01x19 - Third Degree Ba-Burn

[bunniefuu]

- Ace McFumbles here with
the Sports Update.

Next Friday, our Bulldogs
are heading into

their biggest game
of the season--

the playoffs!!
[shaking camera]

This is huge!!

The last time we were in
the playoffs, I was just a baby.

Adorable!

Friday's game is
not gonna be easy.

The Bulldogs are playing
the Red Devils

led by legendary coach,
Mack Scully,

a man whose drive to win
is borderline crazy.

- You're playin' like
a buncha girls!

- [equipment thudding]

- [whistle shrills]

- Yikes!

And that was a game they won.

Good thing our Bulldogs
know how to keep it together.

Even with their
new playoffs status,

they're level-headed
and humble as ever.

- ♪

- Guys!

Just because we're
in the playoffs

doesn't mean you get to walk
around like you own the place.

- ALL: [mixed protests]

- Without me!

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪ You won't find
me in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah that girl
is one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made of spice
and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty...
she's pretty tough ♪

- ♪ Then add
a little glitter ♪

- ♪ She off in
a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you get...
you get... ♪

- ♪ A game changer,
play maker ♪

♪ Take the ball,
she'll see ya later ♪

- ♪ I'm on a dreamlike,
teamlike ♪

♪ Livin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ Play like Friday night

♪ Kickin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ One of the boys

- ♪

- Wow, look at this place!

- All right!

Hey, the cheerleaders decorated
the lockers for the playoffs.

- They really outdid themselves.

I just hope they didn't
forget about mine.

Ma girlz!

- Man, I cannot believe
all the perks you get

when you're in the playoffs.

I mean, everybody wants
a piece of The Troy now.

New contacts--Olivia,
Mattie, two Ashleys,

three Brookes and one Carl.

He seemed like a nice guy.

- Whoa, look, a new dawg
in the house.

- My stepmom Brenda
wanted to give me

a new look for the big game.

- And nice touch--
"B" for "Bulldogs."

- Actually,
it's "B" for "Brenda."

She insisted I wear it to seem
more like a "player."

So, I insisted she wear
longer skirts

to seem more like a "mother."
[laughs]

- Uh, Bella, can I speak
to you for a moment?

- Sure, Coach.
So, what's up?

Oh, did someone steal

your pizza pocket from
the teachers' lounge again?

- [chuckling] I only wish this
was about a pizza pocket.

I just received this letter from
the County Athletic Board.

Apparently, Mack Scully dusted
off some old rule books

and brought this
to their attention.

- [reading] "We hereby inform
you that Silverado West

"is in violation of
County Rule 146-B"?

"All middle school football
teams shall be comprised

of no less than 12 boys,
no more than 18 boys."

- And because you're
not a boy...

- They're saying I can't play?

- I'm afraid so.

I called the Athletic Board.
Uh, it's a technicality.

But because no one's ever
updated the rule,

they have to enforce it.

- But no one even knew this
stupid rule existed.

- Yeah, no one except
Mack Scully.

He's one of those old-timers

who believe in boys
on the football field

and girls in the kitchen.

- [laughs] Well, you won't find
this girl in the kitchen.

And it's not because I made
that bad batch of cookies.

Mack Scully'd better get
ready for a fight

because he is goin' down!

- That's what I'm
talkin' about.

Yeah, but let's not
tell the boys yet.

- You're right--they're
in such a good mood

and it would only upset them.

- TROY: What? Seriously?

- You guys were listening?
- TROY: No.

We were eavesdropping.
- SAWYER: Mm-hm.

Yeah, that's city-talk
for we were spyin' on you.

- TROY: Look, this situation
stinks, all right,

and we wanna help.

- It says here that we have to
get 5,000 adult signatures

for them to hold a hearing
about changing the rule.

- Five thousand?

That's like the entire
population of Silverado.

- But if we work together,
we can do it.

- Great--I'll contact
the Board

and let 'em know
we're gonna fight this.

Bella, you write up a petition.

Troy, Sawyer, you and the guys
get the word out.

Newt, uh...get rid
of that hairdo.

- Oh, thank goodness.

It's pulled so tight, I've lost
feeling in my eyebrows.

- ♪

- Wow, this spray glue
is heavy stuff.

Where'd you get it?

- My father uses it
on his model trains.

It's so strong, they made
it ill*gal in Canada--

after some lady got it on her
hand, then pet her cat.

- What happened?
- They got stuck together...

forever.

- Excuse me?

Do you know where I can find
the Bulldog cheerleaders?

- That's us.
- Great, here you go.

- Thanks.
- Woo, a Miss Takes' Cake!

I wonder who it's from?

- [reading]
"Welcome to the playoffs"

signed "The Red Devils
Cheer Squad"?

Huh, that's weird.

At cheer camp,
they were so snooty

they didn't even talk to us.

- Hm, I guess being
in the playoffs

gives us some cheer cred, eh?

- Yeah, we're finally getting
the respect we deserve.

[reading] "Good Luck,
Cheerlosers"?

- BOTH: [gasping]

- How dare they call us losers!
- And in icing, no less.

- You know what this means.
- We can't eat the cake?

- No, we're at w*r.
They pulled a prank on us.

- So, we can eat the cake.
- It's not about the cake.

It's about getting them back.

- Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
But I'm still eating the cake.

Devilled eggs
for the Red Devils.

Are you sure that's mean enough?
- I'm sure.

I made it with the eggs I found
in the cafeteria dumpster.

When the school throws something
out, you know its old.

Take a whiff?

- [gagging]

Perfect!

- ♪

- Hi, there, ma'am, would
you mind signing the--

This is harder
than I thought.

- Well, maybe these will help.

- We got 27 signatures at
my dad's dental office.

It was easy--

most of them were
under anesthesia.

- Thanks, guys,
I appreciate it.

But that's 189 in total.

I don't know how we're gonna
get 5,000 by tomorrow.

- You'll get there, mama.
Now we're off to the mall.

- Guys?
- To get more signatures.

- Yeah, plus,
I need new jeans.

I just ate a whole cake.
- Yeah.

- Oh, yes, The Troy
has done it again.

Sixty-seven names. Bam!

- "Shrek Johnson.
S.B. Squarepants."

"Dr. I.C. Buttcrack"?
- BOTH: [laughing]

- These are not real.

- So, we added a few
of our own.

No one's gonna notice.
- SAWYER: Yeah.

- Oh, Newt, have you
gotten any names?

- Yeah, a few.

Let's see...37, 38, 39.

In total, I have 5,239.
- Newt!

- What?
- How?

- NEWT: I attached
an online petition

to that video of me knocking
over the water cooler.

- TROY & SAWYER: [laughing]
- BELLA: What was brilliant!

Now we have enough names to
get the hearing tomorrow.

Thanks, Newt!
- NEWT: Oh...

- Hey, you're the Walk-
Into-Stuff Kid.

Ooh, will you walk
into something for me?

- I can't just do
it on command.

It has to come
to me naturally.

I--
- [fruit tumbling]

- MAN: [laughing]

- ♪

- Ooh, nice.
Where'd you get this?

- It was a gift from
the Red Devil Cheer Squad.

It itches a little, though.
- PEPPER: [gasps]

- Oh, man, what's
in this stuff?

What's wrong with
this stuff?

- Oh, no, they didn't.

The Red Devils put itching
powder in that lotion.

So that's how
it's gonna be, huh?

- What are we gonna do now?
- I don't know.

But we've gotta hit 'em fast
and we've gotta hit 'em hard.

- You mean with
a prank, right,

because with you
I can never tell.

- COACH SCULLY & WOMAN:
[laughing]

- Look at that guy
with his smug grin.

He won't have much to smile
about when I'm through with him.

- When we're through
with him.

We've got your back, Bella.
- That's right.

We stayed up late last night
doing all kinds of research.

- Really? You studied
the County law books?

- Nope, we watched
"Legally Blonde" one and two.

- The first one
was way better.

- Howdy, Phil.

Y'all come here to
lose to me again?

- Well, I expected something
underhanded from you, Mack,

but I didn't think you
would stoop this low.

- Underhanded? I'm not the one
that's breakin' the rules.

Football is a man's game,
always has been.

- Maybe in 1955, but newsflash,
this is a different century.

- [chuckling] Aren't you
a little firecracker.

- MAN: I hereby call
this meeting to order.

First, we'll take statements
from Mr. Scully,

then from Miss Dawson.

Mack?
- Thank you, Roy.

Howdy. New hair color?

Nice!
Don't you worry, Jimbo.

I'm startin' your boy in
the game this weekend.

- Objection!

- Young man, this is not
a court of law.

We're just taking statements.

- Right. Okay.

[laughs]
Proceed.

- All right, first of all,

I think it's important
y'all know that it is

with genuine concern
for this little lady

that I brought that rule
to your attention.

- Your Honor, may we
approach the bench?

- I'm not a judge and this
is not a courthouse.

Now will you please stop
interrupting Mr. Scully.

No more objections.
- Overruled!

Who said that?

- Now you all know
I'm not a bad guy.

But I bet you're
gonna think I am

when Miss Dawson gets
up here and tells you

how I'm crushin'
her sweet little dream.

And she's gonna bat
her eyelashes

and tug at your heartstrings

the way that you females
are so good at.

And y'all are gonna
be so charmed

that you're gonna forget
the real issue--

football is too
dangerous for a girl.

Thank you.

- Miss Dawson, it's your turn.

- Oh, you're probably
gonna need these

for the eye-dabbin' and such.

- [clearing throat]

Good afternoon.
I'm Bella Dawson.

I wanna share with you the stats

for the top-ranked
quarterback in the division.

Eight games, six wins,


two interceptions,


and a 61 percent
completion rate.

- That's pretty impressive.

But what does that
have to do with you?

- That quarterback was me.

- COACH, NEWT, SAWYER, TROY:
[shouting overlapping comments]

- Order in the court.
I mean...hush up.

- Here's the most
important stat.

I was sacked ten times.

I got back up ten times.

Too dangerous?

Not for me.

Playing football
is my dream.

And I think it's shameful
that someone

would pull up an outdated rule

just to stop a girl,
any girl,

from achieving her dream.

Thank you.

- Thank you, Miss Dawson.

We'll take this
under consideration.

- You k*lled it, Bella.

- Do you see this?
Goosebumps.

- Let's just hope it works.

- Now's the tough part--
waiting for the decision.

- We've made a decision.
- SAWYER: Oh, okay.

- Miss Dawson, you presented
a clear-cut case.

The panel has unanimously
agreed to revoke Rule 146-B.

Girls CAN play middle
school football.

- COACH/BULLDOGS:
[cheering]

- You're probably gonna
need one of these, Scully,

you know, for the eye-
dabbin' and such.

- NEWT, SAWYER, TROY:
[laughing]

- It looks like you'll
be seein' this girl

on the football field
Friday night.

- Actually, Miss Dawson,

the rule won't go into
effect for 30 days.

- ALL: What?

- Thirty days?

But the playoffs
will be over by then.

- I sympathize.
I...I really do.

But it takes 30 days to
overturn one of our rules

and that's a rule
I can't change.

I'm sorry.

- ♪

- ♪

- I can't believe it.

We're in the playoffs
and I'm not allowed to play.

Looks like Mack Scully got
what he wanted after all.

- Oh, I'd love to come
face-to-fist with that jerk.

- Bella, use my shoulder.
Cry on it.

Go ahead, cry on it.

Go ahead.

- Thanks, Pepper.

But I'm more in the mad stage,
not the sad stage.

- But isn't there anything
that can be done?

- I'm hoping so.

Troy texted me that
he has a plan

that will allow me to play.

Who knows? It might
just be a good one.

- So, we cut your hair,
give you a 'stache

and boom, you're a boy.

- Seriously, guys,
I appreciate the...

this.

But I don't think
it's gonna work.

- Don't worry, Bella, Newt's dad
is calling the Governor.

- Really? He is?

- Great. Okay.
Thanks, Dad.

- What'd he say?
- Did it work?

- Sorry, guys,
the Governor can't help.

Although, he did get us free
tickets for the state fair

with front row seats
to the pig races.

- I'll be backstage,
anyways.

- You guys, it's okay.

The playoffs aren't about me,
they're about the team.

- But you're a part
of that team.

- And I still am.

I just won't be
on the field.

I'll be on the sidelines
cheering you on.

- Bella, this isn't fair.

- You have to do what's
best for the team.

- I guess you're right.

- Yeah.

- You, guys, got this.

Have a great game.

- There may be one other
thing we can do.

What if she had a beard?

Oh, undo! Undo!

- Oh! Oh, she is not
a handsome man!

- ♪

- This is going to be
the best prank ever.

- What were you
spraying on there?

- Nothing.

- It says "Glue."

- No. [laughing]
This isn't glue.

This is g-l-u-e, you know,
which stands for...

Good Luck Unto Everyone?
- Oh, just stop.

Yeah, it's glue, but we
only did it because

you sent us that itching lotion.

- Because you sent
us rotten eggs.

- You started it--remember?

You sent us a cake that said,
"Good Luck, Cheerlosers."

- What? No, it didn't.

It said, "Good Luck,
Cheerleaders."

I called in
the order, myself.

Picture--or it didn't happen.

- Picture. It happened.

Say what now?

- It looks like it says,
"Cheerlickers"?

- Well, whatever it says,
it's insulting.

- How did this even happen?

- Where'd you order
the cake from?

- Miss Take's Cakes.

- Oh, no wonder.
They always make mistakes.

They gave my nephew
a "Happy Barfday" cake.

- Oh, looks like
we started it.

We're sorry.

Can we buy you guys some
prank-free hot chocolate?

- Sounds good.

- BULLDOGS:
Bulldogs! Bulldogs!

- SPECTATORS: [cheering,
applauding]

- [whistle shrills]
- REFEREE: You!

- Hey, uh, good luck, Mack.

- Yeah, same to ya, Phil--
now let's play some football

the way it's supposed
to be played.

Sorry you lost your girl,
but rules are rules.

[chuckling]
- [whistle shrills]

- All right, guys,
get out there.

Come on, let's do it.
Bulldogs, go, go, go!

- TROY: Come on,
huddle up, huddle up.

All right, guys,
this is the moment

we've been working
for all year.

I know Bella wants
us to be out here...

but it just doesn't
feel right.

Time out!
- [whistle shrills]

- CHEERLEADERS: Let's go,
Bulldogs, let's go!

- If Bella can't play,
I don't wanna play.

- ♪

- Me, neither.

- ♪

- Me, neither.

- ♪

- Me, neither.

- What's goin' on here?

- We're standing
together as a team

and forfeiting the game.

- ♪

- All right, then.

[whistle shrills]

Bulldogs forfeit.

Automatic win
for the Red Devils.

- RED DEVILS/FANS:
[cheering]

- Guys, are you crazy?

What were you thinking?

I told you not
to worry about me.

We worked so hard
for this and...and...

you guys are so awesome.

- I hope you're
not mad, Coach.

- Mad?
[laughing]

I couldn't be more proud
than I am right now.

- Thanks, Coach.

- You know what, Mack?
[laughing]

I don't care that you won.

My kids are
the real winners.

- [laughing] There's
only one winner here

and it's Mack Scully
and his Red Devils.

[groaning]

Oh!
- [material rips]

- ALL: [laughing]

- ♪

- You know, I've gotta say,

this was the craziest year
of football I've ever played.

But it was also the best.

- I just wish we had the chance
to play the Red Devils.

We'll never know
who was the better team.

- See you guys
at the Starcade.

Ah, Red Devils!

- Relax. We came here to
apologize about our coach.

- The truth is--he only
went after you because

he was afraid of
losing to a girl.

- What?
- Seriously?

- Mack Scully was
afraid of me?

- Oh, yeah, big time.

- This whole time,
Big Bad Mack Scully

was afraid that I'd beat him?

That's the biggest victory
I've had all season.

Make sure to thank
him for me.

- You got it.

It would have been
fun to play against

the best QB in the league.

It's too bad it
didn't happen.

- Wait.

Maybe it can happen.

- [crickets chirping]

- All right, the unofficial
playoffs are on.

Y'all ready?
- RED DEVILS: Oh, yeah!

- All right, heads,
you choose, tails, we--

- COACH: Hey!

- Coach.
- SAWYER: And we're busted.

- Uh, Coach, we were--
- COACH: Hey.

You kids can't do this--

without the lights on.
[whistles]

- [lights clicking]

- BULLDOGS/RED DEVILS
CHEERLEADERS: Wooo!

- Now that's more like it.
- Yeah.

- COACH: All right.

- Yo, Devils, you think you can
handle the Bulldogs?

- [laughing]
Oh, bring it, Dawson.

- I always do.

- Here we go.

- ♪

♪

♪ When the sun goes down

♪ And the lights burn out

♪ Then it's time
for you to shine ♪

♪ Brighter than
a sh**ting star ♪

♪ So shine no matter
where you are ♪

♪ Fill the darkest night

♪ With a brilliant light

♪ 'Cause it's time
for you to shine ♪

♪ Brighter than
a sh**ting star ♪

♪ So shine no matter
where you are ♪

♪ Tonight

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh

♪ Whoa-oh

♪ Brighter than
a sh**ting star ♪

♪ Shine no matter
where you are ♪

♪ Tonight

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh

♪ Whoa-oh

♪ Brighter than
a sh**ting star ♪

♪ Shine no matter
where you are ♪

♪ Tonight

- ♪