02x07 - I Love You Baby (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

In the last episode of the
Adventures of Lano and Woodley

Cole became an international
duel thief and Frank was the

sole survivor of a plane crash
in the African Congo.

Not. That's not what happened.

Oh yeah, I know.

I'm just trying to freak out the
people who watched last week.

You know, make them go, hey,
I don't remember seeing that.

Just tell them what happened.

Oh, okay.
Will we show the titles first?

Sure.

♪ I got the feeling.
Got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ This is gonna be one of those
days.♪

♪ This is a show all about me.♪
-And me

♪ And all the things
I do and all the things I see.♪

And also what I see.

♪ I got the feeling.
Got a bit of an inkling.♪

♪ As long as we're together,
it'll be okay.♪

In the last episode
of the Adventures

of Lano and Woodley.

You are the baby
photographers, aren't you?

Oh, no. We're-

What's his name?

Chris-

to-

pher.

The photos look great
Mrs Drysdale.

Your son is so photogenic.

Do I look like the kind
of person who take cans

from someone else's designated
area?

There's been a mix up.
Quick, quick.

You go and get
the real baby,

Chris-

to-

pher.

And I'll tell Mister Drysdale
she's got the wrong baby, okay?

Someone stole the baby.

I'm taking the baby back.

Frank, didn't you
hear what she says?

We'll probably spend the rest
of our lives in jail.

Hello, my name is Govinda
and this is my wife, Mirabai.

We're expecting our first child.

Nobody here.

Okay, you can go. Thanks.

What the hell are we doing?

We've stolen a baby.

We've stolen a bloody baby.

Come on tiger.
Come on.

Walk to me.

The baby's a week old.

Little Chris-

to-

pher,

can't walk anywhere.

Well that's the kind
of negative parenting that

I've come to expect from you.


No! No, boy!

No!


Your dog saved our baby.

We thought it was going
to attack the child.

My dog's never bitten
a child in its life.

You're a good boy, aren't you?

Hey.


Are you a gorgeous?

You're a beautiful,
adorable little-

Oh, oh!

Uh, Colin.

Colin Stewart Lino.

Baby needs to be

change the fee-

I'm sure you just
carry on about nothing.

There's nothing.


Oh, yeah!

But what are we gonna do?

I mean we haven't
got any other nappies.

We'll get a towel and we'll cut
a nappy sized square out of it.

Of course.
And we'll use that.

Good idea, Colin.

That's a very good
idea actually.

Hey, what are you doing?

That's my towel.

Hey.

Oh, I didn't even realize.

I just grabbed
the first one I saw.

Well, why do we have
to use my towel?

Well, why do we have
to use my towel?

Look, this is ridiculous.

This is so petty.

Look, it doesn't worry me
whose towel we use.

Well, it doesn't
worry me either, really.

Okay, well, if it doesn't
worry you and it doesn't

worry me, we've just
got to use one of the towels.

So let's just use your towel.

Cole, don't start
that again, please.

We haven't got time
for that nonsense.

We're in a hurry.
Quick, pass me your towel.

Okay.
There you go.

Hang on.

Okay, fine.

We'll use my towel.

While we're arguing,
the little baby is suffering

in there with a dirty nappy.

Why don't we just
make a decision?

We're using my towel.

It'll be better this way anyway.

Good.

Well, why will it
be better this way?

Well, my, uh.

My towel's more hygienic.

It'll be cleaner.

I think my towel's cleaner.

All right, we'll use your towel.

Well, you turned around
rather quickly.

Okay, we'll use my towel.

Good.

We're going to use Cole's towel.

That was my towel.

Oh, was it?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, well, it doesn't
matter anyway.

That's right.
It doesn't matter.

So we use your towel too.

If it doesn't matter,
we use yours because it

doesn't worry me.
That doesn't worry you.

And because there's no problem.

It makes no difference
at all, does it?

So let's use both the cows
and then we'll be happy.

Because you don't seem to care
whether we use yours or mine.

Because-


thought it was an octopus.


Look, he's kicking
his little legs.

He's kicking his little legs.


Right.

Let's get that little nappy
on you, you little, aren't you?


Can't you do something
to shut this little thing up?


Are you alright?

I can't stand it.

I can't stand it anymore.


Hey.
-Get off me.

Hey, come on.

You knew that having a little
one would put extra strain

on our relationship.

What?

But come on, it's
for better or for worse.

Can you stop this marriage crap?

Are you saying that
you want a divorce?

If you say one more word
about us being married,

you'll be sorry.

There's another woman,
isn't there?


You cheated on me.

You cheated on me.

And if you're gonna
act like that, you can just

get out.

I don't ever want to see your
ugly two-timing face again and

take all your stuff with you.

I don't want it all around me
to haunt me, to remind me.

Frank, those were your CDs.

Mother.

Mother, I'm coming
home for a few days.

What?

Mother, he's changed.

When you see me,
it's not what you think.

I.

I walked into a door.

Put that down.
What do you think you-


Sorry, Frank.

I'm sorry, too, Cole.

I'm sorry about
all this ridiculous nonsense

I've been carrying on with.

It's just that having
this strange baby in our house,

it's really freaked me out.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

I probably haven't been
the best husband in the-


We're not married,
okay? Let's make that clear.

You're a man, I'm a man.
We're not married.

We never have been married.
We never will be married.

Right.
-Good.

Understood.
-Okay.

I'm sorry, love.

I'm sorry, too.

Oh.




Hello, sergeant.
-Hello.

We're here to.
Is it on?

I don't know.
How do you get it to record?

I don't know.
What's that line?

Do I know?
Does that mean it's on, mate?

Well, I'm not sure.

Yeah, I think we're meant
to be speaking now.

Cole, Cole, pick up the phone.

There's some cops
coming up on the flat.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, I wonder who that was.

Oh, well, I guess
we'll never know.

So how you doing?
Do you want some.

Do you want some coffee?
Tea?

Biscuit? Cake?

Do you want to sit
down or do you want to-


Are you fine?
Are you good?

Are you well?
Interested?

Fascinating miss.

Cole. Cole.

Hi.
Hi.

Hello.

Hello.
Are you fine?

Are you.
Are you good?

Are you well, like, how are you?

Tell me, would you like to
sit down and have a cup

of tea or a coffee?

The message said
to hide something.

Hide what?

Drugs.

Yeah, the drugs.

See, we're international drug
barons, and we've got drugs

stashed all over this place.

So now that we've been caught,
may as well hand them over.

There you go.

Well, might as
well take us away.

These are aspirin.
These are legal drugs.

Really?

Legal?

Are you serious?

How embarrassing.

All that effort to run
that worldwide secretive drug

ring, and you know
they're just legal.

How silly of us.

We're actually here
about a missing baby.

Baby?
-Baby.

Uh.

Get rid of the ploppy pants.

What was that?

What ploppy pants?

No, I didn't say ploppy pants.

I said, uh, poppy
plants, not poppy pants.

See where we've got heaps
of opium, uh, poppy plants.

All around the, uh,
all around the flat.

Yeah.
Hidden everywhere.

Oh, yeah.
Here's one.

Here's one just here.

That's a cactus.

Cactus?

Really?
Is it?

Let's get out of here, council.

It's a waste of time.

Who's next on the list?

Well, we've located
everyone on the scene

except for an Indian couple

called Govinda and Mirabai.

They seem to have disappeared
into thin air, and the

only other people we haven't
spoken to are the Drysdales.

All right, let's
get out of here.

Let's go.

Bye bye, then.
Bye bye.

Bye.
Bye bye.


Me me me me me me me.

Me me me me me me me me me me.

I'm Steve McQueen.

Me me me me me me.

From the great escape.

Me me me me me me me
me me me me me me.

I'm getting away from you cops.
Me me me me me me me.

Me me me me.

I'm taking all the drugs
with me me me me me me me

me me me me me me.

Did you hear what they said?

They're going to the
Drysdales now.

That gives me an idea.

We'll follow them to
the Drysdales, we'll find out

where they live, we'll swap
the babies, and then take the

other baby back to the hospital
with an anonymous note.

I agree.
It's unanimous.

No, it's anonymous.

It's pronounced anonymous.

Don't wake him.
Don't wake him.

We finally got him to sleep.

It wouldn't be fair.

One of us will have to stay here
and look after the baby.

And the other one will have to
follow the cops and find out

where the Drysdales
live, and then we'll

swap the babies back later.

Okay, I'll stay with the baby.

I'm not leaving you alone
with the baby.

All right, I'll follow the cops.

Where are the car keys?

The car keys?

There's no way I'm gonna
let you drive the car.

Well, how am I
gonna follow the cops?


I told you, Cole,
this is definitely the house.

And this is the baby's room.

There's a bassinet,
and there's an Australian

animal mobile with all sorts
of marsupials on it.

There's a koala and
a kangaroo and a platypus.

Although technically,
the platypus is not

a marsupial, it's actually one
of only two egg laying mammals

known as monotremes.
The other is an echidna.

Frank!

I don't give a stuff
about your biology lesson.

Let's just swap the babies
and get out of here.

All right.

Well, congratulations
on the boy again.

He must be so proud.

You don't mind if I take these
empty cans with me, do you?

Actually, we have
a man who comes

and collects our cans.

Oh, yeah, I know,
but I thought things.

I'm here, you know?

Sack, it's his designated area.

Okay, I'll lower this one down.

You swap him and
bring the other baby up.


Shh...


Mommy's coming, darling.

Don't you worry.

No!

Oh, Christopher.

Christopher.

Dennis.

Dennis, help me.

He's gone.

Where is he?
Where is he? No.


Where is he?

Oh, fantastic.

Now we've stolen two babies.

Frank, there's no time to chat.

We must run with the speed
of a thousand gazelles.

Get the lamp.

The stupid bloody lamp.

Stupid.

You stupid, stupid lamp.

They're taking out baby.

Somebody taking our baby.

Stop them!

There's the baby.
There's the baby.

I've got a plan.
I've got a plan.

Good, good, good.
-We're gonna drive really fast.

Good plan.
-Catch up out of the truck.

Good plan.
-Get really close.

Good plan.

And then you're gonna climb
out the window onto the bonnet

and grab the babies.

Bad plan.

Bad.
You are bad.

Bad planner.

Frank, go.


Frank!

Come on, Frank! Go!

Move closer.

Come on.
Come on.

That's it. Come on!

Come on!
Come on!

Well, I don't know
what you're doing.

How do we mean to be
getting the baby?

I'm okay.
I'm okay.


Poor little Chris-

to-

pher.




I know I got a lot of cans,
but honestly, they all

came from my designated area.

Really there.

Timmy.

You b*stard.




Although this must look amazing.

I hope someone gets a baton.

I swear, this is the first time
I've ever taken cans from

someone else's designated area.

This is terrible, Cole.

We're gonna spend the rest
of our lives in prison.

Frank, leave it to me.

I'm sure I'll be
able to explain.

Next time I explain.

♪ I've got a feeling.♪

♪ Got a bit of an inkling♪


♪ This is gonna be one
of those days.♪

♪ This is a show all
about me all about me.♪

All about me mum.

♪ And all the things I do.
And all that I see.♪

And all that I see.

[outro music]