01x07 - Private Lives

[bunniefuu]

used all my options worked off my dues

now there's nothing to lose i don't want tomorrow to be

like today that's why i'm breaking away

i'm trying [Music]

that's why i'm breaking away

breaking away

[Music] i'll be

same to you sleep yet what's the time nine o'clock there

abouts and it's come round again and it never fails a weekend meow fruit once again we'll

put on some clean gear and join the human race

i'll find weekends the most impressed me not me weekends are the hardest part

[Music] see here is it moxie yeah that's nice i

thought i recognized your elegant footwear what's wrong with them they're very comfy you know

yeah well they're hardly the art of fashion are they i like them

i suppose if you're in there i'll better make other arrangements huh yeah i think you're better i think it's the sauerkraut

yeah i can play abbot with a blog system i can hey i got a job for you no not before

breakfast mopsy please oh no it's really good this it's about this irishman you know

and he's dead sick about all the irish shows going around you know being irish himself like

so he decides he's gonna take english lessons you know learn how to speak english like what you do is that yeah oh come on

it's really good after a few weeks he's looking he's good enough you know to go out from the world and try it out

so he goes into this shop and he says in the block behind the counter he says i'll have a copy of the

telegraph one of the observer on one of the times and the block behind

the counter says you're irish aren't you and the irishman says you know that

he says this is a fishing chip shop

do you get it oh god it was funny

hey do you want to build

forgot me rising where is everybody well b*mber's gone fishing with a couple

of the eric's yeah barry's working on the bike

moxes on the bog so i won't make any plans as part of this where's dennis

i saw dennis a bit earlier earlier i woke up clumped around

where was he going i don't know he had a roll-up tone under his arm but he had

all his clothes on yeah i looked like he was going swimming

dead swimming well he wasn't going sunbathing was he not in this crapper

and he turned ago all right cattle's on hey it was what a great idea

what swimming i never thought of it let's g*n the bus eh

but after let's get under the bus what is some of the door isn't it

well we could do i'm gonna cuddy we're able to stop off in the town and buy them

oh i kept so the doctor says i can't see a thing

and the blog says that's funny because i can see you very clearly oh yes very big sun very drought i'll

still prefer the first one myself though it's funny how dennis never said a nan

ah kg lad dead man he likes to play everything close to the chest it's been even worse lately you know i

was going out there tonight my sister i'm just casual like why are you off till 10. tells us to mind my own business still

threatened but he's divorced no no i was not no he wasn't doing a moody or anything

in fact he was quite chipper that's why i was so tucked back

he's not really one of the large denman he's he's toasty at least says he wants to get his own place he

says if we've got to stop on here he's going to find himself a flat says he can't stand this hurt anymore

what's wrong with this [Music]

so where's the logical swimming can you believe hey that's a good idea why right so

exercising it's madness son madness that's not

that nerve he's inswings didn't he uh tried to get me jogging the other week i

said no way told him what happened to my brother-in-law what did happen

well he's into all that and he you know running weights callus bleeding phoenix whatever they call it mind you you've

got to bear in mind the bloke's a bit of a nutter otherwise he wouldn't have married my sister would he i don't know your sister

door and you're well out of it and your son anyhow he goes jogging every weekend didn't he

got all the gear in that you know the adidas track suit headband so i said to him i said you'll do

yourself an injury you will i'll try it when i jimmy

wow danny tries to jog across a red light at catfish roundabout didn't he

got hit by a juggernaut bound for the a2 dover love i nearly bought my own bit

yeah i don't think that's a good enough reason for denigrating exercise there's a lesson to be learnt somewhere though

i mean if god had meant us to go jogging every day how come we weren't born wearing plimp soldier no

but it's as good a hobby as any isn't it i think you need a knobby especially out here with nothing else to

do but i've got a hobby one which i'll pursue with great diligence and dedication

no what's that skirt skirt no i'll think of orbeez as things

like you know things like making more little planes or collecting butterflies beer

mats things like that yeah well barry that's cause you're a bit of a radish isn't it

no i'm not well i mean you don't show much inclination to jump the opposite

sex do you neither of you

hey it's not because i lack the inclination you know it's cause i was very badly let down by

a girl from runco but besides which you can't get out much can you i mean you spend half your life

insulting the bloody pool slam

i said i think you're right wayne my uh education does like a thing or two in

you know in that direction do you think uh do you think you could give me one or

two chips

you give us a lift into town son and you're on smart huh

boston is where's something on your original

well i look like you you can be very rude you can wait well that helmet ain't gonna help your

chances is it son

oh straightforward nice lady yeah very tasty mate i never really noticed it before ah get

yourself to yourself come on no it's less than one is it

[Music] not overtime eh well you don't normally

work on saturdays do you sometimes i can't yeah i'd have thought a girl like you had better things to do

than accounts i'd have thought a girl like you would be spending saturdays at home with their boyfriend you know

because a girl like you has got a boyfriend didn't you know perhaps only perhaps eh

still a chance huh look if i were you i would not live in hope

so bloody funny come on let's go all right

[Music]

you have been shopping yeah new socks shirts dry cleaning maybe i'm like a

housewife doing a saturday morning shopping do you also make your food in your quarters quarters

it's more like yeah well cook well it's not exactly hard cuisine but

it's fun i find it pathetic living in a wooden hood at my edge with a bunch of lunatics

yes i just talked to two of them oh yeah when i was leaving

i think i was being what do you say picked up that wouldn't surprise me hey god knows

what that's if they knew i was with you you're not going to tell them certainly

not look unlike that lot i like to keep

things to be self i think you and me should be a closely guarded secret

especially as you work on the site i see you are ashamed of it

[Music] right

[Applause] [Music]

in this sexual jungle you're the predator you are wayne i'll work alone if that's what you mean

don't go in more banded like the legs and all they do is booze and talk about it by the time they've worked up the

nerve to do something they're all too incapable there'd be no desire to perform a permanent attachment

i'll do one day though or maybe i got engaged once i think i still am in

fact but don't you know well never broke it off officially like

and she's still got the ring she'll still see her no would you write nah

does she write to you no do you care no i don't like it very much

why'd you get freaking engaged then of course oh i think it was because a dad had a

spur susan took it for the wolverhampton wanderers oh well obviously i mean that could make

a young lad's art scene couldn't it

um am i oh really a raddish way

i don't have an identity crisis not on me day off time slipping by ralph i'm in your way i'll just chat i

said i'd fix this up didn't i i just bided your time no need to panic what you've got to realize is there's

thousands of them out there i mean birds are like the chinese army once you jump to few you think that's it

for a while and this whole new battalion comes over to you i only want one

yeah well that's where you and me differ son i want a lot i've never been that ambitious myself

harry i think our prayers have just been

answered badge of me but behind you don't

very uh pretty tasty what do we do now not us son you

me no you're the one that's got to prove himself sooner or later you have to show what you're made of

now we've already had a flash have we yeah when they came in bit the old eye contact

halfway there aren't we now remember don't go promising them the world all right i'll go through all that

boring preamble just get straight to the point get the dazzling replied too straight to

the point

hello i don't like to come back to our hoods

there you are some swimming on you even better i won many prizes did you win a prize

for english too oh yes of course just as well i don't know when i'm watching to share with each other

i just need to teach you german oh hey i might have to be around a long time for that

so sh**t me [Music] [Applause]

i don't believe it

ah terrific oh dennis

[Music] apparently she comes here look like you

know just uh bumped into what just a coincidence like oh i didn't get your salary never mind

it's lovely

there's a great idea this devilish doesn't it die well i can't understand why you never told me we're coming how are you

right

[Music] okay i'm going to be stuck the mud up i'll swim up you'd probably be sick and

hold your sword off the pool hey can i get chlorine poisoning can you

hi it's usually fatal how phil what do you mean whole fate

fearless fatal spirit isn't it you're like you're like dead on you

how long do you think i've gotten ah man of hours i reckon before riding and agonizing convulsions contort your body

over a soap open give us another rat why yeah push the bottle fully yeah

we call just somebody oh i gathered that look it's personal

business neville right i'm very sorry i'm sure didn't mean the problem no even wrong here it is

possible to want some privacy in fact it's essential if you want to steer seeing

yeah i've got your one in yeah yes is that why you want this [ __ ] i suppose

it is i i can't understand me when we came yeah we're all good man swim

look the best way to steer me it is not to get on top of each other isn't it well there's nobody in the hood i want

to get on top of oh no i mean i wouldn't mean hump and nad gag more

wars look nice in our bikini didn't you big bristles and big strong thighs what's up then

nothing look i've got to get off i'm going into town right

tomorrow with him he hasn't even drank his beer he's in a rainbow didn't he well it's not that we said is it

[Music] [Laughter]

[Music] look i'm getting in here oh you're

dumping me is that it now look i just gotta get some things he said i'm sorry didn't i do you want

to come back to era i know i've got a lot to learn

listen we'll stick it out but i've got to get some fix now pick us up back here in 20 minutes okay oh great right here

[Music]

yes it seems though oh i'm look i'm sorry if my friend was a bit forward this morning it doesn't mean

nothing it's just his way you know [Music]

yeah we're waiting for a friend then

yes [Music]

hey drive on [ __ ] loose

oh oh yeah better be off then good i mean goodbye what's

the [ __ ]

[Music]

do [Music]

don't think your friends are following us around what's barry doing here i don't know

perhaps it was just a coincidence well i did warn you

look maybe we should not try but try what we're making this a secret why can't you

tell your friends i'm being with dogma and it is none of your business no no look look i happen to need something

that's some relationship of whatever that's just mine it's got nothing to do with it

also i'm i'm doing this for you for me yeah look look i don't want you to

be the object of their i don't want to hear them talking about

you the way they talk about other women but i don't care how they talk about me

well i do [Music]

[Music]

[Applause] [Music]

stewardesses they call themselves nowadays you know isn't he to speak english yes

i thought you were in your job where you from sweden sweden i thought you were swedish

something about your flawless complexion told me that well yes but what do you want me oh

nothing it's just that me and me chauffeur are sort of strangers in a foreign land much like yourselves only we were

feeling very depressed and caught a glimpse of you two and it well

sort of lifted our hearts yes what made us feel glad all over

what's happening it's hard to tell son we're dealing here with a swedish mentality which is pretty unscrutable at

the best of times yeah i'm amazing we are very excited that you feel this

way we're away son follow that car

[Music]

calling me that place [Music]

[Music]

then

see overnight stopping it oh should we go in there norwoods go in you see in the state of us we look

like a pair of motorcross riders oh i suppose you better go back and get cleaned up then i

right we shall return all right

[Music] seem a bit more cheery watch out never

you see him in a better mood didn't realize that i was uh in a bad

way well you've only been the life and soul the last few days being very distant

you know shoddy ah it's okay i understand it's because of

beer and the divorce and that isn't it but you know i've been thinking

i mean i can't talk to you personally i can't then yeah you want to tell me something

that my best friends won't yeah no i it's just that

well i know where you're at and you know what i think would be the

best thing for you for a woman a woman

i i'm not just a a stump i mean a nice woman somebody you can communicate with

somebody that would share common interests you mean yeah a woman brittany

why wouldn't he take us seriously i'm saying this out of friendship for you man cause you helped me out when i was depressed

i'm sorry dave i've been appreciated and it isn't as if i haven't given it a lot of thought no i know obviously see

i think you should leave your past behind find yourself a nice girl over here and you see you're still a young man you

know dennis hi all right bunny lad you've probably hit the knee right on the head

ah what am it's for

hey what what if i already had had what found myself a nice loss

oh come on i know you too well then

ah sorry jen

oh did you get nuts to it pull in some unbelievable wonderfully swedish girls

swedish no stewardesses need i'll say any more no i think the term they prefer these days it's right attended in it

because the planet glow though regardless stuart s is sexist never mind the terminology sam just find

yourself a plain shirt rice where are you going to meet him well we ain't going to date well

exactly but we're meeting them at the intercontinental they're staying there yeah and we're going to steam right in

there son now cologne is guaranteed to send your average scandinavian into a frenzy

and then you know what he said he said come on dennis i know you too well

so they do not see you as a woman chaser well i'm not

maybe i should say i didn't used to be i'm i'm obviously making up for it there in my old age

but you deserve it and you know something me too

yeah it still feels a bit strange though range well you know you may

hotel but it's a very nice hotel and you and i are very nice people

come on i have to go and take a shower now and you better reserve for the dining room

and then i'll get some drinks sent up

[Music]

hey boss quite soon big score coming up here breathing for you man i'm i'm nearly on five and a half

million just punt two swedish air horses hey

who's this is swedish

i haven't exactly nailed them yet but they know they're stopping at the intercontinental so they're going round they're on the off chance oh it's hardly

guaranteed is it supposed not

all right they'll probably hang around in the bar there all night half a note then come back and spin some extravagant team for our benefits

that's them oh hold on a minute

so you reckon they'll just be sitting in the bar on the off chance hanging around with aren't you right let's get them what

set them up oh well stroker pulled a hotel in sheffield one

time there's a night before newcastle burnley in their semis hey what a game that was

k*ller four super mac scored twice and on the way back we smashed this little chef up

on the air won it whether he wrote me that man what was the stunt boy right follow me

what we're gonna do then just uh to sit here all night on the opportunity or what just bide your time i'll think of

something [Music]

you are residents so yeah uh but i'll pay cash

keeps you changing

what you say that for we're not staying here yeah but we could be if things work out

oh we don't look like residents especially if you're air cutting earrings well they'll think we're

roadies oh federance but leave it out will you have a drink

[Music]

hello yeah hello in the continental yes hello yes can you get a message

please to mr wayne norris you're here norris yes you'll be in the ball

yes and the message is that uh is expected immediately yeah immediately in room

612. yes that's it thank you soon

i'll wind them up

for you please

[Music]

let's go lewis

[Music] i didn't know we were here i don't know

master o'clock to summer seen us come in or sit in it who cares son they're out there eagerly awaiting us

all right cool dorica royce do you have to wear that

jacket don't undermine me confidence not now for christ's sake

you're adorable son adorable right

strangers

yeah right 6.2

six out of four so threes first the odds yeah i mean

606.

um it's all right i will be finished soon no there's no

rush pet

[Music]

where the hell is the bloody room service what are those drinks edges are cool

[Music]

dogma just stay in there don't come out what just just stay in there please

sorry i did yeah hey what are you doing here

then then well i just uh i fancied a weekend on my own you know i thought i'd uh check into a hotel huh strange thing

today well well not really i mean it's uh it's warm and comfortable and i've got my own bathroom there's a change

from the hut isn't it children's literature uh look look get us out of this then will you bail us

out uh what's the problem squirrel we're visiting a friend aren't we oh these gentlemen are with you uh yes

yeah oh i'm sorry what

ah nice room there it's uh ah yes very well appointed it is

you know what don't you got a point you have a bit of luxury of a weekend bit of privacy here bad chance of that were you

two here what are you two doing in this hotel well we're about to get it together with these two stewardesses see right

darlings they are ah swedish yeah they're staying there see three doors down they paged us and uh

we're about to do the business can we be well i shouldn't think you know straight off way i should imagine we'd have to brag josh

you know a bit of charm fio drinks well i wouldn't keep the ladies waiting if i was you yeah we'll

just wait till that nosey eric pisses off oh it did

why don't you come with us eh yeah yeah about to have a couple of mates obviously all the all the air crews stay

here right so the place must be crawling with uniform cramping i've told you i just won't have a good time on me jack you

know feeling a bit depressed no no i just have to sort a few things out ah you need your own spaces yeah yeah i

wouldn't mind buddy yes you can't mean to tell me mate you'd rather sit in a lonely hotel room

watching proxy german tv and go down the road there and strum some nail digging him look lads the course must be clear by no i mean why

don't you just push off leave me be okay suit yourself son

but uh this offer will not be repeated you know yeah then obviously wishes to be alarmed

bingor sunk in at lust ah danke

[Music] he's got a designation barrier he's got

another party obviously

yeah all right you know but come on tell us don't win do you mind it's not that dagmar is it

why the hell would it be her well she seems to like you don't say i mean it's the uh welcome mat for you

when you come in the office cold shoulder for the rest of us isn't it well why inside it on this morning nothing doing i did not try it on son

all right i was just you know i'd be in a bit conversational once and for all right i'm not expecting anybody right i want a night in

on my own right i've ordered two drinks to save ringing up room service you're the pair that's on the

pull so i suggest you get on with it before your swedish birds go off the ball right

yeah all right now offense squirrel oh swish oh yeah he'll be the film den

yeah yeah okay norton orphans anyway we know you wouldn't be on the

pool because we know how you feel about your vera

[Music]

so

you can come out now

suppose you heard all that of course what can i see

this is a drink there how did they know about us they didn't they mentioned my name that

was a shot in the dark you said you didn't want them to know about they didn't

i suppose you don't believe me yeah i suppose you picture us all in that hut

boasting our sexual conquests are confiding in what fantasies i don't blame you that's what it's like most the

time yes i can just imagine it look wayne's remark about you was sheer speculation

it was just a coincidence another one

who is vera she's my wife oh

look look should you we'll just call it a deer i mean she would just forget it

i came here because i wanted to be with you but i still want to

thanks come here

you've knocked long enough there's no one there well i must be in the shower or

something you know together swedish shouldn't i very liberated you swede said

oh michaels and norma's very liberated you know this is he's always walking around now

stock naked i said to her you know this is a counsellor just outside wolverhampton you know

i said i said you could lose his house you could you know flaunting yourself the way you do eric see that's husband he don't know

because he works nice and he's not a sh you can hear something

[Music]

[Music]

yeah oh that time too we've been doing darling putting your face on hey

what listen to us speak english darling it's us come on yeah you fish their gummy bears

oh wayne wait are you um i'm sure that's one of them yeah of course it is they just look a bit different out of uniform don't they

that's what you want oh hello we got company have we what's the matter darling aren't we

enough for you girls eh you might you just find your fun here tiny kennedys you need to play yeah

sure this is room six one two right tautic bus

hey hey listen mate you don't have to pay us for it wait hey what's going on here hey i mean

we come up here for an innocent liaison and i find myself in some depraved situation with some geezer flashing the

old reddish what is he a blimmer or something and where's your mate they they think

they wear muggers they will we oh we're in the wrong room

they uh think that we're muggers okay

[Music] [Laughter]

no he says why but if he rings the desktop they'll be waiting another

[Laughter]

[Music]

what is this i don't know who why but they can still color us on the

ground come on

[Music]

you obviously have much more experience in this kind of thing than i have

wait i'll tell you one thing certainly i'm not going on the pull again with you my dad would have feeling bloody mutual

son you're a jinx you are barry you're a

jinx ready swing ready to break my bleeding

leg now don't be dark mate we're fitting laughs no we're not no we're not we might have been if we're

going jogging or swimming with nev but as you saw despised physical exercise leave it out barry will you it's not much of a jump no not for the

sas maven i don't mean to figure an airline come on it's like butchering sundance well i don't know what happened to them

don't we [Music]

i still feel a little bit as if i had to look over my shoulder and round every corner yeah i'm not to worry

there happily has sconced in there well you and me have a quiet dinner candle it with several bottles of wine put the

events of the past firmly behind us

one moment please yeah what can we do for you your friends were here earlier on

what about that we must know who they are why would you come to the manager's office please

okay

all right then it's stubbed out all night then mustard took my advice huh yeah what

advice was this in there i told him you should have a bit of a fling

good morning dennis and where have you been here or maybe we shouldn't ask uh maybe you

shouldn't not that it'll make any difference like i mean use uh spreads faster than the plague around here

what's the probably well ask albert and costello here oh come on den he was all after the same thing last

night weren't we i'd say you're a bit more successful than what we was eh yeah hey look at me ankle it's all

puffed up i know all about you two man i spent an hour in the manager's office explaining who my guests were

oh it did you mean uh i mean there were repercussions oh you could see that barry i mean it was you two who were

terrorized some innocent couple wasn't it you didn't finger us did you no no said you were two blokes i've met in the

bar but in future you just stay out of my life right

so something you two haven't told me how are you moxie man what are your shut

up not the time you're spending i'm surprised you don't move in hey i'm not doing this for pleasure you know us

it's a bloody sauerkraut all right oh jen

somebody in here i'll mox here mate now put your name doing what a good tuesday

i've got to get over here tomorrow well those two pricks man barry and wayne totally

destroyed my weekend yeah well i didn't do their weekend much good milk how was that

well i'll tell you all about it this will chill get what

[Music] tell us what's got in your mouth

it's three now

[Music] is [Music]

but you don't ask their [Music]

in the names drinking schnapps having fun that's living all right

[Music]

that's living all right [Applause] [Music]

[Applause] [Music] you'll be back

[Music]

it all right