02x06 - I Love You Baby (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

Okay, Jane, just leaning back.
Beautiful.

Wayne, come forward.
Lovely.

Big smile.

Big smile.
Excellent.

Beautiful.

Just straighten up
the veil, please.

All right, that's it.
That's enough.

That's enough.

Great.

Okay, big smile.
Lovely.

Excellent.
Great.

Hey, you, lad.

Oi.

Go to my van and get
my K 2000 soft focus filter.

How many times
have I told you?

Always leave my equipment
packed up correctly.

Great.
Lovely, guys.

Chin up.
Thank you.

Lovely.

Hey you?

Oi, that flash
needs to go right across.


Mister Papaniccolo!

Mister Papaniccolo!

Mister Papanic!


Honey?


Frank!

Frank, do something!


Not too late, not too early.

Not too late, not too early.


Too late,
too early.


♪ I got the feeling,
got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ This is gonna be
one of those days.♪

♪ This is a show all about me.♪
-And me.

♪ And all the things I do
and all the things I see.♪

And also what I see.

♪ I got the feeling.
Got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ As long
as we're together,

it'll be okay.♪


I've already told you, I didn't
really see what happened.

Sir, what do you
do for a living?

I collect cans for recycling.

What were you doing in the park?

I was.

You weren't collecting cans
from a place that wasn't

your designated area, were you?

No, no, I was,
I was having lunch.

I often have lunch in that park.

I wasn't collecting any cans
from there because I never

collect cans from somewhere
that's not my designated area.

Your two friends Colin and Frank
are here to visit you,

Mister Papaniccolo.

Oh, that's good.

That's very good.


Sorry, Mister Papaniccolo.

Oh, that's okay, boys.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Don't worry about it.

Wow. You're awfully kind,
Mister Papanicolo.

Don't mention it.

It could have
happened to anybody.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Why are you being so forgiving?

It's a secret.

Oh, wow, a secret.

Come a little closer
and I'll tell you.

A little closer.

Just a little closer.


Frank, are you okay?

I think so.

But I'm gonna stand back here
to hear the secret.

Listen, you idiots,
the doctor told me I'm gonna

be bedridden for six months.

I make a thousand dollars a day.

Thousand dollars.

Is that the secret?

A $1,000 just for taking photos?

Just for doing photography.

Photography?

It's pronounced photography.

Photography.

Oh my God.

Mister Papanicolo is dead.

I'm not dead.

This is so sad.

I'm not dead, you idiot.

He was cut down in his prime.
-This is ridiculous.

Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not dead.

I'm still alive.

Look, everybody knows that
when the machine goes beep,

the person is dead.

Well, obviously
there's something wrong

with the machine.
-He's in denial.

That's what happens
when people die.

This is ridiculous.
I'm not dead.

I'm still alive.

Come on, Frank, let's go.

Being around corpses
gives me the creeps.

Come back.

Come back, you idiots.

Take this off.

I'm not dead.

It's so sad.

Please.

He died before he
could tell us the secret.

No!

Oh, there you are.

Here we are.

Where have you been?

We went in to see-

You are the baby
photographers, aren't you?

Oh, no.

We're going-

Yeah, we're the baby
photographers.

They are we.
We are they.

Lead on.

Right this way, then.

This is Mrs Drysdale.

She's just given birth
to a wonderful baby boy.

She's still a bit groggy.

That happens when
it's a caesarean.

Caesarean?

Wow.

What part of Caesarea
are you from?

Frank?

What's his name?

We've decided to

call him Christopher.

Oh, I think Chris.

He's a great name
for a little boy.

Fantastic.
Let's take some photos.

Frank, it's photos.

Okay.
That's beautiful.

Oh, yeah.
Work for me.

Work for me.
Oh, lovely.

Love it, love it, love it.
Adore it.

Great.
Oh, little Christopher

Do the baby thing.

Oh, do it.
Do it.

Do it.
Do it.

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
Oh, yeah.

Oh, look at the little birthmark
on your hand.

Isn't it cute?

Oh, it's like
a little baby version of the

Cindy Crawford mole, isn't it?

Your son is gonna look fantastic
on film, Mrs Drysdale.

He's so photogenic.

Get out of the way.
Oh, yeah.

Oh, love it.
Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

You know what

I can't seem to get
this carry, oh!

What is wrong
with you, my child?

I'm blind.

I can't see.

The love of the Lord
is with you.

Oh, hang on.

Hang on.

It's coming back.

It's come back.
Yeah, I can see again.

Well, we're all finished, Frank.

Come on, let's go.

It's time you had a rest
now, Mrs Quilby.

I think that was a triumph.

I don't think I'm going too far
in saying that we redefine

the meaning of gorgeousness.

You too, Mrs Drystow.

Hang on a second.

Hold back.

God, there was no
film in the camera.

Quick.

You grab little baby
Christopher

and I'll put some more film

in the camera.

Go quick.

What the hell are you doing?

It's two hands for beginners,

I think that one
of the gorgeous ones.

Yeah.

Oh, that's the one.
Hang on.

Watch this, watch this.

Hi, I'm an alien.

I am an alien.

Yeah.

Does it look funny?
Look funny

the way I've got my eyes?

Feel it, feel it.

The healing power of the Lord.

Hi, Mrs Drysdale.

There you go.

The photos look great.
Mrs Drysdale.

Your son is so photogenic.
Hegerson.

If you want to
make another copy,

the simplest thing to do is
just use a color photocopier.

Bye.

Oh, thanks very much, boys.

We'll have some more work
for you next week.

Thanks, sister.

Have faith, my child.

Have faith in the Lord and walk.


Nurse Nelson.

Okay, so nobody knows we're not
the real photographers.

Is that the secret?

Oh, look, it's Mrs Drysdale

and little baby Chris

to

pher

Dennis.

Dennis Drysdale.

Zachary Wild.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm surprised to see you
up this end of town.

I didn't think you
worked up here.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I mean, do I look like the kind
of person who take cans from

someone else's designated area?

This is our new baby.

Say hello.

Hello.

Oh my God.

Look at the baby's hand.

What?
-It doesn't have a birthmark.

You know what that means?

No.

Why don't we come over
to our place later on

for a celebratory drink?

Mrs Drysdale's baby
had a birthmark on its hand.

Remember?

Wow, you've got
a photographic memory.

That baby isn't
little baby Christopher.

There's been a mix up.
Quick, quick.

You go and get
the real baby Christopher.

And I'll tell Mister Drysdale
she's got the wrong baby.

Okay.
Quick.

Go, go.

Sorry.
-That's okay.

Mrs Drysdale?

Mrs Drysdale?

Mrs Drysdale?

Herties.
Cobra herties.

Mrs Drysdale?

Mrs Drysdale?

Mrs Drysdale?

They take the baby.

Someone stole the baby.

Stealing baby?
That's disgusting.

When they catch the bus
that's did this, their life

isn't gonna be worth living.

I'm taking the baby back.

Frank, didn't you hear
what she said?

We'll probably spend the rest
of our lives in jail.

We've gotta keep this a secret.

Now that has got
to be the secret.

That's got to be the secret.

Let's just hide over there
until things calm down.

I can think of a plan.




Shh...


♪ Rock a bye baby in the treetop♪

♪ when the wind blows
the cradle will rock.♪

♪ When the bough breaks

the cradle will fall and down

will come baby cradle and all.♪

♪ Rock a bye baby in the treetops

when the wind blows the cradle
will rock when the bough breaks

the crater will fall
and down we come,

baby cradle and all.♪


Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

You gave me healing hands, but

I became proud and egocentric.

So you took them away.

I, I'm sorry, Father.

Please give me another chance.

I'm having a plan.

A very good plan.

Organizing all of these
and you are looking beautiful.

Frank, what are you doing?

I'm not sure.

I think it's an Indian accent.

What's the plan?

Although I think I may be
an Indian who spent some of

his formative using Finland.

Frank!

My father was
a diplomat, you see,

and we moved around a lot in.

What are we doing
with the sheets?

We're a husband
and wife, you know.

Oh, right.
Okay, good, good.

Good plan, good plan.

Somebody's coming in.

Now, we have to be subtle.

We have to be careful
not to overdo it.

All right?

Hello.

My name is Kavinda
and this is my wife Minibo.

Were expecting our first child.

Now look, the little one

is kicking inside my womb.

Okay, this is.

Okay, this is the ground floor.
We'll get out of here.

Alright, come on, let's go.

Just because you are being the
husband, I'm not understanding

why you are being the boss.

Come on, let's go.

Men.

Afraid there's too much
security down there.

We'll have to climb
out that window.

Come on.

Quick.
Out here.

Careful, careful,
careful, careful, careful.

Okay, come on.
Come on.

Quick, quick, quickie.
Come on.

Come on.
That's right.

Afternoon, working do yet?

Oh, yeah, I do.

I collect cans from here.

This is my designated area.

Oh, thank you.

Anything?

No baby here.

Okay, you can go.

Thanks.

Cole?
-Yeah.

We really should
have seatbelts on.

Frank.
-Yeah?

You're a standard human being.

Quick survey.

Hands up who thinks it's pretty
weird that we've got somebody

else's baby in our flat?

What are we gonna do?

What the hell are
we going to do?

I know.

Why don't we just leave
the baby in a public place

with an anonymous note?

Yes. Good idea.
Yes.

Great.
Yes.

Well done.
That's a yes.

No, that won't work.

The babies have
still been swapped.

That's right.
It's a stupid idea.

Stupid, foolish.
No good to us whatsoever.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But we could explain on
the note that the babies

have been swapped accidentally.

Yes, that's it.
Fantastic.

That's the one
good idea.

Love it.
Adore it.

Worship it.
Bow down to it.

It is smart.
That is brilliant.

It is genius.

No, it'll arouse suspicion.

You know who is working
with the babies who could

have accidentally swapped them?
-You're right.

It's a stupid idea.

Stupid, stupid idea.
Hate it.

Deplore it.
Loathe it.

Can't stand it.
Detest it.

You oughta be
ashamed of yourself.

You should.
In fact, ideas like that make,

make me feel physically ill.

If you're gonna come up
with ideas like that,

you can just get out.

You should be pushed to
the fringe of society and poked

repeatedly with a sharp stick.

Coming up with an idea
like that, you are banished.

You are banished.


Look, the baby's crying.

It's obviously hungry.
What are we gonna do?

I'm heating up some milk for it.

Just hang on.

See?

But how do you know?

You know when it's hot enough.

Oh, you feeble-minded
little man.

Watch.

No, no, not yet.
Right.

What, are we gonna
put it in to feed it?


No, no, not yet.


Bernie's birdies.
I've gaslight birdies.

This whole stupid situation
is your fault.

You're always
getting us into trouble.

You're much more
stupider than me.

Cole.

I don't think that's a word.

Yes, it is.

It's just like painfulier.

Painfulier?

Yeah.

For example,

the man
hurt the other man painfully,

and then he hurt him again.

More painfulier.


See, it's obvious that I'm
much more smarter than you.


Oh, jeez.

You're a little cutie,
aren't you?

Aren't you?

You're an adorable little
gorgeous boy, aren't you?

Hey?
Oh, yes, you are.

Stop that.

I was just trying
to make you feel better.

Please stop doing that to me.

How am I gonna feed
the little one now?

Come on.

Give him here.

Give the cute little
adorable boy to me.

Because he needs
someone with that

that feminine touch.

You idiot.

That's no way
to speak to your wife.

Shut up.

Although I don't know why
I'm so surprised.

I mean,

you hardly touch me anymore.

This is gone too, too far.

And you haven't mentioned
anything about the special

effort that I've made.

What?

I'm wearing my hair in
a completely different style.

But you haven't said anything
because you haven't even

noticed, have you?

Have you?

I can't believe this.

What the hell are we doing?

We've stolen a baby.

We've stolen a bloody baby.

Come on, tiger.

Come on.

Walk to me, Petit.
Walk to me.

Come on.

Frank, the baby's a week old.

Little Christopher.

Can't walk anywhere.

Well, that's the kind
of negative parenting that I've

come to expect from you.

Frank.

It's time for you
to learn a new word.

Painfuliest.


No! No! No, boy.

No!

I got the baby.

For the thrilling conclusion,
don't miss the next episode

of the Adventures
of Lane and Woodley.

Or do miss it.

I mean, you know,
do whatever you want.

Yeah.

Always saying is, watch
the exciting conclusion

if you're interested.

But, but, yeah,
it's totally up to you.

I mean, we, we think it'll
be great if you do watch it,

but, but if you don't
want to, that's, that's fine.

Yeah.

So we'll see you next week
if you want to watch.

But if, but if not, you know.

♪ I got a feeling.
Got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ This is gonna be
one of those days.♪

♪ This is a show all about me.♪

♪ And all the things I do
and all the things I see.♪

♪ I got a feeling.
Got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ As long as we're together,
it'll be okay.♪