02x11 - Law and Disorder

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

no one said it was gonna be easy [Music]

nobody said it had to be fair

all of the chances taken together

and all the changes

[Music]

this time [Music] cause we passed the point of no return

and we're never gonna go

[Music]

hello blemish sorry golly hello mr fritta oh i just called me billy butlin for the

moment eh it's very good if you didn't have your villa for a few days mr fraser

oh my pleasure my dear i know just what like these tourist hotels could be this time of year especially when you've got a young family

oh i don't know how expensive it can be with us not lying around don't know well dennis i did bring out here to work

and if the unwelcome glare of publicity prevents that while a few economies are always welcome

perhaps we should pay for our own rooms mr fraser we're not all on your payroll after all oh no come on i'd like to stop chatting

about this all day go on i get vicki to help you in with the bags vicky

i'll have to take a little sweet over at the marbella club it's not where all the rich playboys

hang out golf course in every room and that they're like well personally never i've always felt that we've been overrated but i thought

that vicky here could do with a break in any way there's no point in this hanging around here you know what with a swimming pool out of commission in the

place like a building safe oh yes it must have been terrible for you still it'll be nice and quiet for the ben

hello vicky peck all right brenda christine that looks lovely do you like it i got it that italian

british phone down at the port say organic silk river that means it means the worms were free-ranging

anyway vacation you should take the girls in for a drink when i have a wood with the boys there's another time you took that [ __ ] off i think you've had it on for about

20 minutes eh and i'll join you later okay

just have a word with the boys right dennis you've got two days off and

then i want your mob graphic all right all right look it's not our fault there's so many criminals around here i afraid to get confused with

maybe you should have phoned a better place ah we didn't go and seek in their publicity or not just

we got tricked uh maybe so but trouble the new law seemed to go hand in hand and talking about that where are the other hair boats

[Music]

we can let it all hang out on the beach we can let it all hang out before you

man this might be a toughest place but i'm certain it's in the bottom all right the local coppers have

probably got a special bear b*mb patrol yeah big ol k*ll at the first sight of

something round and white sand but he jammings everywhere

i'm gonna listen to him spot these [ __ ] or something he's gonna be back in this little oh

don't you start moaning off you must have dreamt of days like this when you were in uh that hut

landed on our feet here boy no mistake ah well we're not being paid a lawyer i

mean it's still frieza's time isn't it he should be fought for this uh hold on i think he's been quite generous under

the circumstances us i mean we could have been shipped back to brighton couldn't we yeah well

they said in the guantaname

no we've got we're living under pulse pretenses how do you reckon that one else well look the spanish old bill think

about ill*gal workers the british press think well just ill*gal aren't together

so no one having to pretend to be two artists and uh what's wrong with that bit what's wrong with us what's wrong with

that london is the tourists as you'd notice if you had half a brain you usually got a room with quite a bit

of door whereas those by and large you're humpty because afraid as i stopped with my tap on with ah you don't need money to enjoy

yourself wasn't me look around this natural beauty everybody see and santa the most interesting culture

to himself what i'm trying to say mate it's the

best things in life right

you're not wrong barry cop this lot

anybody fancy kick a boot if you kicks it in their direction i don't want to deprive you of a moment

of pleasure but i have to remind you we english are banned from football in europe if you remember

hey

oh hello mate where's the rest of your mob then oh we're dead on the beach could have a

lager please oh no that's a shame look i've given it place of honor i know

all right we asked you not to do that it's bloody embarrassing you know we'll get used to it son oh hello mr

leather oh sarah please oh uh moxie

we didn't go caught in that publicity you know i'm sure you didn't none of us goes chasing newsprint do we

but you see if you adjourn over here suddenly leaving a few question marks beyond what's about to happen in it i suppose

so yeah and also moxie what you've got to remember is that these people these so-called gentlemen of the press are in fact the

scum of the earth you wouldn't

jenny serve it gentlemen you see these people do not have one iota of

respect for the privacy of the individual let me tell you that princess diane joan

collins eric engines have got my utmost sympathy for the intrusions that they incur people always will never call you when

you're famous don't they yeah some of those no marks made a b*mb or two out of your exploit they tell don't remind me it was just geezer live

down our street in open sea now i met that bloke twice right once when i picked my little girl up from his

kids bonfire night party and once when he borrowed my hovering lawnmower well

next thing i know he's he's managed to stretch these briefing counters into three installments and the villain on my

doorstep we certainly learned to our lesson keeping our heads down from now on

so you'll be staying down here for a bit will you well i think the others will be moving on like you know but uh

i'm going to stick around for a while yeah oh you've been needing a drum then oh yeah yeah yeah what you got in mind

a villa condo something like that yeah listen moxie anything you want feel free

investment advice real estate the new motor i mean we know a few people do you

understand me i'm sorry thanks very much actually

there is something you could uh help us out with like sure sure might sound a bit soft buddy don't know

of any plastering jobs going around here do you you you can't be short left bob surely

no no it's just the way of uh passing the time like

well you know i don't understand you know the nets must be all that overshoot

you speak english though she speak english

where are the

what's up then oh you can't handle stand up to me

not much joy up here ross uh well they're norwegian and you

[Music] well that's probably why they're a bit sticky then hello lads

sorry to interrupt when i can see you busy have you guys got a few words to say to

the press oh yes i've got two and the second one's off

yeah go in and beat it with enough trouble causing you buggers we know about that but we're to help you lads

yeah you wouldn't have to know the norwegian for cannot get into your knickers would you

look the more you stall out it's the more difficult it's going to be for you in the end look look look it's kind of a swing don't know which

one look that rubbish in the papers wasn't true right it was a lot of crap all right we're not bunk robots man like

crazy sick lovely we want to believe that too so we can write spoilers on that crap nick wheeler wrote so

just tell us who you really are and what you're doing here we'll all go home just mind your own business man yeah you

were not they'll be nice son look boyles what that look was a load of cobblers we know it so why should we

have to prove it to you so we can deny it and you'll be off oh yeah right so the other mob could deny it

again and um and it's a vicious circle in it yeah i've had a note with these b*stards

i'm from buddy in the middle sand head first there hey hold on hold on head first here hold on son yeah what

we can always head back to england and write you up as olivia and scroungers from the dolphin

all right all right it's all right it'll probably take a day or two for you to realize it's all in your own

good come on ronnie yeah remind me not to buy

papers when i get home [Applause]

yeah who are they well bloody journalists wouldn't they oh [ __ ] oh small eaters what do they

want well apparently we've still got to clear our names in that great pop before known as the press you know what i think

we should set the record straight and tell him why we're here oh yes but if we do that when the job

goes down the crap i don't it yeah cheers yeah besides i've already

told terry leather we really are the sheffield payroll robbers

i thought it would be a good idea you know to play along with it help us get established around here you are the only one who's staying moxie

why no past when we try to get back into britain if we get back to britain eh i mean these geezers ain't exactly noted for

their tolerance where wind-ups are concerned mucks yeah well he's asked us to join us

down the bar you know put a bevy in a

sing-song [Music]

hey no vicky is my bias position so don't speak until you're spoken to

and then just nod okay sometimes i think you're ashamed to be seen with my alley freezer i know not

ashamed of vicky but frequently embarrassed well why like what have i done what have you got another sphere

well last night for example i take you to a mission on one star restaurant international playboy customers

wall-to-wall i order you a beautiful dish of steamed turbot stuffed with scallops

and you complain to the waiter because you think your fish knife is a cake slice stick to spaghetti tonight honey okay

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

you jordy oh i i had uh two trolls spirit level

he never loved it

desperately

manages to keep everything regular with a promising one big last job and then it'll be

the sunshine champion and then it comes off and they get here and what do they do

recreate a squalor that the child wanted to piss off from an affordable place what a futile existence

eh no need to work but no real way of enjoying themselves so

getting pissed to get him more than about

i wonder what the kids do for schooling oh god nice

perhaps a dance teacher

all right no son here's the question if your daddy knows like terry and young little arthur

stick up an armored car haul a million quid in the mail and druid how much does that leave them with each

and you can use your fingers

[Music] i'm

[Music] man

[Music]

bloody idiot and i was supposed to keep my heads down for a few days yeah well it's already you i don't know

you know i've got homes to go back to this is going to be my new woman i was just trying to make some new friends

sorry lads well look i suggest you just have a quiet night back in the water

look here well i've had enough of drinking champagne anyway hi i'm fed up with peeing for it now

what damn we'll think what better door probably hi

come on it's no harm dude just didn't [Music]

think [Music]

this is hope there's really nothing to worry about it's all been a ludicrous mistake

yes i know yeah it must be

yeah i can imagine

i know uh-huh

no don't worry nothing's serious yeah i have to dash yeah bye

spain's no place for a child of that age did you read it in the papers as well

why yes manchester's had the whole street round you think you'd be pleased no one's visited her for years

just a minute is that somebody coming in can't be them back already neville

it wouldn't be the lads surely they'd have put the terrace lights on sure who's that

anyone at home who are you we're reporters love just want a quick word

six and nine sixty nine and any one of giggles will get disqualified

and the key to my room what's he

i'll tell you when you get a bit older i'm well done here four and eight forty eight

now do you think of anything to do with that russell i'm thinking it better but i daresay

please in your focus that's a good idea that might improve

your image a bit of your phone playing bingo lonely it's pitch nuts

that's not what you always do whatever you do try and avoid journalists and criminals will you

how are you supposed to tell the difference we'll ask moxie who's going to have to learn bingo

[Applause] [Music] yeah bt what do you think then the

robbers i bet young baby fizz is the leader it's always the baby fierce one that's the

most vicious we'd like all your autographs

we're not saying anything all we want to do love is clear the air i mean all this must be very

embarrassing for you back home is it no what's embarrassing is having

to answer questions from people like you now look we didn't invite you in here and we'd be very obliged if you kindly

leave who the hell are you it's all right it's all right press no it's not all right

what are you doing in here they've been asking you a question we didn't tell him anything never neville hope and dennis patterson is

that right it's about the only thing you blocks i've got right look smarten up son we know you're not villains

as we were saying to you ladies all we want to do is clear the air get her the truth oh

how weird we'll might as well gannon tell him dennis all right i am dennis patterson this is

neville hoop we're british we're from newcastle we're here on holiday that's it come on what about the rest of the g*ng they're

all brick yes too we met out in germany a few years back and uh this is like a reunion in it

yeah right we'll need names and home addresses so the london desk can check out their backgrounds

well some of these addresses might be a bit vague here let's see this uh mr osborne mr taylor mr norris

mr busbridge and uh what's that near me oh man for the

sporty face

did you pay for them one more bottle what

oh come on k*ll them and tell them when it goes a lot i don't funda what a bloody cheek they think we're

loaded says a lot for the world to die then it's our people like who's going to become iran

you mean the people they think we are you see back home increasingly didn't you get a militant

football channel to make a documentary about you remember here i was somebody used to

ride across the atlantic single handed hold on a minute though you seen the way

them old codges reacted you spilled my thing did not point that off huh can you imagine what's happening

in the discord we're in moxie huh

[Music] stunning isn't it all right is that

of course you realize we could work all our lives and never afford any of this oh i don't depress it just yet nev

only consolation our take is ali frazier probably isn't very happy yeah do you see my sort of bloke that

finds pleasure hard to come by like donny oh

no i remember why i like you so much

don't seem so stupid now do i take a doll bag

most of it anyway

should have breakfast in bed oh it's funny i thought we already had

i couldn't get a frying pan

oh god

oh sorry what was that bloody stuff you were drinking last night

never made what you were drinking is what the b*stard groupies was guzzling and doing

maybe we should rob a payroll wagon after all that remark is in very poor taste of download me saying so moxay

wasn't the people like you glamorizing criminal activity we wouldn't be pestered by the press footwear but exploited by those vacuous females

last night didn't stop easter you know the door did it see if there's any exploiting to be

done yeah well if we can't go out we can't stay in not much point in being here

we're not tourists we're not workers we're trapped we're in limbo

got a point

is actually helping to decide what we're going to do today though is it i don't think i can face another day of

sunlight sangria with food either

i've just had an absolutely brittle idea why don't we are a couple of cars

hi toddle off energy bro just not fine i bought an ipad now what do you think i'm going to be cheap british beer judy

freeze today's papers too papers are still a sore point you know

i go on

here is my contribution i suggest you three pull your resources as well i'll

go and wake wayne up if he's interested i'll get a higher calibration with the reception

one of the df5 see that porsche

should have took some lightning shot and sh**t with these you fancy's driving them you don't drive these mate you're peddling

if i take the wheel one of them oh no no yeah boston you see i was one of the manager on the continent ever since i bumped into

patmos once in outfits well i'll do the trip down because i'd be too pissed to drive coming back hold on i need to get in my body that we

will keep all the boring b*stards in one try yeah what's up very much you'll need on barry

and uh do you have any trouble i flash my lights light light we've only got one right hi hey just a minute weren't you better

laced a couple of months back yes i was but i have not yet been convicted and even if i had faith

as well you know worse criminals than drunken drives and it knows these property contracts

i wonder what the others are up to well well i've heard a thing for nearly

18 hours so they must actually be keeping out of trouble new world record

eddie fans you're riding the tony at a run give a pool or something way out

here you are never your daughter would like a little attention don't bother to get up dennis we'll find

our own way out oh yes brenda and i are going into town fudge bye pete

see you later back in time for tea on the terrace

i don't know what the others are up to

[Music]

hello bloody petrol gauge he's reading low that's

[Music]

trouble [Music]

so [Music]

foreign

sorry ladies i thought you were my maid barry sorry lads there's just too many of

these little white buggers on the road one of them maybe we'll catch him up in gym but suddenly bro tonight i'm getting me

rushed off here oh my pants is the beer now too

man oh well i suppose there's worse places to be shipped

any thoughts and lunch my petal hi your good moods last and surprisingly well

oh look there's a couple of your lads oh what in the name i've got are they doing here just don't look at them just don't

nutmeg coming over here that's nice to see someone else they're ashamed of being seen with as well as me

hey cubby tubby if you can walk and talk and assume and you get a couple of beers in the fridge

yes gentlemen two bears maggie poor favor

rash yasha that's what he said oh you've got the brass neck to come in here i do not know i suppose it's their idea of fun to

support their ill-gotten lanes in this manner jeffrey are you going to do something yes pauline i will and i'm already

composing a strong letter to the times any chance of getting them bored or does

that cost more in here

you don't like the sound of that horse

will the gentleman be staying for lunch gentlemen decided yeah no in that case the gentleman would be so

kind

what's this well that's what tobias madden are 22. the gentlemen are free to drink

elsewhere if they wish

is what are you two tearaways doing here hey acting like

yours mr fraser on your orders what they do with a sublease as well i will just drink up and move on out

before my reputation in my bear is ruined let me guess planning another bank

robbery are we oh i remember this prick for crazy now look here what

you may enjoy immunity from a rest in this country but you are not immune from our contempt as decent british citizens careful boy

you you're way off mark who am i and i suppose the newspaper report was too

surprising you reading the rag like that i usually keep that one wedge behind the paper in the bog

yeah the matters in the ends of our lawyers see and they'll be quite happy to take an action for slander as well i refuse to be intimidated by you

you may have wealth now criminally acquired of course but that doesn't entitle you to to to strut around here

even if you were invited up with this all right so they're just on the very point of leaving i'm not gonna leave it

i'm not gonna leave i'm trying but i've had enough of this b*stard man colonel blimp look you just supposed to wear band robbers right

at least for crime's honest isn't it up front at the end of a barrel where we'll get my duo whereas you b*stards are here where'd you get yours

yeah but with a balance sheet i'll fill in your friggin income tax return i think we'll skip lunch vicky

your friend by the pool he has ordered champagne who's paying

[Music]

bar moxie you're on early instinct for tacting with this dump out i should have known this is the perfect

end to possibly the worst day of my life well i'm sure you can go back to your but also another day on your own you're on the wrong side again

no no placer probably left a psychological scar i mean for all eternity because we open foodery

i just want to get back to the hotel get the bed forget this nightmare trick

unexpectable

box egg i think i'm going to cry look away

[Applause]

[Music] please

why do i all of a sudden get a dreadful feeling nev you know like ozil's sticking pins in a dennis patterson dull

you know your boys are wasted in the building industry dennis you ought to be organizing military coups in a banana republic what's the matter

somebody's been impulling oh no nothing like that i know they've just spent half an hour slagging off some of the most influential members of my bella society

which i am no longer a member i thought was a bit too good to lastly i will you can whistle them all back

up now because your true humble status has been revealed to a grateful nation right first thing in the morning i'll get them back to work

now i've got a better idea dennis let's have a night shift

oh sure there you are where the hell are you two people have been charged out of my body to brother that's trying to find

you you're watching your time could he didn't get there no what happened punch will or breakdown no other thanks to the

superlative map reading skills of marco moxie there we could not find gibraltar what well it's it's a 500-foot

eye chunk of bloody rock sticking up in the air can't miss it oxycontin ah just a minute we did get

there eventually yes yes indeed we did get dead eventually and uh you spied a british bobby at the border

gates and we had to turn back well it's any consolation you didn't miss much for

your brother like failure with chimpanzees apparently it's full of jocks left over from the 1982 world cup

so where eventually did you end up then oh um yes we stopped off at a picturesque little dog hole

called san pedro and uh we got uh got wheel clamped

i didn't know they had the denver shoe here yes yes indeed they do have the wheel clamp in spain yes it is known as

the catalan yes a fact of which i was reliably informed by the educationist sub-normal

peasant we put it on our car i just hope this catalog of dejection will melt my eyes out and bring a rush

into my side anybody got enough to do it with her own objects bars closed

cause carlos has got diarrhea what bloody hell

dennis hello hello what's all this no water cannon no right fleece finish for the deer have

you all right well i've got some more bad news for you holly frazier once you're

back at work seven o'clock show up in the morning great top of that bill and goodbye

[Music] so

[Music]

[Applause] [Music] [Applause]

my [Music]

not quite on the southern front not that i'd recognize a spanish ministry of

labour official if i fell over one the last one the party dennis i've got the kettle on oh smashing eye

best looking hey down boy put some cream on your bike but i get

back to work

[Music]

no brenda special promote i mean the rest of your drinking like he's

fetching this all one man

what's crazy on the walls of this

it's gonna be like a bloody great bath in me how would you know you've never been to

buffy

even higher my eyes would turn up in the next couple of weeks or so oh you finally got that words written

did you yes yes indeed i did i posted it last night actually didn't know why you're bothered you could have launched that bloody

thing in the sea and puddled into them

is

so quick like well it's two flights a day from burma international it only takes two minutes no no no no i i don't mean the flying

time i mean i'm just amazed that you could have responded so promptly to my emotional appeal i

only posted it yesterday what a jumbo picture of you of the costa del

sol with a love letter no i'm sorry i haven't seen this at all i booked the flight a couple of days ago

teresa mcintosh and our accounts department had a last-minute cancellation through a family bereavement

oh oh i'm sorry yeah i was only an old uncle of hers in mexico but she felt she had to go a lot

no no no i'm sorry that you didn't rush out here in a fit of passion rather than through teresa mcintosh's misfortune

i'd much also be curious about the newspaper story described me all as payroll robbers

a lot of bloody nonsense i yeah you mean it's not true then no

of course it isn't oh well it's nice to see you anyway

hazel it's like a drink no thanks

i tell you what i've still got this nice little higher card of me and the lads are entities defensive can rub into sierra with me

tonight and have dinner i would look in the sure i think i have an early night tonight i feel a bit jet-lagged

by the way i'll give that car back if i was you if someone has arrived for your drunken

driving right hey just a minute

i thought buddy was gonna bust into just it's definitely the emotional sort we cried the other day when we got wheel

clamped still she has taken him to a ball fight huh so the evening won't be a total

disappointment well if a bird took me to a bullfight i'd be seriously worried about her mental health

please photograph souvenirs oh christ look once you not read the papers i just

know i'm a working gadget slinger

oh i'll get it we all end up on a plate eh oh come on let's have some i'll be a giggle won't it

okay go ahead okay okay i need four

and wanting me slaughtered have fish then roughly mediterranean i'm nice would you

eat fish straight out of the toilet i think we're being a little oversensitive don't you daddy

that's just my trouble he needs come here here i am pretending to peruse the horses doofus all i'm really thinking

that is where you'll be sleeping tomorrow wow since he brought it up i'm staying at the hotel about half a mile down the

road for you is that all right well i don't think my passion will reach that far actually that uh

you need to be any nearer you know thank you buddy i'm going to be difficult but it's as close as i want to get at the

moment i understand that i i respect your need

for freedom i i identify with your your need for individual appetite

oh look i have a photograph taken for old time safe bikes

i don't suppose you do separate sittings [Music]

yeah

[Music] so

look kenny i'm a busy boy i don't have another money to waste watching you knocking up me you don't have to watch me knock up sunshine you can sit down if

you want i don't think the old ticker could take the stream now what do you want to see me about

you know this little team of yours that's been doing a building oh no don't tell me they're filled in marbella

harbour i'd have been working up at your place aren't they no you never know where that bunch

anyway now this payroll robbery nonsense has subsided they can be very useful to me i mean us

and how is that kenny since they're about as useful as a hold on a i take it after they finish tighten up

your place they'll be going back to blindly wouldn't they well i don't if they will be very welcome but yes

well me and a few of the chaps got certain things we'd like taken back to certain people in london oh no don't tell me kenny what things

like uh keys to safe deposit boxes that kind of a thing i don't say nothing ally but the point

is now they're in the clear and more importantly seen as the victims of oppressed smear

so the old bill and the customs and the excise won't be able to get the amp with them all day which makes them very useful couriers

and um what's my cut kenny if i pass them in your direction

good will and such don't worry sunshine we'll work

something out all right i do wish they'd insert the word tennis

before they say court [Applause] [Laughter]

go around to the office you sure that's a good idea now they know we really are oh i don't know and they said they'd

still make us welcome apparently they understood where victims have oppressed me in fact they sympathize with us

there might be some money in it for us you know a few little jobs probably double glaze their house with

bulletproof glass i don't suppose there'll be any harm in it now our stigmas have been cleansed

i'm not sure you know our way box man we didn't give you a name for the people as far as terry leather or anybody else

is concerned he's still a man of mystery all right still about a mystery senor fuggity

[Music]

hey guys listen we'll just play it cool right see what they want we don't like the smell of it we'll politely get clean okay

oh i know that bloody german

what are you b*stards gonna stop picking on away yeah why don't you leave us alone you shifty

sod we ain't done nothing which particular comic do you work for anywhere shall we say the police review

well you're the old belly scott yard surveillance squad and if this wasn't spain albert arthur

moxie alias brenda mulcai arsonist of skonda your a*s would be well and truly nicked

[Music]

yes it started a while ago just strange is wrong

boy we made such a crazy

[Music]

again [Music]

[Applause] different reasons left just leaving

splitting up and going on so long chasing circles and getting nowhere

and longing for the way we were all a dog for

the anyone sharing chances of taking all the blame

back with the boys again yeah we're back

[Music]

again

you