02x16 - Family Feud

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

- Jee, I hope you have enough candles.

Let's see David's eight.

How old are you Mrs. Roper,

if you don't mind saying.

- Oh, no, no,

I don't mind,

if you promise not to tell anybody

- Oh, I won't.

- I'm a lot older than David.

[audience laughs]

- You're really looking forward to tonight, aren't you?

- Oh I really am.

Dinner at the Brookes is very special.

- What's so special about it?

- They invited us.

[audience laughs]

- Why not, you're good friends, aren't you?

- Oh Ann and I are,

but the men don't get along too well.

Stanley is convinced that Mr. Brookes doesn't like him.

- Oh, where do he get that idea?

- Mr. Brookes told him.

[audience laughs]

But honestly, since they've been rehearsing

the puppet show together, it's been just wonderful.

- Too bad, I'm gonna miss it.

- Oh, Jenny, listen, can't you leave your class early

just, just this once.

I mean, after all the puppet show was your idea.

- Okay, I'll try it.

- It oughta be good.

I've never seen Mr. Roper this enthusiastic.

- It's the first time in weeks he's been excited.

[audience laughs]

Too bad he has to waste it on the puppets.

[audience laughs]

- I got an ice cold beer.

- That sounds good to me.

[audience laughs]

- Is that you, Stanley?

- Ooh, let's have some fun.

Let's go see Helen.

- Wanna make up your mind,

you wanna have fun or do you wanna see Helen?

[audience laughs]

Hey, cutie.

How about a kiss?

- Okay, you can have a kiss.

- Not me.

[audience laughs]

Not me, the puppet, the puppet.

- How do you like the birthday cake Mr. Roper.

- I don't know, I haven't tasted it yet.

[audience laughs]

- Where have you been?

- With Brookes, rehearsing?

You know, he really likes my idea about doing a puppet show.

- That was Jenny's idea.

- No, it wasn't.

- Wasn't it Jenny who went out and got the puppets?

- Are you gonna tell me, it wasn't my idea

for me and Brookes to put on the show.

Huh? Huh?

- Yes I am.

- Huh?

[audience laughs]

- Why do you talk like I don't...

I don't have a single idea in my head.

- No Stanley, you talk like that.

[audience laughs]

[Stanley mimics farting sound]

[audience laughs]

What did you say?

- I didn't say anything.

He was just clearing his throat.

[audience laughs]

[Stanley mimics farting sound]

[audience laughs]

- There's nothing there either.

- Oh, I wasn't looking for a birthday present.

- Oh, that's good.

'Cause you didn't find one, did you?

- No.

- Ann.

[door bangs shut]

[audience laughs]

I was just talking to Roper.

About the puppet show for David.

David?

[audience laughs]

David, what are you doing in there?

- He's looking for more birthday presents.

- Oh, David, please.

I'm so just so disappointed.

- Me too.

I didn't find any big presents.

- He seen these presents,

and he's a little unhappy that they're small.

- David don't you know

that the best things come in small packages?

I mean, who knows what fun could exist in a tiny box.

Hey, this could be a...

A puzzle or a magic decoder ring or a wrist radio.

What do you think it is?

- Socks.

[audience laughs]

- Socks?

[audience laughs]

- Well, David, you can't have fun if your feet are cold.

[audience laughs]

I guess you better go outside and play, huh?

- Okay.

- Okay

Where did you hide the bicycle?

- Helen let me put it in her garage.

- Oh, I can't wait to see the expression on his face.

- Or we could give it to him now.

- Now?

Absolutely not.

No, when David sees his first bicycle for the first time,

it will be only after he's made a wish

and blown out his candles.

And then,

then I shall enter, bicycle in hand,

his dream come true.

What a glorious moment that will be.

- You think David will enjoy it too.

[audience laughs]

- Hi Mr. Roper, whats that?

- I'm making a spice rack for Mrs. Roper's birthday

you know, I don't wanna give it to her till tonight.

- What's the spice rack for?

- It's for spices.

You see Mrs. Roper is always complaining

about spending so much time looking for spices

that she ruins her dinner.

This way, she'll have her spices right at her fingertips.

- I bet she'll like that.

- Yeah.

Now it'll take her half as long to spoil our dinner.

[audience laughs]

- You didn't see my big birthday present, did you?

- That's for me to know and you to find out.

- Is it in our store room?

- No.

- Is in your store room?

- No.

- Is it in our garage?

- No.

- Is it in your garage?

- Huh?

[audience laughs]

- Is it in your garage?

- Hey enough of the third degree.

I'm not talking and that's it.

- Okay.

[door opens]

- Oh Roper.

Everything's set for tonight?

- Yeah, I'll bring the puppets over early

so we can rehearse.

- Ah, great.

Have you seen David?

- He was here just a minute ago?

- Thanks.

Oh that boy,

I've told him not to take things from the neighbor's trash.

[audience laughs]

- Hey,

that's mine.

- It's your trash?

[audience laughs]

- It's my spice rack.

- Ooh, of course.

On a handsome piece of work, it is.

[audience laughs]

- Hi dad?

- Hi David.

[audience laughs]

- That's his new bike.

[audience laughs]

New bike, what's he doing with his new bike?

- He's riding it.

- No, no, no.

That was supposed to be a surprise.

- You look surprised.

[audience laughs]

- I'm talking about David.

Wait a minute.

How did he find out it was in your garage?

- I don't know.

We were just talking and-

- And you told him?

- No, he was trying to get it out of me, but I-

- And he did.

You...You...You...You...You...Y.

[audience laughs]

hey who are you calling a you-you?

- You, you, you, you fool, you ruined everything.

- I didn't ruin anything.

Besides why'd you put his bike in my garage?

- Because we needed a space big enough to hide it,

and your mouth wasn't around at the time.

[audience laughs]

Oh.

[spice rack thuds]

[audience gasps]

- You broke my spice rack.

- How can you tell?

[audience laughs]

- What's broken?

- Brooke's broke your birthday present?

- Oh no.

What was it?

[audience laughs]

- Never mind, he ruined it.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Your husband ruined Helen's birthday present.

- Jeffrey.

- Well, he told David about his bicycle.

- Stanley.

- I didn't tell anybody about anything.

- Why don't you let me explain.

- Explain what?

That your brains are out to lunch?

[audience laughs]

- Jeffrey, in the house.

- but Ann?

- Jeffrey?

- In the house, Jeffrey.

[audience laughs]

- You too, Stanley.

- I don't wanna go in his house.

[audience laughs]

- Into our house.

[audience laughs]

[door bangs]

- I'm sorry, Helen.

- Oh, Ann, for heaven's sake, don't apologize.

Honestly, sometimes men behave like such children.

- Yeah.

- I wonder what gets into them.

- I don't know.

- I mean, just because Jeffrey was mad at Stanley,

doesn't mean he had to break my birthday present.

- Well, that's true.

But Stanley did tell David about the bike.

- Oh, well I'm sure he didn't mean to.

- Oh, that may be,

but you have to try to understand Jeffrey's feelings.

You know, a father giving his son his first bike.

- Oh, Ann, I do understand,

but that doesn't mean it was all Stanley's fault.

[Ann chuckles]

- Helen, I don't like to say this,

but it sounds like you're taking Stanley side completely.

- Look, Ann, I'm not taking anybody side.

Stanley just made a little mistake and Jeffrey overreacted.

- It's understandable.

Stanley can be very trying.

- And Jeffrey can be very snooty.

[audience laughs]

- Snooty?

Well, maybe he wouldn't be

if Stanley weren't always under his...

His snoot.

[audience laughs]

- Well maybe we oughta just stay away from you

all together.

- Maybe you oughta.

- And maybe we oughta start right now.

- If that's what you want.

- If that's what you want.

[audience laughs]

[door bangs]

[audience applauds]

- Well, David, if you're not having a good time,

just say so.

- I'm not having a good time.

[audience laughs]

- David?

- I thought we were gonna have a puppet show.

- Well we were, but we can't

because the Ropers aren't coming over.

- Why not?

- Because your mother had a fight with Mrs. Roper.

[audience laughs]

- Now, just a minute, I didn't start it.

I was sticking up for you after your fight with Mr. Roper.

- But Ann that wasn't a fight, that was a misunderstanding.

No, you and Helen had the fight.

- What?

- Oh you should have seen your mommy, David.

Her eyes flashing fire.

She stood up to that woman like a tigress.

- Jeffrey, stop telling David that nonsense.

You were inside, you didn't see a thing.

- Oh, but I could hear you, my love.

You were speaking quite loudly as you were doing now.

- Now, you listen to me, Jeffrey-

- Are you two having a fight?

- A fight?

No, we're not having a fight.

You see?

[audience laughs]

Ann, I think it's time for David to blow out the candles

and make a wish.

- I wish the Ropers were here.

- I said a wish, not a curse.

[audience laughs]

Come on Ann, now get the cake.

- It's over at the Ropers'.

- Oh, no.

All right, all right, all right,

we'll just think of something.

- Can I play with my train.

- Sure, we'll do whatever you wanna do.

Where are you going?

To the Ropers' that's where my trains are.

[audience laughs]

- David, you can play with your train some other time.

- But daddy said.

- Will you listen to your mother?

Oh, I'm getting such a headache.

[audience laughs]

- Me too.

No cake, no trains, no puppet show.

- Who says so?

We can have our own puppet show.

Jeffrey, get the puppet.

- Great idea, Ann.

Oh no.

[audience laughs]

- What's the matter?

- It's over at the Ropers'

[audience laughs]

- Boy, this is the worst birthday I ever had.

[audience laughs]

- Boy, this is the worst birthday I've ever had.

- Well, we all get older, Helen.

[audience laughs]

- You know what I mean.

Aren't you gonna finish your meatloaf?

- Oh, is that what it is?

[audience laughs]

- Come on, you've had leftovers before.

- These aren't leftovers, they're remains.

[audience laughs]

- I thought we were eating at the Brookes tonight,

that's why I didn't fix any dinner.

- At least we got the cake, and it's my favorite, chocolate.

- We can't eat that cake.

- Why not?

- Half of it is David's

- So we'll eat the other half.

[audience laughs]

- Oh no we won't.

Poor little David.

His birthday's been ruined enough already.

Who could have ever thought that Ann and I

could have a fight like that.

- Well, don't blame yourself, Helen.

I mean, Ann is getting as snooty as her husband.

- You think so?

- Yeah, well, it's only natural.

You know, when you live with somebody

you begin to act alike, look alike.

- Oh please.

[audience laughs]

I'm depressed enough already.

[audience laughs]

Oh.

I mean, to think that David is their very own child.

Wouldn't you think that they would at least come over here-

- And ask for the cake?

Yeah, and you'd give it to 'em too, wouldn't you?

[door bell rings]

- I would not.

after the way Ann talked me.

No siree.

Not if she got down on her knees and begged my forgiveness,

- Helen.

- I accept your apology.

[audience laughs]

- I didn't come to apologize.

- Then what do you want?

- I want to invite you and Stanley over

for ice cream and cake.

- That's like an apology.

[audience laughs]

- You're...

You're inviting us ov-

- Look, Helen,

I'm only doing this for David's sake.

His birthday will be ruined

if he doesn't see that puppet show.

- Well, all right.

For David's sake.

- I'll get the cake,

for David's sake.

[audience laughs]

- And the three bad rabbits, Flopsy, Mopsy and Popsie

were all arrested by the copsies.

[audience laughs]

[Jeffery laughing]

- Isn't that funny, David?

[Geoffery laughing]

[audience laughs]

You know, when my father told me that story,

I couldn't stop laughing.

[Geoffery laughing]

I guess it was the way he told it.

[audience laughs]

- Happy birthday, David.

- Oh boy, now I'm gonna have some fun.

- We've been having fun.

- No we haven't.

[audience laughs]

- Yes we have.

He just doesn't remember.

- I'll heat up the coffee.

- Oh, please don't go to any trouble.

- I don't intend to.

[audience laughs]

- Roper, you want me to take that from you?

- No.

- Fine, just put it on the table.

You can stand guard over it.

[audience laughs]

- Good idea.

- Coffee will be ready in a few minutes.

- While we're waiting.

Why don't we sit down and have a nice friendly chat?

- With who?

[audience laughs]

- Stanley, don't you remember?

We're doing this for David.

- Oh, yeah.

David, what have you been doing all day?

- Waiting for the puppet show.

- Neat.

So come on Brookes.

- Oh, come on David.

- Oh, yeah come on.

[Helen chuckles]

- I wanted the one with the orange nose.

[audience laughs]

- Boy, David, this is gonna be fun.

- Yes, Mr. Roper planned the whole thing.

- I think you'll like it anyway, David.

[audience laughs]

Your father will see to that.

- Oh, is he dropping out of the performance?

[audience laughs]

[Jeffrey clears throat]

- Ready? - Ready?

- Ta da!

[audience laughs]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

- Before we start tonight's show,

allow me to introduce myself?

My name is Gilbert.

[David and Ann cheering]

- And my name is Filbert.

[Helen cheering]

[audience laughs]

- We have a young man in the audience tonight,

his name is David Brookes.

Can you come out, David?

[Helen and Ann cheering]

Thank you, David.

Oh, you know, he's a smart boy.

He has a high IQ.

- What?

Hi IQ, high IQ

- I like you too.

[audience laughs]

- I made that joke up myself.

- Wait you hear the one that I made up later.

[audience laughs]

- You think you're so smart, don't you?

- You betcha.

- Yeah, well if you're so smart,

tell me what Louis XIV was responsible for.

- Louis XV.

[audience laughs]

- Quiet, David.

- Daddy that's no joke.

- Well, just sit there and laugh, David,

- Do you mind if we get on with this?

No, no, not at all.

[audience laughs]

- You know, I got a problem.

- Ha!

- My wife is missing and I don't know what to do.

- Oh, why don't you go to the police

and give them a description?

- They'd never believe me.

[audience laughs]

- Having fun, David?

- Yeah.

- Hey, would you mind telling that guy behind you

to cover his head?

It keeps shining on my eyes?

[audience laughs]

- [Jeffrey] I don't remember rehearsing that joke.

- That's the one I made up.

[audience laughs]

- Would you mind telling the guy behind you

that he's very lucky to have so much hair?

- Oh, you noticed, huh?

- Of course, it covers all the holes in his head.

[audience laughs]

- I don't remember that joke.

- And for your information,

baldness is a sign of intelligence.

- Then you must be a genius, baldie.

[audience laughs]

[Helen laughs]

[audience laughs]

[Filbert chuckles]

- I dare you to say that to my face, you idiot.

- Who are you calling an idiot?

- Not, not, not the dummy in your hand.

[Jeffrey shouts]

- That does it.

- Oh, I knew you'd ruin everything.

- Jeffrey.

- I'm sorry Ann, but I've lost my patience.

- Maybe its with your hair.

[audience laughs]

- You see? You see?

He's doling me.

- Just because he's being childish is no reason to-

- You don't have to sing it's all Stanley's fault.

- Who do you think started it?

- He did.

- He did.

Oh my head.

- He did.

- [Ann] You see?

You're making the same mistake again,

you're sticking up for him

- I think my first mistake was coming over here

in the first place.

- I think you're right.

[all clamoring]

- What's going on here, David?

- They're having a fight.

- Oh, well, we'd better get on with the party

ourselves then?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[all clamoring]

♪ Happy birthday dear David ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- What are they fighting about?

- About whose fault the fight is.

[audience laughs]

- Well, I know whose fault it is.

- Whose?

- Yours.

- Mine?

- If it wasn't for your birthday,

this whole thing never would've started.

Right, David?

Right? David?

- I guess so.

- So I guess you just better apologize to everyone

for having a birthday.

[audience laughs]

- I'm sorry I had a birthday.

[audience awws]

- Oh, David.

I'm so ashamed.

It's we who should be sorry.

- Oh, Ann, I don't know what to say.

- I do.

Happy birthday, Helen.

- Oh, Ann.

[audience awes]

[audience applauds]

- Well, Roper, I'm big enough to admit

it was all my fault.

- And I'm big enough to agree with you.

[audience laughs]

- I hope I'm not too late for cake and ice cream.

- Are you kidding?

If it weren't for you,

we wouldn't have anything to celebrate.

- Jenny, I'm so proud out of you.

Well, what you did would make the biggest fool

come to his senses.

- What'd she do?

[audience laughs]

- You see Ann everything is going to be fine.

Hey everybody, my headache has completely disappeared.

[cymbal bangs]

- Thank you for the present, Mr. Roper.

- My pleasure, David, my pleasure.

[cymbal bangs]

[audience applauds]

[upbeat music]