04x07 - Winter Show

[bunniefuu]

[STUDENTS STEPPING]

Yes!

So, Abbott's putting on
a Christmas show.

It's the first one.

I have been asked
to choreograph a step routine.

I was asked by myself
when Ava was unavailable.

[CHUCKLES] Couldn't
turn myself down, you know?

[EXHALES DEEPLY] All right. We are

going to be stepping
to the perfect song.

Hold on to your stockings.

[RUN-DMC'S
"CHRISTMAS IN HOLLIS" PLAYING]

What song is that?

[GIGGLES] What? You're kidding, right?

No.

You guys seriously don't know this?

It's Run-DMC.

What's Run-DMC?

Oh, kids. No, no.

How do you... How do you not
know... It... It's...

[MUSIC RESUMES]

♪ It was December 24th
on Hollis Ave after dark ♪

♪ When I seen a man chillin'
with his dog in the park ♪

♪ I approached him very slowly
with my heart full of fear ♪

♪ Looked at his dog, oh, my God ♪

♪ An ill reindeer ♪

Ahh! We're singing
"Christmas in Hollis"?

Yeah, Jacob. They don't know it.

- What?
- Yeah.

They don't know... [BEATBOXING]

♪ It's Christmastime in Hollis, Queens ♪

♪ Mom's cooking chicken and ♪

BOTH: ♪ Collard greens ♪

♪ Rice and stuffing,
macaroni and cheese ♪

♪ And Santa put gifts
under Christmas trees ♪

♪ Eeeee, decorate your house
with lights at night ♪

♪ Snow's on the ground,
snow white so bright ♪

♪ In the fireplace is the yule log ♪

♪ Beneath the mistletoe
as we drink eggnog ♪

TEACHERS: ♪ Ay! ♪ [LAUGHTER]

♪ Rhymes so loud and proud,
you hear it ♪

♪ It's Christmastime
and we got the spirit ♪

♪ Jack Frost chillin' ♪
♪ The orchids out ♪

TEACHERS: ♪ And that's what
Christmas is all about ♪

Hunh!

Can we just do Ariana Grande?

No, no, no.

[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]

- And...
- ALL: ♪ Deck the halls with ♪

♪ Bells of holly ♪

Sweethearts, it's boughs of holly.

Not "bells," babies.

Mrs. Howard, what's a bough?

[CHUCKLES]

My class is headlining
the Christmas show

with a performance of "Deck the Halls."

And I am so excited because
it's my favorite time of year.

And, as the children say,
it's gonna be a sleigh.

S-L-E-I-G-H.

Get it? "Sleigh!"

Five, six, seven, eight...

Mrs. Howard, I can't do
the Christmas show.

We don't celebrate.

Oh, Khadija, I am so sorry.

Mrs. Howard was on autopilot and forgot.

But can you contribute a snowflake?

Wonderful.

All right, let's take it from the top.

I got the whole tomatoes,
diced tomatoes,

crushed tomatoes, got the gabagool,

mortadel, prociut, soppressat...

Do any of these words have endings?

Do you plan on getting a haircut?

Relax. I'm getting one this week.

What's with all the meat?

Oh, she's making Christmas
Eve dinner for her family this year.

Gotta have the meats.

My brother can take down a whole pig

by himself, hooves and all.

Wow. I cannot wait for
a Schemmenti Christmas Eve.

Jacob, I haven't
formally invited you yet.

I live there.

Oh, that reminds me.

Don't forget, you gotta get
extra bedding for the couch

'cause your brother is not
sleeping on the new plastic.

Your brother?

Yeah. Caleb's coming down
from Albany at the end of the week

and, uh, staying for Christmas.

Oh, that sounds nice.

- It's not.
- Okay.

I haven't seen him in three years,

and, uh, there was always friction.

He's, like, everything
my folks ever wanted.

He was popular. He played football.

He even had a teenage pregnancy scare

and somehow still managed
to be the family's golden child.

The older brother, uh,
can sometimes cast a big shadow.

- He's my younger brother.
- All right, dawg. I tried.

MELISSA: Okay, well,
I'll tell you what...

That Caleb is not coming to my dinner.

Great. Yeah.

We don't want him there, anyway.

Jacob, you're still on the wait list.

Just like Morehouse. [SIGHS]

Oh! That was fantastic,
girlies... and Tim!

We are one step closer
to nailing this routine

and turning you all into Run-DMC fans.

You finally made a routine we all like.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, okay.

I don't think we have to use
the word "finally."

It's not my favorite adverb.

Why don't we take a breather? Okay?

[STUDENTS CHATTERING]

Ha! You don't get to be on stage.

I don't celebrate Christmas.

GIRL: Santa doesn't bring you presents.

Santa doesn't like you.

Stop it right now and apologize.

We do not treat each other that way.

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

Oh. Khadija, I'm sorry your classmates

teased you that way.

Are you okay?

Thank you, Mrs. Howard. I'm okay.

I just wish I could be
on stage, too. [GASPS]

[POPS LIPS]

The whole point of this show

is celebrating that holiday
feeling of being together.

And every student deserves
to be included.

Any luck with the projector?

Oh, it's working great.

There's a rabbit.

I'm a janitor, not an Apple Genius.

You need to call that
district I.T. man down here.

- O'Shon.
- Oh, you know his name, huh?

Interesting. [CHUCKLES]

Oh. Hello, Ava.

To what do we owe this visit
to the second floor?

Somebody came in asking for you.

Their story was fishy,
but I gave him a visitor badge,

just to see what would happen.

Jakey!

Caleb? You're not supposed to be here

till the end of the week.

Oh, come on, is that how
you're gonna greet your little bro?

Bring it in. [EXHALES SHARPLY]

Little bro from another mo?

Nope. We both came out
the same incredible woman.

Okay. All right.
That's enough. I'm at work.

Not until the back cr*cker.

- No.
- Crack! Crack!

- Okay. Breathe out. Breathe out.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]

Crack, there it is.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You know I hate that.

Ava, this is, uh...
this is my brother, Caleb.

What up, Caleb? I like your energy.

Seems chaotic. [LAUGHS]

Yeah.

Um, what are you doing here?

Just wanted to see
the brojo in his dojo.

You know, kickin' knowledge
into kids' craniums.

- Whsst!
- Yeah, that's great,

but, um... uh, well,
the day... the day is over.

No worries. Uh, I'll come back
tomorrow, then.

My week's clear.

As a personal trainer,

sometimes you gotta
take days off to make gains.

Hill mentality... trademarked.

Okay.

Don't, um... let's, uh... Come on.

- Um... so...
- Let's go!

[SIGHS]

Hey, do you wanna wrestle?

♪♪

Oh! Perfect! That was perfect, guys!

Don't change a thing! Oh, my goodness.

After weeks of hard work

and... and... and sleeping under
my desk a few nights, I did it.

Ava, take down that tree,

and, Janine, get back under your desk.

We are not doing a
Christmas-themed show anymore.

Really?!

Um, oh.

Uh, w-we can still do
"Christmas in Hollis," right?

No, find another song.
It is now Winter at Abbott.

Has my power been usurped? [CHUCKLES]

We don't remember allowing that.

Okay, Tetris that in there.

- Okay, this goes there.
- If I could just...

Melissa, this is a communal fridge.

You can't take up all the space.

I'm hosting my family for dinner.

All right? I need the extra space.

I already bought an extra freezer

because I gotta share
my at-home fridge with Jacob

and his stupid non-dairy milks.

And you are welcome to all the
sweet pea milk you can drink.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Everyone,
this is my brother, Caleb.

Hey. Gregory. Nice to meet you, man.

And nice to meet you... Whoa!

Solid grip, great set
of calluses. You lift.

I always wanted Jakey to lift with me,

but it was never his thing, you know?

Hey, I lifted...

the spirits of everyone around me.

Well, it's nice meeting you.

I'm gonna let you
out of this conversation

so I don't corner you with small talk.

I deeply appreciate that.

So, how was sleeping on the couch?

You know, I have slept
on a lot of couches,

but you got something special going on

in that living room, baby girl.

Thank you!

You know, Jacob sits
on that couch every day.

Never once has complimented it.

Yeah, well, Melissa, I forgot to
tell you that Caleb is a Giants fan.

Ah, I'd phrase it more
as I hate the Cowboys.

- Good man. Good man right there.
- GREGORY: Uh-huh.

What are you doing on,
uh, Christmas Eve?

Oh, just hanging with the bro.

Maybe go outside, build a bro-man.

Well, I'm hosting a little dinner,

so you should pull up a seat.

I don't see why I couldn't.
I mean, I'll be there anyway.

And so will I!

What don't you understand
about wait lists?

Oh, hey, this must be the famous Janine!

I'm this wet fart's baby brother, Caleb.

Ah, JK, Jakey.

Oh, hi! It's nice to meet you, Caleb.

Hey, you dance right?

You know, I used to do a little, uh...

- Hey. Hey. Hey.
- Ooh.

Wow! That's actually really good!

You know what? Actually,
we... we should probably,

- uh, head out.
- Oh.

- Get going. Sorry.
- Okay. Hey!

Make sure you guys turn today up...

to the maximum.

- I will!
- Yeah. I like it.

- Nice to meet you, man.
- Good guy in there.

Yeah. Have a great day, all.

Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Melissa.
- What is this?

- Can we...?
- MELISSA: What?

[HUMMING] What's up, Bar Bar?

Don't call me that.

Yes, ma'am. Hey, look.

So, um, I'm actually here
to yell at you. [CHUCKLES]

- On behalf of the PTA... Respectfully.
- Mm-hmm.

They found out that you're
trying to yeet Christmas,

and they don't like that very much.

Tell the parents not to worry.

We are having a winter show

so that all of the students
can participate.

All right, so, Barb,

if we 100% can't do
"Christmas in Hollis,"

then I've compiled an extensive
list of non-Christmas songs.

And I've arranged them
in order of step-ability.

- So take a look.
- Mm.

Janine, the only song on this list

that'll work is "Let It Snow,"

and it is far too adult
with all of that kissing

in front of the fire, ugh.

Mm, yeah. Yeah. You can't
forget the goodbying, too.

- Mm-hmm.
- They was nasty.

The song must include
spending time with loved ones,

warm beverages,

yet be enough of a throwback
that adults can enjoy,

while simultaneously being fresh enough

to engage our modern youth.

Yes, that is word for word
what I put into the Google search.

No one's written that song.

Yet!

Oh, no.

You almost done?

Uh, still got some work to do.

I'll probably have to come back
tomorrow to finish up.

No rush.

So, this is a Christmas show?

Well, it was,
but it's a winter show now.

I'm just annoyed because

I had this whole
Christmas giveaway planned

with the tree and presents.

But I can't do it now.

You could make it
a winter giveaway, right?

Change up the wrapping paper
to snowflakes or something,

and remove that angel with
a striking resemblance to you

from the top of the tree.

Oh, I wasn't looking for ideas.

I was just complaining.

I like to give back
around Christmastime, too.

Like what?

I go to the soup kitchen.

Oh, so you're kind and stuff.

You don't need to brag about it.

All right, so, as we all know, in 1492,

Columbus set sail
with his three ships...

the Niña, the Pinta, the Santa Maria.

No way! That's dope!

Yeah, well, there's nothing dope
about mass colonization.

Oh, no, for sure, bro. Hundo P.

I was just thinking... I wonder
if my exes Nina and Maria

were named after those ships.

[STUDENTS LAUGH] Doubt it.

They were sisters.

Maybe they got a third sister,
Pinta, out there waiting for me.

[SCATTERED LAUGHTER] Caleb, stop.

My bad.

Anyways, the Vikings
had reached the Americas...

Hey, I'm Aaliyah from the podcast club.

We'd love to have you as guest.

[WHISPERING] We should totally sidebar.

[JACOB LECTURING INDISTINCTLY]
Laminated business cards?

Sick!

Guys, guys, eyes up here, please.

ALL: ♪ Season's greetings to you ♪

Oh, darlings, that's wonderful,
but that's the wrong note.

I have penned
a soon-to-be holiday classic

that we will be performing
in the winter show.

This way, no student
is left out of the performance,

at least not for religious reasons.

Still yet to be seen
for melodic reasons.

Mrs. Howard, we wrote our own song.

Well, sweetheart, this wasn't exactly

a free-for-all writing assignment,

but, um, let's hear it!

STUDENTS: ♪ Snowmans are scary ♪

♪ Hot cocoa makes me fart ♪

Oh, that's lovely. Wonderful. [LAUGHS]

But this year, we are going
to sing Mrs. Howard's song.

- Hey, Mrs. Howard.
- Whoa!

How's it looking with the song?

You can't rush art, Janine.

Oh, okay. It's just, um,

we're gonna need the song soon.

Because I choreographed a routine
with some generic dance moves,

but without the song,
we can't actually practice,

so I don't want to rush art,
I just wanna know art's ETA.

- J-Janine, give me some time...
- Okay.

And you will have the song.

- Okay! [CHUCKLES]
- Ah!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm shoving Italian dishes
through a cafeteria window.

What's it look like I'm doing?

I ran out of room in the fridge.

And don't tell me to put it in the snow.

I already got two turkeys out there.

I have a mini-fridge in my closet.

You do?

Well, thank you so much for offering.

[SCOFFS] I didn't say you could use it.

I was just sharing information.

I got a treadmill in there, too.

Can't use that, either.

Okay, so, first,
you fill up the lounge fridge.

Now you're filling up this one, too?

Where am I supposed to put my lunch?

Mr. Johnson, are you allowing this?

You allowing your hair
to grow out like that?

Get a haircut, boy.

Hey. Caleb said he was
gonna be with you,

lending you moves,
elevating your routine?

Well, he did. [CHUCKLES]
But now he's with Gregory,

doing a pod for the podcast club.

What?

JACOB: No! No! No!

He actually went to prom by himself.

He had no date.

Got himself a sick corsage
and everything,

and just strolled in solo,
ready to dance with anybody.

Hey, stop the pod! Stop. Stop recording.

Uh, Jacob, it's okay.

It's not. Caleb, will you
step into the hallway

with me, please?

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

What the...?

Why did you come here?

What do you mean? To hang out with you.

Yeah, well, I haven't
seen you in three years.

Because you never come home.

Yeah. Did you ever think about
why I don't come home?

Because we turned
your bedroom into a gym?

I mean, kind of, yeah.
That's one of many reasons.

Look, Abbott is my new home, okay?

And you come in here and you Caleb it up

with your back crackers
and making fun of me.

You know, when you said you were coming,

I really hoped that things
would be different, you know,

because we're adults now.

But, clearly, nothing has changed.

You have to be the favorite.
Everyone's favorite.

Dude. I mean, if that's how you feel...

That is how I feel.

Then I guess I'll go.

I'll go get my stuff
and stay with my buddy Connor.

The back crackers meant no harm.

They're supposed to relieve back pain.

[DOOR OPENS]

ALL: ♪ We wish you all the good things ♪

♪ The smiles remove the bad ♪

[STUDENTS SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Mrs. Howard, what's wrong?

I'm sorry.

You know,
I've just asked too much of you.

And there... there isn't enough time

for you to learn the song,

so in order to save the winter show,

I'm just gonna have to sing
the winter song myself.

STUDENTS: Nooooooo!

[INDISTINCT PLEADING]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, man. [DOOR CLOSES]

How you doing?

Well, I cannot lie to you, Gregory.

I'm a little P.O.'d. Okay?

But I wouldn't want to
burden you with my, uh...

Let it out.

Caleb always does this!

Everywhere he goes, it's the Caleb show.

"Caleb's the coolest,
Caleb's the strongest,

Caleb has his drone license."

He is this constant reminder
of everything I'm not.

It's one of the reasons
I left home in the first place.

And now, I just... I just...

I just feel like everything
I had run away from

has come, like,
crashing back down on me.

I don't even know why he came here.

I think you should come listen to this.

CALEB: [RECORDED] But, you know,

when you're snowmobiling
at that altitude,

the drone can't connect, so you...

Wrong spot. Hang on.

[SIGHS] Okay. [BUTTONS CLACK]

I obviously looked up to Jacob
my whole life.

He was so smart.

I realized I could
never be as smart as he was,

so I put my brain in my muscles

and became a jock and a drone pilot.

But Jacob's honestly the most
fearless person I've ever met.

He never cared what
anyone else thought about him

and always knew exactly who he was.

He actually went to prom by himself.

He had no date. Got himself
a sick corsage and everything,

and just strolled in solo,
ready to dance with anybody.

JACOB: Hey, stop the pod! Stop. Stop...

And that's when you ran in
and started yelling at everyone.

It's not. [RECORDING STOPS]

Yeah. Okay.

♪ Bar-ba-ra How-ow-ard ♪

[COUGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

- ♪ Bar-ba... ♪
- I did it! I did it!

Ava! O'Shon! Mr. Johnson!
Jacob! I did it!

Ah! Contingency Dance Number 4
works with Barbara's song.

The kids are locked in.
Let's get this show...

[STOMPING] on the road!

BARBARA: Yes!

[MOCKINGLY BREATHING HEAVILY] Whatever.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for texting.

I was coming anyway.

Podcast kids invited me, and I didn't
want to let them down, you know?

Hey, um, I'm sorry

I flipped out on you yesterday.

Just being around you,

it reminds me of everything back home.

And I've been working really hard to,

like, move past all that.

Well, I don't want to take you
back to that place, bro.

I'm proud of you for leaving.

And, you know, I get it.
[EXHALES DEEPLY]

But I'm not Mom and Dad,

and I'm sorry if I ever
made you feel like that.

You know, going to prom stag,

I felt... so alone in that moment.

Really? To me, it was just my big bro

being a big boss, you know?

[SCOFFS] Yeah, well,
I-I-I couldn't have felt

less like a boss back then.

Hey, you know, if you ever need to talk,

I'm just a phone call away, right?

Hey, there's my friend.

- How you doing?
- WENDALL: Hey, you!

What? Me?

Why do I have 20 pounds of
calamari in my fridge?

Listen, I'll make you a deal.

How do you feel about
a nice calamari chowder?

Terribly.

Cannoli, on the other hand,
would sweeten the deal.

- No glitz.
- Pistachio.

- Chocolate chip.
- Pleasure doing business.

All right.
Looks like you are good to go.

The projector is fixed.

I tuned up the sound system, and...

I went ahead and set up
some winter-friendly visuals.

You know you're not
getting a tip, right?

[CHUCKLES] I saw that you
changed up the tree.

You went with some different
wrapping paper for the gifts.

Mm, came up with that on my own.

Of course.

I think I'll stick around a bit,
catch the show.

And if anything goes wrong,
I'll be right here.

Whatever. [SCOFFS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]

All right, everybody,
I want to see your smiles.

What are you doing here?

I don't know. I just go where
my feet take me.

What? You can't...

- Oh! Packed house, Barb.
- Yes.

No pressure, but you've
already ruined Christmas.

- I...
- Let's not ruin winter too.

So, without further ado,

headlining our inaugural Winter Show,

we have Mrs. Barbara Howard
and her kindergartners

and the Abbott Step Team.

Enjoy... if possible.

[APPLAUSE] Take it away, Mrs. Howard.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[OFF-KEY] ♪ Happ... ♪

Oh. [AUDIENCE MURMURING]

[BARBARA CLEARS THROAT]

I said, take it away, Mrs. Howard!

[OFF-KEY] ♪ Happ... ♪

Oh, my voice!

[WHISPERING] I can't sing.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, um... Okay, okay.

- Um...
- Um, I got it, I got it, I got it.

- No. No. No.
- I got this. I got this. New plan!

No, no, no, my team cannot pivot again.

They practiced to Barbara's song.

Okay, okay. One second. Little g*ng,

y'all are gonna perform the song
that y'all wrote.

- What?!
- Bad idea.

Okay, listen. And then the steppers,

y'all just gonna do whatever.

- No, do the routine.
- No!

- Just go crazy.
- No, do the routine.

- Oh, my God.
- Let's go.

STUDENTS: ♪ Snowmans are scary ♪

♪ Hot cocoa makes me fart ♪

- ♪ Snowing ice cream ♪
- Wh...

♪ Yum, yum, team ♪

♪ Don't be mean ♪

♪ I'll tell Kareem ♪

♪ Candy for lunch ♪

[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
♪ Fruit punch, crunch ♪

♪ It's cold out, sweaty jacket ♪

Send that to Mom and Dad. [BOTH LAUGH]

They will hate it.

♪ ...makes me fart ♪

♪ Snowing ice cream ♪

♪ Yum, yum, team ♪

♪ Don't be mean ♪

♪ I'll tell Kareem ♪

♪ Candy for lunch ♪

♪ Fruit punch, crunch ♪

♪ It's cold out, sweaty jacket ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- Yeah! Encore!
- Whoa! Encore!

- Mrs. Howard?
- Yes?

Thank you so much for this.

My daughter is so happy she got
the chance to participate.

- Thank you.
- Oh! Thank you.

Ay, yo! Yo, yo, yo.

We gonna need that encore from ya.

Let's go! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- Hey, what's up, man?
- Oh, hey, um...

where's Mike?

Oh, last-minute vacation.

But he filled me in on what you like.

And he says to say, "Aloha,"

but between us, he's in Galveston.

Yeah. That's Mike.

Well, you know what I do for a living.

What do you do, Gregory?

Oh, I'm a... I'm a teacher.

Oh, cool.

You know, my daughter's in education.

Oh, yeah? She a teacher?

She's a principal.

Uh, I forget the name
of the school, though.

Abington? Adams?

Abbott?

That's it. Abbott Elementary.

That's the one Ava works at.

[CLIPPERS BUZZ] You know it?

♪♪