- [Brennan] A list of the topics, themes,
and subject matter
featured in this episode
has been included in
the video description.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ It's our time, it's our year ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Everything's about to change ♪
♪ We're all gonna be okay ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
Hello, one and all!
Welcome back to another thrilling episode
of "Dimension 20: Fantasy
High Junior Year."
I am your humble dungeon
master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our Intrepid Heroes.
Say hi, Intrepid Heroes!
- Hi, Intrepid Heroes!
- There was no after bit?
- No.
- We're ready to f*cking-
- We're ready to fight, Brennan!
- We're ready to f*cking fight, dude.
- Turn on the lights or whatever.
- Turn on the lights!
- Turn on the music.
Let us fight.
- Fight, you f*cking will.
[upbeat music plays]
That's right, last we left
off, our Intrepid Heroes,
after a stressful first
week of junior year
setting up after defeating the Night Yorb
and sealing it in the top of Gorgug's van,
got back to school. New principal, Grix,
the warforged interim
backup emergency principal
dedicated to perfect order,
and a new adventuring party,
junior year, who I guess
flew under the radar,
because all they've been
doing for 2 1/2 years
is stomping rats.
The Rat Grinders.
However, all is not lost.
Our Intrepid Heroes
came together to support
a new candidate for
student body president.
With campaign manager, secret
service, and party aficionado
at Kristen Applebees' back, can she lose?
She's not gonna let a
buzzsaw to the head stop her.
- Can she even run?
- [Brennan] Can she even run?
Lots of exciting things happened.
Some other members of the party
were a little bit more stressed.
Adaine Abernant, with a whole passel
of junior year wizard things to buy,
got a part time job at Oodles of Strudel.
And you can see her and
Boggy in their paper hats
behind the counter selling strudel
from an unexplained portal.
And our friend Gorgug has shown
up with a 400% course load
with the athletic
requirements of the Owlbears.
But he's got some help. His
mechanical bird, Cloaca!
- Get out of here.
- Let's see her. We wanna see her.
- [Brennan] Cloaca's at the
base of Gorgug right here.
- [Ally] Oh my god, she's huge!
- [Siobhan] She's so big.
- [Brennan] Absolutely enormous.
- Oh my goodness!
- [Brennan] Like some kind of
archaeopteryx kind of thing.
- Amazing.
- Well, listen.
With all of the stresses of the campaign,
[music turns tense]
the prioritization of Kristen's divinity,
the goddess Cassandra of
mystery and the night and doubt,
was pamphleting here with
her newly restored familiar,
Kalina, who you can all see
not very far away from you
down here at the base.
The Shadow Cat returns.
However, with some rage at having been
maybe deprioritized or just sidelined
by her one and only cleric and
prophet, Kristen Applebees,
Cassandra, having been pamphleting
by the exit of the escalator-
You can see that's sort of a
good place to pamphlet, right?
You're getting a lot of traffic
and cross through there.
You get them from here. Get
them going up, you know?
- [Emily] I like her shorts.
- [Siobhan] Yeah, they're fun.
- [Brennan] She's got good shorts.
Cassandra has grown a little bit in size.
Heart rending.
All of you appear here on the b*ttlefield
in the brand new wizard synod mall.
[kitschy mall muzak]
[kitschy music continues]
And as we appear at the mall-
- Whoa!
- There it goes!
- [Lou] There it is.
- [Siobhan] Bloodbath and Beyond?
- [Emily] That's what we were asking for.
- [Ally] That's so sick.
- [Brennan] Glowing astral energy.
- [Lou] Gorgeous.
- We also see an intersecting,
multidimensional clock
swirling with chiming glass
as the different clock
faces interface and realign.
We see, appearing before
Cassandra, emerging from her chest,
a glittering, bright red, spiny, sharp,
swirling spell effect,
raw wild magic,
something emerging from
her that rushes over here
and disappears into this mage,
and he erupts.
[Brennan roars]
- Oh sh*t!
- Wow, so jacked.
- Look at the size of that lad.
- Is that Zangief from "Street Fighter"?
- Can that happen to this one?
I really wanna see what happens.
- That dude's already so big.
- Damn, he's f*cking vascular already.
- A second appears. He rushes over here.
Kills the mage in front of him.
- What?
- What? How?
- Dead. That mage is dead.
- [Emily] Just with a punch?
- Yes. Raises up a massive
fist and crushes the skull,
teeth scattered across the astral floor.
Instantly visibly dead on contact.
- Someone grab those teeth.
- This centaur rushes to stop him,
and as he does so, another manifests.
- Oh sh*t.
- Touching that centaur.
That centaur vanishes, replaced
by this centaur. - Whoa!
- Oh my god.
- Can I get hit by the red
thing? That sounds really good.
- Hey, before y'all stop this,
let me get a red thing real quick.
- Don't spoil it, but do
we have buff versions of us
behind the thing?
Answer yes or no.
- How would I do that without-
but without spoiling, how would I...?
- Just answer yes or no,
Brennan! It's very simple.
- Oh no, it's spicy
tonight in the dome, folks.
I'm in big trouble.
- It is late at night in
a warehouse in Hollywood,
and we just got here.
- We just got here!
- We arrived at 4 a.m.
- They ripped us out of our beds,
rolled us into a black car.
- We are going to enter initiative order.
Adaine Abernant, you are first to act.
You are behind the counter
of Oodles of Strudel.
- Can I do a quick little Arcana check
to see if I can understand anything
that's going on in front of us?
- Yes, you can.
- Great.
[squeaks]
That's a 17.
- 17 is enough to give
you some information,
but I'm gonna need a
point of focus for you.
What are you trying to glean?
- I want to understand what
those floating red things are.
- On a 17 Arcana,
you identify the school
of magic as enchantment.
- Okay.
Can I jump over the counter
of Oodles of Strudel,
grab Kristen, and Dimension
Door over to Cassandra?
- Yes, you can.
- Great.
- Go ahead and give me a DC 5 Acrobatics.
- Hey, you got this.
- I got this!
- [Brennan] Hell yes. Adaine, you-
- I got an eight.
I got this. It's not
dignified, but it is done.
- Adaine, with a little paper hat,
the Elven Oracle vanishes.
Where would you like to place
both yourself and Kristen in this moment?
You have to be adjacent to each other,
but you can go anywhere you want.
- [Siobhan] Yes, where
you're placing us is good.
Between Cassandra and these people.
- Great hat.
- Okay.
- It's great. I'm thrilled.
- So that's your action.
Any bonus action from Adaine?
- No.
- You grab your friend.
As you appear, all of
you can look up and see,
you were watching people
roll up to the party
at Seacaster Manor, and
are suddenly in the mall.
Kristen, Cassandra turns to
you, growing slightly taller,
the red in her chest thrumming.
She looks at you.
I don't feel good.
I don't feel good about what you've done.
I'm not happy, Kristen!
- Great.
Me as a partner. Interesting.
- I was gonna say, this is
deadbeat partner energy.
- Can I bonus action Dimension
Door away from the mall,
not be here for this interaction?
- A giant craps table and a
huge thing of emotional chips
just all going onto "ride it out."
All onto, so this is sort of a time thing.
- It's gonna end. It's gonna end.
- Incredible. Any actions from Boggy?
- Boggy will give Kristen the Help action.
- [Brennan] Okay, awesome.
- She's gonna need it!
- Does Boggy kiss me?
- Boggy gives you a little wet kiss.
- Holy-
- [Emily] In front of Cassandra?
- You get a little green
kiss mark on your face.
- [Brennan] Cassandra
turns to face Kristen.
I'm gonna need Kristen to
make a Wisdom saving throw.
- [Lou] You got this.
- 18.
- Wisdom saving throw is 18?
On the die? With all factors in?
- Yeah.
- She casts
Hold Monster on you.
- Can I Counterspell it?
- Let me see if you can.
- [Ally] She's just trying
to be insulting, honestly.
- Holy sh*t, exactly 60 feet.
- Nice.
- I think Hold Monster is 5th level,
and I don't have a 5th level spell,
so I'm gonna have to do it at
- Hell yeah, go for it.
It's gonna be DC 15.
- You got it.
[die rolling]
- Yeah, baby! Yes!
- [Ally] Yes! Thank you!
- You do not go after
my f*cking president!
Security detail showing up!
- I was going, security! Security!
- Fig jumps in front of it.
- Honestly, as you do that,
Fig, go ahead and add a gleaming
astral surveillance
earpiece to your inventory.
- [Murph] Oh sh*t!
- [Lou] There it is. Security is on duty.
- [Siobhan] You manifested it.
- Cassandra wheels around as you...
What is it visibly?
What's the expression of magic
as you snatch a goddess'
spell out of the air?
- I think it really is-
like I, for a moment,
look like I'm in "Men in Black"
and I'm wearing a little-
I think for a blip,
I'm wearing a security business suit.
I think normally, though,
it's just like a fire
burns their spell out
of their hand, though.
So that also happens,
but I just really wanna
be security detail.
- A dog comes up and goes, chomp!
[Ally makes a chomping noise]
- Does that count as her
casting a spell next to me?
- It does count as her
casting a spell next to you.
- Do you want me to hit her?
- I don't think she's
being herself right now.
Don't k*ll her.
- Okay, yeah. I definitely can't.
I definitely can't k*ll a god in one hit.
Do you want me to hit her?
- Wait, you mean just hit her hit her?
- I can hit her right now.
- Like with your hand?
- No, with my sword!
- No!
- Okay, then I won't do it!
- Oh my god.
- A very significant d4 roll.
That's a one. Very, very good.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- [Siobhan] I love when he rolls in front
of the board.
- Don't spoil it, tell us yes or no
if one is good or bad.
- No spoilers!
- No spoilers! Don't tell us, though!
- No spoilers, just tell
us exactly what it is.
- No spoilers, but show us the
buff versions of our minis.
- I think it's the
direction it goes in, maybe?
So one is maybe not directly into Kristen.
- Or maybe one is directly
into Kristen. We'll see.
- As you're like, even just a look of,
"Do you want me to hit her?"
Cassandra looks at you,
having swatted the spell out,
and having you just offer that goes,
"You would strike me?
You've struck me before, haven't you?"
There is a flash of a
skull underneath her face.
Three of these appear.
- [Ally] Three?!
- Oh sh*t.
- She screams.
Indigo blood pours down
the front of her T-shirt,
into her jean shorts.
You can see they burst,
shredding through her skin
out of the hole in her chest.
- [Siobhan] Can I Counterspell
whatever just happened?
- Well, whatever's happening here,
you know it's raw magic,
but it's not in spell form.
It's like a creature using
a magical ability, right,
a magical effect.
So I am going to need Adaine
to give me a Charisma saving throw.
- But I'm so good at those.
[die rolling]
Oh, thank goodness. That's a 22.
- One of these sort of
shittering- chittering-
- Shittering?
- Shittering. It's shittering everywhere.
One of these slicing, breaking,
shattering things tries to charge you,
and you can feel it hit
the front of your chest.
You're sort of bracing for
the shards of the glass,
but at the last second it opens
and exposes this raw, red, thrumming core.
And you close your eyes,
put a hand over your mouth,
and you feel a blast
of hot- it's not fire,
but it's almost like if heat
waves could be tangible,
over your face and mouth.
These other two fly up here.
- The girlies! Hey, girlies!
Hey! Don't move, girlies!
- [Siobhan] When did this become
your catchphrase?
- Is this a zeitgeist thing?
- No, absolutely not.
- I got a dog, and this is
the way I talk to my dog.
- Got it.
- If it's a zeitgeist
thing, it's from the 90s.
That's what Beardsley does.
- You see the two wizards
up at the front are like,
"Yeah, so we're gonna
get picked up out of here
and go back to the
sanctum sanctorum later."
You see that both of the things,
they go, "What the frick?" [screams]
Each of them goes... [roars]
Shreds out, blood, veins exposed
on massive arms. - Oh my god.
- [Brennan] Screaming bloody m*rder,
and these two disappear.
- Wow, they're so buff.
- Murph, is this a tag team for the WWE?
- [Emily] Yeah!
- [Siobhan] So cool.
I can only see the back of
them, and I'm already like, wow.
- I can't wait till they
start murdering innocents.
- Fabian Aramais Seacaster.
- Great.
The Ball, what do we have to do?
We have to get the f*ck out of here!
We have to get back to the party!
The party's about to start!
[Murph whimpering uncertainly]
Jesus!
- Attack one of the
big guys? I don't know!
- I guess, yes!
- It's our only chance of
getting back to the party.
- [Lou] Can I make a Perception
check on these big guys?
Maybe, I guess, an Insight check.
- [Brennan] Make an Insight check.
- Are they just k*lling to k*ll?
[die rolling]
Insight is a 17.
Do I think those two dudes
are about to fight each other?
Are they just gonna start
k*lling other people?
- It looks totally
indiscriminate right now,
but I think on a 17 Insight,
call it some sneaking
swashbuckling sensation
that the other shoe has not dropped yet.
There is something where you're like,
this is chaos right now that
is very soon about to roil
into some form of order
for you to understand.
- Got it.
I think things are about
to get a lot worse!
- Okay?
- Just be on your guard,
and please, let's finish
this now, all right?
There's a pool full of tartar sauce!
- We still have time to jump the shrimp.
- Everyone, keep an eye
out for cool party drugs,
'cause we could use that as an excuse
for why we came here to begin
with and why we're late.
- Got it!
- Anyone involved in that conversation,
give me a Perception check.
[dice rolling]
- 16.
- 11.
- Nine.
- Nine, cool.
On a 16, Riz, as you start being like,
"We need to get back in time," you look up
at the shifting clock faces
here in the astral clock.
What time do you think you told people
to roll up to the party?
- 9:30.
- You see it's about 10:12,
and there's a bunch of kids
outside of the locked doors
of Seacaster Manor all sort of like...
You see someone say, "Let's do my house!"
- Hangman, Hangman!
- Sire, yes!
- I need you to drive straight through
the doors of Seacaster Manor right now.
- Sire, I would love nothing more!
- And then find Ragh.
- Find Ragh. Okay, awesome.
- Do you guys think if
we turned the clock back,
that we could get back earlier?
- sh*t, I'll give it a shot.
All right, I'm gonna cast
Kinetic Jaunt on myself.
You see Fabian just start doing hot steps
as I start to run toward the centaur man.
- Hot steps?
- I love being just like,
dancing a little upset.
- Yeah. Just f*cking come on!
- So mad.
- I swear to god, that tartar sauce!
We got the shrimp costume
on the Hangman just right!
- Oh yeah, a giant shrimp motorcycle
is gonna burst through the door.
- I mean, that's pretty legendary.
- That's pretty legendary.
- Okay.
- Somebody said, "My house?"
No, no, no. We have to get back.
- Incredible. Kinetic Jaunt.
Where are you headed to?
- [Lou] The centaur man.
- [Brennan] The centaur man,
okay. What's your movement?
- My movement has been bumped
by 10 for a total of 40.
The battle sheet comes out.
- Ooh!
- Hell yeah. You're right
there, man. Go for it.
- Great, I'm gonna swing
on the centaur man.
- Go for it.
[die rolling]
- Does a 18 hit?
- 18 hits.
- Great, I'm gonna make
it a Goading Attack,
so that is a DC 17
Wisdom saving throw.
I'm also gonna make it a
Defensive Flourish Attack,
so that d6 will get added to my... [sighs]
That d6 will get added
to my defense, or my AC,
and then I'll burn a 1st level
spell slot with Fandrangor
and then the classic
d8 just for the thing.
Hell yes. Okay, my AC goes up to 25.
- [Brennan] Wow!
- Yeah!
- [Brennan] Fabian!
- We're gonna do 8,
Do you need to know if
any of it is radiant?
- No, I do not.
- Great.
- [Brennan] 22?
- 22, and if he fails
the Wisdom saving throw,
then he has disadvantage on all attacks
against anyone but me.
- What's the DC on that?
- 17.
- He succeeds on the saving throw.
- Great, I'm then gonna...
Can you use two battle
maneuvers in a single turn?
- I think it's one per attack.
- [Emily] I think its...
- One per attack.
- One per attack. Okay, great.
So, Kinetic Jaunt allows me to move
through opponents' spaces.
- Woo!
- So I'm gonna dance in between his legs,
doing a couple of "Ocean's
- That is so, so dangerous.
- As I go through his legs-
- Going under a horse?
- How much movement
did I use to get there?
- You used 35.
- 35, so I now have-
- You get 10 extra, I think.
- I get 10 extra on the attack
plus the 10, so I think I have 25,
or no, I used 35, so I have 15 left?
- 15 left.
- Great, I'd like to move
to attack the other guy.
- [Brennan] Look at this
m*therf*cker. All right.
- Great, and we'll swing on him.
- Cool.
- Oh my god!
- The other guy.
[die rolling]
Does a 28 hit?
- Yes, it does.
- Great, we'll make
another Goading Attack.
DC 17 Wisdom saving throw.
Attack. Classic Fandrangor.
Bad! Five, seven, eight.
to this other
Zangief-looking m*therf*cker.
- Any maneuvers that he has to react to?
- A DC 17 Wisdom saving throw.
- That is a failure.
- Great.
They have disadvantage on
attacks against anyone but me.
- And your AC is 25!
- My AC is 25.
- [Zac] That's so sick.
- Wow.
- I'm gonna hope you have a shield...
- I'm gonna do a backflip onto...
I have like five feet of
movement left, I think,
so I'll just do a backflip
onto that table behind me.
You want an Acrobatics check, or what?
- God.
- You wanna jump on a table?
- I wanna jump on a table.
It's a new year, baby.
- Okay, it's a DC 5 Acrobatics.
- I think this is coming.
I think this is good.
- Don't use that-
- Hey, I'm gonna use this one.
- If you hit a nat 20...
We're gonna Box of Doom it.
[players laughing]
This is the first DC 5 check
ever in the Box of Doom.
If you hit a nat 20, I
will never make Fabian
roll to jump on any furniture ever again.
- Ooh!
- I will always, eternally
be able to jump on furniture?
- With no roll.
If it's a f*cking 20 mile
sofa, you can get to the top.
- This is Acrobatics?
- [Brennan] Acrobatics, and
a nat 20 is what it takes.
- [Zac] The stakes have never been higher.
- [Ally] Oh, get the bad ones out.
[Lou huffing]
This never hurt us.
- This is huge!
- Huge. Absolutely huge.
- Okay, it's just a 13.
- [Emily] Okay, but you make it!
- 13. That's good, that's good.
- [Siobhan] You did make it.
- Love it. Okay.
You backflip onto the table.
Incredible turn from
Fabian. Any bonus actions?
- [Lou] Kinetic Jump was the bonus action.
- All of you watch Fabian surge forward,
[triumphant music]
sliding under the
centaur's legs and slashing
with magical energy across Fandrangor.
Your battle sheet is twirling around you,
providing an insane level
of magical protection
as you flip through the air,
scoring across the throat
of the other sort of enraged spellcaster
to leap to the top of the table.
That is Fabian Aramais Seacaster's turn.
Kalina is going to,
[soft instrumental]
is going to clear in behind Cassandra
and cast a spell and vanish. Disappear.
- Do we know what?
- You can make an Arcana check.
- I would love to.
[die rolling]
Bumping around. That's just a 10.
- I got a 23 Arcana.
- You would bet dollars...
Well, also, you have the
Sword of Sight in your hand,
so you see she's still standing there.
- Oh, so she's invisible.
- She's invisible.
- I mean, I also have See
Invisibility on at all times.
- Cool.
- 'Cause of Divination.
- Oh!
- Yep, cool.
- [Siobhan] So I can just see her.
- Yeah, you see her
standing there invisibly.
Gimme an Insight check,
if you can still see her.
- Yes, please!
- Yep.
- Would love to know what the plan is.
- I mean, that's an 11.
- Yeah.
Her face is obscured in shadow,
so it's hard to read an
expression right now.
- You good?
- But you can see,
eyes very, very wide and slitted.
- You're bad.
- Narrow, narrow eyes.
- What's her tail doing?
- Tail is twitching from the very base.
- Okay. Kalina's stressed out.
- Does she need scratchies?
- Ooh, you don't got cats.
- I think we're beyond scratchies.
- [Brennan] Riz Gukgak, that is your turn.
- [Ally] A little scratchy, right?
- [Murph] Okay, so I don't
have much movement here.
So 5, 10, 15, 20, so
I'll get to this table.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- [Murph] From here, can I see this little
tag team up here?
- [Brennan] You can see them.
They have half cover,
but you can see them.
- Got it, okay. I would like
to hide as a bonus action.
So I'll do Stealth. Nat 20.
[players cheering]
Anticlimactic nat 20,
just so good at hiding under this table.
- The Ball, where'd you go?
- Oh my god, he went back to the party!
- Ha ha!
And then I'm gonna cast
Tasha's Hideous Laughter
on the purple one here,
and they have disadvantage.
Because I'm a Arcane Trickster,
they have disadvantage on
saving throws if I'm hidden.
- Hell yes. So you are
hidden, that is disadvantage,
and they're rolling a Wisdom saving throw.
- [Murph] Correct.
- And your DC here is 15.
[dice rolling]
With disadvantage, that's a natural one.
- Nice!
- What is the language
of Tasha's Hideous Laughter?
- A creature of your choice
that you can see within range,
which is- ooh f*ck, range is only 30 feet.
I don't think I got 30 feet.
- [Brennan] Okay, you could dash, but-
- Then I wouldn't be able to cast it.
Well, I mean, what would
the direct line be?
- [Emily] That might be 30 feet.
- It might be 30 feet.
'Cause I can get a little closer, too.
- [Brennan] Let's find out.
- I think I only used
like 20 feet to move.
- [Emily] Yeah, you didn't use all of it.
- [Brennan] About 50 feet right
there. So you started here.
So you could go- if you
went 5, 10, 15, 20, 25-
- [Murph] And then hid at that
one. Where does that get me?
- [Brennan] Still not 30.
You would have to probably...
So you're here. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
- [Murph] Okay.
- And 30 does it. Right there.
- Yeah, okay!
- Perfect, okay, so yes,
so a creature you can see
falls into fits of laughter.
The target must succeed
on a Wisdom saving throw
or fall prone, becoming incapacitated
and unable to stand up for the duration.
At the end of each of its turns
and each time it takes damage,
the target can make another
Wisdom saving throw.
The target has advantage
on the saving throw
if it's triggered by damage.
- Okay.
- So, no one attack!
- Okay, so this one right here goes...
[Brennan roaring and laughing]
[Brennan mimics thudding blows]
And just starts punching
herself hard in the face.
- [Murph] I'm doing a funny
dance, but really upset.
- She's like, "Yeah! Good, good!"
[Murph whimpering uncomfortably]
- Now's not the time, Riz!
[Murph whimpering]
- But you are out of hiding now,
'cause you cast the spell, correct?
- Yeah.
- Cool, okay.
Fabian, thinking of that
other shoe dropping,
you see this star over here.
The star goes,
[raspy inhale] "Cassandra!"
and all, except for this one,
all of these enraged
wizards turn to Cassandra.
- [Siobhan] Oh sh*t.
- What?
- Charge. Attacks of opportunity.
You have to pick which one you want it on.
Riz, you get the centaur
if you want the attack of opportunity.
- Okay!
- Charging in.
- Oh gosh, on Cassandra?
- On Cassandra.
- Okay, yeah, I'll-
- You take the centaur, I'll take-
- Okay, great.
- You take the-
- Maybe we both attack the centaur!
- All right, we'll double up!
- Okay.
Oh my god, I rolled so bad.
Oh boy. Just a 12.
- Another 18.
- You got an 18. 12 misses, 18 hits.
- Oh wait, I have Bless.
- Yes!
- Is there any way-
- Oh yeah, go for it.
- I rolled a one on
the Bless. That's a 13.
- 13 does not hit.
- Great.
- I'll bang a 1st level spell.
[Emily guffaws]
Throw that on the pile.
- Excuse me?
- Banging a 1st level spell?
- [Lou] I'm gonna bang a
For, cha cha, 19.
- For 19, okay.
- Nice.
- [Brennan] 19 damage, awesome.
- Banged out that 1st level spell.
- Centaur, blood gushing out of his body,
but so vital.
It looks like- as you stab
him, the blood sprays out
like it is f*cking pressurized in there.
You would guess he has
maybe 200% blood volume
in his body right now.
His veins are stuffed with
blood as he charges forward.
- Stuffed with blood?
- Does his charge get stopped?
- No.
- Because he took damage?
- [Brennan] Oh wait, you have
Sentinel? No, you do not.
- No, not anymore.
- Okay.
- Their boners!
- They're engorged!
- They're engorged.
- [Siobhan] That horse p*nis is out.
- [Lou] They'll both have
disadvantage on those attacks.
- [Brennan] Oh sorry, he made his save.
- Oh, against me?
- And actually, sorry,
I totally forgot that he
failed his Goading Attack.
He does not listen to the star.
- Okay.
- He stays,
to beat the sh*t out of you.
- Oh!
- Yay.
- Still flossing. Yay!
[all cheering unenthusiastically]
- The Ball, is the dancing
part of your magic?
- [Brennan] Your AC is 25 right now?
- 25, yeah.
- I just have a series of mirrors
that reflect the flossing.
- So we can all see it.
- [sadly] So she can see
it, so she keeps laughing.
- Wait, that just clicked for me.
I didn't really know why
you had added flossing
to the equation, and
now I'm like, I love it.
- Wait, why did it get added?
- It's making her laugh!
- 'Cause it's making her laugh.
She keeled over laughing-
- Oh, got it.
- ...'cause he's flossing.
- 36 damage to Fabian as the
massive dude in front of-
- 25 AC?
- Fabian, you watch as this
creature in front of you,
you don't have D&D mechanics
in your character's brain,
but you're like, he
just made five attacks.
- [Emily] What?
- [Siobhan] Oh no!
- And they hit the 25 AC?
- So he missed most of them.
- Is that allowed?
- Yeah.
- [Lou] Is that allowed?
- Can we run that back?
- Can you check, though, really quick?
- [Siobhan] Ally's read the rule book now.
- Yeah!
- Can you check the internet?
- They're pretty sure
that that's not allowed.
- I don't have that in any of my notes.
- Great.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, god!
- Fabian?
- I'm fine! I'm not dancing anymore.
- The muscle mage who just jumped,
I should say, the rage mage
who just abandoned her sister
to jump down next to Cassandra
is going to use a Whirlwind Attack.
I'm gonna need Kristen and Adaine
to make Dexterity saving throws.
- Oh brother.
- 15?
- 15.
- 15?
- [Brennan] 15, and you got?
- An unnatural one.
- An unnatural one.
- Oh, right! [laughs]
- So you rolled, like, a seven minus six?
- I rolled a 13, and it all went away.
Wait, wait, wait! I can reroll.
I have Human Determination,
so I can reroll one.
- Oh, great.
- This feels important.
- Did they have to do any roll?
- They're just using an ability
that prompts a saving throw.
- Do you have a good saving throw?
- Why don't you roll and see,
and if I need to use
it, I'll use it on you?
- Same roll.
- Same roll!
- [Siobhan] Great, you get a 19.
- Yes!
- Actually, hang on a second.
That's not gonna do it.
'Cause then it'll go down to 16.
There's no way that 16 will do it.
- No, it'll only go
down by two. 17, right?
- No, they have a minus three.
- Did you get worse?
- You might wanna save it.
- Kristen have four Dexterity.
- I need to emphasize the fact
that I had never played D&D before
when I made this character,
and I'm stuck with her and
her minus three to Dex!
So what happens to me?
- You take 30 points
of bludgeoning damage.
- Incredible.
- Adaine takes 15 points
of bludgeoning damage.
You See Invisibility,
even Kalina, invisible,
catches 15 points of damage,
and Cassandra takes a full 30
as this mage just takes her staff
and so quick [roars]
like someone freaking out
and trying to tear their
f*cking home apart.
You can see that her eyes are glowing red
as she wails on everything,
and she appears to have 10 feet of reach.
She's holding the
quarterstaff from the base.
She's 7 1/2 feet tall now. She's grown.
Her clothes are torn at the
stitching as she's hulking out.
The centaur is going to make
five attacks against Cassandra.
- Oh my god.
- Jesus Christ.
Does anyone have any reactions in the mix?
- I used my reaction already.
- [Murph] I've got a Silvery
Barbs, if you wanna...
Shout out if-
- If we need it?
- When there's hits.
- Yeah.
- I'm useless.
- No, you're not.
- I'm useless!
- No, you're not!
- I realized that both
of you guys are dancing.
- [Siobhan] I talk to you like that
all the time.
- Yeah, I know.
- Cassandra casts Shield as a reaction.
- Okay.
- Okay. Three hits.
- I'll Silvery Barbs one.
- Okay, copy.
- Are any of them crits?
- None are crits.
♪ None are crits ♪
♪ None are crits ♪
- None are crits.
- None are crits!
- Name one, two, or three
that you wanna Silvery Barbs.
- [Murph] Two.
- [Brennan] All right.
Go ahead and reroll it.
- None are crits is starting to sound like
a little Italian grandma to me.
- That's your sophomore album.
- Nonna Crits.
- [Brennan] Riz, you Silvery Barbs one,
turning it into a miss.
[Murph whimpering]
- That's right!
- Just reflect, use my Arcadian
watch to sh**t a laser,
block one of the shots.
- Now you're starting to raise the roof.
- [Zac] It's just
reflecting off the light.
- That's two hits on Cassandra.
I am going to make three
saving throws for Cassandra.
These are Wisdom saving throws.
- Are they against something
that's happening within herself
or an effect that someone's doing to her?
- Give me an Insight check
with advantage from Fig.
- Ugh, a four and a
five. Not gonna get it.
- You see her from a distance,
as you're still in the
distance, she's surrounded.
But you just see her crouching.
She throws up Shield, is
still getting hit through it,
and yelling, "Stop, stop, stop!"
You see that red glow brightly inside her.
She's gonna make three
Wisdom saving throws.
She is a goddess but, you know,
she's bound by the same
rules as all of us,
which is that a nat one is a failure.
[dice rattling]
- Okay!
- That is their turn. Various
other mages begin shouting.
This one gets down the escalator and says,
"Stop! Stop, all of you, stop!"
- Get out of here!
- Run away!
- This one comes over and says,
"Now, now, now! Break it up, break it up!"
This one says, "Let cooler heads prevail!"
- Everyone, wide berth!
- Back up!
- Get them out of here!
- Wide berth! Wide berth!
- Get them out of here!
Get them out of here!
- You see this wizard right here says,
"You fools! Go not closer!"
And is going to Misty Step
to the Oodles of Strudel and go, "Hello?"
- I'll be right there, sir!
- I would like a strudel with sauce.
- Just one moment!
- Hey, no one's manning it.
You could go in, take it for yourself.
- Please don't go in, sir!
- I am committed by the
laws of this ancient mall!
- These idiots.
- These f*cking idiots. Figueroth
Faeth, that is your turn.
- Okay, I think that security
detail's starting to feel
like a lot, and I need to
outsource a little bit,
so who here has Counterspell?
I wanna ask all these mages.
- [Brennan] All of them say, "I do!"
"I do as well!" "Myself, as well!"
- Okay, who looks like
they have the worst Wisdom?
- I'm gonna let you look at the minis.
I want you to profile them.
- This one. This one.
- Why? - [Siobhan] This
Gandalf the Gray m*therf*cker?
- This man has made so many sacrifices
to be nothing but intelligent.
- [Brennan] Why do you think,
just 'cause his hat doesn't
stand up quite straight?
- So I need to be within 30 feet of him.
Okay, so what I wanna do is
I wanna cast Suggestion on him and say,
Counterspell any harmful spell
against her, and I point
at Kristen Applebees.
- Great.
He hears your eminently
reasonable suggestion and goes,
"Well, young madam, if it's
Counterspelling you want,
then you can always count on [tap dancing]
Conor Counterspell!"
- Whoa!
- That's his name!
- In the flesh!
- Conor Counterspell?
I Hexblade Curse him.
[Brennan retching]
- Shits, cries. Why?
- I don't actually do that.
I wanna use my bonus action
to give a Bardic Inspiration
to Cassandra in the form of being like,
Cassandra, hey, look, I understand.
This place is f*cked and
you wanna get out of here,
and we wanna get you out of here, okay?
So, like, Kristen is here. We're all here.
We're here for you. And then
give her a Bardic Inspiration.
- Incredible.
[emotional instrumental]
As you give that Bardic Inspiration,
you see her look at you and say,
"I'm so...
I'm so scared." [screams]
- I don't think you're
scared. I think you're mad.
- You say, "I don't think you're scared,
I think you're mad."
- And that's okay,
'cause I'm into f*cking
rock and roll and metal,
and that's all anger-made music.
- Incredible. Cassandra
has Bardic Inspiration.
You have a d8 or d10?
- A d8, and the Suggestion
goes for up to eight hours,
so ideally if I don't lose Concentration,
every round he'll be able to
try and Counterspell something.
- Thank god for Conor Counterspell.
- Hey, if you don't lose Concentration,
we should bring him to the party.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
All right, you're right
here. Concentration.
- And then let me see
if there's a position
I wanna be in that's better.
I'm gonna crouch behind this table.
- Awesome.
- I also wanna give him,
just Minor Illusion an earpiece for him,
'cause he's on the security detail now.
- Conor Counterspell, reporting for duty!
President Applebees, no harmful
spell shall cross your path.
- Who is that? Who is that?
- It's Conor Counterspell!
- He's my intern.
- Oh. Wait.
- We have interns at
the Secret Service now.
- So the Secret Service is one guy?
- I let him in on all the
sensitive information.
- Wait, what?
- He's unpaid.
- He's gonna leak it all on Discord.
I can tell his whole vibe.
- Bragging about it to Pokemon players.
- Just got a sick new job.
- Okay, at the end of Fig's turn,
I'm going to need everybody
within 20 feet of Cassandra-
- Jesus Christ.
- Which is pretty much-
- No, Conor!
- Conor gets hit.
- Is she casting a spell?
- Legendary action, magical effect.
I need everyone to give me
a Constitution saving throw.
- Including The Ball?
- I don't think I'm within 20 feet.
- [Brennan] You're not.
- Can I give Conor my Eldritch Mind?
- Yes, you can give him your
Eldritch Mind if you so wish.
What did we get for
Constitution saves here?
What did Kristen get?
- 11.
- And what did we get here?
- Dirty 20.
- Dirty 20, okay. 31
necrotic damage to Kristen.
- Kristen!
- Half to Adaine. 15 to Adaine.
I'm gonna need a Concentration check,
both for Bless and for the
last time you took, I believe,
the same amount of damage, 30 damage.
[die rolling]
- What do I add to that?
- Constitution saving throw.
- Oh, it's Con? Okay, cool.
- Con saving throw.
- So that's a 12 and a 17.
- A 12? Sorry-
- [Ally] I rolled a 10
last time I took damage.
- You rolled a 10 for Concentration
last time you took damage?
- Concentration or your fail?
- Oh, just for Concentration on Bless?
- If you rolled a 12, you
would have failed that.
- Oh sh*t, I thought it was 10 or over.
- It is.
Concentration checks
are 10 or half damage,
whichever is higher, so 30
damage would be a DC 15.
So Bless is gone.
- Okay.
- Cassandra, as you say, "You're mad,"
she just says, "Please get back!"
Boom, and you see that just this wave
of indiscriminate damage hits.
All these people, Kalina's gonna get it.
The only thing that seems unfazed by it
is that little shattering star.
That centaur's looking
bloodied. Kalina has to roll.
Kalina's not looking good.
- Wait, so this damage
is coming from the star?
- No, it's coming from Cassandra,
but the star seems unaffected by it.
- Guys, this is bad.
- I know.
- It's bad stuff.
- [Emily] Kristen, when is your turn?
- I know. I rolled zero initiative.
- A zero initiative-
- Gorgug, that's your turn.
- ...on your god's battle!
- So you don't get to
go at all. Interesting.
- Don't attack Conor
Counterspell. He's on the team.
- I ice Conor Counterspell.
- Why did you k*ll him?
He hasn't even turned yet.
- [Brennan] All of those four
mages are on death's door.
- Oh boy.
- Included Conor Counterspell?
- Conor goes, "Never
fear! Conor..." [screams]
And you see that some of his teeth
rocket into the soft palate
and back of his throat.
- Conor, get to safety! You
only need to be within 60 feet!
- But I'm the Secret Service!
- You're compromising the mission!
Secret Service lurks in the shadows.
- No foul magic-
- Get to the shadows!
- Blood pouring out of his nose.
No foul magic shall appear
when Conor Counterspell is near!
- [Zac] I think this is
the only person I can reach
in terms of 40 feet away.
- Okay. Oh!
- You picked a good one. Very unwise.
- Fabian, we didn't
resolve attacks on you.
- You did 36 damage-
- To you. Yes, we did.
- You didn't tell me how
many Concentration checks
I needed to save against.
- Both of them are 10.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] So just two
Concentration checks at 10.
- Save.
Save!
- [Brennan] Hell yeah. Great,
great, great. - Still dancing.
- Can I make a specific Insight check
on the red glowing thing as I get closer?
- [Brennan] Yeah, make an Insight check.
- I'll tell you what
Gorgug's thinking about.
Is this what Ragh's mom absorbed?
- Wow.
- No roll necessary.
- Damn, dude!
- No roll necessary.
- You're smart!
- This guy out here making
connections left and right.
- Absorbed it with her rage.
- Oh!
- She was able to
suppress whatever it was.
- It is the same color,
and even more than the
color, it's the pulse.
There's some kind of
agitated heartbeat behind it.
I think what you see is
that the color is the same,
but the heartbeat, the
pulse of this shatter-star,
this roiling elemental thing, is faster.
The pulse is faster.
Lydia's is something that thums
to a normal resting heart rate,
and actually somewhat slow, right?
- And she still has hers.
This is a different-
- Hers also looks...
These are weird- it's shards
of glass that are moving,
and each of the shards is solid,
but the way they move as
this shifting orb is fluid.
It's almost like if
broken glass could move
like a flock of birds or like
a school of fish in motion.
- And she had crystal or something.
- It was solid in her chest, yeah.
- But she did not have a crystal.
She didn't bring a crystal-
- I think somebody else did.
That was what they used to save her.
- Got it. Well, I'm just...
I guess now that I'm
closer, Cloaca, with me!
And I run up and I'm just gonna take
three attacks on this guy.
- [Brennan] Go for it.
- I'm gonna Frenzy and be in a Reckless.
- Whew, he's being reckless!
- 17 on the die plus 10.
- That's a hit.
- Chop chop.
- Second attack.
Does a 21 hit?
- Yeah, they both hit.
So you bonus action rage.
- Well, I raged as we ran-
- Oh yes, that's right. You did.
- I specifically called rage.
- You specifically called it.
- Sneaky little rage. Yep, go
ahead and Frenzy. Let's do it.
- And then the Frenzy.
[dice rolling]
Does a 17 hit?
- 17 does hit.
Fabian and Gorgug, as you
team up to flank this guy,
you guys can see that your
blows are not particularly...
It's not hard to hit these guys,
it's chewing through the
mass of their bodies.
They have a ton of hit points.
So all three attacks connect.
- Okay, so-
- Big things popping.
- Yeah. [indistinct] mode.
- Jesus.
So 24 for the first two attacks,
and then the last attack...
- Oh my god, two ones on the d12.
- Devastating.
- It was another nine.
So, 33.
- I feel for you.
- 33. A hefty sum of damage.
You [grunts] bam, bam,
bam, wail on this dude.
You see he just turns
around and says... [roaring]
"Abjurative grammar is prescriptive!"
- What?
[Brennan roars]
- I'm listening. I am listening.
- [Brennan] Adaine, you
hear him say something.
He says, "Abjurative
grammar is prescriptive."
- He said abjurative
grammar is prescriptive.
- What?
- I can't explain. If you
don't get it, you don't get it.
- It must be a code! The
Ball, unscramble it quick!
- Anything from Cloaca?
- I think Cloaca needs
my bonus action to go,
but I'm gonna send...
Never mind.
- Cool, Cloaca's gonna hang out with you.
[squawks] I suck!
- I think they can move, not on my-
- [Brennan] Okay.
- [Zac] So I might move
them a little further,
just over here.
- Cool.
- Yes, further away from you.
- So they don't get blown apart by AOE.
- [Brennan] Kristen
Applebees, that is your turn.
- [Ally] Oh my god. The time is now.
I turn to Cassandra and I say,
Cassandra, I'm so sorry. This is...
I really didn't know that you
guys were counting on me here,
and I've been dropping
the ball so much lately.
I completely understand
you're angry with me.
- Do you want to use your action
to try to make a Persuasion check here?
What would you like to do
mechanically with your action?
- Can I roll to see if
a Greater Restoration
would do anything for her?
It's, "You can lift one curse,
including the target's
attunement to a cursed item."
I don't know if that's
doing something to her.
- Gimme a Religion check.
- Okay.
[dice rolling]
Oh yeah, that's right.
That is a 24.
- You do not sense that she is cursed,
but there is some effect
on her that is profound.
Greater Restoration
would probably not have
a hugely material effect here,
but I would allow it to give her advantage
on one of the saving
throws in that Box of Doom.
- Okay.
- But that's a big price tag
for a small benefit, right?
So what would you like to do?
Also, you can use your
turn for a Persuasion check
if you want. If you had a bonus
action that you wanted to do
and then use your action for Persuasion.
So it's all on the table.
- Yeah, I'll do that.
I would love to try to do...
I would love to try to persuade her.
- Okay, go ahead.
This is going to be a
DC 20 Persuasion check.
- Okay. I get seven to Persuasion.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
[die rolling]
- Nat 20! Nat f*cking 20!
- Oh my god!
[chair crashing]
- [Murph] So many chairs!
- Ally also has a minus three to Dex.
- You've destroyed so much stuff.
Don't show the can!
- Cover the label.
- Oh my god!
- [Ally] I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- That was way too-
- That was awesome.
- It just sounded loud because
of all the plastic breaking.
- It's so funny how
long we've been at this.
- Ally just broke 500 minis.
- I almost feel bad.
A nat 20 happens and then
I'm like, the damage!
- No, I'm literally so sorry.
- But sick, dude!
- It was dice falling, too.
- Sick, Brennan's leaving!
- Maybe you're gonna
have a buff Kristen now.
♪ Buff Kristen ♪
- Don't spoil it, but
is it a buff Kristen?
- It's not a buff Kristen.
- Say yes or no.
- You gotta say yes or no.
- Just say yes or no.
Oh, buff Cassandra?
- No, you see-
- Healed Cassandra!
- [Brennan] Healed Cassandra.
- [Siobhan] Oh, thank god!
- [Brennan] She goes all the way to IDK.
As she does so-
[Ally sighs]
- Hot start, dude. Out here cookin'.
- So many bad rolls before that.
- This feels like this
is pretty much over.
- We're gonna get back to the party.
- Don't say that too loud!
- Let's try to turn that
arcane clock back in time
and get back before the party starts!
- That nat 20 means
that President Kristen's
going off the roof!
- Cassandra, ride on the
back of my motorcycle
into the tartar sauce!
I love you!
- You keep rolling nat 20s.
Roll on the back of my
motorcycle! I love you!
- I love you! We're going
right into the tartar sauce!
- Just immediately, rage disappears.
Did you say tartar sauce?
- Her body, as she is healed, expels-
- I persuaded her to be healed?
- We've got to honor nat 20s.
It's the rule of the show.
Expels an enormous number,
seven of these shatter-stars
expel out in-
- But they're nice now,
right? They heal now?
- [Siobhan] They just give you a warm hug.
- Conor Counterspell, no!
- Oh yeah, Counterspell. Can he-
- Conor Counterspell is under-
- Can he take all seven?
- Can he become unbelievably huge?
- How does Goading
Attack work, by the way?
Is that over now, or he still has it?
- Does it last forever?
- It says it lasts forever.
Attack rolls against
targets other than you
until the end of your next turn.
- The end of your next
turn. Incredible, okay.
Kristen, you watch Cassandra.
The red... [screams]
She is bleeding profusely,
both from being injured by
these rage mages around her,
but then also looking up
at you and just going,
"I'm just really scared, I think."
Then she looks over at Fig and she goes,
"And I'm f*cking pissed."
- Let it out.
- 'Cause I wanted to help.
And you see that as she says that,
you see that little
vein of red start again,
but give me an Insight check.
Because of that nat 20, I'll
let you roll with advantage.
[dice rolling]
- [whistles] Where are those rolls again?
Let's see, it's still a 13.
- You see a vein of red appear
in her chest as she tries
to give voice to why she's
frustrated or disappointed.
You get this sense from
her that she's just like,
"It just isn't f...
It just doesn't feel f..."
And there's this little bit of red,
and I think it freaks you out a bit,
and she sees you get freaked
out by it a bit and stops,
not wanting to frighten you.
That is an incredible f*cking nat 20.
Adaine, that is your turn.
- Can I roll to be brave enough
to not be afraid of her
anger and just let her-
- Do you have a Human Determination
you wanna use on that roll?
- I already used that.
- Okay.
- I can use a Divine Intervention.
- Excuse me!
- My big 10th level-
- Wait, you do have a bonus action.
Is there any bonus action
thing you wanna do?
- Oh yes, I have to Healing Word-
- Ooh, look at that.
Little bits of red sneaking
into the background.
- I might have to just
Healing Word myself.
I'm down to 12 hit points.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That can work on me, right?
- Yeah, it can work on you. Absolutely.
Adaine Abernant, that is your turn.
- Great, so having extensively read
the handbook for Oodles of Strudel-
- Yes.
- Is there any information
that I would know
about summoning some kind of
intergalactic magical mall cop?
- Ooh!
- Oh, that's fun.
- Potentially.
Do you have a character ability
that you would like to use to do that?
Or do you just wanna
take a shot in the dark?
- The character ability
is, I read the handbook.
- Yes, okay.
Would you like to make an Arcana
check and call a mall cop?
- [Siobhan] Yeah.
- This is so funny.
- Great, give me an Arcana check.
- [Siobhan] 15.
- 15.
- [Emily] What if it's Colin Counterspell?
He just has a little badge.
- He takes off his hat.
- I wear many hats.
- I've been an undercover
mall cop this whole time.
- [Emily] I was undercover.
- Siobhan.
- Yes?
- The purple-hatted wizard
holding an orb right there says,
"Having summoned a mall
cop, mall cop hath arrived!
Verily, what truants now
bedevil our fair mall?
Are they grinding against the fountain?
Are they hiding in the clothing racks?"
- Greetings, fellow wizard.
Hark, a bunch of very scary red ba*ls
that are attacking the
patrons of the mall!
- Ha!
Brigands and devils, begone henceforth!
I am not legally allowed to
touch you or cast spells on you.
But you must away!
- Summoned an impotent.
- Look, it was worth a try.
- Worth a try.
- Gotta try.
- So it seems like all of these things
are maybe gonna come for Cassandra.
- [Brennan] Mm-hmm.
- So I think
what I would like to do
is turn to her and say,
do you need to get out of here?
- Well-
- She can get you out of here.
- I can get you out of here.
- Okay!
You see that she says...
There's a moment where that
red glows in her, and she says,
"Why don't you let me get us out of here?"
and turns to look at all of
these rage shatter-star things.
You see that she looks
at them with recognition
and she goes,
"How are they back here?
I thought you were dead."
- Can I do an Arcana
check or a Religion check?
- [Brennan] Yeah, gimme a Religion check.
[dice rolling]
- Nat one, but thank god.
- 21. I thought you were dead.
She's looking at a bunch of shattered
little crystal glowing red things.
It doesn't connect to
anything you're aware of.
- No Nightmare King kind of-
- No Nightmare King kind of stuff.
This does not look Nightmare King related.
But you see, Adaine, she looks
like she wants to turn around
and f*cking end the fight, essentially.
- So she doesn't want me
to get her out of here,
is what she's saying.
- It looks like she's fully-
that nat 20, she's fully in
control of herself again.
- Okay, great.
In which case, I will cast
True Strike as a bonus
action using my sword,
and then I will cast Steel Wind Strike.
- Hell yes.
- And I will...
I'm gonna try and attack these frickin'
terrifying orbs.
- [Brennan] Attack the orbs!
- [Siobhan] And I'm going
to attack five of them.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- Yeah, they're melee spell attack rolls,
and then one of them I'll roll
with advantage with True Strike.
Does a 14 hit?
- A 14 hits.
- Great.
Then a 22 definitely hits.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- And these two also hit.
- Okay.
- Does a 10 hit?
- 10 does not hit.
- I'll take the four hits.
- Take the four hits! Go
ahead and roll damage.
- So that's gonna be...
Nice, okay.
- Now that's what we're looking for!
- 18,
- 41 damage each. Which are
the four that you're hitting?
- [Siobhan] The ones closest to Kristen.
The ones that could possibly hit Kristen.
- [Brennan] Copy that, great.
- I'm back up to a mighty 27 hit points.
- Oh, good.
- Great.
- [Emily] Mighty!
- Don't worry about me.
- Mighty.
- Hell yeah.
Adaine, what does it look like
as you do your Steel Wind Strike?
- The Sword of Sight flashes with a light
not dissimilar to the blue of the mall.
My whole body sort of
twists and disappears
and turns up and does a melee
attack against these four.
- In each strike against
each of these shatter-stars,
the moment of striking them was foretold.
It is destiny that guides your blade.
All of them are hanging onto
their fragile magical existence
by the barest of threads.
- Boggy is going to once again
give Kristen the Help action.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Cassandra is going to go.
Kalina is out of invisibility, because-
- She got hit.
- She got hit.
- Has she done anything other
than made herself invisible?
- [Siobhan] What a f*cking coward.
- Not a thing.
- I hate her so much.
- When she becomes visible,
she looks over at you, Riz.
Hey, kid.
- Did you guys hook up or something?
- No!
- The Ball! Hell yeah, The Ball!
- [Siobhan] Like father, like son.
- Why are you grinding
underneath the table?
- I'm not! I'm flossing!
- And looking at Kalina?
- Cat Grinders.
- [Ally] Cat Grinders!
- When Cassandra said,
"I thought you died,"
was she talking about
Kalina or the shards?
- Give me Insight. Gimme an Insight check.
- Advantage, 'cause that was so good?
- 28.
- She was not talking about Kalina.
- She's not talking about Kalina, okay.
- You see Kalina looks over at you,
panicked but suddenly like,
ah, the battle's turning.
Everything is okay.
Cassandra looks over at you and says,
"Thanks for the advice.
It's always nice to have a helping hand."
She's going to roll a mass dispelling.
- Whoa!
- Geez!
- What advice did you give her?
- Oh, the Bardic Inspiration.
- Oh, nice.
- And then she's gonna
roll a saving throw.
- But I did tell her to
start a band or a podcast.
- [Brennan] As she smiles at you, Fig,
you're immune to fire, so it's
very rare for you to get hot.
- Are you gonna hook up with Kalina?
- But you see, as Cassandra smiles at you,
she looks out and says, "Time
for a little bit of mystery."
Reaches down, and you can
feel sweat on your face
and your stomach suddenly
[gurgling queasily] gurgles,
and you see this fire elemental-
- Did you guys hear that?
- ...runs over to you
and hands a plate of shrimp
and goes, "Shrimp?"
- [Siobhan] You just summoned shrimp?
- Fig, what are you doing?
- Fig!
- Fig! What the hell?
- Keep your eye on the prize!
- Hey, Fig?
- Shrimp!
Shrimp?
- I eat the shrimp.
- What?
- Fig, who is that?
- Are they even de-veined?
- Fig, what are you doing?
- This is Emily's tactical Yorbies.
- Have they been de-veined?
[Emily's laughter turns to wheezing]
- All of you watch in this moment...
I wanna be clear.
Kristen, you have healed your goddess.
Adaine, you have stricken,
you know how to hurt these things.
Fabian and Gorgug are lancing blows.
You have won the day.
You have won the day.
And Fig f*cking gave the Counterspell
that prevented spells from
happening in the first place.
As you go, you reach a little too hard,
and the plate flips,
and the shrimp go flying
across the food court.
- The shrimp!
- Cassandra says,
"In this realm be banished..." [chokes]
And a shrimp goes in her throat.
This laughing mage kicks this signpost up
that flies through the air,
hits Cassandra in the head,
and knocks her unconscious.
- What?
- Oh my god!
- Fig!
- What the f*ck?
- Was this a roll?
- She rolled a natural
two on her saving throw
for the effect, and even with a plus 10,
that's not high enough.
- An effect?
- What effect? From who?
- Just an effect. Fig, you
watch as Cassandra looks at you.
You watch a god, a divinity,
begin to discover that
she is allergic to shrimp.
- No!
- What?
- And then get hit in the
head with a wet floor sign
and go, "Glonk!" and suffer
the stunned condition.
- I think this is someone
else's fault and not mine.
- Who did that?
- How did you get the
shrimp to go that far?
- I just... [laughing]
I just-
- There were so many obstacles in the way.
- Why did you take the shrimp?
We're in pitched combat!
- I've got a literal ton of shrimp
waiting for us back at the house!
- What the hell, Fig?
- I was in party mode!
- A metric ton of shrimp
is waiting for us,
and you had to eat now?
- I was in party mode!
- Everyone give me Perception
checks except for Fig.
Everyone give me Perception
checks except for Fig.
- 15.
- 15.
Wait, you have a passive
Investigation of 21, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 20.
- Also 15.
- 18.
- Riz, the little fire
elemental goes, "More samples!"
and starts to sort of move away.
- No, you just did all
that. You just did all that.
You just did all that.
- You see, as Fig wags a
finger at this fire elemental
with a little paper hat
that is just immolating
and burning on its head,
on her shirt,
tartar sauce dripping down
the front of her shirt.
- I dipped.
- This is some Gilear sh*t.
- I think I need to go to the hospital.
After this and after the party,
I'm gonna make it through the party,
but afterwards, you need
to take me to the hospital.
But maybe in a different town.
- Body or mind?
- As Riz says, "This is some Gilear sh*t,"
anyone who wants to can
make Arcana or Religion.
[dice rolling]
- I got a 24 Arcana.
- 21 Arcana.
- 18.
- 18 as well.
- So you are aware that when Fig
chooses to grace someone
with encouragement,
there is magical heft to that.
Fig is an archdevil and a powerful bard.
You watched her encourage Cassandra,
and moments later, a thing
happened to Cassandra
that you have only ever seen happen
to one other person in your life before.
- When we were fighting
the giant manta ray,
the Night...
I'm not gonna say it.
- You can say it now.
- You can say it now.
- It's all right.
- It just makes the van sicker.
- When we were fighting the Night Yorb,
there was this moment where
the car was gonna capsize
and I had to reach deep
and sort of unlock some
sort of ancestral curse,
and I've had stomach problems ever since.
- Oh my god. Gilear made
you lactose intolerant?
- Like the kind that would only make you
be able to eat yogurt?
- Conor Counterspell goes,
"Guys, we're still in the mix!"
- Conor, stay hot!
- Stay hot?
- Conor, his teeth sort of
hanging out of his mouth.
I'm gonna stay hot!
- He's so hurt. Run, Conor.
- Against foul magic you may strive,
till Conor Counterspell arrive!
- Wow, Conor.
- Way to f*cking go, Conor.
- You're coming to the party.
- Lotta teeth hanging out?
- Fig, as everyone else
turns back into combat,
in a moment of-
- I'm holding the shrimp still.
- I dipped.
- There is a moment,
that, again, sort of fiery hotness,
and you see gleaming golden armor
with hellish stone behind it say,
"It was not yours to take."
That is what you see
in a moment of vision,
and I'll say, Adaine, give
me Arcana with advantage.
- When Gilear popped out of
that golden armor, right?
- That is a nat 20.
- As the Oracle, you see the same vision,
visions and everything else like that,
and you see Fig in the Armor of Pride
some years from now, striding
a b*ttlefield, and around her,
people punching themselves
in the d*ck by accident,
slipping on banana peels, trucks,
city buses coming by as
people- and just carnage
as a wave of unluck unmakes the world.
- Adaine, did you see that too?
- Yeah, it was actually pretty rad.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- Do I suck?
- You? No!
- I suck!
- No! You?
- Cloaca!
- [Siobhan] No!
- I suck on the shrimp.
- You suck on the shrimp. It
is now the shatter-stars' turn.
- We're gonna get you some help.
- One of them has to roll
to recharge an ability.
It does not recharge.
One of these is gonna go for
an attack against Kristen.
That is a miss.
- That one just moved away from Kristen,
so it gets an-
- Attack of opportunity?
- Can I cast a spell? I
don't have any weapons.
- [Siobhan] Do you have w*r Caster?
- You have a staff.
- Do you have w*r Caster?
- [Brennan] You have a staff.
- What's a w*r Caster?
- [Siobhan] As a feat?
- No, no.
- [Siobhan] Yeah, so just a melee attack.
- [Emily] I think you should punch it.
- All right, well, it's empty.
I don't know who did this sheet for me.
- [Emily] Do your Strength. Punch it.
- [Zac] I don't know who
did this sheet for me?
- It'll be that plus your proficiency.
- Great. 15.
- 15 hits.
- It's also more than that, but-
- It's 19.
- It's 19. Incredible.
- I've never seen
someone less enthusiastic
to take an attack of opportunity.
- I just didn't think that
this was actually possible.
- [Brennan] Go ahead, Kristen,
and roll 1d6 plus your Strength mod.
- If I have a way to do Divine Strike
and add radiant damage
to this, am I allowed to?
- [Brennan] Yeah, I think so.
- Weapon attacks.
- Yeah.
- If I'm using my staff.
- That's correct.
- Okay cool, so I'm gonna do that,
and then it also gets a d8.
- Hell yeah, go for it.
- So...
[dice rolling]
Hey! Eight.
- What's your Strength mod?
- Plus two.
- Plus two, so 10.
- These things were on death's door
thanks to our Elven Oracle.
What does it look like as Kristen
shatters one of these in front of her?
- Yah!
- Incredible.
- Kristen, behind you!
- Maybe she's actually just
turning to see where it's going
and accidentally knocks it with her staff.
I don't think she's ever-
- Sometimes the minus
three Dex is good for you.
- [Ally] Yeah, exactly. Oh, oops!
- The other one, seeing that,
is not gonna attempt to flee the wizard
who just almost destroyed it in one hit,
and is going to need a Charisma
saving throw from Adaine.
- That's a one, which
I'm gonna turn into a 19.
- Describe for me the world we
would see 100 years from now
if this thing had taken Adaine
over as it was just about to.
- You're asking me how much change Adaine-
- Would wreak upon the world
if all she thought of was rage.
- Oh, well, Fallinel is destroyed.
The forest of Sylvaire has
been broken.
Not on purpose, but just,
she's been looking for her mother,
and anything that gets in the way...
- The entire forest has been chewed up
by powerful machines of Solace,
searching for your mother
to get your revenge.
You see that future, and instead,
your eyes glow white
and you choose another.
It fails. We're gonna roll
for these other wizards.
- Colin Counterspell can't fail.
His Charisma's through the roof.
- Oh my god, he's so charismatic.
- It's just gonna make him buff.
He can still Counterspell if he's buff.
- Yes.
- The Suggestion spell will still work.
I don't think there's any
spells at play anymore
now that Cassandra's on our side.
- Okay.
- No.
- Not Colin.
Anyone but Colin.
- Conor, Conor.
- I'm gonna Cutting Words on
the one that hit Conor.
- I will let you attempt to
save Conor in this moment
even though Cutting Words
can't actually help his saving throw.
- Oh, 'cause he did it as a saving throw.
- No, no, but this is gonna happen.
- Okay.
- You need a four or higher
on the die to save Conor Counterspell.
- Conor, stay with me. Stay with me.
Stay hot, okay? You're on the job.
You're on the job!
- When other mages here may fear,
foul magic I make disappear!
- I got a two.
- f*ck that!
- No!
- Conor!
- No!
- Conor!
- Too many! Too many!
- No, no, no. Conor...
Conor is here, baby.
- Oh my god, he's so hot.
- He is absolutely coming to the party.
- This is honestly better.
I think we should take this Colin home.
- [Brennan] This looks like
John Cena doing a sketch
making fun of LARPers, you know?
- [Emily] Question. In this
form, can he still Counterspell?
- I got a turn in about 30
minutes, so then I'll...
- [Siobhan] Damn, the little
ba*ls are disappearing.
Oh, look at the butt.
- Does each one have a buff version?
- Each one has a buff version.
- Damn, I'm so excited to see them all
in the Adventuring Party.
- Everybody wants to see his.
- This guy rules. This guy
has to come to the party.
- The centaur looks like
that Sean Connery movie.
- "Zardoz"?
- Yeah.
- Most alarmingly of all,
Riz,
Kalina turns to you and
she goes, "Cassandra!"
And then the star above her
lands, opens, and Kalina
goes, "No!" [grunts]
And holds the spines so
they pierce through her paws
as black blood, shadows, runs down,
turning into smoke on her forearms.
She looks at this, looks
at you, [groaning in pain]
as the smoke and light
goes into her mouth, going,
[choking]
"Ragh Barkrock!" [grunts]
And it goes into her mouth,
and she becomes very still,
[Siobhan gasps]
doesn't grow at all.
- Oh no.
- You see she stands up,
using a legendary reaction.
- [Siobhan] Oh f*ck.
- Her tail doesn't twitch.
She gets quite still indeed,
and just her shoulders
imperceptibly move side to side.
- f*ck, she's shimmying!
She's f*cking shimmying!
- Is that a cat language thing?
- Yes, that's what they do
when they're about to pounce!
- What? No.
- Yes!
- [Brennan] Fabian Aramais
Seacaster, that is your turn.
- Hangman, did everyone get inside?
Are people at the silent disco?
- Sire, everyone's inside.
I've begun a rumor that
you're going to make
a grand entrance when everyone's in here.
- Good, good, good!
- He's so good.
- Great, the party's still
on! Okay, I'm gonna...
Gorgug, you've got this big guy, right?
- Yeah, I think.
- Cool! I'm gonna run past him.
I'm gonna use my first
attack on number 24.
- The shatter-star?
- The shatter-star.
Look over at Adaine. You
can just stab these things?
- Yeah, just frickin' stab it.
- Because he has 10 foot reach,
you actually don't get
an attack of opportunity.
- Oh, also, with Kinetic Jaunt,
my dance-y capoeira
steps, he can't touch me.
- [Brennan] Wow!
- I'll take an attack on the shatter-star.
That will be a 23 to hit.
- 23 hits.
- We'll burn a 1st level spell slot.
- I will say, this is one of the ones
that you know is very, very injured.
- Okay, we won't. Thank you.
How's a 15 do?
- 15 damage?
- Yes.
- Shatters along your sword.
- Nice.
- [Lou] Awesome. I'm gonna
take another attack on 16.
- Okay, go for it.
- The big centaur guy.
- Yep.
- Does a 16 hit?
- 16 does hit.
- Okay, I'm gonna burn a
and then also make that a Goading Attack.
- [Brennan] Cool.
- DC 17 Wisdom saving throw on his part.
- Fails the Wisdom saving throw.
- Great, that's gonna be 11, 15,
and disadvantage to any
attacks on anyone but me.
We're gonna keep moving along.
I'm gonna Action Surge.
- Okay.
This centaur is looking on
death's door, I will say.
- Let me stab Kalina.
- [Brennan] Okay, how're
you getting over there?
- [Lou] I'm gonna move
through the centaur.
- Which you can do.
- Yes. Stab Kalina.
- [Brennan] Awesome.
- Does an 18 hit?
- She is going to cast
Shield as a reaction.
It does not hit.
- Fine.
- Can I Counterspell it?
- I believe you can. Let's see.
- [Emily] That would be nice,
to Counterspell Kalina's Shield.
- [Brennan] You counter it,
and the spell is countered.
What did you get?
- I got an 18.
- 18 does not hit.
- Okay.
- What?
Why'd she cast Shield, then?
- She's so strong.
- Disappointing.
I'm gonna stab 19, the other bald wizard.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- Nat 20.
[players cheering]
So we'll make it another,
my last superiority die to
make it a Goading Attack.
We'll do a Defensive Flourish.
- Okay.
- So that's my second Bardic.
That's 2d6 there,
and then we'll burn my
last 2nd level spell slot.
So that's 2d6, 2d6, 2d8, 2d8.
- Wow.
- Woo!
- Okay.
- Jesus.
- [Lou] And a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw.
- [Ally] 45.
- Fails the saving throw.
- Fails the saving throw.
Disadvantage on attacks.
I don't think I've used that much movement
out of my total of 50,
so I'd like to climb the clock, if I can.
- Yeah!
- Hell yes. Give me Acrobatics.
- [Siobhan] Stay focused.
- 16.
- Okay, 16?
- This die rolls threes 9 times out of 10.
- It's just where it lives.
- Fabian, you alight to the clock.
As you touch the clock,
dancing on the clock,
it's like you're dancing on a gyroscope.
You look down and you see the clocks
are shifting, shifting,
shifting, and you suddenly see,
face sunken, eyepatch,
sort of patchy white hair,
sort of dusty, dirty old varsity jacket,
dentures fall out of your own face.
I never got to be a maximum legend...
- We have to go now!
Let's wrap this sh*t up!
- Maximum legend!
Fabian, any bonus actions,
or that's all good?
That's your turn?
- Would you let me yell
at all the wizards in here
as a bonus action?
- Yeah.
- Wizards of the mall,
have you ever wanted to
beat the sh*t out of a jock
who made fun of you in high school?
- Unanimously, "Yes!"
- There are several who
have gathered here today
to cause terror.
Lay into them with your bolts of fire
and your other wizard sh*t.
- Give me a Persuasion check.
If you get a 25 Persuasion,
you get 'em all.
- [Emily] You get a mall.
- Dammit!
- [Brennan] You get a mall.
- It's 11.
- 11, so you see that all of them say,
"But we have witnessed the
rage stars take them over.
Jocks at heart, we know they are not."
- Oh, come on!
- You see that a mall
cop in the back says,
"I have to ask you not
to stand on the clock!"
- f*ck, I'm so sorry I brought him.
I really thought he would be helpful.
- Adaine, come on!
- I'm sorry!
- I'm still waiting for my strudel!
- Just one second, sir!
- Fabian, that's your turn?
- That's my turn.
- Kalina kneels down next to Cassandra,
still stunned and choking,
presses down on her chest. [coughs]
The shrimp pops out,
and you see that Cassandra
looks up and says,
"Kalina."
Kalina's yellow eyes go red and she goes,
"I liked you better as
the Nightmare King,"
and slits her throat.
[Siobhan gasps]
- She's dead. Kristen,
your god is dead again.
You're gonna fail junior
year! Gotta get her back!
- You see, as she's bleeding,
she does not want to die,
and that red vein reappears
and blood gushes out of
her throat as she goes,
"Why would you betray me? I..." [gurgling]
You see that the object of
her rage is no longer you.
You healed her.
But she looks at Kalina as
like, I'm going to k*ll you.
- Not to defend, I don't know how I feel
about Kalina at the moment,
but she's been possessed.
She's not doing this on her own accord.
- [Brennan] Riz, speaking
of, it is your turn.
- Oh no!
- But she didn't get bigger.
- Yeah.
Yeah, oh wow.
Point of clarification, when
she said "Rock Barkrock,"
was she struggling to say Barkrock,
or was she saying Ragh Barkrock?
- It sounds like she said Ragh Barkrock.
- Okay. Pass that along to you guys.
- Oh.
- Do we go get Ragh somehow,
or is that a thing for the future?
- It would take two actions
for me to go get Ragh.
- Okay.
- I'm also going to, from
the attacks that did hit,
I'm gonna roll saves for Cassandra.
[dice rolling]
No natural ones there,
and then there was a crit,
so she's gonna roll with disadvantage.
No natural ones there.
- Okay, is Cassandra at
zero health and dying,
or just very injured?
- She is a goddess,
and she's right next
to one of her priests.
It looks like Kalina
has dropped her to zero.
- Okay, I am going to do something risky.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- I'm going to unfortunately stop flossing
and break the Concentration
on Tasha's Hideous Laughter.
- [Brennan] Copy that.
- I'm gonna look at Kalina and say,
"Kalina, we have unfinished business,"
and I'm gonna cast
Compelled Duel on Kalina.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- And then I'm going to
use an action to hide.
- I will say, you guys have
fought Kalina in the past,
so I'll let you know
that she does not have
legendary resistances.
- Never mind, then.
- The question is, do I...
She's gonna f*cking down me
so quick if I don't hide,
so I have to take the
risk and do a flat roll,
so I can't hide yet.
So flat Wisdom roll against my save,
which is 15.
- Kalina needs a nine
or higher on the die.
- To save?
- To save.
Eight or lower means she fails.
- Okay.
- 10, saves.
- That's a three.
- That's a three!
- Thank god.
- So what is this? Is it magic flavored?
Or is this just an ability of Riz?
Do you feel that this is magic?
- I think this is just my
connection to Kalina, kind of.
I just lock eyes with her.
- You and me, behind the school!
- As she slits the throat,
she smiles, hears your voice.
Stickin' up for me.
Just like your old man.
That's your turn, and
then you're not hiding?
- I am gonna hide now.
- Hide now, cool cool cool.
[die rolling]
- Okay, okay. I'm so scared of Kalina.
- What's the Stealth roll?
- 29.
- Not bad. One short of godlike.
- [Murph] But I bet you
she's got good Perception.
- 29's really, really good.
- Compelled Duel is,
she has to drop everything
and come fight you?
- Yeah. "On a failed save,
a creature is drawn to you,
compelled by your divine demand.
For the duration, it has
disadvantage on attack rolls
against creatures other than you
and must make a Wisdom saving
throw each time it attempts
to move to a space that is more
than 30 feet away from you.
If it succeeds on the save,
this spell doesn't restrict
the target's movement that turn."
- [Brennan] Time for the rage mages.
- [Murph] And no one
attack Kalina, by the way,
'cause it'll break the Compelled Duel.
- [Brennan] Fabian, you
goaded two of them, right?
- 16 and 19.
- Cool.
Hugely significant.
These two are going to rush up
and each try to climb
the clock to k*ll Fabian.
- Mall cop, is this not-
- I'm not legally allowed
to touch or cast spells.
- Oh, come on!
- Come on, man.
- They're destroying property.
Isn't that what you get the most mad-
- I haven't seen them
destroy property yet.
I'm not allowed to. I
can't predict in that way.
- You're not a divination wizard?
- No! I'm a transmuter!
And then this guy here
is gonna move in on Cassandra as well.
Gorgug, you're gonna get an
attack of opportunity on him.
- Reckless.
- Go for it.
[dice rolling]
- 22.
- That is going to hit.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- Three plus eight.
- 11. Axe thunks into him.
He is bloodied as he moves away.
This is gonna be a truly tremendous
amount of dice rolling.
We've got one, two, three, four, five.
We'll start with the ones
that are attacking Fabian.
They each need the DC
- [Siobhan] How good is
that centaur at climbing?
- Centaur will roll with disadvantage.
- Okay, thank you. Thank you.
- Just upper body, dragging a full horse.
- So he needs the lower
of these two to be a 13.
That's a natural one. [yelps] Beefs it.
And then the other one's gonna roll.
- Breaks one of his legs.
Somebody comes out and
shoots him in the head.
- Each of these guys cannot climb
and is gonna move and just
hurl tables at Fabian.
That's a hit.
- Okay.
- That's a miss.
- Oh!
- Fabian, you get slammed with a table.
God, that's a bad roll.
For 10 points of damage.
- Great. Is that not property damage?
Come on, man!
- Harming the mall's
property will not pay!
You see the mall cop begins to cast
some kinda spell.
- Yeah, all right! There it is!
- You see he goes, "By the
power of the seven stars,
the astral mall, come
to my beck and call!"
Fwing!
And the tables that were thrown
vanish in a blast of light,
and the tables are replaced
with new astral tables.
- Dammit!
- They got infinite a*mo.
- Now the rage mages are
going to attack Cassandra.
This one here is gonna
use a Whirlwind Attack,
which is going to automatically destroy
this second to last rage
star, minimum damage.
- Phew.
- That one's at full health.
The other one was the one Adaine wounded.
And then is gonna catch
and Kalina.
By catching Kalina in damage,
she is going to use her
Misty Escape feature,
turn invisible, and teleport, so she is...
What's the range of your See Invisibility?
- [Siobhan] 10 feet.
- 10 feet, okay.
She is beyond 10 feet,
so you are not certain where
on the b*ttlefield she is.
- If she moves more than
she has to do a saving throw.
- She is not moving more
than 30 feet away from you.
So Riz, that's information that I think
you would actually know
based on your own spell.
- Great.
- [Brennan] That she is
outside of 10 feet of Adaine.
She knows Adaine can see invisibility.
- Great. She's around!
- Okay.
- Now we're gonna resolve these attacks.
This is a tremendous amount
of rolls that are happening.
I'm gonna need Dexterity saving throws
from Adaine and Kristen.
- And this is a spell?
- No, this is just a special attack.
She's just going nuts with her staff.
- [Siobhan] And I can't Shield?
- No, it's not AC.
What'd you roll?
♪ Bum bum bu ba-da dum ♪
Nine.
- Beardsley rolled okay,
and then went through
every level of emotion while
thinking about the math.
Rolled a 12 and then was
just like, okay. Hmm...
No, no, no, no.
- And now I'm to acceptance.
- I got an 18.
- Each of you is going to take...
You got a 15 on your
save last time, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, so wait, you do-
- [indistinct].
- [Brennan] Yes, yes, yes.
You save, Kristen does not.
- Really?
[Emily laughs]
- [Brennan] 31 damage to
Kristen, 15 to Adaine.
- Kristen kinda sits down for a minute,
'cause she's knocked out, she's down.
- Oh no.
- Oh no.
- [Siobhan] Does anybody else have heals?
- [Emily] I do.
- [Siobhan] Okay, great.
- Are we sure about that?
- No, we are not sure about that.
- Are they safe?
- Yeah, that inspiration was-
- We are not sure about that.
It'll be my turn at some point.
- A lukewarm, uncooked shrimp.
- Now you have Bardic Shrimpspiration.
- Shrimpspiration!
- [Lou] Shrimpspiration.
- Okay, we have to roll
a truly absurd amount of saving throws.
Cassandra is pummeled by these rage mages.
As a goddess, she cannot die right here
because Kristen and Craig
are still out there.
- Oh god. So we've got
to keep Kristen alive
to keep Cassandra alive.
- However, she's going to
roll a bunch of saving throws.
[dice rattling ominously]
And as she is stunned,
she's gonna roll them with disadvantage.
- These are for more rage stars?
- No, you see that with
that vein of red in her,
as she's being attacked, I think you see
that as the attacks pile on top of her,
it is to trigger something in her.
- Hmm.
[dice rolling]
Mm-mm.
- [Brennan] This'll be the most d20s
[dice rolling]
I've ever rolled in the Box of Doom.
- And you're just looking for nat ones?
- Just looking for nat ones.
[dice rolling]
Second rage mage.
[dice rolling]
Third rage mage.
[dice rolling]
- Please, Cassandra. Please.
- Please.
- Yeah, we all pray to
Cassandra in this moment.
- I believe in you, Cassandra.
- Cassandra, I actually know
you can't hear this right now.
- I believe in you,
'cause I can see you
right here in front of me.
[dice rolling]
f*ck.
- It is triggered. It will be successive.
All of them striking
Cassandra, she comes to,
and a transformation begins.
- Oh god.
[players groaning nervously]
Oh no, she's gonna look so cool.
- [Brennan] Towering over,
Cassandra stands to her feet.
A transformation begins that
will complete on her next turn
unless something happens that stops it.
- [Ally] What's that ska dance called?
- [Lou] Skanking.
- [Siobhan] Skanking.
- Skanking. Figueroth
Faeth, that is your turn.
- I think we've got to get Kristen up.
I think Kristen's the only
one that can bring her down.
So most important thing,
bonus action Healing Word Kristen
for... [clears throat]
Two fours, look at that!
- Woohoo!
- Why don't you go ahead and take 13?
[Ally gasps and coughs]
- What the f*ck?
- I wanna do something more fun,
but I think I'll just Eldritch
Blast, twice, the shard.
- [Brennan] Oh, sick. Go for it.
- 19 on the die is gonna become a 28.
- That's gonna do it.
- Bop bop.
- All right.
That's eight points of damage.
Does a 13 hit?
- 13 does not hit.
- All right, then. That's my turn.
It feels good to be me.
- You get Kristen up, attack
one of the shatter-stars.
As you do, you see Conor
turns to you and says,
[growls] "What should I do now?"
- You need to save Cassandra!
[Brennan growls angrily]
See that guy next to you?
- Yeah?
- He was talkin' sh*t about you.
He said you can't Counterspell!
[Brennan roars furiously]
He called you Canter Counterspell!
- Can't or Counterspell?
Or Canter, like how a horse canters?
- Yeah.
- Canter? I f*cking hate horses!
- Attack the guy next to you.
- Wow, did you hear that? To the centaur.
Wow, did you hear him say that?
- [roars] Gorgug, that is your turn.
- Eeh, okay.
Should I try to k*ll this last ball?
I can kinda do damage to
these guys, it seems like.
- I feel like that ball does have to go.
- The ball has got to go.
- The ball's gotta go.
- Yeah, if the ball doesn't go,
it's gonna get into one of us.
- The Ball can stay, but this ball?
- [Zac] I'm gonna go...
Kristen will go before
Cassandra goes, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Kristen's coming up soon.
- I'm gonna go here.
I'm gonna smack the ball.
- Smack the ball.
- But not The Ball.
- Not The Ball. Smack a ball.
- Okay, 22 to hit.
- Hell yeah.
- First one.
- Still up, looking bad.
- Oh sh*t, so that one wasn't hurt at all?
- [Brennan] That one was not hurt at all.
- Okay.
- Oh.
Well, I could've cast a cantrip.
- That's a crit.
- Nice.
- Hell yeah.
- Finally.
- [Brennan] 3d12.
- Eight,
- Gorgug, you bring the Heavy Metal Axe-
- Sort of wasted on this guy.
- Shatter-star's gone.
The tiny halfling mage
behind you says, "Ha!
You've saved me from whatever
that terrible orb was trying to do!
Some study is required
to see what effect-"
- Do you see what's going on around you
and how many times it's already happened?
- [Brennan] Hm?
- What were you doing at
the base of this escalator?
- I'm heading to Armour, Zombie and Lich.
It's where you get all
your undead minions.
- Interesting. Well,
I'm done talking to you.
- [Brennan] Bonus action from Gorgug?
- Bonus action, I'm gonna Frenzy
on the person right in
front of me next to Kristen.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah, go for it.
- That's a nat 20.
- Yes!
- Go for it.
The Heavy Metal Axe does
something on nat 20s, right?
- [Zac] Oh, yes it does.
- It knocks them down or something?
- On nat 20s, because I have, you know,
Zelda's mixtape, I knock people prone.
- Oh, he still listens to it? Ooh.
- [Emily] Gorgug, are you
listening to your ex's mixtape?
- No, I just haven't gotten a new one yet.
- I mean, look, I guess if you like it-
- Here, I guess we're at the mall.
I'll get another mixtape,
if they have one.
- They don't sell mixtapes.
- They don't sell mixtapes?
Where do you buy mixtapes?
- [Emily] I sell mixtapes!
- They sell compilations.
It's not a mixtape.
- You could get Now That's
What I Call Music #875.
- That's not a mixtape,
that's a compilation.
- No, Bards and Nobles
definitely still has CDs.
- Riz comes out of hiding to argue.
- Kalina slits your throat.
[Murph gurgling]
- On a crit, I don't
think it does anything.
- [Brennan] Okay, maybe
that's just Zelda's mixtape.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
- Okay.So I will roll 3d12 plus 8.
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Nothing but 12s, nothing but 12s.
- Come on, 12s. 10, I'll take it.
- 19 plus 8.
- [Brennan] Oof!
- 27 damage, and they're knocked prone.
- Get 'em.
- [Brennan] 27 damage, knocked prone. Bam.
- Automatically.
- Automatically.
Ooh, that one is now bloodied. Boom!
As that rage mage goes prone, Gorgug,
at the end of your turn,
Cassandra continues to grow.
[Brennan growling]
- Oh no.
- Now riddled with red veins.
- [Lou] Three point stance. Nasty.
- And she is going to
fire a cantrip.
Actually, the one that is
prone, which I believe is 13,
and is going to deal 20
points of damage to her.
She reaches out and goes,
"Stop f*cking hitting me!"
And just blasts this red hot light.
On that nat 20, she no
longer has turned her anger
towards you, but the anger
is still filling her, right?
So she's joined you as
an ally in this fight,
but something is still going on.
That is Gorgug's turn.
Kristen Applebees, you're up.
- No pressure.
- Yeah.
- But your god is turning
into a Nightmare King again.
- You also did an Insight roll before.
You do not believe
that she is turning
into the Nightmare King.
- Will she be okay? Does she
want help dispelling this?
Or does she just need
to be angry right now,
and we need to focus on why the f*ck
Kalina just slit her throat,
or trying to find Kalina?
- Give me an Insight check with advantage.
Call it 15, 20, 25 is good, better, best.
- That is a 17.
- 17, okay.
On a 17 Insight, in the pitch of battle,
you asked, is the rage good?
Should we let her be raging?
I will let you get Insight
into what is happening to her
or get Insight into what you should do.
- What I should do.
- Okay, so instead of interrogating,
is this the Nightmare King?
Is this whatever, is this whatever?
You're just like, "What should we do?"
There was a moment right
after she talked to Fig,
right after she talked to Fig,
when she was talking to you
and was like, "I'm just a
little scared, da da da,"
where she said, "No, I'm pissed."
There was a moment that
she was talking to you
where the quality of that light changed.
Something was different.
The light that is in her
right now is a thrumming, hot,
destructive thing that
looks like it's hurting her.
You can see it's breaking her body apart.
It's giving her power,
she's getting larger,
but it's hurting her and
it's making her lose control.
So it's like you saw a
good version of this,
and this ain't it.
- Okay, is there some sort of...
Banishment, Cure Wounds?
- If you wanna use a spell in a novel way,
I'm totally open to it.
- Okay, great.
I am going to
jump on her back.
- Okay.
- And hug her.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- And say, there's plenty
of time to be angry!
We can definitely talk this through,
and your anger is not scary to me.
I totally understand.
- Hell yeah.
- And use, 'cause my Staff of Doubt
now has charges and spells.
- Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
- So I wanna kind of hold
my staff over her heart
and kind of hold her like this and cast
either Greater Restoration
or Dispel Magic,
whichever one you think would be better.
- I think Dispel Magic.
- Okay, it's three to five
charges based on spell level,
so I'll do the five charges.
- Okay.
- The highest I possibly-
- Highest you possibly can. Awesome.
You're casting Dispel Magic.
She's got this spell on her.
You have a nat 20 Persuasion,
which is already why she
does not wanna harm you.
- It's a tight hug. Kristen works out.
She's kind of realizing
how strong I've become.
You don't touch someone
that intimately that often.
- [Brennan] Love that.
- You're so much harder. I don't know.
- Wow, those n*pples are-
- No Athletics check necessary.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, you're adding
your Wisdom modifier here.
- And I believe she has advantage
from Boggy from the last-
- I do have advantage from
Boggy from the last one.
- You have advantage from Boggy.
- I was thinking. I
totally forgot about that.
- I want you to roll
these dice one at a time,
because in the event that you fall short,
there are things you can do
that will allow you to
roll additional dice.
But let's start with the spell itself.
The DC is 23.
Let's get the Box of Doom out.
You're rolling with advantage.
- Oh, with advantage?
- Yep. Grab two.
- Choose wisely.
I love that one. Yeah, that's a good one.
[Emily laughing]
- One at a time, one at a time.
One at a time, one at a time.
- 17.
- 17.
- Eight, goddammit.
- Okay.
- Okay, 17. I'm one away.
- One away.
As you squeeze in tighter,
I'm gonna allow you to roll one other dice
just to honor that nat 20
Persuasion from before.
Go ahead and roll one die free.
- Come on, get 'em out!
- There's two things left
that we're gonna do here,
and I will allow these following two rolls
to be done with advantage.
- Okay.
- First one is,
Kristen is giving this
tight hug, crossfit.
You're holding the Staff of Doubt.
This is the staff your goddess gave you.
You have to choose a direction to go.
Do you wanna use doubt
as your weapon here,
or do you want to use
rage as your weapon here?
Do you want to approach the
goddess with her own gift,
or is there something in
here that you wanna go with?
I don't think you would
think there's a wrong choice.
It's just where Kristen
would go in this moment.
- I think that rage is a more
powerful emotion to tap into.
Doubt feels like the absence of an emotion
or kind of like a creepy,
creeping up emotion,
and I think she's really
afraid of her own anger
and I wanna join her in
being like, anger is okay.
- You said to her, "We
have time for this later."
You suddenly sense, as
you're going deeper,
you can't deal with this later.
You have to say something
to her as her cleric
right now about her rage.
You have to go in and instead of saying,
"There's time later, we're in danger,"
she can't hear that.
Is there something you say to help her
understand what's happening to her?
- I say, your anger is a gift.
It's a check engine light.
Whatever it's directing you to,
let's look at this right now.
- Roll with advantage.
- Come on, come on!
No!
- Two nines.
- Two nines!
- You feel the anger
suddenly wheel on you.
- Goddammit.
- If the anger is directed at you,
does Kristen still want her to explore it?
- Yes.
- [Brennan] Go ahead and roll
with advantage one last time.
- Really?
- And add a d4.
- Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit.
We're switching it up.
We're switching it up.
- We're switching it up. Two
nines ain't gonna cut it.
- I'm so nervous! I'm nervous!
- Roll the d4 first.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Four! Okay, 14 or higher.
- Okay, first one.
Two. That's okay.
- Last one.
- Do you want me to touch this next one?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I got it.
We got this, we got this.
- Here we go. It all comes
down to this, 14 or higher.
- Get 'em out, get 'em out!
- Get 'em out for the lord.
- What the f*ck? No!
- Murph, you f*cked it up!
- Why?
- What the f*ck, Murph?
- All right, all right!
Yeah, anger isn't easy.
She kills me.
- That is Kristen's turn.
- Bonus action Healing Word to myself?
- Yeah, do it.
- Thank you!
- Yes, do it, do it.
- Go for it.
- Thank you, girlie!
Girlie, are you still mad, girlie?
Oh, is Ecaf here?
- I Minor Illusion Ecaf.
- Why would Ecaf be here?
- [Brennan] You Minor
Illusion Ecaf to be here.
- She technically is. She's in my jacket.
- Adaine.
- Yeah?
- Cassandra is about to act.
- Conor!
Be ready to Counterspell!
- Okay, I will also cast
Dispel Magic on Cassandra.
- Ooh.
- Okay.
- Hell yeah.
- Do you call her girlie,
or how do you do that?
- You know what, I find
that supremely off-putting,
and I don't think that
she needs that right now.
- What are you talking about, girlie?
Hey, girlie, don't be scared.
- The hands that go with it!
You're taking on too much
energy from these wizards.
- You have Dispel Magic as well.
Boggy also gets the Help action anew.
- So I'll have Boggy
give me the Help action.
- Come on, baby. Big crits.
- Come on baby, big crits.
- Big crits, baby.
- [Siobhan] Big crits!
- Big crits, no whammies.
Nonna Crit!
- [Ally] Nonna Crit!
- I got a 17.
Plus four?
Is that right? So that's a 21.
- Hell yeah.
You wanna take whatever Kristen's getting,
I'll let you roll the same
d4 I let Kristen roll.
- Yeah, I'll take it.
- So it needs to be a two?
- It needs to be a two or higher.
We're gonna roll a d4 in the Box of Doom.
- Oh my god.
- One!
- Okay, I am gonna yell out,
sir, I will give you a free
strudel with extra sauce
if you cast Dispel Magic
on this goddess right now!
- You know?
- Are you about to blow the world up?
- His tongue just went out. That's bad.
- No, put your f*cking
tongue back! Girlie!
- Quick, do it to him! Girlie, girlie!
- Hey, girlie. One more roll, girlie.
Come on, girlie. One more roll, come on.
- He's gonna blow up the world.
He's gonna blow up the world.
- [Brennan] Fig.
- Yes?
- It's Cassandra's turn. The
Dispel from Adaine fails.
The other mage looks up.
So I'm going to give you a choice here
about what you can do,
because it's about to be Cassandra's turn.
You're the only one with
a relevant reaction.
- Yeah, to Counterspell.
- To Counterspell.
- I also have Counterspell.
- You also have Counterspell.
- So does Conor.
- And so does Conor.
- So does Colin.
- And so does Colin.
- So I feel like we're good here.
- Conor and Colin Counterspell.
- It is Cassandra's turn,
and she is going to use
a 9th level spell slot
to cast Circle of Death.
- Oh my god.
- So I'm gonna Counterspell.
I'm gonna Counterspell. So is Conor.
- Okay!
- Conor, you have to Counterspell now!
- [Ally] Okay! Okay!
- Give me Persuasion with
advantage on Conor Counterspell.
- Actually, my Persuasion's good.
- You're telling me I
told my god something
my therapist told me, and
now she's gonna k*ll me?
- [Emily] 19.
- Your anger is a check engine light?
- 19.
- 19?
Conor looks up and says,
"This is not the one
for me to Counterspell."
- Yes, it is! It would harm
Kristen, and that is who we're-
- Counter the spell you
see. I shall counter mine.
And he whips his staff back in his hand.
The Circle of Death is about to go off,
so I'm gonna need Counterspells.
It's a 9th level spell
slot, but the DC is 19.
- [unsure] Okay.
I add five. Okay, so I need-
- Did it? Hell yes.
- What'd you get?
- I got an 18 plus 4, 22.
- Oh my god.
- Circle of Death is banished.
Conor Counterspell says-
- Was that you?
- Remember me! [roars]
Hurls his quarterstaff into
the center of the clock,
shatters it.
- Oh my god.
- Fabian!
- [Brennan] Fabian, you begin to fall.
All of you who are falling-
- This was not part of the Suggestion!
- He says, "I have always loved you!
Wait, how old are you?"
- 45!
- Oh, gross!
- What?
- Gross?
- Gross?
- All of you fall through shifting clocks.
Swimming astral sea.
Kristen, you watch as Cassandra
grows taller and taller, screaming.
As all of you begin to fall,
you see she reaches out,
throws a spell of some
kind of attack at you,
but glimmering shards of
twilight energy follow you
out through the astral clocks.
All of you suddenly land
through a synod door
immediately outside Seacaster Manor
at the time 10 seconds prior
to all of you going through the portal,
except Adaine, who at this time
was already in Oodles of
Strudel working her shift.
So you have 10 seconds
to talk to your former
selves before they jump.
- Don't eat any f*cking shrimp!
- Bless, Bless!
- There's red things!
You need to destroy them!
Bring Ragh Barkrock with you!
- Don't eat shrimp! Don't eat shrimp!
- [Murph] Do not let
them get into anybody!
- All of them go, "Don't eat shrimp!"
and jump through the portal.
- What did you say, The Ball?
- I was saying don't
let the red things go!
- I said cast Bless immediately,
so hopefully I cast a 3rd level Bless.
- A 3rd level Bless.
- I said, support your friends!
- All of you are now in
front of Seacaster Manor
and you hear the first cars opening,
and you see Mazey walking
up, going, "What's up, g*ng?"
- You ready for the shrimp jump?
- Wait, we just went through everything
we went through, right?
- Yeah.
- But we're 10 seconds before.
It's just time to throw the party.
- Wait, we're not going back?
- Conor Counterspell threw
a staff through the clock
to get all of you out of there
before whatever happened, happened.
Cassandra is back in that
fight. In other words...
In other words, Conor Counterspell
has just saved all of you
from whatever was just about
to happen in the wizards' mall.
- Wait, is Adaine still there?
- Nope.
- [Zac] Okay.
- Anyone can make an Arcana
check to understand time loops.
- Nat 20.
- Nat one.
- [Brennan] Fig, you-
- What are you guys talking
about? Wait, I get it.
- Fig, all of those events
are going to unfold in there,
leading back to this moment with you guys
coming out through here,
with the exception of,
as you guys all jumped through there,
in this version of events,
you got yelled at briefly
and confusingly by six of you
before jumping in there and
having this exact encounter.
- Okay, so did we win?
- Can I try to talk to Cassandra?
- Yeah, you can reach out
and talk to Cassandra.
- I don't wanna say
anything. Can I just listen?
- [Brennan] You listen.
- Can I just open up the
channel of communication and-
- Listen.
[Brennan exhales ominously]
She is
at my side
once more.
- So she is the death?
- Is that Cassandra?
- That's the Nightmare
King talking about Kalina?
- No.
- No?
- Cassandra?
- Did Cassandra turn back
into the Nightmare King
and someone is by her side once more?
- Is Cassandra a lesser god
serving a more powerful god?
- Do you wish
for divinity?
- To serve, or to be, myself?
- [Brennan] You have
opened yourself to listen.
Do you wish to listen?
- Yes.
- Good.
I shall give you
a master you deserve.
Red, crackling light,
and a slimy, rotting set of block letters
that says Yes with an exclamation mark
is shunted out of a portal. [squelches]
- We've got to clear
this before the party.
- I cast Banishment on the Yes!.
Thank you, kind master.
I will cherish it.
Who do I serve? Who am I speaking to?
- Serve?
- I am coming for you.
And when I find you,
I will break you in a way
that none who loved you will recognize
the ruin I have wrought.
Lean your soul in closer,
that I might give you more than words.
- Okay, yeah, I cut this off.
- You get some images of a shattered mall,
of fractions of these red glass stars
collecting shards of blue astral mall,
the corpses of dead wizards
floating in astral space,
strudel streaming out
of a portal endlessly
in sort of oblivion.
- Can I do an Arcana or Religion check
to find out what happened
to her? Potentially who I-
Do I have any context
for who I was speaking to
or where Kalina f*cking went?
- Yeah, give me a Religion check.
- Okay, that is a...
- Looking at all of this here,
you do not feel the presence
of another divinity,
but yet something divine has happened.
I think what you know is
that there is some rage
working within Cassandra that was prompted
by those stars,
that was prompted by
those shattering things.
So I think all of your
questions come back to them.
That's what started this.
Obviously it began within
Cassandra's chest, though,
and you keep coming back to that term,
I thought you were dead.
You hear, "I thought you were dead,"
and you look down and see this dead-
You banished it,
but you see the slime left
by the dead, rotting god
that you summoned in your freshman year,
and you suddenly remember
that the wizard synod,
the Synod of Spire, this
mall, was in the Astral Realm.
- When Cassandra was saying,
"I thought you were dead,"
would she be talking about Yes!,
or is that something else?
- I think so.
- She knew very much about Yes!.
- That's why she, that's the example of-
- Okay, if it's a rotting Yes!,
did your god turn into toxic positivity?
- I think so.
Oh no. Okay, okay.
- Do we talk to...
Where's Ragh?
- Ragh!
- Is Ragh here yet?
- Ragh Barkrock.
- As you say that, I don't
think it would be intuitive
that it's Yes!, because Yes! slid out
like a dead, flat joke.
- Okay.
- You think whatever that voice was
slid Yes! out to you and said,
"I'll give you a master you deserve."
- You know what I mean?
- Okay. A fun little joke.
- It's like a humiliation.
Here's your god.
- So when she said, "I
thought you were dead,"
it wasn't to Yes!.
- It wasn't to Yes!.
You don't think it was.
- Did you ever talk to her?
Did she have, like, a dad?
- I don't remember talking about-
- Or relations?
- What happened again with Ragh's mom?
In what way did she stop-
- I don't remember.
- She had the crystal pushed into her?
- Yeah, my memory is that she was fighting
a powerful demon or something.
- Yeah.
- We have to ask Ragh.
- Let's talk to Ragh.
- Let's ask Ragh.
- You see Ragh comes out and
says, "Tartar, in the pool!
Ramp, slicked up! We got
that bad boy buttered."
- Okay.
- You wanna butter it?
- No, it's already buttered, dude.
- But do we want to butter it?
- I'm gonna do second coat.
- You wanna know why it's buttered?
He takes his sweatshirt
off. He's covered in butter.
- Awesome.
- You put the sweatshirt on?
- Should we talk to Ragh while
we still do the shrimp jump?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Ragh, a couple things
are gonna happen at once.
- What's that?
- We need to watch the
shrimp jump with you.
- You wanna shrimp jump with me?
- No, I wanna watch the
shrimp jump with you.
- You wanna watch the shrimp jump with me?
- Yes.
- Kristen still is going to do it,
and then you, of course, as the crab king,
will then follow after.
But The Ball just wants to chat it up.
- Oh, oh, gotcha, okay.
Wait, do you want me to butter it more?
- Yeah. I mean, of course.
- I thought the amount of butter was fine.
We didn't necessarily have to butter it.
- The inside of your sweatshirt
is covered in butter?
- Yeah, man. I buttered up.
I buttered up, dude.
- He buttered up, okay?
- Ragh, it's gonna be
impossible to change gears.
- Okay, Ragh, real quick, before we
watch the shrimp jump-
- Uh-oh!
You see Mazey walks up with a
bunch of seniors and is like,
"We getting this f*cking party started?"
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes!
- Kristen, do you feel
ready to do the shrimp jump?
If you are freaking out,
I'll go up there and I'll do it as you.
- Really?
- Do you need that?
I don't wanna take it from
you is what I don't wanna do.
If you're having an existential crisis-
- I think I'm having an
existential crisis for sure,
so I either roll it with
disadvantage or I beg you-
- I'll do this so that
you can still hang out,
but I'll cast Invisibility on you.
- Literally, in your moment of crisis,
you are made to disappear.
- I'm exponentially more
alone while you guys-
- No, you're here! You're here!
- You're here!
- So you see Mazey says, "So
where's this f*ck' president
that's gonna do the big ol' shrimp jump?"
- So I duck away,
and now I'm at the top of the
ramp disguised as Kristen.
- Holy sh*t!
- I wave.
- I know I'm invisible,
but I put the earpiece in.
Now I'm your Secret Service.
- [Brennan] You see that
the Hangman comes up to you
and says, [sighs, dejected] "Applebees,
is it time for us-"
- It's me, Fig.
- [gasps] Oh my god!
- You ready to do this? You
look so cute as a shrimp.
- Shut up! Shut the f*ck up!
- Just take the compliment.
Take the compliment.
- I feel kind of stupid,
if I'm being honest.
I am a creature of the Nine Hells!
But if an archdevil likes
the shrimp costume...
You see it's beautiful.
Torek is sitting there with her hands
all covered in papier-mache
and she's like,
"I have wrought from papier-mache
the greatest shrimp jumper
motorcycle that e'er has been!"
- I don't know if butter on a ramp is-
- No, it's essential.
Well, we had to put it down beforehand,
'cause when the crab king comes out-
- I feel like we could've
just buttered it.
We could've just covered Ragh in butter.
- You both are f*cking nerds!
You don't know how to
throw a f*cking party!
- It was my idea to fill
the pool with tartar sauce!
[Murph hissing furiously]
- That's my f*cking pool!
- [Brennan] We cut to Kristen.
What's Kristen looking at in this moment?
- She's staring 1,000 miles away.
- I keep saying, Kristen,
you're still here!
You're still here!
- People keep bumping into Kristen. Weird!
- It wasn't weird that I did that.
The other choice was for you to hide!
- The Ball, get everyone's attention.
Get everyone outside by the tartar sauce.
- Okay!
- Very quickly, a ton of people.
Augefort, Hudol, there are a
few Mumple kids wandering in.
The whole f*cking town is here.
Torek hits the lights.
There's spots up on the ramp.
I stole them from the theater
department! LGBT Alliance!
- Yeah...
- Oh yeah, she can't even see you.
She comes up to you and she's like,
"LGBT Alliance! I stole them!
I stole the lights from
the theater department!
Classic Applebees."
The spotlights hit you, the Hangman revs.
- Okay, I rev him.
I wanna blast "Crazy
Train" from his radio.
- And it's loud!
- I'm then I'm gonna cast
a Fireball into the tartar sauce pool
so that it ideally catches on fire.
- Boom! Flaming tartar sauce pool. Fabian?
- Bardic Inspiration to Fig.
- I cast Bless.
- Residents of Elmville!
As you all know, we choose a president
at the Aguefort Adventuring
Academy every year,
and there's a new president in town!
It's the one, it's the only,
Kristen Applebees!
[players cheering]
- Incredible.
All right, Kristen. This is Dexterity.
Do you have land vehicle proficiency?
We've established you do.
You have the ability to drive, right?
- I don't know.
- You've driven a couple of times.
- And crashed.
- Okay, so Dex plus proficiency.
- [Emily] Okay.
- And you can add Fabian's
Bardic Inspiration.
- 1d6.
- So I'll roll a d6 first.
Okay, so I'm starting with an eight.
- Starting with an eight.
Torek is also gonna give
you the Help action here.
- Okay.
Nat 20!
- Nat f*cking 20!
- Where was that when we
were trying to save the god?
- So the goddess of
mystery and doubt is unmade
in a fractured astral
mall, but you watch...
- I love my friends. I
love my friends so much.
- Kristen, your goddess is gone
and a being whose name you do not know
speaks to you with rage and
malice from a realm beyond
as the body of Conor Counterspell,
that purple hat mall cop wizard,
and whoever wanted strudel are unmade.
But we cut to Elmville.
- As I soar through the air,
I jump with my feet on the
seat like it's a skateboard.
- You kickflip the motorcycle.
- Midair, Kristen Applebees,
with a Dexterity we
know she does not have-
- I have two 4th level spells,
so I throw 4th level Fireball,
- Gorgug, as he sees this, thinks,
everything's gonna be okay.
- I have my hand out on nothing
and I think it's Kristen.
Kristen, I think this is
gonna be a good campaign.
- What?
- Shh!
- As the Fireballs, boom,
boom, hit the tartar sauce,
is the point to land in the tartar sauce
or beyond the tartar sauce?
- The idea for me
is that I light the tartar
sauce on fire and land in it.
- The ramp was done to
land in the tartar sauce.
- We're dipping the shrimp
into the tartar sauce.
- It's like doing a dive into the pool.
- You see, time stands still.
Fireballs are raining from the Hangman
as Kristen kickflips it so the
Hangman is roaring in midair.
Fire roars out of the skull
at the top of the Hangman.
- At the zenith, I whisper,
Conor, this one's for you.
- As it lands, Seacaster Manor,
its vast gardens and topiary
with various hedge
statues of Bill Seacaster,
string lights all over them, banners.
Ragh has set out all the kegs everywhere.
No one knew what this was gonna be.
They knew that Seacaster
Manor was incredible,
but they didn't know!
They didn't f*cking know!
And they see a shrimp jump
from the viral video before,
and they're all seeing
it for the first time!
Fabian, you look out, Riz,
campaign manager, you look out,
and see their eyes become dewy
with tears as they look out,
and you see Mazey puts
hands over her lips.
Max Durden starts doing that finger snap.
All of them begin to
almost cry in religious awe
as this motorcycle,
and it hits tartar,
[tartar sauce squelching]
and you just hear a whisper from someone
whose face you can't see,
because it doesn't matter,
because they're just speaking
what's on everybody's mind.
"This is gonna be a great year."
- I emerge, covered
in flaming tartar sauce like Daenerys.
- Mother of Dragons.
Mother of Tartar Sauce.
You come out as the
Mother of Tartar Sauce.
The hush... [mimics crowd
cheering uproariously]
You see Ragh goes, "Get
up here, m*therf*ckers!"
Takes his sweatshirt off,
and kids just start hitting the ramp.
Ragh sails over into another yard.
- Oh no, Ragh!
- He's too buttery!
- You hear [glass
shattering] as someone goes
through a f*cking skylight
in a neighbor's house.
- Stop doing the ramp!
- You don't have to butter yourself.
The ramp itself is buttered.
- You see Torek's buttering kids
left and right as they get up.
- Okay, no no no! Un-butter
the ramp, then! One butter!
- Mazey, her fur soaked in butter, goes,
"Maximum legend!" and
just goes down the ramp.
And that's where we're gonna end
this episode of "Dimension 20."
- Oh my god!
- That's all for this episode
of "Dimension 20: Fantasy
High Junior Year."
Tune in next week as we pick up
with the party to kick off
the party house of all party
houses at Seacaster Manor.
See you at Basrar's!
- See you at Basrar's!
- See you in the cars.
- We're gonna need more butter.
- It's tough to be maximum
legend when you just watched
a dead zombie god slide
out of the Astral Plane.
- See you in the tartar.
- See you in the tartar!
- See you in the tartar.
- Wow.
- Adaine, party wizard!
- Keep it frosty, b*tches!
- Ragh, you wanna take a break?
- I'll take a break when I
break your f*ck' spine.
Hoot growl, b*tch! Get on
the f*ck' crab mountain!
- Hoot, growl.
- You're super into student government?
- Yeah, yeah. Did you
see that jump earlier?
- That was sick!
- That's the kinda president I'll be.
- You're gonna do jumps
like that at school?
- I'm gonna be kickflipping the system.
- You f*cking rule.
- Oh, thanks.
You know who's gonna rule?
[Murph sobs]
Kristen Applebees.
- You made a god out of block letters,
and it died on the day you made it.
It's f*cked up!
- Wow.
- I don't even know if you
could go find another god.
Your last two gods died.
- I just-
- You know how rare it
is for a god to die?
- Yeah.
- Your last two!
- We have to be really
careful going forward.
Kipperlilly's team is trying
to get us kicked out of school.
- Are we not supposed to take drugs?
- Yeah, is that a thing?
- We m*rder people!
- It never would've been a problem
when Arthur Aguefort was principal.
- Oh.
- f*ck!
- Did any of us do drugs?
- You did!
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, let's go ♪
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21x05 - Mall Madness
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.