[elevator ding]
[elevator music]
[giggling]
[upbeat music]
[elevator ding]
[laughing]
Ah.. wooo...
♪ I got the feeling got a bit ♪
♪ got a bit of an inkling this
is gonna ♪
♪ be one of those days this is ♪
♪ a show all about me ♪
♪ and me ♪
♪ and all the things I do and
all the ♪
♪ things I see ♪
♪ and also what
I see ♪
♪ I get the feeling, got ♪
♪ A bit of an inkling as long as
we're together, ♪
♪ it'll be okay ♪
[humming]
[running water]
[scream]
[screams]
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
[ow to the tune of a waltz]
[slaps]
You stunted human being.
You and your childish pranks.
If you hadn't have talked me
into doing that stupid trick
with the lift,
we'd still have a job.
Well, look on the bright side.
We don't have to go
to work anymore.
We can just muck around all day.
Muck around?
Well, who's gonna pay the bills?
Who's gonna pay the rent?
You'll think of something.
I'll think of something.
Frank, I think it's time
that you actually
took some responsibility
for your own life.
I'm not going to be around
forever to look after you.
What do you mean?
Well, tomorrow
I could get hit by a bus.
You're right.
That's true.
You could be k*lled.
Think you'd be k*lled
and I'd be all alone.
I'd be all alone. Oh my god!
Just, calm down.
Just calm down.
I'm just trying to make a point.
- I probably won't be.
- Oh, good.
I won't worry about it, then.
But the point is,
it might happen.
[screams]
Frank.
Frank.
Frank.
Frank, stop it.
The point I'm trying to make
is that you've never grown up.
Life isn't all fun.
It's not all child's play.
It's a tough world
out there, and you have
to be strong to survive.
It's not all a game.
Hey, Cole, your hand
looks like a duck when
it makes a shadow on the door.
Give me another duck.
Hello, mister.
Duck.
[quacks]
it's not a duck,
you stupid, stupid idiot.
Its neck is far too long.
It's much more like a swan.
How old are you?
I mean, what am I
doing hanging around
such a poor excuse for a man?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
Come on, let's get the newspaper
and we'll look for a job.
Come on.
[upbeat music]
I Cole listen to this.
Discover your authentic
masculinity.
A weekend workshop designed
to help men find a relevant
identity for the modern age.
Fantastic.
That's just what I need.
I'll do this weekend workshop,
and that'll help sort me out.
Oh, no.
It costs a $1,000.
Don't worry, Frank.
I can run a manhood workshop
for you this weekend,
right in this very flat.
- At only a fraction of the
cost.
- Really?
Yeah.
Although unfortunately,
the fraction is 999 one
thousandths.
Welcome, everyone.
Welcome to this secluded weekend
of self discovery and the quest
for authentic manhood entitled
Primal Enlightened Nobleman
in society, or p*nis for short.
Tonight will be an introduction
to meditation.
Then tomorrow we'll be chanting
the hunting songs of the Indian
Apache braves,
visualizing ourselves as huge
hairy giants, weaving ceremonial
headgear from
our own pubic hair
and much more.
And then on Sunday, our grand
finale will be a spectacular
initiation ceremony in which
we will
unleash the power
of the primal warrior.
Okay, but first let's
go around the circle and learn
a bit about each other.
Why don't we start with.
Oh, you.
- What was your name again?
- Frank.
Frank.
Great.
Frank, have you got any hobbies?
Well, actually, Cole, I do.
I collect beautiful
multicolored autumn leaves.
I'll show you.
I've collected thousands of them
and I've stuck them all into
this very, very special album.
Oh, that's great, Frank.
That's terrific.
It's great to have
a hobby, isn't it?
I think we can all take a leaf
out of Frank's book.
No, you're not taking
any leaves out of my book.
- It's taken me years to
- Okay, let's.
- Let's just move on, shall we?
- Great.
Is this the part
where we
Unleash the Power
of the
prime and warrior?
No, not yet.
Right now the first thing
we're going to do
is a meditation session.
So everyone close your eyes.
Come on, everyone.
That's great.
Great.
Now focus on the gentle,
natural rhythm of your breath
as it flows in and out.
In and out.
In.
Frank, what's wrong?
What's wrong?
I can't sit on the floor
very comfortably Colin.
- My knees are k*lling me.
- That's fine.
Just sit up on the couch then.
[squeaking]
Now, Frank, can't
you just sit still.
For a few minutes?
Okay?
Let your body drift away into
a place of inner tranquilly.
Let your whole body relax.
Frank.
Frank, stop it.
Stop it.
- Look at me Cole.
- Frank.
Frank, can't you see people
are trying to meditate.
Hey watch this, I'm gonna go off
the arm.
Watch me, watch me.
Look at me.
Woah
[thud]
[screams of delight]
Did you see what I did?
Did I see what you did?
Did I see what you did?
[laughter]
Just watch this.
All right, all right.
Here we go.
Right?
I'm gonna jump off the back
of the couch, bounce on
the cushions, go up in the air,
do a single somersault
with two twists and land
on the floor in the splits.
So just stand back
and be awestruck.
[electric buzz]
You have to turn the light off
Cole.
Just let go of the light.
I can't.
Don't worry, Cole.
I'll pull you down.
Don't touch me.
But why?
Surely the best thing to do is.
Ok, ok.
Ok, everyone.
The power will be back on
in the flat soon.
Not exactly sure what happened.
Some sort of short circuit
caused a power surge
- through the building.
- That's right.
And the power surge blew up
the motor in my fridge.
It's completely destroyed.
Has anyone got any idea
how this could have happened?
[muttering]
[air horn]
- Morning.
- Morning.
Are you ready for
our first session of the day?
- Our oriental combat workshop.
- Great.
Is this the bit
where we
unleash the power
of the primal warrior?
- No, that's later.
- That's later?
Yes.
Well, let's get changed
while I explain.
[oriental music]
[slapping]
[slapping continues]
That was pretty close.
[slapping]
[slapping continues]
[scream]
what do you think you're
doing, you idiot?
It's just an exercise.
You don't have
to get carried away.
You don't have to get violent.
You broke my knuckle,
you big fat bloody b*stard.
- Sorry.
- Get off me.
You've gone insane.
You're out of control.
I was just trying to
release my inner warrior.
Well, you didn't
release your inner warrior.
You released your inner dickwit.
Right, that's it.
The session's over.
It's free time until lunch.
So you can read a book
or go for a walk or chat
amongst yourselves.
Great.
I'm gonna go for a long walk
and collect autumn leaves.
You better make it
a really long walk.
- Why?
- It's spring.
Oh, actually, before
all you fellas head off,
I do need a volunteer
to help me build a campfire.
Is anybody interested
in helping me with that?
Frank?
Frank.
Frank Woodley.
Do you want to give me
a hand with the campfire?
[closes door]
[whines]
Do I have too?
You know, I don't think
you're pulling your weight,
frankly,
My name's not frankly.
What?
You dropped the wood
where you called me.
Frankly, my name's
Frank Woodley.
What?
Frankly, it makes
me uncomfortable.
What makes you uncomfortable?
Frankly?
Well, yes, I'd prefer it
if you are honest with me.
What's upsetting you?
I don't like it when
you drop the wood.
I didn't drop the wood.
Frankly, I don't know
what you're talking about.
Don't call me frankly.
Just cut the wood.
I'm not cutting the wood.
It's part of my name.
Just grab the axe and cut up
some pieces of timber for me.
Oh, okay.
Why didn't you say so?
You know what we should do?
We should have a big
campfire, sing along.
Great.
And sing some songs that
everybody knows and we can all
- join in and have a great time.
- Fantastic.
Okay, has anybody got a guitar?
Oh, here's one.
Oh, okay.
So what's a song
that everybody knows?
Um.
Oh, I know, I know.
[guitar strums]
♪ I know a girl with enormous
ear lobes ♪
♪ they drag along the ground ♪
♪ when she walks. They ♪
Come on, everyone
♪ they get tangled all round
the tootsies. ♪ Enormous earlobe
girl
surely you.
Why don't we just
make a song up?
You play some music
and I'll make up some words.
Come on.
Okay.
It'll be great.
♪ Oh, Danny boy the pipes, ♪
♪ the pipes are calling ♪
♪ that sounds pretty good ♪
♪ -from Glen to Glenn ♪
♪ -Hey, Glen ♪
yes, Glen.
Listen to these pipes, Glen.
They sound great, Glen.
Thanks, Glenn.
Bye, Glenn.
Bye, Glen.
♪ And down the mountainside ♪
- come on, Lane.
I'm panpipe solo.
[pan pipe sound]
[clapping]
Well, we've all had a great
day, haven't we, fellas?
We've learnt a lot.
And the trance dance
in the teepee, where
we were all possessed by
our own personal animal spirit
guide, was most impressive.
My personal animal spirit
guide was the wolf.
What was yours?
Mine was
the aconda.
Don't you mean anaconda?
It wasn't just anaconda,
it was the Aconda.
Frank, when are you gonna
start taking this seriously?
Look, this whole weekend
is to make you into a man.
You know, I might not
be around forever.
[smoke alarm]
Oh, listen to those crickets.
Isn't it great to be in nature?
[water spraying]
Well, and they said I wasn't
gonna rain today.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the sprinklers have
been sweet switched off
and we'll have everything
cleaned up very soon.
Well, it's a bit late now.
First my fridge is blown up,
now my brand new leather couch
is completely ruined.
I'm very sorry.
I just can't understand how the
sprinklers and alarm went off.
I mean, there must have
been a fire of some sort
to activate them.
Now, is everyone very sure
they weren't doing anything
at all in their flat
that could have caused this?
He's kidding, isn't he?
No, we weren't.
Absolutely.
Yeah, definitely.
So after all the sharing
we've done over the last couple
of days, it's the activity
we've all been waiting for.
I think you know
what I'm talking about.
-Unleash the power
-of the primal warrior?
- Exactly.
We're going to unleash the power
of the primal warrior.
Now, our first test is a test
of our ability to overcome pain
by using the power of the mind.
Now, in this plastic bag, I
have prickles and sharp twigs.
Now, I'm going to sprinkle them
on the floor
and then
harnessing the power
of the primal warrior.
I will walk across
these prickles barefoot,
- and I will feel no pain.
- Cole, I don't think.
Don't try and stop me.
Frank.
It's all right.
I am the warrior.
I feel no pain.
[screams of pain]
That is so hurting.
That's not gonna work.
We'll have to try
something else.
Right.
This next test is a test
of your courage.
Right?
Right.
You take this apple and
I'll take this bow and arrow.
Okay?
Now, you put the apple
on your head.
On your head.
Come on.
And I'm gonna stand over there.
Now, I've never used a bow
and arrow in my life, but.
Harnessing the power of the
inner warrior, I'm gonna sh**t
this arrow through your head.
No, through the apple
on your head.
Right.
Okay.
Cole, I don't know.
I'm not sure about this.
I just.
I don't feel that.
In fact, I just remembered I've
got this overdue library book.
- I've got to take it back.
- Come on, Frank.
Come on.
Don't you trust me?
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Okay, Frank, you stand here.
You stand here
and repeat after me.
I am the warrior.
I am the warrior.
Come on, you can do
better than that.
I am the warrior.
- I am the warrior.
- Come on, Frank.
I am the warrior.
- I am the warrior.
- That's good.
That's exactly what we're after.
[screams in pain]
Damn it.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
Aim.
Fire.
[screams of pain]
I've been hitting.
You're a maniac.
You've got no idea
what you're doing.
I could have been k*lled.
If it wasn't for the fact
that my autumn leaf album
was in my jacket pocket,
that arrow would have gone
straight through my heart.
And now for our next test.
Next test?
Next test?
What the hell are
you talking about?
There isn't gonna
be a next test.
If it wasn't for pure
luck, I'd be a dead man.
Come on, Frank.
Calm down.
I'm sure you're just making
a big deal out of nothing.
I'm sure that if we-
[screams in pain]
It's okay I've got a shoe on.
It's okay.
What was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
This whole weekend
has been a farce
come on, Frank, calm down.
I'm not gonna calm down.
p*nis doesn't stand for primal,
enlightened noblemen
in society.
It stands for Poncy.
Egotistical.
Neurotic.
Idiotic.
sh*t head.
[beads rattling]
Frank, drop the wood.
I've told you before,
I'm not dropping the wood.
It's part of my name.
[glass breaking]
I'm sick of this.
You're always playing with
my mind and my emotions.
I'm sick of it.
- Come on
- Frank, you can't be serious.
I am.
[slapping]
And there's more
where that came from, pal.
[screams]
g'day, fellas.
Oh, g'day, Sam.
Oh, hi, Sam.
Must be really great,
you guys living together.
We must really love each other.
Love each other.
Love each other.
We want to destroy each other.
[screams of pain]
[slapping]
[slapping]
[screams]
Don't let go, I'll fall on my
head
I should let you fall on your
head and it'd serve you right.
I was only trying to help.
I was only trying to
turn you into a man like me.
Like you?
I think it's a case
of the blind leading the
- severely visually impaired.
- For God sake.
We talk about this
once you pull me to safety
I can't.
I'm not strong enough.
I don't think I
can hold you much longer.
What?
I've got an idea.
Maybe if I get you swinging.
That's good.
That's good.
Yes, that's good.
I might be able to get off
a big enough pendulum action.
But I'll be able to throw you
into the dump master.
And you'll land
on the couch safely.
Brilliant idea.
Okay, here we go.
[screams]
[clang]
Oh God.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
- Frank
- Come on.
[screams]
[bang]
- Sorry, Cole.
- Get off me, you idiot.
Stupid little skinny man.
And by the way, you owe me $999.
No way.
Your workshop was a joke.
But don't you see?
By the end of the weekend,
you stood up to me.
You were courageous
and assertive.
Frank, I think
you've become a man.
I think you're right, Cole.
I believe I've become
as big a man as you.
Well, I wouldn't go
that far, frankly.
Don't, call me frankly.
[bus horn]
[crash]
[outro music]
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