- [Brennan] A list of the topics, themes,
and subject matter
featured in this episode
has been included in
the video description.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ It's our time, it's our year ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Everything's about to change ♪
♪ We're all gonna be okay ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
Hello, one and all!
Welcome back to another thrilling episode
of "Dimension 20: Fantasy
High Junior Year."
That's three titles in a row.
I am your humble dungeon
master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- Nat 20!
- Nat 20, there we go.
- Brennan has to do a keg stand.
- Gorgeous!
- Wait, we're doing that ex post facto?
- We have the same taste in dice.
- Yes. That's really legible, too.
- Last episode, the Bad Kids,
the premiere adventuring
party of high school heroes
from the Aguefort Adventuring Academy,
once again saved the world.
Put another W up on the
board with the Night Yorb!
♪ It's coming for us ♪
Sealed within a sick mural
on top of Gorgug's van.
But this dub was a little
dustier than normal,
and a 48 hour road trip covered in blood,
just kinda feeling it,
just to puh-puh-puh-putter
back into Elmville
mere hours before the
first day of junior year.
Our Elven Oracle,
archdevil, and risen saint
got an impromptu birthday party
with a hot birthday cake with some news.
Adaine's sister had moved out
during the long summer away,
and Kristen Applebees got word
from a returned Ragh Barkrock
that there was some stuff
going on with the ex, Tracker.
We found out that Figueroth Faeth
not only was being communicated
with through eons of time
from the distant past by
her paramour on a road trip
with Principal Arthur
Aguefort, her father,
through the beginnings of time,
but we also found, I don't know,
some weird accidents
happening around the house.
A little combat boot
in a bucket of cement,
and a strange curdled
feeling in the stomach.
Speaking of strange curdled feelings,
Gilear Faeth and Hallariel Seacaster
headed out on a vacation with
a bunch of kisses for Fabian,
having returned home to a retrofitted
pirate ship mansion
where now he dwells as
the man of the house.
Sort of a drafty place. Mother gone,
father scouring the Nine Hells
to eventually k*ll the Devil himself,
and a strange sort of feeling
at the beginning of junior year.
Speaking of strange feelings,
having broken his bed on collapse,
Gorgug Thistlespring returned home to find
some academic-stuffed envelopes
for his desire to multiclass,
of which his parents were very supportive,
having designed the solar lasso
that caught the Night Yorb,
as well as a box of his stuff
from ex-girlfriend's house
with a nice hello and a thank you.
- I should've told my
parents to tell her dad hey.
- You did.
- I mean, I should've followed through.
- I should've followed up and made sure
that that is what happened.
- Actually, I think you told your parents
to tell her dad hey.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you wanna make
sure that everything's good
between Zelda's dad and your mom and dad.
- Me and Zelda are good,
I just wanna make sure
her dad isn't mad at me.
- [Brennan] Not mad at me.
- But with a thick, stuffed envelope
that Gorgug left on the desk
to handle in the morning.
Speaking of academic stress,
Riz arrived back at home
to see his mom, having
newly passed the bar exam
as a public defender here
in the town of Elmville,
looking at her own conspiracy
thing up on the board
about the Frosty Fair Folk Festival,
a kind of Sylvan jam band-
- There's a connection!
- We've gotta link up.
- We'll talk later.
- [Murph] Oh, we'll talk later!
- I wanna perform there.
- I think we'll talk later.
- Get up on the folk festival, exactly.
- Folk bass?
- I'm gonna do an unplugged-
- I'm gonna tell you straight up,
most of "Fantasy High" worldbuilding
is not directly from my own teenage years.
The Frosty Fair Folk Festival
is straight from the core
what was going on with me as a teenager,
and goddammit, we're gonna
have it here in Elmville!
Lot of people in flowy
sundresses with flower crowns
dancing around to people
playing banjos and djembes
and various other
instruments around a bonfire.
But Riz, coming across
Sklonda who is sitting there
with a sort of defense case.
She's working on a defense case
for a client of hers, and
obviously as a public defender,
she's sort of the city's representative
for people that, for whatever
reason, choose not to,
or in most cases cannot afford
a private defense attorney.
Sklonda's pension had sort of
been snatched away from her
by her former employer. And
she kind of had to tell Riz
that his grades, and not only his grades,
but his extracurriculars
were gonna be a big indicator
of his possible future and
what his horizons were.
And across town, a conversation
with Fig and Kristen
was about their very near expulsion
from the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
Without further ado,
it is the first day of school
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
- Look at that beautiful statue.
There's multiple beautiful statues!
- The trees are moving!
- There's so many Aguefort statues.
- Multiple statues of Arthur Aguefort
in various important academic poses.
You've got the bleachers
for the bloodrush stadium.
You got the gym there in the corner.
Hoot, growl, hoot, growl!
It is our first day here
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
Who thinks they arrive first at school,
and how do you get there?
- I think Riz probably
gets to school first.
I think I furiously bike there,
probably having slept very, very little.
I think I've looked at my own transcript
and everyone else's transcripts
and tried to figure out
the best way for us all to have
the best possible junior
year academically possible.
And so I just have a giant bag of files
as I bike to school super
fast, incredibly caffeinated,
and I'm just buzzing, waiting
for everybody to arrive.
- Hell yeah. Give me
an Investigation check.
You're basically diving in
to become a school bureaucrat
in one night before junior year begins.
- Yeah, in like an hour.
Ooh, yes!
- Oh my god!
- I rolled a 19.
- Okay, so on a 30,
I'll give you all the
information you want.
- Great.
- What kind of information are
you looking for specifically?
Are you more interested in
what actually gets grades up-
- Yeah.
- Or are you more interested
in extracurriculars
that kind of pad a student resume?
On a 30, I'll give you a bit of both,
but if you wanna focus on one-
- I think I'm looking
at it. I'm like, okay.
Fig and Kristen, we gotta
pull those grades up.
Adaine, me, and Fabian
probably have to do more extracurriculars.
Gorgug, we gotta make
this multiclassing work.
I'm just going through and
trying to fill in the gaps.
- On that 30, I'll say this.
Kristen and Fig are in a jeopardy area,
but they're for very different reasons.
Fig, literally, it's just attendance.
Literally, Fig's doing great.
It's just literally, half
of your grade is attendance.
You'll fail if you never go to a class.
- I'm going to class!
- You're just not going to-
- I'm not going to the
class I'm supposed to.
- The conspiracy board is very complicated
for everyone except for Fig.
There's just a picture
of Fig, and it just says,
"Go to class."
- Kristen is in a ton
of academic jeopardy,
because the god that was on her paperwork
from the beginning of sophomore year
was Yes with an exclamation mark.
There was a form submitted to change it
to Yes with a question mark,
but that wasn't fully completed,
and so it didn't quite-
- I think I know where that is.
- You know where that is.
As of spring- at the end of last year,
they checked on it after
your guys' spring break,
and because that divinity
only had one cleric
and the cleric moved to
another god, Cassandra,
that god died and it
moved to the Astral Realm
where dead gods go, and so that's a-
You know, that's a failure.
If you're a cleric and
you let your god die,
that's a failure.
There's nothing restrictive about clerics
not being able to change divinities,
but it's just, you've gotta tell people.
You've gotta submit it.
It's a lot of stuff that has to happen.
Fabian and Gorgug,
their academic transcripts
are pretty good.
It's not like 4.0, but
they're on the Owlbears.
That counts for a lot.
They're on the bloodrush team.
These are what you would call
truly solid students with decent grades
that should be able to get
into a college, no problem.
And then you and Adaine, of course, are-
- Great.
- Yeah, nerds.
- Hey!
- Hey! You take school
very, very seriously.
- Actually, for the
wizards, I'm really chill.
- The big thing with Fabian and Gorgug
is about multiclassing.
You download and memorize
all of the complex rules.
There is something in the
superintendent's office
that is a test you can elect
for that is called the MCAT.
It's the Multiclass Achievement
Test, and essentially,
if you get written permission
from your current class's teacher
and you get permission for the class
that you wanna jump into,
you can basically do three
quarters of each curriculum,
which is still 150% of a school year,
but you can jump into another
one with a recommendation
from your current class's teacher of, hey,
this student is excelling so
much in their current class,
we feel it would not be inappropriate
for them to do whatever else.
Fig's multiclassing
appears to be undocumented
by the school. The school
does not know that Fig...
'Cause again, how would her bard teacher
even know that she multiclassed?
She never goes to class.
- I add a second string
parallel to the first one.
- As someone who really passionately loved
school and college,
this is so funny to me.
- [Brennan] On a 30, is there any followup
that you wanna ask?
- What schools would be
available to us after-
- After Aguefort?
- After Aguefort.
- Astral State University, which you guys
already did a college
trip to, is a big one.
CUS Dabus, which is in the City of Doors,
which is another extraplanar city.
BCU is a big one, Bastion City University.
It's in the big city.
- Yeah.
- The adventurers that
go to BCU usually end up
doing stuff that's not
just saving the world,
but changing the world permanently.
The sort of assignments you would get
at Bastion City University
would be things like, oh,
we are going to gather the
materials to create a gem
at the center of the
world that protects us
from astral dreadnoughts forever, right?
So it's a type of proactive questing
that those college students are doing,
whereas a lot of the stuff
people are doing here-
you guys are actually rare at Aguefort
for having saved the world so many times.
A lot of the Aguefort quests are like,
there's a dungeon and there's
a monster at the center of it,
and there's treasure. You
know, that kind of thing.
- Wait, so could we
get some college credit
for having saved the world three times?
- On a 30, I think you find some ways
that you could potentially-
you would need all of
your adventuring party
to write a minimum 10-page essay.
- Oh boy.
So me and Riz will
write three essays each.
- You also find some
other stuff on that 30
that is not ideal for the Bad Kids.
You find some references at the corner,
the marginalia of stuff,
about a thing known as
the Society of Shadows,
which is a graduate-level
university just for rogues.
- Okay.
- And the other thing you
find that makes you quite sad,
'cause it looks sort of
like an old timey orphanage,
is Lord Salazar Edge's
College of Lone Adventurers.
- Oh no! So they don't have a party.
- Yeah, it's for people who
have either lost their party
or left their party.
The pamphlet is extremely depressing.
- Their mascot is the lone wolf.
- Yes, and their sports
team is the Lone Wolf,
and it's a one person sports team.
- They play singles tennis.
- Just one guy on a bloodrush-
- [Brennan] One guy on a bloodrush, yeah.
- Their record is bad,
but it should be worse.
That's pretty good.
- That's pretty good.
- Whenever he graduates, they go to sh*t.
- He's awesome.
- Only half his games are total sweeps.
- Yeah.
- He scores points.
- He scores a couple points.
- Which is miraculous.
- He's gonna go pro after he graduates,
but for now, that's a rough locker room.
- So Riz, I think you roll
up and have this stuff open
on a courtyard table as you're just-
- Like I'm a college recruiter.
- People keep coming up
and going, is it club rush?
- No, no.
- Can I take one of these?
- No.
- Who arrives next?
I will say, for the Mordred g*ng,
Jawbone has to drive to work.
- Okay, so yeah, we're all
sleeping in the car as he drives.
- [Brennan] And Kristen, last episode,
you had said that you didn't
wanna go to school today.
- [Ally] Yeah, you guys knock
on my door and I'm like,
I just don't think I'm gonna go today.
[yelps] Jesus!
- Come on, you're in trouble already,
and school hasn't even started.
- I think I'm planning
on going in, but late.
Do you want me to just
Dimension Door us to school?
- I would love that.
- We live so much further
than 500 yards from school.
- Well, you could Dimension Door us,
and we'll just kinda chill
until you get another one.
I can do Song of Rest.
I can kinda get you some spell slots back.
While you're telling us how
important it is to go in,
I'm grinding coffee beans really loud.
- I cast Friends on both of
you just to get you in the car.
- Do you?
- Yes, for sure.
It lasts a minute,
and then you know that
I cast a spell on you.
- I like getting Friends cast
on me, so I willingly fail.
- Kristen, what's the DC
for a Persuasion check
that would get Kristen...
It's your character,
you can't be persuaded
against your will, but if you wanna see
if Adaine could possibly persuade you-
- I do wanna see.
It's a 10, and I'll give
you the Help action.
- I actually don't need it
'cause I already have
advantage from Friends.
- Deep inside I know that I do
need to go to f*cking school.
- Okay, yeah, that's an 18.
- Great. It's 10 and I
give you the Help action!
I'm not f*cking going!
- Kristen, come on!
- I'm not f*cking going! As I'm walking.
I'm not gonna go, guys!
- Come on.
I'll buy soda when we get in.
- Chill!
Okay, I put the beans down
and I grab the nastiest energy drink
that's blue raspberry
flavor out of the fridge.
Let's go!
- As you grab blue raspberry,
you see Ragh's mom, Lydia Barkrock-
who is this incredibly
buff half orc woman.
She's got these massive
f*cking arms and shoulders.
She's got a red, that
very fluffy flannel shirt.
A little bit fluffier than
Murph's, but kinda that style,
sort of tied around her midsection.
- Fluffier than mine?
- She's got this sort of barbarian-
she's got this huge polearm on her back.
You see she's moving through the kitchen
with her wheelchair.
Her shirt is tied to
expose the glowing gem
embedded in her chest,
this nasty shard gem.
She has some ancient
demonic entity in there
that she's kept suppressed with her rage.
As you go for the blue
raspberry, she very lovingly,
but with an arm powerful
enough to break walls,
just sort of smacks it out of your hand.
- Hey!
- You're having blue raspberry
first thing in the morning?
- I'm so tired.
- Why did you grind coffee?
- We've got to-
- We thought we were having-
- Can I have two minutes just
to make a proper pour over?
- We thought we were
having a slower morning.
- First of all, you know it takes you
like 15 minutes to make
a proper pour over.
- I won't get the bed right this time.
It's fine if there's a
little bit of channeling.
- Thank god you know how to
do this, because if you fail,
you will be doing this
for the rest of your life.
- I might still be!
- You see Lydia hands
each of you a garbage bag,
and looking inside of it,
you see that there are
two double foot long
party sub sandwiches, a
full size bag of chips.
She's used to making
lunch for her son Ragh,
so she gives you a full
half-orc athlete son's lunch
and hands them off, there's
some fruit in there and stuff.
All right, eat up, eat up.
- Is this just for me? It's
not for a small family?
- Oh, if you want less-
- This actually is great for me.
I'm gonna be done by 11.
- Okay, maybe we could share,
and we can all just have a big lunch.
Okay, thank you! I have
my tiny coffee and my-
- Would you like less food in the future?
- I take half of one of the
foot longs, wrap that up,
and give the rest back to her
and I say, thank you so much.
- All right. [munching enthusiastically]
That's good.
Hey, honestly, the salami
is really, really good here.
- I'm starting with the chips.
- I throw it over my bag.
- As you head out, you see
Sandra Lynn gives Jawbone
a little kiss on his furry cheek and says,
"Hey, great day today.
Don't let the b*stards
f*cking push you around."
- I'm gonna change my major, Mom.
- Really?
- Like we talked about.
- Okay!
- Yeah.
- What are you gonna
change it to? Do you know?
- Something that I'm not
gonna attend the classes for.
- Sweetie, that will
just create a new problem
instead of the old problem.
- I think you really helped
me work this out last night.
- We are so late! We're so late!
- Even Jawbone's like, "You
know, we're havin' a good time.
Tick tock, we've gotta go."
Sandra Lynn mounts Baxter
to fly off to work,
and you guys pile into Jawbone's car.
You see he says, "All right, first day.
What do we want on the
radio? What do we want?"
- Something inspiring.
- All right.
- Yeah.
- Oh, you guys missed this.
Song of the summer. Kids are going nuts.
This emo song starts
to come over the radio.
You listen to the lyrics.
Screaming over it is a tiny
gnomish voice that goes...
♪ Your boundaries slit my veins ♪
♪ Your no thanks k*lled my family ♪
♪ And when you asked for space ♪
♪ The space you made was outer space ♪
♪ Can you hear me screaming ♪
He goes, "This is good."
- I like the part where he screams.
- I'm frantically
searching for the aux cord
so I can plug my crystal in
and put on a health podcast.
- You put it in.
- What does this person
eat in a normal day?
What do they eat in a
day? What are the macros?
- You wait for 90 minutes
before you get caffeine
in your body, and what that
does at the beginning of the day
is it sets you up that you're going off
of your own natural body
chemistry, natural sunlight.
- [Siobhan] You've already had so much-
- I'm sipping my coffee
while listening to it.
I'm like, this is a great plan,
and I will implement this tomorrow,
when I skip school and find out
what my life's gonna be like.
- You arrive at school,
and I think you see Riz posted
up by one of the courtyards.
Jawbone gets here-
it's about 30 minutes before the rush,
'cause Jawbone has some work
stuff he's gotta set up,
so you guys see Riz out in the courtyard.
- Hey, guys!
- Hey, Riz!
- How's it going?
- What's up?
- Oh my god, this is a gorgeous...
This is so organized.
- Thank you, thank you so much.
- [Siobhan] Yeah.
Yes, unfortunately, I don't really...
Actually, I made a folder
for you, just kinda for fun.
- Oh my god, this is-
- It just says, "Hey, Adaine!"
on the inside. - This is so nice.
- Then I hand huge packets
to Fig and to Kristen.
Just a little light reading
for maybe how we can all,
you know, kick off this year.
- What am I looking at?
- You know, your god died.
Did you know that?
- Oh, weird. Yeah, yeah. That's-
- I was looking kinda just casually-
I just leafed through
some stuff last night.
It was kinda in the Aguefort
website and all that,
leafing through the
website, and it was saying
that it's not good if
the cleric's god dies.
So, you know...
And also Fig, with the...
You know, the classes
that we have to go to.
- I actually have a really good plan
this year.
- Okay. What's up?
- She does. She really does.
- Really?
- Okay, what's the plan?
- It's genius.
- So I realized the reason
I'm not going to bard class
is I don't like doing
what people tell me to do.
- Okay.
- So I'm gonna change my major.
I'm gonna change my major.
- You should do that! You have to do that!
- [Siobhan] To barbarian.
- I have to do it?
- You have to! - [Siobhan]
Change it to barbarian. I mean,
you're already going to barbarian classes.
- I was thinking fighter,
'cause I'm not even
gonna ever go to fighter.
I've never been and I'm never going to,
and then once I don't
have to go to bard class,
then I can go to bard class.
- That's a really good idea.
Riz, can you hack into the system
and make it say she's in bard class?
- Yeah, I was trying to...
Yeah, okay, cool.
- Yeah, no, that's a great
idea. I think we just have to-
- You guys make up a
whole fake transfer sheet.
- Adaine, maybe if we tell
Fig that what she's doing
is a really good idea,
and in fact mandatory
that she does that, maybe she
won't wanna do it anymore.
- Oh my god, that's such a
good idea. You're so smart.
- Fig, actually I had written
out kinda your whole year.
- That's actually the rules.
Aguefort said that you have to do that,
otherwise you're expelled
and you have to go to Mumple.
- As a bard, you're
kinda supposed to cheat
and try to get around the
system and everything,
and that's like you're
showing your persuasion
and the fact that you can talk
yourself out of situations.
What they really don't want you to do
is go to the classes
and do the stuff.
- They really don't want you to do that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- You read this all?
- I read it all.
- And then he texted it to me.
- Yeah.
- To be honest, they're
the smartest people I know.
This is kinda f*cking me up.
What am I supposed to do?
- You're supposed to be good.
You're supposed to be
really good all the time.
- Okay.
- What if we just went
to each other's classes?
- You're supposed to do
your f*cking homework.
- If you went to-
- Okay.
- Or hand in the homework
that I already did for you.
- That was very helpful.
- You're welcome.
- No, it's all-
- It's made a pile that
Kristen uses as a nightstand.
- Hey!
I told you that in confidence!
- You know what, we're all good.
We all have extracurriculars
and everything we're gonna do.
- Who arrives next out
of Gorgug and Fabian?
- I bet Gorgug had like
and then woke up and tried to
make a good first impression.
He got his homunculus servant.
He was like, I've gotta put this together!
- [Brennan] What's your
homunculus servant's name?
- He's making it, I think,
for the first time right now.
- Yeah.
- Looking at this sort of
feathery serpent dragon thing
that I don't think he put
enough feathers on it.
- So it's a dragon with
a receding hairline?
- Cloaca.
No.
- [squawks] Cloaca!
- No.
- That's my name!
- No!
sh*t, you suck!
No!
- [squawks] I suck!
- No, don't say what I say!
- My name's Cloaca. I suck!
- No! [wails]
- He's gotta meet Wretchrot.
- Runs in with it on
his arm like a falconer.
- Boggy, Cloaca, and Baby. Unbelievable.
- Wow.
- You come downstairs.
Do you wanna take the van in
or do you wanna let your
parents have time to fix it up?
- Can you give me a ride to school?
- Oh, sure thing, bud. Look at this, wow!
A homunculus archaeopteryx.
That's pretty impressive, bud.
- Yeah, I didn't have much time with it.
The little metal feathers-
- What's his name?
- Well, right now, it's Cloaca.
- Okay.
- Like the bird-
- You know, and there's
nothing wrong with a cloaca.
You see one of them pulls
a binder off the wall.
Plenty of students at Aguefort,
plenty of our neighbors here in town
- Have cloacas
have cloacas. Not everyone
has a vag*na or a p*nis.
- You know, I think that's...
I can understand that
that is normal and good
while not necessarily thinking
it's the perfect name.
- But, you know, sex is a broad thing,
and there's people- you know,
we had a friend growing up
who fell in love with a
merperson and, you know,
she ended up laying just a ton of eggs
out in these sort of
waterside reedy grasses,
and it was a beautiful
expression of their love
when he, by himself,
ejaculated over the eggs,
'cause sex can be anything.
There's a million ways to
express that kind of intimacy.
- It's just sorta, like,
the first day of school.
I'd love to talk about this load of eggs-
- I just love that you're
using your homunculus
to raise awareness about how
there's all different kinds of bodies,
and they're all beautiful.
- That's what I was trying to do,
and I'll own that, I guess.
Hey, can I just...
Can I run from you?
- You don't want a ride?
- Well, I'll take the
ride. I'll take the ride.
- Okay, you got it, bud.
- I'm underslept, and I
am just really nervous.
Oh, I forgot to open those-
- Oh, it's all right, it's all right.
We'll bring it to you.
Jawbone mentioned that he'd take time
to go over it with you
at school if you need to,
so you'll be all right, bud.
- Thank you.
- All right. Cloaca!
- Do you like it? Honestly.
- It's great! Give me an Insight check.
- Five.
- However insecure Gorgug is about it-
- Pretty insecure.
- You read a disapproval
in your parents' faces
that may or may not be there.
- Okay, never mind.
- It's great!
- Never mind, let's go.
- No, it's great!
And you know what's awesome about it,
is there's so much space
to add more feathers.
- So there's not very
many feathers, is what-
- No, there's plenty of
feathers. It can fly, right?
Cloaca's having a hard time.
[wings creaking]
- Breathe, Cloaca. Breathe.
- Breathe!
- Just breathe.
- That's how you fly, baby. Just breathe!
- Incredible. Gorgug, you get dropped off
and see everybody else here at school.
- Hey, guys.
- Why are you holding
your sweatshirt like that?
- Whatcha got there?
- Yeah.
- I just was running late and...
you know, for artificers,
a lot of them have those
little robots they make,
so I just wanted to have one
for the first day of school.
- Oh my f*cking god.
- [Siobhan] Oh.
- That's honestly so literally metal.
- Yeah, it's mostly metal.
- [squawks] My name's Cloaca!
- Oh.
- Oh!
- Oh, that's great.
- It's Chloe, actually. It's Chloe.
- Okay.
- Chloe? Short for Cloaca?
- Chloe picked their own name, or...?
- So I didn't realize
it was in sort of a mode
where it was absorbing
kinda my first thoughts,
and that was imprinted.
- Your first thought was Cloaca?
- Yeah, well, I think I was
trying to think of bird stuff,
but it's not even really a bird.
- If I'm being honest, I think
I've heard the word cloaca,
but I don't totally know what it is.
- I thought a cloaca was a throat.
- No, I think it's a- I think.
One of the classes I
audited, I think I learned
that it's a single purpose
excrement chute for a bird.
- And it was explained to me
later that that's what that is.
- Okay.
- Oh, I see. A multipurpose-
- I saw the long neck of
the dragon head, and then...
- Can I touch it?
- I feel like you
shouldn't, but go for it.
- Honestly, I feel like
your throat and your rectum
are connected by a series of tubes, right?
It is all kinda the same thing.
- Oh, you're right!
- Yeah, if you think about it.
- [Ally] It's just where on
the train you're getting on.
- Yeah, exactly! First class or...
- I think you were right.
- You haven't been going to class?
- You were saying it's
connected by a series of tubes?
- You really gassed me up with that.
- I guess clerics do need
to know about medicine.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's true.
I hand Gorgug a packet just to check out.
- Okay.
For?
- I'm noticing his is
like a third of the size?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Can we switch?
- No.
- Looking at your letters,
basically you have the blank
forms that Riz discovered,
but you see that it looks like
your parents tried to get it
pre-filled out for you to
have it on your first day.
The only thing that's not
clearing with what Riz knew about
is there's a rejection form
that just basically says,
"Academic pre-approval will
not be extended in this regard.
Please see advisor."
- I have to go to my barbarian teacher?
- Mm-hm.
- So it just wasn't pre-approved.
It doesn't mean it's not approved.
- Get off my head. Get off my head.
- [squawks] My name's Cloaca! I suck!
- You're f*cking sharp.
You're sharp as f*ck, stop.
- So you chose this amount of
feathers? This is a choice?
- This is more about the time
I had, and I will definitely-
- I kinda like it. It looks
like he has a bad diet.
- [Zac] You know, I wasn't
actually going for that.
- Can I use Thaumaturgy
to kinda make the feathers
ruffle impressively?
- [Murph] Prestidigitation
to add more feathers.
- That's so cool, yeah.
- There's like 10 feathers.
- [Brennan] Fabian, you
arrive at this point.
How is Fabian arriving to school?
- Late and just so hungry.
I think he spent most of his morning
at his kitchen counter
waiting for food to arrive,
remembering that food wasn't coming,
then trying to use the pad to order food
and not being able to do it.
I think he's also just still wearing
the clothes from yesterday as well.
Just hasn't changed.
- So dusty,
hasn't showered.
- So dusty.
Still has the tire marks on him.
Hey, does anyone have any food?
- Oh my god, so much.
- I've got a trash bag full of stuff.
- Oh Jesus, thank you.
[groaning] Oh my god.
- The salami?
- What happened?
Why didn't you have breakfast?
I feel like you always
come totally full of-
- Well yes, normally Cathilda
makes me a perfect breakfast,
but now she's in Leviathan
and Gilear and Mama are out
on a cruise of some kind.
- Gilear's on a cruise?
- So I have the house to myself.
I don't know where any of the food is.
I had two glasses of milk
this morning, because I know
where the glasses are and
I know where the milk is.
- That's not good. That's not good.
- Two, yes.
- Two glasses of milk
after we had cottage cheese
a la mode last night?
- If you don't have a dairy
allergy, you're creating one.
- Well, it's just nice to have
something solid, you know?
- You can have as much as you want,
and then I think there will
still be a lot left over.
- Oh, perfect.
Gorgug, what's that piece of
trash you're carrying around?
- This is actually my homunculus.
- Oh!
- Cloaca.
- Chloe. Chloe.
- I use Prestidigitation to make it
kind of ruffle a little
bit at you, 3D style.
- I do Minor Illusion to give it a cloaca.
- Please don't.
- Oh. Well, that looks great, Gorgug.
- Does it?
- I'm really trying to see the cloaca.
I don't totally get it still.
- Stop looking down at it.
- I drop something.
I drop something.
- Here you go, Kristen.
- [Brennan] You guys hear the bell ring.
[bell rings]
- Okay.
- God, that thing is so annoying.
Anyway, what were we saying?
- It's not annoying!
- No, sorry, the bell.
- Riz, maybe I'll head
to rogue class with you.
[Riz grunts in frustration]
- Wait, Fig, I was gonna
go to bard class with you.
- Did you think I go to bard class?
- I don't know, I just
thought maybe you knew
where those classes were.
- [Murph] Yes!
- Huh, do I know?
- Wow, wouldn't it be fun to
go to class with your friend?
I wish I could do that!
- Hey, yeah, no!
- [Siobhan] I wish I could
go to class with my friend!
- I'll walk you to bard class.
- Okay, thanks.
- [Murph] Perfect!
- Yeah, I'll walk you to bard class.
- [Lou] I appreciate that.
- You guys walk in.
Walking up the front steps,
right into the central building
of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy,
you see the steps and
have this sudden feeling
of a tip over the summer,
and suddenly you're like,
oh, the majority of people
here are younger than me.
You guys see there's a little hobgoblin
who's there in a sort
of ill-fitting sweater,
holding a little brass lollipop,
looking around kind of expectantly.
He looks like a f*cking kid.
He looks kinda frightened.
As you ascend the steps,
you hear coming over the PA,
"Good morning and welcome
to a brand new year
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy!
This is your interim vice
principal Jace Stardiamond."
- Hell yeah.
- Sort of moonlighting
as the vice principal
while also teaching sorcery classes.
Sorcery students, don't worry,
I will not have to worry
about a split focus,
'cause sorcery is innate.
There's nothing for me to
teach, just sort of, you know,
most of our classes are us hanging out
and talking about how
easy and fun magic is.
Okay!
- I know what I'm changing my major to.
- For those of you who
didn't get the email
or didn't watch the video,
our principal and
founder, Arthur Aguefort,
is on a journey through
time with his daughter.
Let's wish them well
and hope that they don't
fracture the space-time continuum in a way
that would mess up with our
awesome slate of classes.
Simeon du Vayne, our new lunch lad,
is cooking up some creamed
corn and tuna surprise, yum!
- Got big shoes to follow!
- Big shoes to follow?
- That also makes sense.
- Big footsteps you better follow!
- You watch some shoes go by,
you are tailing those shoes.
- Sorry, as you say big shoes to follow,
can you roll a Charisma saving
throw with disadvantage?
- That's a nat 20, but 18.
- 18, not bad.
All of you watch as catastrophe is averted
as Fig was about to step into basically
an open construction pit
happening in this school,
but gets saved because someone
carrying some gym equipment
turns and whaps Fig in the face
before she can walk into the-
- Oh my god, are you okay?
- Are you okay?
- You're bleeding.
- Am I?
- I feel like you got more
hurt by that gym equipment
than you did by the ballista.
- No, I still have a huge wound here.
f*ck!
I have to be honest, ever
since I swallowed that darkness
in battle, I think I
awoke something f*cked up.
- Oh no.
- When did that happen?
- Oh, you didn't see me swallow
all of the Night Yorb darkness?
- Oh, right.
- Oh!
- And act like it made me stronger?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah!
- You did eat a lot of sh*t.
You said it tasted like ice.
- Yeah, anyways,
can you heal my broken nose?
- Yeah, I do.
- As you walk up the steps,
you walk in the front door-
you walked through the
same door on the first day.
Looking around, remembering two years ago
when Dayne and Penelope were standing here
trying to reinstate prom king and queen.
That devilish plot is no more.
Instead, you actually see
Jawbone at a little foldout table
with this really lovely minotaur bard.
Her name is Mazey Phaedra.
She's the current class
president. And you see
that there is a signup
sheet for student government
at the front desk as people are coming in.
Jace finishes the announcements and says,
"Also, our interim principal Faeth
actually is gonna be out
on vacation for some time,
so we're going to be
heading to the auditorium
to begin our year with an announcement
from Emergency Backup
Interim Principal Grix!
- [Multiple People] Grix?
Have we heard of Grix before?
- You've never heard of Grix before.
- G-R-I-X?
- G-R-I-X.
- Principal Grix.
- Also, for anyone still having nightmares
from the four month unending night,
we have some help for you
waiting in the nurse's office.
And on a more somber note,
for those who met Balthazar
briefly at the end of last year,
there will be grief
counseling in the auditorium.
- Oh my god, his parrots!
Oh sh*t, did anybody think to check?
- All the parrots?
- The parrots!
- I guess his wife is
probably looking after them.
- And then his children,
and then grandchildren.
- Right, yeah.
- I hope the litter of parrots
moved in with the children.
- Should we sign up
for student government?
- We?
- Yeah, there's gonna be a cabinet, right?
- Jawbone's got a big thing of tea.
Hell yeah, hell yeah!
- Okay!
- Riz, we were kinda
talking about Balthazar.
- I know, I know, I know. And I'm not-
- We were kinda-
- I actually think I could be
pretty renegade in politics.
What are you seeing for me?
- Sort of a-
- Principal?
- Yeah?
- Student body principal?
- Yeah, student body principal.
- I could run for principal.
- How many spots in student
government are there?
- Good question. Can we
check the little sheet?
- Yeah, you walk over.
Mazey is one year ahead of you guys.
- What's Mazey's deal?
- Mazey, she sort of looks like
those Scottish Highland cows.
- So cute!
- She sort of has this hair
that hangs over her eyes,
but she just smiles so broadly.
Big minotaur, huge horns.
She's got kind of an A-frame tank top on.
She's got some cute beaded bracelets,
and then very baggy pants.
Fabian, go ahead and give me
a Perception with advantage.
- 13.
- You just notice that
Mazey's got some cool-
the socks she has on and
the sneakers she has on,
you actually know,
'cause they're sneakers from
a line of dance footwear.
- Oh, dancer bard.
- Dancer bard.
So Mazey looks up,
Jawbone's right next to her.
You see Jawbone looks
very happy and proud.
Clearly he has a relationship with Mazey.
- Mazey, how was your summer vacation?
- Oh, it was honestly really chill.
I mean, it was freaky 'cause
it was dark the whole time.
- Right.
- But, you know,
we had a little sun lamp in the studio.
You know, physical activity's
great for just, you know,
trying to fight the big
sads and stuff like that.
- Right.
- Thank you guys so much for
defeating the Night Yorb.
How did it happen? Where did it go down?
What part of Spyre were you in?
- The Red Waste.
- Everywhere.
- All over.
- Yeah, kinda everywhere.
- We kinda did a tour.
- Culminated in the Red Waste.
- It was Gorgug.
- Gorgug freaking pulled
deep into a well of magic
that I think is probably more powerful
than anyone at this school,
and sealed the Night Yorb.
- Yeah, hey, Ayda always
said that you were
the greatest wizard of the
age, so that's pretty sick.
- I mean, you know, sometimes
it comes from nowhere,
almost, it feels like.
- Gorgug also made
this. I point to Cloaca.
- I suck!
- He came back on my other arm.
- Can't fly great.
- Oh, cool!
You see Jawbone says,
what's its name? Cloaca?
- Chloe.
- Cloaca.
- Cloaca.
- It's Cloaca.
- All right, hey-
- Gorgug chose it.
- You know, I had a friend,
back when I was living
out in the Red Waste
myself, who had a cloaca
and a secret cloaca, and
he kept a g*n in there.
- Whoa!
- In the cloaca?
- In the second cloaca?
- The second one.
- What made it a secret?
- Was it vestigial?
- What made it a cloaca?
- No, actually, so he
was part of a kind of,
there's a small group of
snapping turtle people
out in the Red Waste,
and they just evolved
a secondary sort of decoy cloaca.
- Cool.
- That's sort of just for g*ns?
- I don't think it's for
g*ns, but let me tell you,
it doesn't hurt when sh*t goes down
and you gotta hop skedaddle
out of the pool hall
'cause a couple of,
you know, bad customers
are breaking cues on their knees,
and they're gonna try to stake you
'cause they mistakenly
think you're a vampire,
it's nice to be able to pull-
- They thought the snapping
turtle was a vampire?
- No, me. They thought I was a vampire.
- But you're a werewolf.
- Well, because I asked-
- Everybody knows about the endless w*r
between werewolves and vampires.
- There was a shot at that
bar that was molten metal,
and I asked if it had any silver in it,
and they were like, "Vampire!"
And I was like, what? No!
- So they got their racism wrong.
- Yeah, they got their lore mixed up.
- Got it.
- And then the turtle
reached deep into its
cloaca and shot them dead?
- Pulled out a g*n and
k*lled three of them.
I'm so excited for your
junior year! Big things ahead.
- Yeah, we were thinking about, you know,
padding the ol' transcripts.
- Yeah, we're interested in
student government. - Yeah.
- Okay, not a bad idea, not a bad idea.
- Can I ask Mazey, what was
student government like?
You're the- what are you?
- She shrugs and says, "So
I'm class president right now.
Right now, you know, it's exciting so far,
but for you guys as juniors,
you wouldn't be in the
senior class government,
but the thing that's available
to juniors is signing up
for if you wanna run for
class president next year.
So it's basically like juniors
are participating in the campaign."
- Well, I mean, president would
need leadership qualities,
need to be an inspiring leader.
- Wow, I know somebody who
gives really good speeches.
- All right, everyone
relax. I'm not gonna do it.
- Oh, okay, Fabian.
- Oh yeah!
- Well, if Fabian won't, maybe Kristen.
- I guess if you aren't, then
maybe I would, I don't know.
- Oh. Oh, okay, yeah.
- I mean, you're already
captain of the bloodrush team.
- Yeah, I've already got a lot going on.
- You've got a lot going on,
and you've got all your dance stuff.
- What do you get?
Do you get keys to stuff
that other people don't have?
- What do you get?
- Yeah.
- Well, it's mostly a position of service.
- Kristen.
- Just level with me, though.
You got keys to rooms that have unlimited-
- Yeah, I have a couple.
I have one or two keys.
- Kristen, you gotta do it.
- So many shirts,
candy.
- You've gotta do it.
- I'm gonna go talk to
the barbarian teacher.
- As you're heading off, you
actually see walking up to you,
as Kristen doubles back
and forth a little bit,
a young halfling student
who looks like probably
another junior walks up.
She's got black flats with
these knee-high white socks
and this tight blond ponytail,
who walks up with a clipboard,
and she has a little pin on her sweater.
Riz, on a passive Investigation of 21,
the pin's quite small,
it's a little enamel pin
of two gears closing and clamping down
on the butt, and crushing
the butt of a rat.
- [Emily] What?
- [Siobhan] Ew.
- I point it out. What?
- She walks up and goes, "Ahem.
Hi, I'd like to sign up to
run for class president."
- [Brennan] And you see Mazey says-
- This b*tch.
- [Siobhan] Who even is she?
- Hi!
- Hi, so nice to meet you. I'm Adaine.
- I know who you are.
It's nice to meet you.
- Of course you do. Who are you?
- My name's Kipperlilly Copperkettle.
- Kipperlilly Copperkettle?
- What are you, four different dogs?
- Oh sh*t!
sh*t!
- A white family's fleet of dogs.
- Four Yorkshire Terriers.
- Wonderful to meet someone else
interested in student government.
Kristen Applebees actually
is also running for-
- I'm toying with the idea.
- Mm-hmm.
- I love your pin. And I kinda say it
with a knowing thing like
I know what it means.
- Oh, this is from my adventuring party.
- Oh sick, who's in
your adventuring party?
- You're in the Buttcrushers?
I don't know why, but I've gone so aggro.
This is the kind of energy
that really gets me going
as someone with ADHD and failing grades.
- [Siobhan] Just this type-A type person.
- Oh, looks like you didn't
get pulled out the door
and an energy drink
slapped out of your hand
with a big sub in a trash bag.
- Oh, you woke up this
morning and voluntarily
made breakfast for all of your family?
- I'm holding my trash bag sub.
Are you in the Buttcrushers?
- I'm in the Ratgrinders.
- Oh!
- Oh cool, yeah, why are you
called that? What happened?
- It's a little inside joke.
You know, why are you
guys called the Bad Kids?
- Well, yeah, 'cause on our first day-
- We're actually called the
PhotosyntheKIDs. - We're not.
We're not actually called that.
- No, we are not.
- The Photosynthekids, cool.
- I actually love Photosynthekids.
- It's a bit that Riz thinks
that we're called that,
but we're absolutely not.
- Well listen, this has been really fun.
- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
You asked who else is in the party.
Probably you would know Ruben.
She points down the hall.
You see there is a little
gnomish bard, another junior.
He's got the emo swoop.
He's got the T-shirt over the
striped long sleeved shirt,
big chain. And you see
everyone is rushing up to him
and crowding around him,
asking for signatures.
You immediately look at
him and you see someone
holds up a book that has the lyrics
from that song of the summer
from the car on the back of it.
- This f*ck.
- Wow.
- We get it, you made a career
out of being toxic in relationships.
- Wow.
- We saved the world,
and not one person has
asked for our autographs.
- Yeah!
- And you're in a famous
band that's actually good!
- Yeah! Well-
- So, your sophomore
album is a little late,
but you just need it to cook
for as long as it needs to cook.
- Exactly.
- Kristen, you have to run
for student government and crush her.
- I agree!
- First off, you need to take down...
You need to take down
Kipperlilly Copperpetal.
- Copperkettle.
- Copperkettle.
- She's still here!
- Pretend like I didn't
say that! Gift of Gab!
- Kipperlilly turns around.
Jawbone looks nonplussed
at this interaction.
Mazey is sort of tilting
her head a little bit.
Kipperlilly goes up and says,
"Yeah, I'd like to run
for class president.
I think I could really help
the school in a lot of ways."
Mazey says, "Great, so campaign
hours have to be limited,
'cause you need to find
a gap in your schedule."
She's like, "Oh, that won't be necessary.
I've aced junior year."
And she slides an
envelope across the desk.
Mazey goes, "Sorry, what?"
Jawbone sort of furrows his eyes.
She says, "Yes, I found
the rogue professor.
So according to the
bylaws, I'm actually done.
So I'll have full time to be
able to devote to the campaign.
Thank you!"
- Can we-
- Very nice meeting you. Good
luck with the Buttcrushers.
- Wait, Kipperlilly,
Kipperlilly, I'm just curious,
what is the platform
that you're running on?
What are the changes that you
see happening for Elmville?
- Yeah, you're probably a
soda in the water fountains
kind of a girl, right?
- That would actually be so sick.
- Great idea.
That's the only note I've
written on my campaign book.
- My platform is about
equality, equanimity,
and fairness under the rules.
In the past, there has
been an eccentricity
to the bureaucratic and
administrative decisions
of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy
that has favored some
students over others.
Very nice to meet you guys.
- God, her eyes.
- [Ally] Her eyes.
- As soon as she turns
away, I turn around and go,
that girl is worse than Kalvaxus.
I know that Kalvaxus was bad.
She is our greatest enemy yet.
- [Emily] She hates Aguefort!
- Who's the emo person?
- Ruben.
- Can multiple people
find the rogue professor?
- Rogue class is actually
just the rogue students
comparing notes and finding
clues and lessons and puzzles
that the rogue professor
has left hidden around
in trapped areas and
other stuff like that.
You've been going here for years,
you've done all your classes,
but you've still never met the teacher.
The teacher just leaves calling cards
in cat burgled second story windows.
The rule is, if you find the
rogue professor in a year,
you ace all of your classes for that year.
- And then you just get
to do whatever you want.
- Yep.
- Sick.
Oh, can I, just for fun,
because I have the ability to do it,
turn on my thing where I can
see into the Ethereal Plane
and see what Aguefort looks
like in the Ethereal Plane?
- Yeah, absolutely.
The landscape of Aguefort
is very different
in the ethereal world.
There's a lot of things-
So immediately, everything fades away.
The first thing you see is
in the teacher's break room,
there is a container of
bright, vivid steaks.
There are a bunch of steaks
in a Tupperware that,
because you're looking into the Ethereal,
seem more real than the
material world around them.
You realize those are ghost steaks
sitting in a-
- Got it. Delicious.
- Delicious. But there is a
lot of ethereal landscape.
You see a number of abjurations and wards
that have Arthur Aguefort's
arcane mark on them.
They are not too terribly
powerful because Aguefort has...
One of the professors is a ghost.
You don't know which one,
you've never seen them,
but one of the teachers
at Aguefort is a ghost.
- Riz, maybe the rogue teacher is a ghost,
and that's why you've never seen them.
- And there's some other
gewgaws and bits of interest,
but I think fundamentally you would say
this is not a perfectly warded campus
because it's very porous
to allow the ghosts
that they want to be able to come here.
- Great.
- Mazey.
- Yes?
- Couldn't help but notice
you've got a pair of-
pair of Badidas.
- Yeah, I got some Badidas on.
- Those are hot.
Those were the limited run,
right, from two years ago?
- Oh yeah, I had to wait in line all day.
- Gosh.
- You got a pair of Badidas?
- Badidas, which is fake Adidas,
but Fabian does mispronounce it.
It is ba-DEE-das, but you say BAH-dee-DAS.
- Badidas.
Are you in the dancing program here?
- Oh yeah. I started as a
drummer and I still do drumming,
and I do a little bit of
shawm, the sort of pan flute.
But dance just spoke to me a lot more.
- That's funny, it's
kinda been my summer's...
I discovered dance kinda towards
the end of sophomore year
and have just been really leaning in.
I kinda feel like, you know,
it's a real calling for me.
- Do you wanna move, multiclass into-
- Yes, that's the plan.
- She writes a name down.
You should go talk-
'cause there's a couple
different bard teachers here,
just because bardic stuff
is so interdisciplinary.
- Yes, yes.
- There's a lot of stuff going on.
You should go talk to-
she's sort of like the department chair.
She slides a little note saying,
"Good egg, heart, Mazey,"
hands it to you and says,
"Terpsichore Skullcleaver."
She's the department chair for that,
and she's the dance instructor.
I'll let you know right
now, she's mad old.
- Okay.
- She can still bust a move.
It's actually pretty freaking impressive.
But as a choreographer, as
someone who understands dance,
the way she talks about it,
I think you would really gel
if you're looking to multiclass.
- Yeah, all right, well,
I appreciate the tip.
I'm gonna go, you know, chat her up.
- Mazey looks at you and says, "Heads up,
'cause you are a junior now,
but also I know that you
started Aguefort a little late
because you were
adventuring with your dad.
- Yeah, I was a little
bit older, you know.
Yeah, me and my papa were
out tearing around the world.
- So here's the deal.
Jem Peppercorn graduated
at the end of last year.
- Uh-huh.
- So senior class is talking,
and there's sort of like...
Jem had the party house.
- So you're telling me you're
looking for a new party house.
- I'm just saying-
- 'Cause I'll tell you,
you're looking at a party boy.
- Okay.
- Who lives in a big house by himself.
- I'll put on my dancing Badidas.
- Badidas!
- Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, cool!
- All right, well, do you
have my number? Here, take it.
- Oh, yeah.
- I write on half of the paper
that she gave me and tear it off.
- She takes it from you.
She types her number into the thing.
Anyone who wants to,
give me an Insight check.
- Gorgug's halfway down
the hall, but stops.
- Nat 20.
- Nat 20? Kristen, you clock a vibe.
Mazey is putting her number
into Fabian's phone, there's a vibe.
- I'd like to use Thaumaturgy to create
harmless tremors in the
ground for one minute.
- sh*t, earthquake.
Jawbone's like, "Everybody
get under a desk!
Everybody get under a doorway!"
- Don't worry, it's just, you know-
- Everybody, it's all right!
Be safe! I'll cover you!
You see Jawbone jumps over Adaine and Fig.
He's like, "The rocks won't
hurt my body! I'm a werewolf!"
- Oh, someone grab onto each other!
Someone protect someone else!
- So yeah, Mazey looks and says,
"You could get an early start on that.
Having the same house carry
over junior to senior, you know,
that's pretty legendary.
- I mean, it could be huge.
Is there a-
Do I need to submit or do I
just throw an absolute banger?
- Give me a Persuasion check.
- So close to a 20.
- So close. A dirty 20.
- Dirty 20.
- Or excuse me, 16.
- She says, "Submit? Listen,
we're doing bureaucracy here.
The party house is something
you feel in your heart."
- Well, I'll tell you,
my heart is thumping.
- She turns actually to you,
Riz, and says, "I'll say this,
because I heard you mention
campaign manager before.
Having the party house in the party-"
- Good way to meet the constituents.
- Ooh.
- [Brennan] Just saying.
You see that Mazey looks
over at you, Kristen,
and says, "So that would
impact you as well."
- Yeah.
[Brennan snorts]
- You good, Kristen?
- Yeah, Kristen, are you-
- What's up?
- Kristen, are you good?
- Yeah, okay. We'll catch them up.
- That's a great way to meet...
The constituents?
- There we go!
- Incredible. You head over
to the auditorium very briefly
before you can actually split
off and go to your classes.
As the class settles in, there's a hush.
Jace Stardiamond comes out and goes,
"All right, welcome to
another year, Agueforters.
I know that Arthur's not
gonna be with us this year,
and also our beloved vice
principal Gilear Faeth
is out on vacation, so-"
- Woo!
Woo, woo! I try and get
a standing ovation going.
- [Brennan] Give me a Persuasion check.
- Which means you start
standing and clapping?
- Okay, that's a 22.
- I join.
- Yeah!
- Honestly, you are all
teens. The bit is hilarious.
Everyone's like, "Gilear!
That's my f*cking boy!"
- It's not gonna be the same without him!
- He does a job that we all
understand and appreciate.
- Riz definitely has been on the other end
of people pretending to really
like him and is like, oh no.
- Incredible. Jace Stardiamond
says, "Without further ado,
especially for you freshmen coming in
for another exciting year,
please give it up for
Interim Emergency Backup
Principal Arcturus Grix!"
- Arcturus?
- The Ball, stop. We don't know who it is.
- [Brennan] A warforged,
presumably spellcaster
with no weapons anywhere, in a suit jacket
with these gleaming arcano-tech
crystalline robotic eyes
whose lower half is a ball mount,
so instead of legs it's
sort of like a rolling-
- Like riding a Pilates ball?
- Like riding a Pilates ball.
- Hell yeah.
[machinery whirring]
- Welcome, one and all,
to another exciting year
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy,
where we train the next
generation of adventurers.
But what is an adventurer?
One who goes on adventures?
Yes.
- Oh.
- Holy sh*t.
Look at this guy.
- This dude's smart.
- I have been created,
constructed, and designed
by your principal, Arthur Aguefort,
to enact perfect adventuring order.
Bureaucracy shall be maintained,
administration expedited,
rules enforced to the utmost ability
of this student government.
I wish all of you a
productive, industrious,
and academically challenging year.
Remember, the strength of the hero
is the strength of the party.
That is mandatory.
- Can I do an Arcana check on him?
- Yeah, I'm feeling like
someone hacked this.
- 27.
- 27.
You see there's a flicker
of arcano-tech light
in Principal Grix's eye,
and you see he just steeples
his fingers again and
goes, "Perfect order."
And wheels out. You see a hush
falls over the student body.
Jace Stardiamond walks out and is like,
"Okay, perfect order!"
- That's the kinda sh*t I'm
trying to make.
- We're not really taking questions,
but you did raise your hand so
forcefully. Adaine Abernant!
- Yeah, we're not really doing
order order, though, right?
This is still Aguefort.
- Principal...
Sorry, Interim Emergency
Backup Principal Grix
was created by Arthur Aguefort.
- Sure, but his name is not on
the building, though, right?
- That's true.
- Sorry-
- Yeah, Riz? Riz Gukgak?
- Sort of as a rules follower myself,
I don't like it when there are hard rules.
It's more fun to kinda be the curmudgeon,
so if that's kind of what
the bad guy is doing-
- Sorry, you said what?
- I don't know.
- The bad guy?
- No, no no no no no!
- Yeah, I mean, just, sorry-
- So this is sort of...
You see Principal Grix
wheels back out and says,
"This is exactly what I'm talking about!"
Casts Time Stop, and all of you
are in the hallway in a single file line.
- What the f*ck?
- Hey!
- I didn't consent to that!
- Whoa! See, The Ball?
This is why you don't just applaud.
- Can I look for
Mollykiggins Kippermedley?
- Kipperlilly Copperkettle.
- Is she around?
- Give me a Perception check.
- I mean, we all agree,
if Aguefort made that machine,
it got hacked.
- 20, dirty.
- Dirty 20.
You look around and don't
see Kipperlilly anywhere.
So students, sort of
shocked to find themselves
in this weird single file line,
all come to and begin to head off
and start going to their various classes.
You have probably 10 minutes in between
the end of the auditorium and
when your first class begins.
So if there's any administrative stuff
or things you need to
do about multiclassing
or student body president,
you have about 10 minutes
to run and get stuff
done before your class.
- Okay, really quick, I give you guys
all the info on the MCATs
and things like that,
just the multiclass things, just in case,
just in case you wanna
check it out or whatever.
- All right, cool, yeah.
- And then also, I didn't
run this by anybody,
but my mom was also investigating
something by the Frosty Fair Folk.
They were accused of embezzlement.
- Oh.
You know, it's funny
you should mention that.
We're hosting the festival
at my parents', at our tree.
- Well, I was planning on
trying to maybe debut a song
from my sophomore album
that I haven't written yet
'cause I'm having a pretty
bad bout of writer's block,
and I was gonna look into
maybe trying to do a set there.
- Okay, we should I guess make sure
that your parents aren't gonna be
stuck with an embezzlement
charge for something weird.
- Yeah.
- I honestly cannot think
about that right now.
- It's fine!
- I'm looking at the
embodiment of writer's block.
[Brennan squawks]
- Could we just take a
hot break from doing,
you know, Bad Kids get into everything?
Maybe we just f*cking relax?
- I have a campaign to focus on.
- Yes, that's true.
- Yeah, that's true,
and by the way, I'm gonna
be your Secret Service.
- Okay. What does that mean?
- It means I go into German Shepherd mode.
- It came back to me in a second.
I was like, what does it...? Of course.
- Okay, look, I think no one
has to do Bad Kids stuff,
but I'm gonna go to bard class.
You're gonna love this.
I'm not gonna be going as myself,
because I wanna try-
- What? No!
Why, though? Why, though, why?
- I'm gonna try to become
friends with Ruben.
- That's so smart. As who?
- Are we private enough
that I can cast a spell
and no one will notice?
- You're in the hallway, but
you could go to your locker.
- I bring everyone into
the bathroom with me.
- Doesn't it smell amazing in here?
- I'm gonna cast Disguise Self on myself
to look like an emo girlie.
- Oh.
- I don't look like Fig
and I'm full emo girlie.
- So you just look exactly like Fig,
but you have a side sweep bang.
- Well, I don't look like Fig,
'cause I need him to
think I'm someone else.
- You're not metal, you're emo, yes.
- Why do you need him to think
you're someone else, though, right?
- Because I'm gonna try and befriend him.
- This is so smart.
- Did he know who you are?
- You don't think that he would
befriend Fig?
- But Disguise Self!
I'm disguising myself!
- Okay.
- Then you're not gonna get
credits for your class, though.
- Yeah, but I'm gonna get information!
- But maybe- okay. So
you're dressed up as that,
but as a really funny joke,
you sign in as yourself in the class.
- I don't know, I think this could work.
- I think that'd be really funny.
- Do you have a fake name?
Spend longer than two
seconds thinking of it.
If I've learned anything this morning.
- Childa Childa.
- Childa Childa.
- Childa at least for
one name is kinda cool.
- Yeah, maybe we could
have a different name.
- Wanda Childa.
- Wanda Childa.
- Wanda Childa?
- Wanda Childa.
- Wanda Childa? That's pretty cool.
- I'll take one Dechilda.
- Guys, I have to go talk
to this person before class.
- Yeah, me too.
- But I think everyone's allowed
to not do Bad Kids stuff.
- I wanna hang out, I just-
- There was a vibe,
though, with you and Mazey!
- No, not really, you know?
I kinda have that with everyone, you know?
- I don't know, the earth was
shaking it was so romantic.
If there's one thing I know,
when love is in the air,
there should be a tiny emergency.
- Guys, stop, all right?
I'm still not over Ecaf.
Anyway, I'm gonna go talk to this woman.
- She was a mirror.
- She was a turncoat!
- I know!
- She was a turncoat.
She was bad for you, man.
- She was a mirror, though.
More importantly, she was a mirror.
- She was a turncoat!
- I Minor Illusion her
spying in the window.
- Ecaf, get out of here!
- No!
You have to get away from here.
- Wait a minute! Hey, girlie!
- This is the girls' bathroom, you weirdo.
Ecaf, get out of here!
- There's that f*cking girlie!
There's that f*cking girlie.
It completely fools me.
- Okay!
- All right.
- Wanda Childa, okay.
- Wanda Childa!
- Wanda Childa. I have ear gauges.
I have a little spiky emo hair.
- Chill.
- So an emo, kind of a ringer for Fig,
but different enough to not look like Fig,
emo style, walks out.
Where do people head off to?
Is anyone trying to get something done
in that little window before class?
- Definitely trying to get
in to talk to a teacher
about my rejected transcript thing.
- Hell yeah, what kind of teacher
do you think you would look for?
Do you think you would look
for an administrative person?
Do you think you would look
for the artificer teacher?
- What's the barbarian-
- Porter.
- Yeah, I would go to Porter, I guess.
- That's okay, because you're
actually heading to class,
so you get to class about
eight minutes early or whatever
and you see Porter setting
up the barbarian room.
There's a bunch of giant stone
obelisks and stuff to crash.
Porter, tall goliath man,
has this long ponytail,
this kind of deep V-neck shirt,
giant warhammer behind him.
You see he's setting up, looks around.
Oh, hello there, Thistlespring.
A little bit early.
- Hey, yeah, I just...
I was hoping I could
catch you before class,
because I wanted to...
I'm trying to...
I don't know what's
going on, but I realized
that my form was rejected
for multiclass stuff.
- That's right, your parents submitted
for the Multiclass Achievement
Test, I understand.
Is that something that
you're passionate about,
you're interested in?
- Yeah, I got pretty interested in it
at the end of last year.
I feel like I'm getting
to it a little late,
but I think it's fun.
- Do you feel like your
achievements in barbarian classes
would be able to weather
that sort of split focus?
- I feel like...
Am I not doing good in...
I thought I was doing okay.
- I spoke with Henry, who's
the artificer teacher here.
The requirements for the MCAT are
that I feel that your proficiency
in your barbarian classes
is so above and beyond
that you would not suffer academically
by multiclassing into another class.
Now look, if you wanted
to go take a class,
audit something with Ms. Jones,
go look at some fighter
classes, something like that,
that would be a different discussion.
You're talking about being an artificer.
How is that going to work
with you being in a rage in battle?
You're gonna be fixing machines
while you let yourself be
consumed by the power of rage?
Help me make it make sense.
- I guess that's kinda why I
wanted to get into the class,
to see if I could figure...
It definitely is not exactly
making sense, I guess, up top,
and I was hoping if I learned
more about artificer stuff,
I could figure out a way to make it...
I figured out certain things. I can jump.
- You can jump?
- I can set myself up to jump,
and then go into a rage,
and I can jump pretty far.
- Can you show me that?
- Yeah, give me a couple
minutes. Can you hold this?
- I suck!
- You really shouldn't hold it by the...
It can perch, and it feels
like you're squeezing it.
- I'm all right.
- Okay.
- I'm good like this.
- I just kinda spent a
lot of the morning...
Okay, Gorgug...
Can you stop?
I'm just sort of worried about how this-
- Are you worried?
Are you worried right
now? How are you feeling?
- I'm going into a worry, yeah.
- Here, take your bird.
Look, that's what I'm
talking about, Gorgug.
I'll be honest.
You have an incredible natural aptitude
for this type of adventuring.
You're incredibly tough.
You're incredibly strong.
There are parts of being, you know-
your reflexes are incredible,
you dodge things effortlessly.
Most of what I see from you in class is,
your rage is a place that you go to
to put your body on the line
for your friends.
It's very selfless, very noble.
Do I see you actually capable of wielding
the destructive power of rage,
when the chips are really down?
How did you defeat the Night Yorb?
- I guess... It's funny
you should say that,
'cause I tapped into the
innate magic within me
and I kind of sealed it away, so...
- So, yeah. Doesn't sound like rage to me.
- Yeah, I guess not. I think I-
- Look, I'm not gonna approve you.
- I can't just-
- I don't see the benefit
to artificer classes to
your barbarian training.
If you want to exit barbarian classes
and go become an artificer,
I don't have a way of
stopping you from doing that,
and maybe you'd be happier, better off,
not being a barbarian at all.
But I haven't seen what
I need to see in class.
Now, would I be speaking this bluntly
if you were just starting
your junior year?
No, I would be encouraging you.
I would be trying to dig deep in this,
your second to last year, to
find that deep pit of rage
that's actually gonna let you succeed
at the top of your ability.
I'll be honest, Gorgug, I
was a little heartbroken
to see the request in the first place.
- Okay.
- If I saw something different,
I'd make a different call.
But the truth is, you
know, you're still that kid
that you were on the
first day when you came in
and I said, what do you
do when you get mad?
And you started singing a song.
- I mean, I think songs
can accomplish a lot,
if you let yourself hear the music.
- My name's Cloaca! I suck!
- That one's less of a...
I'm not gonna say that was a song.
♪ But if you put some music under it ♪
- All right, class is
starting up. Come on in, kids!
Class gets started.
Does anyone else do anything
in that little academic time?
- I'm gonna go talk to Ms. Skullcleaver.
- [Brennan] Hell, yes. Is
anyone accompanying Fabian
to go talk to Ms. Skullcleaver?
- I mean, it sounds like we might
be going to different bard classes, right?
- Yes. I mean, it seems Ms.
Skullcleaver does dance.
- I think I walk you in
the exact wrong direction,
'cause I've never been
to bard class before,
drop you off at a random class.
- Hi, are you Ms. Skullcleaver?
- As you walk in, you just see Adaine
sitting in a class with a
woman named Tiberia Runestaff.
- [Lou] Hi.
- What?
- I'm Fabian Seacaster, and I'm the
future of dance! - Fabian, are
you multiclassing into wizard?
- What? Where are we?
Sorry, is this wizard?
- Adaine, were you able to
glean with your divination
that Fabian is the future of dance?
- Yes.
- Yes?
- All right.
The Oracle has made a prediction.
We're gonna put it up on the board.
Five credits to Ms. Abernant
if it comes true by the end of the year.
- [whispering] I can't do - f*cking stop!
- Sorry. Wanda! I'll get you the
five points. - They're writing
down everything that I say
on this stupid board!
- I skateboarded away.
I dropped you off.
- I think they're roasting me?
- You left! You left!
- I say, this is it.
- [Brennan] Are you coming
to audit wizard class-
- No!
- ...because you believe
that the art of wizardry
may glean you insights
into the future of dance?
- No, I'm looking for Wanda...
I'm looking for Ms. Skullcleaver.
- Ah, Ms. Skullcleaver. Yes, yes.
Down that hallway, take a right.
- Okay, thank you.
- Fabian, you walk off.
You get to this classroom.
Beautiful bar, there's
a nice dance floor here.
You see that the dance
floor is polished and clean,
but already, it's scuffed up with things
that have been coming
off of people's feet,
like sparks or lightning.
People's footsteps here have
been summoning magic already.
A lot of classes are 20 or 30 students,
but bards have so many
different ways of casting
their magic, there's only
like six other kids in here,
and you see that there is a tiny-
the smallest half orc you've ever seen.
She's like five foot three, and she's old,
and she's got a 1980's Richard Simmons,
she's got big curly hair, tusks coming up,
and then a loose little
A-frame kind of thing
that hangs down and exposes
so much of the underarm.
You walk in and you see that
she's already kind of moving
and just goes, "Uh-oh, uh-oh!
Uh-oh, uh-oh!
Uh-oh, uh-oh! Oh no!
A challenger approaches, hello!
A challenger approaches!"
- You're Ms. Skull-?
- Give me your hands, give me your hands!
- Sorry, I had a thing I was gonna do!
I'm Fabian Seacaster,
I'm the future of dance.
- Dance isn't in the future.
- What?
- Dance isn't in the future.
- Where is it?
- It's always right now.
- f*ck, okay.
- Give me a Performance check.
- That's a 31.
- The energy coming off of her
is a sort of mad positivity
that seems to be like
there is a philosophy within her
of dance and of art that,
from a logical perspective,
is ineffable and deeply scrambled,
and yet also always
produces the right result.
A person who you could never anticipate
what she's going to say,
but you feel that she will
always say what you need to hear.
In this moment of positivity,
as she spins you out to start dancing,
what does Fabian do in
front of these students?
- I think I change tact
from the kind of more
thoughtful performance
for her that I was going to do, and into a
incredibly fluid performance with her.
I think there's a lot of hands.
I'm rubbing my hands all over
her face, picking her up.
We're on our knees together.
I'm crawling toward her
on the floor. [growls]
It's raw, 'cause it feels like, you know-
I think Fabian at this age,
more skilled and more confident,
is kinda like, all right, f*cking fine!
I don't get to show off for you?
I'll show off with you.
- On a 31, other students
use their bard magic
to summon up accompaniment
that moves through various
different musical styles.
There's contact improv and body juggling,
all this incredible stuff.
You think about in sophomore year
when you were doing your
sheet dancing in Fallinel.
It's all come back.
I think as you come to,
everybody in the class is
weeping and holding you.
[Lou panting]
- I wanna...
I wanna multiclass.
I've been a fighter,
but I know I'm a bard.
- Baby boy.
- Yes.
- Baby boy.
- Yes?
- You already did. You already did.
She gives you this huge hug
as you are surrounded by artsy kids
and an energy you've
never encountered before.
- What the f*ck is happening?
You all still think I'm cool, right?
- Cool?
- Yeah.
- The only way to get cool
is to get hot, baby boy.
- I love it here.
- Yeah, she goes over, gets the paperwork.
There's a moment where
everyone- she takes a minute
to run everyone through some choreography.
You guys do some dance steps.
There's some almost formal waltzing stuff.
This is sort of like a
low-key first day thing.
She's doing a review of
historical, cultural dances
that are actually more about-
it's almost like you
guys are learning history
as you're learning performance here.
Oh, here's different dances
from different times,
and if you're adventuring...
Immediately, you're
getting a history class
in a way that actually sinks
in because it's all about,
here's why this dance was created,
and here's why it was important.
If you're traveling in this part of Spyre,
here's what it means to do this dance,
and here's where it would happen.
It's only ever like two
minutes of instruction,
and then eight minutes of
learning the dance, right?
At the end, people are stretching,
she has a giant bowl
of bananas and oranges
and apples and stuff and
puts them down in the middle.
She sits down criss cross applesauce
and starts doing the
paperwork on the floor.
Gotta say, gotta say, Fabian...
Fabe?
- In here?
Here is now, and now is me,
and me is whatever that moment is.
- I wanna know what you like to be called.
Touch the heart, touch the
heart, touch the heart!
Five, four, three,
two,
one.
- Fabian.
- Fabian.
Fabian, this is wonderful.
We're so lucky to have you.
Battle sheet, beautiful.
Movements, beautiful.
I can tell that you have
a powerful athleticism
in your movements.
You are on the Owlbears, right?
- Yes, I was a bloodrush player.
I'm the captain, actually.
- You're the captain.
Are you planning on doing
that this year as well?
- I think so, yeah.
- I think that's wonderful. That's great.
- Great.
- It naturally dovetails.
You just gotta be getting rest.
- Yes.
- Gotta be eating.
You're gonna be burning a
lot of calories every day,
so it's eating and it's rest.
- Great. Today I've only
eaten a trash bag sandwich.
- What?
- A trash bag sandwich.
- Is there harm in your life?
- No!
- You were eating a trash bag sandwich?
- Well, it was served to
me out of a trash bag.
- A clean trash bag.
- I believe so. There
was other food in there.
- Garbage food.
- No, not garbage food.
I think it was intentional.
I think it was-
you know, when you don't have-
- Fabian.
- Yes? - You said something
alarming and it made me curious.
- Everything is okay.
I think my friends just carry
food in nontraditional ways.
- Okay, you're gonna have
to eat a lot of food,
you gotta get a lot of rest,
and you're gonna have to be
getting up early every day.
You have a gift that the world needs,
and you need to take it very seriously,
because it can really change the world.
I'm gonna tell you something
you're not gonna wanna hear.
This is Ms. Skullcleaver,
this is ol' Terpsie who's
gonna say a bummer thing.
You gotta take your body seriously.
You gotta take rest and
hydration seriously.
This is not gonna be a
year of partying for you.
Okay. Fabian Aramais Seacaster.
Owlbears plus dance bard, okay.
Here you go. Just bring this to Ms. Jones,
the fighting master, and
she'll go ahead and sign it.
- Great.
- And we'll get you caught up,
and you'll be able to do junior year-
- Real quick, about the last thing.
- Mm-hmm?
- How much not partying is required?
- It's your body. It speaks to you.
I'm not gonna tell you what to do.
I'm not the boss of you.
- No.
- But you know who is the boss of you?
- I'm assuming it's me.
- That body.
- Oh, my body. Okay, yes.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Great. I'm gonna do a lot less partying.
- Remember, if Ms. Jones is okay with it,
you'll be able to take the MCAT,
but it's not gonna be that each is 50/50.
You're gonna have a 150%
course load. That's a lot.
- You saw where I was at
day one, and I'll tell you,
once I'm not eating trash sandwiches-
- Uh-oh, uh-oh! Okay, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!
- Here it goes again. Here it goes again.
- Strike it up! The music starts again.
You start dancing. Anyone else?
- I would actually like to try to grab
the envelope that Kipperlilly handed in
to see if I can get any info.
- Yes!
- Ooh!
- So maybe to kind of
help the Sleight of Hand,
I wanna cast Silent Image.
So I think my Arcadian watch flashes
an imitation of the folder on the desk
as I pretend to knock it-
as I walk away, and I try to grab it.
- Hell yes. Go ahead
and first things first-
yeah, this is just gonna
be Sleight of Hand.
If you wanna get advantage on it
by using the Silent Image-
- Yes.
- Go ahead and just give
me a Stealth or a Deception
for that Silent Image, just
to see how effective it is
at creating advantage for you, cool?
- Am I there?
Could I give you a help
action as my campaign manager?
- Kristen, if you want,
yeah, give the Help- okay.
In that case, just go ahead and make
the Sleight of Hand with advantage.
- Great, okay, My Sleight of Hand
actually isn't great, but it's plus five.
- [Emily] Or Stealth.
Didn't you say Stealth also?
- That's two 10s. That's a 15.
- Okay, you create the Silent
Image, pull the thing out,
and you hear Jawbone's voice say,
"I wouldn't."
- Okay!
I put it back down.
- You see he goes, "Mazey,
I'm gonna take a breather.
Why don't you help Kristen out here?"
Mazey looks up and says, "Hey.
You wanna sign up, Ms. Applebees?"
- I would love to. [clears throat]
How...
How do I do that?
- Just fill this out right
here, and we'll get you started.
- There's a line here
for campaign manager?
- Yeah, whoever's managing your campaign.
- Riz, would you wanna do that?
- Of course. I've already signed my name.
- Okay. Oh, I see.
Are all of them pre-filled out for you?
- Jawbone turns and says,
"Hey."
- Rogue stuff.
- Yeah.
Are you trying to grab that letter
to snoop on Kipperlilly?
- I'm trying to find the rogue professor.
- Oh, yeah, makes sense.
- Do you know what's
Kipperlilly's deal, though?
Do you have any...?
- Kipperlilly?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, pretty good kid, you know?
She's a bit of a, what do you call it?
You know, she's type A, overachiever.
- Right.
- Are you seeing something
you recognize in yourself,
and you maybe don't like it too much?
- No, no no no no no.
- Seeing your favorite jacket
on somebody else from behind,
and you go, "Does that hang
on me like that?" kinda thing?
Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
- Listen, I caught you.
Doesn't feel in the spirit for
the whole rogue class thing
for me to let you have it.
- Mm-hmm.
- But what I can tell you is,
Kipperlilly didn't actually find
the rogue professor.
Sort of in the spirit
of the rogue-y thing,
I'll say, it might have
been the other way around.
But, technicality.
Especially with Interim
Emergency Backup Principal Grix,
technicalities are what
we're gonna be counting on
for this junior year, at least.
- I appreciate it.
- No no, it's okay, it's okay.
- Hey, if I'm gonna get caught by anybody,
I'd like for it to be you.
- [laughs] All right, bud.
I feel like-
- We haven't had a lot
of time, just me and you.
- Yeah, just me and you.
Can I tell you something?
You know, I feel like your friends,
I feel like Fabian and
Gorgug, the girls obviously,
all over at Mordred, I feel
like with every one of them,
I've had a moment where
we've kinda been able to say,
hey, it's safe to show your heart here.
You're such a positive kid and
you're always doing so well,
but I almost feel like sometimes,
what do you have going on in there?
- The thing is that it's all out there.
We're just working on the transcripts,
and things are stressful,
but stress is good.
We like the pressure,
and we're just trying to
beef up them transcripts.
So that's kinda what I'm doing.
- That's all that's going on emotionally.
That's everything that's
going on, all right.
- That's it, yeah yeah yeah.
- [howls] I'm coming for you!
- Okay.
- Do I put my first and last name?
- I've already- actually, next to my name,
I wrote Applebees, if you just
wanna sign your first name.
- Okay, great.
- You only got to the very beginning.
- I just wrote Kristen.
- Not even finished with the N.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
- I wrote Wanda and crossed it out
'cause I was still thinking
about your cool new name.
No, I'm Kristen.
- [Zac] Do I put my full first name or...?
- Or just a nickname?
- What's Kristen's middle name?
- Kristen Chili's Applebees.
- Jawbone says one last thing.
You know, I would appreciate
you don't let anyone know
that I kinda shared that stuff with you,
but Kipperlilly asked some
questions about Kristen,
so I felt like it was fair.
- What?
You can't just drop that.
What did Kipperlilly ask about Kristen?
- Oh, well, she overheard you talking
about Kristen's god dying, and she asked-
- Oh, she's a rogue, right! Yeah, god.
- She was just asking about that.
She was like, what kinda god was it?
And I was like, well, first one was Helio,
but then the one after,
there was sort of a period
where it was sort of like philosophy,
and then the one that died
was just a big series of block letters.
- Okay, great. Okay. This is-
- She was like, where did that happen?
I was like, it happened in a realm beyond.
She was like, but where did it happen?
And I was like, oh, it
was when the Bad Kids
took down ol' Vice Principal Goldenhoard.
- Okay, well, good to know.
Riz looks over both of his
shoulders, so paranoid right now.
Thank god he has the Message cantrip.
Messages Kristen. Okay.
- Wait, what?
- Kristen, as you're
filling your stuff out,
you hear voices that you
haven't heard in a long time
kind of shouting out at the
front, through the front door.
You're back in the lobby.
You see your younger brother Bucky,
and you see your parents Mac
and Donna's car out front,
and you see that both of them
are sternly raising their
voices and pointing at Bucky
as Bucky has a backpack and
is nodding kind of sullenly.
Bucky is a high school freshman this year.
- Oh, right.
Can I do an Insight check?
- Yeah.
- How's Bucky doing?
- [Brennan] Do an Insight check.
- That's a two.
- But plus what?
- You're wise.
- 18.
It's an 11.
- You're rattled right now.
You didn't even see your brothers
the last time you talked to them.
You left a bunch of gold for
them as a big older sister
who was kind of leaving
a very toxic thing,
but I think your insight
is kind of rattled.
Give me a Wisdom saving
throw with disadvantage.
- Ooh.
- [Ally] Goddammit.
Seven.
- Seven?
I'm not gonna tell you
how Kristen is feeling,
but I will say that I'm gonna
describe what's happening,
and however Kristen would feel,
she feels very powerfully,
in a way that is very hard to resist.
You basically can hear Mac and Donna
saying the same thing they
said to you two years ago.
You see Mac being like,
"This school is full of
weirdos and creeps, okay?
So just keep your head on a swivel,
and if anyone says anything
to you about Helio or not
or anything like that, you just call us,
and we will send you to
boarding school in Highcourt!"
You see Bucky nodding.
I think you become aware of the absence
of the eldest daughter in that home.
- As a shield.
- As a shield.
You just see Mac and Donna
bullying your little brother.
How does that make Kristen feel?
- So angry.
Why are they so loud?
- You feel, as you get angrier,
your face is getting hot.
The side of your neck is-
[panting] Kind of like
your heart's in your throat kind of thing,
a little bit nauseous.
Do you stay here,
or do you approach?
- I go over there.
- You gain advantage on your next roll
as you approach, whatever it is.
Riz, actually, give me a Perception check.
- 15.
- You sense Kristen,
there's almost a crackle of something
as Kristen moves out the door.
You're now wearing this new tracksuit.
You've got the Staff of Doubt.
- I'm freaking ripped.
- [Brennan] Freaking ripped. You walk out.
- Squaring up to your dad.
- You walk out. What do you
do as you walk out the doors?
[Ally sighs]
[tense music]
- I think, I mean, I'm in the running now,
so I really have to keep it polished,
so I walk up and I say,
Mother, Father.
How wonderful to see both
of your acquaintances.
- As you do that, right as you
start saying, Mother, Father,
you hear in your mind Cassandra going,
"Hi, did you call me?
Did you want me to come in right now?
Is now a good time to talk about-"
- No!
Not right now!
- In your head, as your mother and father
both look sort of astonished to see you,
but also it's that astonished
where they know you go here,
they know you live in town.
As you say, "No, not right
now!" you hear Cassandra's voice
and you feel some spasm in your body,
and Cassandra goes,
"Fine! I can make my
own people to talk to!"
Mac and Donna look at you and go,
"Hey."
You see Bucky looks over at
you and goes, "Hey, Kristen."
And just runs and gives you a huge hug.
- Huge hug.
Yeah, I hug Bucky super
tightly and then I'm just like,
I'm running the drop off today,
so I just need to make sure
that we keep all the cars going.
Do I have anything-
Will Thaumaturgy help me
make a little whistle sound?
- Sure, and also, you have
advantage on this roll.
You leaned into that hot-
- I punch my mom. No.
- Hell yeah. Go ahead and
roll Deception with advantage.
- Yeah, great.
- Hell yeah, amazing. Dirty, right?
- No, nat.
- Nat 20?
So you see that the Thaumaturgy happens.
There's a whistle, the wind blows,
and standing here, it's
your f*cking school,
and you have an authority in this moment.
You brought yourself back
from the f*cking dead.
Your shitty parents are not
gonna throw you for a loop.
You see Mac and Donna look and say,
"Okay, yeah.
Good. Well, Bucky's here,
so, giving it another shot.
Second time's the charm, hopefully."
- Great.
- Donna looks up and says,
"You doing okay?"
- Yeah, mom, I'm doing great.
- Yeah.
- I live in a haunted house.
- I don't wanna know.
Bucky turns to you and says,
"I'm already kinda late for class,
'cause Mom and Dad were...
But can we talk after class?"
- Sure, yeah, definitely.
- Awesome, awesome. Bucky runs inside.
He's got a longsword that's
a little too big for him
jangling on the side of his belt.
- He's a little paladin!
- He's gonna grow into it!
- As he runs inside, your mom says,
"Got some letters saying that, you know,
you were gonna fail out.
We told the postman, you know,
bring this to Mordred Manor,
'cause she doesn't live here no more, so.
And the postman looked
at us and said, you know,
that we were bigots and fascists
and that our reign would crumble,
so I don't know what that meant."
- That's incredible. Who's the postman?
- It's Bud Cubby.
- Oh, it's Bud. Of course it's Bud, great.
Okay, yeah, well, that's interesting.
I didn't end up getting those letters.
I have to go to class as well.
I hope you're both well.
- It was a hard couple months.
- Yeah.
- A hard couple months.
- In the dark?
- Yeah, in the dark.
- Yeah. Where's your god?
- What's that?
- It's the sun god, right?
- Yeah, Helio. Yeah.
- Did he go somewhere?
- God of corn, the sun.
Did he go somewhere?
Well, he certainly
didn't have a chosen one.
- It's true, it's true.
- He certainly didn't have a chosen one.
- Yeah, I think I just-
- What's your new god? God of what?
- I just made her upset. I have to go!
I'm sorry, I have to go.
I have to keep traffic moving.
I'm the traffic coordinator.
- Heard tell it's some god of night?
Nighttime god?
- Yes.
- [Brennan] And then we have
four months of night in a row?
- God of unknown.
- Well, there's some
things that we do know,
so, just, you know...
- That's what you think!
I pirouette.
- I sh**t a very shaky
thumbs up to Kristen.
- Mac and Donna will, for
the rest of their lives,
have disadvantage on any
Insight check against you
for not knowing what that...
That's what you think!
- Bye, girlie.
- [Brennan] And they get into
their car and drive away.
Riz, you walk back in.
- f*ck!
- [Brennan] You guys
are late for class now.
- Can you get me a suit,
or at least a tie to wear
with this track jacket?
- I'll get you a tie.
Let's get, real quick-
- I look stupid!
- You look great. I take my own tie off.
- Thank you, thank you.
I'm wearing a tie with
my Adidas tracksuit.
- I take my backup tie out of my briefcase
and put it on myself.
- Thank you so much for not
giving me your backup tie.
I love that I got first string.
- Hey, you're the candidate.
- Okay. [whistles]
- Then I go to class?
- Me too.
- Hell yeah. You head off to class.
Is anyone else doing anything
in that little period?
- I think I'm just, as
I'm walking to class,
pulling campaign buttons out
of my Jacket of Useful Things
that say, "It's always
happy hour with Applebees!"
And I'm handing them out.
- Let's go!
As you do so, you head to wizard class.
As you do so, Tiberia, who
you've known for many years,
she's been teaching, she teaches
all the different levels.
Exquisite blue robes.
She actually is not from Solace.
So she's from ancient Mountains
of Chaos, a tall tower,
sort of a friend of Aguefort's
who teaches wizardry classes here.
- She's so scary. I love it.
- She turns around. She has
huge Bene Gesserit vibes.
Just a curling, evil,
magical Lucille Bluth.
She sort of has a Jessica
Walter sort of haircut.
- I just wanna impress her so bad.
One time she almost smiled
at me, I think, one time.
- The beginning of your junior year,
an occasion for reflection,
doubling of effort, recommitment,
and above all else, focus.
The strain of the academic workload
has been said to drive certain mages
to madness!
[thunder booming]
Lightning strikes her hand.
Junior year separates the paltry magicians
from the true mages,
those capable of realigning
the spheres of reality itself.
The academic workload
required of you this year
should be enough to break
your mental back thrice over,
or you are barely trying.
Now I shall say to all of you this.
This is the year that true magic begins.
Not your simple practical
spellcasting. No, no.
Nothing that can be ex*cuted
in a single matter of minutes,
but the true workings,
deep ritual conjurations,
the crafting and binding
of ancient wonders.
In your desk, you will
see a laminated sheet
with the necessary material components
for the first week's ritual castings.
You will require a sphinx's egg,
cut to perfection...
Question?
- I'm so sorry, 10 barrels of diamonds?
- Yes, Ms. Abernant, if
the diamonds are stored
in crates or wagons, that's also fine.
It's a unit of measurement.
You don't need actual barrels.
- There's not any school
barrels of diamonds
that I could use?
- Hm?
- It just...
Nothing, sorry. Sorry, Professor.
- School diamonds? No, there
are no school diamonds.
We don't pay for your
textbooks or your pencils
or your journals, so we're not gonna pay
for your 10 barrels of diamonds, either.
- Right, so how... how do...
How does one buy 10 barrels of diamonds?
- You go to a diamond wholesaler
that works with wizards,
and you explain that they
need to be perfectly cut
or that the spells can refract
and unleash ancient evils upon the world.
- Right, yes, of course. How stupid of me.
- Look, Ms. Abernant.
It would be one thing if
you were at Hudol College,
where you could pore over ancient tomes
and discuss magic theoretically.
Doing this stuff for real-
you see she summons a screaming version
of her own head made of smoke-
requires certain expenditures.
I don't want you first
timing it on a ritual
to seal an evil divinity
within some kind of gemstone.
What would you know about
sealing ancient evils inside of things?
- Well, actually, I have
sort of done it three times?
- Bragging is tacky.
- Two times, one of them,
we actually unleashed the
ancient evil, because...
It was complicated.
- Ahem. So sorry to the other students.
As I was saying!
a golden bow crafted by an archfey...
She just starts listing
all this sh*t that,
as a wizard, you're gonna need.
- I am never gonna tell Jawbone
that I need these things.
Simply, not under any
circumstances will I tell him.
[Brennan groans sympathetically]
I'll text Aelwyn at lunch. Oh god!
- [Brennan] Incredible. Fig?
- So I am disguised as Wanda Childa.
I think I'm gonna go to bard class.
- Hell yeah. You go to bard class.
You can see that Lucilla
Lullaby is setting up.
She has this pale,
powdery blue, long hair.
She has one side shaved
but the rest goes down
to her ankles, this blue hair, long gown.
She's some sort of fey
or eladrin-like creature.
She looks around and says,
"Welcome, students, once
again, to another...
Oh, oh my god!
Oh sh*t, hi!
Oh, sorry, I thought
you were someone else.
What's your name?"
- Hi, I'm...
I'm Wanda Childa.
Can I see if there's a seat next to Ruben?
- There is a seat next to Ruben.
Ruben looks up and sees an
emo walking towards him.
- I have song lyrics tattooed on me.
I'm wearing one of those shirts
with the little thumb holes,
and I just act really cute and tiny.
- [Brennan] Give me a Persuasion.
- So, I do have Actor.
- You have Actor. You
have advantage on this.
- Rolled two sevens, but
my Persuasion is good.
Dirty 20.
- Dirty 20, hell yeah.
Ruben looks up.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- My name's Wanda.
Obviously I know who you are,
because you've been rocking
my radio all summer.
- Wow.
- Do you mind if I sit next to you?
- Whatever.
- Cool. I sit a little too close.
Let me Prestidigitation myself to be-
what smell would be enticing to emo kids?
Maybe cigarettes and peach schnapps.
- Wow.
Did you just come from a room
full of cigarettes and peach schnapps?
- You mean breakfast? Yeah.
- Wow.
Yeah, what's your deal? I
haven't seen you before.
- Oh yeah, I just transferred.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I just transferred.
Honestly, I guess you could
say I'm kind of a wayward soul
who's finding myself.
- Wow, that's-
- And I'm finding myself
here today, I guess.
- Sometimes I think finding
yourself is overrated.
Maybe it's better to be lost.
- Did you read that on my wrist?
- You see Lucilla looks up and says,
"Wanda, I'm looking at my class roster.
I don't see you on here."
- Oh yeah, it's 'cause I just came today.
I just [laughing] wandered...
- You just wandered? You just wandered in?
- Wanda'd in?
- I Wanda'd in.
- Okay, you are trespassing, yeah.
- That's why they call
me Wanda, because I-
- Wanda'd in?
- Wanda here and Wanda there.
- You see Lucilla says, "Okay."
- Wait, okay, you know what?
I don't wanna trespass because, like,
emotionally, I've been trespassed on,
and I know how hard that can feel.
So I think I'm gonna take
one last long look at Ruben,
and then gather up all of my notebooks
I've Minor Illusioned with
different emo band names on them
and be like, well, maybe
I'll see you again someday,
and then leave.
- Ruben looks up.
You see he has a couple tattoos too,
and he has one tattoo that is the rat
getting crushed up by the gears.
You see he just looks up
and says, "Yeah, Wanda.
Stay chill... da."
- That's pretty good.
- Lucilla goes, "You have to leave."
- I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave.
I take a full circle around
Ruben to give him more-
- More time.
- [Ally] You Wanda around him.
- Not all who Wanda are lost.
- Yeah, I say that.
I look over my shoulder, say that,
and then really tinily-
- [Siobhan] Tiny?
- ...walk out.
- [Siobhan] I'm so small! I'm so tiny!
- As you walk out,
you can see Lucilla is
making a call on her crystal.
As you're walking down the hallway
heading off in some other direction,
you see that Jace Stardiamond
is leading someone,
and you see there is a
brilliant looking aarakocra,
a sort of bird person.
He's got a sharp, dark gray suit,
and there is a badge
hanging out of a pocket
that has credentials of the
Council of Chosen on it.
Jace says, "Oh, hi.
Are you Wanda?"
- I am.
- Hi, Wanda. My name is Agent Clark.
I work for the Council of Chosen.
Do you have any identification
that I'd be able to see your
age, just to make sure that-
'Cause if it's an adult, it's trespassing.
If it's a minor, we've just gotta get you
to your right school.
- Right.
Are you a student?
Where are you a student?
- Well, I was trying to be a student here.
I thought that schools worked differently.
- How'd you think schools work?
- I thought that you-
I thought you show up and they give you
a thumbs up or thumbs
down if you can stay.
- Oh, I see. I understand.
Well, you're a kid. It's
an easy mistake to make.
I can leave, though.
- Let's get you where you need to go.
Funny story, actually.
I'm here helping with a truancy issue
that Elmville's been having for a while.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Tell me more.
- Before this, I was
working in Bastion City.
I actually just came here.
The last job I was investigating,
a missing persons report
over at 22 Hilda Boulevard.
- That's a real place?
- Yeah.
- Hm, well...
I'm gonna f*cking skateboard away.
- [Brennan] Okay, you skateboard away.
He's gonna get an attack of opportunity.
- Okay, I'm gonna Cutting Words
the attack of opportunity.
- Okay, good, good!
Go ahead and give me your Cutting Words.
You need four or higher.
- Okay, okay, okay!
Five!
- Five.
[rock music]
As you skateboard away,
you see this bird man in a suit is like,
"Got my eye on you!
I'm gonna find out who you are!"
And you vanish around the corner.
- And then I wanna skateboard away,
but then seeing the bard class
and seeing that Lucilla was kinda cool,
I think I'm gonna go sit outside a window
and try and listen to bard class.
- [Brennan] Okay, cool.
- Just kinda crack a window and listen.
- Crack a window, cool.
Give me a Stealth check.
- 11.
- [Brennan] Cool, so you-
- I'm Fig now, though. I'm Fig.
- Now you're Fig.
- I dropped the act.
- So you hear all the
noise of talking stop
as just two hands trying to
get traction against glass
to open a school window from the outside.
You see Lucilla leans out and goes,
"Fig Faeth?"
- Hi.
- Do you wanna come into class?
Oh my god, you're finally here!
- Would it be weird if I did?
- No, it's mandatory!
It wouldn't be weird at
all. The opposite is weird.
- [Ally] So weird!
- Okay, I'm gonna do it.
- Okay, come on in. Wow,
I'm so glad you're here.
- I walk in through the window.
- You come in through the window.
As you do, you see
Ruben looks over at you,
not recognizing Fig Faeth,
sort of smiles with a sneer,
and you see his little crystal
pings, and he looks up,
and you see the name
Lola Embers on his phone.
He goes, "I have to answer that later."
Cool, you do bard class.
Bard class, barbarian class,
wizard class, dance class,
rogue class, you hanging
out with these other rogues.
Kristen, you get to cleric class.
Do you think you were regularly
or routinely attending cleric classes?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Cool.
You get into cleric class.
There's a bunch of
different clerics in here.
They're studying a history
of different celestials
and stuff like that.
Your teacher, Yolanda Badgood,
tall, skinny, bespectacled.
She's an air genasi, and her hair
is this very beautiful cloud
that kind of stretches,
almost like a big hairdo,
off to either side.
She says, "Ah, Ms. Applebees."
- Hello.
- Thank you so much for
joining us. How are you doing?
- Another incredible semester.
- Yeah.
Talk to me after class.
- Already? That quick?
- Mm-hmm.
- You know we start the year
with an A. It's ours to keep.
We don't start with a zero.
It's up to you, actually.
But we could be starting with an A.
So what would we have to talk about?
- The class goes, and
at the end of the class,
Yolanda pulls you to the side.
- Hi.
- Kristen, did you receive
any messages over the summer?
- [sighs] Yes.
- Congratulations again,
and thank you very much for saving us
and the entire world of Spyre.
- You're welcome. Was that sarcastic?
- No, it's very heartfelt.
I just wonder how you did
it, because your god is dead.
- Yes. See...
I do have a new god.
I've had a lot on my plate,
and I do know what I have
to do, and I can see it,
it's just the doing it
part is very hard for me.
It's kinda like each step I take,
the step behind me vanished.
I just can't really
double back to make sure
what I'm doing is the right
thing, do you understand?
It's a little bit soupy up here.
So I did just see my estranged parents,
who told me about the packet,
and I didn't receive
it, so sorry about that.
I would love to update
my god. I would love to.
- You should also update your address.
- And my address.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- [Brennan] I'm very
sorry about that, Kristen.
How are you feeling? Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm good. I think
I really made them think.
But I do wanna get this squared away.
Is there a test or a book
or some way to talk through
and try to figure out
what god is right for me?
- Don't you have one right now?
- I have a really good one right now,
but I also just feel kinda
like, "Leave me alone!"
about her, and I think I'm
like her only follower,
so it's just a lot of pressure.
- The Aguefort Adventuring Academy
does not put any limitations
on the amount of times
that a cleric can change their divinity,
if you feel that another
divine source is calling to you
or there is another aspect of the divine.
Kristen, you may be well
aware that I gave up
my active relationship to a
divinity in order to be able
to minister to a collective
of cleric students.
The truth of this world is
that each aspect of divinity
contains within it a different
facet and understanding
of the underlying truth of this world,
that each god makes up
some important message,
even the gods of the Infernal Realms.
Things can be bad and things can be good,
but they can all be true.
- That makes a lot of sense.
- That's what I think
clerics are trying to do
more than anything else,
is just understand something about truth,
and I think, Kristen,
if I'm being honest,
your steps analogy is very important
because your movement onward,
leaving things behind,
some progress happens while
you're standing still.
- Yeah, I've really been
running through the gods,
and I haven't really sat with
any of them for very long.
- What's your current divinity's name?
- Cassandra.
- Cassandra, goddess of?
- Unknown, mystery, and doubt.
[Brennan sighs]
Yeah, it's a hard sell.
My friend... [coughs]
Yeah, we're just friends.
This is a person that I know.
Somebody I used to know, kinda.
She has a really sexy, cool religion.
It's the moon and sex
and just kinda being free,
and mine is all about, maybe we don't know
what's going on here and
maybe we'll never know.
Doesn't your stomach
kinda feel upside down?
- In the marketplace of ideas,
certainty and confidence will
always find eager buyers.
But that doesn't mean
that they are always true.
- That's true.
Maybe I could just have
a tiny little religion
of weirdos who wanna gamble.
- Kristen, I'm going to recommend
that you take this first week
to attempt earnest connection
with Cassandra.
If, at the end of this week,
it feels like that's not
a fruitful relationship,
of course I'd be happy to explore
all the other divinities with you.
You've shown the power
of self-resurrection
and restoring divinity, you know?
You created a god in your freshman year.
You found this Cassandra
in your sophomore year.
Heavily impressive.
- What do you do when your god says,
"Fine, I'll-
I'll make new followers"?
- Hm? When your god says what?
- What do you do when you've
been a little bit rude,
a little bit short with her, and she says,
"Fine."
- You've been rude to your god?
- Yeah. Honestly, we just got
a little bit too familiar,
and I ran with that.
Yeah, what do you do with that?
Say sorry?
- I think you should say sorry.
I think you should say sorry.
- Can I go use one of the prayer rooms?
- You're standing in a rock grotto
with prayer rooms in every direction.
- Could I maybe use one?
Would you mind if I used one of those?
- I mean, they are here for...
There is no other reason for
which these rooms are here.
- Is that weird?
- No.
You walk into a prayer room, meditate,
sensory deprived.
What does it look like
as you go to Cassandra's divine realm?
What's happening in Kristen's mind?
- I think with something like this,
she is actually very serious about it,
so I think she takes a minute to kind of
just get out of her own
way with this kinda stuff
and stop being so chaotic and
just kind of like, ba ba ba!
So she's really slowing down
and paying attention to her breath.
She's back in the forest,
trying to meet Cassandra
there in one of the clearings.
- You are walking through the forest,
looking for Cassandra.
Give me a Perception check.
- That is a dirty 20.
- You move through the forest of Sylvaire.
Twilight, a time of mystery.
You hear some gentle sobbing.
You see overhead, a brilliant full moon
that will remove all
darkness from this forest
and all doubt.
You turn and see, in
her little IDK T-shirt,
human-sized, maybe a little bit taller,
seven or eight feet tall, is
wearing some shorts, ponytail,
is your goddess, Cassandra,
and you see that she is crying
to herself in the woods.
- I go up. I say, hey.
I kinda put my hand on her back. Hey.
- Flinches.
- I'm sorry.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
- Craig followed Wolfsong Revival.
- Their social media presence is banging.
- I don't wanna end up
floating in the Astral Realm.
- Yeah, we won't, we won't.
I really wanna apologize.
I'm kind of getting to a point
where it's like, chaos isn't cute.
I kinda lost focus of what's important,
and that's you and my campaign.
- Your what?
- You are so important to me,
and so is my campaign for
student body president
coming up this year.
They're not equally important!
I'm just saying, these are the two things
that I'm about to go
- I can't rely on you.
- Yeah.
I know. I'm really sorry.
I'm thinking, what if we
get someone else involved
who's really on top of stuff?
They can kinda balance
me out a little bit?
- Well, I kinda got really
mad at you, Kristen,
and I already did.
- Oh.
- Yeah, just, I'm really lonely.
I'm really lonely. The whole point...
Other gods talk like
they have their prophets
and their messengers and
their archangels and stuff.
We couldn't have started off
on a better or more magical foot.
That's what I don't get.
We couldn't have started on a better foot,
yet we're just here still.
I keep wracking my brain.
Is it me, is it me?
But then I found out
about Yes!, and I'm like,
well, I'm not the constant, Kristen.
- It's me.
- So yeah, I'm getting...
I can't rely on you, so I'm
getting some other help, okay?
- Who'd you get?
- No other clerics right now,
but I just needed a friend.
You see that she pets something
that you can't see in her lap.
- Is that a dog? A person?
- I'm more of a cat person.
You see a black cat-
- No!
- ...fades into view,
looks at you, and goes,
"Hi, Kristen."
And that's all for this
episode of "Dimension 20."
Tune in next week as we continue
the thrilling adventures of junior year.
- Oh my god.
- The b*tch is back!
- Your junior year,
everything's piling up,
so just to put it all together...
- Kipperlilly has been listening to us,
so does have it out for us
for some reason or another.
- What is her problem? I hate her.
- Riz is so mad.
- Hey, hey, hey!
[Murph hissing furiously]
- Big season ahead.
I think this is the year we
actually take down the Hellions,
so no distractions,
we gotta really double
down this year, you know?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- How do you get a job?
Why am I asking you?
- Oh, I have no idea!
- How much do diamonds cost?
- Three gold pieces.
- And how much is minimum wage?
- Five copper a day.
- Great. This'll be great for me.
- Oops!
Junior year artificing
is really challenging.
It's a lot of work.
- Kalina!
- Can I scratch you?
- Please don't.
- Okay. I have before.
[players oohing]
- Oh my gosh!
- Ooh!
- Spicy.
- Honestly, good to have Kalina back.
- Just let me know when
you have the bandwidth.
- I have it right now, I really do.
Really, it's you and my candidacy,
and that is with a small C.
The you has a big Y.
- [Siobhan] We're making
student government cool.
The Bad Kids do student government.
- f*cking honored to serve!
- You're taking your job really seriously.
- [Emily] I'm looking out for you.
- I welcome the challenge, Ms. Faeth.
- I don't know what I just committed to.
- You just, okay-
- Oh f*ck.
I mean, anything to
just not write my album.
- Do you know anything
about these Ratgrinders?
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, let's go ♪
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21x03 - Not All Who Wanda Are Lost
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.