02x18 - Tailgating

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- TROY: Behold, friends.

Reason number 227
the universe created football.

- ALL: Tailgating!

Whoo!

- Ah, Silverado AM
versus Southern Oklahoma.

This party is gonna be awesome.

- Yep. I'm psyched
for the tailgate games.

Finest sporting events
ever played

in a college
football parking lot.

Like beanbag toss.

- Troy, we're gonna crush
everyone again.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, remember last year

when we beat that kid so bad
he cried.

- BOTH: [laughs]

- I do.

I remember it
once a week with my therapist.

- Oh, that was you.

Good times.

- BOTH: Bam!

- Hey, Newt,
wanna play my favorite game?

How much cotton candy can I eat?

Spoiler alert, all of it.

- BOTH: Bam.
- Ow.

- You all better save room for
some of my dad's famous chili.

It's super popular.

If you get lucky,

he might even autograph
a can of beans for you.

- I got pinto last year.

The classiest of beans.

- Hey, uh, have you guys seen
Zach Barnes?

He's supposed to meet us here.

- Zach Barnes?
- You invited Zach Barnes?

- How could you?

- What? I thought you liked him.

- Yeah, that's
exactly the problem.

I do like Zach.

I like, like him.

I scribble his name
in my playbook

and dream about us
growing old together

and drinking tea
on a porch swing.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Yeah, but Zach
can't know that.

He has a girlfriend,

and I promised her
I'd stay away from him.

- Bella, look,
you can't blame me

for not keeping track
of all your boy drama.

sh**t, girl,
you love life is confusing.

- Pfft, tell me about it.

Try being her wing woman.

Which I love.

- ♪

♪ You won't find me
in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah, that girl
is one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made
of spice and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty
and pretty tough ♪

- ♪ And add a little glitter

- ♪ Three yard's
in a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you got, you got

- ♪ A game changer,
a player maker ♪

♪ Take the ball,
she'll see it there ♪

- ♪ I'm on
a dream like team ♪

♪ Like living like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it going, going

♪ She got it going on

- ♪ I'm gonna play like,
Friday night ♪

♪ Kick it like one of the boys

- ♪ She got it going, going

- ♪ One of, one of the boys ♪

- BOY: Silverado A&M, fight,
fight, fight until the end.

Don't give up, don't give in.

A&M, we always win!

- [crowd cheering]

- Troy, I promised
to stay away from Zach.

I need to stay away from him.

- What'd you want me to do?

- Uninvite him now.

- I can't. We're bros.

We bonded over his knee cart.

Well, not so much bonded
as I rode it down a stairwell

and crashed it.

But dude was supercool about it.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Simple.

Just tell Zach
you promised his girlfriend

you'd stay away from him.

- What?
- No!

- This is why Niecy Johnson
broke up with you.

- Why you gotta
bring up Niecy?

- If I tell him
about the promise--

- She'd have to tell Zach
she has a crush on him.

- Which would be
the worst thing ever.

- Boom, drama b*mb.

- Okay. Okay, uh...backup plan.

Pack your bags, move to Canada,

hide from Zach
for the rest of your life.

Good, right?

Yeah, you're good.

- I just wish there was a place
I could hide from him

for the rest of the tailgate.

- Uh, what about
Sawyer's chili tent?

- Good idea.

Sawyer, uh--
- Oh.

- Isn't your dad's chili tent
on the other side of the lot?

- Yes, which means I probably
won't be seeing any of you

for the rest of the day.

- Uh, that's perfect!

- Well, that was harsh.

- No, perfect for me.

I'll come help you.

And, Sawyer, we all love you.

- Sorry.

Just sometimes
I feel you all think of me

more as teammate than a friend.

- Oh, Sawyer.

- Wait. Was that a yes or a no?

- ♪

- [laughs] And another win
for Troy and Sophie.

- That's how we do.

- BOTH: Uh! Uh! Bam!

- Oh, I think it's time
for the coronation.

- Yes.

- And your tailgate crown,
My Lady.

- And yours, Tailgate King.

- Oh, thank you.

- Aren't those
your homecoming crowns?

- Not today.

Today they're the crowns
for the tailgate king and queen.

Hello.

- You know, Troy, I'm starting
to think you invited me here

just so you could beat me
at beanbag toss.

- Uh-huh, that's right.

- Let's go get you some food.

And maybe some new friends, too.

- Bye, Alicia.

- [laughs] Yes.

Hey, Newt, you wanna challenge
the king and queen?

- No way.

You guys always beat me
and rub it in.

Plus, I don't even have
a partner anymore

after the smack you guys talked
to your brother last year.

- Luis still
isn't talking to me.

It's awesome!

- [laughs]

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, Pepper,
can be your partner.

- Yeah, that sounds great.

- What?

No, run, Pepper.

Run while you still can.

- Oh, come on, Newt,
she wants to play.

Let her play.

- Yeah, it'll be fun.

- See? He said it'll be fun.

- He is a liar.

- Please, I've seen you guys
play before,

but I've never played myself.

- No.

- Please, please, please,
please, please, please.

- Pepper.
- Please.

- You know I can't say no
to seven pleases.

Fine, we'll play.

- Yes!

- [laughs] Back in business.

- Whoo!

- ♪

- And my granddaddy's
granddaddy

forged these very kettles
out of Civil w*r cannonballs.

- Uh, my mom makes chili
in a stainless steel pot.

- [clinks]

- Stainless steel?

We Huggins don't abide
any of that fancy nonsense.

We cookin' chili,
not crumpets for the queen.

- Bella, you are this close to
losing your signed can of beans.

- Well, dang it, all this talk

of fancy cookware's
upsetting my baby.

Come on, Sawyer,

let's go get some towels
from the supply truck.

- Sorry 'bout that, Dad.

She's more of a teammate
than a friend.

- Well, that explains it.

- Bella, is that you?

- Hey, Zach, I just dropped
my lucky...

pebble.

We've been through
a lot together.

Mwah.

So, what's up?

What are you doing here?

And when are you leaving?

- Uh, not until
I'm full of Huggins' chili.

I love it. Come here every year.

- Good to know.

Wish I knew sooner.

- Why?

- Oh, nothing.

So where's Alicia?

- Oh, she's coming.

- She is?

- Yeah, you can say hi.

We haven't seen you
since your party.

- You know,
I would really love to say hi,

but I have loads of onions
to chop.

- But we barely
had a chance to catch up.

Here, scoot over, I'll help you.

- I would love to,
really would,

but you know how onions are.

Making people tear up.

So annoying.

You don't wanna be
around all this.

- Oh, geesh.

That's cool,
onions never make me cry.

- How awesome for you.

- No, the only thing that
makes me cry is hot peppers.

- Whoa, is that Alicia buying
a Southern Oklahoma shirt?

- What? She wouldn't.

I don't see her anywhere.

- Yeah, she is--she's over...

oh, maybe I was wrong.

My mistake.

Here, try some of this
to see if it's ready.

- Well, don't mind if I do.

[slurps] Oh!

That's hot! Water!

I need water.

- Oh, I should have told you
it was spicy.

Sorry,
but there's a water fountain

way at the other end
of the parking lot.

You should go.

Way, way, way, way over there!

Go!

Someone get this boy some water!

Oooh.

- ♪

- Pepper, this is
your last chance to back out.

This isn't a game to them.

It's an excuse to be horrible,
horrible people

who say
horrible, horrible things.

- [laughs] Really, Newt?

I don't think my best friend
would play a game with me

just to say horrible things
about me.

- Ha, we win!

Pepper, you stink!

You could put
a bowtie on that lawn chair

and it would score
just as many points as you did.

- Newt was right.

You two are horrible.

- Well, when you're amazing,
you're above judgement.

[laughing]

- Why do you guys
have to be so...evil?

- Oh, Pepper, I'm sorry.

I guess I sometimes forget that
not everyone's good at games.

Or using their arms and eyes
to do things.

[laughing]

- [laughing] Yes!

She's even worse than Newt.

I didn't even think
that was possible.

- BOTH: [laughing]

Uh, uh! Bam!

- Well, I warned you, Pepper.

[sighs] Time to call
my therapist.

- Can I get in on that?

- I'll put him on speaker.

- [laughing] Yes.

- ♪

- SAWYER: Pretty good, right?

- That's amazing.

- The secret is we've used
the same skillet

for six generations.

Never been washed.

Probably tasting

some of my great grand-pappy's
original batch right now.

- Mmm.

- Hey, Sawyer, you mind
going to get some cornbread

from the supply truck?

I'm gonna stay here
and keep an eye on this kettle.

I don't trust that one.

It was a Confederate cannonball.

- Uh, I'll go with you, Sawyer.

Zach might come back here,
and I can't be here if he does.

- Why are you avoiding Zach?

Is something going on
with you two?

- Oh, it's nothing.

It's just so frustrating
sometimes, you know?

I mean, he's with Alicia,
and I'm stuck in the middle.

And all I--
- I had to ask.

- --every time we're this close
to connecting,

it's like the universe
conspires against us.

Not to mention--
- We're here.

Thank goodness.

- Where was I?

Oh, yeah, okay, the universe
hates the idea of Zella.

That's the name I came up with
for me and Zach.

It was either that or Back.

Yuck.

Ugh!

This would all be so much easier

if I didn't have
this huge crush on Zach.

- What?

You have a huge crush on me?

- Uhhhh...

- Okay.

- Well, this bicycle
is one wheel too many.

- ♪

- Did you just say
you have a huge crush on me?

- What? No.

What you heard was,
I have a huge crush on--on Jack.

He's a boy...from my school.

Yep, a boy from my school
named Jack.

That is who I have a crush on.

- What's his last name?

- Uh, uh, I don't know.

I just have a crush on him.

It's not like I married him.

Gotta go.

Oh, no, Alicia.

[sighs]

- You say you have
a crush on me,

and now you're hiding
from Alicia.

Bella, what's going on?

- Uh...you see, uh...

Fine.

Okay.

Remember that time I asked you
to come over to my house

to watch the game?

Well, it was supposed
to be a date.

Only you brought a date.

Your girlfriend, Alicia.

And when she figured out
I liked you,

I promised her
I'd stay away from you.

- Wait, seriously?
Stay from me?

Bella, that's ridiculous.

I'm not gonna
just break up with Alicia

because you tell me
you have a crush on me.

- I'm not asking you
to break up with Alicia.

And for the record,
I tried really hard

not to tell you any of this.

- Mm, that's funny.

You're usually pretty good
at not telling me things.

Like when you didn't tell me

I wasn't your only date
to homecoming.

- Ooh, you wanna talk
about homecoming?

Let's talk about last year
when you stood me up because

[whining] I beat you
at football.

- Hey! Pretty sure I didn't
cry...in front of you.

Anyway, it doesn't even matter,

because you're just gonna
change your mind tomorrow.

- Uh, I don't do that.

- ZACH: Oh, really?

When I like you,
you don't like me.

When I don't like you,
you like me.

You're in, you're out.
You're in, you're out.

I mean, you're like
a walking Katy Perry song.

- Well, you don't have
to worry about that anymore.

Because I am definitely out.

- Fine!
- Fine!

- Great!
- Super great!

It's suck. It won't open.

Help!

I'm stuck in here with a jerk!

- And I'm stuck in here
with a crazy woman!

- Help!

- BOY: Silverado A&M, fight,
fight until the end!

Don't give up! Don't give in!

A&M, we always win!

- [banging on door]

- A little bit louder,
a little bit worse!

Silverado A&M fight,
fight until the end!

Don't give up! Don't give in!

A&M, we always win!

- ♪

- Ha, ha!

Game, set, and match.

Now go home
and think about what you did.

- You're mean.

- Uh-huh, that's right.

[laughs]

- [laughs] Doth anyone else
have the courage

to challenge tailgate royalty?

- We doth.

- What?

No, no, no doth.

We doth not.

- Someone has to teach
these monsters a lesson.

We want a rematch.

- No thanks.

I never thought I'd say this,
but...

I'm kinda getting bored
of beating you.

- Yeah, there's got to be
some other saps around here

we can victimize.

- I saw Coach eating
some ribs by himself.

- Oh, word?

- [laughs]

- PEPPER: Wait.

What if we make it interesting?

- What do you have a mind?

- Yes, crazy person,
what do you have in mind?

- You guys call yourself
the king and queen of tailgate.

But what good are a king
and queen without servants?

- Go on.

- One more game,
if you guys win,

we'll be your servants
for the rest of the day.

But if you lose,
we're the king and queen,

and you have to be our servants.

- Sounds good to us.

- Pepper,
you cannot be serious.

- Oh, I most definitely am.

We're going to hit your butt.

- Do you mean "kick our butts"?

- Yes.

Kick your butts.

I'm sorry,
I'm new to trash talking.

- Obviously.

- ♪

- Oh, come on, open.

- If that ladle doesn't work,

there's a box of sporks
right there.

- I'm sorry, should I try

one of your super effective
jewelry tools instead?

- Maybe you should
try your phone

for the zillionth time and see
if we still have no reception.

- Ha, ha, funny.

Dang it.

- Yes! I got it.

The vent's loose.

- Pry it off.
- I'm trying.

- Here, let me help.

- Oh, no, Zach, are you okay?

- Yep, I'm fine.

But the ladle didn't make it.

- All right.

Can you hoist me up
so I can crawl out of the vent

and unlock the door
from the outside?

- Sure.

- I just want to apologize
for what I said earlier.

- Me, too.

- Look, I don't want it
to be awkward anymore.

Can we just be friends?

- Of course, I would like that.

Here, let me give you a boost.

- Because it's clear
we shouldn't be together.

- Yeah, it would never work.

- Let's just put an end
to the drama once and for all.

- Totally.

Lift you on three.

- BOTH: One, two...

- Zach?

- Alicia.

- Man,
now I'm the fourth wheel.

- Alicia, it's not
what it looks like.

He--he was helping me
up to the vent.

- Alicia, wait!

What was I thinking?

- I'm sorry, Bella.

She was waiting
at the chili stand for Zach.

And I asked her to come
help me get some supplies.

I had no idea
you two were still here.

- It's not your fault.

- Bella, I can only imagine
what you're going through.

You and Zach
and all those feelings that--

Hey, did you all break my ladle?

You know what?

We'll talk later.

- ♪

- Now, before we begin,

I just wanna go over
some of the rules.

- We know how to play the game,
Troy.

- No, I mean the rules
of being my servant.

- First, do not
look me in the eye.

Secondly, I will never
call you by name.

If I need you, I will--[claps].

And finally, only refer to me
as Your Highness or...Big Papa.

[laughs]

- All right.

Here we go.

- Ha!

- [crowd cheering]

- Huh?

- Uh, what was that?

- Oh, that?

That was just the end
of your reign, Big Papa.

- ♪

- [crowd cheering]

- ♪ How you like me now

♪ How you like me now

♪ How you like me now

♪ How you like me now

♪

- [crowd cheering]

- ♪

- [crowd cheering]

- ♪

- Yes! We win!

- Yeah, you got dropped, suckas!
[laughs]

- BOTH: Mm, mm, bam!

- What is going on?

- Allow me to enlighten you.

I was so annoyed with you two
being such jerks to Newt

at last year's tailgate.

So I suggested to Newt
we get you back.

- We've been practicing
in my backyard every Sunday.

- Every Sunday?

Wait.

Is that why you missed
my slumber party?

- Training.

- Abuela's birthday?

- Training.

- My open mic night?

- We just didn't
wanna go to that.

- And today,
we pretended to stink

just to lure you in
to making the bet.

[gasps] Which reminds me.

I believe you have some crowns
that belong to us.

- But...I like being queen.

- And I'm gonna love it!

- Come on.

Thank you.

[clears throat]

My Lady.
- My Lord.

- Now, fetch us some churros.

- Yes.

- Yes, what?

- Yes....Big Papa.

- Uh, feels good to be king.

- ♪

- [crowd cheering]

- Bella, I think
enough time has passed.

Do you want to talk about this?

- I set out to not ruin things
for Zach,

and that's exactly what I did.

I feel horrible.

- Actually, I was talking about
my ladle.

You owe me $4.67.

Oh, look, the other culprit.

I'll leave you guys
to your feelings and such.

But I will expect
prompt reimbursement.

- Bella--
- Zach, listen.

Before you say anything,

I want to apologize
for what happened today.

It was totally my fault.

And I never meant
to get in the way of you--

- No, Bella,
I broke up with Alicia.

- You did?

- It's not fair for me
to date her when I like you.

- I like you, too.

- So this is really happening?

- Wow.

I think it is.

So, what do we do now?

- I think I have an idea.

- ♪

- [fireworks exploding]

- [crowd cheering]

- Oh, did I just see fireworks?

- Yeah, pretty good kiss, right?

- Hey! A&M won.

[laughs]

- And these fireworks amazing.

But they're so bright.

[claps] Sunglasses.

- Here you go.

- Do not look me in the eye.

- Right.

- [claps]

- ♪

- [fireworks exploding]

- ♪

- Man, I'm sick of being
Newt and Pepper's servant.

- Yeah, Newt's been making me
get him churros all day.

Just to throw 'em at me.

- Hey, why don't we hide
in Sawyer's truck?

They'll never find us in there.

- Good idea.

- What was that?

Did that lock?

- It won't open.

We're stuck.

- Ooh.

- [banging on truck]

- Can anybody hear me?

- Sophie?

- Sawyer?

Troy and I are in here.

Can you open the door?

- Nope, not falling
for that one again.

- BOTH: Sawyer!

- ♪

- ♪