
- Yeah, that was the
steering wheel coming off.
- As you do so, you get out,
walk over to the tiny little
door of the Thistlespring tree.
- Tree sweet tree.
- Tree sweet tree.
And as you really lower
your head to get in,
you hear a noise- a little alarm trips,
and suddenly you hear a
little, [snoring] "Oh!
Wilma! Oh!
And you see your mom and
dad come down the stairs.
There he is! Oh!
- Hey, Mom and Dad.
[Brennan sobbing squeakily]
Good morning.
- Good morning, bud! How are you doing?
What happened to the van?
- Yeah, we kinda had to
fight the Night Yorb with it.
It worked out, mostly, but the
van took kind of a beating.
Just gonna have to spend some
time working on it, sorry.
- That's okay, that's okay. Hey!
You know, you're gonna be
able to work on it too,
because you're gonna-
we got an artificer in the family! Uh-oh!
- I'm trying.
- I think you're more
than trying. Look at that!
You see they both gasp and run
out and see the solar lasso.
They're like, "What in the
heck?" They're in bathrobes.
Your mom's got curlers in, running out.
What is this? What'd you make?
- Well, I had some
help, it wasn't just me.
But, you know, the Night Yorb is like...
It's solar, so it's sort of
infusing daylight into a rope.
- So it's a refractory multiple
helix cannon. Okay, so...
They both start putting it all together.
- I didn't really know
all the terminology.
I just kind of feel like I put
it together with, you know...
We gave it a shot.
- You know, they say arcano-tech
is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
I know that you gave
it everything you got.
- I'm really sweaty, yeah.
- That's for sure. Our sweet boy!
All your friends are okay? No one died?
Or if they died, they got brought back?
- My immediate friend group is doing okay.
- Cohorts?
- We lost a couple of cohorts.
- Ah, well,
that's really tough.
- A drunk centaur, a cowboy, a guy.
- A guy?
- And a mirror ran off,
and then a big crystal
fought some other guys.
- You even lied to your
parents about the mirror.
- Oh, wait.
- That's how good Fig is.
- That's how good Fig is!
- That's become true.
- I did get a 32 Deception.
- I put it back together,
and I still think it ran off.
- Both of them look at you
and they say, "We're so proud,
and I know that you wanted to...
[gentle instrumental]
You know, you are an incredible barbarian,
and you're amazing with that
ax and you're strong and fast,
and you also got a good
noggin on your head.
We're just so thrilled and
supportive. That's incredible!
You put a satellite in the
sky. You put the solar...
Oh.
Zelda's dad came by
with a box
of your stuff.
- Okay.
- And he was really sweet,
and he gives you his love,
and everything's great,
and he said Zelda says hi and, you know.
- Okay. Wow, that's nice.
It was sweet of them to bring it by.
- Yeah, well, it's up in your room.
And there's some letters from
the school up there, too,
that seem like pretty thick
envelopes for Mr. Multiclass!
- Yeah.
Can I tell you the truth?
I just feel like I'm...
I just haven't had the
summer to look at anything,
and I just feel a little
behind with all that stuff.
I don't know, I wish I could at least
sleep for a night.
- So sleep. Hey, hey, you'll
deal with it in the morning.
You'll deal with it in the morning.
It's all okay. You'll deal
with it in the morning.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
- How are y'all doing?
- We're excited.
Also, we forgot to mention,
'cause I think it might-
we're still talking about it,
it might fall on or near the time of year
with your birthday in it,
but we're gonna be hosting
a big old folk festival here
at the Thistlespring tree!
We took you to Frosty
Fair when you were a kid.
- Yeah, I think so.
- Oh, it's gonna be a blast!
- Okay.
- It's gonna be great.
So, a big ol' party. You're
gonna have a great time.
Don't worry about the envelopes.
Me and your mom didn't wanna open them
because they're for you, but
do you want us to open them
and sort of take a peek
and see what we think?
- If we could open it together-
- We'll do it tomorrow, sorry.
You know what, and don't
worry about the van.
Me and your mom, you know,
we're gonna take care of-
- I think it would be fun to work on it,
but I just, you know-
- We'll do it together!
- [Zac] We just ran out of time, you know?
- We'll find the time.
There's a lot to do,
but we'll find the time.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Hey, that's what, you know,
that's what your principal says.
Time, it's what...
A hero is a time for all seasons.
- Yeah.
- Was that what...
You know, something like that.
- I mean, I think that there
are themes in there that-
- Yeah, well, listen, you go to bed.
You go to bed. You get your rest.
- Hey, sorry, just tell
Zelda's dad I said hey.
[Emily guffaws]
[Siobhan laughs]
- You got it, you got it. Yep, you got it.
Yeah, do you want me to tell him-
- I'm gonna go to bed.
- Go to bed, go to bed.
He gave us a kiss right
on the mouth, both of us.
- That's his style.
- You go up to your room.
You see a little box that has
a toothbrush and some stuff and, you know.
I don't know if you open it to
investigate it or not, but it
just seems like-
- I think I kinda know what's there.
I'm like, okay. Just set it.
- Your bed's all made.
Everything's all made
and tidy in your room.
You see that there's a
little thing of fresh flowers
in a little glass jar
that your mom picked.
It says a little welcome home thing on it.
- Gorgug just [thumps] onto the bed.
- The bed shatters underneath you.
[Zac snoring]
- Gone, gone.
The Elven Oracle, the
Saint of Mystery and Doubt,
and the Archdevil of Rebellion trudge-
- Sickest TV show ever.
- Streaming light behind us.
- Trudge wearily along concrete sidewalk
up a suburban neighborhood
towards a haunted manor house
at the edge of a cemetery.
- I think that's a fox. Shh.
Shh, it's just a little fox.
- Yeah, you're in that
weird early morning light
where little animals are
active and running around.
- It's a hedgehog!
- It's twilight.
- You look out in the
cemetery, see a little fox.
- Yeah, this is your time of day.
- [Lou] This is my-
- Do you feel extra spiritual right now?
- I feel the power of it, for sure.
I feel so good.
I feel like I have the thing
where your nostrils are
burning, you're so tired.
Each breath, you're like... [groans]
- Every blink is like... [slurping]
- [Ally] Is so heavy, yeah.
- You guys walk up. It's
a nice eight minute walk.
It's really cool, and every step
brings you a little bit closer to home.
You see up on the-
sleeping curled around
the top of Adaine's tower,
is Baxter the griffin, who is just asleep
on the tower roof.
- Baxter!
- And as you open the
front door, walking up,
you see that there's a
light on in the kitchen,
and coming out is a very
humble, hastily-made cake
held by Jawbone and Sandra Lynn.
It's like they put the
icing on while the cake
was still hot, so it's kinda
turning a little liquid-y.
They each have a little hat.
Jawbone... [mimics party horn]
This werewolf guidance counselor,
he's got his little cardigan,
blows a little thing.
Sandra Lynn's in a robe
and her eyes are bleary.
Both of them sing...
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Kristen ugly cries.
♪ Happy belated, a couple
months late birthday to you ♪
- [Siobhan] Thank you!
- You see also, sort of
floating out of a wall,
is Zayn Darkshadow the ghost,
and you see that Lydia,
who still lives here,
Lydia Barkrock and her
son Ragh, who's home.
He's been away forever.
♪ Happy couple months late ♪
♪ 'Cause you were saving the
m*therf*cking world birthday ♪
♪ Fig, Adaine, and Kristen ♪
Come here, m*therf*cker!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Sorry we're so dirty.
- I try to play a chord, and
every single string breaks.
[Brennan mimics strings
twanging discordantly]
f*ck.
- Sand damage.
- Must've been the acid.
- Sandra Lynn goes, we'll get that fixed.
Happy birthday, kids.
You want a slice of cake or
you wanna go right to bed?
- Slice of cake, then right to bed.
- Slice of cake in bed.
- There's so much cream in my stomach.
If I could mix something in with that, I'd
feel better. - [Brennan] Why
is there cream in your stomach?
- That's a good call, we just
had cottage cream a la mode.
- Oh, you got that thing
where you're almost home,
but you see your neighborhood
diner and you're like,
I need to eat a full meal
even though what I really
need to do is go to sleep?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Can I eat the cake in the shower?
- [Emily] That's a really good idea.
- One of my favorite things
is eating an orange in the shower.
You can be as messy as you want.
- I'll tell you, we were
told not to let any food
go down that shower drain
because the plumbing in here
is almost 300 years old
but, you know, let's do it.
Incredible. You guys have
your cake. The family's all-
- I eat it with my hands.
- Yeah, me too.
- Just grabbing.
- I eat it like a slice of pizza.
- [Brennan] It is really great.
It's hot, fresh cake out of the oven.
- How did you time it with
when we were gonna come home?
- You see Sandra Lynn
looks at you and says,
I got all your crystals on my crystal.
I know where you're running
around and doing stuff.
- That's wild. I did not consent.
- By the way, your crystal's
still in the Red Waste.
- Yeah, I threw it under a tire
because I didn't wanna
come back for school.
- Oh, sweetie.
- But it did turn into a cool light sword.
That didn't really help, but it was cool.
- Oh yeah, Squeem.
- It was a cool bit.
- She FaceTimes. It just
says Fig with a little heart
next to it on her contacts,
and you see this thing.
And it's just Squeem the crystal construct
walking across the desert.
Squeem!
- Squeem!
- Squeem!
- Squeem's okay!
- Squeem's on the family plan now.
- Oh my god!
- She goes, "Okay. I don't know what...
I don't know."
- Squeem's a really good guy.
He's Gorgug's best friend and
also Riz's really good friend.
- Man of one word, but amazing.
- Okay, well, you guys
got cake, you're all good.
I know you got school in a
couple hours. Do you wanna...
We can call in sick.
- No, we've got to go in.
- Yeah, I think I will call in sick.
- We just go over the syllabus anyway.
Someone can tell me what they did.
- I actually really enjoy
the first day of school.
- I'm definitely gonna call in sick.
- We're gonna both call in sick.
- You see Jawbone goes,
"Kristen and Fig, can I
talk to you both real quick?
I don't wanna cross lines,
'cause I work at the school
because of you, and so..."
He pulls you off to the
side with your cake.
He says, "Enjoy the cake, rest.
You're both dangerously
close to being expelled."
[Emily cackling]
[Siobhan laughing]
Wildly, wildly close to being expelled.
- You're allowed to fail
a certain number of classes each semester.
[Lou chokes]
- Kristen, can I show you something?
He opens his little desk off to the side
and he takes out a thing saying,
"Kristen, in her sophomore year,
showed no evangelizing
at all of her divinity,
and in fact, during her sophomore year,
her god died and went
to the Astral Plane."
You see he shows you,
and your god is listed
on your academic transcript
as Yes Exclamation Point.
- Kristen, that's really bad.
- Okay!
- Did you ever tell anyone at the school
that your god changed?
- I was supposed to in a paper,
but I just didn't get to it!
- You have to write a
five paragraph essay,
and I did already write
the outline for you.
- I tried to submit the outline.
- He looks at you and says, "And Fig,
you're about to go into your third year,
and you've never been to a bard class."
- Right, right, so I think the problem is,
I'm not getting credit for
the classes I am attending.
- Are you attending classes?
- I'm auditing whatever I feel like.
- [Ally] That's really cool.
- Yeah!
- If you go to the actual bard college,
I think they let you do the same thing.
- It's a very bard thing.
- [Siobhan] They let you
build your own curriculum.
- It's a very bard thing you're doing.
- Okay.
- [Ally] Okay!
- Maybe the paperwork
just needs to reflect
that I'm taking initiative
with classes I'm not signed up in.
- What about if I took Fig's class?
She put Disguise Person on me,
and I took Fig's bard classes for her?
- Then where does that leave me?
- Unfortunately, it's
also called Disguise Self.
Trust me, I would have
thought of it already.
- Damn, yeah, no, that does-
- Jawbone, what are you saying?
- [Siobhan] But they don't
know what you look like!
- Are you saying it's bad?
- No. I mean, look.
If you wanna drop out of
Augefort, drop out of Aguefort.
I'm just saying you're
dangerously close...
You were a chosen of Helio,
and then you left that.
At the end of your freshman
year, paperwork was filed
for the god Yes! that you've
talked to no one about,
and the god died and it
went to the Astral Plane.
So now there's a dead,
three-dimensional block letter deity
floating in sort of idea
space, extradimensionally.
- I feel like Kristen's in
a lot worse shape than I am.
- Okay!
Okay!
I've been to my classes, I just can't...
I just feel like there's a...
I'm swimming,
and if I happen to catch
something floating, I do,
but it's a real crapshoot
for me finishing things.
You see, it's just all kinda, you know,
it's all mush up here.
It's a little liquid, so-
- And I feel like if I attend a class
more than two days in
a row, I lose interest.
- So, these are huge problems.
- Yeah.
- And I say that 'cause I
wanna be supportive and listen.
- Also, Porter needs
someone with eyes on him.
- Porter? How many barbarian
classes have you attended?
- Probably two fistfuls.
[players slowly laughing]
- [Ally] A litter of classes?
- I love you girls with all my heart.
- Maybe you should have taken
one math class. Maybe one.
- Yeah, you measure
everything in fistfuls.
I've had seven fistfuls of cake.
- Fig, I spend a lot of time with people
coming to me and asking if I've ever seen
a Detective Decker or Dr.
Keller here at the house.
You're not going to bard
classes and- listen,
you also took off some days
last year to go do shows
with Fig and the Cig Figs, which is great.
This is not judgment.
You are a prophet of a deity
that you saved from oblivion.
You're a rock star.
This is the height of
achievement for your classes.
I'm just talking about the school.
- We also just saved the world.
- Yeah, you did.
- I feel like that should
count for a couple classes.
- And they work really
hard at other things.
Look how swole Kristen is right now.
That should count for something.
- f*cking - my traps?
- And I've demolished this cake.
- It's great. I'm glad you did.
- I just kinda feel like I
wish I could take a gap year,
but in high school.
- Yeah.
- Ooh, that's a good idea.
Can we call in sick for a year?
Can we take a sick year?
A sick year!
[rock music plays]
- A sick year!
- Yeah!
- Well, listen, I would say
that you could talk to...
Look, Principal Aguefort
probably would give you credit
for defeating the Night Yorb, but...
You see he takes out a phone
and shows a little message
from the email that you guys didn't open.
And you see it is a
video of Arthur Aguefort
in a tropical shirt
with a bucket hat and mirror aviators
going, "Students of the
Aguefort Adventuring Academy!
It is I, your principal, Arthur Aguefort,
here to tell you that
I'm going on vacation!
[party music plays]
That's right, for this next year,
I will be having some
daddy-daughter bonding time
with my long lost daughter.
Ayda, get in here!"
You see he puts an arm around Ayda,
who just looks f*cking miserable.
You see this sort of tropical
beach bum wizard principal
and his daughter, this half
phoenix pirate librarian.
He says, "Me and my daughter are reuniting
after many decades separated,
and so a little family fun is in order."
You see Ayda looks up and says,
"I find this deeply loathsome."
You see that he says, "Loathsome!
Well, don't be a stick in the mud,
because we are going to be going
to a very fun vacation destination.
Back in time!
We will be visiting ages and eons past,
up to the very birth of existence itself.
Which should also give us
ample opportunity to unravel
the Time Quangle, a chronomantic
phenomenon responsible
for some events around this
year seeming to have happened
in a strange order or out of sequence.
Just know that it's because
they have been Quangled.
So we should be back sometime
at the end of the school year."
You see that Ayda looks up and says,
"I have explained this
many times to my father
with the help of my beloved
paramour, Figueroth Faeth.
It doesn't make sense that
if we're going back in time,
we would need to come back
a couple months from now.
If we're time traveling, why..."
You see Arthur says, "That's
just not how it works!"
And he sort of cries a little bit.
She looks up and says, "I vow this,
that I shall return to Elmville
with all possible swiftness."
You see Arthur says,
"But not before we go on
the very first water slide
that was ever created, 10,000 years ago!"
- That's so dangerous.
- Did you know about this?
- Yes. Yes, she told me this was going on.
We had this whole conversation about,
why can't you just come back
to exactly the same moment?
But yes, this was...
I think I just thought
I was gonna come back
a little bit sooner to send her off.
- She's already gone?
- Yeah.
- You see Jawbone says, "By the way,
we found this out in the front yard."
And you see he hands you a
series of trilobite fossils
that spell out, "Miss you,
love you, XOXO, Ayda."
- I gather them in my arms.
- She left these for you
billions of years ago?
They fossilized and then
arrived in the backyard?
- Yeah, our f*cking
romance is so f*cking epic.
- That's really cute.
- I kiss the rocks.
- A love letter made of
fossilized trilobites
from the ancient past
from your wizard paramour.
Jawbone looks at the look
of longing on your face
and how tired you guys are and he says,
"I didn't wanna bear down on
you guys like this right now.
Go get some rest.
You guys are good kids. If you...
Look, I know I shouldn't say this
as your guidance counselor.
If school's not right for
you, then that, you know...
I support you no matter what.
I support you no matter what.
I just wanted to let you
know what the situation is."
- But I'm doing okay in
school, though, right?
'Cause me and Riz have
got to go to college.
We have a whole plan.
Actually, Riz's plan involves everyone,
but I think at least him and me.
- Jawbone smiles and
says, "You're doing A-OK.
We did get the word or the news
that monetarily,
your mother is still alive,
trapped somewhere in Sylvaire,
so your inheritance- there's nothing-"
- Of course she is. That's great.
- There's nothing there.
And we got word from Lola.
who said that because
the tour got canceled,
you had to refund all
the tickets, and she also
said, "Where the hell is
that sophomore album?"
- Ugh.
- And the amount that they
had to refund means that
you owe the record label a
hefty sum of money, kiddo.
- What?
- [Siobhan] Oh god.
- Okay, did she say
anything, though, like,
but actually, as long
as you get us the album,
we're good?
'Cause I've actually been writing down
a lot of lyrics on the road.
- She asked where it was,
so that feels like an open door, right?
- Okay, yeah.
Okay, so I just have to finish the album.
- You've just got to do the album.
She was mentioning, by New Year's.
- [whispering] New Year's?
- [Brennan] Yeah, 'cause she said
you're already about 10 months late.
- I put down the rocks and
I take out my Moleskine
that on the cover says
Sophomore Year Album.
I open it up.
The only lyrics written in it are:
Get under that hood a little;
Yorbies to my left, Yorbies to my right;
So tactical, so late;
and then Balthazar,
in parentheses, parody
song of "How Bizarre".
- Balthazar, Balthazar.
♪ Doo doo, doo doo ♪
- Okay, okay.
- That's the bones of a good-a*s album.
- People are gonna love it.
- 12 songs at least.
You could do some skits to fill it out!
- People love skits on
albums. They love them.
- And a voicemail from an old person.
- You should do them right in
the middle of your big track
so people have to listen to the skit.
- Well, look, you're incredibly powerful.
You're an archdevil.
By the way, some sort
of devils came by also,
asking where you were.
There's things happening in the Pit.
- Does no one respect the fact
that it takes time to save the world?
- I guess not.
- Well, listen. I think, you know...
Why don't you all head off to bed,
and you'll handle it when you handle it?
- Jawbone, can I ask you something?
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- I do just wonder,
I don't think I do wanna
go into school tomorrow.
Could we hang out when you're not there?
I don't wanna be good at school,
but then I also can't think
of another alternative,
and I do just feel like I kinda wanna
take a career test or
something. I don't know.
- Hey, kiddo, that's a
no-brainer, all right?
When I was in high school,
you know, you think I was...
I was focusing on trade stuff.
I took a job with this guild of thieves
that taught me how to do
knife tricks in my own body,
you know, like a sort of thieves' circus.
And it would be daggers, and
they would land in my body
'cause I was a werewolf,
and they would stick there,
but then I found out later
that they were laced with a narcotic.
- Oh.
And so that's an option?
- I'm just saying the world's so-
anything's an option.
- [Ally] Anything's an option.
- I'm looking at just a void right now.
- Hey, let's talk about it
tomorrow. Go get some rest.
As you peel off, Kristen,
you go to the old chapel
that you used to share. And
as you are leaving there,
Ragh leans in, sort of says,
"Hey, I'm crashing on the sofa.
I just got back from
Fallinel, like, last week,
sort of helping Tracker out there.
She's sort of, she's good now, actually.
Like, in a big way.
So I'm coming back and,
you know, graduated,
and I'm gonna be trying...
I might be getting scouted
by some professional bloodrush scouts."
- Oh, cool.
- Which is pretty sick, so.
Tracker wanted to know if
she could reach out to you.
- Yeah, I would-
- Do you want me to tell you what I know,
or do you want me to, like...
- I look at the clock. It's like 4:30 AM.
I'm gonna go lay down on my water bed
that we used to share lovingly.
Maybe, okay-
- That thing didn't pop?
- I had to reseal it.
Maybe- okay, can I give you a time table,
and you let me know if it works for you?
Tomorrow I figure out
the direction of my life,
and then you tell me
everything about Tracker,
and then the day after that,
you let Tracker know that
she can reach out to me.
Then- when I know that I'm solid.
As I say solid, I flex so
hard. It's pretty obvious,
but I'm like, when I'm solid, you know?
- Oh, f*ck yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tomorrow you'll figure out your life,
and the day after that,
then I will tell you-
- Way too hard of a handshake.
- Pow!
Adaine, you get up to your room.
Zayn sort of wishes you
a happy night and says,
"Aelwyn moved out over the summer."
- Oh.
- [Brennan] But she left
something for you up there.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
- Weird that she didn't tell me.
Whatever, she's weird. Yeah, thank you.
Happy birthday. Happy deathday!
[Brennan gasps]
- You see he sort of floats through you,
says, "I'm glad you're back."
[Siobhan shudders]
- Refreshing. It's refreshing.
- You walk up into the...
You see the bunk bed that
you shared with Aelwyn
for about a month,
the end of your last sophomore year
after the events of finding Cassandra,
retrieving the crown
of the Nightmare King.
You see that the walls are painted
with the most beautiful
abjurative runes everywhere.
Give me an Arcana check.
- Dirty 20. Oh no, wait.
No, 26.
[Brennan gasps]
- You see that there is a box of
little special lembas cake pops
from Fallinel, your favorite snack
from when you guys were little kids there.
And you see that there is a
card with a key underneath it.
You see she says, "Got a
little apartment in Clearbrook.
Here's a key, because you belong there
anytime you want to be there,
but you must text ahead.
Don't be a weirdo. I have guests."
- Guests? Oh god, no.
I don't need to know.
- You see that she says,
PS, enjoy the Nemesis Ward.
You see your formerly villainous sister
has put an abjurative
ward around your room
that is an incredibly powerful abjuration.
It's called a Nemesis Ward
because people tend to put it
as a protection on a person
that is their nemesis.
And it means that no one can
attack them in that place
without first defeating the-
It's like, "I claim this person!"
So it's like a piece of "evil" abjuration
that she has put here to be like,
"No one can f*ck with my sister
unless they come through me first."
- That's funny, that's funny.
She's always had something
of a sense of humor.
[Siobhan snoring]
- You are gone.
Fig, you get through the trapdoor
into your sunken rock
star place underneath.
- I set up all the trilobite message
like stuffed animals and spoon them.
I spoon the rocks.
- You spoon the rocks,
thinking about sophomore album,
almost a year late, saving the world,
and your only thanks is a three
months late birthday party.
You think of never having
attended a bard class,
and what the f*ck does that even mean?
Devils are coming and asking
when you're gonna come back
and fulfill your role as
the Archdevil of Rebellion.
Your stomach gurgles, this time painfully.
[Brennan croaking queasily]
- Maybe I'll see if my mom is awake.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Mom?
- [Brennan] You see Sandra Lynn
is brushing her teeth after-
- I'm really careful
about walking in on her
in Jawbone's bedroom.
- No, no, you see she's
in the upstairs bathroom,
brushing her teeth.
You see that there's- you
walk up the staircase,
past the door that is a portal
to the pirate city of Leviathan
that has a bar over it
so that lost pirates
don't wander in here looking for a book.
- Mom, Mom.
- Yeah?
- Sorry to bother you.
I think I'm just really, really burnt out,
but in the middle of the battle,
I kinda tapped into
something or something.
Maybe I'm just burned out
and I'm reading into it.
Do you know if acid reflux can be a curse,
or if there's a devil of acid reflux?
- Devil of acid reflux?
- Yeah, I might have made a deal
with a devil of acid reflux.
- Okay, I don't...
Did you see a devil that looked like-
- No, I just had this feeling
that if I let something loose
or connected to something,
that I could just tweak fate for a second.
- Tweaking fate?
- It was just a feeling in my gut that-
- She looks at your stomach
and goes, "Oh sweetie,
you got a big glob of icing on your shirt.
What is that, cottage cheese?"
- Yeah, we had cottage cheese a la mode.
Now that I'm thinking
about my diet tonight,
that's actually probably what's going on.
I think I woke you up
for nothing. I'm sorry.
I just had a really weird
day of eating road trip food.
Anyways, I think I'm just stressed.
There's just a lot going on.
But yeah...
I just had too much cottage
cheese and ice cream.
- Great.
- Okay, sorry to wake you up.
- No, no worries. Okay.
Sweetie, I'm so happy you're home.
Listen, I know that Jawbone
was talking to you guys.
He's worried.
If you f*ck up, you know,
half as much as I did,
you're gonna be doing great, sweetie.
- You don't mind how
deeply unacademic I am?
- No, I was the same way.
I didn't give a sh*t about
school, and look at me now.
I live in a haunted house
that's falling apart.
- I feel like there's other specifics
you could've brought up.
- No, I just mean- listen,
you have a rebellious spirit,
and it's gonna bring trouble,
and it's also gonna bring lots of rewards.
You know, everything has its other side.
I'm not worried about you.
- Do you think I should go to school?
Do you think I should go to bard class?
I haven't done it even once.
- Well, hey, what's wrong
with a new experience?
Give it a shot, maybe you'll like it.
I mean, I think that you're reacting to it
as a thing that you're required to do,
and that's what you hate about it.
But the requirement to do it
isn't coming from the class itself, right?
It's coming from the
administration, the bureaucracy.
So the class itself might
actually be quite rewarding
or valuable, and you
won't know until you go.
- What if I did this?
What if I changed my major,
and then went to bard school?
- [Brennan] I don't
know if that would help
with the expulsion, but I love the hustle
and I think that's a great idea, sweetie.
She gives you a big kiss.
- Okay.
- On the way down the stairs,
can you give me a Dexterity saving throw?
- 15.
- You get to the bottom of the staircase,
and you step in a bucket
of cement, of wet cement.
- f*ck!
I try to take my foot
out before it f*cking-
- It hardens pretty quick.
- What?
- She says, "Oh, sweetie, we
were doing some renovations.
The house is falling apart.
Here, let me help you."
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Give me another
Dexterity saving throw.
- That's actually a nat 20!
- Hell yeah.
You pull your foot out
and are totally fine.
You see that Doreen's fishnet
stocking is partially torn.
Part of it's trapped in
the boot with the cement.
- Oh, Doreen! And my combat boots!
I pick up the bucket.
- Okay, we can get it out.
- No, it's better this way.
- How?
[players laughing]
- I don't have time to explain it to you!
- All right, don't yell at me!
You rush to your room, fall
asleep next to your trilobites,
with a bucket of quickly-drying cement
and a gurgle in your stomach.
Last little piece.
Kristen, as you begin to fall
asleep thinking about Tracker,
you don't check your
crystal at all, do you?
- Maybe I do.
I'm just setting my alarm to
get my life together tomorrow.
- But as soon as you grab your phone,
you forget what you're doing.
- Yeah.
I play backgammon for six hours.
- You see 40,000 likes
on a post from the Wolfsong Revival,
which is Tracker's religious
movement of the moon goddess.
And you see the photo is Tracker
sort of smiling and speaking.
And you she that she's got
her arm around an elven maiden
who's partially sitting in
her lap and is gesturing.
And she's sitting in
the grass in a circle,
talking to people about
the moon and Galicaea.
- I click through to the main profile.
- Yeah, they've got double the followers
from the last time you checked on them.
- Whoa.
Can I look and just be like,
is anything fishy or weird,
or it's just straight-up,
they're doing great?
- Fallinel's worship of the moon goddess
was as stale and immortal as
the high elven structure is.
And a lot of Sylvan elves
and Sylvan creatures
have come with Tracker, so it's kind of
the most interesting thing
happening in Fallinel,
is this young werewolf leading a revival
of what the worship of
the moon actually means
and the structure and meaning
it brings to their life.
You see her speaking
to people and healing,
performing miracles.
She's defeating demons
and enemies of the forest
with this incredible moon
goddess werewolf magic.
There's a couple of mid-battle stills.
Whoever's managing the
social media account's
doing an incredible job.
- Damn, that's pretty cool.
- And in your head, you hear,
as you're drifting off to sleep
with the phone in your hand,
you hear Cassandra go, "How
are our socials doing?"
- I click ours. How many followers?
- You- any of the Bad Kids.
How many of the Bad Kids
are following Kristen's-
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely, totally.
- No!
- [Brennan] Fabian's a
no. Fabian's a hard no.
- [Emily] I mean, I muted it, but-
- I've posted so many photos of Fabian.
- I was following,
and then it was way too much.
- I tag you in every post.
- Riz likes everything.
- [Brennan] - Riz likes everything.
You have two likes on most of your posts,
which is Riz and Craig,
who is your sole follower.
- What about that really good post I did
where I actually tried, I
put all my heart into it,
and it was just kinda,
it really was getting
to the beating heart-
- [Brennan] Five likes. Five likes.
It's got Riz, Craig,
you from your personal.
- I'm sure I liked it.
- And Gorgug.
- I have you muted, so I
wouldn't even see it. I'm sorry.
- The other one is a bot. The
other one is absolutely a bot.
- Gorgug texted me and told me to like it.
- The other one's just a Twitter egg.
- So Fabian, who does not
follow you, did like that one.
- Yeah, of course people
f*cking love the moon god.
f*cking, okay. Okay.
Honestly, I think it's pretty...
Honestly... [snoring]
- You drift off and you
see Cassandra there,
who goes, "It's all right.
It's all right, Kristen.
You know, there's a lot
going on and, you know,
you're under a lot of
[winces] pressure. [groans]"
You see a little ribbon of red
and something sharp move through her body.
[gasps in pain]
- What?
- It's okay.
- Can I Insight?
- [Brennan] Give me an
Insight check, yeah.
- 19 on the die.
- Something just hurt her.
You see she says, "It's okay.
You know, I might only have...
I might only have two followers,
but it's better than Yes!, right?"
- Yeah. Wait, it's me and who else?
- Craig.
- Oh yeah, Craig.
Right, of course. Important
member of the team.
- She says, "Yeah, better
than Yes!," and vanishes.
You drift off to sleep, and
tomorrow, junior year begins.
And that's all for this episode
of "Dimension 20: Junior Year."
Tune in next week for
another thrilling episode.
- We're all doing great.
- [Brennan] Everyone's
doing f*cking great.
- [Siobhan] So good.
- Balthazar!
- Balthazar, Balthazar.
It is the first day of school
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
I know who you are. It's nice to meet you.
- Of course you do. Who are you?
- My name's Kipperlilly Copperkettle.
- [Siobhan] Kipperlilly Copperkettle?
- What are you, four different dogs?
- Oh sh*t!
- Please give it up for
interim emergency backup principal Grix!
I have been created by your
principal, Arthur Aguefort,
to enact perfect adventuring order.
- I wanna multiclass.
I've been a fighter,
but I know I'm a bard.
- Baby boy.
- Yes?
- Baby boy.
- Yes.
- You already did.
[Lou sobbing]
Look, I'm not gonna
approve you for the MCAT.
You're still that kid that
you were on the first day.
I said, what do you do when you get mad?
And you started singing a song.
- I think songs can accomplish a lot.
- My name's Cloaca! I suck!
- I'm not gonna say that was a song.
- What's your current divinity's name?
- Cassandra.
- Cassandra, goddess of?
- Unknown, mystery, and doubt.
[Brennan sighs]
Yeah, it's a hard sell.
- In the past, there
has been an eccentricity
to the bureaucratic and
administrative decisions
of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy
that has favored some
students over others.
Really nice to meet you guys.
- Kristen, you have to
run for student government
and crush her!
- I agree.
- First off, you need to take down
Kipperlilly Copperpetal.
- Copperkettle.
- Copperkettle.
- She's still here!
- Pretend like I didn't say that!
[epic adventure music]
[epic music continues]
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21x02 - Summer Breakdown
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.