01x10 - True Lies

[bunniefuu]

Why didn't you say you love me back?

Uh I don't know.

We're j we're just kind

of getting to know each other,

and

Any last words before

I blow your brains out?

Don't sh**t me, okay?

You ain't got to do this.

You ain't got to do this, man.

Yeah.

Just let me

Why are you doing that?

Cut it out!

Stop it!

You look at me when I k*ll you.

Look at me!

I know that there's nothing up there.

Ah! sh*t.

Ah!

Ah Ah!

Go home.

I'm sure there's a real hero somewhere

in need of a goofy sidekick.

Well, you're not alone

anymore.

I've got you, I promise.

Kevin!

Focus.

I owe you one.

It's a simple jump.

Three, two, one.

Yes.

Hey.

Hey, come on. Jordan, no.

Come on, get up, get up. Jordan, no.

Look at me, look at me.

No. Don't you die, don't you die.

I'm not gonna let you die.

Come on, Jordan, you c

you can't, you can't die, not

Come on, Jordan, get up.

Don't d

Jordan! Jordan!

I jumped. I got over here.

Jordan?

I f*cking jumped.

I f*cking jumped.

I f*cking

Breathe.

Bravo. It's a wrap, everybody.

Bravo.

The f*ck ?

A wrap?

Agent Hart!

Coach Ron?

Yeah!

- Yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

The f*ck is happening?

Hey, man, it was good working with you.

No hard feelings, man. Sorry.

Hi.

Oh, no. Come on, Jordan.

This was a part of it, too?

Yeah. Sorry, Kevin.

Jordan.

But I really thought that I lost you.

- Oh, Kevin.

- No

Well, I guess I'm

glad that you're alive.

Well, movie magic.

- Very good.

- Movie magic.

Very good.

Jordan, no.

Come on, get up, get up.

Jordan, you can't do this. Don't die.

Come on, Jordan, get up.

Don't d Jordan!

Jordan!

I did it, I jumped. I got over here.

Jordan? I f*cking jumped.

I f*cking jumped.

Well?

That may be the strangest

movie I've ever seen.

So bizarre and and violent.

And yet

authentic.

You can't teach acting like that.

- So you liked it?

- Like it?

I like kidney-shaped swimming pools.

I like reduced-fat eggnog.

This movie, I loved.

He loves it.

How does it feel to be a leading man

in your own action movie?

- Wow.

- Kevin.

- Please.

- Oh, the center stage.

Uh

No, stop, stop. Guys.

Well, I learned two things.

The first thing is that it's dangerous.

It's dangerous as hell.

I mean, I was set on fire,

I was hit in the head with a bat

punched, kicked.

- I'm really gonna be scarred.

- That was f

No, I'm serious I don't know

why you're laughing.

I'm being very serious.

I'm gonna have real issues

because of this guy right here.

- f*ck yeah!

- It's no

It's not a "f*ck yeah."

It's it's a serious thing.

The second thing that

I learned is that, uh

there's no such

thing as a leading man.

Because you're nothing

without your costars.

And I had that in in you

guys, so thank you Come on.

Get up here. Seriously.

- Get up here.

- Buddy.

Take this in. Take it in with me.

Wait, wait. Do I get top billing?

Yeah. You have top billing.

Nice. I didn't I forgot to ask.

- Well, I think it's time to celebrate.

- Yes!

Looks like we've got a hit on our hands.

- Claude. Congratulations.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey. Congratulations, everybody.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have a real treat for you today.

Okay wait, wait, wait,

wait, easy with the spoilers.

This requires a little dramatic buildup.

Okay. Here it is.

Now you know that I'm not a big fan

of these high-budget action films.

Here she goes again, with her

love of fancy foreign films.

I have discerning taste.

This is my buildup.

- This is what you requested.

- Continue.

This movie by Claude

Van De Velde moved me.

- I got to say.

- It's an incredible film.

- And

- I've seen it 27 times.

Team Van De Velde right here.

The hero of this movie

is not the action star

that you would expect.

The one that really saves the day.

Well, we have him here today.

Ladies and gentlemen

Sassy the Squirrel.

Aw, Sassy

Oh, you're a lot bigger in person.

Oh, hell no.