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Astrid Experience, The (2023)

Comedy Movie Collection.
(Buddy/Dark/Black/Parody/Screwball/Slapstick/Sketch/Satire/Spoof/Mock/Comedians/etc.)

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Comedy Movie Collection.

Astrid Experience, The (2023)

Post by bunniefuu »

If you got a little time

and space in your bed

I'm on the way home with fog in my head

Know who I am and I know who I'm not

I say I love you,

I probably should stop

f*ck you, I hate you

would make it so easy

But really I just want

you right there to meet me

f*ck you, I hate you

would make it so easy

But really I just want

you right there to meet me

If you got a little

time to fake what I say

I couldn't do it and then make your bed

Sorry for storming and being too much

Starting my walking, you

knew just where I'm at

f*ck you, I hate you

would make it so easy

But really I just want

you right there to meet me

f*ck you, I hate you

would make it so easy

But really I just want

you right there to meet me

So tell me how you want it

Now tell me how you want

it and I'll hit it more

You were waiting naked

when I get the door

Cue your way to say that

now we're on the floor

Oh, I got love for you honey

So tell me how you want

it and I'll hit it more

You were waiting naked when

Chase, what's happening, man?

[Chase] Oh you know, just

getting my human interaction

for the day.

Right on, right on.

All right.

(cans popping)

- Cheers.

- Salut.

So man, you still hitting

that sexy actress?

She left me for some rich dude.

What, how do you know that?

She keeps posting

pictures in Dubai on her Instagram.

She doesn't have any money.

That b*tch!

Well, to the b*tches.

You talk yourself into circles

You are find lies that

you're truly saying

Your love, it comes

with conditions, baby

Hello?

[Jerry] Chase, good news.

Summerrock Pictures just got back

and they wanna buy Youth.

They wanna package it with big talent

and they want you to star.

Can you believe it, man?

You're gonna be the star

of your own million dollar

indie, man.

All your hard work is paying off.

You're living the

Hollywood dream (laughing).

Chase?

I can't, Jerry.

[Jerry] What?

Elizabeth, she took everything.

I can't act anymore.

I'm too f*cked up, I can't do it.

[Jerry] What are you talking about?

It just doesn't matter.

[Jerry] Chase, Chase,

you gotta get it together.

It just doesn't matter.

You can sell the script

but I can't be in it.

[Jerry] Chase, I

strongly urge against that.

[Fan] Excuse me.

Excuse me, Mr. Abbott.

(clapping) Mr. Abbott?

- Yeah, yeah.

[Fan] Could you sign my book?

Could you sign my book, please?

Of course, yeah, yeah.

[Fan] Thank you.

Who do I make it out to?

[Fan] You can make it out to Jenny.

She's my girlfriend.

All right, to Jenny

with love, Chase Abbott.

- There you go, all done.

- Thank you.

So what was your inspiration?

What?

[Fan] What was your

inspiration for writing the book?

Go away, man.

- I'm sorry, what?

- Go away.

Go on.

(cool relax music)

I just can't believe

she'd do this to me, man,

after a year of being together.

[Rob] A whole LA year.

That's like a decade of normal people time.

I feel sick.

[Rob] Hey, look on the bright side, man,

now you got plenty of time

to just focus on work.

I just turned down an offer.

[Rob] What?

Don't worry, I'll still get the money

from the script sale,

but I can't act anymore.

- Why?

- It just doesn't matter,

nobody cares.

[Rob] Oh my God, you're

a f*cking idiot, dude.

Acting is what everybody's trying to do,

and you're just gonna pass

on something you've worked

so hard for.

Something like that, yeah.

[Rob] Go back right now and tell them

you want the job, Chase.

Forget it, man, it's just, it's too late.

[Rob] This is a major f*ck up, man.

You're gonna seriously regret this.

I'll drink to that.

[Rob] Goddammit, I've

always hated that b*tch.

This gold digging sl*t has

done such a number on you.

We need to spin this negative

into a positive right now, dude,

before you destroy your whole life.

What do you propose?

- Escorts.

- What?

[Rob] Escorts.

You need an emergency lay.

That's gonna clear your head right up.

I'm listening.

[Rob] Okay, here's what you do.

You gonna drive me crazy

I'm driving you wild

You got me wrapped up

Just like a child

It's just emotion that we don't say

You drank my potion and I came your way

Call this number and say, you're looking

for a fast fantasy.

f*ck you, Elizabeth. (liquid slurping)

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

Hi, I'm looking for a fast fantasy.

[Tina] You've come to

the right place, baby.

Which girl do you wanna see blow your mind?

I like Alessandra.

Mm, yes, she's very popular.

She's available tonight.

What's your name?

Is that really necessary?

[Tina] It is if you want company, baby.

All right, my name's

Chad, Chadwick Johnson.

Mm, you sound like a big boy.

Alessandra's gonna love you.

What's your address?

I'll send her over.

(cool relax music)

(door knocking)

Can I help you?

I'm here to see Chadwick.

You're not the girl from the pictures.

She was busy.

But the girl on the

phone said she was coming.

Come on, I'll take care of you, baby.

I'm sorry, this is not gonna work.

Where's my money?

f*ck that, I'm not paying for this.

You're not the girl from the pictures.

Give me my f*cking money.

All right, Jesus, keep your voice down.

Fine, here's 200.

Get the f*ck outta here.

f*ck you, white boy.

(funky music)

- [Tina] Hello?

- You sent me the wrong girl.

It wasn't the girl from the pictures.

I wanted Alessandra,

you sent me over some hammered Latina.

[Tina] I'm sorry, who is this?

Chadwick, Chadwick Johnson.

Oh, Alessandra was busy tonight.

Then why did you say

you were sending her?

Look, I can see you're upset.

I can cancel one of

Alessandra's other appointments

and send her over in about an hour.

How's that sound?

No, I want my f*cking money back.

No refunds.

Now do you want to see Alessandra or not?

(door knocking)

What the f*ck?

Chadwick here?

f*ck this, you're not

the girl from the pictures.

We know, that's why

they sent the two of us.

Look at me, take a look at this face.

Do you actually think I'm interested?

You don't think we're attractive?

It's not this, I just...

You won't f*ck us,

now you insult us.

f*ck you!

Give us our f*cking money, white boy.

f*ck you, this is extortion.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, you keep sending

me the wrong f*cking girls.

You don't want the

girls, you pay the girls.

They only leave with the money.

Yeah.

Fine, fine, here's 200

more f*cking dollars,

now get the f*ck outta here.

Actually, can I talk to you for a second?

What the f*ck's going on here?

Why do you keep sending me

the wrong f*cking girls?

It's never the girl

from the pictures, bro.

It's like false advertising.

You guys have robbed me for like 400 bucks.

Look, I'm a be straight with you

'cause it seems like you're hard up.

My advice, don't call

again, it's never the girl

from the pictures.

A guy like you shouldn't

be doing this sh*t.

(phone ringing)

[Tina] Hello?

What the is wrong with you people?

All my money back right now

or I'm calling the cops.

- Who is this?

- Chadwick Johnson.

[Tina] Lower your voice, sir.

If you'd just sent me

the girl from the photos,

like I asked, we wouldn't have a problem.

[Tina] If I send you

Alessandra over right now,

will you be satisfied?

You mean if you

send over what I ordered the first time,

will I be satisfied?

Yes.

I'm not paying.

I've already paid

double, I haven't gotten sh*t out of this.

[Tina] She'll be over in 20 minutes.

(dramatic music)

(door knocking)

What the-

(man grunting)

It's never the girls

from the pictures, b*tch.

f*ck, should've learned his lesson.

Go grab his cash.

- See what he has in his room.

- Got you.

(Tina laughing)

I found 1000 bucks in his wallet.

Chase Abbott.

Well, f*ck you, Chase Abbott

or should I say Chadwick Johnson?

This one's for Alessandra.

Going down gone it

Know we been warning

We should keep running

Oh now

Passenger side

Running glide

Dead or alive

We'll be all right

Maybe we go south

Get in then go now

Hey, love, ahead but

we should save some

I think they're getting closer

I wanna get higher, wanna

get locked down with you

I wanna see every light of red and blue

I wanna get higher, wanna

get locked down with you

I wanna see every light of red and blue

Zipping down Sunset,

money still haunting

Our primary

purpose is to stay sober and stop drinking.

Hi, I'm Amy.

- I'm an alcoholic.

- Hi.

Are there any other alcoholics present?

(alarm ringing)

(phone thudding)

[Mom] Hi Chase, honey.

It's mom, just checking

up on you, seeing how you're doing.

Oh, you have that appointment

for your stomach today?

Don't forget.

I haven't spoken to you for a few weeks,

so I just wanted to make

sure everything was okay.

Oh, you won't believe this,

I ran into your old friend

Jason the other day.

Did you know he's getting married?

I know, right, everybody's growing up.

Anyway, you'll meet the

right person someday.

She just wasn't the right one.

Okay, well, you're my son

and I love you always.

Give me a call, okay?

Let me know everything's all right.

Okay, I'll talk to you soon.

Oh, be sure to eat something

before your appointment, please.

All right, bye.

Can I make you love me

Can I make you trust me

Can I make you think

about me night and day

Can I let you please me

Can I take it easy

Can I let you show me

there's another way

Listen, Jerry, I'm having

a hard time figuring out

why you want wolves in the second draft.

Put the wolves in, okay.

The first draft was

definitely lacking wolves.

Really?

Yeah, definitely put them in.

It's more, what's the word?

- Adventure.

- Adventure, that's it.

No, I get that.

I guess I just

don't really understand how wolves fits

the original tone we were going for.

All right, let's talk

about this when I get back,

all right.

Too much work, not enough play.

How's the old heart doing anyways?

Is it healing up okay?

Jerry, I gotta go, man.

- Where are you off to?

- I have an audition.

Wait, are you starting to act again?

- Beats Postmates.

- What?

Hey Dave.

Hi, I'm here with your Postmates order.

- What?

- Your Postmates order.

I have 10 jumbo cheeseburgers,

10 large curly fries,

and two bottles of Grey Goose.

Thank you.

Chase.

Chase Abbott.

- What's up, dude?

- Nah.

Yeah, yeah, it is, dude.

Come upstairs, man.

It's f*cking raging, dude.

I'm not taking no for an

answer, you're coming, dude.

Park the car right over there.

Sounds sick man,

but wrong person, buddy.

I need money, Jerry.

What, how?

You're a famous writer.

Yeah, unfortunately,

there's not a whole lot

of people reading literary

fiction these days

and I haven't sold a script in years, so-

- Put the wolves in and

we'll sell the script.

Yeah, or I gotta book like a commercial

or something, I mean-

- Oh, yeah, that's good, that's good.

No, acting's good.

What you need to do is meet a lot

of hot young

actresses and bang every single one of 'em.

That'll get you back in the game.

Yeah, I'm sure that'll do it.

It will.

Look, too much writing is

too much time in your head.

Too much time to think undesirable thoughts

about she who must not be

named, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, well, it's been

keeping me alive, you know.

Yeah, well, like they say,

don't quit your day job.

Look, I gotta run.

I gotta promote our film

because someone refuses to.

Good luck on your audition.

Say hi to those actresses for me.

Oh, and don't be a p*ssy.

(cool relax music)

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm just here for the

beef jerky commercial.

Yeah, of course.

It's just gonna be in room five.

- Thank you.

- No worries, good luck.

(metal jangling)

Everyone out and you all alone

They like to shout

but you call my phone

- Astrid?

- Yes?

[Casting] We're ready for you.

It's the way I know,

it's the way I know

Feel a kiss on the side of my face

Feel the wetness holding it down

Just in case you had

something else in mind

Wouldn't mind if you stop by mine

Go somewhere with me

Anywhere with me

Anything that you wanna do

Hey, hey do you think you can help me?

- What?

- I locked my keys

in my car.

Do you think you can help?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, really,

thank you so much.

I do this sh*t all the time.

I'm such a freaking idiot sometimes.

I never think, it's really sad.

Right in the ignition, huh?

I know, it's pathetic, it really is.

Do you have AAA or anything?

Okay, okay.

You know what, no worries, I got you.

- Really?

- Yeah, it's all good.

You're seriously so amazing.

You totally just saved my whole day.

Thank you so much.

I'm just gonna go make this call.

Yeah, sure, sure.

Hey, so I told 'em the situation

and there'll be someone here in a half hour

to open your car.

- You sure it's not a problem?

- No, we're good.

That's amazing.

Thank you so much.

So you want me to wait

with you or anything?

- No, no I'm good.

- You sure?

I mean, would that be okay?

Well, I gotta be

at this appointment in less than an hour.

- Oh, well then no, go.

- You sure?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- Okay.

I have bothered you enough already today.

Okay, well, good luck, I guess.

Thanks.

Everyone out and you all alone

They like to shout

but you call my phone

It's the way I know, it's

the way I know that sound

It's the way I know,

it's the way I know

Everyone out and I've gotta go

'Cause they like to shout

but you call my phone

It's the way I know, it's

the way I know that sound

It's the way I know,

it's the way I know

Good morning, Chase.

Describe to me the symptoms, if you can?

Overactive digestion,

lots of stomach irritation,

an inability to hold down food.

I feel sick after I eat.

- Do you drink?

- Now and then.

- Now?

- No.

Was there a problem?

Yes.

How long have you been sober?

Two years this November.

Two years, wow, that's impressive.

How's that been working out for you?

About as good as getting

hit on by an A list actress.

No, man, it f*cking sucks.

What do you think?

Are you working a program?

Of course, I'm working a program.

I wouldn't be sober if I wasn't.

And sex.

You ever tried to have sober sex?

Jesus, it f*cking sucks.

You're not a bad person, Chase.

It just means that you

directly associate alcohol

and having sex as one experience when,

in reality, it's two

completely separate things.

It's very common.

I strongly recommend that you continue

to work your program.

You are sober, that is

the most important thing.

The rest should come in time.

(video game ringtone)

Hello?

[Rob] What's up, man?

Nothing.

[Rob] How was the audition?

It was terrible.

[Rob] Nah, dude, I'm sure you k*lled it.

No, it was terrible.

[Rob] What about the stomach,

how's that doing, better?

Nah, it's still terrible.

[Rob] Dude, how are you doing tonight?

Nothing, just got home.

[Rob] Dude, come to my standup show.

I'm rocking the midnight spot.

Yeah, I'd like to but I honestly can't.

[Rob] Yo, you just said

you're not doing anything.

Yeah, but I've got a first draft due

in a couple of weeks and I really probably

should be working on that.

[Rob] Yo, it can wait a night.

A bunch of us are going out

afterwards to celebrate.

What are you celebrating?

[Rob] Life, man, being alive.

Come out.

Yeah, Rob, look,

I really gotta get going so-

- [Rob] Whatever, man, just come out.

You need to be around people.

Chase. (disconnect tone beeping)

(cool relax music)

Work

Work

Work

Yeah, can I get one to

"Sunset Boulevard" please?

Thank you.

[William] Used to be in

silent pictures, used to be big.

[Gloria] I am big.

It's the pictures that got small.

Okay, but you know that he

and Chels hooked up, right?

- No, they didn't.

- They did.

- Did they really?

- Scouts honor.

- No.

- I told you that.

I told you not to trust him.

Yeah, right.

Hey, hey, hi.

Hey, the car girl.

That's me, the girl that

locks her keys in the car.

What are you doing?

I'm just on my way home, actually.

[Astrid] From where?

Just went to see a movie.

All by yourself?

I'm Astrid, by the way.

What, you don't shake hands?

No, I just, I'm Chase.

Well, I really gotta get going so-

- Okay.

- It was nice to meet you.

Yeah.

Hey!

Look, I never really

got to thank you earlier

from saving me from

multiple parking tickets

or temporary homelessness.

That's okay, I wasn't

looking for a thank you.

I know but do you wanna maybe come inside

and meet my friends?

I'll buy you a drink or something.

I feel like I at least owe you that.

You don't owe me anything.

What, you don't drink?

What?

- You heard me.

- Oh, I drink.

So what's the problem?

There is no problem.

Seems to be.

All right, it's not

really my scene, okay.

- It's not your scene?

- Not really, no.

What's your scene (giggling)?

Pretty much anything but that.

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

My scene fails to impress

the magnificent Chase.

I never said that, all right.

Yeah, but that's what you

meant with your subtext so.

Come on.

Look, I'm not gonna

go in there, all right.

But if you absolutely

insist on buying me a drink,

I know a place we can go.

Where?

(cool relax music)

So this is your scene?

More or less, yeah.

I like it, it's nice.

Yeah, it is.

I didn't know Mel's had a bar.

Most people don't.

So what was your appointment for?

Hmm?

Today you had an appointment.

Oh yeah, it's just my stomach, you know.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, it's all good.

It's just, it's just, it's irritation

and a lot of other unpleasant stuff.

It's kind of normal for me,

it's just been getting pretty bad lately.

- That sucks.

- Yeah, it's not the best.

And you say it's getting worse?

- Yeah, worse than normal.

- Why?

Let's get drinks.

- Okay.

- What would you like?

Surprise me.

They got these long Island iced teas

that'll knock you on your a*s.

My friend and I call them

strong island iced teas.

Well, two of those, then.

- Two strong islands.

- Okay.

- Extra blue.

- Extra blue.

Extra blue.

- Two islands.

- Thank you.

Enjoy.

(Astrid coughing)

- Whoa.

- Strong, huh?

Yeah.

First night I came here,

I had five of those things

and I blacked out at this bar

and stumbled out that back door.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I was so wasted, I even

forgot to pay my tab.

I came back the next

day and took care of it

so it was all good.

- You drank five of these?

- Yeah.

That's a little

excessive, don't you think?

It was one of those nights.

So you gonna-

- So, I kind of have a confession to make.

I don't drink anymore.

- Oh.

- Yeah, I guess I probably

should have said something sooner.

That's cool.

So why did you invite me to a bar?

Because I just didn't wanna

ruin the moment, you know,

and seem like a square.

Well, it's ruined now.

(giggling) I'm kidding.

It just means two for me.

Really funny, really funny.

So why did you stop drinking?

You know, the whole artist alcohol thing.

Do I really need to explain it?

- You're an actor, huh?

- Writer mostly.

But you auditioned today.

I'm sort of just getting back into it.

- What do you write?

- Movies, books and stuff.

Nothing important.

- You've written a book?

- A few, yeah.

Well, you don't really

hear that around here.

What are they about?

So what about you?

You're an actress, or?

Trying to be.

How long you been out here for?

Just a year.

Have you been booking or?

- Yeah.

- Really?

Yeah, a lot actually.

Wow, you must be really good.

f*ck off.

Hey, I'm being serious.

A lot of people come out

here and never book anything,

so you must be really good.

What are you doing?

Paying for these so we can go.

- How much are they?

- I got it.

No, I said I'd buy you a drink.

Please put your wallet away.

I like that place.

It's a good place.

- Thanks for the drink.

- It's whatever.

It's not whatever.

You brought me a drink.

Well, two drinks.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So where are you from?

(Astrid gasping)

- What?

Are we really gonna go down that road?

- What?

- Where are you from?

I can't tell you

how many times I've heard that this year.

- That's a basic question.

- Yeah, basic.

I'm not basic.

Well, you'll get used to it.

Not a lot of people around here are from LA

so it's a pretty standard thing to ask.

I'm not into standard either.

Let's be different, let's

talk about something else.

Okay.

Do you believe in first impressions?

What do you mean?

Like when you first meet someone or get

to spend time

with someone, how important is that to you?

Really important.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Too much, probably.

- Why?

- I don't know, because it is.

- Why?

You know, you're sort

of nosy, you know that?

(chuckling) And I'm not gonna stop.

Like the story, you know,

I believe in the story.

The story of how people meet?

Yeah.

You're a romantic, aren't you?

Well, I don't know if I'd say that, but-

- Oh f*ck, what have I

gotten myself instead?

- What?

- Never mind.

Please keep going.

I just believe

the story itself holds merit, that's all.

- Merit?

- Like weight.

I believe the story holds weight.

Give me an example.

- You want an example?

- Yes, please.

Like my dad, he was the

high school quarterback

and my mom was the most

popular girl in school,

it naturally happened.

Same old, same old.

Whatever, okay, I

don't need to explain it.

I'm just kidding.

Jesus, you need to relax, man.

What's got you so strung out anyway?

Besides, I know what you're talking about.

You do?

Yeah, I mean, I get it.

It's like the universe

brought them together.

Like there's a purpose to it.

It almost makes it feel

like there's more meaning

for the relationship.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, I guess I just

feel like that's happening

less and less these days.

- What?

- You really are a romantic.

Well, if I am, I feel like

part of me is dying by the day.

You can always try OK Cupid (giggling).

My friends left.

Oh damn.

Jesus, how does this even exist?

Give me that.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing.

- Do you wanna go to a party?

- Yeah.

Let's go.

So where's this party at?

Salt Lick.

- I can drive, if you want.

- Yeah.

(upbeat music)

I like your car.

It's a good car.

- And it's a stick?

- You don't do that?

Real men drive a stick,

isn't that what they say?

It's true.

It's amazing how

many people can't drive a stick anymore.

I'm probably one of the

last great stick drivers.

(Astrid giggling) What?

That's funny.

- Can you drive a stick?

- Hell, no.

See.

I'm like the acting definition

of a bad female driver.

I shouldn't even be allowed on the road,

let alone drive a stick.

I'm kind of old school in that way.

I can drive a stick,

I suck at social media,

and I don't have Facebook.

I'm ancient.

Oh, you don't have Facebook?

You're so cool, you're so cool.

All right, all right. (Astrid giggling)

- sh*t.

- What?

- It's a costume party.

- Sweet.

No, it's not sweet.

Now we need to get costumes.

No, we don't.

We didn't know.

Let's just go anyways.

f*ck that, it's a major party foul

to show up without a costume.

Not the way I see it.

You're that guy, aren't you?

What?

There's always that one guy at a party

that shows up without a

costume and you're that guy.

Maybe I am.

Let's just swing by my place quickly.

I think I've got something for you.

Oh no, I don't wear costumes.

No, I'm serious, don't

even try to put this body

in a costume.

It does not have it.

It's perfect.

Yeah, I'm like a 26-year-old boy.

Did you know in the stage version,

the character is traditionally

played by a girl?

Don't tell me that.

That's really depressing.

What are you supposed to be anyways?

I'm Sriracha.

That might be the hippest

thing I've ever seen.

Thank you.

You know, if we really

want to do this right,

you should probably

dress up like Tinkerbell.

Argh, you would say that.

[Chase] You're kind of perfect for it.

f*ck that, I wear what I want.

Let's go.

Peter Pan and Sriracha, let's do this.

(cool relax music)

(friends screaming)

You look so good.

I'm Sriracha.

- Who's the cutie?

- I'm Peter Pan.

Yeah, you are.

Where did you find him?

Did you pull him off of the boulevard?

- Sort of.

- Hey, we met at an audition.

- Thank you.

- Okay, I can dig it.

- Can you fly, boy?

- What?

Let's get some drinks.

Come on. Tell me, tell me, tell me

'Cause you been all up on my mind

I been working overtime

I'm just trying to hit

that long boss baby

You been all out with your friends

See me act like we ain't friends

Tell me, tell me what you want now baby

You actually know these people?

Some of them.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the lay of the land.

- Cool.

- There she is.

- Hi (giggling).

- Hi.

What's up Peter Pan man?

What are you, trying to

take my girl or something?

Cut it out, as*h*le.

Chase, this is Chels' boyfriend, Alex.

- What's up, man?

- Hi.

So what's up, Peter Pan?

You trying to get with this crazy girl?

Actually, we just met so.

Bro, you gotta lock it down, man.

You gotta get that sh*t down quick.

The vultures come in and just swoop in.

Alex, can you just shut

the f*ck up for once?

Hey yo, I'm just trying to make sure

that Panny boy here is up

to my standards for her.

f*ck off (giggling).

So what's up, Panny

boy, what's your thing?

- My thing?

- Yeah, your thing.

What do you do?

- What's your thing?

- Excuse me.

Are you Chase Abbott?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh my God,

we've read your book, we love it.

We are huge fans.

Wow, thanks.

Can we take a picture then really quick?

- Sure, yeah.

- Thank you.

Do you think you can... Absolutely.

All right, Peter Pan and the catgirls.

(photo clicking) One more.

(photo clicking) Perfect.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

Yeah, likewise.

Do you have your phone on you?

I'll give you my number.

I left it in the car, actually.

Oh, what's your number

then, I'll text you?

I'm actually kind of out

with someone right now so.

Oh, no worries, I get it.

Well, I guess you should

find me on Instagram later.

I can't wait to read what's next.

(cool relax music)

Where did you find him, Astrid?

He's cute.

She pulled him off of the Boulevard.

I did not.

Well, sort of (giggling).

Okay, this is interesting.

Do tell.

Her dumb a*s locked her

keys in her car again.

- f*ck off.

- I'm just saying.

But it worked out, didn't it?

What happened?

Oh, she was stranded

and he came to her rescue.

- Really?

- Yeah.

He was reluctant.

He was reluctant.

Some say a real gentleman.

Has he made a move yet?

Jesus, Emma.

I'm just saying, on paper,

he looks like a keeper.

You into him?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I don't know.

Well, you'd better find out quick.

You ain't the only single girl in here.

Just saying. (friends giggling)

Damn girl, Emma be moving in.

You're such a b*tch.

You know I love you.

I'm telling you, dude,

you're over thinking it.

The key is a friends

with benefits situation

'cause you get the full

blown, pun intended,

perks of a sexual relationship without

all the baggage and sh*t, man.

And it's a win-win for us.

I don't know, mate.

I don't fell like there's

any girls out there

that are really up for anything like that.

I'm telling you, man, it is

the new thing in Girl World.

Alex, shut the front door.

I'm not having it for a second.

Attachment means

dependence and they don't want it, man.

Take advantage of it.

It is the time, dude, take advantage of it.

All right, man, I just feel like

that's just so wrong.

And it is, man.

Ask our boy Chase here.

He knows what we're talking about.

What?

You know what we're talking about.

Yeah, Chase you know.

Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah.

You believe in all that true romance,

love at first sight bullshit, right?

Where did you hear that?

Isn't that what you write about?

No, not really, no.

You're banging Astrid, aren't you?

Huh?

Dude, are you seriously hitting that?

Hey, guys.

Everything good over here?

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

- Um-hmm.

Okay, how's it going?

- It's good.

- Really?

Yeah, yeah, it's a cool

party so everything's good.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna go inside now.

Do you wanna come with me?

Okay, let's go.

(cool relax music)

Come on, let's go.

I'm telling you... No, come on, let's go.

- It's not a good idea.

- Come on, come on.

(cool relax music)

(phone vibrating)

Rob.

[Rob] Chase, where are you at bro?

We just stopped by your house.

You're like completely gone.

Well, I'm kind of at this party.

[Rob] What, how?

To be honest, I don't really know.

Tonight's been kind of crazy.

[Rob] Where are you at?

Somewhere in Silver Lake.

[Rob] Can we come?

Yeah, I can't do that.

[Rob] Why not?

Because it's not my party.

[Rob] Are you with a girl?

What, how could you know that?

[Rob] Because you always get weird

when you're with a girl.

Is she into you?

I don't know.

- I just met her.

- Are you into her?

I don't know, I'm still

trying to figure that out.

Rob, I gotta go.

[Rob] Wait, come to my

standup show if you can.

I can't.

I don't know man. I'm

pretty tied up right now.

[Rob] Yo, we're all going to this

all night insomniac event after-

- All right, text me the info.

- Bye.

- Wait, wait.

Don't hang up.

Good luck, all right.

Chase, concentrate, you need this.

Make this happen.

- Do her.

- Jesus, Rob.

Oh my God, it's so hot in there.

- You all done dancing?

- Um-hmm.

You sure?

- You were going pretty hard.

- I'm done.

Well, you wanna take a walk and cool off?

- Yeah.

- Okay, yeah?

Um-hmm.

You didn't have to do that, you know?

Do what?

You could've given that girl your number.

I wouldn't have cared.

No, that's cool.

I'm not really on the look out right now,

if you know what I mean.

No, I don't.

Does that happen a lot?

Not really.

I was actually kind of

surprised because not a whole

lot of people read anymore.

Sounds like she was a reader.

Maybe you missed out on a good thing.

No, seriously, we can go back, if you want.

- I don't mind.

- Hey, hey, hey,

forget it, all right.

Besides, I'm kind of into

what's going on right now.

Did we just have our first fight?

What?

Because I think we did.

What are we talking about?

We totally just had our first fight.

Okay, why are you doing that?

- Doing what?

- That.

Why are you getting all defensive?

I'm just giving you a compliment.

Hey, you know you're

worthy of that, right?

- Hey, whoa.

- I'm sorry.

- That's okay.

- I just can't handle it.

I just can't handle it

when people compliment me.

It's like a major problem.

I just suck-(dramatic music)

- I just did that.

- Yeah, you did.

You wanna go back to the party?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Hey, what's up, b*tches.

So where did you two lovebirds go?

We just went and got some air.

Oh wait, wait, wait.

Did I just hear that he pulled your hair?

I'll pull your hair, you crazy b*tch.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm just saying, I like this.

Hey, everybody.

John Nice is playing in the backyard.

(party goers screaming)

Hey, I think I know that guy.

How the f*ck is everybody doing tonight?

(party goers cheering)

f*ck yeah, that's what I like to hear.

If it makes you crazy

Or did your mind just break on the farm

I've tried to do my best this time

But I feel that this is my heart

So call me in the morning time

'Cause I don't think

that I feel the same

All this leaving's got you on my mind

Just like my ticket on the next plane

I guess this is the

calm down, the calm down

The calm down

I guess this is the

calm down, the calm down

The calm down

(party goers cheering)

Oh my God, dude, you guys are amazing.

- That was so dope.

- Thanks.

Yeah, John, that was really good.

Yo, Peter Pan, I dig it.

Wait, your name's Chase, right?

Yeah.

How do I f*cking know you?

I actually celebrated my 24th birthday

at the same venue as one

of your rapper friends.

We met briefly.

Dude, that's right, that's right.

It's been a f*cking while, man.

How's the book doing?

It's selling, considering

hardly anyone reads anymore.

Hi, I'm Astrid.

Hey, what's up, girl?

Wait, what are y'all getting into tonight?

Actually, we just met so we're kind

of just going with the flow.

I dig it.

Shots, let's go, come on.

f*ck yeah, girl, let's party.

(crowd chanting)

(upbeat music)

So tell me, Chase, what's new in your life?

You know, just living,

just doing the artist thing.

Throw up the sauce though.

Yeah.

No, I'm good.

I'll be damned.

No more vices for Mr. Chase Abbott?

I thought I'd never see the day.

You used to hit it pretty hard, man.

Yeah, I did.

Well, maybe not all the vices.

Oh, well I guess that's

another drink then.

(cool relax music)

- Whoa.

- What, what?

Can we just wait a little bit?

Make it last.

Okay.

All right, f*ck it.

(party goer giggling)

- Who was that?

- Wanna get nailed?

Yeah.

Screws away

the wind is rubbed out, breeze in my hair

Head in the cloud, stars in the air

You can't tell me nothing

I got no problems

I was sitting

with windows rolled down, salt in the air

- Oh, that was so funny.

- Right.

The guy in the dinosaur costume.

Where did he even come from?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Did you see him earlier in the night?

No, he just came out of nowhere.

(Astrid giggling)

Oh my God.

You know, you're really

pretty when you laugh.

Thanks. (kiss smacking)

Where are we going?

If you're in LA, you know what's funny?

You go on these

sad drives where you've got nowhere to be.

It's like a whole thing.

Everyone's rushing around

and you just drive up

to a four-way stop and

you just let everyone go.

Go ahead, I got nowhere to be, I'm sad.

You behind me, yeah, skip me.

Skip me in the line.

They're like, "Which way are

you going, left or right?"

I don't know.

Which way are you going?

You wanna get some pizza or something?

Let me tell you, you can make all

of my favorite dishes with a blender.

You get your ice, you get

your cream, put it in,

worst fettuccine Alfredo I've ever had.

Somebody called me sir once.

I'm like, "Do I look like a sir to you?"

Nice, challenge each other to sword fights.

Someone will be like,

"Hello, sir, I challenge you

to a duel."

I'm like, "All right."

Yah, yah, yah, yah. (audience laughing)

Oh, he stabbed me (yelling).

I mean, who enjoyed,

I think I enjoyed Jared's

set more than anybody.

And by that I mean I

didn't enjoy it at all.

It is really good for

stalking though, Instagram.

There's actually

never been a better time to stalk people.

It's as good as it's ever been.

I stalked my ex-girl,

it's actually not even

called stalking anymore,

it's called following.

It's supportive.

I was dating this girl and she was like,

"Why don't we go back to your place?"

Like, "All right."

So we walk out of the

restaurant into the parking lot

and I'm like, "Here we are."

I actually moved out here to get sober.

I went to rehab in the desert.

I'm really good at getting sober,

I've gotten sober like 50 times.

I'm sober now.

I'm a sober person.

And a lot of people say,

"Oh man, you're sober."

You know?

Well how, like how do you have fun?

Like how do you enjoy yourself

now that you're sober?

And I don't.

I don't. (audience member applauding)

Robbie f*cking Baker, dude.

I'm the f*cking star.

I'm the star of this show.

This is what you came to see.

This went south.

It was pretty fun.

Chase Abbott and his new hot girlfriend.

What are you supposed to be?

I'm Sriracha.

Sriracha.

f*cking hot sauce, yeah.

Who would've thought little

Peter Pan over there,

he likes hot sauce, Asian hot sauce.

Yeah, you guys bored yet?

f*cking, you're

all here in the basement of a wine cellar.

There's like plumbing above us.

There's literally

probably sh*t floating above our heads

right now.

Just like f*cking.

You gotta wave the jello pot,

that's what I always say, you know?

Dude, thank you so much for coming, dude.

I love you.

- Great job up there.

- Sriracha.

- Yeah, that was amazing.

- Sriracha.

- You.

- Oh.

I don't know your name but I love you.

I don't care because I am

one with God right now.

I feel like the Almighty

himself has opened my pores

and he's just pouring into my body

and he's just filling me up with love.

Are you high right now?

Dude, I took a f*cking Molly dude,

right before my set.

- I'm f*cking lit, dude.

- All right.

We've gotta get to that rave.

(cool relax music)

Maybe 'cause you give me a vibe

Little girl I go crazy for you

Maybe 'cause you give me a vibe

Little girl I go crazy for you

Maybe 'cause you give me a vibe

Little girl I go crazy for you

Maybe 'cause you get me high

Little girl I'm addicted to you

Oh baby, oh baby, I go crazy for you

I go crazy for you

I don't try to over think

You are always in the zone

I been waiting watching one

Don't you tell me this is love

Maybe 'cause you give me a vibe

Little girl I go crazy for you

Maybe 'cause you get me high

Little girl I'm addicted to you

Oh baby, oh baby

My car, yeah.

Good night, Rob.

I love this car. I wanna

stay with this one.

No, no, Rob, Rob, this one, this one.

This one, this one.

- I love my life.

- I love my life.

- I love my life.

- I love my life.

We love our lives!

It's everything

It's more than it seems

But you also got a mind of your own

So why is it the

things you say have been keeping me up

They be keeping me upside down

They be keeping me up

They be keeping me upside down

(engine purring)

[Chase] You okay?

Chase, dude, thank you guys so much

for coming out tonight.

It was such an amazing experience.

Thank you for inviting us.

You gonna be all right there, buddy?

Yeah, man.

I think I'm coming down a little bit.

Yep, that'll happen.

Dude, I don't know if I

ever told you this before

but I f*cking love you, man.

- I f*ck, get out.

- Thanks a lot.

You know what, dude?

Get the f*ck outta the car, dude.

I'm gonna give you a f*cking hug, man.

- You too, Sriracha.

- Okay.

Give me a f*cking hug, dude.

- All right, all right.

- You too, Sriracha.

Come on.

- I guess we're doing this.

- Give me a hug.

I f*cking love you guys.

- Hey.

- You having fun?

I'm having an amazing time.

Yeah, me too.

Wow, this is incredible.

Have you ever been up here before?

- No.

- What?

You're an actress and you've never been up

on Mulholland Drive?

I know.

You should write a book about it.

I probably honestly will.

Sometimes I come up here

and just think, you know.

Like all that light, it feels

like I could just dive in it,

float in it.

It's like going back

to heaven or something.

I guess it just makes me feel like

I'm doing something right.

(kiss smacking)

(cool relax music)

That feels good.

You good?

So I guess I'm never

gonna see you again, huh?

What are you talking about?

That's kind of how

things work around here.

Are you kidding me?

I just think it's

really funny that you could think that

because I feel nothing like that right now.

Oh, I guess it's just classic

male-female miscommunication.

Is this like a thing you do or something?

No, not really.

We just had sex on the first night.

We can't possibly build a relationship.

Well Jesus, if I knew you

were gonna act like this,

I wouldn't have gone for it.

- Well you did.

- And you wanted it.

Look, maybe you've had bad

relationships in the past,

but it doesn't have to be like that.

Like the best relationship I ever had,

we hooked up in the first 20 minutes

and we ended up having

this amazing year together.

It was awesome.

Is that the girl in your book?

You don't know sh*t about me.

Oh, I she sounds like a sl*t.

Oh, okay and you're so much better?

Take me home, Chase!

Look, I don't know what

the f*ck happened back there,

but can we just like

erase the whole last part?

I know you might not believe me,

but that was honestly the most fun I've had

in a really, really long time.

Same.

I'd like to see you again.

Hey, what about your costume?

Keep it!

f*ck you, California,

you just break my heart

Gonna move

to Indiana or I don't know like somewhere

Far where I won't see you

Loved you from the start

How'd we even get here

I guess it's over

Sun's out at 5 AM

Last time I ever get

Drunk by myself again north of Montana

I mean the street, not the state

Whatever, doesn't matter anyway

I'm gonna stop it, I just gotta say

It's not how I planned it

I just wanna scream sometimes

But that just

feels dramatic so I keep it all inside

You told me you'd be there

And then you left me in the night

So this one's for you

f*ck you, California,

you just break my heart

Gonna move

to Indiana or I don't know like somewhere

Far where I won't see you

Loved you from the start

How'd we even get here

I guess it's over

f*ck you, California,

you just break my heart

Gonna move

to Indiana or I don't know like somewhere

Far where I won't see you

Loved you from the start

How'd we even get here

I guess it's over

I guess it's over

(phone vibrating)

Hello?

[Rob] Chase, man, can you come over?

I can't be alone right now.

Yeah, me either.

I'll be right over.

Cool, man.

And could you bring some coffee, dude.

And Pedialyte.

Bring some f*cking Pedialyte.

(Caribbean tune)

(door knocking)

- Knock, knock, knock.

Good morning.

Please tell me that's the Pedialyte.

Oh, thank God.

Dude, you have no idea, man.

[Chase] Actually, I do.

No, man, like you have

no idea that I have no idea

what's happening right now.

Don't miss that.

(liquid gurgling)

Yeah man, that's much better.

How you feeling Trooper?

Before you got here man,

I was so f*cking depressed.

Just imagine there's like this black hole

and just like sucking all the joy,

just all of it outta reality.

It's not like a cool black hole,

like a Stephen Hawking black hole.

Well, it is like a

Stephen Hawking black hole

because it makes you think

about Stephen Hawking

and then you get depressed

'cause that guy's in a wheelchair.

Yeah, sounds like you've

done a bunch of Molly,

which depletes your serotonin.

Just give it a couple days,

you'll start to feel better.

Okay man.

I'll listen to the expert over here.

- Thank you.

- Oh God.

So how'd it go with that little bottle

- of spice last night?

- It didn't.

You didn't f*ck her, dude?

She was like all on your jock.

No, like we had sex, but-

- Yeah, f*ck yeah, dude.

You had sex?

Congratulations, bro, that's amazing.

Yeah, like honestly, I don't know though.

Like she got like really weird after.

She went all cold all of a

sudden, like, I don't know.

So who cares, man?

First of all, it's like perfectly natural

for them to go cold.

You got some p*ssy and that's

really all that matters.

I don't know, I guess I

just wasn't expecting it

to go that way.

Like, I thought we had a real connection.

A connection, dude?

She was drunk, you were sober.

There's no real connection there.

All right, that's true.

I told you, I talked about it last night

in my standup show, man.

It's 'cause you're sober, dude.

Sober sex, it just sucks.

Anyway, dude, if I are you,

I would just forget about it.

The main thing is you got

your f*cking d*ck wet.

If you wanna get p*ssy again,

just slide up into those

DMs and hit her up.

No, I honestly like don't

think that's gonna happen.

Like if you would've seen

what happened last night...

I mean obviously I want to.

I mean you saw her.

I hear girls will do that to you.

They like deplete your

serotonin and you know,

maybe just give it a few days buddy

and you'll feel just right as rain

in like three or four days.

Using my own words against me, huh?

All that sh*t aside,

I got something to tell you.

You know you're super fly,

yeah, you're super fly

Castle on the sky

Yeah, you super fly

You can't tell him he ain't fly

You know I'm super fly

You know I'm super fly

House up in the hill

Wake up in the sky

Yeah, yeah, you're super fly

You can't tell me I ain't fly

(Rob beat boxing)

You can't tell me I ain't fly

- You're super fly, dog.

- You're super fly, man.

Hey dude, I feel so much better,

mostly 'cause of the Pedialyte

but talking to you is pretty cool.

And I'm so proud of you, dude.

(text dinging)

(Chase sighing)

(cool relax music)

Hi, my name's Chase.

I'm an alcoholic, addict.

Hey Chase.

So I guess I'll just come out with it.

I almost relapsed last night.

My love life's been pretty

shitty since I got sober.

My first year was terrible

and last year was...

I actually ended up meeting

this girl last night,

like this really amazing girl.

We ended up having this amazing night.

It was like this completely

amazing LA night.

And then we hooked up and

it was like f*cking awesome

and then she just went cold on me.

Like all of a sudden

she just wanted nothing to do with me.

And so what did I do?

I went out and bought a bottle after that.

I took it home, I poured a shot

and like right

before I drank and it was like all at once

my mind just came like funneling back in.

I was like, what the f*ck am I doing?

Like why would I throw

my life and sobriety away

for this girl I barely know?

I don't know, like maybe

I should be grateful.

Like in this day and age,

that's the thing to do,

I got laid, I didn't drink.

It's like an alcoholic's dream, right?

In my mind it's like

what the actual f*ck is

the f*cking point when

everyone in your life

just runs away all the time?

Like, don't even get me

f*cking started on this girl.

Don't even f*cking get

me started on this girl.

Do I have like a f*cking sign on my head

that says f*cking use me?

Is that the reality that

I live in right now?

Yeah, 'cause it f*cking feels like it.

And like I just feel really f*cked

because like this

is exactly where I was two years ago

when I was f*cking in the bottom, man,

and I'm just starting to f*cking crawl out

and she comes f*cking

popping into being like right

in my f*cking face and I'm just like

really f*cking tired of it.

Like now it's just like

distance and it's just like,

I feel like I just have

this jackhammer in my head

and it's just like boom,

just like f*cking pounding me

in the f*cking head

and I just like wanna

blow it the f*ck out man.

Just like wanna get really f*cking high.

I just wanna get

on Sunset and I just wanna f*cking drive.

But like that's the funniest part.

That's the funniest part about all of it

because he doesn't want me to die,

he doesn't wanna let me go.

No, no, if he wanted to let me go,

I would've been f*cking

dead when I was doing

enough drugs to k*ll a

whole f*cking colony.

And honestly, just like the

fact that she's out there,

is just making

it really hard not to get high right now.

The fact that she's just existing out there

and doesn't want anything to do with me

is making it really hard.

Yeah, I'm Chase and that's all I got.

(intense music)

Drop that

Drop that beat

(keys clacking)

Really like what you did with this Chase.

I knew you had it in you.

Thank you.

What sparked it anyway?

I mean, from the page it

looks like you took my advice

and got some a*s.

Yeah, let's just say

I split the difference.

(laughing) Well anyways,

this is gonna knock him out, baby.

You got a great slate

of films ahead of you.

I'm talking Sorkin level.

By next year your d*ck

will be drowning in so much

A list p*ssy, I'll be signed on

as your lifeguard

instead of your producing partner.

Yeah, Jerry, you know,

I wanna do this one first.

What?

What about the wolves?

The wolves will be there

but I wanna do this one

and I wanna be in it.

All right, boom baby.

We'll push the action picture back.

You know, I can kind of

see you in a quirky comedy

like this.

I always thought you'd make

a great indie heart throb

if you would just

get your a*s back in front of the camera.

Well, thank you.

Do you have anyone in

mind for the female lead?

I think I got an idea.

(cool music)

(Astrid laughing)

She's next.

So this is why you did all this, huh?

You ready?

Yeah.

Okay.

Chase, this is Astrid.

I believe you two already know each other.

Well, this is one way

to get my attention.

Yeah, so I'm going to go

ahead and leave you two alone.

Hi.

Why'd you have to make this so hard?

What?

The script is so good.

I've got a good story to tell.

But you know this

isn't gonna work, right?

What?

Whatever you have in your

head, it's not gonna work.

Writers and actresses, that never works.

Better chance than actors and actresses.

At least I think so anyway.

Astrid, I think maybe

I see something in you

that you're not able to see in yourself.

I've only had one experience with you

and I had to go write a

whole script about it.

I know, it's funny.

Look, you have a past and

I have a past, it's LA.

People move here every day to start over,

so let's start over.

I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow.

I don't.

All I know is that you

and I are both here now.

So let's just live and see what happens.

Okay.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, let's do it.

Let's run the scene.

All right.

- You ready?

- Um-hmm.

Rolling.

You didn't have to do that, you know.

Do what?

You could've given that girl your number.

I wouldn't have cared.

No, it's cool.

I'm not really on the lookout right now,

if you know what I mean.

No, I don't.

Does that happen a lot?

Not really.

I was actually kind of surprised

because not a whole lot

of people read anymore.

Well, it sounds like she was a reader.

Maybe you missed out on a good thing.

- Nah.

- No, seriously.

We can go back if you want, I don't mind.

Hey, forget about it, all right.

Besides, I'm kind of into

what's going on right now.

And scene.

Mm, damn guys, that was hot.

That was freaking hot you guys.

I have no idea why the room

is not in flames right now.

Clean up in the back in the Jeep now

Tops off and the stars so weak now

Same thing didn't want nor I need

Think I'm eating all

my words, let me revise

Could you pull another

strings in my mind's eye

Do you mind if my

rhymes don't seem right

Without her everything don't end right

Without her everything don't end

Funny little feelings

Floating through the ceiling

Kisses you been stealing

Late night when I'm all alone

I think of you and I grab the phone

'Cause I've been drinking for too long

Passing out on the floor

Acting like it doesn't matter

No, this ain't forever after

So come on, come on,

come on, keep me up now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep me close now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep it up now

I don't mind, no

I don't mind, no

Don't wanna be home stoned alone

Break the glass, pick me up, gas me up

Sticky on, high to fly

Lie to lie seeing eye to eye

Get the whip, I'm flying by

Say goodbye, sh**ting off the hip

Stick 'em up, are you sick of us

Yeah, funny little feelings

Floating through the ceiling

Kisses you been stealing

Late night when I'm all alone

I think of you and I grab the phone

I've been drinking for too long

- Hey, friend.

- Chase, what's happening?

Whoa, what's happening, huh?

Aren't you gonna crush one with me?

Maybe some other time.

Man.

Hey, you back to smashing

that hot actress chick?

- I met someone new.

- You got a new chick?

g*dd*mn, man.

- Is she as hot as the ex?

- Hotter.

Hotter.

g*dd*mn, dude.

This guy's cool.

Man, maybe I should stop drinking this sh*t

and get me one of those.

Nah, look at that.

Yeah, that's better than a girlfriend.

I've been drinking for too long

Passing out on the floor

Acting like it doesn't matter

I know the story ever after

So come on, come on,

come on, keep me up now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep me close now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep me up now

I don't mind

Come on, come on, come

on, keep me up now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep me close now

Come on, come on, come

on, keep it up now

I don't mind no

(cool beat music)

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, never gonna let me

Never gonna let me, 'cause

I'm never gonna let you

(cool beat music)