03x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

# Where does our love lie?

# In the middle of nowhere

# Will it soon pass me by?

# In the middle of nowhere

# Baby, won't you tell me

# What am I to do?

# I'm in the middle of nowhere

# Getting nowhere with you

Doctor, I was wondering, have you got a minute?

What is it?

There's something wrong with my mouth.

Yeah?

It's making a funny noise.

What kind of noise?

Kind of...

(RASPY) I love you.

It's really weird.

(RASPY) I love you.

See what I mean?

How long's this been going on?

Since you've been working here.

Oh!

(RASPY) I love you. Ow!

Sometimes get pain as well.

Are you getting enough...

No.

..exercise?

Yes.

Bowels?

Regular.

OK. Right...

..I'll have a think.

Thanks very much. Thanks, Doctor.

(RASPY) I love you. Ow!

(RASPY) I love you. Ow!

Hi, can I have a coffee with skimmed milk, please?

Can I have a coffee with skimmed milk?

You've got to say something on the board.

You've got to say what type.

I just want a normal coffee, please.

You've got to say something like "Colombian select roast."

Skimmed milk, that's a skinny. You'd say "Skinny Colombian select roast."

OK, skinny Colombian select roast.

I need the size. A tallenda, regulareno or granderista?

Just normal size, bigger than a thimble, smaller than a bucket.

That includes the tallenda, regulareno and granderista.

I'd like to see the manager.

Someone to see the manageruccino.

I'm manageruccino, can I help?

This customeretta...

Have you got a problematte?

Can I have a skinny Colombian select roast in a granderista mug?

I don't know if she wants a to-go-tista or a frappe mocha mug.

Fill my bagissimo with complimentary coffee, pleaseuccino, thank you!

Stamp my card or I'll be latte for work. Ha-ha, latte. Gracias.

See what I did? I gave her those cappuccinos that didn't work.

That's why I like working with you, you're funny.

I'm wearing his pants!

I've been thinking a lot about us and I do want to be with you.

You know, with you for the whole...

And uh... I-I-I've been uh...

OK...

I wanna know if you'll do me the honour of...

Oh, oh.

Oh, gosh, erm...

Gosh.

Beth?

We'd better stand over there for this, don't you think?

By the river, yeah?

Look, OK...

I do... I'm sorry, where was I?

Beth.

Yeah?

Just...

Grab me by the shoulder and turn me round.

Oh, right. OK.

Seriously, it's very important to me that...

Yeah.

I've just been thinking so much...

What?

You don't have to go down on one knee. It's too much, yet not enough.

It's a bit done. I think you'll regret that later.

You want to do something memorable like come at me out of the mist.

What, sorry?

Like loom at me, go "I love you, can't live without you."

And then... that.

Mm.

Or at night, come smashing through the window dressed as d*ck Turpin.

You grab me, ravage me, then propose on the way out.

Obviously not that, it wouldn't be a surprise now.

You have to think of your own.

Just thought dinner by the river and a traditional ring...

It's just I'm not...

I don't want to do d*ck Turpin.

It's just not...

Beth...

I'm thirsty. Can we get a drink?

Yeah.

Orange?

Be Mowgli from Jungle Book, I'll be the girl with a jug on her head.

Do it again, more imaginative.

# Ooh, ooh, in love with you

# Every day, every way... #

Sorry, sweetheart, sorry.

Can I just... can we just go again but with...

bigger t*ts?

"You sure? We're very excited, it's great."

I want to try with bigger t*ts, it's going to sound better.

"Sure you don't want to get one track down clean?"

I'd like to try.

"All right. Can we?"

Thanks, babe.

"Not a problem, just turn these tit faders up."

"Great. Here we go."

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-hoo-hoo

# In love with you, in love with you

# So in love with you

# Why, oh, why, can't you see

# I'm so in love with you?

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# So in love with you... #

Hello, I'm Penny. I work for an Internet company.

I'm looking for a man who knows how to use the Internet

and can appreciate the person I really am, under the dress.

I have got a personality, I have got a personality,

I have got a personality, I have got a personality,

but I haven't got any other dresses.

(ROARS)

We're the Sutton Ladies first netball team!

CHEERING

We're looking for a man...

We're looking for a man...

..who's got his own minibus,

..his own whistle.

..and a loud voice.

ALL: Coach! Coach! Coach! Coach!

And also someone who can put up with Fran.

Ooh!

THUD

Watch it.

Come on, you, stop it.

ALL: Song, song, song!

ALL: # Sutton Ladies, Sutton Ladies, Sutton Ladies

# Sutton Ladies, Sutton Ladies, Sutton Ladies #

I'm not going to say anything. You can look and that's it.

If that isn't enough, you don't appreciate the finer things in life.

(COUGHS) I've got a castle.

(SCREAMS)

I'm not enjoying this, I hate it. Can we go back?

I want to go back. It's making me feel sick.

I'm going to fall in... (SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

(CRIES)

I mean it. I want to go back. I don't like it.

It's making me feel sick. (SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

I want to go back, don't do any more.

(LAUGHS)

'You can fricassee.'

'You can tenderise.'

'You can marinate.'

'You can flash fry.'

'You can really roast.'

'But it doesn't mean they won't leave you.'

'You are - women who cook too much.'

(SOFTLY) If you just stay back. It may be startled.

Right.

I want you to see it. Come here.

There, can you see?

Yeah.

Give me a... Excellent.

Stay there.

What's this? Look. Mm.

Hello. Mm?

Oh, look. Are you hungry? >

Hey, look what we've got. Hey? Some more? Mm!

Mm.

Oh, don't move, don't move.

Oh, look what you've got, look. Some more?

What you doin'? Oh!

THUD

Hey!

What're you doing? What're you doing? She was... Hey! Hey!

< What're you doing?!

Stop it. It's incredible... Will you stop it?

I've known him for years. He used to hang around my crowd.

What, Chiswick?

Bit dull.

Yes.

Quite dull.

He's nice, I like him.

He's lovely. It's nice wine, that.

Mm.

Sorry.

Between us we've got how much?

We had all that?

Three... That is... 14 francs.

Right.

After we've paid for the meal.

OK. Is that enough to get us a dessert wine... or cup of cognac?

Or that clear stuff that's 120% proof. What's that?

Don't know but it's fantastic.

How about if we get a pudding? In France you get a free aperitif?

No, French puddings are brilliant because they pack them with alcohol.

Do they?

I had a champagne vodka sorbet and I was sick.

Really?

Ask the waiter.

Garcon, nous ne sommes pas absolument pretes.

They look expensive.

It's OK. We can get twatted on one pudding between us.

Garcon, le liquide, qu'est-ce que c'est? Qu'est-ce que c'est que ca?

C'est liqueur d'abricot aux amandes avec le sirop de Kirsch.

Kirsch, absolute head f*ck!

Smashed on the fumes.

Notre specialite, un souffle chocolat et vanille avec du whisky..

BOTH: Whisky!

..du rhum...

BOTH: Rum!

..Calvados...

BOTH: Clear stuff!

BOTH: Oui, oui, oui.

We haven't got enough.

Right.

Garcon, on peut voir? Je peux voir?

Oui.

On peut voir le...?

Oui.

Terrible.

Pardon. Je suis desolee. J'ai slippe.

BOTH: Hammered!

Prends le photo, garcon.

BOTH: Merci!

BOTH: Fromage!

I couldn't speak French at all earlier on. Now I'm fluent.

On veut aller a la boite de nuit, avec nous? Maintenant?

Aller sur le Seacat avec moi?

I'm looking for someone I have nothing in common with.

Someone who treats me with indifference

and who I can have a life with that's routine and empty.

Someone with big hair like this and spends hours doing it

and it still looks sh*t.

A bit of a loser. Someone who pees in front of me.

Someone who smells like pate.

Oh, no, I'm over him. It's OK. Hooray!

CHANTS: I am making art, I am making art, I am making art.

I am making art, I am making art, I am... making art.

I am making ART, I am making art, I am MAKING art!

I am making art, I am making art, I am making art, making art!

I am... making... art.

I am... making... art.

I am veil, ball, veil, ball, veil,... veil,... veil,... ball.

Veil... ball...

I am available.

My name's Elizabeth Hurley.

I'm a genuine model.

# Ahh ha

I don't like that. Can I have less fire, please?

"Sorry, all right."

"Right."

# Ahh ah

No, I don't like the fire. Makes my voice sound hot.

"Right, we'll take it out."

No fire.

"We're with you."

# And I'm so lonely

Uh!

Uh!!

Uh! Whoo, yes, come on!

(PANTS)

Well played, Barbara.

(GASPS) Keep going, keep going!

Good hand.

I've joined a ladies choir.

< Great.

Oh, lovely.

We're doing the Carmina Burana.

Argh!

Is that with your church?

(GRUNTS)

Check.

Check.

How you finding the area?

Lovely.

We've settled in well.

Right! Eurgh!

Very relaxing.

Best of both worlds.

BANGING

It's rural but close...

(GRUNTING)

Argh!

Sorry... Just trumped.

This is just four cards each, Barbara

Is it? Bung one back.

GUITAR MUSIC

# Don't get me wrong

# I'm just a lab technician

# But not for long

# I'm also a drug magician

# Hoping to find a way into your mind

# The things I could do to you

# Would blow you away pharmaceutically speaking

# I want to get your white coat dirty

# I want to get inside your shirty

# I'm not a kid, I like to flirty with you

# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

# It's elementary, a formula made for two

# It's just chemistry to get a reaction from you

# Sample my drug

# And you'll get the bug

# And then you'll be mine forever

# You'll see that I'm cool and very clever

# I want to get his white coat dirty

# I want to get inside his shirty

# I'm not a kid

# I'm nearly thirty-two-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Look at me now I'm like a bird of some kind

# I'll show you how Just fall for me and you'll find

# It can be heaven, twenty-four seven

# Cos it doesn't take much to get high

# And you can even fly without wings

# She wants to make science history maybe

# Wants to unlock your mystery, baby

# She wants to make a massive baby with you

# One that can fly #

CHATTER

Remember, it's a g*y night. If they ask, we say we're g*y.

No, that's cool.

Hello.

You do know this is a g*y night?

We're aware of that, thank you.

Are you lesbians?

ALL: No.