01x12 - Nick Takes Over Baseball

[bunniefuu]

Man on p.a.: Here is your starting lineup.

At first base,

Second base,

Shortstop,

Third base,

Left field,

Center field,

Right field,

Pitching,

And catching,

Nick cannon.

That's right, baby. I'm taking over baseball.

♪♪ I'm taking over ♪♪

♪♪ Come on ♪♪

♪♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪♪

♪♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪♪

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--

[Rap music playing]

You all, what's up, my people? Nick cannon here, and I'm taking over baseball, baby.

We're going to talk to some major leaguers

So they can give me some tips on, you know, how to play the game.

And, you know, once they see me play, they're going to want to put me on the squad,

I'm saying, because I'm the most valuable player out here.

And we're going to make it happen.

Oh, yeah. Nick cannon. Taking over baseball. Let's go.

♪♪ Nick cannon, nick cannon ♪♪

All right, so I'm making alterations to the game of baseball,

And I came up with this cool invention,

Because, you know, in the outfield, you can run into some problems like,

Hey, you got on your glove, and you might start itching and have like an itch somewhere.

How are you going to scratch that itch with your glove?

Your cell phone might be ringing,

Or, you know, you might want to eat some candy out your back pocket,

But you can't get it because your glove is too big.

The glove helmet. See?

There you go.

Pop fly.

Good catch. You got to catch it and hold it. Yeah!

Yeah!

Glove helmet.

See how that works?

♪♪ N-n-n-nick nick-nick nick cannon, nick cannon ♪♪

All right, so you guys are

Professional baseball players and everything,

So obviously, you can hit a baseball really well, right?

Yeah. That's right.

But that's kind of boring sometimes.

Like, can't you hit something better than than?

Grapefruit.

Tomato.

That one got in my eye.

Lettuce.

Whoo!

Watermelon.

This might break the bat.

Ha, ha, ha.

This is fun.

All right. Well, can you do it with corn flakes?

Got to have milk for the corn flakes.

[Laughing loudly]

Cottage cheese.

Can you do it with this bundt cake?

Eggs.

More than a dozen.

The finale.

Nick's taking over baseball.

Ooh, what else can we do?

♪♪ N-n-nick nick-nick, nick cannon ♪♪

Now, what happens when you get a hit?

You know I hooked that up, too.

When you run the bases, you got to run the bases the nick cannon way,

A little obstacle course style.

You ready for this?

Ooh, yeah. Get your grocery on.

Push now.

Don't crash.

Take a break.

Now finally, slippery slide.

Ooh, that looked like fun.

And that's how I play baseball.

♪♪ N-n-n-nick nick cannon ♪♪

You know what's really boring in baseball?

Strike outs.

So I created an invention to stop all of that.

♪♪ Big bat ♪♪

♪♪ Ahh, big bat ♪♪

Yeah.

It's all about the big bat, baby.

No strike outs.

That was my dodge ball throw.

♪♪ I love it when you play with the big bat♪♪

♪♪ Throw your hands in the air ♪

♪♪ If you a true player ♪♪

♪♪ I love it when you play with the big bat ♪♪

Inventions by nick cannon.

It's a wonderful thing. I'm taking over baseball.

♪♪ N-n-nick nick nick nick cannon ♪♪

If you could change the game of baseball one way,

How would you do it?

They could pick a few fans every game

Just to go out there on the field and get an autograph.

What about you?

Um, I would have everybody with a cork bat,

So they could hit the ball farther and harder.

So, get a cork bat?

Yeah.

All do you fit all that afro

Into a baseball cap?

Got to put bobby pins in them,

So they could stay.

I would have girls on the team.

Girls would be on the team?

Yeah, and we would, like, play with our pigtails,

And we would, like, be in the outfield talking about boys.

Yeah.

How would you change the game of baseball?

I'd just make it a little faster, a little quicker.

It is kind of slow, huh?

It is very slow.

If you could change the game of baseball anyway,

How would you do it?

Um, I would probably make it in slow motion

So that I could see what actually is happening.

But you want it to be longer.

Yes.

You'd make it like innings.

How would you change the game of baseball?

You like the way they run the bases?

I got to stroll the bases.

Yeah, you just stroll. Let me see how you stroll the bases.

Yeah, we're just going to stroll down the bases like that.

If there was something you could add to the game, what would it be?

Cheerleaders.

That's what I'm talking about.

It'd be nice. What about you?

I'd change the pay structure.

Baseball players get paid too much.

Yes.

Who would you give the money to then?

Fans.

I heard that, player.

If you could change one thing in baseball,

What would you change?

Get rid of the umpires.

Get rid of the umpires?

See, I think the umpires get a bad rap.

But you don't think they do their job right?

Nah, not really.

Safe.

What's up, you guys?

Hey, this is my man, mark wegner here.

And the thing that they always say about umpires,

That they're blind, is it true?

Absolutely not.

F-p-e-o-l-f- d-l-o-e-

L-c-e-d-f.

L-a-e-o-f-t-

D-c-v.

See, he's not blind.

Ok, so you're going to teach me the calls and everything?

All right, bend your knees a little bit.

Pitch comes in, strike.

Both: strike!

How do you call for a dodger dog?

You know what? I haven't done that yet.

That's a good idea, though.

Dodger dog.

Ha, ha, ha.

Feel like a dodger dog? Dodger dog.

That would work, yeah.

I might need one of those today.

I'm taking over. I'm teaching the umpire things.

Both: dodger dog!

Crowd,chanting: roach! Roach! Roach! Roach! Roach!

Nick: hey, you, stay right there,

Because when we get back, we're bugging out.

Nick nick cannon, nick cannon ♪♪

♪♪ N-n-nick cannon ♪

Woman: nick interviews player, take .

You all, what's up, you all.

I'm here with my man, paul lo duca.

He's the catcher. He's putting it down.

He's the man.

See, I thought he was going to be ugly,

Because they make him wear that mask and stuff.

He ain't even ugly. Hey, say, what's up, paul?

What's going on everybody?

Ok, so I'm looking to take over the game of baseball,

And I'm trying to be a major league player.

Can you give me some tips or anything,

Show me what catching's all about?

You got a good pain tolerance?

Is pain involved?

Sometimes there can be pain. You need to wear all that gear.

Well, can you show me some of the gear that you wear?

Yeah, most definitely.

It's a lot of stuff.

Now, do you have a cup on?

A cup of what?

Yeah, you're ready to go now.

I think I need some more protection,

Because you're talking about pain.

I think I'll show you a type of protection I would use.

Once you put all this on, then you're protected.

If you want, you can use this for the game.

You think you'll need this?

Yeah. I'll just paint a little "l.a.&Quot; right there on front,

And we'll be ready to go.

Ok. See? I'm hooking it up.

I'm changing the game of baseball.

So, is there any other tips you can give me?

Um, stick to your day job.

♪♪ Nick cannon ♪♪

♪♪ Nick cannon ♪♪

Get your sodas.

Peanuts!

Hey, man, what's you yelling about?

Oh, man, I got to sell this stuff.

I got to get out of here tonight.

All right. My name's nick.

Nick, glad to meet you.

Don is your name?

Don.

You want to trade jobs, man?

I think I could do this.

Oh? Oh, sure. You sure?

I get to wear the don vest and everything?

Yeah.

Let's go sell some food.

[Children yelling]

Nick: peanuts.

A lot of people like peanuts.

Hi, I'm nick cannon.

I have my own show on nickelodeon.

Yeah?

What brings you to the ballpark today?

To see this team win.

Pop your collar, player.

All right. All right.

All right. Hey, give me .

All right. Nickelodeon.

Hot dog.

I'm nick cannon, and I'm popping the collar.

I'm popping the collar.

Pop the collar.

Water.

[Screaming]

I don't know if I'm feeling this hat.

Nick: bad children!

This is nick cannon signing off...

And popping the collar.

♪♪ N-n-n-nick nick-nick nick cannon, nick cannon ♪♪

Nick: this ball club here, they have a green dog as their mascot.

See how stupid that is?

You guys like your mascot that you have here, the green dog?

Mm-hmm.

He's kind of cool and everything,

But have you ever seen a green dog before?

No.

I have never seen a green--in my life,

And that's the mascot.

Have you ever seen a green dog before?

No, I haven't.

I think they should change their mascot.

You know, change the mascot to something more recognizable.

Something that people can relate to.

Something we all have seen before.

Roaches.

Pet the roach. You don't want to pet the roach?

Take it away. Take it away.

He's kind of nice. Pet the roach.

We all grew up with roaches, right?

I had roaches, you had roaches, we all had roaches.

It could take you back. It's nostalgic.

No. No roaches?

Bad idea. Bad idea?

Roaches can survive nuclear w*r.

I know they can.

We have them in our homes.

We can relate to the roach.

So, I think we should change the mascot.

Do you want to change the mascot?

Sure, let's change it to the roach.

We're changing it to...

Brown roach. Brown roach.

All right.

[Rap song playing]

[Crowd yelling]

Crowd, chanting: roach! Roach! Roach! Roach! Roach...

Roaches don't die...

We multiply.

[Cheering]

Ooh, that's what I'm talking about, baby.

I'm the new mascot. Who the roach? Who the roach?

♪♪ Nick cannon ♪♪

♪♪ Nick cannon ♪♪

So, you know the words to the national anthem?

Nope. Not at all?

No. Come on.

You know the words a little bit.

You sing it at school.

No, actually, I don't sing.

I just go like this.

♪♪ Oh, say, can you see ♪♪

♪♪ By the, whatever ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, say...♪♪

That's all I'm going to sing.

I ain't going to sing the whole song.

&Quot;oh, jose"?

♪♪ Oh, can you sing ♪♪

&Quot;oh, can you sing"? That's the remix?

, , .

I don't do national anthem.

Not no a cappella?

No falsetto? No soprano?

All right, let me hear you hum.

[Humming national anthem]

All right, that's cool.

Boy, you got a voice on you.

You need to let them vocals out.

♪♪ What so proud we hail ♪♪

♪♪ At the twilight...♪♪

&Quot;what so proud we hail"?

♪♪ At the twilight's last gleaming ♪♪

♪♪ Through the perilous fight ♪♪

♪♪ Whose...♪♪ Ah, dang.

You want to pick it up where he left off?

I forgot the rest of the words.

See, this is how groups break up.

♪♪ By the dawn's early-- ♪♪

You need to hit that note higher.

Let me pull your pants up a little higher.

♪♪ By the ramparts we watched--♪

By the what?

Ramparts.

Is that the next word?

Yes, it is. Ok, keep going.

♪♪ Oh, say, does...♪♪

♪♪ That star-spangled banner yet wave ♪♪

[Crash]

Ooh.

That was the banner waving.

Just go on and play.

And just skip all the singing.

Well, not really. If the person's not important who's singing,

Then forget it.

So, you want somebody like whitney houston.

There you go. Like whitney or, you know,

Somebody important.

♪♪ Oh... ♪♪

♪♪ Say, can you see ♪♪

♪♪ By the dawn's early light ♪♪

♪♪ And the rockets red glare ♪♪

[Crowd booing]

♪♪ The bombs bursting in air ♪♪

♪♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom... ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, say, does that star-spangled ♪♪

♪♪ Banner yet wave... ♪♪

[Booing, catcalls continue]

♪♪ O'er the land of the free ♪♪

♪♪ And the home ♪♪

♪♪ Not the trailer park or the duplex but the home ♪

♪♪ Of the brave ♪♪

♪♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪♪

Thank you.

[Crowd booing]

All right.

Nick: you all, stop for the seventh inning stretch.

That was my ball.

I got...

But there's more comedy to catch.

♪♪ N-n-nick nick nick nick cannon, nick cannon ♪♪

♪♪ N-n-nick nick cannon, nick ♪♪

Man, forget the majors, forget the minors.

I've come to where baseball is pure,

To where I can learn my fundamentals.

Little league.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Hey, you know where I can get like a larger uniform?

Players: no.

You know, extra medium?

This medium ain't really working for me.

It's a little tight.

I can't really breathe.

So, first of all, is there any tips or anything

You guys can give me before we hit the field?

What's an r.b.i.?

They used to be a singing group in the eighties,

And they used to wear real baggy pants and stuff like that, r.b.i.

They used to, r.b.i., Right?

No.

What does it mean?

Run batted in.

You got a question for me?

What's an e.r.a.?

E.r.a.? That's like, every run...

Awesome.

No.

What does it mean?

It means earned run average.

Wow, you kids are smart.

All right, so one more question.

What's the most important thing about the game of baseball?

You need to hustle.

Oh!

Let's go, come on.

Do the hustle.

Come on, you all. Hustle. This is how you do it.

That's not what we meant.

This ain't hustling?

Not quite.

Show me what you all mean.

P.a.: Now batting, number , nick cannon.

[Crowd cheers]

Hey, you all might as well go ahead and back up to the back fence.

And you might as well go ahead and just write "nasa" on that ball,

'Cause it's going into orbit.

Tell him to pitch me some fire.

I'm ready for this.

Bring me that heat. Let's do this, baby.

Strike one.

Tell him to throw even more fire than that.

You know, I'm going to knock it out the park.

Hank aaron, that's my grand-daddy.

Strike two.

Oh, the kid's good.

That was very fast.

That's all right.

I'll do the babe ruth thing.

Bring me that heat.

That was nothing--ohh.

Whoo.

Luckily, I had on my cup.

Man: dead ball. Take your base.

You want some?

No, thank you.

[Whispering] watch me steal, y'all.

Go out there, rob the base, get my rickey henderson on.

They don't see me, they don't see me.

They don't see me.

Ohh.

Man, that was my ball.

I got it. This is my baby.

I got it, I got...

You didn't have to knock me on my mike pack.

I'm ok.

So if you ever make it to third base,

It's no holds barred, baby.

My man get a hit up there, I'm running,

And I'm knocking over whatever's in my path.

[Bat hits ball]

[Players yelling]

Out.

Nick cannon party.

'Cause a nick cannon party

Don't stop.

All right, now that I'm loosened up and everything,

And I got the fundamentals down pat,

I found a pitcher I can finally hit.

Whoo!

[Blows raspberry]

All right.

Yeah.

[Crowd cheering]

Ah, yeah.

[Cheering]

Hey! Who's breathing on my butt?

All right! Yeah!

[Cheering]

People: nick, nick, nick...

Right here. Right here.

Man: how do you think the show went?

Oh, man, I think the show went really well.

I think we did a good job taking over baseball.

Reporters: nick, nick, nick...

You.

Man: what do you think of your hosting?

Oh, man, you know, I don't even want to talk about myself.

You know there's no "i" in team.

I want to thank everybody who helped me, like the dodgers, the storm,

The simi valley little league,

All my peoples, what's up?

Reporters: nick, nick, nick...

[Man speaking foreign language]

Ah, nah. Next tuesday, next tuesday.

Reporters: nick, nick, nick...

Second man: hey, how's your mike hand?

You going to be ready for next week's show?

Uh, it's day-to-day, you know.

I don't plan on missing any shows, so I think I'll make it happen.

I'm a player.

Reporters: nick, nick, nick..

Woman: is it true you still suck your thumb?

No more questions. Who told her that?