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02x21 - North Pole Cat/He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats". Aired: September 3, 1984 – September 30, 1985.*
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Each episode featured two segments, one being about Heathcliff and his friends, while the other featured The Catillac Cats.

02x21 - North Pole Cat/He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Heathcliff, heathcliff,
no one should ♪

♪ Terrify their neighborhood

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ Playing pranks on everyone

♪ There's a race to be on top

♪ The competition
doesn't stop ♪

♪ Mixing with
the ladies fair ♪

♪ Being charming, debonair

♪ The g*ng will reign supreme

♪ And no one can deny-y-y-y

♪ They'll make dump history

♪ And always have
an alibi-i ♪

♪ So join in the jubilee

♪ The cats are great,
they'll all agree ♪

♪ Find in each calamity

♪ The cats' superiority

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh

♪ Heathcliff, heathcliff,
no one should ♪

♪ Terrify their neighborhood

♪ But heathcliff
just won't be undone ♪

♪ You should realize

♪ He can win it with you

All right, spike.
You're a dog,

But now, you're
a fully trained
bull.

[Grr]

[Grr]

No!

[Grr]

No!

[Grr]

Spike's up to his
old tricks again.

He just won't learn.

Aah! Aah!

Oh.

Hmm?

[Toreador music playing]

Olé!

Spike: ow!

[Grr]

[Roar]

[Crash]

Hee hee hee! Huh?

Come on, you
bullheaded mutt.

[Rowr]

Uhh...hmm.

You don't think I'd try
the same trick 3 times, do you?

[Grr]

Whoa!

Thanks, heathcliff.

Here's your mail.

How about that?
Yours and iggy's
letters to santa

Were returned, too.

That's
the tenth one today.

I wonder
if santa's quitting.

Ah!

Santa quitting his job?

Time to pay a visit
to the north pole.

Now to get to santa's.

Now, let's see.
I need a dogsled--

And I know the perfect dog.

[Snoring]

Huh?

Mush. Go!

You're going to pull
my sled to the north pole
so I can see santa.

Oh, that's cute.

Oh, heathcliff,
if I get
a red nose...

♪ Can I guide you
to santa tonight? ♪

Now! Mush!

What a heavy storm.

Stupid, ugly doll.

Same dumb toys
every year. Pah!

Wish I had
a real job.

[Honk honk]

Tuck! Front and center.

Tuck, are you happy
at your job?

How could I be?

Christmas
is a scam--

Making kids
be good all year

So they can get toys
on one day.

It's a good reason
for them to behave.

We get their letters
way in advance

Telling us what
they want for christmas.

It's come to my attention
that some of these letters
were sent back.

Sounds like the work
of someone mean
and despicable

Who hates christmas.

Like you.

A lotlike me.

Well, I've gotten word
from the big man
to let you go, tuck.

You're fired!

You can't fire me,

Because I quit.

Mush! Mush,
you mule, you.

Make tracks,
little doggy.

I've had it!
I'm not going to
be treated like...

Some donkey out here
in the middle of
this ice bucket.

Anyway, I don't
want to see santa.

I haven't been
good all year,

And I don't need
to be told that.

Ohh!

Whoa!

Aah!

Ohh!

Oof!

[Wham]

I think we're here.

What makes you
think that?

Because you hit
the north pole
pole, big guy.

I don't even know
why we're here.

Oh, they want to
see santa.

We'll just see
about that.

We're in this together.
Now let's get going.

Whoa!
Aah!

This ice won't hold
forever, spike.

We'd better
take it slowly.

Then this'll crack you up.

[Rumbling]

Huh?

Ohh!

Hope you guys
brought your
swimsuits!

Whoa!

Good thing we've not eaten
all day, or we'd be sunk.

Then eat
this, buddy!

Oh! Uh!

Aah!

Have a nice day!

[Honk honk honk]

Keep cool, old boy. I'm going to
find this mischief-maker.

I won't have to
look far.

[Grr]

Now for ammunition.

Incoming.

Charge!

Aah!

Aah!

That oughta keep
the little runt busy.

[Animal growls]

Uh-oh.

Spike's going to be
dog meat if I don't hurry.

[Sniffing]

Aah!

Whoa!

[Rowrrr]

Spike!

[Rowr]

Tuck: help me!

[Crash]

Uh, what
do you think?

Santa may be watching.

Tuck: help me!

[Roar]

[Panting]

Thanks.

The least we could do
after all you did for us.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm going through
a difficult time
right now

Trying to figure out
if I should be a good
elf or a bad one.

What have you
decided?

Being bad means
being cold, hungry,
and out of work.

Hopefully, santa
will take me home.

Santa
threw you out?

Yeah. I returned
all those kids' letters
they sent to him.

That's why
we came up here--

To find out
what was going on

And to give these
back to santa.

I think I can
arrange a meeting.
Follow me.

Wow!

So this is where
all the toys are made.

Ah, it's a living.

So, you're back, tuck?
It's a jungle
out there, huh?

Actually, it's
a blizzard out there.

But, yes,
I want to come back.

I'm not the one
you have to ask.

Ok, ok. I'll go.

Come on, guys.

Come right in.

Tell him about
the letters.

Y-you tell him.

Uh, santa, these letters
were returned to us,

And we're here
to give them back.

I...guess
it's all my fault.

I sent back
some of the letters.

I'm sorry. Please
take me back, santa.

Well, that's a start.

All right, tuck.
You can have
your job back.

And I want to thank you two
for returning the letters.

Hmm. Mmm.

Mmm!

Very good! Very good.

Hmm. You've been
a good cat this year,
haven't you, heathcliff?

Oh, yeah, santa.

I've been a very
good kitty this year.

Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.

Ow!

Ow! Ooh! Ow!

h* h* h*!

And you, spike?
You haven't been chasing
any mailmen, have you?

Not a one.

Ow!

Ow!

Oh! Oh!

h* h* h*!

Well, returning these letters
is a good deed

That wipes out
a lot of the mischief you two
have been up to all year.

I believe you'll need
a ride home. Correct?

Yes, santa.

Yeah, santa.

Fine. Tuck, go to the stable
and saddle up my sleigh team.

I'll take these two home.

♪ We're going on
santa's sleigh ♪

♪ We're going on
santa's sleigh ♪

Tuck, would you
like to come along
for the ride?

Hooray!

Here we are.

Thanks for
the ride, santa.

Be good, tuck.

Remember what santa said
about us being good
to each other?

Ok, spike.
I will.

Aah!

Ha ha ha!

Well, maybe we'll
start tomorrow.

Take that!

Aah! Ooh!

Ow! Oh! Ooh!

Take that!

[Mungo humming]

Huh?

For goodness sake,
I feel a quake.

Hector: mungo,
put the hill down.

Uh...all right,
hector.

Yaa!

Man: potatogram
for mungo mcmungo.

Mungo mcmungo?
That's me.

Mungo! You're
supposed to
read it,

Not iron it.

Duh, it's from
granny mcmungo in ireland.

Granny: dear grandson,

Your baby brother m1ngo
is out of line.

He's been running
with a tough g*ng of manx cats,

And I fear he'll end up
in the alley.

I've done all I can for the lad,

And now I put him
in your loving care.

He'll arrive on the next
potato boat.

Y-you can count
on me, granny.

He won't be
no trouble.

Huh?

Hey, jack, give those back!

Oh!

Aah!

Heh heh heh!

Hee hee hee!

Duh...

Mungo!
m1ngo!

Boy, you sure
have grown.

Kid brother or not,
mungo, I say he goes.

[Gasps]

But, boss,
I promised granny.

He stole my poems,
he ate our food.

I say the punk
is just no good.

Aw, the kid
ain't so bad.

Yaa!

He's worse
than bad!

Duh, he's just sowing
a few wild potatoes.

Cleo: let me
talk to him.

I guess we all thought
you'd be smaller,

But here, anyway.

Duh, thanks,
miss cleo.

Nobody ever knit me,
duh, booties before.

These are
better than dice.

Whoa!whoa!whoa!

Duh, he's
getting away.

Thanks, mungo.

[Sniffing]

Duh, hey! Hey, hey, hey.

At last,
a little action.

Yeah!yay!oh!

Oh, isn't that
riffraff's car?

Used to be.
Ya care for a spin?

Hold it right there,
tuna breath!

I'm madcap mel, leader
of the bad news cats.

Duh, used to be
the leader,
you mean.

Heh heh heh!

And those
are our girls!

Hey!

Hey! Ooh!

[Clang]

Used to be
your girls, you mean.

Ha ha!ha ha ha!

Ohh! Oh...

What are we going to
do, madcap?

Enlist him.
He's a classy cat.

I like his style.

Female: oh, m1ngo,
you're a party animal!

m1ngo: ♪ I'd love to see
my granny smile ♪

♪ When I go back
to the emerald isle ♪

[Laughter]

Duh, I think we're
getting warm, boss.

[Cheering]

What was your
first clue, mungo?

Hee hee hee!

Duh, hi, big brother.

My bed! My refrigerator!

My lamp!

m1ngo: used to be.

Mel: we're taking over
this pad.

A junkyard joust
to the finish
at dawn.

Winner takes all.

You coming, m1ngo?

Duh, please, boss.

There's a time when brothers
need to talk.

Duh, so you see,
m1ngo,

It comes down
to a choice

Between me and my friends,
who love you,

Or a g*ng of lowlifes

And their semi-beautiful
girlfriends.

m1ngo:
see you later.

[Cheering]

I'm sorry, granny.

[Crying]

Knights of the junkyard,
fall in!

Sir hector,
at your service, sire.

Sir wordsworth
reporting for action.

We're going to put
these dudes in traction.

Ooh! Ah!

Oh!aah!

Duh, your humble servant
sir mungo,

Ready for...battle.

But where are
the bad news
chickens?

[Bagpipes playing]

Let the joust begin!

Out of my way,
you churlish knave!

This cadillac cat
is no bad news sl*ve.

Uh! Oh! Aah! Uh!

According
to the junkyard law,

This event
is now a draw.

Second jousters, charge!

[Grr]

This dude is history!

Yaa!

Oh! Yah!

You villain!

[Grr]

Hey, no fair!
You wounded
my radiator.

Next jousters!

Oh. That's us.

Aah!

Uh!

Thoughtful of you
to provide the food.

Allow me
to light up
your life.

Aah!

Uhh!

I could go on
like this all day,

But looks like...

You're all tied up.

Next jouster, and hurry!

I won't
let you down, boss.

[Grr]

[Grr]

Cleo: stop!
Huh?

Stop this tournament.

Duh, this is no place
for youse, cleo.

I want you to wear
my colors, mungo.

You are a knight
whose heart is pure.

Duh, but those
are my booties.

Duh, who's in there?

Cleo: someone who's not worthy
of those booties.

Shame on you. You've
disgraced mcmungos
everywhere.

My own brother.
I won't fight him.

Yeah!it's us!

We won! Mungo
won't fight!

Duh, maybe mungo
won't fight, but his
kid brother will.

Duh, let's go, kid.

Whoa!

Whoa!ohh!

Whoa!

Back to the wharf.

I hate junk,
anyway.

Let's blow
this dive.

Duh, I could've
beaten you,

But you're
my kid brother.

I didn't want
to embarrass you

In front of
your friends.

Duh, is that so?

Yes, it is.

Yeah!
Go for it!

Heh heh heh!hee hee hee!

When a dog's coat loses its
shine, it can make your dog

Look ugly. Give him an egg with
his food to bring the shine

Back to his coat. Make sure you
cook it first,

Either by frying the egg or
boiling it.

Look at the condition of your
coat, aren't you ashamed?

Gotta keep them in line!