02x05 - Housewife v. Housewife

[bunniefuu]

Previously on
"House of Villains..."

- [Tiffany cackling]
- New York pulled the lever.



Honestly, I don't care
if my team wins or not.

Camilla, choose the three
villains to put on the Hit List.

Safaree, Rich, Wes...

Safaree put up all the girls,

and I'm gonna put up
all the boys.

I have a little Knock Blocker,

so I am gonna save Wes.

Jessie, I am going
to put you up.

I'm back, b*tches!

This is an electric maze.

Go straight, go straight.

Pick up your dummy,
it's right there.

Go left, straight.

Keep coming, keep coming,
you're done.

Congratulations, Jessie,

you are off the Hit List.

Woo!

After you. I get car sick.

- I'm too tall.
- I get car sick.

Oh, you need
to throw your tantrum.

You start it, and then you act
like the little victim.

What I don't do is keep arguing
when the problem's been solved.

Victoria's just too much.

Goodbye, get rid of the b*tch.

The second villain to be
banished from the house is...

Oh, goodness.

Richard Hatch.

You nasty b*stards and b*tches!

Bye! Ah!

I can't even believe
Richard is gone.

I can't believe I'm still here.
This was a horrible two days.

- Plot twist.
- How you feel, honey?

It's hard,
because I love Richard

and Richard was
someone who was, like...

He was a good person
and everything.

If anybody understand, he gets
it because of the game.

- He came from "Survivor."
- That is true.

You played a bad game when
you get unanimously voted out

against Safaree.

Going from villain of the week
to banishment, it's a lot.

It's starting to take a toll
mentally, I'm not gonna lie.

I think
I'm gonna go get changed.

I like how you don't
come back in the house.

Like, after you're voted off,
you know?

Listen, getting rid of Rich
was hard for me

because that was someone
who was on my side,

who I knew that if I were
to ever be in the bottom--

Yeah, and for me too.

I had the votes
to stay in the house.

So, it was hard to do that.

I had to get rid of Rich over

how he was trying to play me.

I didn't feel like that
coming from you.

How dumb does she think I am?

By putting me on the Hit List,

you have crossed
the wrong redhead.

I'm going to sit here,
I'm gonna smile and nod,

but from a game standpoint, I'm
gonna burn you to the ground.

Cheers.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.
You're going to bed?

[dogs barking]

[Camilla laughing]

This is really, really hard.

Really, really hard for me.

Wes, you're so smart.

You're the best villain
we've ever had.

Wes, you should run
the network.

[bell tolling]

We need to talk.
I had a dream.

Since I've been younger,
I've been very big on believing

my dreams are talking to me.

I was walking in, like, a
garden, and there was a fence.

Behind the fence,
there was a pack of dogs.

[Camilla laughing]

That's this house.

I'm not stupid.

I don't even know
what the hell's going on.

We're seven days in

and people are starting
to lose their minds.

But not me, though.

I'm better than everyone. Ooh.

Ugh.

Oh, my God, Rich.

We had so much love for each
other,

but unfortunately,
it was time for you to go.

Hey, baby.

Hi, Kandy.

See this?

Yeah!

Can I tell you something
so weird?

- Yeah.
- I'm not a woman of clarity

all the time,
but I just saw the wind.

I know who's gonna get
Supervillain.

Really? Who?

Me? No.

It just came to me.
I'm gonna leave it alone.

The----ing
redemption challenge.

While I was asleep, I heard
Kandy say, "I won, b*tch!"

I'm psychic if it happens.

Read 'em and weep, b*tch!

Oh, I gotta stop being
so clairvoyant.

Okay, well, I'll take it.

I want to work at a juice shop.

Certain times,
I'll be somewhere

and I'm like,
what the [bleep]?

I'm hearing my name.

Do you have a crush on Larsa?

- Does it look like it?
- Yeah.

Victoria has been turning
everyone off

since she's walked
in with the crown,

telling people she has
to call her queen.

You can call me Vicky or Queen.

Oh, I like Vicky.

It's just her attitude,
you know?

She's annoying.

Wait, in real life, like,

what's the longest you go
without sex?

Feels like it's been a month.

No, for real.

I'm like, girl, I can't.

I can't even be fake with you
no more. I don't like you.

- She don't even read the room.
- No.

Safaree go over there to try
to eat in peace, here you come.

You just always
in the back of everything.

Listen, I get it.

Victoria is kind of annoying,
and my girl, Camilla,

she's like me, she's hot.

I can see she is frustrated.
I can see she's over it.

Victoria keeps kind of following
her around the----ing house

so I see why someone
would be upset.

Sh--'s getting gaggy.

Can I talk to them
for a second, babe? Thank you.

Okay.

Dude, I'm not even kidding you.

Like, I want Camilla
to----ing go.

I just walk out there, and
she's like,

"Can I talk to them
for a second, babe? Go."

Your energy is not what I need.

Like, she thinks she's
running this sh--.

Babe, your Supervillain title
was last week, not this week.

- I don't care.
- And I would never, like,

come sit, someone come sit down,
and me be like,

"Oh, excuse me,
I'm having a conversation."

Like, is it that
- ing serious?

No, it's not.
You're clearly scheming.

- It's definitely gaggy in
here. - Like, I don't want you

following me like
a----ing puppy.

Can't do the fake sh--.

You act like a person that want
to do stuff to people,

and then when it hit, hi.

- Hi, caught you. Hey.
- She's waving at me.

She's just staring at me.
I don't understand.

Oh, am I allowed
to come out now?

I looked out the window.
You're waving at me?

What is your problem?

I don't want you in my space
right now.

- I don't want your energy.
- I don't want to be around

your energy, Camilla.

Camilla is completely dictating
the hot and cold.

I'm not doing
anything differently.

Like, leave me in my space.

Everything I'm doing
is for my kids.

I have $200,000 on the line,

and she is not
really taking this serious.

Victoria, come here, girl.

Camilla doesn't even let me be
in the same room as her anymore.

What happened with this?

She said, "I don't like
your energy. Get away."

- Ten minutes ago, he was
there. - I'm sorry.

How does it feel to have
your own room, Safaree?

I'm almost ready
to have my own room.

I'll tell you that right now,
sh--.

Honestly, there's nothing
special about it.

I'm so sick of Teresa floating
through here

like she just has it
made in the shade.

And this is me speaking against
my roommate.

But you think I give a sh--?
Because I don't.

Teresa is an excellent roommate,

but I would love
to have my own room

because I've never had
the luxury of having my own room

in any reality show.

Listen, I'm just watching out
for the people that's always,

- "Hey, hey, hi."
- Hi, honey.

- Ooh, you want coffee?
- You want one, New York?

- Thank you, sweetie.
- Oh, you're welcome.

- You all right?
- You okay, New York?

Those are game players.

At least me and you,
were eye to eye with it.

Yeah.

Teresa is so funny.

I love her. She's so cute.

I don't understand how anyone
on Housewives could, like,

- dislike y'all.
- I don't even fight.

I love Teresa so much,

but I think she's kind of
in over her head.

I don't think she realizes what
she needs to do

to make it to the very end.

It sucks that, like, I'm not
really going to talk to Kandy

as much because
she's always with Camilla.

If she wants her space,
give it to her.

- Totally.
- What happened?

You guys got into a fight?

I came outside.

She was with Safaree and Kandy.

- Okay.
- And she's like,

"Can I talk to them for
a minute? Don't come here."

And I came back inside

and then she was waving at me
through the glass.

I'm like,
"Oh, can I come outside now?"

She's like, "No. I don't
want your energy around me."

I'm like,
"You were just waving at me."

I feel like Victoria needs
a lot of different things.

She needs advice.
She needs a mentor.

She needs a muzzle.

If I want to walk in
the kitchen,

I'll walk in the kitchen.
I live here too.

She just needs
all kind of things.

I'm not doing anything other
than being myself

and that's bothering her.

But you know when you hate
someone, you're like,

"Oh, look at that b*tch
eat her crackers."

Like, that's how I feel like
she's towards me.

Don't eat crackers around her.

I don't think I'd look good
with a tan.

I feel like we eat so much
avocado in this house.

- [bell tolling]
- Uh-oh.

Villains, you have a visitor.

- Who is it?
- Who the hell is that?

Is that Barack Obama?

- Oh, hi.
- Oh, I don't want that.

Who wants a box?

Something about that box
gives me, like,

don't touch it vibe.

Welcome, everyone,
to your dining room.

- Do not clap. Do not clap.
- I'm not clapping.

And, you know, the Battle
Royale challenge thingy.

We can all agree there is
no bigger villain

than politicians.

That's why today,
we will figure out

which villain will campaign
and win Best Supervillain.

In this challenge, all but two
of you will be eliminated.

The final two will battle it
out in a general election.

Okay, Safaree, you took the box,

so please open it up
and read the instructions.

What's in the box?

Okay, Safaree, you took the box,

so please open it up
and read the instructions.

What's in the box?

"Unfortunately, you are out of
the race for Supervillain

"Take out the next box and pass
it to a villain of your choice."

I don't know
what's in the next box,

but since Camilla put me on
the Hit List,

she's about to find out.

This is up to Camilla-tery.

Okay.

"You are out of the race
for Supervillain.

"Choose one of your fellow
villains to eliminate

"from the race.

"Take out the next box
and pass it to a villain

"that is still in the race."

Who are you taking with you?

My best friend,
Queen Victoria, girl.

Great, not surprised.

Camilla, you can now give
the box to someone else.

I eliminated Victoria.

Now, I have one more box that I
have to give,

so it has to be good, right?

I'm just gonna give it to Larsa.

You may now open the box.

"Congratulations, you are one
of the candidates

"for Supervillain
and you get to eliminate

"one of
your potential opponents."

Larsa, congratulations.

I really wanted to win
this challenge, you guys.

Larsa, who would you like
to eliminate from the race?

I don't want
to go against Teresa

and I'm kind of working
with Jessie and Wes

and New York is crazy,

so there's only
one option that I have.

I want to eliminate Kandy.

Here's the tea.

New York literally told Larsa,

you're gonna win Supervillain
of the Week

and Larsa is my roommate.

I do believe that
if Larsa were to win

Supervillain of the Week, I
would be safe from the Hit List.

I'd literally do her extensions
in the morning.

Larsa, give the box
to someone else.

Jessie, do you want the box?

Open the box
and read the instructions.

I definitely want the box

because Larsa
just eliminated Kandy,

so I'm thinking this
next box is a good one

and I really want
to be Supervillain this week.

"You are out of the race
for Supervillain." Blast!

"Now, take the next box
and pass it to the villain

"who will make
a very important decision."

I don't know if I feel safe
with New York.

She scares me

and all I can hope is that
I stay on her good side.

I know that New York will be
very wise with it.

Checkmark. Helping out New York.

The rest is out of my hands.

- "You have a choice."
- Uh-oh.

"You can be the final candidate,

"which will eliminate the
remaining two from the race,

"or you can choose safety
from the Hit List

"and pass the next box
to the remaining villain

"of your
mother----ing choice!"

Ha-ha! I'm gonna choose
safety from the Hit List, y'all!

[Tiffany laughing]

Okay, here we go.

Passing this box
on to somebody else.

I've already seen Larsa winning
Supervillain today,

but I know with this box,

someone else is
gonna be the other candidate.

Now, if it's Teresa, that's
gonna cause a lot of friction

between the Housewives
and that's good

because Teresa can
get to packing

and I'll finally
have my own room.

I wanna see you compete
with your girl, Larsa.

You don't even know if that's
what the box says, though.

Teresa, you can open the box
and read the instructions.

"Congratulations.

"You are the final candidate
for Supervillain.

"The remaining villain has been
eliminated from the race."

I never ran for a politician
at school, so I'm excited.

This is kind of fun.

Congrats, Teresa and Larsa.

You two will meet with every
member of the house

and do what politicians do best,

make promises
you probably won't keep.

Remember, they are part
of the electorate

that can make you Supervillain.

All right, everybody,
start getting votes.

This is a cutthroat game.

I would almost do anything
to win this challenge.

I like the boys.

She's gonna get rid
of the boys.

- Teresa.
- Yes.

If I vote for you, will you
take me on the date?

I 1,000% will take you
on the date.

I just have a natural charisma.

Who are you thinking of
potentially putting up?

- Girls.
- All of them?

I know how to gauge the room

and I know what people
want to hear.

My intention is to get Victoria
out of the house.

I come from
a culture of winners.

We need to do sh-- that
is going to shake the house up.

And I think
you can help me do that.

So, I came to get your vote.

I feel like you, me, and Larsa
have a bond

because all four of us
have four kids.

So, what am I supposed to say to
her then if she says,

"Hey, we have four kids?"

- Who do you know longer?
- True.

My strategy is just to be
truthful

and honest and just speak
from my heart.

Why should I pick you
over Larsa?

You know me longer.

- I want your vote.
- Yes, yes, yes.

And you know me longer.

Teresa, girl, I am so sorry,

but being here a few days
longer does not mean

that you should get
Supervillain of the Week.

- So, you know me longer.
- Like, come on.

So, if you were to get
the Supervillain,

who would you put up?

Why do I need to tell you?

Teresa is playing this game
with a real honest heart.

I don't move like that.

- Is it raining?
- Yeah, it's pouring rain.

Oh, my gosh.

My roommate!

Hi, how are you feeling,
first of all?

I'm feeling good.

- You do want Supervillain?
- Yes.

- Okay.
- And I wouldn't put you out.

Teresa, you would put me out.

If I was Supervillain,
I would put you out?

If I wasn't safe, you would.

No, I wouldn't.

You would love Larsa to be here
with you in this room.

It would be
the Housewife takeover.

Oh, I don't care.

I love you as my roommate.
I'm not kidding.

You want me to vote for you
to be Supervillain?

Wait, you want to vote
for Larsa?

I would love for you
to be Supervillain.

- For sure.
- [thunder crackling]

Oh, my God!

I said, oh, my God, for the
lightning, not for that.

But what men would you put up?

Uh, Wes.

[chuckling] Oh, my God!

But whatever I tell you,
you need to keep quiet.

I have your word, right?

Look at me.
You need to look over here.

New York,
why are you looking over there?

Because this is where I need to
be looking right now, Teresa.

- Why?
- I'm just going with it.

When you speak to someone,
you look in their eyes.

I guess New York's playing her
own game, which is fine.

I'm playing my own game, too.

So whatever, I just told you,
you're not gonna say anything.

You didn't tell me anything.

Okay, I just want to make sure.

You're good.

- Hi, guys. Welcome back.
- Hi.

You guys really dress
like politicians.

Guys, this just in.

I'm getting an oil massage
in 30 minutes and...

The polls are open.

Let's cast your vote
for this week's Supervillain.

I feel like I'm safe either way.

Larsa is not gonna put me up.
Housewives stick together.

As with all elections,
the outcome will not affect me

because I am a rich white male.

[Safaree laughing]

On "Traitors," Larsa appeared to
have a good intuition,

but yet was messy.

Why don't you come over here
with the good players?

Join the varsity squad.

He's voting for PETA.

I understand that this house is
based on the group liking you,

but it is mob mentality.

I did that against Rich

and I'm not gonna
do that against Teresa.

- It's hot as hell.
- I know.

Teresa wants to get rid of Wes,

but Wes has my back
and I have his.

And not only that,
I want my own room.

I have collected the votes.

First vote is for...

Larsa.

The second vote is for...

- Teresa.
- Thank you.

The third is for...

Larsa.

The fourth vote is for Larsa.

The next vote is for Larsa.

That gives her the majority.

And both other votes
were for Larsa.

So, the vote was 6-1, Larsa.

Larsa is the Supervillain
of the Week, everyone.

I felt like I did a great job.

So listen, I don't like to
beg people for anything.

My feelings are not hurt,
trust me.

- Congratulations!
- Thank you.

New York told me hours ago
that I was going to win.

- Yay!
- New York can see

the future, y'all,
I'm telling you.

Yeah, you guys picked
the villain.

- I voted for you.
- Thank you so much.

You are the new Supervillain
and you are safe.

- Thank you.
- And so is New York.

Thank you, house.

Larsa,
you are the Supervillain,

so you will have
a reward tomorrow

and you get
to take two people with you.

It's definitely going to be
Teresa and Wes.

Wes, Teresa, you guys will be
leaving the House of Villains

tomorrow for a fun reward.

Wes is very strategic

and since Wes wants to tell me
all the lava,

I'm going to
take that information,

but at the same time,

I'm going to have
a good time with Teresa.

You know, I'm going to mix
business and pleasure.

The Hit List nominations are
tomorrow,

so you can stop worrying
about being eliminated today

and you can start worrying

about being on the
chopping block tomorrow.

- Can I say one thing?
- Yes, of course.

I did turn my back on my
roommate because I feel like

I'm entitled to my own room.

So, at this point, I just feel
like I want Teresa to leave.

That's interesting to know.

I see where your loyalty stands.

- Well, I am a loyal person.
- No, you're not.

Sure, I am.
I never gave you my loyalty.

I never looked you in the face.

- Okay, that's fine.
- I want my own room.

To me, loyalty is everything.

So, if you cross me, I'm going
to be your worst nightmare.

The next time I get to vote,

you're going to be
on the Hit List.

I'm going to have
a huge target on my back.

But the house is haunted
and it's been saving me.

The----ing lever saved me.
The box saved me.

Don't you understand?
This is like Amityville.

The house loves me.

[thunder rumbling]

- ing scary.

I am the villain.

House, have me.

House, have me.

I am the villain.

And I'm sleeping
with the villain.

Oh, my God.

I see where
your loyalty stands.

I'm out of here.

Like, I don't even want to be
in the room with her anymore.

Maybe we can sleep together and
then Safaree could have my bed.

Whoa.

I would love for you
to do that.

I'd rather have Safaree

than anybody else in the room.

It's the three guys.
We're on great terms.

But my fear is,
it just further paints a target

on our back as having
some sort of bros alliance.

And that means that I'm going
to have to do more work

diversifying our alliance pool.

This is what I think.

It's the first rift
in the women.

We, as humans, naturally are
like three X more likely

to work with people
that you live with.

- Yeah.
- And that room

that you're in right now
is basically our room.

It's a commodity.

So, if we get Teresa over on
our side of the house

and New York,
who has took the first shot,

we can squelch this whole boys
versus girls thing.

This is a beautiful thing.

Wes is a game player.

Me, Jessie and Wes,
we made a pact.

We need to move forward
in this game and in this house.

It took a little negotiating.

- Okay.
- But you are allowed

to move into that room.

Safaree is coming in with us.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Deal.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Yay! I'm so happy.

I really am happy.

Oh boy.

What's the plan?

So we'll just move over
so you guys can have that room?

Oh yeah. That's perfect.

What's like the plan
for the game?

- What game?
- The game of the house.

I don't know.

Let's get this straight.

New York did not
kick me out of the room.

Because if I wanted
to stay there,

I would have stayed there.

I didn't give
two sh--s about her.

I'm not afraid of her
or anybody else in this house.

Okay?
Okay. [laughs]

Grab all your sh--.
Let's go, girl.

[grunts]

Thank God, I voted for you then.

I'm just kidding.

This is a real sh-- show.

[upbeat jazzy music]

I'll just put it on the floor.

Damn. Nobody helping me.

I'm so excited.

Yay.

Got you.

What are you trying to do?
Crack an apple in half?

- Yeah.
- You do that?

I've never seen that done.

Something
really crazy happened.

During the storm,
Rich got struck by lightning.

- He did?
- Look at him.

Oh, my gosh.
He's singed!

He got struck by lightning.

Bye, Richard.

- Bye!
- Into the witch's brew.

- [bleep] you, Richard.
- [Wes laughing]

I really hope Larsa
doesn't put me up.

- That would----ing suck.
- Yeah.

Likewise.

No conversations without me
because I get very paranoid.

Just kidding.

- We are nervous.
- I'm like, who are you going

to put up? I'm paranoid.

You're so personable,

so you've built connections
with everyone.

- I have.
- But really strong connections,

hopefully,
fingers crossed, with me.

[laughs]

And me.

Mm-hmm.

Because I voted for Theresa,
you're mad at me.

It would've
maybe hurt her feelings

if she had no votes
or felt no--

Yeah, but how do you know how
many votes she's gonna get?

Because I know the house.
I've been living here.

You bet against me.
You did not know the house.

I didn't bet against you

because I see how Safaree's
with you, Wes.

She doesn't
have those connections.

Honestly, since Larsa came,
she's been working to benefit

her game, which is what
everyone in here is doing,

but I don't want to sell
myself out and be like that.

That's why I voted for Teresa
and showed loyalty to her.

New York, yeah, put you two
against each other,

and it maybe
didn't affect other people,

but like it affected me.

- I was like, it's hard.
- Wait, I don't want you to cry.

- Don't cry.
- But seriously, I'm like,

It's hard.

It was hard.

Because, yeah,
I've known you longer.

But you've known me longer,
and like...

Look, it's like a wedding.

[cheering]

Your dog just peed
on your present.

But you kind
of stopped talking to me, Larsa.

I've never stopped
talking to you,

and then you have a new number.

You texted me
from a random number.

No, babe,
I have both numbers still,

and I followed you on Instagram.

You never followed me back.

I didn't even know
you followed me on Instagram.

Well, it is what it is, so.

But I see how you are.

You have problems with everyone
almost in this house.

You've had problems
with multiple people.

You've been here two days
longer than me.

- I moved my bed for you.
- I know. Thank you.

I would move my bed for you now.
Do you want to--

- You can have your--
- No, it's fine.

But I'm saying, like, I tried
my best to be accommodating,

and, like, I'm gonna,
if you don't mind,

like, take a break
from this conversation.

I'm, like, really overwhelmed.

No, I'm not trying
to make you cry.

No, I'm just, like,
taking a break, Larsa.

Like, I cannot.

I need to start doing that.

Start crying every time someone
has a conversation with me.

I think this house
is too much for her.

Wait, who were
you just talking to?

Larsa.

She said to me,
"You have problems with everyone

"in this house,
so I'm seeing that it's you

"that's the problem."

You don't have problems with
everyone in this house, right?

No, I don't have problems
with any of them.

I didn't mean to make you cry.

Like, I'm not--
that's not my intention.

You told me I have a problem
with everyone in this house.

I do have some friends
in this house.

Don't get loud at me, because
I'm twice as loud as you.

I'll match your energy twice,
like trust me.

I'm not trying to.

I am sorry
if I hurt your feelings.

- Don't cry.
- It wasn't intentional.

You don't have to cry.
Why are you crying?

Because it hurts me.

Why are you crying?
You just--

Babe, I'm exhausted.

Fine, then
you don't have to cry.

I'm gonna start crying too.

[mimics crying]

- Girl, bye.
- Thanks, girls.

I don't think
it's genuine emotions.

She's very sensitive, you know.

I am too.

I think she knows
how to play certain people,

and I think
she's very strategic.

I want Victoria gone.

[man yawning]

Did you like your new room?

- Yes.
- It worked out well?

I did.
And you know, it's bigger.

It was so random.

Once you cross me, I'm done.

So now I know
who my next target is.

Yeah, we saw.

She made it so easy.

You guys really did me a favor,
because I like Vicky.

Like, we vibe good together.

I have a soft spot for her.

- I feel bad for her, you know.
- Yeah, me too.

I could tell, she's not just
crying to be fake.

She's very sensitive.

Are we gonna defend her
this afternoon with Larsa?

I would like to.

My goal on this reward
is to get Victoria out

of Larsa's mouth
and thus off of the Hit List

and replace her
with Camilla

to seek revenge on what Camilla
did to me last cycle.

I feel like she's not a threat.

Exactly.

- [bell ringing]
- Larsa.

Ooh.

Congrats on becoming
our new supervillain.

When it comes
to reality villains,

maybe one day we'll be calling
you the G-O-A-T.

Speaking of which,
it's time to get ready

for your reward outing.

Yay.

Who keeps putting
this towel here?

Wait up, the third
housewife is coming.

I'm basically being made
into a default housewife

and probably
the first redheaded one.

Bye, b*tches.

I'm so happy
I'm leaving this house.

I'm excited that
we're all here together.

Yeah, thank you for taking me.

So, I don't know
who I'm gonna put on.

I feel like I want
to do three girls.

Since it was the boys
that were on the, you know,

- the chopping block.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

I really do think that Vicky
is with you two.

I think, I think she's with me
as well, but I think she--

She's not with me,
she's with you.

She wants to be with you too.

She needs some girlfriends.

No, and I want
to be there for her.

And then Camilla, she is...

- A loose cannon.
- Like, ruthless.

I feel like when
I think of putting Kandy,

- I kind of feel guilty.
- Here's more tea.

Her and Camilla were
gonna put you two up.

- Is that true?
- If they had won.



Is this true?

A little.

It's not that Camilla said

that she wanted to get rid
of the housewives.

What do I think about her?

I don't-- I don't think I would
use the word threat,

but I think that strategically,
it's the right move.

Yeah.

She was, in fact, complacent.

And a small part of the plan
to get rid of the housewives.

They're out.

No one----s
with the housewives.

[laughs]

Where are we?

This is like borderline Mexico.

Oh, my God, how beautiful
is this place?

Oh, my God!

Would you like to do some yoga?

I love yoga.

I'm ready to get my namaste on.

All right, we're gonna
come into tabletop.

I feel entirely
too vulnerable right now.

Yeah, that's probably--
that's pretty common.

- What's that smell?
- [goat bleating]

- What's the smell?
- Something smells weird.

Oh, my God,
'cause there's a goat.

Actually, these guys are gonna
help us out a little bit.

Oh, my gosh!

If you come down
onto the ground,

they're natural climbers.

That's why this kind of came
into being a thing.

You can actually come down
maybe in frog pose

if you want
to get really down low.

You can be in child's pose.

But yeah, they're gonna jump up
on your back.

Okay. All right.

Oh, my God.

And then go back
into downward dog.

Oh no, not my face.

Oh, my God.

I want to do yoga.
I want to relax.

Okay, dude. Ah!

How can I be relaxed
when there's a goat pulling

on my hair?

No, dude.

The juxtaposition between
two Housewives doing yoga

but having goats crawl
all over them is poetic.

Oh, he's peeing, Teresa.

[yells]

[mimicking groaning]

[yelling]

Ah, it's chewing my hair.

[speaking in slow motion
indistinctly]

[yells]

[record scratch]

I don't feel
very namaste right now.

[comedic drum accent]

Trust me,
I'm the sensitive friend, okay?

Yeah, listen,
like, we're adults.

It just kind of all
weighed down on me yesterday.

And I want you to know, like,

I'm not just trying
to attack anybody.

That's what I need to work
on for myself, you know?

Yeah.

Like, when Larsa said
I'm fake crying--

You were hurt.
You felt like your feelings

were valid because you felt
like you guys had a friendship.

Like, I met her
in social scenes in Miami.

I reached out a few times.

It wasn't reciprocated.

Do you feel
she's what they call fake?

The word more than fake
I would use is self-absorbed.

She's here to play her game.

My toxic trait is I gossip,
and I need to work on that.

But, like, gossiping
is how women communicate

and take down the patriarchy.

So, it's a fact.

I heard it on a podcast.
It must be true.

To not follow someone back
on Instagram is a dig.

Like, you can say
I didn't see it.

We're all on Instagram
all----ing day long.

Like, don't think, like,
you're too good to follow me.

Does she have a lot
of followers?

Yeah, but babe,
she buys her followers.

How do you have
five million followers

and a hundred comments?
Come on.

- Oh, that's crazy.
- It just is what it is.

[laughs]

Oh, wow, okay.

- Look at you.
- You're so cute.

So, Wes, I think we have
a good game plan for today.

So, you're putting up Kandy?

- I think right now it's--
- Milly?

I think it's Camilla, Kandy.

That's what I'm thinking.

Understood.

- Well, I feel good.
- I feel great.

I'm glad I'm safe.
Thank you.

The Housewives, the three of us
need to stick together.

- Yes, housewife.
- Us three housewives.

- All right, Ginger?
- Yes.

Real Housewives of the Valley.

I like that.

Welcome to the Real
Housewives of the Valley.

If you're gonna be a b*tch,
then welcome to my dog's party.

This is done.

Don't come for my roast,
or you will be on the menu.

The only fake thing about me
is my MENSA membership.

That's gonna be
the least successful

of all of your guys' franchises.

You never know.
Look at this place.

[upbeat music]

We're home.

Namaste, b*tches.

- How was your day?
- Hey.

- So good.
- You guys look chill.

Was it a run? What'd you guys--

Hi. How are you?

We did goat yoga.

- Yoga?
- What?

- With goats?
- Little baby goats

crawling all over us.

Hey, babe.

Hey, boo.
How are you?

How was your little outing?

It was good.

How you feeling about tonight?

I feel like I'm, like,
stressed the [bleep] out.

I'm not sure,
to be honest with you.

I don't know what to do.

You know, I felt like
I wanted Victoria out,

but then it's like,
is she really a threat?

I sat in something wet.

I don't know.

You guys, it's too stressful
for me to handle.

I'm like, I should've
let Teresa win,

but then it would've really been
messed up if she won.

Oh, this feels good to relax.

I said to her, I'm gonna put--

Wes is playing you.

I wasn't gonna say it, but--

It's funny, because the
guys said you said

you wanted the housewives out.

- Why would I----ing do that?
- I know, I know.

I'm telling you,
but that's what they're--

I'm telling you
what they're saying.

Some people that are trying
to get out the housewives, now,

I've heard conversations
about it,

and have maybe agreed
to them leaving.

But that's not my game.

Jessie!

Wes! We're gonna get to
the bottom of this right now.

Y'all told Larsa I wanted
to get her out,

- the housewives out?
- I didn't say nothing.

Larsa said you said, and Wes.

Camila was, at the very least,
complacent...

in the boys' plot
against the housewives.

Now, I'm gonna start
playing cutthroat too

in this mother----er.

She was involved
in those conversations,

and even though
she wasn't leading them,

she would smile and nod,

and at the very least,
she's playing both sides,

which is bad.

What is going on?

- Hey, Wes.
- Hey.

Why is it that every time
you come back from a reward,

sh-- is just hitting the fan?

Listen, how did it get bad?

Like, I just went to bed...

Well, Larsa came back
and told us

how you don't want
Victoria gone.

I personally definitely
don't want Victoria gone.

She saved me.

Hi.

Did Camilla come talk to you?

What happened?

What I said was that
Camilla baited me.

The housewives thing.

I was sitting in front of
my mirror, Wes was in his bed,

and originally, you said--

No, no, no, no,
we're not gonna do that.

- Okay.
- Did I say that?

Yes or no?

You did not say housewives,
you said Larsa.

I said Larsa?

You asked me if I thought
that Larsa was a threat,

to which I said, "No, I don't."

I don't think I would use
the word threat,

but I think that strategically
it's the right move.

Yeah.

Oh, this is a joke, right?

Vicky, is what
I just said true?

Yes, but I'm not getting
into the debate right now.

Don't think that Vicky's
also your friend now

because she just called you
a fake b*tch earlier.

No, that's not what happened!

- Yes, you did!
- Oh!

That she's not been a friend,

that she has never
been a friend.

She's a fake b*tch.

Do you feel she's
what they call fake?

Mm-hmm.

Camilla says, "Is Larsa fake?"

I said no, she's more calculated
is a word I would use.

You didn't say calculated!
What?

That is a word.

The word more than fake I would
use is self-absorbed.

She's here to play her game.

You have five million
followers, and you-- Hold on.

- And how you bought them all.
- You bought your followers.

[tense music]

Disgusting.

Everybody knows you don't talk
trash about the gram.

It's a safe space.

No, I didn't say
you bought them all,

- I said maybe some of them.
- Yes, you did!

- [screaming]
- Oh, my God. You crazy?

Babe, she buys her followers.

How you have
five million followers

and a hundred comments.

- Why are you so fake though?
- I'm not.

Why would you say that
when you have--

Of bullsh--.

I can't take it,
it's too much drama here.

You really can't trust
anyone in this house.

They're all snakes.

- Do you remember?
- Yes.

Okay, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom.

Okay, good.

- [bell ringing]
- Larsa!

How does it feel
to be Supervillain, girl?

Feels so good.

Villains, it's time
for your third

Hit List nomination ceremony.

All right, y'all.

Cheers, I love you.

I'm really glad
Larsa's Supervillain,

so I feel pretty confident
that Kandy, Milly,

and Victoria
are going up tonight.

Housewife supremacy.

[tense music]

Hello, Villains, and welcome
to your Hit List nominations.

I hate this----ing room.

Larsa, you are
the Supervillain of the week.

Please take your chair
and take it dramatically

so we can use it for our promo.

Really dramatic.

♪

Larsa, you get to choose
the three villains

in danger of being banished.

Besides New York, she's safe.

New York, how does it feel
to be safe tonight?

It feels amazing.

I feel larger than life.

No wonder I'm the city
that never sleeps

because I am pulsating in
all different types of places.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, wow.

I have no follow-up questions.

- He knows me.
- [all laughing]

So, Larsa, who are you going
to piss off first?

[sighs]
So, the first person

was not even
on my list originally.

I just keep hearing
that this person is a liar

and an instigator
and is in every pocket

and every story in the house,

so I feel like I don't want
to listen to any more

of the lies and the bullsh--,

so I'm gonna say...

Victoria.

I already knew that.

Yes, I did talk sh--
on Larsa today,

but I didn't say anything
that was a lie.

I wore a heart just for you,

because I knew
you were putting me up.

And in the wise words
of my favorite villain,

Bobby Lytes, game on, Larsa.

There's probably a reason
why I never followed you

on Instagram,
and there's probably a reason

why I never liked you when we
hung out three times socially.

'Cause to me, you thought
we were friends,

and you were being
fake about it.

- As you say I am.
- No, I think I was

actually being real.
I never followed you,

and I never----ed
with you for a reason.

- Cool.
- Okay.

You should have said
that last night.

- Say, I never----ed with you.
- No.

Instead of saying,
"I never saw it.

"I'm so busy.
I have four kids."

Fighting about Instagram,
it's just a regular day here

at the House of Villains.

You're being fake and a liar.

You're calling me
fake and a liar?

- You're fake and a liar.
- Okay.

My tears are done.

- Like, I'm here to play.
- Good. Great.

Larsa, who do you want to get
in a three or four minute long

screaming match with next?

I think this person
has been very emotional.

A lot of highs and lows.

Between Victoria and this person
arguing back and forth.

I just kind of figured
Camilla and Victoria,

like, one of them should go.

To me, Larsa has been being
a snake in my own room,

but I do believe
Wes planted a seed,

and it came to...

What is it, "fruitation"?
Is that how the word said?

You're making rookie moves,
and, like, welcome to our game.

I'm gonna listen
to a person that literally

doesn't even have a direction
in their life.

- Okay.
- Oh!

You just came in the house.
Everybody wanted you

to get hazed,
and I saved your a*s.

I can respect this b*tch
more than anybody

because she keeps it
real with me

and lets me know how it
- ing feel.

Even if she says something
behind my back,

we come and we talk about it
and move forward.

- Let's go. Game on.
- Game on.

There you go.

Nothing brings people together
like hate and spite

directed towards a third party.

It's kind of heartwarming,
actually, guys.

And, Larsa, who is your
final Hit List nomination?

This is really, really hard.

Really, really hard for me
because I spent all day

with this person, had the best
day with this person,

and I hope this person
understands this is a game,

and I'm not trying
to hurt this person at all.

Wes...

[scoffs] I mean, [bleep].

We had a great day today,
and...

I feel like
I understand the game.

So, it's Teresa.

What the [bleep]?

I mean, if you know anything
about me,

loyalty!

She was with me all day.

Did the goats hit you
in the head or something?

I mean, I don't understand.

Wow, you've been calling me
your best friend.

Whoa!

This is definitely housewife
on housewife crime right here.

Oh, my God.

Baby, I am gagged!

You are a snake.

I thought we had
a housewife bond, you know?

But let's play the game.

People in this house think that
Teresa and I have this clique.

I was just on "Traitors," and
being one of other housewives

worked against me,
but that's not going to happen.

Well, there you have it.

Victoria, Camilla and Teresa
are on the Hit List.

Tomorrow, you'll compete to get
removed from the Hit List

during the redemption
challenge.

Okay, kids,
you get out of here.

Go crazy.

Just like Tanisha said,
it ain't no mother----

friends in this house.

And I'm out.

Next on "House of Villains..."

- Oh!
- Good morning, villains.

On your marks, go.

It seems like I'm just getting
lost at this point.

I'm throwing us a slumber party
because school is out.

You know what?
[bleep] you, Teresa, you b*tch!

Who's getting yelled at?

Welcome to New York, New Jersey!

Kiss my a*s!