02x02 - The HCCBDD/Mother of All Evils

[bunniefuu]

Once upon a time, there was a

Jillionare playboy who was

Blown up in a tremendous
expl*si*n.

His brain survived [stomach,
too]

And was attached to the body of

A stupid circus bear.

I am that brain.

My name is hector con carne,

And I will one day rule

The world

- Ok! Ok!

Keep your goggles on,
major doctor.

I'm here!

What's the rush?

Boskov was getting
his flea bath.

- Take a look, chief.

- Puppies?!

- Aren't they cute?

- This is what you spent
my $32 billion on?

This is the last time
I leave a mad scientist

To do a criminal
mastermind's job.

Wait a minute...

Ha ha ha.

They are pretty cute.

I guess it's kind of cool, but--

- No, no, chief.

This is my side project.

I made 101 dalmatian bombs.

They explode when you pet them.

- Hmm!

[Counting quickly]

I only see 100.

- The only thing worse

Than not being taken
seriously in this dump

Is the heart-wrenching
loneliness.

Oh!

But you understand me.

Don't you, peanut?

- So, ghastly--

[Boom]

- [Skarr screaming]

- What did you spend
my $32 billion on?

- Oh, I spent it on that.

We call it the trojan bear.

- Ghastly,

You know how much I hate bears.

Hmm!

- But this bear can be
filled with troopers,

Then offered as a gift
to the league of nations.

Then, in the still of the night,

We jump out and take over!

[Doorbell rings]

- What the heck is that noise?

- It's the doorbell.

- We have a doorbell?

- Yeah, on the front door.

- We have a front door?

- It's in the foyer.

- We have a foyer?

We have a ficus plant?

Hello, little blind
helpless lady.

Whatever you are selling,

We don't want any.

[Gasps]

Mama?

- Hector!

My little stinky pants!

Oh, is that you?

- Mama!

- I haven't seen
you in 2, 3--

Uh, 3--since I could see!

I made your favorite
salsa for you!

Extra spicy, if I remember.

- [Gasps]

- Oh, you were always
a hungry little boy.

Now, come, give your mama
a big hug!

My, how hairy you've gotten.

- I, uh...

That was from second puberty.

- She doesn't know
you're just a brai--

- Shh!

Last time she saw me,
I had a body.

- Oh, that's good.

Ooh! Oh!

- The trojan bear plan

Will go into operation
as planned,

But no mention of evil con carne

Or plans for world domination.

My mother thinks
I'm an oral surgeon.

- How is the oral surgeon
business going, stinky pants?

- Oh, just wonderful, mama.

Why, just the other day...

I took out a man's tooth

And replaced it with a...

A toilet tank.

- You've gotten so big.

My, what big teeth you have.

I hope you've been brushing.

- Boskov, no!

[Snarling]

Mommy!

Ooh!

- It's important to brush
at least twice a day.

- Come on, chief.

I can't help you feel better

Unless you tell me what's wrong.

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Is it because you don't
have any teeth to brush?

- No.

- Is it because you're
stuck inside a glass jar

On top of a stupid bear?

- No.

But thanks for reminding me.

- Is this about your
mother finding out

That you're
a power-hungry maniac?

- I said I did not
want to talk about it.

But...

Yes, that is the problem.

- Well, even if
she does find out,

It's not like any of your
plans have actually succeeded.

And you never hurt
anybody but yourself

And maybe skarr.

[expl*si*n]- [skarr screaming]

- This is why I never
want to open up to you.

[Door creaks]

- Where's the john?

- Don't say anything
about the tanks.

- Down the hall, past the tanks,

Third door on the left.

- Thanks, honey!

- Hello!?

Oral surgeons don't have tanks.

- What about the toilet tank
you put in that guy's mouth?

- Boy,

Hector's got a big house.

Ah, this must be it.

How do you flush this thing?

Here, flushy, flushy!

Oh, there we go.

- Hmm.

I didn't know you could
put so many things

Into a person's mouth.

Mama?

Are you awake?

I brought you some breakfast.

Mama?!

- Chief! Bad news!

Your mom is missing,

And so is the trojan bear!

- What?!

Ghastly, we have to
get my mama back...

Before she finds out
that I'm a terrible,

Villainous, vile, scandalous,

Putrid, horrible, treacherous,

Disgusting, stinky,
reddish, pile of scum!

- Don't be ridiculous, chief.

You're more pink than red.

All right, chief.

We're tracking
the trojan bear now.

It's heading due south
towards washington, d.c.

- The white house?

- That's right, chief.

- We've got to get
there in a jiffy.

Where's skarr?

Skarr!

- I'm right here, sir.

- Warm up the evil jet.

We've got to pay
the president a little visit.

- Yes, sir, that's affirmative.

It's a giant metal bear.

No, mr. President,

We don't have a clue
who it's from.

- Well, if it's another
gift from that weird guy

That keeps calling and saying
"I'll rub your feet, baby"

And keeps hanging up,

You can just send it
straight back, general.

- Hurry, ghastly.

We've got to get my mama
out of the white house.

And with these
brilliant disguises,

The president will
never recognize us.

Vamanos!

Let's go save my mama!

- Huh.

- Giant bear?

What do you mean?

I wasn't in a giant bear.

I was in the john--

I mean bathroom, mister--

[Snoring]

Do you know my son?

He lives here.

- Your son?

- His name is hector.

Hector--

- Hector the oral surgeon!

And my lovely assistant...

[Stammers]

Greta.

And this is our bee.

- Bee!

Get it away!

Get it away!

[Shrieking]

- So sorry about
the misunderstanding,
mr. President,

But I will just go ahead
and take my mama home.

- But your mother said that you
lived here in the white house,

And I need someone
to look at my tooth.

It's been bugging me
for 4 score and 20 weeks.

- [Gasps]

What in the--oh!

[Groans]

Oh. Hi.

- Go on.

You're going to have to
pull that tooth, son.

- Um, um...

- Listen to your mama, maggot!

- Come on already.

I ain't got all day.

- Uh...

Ok.

- Is this how you pull teeth?

- Yes, mama.
This is the best way.

- You sure this
is going to work?

- Just who is the oral
surgeon here anyway?

You? I think not.

[Sniffles]

Do not worry.

This won't hurt a bit.

- Hector con carne!

You're no oral surgeon.

You're a reddish,
dastardly villain

Bent on world domination.

- Aah! Boskov,
get us out of here!

- What's the matter,
stinky pants?

[Engine revs]

- Stop that bear!

- How dare that man say
I wasn't an oral surgeon.

- You can drop the charade,
stinky pants.

I know what you do, son.

I've known ever since
you tried taking over

The gonzalez kid's sandbox
when you were 8.

Or the time when you held

All the neighborhood
pets for ransom.

Or who could forget
when you started a riot

At the local kluck 'e' cheese

And proclaimed yourself
king of the ball pit?

- And you're not
disappointed in me?

Oh, no!

I still loved you.

I wanted you to be
an oral surgeon,

But if this is what
makes you happy,

Well, then it makes
me happy, too.

- Oh, mama!

- Besides, it's not like you're
ever actually going to succeed

At taking over the world.

Your not really a danger
to anyone but yourself.

- That's what I said!

- He isn't, is he.

- I will too take
over the world.

- [Laughter]

- I will!

- [Laughter]

- Mama!

Make them stop teasing me.

- Get me off this crazy thing!

[Bleating]

- Ok, baby.

Get ready to see
the hccbdd in action!

It's working!

- [Farts]

- No!

- [Bleats]

- [Whining]

- Why can't I get this?!

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?!

- All systems online.

- We did it, baby!

Oh, the chief's gonna
be so excited.

- [Bleats]

- Why so glum, glorious leader?

- I don't know what it is,
skarr.

No matter how many countries
I try to take over,

How many robot armies I build,

It never feels like enough.

I just can't help the feeling

That something in my
life is missing.

- Like your body?!

- This is no time
for jokes, skarr.

- [Chuckling]

I'm not joking!

- I wish I knew
what was missing,

What would make me whole.

- Hi, chief!
- Ghastly?

- I've done it!

I've created a device

That's going to give you
ultimate power.

- You're not just
yanking my chain?

- No chain-yanking, chief.

- Hmm!

Skarr, my empty feeling is gone.

How does it work, ghastly?

- Sorry, I can't tell
you till tomorrow.

It's a surprise.

- Well, at least
tell me what it's called.

- Hmm. I guess I can do that.

It's the hccbdd.

- The hccbdd?

- [Grunting]

- Hccb--oh.

- But I can't wait
till tomorrow for my hccbdd.

- You'll just have
to be patient.

Maybe you can go out
for ice cream

To keep your mind off the wait.

- Well, I do have
a sudden craving

For pistachio mango mocha.

- That's the spirit!

- Come on, skarr.

I'm driving.

- [Groans]

- See you tomorrow, chief.

Have fun!

Well...

It's just me and the hccbdd...

All alone for the night.

Just me and a goat

And a device of ultimate power.

- [Bleats]

- Ooh!

That gives me a bright idea.

Oh, boys?!

- Yes, dad!
- Yes, dad!

- Come on.

Let's go steal that hccbdd.

- And take over
the world with it?

Oh, sweet!

- All right already!

I'll feed you.

Some saturday night.

[Buzzer]

Who could that be?

- Now, remember, boys,

Let daddy do the talking.

- Well, what do you
expect me to do,

Stand around like a big goon?

- You are a big goon.

[Door opens]

- Ugh!

Uh...

You're looking especially
ravishing tonight, ghastly.

What a surprise to find
a modern woman like you

Home alone on a saturday night.

[Chuckles]

- Well, i...

Had a date, but he canceled.

I mean, he was eaten
by crocodiles.

Now what do you and your
goon children want?

- [Laughing inanely]

- Can we come in?

- I don't know.

Hector sure hates it

When I let his bloodthirsty
archenemies in.

But since he's not here,

Let's have a slumber party!

- Oh!

We love slumber parties!

- You girls ready for
a k*ller slumber party?!

- Yes.

Uh, I mean, no.

We should have our party
somewhere a little more fun

Than your smelly,
boring bedroom.

- Like where?

- Your secret lab maybe?

- Now, estroy,

If I showed you my lab,

It wouldn't be a secret,
would it?

Hey, I know!

Wouldn't you rather
have a pillow fight!

- You're kidding me.

- [Laughing]

- She ain't kidding.

- [Screaming a battle cry]

- Oof!

- [Laughs]

[Screams]

- Ha ha.

You guys are good!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, good thing
I invented this...

Series 8000 platinum edition
pillow blaster!

- [Screaming]

- Stop!

We don't have any pillows,
ghastly.

That's cheating.

- Cheating?

- Yeah.

Unless you want us to call you

"Cheater, cheater,
pumpkin-eater."

- Pumpkin-eater.

- That's right.

And before long,
we'd be chanting

"Liar, liar, pants on fire."

- [Squeaks]

- And these are
rhymes so unbecoming
of a treasure like you.

- Jeepers.

You're right.

- Come on, boys.

Let's go get a snack...

From ghastly's secret lab.

- Wait!

Let's play dog-pile
on the little guy.

[Laughing]

- Dog-pile on the little guy!

- Now, where's that secret lab?

- [Laughing gleefully]

- Hmm.

Ah, here it is! Lab, a6.

- [Laughing]

- A4, a5, a6!

Lab.

Oh. Oh, that's a knee-slapper.

- Wait for me!

- Enlargement ray activated.

- Ha!

[Laughing]

Who's up for popcorn
and a movie?

- Oh, me, me, me!- Pick me! Me!

- Super!

Where's estroy?

- Aah!

- Oh! Brain freeze!

- How 'bout a game
of truth or dare?

- [Giggles]

Truth or dare, estroy?

- Um, uh...dare.

- I dare you to take off
that ironclad helmet

That covers your real face.

- I meant truth.

- Ok, truth.

What do you really look like

Under that ironclad helmet?

- Oh.

If you must know,

Underneath this helmet,

My face is actually
so handsome...

So utterly irresistible

That I had to construct
this iron helmet...

To contain its majesticosity.

- Hmm. So, you're a head-case.

- My turn!

Truth or dare...

Ghastly?

- Dare!

- I dare you to show me

Where you keep the hccbdd.

- How'd you know about that?

- I guessed.

- Well, i...

- Unless, of course,
you're chicken.

- Chicken?

- That's right, nothing but
a big egg-laying chicken.

- You're on, bucket head.

Well, here it is, estroy,

The hccbdd!

The machine that will give
the chief ultimate power.

- Ooh!

We'll take it.

- But it's not for sale.

- Then we'll steal it.

- Oh, you can't do that, silly!

- Oh, can't i?

- Telescopic legs?!

- Come to daddy.

What?!

Whoa!

Ghastly! Hey!

Whoa!

[Grunting]

What happened?

- That's just a hologram
of the hccbdd.

The real one's in
the gigantic vault.

- Well, now I've got another
little game, ghastly.

It's called open
the gigantic vault

Before I disintegrate you.

- Oh, gosh!

I haven't played
that game in ages!

- You know, ghastly,

You're cute,

But you're a tad
thick in the head.

In fact, that's what
I'm gonna call you,

Cutie thick head.

[Chuckling]

- [Bleats]

- There you are, baby!

- Ow!

Hey, that tickles!

Huh? What?!

Oh, oh, no! No!

I'll be back!

- Dad!- Dad!

[Screaming]

- Ghastly, I'm back!

- Back?

What's my name?

- And I have ice cream
for everyone,

Even you, skarr.

- [Grunting]

- Ok, ghastly,
where's my hccbdd?

- Come on, it's in the gigantic
vault, skipper.

- Hey, it's dark in here.

- Surprise!

- You--

You remembered my birthday?

But what about the hccbdd?

- Coming right up, chiefy!

[Festive music plays]

- [Cheering]

- The hccbdd stands for

The hector con carne
birthday device?

But you said it was the device
of ultimate power.

- But it is, chief!

Don't you see?

The ultimate power is
the power of love.

- Love?!

Stop the love!

[Music stops]

I founded this organization
on hate, not love.

And I expected more out of you,
major doctor.

- You heard the boss!

Back to work!

- Oh, just when it
was getting good.

Party-pooper.

- [Men grumbling]

- Hateful enough for you, boss?

- Not bad, ghastly.

You want to have some ice cream?

- I'd rather have a baby.

- Ghastly, you know
good and well

Baby is my pet goat.

- [Bleats]

- Not in the face, baby.

Go lay down.

- [Bleats]

- Cheers, ghastly.

To hate.

- I'll get fat to that.

Mmm!

- This ice cream
tastes like butt.

- Happy birthday, chief.

- Mmm!

Huh?

[Choking]

[Burping]